Atychiphobia

by Ice Star

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Princess Cadance, Raven Inkwell, Equestria Girls, Prince Blueblood, Tragedy, Sunset Shimmer, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 12910

[Poetry] Sunset Shimmer struggles with keeping a regular diary, among other things.

Sunset Shimmer struggles with keeping a regular diary. She seems to have trouble with a lot of things related to life in Canterlot, but that can't be right. Canterlot was supposed to be the fairy tale life and dream come true for the aspiring archmage.

Perfection be damned, as long as Sunset doesn't fall short, that's what matters. She is the Faithful Student and the shining light of the castle. What she is not is a failure.

At least Princess Celestia will always be there for her.

Won’t she?

Cover art by CastASpellLiana on Deviantart. Spiritual companion to Atelophobia, Bathophobia, and Autophobia. Reccommended by TCC56! Contribute to the TVTropes page!

Published 2020-01-05 01:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-29 21:13:38 UTC

Princess' Own Shadow

You had introduced me to her
like a housewife acknowledges a pet on home tours
smiling, polite, and radiating friendliness
a perfect magazine cutout
that i thought dazzled me all those years ago
because i think You knew You had to

did You ever

stop

and

think

that for a fly like me
You being ambrosia
would make things so much worse
then
showing a starving bug honey?

she was a pretty porcelain thing
even when i was a candle

with her oversized glasses
and impeccable bun
my eyes ate her up
because i thought she was close to You
from years of being sewn to Your shadow

and she always looked at You
with chocolate eyes
that thought You were so much sweeter
i learned that was Your prim secretary's secret
that she was sicker with love
than any poison could make her

when i first realized that
i hoarded one other hushed prize
because i cradled secrets
i know bits can buy nothing better
than knowing to give someone the knife to cut their darkness free
or realizing that i can twist it when no one else will ever see
and offer a show of shattering someone to the world
but i was a child
with no knowledge of
the art of distance and dancing so close on feelings
You mastered
and i thought that You never loving her
meant all the more time
for me to be adored in excess
by none other
than the crown jewel Herself

in those years
i kept it as hush
as Your little bird in love
with the Light she could never have
that i thought she was right to want You
if only because You were
{supposed to be}
the brightest, most brilliant
warmest fire

years ago
when i was Your candle
{to be swallowed}
and i met the bird i would only ever treat
like a prop in Your house
i know that her and i
could have at least agreed
You
were the fire of our lives
and kindest light in our world

but that was before i learned
every kind of warmth from afar
{like what your little bird surely lives for still}
is just the result of
the destruction burning proximity brings

and it was not Your bird pining
mimicking Your every word and order
living in Your shadow
with the life of an ink drop
that ended up trying to touch fire
as blindly as i had

Legends

knights vanquishing dragons
royalty brave and shiny
or riddles troubling and strange
none of them compare to a mage
and their magic quests known for all time

whistle wishes or sunrise song
sunbeam the stunning
high witch glory
pages of names jump out me
shining like the magic on my mind
blooming there like the Sun
more than i could've ever wanted before

i don't care that because i'm a unicorn i'm one step to being a mage already
all my favorite things are about mages, wizards, and more
sorcereress sunset shimmer sounds better than all wishes from before
i want to
go to magic school
play in magical tournaments
and have everypony look at me
saying
they love sunset shimmer
the
best
winner
champion
favorite
legend

i would have the best spells and get trophies
(all my fans would get autographs!)
i'll light more than candles and make firefly sparks
(everypony would study me!)
my robes will have a cape that shines in the Sun
(pictures of me will be in every book of stories!)

everywhere i go
everypony i'll see
will know about me
that i'm anything but a normal filly

nopony can see the light i have
when i cannot share it
and this house is the lantern holding me back
from the sky

Sunnybun

sunnybun is

{sunnybun was}
grandmother's mantle picture
of the filly that used to be me
before any cutie mark
or the Sun blinded me

ocean eyes pale with the world
white roses in her mane
the taste of her fourth birthday cake on her tongue

one dazzling fire-hued stones of carnelian and ruby upon her pearl circlet
crowning her brow

like it knew the fire {her} my horn held
boasting {her} my mind and magic that was any mage's pride
while the other rested right over
my young heart, unbroken

the fluttery motion of her hoof held
up, up to her smiling mouth to catch her young laughter

is absolutely uncanny to me
even today
i know portraits take more time
or patience than i ever had
while on that day
which i can no longer recall
i was still enough to be radiance instead of razing

all clad in pale cream petticoats

every ruffle trimmed with the orange of my namesake

with her mane in waves of brilliant warmth

and ruffled sleeves as my wings

Author's Note

Love

love is what happens before you know somepony better
before you know why you shouldn't
ever feel that way about anypony
and the Sun

grandmother's skirt is a purple streak
my mane is fire spilled on the floor
above me
shadows and dust are the stars of the house
i reach out
grasping anywhere
horn dull without magic

talking about canterlot
where the Sun lives
and Her school is a jewel
to the crown of Equestria
i want to be a ruby there
in Her golden school

grandmother is making lunch
while i pretend to be a rug
wanting the stove's warmth
and her signature there,
bits for the used spellbook store,
train fare too,
please?

i am told to go read the books i already have
(for the forty seventh time)
study those until the familiar words bleed from the worn pages
(all over again)
scurry somewhere else
before grandmother bothers to say:

"i love you, sunnybun."

love is what happens before somepony forgets you

(Magic Mirror)

everything about You
from Your crown to your castle
and everything between
is filled with secrets of every kind

from the parlors where You stashed my presents
for birthdays and hearth's warming
to the closed doors and dim hallways
filled with the artifacts
belonging to legends' legends

and i found them
my foolish Sun, teacher of all and none
i found them

You hoard like a dragon
just more daintily
with everything like trimmings to Your castle den

i spent years studying in quiet spaces
You only went after i had left
and i only went when shadows had replaced You
and dust swirled where You had stepped
to stare at

a herd of portraits from Celestias long past
mares in oils and marbles with faces
hawkish
patriotic
plump
motherly
demure
and all other things
from this past galaxy of Celestias
to make fragments of You
into the whole
of the Goddess i thought i could know

i dared to touch Your old telescopes
and the relics that were Your discarded tea sets
and found the knickknacks of a mare of centuries and power
that i had tried dying to be a candle to

