Mortal Kombat: Equestria

by Green Akers

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Spike, Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 127133

Twilight and friends enter the latest MK tournament to save the Cutie Mark Crusaders from Shao Kahn.

When a mysterious ship appears in Equestria, the Cutie Mark Crusaders take the opportunity to get their cutie marks in sailing. Unfortunately, said ship belongs to the Outworld Emperor Shao Kahn, and is collecting combatants for the latest Mortal Kombat tournament. Now, Twilight Sparkle and her friends are forced to enter the tournament to save their friends and stop Kahn from taking over the world.

Crossover fic based loosely on the 1995 MK movie. Violence tends towards the comedic variety rather than hardcore blood and gore.

Published 2011-12-23 16:13:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-05 20:15:59 UTC

The Tournament Begins

Twilight stared sternly out across the water. "Ugh," she muttered, "two solid days of flying, and still no sight of Kahn's island! We should have already landed by now!" She looked over at Spike, who was trying to figure out the compass he was holding. "Are we still flying in the right direction?" she inquired.

"Er...maybe?" Spike responded with a shrug.

Twilight sighed, then looked over to where Applejack was throwing up over the side of the balloon. "We'd better get there soon," she muttered.

"You're telling me!" Rarity agreed, while trying to position herself underneath the shadow created by the balloon. "All this sun and salt is wreaking havoc with my mane!"

"You know," Rainbow Dash called out, with the balloon rope now tied around her waist, "we'd get there a lot faster if somepony would get out here and help me pull this thing!"

Twilight glanced over at Fluttershy, who was curled up in a ball with her eyes closed and her ears covered. "No luck," Twilight shouted back to Rainbow Dash. "I think she's afraid of the ocean."

"That's just peachy," Rainbow grumbled.

"Pinkie Pie," Twilight requested, "what the status of our rations? How much food do we have left?"

"Oh, we ran out of food hours ago!" Pinkie replied with a smile, offering Twilight a napkin. "These are pretty tasty, though - want one?"

"Er...no...thank you," Twilight declined.

"How about you, Applejack?" Pinkie Pie offered, causing Applejack to vomit over the side once more.

"Um...Twilight?" a nervous Spike asked. "My stomach's growling..."

"Focus, Spike," Twilight instructed. "Try to find something to think about other than food."

"Oh...okay." Spike sat quietly for a minute or two, then looked back up at Twilight. "What do you think happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

"Oh no!" Pinkie Pie chimed in. "Do...do you think they exploded?"

Twilight hung her head over the side of the balloon. "We're doomed," she muttered.

As the waves crashed upon the shores of Kahn's island, a solitary figure sat cross-legged on the beach, his head lowered and eyes closed. Ignoring the noises of the ocean and the seagulls squawking above him, the man cleared his mind and began to meditate. After many months of training and preparation, the man thought, the time for battle is almost upon us. I ask the gods to grant me the strength, the will, and the patience to triumph over Shao Kahn and once again spare Earthrealm from his wrath.

Suddenly, a vision of Raiden appeared before the man. "Rise up, Liu Kang," Raiden commanded, "and know that you are not alone in this fight, for the gods stand with you and your fellow warriors. The power to defeat Shao Kahn lies within you, and..."

"Oh, cool!" Suddenly a vision of Princess Celestia appeared next to Raiden. "This is how you communicate with your students? Very impressive, Raiden! I'll have to try this with Twilight..."

"Celestia, please!" Raiden exclaimed, shooting the princess an unamused glare. "I'm in a meeting right now!"

"Well, you better wrap things up before the hot dogs are done!" Celestia encouraged, as she faded out of view.

Raiden sighed, then turned back to face a confused Liu Kang. "Look," he explained, "you know the drill here - bring the pain, smite the bad guys, save the world, yada yada yada..."

"Of course," Liu Kang answered.

"There's just one little problem," Raiden continued. "Our friend Celestia here decided to mess with some of her subjects by sending them to fight in the tournament. They are unskilled, undisciplined, and generally pretty useless when it comes to fighting. I need you to take care of these ponies, and..."

"Ponies?" Liu Kang arched an eyebrow at the revelation.

"It's a long story," Raiden admitted, "but yes, ponies - and one tiny dragon, if you can believe that. Just make sure they don't do something stupid and cause Shao Kahn to conquer Earthrealm, okay?"

"Very well," Liu Kang agreed. "I will."

"Great." Raiden wiped his brow in relief. "They should be arriving any minute now. Good luck!"

Liu Kang watched in silence as his vision of Raiden faded away. "Ponies?" he said to himself. "Seriously?"

"Land ho!" Pinkie Pie called out, peering through a telescope at an island off in the distance.

"Really?" Twilight shoved Pinkie Pie out of the way to look through the telescope herself. "Finally!" she shouted, as she saw the palm trees and sandy beaches in the distance. "We made it!"

"It's about time!" Rarity huffed. "I do hope they have suitable accommodations at this island - I'm in desperate need of a hair stylist!"

"I'd settle for a bathroom at this point," a green-faced Applejack moaned.

Within ten minutes, the balloon touched down on the sandy beaches of the Island of Shao Kahn, a short distance from where Kahn's ship was anchored. The group quickly disembarked and took in their new surroundings.

"Gee...this doesn't seem too bad," Fluttershy remarked, looking at the trees and greenery just beyond the beaches.

"Ugh..." Rarity gagged at the sight of Kahn's grungy ship. "On second thought, perhaps flying here wasn't so bad after all."

"So where do we go now?" Twilight asked the group.

"I'll do a flyover and check this place out!" Rainbow Dash volunteered.

"Hold on a minute!" Applejack interrupted, catching Rainbow Dash's tail in her mouth before she could fly off. "I think we'd best stay together," Applejack suggested. "I've got an awful bad feeling about this place."

"Look!" Twilight pointed out a set of stairs leading away from the beach and into rockier terrain. "Let's follow that path and see where it goes."

"Oh, all right," Rainbow Dash pouted, following her friends as they hurried to the path.

Twilight watched as her friends began traveling up the path, then looked back towards the beach, where the sun was beginning to set on the horizon. "We'd better hurry," she cautioned. "We don't have much time before nightfall."

After a half-hour of climbing up steep, rocky slopes and bushwhacking through dense forest, the group of friends finally stumbled upon a large stone building in the middle of a small clearing. "Finally!" Twilight exclaimed. "Civilization!"

Rarity grimaced at the crude stonework. "I wouldn't go that far," she commented.

"Who cares?" Rainbow Dash proclaimed. "Let's get in there and get some answers!" With that, the rainbow-maned pony made a mad dash for the entrance.

"Rainbow, wait!" Twilight called after her friend, to no avail.

Rainbow Dash swooped over to the building's main door, where two burly masked men stood guard carrying halberds that stood twice as tall as they did. "All right, you two!" Rainbow Dash shouted, assuming a fighter's stance in front of the guards. "Start talking! Where are our friends?"

The guards looked at each other, then back at the pony before them. "Who are you?" one demanded.

"Your worst nightmare, that's who!" Rainbow Dash declared. "Now hand over the ponies, before I really get angry!"

"Dude...is she on the list?" one guard asked the other.

"We have a list?" the other responded in surprise.

"Yes, we have a list!" The first guard reached down and pulled a small scrap of paper out of his pocket. "Now check and see if she's on it!" he instructed, handing the list to the second guard.

"Hmm..." The second guard examined the list, which contained a single item: 'ANYONE NOT NAMED CHUCK NORRIS.' "Yep," the second guard declared confirmed. "Your worst nightmare is definitely on the list."

"Very well then." The first guard opened the door. "Proceed to the main chamber."

"That's better!" Rainbow Dash agreed. "C'mon, everypony!" she called back to her approaching friends. "We've got some fillies to save!"

The group of seven rushed through the door and into the building, leaving the guards alone once more. "By the way..." the first guard asked the second, "is your worst nightmare really a talking blue horse with a rainbow mane?"

"I thought she was your worst nightmare!" the second guard replied. "Mine was that pink one."

Inside the main hall of the building, fighters of every shape and size had gathered around a set of banquet tables, partaking in a massive feast to celebrate the beginning of the tournament. Buffet tables piled high with various goodies lined the back wall of the room, including a table filled with the sweets Scorpion had picked up from Sugar Cube Corner.

Liu Kang sat at a table in the middle of the room, flanked by his comrades in arms. "So lemme get this straight," the woman sitting directly to Kang's right translated. "Not only are we risking our lives to save Earthrealm from being conquered, but now we have to baby-sit some stupid ponies too?"

"Yes, Sonya," Liu Kang repeated. "Raiden wishes to ensure that these ponies do not interfere with our plans and cause Shao Kahn to win."

"Good grief!" The man sitting across from Liu Kang shook his head. "You can play with the widdle horsies all you want, Liu, but I, for one, have better things to do than deal with a bunch of dumb ponies."

"I do not like it either, Johnny," Liu Kang insisted, "but we must consider the big picture: We must not allow Shao Kahn's warriors to defeat us in battle. We must be willing to do whatever it takes to triumph, even if it means managing a group of ponies."

"You can manage the ponies," Johnny Cage repeated. "I pay someone $20 an hour to feed and walk my dog."

"Look there!" Sonya interrupted, pointing to a doorway at the far end of the room. "Kahn's coming in to give his opening address!"

The three fighters turned just as Shao Kahn, wearing his customary horned skull helmet and red cape, strode into the room, flanked by several bodyguards and trailed by a frightening creature with four arms. The room fell silent as Kahn approached an empty chair at the head table, where Scorpion and several other prominent warriors were already seated.

"Greetings, mortals," Kahn growled. "I, Shao Kahn, ruler of Outworld, welcome you all to the site of our grand tournament." He cast a smug glance at Liu Kang and his friends. "I'm glad to see that many of my old friends have joined us again," he continued, "but I believe a refresher of the rules is in order for the new blood in the audience."

Kahn gestured to a map of the island hanging on the wall. "This island shall be your home for the duration of the competition," he explained. "Most matches will be staged at locations in and around the island, although...there are always exceptions." He nodded towards the door he had entered through earlier, where a pair of ninjas were carrying in a large sheet of paper with a tournament bracket scrawled on it. "Each of you here today will be assigned a time, location, and opponent for your first match," Kahn summarized. "Win, and you shall progress to the next round. Lose, and..."

Suddenly, a door on the wall opposite Kahn's table burst open, causing everyone to turn around and watch in surprise as the six ponies (and Spike) charged into the room. "Nobody move!" Rainbow Dash shouted, jumping up onto one of the tables. "We're looking for Shao Kahn!"

Johnny Cage facepalmed at the sight of the ponies. "Don't tell me," he whispered to Liu Kang. "These are the ponies we have to watch out for."

"I believe so," Liu Kang agreed.

Shao Kahn simply stared out at the intruders, slightly amused by their entrance. "You are looking for me?" he asked.

"You're darn tootin' we are!" Applejack announced. "What'd you do with Apple Bloom?"

"And where is Sweetie Belle?" Rarity added. "I want my sister back!"

"And don't forget Scootaloo!" Rainbow Dash noted. "I need her to write my fan club newsletter!"

"Ah, yes - the Equestrian contingent!" Shao Kahn realized, as an evil smile spread across his face. "We've been expecting you."

"Don't change the subject," Twilight declared, stepping up to face the Outworld emperor. "We're here to rescue our friends! Now where are they?"

Shao Kahn looked down at the purple unicorn before him. "You must be the Twilight Sparkle I've heard so much about," he guessed. "Very well," he decided. "The bodies of your friends have been placed in the dungeon for storage. You may take them and go, if you wish."

"B...b...bodies?" Fluttershy gasped. "You mean they're...they're..."

Kahn let out a loud, evil laugh, drawing a scared squeal from Fluttershy and causing her to hide underneath one of the tables. "Oh, I'm sorry," Kahn teased, "you want your friends back alive, don't you? Well now...I'm afraid that is a whole other matter entirely..."

"We're not here to play games!" Twilight angrily proclaimed. "What have you done with the fillies?"

"First of all," Kahn clarified, "I'm the guy in charge around here, which means I don't actually do anything. I just order my subordinates to do it." His smile grew bigger as he watched the ponies' anger rise. "But that doesn't really answer your question either, does it? Very well - Shang Tsung, show us what you've done with our resident stowaways."

"With pleasure," Shang Tsung agreed, rising from his seat. He clasped his hands together, mumbled a few ancient words, then slowly spread his hands apart, revealing a white ball of light between them. After a few more incantations, a beam of light shot out of the ball, projecting a pale, ghostly vision of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, sitting together and looking none too happy about the situation.

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack raced up to the projection. "Are you okay? Can you here me?"

The fillies did not seem to notice they were being watched. "Join the ship's crew, you said," Sweetie Belle muttered in a haunting voice. "Get our sailing cutie marks, you said."

"Aw, put a sock in it, will ya?" Scootaloo shot back.

"Maybe we can be...Cutie Mark Crusader Ghostbusters?" Apple Bloom suggested, drawing unamused glances from the other crusaders.

Shang Tsung brought his hands back together, and the vision disappeared. "Was that what you were looking for?" Shao Kahn asked.

"You...you killed them..." Applejack whispered. "You killed my baby sister..."

"Why, Applejack!" Shao Kahn feigned indignation. "We have done nothing of the sort! My friend here has merely consumed their souls to add to his base of power, nothing more!"

"You...you brute!" Rarity spat. "How could you do such a thing?"

Shao Kahn shrugged. "What can I say? It's what we do around here. Anyway, you might as well go home now, since there's nothing you can do to bring them back...unless..."

"Unless what?" Twilight demanded.

"There is a way to save them," Liu Kang declared, standing up as all eyes in the room turned to him. "If we defeat Shang Tsung, the consumed souls will be released, and they will live again."

Shao Kahn's eyes lit up. "Why, that's a smashing idea, Liu Kang! The ponies could enter the tournament to save their friends!"

"Wait...what?" A look of shock crossed Liu Kang's face. "I did not mean to suggest that..."

"Well, my friends?" Shao Kahn looked down at the ponies. "What do you say?"

"I say, bring it on!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

"Me too!" Applejack agreed.

"For the crusaders!" Spike decided.

"Hmph!" Rarity huffed. "I usually do not partake in such boorish behavior, but for you...I will make an exception."

"It seems that 4 votes carry the day, eh, Twilight?" Shao Kahn remarked.

Johnny Cage shot an irritated glare at Liu Kang. "Way to go, genius," he muttered.

Liu Kang could only sigh in response.

"I don't trust you," Twilight addressed Shao Kahn. "What is this tournament all about, anyway?"

"Allow me to give you a demonstration!" Shao Kahn giddly replied. "To the courtyard!"

The warriors quickly exited the building and gathered in a circle outside. Two claps from Shao Kahn caused the area to light up with candles, including a large ring just adjacent to the building.

"Please, Miss Sparkle," Shao Kahn instructed, motioning to the ring of lights. "Step into the circle."

Twilight glanced nervously around at her friends, but did what she was told. "Fine - I'll go along with your little game for now," she informed the Outworld emperor.

"Splendid!" Shao Kahn declared, spreading his arms wide. "Ladies and gentlemen," he announced, "I give you the opening battle of our tournament: Miss Twilight Sparkle, versus...Goro!"

The four-armed creature that had entered the building with Kahn nodded, and stepped into the ring. "This shall be no contest," Goro proclaimed. "I could defeat this...pony...with all four hands tied behind my back."

"Holy guacamole!" Spike yelped from the sidelines. "Twilight has to fight...that?"

"I can't watch!" Fluttershy cried, hiding her head behind Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, was chowing down on a bag full of goodies she had gathered from inside. "Oh boy!" she declared. "I love watching MMA!"

Elsewhere around the circle, Liu Kang looked on with mixed feelings. "I fear this filly shall meet the same fate as her friends," he commented.

"So what?" Sonya said with a shrug. "It's one less pony we have to deal with, and we'll just save her and everyone else anyway when we own Shang Tsung like we always do."

"I hope you are right," Liu Kang replied.

From inside the ring, Twilight's legs began to quiver as she gazed across at her opponent, but she took a deep breath and steeled her nerves by reminding herself what was at stake. "So all I have to do is beat this guy?" she confirmed with Shao Kahn.

"If you can..." Shao Kahn said with a wink. "Now...FIGHT!"

Goro let loose with a blood-curdling battle cry, and charged towards his opponent. Halfway to Twilight, however, he was surrounded by a magical aura and lifted off the ground. "What is going on? What is this?" he demanded.

The crowd looked back over at Twilight, whose horn was surrounded by a similar aura. "She's using some sort of evil magic!" a voice shouted from the back.

Twilight said nothing, instead focusing all of her concentration on the task at hand. Suddenly, she jerked her hand quickly to her left, causing Goro to be flung over the crowd in that direction, eventually smashing hard into the side of the stone building.

The crowd quickly stepped away from the scene, as Goro lay stunned for a few seconds, then slowly picked himself up off the ground. "You shall pay for..." he began.

Goro was suddenly surrounded by another magic aura, and with another swing of her head, Twilight sent Goro sailing in the other direction. "WAAAAAAAH!" Goro screamed, as he flew back over the ring, cleared the crowd on the far side of the circle, and finally slammed head-first into a huge boulder at the edge of the clearing.

Goro stayed down for a few more seconds this time, but eventually rose to his feet. "Why you..." he seethed, as steam shot out of his ears.

