Ponies Go to South Park

by smashedouttamymind

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Random
Length: 3053

Title says it all. Trollfic. Collaboration with sparkfyre.

Twilight Sparkle and six of her closest friends are banished from Equestria and find themselves in... South Park?

Hilarity ensues.

COLLAB- let me know if you'd like to help!

Chapter One- sparkfyre
Chapter Two- Abyx4433
Outtake/Episode One: Applejack's Crazy Adventure: thepinkparty

Trollfic, guys. Don't get so butthurt.

Published 2012-08-18 07:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-23 01:56:07 UTC

Ponies Go to South Park

Ponies Go to South Park
smashedouttamymind + sparkfyre
WARNING: AS FUCKING CLICHE AS IT GETS

"But, Princess Celestia, you can't banish us to the moon!"

"Hmm... you know, I won't banish you to the moon."

"Oh, thank you!" A chorus of gratefulness came up from the six Elements of Harmony.

"I have a better idea."

********

Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were walking down the street toward the Bus Stop when-

Something was falling out of the sky.

"Hey, what the fuck?" Stan asked. "There's a bunch of colorful shit falling from the sky!"

That was when the six recently banished mares crashed into the street. They rubbed their heads and eyes, trying to get a feel for exactly where they were.

"What the hell are those?"

"They kind of look like some asshole spraypainted their dogs and smashed their faces in."

"No... they're horses?"

"Mrph mrph mrph mrph!"

"Kenny, none of us can understand what the hell you're saying."

Kenny leaned closer to Kyle and repeated his statement. Kyle nodded and turned to face Stan and Cartman.

"He says he recognizes them from a show his dad watches."

"Like, a TV show?"

Kenny pulled Kyle closer and whispered something in his ear again.

"He says it's called 'My Little Pony'." Cartman burst out laughing.

"Your dad...." he stopped to catch his breath, "watches My Little Pony? Hahaha! What kind of fag watches My Little Pony?"

Kenny made an indignant noise, but was ignored as the ponies began to walk toward them.

"Hey! Where are we?" A blue one with a rainbow-striped mane asked.

"It speaks English? Bahaha!" Cartman was on his side laughing as Stan and Kyle rolled their eyes. "Guys, what the hell did we smoke?"

The purple one took on a constipated look before sighing. "Girls! My magic doesn't work here!"

"Wait-- you guys are magical? Like, unicorns or some shit?"

"Well... Rarity and I are..."

"What-- really? Oh my god!" Cartman was out of breath, rolling in the street.

"So... are you guys from My Little Pony?" Kyle asked.

Stan answered. "Yeah, they are."

"How would you know?"

"Well... dude, I'm kind of a... a brony? Yeah, I'm a brony." Stan gestured to the blue one. "This is Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie," he continued down the line, "Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Fluttershy."

"What kind of fucked up names are those?" Cartman called from the street. Kyle turned around.

"Shut up, fatass. I'm Kyle, the one who just introduced you guys is Stan, the asshole in the street is Cartman, and this," gesturing to the boy in the orange hooded sweatshirt, "is Kenny."

"Er... where are we, exactly?"

"South Park?"

"Is that in Equestria? I've never heard of it."

"What the fuck is Equestria?" Kyle asked.

"It's where they came from." Stan turned to the mares. "You see, er, i'm not really sure how to explain this, exactly. If you guys actually exist and I'm not just high, you're from a different dimension or something. In our world... you guys are just a TV show."

Gasps came from the mares.

"We have our own TV show?" Rarity asked, poofing her hair.

"Yeah."

"So we're... stars?"

"Uh... not exactly. You guys are on a TV show for little girls."

"Which Stan watches! Ahaha!" Cartman was still in the street, laughing his ass off. Stan shot him a glare.

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings, but she could not seem to lift herself off the ground. "I can't fly here, guys!" Fluttershy flapped hers as well, but to no avail. Just as Twilight's magic had failed, neither of the pegasi could fly. This prompted Rarity to try her horn, also failing.

"Hey Jew! Get your ginger ass over here and help me up!" Cartman called from the street. Kyle rolled his eyes and stayed put.

"Speaking of help... where's Spike?" As soon as she said it, a purple thing came down from the sky, landing right where the others had in the street, right next to Cartman. Cartman rolled over and looked at him."