You had archives full of tomes and treasures guarded from me
telling me that i didn't have clearances
to touch the scrolls of centuries
barely younger than You
until i was older
and calmer

i was Your faithful student
You always said so
and i spent the times not studying
with all my plans
alone but for the things You seemed to discard
not knowing i would join them

imperfect things
thrown away
once their perfect Goddess used them

ages ago i found Your mirror
the one unlike any other
the kind tall and crystalline
yet no crystal i knew
this wasn't the mirror You tried on gala dresses in
clucking at me to
keep my chin up
my curtsy deep
and my best smile on

this mirror
never fogged when i breathed on it
on the rim, the gems always gleamed
even when i stubbed my hoof, the pedestal never cracked
the surface of Your mirror
was colder than neighagra falls in winter

once
i threw a bottle of hoof polish
(the pink one, from Your birthday kit to me)
right at the glass
in the smoldering aftermath of one of our fights
(later i told You i lost it)
and saw it hit the surface
with a ripple
hanging there, on the edge of collapse
that my thoughts were in

my breath

hinged

and then

fell

my bottle did, too

some time after
i stood in that mirror
like it could reflect desire
and at first
i imagined a world where You really loved me
like the daughter i should have been

the second time
i stepped through
and lived for years
letting that part of me burn

this third time
the air tastes different

colder

i need to find a library

i am no longer the filly
of thirteen lucky years
yearning
to be closer to the Sun
that only ever spurned me

i look in this mirror
that has Your coolness
and wonder
what kind of Goddess
needs to see Herself
through another world's eye
and still lock it away

unless

She who is most perfect is afraid
of something i never knew
or feels the hate
She can never admit to
like i feel the old fires
tear right back up at me
knowing

You could have given me wings

Merry Hearth

Bright Star's dear Sunnybun has no future with me. I love her as dearly as any mare my age can, but Celestia knows I should have moved into a place better for an old gray mare like me years ago. The firework already has the stubborness of a star-beast, and I'm losing my ability to keep up with her. Sunnybun's interest in this school is a blessing from Celestia herself. How else am I to ensure she'll have a proper home in case something happens to me? At the School for Gifted Unicorns, they will know to keep her mind busy until marehood.

Goodness knows I can't. Celestial Charity and Disability Services bits are more than enough for an old soul like me, but little Sunnybun is different. She's a child, for Celestia's sake, and a bright one at that. I wouldn't let her waste away in lesser schools when she aims for the best. But those bits only go so far to every book she wants and the latest trinkets of a young filly. She's never been to the cinema and the greatest gifts she's known are trips to those old wizard travelling shows that come by ever now and then or the odd bit of stage magic that comes rolling through.

I don't know how much more I can do this. Pulling her to where she needs to be is truly pulling the sun. And to think that the blessed Princess Herself manages a whole school of foals. Why, they're probably all like Sunnybun too. I swear to the Sun Mare herself, whatever must be signed to let that little one have the home and things she ought to will be so that she can live on their campus. If it's as big as I remember, she'll have more than enough space for years to come.

She rarely gets to play outside. Sunnybun will talk off the ear of anypony who will listen and keep burning long past her bedtime, but I can't chase after her. I can't know the streets of how this city keeps growing. She'll get lost if I let her out there. I know she will. Yards are good enough for fillies who haven't even entered school, and the cul-de-sac is enough of a world for her until I can get her to that jewel of a city, her Canterlot.

I don't think she even likes little one her age. She'll chat with them like anypony else and join in for all the old games - hide and seek, tag, and the like - and insist on playing Princess Celestia in all their make believe games. Sunnybun laughs with them and remembers all their names, the sweet filly. She just doesn't bring anypony home. She'll bring cookies and punch outside and romp around as any child should, but no friendship of hers has ever been brought past the front door. She certainly is good about being polite and eager, and tells me all about the little ones I see from the porches and windows. Sunnybun just never has more than playmates, I suppose. I'm not sure if she'll miss the other rugrats in Canterlot.

If she gets in...

I have faith in that filly, but faith alone won't get a spot in that school. It's as much of a crown jewel as the city and goddess herself are. Why, one of the neighbors had a shrinking violet of a little gal. Perfectly above average in magic, but she still wasn't able to stay in that exclusive place. Princess Celestia cherry picks the very cherry picked prodigies she tosses in that ancient place, who knew! Sunny's a gifted gal, and that's no doubt why she can't connect with others well. Firecracker attitudes and a sprinkling of tantrums here and there aren't enough to deter a force as fickle as children from playing with her. She needs to be around foals who can handle her better. Sunnybun's just too high-strung and special; I have to tell the little one that nearly every day. She is special and is going to go places, but by the gods, getting her to the top is difficult.

She needs somepony who can be a proper family for her, and love her like I can't. Somepony who will never be weary of her or with her and just love her enough.

Tall Tale

dear diary

my city
farewell
my home
goodbye

{i will never see you again}

soon i am off to canterlot
Her city that touches the sky!

dear diary

all my toys are put away
my books lined up all nice

my Celestia dolly

{OF YOU! I HAD A DOLL OF YOU!}

all tucked in

with my fishy pillows that have the sequin scales
and my board games all stacked up
like the towers downtown

{AND I NEVER SAW ANY OF IT AGAIN!}

even the map of equestria
from the cereal box contest
with all the little pins in it

{OF PLACES I NEVER GOT TO SEE!}

spread across the walls
can't stop
the big empty feeling only new houses have
before i close the door
and grandmother calls me to the kitchen
our train will be leaving soon

i've never been so far from home before

dear diary

do you think the foals in canterlot will like me?
(i hope my roommate will be nice)
will they want to play games?
(if they snore maybe i can get a new one)
what if i don't get into the school?
(maybe no other magic schools will accept me if i can't get into Hers)
what if my grades are so bad i have to go to public school instead?
(one neighbor said her daughter wasn't able to do good at magic work there)
if my exam is too hard can i request a backup?
(there might be other fillies there who don't have cutie marks going through the same thing)
will grandmother have to visit every day or will i get to pick my own bed time?
(i'll have to ask somepony if only the ponies in the grown-up grades of Her school competing for paper thermometer awards are the only ones that get to do that)

der dary

ican't writ aneemoer traen to fas

yoor frend

sunset shimr

Dear Diary,

Our train stopped Los Pegasus. I can see the cloud city floating above us but not the Applewood sign. It looks so scary in the dark. I can write a little by my hornlight. I have to be careful. If my feather pen jingles grandmother might wake up. I know that Princess Celestia is one of the nicest gods ever but failure is FAILURE! I don't think She would be happy with a unicorn who failed her school tests. I think She would be very sad.

When a goddess is sad how bad are things? If I fail, will I end up like Sunrise Song and Bright Star in grandmother's pictures? Will ponies have to visit a rock with my name on it like I have to visit theirs every year? How will my dreams ever come true if I fail? What if an Ursa eats me?!

I want to be the best mage ever. I want Princess Celestia to make me the super-mage. I can't fail. Please I can't. Please please I can't. Please please please please please! I would rather go to horseapples and tartar sauce than ever fail.

I have to stop writing now, diary. Grandmother might wake up.

I'm still so scared.