Twilight paid Goro no mind, and instead used her magic to pick him up and throw him back against the side of the building.

This pattern continued for the next few minutes, as Twilight bounced Goro back and forth against the building and the boulder. The intense magic began to take its toll on Twilight, however, and finally she settled for slamming Goro against the ground back in the middle of the circle.

Despite the intense pounding, Goro willed himself to stand up and glare at his opponent. "You think you have defeated me!" he shouted at the exhausted unicorn. "You are out of tricks, sorceress...and now, you are out of time!"

"Not...quite..." Twilight panted, summoning her magic one last time.

"RRAGH!" Goro screamed and charged his weakened opponent, who made no move to get out of the way.

"Twilight! Look out!" Spike shouted, covering his eyes.

Just before Goro reached Twilight, however, he stopped and looked towards the sky, his eyes doubling in size at the sight of the massive boulder now floating just above him. "NOOOOOO!" he shrieked, as the boulder predictably fell down on top of him.

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. "I was getting tired of bringing you to the rock," she told a flattened Goro, "so I brought the rock to you! Neat, huh?"

"Owie..." Goro whimpered from underneath the rock.

Twilight walked out from behind the rock and addressed Shao Kahn, "Now then, if we're done here...kindly give our friends back their souls, we'll be on our way."

Shao Kahn took in the scene in silence, then started clapping slowly. "Very impressive," he remarked. "You have defeated one of my greatest champions in a flawless victory. Very impressive indeed..."

"Ahem," Twilight interrupted. "The girls, if you please."

"All in good time," Kahn stalled, looking over at Shang Tsung. "First, though, there is the business of the loser..."

Shang Tsung flashed an evil smile, and scurried over to where Goro lay underneath the rock. "I'm okay!" Goro insisted. "Nothing...but...a flesh wound..."

"Sorry, Big G," Shang Tsung declared, "but your soul...is mine."

The crowd watched in horror as Shang Tsung held his hands over Goro and began sucking his soul from his body. "My stars..." Rarity whispered.

"Didn't see that one coming," Applejack added.

The vile deed was done within ten seconds. "We are finished here," Shang Tsung stated.

"Yes, yes, that's great," Twilight interjected. "Now, if we could just get you to give our friends back..."

"My dear Twilight," Shao Kahn mocked, "this is only the first round! What good is it to give away our grand prize before the tournament even starts?" He laughed a particularly evil laugh. "Tonight's ceremonies are finished!' he proclaimed. "Retire to your quarters, and prepare yourselves, for tomorrow...we fight!"

Twilight gulped as the crowd around her erupted into cheers. "There's...more?" she inquired.

Two generic-looking ninjas approached Twilight. "Come with us," they insisted. "We will show to your rooms."

Twilight and her friends followed the ninjas to their accommodations. "You mean we're gonna have to win the whole shootin' match to get Apple Bloom back?" Applejack asked.

"Yes," one ninja declared.

"I...I wanna go home..." Fluttershy whispered.

"Not without the girls," Twilight proclaimed. "We have to win...for our friends."

Taste The Rainbow

THUMP! THUMP! The sound of somepony pounding against the wall of their stone hut jarred Twilight from her slumber. "Ugh..." she muttered, rising to her feet and stumbling half-awake towards the front opening.

Outside the hut, Twilight found Applejack already awake and preparing for battle by kicking the side of the hut repeatedly with her back legs. "Applejack?" Twilight questioned. "What are you doing out here? Why are you up so early?"

"Early?" Applejack gave Twilight a confused look. "Shoot, it's darn near six o'clock! I'm usually up long before now back home!"

"Oh...right," Twilight realized. "Well...you might want to find a tree to buck, or at least tone down your kicks." She gazed nervously at the small building the group had been given to sleep in. "I don't think Shao Kahn and his goons have ever heard of building codes."

"Good point," Applejack conceded. "I guess I'm still worked up about what Kahn did to Apple Bloom and the fillies. It...it just makes me so mad, I could just buck this whole place over!" As she spoke, she unleashed another vicious kick against the building.

"I'm mad too," Twilight commiserated, "but we've got to keep our heads here. Who knows what sort of tricks Kahn and his fighters might have in store?"

"The unicorn speaks the truth." Applejack and Twilight turned to see Liu Kang standing before them. "Strength without focus or discipline will get you nowhere in this tournament," Liu Kang continued.

"I remember you..." Twilight recollected. "You were the one talking about how to save our friends last night. Liu Kang, was it?"

"Correct," Liu Kang confirmed. "I have fought against the forces of Shao Kahn for many years, and triumphed in many of his tournaments."

"Tournaments? You mean, with an s?" Applejack arched an eyebrow. "Just how often does this guy try to conquer the world, anyway?" she asked.

"Once a quarter, generally," Liu Kang answered. "I must admit, I am happy that he chose to bring the tournament back to his tropical island."

"Where was it before?" Twilight probed.

"Siberia," Liu Kang replied. "Trying to fight while wearing six layers of clothing made things very difficult."

Twilight and Applejack exchanged eye rolls.

"My mentor Raiden foretold of your participation in this tournament," Liu Kang went on. "We have defeated Kahn many times before, and he wished to make sure your presence did not change that."

"Don't you and that Rain fella worry none!" Applejack declared confidently. "I'm gettin' my sister back, no matter what!"

"Your spirit is strong," Liu Kang agreed, "but this is no ordinary tournament. Shao Kahn's warriors are highly-skilled, and command powerful magic. Defeating them in battle will be non-trivial...and if you are defeated, you shall share the fate of Goro."

"We're not worried," Twilight proclaimed confidently, placing a hoof across Applejack's shoulders. "We've defeated for more powerful enemies than Shao Kahn before. With the power of friendship on our side, we can't be stopped."

"Speaking of Goro..." Applejack interrupted, "what exactly happened to him, anyway? It looked like that other rascal just...sucked the life out of him."

"Shang Tsung feeds off of the souls of defeated warriors," Liu Kang explained. "He stole your friends' souls as well."

"Why that lowdown no-good varmint!" Applejack seethed. "He'd better hope he don't face me in this here tournament!"

Liu Kang looked over at Twilight. "My friends and I had hoped to convince you that we could save your friends, and to stay out of the tournament," he admitted. "However, after last night, I know that this would be an impossible request. It was the death of my brother at the hands of Shang Tsung that originally brought me here, and I would never have considered withdrawing had I been asked."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that," Twilight offered.

"I have exacted my vengeance," Liu Kang proclaimed. "Perhaps you will have the chance to do the same. For now, I only wish to warn you about the battles ahead." He gestured towards a large castle-like structure sitting atop the highest peak of the island. "Shao Kahn is a deranged, sadistic man, who will stop at nothing to claim Eathrealm as his own," he emphasized.

"Well, we won't stop either, until we get our friends back!" Applejack declared. "Kahn ain't never seen anypony like us before!"

Liu Kang smiled slightly. "I can certainly believe that." he agreed, turning and beginning to walk away. "Good luck to you," he called back. "Whatever happens here...know that you are not alone."

Applejack and Twilight watched as Liu Kang disappeared among the stone huts. "I don't know about you," Applejack announced, "but I don't care how skilled or magical these people think they are. I'm gettin' Apple Bloom back, no matter what it takes."

"Agreed," Twilight replied. "The only question is...what will it take?"

The morning passed quickly, and soon the time came for the ponies' first match, pitting Rainbow Dash against a yet-to-be-announced opponent. The battle was to be held along the sandy shoreline of the island a short distance from where the group was staying, so the seven friends traveled there as a group to offer support and advice, whether Rainbow Dash wanted it or not.

"Remember, Rainbow," Twilight reminded her pegasus friend, "we have no idea who you're fighting or what they're capable of, so don't be too..."

"And they have no idea who they're dealing with!" Rainbow Dash replied with her typical bravado. "I don't care who steps in the ring - I'll give 'em a this! And a that!" She began shadow-boxing as she flew along. "They won't be able to handle this much awesomeness! I'll have this wrapped up in ten...no, eight seconds flat!"

Twilight sighed. "You didn't happen to bring your Mare-Do-Well costume with you, did you?" she asked Rarity.

"Of course not!" Rarity replied, gesturing to the fancy, flowery hat she was wearing. "I needed room for this."

"Um...Rarity?" Applejack interjected. "We're goin' to a fight, not an evenin' social."

"Well," Rarity huffed, "I've never been to a fight before, and I refuse to be caught underdressed at such an important occasion...and you should talk! You're wearing a pink scarf I've never seen you wear before!"

"It's not a scarf," Applejack corrected Rarity. "It's Fluttershy's tail. It's the only way we could get her to go."

Rarity looked back to see Fluttershy, who had assumed her 'fainting goat' pose, being dragged along behind Applejack. "Oh," she commented.

Twilight rolled her eyes, and looked over at Pinkie Pie. "Er...Pinkie?" she asked. "What's that paper in your mouth!"

"Thih?" Pinkie Pie spit the paper out onto the ground. "It's my resume!" she answered cheerfully. "I'm going to apply to be the announcer!"

"Whoa! Really?" Spike asked. "If you get the job...could I be your co-announcer?"

"Focus, people!" Twilight demanded. "This is not a cocktail party...or a job fair!"

"Aw, loosen up, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash encouraged, flexing in front of an imaginary mirror. "With me in the ring...we've got this one in the bag!"

"I hope you're right," Twilight answered, thinking back to Liu Kang's warning from earlier.

Only a few people had gathered at the battle site by the time the ponies arrived. The ring itself had already been marked in the sand, and a small contingent of ninjas stood in a line along the far side of the circle.

Twilight gulped nervously at the sight of Shang Tsung standing nearby. "Rainbow...just be careful, okay?" she counseled her friend.

"No worries, gang!" Rainbow Dash announced, immediately flying into the center of the ring. "All right, you!" she shouted in the direction of the ninjas. "Bring it on! I ain't scared!"

Suddenly, the shrill blast of a whistle cut through the air, causing everyone to cover their ears in pain. "Your attention, please!" a voice called out.

Everyone turned to see a man dressed like an NFL referee step up to the circle. "Your attention, please!" the man repeated. "The match is about to begin! In this corner..." The referee pointed towards the blue pegasus. "Ms. Rainbow Dash!"

"That's right!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed. "I'm here to kick butts and take names!"

"And in this corner..." the referee continued, pointing towards the group of ninjas, "Scorpion!"

The line of ninjas parted, and Shao Kahn's soulless servant stepped up from behind them to take his place in the circle. "Prepare yourself for the great beyond," Scorpion growled.

"Hmm..." Pinkie Pie scratched her head. "That guy seems awfully familiar..." After a few moments, a lightbulb lit up in her head. "I know! He was at our book club meeting last month!"

Twilight and Spike exchanged "Pinkie's being Pinkie again" looks.

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"Can pegasi walk on clouds?" Rainbow Dash answered rhetorically.

"Since the day I was killed," Scorpion declared.

"Very well, then," the ref concluded. "FIGHT!"

Scorpion began dancing around the circle like a prizefighter, with his hands up and eyes narrowed. "You think you can defeat me, pony?" he taunted. "I shall grind your bones into dust and mount your head on my wall!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Rainbow Dash replied, watching Scorpion as he circled her.

After doing a complete lap around the ring, Scorpion made his move, charging towards the bored-looking pony. Rainbow Dash, however, simply leaped into the air, leaving Scorpion alone on the ground. "Hah! Too slow!" Rainbow Dash mocked, blowing a raspberry at the fighter below her. "You move slower than Granny Smith!"

"Hey!" Applejack objected. "Leave Granny Smith out of this!"

Scorpion said nothing, simply staring at Rainbow Dash with his piercing eyes.

"Whatsa matter?" Rainbow Dash mocked. "Come on up here and fight! Oh wait...that's right: you can't!" She laughed at her own bad joke.

Scorpion still did not respond, but Twilight could practically see the wheels turning in his mind. "Rainbow!" she called out to her friend. "Don't just sit there - do something!"

"Don't rush me!" Rainbow Dash shouted back. "Now then..." she muttered to herself as she scratched her chin, "should I give this guy my 'Karate Kibosh'? Maybe a 'Tae Kwon Do Tornado'? Ooh, or maybe the 'Buccaneer Blaze' I was practicing for the Wonderbolts..."

Scorpion slowly raised his hand towards Rainbow Dash. "Get over here!" he shouted.

"Yeah...I'm thinking no on that..." Rainbow Dash stopped in mid-sentence as a spear shot out from Scorpion's hand in her direction. "Whoa!" she shouted, juking to her right and dodging the spear just in time. "Where did that come from?" she demanded.

The spear, however, wasn't done yet: After narrowly missing its target, it suddenly spun around to (quite literally) take another stab at its target. "Look out behind you!" Twilight screamed.

"Yipes!" Rainbow Dash spun out of the way of the spear's return shot. "Hey!" she shouted down at Scorpion. "What's your deal here?"

Scorpion said - and did - nothing, but the spear decided the third time was the charm, and came charging back at its target. "What the...Shoo! Go away! Scram!" Rainbow Dash shouted, dashing off through the air with the spear in hot pursuit.

As the crowd looked on, Rainbow Dash took started flying around the ring, executing flips, loops, and barrel rolls in an attempt to lose the spear. When this failed, she made a mad dash through the nearby forest, darting and diving around rocks, roots, and leaves to tangle the spear up in the foliage. When this failed, she tried using altitude, flying high up into the sky to go beyond the reach of the spear's rope. "Oh, come on!" she shouted at the spear, as it extended limitlessly up to reach her.

From the ground, Scorpion smiled behind his mask and pulled out an e-reader from his pocket. "She shall not escape," he declared coldly, as he pulled up a Danielle Steele novel to peruse while waiting.

Scorpion's prediction came true within minutes: After a series of advanced evasive maneuvers, a tired and desperate Rainbow Dash tried escaping the spear by hiding within a cloud. The spear wasn't fooled, however, and simply wrapped itself around the cloud several times, then squeezed until the rope tightened around Rainbow Dash's body, pinning her wings and rendering her unable to fly.

"Lemme go!" Rainbow Dash demanded, struggling to free herself from the rope.

Sensing tension on the line, Scorpion put away his tablet and began retracting his spear rope. "Come here!" he dictated.

Helpless to resist, Rainbow Dash was summarily yanked out of her hiding place and began plummeting to the ground. "Oh no!" Twilight shouted. "From that distance, she'll never survive the fall!"

From up above, Rainbow Dash continued struggling with the rope. After a few harrowing seconds, she managed to get her wings loose from its wraps. "Hah! I'm not finished yet!" she announced. She tried to resist the pull of the rope, but it was too strong, and she was unable to slow her descent.

"She can't get away!" Rarity noted from the ground. "Whatever shall we do?"

"Quick!" Twilight shouted, using her magic to pluck a large leaf from a nearby palm tree. "We have to catch her!"

"No!" the referee interrupted. "No one else can interfere with the battle. It must be fought between the combatants and the combatants alone."

"But what can she do?" Applejack wondered. "She's can't even slow that rope thing down!"

A thought suddenly burst into Twilight's mind. "That's it!" she realized. "Rainbow! Fall faster!"

"Huh?" Rainbow Dash shouted back. "What are you talking about?"

"Applejack has a shed for you to destroy!" Twilight went on. "Remember?"

The pilot light in Rainbow Dash's brain lit up. "Hey, yeah!" she remembered. Flashing a devious smile, she turned herself around and started flying towards Scorpion for all she was worth.

Scorpion scowled at the incoming pegasus. "What sort of trickery is this?" he growled.

"Prepare to TASTE THE RAINBOW, big boy!" Rainbow Dash screamed, as she rocketed down towards her foe.

BOOM! The impact generated a huge rainbow-colored cloud of smoke over the battle arena, and sent both sand and spectators flying in every direction. After shaking the stars from her eyes, Twilight found herself upside down at the base of the tree she had just plucked a leaf from. "What...happened..." she muttered.

"Wheeeeee!" Pinkie Pie burst from a pile of sand, her head wedged illogically inside a glass bottle. "That was fun! Let's do it again!" she squealed.

"AIEEEE!!" Rarity screamed. "Dirt! Awful, disgusting dirt!" She started brushing herself off frantically. "Antidote! I need an antidote! Somepony get me an antidote!" she demanded.

Twilight's mind suddenly kicked back into gear. "The fight!" she remembered, looking back over to where the battle ring had been.

As the smoke cleared, it revealed a large crater nearly fifteen feet deep. At the bottom stood a stunned and stumbling Rainbow Dash, with her eyes crossed and her mane singed. In contrast, there was no sign of Scorpion - instead, scraps and shreds of yellow tunic were scattered around the impact site.

"Did I...win?" Rainbow Dash slurred.

The referee hurried over to the side of the crater, looking a bit disoriented (and now sporting Rarity's crumpled hat). "The match is over!" he declared. "Rainbow Dash wins!" He hesitated for a few moments, then looked over at Shang Tsung. "What do I call this?" he asked. "A Fatality? A Brutality? A Rainbow-tality?"

Shang Tsung looked up at the cloud still hovering in the sky. "I think I'd call it a violation of the Kyoto Protocol," he replied.

"You did it!" Twilight shouted, as she and her friends jumped down into the crater and wrapped Rainbow Dash in a group hug.

"Did...what?" Rainbow Dash asked, her eyes still rattling around in their sockets.

