Once a Shadow

Shit, did I really help take down a secret compound full of evil necromancer ponies with the Wonderbolts who are secretly assassins that have eternal life? Fuck...I did. Not that it isn't cool, but there goes my shot at writing an autobiography. Did I seriously just think about writing something because I actually wanted to? I never thought something like that would happen. I always hated doing reports for school back in the day.

So what's on the old agenda for today? I think it's just that double date with Ni and Derpy. Have I even told Rainbow yet? Guess I'm about to find out. I looked over to see if Rainbow was awake. My question was answered when a snore came from her. I chuckled a little. It can wait for a little while. I need to eat breakfast anyways. I snuck out of bed and trotted downstairs. I rummaged around the fridge and found some eggs. Huh, that's weird, don't eggs count as meat? Oh well, I'll take it.

I put the eggs on a frying pan(made of cloud) and found some cheese in the fridge while they heated up. I made myself a tasty cheese omlet complete with orange juice and sat down to eat. As predicted, Rainbow trotted down while I was eating. I performed my usual courtesy of asking her if she wanted anything, and as predicted, she said no thanks, and stuck with an apple. Why does she buy these things if she doesn't eat them? Maybe she just does it for me. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the double date.

"Hey Rainbow, did I say anything about the double date yet?"

"No, I think you failed to mention a double date to me. Care to tell me about it?"

"Would you like to go on a double date with Ni and Derpy?"

"Derpy Hooves and Ni are together?"

I nodded.

"Who woulda' thought those two would make a match? Okay, I'll do it. When is it?"

"I'm going to find out when I fly to Cloudsdale in a bit."

"While you're there, you think you could find out when our next Wonderbolts performance is?"

"Yeah, I will. I'm getting a little excited."

"About the wedding?"

"That, and my first big Fugiens Mones mission. Don't get me wrong Rainbow, I'd easily choose our wedding over my mission, but it's just that bringing down a rebellion in a foreign country should be interesting."

"It's cool Shadow, I understand. You can go on ahead to Cloudsdale, I'll clean your plate."

I got up and gave her a kiss. "Thanks, you're the best."

"I know. I'll see you in a bit."

"Bye." I said before leaving. I jumped and took flight towards Cloudsdale. I did what I had quickly grown accustomed to and went inside the Wonderbolts HQ, go into the locker room, take the secret entrance behind one of the lockers, go into the sanctuary, and have a seat at what I dubbed the Round Table. It was round, and it had important figures at it, so I said 'Eh, why the hell not?'. It was just me, Ni, and Spitfire here for now.

I looked at Spitfire. "So where are Soarin and Blaze?"

She shrugged. "Don't know, don't care."

"Okay, here's another question; what happened to the leader of those necromancers?"

"...He got away."

"Well it looks like we haven't finished up with the Black Hoof then."

She nodded. "Unfortunately, you're right. I expect their leader to make a move within the next two months."

"What's that guy's deal anyways?"

"He says that we should have no boundries on what we research. That we should learn what we can, whenever we can, no matter how immoral it is. When his ideals were rejected by Princess Celestia, he went even more insane if that's possible. He founded the cult known as the Black Hoof and proceeded with his foul experiments anyways. When Princess Celestia caught wind of what they were doing, she ordered their extermination. Right before a team was dispatched to do it, the attack on Canterlot happened. It was like they wanted to be killed off. I actually have a bad feeling we'll find out why soon enough."

"Just out of curiosity, what's his name?"

"Sorrow Curse."

"You mean to tell me that the leader of a bunch of necromancers has a creepy name? What a shocker."

"You're telling me? I actually laughed it was such a cliché."

"Well, for a change of subject, Ni, when did you want to go on that double date?"

"ZzzZ"

"NI!"

He jumped up. "Look out mister banana, the evil desk is right behind you! Huh? Oh, hey Shadow."

"What the fuck were you dreaming about Ni?"

He blushed. "Uhh, it was nothing, don't worry about it."

"Did the banana get away from the desk?"

"Yeah yeah, get your fill. What did you need?"

"What time did you want to do that double date?"

"I'm not sure. Uh, how's six sound?"

"Alright, where at?"

"Me and Derpy will make a trip to Ponyville and we can eat at that place you and Rainbow like so much."

I nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"Okay, now I need to see what happens to mister banana, so I'm going back to sleep." He said as he put his hands in his arms (legs? Seriously, someone help me out here.) and went back to sleep.

I laughed. "Hey Spitfire, can we do some training today?"

"Yeah, sure. Come on, I'll show you some new tricks you can do with speed."

"Sounds cool."

"Oh it is, now let's head to the arena."

Still won't write training scenes, mainly because I can't think of anything to write for it.

Spitfire and I trotted out of the arena. "I think you're ready." She said.

"Ready? For what?"

"The next potion."

"Do you have a good will to live?"

I thought about my upcoming date, bachelor party, wedding, and mission. I nodded. "Hell yeah."

She smiled. "That's what I like to hear. I'll be right back." She said before flying off. About a minute later, she came back with a vial containing a familiar black liquid and gave it to me.