Your sleepy friend,

Sunset Shimmer

P.S. Do you think if I ask grandmother super nicely for a pretty new coat when the sun comes up again she will say yes? If I look extra good will Princess Celestia like me more than other unicorns there? Does she even watch the exam?

Blank Flank

dear diary

my roommate is never around and that's okay
her name is garden wishes and she stays inside all day
her cutie mark is a magic flower
and as a blank flank we have
nothing to say to each other
even if we are in the same grade
and the same age
i have never said more
than thirty words to her in the three months
she has been my roommate

your friend

sunset shimmer

dear diary

i am on the princess roll
that means i have some of the bestest most amazing grades
everypony is so jealous and they look at me
like i am their queen
and that's almost enough

i write to grandmother once a week

your friend

sunset shimmer

dear diary

we never actually see Princess Celestia
the Sun only stays in Her house
and Her city is paved with whispers of Her
and Her image
because i have never actually seen Her

except on posters at school
and podiums far away
from where i stand

everything i learn comes from halls
rooms
textbooks
where grown unicorns tell me
and everypony else
everything i wanted to know
about magic
and more

my life is
lines
and
dots
planned by
the Sun i never see

i need to know if
She is just as tall as everypony says
and if even She thinks the picture on my school pass
is just as bad as i do
i just want to see Her
like every other foal
even if
i always work to be sure
i am not like them

i write to grandmother twice a month

your friend

sunset shimmer

dear diary

i need advice
on if i should join the board games club
or study for my next quiz in conjuring
next tuesday

there is also a colt in there[...]

i write to grandmother once a month

your friend

sunset shimmer

[The following excerpts are from one Tuesday's morning issue of The Celestial Equestrian in 9XX of the Solar Millennium. The Canterlot-based newspaper is distributed nationwide across Equestria and has a wide reputation for being a ponies' interest magazine. This was made available from the Hall of Records in the post-secondary campus of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and was from the local section regarding Canterlotian issues and events. The described most prominently is from an old missing youth cold case involving a former Faithful Student that remains unsolved...]

LAB FIRE BLAZES IN PRINCESS' SCHOOL! HERO FILLY SAVES CLASSMATES!

by Inside Scoop

At least four young foals and one teacher have been hospitalized due to injuries sustained in a fire at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. All are in stable condition and no deaths transpired. Royal Guards and local fireponies say the fire broke out in one of the late morning classes. This information was corroborated from accounts by other staff on the floor at the time. An assistant teacher of the morning's 10:30 who will remain anonymous was giving a conjuration lesson and accidentally called forth an Arabian jinn instead of the low-level light beings meant to be conjured by students[...]

While the jinn was tamed by Princess Celestia and other nearby sorcerers on-campus, the faculty remains shaken. The assistant teacher suffered a singed beard, while the main faculty member instructing the class where the fire originated suffered second-degree burns holding up the rubble in order to aid her students in escaping the building safely. Thus, Miss Sparkler was not available to provide any comment and it is unknown which staff member initially caught the attention of the guard.

The fire was extinguished shortly before two o'clock, but not before multiple classrooms were destroyed. The second-floor location of the fire and presence of multiple active magical burners in other classrooms made it particularly difficult for the first-responding weather ponies to battle the smoke without the aid of properly equipped fireponies. Concern was raised due to the age of the particular hall students were studying in being a difficult one to practice fire safety in, especially in the face of emergencies like this.

The Junior Conjuration Hall of Glorious Mage Gusty was formerly known as Our Sun's Hall of Conjuring after the princess herself. The recent renaming was marked with a ceremony to honor the Mage, professor, and former Faithful Student of Princess Celestia after the former's recent passing. However, the lack of safety updates with the redecorating efforts has now become a great concern among many parents of students[...]

Of the five classrooms impacted by the fire, there were seven foals that did not immediately exit the building. Three youths were quickly pulled out by Royal Guards and fireponies. Due to their status as minors, lack of reported injuries, and their guardians' wishes, they will not be named and no interviews were done with them. All were locals whose guardians did submit letters about concerns of the future safety for their children, since they were assured of the Princess' school being the safest in the nation. The foals in the building were in an accelerated elementary school program and their ages were of great concern[...]

The remaining foals trapped in the building are all among those hospitalized. None of them are local, and their guardians could not be reached at the time. All foals were stated to suffer from second-degree burns on multiple parts of their body, and all but one were quite shaken by the day's events[...]

The remarkable filly who aided in three of her classmates escaping from much more severe burns is Sunset Shimmer of Tall Tale. She was willing to give a few comments about her behavior and acts of bravery to the Equestrian.

On whether the eight-year-old considers herself a hero:

"Yes!" she said eagerly despite her cast and numerous bandages. "I got my cutie mark! Everypony is safe and I got my cutie mark!"

Many of the nurses at Colts and Fillies Hospital of Canterlot commented that young Miss Shimmer's robust attitude will be key in her recovery. For a filly that fell into a tree from the second floor of the Gusty Hall, she is undeniably optimistic, no doubt from the flood of cards, well-wishes, and candies gifted to her by Canterlot citizens grateful for her bravery and eager for the little heroine's speedy recovery.

Miss Shimmer is a member of the board game club and one of the top students in her year. She says her favorite thing about Canterlot are the variety of arcades and fun places to study and shop.

"It's so much more fun than back home!" she was quick to add before asking for another signature on her leg's cast.

Of all the fillies burned, Sunset Shimmer's were the most severe. Though she has been evaluated and given much attention from healers and other staff, the little filly's condition does not meet newspaper guidelines. Consent to photograph her must come second to refraining from showing any graphic content, and no photo of Canterlot's charming young student and her big smile will be accompanying this article.

Teachers speak highly of Miss Shimmer as being an outgoing, extroverted participant in her all of her classes. Her peers have added that she is fun to work with in class and very sensitive when it comes to leading group projects, and are always adamant that they hope her recovery goes well and she will be back in classes soon.

Princess Celestia has yet to reached by the Equestrian for comment, but word from authorities confirmed she is currently working with them to improve safety and reconstruction and will soon be reaching out to the press and relatives of those hospitalized before paying a visit to each pony. When informed of this, Sunset Shimmer was squealing with excitement and eager to tell The Celestial Equestrian just how eager she is to meet the princess in the biggest jumble of words possible. With the help of one of her nurses, she was able to show off her new cutie mark and proudly proclaim how she was "doubly lucky" to be expecting a visit from the princess and having a cutie mark "just like Princess Celestia's".

[An artist's rendition of Miss Sunset Shimmer's cutie mark. The following identifier was published her permission.]

The sun-shaped inferno is indeed peculiar. Despite the difficulties and alarm brought by these events, there is assurance in knowing that swift action is already being taken to prevent future disasters. Perhaps no actions were swifter than those of young Sunset Shimmer, a promising young pyromancer who risked her life and limbs playing with fire to make sure her peers would be safe.

