Once a Shadow

Damn, I had trouble sleeping last night. I have no idea what it was, but I just couldn't. I didn't have nightmares or anything, so why couldn't I sleep? Meh, I shouldn't read too much into it. Right, so what's on the agenda for today? Oh! That's right! I'm going to get Ni laid today! Now lets see if I can't set this guy up with a nice mare. I wonder who I could set him up with. Oh well, I guess I should ask him what he's into first.

I looked beside me, and Rainbow, as usual, was still asleep. I kissed her on the head before sliding out of the bed and going downstairs. I raided the fridge and emerged with an apple and some water. This should keep me filled up for a while. Right, so now I need to go get Barry to come with me.

I walked outside with the apple in my mouth and the water in my hoof. I spread my wings and took flight for Twilight's library. When I reached it, I munched down the rest of my apple and knocked. Spike answered the door for me.

"Oh hey Shadow, whats up?"

"Is Barry here?" I asked.

"Sure is. Come on in and I'll get him for you."

"Okay, thanks."

He turned and moved away from the door to let me in. I trotted inside and closed the door behind me.

"I'll be right back with Barry." Spike said.

I nodded and trotted over to the couch to have a seat. A few moments later, Barry trotted down.

"Hey Landon, what did you need?" He asked.

"I need some help."

"With what?"

"I'm going to try and help a friend get laid, and I need you for it."

"Dude, I'm with Twilight right now. I'm pretty sure you know this."

"No, not like that dumbass. I need you to help me help him get a date."

"That's all you had to say, ya know."

"Yeah, yeah. So will you help me?"

"Sure, why not? I really wasn't planning on doing anything else today. Where's your friend at?"

"He should be in Cloudsdale right now."

"And how am I supposed to go to Cloudsdale?"

"You could get Twilight to give you that spell to allow you to walk on clouds."

"Okay, and how would I get there?"

"I fly you there."

"That doesn't exactly sound safe..."

"Ah, don't be a wimp."

"Easy for you to say."

"I'm not going to drop you or anything."

"Ugh, this is gonna suck..."

"So you'll do it?"

"I guess. Let me get Twilight to cast the cloud walking spell on me. I'll be right back."

"Alright. I'll be right here."

Barry left me and trotted back upstairs. A few moments later, he came back down. "Alright, I'm ready. Lets get this over with."

"No need to look so glum, today is going to be a pony's best day ever!"

"Whatever."

"You're a bummer, you know that?"

"Lets just go already."

"Fine."

We trotted outside and I spread my wings again.

"Alright, hop on."

"Dude..."

"Shut up and get on."

He breathed a heavy sigh and climbed on. "Alright, make sure to hold on tight, I don't wanna drop you."

"That doesn't make me feel better about this."

"It wasn't supposed to. It's just a warning. Here we go!"

I jumped off the ground and started flapping my wings. We rose up in the air and I turned towards Cloudsdale. This is pretty easy to handle, thanks to my super strength. It's like Barry's not even there. I turned back to check on him.

"How are you back there?"

"Terrified."

"You'll be fine."

"So uh, where at in Cloudsdale are we meeting your friend."

Well, it looks like I get to tell him now. "Did Thunder Gunner ever tell you the story about those Fugiens Mones?"

"Yeah, he did. I also know you're one of them."

"You do?"

"Yes I do. Rainbow told Twilight, and Twilight told me. Honestly, how long did you think you could keep a secret as big as it is?"

"I was hoping at least until a special circumstance, such as getting a friend laid. Oh well, this saves me the trouble of explaining everything to you."

"Sarcastic even in what's supposed to be a serious moment...unbelievable."

"Who said this moment was supposed to be serious? Besides, everyone needs a little humor to lighten up."

"Whatever."

"Seriously, why are you so pissy?"

"It could have something to do with me being over a mile above ground and me not having wings."

"Fine, I'll drop the subject of you being so pissy. Anyways, we're going to the headquarters for the Wonderbolts. If Ni really does want to get laid, he'll be there. I'm also going to get Soarin to help out."

"Why Soarin?"

"Just seems like a good time to get to know the guy better, that's all."

"Fair enough. Are we almost there?"

"Not really, no. We still probably have around twenty minutes, so get comfortable."

"I'd rather not."

"Oh shut up."

I was surprised when he didn't say anything back. That's good though. At least I can have a quiet flight now. The time flew however, and we were soon in Cloudsdale. I landed next to the Wonderbolts' HQ building and let Barry hop off.

"You're terrible traveling company, you know?"

"You're one to talk."