I popped the cork. "Well, bottoms up." I said as I downed it. When I finished it, I gagged. "Ugh! That was fucking sick! What the hell did you do to that? Shit in it?!"

Spitfire fell out laughing. "Well, I did get that stuff from a sewer!"

"...Ahhhhh! Fucking gross! What the fuck Spitfire?!" I barfed all over this place, feeling like I was going to die. Spitfire continued her laughing spree, but stopped when I aimed at her on my next burst.

"Oh you're so dead!" Spitfire yelled as she wiped my vomit off.

I must have been quite the sight there, because I was flying, laughing, and vomiting all at the same time. Some of it accidentally landed on Ni while he was asleep, causing him to jump up out of his sleep again. "I returned the sacred cloud to the hidden banana temple! Wait, is that vomit? Ahhh gross! It is vomit! I think I'm gonna.." He said before blowing chunks all over the round table.

That only made me laugh harder, but I then realized I actually drank a mixture of ponies' shit, and threw up yet again. That one made my stomach burn, so I eased myself down, clenching my stomach.

Spitfire landed next to me. "Tr-truce?"

"Tru-" I started to say before vomiting once more. "Truce."

"Okay. Ni, clean this up."

"Why do I have to clean this mess up?!"

"Because I want you thinking about something else besides getting sacred clouds back to the hidden banana temple."

He sighed. "Fine..."

Spitfire laughed and looked at me. "But seriously, here's the real bottle." She said before tossing another vial to me.

When I opened it, I gave a sniff to make sure it wasn't another vial full of shit.

"It's the real deal Shadow, I don't want Ni to clean up even more than what he has to."

"Yeah, please don't make me clean up more than I already have to." Ni called out.

I stared at it suspiciously for a couple more seconds, then downed it. Good, it tasted like bacon and not a bunch of different ponies' shit.

I'm actually surprised I'm still alive, considering I'm not sure how much I wanted to live after what just happened. Oh well, I guess it's a good thing I am.

"Congrats Shadow, you're now a full-fledged member of the Fugiens Mones." Spitfire said.

"I'd feel better if I hadn't just downed a bottle of...gag*...nothing, I just want to forget what happened."

"Congrats anyway. I'll be honest, I didn't think you would make it this far."

"Yeah, I got a lot of that from Thunder Gunner." Speaking of that asshole, I haven't seen him in a while. Maybe I'll go pay him a visit when I go back.

"You have my apologies for underestimating you. As of now though, you are one of the most powerful creatures in the world."

"That doesn't exactly give me a bunch of pride. To me, all that means is I have a lot more responsibility."

"You catch on pretty quickly. Go on home, I'll make sure Ni cleans up around here."

"Alright, and before I forget, when is the next Wonderbolts performance?"

"Six days."

"Alright, thanks."

I looked over at Ni, who now had a mop. "Hey Ni, I'll see you at six!"

"Okay, bye Shadow." He looked at Spitfire. "Can you please just get the janitor?!"

"No."

"Why not?!"

"Because I don't want him freaking out about a secret underground sanctuary for assassins led by Princess Luna."

"Oh..."

I laughed a little as I trotted up the stairs. When I got outside of the building, I spread my wings and took flight back to Ponyville. I guess I'll pay Thunder a visit. I haven't seen him in a while.

I flew to my old workplace and went inside. I expected a warm reception, but alas, I was greeted by a wrench to the face. I dropped to the ground holding my eye. "MOTHER FUCKER! I may be immortal, but that still fucking hurts you crazy old bastard!"

"Get up you wuss, you're fine."

I got up, still holding my eye. Oh yeah, I forgot I was going to kill him one of these days.

"So how are you Shadow?"

"I'd be better if I wasn't in pain from a wrench to the eye."

"You sure you're a member of the Mones? Because you whine more than you should."

"..." I hate him.

"Is there something you needed Shadow?"

"Yeah, I guess. I was wondering if you'd like to come to my wedding in eight days. It's going to be at the royal palace."

"Sure. I'll be there to watch you lose your manhood."

"You say I'm losing my manhood, I say I'm becoming truly happy."

"I'm only joking Shadow. I'm happy for you, I really am."

"Thanks. Listen, I need to get back to Rainbow, but I'll see you at the wedding right?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Okay, and tell Silver he can come if he wants."

He nodded. "I will."

"Alright, see ya Thunder." I said as I trotted out.

"Take care kid."

I went outside and flew back home where Rainbow was waiting.

"Hey Shadow, what's the word?"

"It's at six, and at our favorite restaurant."

"Alright, cool. It's three now, so that gives us three hours of free time." She finished with a wink.

"Free time eh? Good thing you got me, cuz I'm nothin' but fun." I said with a large grin.

She laughed and got closer to me.

Cockblock*

"This never gets old." Rainbow said.

"I'm glad you think so, because I'd be pretty depressed if it ever did."

She laughed a little and whispered in my ear that sent shivers down my spine. "Doing what we just did will never get old."