Author's Note

The credit for Sunset's cutie mark can be found here.

Sun Goddess

the first time i met You was because i almost died
all to do something You could not
did You ever think i could forget that?

how could a child forget when the Sun sat on her bed
and looked at her
really looked...

...at me
like i was a key
to something that was already Yours

like You needed me

how could i have forgotten that
the one moment
where You did not hide Yourself
from me,
a child?

wrapped up in all the well wishes
kind smiles
and a bouquet of get well sunflowers
You had picked just for me
even before You knew how much i loved them
was a single question
for my ears only:

"Would you be willing to offer ponies like the ones you saved all the light you have? Even if you were scared or threatened again, no matter the cost?"

of course
i said yes

...i was nine years old...

(Her Faithful Student)

three words to describe
unicorns across generations
a faded quilt of faces
that You sewed me into

Her faithful student

we were all Your faithful students
that title became the bookends of all of our lives
it was paraded before our names were spoken
and those three words
were the preamble to all our epitaphs
because no light ever shone brighter than You

Her faithful student

we would live in a castle suite
and have a stairway of tomes
like a stream of dog-eared, yellow-paged bribes
that You sent us when we behaved

and i never did

like You wanted us to realize
we would never have an all-expenses-paid dream
of an all-you-can-indulge in life
if we were ever without You

Her faithful student

all the swirls and whirls
on that title sure looked fine
made to follow everything i hornwrote
like a shadow and a curse
of ivy over my identity

Her faithful student

we were collected from Your school
like the porcelain goat figures
with rosy cheeks
You lined on every mantelpiece
until we grew old
and had to come out from Your shadow
and lived our lives following tutelage
from its middle years to our ends
as footnotes
in a narrative all about You

Her faithful student

i did not know that when i first became
clay in Your hooves
and even if i had
i would have been too stubborn to refuse You
insisting that all i learned of growing in Your shade
was wrong
even if i said it to myself
because i wanted
to be different for You
from all the others

You know what i told You

and that i would use wings to get it
if only so i could be closer
to what You refused to let me have

we all started as a line of candles
a scent by one name
and i wanted to be different
from all the others
for You
to You
so that i and they
would never become we
so that i would never join them
when i learned how they faded

and now i'll prove it

because even if i cannot fly on wings

here on earth i'll find a crown

Author's Note

For those that feel they spotted an error: ”i and they” is Sunset intentionally putting herself first

Taken From School

dear diary

garden wishes will be getting a new roommate
she was at classes
so i couldn't say
good-bye
even though i think
she was more of a pretend friend
because we talked
without ever knowing one another more
i get to live in the castle
with the Sun and Her staff
She does not have a family
and i write to grandmother once a month

maybe in that
Her and i
are not so different

my half of the room
is so much hollower
then when the emptiness was new
at the start of fall

your friend

sunset shimmer

dear diary

the Sun did not come to get me
instead i had only guards to help me with my suitcases
they read off my name and more from a scroll
like i might be somepony else

i forgot to look back and wave at everypony

your friend

sunset shimmer

The Sun's Nephew

i love the eyes of everypony in canterlot
how they shine with secrets and knowledge
i might one day hold in my hooves
like hundreds of shiny stars
all as sweet as candy

everypony important
has eyes brighter with mystery
then all their bits

Your nephew is one of them
and You showed him to me with a smile
that vanished behind closed doors
when i asked why he was Your nephew

You looked at me
like nopony had asked that before
and showed only confusion
when You said it was ceremonial
because i thought there was more
when You told me
twice
there was nothing
and i was being rude
with Your nicest smile

he is a shadow of You
with Your sunshine distilled
into golden looks
and blue eyes
paler than sky
that looked at me tiredly
like i was only another meal
at a feast
and You had presented him
with enough faces before

he acts like he has no idea
every mare and filly
in all of equestria
wouldn't eat her heart
to have his

i knew he was supposed to
say hello first
i can't help myself
and smiled

even though
we said hello
like we were shooting
marbles
with every intention of missing
while talking over tea like we were in a six-legged race
but i wanted his secret most of all
to feel its weight
like the box of magic stones under my dorm bed

You still smiled down at us
warm and distant and confusing
all the same
like when i was a filly trying to tell
firefly lanterns from open flame

Academic Illusion Begins

dear diary

the heaps of books i am given
hold the accelerated courses
that rule my nights and days
more than dreams and dinner
and almost
as much
as
You

i let them into my head
in hopes that
they never fly out

yours eagerly

sunset shimmer

dear diary

my quills are cut
more than they need to be
when i am shaking
over anticipating all the answers on quizzes
so much
that i taste them
long after completing

You say to me
how i need to do
more
better
different
diligent
focused

yours in schoolwork

sunset shimmer

dear diary

i know i need to move mountains for You
i promise i will
magic is worth losing sleep over
all my time is spent
on
everything
You
put before me

yours tirelessly

sunset shimmer

dear diary

i will
skip snacks
now that i am
a big filly
and i will be bigger still

yours in maturity

sunset shimmer

p.s.
i will
have to write
to grandmother
another time

p.p.s
too much
homework
to sleep
again!

dear Princess Celestia

please
let me have
extra
credit work

and more still

Your most faithful student

sunset shimmer

dear diary

as the days turn
to weeks
and
into moons
i am lost
in paper castles
You have assigned me

wondering
why i can do everything
and You still say
all the same things
smiling
an unbreakable porcelain smile
that grows no wider

it only ever pales when
i finally
plead
for something harder
meant for all the faithful students
who were bigger than i
so i will no longer
be the smallest
who only gets
the smallest smiles
from You

yours in worry

sunset shimmer

long after You
infected
the diary
You never gave me

i had
only
one question
that
beats
in my heart
still

did i fail You
or did
You fail
me?

(Checkmate, My Foolish Goddess)

this crystal city would dazzle me

in another time

and still

it is unlike anything

everything i have seen before

at least

i know

this was something You could never show me

i have finally found a place

that feels beyond Your light

the guards are

quiet as the night

with shadows

over their eyes

i am among them

suddenly used to

being forgotten

all over again

in the ways You never

remembered me

libraries are easy to find

even in alien lands that fogs my breath

where the night is alive

like it never was

when i was last

on this side of the world

where the sky has always been Yours

every moment i linger

i almost forget

{my reign of}

three crowns

i wish we lived in a world

where i could look down on You and see

that for once it would be You who envied me

Author's Note

So if no one has figured it out yet:

Sunset Shimmer with centered text/no italics: past Sunset

Sunset Shimmer with italics, generally not centered: older Sunset recollecting. Pre-reformation.

Sunset Shimmer with bullet points with or without italics: Sunset Shimmer specifically during the first Equestria Girls movie.