"C'mere and look at this, guys! It's a fucking purple squirrel!"

Spike looked over. "I'm not a squirrel, silly! I'm a baby dragon! Spike, pleased to mee-"

"AHAHAHA IT TALKS!" Cartman, who had recently finally finished laughing, started up again. Everyone groaned in annoyance.

"Spike!" Twilight rushed over. "Are you okay?"

"Where are we?"

"Some place called South Park. There aren't any ponies here."

"Is this part of the Everfree Forest?"

"No, Spike. We're in an alternate dimension."

"What's that?" Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Nothing, Spike. C'mon over here and introduce yourself." They walked over to where the five mares and three of the boys were standing. Kyle introduced them once again.

"So, what are you guys gonna do?"

"Well, since I can't use my magic to get us out, I'll have to do some research. In this... place, do you have books I can research from?"

"Why don't you use the internet?"

"What's the internet?"

Stan and Kyle looked to each other and nodded. They walked over to Cartman in the street and pulled him up. The four boys wordlessly led the six mares and the baby dragon to Stan's house a few blocks away, effectively ditching the bus stop and school.

When they got to the driveway, Stan turned around and looked at them.

"Guys... my dad's home today, and like Kenny's dad, he really likes your show... so, uh, he might get a little bit excited when he sees you. Just ignore him; he's an asshole."

"What's an assh-"

"Nothing! Nothing at all, Spike."

The group of eleven walked into Stan's house. Sure enough, Randy was there, flipping some poorly-put together omlettes singing Lady Gaga when he turned around.

"Hey, Stan, home early from- WHOA." He instantly got hard.

"Ra-Rainbow... Rainbow Dash? Twilight Sparkle?"

"Uh, hi?"

"Oh my god, what did I smoke? I am so drunk right now OH MY GOD I AM SO HOR-"

"Dad shut up."

Stan led the way up to his bedroom, the crowd gathering around his computer as he opened the lid. A page instantly loaded up.

RULE 34- PINKIE PIE

Stan shut the laptop down faster than Usain motherfucking Bolt.

The Part Where There's Conflict

The Part Where There’s Conflict

Chapter 2 written by Abyx4433. Yeah, I guess this is a collab type thing now?

No one spoke for a few moments. Stan looked like he was sweating bullets. Finally, Kyle broke the silence. “...Stan, what the hell was-”

“NOTHING! THE INTERNET IS USELESS AND WE SHOULD JUST GO TO THE LIBRARY!”

Kyle was about to reply when Cartman interrupted. “Fuck you, the internet is useless! I saw what you had on there, now lemme see the computer!” Cartman then tried to grab the laptop, but Stan’s grip was obviously stronger and pulled away. He got up and backed away from the group, holding the laptop protectively.

Twilight then whispered to Kyle, “Why is he acting like this?”

Kyle simply responded, “Probably some porn or something.”

“What’s ‘porn?’”

“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING TELL HER!” Stan shouted.

“Stan, I’m sure if you hand the laptop over, I’ll exit out of whatever it is you were on before letting the others see,” Kyle reassured.

Stan looked unsure for a second, but then said, “Fine, but Kenny is the one who has to do it.”

Kenny just shrugged and took the computer. He positioned himself so that no one else could see the screen. After opening it, he burst out in muffled laughter.

After a few moments, he finally calmed and said, “Rmmly? Pnnkne Pne?”

“Just exit out of the damn thing!”

"Alrmmt, cmm dmmn." He promptly went to Google and handed the laptop back to Stan.

Just as everyone started to crowd around the laptop again, the sounds of many cars pulling up and the slams of doors could be heard outside. Soon, the sound of people breaking down the front door reached their ears. Stan put the laptop down and went to the window. As far as he could see, there were large, obese men wearing varying pony shirts and holding up signs with words of praise... and of other words.

“Goddammit, Dad!” Stan shouted angrily.

A ladder was thrown up to the window and shattered the glass. A large man with an unruly beard climbed up and shouted, “Where’s Pinkie!? I want a cupcake!”

Rainbow quickly ran to the window and bucked the man off the ladder. You could hear him shouting in excitement over something about not washing his face again. “Who are these creeps!?”

“They’re other bronies. Your show has somewhat of a cult following,” Stan said.