As the ponies celebrated, one of the ninjas in Scorpion's entourage approached Shang Tsung. "Shao Kahn shall not be pleased," he commented.

"Meh," Shang Tsung said with a shrug. "It's just as well. Scorpion's contract was almost up, and he was eligible for arbitration this year. I heard the salary negotiations weren't going well."

"These ponies are more formidable than they appear," the ninja remarked.

"Patience, my friend," Shang Tsung advised. "This is only the first battle." He looked over to where Rainbow Dash was giving a half-coherent interview to ESPN. "Shao Kahn has big plans for them," he stated ominously.

Dressed To Kill

"It's not fair!" Sonya pouted, kicking up an imaginary cloud of dust with her foot (as kicking up the real thing was hard to do indoors). "It's just not fair!"

"Chill out, will ya?" Johnny Cage implored his friend. "So you get to mix it up with Mileena in the first round this time - what's the big deal?"

"But I don't want to fight Mileena!" Sonya insisted. "I want to fight Kano! I always fight Kano! I'm not finished with that turd-eater yet!"

"Okay, yes, crushing Kano's skull is a lot more satisfying than beating most villains," Johnny admitted. "But you can't just fall all to pieces just because you didn't get the fight your arch-nemesis like you wanted! That would be like me throwing a hissy fit just because I didn't get the lead role in Mission: Impossible!"

"Except you did throw a hissy fit," Sonya reminded Johnny. "You carried around a Tom Cruise voodoo doll for, like, a year."

"...Okay, bad example," Johnny agreed. "But still, you see my point, right?"

Sonya sighed. "I guess..." she muttered. "But that dolt had better last long enough for me to use his face as a punching bag."

"He won't lose in the first round, that's for sure," Johnny noted, looking up at the half-filled tournament bracket hanging on a nearby wall. "He's fighting one of those stupid ponies."

"Really?" Sonya's face brightened a little. "How can you tell?"

Johnny pointed to the name written next to Kano's. "What human in their right mind would name their kid 'Rarity'?"

After dropping Fluttershy off back at their hut to look after a still-dazed Rainbow Dash, the five remaining friends headed over to the battle ring by the main building, where Twilight had beaten Goro the night before. "Are you sure you're up for this?" Twilight asked Rarity. "You don't look so good."

"I am...just fine, thank you very much," Rarity declared, wiping a tear from her eye as she said so.

"What is it, my dear?" Spike inquired, taking Rarity by the hoof and gazing into her eyes. "Is it the lousy accommodations? The utter lack of indoor plumbing? The indignity of having to sleep on a stone slab?"

"It's not that," Rarity insisted. "It's just..."

"Are you bemoaning the fate of your dear sister?" Spike went on. "Worry not, milady - we shall bring her back, and bring justice to the curs who have done this."

"I know, but...it's not just that," Rarity admitted. "It's...it's..."

"What?" Twilight probed. "What is it?"

Applejack sighed. "It's your hat, isn't it?" she suggested.

Rarity wheeled on Applejack. "How dare you speak of my chapeau in such a tone!" she accosted. "That was not just a hat - it was an accessory of extreme elegance, one that screamed 'style' wherever it went!" She hung her head and sighed. "It will take me months to replace it," she moaned. "Do you know how hard it is to find quality peacock feathers in Ponyville? I'll have to special order them from Canterlot! And don't even get me started on the daisy petals..."

Applejack shook her head. "Look, sugar cube," she began, "I know that ha...er, chapeau...meant a lot to you and all, but you've got to pull yourself together. Your sister - and mine - are counting on you."

"I know, I know!" Rarity took a deep breath and tried to focus on the task at hand. "Get a hold of yourself, Rarity," she dictated to herself. "You've dealt with stuffy fashion critics before, and you can deal with this. The only difference is that those critics were trying to kill your fashion career, while whoever you're fighting is only trying to kill you. As un-ladylike as it seems, you have to show this ruffian that you're the bigger pony here."

Applejack and Twilight exchanged nervous glances. "This ain't gonna end well, is it?" Applejack asked rhetorically.

A crowd had already gathered at the battle site by the time the ponies arrived. "Looks like it's showtime," Twilight observed, turning to Rarity. "Are you ready for this?"

"Yes," Rarity stated firmly. "For my sister...I will fight."

From a distance, Sonya observed the scene with disgust as the ponies approached the ring. "It'd be just like that dork Kano to go and lose to a horse and deny me a shot a rearranging his face," she muttered to herself.

Kano, for his part, already stood at one end of the circle. "'Bout time you showed up," he taunted the Equestrian contingent. "Which one'a you ditzy mares gets put down first, eh?"

Rarity scowled at Kano. "Responding to such horrid discourse is beneath me," she proclaimed, stepping into the circle.

"Your attention please!" the referee called, raising his hands to call for quiet. "This match is about to begin! In this corner..." He gestured towards Rarity, "the seamstress, designer, and sole proprietor of Carousel Boutique...Ms. Rarity! And in this corner..." The referee turned and pointed at Kano, "the leader of the Black Dragon international crime cartel...Kano!"

"You forgot 'irresistible piece'a man candy'!" Kano said with an evil laugh. "What do you think, pony? You think I'm quite'a hunk, don't ya?"

"Let me see...how do I put this delicately..." Rarity paused for a moment as she searched for the right words. "You look like a Diamond Dog that caught its face in a mousetrap and got run over by a garbage truck."

"Oh yeah?" Kano shot back. "We'll see 'ow tough you really are in the ring, then!"

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"Let's get this party started!" Kano shouted.

"If we must," Rarity said with a sigh.

"Very well," the referee declared. "FIGHT!"

"All right, pony," Kano snarled, "dance!" As he spoke, a red laser shot out from his robotic eye.

"Yah!" Rarity jumped out of the way of the laser shot. "I beg your pardon!" she shouted back at Kano. "I believe the purpose of this match is to fight, not...gah!" Rarity jumped back to avoid another laser shot.

"Hah!" Kano laughed. "Dame's pretty light on 'er feet, for'a horse!" This comment drew a few laughs from those in attendance.

"Aah! Ooh! Eek! Yah!" Rarity screamed as she dodged laser after laser. "Be careful with that thing!" she demanded. "You'll put somepony's eye out!"

"I don't see why that'sa problem," Kano replied with a laugh. "I mean, look at me - I'm just fine n' dandy, and I've been working off'a one eye for years!"

"Fine then!" Rarity huffed. "If you won't listen to reason..." She worked her way back to the edge of the circle while continuing to evade Kano's lasers. "Twilight, darling," she requested, "be a dear and go get my makeup kit from our hut, will you?"

"Your...makeup kit?" Twilight was perplexed. "What good will that do you?"

"Gah!" Rarity stepped out of the way of another laser. "Just do it, will you?" she shouted.

"Alright, alright!" Twilight turned and took off for their stone hut. "Hold on - I'll be back in a jiffy!"

"Make it half a jiffy!" Rarity implored, sidestepping another Kano laser.

Kano, meanwhile, stifled a yawn in between laser shots. "I 'aven't even broken a sweat yet!" he commented. "All that jumpin' around must get tirin' after a while, eh? Face it, pony - you can't dodge me forever!"

"True," Rarity noted, "but perhaps I don't have to." Glancing over to her right, Rarity noticed a large rock laying nearby - the same rock Twilight had squashed Goro with earlier. Hoping she had enough time between lasers, she quickly dodged Kano's next shot and focused her magic on the boulder, hoisting it into the air.

The rising rock quickly got Kano's attention. "Oh no you don't!" he declared, ceasing his laser fire. "I ain't fallin' for the ol' rock on the noggin trick like that fool Goro!"

"Why, Mr. Kano!" Rarity answered with mock indignation. "What kind of brute to you take me for?" As Kano watched with his guard up, Rarity brought the boulder into the ring and set it down gently between herself and her attacker. "This rock is for me, not you," she explained.

"So that's your game, is it?" Kano challenged, quickly moving around the circle to circumvent the rock and get a clear shot.

Rarity, however, mirrored Kano's movements perfectly, circling the rock to stay hidden behind it. "My, my," she taunted, "it seems we are as stupid as we look, aren't we?"

"We'll just see who's the bright one around here!" Kano shot back, faking a step one way and quickly going back the other way (though not fooling Rarity at all).

The complex rock-circling dance went on for several minutes, with Rarity continually remaining one step ahead of Kano. Finally, Sonya could take no more of Rarity's stalling. "I've seen enough," she decided, turning to leave.

At that moment, however, Twilight reappeared from the trees, carrying Rarity's makeup bag in her mouth. "I goh eh!" she proclaimed, spitting the bag onto the ground.

"It's about time," Rarity remarked, using her magic to bring the bag over to her. "It's terribly rude to keep a lady waiting, you know."

Stopping to retrieve her bag, however, meant Rarity was no longer keeping pace with Kano. "Ah ha!" Kano shouted as he came to face Rarity once more. "Prepare to meet you maker, pony!"

Just before Kano fired, however, Rarity used her magic to pull a compact out of her makeup bag, then turned to face her attacker while holding the compact in front of her face. "Smile!" she sang out, opening the compact to reveal a small mirror inside.

Rarity's plan worked to perfection, as Kano's laser shot struck the compact mirror and ricocheted right back towards him, striking him in the chest and sending him flying a good fifty feet through the air. His accompanying scream was loud enough to make Sonya, who had not yet made it out of sight, to turn back and see Kano clear the crowd at the edge of the ring and land hard on his back. "No freakin' way..." she muttered under her breath.

Rarity put the compact back into her makeup bag and trotted over to where Kano lay sprawled out on the ground. "You see?" she proclaimed, turning back to face the crowd. "Just because I'm a lady does not mean I can't handle myself in such a sticky situation."

"Wow!" Spike shouted, rushing over to where Rarity stood. "That was amazing! You beat him with his own move!"

The nearby crowd murmured in agreement.

Suddenly, Kano sprang to his feet with a newfound energy, eliciting a loud gasp from the crowd. "Alrighty then!" he declared, drawing a knife from his belt. "You wanna do this the ol'-fashioned way, we'll do this the ol'-fashioned way!"

"Spike, look out!" Rarity dove to knock Spike out of the way just as Kano took a swipe at the pair with his knife.

The sound of the knife slashing through horsehair echoed throughout the clearing, drawing a second collective gasp from the crowd. Fearing the worst, Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie fought their way through the crowd to see the carnage for themselves. "Oh no!" Twilight cried out. "Rarity!"

But it was true: Lying motionless on the ground, for all the world to see...was Rarity's tail.

"AIEEEEE!" Rarity screamed, as she looked back at the three-inch stub of hair she had left. "My tail!" she whined. "My beautiful, beautiful, tail! It's...it's ruined!"

Kano raised his knife once more. "Next time," he threatened, "it'll be more than just your puny tail."

Rarity turned back to face Kano, as her face turned red and steam started shooting out of her ears. "It...is...ON!!!" she proclaimed. "You, sir, are in for a world of pain like you have never experienced before!"

"Oh, I'm so scared," Kano taunted. "Better get your kicks in now, missy, cause I'm about to..."

POW! Rarity unloaded on Kano with a roundhouse kick to the face that would have made Chuck Norris proud, sending Kano sprawling to the dirt once more. "What...the..." Kano moaned, picking his head up off the ground.

"YAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Rarity let loose with a primal scream, as she leaped into the air and executed a textbook corkscrew elbow drop on her fallen foe. "Take this! And that! And this!" she shouted, pummeling Kano with a flurry of blows.

Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Spike - heck, everyone in attendance, including the referee - stood dumbfounded as Rarity unleashed her fury on Kano. "Golly!" Applejack commented. "I didn't think Rarity had it in her to take somepony on like that!"

"Is this...is this really happening?" Twilight wondered. "I don't believe this! I must be dreaming - quick, Applejack, pinch me!"

Applejack gave Twilight a strange look. "Uh...Twilight?" she pointed out. "We have hooves, not hands."

"Oh...right," Twilight acknowledged.

Meanwhile, Rarity continued toying with her opponent, allowing Kano to get back to his feet, but then using her magic to manipulate Kano's arms into punching his own face. "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself," she teased.

"No...fair!" Kano objected in between punches. "You...blasted...witch!"

Finally, after a bit more scuffling, Rarity managed to entrap Kano in a suffocating headlock. "Oh...okay! I give! Uncle! Uncle!" Kano pleaded.

Rarity tightened her headlock a little. "What's the magic word?" she asked.

"PLEASE!" Kano insisted. "PLEASE stop!"

Rarity sighed. "Very well then," she declared, dropping Kano to the ground, where he lay for a moment trying to catch his breath. "I believe it's in your hands now," she informed the referee.

"Er...right! Of course!" The referee agreed, snapping back to his senses. "The match is over! Rarity wins!"

"All right!" Spike cried, wrapping Rarity in a hug. "That was awesome! You..."

"Just a minute, please!" Rarity interrupted, pulling out of Spike's embrace and walking over to where the remains of her tail lay on the ground. Focusing her magic once more, she lifted her tail off the ground, shook off the dirt, and reattached the hairs in their proper place. "There!" she announced. "Now then...what was that you were saying, Spike?"

"Ms. Rarity!" a reporter called out, pushing through the crowd. "That was an impressive victory today! May we get a quote from you about your battle strategy?"

"In a moment!" Rarity answered, picking up her makeup bag."I simply cannot address the media while looking like an unwashed street brawler!" she announced, taking out a brush and combing her mane back into place.

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Same old Rarity," she proclaimed.

Meanwhile, a short robed figure emerged from the crowd and made his way over to where Kano lay. "C'mon, mate," Kano implored, "you don't...have...to do this, do ya?"

"I kind of wish I didn't," the robed figure replied, holding his hand over Kano. "I mean, sure, your soul is mine and all, but I'm not sure I actually want it. I mean, you lost to the fashionista pony."

Twilight looked back as the robed figure began removing Kano's soul. "Who's that?" she asked the referee.

"That's Shing Tsung," the referee replied. "He's Shang Tsung's nephew. Kahn put him on the payroll to help with the soul-collecting duties. After all, we've got seven other matches going on right now - Shang can't be everywhere."

"Of...course," Twilight agreed, shuddering a bit at the scene.

"All right! Out of the way! Coming through!" Sonya managed to push her way though the crowd. "Oh, for crying out loud!" she whined, walking over to Shing. "You mean you've taken his soul already?"

"Well, I mean, that is my job," Shing responded.

"Argh!" Sonya stomped her feet in disgust. "It's just not fair! That louse probably tanked the fight just so he could get out of our traditional rematch!" She glared over at Rarity. "You stupid ponies!" she shouted. "You just took away the only fun part about this mission! Well, Liu Kang might think you're decent and all that, but I certainly don't!" With that, she stormed off into the forest.

Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie. "That was...random..." she offered.

"No," Pinkie Pie declared, "this is random!" She pulled a cake out from behind her back. "Free cake for everypony!" she announced.

"Cool!" "Sweet!" "Don't mind if I do!" The remaining crowd members gathered around Pinkie Pie to get a slice of cake.

Looking down at Kano, then over at Pinkie Pie, Shing Tsung shrugged. "Why not?" he decided. "I mean, it's not like there are any other perks to this dumb job..."

Partality

"SCORPION!" A ninja wearing a blue tunic stormed through the bowels of Shao Kahn's castle, shouting at the top of his lungs. "Come out and fight like a man!" he demanded.

After ten minutes of stomping up and down the castle halls, the blue ninja came upon the green ninja from Kahn's ship playing solitaire in a dark room. "You mussst ssstop ssscreaming ssso, Sssub-Zero," the green ninja chastised his counterpart. "You're making enough noissse to wake the dead."

"That's exactly what I intend!" Sub-Zero thundered, turning and staring down the green ninja. "Where is that soulless punk Scorpion, anyway? He was supposed to meet me for a Scrabble match over an hour ago!"

"He hasss been defeated," the green ninja informed Sub-Zero.

"Baloney!" Sub-Zero declared, glaring at the green ninja.

"It isss true," the green ninja insisted. "I heard Ssshang Tsssng complaining about it at lunch - the lazy sssorcerer wasss griping about walking all the way to the beach and not being able to collect a sssoul."

"Don't toy with me, Reptile," Sub-Zero threatened. "You know how I feel about someone meddling with my Scrabble matches."

"Ssserpent's honor," Reptile pledged. "Sssee for yourself." He pointed to a large JCPenney bag sitting in the opposite corner of the room, full of shreds of yellow fabric. "They brought back what wasss left of Ssscorpion in a ssshopping bag," he explained

"What?" Sub-Zero exclaimed. "That's not possible! How could he lose in the first freaking round?" He paced back and forth for a moment while he mulled over the news. "So much for buying that new dictionary..." he muttered to himself.

"Kano wasss beaten today as well," Reptile added.

"Big surprise," Sub-Zero replied sarcastically. "Every tournament that fool swears he's finally going to beat Sonya, and every tournament Sonya cleans his clock in the first round. I'm beginning to wonder why Kahn keeps that loser on staff."

"Hisss record is no worssse than yoursss," Reptile reminded Scorpion (conveniently leaving out the fact that he himself had never won anything either). "Besssides...he did not lossse to Sssonya."

"Wait...what?" Sub-Zero wheeled on Reptile at the revelation. "But he always fights Sonya in the first round! Who'd that dope lose to this time?"