Ambition and the Phoenix

dear diary

She tells me that i am like
Her pet
a bird as bright as fire
i am the phoenix of the Princess
(Her faithful student until the end)
because She tells me
i have the light of promises

yours in review sheets and study guides

sunset shimmer

lights i never expected would burn out
She made me promises
that were only ash in the end
like She knew i was no bird
who could rise again

perhaps
that was only made so
because
You spoke them to me
only the brightest Star
would burn
everything in my life

dear diary

the Princess has the most amazing pet ever
i always wished for one
when i still lived with grandmother
(forever and ever ago)
a little critter as bright as me!

only philomena never wants to play
every time i approach her she squawks and flies away
and all the Princess has to say
is that maybe one day
the phoenix might come to me and stay

or
she might
stop
looking at me
like i'm
not happy
here

how
do i
could i
tell the Princess
something
like
that?

do you think
even She knows
Her bird looks
up at me when i have birdseed
grasped in my magic
like
i look
up
up up
up up up
at
Her Highness?

yours in tests

sunset shimmer

Spoiled Rotten, Pampered Pupil

just like blueblood
i was given everything
and it was
almost
enough

not once was i spared
Your indulgences
of all things i could get my hooves on
nor was i free from
the restrictions and curfews
You imposed
for nothing You spoiled me with
was ever free

every birthday
reward
holiday
outing
and occasion
was repaid
by making myself
more of a slave to the studies
only You had any say in
that university students
were freer than i
when i was in middle school

every one of Your faithful students
cast the second-largest shadow
on the school we left behind
the very cradle You pulled us from
even if
i wanted to select anypony as my friend
to keep a hooful of companions at my side
You knew as well as i
there would have been
no
time

i was spoiled
beyond all imagination
with everything
except
that which is real
and i could leave at any time
if
i wanted to fall down
into failure
and become
the smallest tragedy of tall tale
like the wax-winged colt in the legend
You never stopped telling me
and grandmother
had not signed my life
into Your hooves
when she moved
where all old ponies go
where i never got to see
before they plant themselves
in stone gardens

i could have been more than
Your faithful student
and
the pampered pupil
except
You were spoiled rotten
with the treat of my life
leaving me
with the cavity

Aspiring Archmage, Sunset Shimmer

dear diary

i told the Princess
how when i am grown
i should like to be
Her mage of all mages
like how She
is the Mare of all mares
ruler of
every
last
creature
in the land that i call home
a Goddess above us all
when i told Her
She looked
more confused
then when i talk about
all the things
that i love
and the Goddess above
the little filly like me
whom i owe my new life
and
Everything
in it
said...

"Oh, little Sunnybun! What great stories you tell! Archmages are the stuff of silly old fantasy books of make-believe places. I have never had any such positions created for unicorns in my school, nor has any other. My, my, where did you get the idea?"

"Oh? Is that so? Well, none of the teachers you have ever had were more than mere mages. I've had no other unicorn magical ranks beyond that in Equestria. Everypony who has ever instructed you has been a teacher with a teacher's schooling, dear. What made you think otherwise?"

"My goodness, no. I find little worth in mageocracies and other silly ideas like meritocracies and the like that you are rambling about, my dear. You're better off putting such vocabulary to use in the studies you are actually assigned, never less and certainly never more. You really need to keep your hooves on the ground, my Faithful Student."

"Hm, ordinary? Yes, I suppose Equestria is no land of dreams, but something much more ordinary. Why do you sound so displeased? What's wrong with being ordinary, Sunset Shimmer?"

"Sunset, you're overreacting."

"You need to calm down, young lady. Right now. I want this talk about archmages to end. It's no more real than alchemy emporiums and whatever crazy hoo-doo and dreams they are selling to foals. Gracious me, there are too many dreams in the world, and too little of ordinary life. How is it that so many foals your age want to look a thousand lengths up in the clouds instead of three steps in front of you?"

"If you asked me, Sunset, I wouldn't even know what to do with an archmage if I had ever had one in the first place. So when you ask if an archmage would be closer to me than my dear Faithful Students, I don't have the slightest idea. This is all silly talk, like flying castles and witch-mares on broomsticks with chattering bushwoolies. I don't think I need to warn you again, do I?"

"When I said that you were overreacting, I was being very kind. Now, I have been very generous with my patience, young miss. This is no way for a filly your age to act. Crocodile tears are unbecoming and cruel. How do you think this would make other ponies feel if they were here? How do you think this makes me feel? Or if your peers got to see how you were acting?"

"Most foals your age have moved on from things like this. I would be much more willing to listen if you took some deep breaths, cooled down, and apologized to me for all the nasty lies you have been screaming at me right now. Then, I'm sure both of us would be in a better mood for tea and grown-up talk. Do you really think that grown-ups cry, my Faithful Student?"

"Listen, my dear Faithful Student. This is more than enough. If you aren't willing to act like a young lady even after all these chances I have given you, it's to your room. No more back-talk. No more excuses, and no more interruptions above all else. Not another word, you understand me? To your chambers, and do not dare suggest that I would ever lay a hoof against you, or that these words are anything close to such an unbecoming action. I am your guardian, Sunset Shimmer. Please do not make me feel like I am your keeper."

"Oh, horseapples! I am not your jailer! Don't use such nasty words! Room! Now!"

"Do not make me raise my voice! I am not a mare for shouting matches, Sunset Shimmer. It is beyond somepony my age and unbecoming of anypony who strives for a harmonious life. What have I said about all these emotions of yours before?"

"Look at me when I speak to you."

"I'm not asking. Sunset, when I say look at me and stop shouting..."

"Sunset! Sunset Shimmer! Sunset Helia Shimmer, come back here this instant! I wasn't done speaking with you!"

yours

still

somehow

sunset shimmer

dear diary

aren't the ponies
who Love us
supposed to set us free?

can i
free
me?

your damsel in distress

sunset shimmer

dear diary

when i look
the Princess in the eye
i cannot decide
whether She is
my Teacher whom i want
to be farther away from
then anything in the world
or a Goddess i Love
more than i know how to say
Completely
and
utterly
whom i want to be closer to than anything
though
it hurts

either way

is this
what
a Mother
does?

