Nothing to Worry About

by Flutterpriest

Rating: everyone
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Spike, Comedy, Profanity, Main 6
Length: 1128

Equestria is in general a really kind, wholesome place. You've been around the block a few times, and seen your fair share of hardship. But honestly? Some of the slang that these ponies seem to be worrying about is just... out of line.

Equestria is in general a really kind, wholesome place. You've been around the block a few times, and seen your fair share of hardship. But honestly? Some of the slang that these ponies seem to be worrying about is just... out of line. Don't seven year old's say worse things on Xbox Live?

This Story Contains: Nothing to Worry About. Trust Me.

Don't you Trust Me?

Reading by Straight To The Point Studios

Published 2020-01-05 08:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-01-05 08:00:02 UTC

All In Good Fun

Author's Note

An E-Rated story with CONTENT WARNING TAGS? WAT?

Well, that was the writing prompt for this.

Basically -- this plays with the idea that gamer slang doesn't inherently mean what it says literally, but if taken literally, applies to serious content warnings. But it's all in good fun.

The story originally had all content warning tags, but then I decided to remove the ones that were more "graphic" -- the point is across. You can have an E rated story with content tags,

All In Good Fun

It’s an amazing day in Ponyville, specifically for you. After all, tonight is one of your favorite days of the week, ever since you found yourself in Equestria about two months ago. You find yourself at the head of a fairly long dinner table in Twilight’s Crystal Castle, surrounded by your best friends: Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and that dumb dragon, Spike.

But even the presence of Spike can’t ruin Game Night! Each of the mares have brought different refreshing beverages and tasty treats. The spirits in the room are high, and you’re genuinely shocked at how nice a time you can have with friends without alcohol. The cards are dealt. The game is set, and for the first time ever, you’re introducing ponykind to a wonderful, wholesome family game from Earth: Uno.

There will be no survivors of what you’ll unleash upon this land.

“So, I just match the color or the number?” Spike asks.

“Yeah,” you say, snickering to yourself. “It’s that simple.”

Little did the dragon know that this is the game that tore families apart. Destroyed Friendships. Started and Ended wars. Discord would probably find it funny. Maybe.

“Alright,” he says, slapping a green two over the blue two that started the game. Cards soon begin to fall in rhythmic fashion on the stack in the center of the players. Twilight flips the cards past each other, ordering and reordering them according to some strategy she must be calculating. Rainbow Dash leans back, cards against her chest, giving a cocky smile as she watches the game unfold. Almost like a poker player. That’s an idea for another week. Rarity idly chats with Pinkie Pie, barely looking at her cards. She never really was invested in game night.

You put down a green to keep the game going when it comes to your turn, but you can already feel the power within you grow stronger and stronger.

Sitting in your hand, is the Draw 4 Wild card. The little yellow pegasus beside you has no idea the surprise nuclear attack that awaits her later on in the game.

Fluttershy hums along to herself after your turn, placing down a card to skip Spike.

“Wow. Good Card Fluttershy,” Spike says encouragingly. “This game is pretty cool!”

“Get wrecked, Spike.” you interject at him, playfully.

The six ponies stop and look up at you.

“Spike didn’t get injured, Anon. Isn’t that a weird thing to say in a card game?” Twilight says, laying down a card.

“Oh. Right. Earth sayings aren’t normal here,” you say. “Well, uh. It basically meant he was pushed in a losing position. Gamer slang.”

“Oh! I think I get it. Let me try” Rainbow says, looking down at her cards. She changes the color in play to yellow. “Get WRECKED, Rarity!”

Rarity plays a yellow card and shrugs.

“I don’t feel very wrecked, Darling.”

“Not quite, Rainbow,” you say encouragingly “You’ll get there.”

“I find it so interesting that you have no trouble picking up our normal sayings in Ponyville, but we constantly struggle to pick up your sayings from Earth.”

“Yeah, it’s weird,” you reply to Rarity. “It’s probably because of memes.”

“Memes?” Twilight asks.

“That is a can of worms I couldn’t possibly explain to you in 1000 words or less, Twilight.”

Twilight nods as Pinkie lays her card down.

Once again, it’s your turn. Now then. Time to play a simple yellow and-- Wait. Oh no. You don’t have a yellow. In fact, you don’t even have a card to match Pinkie’s eight.

Rainbow didn’t wreck Rarity. She wrecked you.

Well. It’s as good of a time for drastic action now, rather than later. It’s time for your trump card. It’s time to demolish the poor, unsuspecting pegasus beside you. You slam down the Draw 4 wild.

“I GOT YOU BLUE. SUCK IT, FLUTTERSHY.”

The room goes dead silent. Then every voice in the room bursts to life at once.

“Spike, go to your room,” Twilight says instantly.

“B-but there are other ponies here,” Fluttershy mumbles.

“That’s totally inappropriate!”

“Ooh! I didn’t know it was THIS kind of party.”

“Wait, wait!” you call against the storm of angry pony voices. “That’s not what I meant!”

“I will not tolerate the implications of bodily harm or forcing ponies to….” Twilight’s voice trails off, a gag rising in her throat.

“That’s not-- It’s just a thing from Earth! A gamer thing!”

“Well it’s disgusting!” Rarity barks. “I don’t care if it IS a normal thing on your home planet. There are some things you JUST DON’T SAY.”

“Oh my God,” you say, sitting back in your chair, covering your face. “Just kill me.”

“Please don’t hurt yourself,” Fluttershy says, placing a hoof on your leg. “That’s a major overreaction.”

“That’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem!” Rainbow says. “Trust me. It gets better.”

“No, that’s…”

You look up to the girls, then let out a deep sigh.

“I swear, it’s like I’m speaking a different language to you ponies sometimes.”

“Well, on the bright side,” Twilight interjects. “We know you didn’t mean any harm. Let’s just chalk this up to one big misunderstanding.”

The girls all nod and add approving tones as they look from each other to you.

“Well, thank you,” you say. “Let’s continue the game.”

Fluttershy smiles, draws four cards, then puts down a card.

You turn to Fluttershy and lower your voice to her.

“Now what was that you were saying earlier? About other ponies being around?”

But your question is drowned out as Spike chuckles to himself loudly. He pulls a card from his hand and raises it high in the air.

“I’m about to end this Princess’s whole career.”

He slams the card down on the table. Another Draw 4 Wild.

“Green, Twilight.”

In one magical flash, the table lifts into the air and lands upon the purple dragon. A little dragon claw flails at the edges of the furniture on top of him.

“I don’t like this game anymore,” Twilight says. “Anypony up for Settlers of Pontan?”

You nod. After all, Uno isn’t for everyone. And after what you saw, you’ll do whatever the Wild Hor-ses.