"He lossst..." Reptile declared, pausing for effect, "...to one of the poniesss."

"No way!" Sub-Zero burst out laughing. "He lost to a horse that's half his size?" He shook his head at the thought. "Which one beat him? Wait, let me guess - it was that wimpy-looking yellow one, wasn't it?"

"No," Reptile corrected Sub-Zero. "It wasss the prisssy unicorn with the feathery hat."

"Ha!" Sub-Zero let loose with a huge belly laugh. "The fashion pony beat him? That's hilarious! Oh, I am never going to let him live that one down!"

"Thisss isss no laughing matter, Sssub-Zero," Reptile cautioned. "Goro lossst to a pony as well."

"Pshaw," Sub-Zero proclaimed. "That four-armed freak is all bark and no bite. I saw that one coming a mile away."

"Perhapsss," Reptile countered, "but it wasss the rainbow one that beat Ssscorpion."

"Get outta here!" Sub-Zero challenged. "If Scorpion ever lost to a stupid pony, I'd..."

"Did you sssee the rainbow cloud thisss morning?" Reptile inquired.

"Yeah...?" Sub-Zero acknowledged. "So?"

"That wasss Ssscorpion'sss death knell," Reptile revealed.

"Really?" Sub-Zero looked back at what was left of Scorpion. "Impossible..." he muttered.

"It appearsss thessse poniesss are much more formidable than they appear," Reptile commented.

"Harrumph!" Sub-Zero declared. "We'll see how tough they really are. If they dare step into the ring with me, I'll put them..." Sub-Zero paused, fished a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket, and put them on. "...on ice," he concluded.

Reptile rolled his eyes, then checked his watch. "It isss almossst time for the primetime match," he announced. "Ssshall we go and watch?"

"Why not?" Sub-Zero decided. "I've got an opening in my schedule, thanks to a certain someone pulling the choke job of the century against a candy-colored sideshow."

The two ninjas made their way to the castle exit. "I hope NBC won the broadcassst rightsss for the tournament," Reptile offered. "I'm a huge fan of Bob Cossstasss..."

"Grrr!" Pinkie Pie growled into a mirror hanging on the wall in the ponies' hut.

"Are you quite finished with that mirror?" Rarity asked, slightly irritated at having to wait. "My mane is in desperate need of some TLC!"

"What exactly are you doing, anyway?" Twilight asked Pinkie Pie.

"I'm working on my fierce face!" Pinkie answered. "Every wrestler needs a good fierce face!" She turned back to the mirror and made another face. "Hmm...something's missing here..." she observed, scratching her chin. "I know! Eyeblack! I need eyeblack!" With that, she turned and raced out of the hut.

Twilight sighed. "I'm worried about her," she admitted, using her magic to bring a book up to her face. "According to The Pony's Guide to Maretial Arts, a fighter needs to be dedicated, disciplined, and focused...none of which describe Pinkie."

"Aw, don't worry about her," Applejack offered. "Pinkie can be a real bear to handle when she sets her mind to it. You remember meetin' 'Pinkamena,' don't you?"

"Point taken," Twilight conceded, "but this isn't a party we're taking about. Her life could be at stake!"

"Chillax, would you, Twilight?" Rainbow encouraged. "I mean, if Rarity can win against these guys, Pinkie'll dominate them!"

"And just what are you implying?" Rarity inquired, turning to face Rainbow Dash.

"Um...that a pony who's more worried about getting dirty than getting beat could only win if the opponent was a total tomato can?" Rainbow clarified, with her usual tact.

"And I suppose you are the model fighter!" Rarity retorted. "You only won because Twilight told you how!"

Twilight facehooved as Rainbow Dash and Rarity continued arguing. "Come on, girls!" she implored. "You're on the same team!"

"MWAH HA HA HA!" A wicked laugh caused every pony in the hut to jump (except Fluttershy, who pulled out her time-honored 'fainting goat' pose). "PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!" an evil voice proclaimed.

Twilight looked over toward the hut entrance to see Pinkie Pie, who had eschewed her eyeblack in favor of a dark blue mask, standing in the light. "Pinkie!" she shouted. "What are you trying to do, scare us to death?"

"Did you like it?" Pinkie Pie asked, reverting to her normal voice. "I'm thinking of using it as my entrance tonight! I was originally thinking I should play the hero of the fight, but now I'm thinking being the heel would be more fun!"

"Look, Pinkie," Twilight explained, "I know you like to have fun with everything you do, but you have to take this fight seriously! We have to win this tournament to save the fillies!"

"Oh, Twilight," Pinkie Pie declared, patting the unicorn on the head, "don't you worry about mean ol' Shao Kahn and his army of do-badders - 'The Masked Pink' has got it all under control! We're gonna put on a real show tonight!"

"Why does that not fill me with confidence?" Twilight muttered.

"Don't worry - this will get you in the mood!" With that, Pinkie leaped up onto a table and burst into song, as the sound of a eight-piece band suddenly filled the air:

The stars will be out!

The stage will be set!

This will be a bat-tle

No one will forget!

Whoever we fight

In less than a blink-ee

They'll have to bow down

Before the great Pink-ie...

"This will not end well..." Twilight commented.

"You have a pot to sell?" Applejack inquired, trying to listen over the sound of the band. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Twilight could only sigh in response.

The scene opened with a shot of the beach as the sun sank low in the sky. "Sun, surf, and sand - a peaceful backdrop for tonight's violent affair!" announced an off-camera broadcaster. "It's that time of year again, folks, as Shao Kahn has once again emerged from the Outworld to challenge the Earth to a winner-take-all grudge match, and only a small band of intrepid heroes stand in the way of Kahn's never-ending quest to conquer the planet!"

The scene switched to a head shot of a bespectacled man wearing a tie and holding a microphone. "Good evening, everyone," the man continued, "I'm Joe Buck, welcoming you to the latest edition of the Mortal Kombat tournament! Tonight, we bring you the first of our primetime matchups between the forces of good and evil as they battle for control of the world!" He turned to the mustachioed man standing beside him. "I'd also like to welcome in my partner, world-famous wrestler and reality-TV star Hulk Hogan! Now, Hulk, our viewers sitting at home might think this is the same old story, with Shang Tsung and Liu Kang and what have you, but this time Kahn's added something extra to the mix."

"You got that right, brother!" Hulk agreed. "This time around, a small group of talking horses - you heard me right, dudes - have entered the big dance, and taken the tournament by storm! I tell ya, Joe, these fillies are fast, furious, and ferocious! Watching a group of underdogs come in and take no prisoners like these gals have really gets the Hulkster's blood pumping!"

"Lest you think this is just a dog-and-pony show from the Outworld emperor," Joe pointed out, "these ponies have gone 3-0 in their matches already, and have triumphed over some seasoned MK veterans. They're going for their fourth consecutive victory here tonight, but rest assured that this will not be a cakewalk."

Standing twenty feet behind the TV crew, Reptile and Sub-Zero looked on as the announcers began breaking down the night's matchup. "Cursssed Rupert Murdoch..." Reptile muttered.

"Hmph!" Sub-Zero snorted. "Here come those ponies now."

At the far side of the arena, Rainbow Dash leaped into the air and took in the action from an aerial view, while Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight pushed their way through the crowd to sit ringside. "Where'd Spike go?" Twilight asked.

"He went to get some snacks at the concession stand," Applejack revealed. "He said somethin' about cravin' a gem lollipop."

"That makes sense," Twilight conceded, "but what about Fluttershy?"

"I left her at the hut," Applejack admitted. "I was gettin' tired of draggin' her around."

Twilight shook her head, then looked over at Rarity, who had donned a formal dress for the occasion. "Okay, I'll bite," she decided. "What's with the dress?"

Rarity scowled at the casual attire of those around her. "Well, I had assumed that the evening brouhaha would be a formal occasion," she explained, "but it seems I was mistaken. Still, I prefer not to be caught underdressed when the eyes of the world are upon us."

"On us?" Twilight stifled a laugh. "Everypony's here to watch the fight - they're not looking at us." Twilight turned and looked back towards the ring, completely oblivious to the fact that twenty-five cameras from sixteen different networks were trained on her and her friends at that very moment.

From his spot in the crowd, Johnny Cage certainly noticed which way the cameras were pointing. "Look at this," he spat in disgust. "A famous, eloquent, photogenic movie star is in the house, and every freaking camera in the place is watching the dumb little horses. Where's the justice in that?"

Liu Kang gave Johnny a funny look. "What is with you all today?" he asked. "First Sonya gets upset over Kano losing..."

"WAHHH!" Sonya whined.

"...and now you complain about having to cede the spotlight a little," Liu Kang continued. "You are both aware of the fact the ponies are on our side, right?"

"Here's what I'm aware of," Johnny declared. "I'm aware that my agent is trying to score me a megadeal with Warner Brothers. I'm aware that my net worth is directly correlated to the amount of time my face shows up on TV. I'm aware that I have consistently been the guy who brings in the ratings at these primetime fights...and now, I'm aware that I'm being upstaged by some half-wit equine that bakes cookies for a living!"

"And various other pastries," Liu Kang reminded his friend. "But in all seriousness, guys...aren't you taking this just a little bit too seriously?"

"Easy for you to say," Sonya sniffled. "Wait until Twinleaf Speckly Butt gets a shot at Shang Tsung before you."

Liu Kang sighed, shook his head, and decided not to push the matter.

"Ladies and gentleman!" a voice boomed, causing the crowd to quiet down and turn towards a tuxedo-clad announcer standing in the center of the ring. "It's time for tonight's final bout of the evening, so let's get ready to rumble!"

As the crowd erupted in cheers, Twilight cast a glance up at Shao Kahn's private box, where the tournament mastermind sat high above the crowd. Noticing the pony's gaze, Shao Kahn broke out his most evil smile in return, sending a chill down the filly's back.

"In this corner," the announcer proclaimed, gesturing towards one side of the ring, "a feared outlaw from the streets of Ponyville, wanted all across the world for breaking the laws of physics...give it up for Notorious P.D.P!"

The crowd went crazy as Pinkie Pie, now wearing a cape and mask right out of Nacho Libre, bounced her way into the circle. "Hey there, everypony!" she shouted to the crowd. "Who's ready to get this party started?"

"And in this corner," the announcer went on, "the only fighter in the history of the world who comes with a warning from the Surgeon General...let's hear it for Smoke!"

At the sound of the name, a large puff of smoke suddenly appeared across from Pinkie Pie, quickly dissipating to reveal a ninja dressed in a silver tunic. "Say your prayers, pony," Smoke proclaimed, "for your chances of winning this match are about to go up in smoke!"

Reptile gagged on the wordplay. "Ssshowoff..." he muttered.

"Combatants ready?" the announcer inquired.

"Yes indeedy!" Pinkie Pie confirmed.

"Of course," Smoke agreed.

"Very well!" the announcer announced. "FIGHT!"

"YYYAAAHHH!" Smoke screamed and charged his opponent. Pinkie Pie, however, didn't even flinch, choosing to gaze intently at her attacker.

"Pinkie!" Twilight shouted from the sidelines. "Do something!"

As Smoke closed in, a small smile began to spread across Pinkie's face. The smile turned into a snicker...then a chuckle...then a chortle...then a giggle...then a guffaw. Finally, Pinkie Pie could no longer contain herself, and she burst out laughing.

Taken aback by the pony's reaction, Smoke stopped and stared at Pinkie Pie. "What are you laughing at?" he demanded.

"That was going to be my question, actually," Rarity remarked to Twilight. "What is she doing out there?"

Twilight facehooved. "What she always does," she replied. "You know - cracking up at the creepy, chortling at the kooky, etc., etc."

"AH HA HA HA!" Pinkie Pie continued, now rolling on the ground with laughter.

Smoke began pouring out of Smoke's ears. "Stop that!" he ordered. "I hate, hate, hate it when people laugh at me!"

A light went off in Twilight's brain. "Oh yeah?" she taunted Smoke from the audience. "I'm surprised you're not used to being laughed at - you're so goofy looking, you could play a clown without needing any makeup!"

This got a few more audience members chuckling. "Who said that?" Smoke shouted, scanning the crowd for the heckler.

Twilight used her magic to teleport to another section of the crowd. "What's the matter? Can't take the heat?" she teased. "Heck, the Surgeon General should just put your face on the side of cigarette cartons - you'd even make Joe Camel quit cold turkey!"

A few more laughs went up from the crowd (including Johnny Cage and Sonya). "Enough! Stop hiding like a pansy, and face me like a man!" Smoke screamed, unaware that his tormentor wasn't a human at all.

Twilight teleported to another spot. "I'd like to," she explained, "but you're so ugly, I'm afraid if I looked you in the eye, I'd turn to stone!" Even Reptile had to smile at that zinger.

"Quit it!" Smoke raged, placing his hands on his head in frustration. "I mean it!"

"What are ya, a wimp?" "What hole did Kahn dig you out of?" "My mother-in-law's more powerful than you, and better lookin', too!" Slowly but surely, the crowd began to turn on Smoke, laughing and taunting him as his temper flared.

From his seat, Liu Kang could only smile as he watched Twilight's strategy take shape. "Seriously," he chimed in, "who died and made you a combatant? You're nothing but a lazy palette swap of Sub-Zero!"

Sub-Zero stifled a laugh. "It's so true..." he agreed.

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Smoke screeched, hopping up and down in a rage. "I am not a cheap character clone! I am a real character, with my own special moves and everything!"

The audience began booing Smoke with full force. "The home crowd is really letting Smoke have it right now!" Joe Buck narrated. "He's going to have to work doubly hard to take them out of the game!"

"This is where we find out if this guy's got the heart of a champion, brother!" Hulk proclaimed. "The great ones thrive under this kind of pressure!"

Twilight teleported back to her original seat, but was met with several confused stares upon her return. "Darling, what are you doing?" Rarity questioned.

"That guy's as mad as a honeybee with a hemorrhoid problem!" Applejack pointed out. "He's really gonna let Pinkie have it now!"

Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, was too busy blowing a raspberry at Smoke and telling him how lame he looked.

"Don't you see?" Twilight pointed to where Smoke was melting down in the ring. "We've made him self-conscious and insecure - he'll never be able to fight now! Pinkie'll win for sure!"

"I dunno, Twilight," Spike offered. "He looks like he's about to explode or something."

Meanwhile, Smoke seethed under the weight of the crowd's ire. "This...this is all your fault!" he announced, pointing an accusatory finger at Pinkie Pie, who had just now climbed back to her feet. "I'm going to make you feel so much pain that....RRAGH!" Smoke was too angry to finish his sentence, and he charged Pinkie Pie in a rage.

Twilight's jaw dropped as Smoke began pounding on Pinkie Pie with all his might. "Oh no!" she wailed. "This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"And Smoke unleashes a flurry of blows against his opponent!" Joe exclaimed. "...But they don't seem to be having any effect!"

It was true: While Pinkie's body deformed with every blow, it quickly snapped back into shape after the fist or foot was pulled away. It was as if Smoke was fighting a giant stress ball. "Hee hee!" Pinkie Pie giggled. "That tickles!"

"What...the...heck?" Smoke gasped in between attacks. "Is...this...even...possible?"

"This is incredible!" Hulk gushed. "To stand in there and take that kind of punishment...that's what I call stamina, heart, will, desire, and guts, brother!"

Finally, after several minutes of futility, Smoke reared back with all his might and threw the most devastating punch he could muster, connecting with the end of Pinkie Pie's nose and shoving it back into her face. "Hah!" he declared, relieved that this dent had stayed in place after he pulled back. "Try recovering from that, pony!"

The smile never left Pinkie's face. "Okey dokey lokey!" she said with a shrug. She took a deep breath, stuck one of her front hooves in her mouth, and started blowing like she was inflating a balloon. As Smoke stood by slack-jawed, Pinkie reinflated her nose with a mere three breaths. "All done!" she declared.

"Huh...wha...how...how did you do that?" an exasperated Smoke asked.

"Oh, it was easy!" Pinkie Pie explained. "See, I met this bunny once, and he had gotten lost on his way to Albuquerque and needed directions, and he kept calling me Doc for some reason, which was just silly since I've only got a masters degree, but my second cousin went to med school - she's really smart - and we sorta look alike, except I'm pink and she's more of a light-reddish dark-pinkish color, sort of like Big Macintosh except less red..."

The crowd grew silent as Pinkie Pie went off on a long-winded story about horse colors and house calls and mouse ears and corn ears and Korn and Nickelback and quarterbacks and Quarter Pounders and quantum physics and...by the ten minute mark, everyone in the crowd had either fallen asleep or stuffed their ears full of whatever was available (the concession stand ran out of cotton candy by minute four) to block out the sound.

"And Pinkie Pie unleashes her secret weapon: her gift of gab!" Joe announced. "But she'd better be careful - she's coming awfully close to violating the Geneva Convention!"

While the TV crew had shut off their ringside mics to spare their viewers from the carnage, Smoke had no such luxury. "AAAHHH!!!" he screamed in agony, unable to block the sound. "I'm begging you - make it stop! Please!"

Sensing another opportunity, Twilight grabbed the heaviest-looking of Spike's gem lollipops from his hand using her magic. "Hey!" Spike objected. "I was saving that for tomorrow!"

Twilight tossed the lollipop over to where Smoke was cowering on his knees. "Quick!" she instructed. "Use this to knock yourself unconscious!"