I smiled. "So how much time do we have until we have to meet Ni and Derpy?"

"About twenty minutes. I guess we should clean up a little, huh?"

"Yeah, we don't want to go into a nice restaurant smelling like sex."

"Well I don't mind the smell." She said.

"I know that, but I think other ponies will."

We finished cleaning ourselves up and went outside.

"Alright, lets go." I said.

"Right behind you."

We took flight towards our favorite restaurant, and met with the waiter. I looked around. It doesn't look like they're here yet. I can go ahead and get us a seat though.

I looked at the host. "There's going to be two more."

"Very well sir. Right this way." He said as he grabbed four menus and trotted inside.

We followed him to a table somewhere in the middle. I was hoping for a table by the window, but I guess this will do. I wish moustache pony was here.

"I can go ahead and take your drink order if you'd like." The waiter said.

"I'll have water." Rainbow said.

"Water as well please."

The waiter nodded and trotted off.

"I guess they're on their way. We are about ten minutes early." I said.

Rainbow looked up. "Speaking of whom, there they are over there."

I looked up and saw Ni and Derpy trotting in. I waved them over and they sat across from me and Rainbow.

"Hey you two, how's it going?" Rainbow said.

"It's going well." Ni responded.

"So have you two made sweet love by the fire-ow!" I started to say, but was interrupted when Rainbow kicked my leg under the table.

"What he's trying to ask is if you two are close."

They blushed. "...I guess you could say that." Ni said.

"Bowchikabowo-ow! Damnit Rainbow!"

"Keep your voice down Shadow." She said.

"Just having some fun. So Ni, how was cleanup duty?"

"Shut up."

I laughed.

"What? I don't get it." Derpy said.

"It's okay, it was just something funny that happened earlier today. So how are you Derpy? This is our first chance to officially meet." I held out my hoof. "Shadow Flash."

She shook my hoof. "Derpy Hooves."

Rainbow and Derpy bumped hooves. "Hey Derpy, I haven't seen you in a while." Rainbow said.

"Yeah, I've just been busy with my deliveries lately, and I haven't had a chance to take a break."

"It's okay."

The waiter came up to us. "May I take your orders?"

"I'll start. I'll take a hay bacon sandwich." I said.

"I'll just have a salad." Rainbow said.

"I'll take a daisy and lettuce sandwich and water." Derpy said.

"And I'll have the hay burger with a coltacola." Ni finished.

The waiter nodded and took our menus. "Your food will be out shortly."

He trotted off and we got back to our conversation.

"When is your wedding again, you two?" Ni asked.

"In eight days, I'll be the happiest stallion in the world. You two are coming, right?"

"We'd be happy to, where is it?" Derpy answered.

"It's going to be held at the Royal Palace in Canterlot." Rainbow said.

"Oh, wow. That sounds fantastic." Derpy said.

We continued talking until our food arrived, then we dug in. When we finished, the waiter brought us our ticket.

"I got this." I said as I took the bill.

"Nah, I got it." Ni said, taking it from me.

"I make a better income. A much better income. I've got it." I said, yanking the bill back.

"Consider this a wedding gift." He said, tugging on it.

"Would you two just shut up and split it?" Rainbow and Derpy said in unison.

Me and Ni looked at each other and nodded, slowly setting the bill down.

"Why do things always have to be so dramatic with you Shadow?" Rainbow asked.

"Because I think it's fun and funny."

Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"Well, I guess that's it. Everypony ready?" Ni asked.

I got up. "Yeah, I'm getting tired."

Everypony else got up, and we trotted outside.

"I'll see you tomorrow Ni, and don't forget we're going to Los Pegasus in three days, and we'll be staying there for two nights, three days."

"Sounds fun. Count me in."

"Alright, I'll see you two later. Have fun."

Rainbow hit me on the head. "Damnit Rainbow, cut it out!"

"You first."

I grinned took a stance. "My sarcasm will never die! Muahahaha-ah, fuck!" I said, holding my head from yet another whack.

Ni just rolled his eyes, and Derpy chuckled a little.

"Bye you two. Me and mister sarcasm are going home." Rainbow said.

"Cool! Can you call me that from now on- gah, son of a bitch Rainbow! I said knock it off!" I yelled after being hit yet again.

Derpy and Ni smiled and flew off, and Rainbow and I did the same. When we got home, we went upstairs and got in bed.

"Why do you always hit me when I'm being sarcastic?" I asked.

"Because it's all I can do to keep me from laughing." She said with a smile.

"You know you owe me, right?"

"Oh? And what do I owe you?"

I got closer to her. "What do you think?"

Rainbow giggled. "I think I can make it up to you then."

Lol, another cockblock for you guys :D. That was a nice, funny chapter for all of you. Now, on fanfiction, I have now put up a poll asking people if they wanted a clop scene. Depending on how the poll goes, next time you might not get cockblocked :D. Now the Chuck Norris fact I'm about to leave you with is one of the funniest I've seen.

Chuck Norris fact of the day: When Chuck Norris plays peekaboo with a kid, the child disappears forever.