"I'm just going to let this argument slide and move on with what we're here for, and that's to help out a friend in need!" I finished, pointing to the sky.

"You make yourself sound so heroic for doing this..." Barry said.

"That's because it is dude! This is the best thing a friend could do! Now lets go!"

I marched into the building with Barry mumbling something behind me. I don't even care actually.

I turned to Barry. "Alright, stay here. I'll be right back."

"I might as well."

"I won't be long."

I turned away and headed into the locker room. I trotted downstairs into the sanctuary and found Ni waiting at the table.

I smiled. "Alright! You showed up!" I exclaimed.

He gave a small smile in return.

"Trust me dude. We'll get you a date tonight for sure! That's a promise!"

"Thanks, I guess."

"No need for thanks Ni. Do you know where Soarin is?"

"Yeah, he should be out back at the training area."

"Alright. Come on upstairs, I want you to meet my bud, Barry."

"Okay."

Ni got out of his chair and trotted over. I turned and we went up the stairs and back into the lobby of the Wonderbolts's HQ where Barry was waiting.

"Barry, I'd like you to meet Night Wing. Night Wing, this is Barry."

Barry trotted over and the two shook hooves.

"I'm Night Wing, but you can just call me Ni." Ni said.

"Mint Barry, you can just call me Barry."

I chuckled a little. Mint Barry was still a pretty funny name to me.

"Alright, I'll let you two get acquainted while I go out back and get Soarin." I said.

I turned and headed out of the building. I flew around back to look for Soarin. I spotted him taking a breather from his training on the bleachers. I smiled a little and flew down.

He looked up and noticed me approaching. "Hey Shadow, what can I do you for?"

"Soarin, what is the most important thing a friend can do for another friend?" I asked.

"Uhh, is it being there for them?"

"Wrong! It's getting them laid!"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Did you know Captain Night Wing is a virgin?"

"No way! Seriously?!"

I nodded. "That's right, and it's our duty as his friend to set him up with a good date!"

"Shadow, I don't exactly roll that way..."

"Not like that you idiot! Seriously, is it that hard to understand what I'm saying?"

"Sorry, but you're not exactly being clear."

I sighed. "Okay, how about this? I need your help to help get Ni a good marefriend. Is that clear enough?"

"Much better. And yeah, I'd be glad to help out the good captain."

"Fantastic! He's waiting for us in the main building with one of my friends."

"Alright, lets go."

I nodded and we flew back around to the front. Ni and Barry were waiting just outside the door. I trotted over to Ni while I let Soarin and Barry introduce themselves.

"So are you ready to get yourself laid?"

"A marefriend would be fine as well."

"Of course! We'll set you up with a great mare that you can relate with! Don't worry Ni, this is going to be the best day of your long ass life!"

He chuckled. "Alright then."

"Okay, lets go get you a date! Come on you two, we're leaving!" I yelled out.

I let Barry climb on my back and we took flight.

"So uh, where are we going?" Ni asked.

"We're heading to Baltimare." I said.

"Why Baltimare?" Soarin asked.

"Because there are supposed to be some awesome clubs there, and I've never been, so this is a good excuse to."

"Who are you going to set him up with?" Barry asked.

"We'll see. We're going to hang out at one of the clubs there. There's bound to be somepony that Ni likes."

"I'm not really comfortable with crowds Shadow." Ni said.

"You'll be fine. Me and Soarin should draw most of the attention away since we're Wonderbolts. You and Barry can do some scouting while everypony is distracted."

"What if I don't like any of the mares there?" Ni asked.

"Then we move on to more clubs until you find a mare you like. Simple as that."

"You make it sound so easy..." Ni said.

"Because it is. Don't worry, this is going to end nicely for you."

"If you say so."

"I know so. Now Soarin you've been to Baltimare right?"

"Yeah, I go there for some performances every now and then."

"Good, because I have no idea where I'm going, could you lead the way?"

"Sure, I guess."

"You were going to take us to a place you don't even know the way to?" Barry asked.

"Yes I was. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Yes, yes there is, but you don't see the problem with it, so I'll drop it."

"So how far away is Baltimare?" I asked Soarin.

"It should be around an hour or more until we arrive as fast as we're going." He responded.

"Okay, that's fine with me. How ya doin back there Barry?"

"I'm still here, and not falling to my death if thats what you mean."

"Okay, good. I'd hate to explain how I let you die to Twilight."

"I'd so haunt your ass if I died."

"Fine, I won't let you fall."

"Good."