The door to the bedroom opened and Randy was standing there with a shotgun in hand. “Son, grab your friends and the ponies! We need to get out of here!” Another brony reached the window and Randy shot him in the face. The ponies’ and dragon’s faces quickly distorted with fear and disgust. “Quickly!!”

“Dad! What the hell did you do!?”

“I sent a video of the ponies to Equestria Daily along with our address.”

“WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU- wait, when did you get video of us?”

“I always film myself making omelettes.”

Stan was silent for a few moments, then went back to yelling, “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?”

“Because I was thinking about the money and fame! Now come on!”

Randy ran back downstairs and more shots were heard. The boys, ponies, and dragon and were hesitant before they made the decision to follow. Randy had cleared a path to the family car and was waiting for the others. Everybody, -pony, and -drake else piled into the car and Randy tried the ignition. However, like in many cliched suspense scenes, the car wouldn’t start.

“C’mon, c’mon!”

Bronies began rocking the car back and forth, hoping to roll it over, but the ignition finally brought the car to life and Randy drove through the crowd, hitting anyone in the way. They were finally out of the crowd, but there were still bronies scattered around town. Some holding weapons for whatever reason. Even though they were a safe distance away, Randy kept on swerving just to run them down.

“Stay away! They’re just like us, not some pieces of meat here for you to gawk at! Go to a strip club for that!”

Soon, they finally made it out of town, with an angry mob of bronies trailing behind.

“Where is he taking us?” Twilight asked shakily.

“Dad, where are you taking us?!”

“Seattle; I was able to get the ponies booked for Everfree Northwest!”

“Everfree Northwest ended days ago, dumbass!”

Randy was silent for a few moments before pulling a sharp 180 with the car. The ponies and dragon yelped at the sudden turn.

“I knew that! I meant that we’re going to D.C. to get us a meeting with the President! You kids have met him before, right?”

“Are you stupid?! Kyle has once, I think, but that doesn’t mean-”

“That’s good enough to get us in!”

Randy unnecessarily punched the gas and went speeding back through the crowd of enraged and excited bronies. After many casualties, they were finally on the other side of town, heading the opposite way of their original destination.

Everyone was silent for a few hours. The ponies and dragon were still horrified over Randy’s reckless killing-spree, the boys were bored as usual, and Randy was concentrating on diving into gold- err, I mean, driving on the road.

Finally, Twilight spoke up to voice some of her curiosities. “So, this ‘President.’ Is he your leader? Does he raise the Sun here?”

Cartman was the first to reply. “How the fuck would the President raise the Sun? ...Well, I guess that might explain why black people look burnt. Maybe they can raise the Sun.”

Kyle was quick to rectify Cartman’s remark. “Cartman, shut up. Don’t listen to him, Twilight. He’s too stupid and prejudice to know what he’s saying.”

“Shut your damn Jew mouth, Kyle! Your stupid and prodigious!”

“I bet you don’t even know what prodigious means!”

“Sure I do. It probably means I’m fat or something.”

Kyle, actually knowing that prodigious could technically mean that, just kept silent. Stan went ahead and continued the conversation.

“No, our President doesn’t raise the Sun. In fact, no one does. It just kinda does that on its own.”

Twilight looked stupefied at this information. “B-but that’s impossible! How is that possible!?”

Stan simply shrugged and said, “Shit, I don’t know. Google it or something.”

Outtake: Applejack's Crazy Adventure

Applejack's Crazy Adventure-- Outtake One

thepinkparty

Deep within a nice quaint little town full of snow and wonder were 4 little boys, 6 ponies and 1 dragon. What becomes of them will they find wonders, fame? Or will they just go and mess it up? Now lets begin, shall we?

“I keep telling you Kyle you can't be the it Jews are sneaky little rats which hide” Cartman said with a laugh,

“Shut up fatso just because your too fat to hide anywhere” Kyle replied.

“Hey don’t call me fat you fucking Jew!”

“Alright guys knock it off will you? You're giving me a headache,” said the boy in the red poofball hat as he sighed and rubbed his temples.

“Quit being a little bitch Stan just because you have a headache,” Cartman replied.

“Mpft hmpft," came the muffied words of the young boy in a orange hoodie came into earshot.