Smoke quickly snatched up the gem and starting banging it against his head for all he was worth. Five self-inflicted head shots later, he fell senseless to the ground.

"That's it!" the announcer shouted. "He's out!"

"Huh?" Pinkie Pie suddenly realized her intended audience wasn't listening anymore. "Aw..." she muttered. "I was just about to tell him the story of how I got my cutie mark!"

An eerie silence fell over the crowd, and all eyes turned to Shao Kahn's private box. "What's goin' on?" Applejack asked.

"I don't know," Twilight admitted, "but it can't be good."

Shao Kahn stood up and gazed down upon the action. "Well, well...it appears we have our second flawless victory of the tournament," he offered. Faking a scowl, he turned and glared at Smoke. "Revive him," he dictated.

"Comin' through!" Shing Tsung pushed his way through the crowd and into the ring, carrying a large pail of water. "What a dope," he commented. "I mean, a flawless victory...for a pony? I mean, at least Kano managed to cut the thing's tail off..."

"REVIVE HIM, NOW!" Kahn thundered from his suite.

"Yipes! Yes, sir!" Shing saluted in the direction of Kahn's box, then unceremoniously dumped his pail of water on the fallen warrior.

"GAH!" Smoke came to with a start. "What the...what happened? Is it over?"

"Hey Smoke," Shing Tsung asked, "what's soaking wet and clueless?"

"What are you talking about?" Smoke shot back.

Shing wound up for the punch line. "Your face!" he declared, laughing at his own joke. "You see what I did there? I mean, I had to dump the water on you, so I..." Shing's comment was met with crickets from the audience. "Well, I mean, I thought it was funny," Shing muttered, as he walked out of the ring.

"Now then, Miss Pie..." Shao Kahn instructed, "FINISH HIM!" The order brought the loudest cheer yet from the crowd.

"Finish him?" Pinkie Pie scratched her chin for a moment. "What to do, what to do..." Suddenly, her face brightened up. "I know!"

"I don't care what she does!" Smoke declared. "It can't be any worse than that motormouth junk she was spewing..." His sentence trailed off and his eyes bugged out as Pinkie Pie whipped out a cannon from behind her back. "Me and my big mouth..." he whimpered.

"It's party time!" Pinkie Pie announced, aiming her cannon at Smoke. "P-A-R-T-why? Because I gotta!"

BOOM! The crowd gasped as Pinkie Pie fired her weapon. When the smoke cleared, Smoke was once again sprawled out on the ground, but this time he was covered in a table cloth, with a boombox balanced on his stomach, three balloons tied to each of his hands, and a slice of cake stuffed in his mouth. "That...bad...so...wasn't," he offered, his voice muffled by the frosting.

"Pinkie Pie wins!" the announcer shouted. "Partality!"

Pinkie Pie bounced over and cranked up the boombox. "C'mon, everypony," she encouraged, "it's time to get your groove on!"

From his box, Shao Kahn grinned evilly as the fight morphed into a dance party. "It seems these ponies have some skills after all," he mused. "Perhaps they will come in handy someday..."

"Boo yah!" Celestia leaped up from her couch and started dancing around the room. "My ponies win again, my ponies win again..." she sang.

Raiden watched Celestia gloat with a mixture of bewilderment and irritation. "Okay, fine," he admitted, as he watched Joe Buck sign off from the island, "so your ponies are actually winning matches and exceeding my wildest expectations. Keep in mind, however, that this is only the first round - they haven't really done anything yet. The toughest matches are still to come."

"Oh, don't be such a fuddy-duddy!" Celestia replied. "You need to stop being so grim about life and start enjoying things, you know what I mean?" She offered Raiden another bowl of popcorn. "How about another movie? I've got Moneyball on DVR, five more bags of popcorn to pop, and one sister to boss around and make her pop it..."

"No thanks," Raiden declined, as he stood up. "I'm needed in the office tomorrow." He walked over to the door, then stopped and offered one last thought. "You may be all-powerful," he remarked, "but remember that Kahn runs the show on that island. Mark my words: He's already got a plan in place to deal with those ponies."

"So what?" Celestia responded. "It'll just make things more dramatic in the end, that's all."

"I just hope your student and her friends can handle it," Raiden concluded ominously, "for their own sake."

Baked Apples

Morning came all too early once again for Twilight Sparkle, who woke to the sound of rustling in the ponies' hut. "Ugh..." she muttered. "Applejack, is that you again?"

"Yeah, it's just me." Applejack's voice echoed from the darkness. "They've got me fightin' bright and early this mornin', so I figured I'd best get ready now. I didn't want to wake any of y'all, but so much for good intentions."

"Well you should at least turn on a light so you can see..." Twilight stopped in mid-sentence as she flipped on the light switch. discovering that some ponies were missing. "Er...where'd Pinkie and Dash go?" she asked Applejack.

"To tell the truth, I don't think they went anywhere," Applejack admitted, as she dropped a coil of rope into her bag. "They never came back from the party last night."

"What?!?" Twilight sputtered in surprise. "Whaddya mean, they never came back? We're on an important mission, not a vacation! We're supposed to be saving the fillies, not drinking punch and playing 'Pin The Tail on the Pony' all night long!"

"Um...Twilight?" Applejack pointed towards the hut entrance. "I don't think that was all they were drinkin'."

Twilight walked over to the hut entrance and looked outside, her eyes doubling in size as she took in the scene: Wrappers, cans, bottles, vomit, and passed-out warriors of every shape and size were strewn across the ground. All of the huts and most of the surrounding trees had been covered with toilet paper, and what appeared to have once been a stone monument of Shao Kahn lay smashed at the ponies' front door. Several plumes of smoke could be seen in the distance, and the sound of several far-away police sirens lingered in the air.

After thirty seconds, Twilight finally managed to pick her jaw up off the ground. "Good grief!" she shrieked. "What happened out here?"

"We're probably better off not knowin'," Applejack commented, throwing her bags onto her back. "Well, I best be gettin' along..." she declared, exiting the hut and heading for her prescribed place of battle.

"Wait!" Twilight called out. "Should I come with you? I can wake Rarity and Spike and..."

"That's alright," Applejack reassured her friend. "I can handle it."

"But...you might need our...help," Twilight pointed out, even though she knew Applejack would deny it.

"I'll be fine, I swear," Applejack insisted. "Besides, I checked the schedule yesterday, and Spike's gotta fight at the very same time. He'll need you guys more than I do."

"Wait...what?" A distraught look crossed Twilight's face as she thought back to their first night on the island, when Spike had boldly declared that he would fight for their friends. "But...but Spike can't fight these guys! He's just a baby dragon!"

"Which is exactly why he's gonna need all the help can get," Applejack concluded. "Seriously, Twilight - don't worry about me. I ain't about to let some halfwit bunch of scrappers keep me from savin' my sister, y'hear?"

Twilight sighed. "If you say so," she decided. "We'll figure out how to help Spike, and catch up with you as soon as we can."

"Right," Applejack agreed, stepping through the Shao Kahn statue remains and setting out on her journey. "I'll be back - I promise," she proclaimed.

Twilight watched as Applejack navigated her way through the maze of unconscious ninjas and Keystone Light cans, then took a deep breath and headed back into the hut. "No worries, Twilight," she told herself. "You've thought yourself out of bigger jams than this before." Using her magic, she opened up her copy of The Pony's Guide To Maretial Arts. "It's time to hit the books," she declared.

Liu Kang sat alone in his hut, trying to focus his thoughts and reach out to Raiden for guidance. The fighting has been fierce thus far, he observed, and our wills are already being tested. I ask the gods to continue to show us the proper path, and the strength we need to walk it.

"And you shall have it," Raiden declared, as a vision of the thunder god came into focus. "You have done well, Liu Kang," Raiden commended the warrior, "and more importantly, Kahn's fighters are failing at a rate that is...shall we say...much higher than expected. On the whole, I feel that we are in a position of strength."

"I agree," Liu Kang offered. "And yet...something does not feel right."

"You mean the ponies," Raiden guessed. "Their presence certainly complicates things, and while they are performing well now, their beginner's luck will eventually give way to their lack of skill and discipline. They cannot be trusted to continue on their current pace."

"It's not that," Liu Kang observed. "It's what their presence is doing to the others. Johnny and Sonya have been acting very strange ever since the ponies arrived."

"Do not worry about them," Raiden assured Liu Kang. "They have undergone the same rigorous training as you, and they understand what is at stake in this game. They will not let these ponies affect their performance."

"I don't know..." Liu Kang wondered.

"WOOHOO!!!" The meeting of the minds was interrupted by a cheerful-sounding shout. Liu Kang and Raiden turned to see Johnny Cage stagger in through the door, carrying a plastic cup in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other. "What a party!" he proclaimed, throwing his arm around Liu Kang. "Man, Louie," he offered, "you missed a real humdinger of a bash last night! Kahn and his cronies really outdid themselves this time - that was the best post-brawl party they've ever had!"

"Ugh!" Raiden scrunched up his face. "Good grief, Johnny, I can smell your breath all the way over here...and I'm not even actually there! Have you been drinking?"

Johnny tried (and failed) to stifle a giggle. "Nope!" he announced. "I just ran out of mouthwash, and remembered that nothing kills germs like alcohol!" He handed Raiden an imaginary piece of paper. "Herrrrrrrre's your sign," he slurred.

Liu Kang gave Johnny an odd look. "What's all that on your face?" he asked.

"What's all that what on my face?" Johnny scratched his head and starting looking around for a mirror.

"Uhhhh...." A low, sorrowful moan drew Liu Kang and Raiden's attention to the hut entrance once more, where Sonya was dragging herself through the doorway. "My head hurts..." she muttered in a low whisper.

"You too?" Raiden cried out in surprise. "Just what is going on around here?"

Sonya flinched. "Not so loud," she implored, rubbing her eyes with one hand and holding her head with the other.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!" A loud scream echoed from another room (causing Sonya to wince in pain and plug her ears), and Johnny Cage came running back over to where Liu Kang and Raiden stood. "Look at this!" he demanded, pushing a handheld mirror into Liu Kang's hand and looking into it. "What do you see?" he inquired. "What does that look like to you?"

"Uh..." Liu Kang squinted at the image of Johnny's face in the mirror. "It's kind of smudged," he commented, "but it looks like someone drew a mustache and glasses on your face."

"With a permanent marker!" Johnny wailed, scrubbing his face furiously with a bar of soap. "I can't get it off!" He fell to his knees in front of Raiden's apparition. "You gotta help me, dude!" he pleaded. "I can't go out like this! If TMZ gets a shot of this...my career will be ruined!"

Raiden sighed. "Fine," he decided, "but this is an absolute waste of my powers." With a wave of his hand, he removed the marker marks from Johnny's face.

"Phew!" Johnny breathed a sigh of relief. "I really owe you one, man."

"Actually, you're up to twenty-seven now," Raiden uttered dryly. "And what's your story?" he asked, looking back over at Sonya.

"I don't know," Sonya revealed. "I don't remember last night at all."

"Do you know anything?" Liu Kang asked Johnny.

"Well..." Johnny racked his brain for a moment. "I seem to recall you beat Jade in a chugging contest...and you started dancing on a table every time the DJ played Maroon 5...oh yeah, and you told Noob Saibot you were madly in love with him."

"I what?" Sonya's face turned white. "You're...you're kidding, right? I mean, I didn't really tell him I loved him, did I?"

Johnny shrugged. "You had to tell him something after a kiss like that," he pointed out.

"Ewwww!" Sonya's face went from white to green, and she started spitting furiously in every direction. "Where's my toothbrush?" she shouted, running for the bathroom. "I need my toothbrush!"

Liu Kang looked back over at Raiden. "You see what I mean?" he inquired.

Raiden facepalmed. "I'm going to have a long talk with Celestia when I get back to Canterlot..."

"There you are!" Twilight huffed, as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie walked into the hut. "Where were you two? Were you out partying all night? ...And why are you carrying a Sharpie in your mouth?"

"Yu mee thih?" Rainbow Dash spit the marker onto the floor. "Um...no reason."

"That was the greatest party ever!" Pinkie Pie declared, taking off the lampshade she was wearing. "We had cake and punch and ice cream and everything! In fact, I need to start making the invitations for tonight's after-party party!"

"Come on, girls - focus!" Twilight insisted. "Spike's fight is in an hour, and we need to come up with a strategy!"

"Not to mention boost the poor dear's confidence," Rarity added, looking over to where Spike sat facing the wall. "Oh, come now, darling," she offered, "don't look so glum! You're going to do just fine today!"

Spike shook his head. "I dunno," he admitted. "It's just...it's just that all those guys are so big and strong and powerful, and...well, look at me - I'm a baby dragon that can't even breathe fire right!"

Rainbow Dash facehooved. "Well, of course you're not going to win anything with that attitude!" She jumped up onto a table and struck a heroic pose. "So what if they're bigger, or stronger, or more powerful? You've got to grit your teeth, dig deep, and show those jerks that you're not somepony they want to mess around with!"

"I agree," Rarity concurred. "It's the size of somepony's heart that truly matters, and you've got more than enough inside you to give these brutes a lesson in manners!"

"Especially if you've got cupcakes inside you!" Pinkie Pie added. "There's nothing like a sugar-frosted ball of goodness to propel you to victory!"

"Don't worry, Spike," Twilight added. "We'll come up with a top-notch battle strategy, and no matter what happens, we'll be with you every step of the way."

"I know, but still..." Spike's voice trailed off, and still didn't sound very confident. "I just wish that I was big and tough like those guys, so I could teach them not to mess with a real dragon...or his friends."

"Yes, but..." Twilight stopped in mid-sentence, as a crazy idea popped into her head. "Wait a minute....that's it!" she declared. "I know what we can do!"

"You do?" Spike turned to Twilight with a look of anticipation of his face. "What is it? Tell me!"

"Yes, please!" Rarity chimed in. "Don't keep us in suspense!"

"Watch and learn," Twilight replied, picking up Rainbow Dash's Sharpie with her magic. "Hey Spike...wanna marker?"

Applejack paced back and forth as she waited within a deep cavern dug out of the side of the island mountain, glancing down periodically at her leg where a watch would have been if she wore one. "I sure wish those fellas would hurry up and get here," she muttered to herself, wiping the sweat from her brow. "It's hot enough in here to bake a two-gallon apple pie."

Finally, the referee for the match arrived on the scene. "It's about time!" Applejack declared, tapping her hoof impatiently. "I coulda harvested our whole farm three times over in the time I've been waitin' here!"

The referee looked at Applejack quizzically. "I'm twenty minutes early," he observed.

"Cuttin' it awful close, aren't you?" Applejack eyed the ref disapprovingly.

The referee rolled his eyes, and the conversation lapsed into awkward silence for a few minutes. Finally, a gassed Shing Tsung trudged into the cavern. "Are...you...kidding me?" he finally managed in between breaths. "I mean, of all the tropical locations on this island...we have to hold a match in this inferno?"

The referee shrugged. "I don't schedule the matches; I just call 'em," he declared. "I guess we might as well get started - I doubt we're gonna get any spectators for this fight."

"Say what, now?" Applejack glanced around the cavern, seeing no one but Shing and the referee. "Uh...beg your pardon, guys," she commented, "but ain't we gotta have two fighters here to hold a fight?"

The referee ignored Applejack's question. "This match is about to begin!" he announced. "In this corner, the pride and joy of Sweet Apple Acres...Applejack!"

Applejack gave the ref a bemused look. "This cave is circular," she pointed out. "It ain't got corners."

"She's got a point," Shing conceded. "I mean, why do we keeping using that term if our rings are always...well, round?"

"And, in this corner..." the ref continued, shooting an unamused glance of Shing as he gestured to the far end of the cavern, "the hottest character in the history of the tournament...Blaze!"

"There's still no one..." Applejack was cut off in mid-sentence by a loud rumble that shook the whole cavern. On cue, a plume of lava burst through the floor of the far end of the cavern, then fell away to reveal a man made entirely of molten rock and lava. "Whoa, Nellie!" Applejack exclaimed. "Who - or what - is that?"

"Your worst nightmare," the lava creature stated in a low, gravelly tone.

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"I've been ready for dang near three hours!" Applejack replied. "Let's get this here brouhaha started already!"

"If the mare wishes to meet her end so quickly," Blaze decided, "then let us not keep her waiting."

"Very well then," the referee declared. "FIGHT!"

"Let's turn up the heat, shall we?" Blaze offered, rearing back and flinging a fireball at his opponent.

"Hah!" Applejack shouted back, dodging the shot with ease. "My little sister's got better aim than you!" Reaching for her bag, she drew out a long rope with a loop tied at the end. "Time to show this hothead how we do things down on the farm!" she announced, whirling her lasso over her head and flinging it in Blaze's direction.

Applejack's aim was true (though in all fairness, Blaze made no move to avoid the lasso), and Blaze quickly found himself roped and bound. "Yeehaw!" Applejack shouted. "Looks like I'm gonna wrap this thing up early!"

"Think again, Annie Oakley," Blaze answered with a small grin, as the intense heat of his body caused to rope to burst into flames.

"Aw, horseapples," Applejack muttered, as her rope turned into ash and floated to the ground.

"Now...try this on for size!" Blaze dictated, sinking back into the pool of lava from which he had emerged.