And that was pretty much it for the conversation. We mostly flew the rest of the way in silence. After a while of flying I saw some lights in the distance.

"Hey Soarin, is that Baltimare?"

"Sure is. We're finally here. Get ready guys, because we're about to party it up."

"Hell yeah! Lets go get Ni laid!"

"You say that like every ten seconds." Ni replied.

"I say it because I mean it. Now lets go."

We descended towards the big city and Soarin turned his head around to say something.

"I know a pretty good place to hang out. Follow me."

We nodded and he took us around a few buildings. He stopped and landed in front of a place called The Undertow.

"This is a great place to do what we're about to do." Soarin said.

"Alright, cool."

We trotted up to the entrance, and passed up a bunch of ponies waiting in line up to the bouncer.

"Oh hey Soarin! Go on in." The large bouncer pony said.

"These guys are with me, could you let them through as well?" Soarin asked.

"Sure thing. You three are good to go if Soarin says you are."

We trotted in, and nodded to the bouncer as we passed him. When we walked in, there were flashing lights, and a massive dance floor in the middle. There was a dj playing music that from what I could tell was dubstep. We trotted over to the bar and took some seats.

"What can I get you four gent- oh! You two are the Wonderbolts Soarin and Shadow Flash!" The tan unicorn bartender said.

"That's correct." I said.

"What can I get you guys?"

"I'll stick with a Colt Lite." I said.

"I'll take the same." Soarin said.

"And what about you two?" The bartender asked Barry and Ni.

"We're good, thanks." Barry said.

The bartender nodded and handed me and Soarin our beers.

"So do you see any cute mares in here Ni?" I asked.

"There are some beatiful mares, I won't lie, but how are their person(pony? I'm seriously confused by this one)alities?" He replied.

"Go talk to them then."

"I don't really-" He started to say.

"Go talk to them." I said, giving him a shove to get him closer to a yellow mare with a purple mane and tail. She had a flower for her cutie mark.

I leaned in to hear what was said.

The mare looked up at Ni. "Hi, I'm Purple Lotus, what's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Night Wing."

"It's nice to meet you Night Wing. I havn't seen you here before. Are you new to this place?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm-" Ni was cut off by a large white earth pony with a black mane and tail that cut between him and Purple Lotus.

"Are you trying to steal my marefriend big guy?" The jackass said.

"We were just talking. There is no need to get upset friend."

"Don't call me your friend."

"Blinding, he's right, we were just talking." Purple Lotus said to the jackass who's name was apparently Blinding.

"Did I say you could talk to somepony else?" He said.

"Okay, you can't tell me who I can and can't talk to Blinding!"

Soarin downed his drink and sighed. "Don't worry, I got this one."

"The hell I can't!" Blinding yelled, raising his hoof to strike Purple Lotus.

His hoof came down, and Lotus flinched. Before it connected however, Soarin had caught Blinding's hoof.

"I think you've had enough. Go home." Soarin said.

"Bastard!" Blinding yelled, swinging his other hoof at Soarin.

Soarin caught that hoof as well and twisted, making Blinding cry out.

"I'll say it once more, go home." Soarin said, this time throwing him through the door.

Soarin went up to Purple Lotus. "Are you okay miss?"

"You're...Soarin the Wonderbolt aren't you?"

"I am, but that's not important. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Thank you."

"Good."

They continued to talk, and Ni trotted back over. "Well that was bad. I guess that does it for this place."

"Come on, that was only your first attempt. You actually got a nice mare, but it looks like Soarin gets this one. You just need to keep trying is-" I was cut off by another voice.

"Excuse me, but aren't you that new Wonderbolt, Shadow Flash?" A green pegasus mare with a darker green mane said. She had a set of glasses as her cutie mark.

"That's right. And who might you be?"

"My name is Eye Drop, and I was wondering if I could get an autograph from you." She said with a large smile.

"Of course. Do you have something to write with and some paper?"

"Sure, here you go." She said, handing me a Wonderbolts poster and a black marker.

I took them from her and signed the poster, then handed them back.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!" She yelled, putting her items back in her saddle bag.

"It's no trouble. Oh, and before you go, this is my friend Night Wing. He's a pretty nice guy and do you think you could talk to him for a bit?"

"Sure! Hi there Night Wing, it's nice to meet you!"

"Pleasure's all mine. So which profession do you specialize in?"

"I'm an eye doctor. What about you?"

"I..help set up some of the Wonderbolts performances."

"That's so cool!"

I laughed. "I'll let you talk some more, I'm going to get myself another drink."

I got up and trotted a few stools over and waved the bartender over for another drink. He gave me another beer which I got to work on.