yours in
icky
stomach pit
feelings

sunset shimmer

(Envy in the Crystal Empire)

my magic dances

across the pages

of recent magazines and newspapers

pulling back the pages

like i can wind back time itself

and

all the years i have been away

it certainly feels no different

in the quiet of the crystal library

my mind sizzles to a stop

falling in its own inferno

wrought by me and You alike

festering to its peak

in an instant

after i see

coronation

across every headline

from yesterday and before

listed as a hot topic

historical occasion

and

{boiling}

{as}

{soon}

{as}

{i}

{see}

her

Matters Between two Quarreling Suns

dear Princess Celestia

i wish

we were tempted
to hurt one another less

i may

sometimes
start our fights
because i need You
to see me
and show
anything at all

i wish

that when i
go above and beyond
all the lessons You
give me
that there would be praise
and awe
instead of pulling me back down
with stories
of wax wings
coloring outside of the lines
and every way You insist
on force-feeding me
humble pie

i might

{swallow just one more feeling
to keep us
from
yet another fight
but when i see
You feel anything
the fractures
in the mare You are
i want to burn all over again
one day
soon or never
i will write to
the diary that had been
my friend
instead
it has become
another piece of You}

have the birthday wish
that i wish tonight
that tomorrow does not bring another fight
{and my eyes will not be puffy and seeing red tomorrow}
so that tomorrow will be right

Yours forever and ever after

sunset shimmer

Regarding the Distance of Stars

once upon a time
You had a little filly who wanted a hearth's warming
and with it
a gift like no other
to spend her day
with the Light of her life
who she flew to like a moth
orbiting
You
even when it hurt her

she wanted this so badly
her feelings burned after her in the halls
leaving all the smoke You should have seen

because she
loved You
hated You
wanted You
to sit with her
for a day
say everything was canceled
but the time You would spend with her

like a Mother would

together we could have
had such memories
that went beyond a few hours
when You would hoof me my gifts
with a smile
and tell me how we had
two and a half hours
before
You had somewhere
and everywhere else in equestria to be
instead of getting to play with me

every time the little filly
told You to stay just a little longer
and every reason why You should have
You found another way to tell her no
leaving her in a pile
of everything she hadn't wanted
because of how duty calls first
or so You always said

she only ever tried
to find ways to keep busy when You were gone
but the Sun's nephew had a family
and Her shadow would take holidays off
only because You told her to

so i was alone
for most of every hearth's warming
with nothing but gifts
from You
grandmother
Your shadow
the cards You made Your nephew send me
{don't think that i couldn't tell}
{or hadn't heard the way You pleaded-demanded him}
{for the 'sake of the holiday' and how 'she's just a filly'}

with only a big empty castle
full of places to hide
to spend her time
is it any wonder
she would find
herself
getting lost
in all the spaces
You never let her see

what better than a room
bearing a golden lock shining
under dust
above the gray heart
of a rarely traveled hall
to enchant a filly feeling so discarded

one look through the keyhole
gave her preview to a world of dust
dancing over and around
everything inside she could not see
except for shades of a rainbow
pale and faded
that beckoned her as nothing else had

with no wards on the door
(something so odd for You)
the lock melded to her magic's fire
until she could push it open
and step inside
somewhere that hadn't been secret enough
to a single, curious filly
was the skeleton key to
when Your words and silence
wielded in equal measure
had been enough for everypony else

i had stepped into
somewhere filled with hundreds of presents
all wrapped up by Your meticulous hooves
in papers that You would choose
their bows weighed down by dust
and under it all
not a single name listed on each

when i checked the receipts
folded under each
by a hoof i knew too well
i marveled at how
for over three hundred years
You bought gifts for nopony

now they had fallen into her hooves
this treasure trove
of gifts numbering
over nine hundred
their mystery far too tempting
for her to ignore
knowing these belonged to nopony
other than she who claimed them

pulling back layers
of paper that had once been like petals
plastered with preservation spells
making their delicate sheets glitter
resistant to time
if not to dust
but new in the little filly's heart

from within clouds of tissue paper
she pulled some most curious things

untouched books of poetry
crystal inkwells carved like shooting stars
gowns in all covered in night scenes
made bright by all the gaudy colors You loved
quilts sewen with the tiniest jewels
cut just so
to shape constellations
and telescope lenses worth more than grandmother's house

from one particular box
the lonely little filly
found an ursa minor
bearing a soft coat of twinkling stars
two shining black button eyes
and a tiny velvet nose

despite all its festive trimmings
Your little filly knew how to recognize
a toy that was as abandoned as she was

so she let hours slip by
cradling the star-beast idly
and clad in a dress too long for any mare
she could imagine
with an unused silver tiara on her head
pretending she was a princess too

by the time You found me
i had my hours of fun
lost and alone
in the very halls i lived
where i was always reminded they were Yours
and the guards were to check in on me
as gold-clad, official foalsitters i never needed
or wanted

You had me drop everything
betrayal stuck under Your perfect plaster face
leaking out through Your haunted eyes
as You told me to put everything back
remove everything i had put on
only after You had spent enough time
sobbing
asking me if i knew what i had done
while never telling me what that was

i left that room
You had me never speak of it again
the next time i found the door
it had been warded of lonely fillies
with magic to keep everypony out
and cold new locks to defy my fire
like i was Your no-good grave-robber

she had never seen You cry before
nor did she ever see it again

in silence
You finally taught me something
how to fester without drawing attention
my most important lesson
right there
took me years to master

from there
i pretended hearth's warming day could still be
happy

Made in Your Celestial Image

for all i feel
there is still one thing i mean to do
when i
look You in the eye
at last
i must thank You
not for Your so-called classes
the love You never had
all the books i just barely
refined my magic with
while hungering for
more
and all the
secrets
You never shared

in the end
when i was still Yours
at twelve years old
all i knew was what mattered
because You made it so
that when i looked in the mirror
i saw
all that was You
burned into me
more than anything else
and i still do

all i know
is that Worship trumps love
Lies are always kinder
Power is best unshared
to be Queen in
everything but name
to surround Yourself with underlings
so that the top will never be lonely
to cement my life
with Secrets
that wall off
where feelings
would
be

these are all the things
You really taught me
no matter
every way You deny it
i am made in Your image
with nothing
else
left

Love, and Other Wrong Impressions

"Hello, who is it?"

"Oh? Sunset, that's you? Gracious me, it seems like you find a new way to knock every day."

"Yes, you have my permission to enter. What is it that you needed? This isn't about any of your recent assignments, is it?"

"I... You just wanted to talk? Why is that? Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong? Then Sunset, what is..."

"Oh, you silly goose. 'My door is always open' is just a figure of speech, dear. I thought you would have known that by now."

"Ah... well, I'm afraid my office is no more special than anypony else's."

"Ah, no, my Faithful Student. I'm not the type of teacher that would need office hours. You have been my only pupil since the last."

"Yes, you may take a seat. But, please, dear, do try and be brief. I have a meeting in an hour and a half with the Mayor-Mare of Whinnyapolis and that is not a duty I can reschedule."

"Good. Now, what is it that you wanted to talk about? Is there something going on that I need to be concerned with?"

"Hm, what about us, my Faithful Student?"

"No, I sent that Mother's Day card to your grandmother. She is much more deserving of it than I, and I'm sure she'll be sending her thanks for it shortly. We really should find the time for you to have a visit home. I can't imagine your poor grandmother likes being separated from her Sunnybun for years like this."