"Hey!" Applejack objected, as Blaze disappeared below the floor. "You're not allowed to run and hide like that - that's cheatin'!" She turned and tried to appeal to the referee. "Ain't that illegal or somethin'?" she inquired.

The ref shook his head. "The ring is where the battle starts," he explained, "but it doesn't have to be where it finishes."

"That's just peachy," Applejack muttered.

Suddenly, Blaze burst through the floor mere inches behind Applejack. "Hi-ya!" he shouted, swinging his arm down for a vicious karate chop.

"Yikes!" Applejack sidestepped the attack in the nick of time, and Blaze's hand went all the way to the floor. "So that's the game you wanna play, huh?" Applejack growled. "Take this, you slimy varmint!" she yelled, kicking out her back legs and planting her hooves squarely in Blaze's side.

Blaze recoiled slightly from the shot, but it was Applejack's eyes that nearly popped out of her head. "YEOW!" she screamed, pulling back from Blaze and beginning to bounce across the cave on her front legs. "Hot! hot! hot!" she yelped, stopping every so often to blow on her back hooves.

Blaze laughed heartily at the scene. "What's the matter, pony?" he taunted. "Can't handle a little hotfoot?" He chuckled as he summoned another fireball. "I don't know about you, Jane Wayne, but my mother always said that if you couldn't stand the heat, get the heck out of the kitchen!"

"Whoa!" Applejack managed to twist herself out of the way as Blaze flung his fireball. How am I going to get out of this one? she wondered.

A crowd had already gathered on the beach when Twilight and her friends arrived on the scene. "This plan of yours had better work, Twilight," Rarity huffed. "That was my favorite makeup bag, you know."

"Either it works," Twilight observed, "or we'll be swimming back to Equestria."

The referee gave the ponies a strange look as they approached. "Where's the dragon?" he asked. "He was supposed to be here five minutes ago."

"Oh...um...well, he just wanted to make a dramatic entrance," Twilight explained. "You can start anytime."

"Works for me," the ref agreed, clearing his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please! This match is about to begin! In this corner..." The referee pointed to the ring, where a strange yellow-colored humanoid robot stood looking unamused. "...a cyborg so vicious," he continued, "he forced Chevrolet to give him its spot alongside baseball and apple pie...Cyrax!"

"BATTLE PROTOCOL INITIATED," Cyrax declared in a robotic voice, as a large buzzsaw emerged from his chest. "WEAPONS ENGAGED. MERCY SETTING OFF."

"And in this corner..." the referee continued, gesturing towards the empty space on the opposite side of the ring, "the, uh...the first dragon combatant in tournament history...Spike!"

A few seconds of awkward silence followed. "WARNING: OPPONENT NOT LOCATED BY VISUAL SENSORS. COMBAT ALERTNESS SET TO MAXIMUM VALUE. ALL SYSTEMS INITIALIZED AND READY. ...WHERE IS THAT DRAGON DORK, ANYWAY?"

"Er...we kinda need him out here now," the ref mentioned to Twilight.

BOOM! BOOM! Suddenly, a loud banging could be heard from within the nearby forest, causing the ground to start shaking. "He'll, uh...be right here!" Twilight insisted, giving the referee an innocent smile.

The sound of several trees being uprooted in unison caught the crowd's attention. Everyone turned just in time to see a giant purple dragon emerge from the tree line, stuffing the trees he had just claimed into a large stone structure he was carrying.

"That had better not be our hut he's got," Rainbow Dash commented.

"That's not the dragon that's supposed to be fighting!" the referee objected.

"Sure it is!" Twilight insisted. "He's, um...just going through a growth spurt!"

The ref sighed. "If you say so," he declared. "Combatants ready? ...FIGHT!"

Spike snorted out a cloud of smoke as he surveyed the stunned crowd before him, then let out a ferocious roar that sent the audience running for cover. "TARGET SIGHTED," Cyrax announced. "UNEXPECTED ERROR ENCOUNTERED. SIZE DOES NOT COMPUTE."

"Robot!" Spike's eyes lit up. "Spike want!"

"WARNING: TARGET APPROACHING," Cyrax declared monotonically, as Spike stomped over to the ring. "INITIATE REPULSION SEQUENCE." On cue, Cyrax's stomach opened up, and the robot began launching a hail of bombs at the dragon.

"Look out!" Twilight screamed, as the bombs started exploding . "Everypony run!"

Spike, on the other hand, was undeterred (and unaffected) by the blasts. "Ooh, pretty!" the dragon mused. "Spike want! Spike need! Spike really like mane!"

"TARGET UNAFFECTED BY ATTACKS," Cyrax observed, as Spike reached out to grab the robot. "BEGIN EVASIVE MANEUVERS." The robot ninja leaped out of the way of Spike's hand. "KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!" Cyrax shouted.

Spike scowled at the uncooperative cyborg. "Spike WANT!!!" he thundered, suddenly growing another fifteen feet in the process.

"RECALCULATING SUCCESS PROBABILITIES," Cyrax announced. "RESULT: CHANCE OF VICTORY NOW -73.821%. ENTERING PANIC MODE. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Cyrax unleashed his best high-pitched-Rarity-after-losing-her-ribbon scream, and took off running in the opposite direction.

"SPIKE WANT!" Spike repeated, chasing after the fleeing robot.

"That's it! That's the game!" Twilight proclaimed, as Cyrax and Spike ran off down the beach. "The robot guy willingly left the circle - that means he forfeits, right?"

"Nope," the referee informed Twilight. "The ring is where the battle starts, but it doesn't have to be where it finishes."

"What?" Twilight cried out in disbelief. "Then what's the point of having the stupid ring in the first place?"

"Hey, I don't make the rules; I just call 'em," the ref responded with a shrug.

"Good grief," Twilight muttered, facehooving as Cyrax and Spike started doing laps around the island.

"Should we...do something about this?" Rarity wondered. "I can't imagine these brutes would appreciate a crazed possessive dragon loose on their island, no matter how uncivilized they are."

"We can't stop him now," Twilight countered. "If we shrink him back to normal size before the match ends, he'll be crushed! I mean, you saw those bombs that robot was throwing out!"

"Maybe we should check on Applejack," Rainbow Dash suggested. "I mean, as long as Spikezilla is on the loose, I don't really see this Cyrax guy making a comeback."

"Maybe you're right," Twilight conceded. "This way, we can help Applejack, and give Cyrax more quality time with Spike."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Come on, girls - to the mountains!"

"Whoa! Hey! Yikes!" Applejack shouted as she dodged her way around the cavern, managing to stay one step ahead of Blaze's attacks.

Blaze chuckled at Applejack's plight. "Honestly, now," he chided, "you're missing the point of this whole thing - to win a fight, you actually have to attack your opponent." He fired another fireball at Applejack, who dived out of the way. "You see now?" he pointed out, gesturing to the damaged cavern wall. "I would think a salt-of-the-earth pony like yourself would be kinder to the environment than this."

"Well, I ain't the one burnin' up the walls!" Applejack retorted. Ducking behind a stalagmite, Applejack wiped her brow and tried to come up with a viable strategy. "How am I ever gonna beat this guy when I can't even hit him?" she said to herself.

Blaze launched another fireball at the stalagmite, shattering the rock and sending Applejack face-first into the cavern wall. "Naughty, naughty!" Blaze teased. "You said hiding was cheating, remember?"

Looking back at the melted remains of the stalagmite, a crazy idea popped into Applejack's head. Jumping back to her feet, she blew a raspberry at her molten opponent. "I dare you to try that again!" she challenged. "You couldn't hit the broad side of the barn!"

Blaze shot Applejack a confused look. "OK, I'll bite," he agreed, summoning another fireball and firing a fastball at his opponent.

"Too slow!" Applejack mocked, stepping out of the way of the fireball and letting it crash harmlessly into the wall.

"Oh, so that's your game, is it?" Blaze deduced. "Let's see how you handle a visit from Mr. Snappy!" Going into a windup, Blaze reared back and unleashed a wicked slider.

"Yah!" Applejack took a step one way, but quickly backpedaled when the fireball broke in the same direction she did. "Land sakes," she declared, "you are full of surprises, ain't you? But a miss is still a miss, and pardner, you missed!"

"Okay, that's enough playing for now," Blaze proclaimed, sinking below the floor once more for a surprise attack.

"Here he comes," Applejack whispered to herself, as she backed up against the wall to ensure Blaze would emerge in front of her. Kicking up her back legs, she starting beating on the wall behind her (which had already taken a lot of damage from the fireballs) as if she was bucking an apple tree.

"What is she doing?" Shing asked the referee.

"It's not my job to figure out," the ref stated plainly.

"Gosh," Shing commented. "I mean, I knew ponies weren't the smartest animals on the planet, but this..." Shing's speech was interrupted by a loud rumbling that started echoing throughout the cave.

Applejack stopped kicking the wall, smiling as she felt the ground begin to shake and saw several cracks begin to appear on the wall. "That's my cue to skedaddle!" she declared, turning and running for the cave exit. "Nice meetin' y'all!" she shouted to Shing and the referee as she passed them.

"Er...is that sound what I think it is?" Shing asked the ref.

"The cave! It's collapsing!" the referee observed, stating the obvious.

"That's what I thought," Shing confirmed. "We should probably run now, right?"

"That would be my recommendation, yes," the referee agreed. With that, the pair made a mad dash for the exit.

After another ten tense seconds, Blaze burst out of the floor right in front of where Applejack had been standing. "Herrrrrrrrre's Johnny!" he shouted, drawing his fist back for a knockout punch before realizing there was no one there to hit. "Huh?" he exclaimed, turning to see that no one was left in the cave. "Well...this is awkward," Blaze commented. "Does this mean I win?"

A small pebble fell from the ceiling and bounced off of Blaze's head. "What the..." Blaze muttered, looking up to see the cave roof about to collapse on top of him. "This isn't gonna end well for me, is it?" he said with a sigh.

Meanwhile, Applejack raced down a long passage towards the cave exit, as the walls started to cave in behind her. "Almost there!" she shouted. "Come on, AJ - put the hammer down and make like Rainbow Dash during cider season!"

Kicking herself into another gear, Applejack rocketed down the passage and out into the open air, as the sounds of walls collapsing farther in began to reach her ears. Glaring intently at the cave entrance, she watched as Shing Tsung and the referee burst out of the cave just at the roof came crashing down in a cloud of dust and dirt.

"Phew!" Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. "I guess I showed that hothead who's the real king of the mountain around these parts!"

"Are you crazy?!?" Shing shouted at Applejack. "I mean, you almost got us killed!"

"Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades," Applejack pointed out. "But I don't think I almost got that Blaze fella - I think I got him good!"

"Applejack!" Applejack turned to see Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie racing over to the cave. "Are you all right?" Twilight asked. "When we heard the rumblings from below, we thought you might be in trouble!"

"Shucks, I'm just fine," Applejack reassured her friends. "But you should see the other guy."

"Speaking of which," the referee interjected, "I believe it's time to declare the end of the match! And the winner is..."

"RRRAAAGH!" A low, loud growl suddenly emerged from the collapsed cave, and Blaze came bursting through the rubble. "Silly little pony!" he snarled. "You think dropping a mountain on my head was going to stop me? I was born of rock and fire! And now, you're really gonna get it, you pathetic hayseed!"

"Er...excuse me, Twilight," Applejack requested, brushing past her friend and diving into the underbrush of the nearby forest. "I think I left somethin' cookin' on the...somethin'."

"Oh no you don't!" Blaze seethed, darting past the other ponies and giving chase through the forest. "You can't get away from me!"

"Quick, girls!" Twilight commanded. "Follow that fireman!"

"Hold up!" the referee shouted, as he started running after the combatants himself. "How am I supposed to enforce the rules if I can't see you?"

Applejack dashed through the forest, desperately racking her brain to come up with a new plan of attack. Pushing through a dense batch of leaves, however, she found herself standing on a dead-end overhang above a waterfall. "Dangnabbit!" she sputtered. "What now?"

"How about jumping to your death, and saving yourself the pain of dying slowly at my hands?" Blaze suggested, emerging from the trees to cut off Applejack's escape route. "It's over now, silly girl," Blaze cackled. "There's no escape this time."

"Oh no!" Twilight cried out, as the rest of the ponies approached the scene. "Applejack's been cornered! We have to do something!"

"No!" the referee objected. "You can't interfere with the battle! The combatants must settle this themselves."

Backing up to the very edge of the overhang, Applejack realized she was out of options. "I guess I've got no choice," she declared, preparing to strike. "I'm gonna beat you and save my sister, if it's the last thing I do!"

"Allow me to prove otherwise," Blaze growled, readying another fireball.

"YAHHHHHH!!" Everyone turned just in time to see Cyrax dash past the other ponies and leap into Blaze's arms. "PARDON THE INTERRUPTION," Cyrax apologized, "BUT I REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE URGENTLY."

"Um...I'm kinda busy squishing ponies right now, C-dog," Blaze replied. "What are you doing up here, anyway? Didn't you have a fight today too?"

"ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN..." Cyrax began.

The loud roar of a dragon cut through the air like a knife. "Uh oh..." Twilight whispered, looking up to see an angry Spike - who had grown another thirty feet since the chase began - approaching rapidly.

"SPIKE WANT ROBOT NOW!!!" Spike roared.

Blaze's eyes tripled in size at the sight of the dragon. "Dang, man," he offered, "I thought Frost got shafted when she got stuck fighting Tim Tebow, but I think this takes the cake. That's got to be the lousiest first-round draw I've ever seen."

"Why you get robot?" Spike shouted at Blaze. "Give Spike robot!"

Blaze looked up at Spike, then back down at Cyrax. "Sorry, C-dog," he declared, "but you're on your own."

"I IMPLORE YOU TO RECONSIDER," Cyrax pleaded. "YOUR ASSISTANCE WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED."

"If you not give Spike robot," Spike announced, "Spike SMASH!!!" With that, the large dragon raised his fist to strike.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Blaze and Cyrax screamed in unison, diving just out of the way (in fact, they almost landed on Applejack) as Spike slammed his fist into the ground. The force of the blow, however, caused the overhang to break off from the edge of the cliff, sending Applejack, Blaze, and Cyrax into freefall.

"APPLEJACK!" the other ponies cried, as their friend dropped out of sight over the edge of the cliff.

"I'm on it!" Rainbow Dash declared, hurrying over to dive down and save Applejack.

"Wait!" the referee shouted. "If you help her, she will be forced to forfeit the match, and she will lose her soul!"

"But...but..." Rainbow Dash hesitated, looking over the cliff as the combatants plummeted to their apparent doom.

Meanwhile, Applejack tried to make peace with her fate as she fell. "I'm sorry, Apple Bloom," she whispered, ignoring the screaming of Blaze and Cyrax. "I've let you, and Big Macintosh, and Granny Smith, and the entire Apple family down." In her final moments, she tried to recall the good times she had shared with her baby sister: the excitement of the Sisterhooves Socials, the obsessing over Apple Bloom's cutie mark, the apple harvesting, the rodeo training, the...

"Rodeo training..." Applejack's face lit up. "That's it! I ain't out of party tricks just yet!" Reaching for her bag, she pulled out another rope and quickly fashioned herself a lasso. Spying a sturdy looking branch, she aimed her lasso and flung it towards the limb with all her might.

As usual, Applejack's timing and aim were impeccable, and she roped the branch with ease, bringing her descent to an abrupt halt. Blaze and Cyrax, on the other hand, had neither the ropes nor the hand-eye coordination to attempt the trick, and the pair fell another eight hundred feet, eventually crash-landing in a shallow pool by the base of the waterfall.

"Holy horseshoes!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "She made it! She's okay!"

The other ponies rushed over to the cliff, rejoicing as they saw Applejack dangling at the end of her rope, hanging on by her teeth. "She's alive!" Twilight squealed. "She's alive!"

"Which is probably more than we can say for those other two," the referee remarked, pulling out a pair of binoculars and looking over the cliff to confirm their fates.

"Spike break robot?" Spike asked, looking over the cliff sorrowfully.

"I can't tell from here," the referee declared. "We'll have to go down and see."

The party quickly made its way down the side of the mountain (with Spike collecting rocks, trees, and even some stray birds along the way). Eventually, the group arrived at the base of the waterfall, where a small crowd had gathered trying to see what the fuss had been about.

"Well, there's one down, at least," Twilight remarked, pointing to where Cyrax lay twitching/short-circuiting near the edge of the water.

"Agreed," the referee decided. "The match between Cyrax the cyborg and Spike the dragon is over! Spike wins!"

"Spike...win?" Spike's eyes lit up. "Does Spike get prize?"

"Okay, now we can shrink him," Twilight declared. "Rarity, you're on."

"Of course," Rarity agreed, sidling over to Spike. "Spike, darling," she inquired, "you simply must see this fire ruby I have..."

"What about Blaze?" Twilight inquired. "Is he finished too?"

On cue, Blaze emerged from the depths of the pool, looking significantly less imposing (and about 200 degrees colder) than before. "You...you cursed brats!" he shouted at the ponies, as he began to lose his humanoid form and ooze back into the water. "Look what you've done! I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a..." Blaze's words were muffled by the water as he disappeared below the surface.

"That's certainly enough for me," the referee decided. "The match between Blaze and Applejack is also over! Applejack wins!"

"That's great," Rainbow Dash commented. "So can I go and save her now?"

