Alicorn Hunting
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
Becoming an aunt ranked up there with becoming an alicorn and meeting her best friends in Twilight Sparkle’s book. And given her love of making lists, she definitely knew where she was going to rank this experience. The tiny alicorn infant, so cute, so full of wonder and potential… The love her parents had for her, a love Twilight now shared. Getting to hold her and look into her gorgeous eyes had taken her breath away. The tiny life she held had so much to look forward to, so many wonderful things in her life. She stood there with her little niece in her hooves, surrounded by friends and family, Twilight had never felt such joy.
Despite this though, and later events that distracted them all (like preventing eternal winter from falling upon the Crystal Empire), there was one detail of the moment that stuck out for its sheer strangeness:
The look on Princess Celestia and Luna’s faces.
Having been her apprentice for quite some time, Twilight could tell some general aspects of the Solar Diarch’s mood. And having gotten to know the Lunar Diarch, Twilight could also tell certain things about Luna’s many moods as well.
Though really, you’d have to be blind to have missed the twin looks of… Disappointment on their faces. Even through the chaotic events that led to Flurry Heart’s naming, those looks just wouldn’t leave Twilight’s mind. Even through the celebration that followed the restoration of the Crystal Heart.
Twilight Sparkle pondered the best means of getting Celestia or Luna alone to discuss this strange occurance, plotting multiple means of achieving it. She even excused herself to wander the vast Crystal Palace alone, her keen mind working through the possibilities. It was on one of the upper level concourses, the night moon shining down, that she saw her chance fall into her hooves.
Celestia was standing on a balcony, alone, staring up at the starry sky with a wistful expression. Twilight briefly grappled with her desire to know more against the respect she had for her mentor’s privacy, but her curiosity won out and she trotted out to her beloved mentor.
“Princess Celestia?” She asked.
Celestia started, and looked over at her student. She smiled.
“Now Twilight… How many times must I tell you that we are equals now?” She chided gently. “You can simply call me Celestia.”
“I… I don’t think I can ever do that, Princess,” Twilight admitted. She trotted up to her side, still nervous. She looked up at her mentor. She seemed so sad.
“Princess, is something wrong?” she asked.
Princess Celestia let out a long, low sigh. She seemed so… Tired. “You saw our expressions, I take it?” she asked. Twilight nodded. The Solar princess smiled wryly. “It was unforgivable for us to lose our composure on such a happy occasion.”
“I… I thought you were happy Flurry Heart was born,” Twilight said, uncertain. Celestia shook her head.
“Oh no, no! We are happy! An alicorn being born like this is-is unheard of! It’s a miracle! And when you’re as old as we are, miracles are wonderful things to behold.”
“Then… What’s wrong?” Twilight asked. Celestia heaved another, very long sigh.
“We had both so fervently hoping that Flurry Heart would have been…”
“Yes?” Twilight pressed.
“A colt,” Celestia admitted. Twilight blinked.
“Eh?” She laughed softly. “Oh! Were you betting money on it being a colt?”
She’d been introduced to some of the more mundane habits of the princesses, including gambling. Luna and Celestia had apparently racked up quite a debt betting against Cadence’s romantic endeavours. Which only made sense: A shipping contest against the Princess of Love? It seemed ridiculous.
Celestia smiled sadly. “No. Also, tell Cadence the baby presents count as her payment.”
“I will,” Twilight said, already feeling the thrill of being the bookie, “but if that’s not it, then why?”
Celestia took another deep breath. “Allow me to be blunt, Twilight,” she stated, her eyes locked with Twilight’s. “It has been eight hundred, fifty two years, six months, five days and eight hours since I last laid with anyone.”
Twilight blinked. She blinked again. Her face exploded into a deep, rosy blush.
“I… You… Oh. Oh! Um…”
Celestia continued, heedless of her student’s expression.
“In our youth, Luna and I would enjoy wonderful companionship with many stallions and even males of other species,” Celestia recounted. “Sometimes as many as a hundred at once! Maybe a thousand! Though my memories of that week after we defeated Tirek are still very fuzzy.”