"Oh, Sunset, what is the matter? Did you want to send it yourself? Oh good heavens, why did you give it to me if you didn't want it sent home?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Sunset, please enunciate, or are my ears deceiving me?"

"Why would you want me to have your Mother's Day gift? That is highly inappropriate, dear. Unless..."

"Oh, Sunny, you don't have to cry. I get it, I really do."

"Yes, I'm so sorry I didn't see it beforehand. Fillies your age just adore pranks. Calling the teacher 'mom' is very 'in' with the foals still, I suppose? Are you upset I didn't laugh? How about this, on the next All Foal's Day, we can have a do-over and a prank-war. There are never any summits or court on that day, and I'm sure that you would enjoy a break from your studies for a full day if you continue to earn it. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"...There is no need to scream at me, Sunset Shimmer. It was only a card, that's nothing to get mad about."

"What was that?"

"A-adopt you? Sunset, I do not think you understand what you're asking of me."

"...Please, lower your voice. Goodness, great heavens... adopt you? Why, Sunset? You are my ward and your grandmother is very much alive, what you ask is something more appropriate for a—"

"...You think of me as your m-mother? Sunset, I-I..."

"I have never adopted anypony before, Sunny. I am not a mother."

Nor have I ever wanted to be.

"How long have you felt this way? Why didn't you give me any sign? Oh Sunny, why didn't you just tell me?"

"...I see."

"Please, don't cry, Sunset. You don't need to shout. I... I'm not going to adopt you. To do so would break the bond between teacher and student. I would no longer be able to teach you—"

"Sunset, you need to listen. Please, try some deep breaths. You have no reason to be angry with me. I want to continue to be your teacher, and if you continue to act like I am your mother or want that from me, then we would both be breaching the ethics of the distance we are required to maintain for our respective positions. Do you understand that, Sunny?"

"Sunny, please. Do not speak so cruelly to me. I hear you very well; shouting will not make me reconsider. You're a big filly, aren't you? When was the last time you got something by stamping your hoof and screaming? Why is it that every time you find a limit, you must try and push it?"

"Cold? How am I cold? Do you really think that you can get what you want by screaming such things at me like I am across a gorge? For shame, Sunset Shimmer. I have boundaries too. You fail to have empathy for me or realize that adoption is a mutual process requiring my consent and vulnerability in doing what you wish. Instead, you have stomped all over the respect my choice deserves. Not only that, but you have also failed to recognize that you have a very narrow view of the love I have for you. How is it that you could come to me with a sensitive request, and as soon as I so generously offer you my time and your answer, you turn around and act so viciously?"

"Watch that horn! I do not want you to have another surge! Your magic and emotions are a fire that you must learn to bottle and swallow, my dear, lest the scorch everypony around you."

"No, Sunset! No magic! Dim your horn this instant, or I will!"

"Sunset Shimmer, I think I have been far too lenient with allowing your behavior. You break my rules, disregard my curfews, intrude upon the home I have extended to you, and spit upon the muzzle of my curriculum. I am deeply sorry for the way you feel, but you have chosen to react poorly. Do I need another sign that I have coddled you too much, as a mother might?"

"I don't have to stand for these accusations, young lady. Stop with your cruel words and calling me an Ice Queen when I'm not. It is I who have had your best interests at heart and have been trying to push you where it is you are needed most. I am your teacher, and I will always be. I see now that I need to start acting more like one. Most of my Faithful Students required at least thirty years of tutelage before I could even consider graduating them from their studies. Somehow, you are proving yourself to be more of a hellion than any of my Faithful Students when they are close to fifteen years under my wings!"

"Language, Sunset! I am pleading with you to listen, and to listen kindly! Your grandmother reviewed my teaching contract and saw fit to sign it after I approached you about Studenthood. She saw no problem with the lengthy studies my Faithful Students undergo, and neither should you. I think you should look at the positive side: since you are the youngest Faithful Student I have ever had, you will graduate young too. My average Faithful Student is thirteen years old and graduates at forty-three. Consider the bright scholar you will be and the record-setting future that awaits you, my dear Sunnybun!

"You need to listen to me right now. I have lent you my time and my ears, only for you to slander me. Do you not realize how many times I have let you insult me? How prone to fights you are? I said it once, and I will say it again: swallow your heart. You are giving your emotions too freely, and it is blinding you. From this day forward, there will be no more outbursts. One more screaming match like this, and I am going to have to reconsider your studies."

Hate Sown From Misplaced Affections

dear Princess Celestia

i have listened
i have learned
from my fight
to keep my voice
away from You
my thoughts simmering
and the poison
i feel in me
sizzling
away from Your knowing

i am the cold
You wanted me to be
hiding the fire
i only ever see
standing in front
of Your crystal mirror

when i look at
the staff
Your caged bird
the nephew who skirts Your shadow
and everypony else
in this castle
stumbling in Your shadow
i wonder
what trouble
might i stir
below Your wings?

Your faithful student
in name only

sunset shimmer

The Orphan's Failure, the Monarch's Niece

dear Princess Celestia

i wish that You loved me like You loved her
or that You kept promises like You locked rooms
docked points off my grades
made me live
only for You
and the love You hide
by unlearning everything
about a world beyond these castle walls

when i see the filly so new and pink
who captures Your sight
in all the ways i never did
Your gleaming new niece
made in Your image
who You have forced upon my life
all i know is that
i am a candle held to the Sun
and i am melting

(Special)

once upon a time You told me i was special
and You weren't the only one
but i think
out of everypony
You said it best

and i would have done anything
from scooping up the stars
eating green beans for breakfast
and make anypony shine a little less bright
if i could once again be Your favorite light

i had been good for You
and kept myself
below the wings You held above me
because i loved You
like You should have loved me

and i do not think that it's possible to hate anypony
at least
not unless you loved them first

but

i do think
that there is none i hate more
than the Mare who is the most distant of stars
i'm finally more than You will be at
something
than the very Mare who made me feel like
nothing
even when i knew i was special

Ponies

he has a coat as purple as plum
she has a mane as pink as gum
their cutie mark is for playing the drum

one pony has the voice of a star
another wants to travel very far

grandmother said this diary would be fun
i'm absolutely sick and not even done with page one
writing things outside is boring
not half as fun as exploring

there was a spider in our garden and i squashed it
my grandmother says if i write five pages
and leave her alone
she'll give me a bit

my name is sunset shimmer

i can't think of anything else to say
i've just been bored inside all day
watching ponies is pretty great
but i want to go outside the garden gate

grandmother finally gave me that bit for sweets
for helping her fold sheets

my name is sunset shimmer

i like watching ponies outside when it's raining
because at the end of the day i'm the only one remaining
and i get to watch everypony without them knowing
i like them, still i like knowing i'm me, makes me feel like i'm glowing

i don't think anypony else knows that same good feeling
the one that grandmother's yelling about me stealing
cannot take away
her cookies are second best after that okay?