About a minute later I heard a scream where Ni and Eye Drop were. I looked over and saw Ni trotting back rubbing the left side of his face.

"What the hell happened?" I asked.

"She saw my wings and panicked. This is why I don't go to public places Shadow. I scare ponies." He started looking depressed.

"Whoa, whoa, it's all good Ni. We'll leave this place and go somewhere else, how's that sound?"

"Whatever you say Shadow..."

Damn, I'm losing him. I need to think of something quickly before he gives up.

Just then, a grey pegasus mare with a blonde mane and tail sat next to us.

"Can I get a water please?" She asked.

Huh, it looks like thats Derpy Hooves. I wonder what she's doing in Baltimare. I looked at Ni, he wasn't saying anything. He was too busy staring at her.

Ohh shit, he likes Derpy! Sweet, now it's time to make some magic happen!

I turned to Derpy, but Ni cut me off before I had a chance to say anything.

"Excuse me?" Ni said.

Derpy turned around and looked at Ni with her googly eyes. "Yes?"

"Umm...what's your name?"

"I'm Derpy Hooves the mail mare!" She said with a large smile.

Ni didn't say anything, he was still staring at her.

"Why are you staring at me? Is it because my eyes are funny looking?"

"No! That's not it at all!"

"It's okay. That's all everypony else looks at when they see me..."

"I was just admiring how beautiful they were."

"Really? Do you mean that?"

"One hundred and ten percent, yes. You are one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."

Derpy blushed. "Thank you. Nopony has ever actually complimented me like that before."

"I have no idea why they wouldn't."

"Thank you...do you mind if I ask what your name is?"

"My name is Night Wing."

"That's a nice name."

"Thank you."

"So why do you want to talk to me? Nopony ever wants to talk to me unless it's something about my eyes or how I've messed up."

"You're actually not the only pony who has trouble talking with others."

"Why? Do ponies make fun of you too?"

"No, it's worse. Ponies ignore me, and are usually too scared to come near me."

"Why?"

"Please don't scream..."

"Why would I-"

Derpy was cut off by Ni extending his wings more and more until they were fully extended.

Her eyes shot wide.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you."

She smiled. "I'm not scared Night Wing, I think those wings are really cool!"

"You do?"

She nodded. "I mean it."

Ni smiled. "Thank you Derpy Hooves."

"Call me Derpy, it's easier to do that."

"In that case, just call me Ni."

"I have a few more deliveries to make. Do you think you could come with me for the rest of them?"

"I'd love to."

Derpy's smile shot even larger. "Thank you! This way then!"

Ni got up and followed her. Before he left the building with Derpy, he looked back at me and gave me a smile and nod. I held up my beer and nodded back.

"Well what now?" Barry asked.

"We go home. Our job here is done."

"Why do you sound so dramatic?"

"Let me have my moment Buzz Killington. Now as I was saying, ahem*, our duty is done, let us depart."

"What about Soarin?"

"I really have no idea where he went. I also don't see Purple Lotus. Well it looks like this was a fun night for two ponies tonight. Lets get going, it's a long way home."

We trotted outside, and I let Barry hop on my back.

I changed my voice and spoke. "Baltimare, we'll be-"

"Say it and I'll fucking murder you."

"Fine, Mr. Killington."

"Thank yo-"

"WE'LL BE BACK!" I yelled before taking off.

"...Fuck you."

I started laughing. "If it annoys you so much, you're free to hop off."

"Don't talk to me."

"Hahahaha!"

He didn't say anything else. He just shut up, which made me laugh even harder. I eventually stopped laughing. A while after that, we arrived back in Ponyville. I flew in front of the library, and let Barry climb off.

"Later Barry."

He sighed. "Later."

"Thanks for helping my friend out."

"I didn't really do anything, but you're welcome. 'Night."

"'Night."

I jumped off the ground and flew back home. I went inside and went upstairs. It was probably around midnight right now, so I wasn't surprised when I saw Rainbow already asleep. I yawned and climbed in bed next to her. I might not have gotten lucky tonight, but at least I helped Ni out. Have fun buddy.

I apologize for the lack of chapters recently, but I've been pretty busy. I start school back up Tuesday, and I've been trying to get my shit together for it. I have also been watching A LOT of Bleach. I will probably be putting out even less chapters then, but they won't stop. Maybe one every three days or so. (Also, this is the last chapter in the massive upload I'm doing here to fimfiction :P)

Chuck Norris fact of the day: Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris. (I actually have a shirt that says that :P