“Hahaha good one, Kenny,” Kyle and Stan said, laughing.

“Fuck you, Kenny, you're too poor to even afford new underwear.” Cartman said, in a futile attempt to fight back.

“Guys cant you stop arguing for at least 10 minutes?” Rainbow Dash asked as she popped her head over a cloud she was napping on.

“This is the second time you woke me up today! Cant you guys just leave me alone?” she said with a sigh.

“Well we would if Cartman would just let Kyle be it” Stan said as they continued arguing.

Butters rang up to them and yelled “HAY FELLOWS GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT TODAY!” He shouted with glee.

“What is it this time, Butters?” Cartman said knowing exactly what he was going to say.

“I just saw Applejack down the street entering into a club that I saw my dad walk into most nights, but he always appeared to be sad afterwards I guess it must be quite a sad place.” Butters said as he looked down at his feet.

Everyone looked shocked to the bone hearing what he just said. It was all silent, till “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA” Cartman, Kenny and rainbow dash ended up on the floor from laughing so hard.

“Guys this is serious if we don’t get to her now my dad will kill me.” Stan said with a scowl

“I promised to look after them all to him, Jesus Christ.” Stan said but suddenly out of thin air Jesus appeared

“Yes, Stan, how can I help you?,” he said with a smile

“Fuck off Jesus, I'm not in the mood.” Stan rudely shouted.

“Well I never,” Jesus said and in a poof of smoke he was gone.

Everyone just looked stunned at the outburst from him.

"What?” Stan said in an irritated tone before running off to find Applejack.

A few minutes later they arrived at the theater, ironically named the Golden Pony.

“Oh Jesus Christ, Butters, you didn’t tell me it was this one!” Kyle said with a sigh.

"What's the big deal about it anyway, Kyle? It seems nice enough to me,” Rainbow Dash said with a curved smile.

“Just you wait, Rainbow Crash, you'll love it inside,” Cartman said, trying not to laugh and failing.

Before Rainbow could argue back, Kyle butted in.

“Screw off, fatass, let's just go inside get this over with.”

As everyone walked inside, Cartman just stayed angrily at Kyle.

“WELL, SCREW YOU, JEW.” Knowing that his comeback was stupid, he ran in after them.

The lights hit them like a rocket as they entered the theater. As they were looking for Applejack, they bumped into Chef.

“Hey Chef,” they all said, including Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, hey there child—WAIT, what are you doing here?” He said as he attempted to cover up.

“Oh, we're here to find Applejack. She came in here early... hey what are you doing with your wiener?” Butters asked, leaning for a closer look.

“Ew, this arm chair is all sticky,” He went on to say, licking it.

“It even tastes funny, kind like what my dad keeps in the fridge," He said, continuing to lick.

“Ew, Butters,” they all said.

“Oh, hey, there's Applejack, I'd better go get her,” Chef quickly replied before running out.

Undaunted by Chef's behavior, they went over to Applejack who seemed to be enjoying the film a bit to much.

“Applejack, I'm glad we found you, we were all worried sick,” Stan said with a sigh of relief.

“OH JESUS, SUGARCUBES! How'd you know where ah was?” The orange farm pony asked, shocked.

“Butters told us. He also said his dad was in here, any idea where he is?” Stan said.

He soon spotted his dad popping his head up from under Applejacks chair.

“BUTTERS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU ARE GROUNDED MISTER!” His dad said, angry.

“What, oh geez guys, I better go,” Butters said before running out.

“Well, I'm glad this is all over now, because mister writer has ran out of steam and if he goes on any longer it might turn out even worst then a baked bad!” Pinkie Pie suddenly said as she popped out of the wall of a theater.

“WHAT?” Everyone said, jaws dropped apart from Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who didn't seem fazed.

“At least Kenny hasn't died yet,” Rainbow Dash said with a laugh, in contrast to Kenny's shocked face.

“PARTY CANNON!” said Pinkie, as she pulled it out from nowhere and shot Kenny into oblivion.

“Oh my god, you killed Kenny!” Stan said, shocked.

“You bastard!” Kyle yelled, finishing the line.

Some where in the known universe, thepinkparty breathed a sigh of relief after knowing he created the shittiest epsiode ever. (smashedouttamymind: no you didn't this is hilarious)

FIN.