“Uhhh…” Twilight intelligently offered. Celestia nodded, still going on.
“But as time went on, every lover we lost to accident, war, disease, or simple old age wore on us,” she recounted. “The debauchery lost its appeal, with the ever present reminder that our paramours would die. That even the children from our unions would die while we remained ever young, ever strong… Ever alone.”
She drooped sadly, her ethereal hair barely in motion. “As terrible as it sounds,” Celestia admitted, “we were willing to wait for Flurry Heart to grow up into a fine stallion. To take as a lover-One we wouldn’t have to watch fade away. But as she is a filly, and Shining Armor and Cadence do not wish to have more children, that hope is now gone.”
This at least was territory Twilight could handle more steadily. She extended a hoof and rested it on Celestia’s side comfortingly. “I… I had no idea,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry.”
Celestia nodded. “Thank you, Twilight,” she said.
Twilight couldn’t stand seeing her beloved mentor, a mare like a second mother to her, in such despair. She frowned deeply.
“If… If there’s any way I can help, I promise to do so,” she swore. “I will do everything, everything in my power to help end this loneliness!”
Celestia brightened, her hair again a wild aurora. “You will?!” She gasped. In an instant, Celestia was hugging Twilight tightly and nuzzling her. “Oh thank you thank you thank you! Twilight Sparkle, again you are our savior!”
“URK!” Twilight gasped: She was having trouble breathing. “It-It’s not a problem!” She gasped. “I-I can begin researching Starswirl’s last spell! See how to apply it to other ponies!”
“Oh?” Celestia asked, blinking. Twilight nodded.
“Yes! I’m sure my best friends will help! I mean, ascending to alicorn is a big transition, but I’m sure they’ll be up for it! After all, more alicorns means a better protected Equestria! And with more alicorns to work with, we could devise new spells, new means of helping other ponies ascend so that one day-!”
“That’s all well and good, Twilight,” Celestia said, “and I will encourage you to pursue that course. However,” and here she leaned in close, “I have a surefire way to get an alicorn stallion.”
“You do?” Twilight asked in deepening confusion. “What way would that be?”
Celestia began flying off. “Come on! Let’s go find that Flash Sentry stallion you’re so taken with! We can be in Las Pegasus by morning!”
“Wait, WHAT?!” Twilight cried. “Wait, Princess, I didn’t mean-!”
“Don’t worry! You’re into him, he’s into you, one fertility spell and a good night’s rutting and we’re in business!” Celestia said cheerfully. Twilight’s eyes bugged out of her head.
“WHAT?!”
Several months later…
It wasn’t the first time a newborn alicorn stood before Twilight Sparkle in her new crystal palace. She had gone through the ritual with her best friends months before, and now Equestria could boast that all their Elements of Harmony were Princesses.
Surprisingly it had been Pinkie Pie who had had the most trouble adjusting, but now as the Princess of Laughter she spread her joy and cheer all across the continent.
It wasn’t even the first time the Apple family was in attendance: Applebloom had ascended with her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders, and Granny Smith’s pride was so strong it was tangible. That pride was in evidence again this momentous day.
For what grandmother could claim three ascended alicorns among her progeny?
It had been a long road. But at last, Big Macintosh stood before them, his broad wings spread, the horn atop his head glowing, as he looked at her in just the tiniest bit of anxiety.
“Big Macintosh,” she proclaimed, “for your steadfast spirit, quiet determination, and unbreakable stoicism in the face of terror and despair…”
He’d taken the field trip down to Tartarus when the Bottom Level for the worst of the worst Undead had broken free without batting an eyelid: That in her not so humble opinion had made him a prime candidate for ascension.
“With the power invested in us as Princess of Friendship and Magic, we dub thee Prince Big Macintosh Apple-The Alicorn of Serenity.” She smiled warmly. “No one can take the sky from you.”
“No one can take the sky from me,” he replied, smiling back.