Within ten minutes, the crowd had dispersed, Applejack had been saved, Spike had been shrunk, and Shing had been dispatched to fish Blaze's soul from the bottom of the pool. "Great job, everypony!" Twilight congratulated her team. "We faced some really tough challenges today, but we persevered through them, and came out on the winning side!"

"This calls for a celebration!" Pinkie Pie proclaimed, pulling out a set of party hats and plopping them on everypony's head. "Curses," she muttered, "I left my noisemakers back at the hut..."

"We'd better not celebrate too quickly," Applejack warned. "Our biggest challenge is yet to come."

"Why, whatever do you mean, darling?" Rarity asked.

"A-are we going to have to fight z-z-zombies next?" Spike inquired nervously.

"It doesn't matter!" Rainbow Dash declared confidently. "We can take them, no sweat!"

"I'm sure we can," Twilight concurred. "It's Fluttershy I'm worried about."

The Butterfly Effect

"All right, everypony," Twilight declared. "All we all here?"

"I'd tell ya...if I could see any of y'all," Applejack replied.

"Seriously!" Rainbow Dash chimed in. "Turn a light on in here, would you?"

"Oh...right," Twilight agreed. After a bit of searching, a candle was found and lit, casting faint rays of light across the hut. "Now we're ready," Twilight proclaimed, as her friends - save for a certain yellow pegasus - gathered around her. "This meeting of the 'Save Our Fluttershy Association' is officially called to order."

"Darling, is such formalism really necessary?" Rarity questioned. "We all know why we're here."

"It's meant to convey the seriousness of the matter at hoof," Twilight explained. "Fluttershy is scheduled to fight exactly three hours from now, and we need to figure out a battle strategy that will keep her in this tournament."

"Good grief," Rainbow Dash muttered. "Are we gonna have to do this every time she fights?"

"If necessary, yes," Twilight responded, drawing a facehoof from Rainbow Dash. "Now then, let's start with Fluttershy's opponent. Do we know who she's fighting?"

"Yes!" Spike answered affirmatively. "According to the official tournament tree, she'll be fighting someone - or something - named Reptile."

"Interesting..." Twilight mused. "Applejack's fight proved that not every one of our opponents will be human, so if this Reptile character turns out to be an actual reptile, it could play to our advantage."

"You betcha it would!" Pinkie Pie confirmed. "No animal can resist Fluttershy's charm!"

"Or her stare," Rarity added.

"Do we know anything else about Reptile?" Twilight asked Spike.

"Er...not really, no," Spike admitted.

"Then we can't assume anything at this point," Twilight decided. "Let's move on to Fluttershy - what can we do to improve her chances in battle?"

"We know she can take care of herself," Applejack pointed out. "You saw how she handled that dragon."

"And that cockatrice," Rarity added.

"And that bluebird that messed on her head last week," Rainbow Dash mentioned.

"Fluttershy's problem is attitude, not ability," Twilight declared. "If she's going to fight and win, she's got to be in the right frame of mind."

"Yeah...like that's gonna happen," Rainbow Dash remarked, gesturing over to where Fluttershy had assumed the fetal position in the corner of the room, shivering as if it were twenty below outside.

"Well...at least she's not doing that fainting thing anymore," Twilight countered, trying to look on the bright side.

"So what do we do now?" Applejack inquired.

Twilight closed her eyes and let her thoughts coalesce for a moment. "Okay, here's the plan," she finally announced. "Spike, Rainbow, you two are on intel duty - find out everything you can about this Reptile character. I want to know his strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, everything."

"We're on it!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

"Rarity, Pinkie Pie, you're on attitude adjustment duty," Twilight continued. "Find a way to get Fluttershy's head where it needs to be for the battle, got it?"

"Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie Pie answered in the affirmative, while Rarity simply nodded.

"Applejack, you and I will go talk to that Liu Kang character we met earlier," Twilight concluded. "If he's been through as many of these tournaments as it sounded like, he must know something that can help us."

"Sounds like a plan," Applejack agreed.

"All right then, gang," Twilight declared, "you've all got your assignments. Let's meet back here in about two hours to finalize our plan. Move out!"

"Got it!" "Let's fly!" "We can do this!" With that, the ponies separated and set out to do their tasks.

Applejack gave Twilight a confused look. "Are you sure this is where that Liu Kang feller was staying, sugarcube?"

Twilight simply stared at the bare patch of dirt outlining where a hut used to be. "Well...it was," she finally offered.

The sounds of several people groaning and cursing nearby caught the fillies' attention. Wondering what was going on, Applejack and Twilight raced over in the direction of the noise, coming to a quick stop when they saw Liu Kang, Johnny Cage, and Sonya slowly hauling their overturned hut back up from the base of the waterfall. "Uh oh..." the two ponies uttered in unison.

"It's not too much farther," Liu Kang tried to reassure his companions. "Just a little more..."

"Grrr..." Johnny Cage growled. "If I ever find out who did this, I'll...I'll...I'll use their intestines for dental floss!"

"Oh, just shut up already!" Sonya snapped. "At least you weren't in the hut taking a shower when this happened."

"Gee, that makes me feel so much better," Johnny shot back. "Explain to me this: How could you be inside a ten-ton hut, and not actually see the person stealing it?"

"For the tenth time, I was washing my freaking hair!" Sonya shouted. "I had shampoo in my eyes!"

Wincing at the disharmony before them, Applejack looked back at Twilight. "Shouldn't we go help them? It'd be the neighborly thing to do, after all."

"My thoughts exactly," Twilight concurred, summoning her magic and using it to levitate the stone hut. "Let me give you a hoof with that," she offered.

"You!" Freed from the burden of dragging the hut, Johnny turned his rage on the ponies. "You dumb horses had something to do with this, didn't you? You've been messing with us ever since we got here!"

"Johnny!" Liu Kang admonished his comrade. "This is no way to talk to someone who is trying to help us!"

"Helping us?" Johnny shouted, as Twilight flipped the hut over in mid-air and placed it back in its proper place. "That's just what they want you to think!" He glared at Twilight and Applejack, who were more confused about the outburst than anything else.

"They're probably secret agents from Outworld, planted here by Shao Kahn to screw with our minds," Sonya muttered. "That's why Raiden wanted us to watch out for them!"

Liu Kang rolled his eyes. "Sure, Sonya," he stated sarcastically. "The ponies are working for the man who ordered the removal of their sisters' souls. Yes, that must be it."

"Just you wait," Johnny proclaimed, as he and Sonya stormed off. "These ponies are going to be the death of us all."

Applejack scratched her head as the two warriors walked away. "What's got a bee in their bonnets?" she wondered.

"Ignore them," Liu Kang suggested. "They've had a rough day."

"We're sorry if we've caused you any trouble," Twilight offered. "We were wondering if you knew anything about a fighter named Reptile."

"That I do," Liu Kang confirmed. "Reptile has been a loyal servant of Shao Kahn for many years, and is one of his most trusted warriors."

Twilight gulped. "That's what I was afraid of," she admitted. "What's the best strategy to beat him? Does he have any weaknesses? Phobias? Allergies?"

"Heck," Applejack chimed in, "I'd settle for knowin' if this guy's a critter or not."

"To be honest, I'm never sure of that myself," Liu Kang revealed. "Reptile is a skilled ninja who relies on speed and stealth to defeat his opponents. He can even make himself invisible at will."

"Actually, that's really not that hard of a spell," Twilight commented. "I learned how to do that back in..."

"That ain't really the point," Applejack reminded her friend. "So how do we beat this varmint, anyhow?"

Liu Kang thought for a moment. "The best advice I can give you is to beat him at his own game," he finally decided. "Be ruthless in your approach - attack from the shadows, strike fast, and show no mercy."

Twilight sighed. "In other words, be somepony other than Fluttershy," she translated.

"Wait...is Fluttershy the one who was hiding behind the other ponies during your battle with Goro?" Liu Kang inquired.

"That's her," Twilight replied.

"Yeah..." Liu Kang shook his head. "She's toast."

Reptile, for his part, was killing time in the castle cafeteria, enjoying a light refreshment while talking to a robotic ninja wearing red-colored armor. "I'm sssorry to hear about Cyrax'sss defeat this morning, Sssektor," Reptile offered. "It mussst be difficult for you to imagine."

"ARE YOU KIDDING?" Sektor leaned back and laughed in a robotic voice. "THIS DEVELOPMENT IS VERY FORTUITOUS."

"What do you mean?" Reptile probed, a bit thrown by Sektor's reaction.

"WITH CYRAX DEFEATED, I AM NO LONGER REQUIRED TO LISTEN TO HIS INCESSANT GRIPING," Sektor explained. "I CAN NOW CONSUME ICE CREAM IN MY SLEEPING QUARTERS, AND LISTEN TO MY MC HAMMER RECORDINGS AT WHATEVER VOLUME I PLEASE, AND ENGAGE IN MARATHON HALO MATCHES WITHOUT HIM OBJECTING OVER THE DISTURBANCE OF HIS BEAUTY SLEEP."

"You do realize that your room isss right next to Sssub Zero'sss, right?" Reptile pointed out. "You know how he feelsss about MC Hammer."

"A VALID POINT," Sektor conceded. "I SHALL HAVE TO MIX IN SOME MADONNA TO APPEASE HIM."

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Spike sat at a corner table, sipping apple cider and scanning the room for any sign of reptilian behavior. "So...which one of these guys do you think is Reptile?" Spike asked.

"Hmm...I dunno..." Rainbow Dash muttered. "They all look pretty slimy and scaly to me."

Spike glanced around nervously at the seedy-looking brawlers around them. "Maybe coming in here wasn't such a good idea after all," he suggested. "Maybe we should wait outside...you know, where there's more light?"

"No way," Rainbow Dash declared, taking another swig of her cider. "If we're gonna find this Reptile guy, we've got to be here to catch him in the act."

"In the act of what?" Spike pressed. "We don't even know this guy look like!"

"No, but I'll bet my right hoof that somepony in here does," Rainbow Dash explained. "Lizard or not, he's gotta eat at some point, and this is the only greasy spoon on this island."

"Greasy is right," Spike agreed, rubbing his finger on the table and frowning at what rubbed off. "Would it kill them to wipe these tables once in a while?"

"When Reptile comes in," Rainbow Dash continued, "somepony will know him, and that somepony will greet him by name...and we'll have our target."

"I guess that makes sense," Spike said with a shrug.

Suddenly, a grotesque, oversized fighter burst through the saloon-style swinging doors into the cafeteria. "Hold it right there!" he bellowed, walking up to the lunch counter. "What're you trying to pull here?" he demanded of one of the food servers.

"Hey, no cutting in line, pal!" one fighter objected.

"This ain't none of your business, shrimp!" the large fighter snapped back. "And you!" he screamed at the line server, holding up a large paper cup. "Exactly what is this supposed to be, anyway?"

"Er...that's the latte you ordered a few minutes ago," the line server answered.

"Wrong!" the large fighter proclaimed. "I ordered an extra-large mocha-flavored soy latte! This awful concoction is not soy! This is milk product!"

From the corner of the room, Rainbow Dash and Spike watched the large fighter's meltdown with interest. "I'll bet that's Reptile," Rainbow Dash predicted. "He just looks cold-blooded."

"I dunno, Rainbow," Spike offered. "I don't think lattes are part of a reptile's diet."

Back at the serving line, a pair of large men dressed in dark suits and wearing sunglasses approached the enraged latte purchaser. "That's enough, pal," one of the men announced. "We don't need any trouble in here."

"Well, it's a little late for that!" the large fighter countered. "Who do you think you jerks are, anyway? You think you can get away with terrible customer service like this, and just shut me up and sweep me under the rug? Well, you're gonna find out that I'm not just some...some wimpy little lizard you can crush under your boot heel!"

Rainbow Dash's ears perked up at the word 'lizard.' "Aha!" she declared. "I knew that was the guy we were looking for!"

"Great," Spike whimpered, ducking his head below the table. "Can we go now?"

"Not before we squeeze the info we want out of him!" Rainbow Dash decided, bouncing up from her seat and flying over to the scene of the commotion. "Hey, you! Lizard boy!" she shouted, whacking the large fighter in the back to get his attention.

"WHAT?!?" the large fighter screamed, wheeling on the rainbow-maned pony. Unfortunately, in executing his quick turn, the fighter accidentally flung the contents of his coffee cup into the air, where it splash landed on an unpleasant-looking fellow in a Philadelphia Flyers jersey.

The jersey-wearer's face flushed with anger. "That's it!" he shouted, grabbing the latte-drinking fighter. "I'm gonna tear you apart!"

Rainbow Dash suddenly found herself in a middle of a brawl, as fighters all over the room dropped their trays and tossed aside their tables to get in on the action. "Hey! Watch it! Yikes! Whoa! Careful!" she shouted, dodging stray punches, kicks, and the occasional spoon, as she tried to find a path to the exit.

Reptile and Sektor watched the chaos unfold from their comfort of their table. "IT APPEARS AN UNSCHEDULED BROUHAHA HAS BEGUN," Sektor observed, standing up from his seat. "I BELIEVE I SHALL PARTAKE IN IT AS WELL. WHAT ABOUT YOU, REPTILE?"

"I really ssshouldn't," Reptile replied. "I have a match againssst one of the poniesss thisss afternoon."

From his vantage point underneath his table, Spike watched as the green ninja rose from his seat and made his way to the exit. "Well...at least we know what he looks like now," he said with a sigh.

"Good grief, Rainbow!" Twilight exclaimed upon seeing her pegasus friend. "What happened to you?"

Rainbow Dash scowled as she tried to keep the ice pack balanced on her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she muttered.

"We, uh...ran into a few problems in the cafeteria," Spike explained. "But, we found out who Reptile is!"

"Great!" Twilight declared. "What's he like? Does he have any weaknesses we can exploit?"

"Um...well...we don't know," Spike admitted. "He kinda left once the brawl started."

"What?" Twilight looked at Spike incredulously. "You mean you didn't learn anything about him?"

"Well...we did learn that he ordered a Caesar salad for lunch," Spike suggested. "Maybe it'll give him a stomachache for the fight?"

"Argh..." Twilight shook her head. "Now what do we do?"

"We ain't beaten yet," Applejack reminded Twilight. "Maybe Pinkie and Rarity came up with somethin'."

"I hope you're right," Twilight remarked, as the foursome arrived back at their hut. "Rarity? Pinkie Pie? Are you there?" Twilight called.

"Why, yes!" Rarity answered, popping out from the doorway. "I'm glad you're back - we have something to show you!"

"Really?" Twilight's spirits lifted. "You mean you've gotten Fluttershy prepped and ready for battle?"

"Yessirreebob!" Pinkie Pie confirmed, bouncing out of the hut. "There's no way Fluttershy will lose now!"

"That's good to hear," Applejack offered. "So how'd y'all do it?"

"Like this!" Rarity gestured to the hut entrance. "Fluttershy, dear, come out and show everypony your new look!"

"New...look...?" Twilight and Rainbow Dash exchanged confused glances.

"I...I don't know about this, Rarity..." Fluttershy's voice drifted out from the hut.

"Oh, nonsense, darling, you look fabulous!" Rarity insisted.

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie concurred. "Come on out and strut your stuff!"

"Oh...okay...if you really think so..." Fluttershy stepped out of the hut, meekly modeling her new battle fatigues: a green cardigan sweater, with matching socks.

Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike stared dumbfounded at Fluttershy's appearance, causing her to feel self-conscious and stare at the ground. "See?" Pinkie Pie whispered to Rarity. "I told you we'd leave them speechless!"

"I still think we should have put her hair in pigtails," Rarity commented.

Finally, Twilight managed to shake herself from her stupor. "...What?" she asked.

"Isn't she adorable?" Rarity gushed. "Why, no living creature on Earth would even dream of hurting Fluttershy now!"

"Reptile's not from Earth!" Twilight pointed out. "He's from Outworld, remember?"

"Oh, you know what I mean, darling," Rarity corrected herself.

"Ooh! Ooh! And you haven't seen our super-secret weapon yet!" Pinkie Pie added. "Go for it, Fluttershy!"

"I...I don't think this is such a good idea, Pinkie," Fluttershy objected.

"Aw, but you Pinkie promised you would do it!" Pinkie Pie reminded her friend.

Fluttershy gulped, then reached around and pulled a juice box from the pocket of her sweater. Unwrapping the straw and poking it into the box, she sat down and began sipping quietly.

"And boom goes the dynamite!" Pinkie Pie declared. "Massive cuteness-induced heart attacks all around! They'll never beat her now! In fact, we may want to warn the crowd about this ahead of time..."

Twilight shot a bemused look at Rarity. "Really?" she inquired. "Really?"

"Well...we had to do something!" Rarity offered. "We tried to get her in the right frame of mind, but..."

"This is...is...this is just freaking perfect!" Twilight screamed. "The fight starts in thirty minutes, and all we've got for a battle strategy is to wear sweaters and drink juice!" She put her hooves on her head in frustration. "What're we gonna do?" she moaned. "If we can't think of something fast, Fluttershy will be killed in there!"

"It's...it's okay, Twilight," Fluttershy declared, setting the juice box down. "Deep down, I...I knew it would end this way." Fluttershy removed her sweater and gave it back to Rarity, then turned to leave. "Maybe...it would be best if...if you didn't come to the match," she advised. "That way...you won't have to see it happen...and you won't be sad..."