my name is sunset shimmer
i wanna go outside and make mud puddles glowy
bye

Family

i am a lucky filly
nopony fights over me
in my house
i am the Sun
there are no brothers and sisters
it is just me
i am the only one

my grandmother loves me
i really
truly
couldn't want more

except
for that one day
we don't have to go
where the woods end
to the stone forest

and talk
about how big i've grown
and how they're missed
and be quiet sunnybun say hello
to mom and dad

because i am sunset shimmer
and i am smart
ponies don't come from stones
but i think that place is filled with ghosts
the kind the gods have yet to gather

because

there are no bugs in the grass
it's always short
to show grandmother's flowers
and i sit in the ocean of them
talking to two stones
like they're the ponies
i never knew

i can't imagine what it's like
to have two ponies
wanting me
bringing me here
and there
telling me
that they love me
and not knowing which one
is the winner that loves me more

sometimes i do like to imagine
if grandmother was a little different
not as wrinkly
still here forever
always watching over me
never telling me to go play
or playing cards for ever
and ever

my junior dictionary calls that a mother
and grandmother tells me
my daydream is bad
and nopony gets new mothers

did she forget how birthday wishes work?
maybe grandmothers weren't able to wish
upon stars
or hearth's warming
smooth pebbles
or new spells
i tell her this, and she says i'll find a new wish soon...

...does the tooth breezie deliver a bit and new roller skates?

Entrance Exam

for once in my life, i had been a star
just like You
and it did not matter if i got my cutie mark
or anything short of that
because i was once the center of the world
all without You
all just to maybe one day meet You

an entire herd of unicorns
some with frowns all the way back to tall tale
stared down at me
and i know i was like a big gold star to them
way before i was here

i had been pulled through castle halls
bigger than any dream
and given to ponies who listened to me
talk and talk and talk
about everything
that made sunset shimmer
feel like she was being picked at
with pleased smiles and bored frowns
the way i scrapped around mashed potatoes and green beans
only now i think i was dinner

then became now
with me,
future mage sunset shimmer
standing
away from grandmother
and under the scribbling unicorns
who cannot see me shaking in the noonday sun

for my test
i did not have to slay a dragon
but my heart told my head that was so
even though
every light was soft and bright
grandmother sat nearby
encouraging banners were hung
(really, only two ponies were frowning at me)
and this whole room was rainbow-bright
like somepony read my dreams
i should not feel my heart shaking in my knees
when everything had been done to make me smile

in a bowl upon a cart
fancier than grandmother's whole house
a single goldfish swims
invitingly, happily
unaware of my fear

the card next to mister fishie says:

Cast the spell needed to give this creature a mustache. Do not bring harm to the goldfish

all my thoughts were cold
and scattered
like bugs crawling
up
and
down
my body
icky and grosser
making me stone-still
while my magic floated
with the part of me that knew
just what to do

i breathed in like a big mare
ready to inhale a mountain
and thought about all my books
with every spell i ever knew
their patterns and instructions
and how much i wanted to be
big mage sunny, shining and true
the pride i could bring to me
by being the mare i wanted to see

i opened my eyes
to a fish with a mustache
and because grandmother was
hugging me far too hard

there was no Sun Goddess
to see me into Her school
just a scroll tied with ribbon
and much to plan

New Castle Life

dear diary

the world i now knew
has been replaced with a castle full of secrets
that have all been built around You

i sleep in the rooms many floors below yours
and You promised me one day
that i would have
a wonderful library tower
in the shadow
of towers that are Yours
when i am old enough

in that one is a telescope
to count all the stars
as if anypony has the time

your friend

sunset shimmer

dear diary

i wish on those stars sometimes
just so that the Princess knows
i will be more than
Her faithful student
i want to be
somepony She never forgets

i hope She can't hear me
from all Her windows above mine
and not just because it would ruin my wish
to have it spoiled by the wind
or because She told me
not to open my window
when i am so high above
this sleeping city

my sleeping city

She doesn't know
that i want my own secrets
if only just sometimes
and i will keep them like lanterns
to light the dark
i sometimes feel
instead of the lighthouse beacon
they would be
if She ever knew how scary it was
to feel like a candle in Her light
and only Her huge shadow over me
as another reminder
She is a Goddess
an Other
to a pony like me

i would hate for every lesson i could ever learn
to end before they even began
because a great Goddess brighter than stars
(and probably way older too)
thinks i might fall out a window
(again)

your friend

sunset shimmer

p.s.
i do not think
i will feel this way
around Her
too much
longer

Alienation of the Sun

why do You talk to me
like i want to
(or could)
fail You?

Your every command
has padded my life
freeing
all my time
only so
You might
chain it
as You please
to all the paths
paved with promises
only You
can speak
and
ignite
in me

i think
that if
i could
even i would breathe
for You
(and You alone)
to show You
that i am sunset shimmer
Your faithful student
brightest pupil
favorite talented prodigy
promising pupil star
so that You should love me
the way i do You

let me be
Your little princess
like nopony else could
because i want to light the world for You

yet

i feel

You have let me slip
just a few steps
away from Your side
leaving me
closer to
the edge
of Your shadow
then i can remember

i
who
have only
ever
wanted
lived
studied
for what You
might give me
for i
gave You
me
and
the first and only
Mother's day gift
i ever got to make
only for You
to look

confused

In the Sun's Shadow

by the time i learned what pride was
mine was in pieces under Your hooves
and i would do anything to get it back

in its place
You left me
with feelings
i had never wanted to name
even if
i loved
sliding into them

they made me think about what my world would be
if only You loved me

more than grandmother
or the guards i saw every morning
and everypony else
who i had ever known

the Sun was a Goddess seared into my mind
and i let Her scoop out where all thoughts
of bright star and sunrise song might have been
(and grandmother too)
until those two strangers
were lost in Her light
of the Goddess
who was my world

who
gave each test
ordered my every move
dictated every meal
decided all bedtimes
assigned everything i ever got to read
counted every minute
of my day
before i ever knew them
and
poured the color of my life
within all the lines She drew for me

is it any wonder that i made
the Center of the Universe
into the Mother i never had?

(Be Without Your Own Prodigal Sun)

love is what happens before the Sun overshadows You
and finds a new candle
to lift sky high
and call Her
favorite
talented
promising
prodigy
pupil
star

if all it takes is her fabled crown
a spark away from elements
then I have time
to plan how to make it go
from hers to Mine
and across both OUR worlds
You'll at last watch Me {Shine}

Author's Note

[Sauce]

(This should have been in bullet points but the site's formatting decided to be ass when I applied it.)

(Alas)