Applejack, now Princess of Honesty, Applebloom, Princess of Ingenuity, and Granny Smith, Proudest Grandmother Ever, surged forward to hug their ascended family member. The rest of the Princesses of Harmony whooped and cheered, gathering around to congratulate Big Macintosh. Twilight slipped away, trotting over to a nearby couch to lay down. She rubbed her pregnant belly, wincing a bit. She felt familiar hooves begin to rub her shoulders, and she sighed in appreciation. She looked up into the face of her husband, Flash Sentry, who beamed down lovingly.
“You did great,” he said, giving her a nuzzle. Twilight sighed and nuzzled him back.
“Thank you,” she said. She playfully scowled down at her belly. “You should follow your father’s example and be more polite!”
She got a kick from her unborn son in response. She winced but still managed a giggle. Flash chuckled with her, and kissed his wife’s cheek.
“So… Not to sound envious or anything,” he began, “but I do have a question.”
Twilight nodded. She’d been expecting this. “Yes Flash?”
“Are there any other stallions on your ascend list?” He asked with a half serious smile. Twilight pulled his head down for a kiss, and upon breaking it, brought her lips to his ear.
“I’ve known you could ascend from the moment I met you,” Twilight said. “I did the magical scan myself.”
Flash blinked. “Okay,” he began, “so…”
“Why haven’t I?” Twilight asked tiredly.
With twin flashes of light, Princesses Celestia and Luna appeared on the ritual circle. The other ponies all bowed. Big Macintosh bowed deep and low as the sisters approached. Celestia chuckled.
“We keep telling you,” Celestia chided them, “we are equals now. You too, Granny Smith. There is no need to bow.”
“Force o’ habit, yer Majesties,” Granny Smith said. Everypony else parted, giving Big Macintosh room. The big stallion stood tall, prepared, and full of appreciation for the two diarchs.
“Yer Highnesses,” he said. “Thank you. Ah swear t’ do mah duty, t’ the best o’ my abilities.”
“We have no doubt you will, Big Mac,” Celestia said, her eyes warm and her tongue unconsciously licking her lips. “We have much to discuss, and it would be better to do so at Canterlot-”
Luna gave up any pretenses and grabbed Big Mac in a tight embrace. She nuzzled the now much redder stallion and purred in his ear.
“Much of that discussion will be in our bedchambers,” she murmured. Celestia’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. She immediately grabbed onto Big Macintosh’s other side, glaring daggers at her sister.
“We promised we’d share,” Celestia hissed. Luna glared.
“We promised, but I promised no such thing,” she growled back. She pulled Big Mac close to her, her eyes narrowed.
“Luna,” Celestia began patiently… A patience that ran out the moment Luna licked Mac’s cheek, making him shiver. She reached out and yanked Big Mac to her own chest, her eyes blazing. “Good. Sisters. Share.”
“And I. Called. Dibs,” Luna responded, yanking Big Macintosh back. The big red stallion’s eyes widened, and even his legendary calm was being perturbed as he realized the gravity of his situation.
“I’m older!” Celestia snarled, tugging hard.
“I’ve been on a date with him!” Luna barked, tugging back.
“It’s our birthday, and we wants it!” Celestia retorted, yanking back.
“I’ve known him longer!”
“Watching from the moon doesn’t count!”
As the Alicorns of the Sun and Moon began to bicker and argue like smitten teenagers, Big Macintosh broke into a cold sweat, and Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash covered their younger sibling alicorns’ eyes, Twilight gave a wry look to her husband. Flash Sentry watched the argument turn into a catfight, and turned back to his wife. He slowly nodded.
“Understood,” he said. Twilight sighed.
“Now, it should be safe to ascend you and Shiny,” she murmured. She rubbed her belly with a smile for her unborn colt.
“And for you to be born.” She shook her head.
“No thirsty alicorn mare is going to be molesting my son!”
Author's Note
Naturally this is inspired by "The Great Alicorn Hunt" by RHJunior. A short, silly one shot to brighten up your Christmas/Hearthswarming Eve.
Happy Holidays!