With a final sigh, Fluttershy trudged off to meet her doom on the field of battle, leaving her terrified friends standing silently at the hut entrance for several minutes after she disappeared from view. "...No!" Rarity finally broke the silence. "It can't end this way, it just can't!"

"I don't know about you ponies," Rainbow Dash declared, tossing away her icepack, "but I'm not gonna stand around and let this happen! I'm going after her!"

"Rainbow, wait!" Twilight called out in vain, as Rainbow Dash leaped into the sky and flew off in the direction of the battle.

"I agree with Rainbow," Applejack proclaimed. "Even if we can't do anything...we need to be there for her just the same. We can't let her die alone."

Twilight nodded in agreement, then grabbed Spike by the tail and flipped him onto her back. "Let's ride!" she shouted, taking off for the battle site with her friends in tow.

A crowd had already assembled by the time Fluttershy approached the battle arena. "I guess it's time to face the music," she sniffled, taking a deep breath and walking towards the ring with her head hung low.

From his position along the edge of the ring, Johnny Cage gave the pegasus a disapproving look. "Look at her body language," he commented. "The way she's moping, she's already lost. It's about time, too - I've been waiting a long time for one of those ponies to get squashed."

"Reptile will actually do something useful for a change," Sonya agreed.

Liu Kang shot his companions an angry glare. "You two disgust me," he spat, turning and walking away to find another spot in the crowd where he wouldn't have to listen to his companions gloat.

Reptile waited at one end of the circle, folding his arms as the crowd parted to let Fluttershy into the ring. What isss her game? he wondered to himself. Ssshe ssseemsss ssso sssad...perhapsss ssshe isss trying to fool me into being complacent...

The referee checked his watch. "The fight isn't supposed to start for another ten minutes," he observed, "but we can start whenever you're both ready."

"It's okay...I'm...I'm ready now," Fluttershy confirmed, a single tear streaking down her cheek.

"Asss am I," Reptile added. "Let usss begin."

"As you wish," the referee replied, clearing his throat. "Your attention please!" he called to the crowd. "This match is about to begin! In this corner, the proprietor of the largest animal shelter in all of Equestria...Fluttershy! And in this corner, the only combatant for which the term 'cold-blooded assassin' can be taken literally...Reptile!" He glanced first at Reptile, then at Fluttershy. "Combatants ready?" he asked.

"Yesss," Reptile responded.

Fluttershy opened her mouth, but couldn't get any audible sound to come out. After several fruitless seconds, she gave up and just nodded.

"Very well," the referee declared. "FIGHT!"

Reptile assumed a defensive posture. "Let usss get thisss over quickly," he dictated.

Fluttershy simply laid down on the ground, hid her face and waited for the end.

"WAIT!" A rainbow-colored streak flashed through the crowd, and within moments Rainbow Dash appeared between Reptile and Fluttershy. "I can't let you do this!" she announced. "I'm not gonna let you kill her!"

"What are you doing?" the ref objected. "You're not allowed to..."

"...to interfere with your stupid battle, yada yada yada," Rainbow Dash finished the referee's sentence. "Well, here's what I think of your dumb rule!" she proclaimed, blowing a raspberry at the referee.

"It isss quite all right," Reptile remarked with a smile. "After all, the pony cannot ssstop what ssshe cannot sssee." Muttering a strange incantation, the green ninja suddenly disappeared into thin air.

"Yeah...like we didn't see that one coming," Johnny Cage grumbled sarcastically.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, had no idea what had just occurred. "What happened? Where'd he go?" she shouted.

"He's cast an invisibility spell!" Twilight called out, as she and the rest of her friends pushed their way to the edge of the ring. "He's preparing a surprise attack!"

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow Dash began shadowboxing her way around the ring. "What's the matter, salad breath - too chicken to face me?" she taunted. "Show yourself and fight like a mare!"

"I am not here to fight you," Reptile hissed from behind Rainbow Dash. "My busssinesss is with sssomeone elssse..." In short order, Rainbow Dash found herself lifted into the air by her tail, swung around in a circle like a sling, and flung over the crowd, where she crash-landed against the base of a palm tree.

"Oh...oh dear!" Fluttershy stood up with a start. "Rainbow! No!"

POW! Reptile connected with a huge uppercut to Fluttershy's jaw, sending her somersaulting through the air. "My busssinesss isss with you," Reptile clarified, as Fluttershy landed with a faceplant in front of her friends.

"Fluttershy!" Twilight screamed. "Get up! Hurry!"

"Uhhhhh..." Fluttershy lifted her head off of the ground and managed to stand back up, as her eyes did cartwheels in their sockets.

Reptile reappeared in the center of the ring. "It is time for my brethren and I to take our rightful place at the top of the food chain," he announced, peeling off his mask to reveal a hideous reptilian face underneath it.

"Wait...so he really is a reptile?" Twilight muttered, as the wheels began turning in her mind.

Reptile reared back and spewed a disgustingly-green spray of acid at his opponent. "LOOK OUT!" Twilight shouted, as she (and everyone else in the crowd behind Fluttershy) dived for cover.

As she tried to determine which one of the Reptiles she saw was the real one, Fluttershy squealed in fright at the acid spray coming at her in triplicate, and promptly hit the dirt and covered her head with her hooves. The acid passed harmlessly over her head, landing behind her on the ground where the crowd used to be.

From her new spot on the ground, Twilight did a quick diagnostic check to make sure all of her pieces were still there and in working order. "Why don't you look where you're aiming next time, jerk!" she shouted in Reptile's direction.

"Oh my!" Fluttershy quickly jumped back to her feet and scurried over to the edge of the ring. "Are you okay, Twilight?"

In an instant, the metaphorical clouds lifted and the sun shined through, and Twilight knew exactly what she had to do. "AAAIIIEEE!" she screamed, doing her best Rarity impression as she covered her face with her hooves. "My face! It's...it's melting!"

A gasp went up from the crowd, as Twilight continued screaming and thrashing around on the ground. "The pain! The pain!" she moaned. "My eyes are burning! They're...oh no...I...I can't see! Sweet Celestia, I'm blind!"

"Land sakes! Somepony get a doctor over here!" Applejack ordered, stepping forward as the rest of the crowd gave Twilight some space. "Now take it easy, Twilight, you're gonna be okay...now, just let me see..." Applejack managed to force Twilight's hooves away from her face, freezing in shock at the realization that Twilight wasn't hurt at all. "Now, wait just a minute..." she began to say.

Twilight gave Applejack her best 'work with me here, okay?' glare.

"...Oh," Applejack realized. "I mean, uh...my stars! She's been horribly disfigured!"

Another gasp went up, followed by the sound of Rarity fainting. Giving Twilight a wink, Applejack took her hat off and placed it over Twilight's face just as a pair of medical staffers arrived on the scene with a stretcher. "I'll go with her," Applejack told Pinkie Pie and Spike. "You three and Dash stay with Fluttershy, y'hear?"

For her part, Fluttershy watched in shock as Twilight was carted away, a horrified look frozen on her face. "Tw...Twilight...oh...oh no..." she sputtered.

Ironically, the whole scene appeared to catch Reptile off guard as well. "I do not underssstand," he offered. "Thisss hasss never happened before..."

As Twilight disappeared from view, Fluttershy's mood slowly began to change: Starting from shock, it morphed into guilt, then regret, then sorrow...and then suddenly to anger. "You..." she muttered, her eyes narrowing as she turned to face Reptile. "How dare you..." she declared, her voice rising in strength and volume. "How DARE YOU!!!"

Taken aback by the abrupt mood shift, Reptile found himself unable to move as Fluttershy flew over to him. "What's the big idea?" she demanded, getting up in Reptile's grill. "You're not man enough to take me on, so you have to go after my friends, huh? Is that it?

"Pleassse let me explain," Reptile offered, beginning to wilt under Fluttershy's withering stare.

"If you wanna come after somepony, COME AFTER ME!" Fluttershy dictated. "I'm your stupid opponent! Not Twilight, not Rainbow Dash - me!

"Mussst...counter...attack..." Reptile moaned. Willing himself with all his might, he managed to raise a fist to strike, but could not find the strength to follow through.

"How would you like it if I threw you against a tree, or spit acid on you?" Fluttershy went on. "Going after innocent ponies just to make yourself look tough...scum like you just makes me sick, you know that?"

"But...but..." Reptile tried to explain.

As Fluttershy continued lining out Reptile, Twilight and Applejack sneaked back over to where the rest of their friends were standing, with Twilight wearing a paper bag over her head to keep her ruse going. "Oh no..." Spike groaned. "Are you going to be okay, Twilight?"

Twilight raised the bag a little and gave her friends a knowing wink. "I'm fine," she announced quietly, "and so is Fluttershy."

Noticing that Twilight had returned to the crowd, Fluttershy grabbed Reptile by the hood of his cloak and dragged him over to her friends. "Now I want you to apologize to Twilight, and say you're sorry for hurting her like that!" she commanded.

"Of...of courssse," Reptile agreed, sweating bullets as he leaned over to Twilight. "I am sssincerely sssorry for..." The ninja stopped short as Twilight pulled her bag up for a split-second and stuck her tongue out at him. "Hey, wait!" Reptile objected. "Ssshe'sss not hurt! Ssshe'sss..."

Fluttershy, having yet to notice Twilight's true condition, grabbed Reptile by the hood and slammed his face into the dirt. "Say it!" she ordered.

"Okay, okay!" Reptile conceded. "I'm...I'm sssorry!"

"Meh...not good enough," Twilight declared. "I think his soul should sit in timeout for a while, don't you think?"

"That sounds more than fair!" Fluttershy agreed, grabbing Reptile by the leg and dragging him over to where a slightly-nervous Shing Tsung stood in the crowd. "Now then," Fluttershy instructed, grabbing Reptile by the collar and staring into the depths of his soul, "I want to you ask - nicely - for this person to remove your soul, and when you get to...um...wherever your soul goes when they take it, I want you to sit in the corner and think about what you've done! Capisce?"

"Yesss, yesss, yesss!" Reptile insisted, pulling free from Fluttershy and falling on his knees in front of Shing Tsung. "For goodnesss sssakesss, Ssshing, just take my sssoul already, pleassse!" he begged.

"Are you sure?" Shing probed. "I mean, she hasn't even really hit you yet..."

"TAKE HIS SOUL NOW!" Fluttershy thundered, turning her ire on Shing.

"Yikes! Yes, ma'am!" Shing saluted Fluttershy, and promptly began removing Reptile's soul.

"And tell the fillies we're on our way!" Applejack shouted, exchanging a high-hoof with Twilight as Reptile was unceremoniously de-souled.

"The match is over!" the referee declared. "Fluttershy wins!"

Satisfied that she had taught the evil meanie a lesson, Fluttershy reverted to her normal self once more, and rushed over to check on her friends. "Oh, Twilight," she sniffled, "I'm so sorry about this, it's all may fault, and..." Fluttershy stopped in mid-sentence as Twilight pulled the bag off her head, revealing that she was no worse for wear. "But...but how?" Fluttershy stammered. "You were hurt, and...and they took you away, and..."

"Let's just say a little acid is no match for the magic of friendship," Twilight said with a smile.

"Hey! What about me?" Everypony turned to see Rainbow Dash stumbling towards them, now sporting a huge black eye. "Everypony has a heart attack when Twilight gets hurt," she muttered, "but no one even bothers to come see if I'm okay after I get flung against a tree?"

"Oh dear, I'm sorry," Fluttershy apologized, flying over and scooping up Rainbow Dash in her arms. "I'll take care of you, and you'll feel better in no time!"

"Hey! Leggo! I can fly too, you know!" Rainbow Dash insisted.

"Miss Fluttershy!" a member of the press called out. "Can we get a quote about your dominating performance today?"

"I'm terribly sorry," Fluttershy replied, "but I have to take care of a patient right now. Maybe later?" With that, Fluttershy flew off into the sky, hauling a reluctant Rainbow Dash behind her.

The crowd quickly dispersed, leaving only Johnny Cage and Sonya standing in the clearing, too stunned at the outcome to move. "Wha...why...how did they do that?" Sonya wondered.

Liu Kang walked up from behind his companions and put his hands on their shoulders. "What can I say?" he said with a shrug. "When you're hot, you're hot."

The first round finished with a flourish that night, with Noob Saibot triumphing over Bo' Rai Cho in a victory in which the most surprising aspect was that Bo' Rai Cho had only vomited twice during the fight. After the battle, Shao Kahn retreated to his inner chambers, examining the tournament bracket as he began to plan out the second round.

After a few minutes of silence, a knock at the door drew Kahn's attention. "Enter," he declared, looking up from his work.

The door opened, and Shang Tsung stepped into the room. "Good evening, Shang Tsung," Kahn greeted his most powerful underling. "How are you feeling on this fine evening?"

"I was going to ask you the same question," Shang admitted. "I am not sure what to make of this tournament as of yet. The outcomes have been...unexpected, to say the least."

"To you, perhaps," Shao Kahn declared. "As far as I'm concerned, however, things are progressing just as I planned."

"Forgive me, Kahn," Shang Tsung apologized, "but I find it hard to believe that you planned for six ponies and a dragon to lay waste to some of your greatest warriors."

"And that," Shao Kahn pointed out, "is why I'm in charge around here, and you and your dimwit nephew are stuck on soul-collecting duties." He motioned for Shang Tsung to approach the updated tournament bracket he was crafting. "Tell me," he asked, "do you think these matches will generate suitable ratings for our broadcast partners?"

Shang Tsung examined the proposed matches, unable to keep himself from smiling as he realized what Shao Kahn had in mind.

"You see?" Shao Kahn slapped Shang Tsung on the back. "Those ponies may have laid waste to my fighters in this round...but starting tomorrow, they shall lay waste to Raiden's."

Cage Match

Raiden poked his head out of his office just as his secretary was sitting down at her desk. "Morning, Fran," he offered.

Raiden's secretary, a young-looking brunette sporting a pair of angel wings, turned around with a confused look on her face. "Oh! Good morning, sir!" she responded. "I didn't expect to see you in the office this early in the morning."

"I had an early morning meeting with the Purgatory committee," Raiden explained. "They still haven't figured out whether to send Al Davis up or down. I keep trying to tell them that just being associated with the Raiders is not grounds for condemnation, but..." He sighed and shook his head. "So what's my schedule look like for today?"

"Let's see..." Fran pulled up her boss's schedule. "You've got a meeting with Steve Jobs at 11, a conference call to discuss the new EGRP at 2..."

"The what?" Raiden asked.

"The Elder God Recycling Program," Fran elaborated, holding up a blue bin that was sitting on her desk. "The zero-sort pilot started last week, remember?"

"Right, right," Raiden recalled. "Anything else?"

"Just a phone message from a 'Princess Celestia,'" Fran declared. "She wanted to know if you were coming over to watch the primetime fight this evening."

"No," Raiden stated succinctly. "I think I've spent enough time with that particular all-powerful being to last a lifetime, thank you very much."

"I'll tell her you declined, then," Fran decided.

"Good, thank you," Raiden acknowledged. "Oh, and before I forget...has there been any information posted about the second-round tournament matches?"

"Let's see," Fran replied, navigating to iheartshaokahn.com with her web browser. "A little bit, yes," she announced. "A partial listing of the early-morning matches is up now."

"Anything we care about?" Raiden inquired.

Fran quickly scanned the site. "Ooh! Ooh! Johnny Cage is fighting today!" she squealed. "I love Johnny Cage!"

"So I've heard." Raiden rolled his eyes. "Who's he fighting?"

"I'm not sure," Fran admitted, looking at the listing a second time. "I've never heard of this fighter before. Do you know anybody from Outworld named...'Applejack'?"

"Oh, great." Raiden facepalmed at the sound of the name. "That's one of Celestia's 'champions' that she decided to enter in the tourney for her own amusement...and to make my life miserable."

"Well, I don't care who it is!" Fran proclaimed. "Johnny's gonna smash them up good!"

"For his sake - and mine - you'd better be right," Raiden muttered.

Twilight sat in silence in the castle cafeteria, watching as Applejack engaged in a staring contest with her bowl of oatmeal. "Are you okay, Applejack?" Twilight finally asked.

"...I dunno, Twi," Applejack admitted. "I mean, I know I have to fight whoever they tell me too, but still...ain't this Cage fella supposed to be one of the good guys?"

"He certainly isn't one of the nice guys, that's for sure," Twilight offered. "The last time we saw him, he accused us of working for Shao Kahn, remember?"

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Fluttershy chimed in from across the table.

"That's what I think too," Applejack agreed. "I reckon if we had to carry our hut back up the mountain without magic, none of us would be in a real good mood either."

"I suppose," Twilight conceded. "By the way...what happened to Rarity? She hasn't come back from the serving line yet."

"She's over there," Spike answered, pointing to where Rarity was deep in conversation with a large, muscular woman with four arms. "That...whatever she is...stopped Rarity to ask about her hat." He grimaced at the unappetizing breakfast in front of him. "She certainly isn't missing anything," he commented with a scowl.

The conversation lapsed into silence for another minute or so, which Applejack spent trying to convince herself to eat the breakfast she had been served. Come on girl, she chided herself, you need to keep your strength up for the fight. It doesn't matter if you're fightin' Cage, or Liu Kang, or even Princess Celestia - you ain't gonna lose, not with Apple Bloom's life on the line. Her pep talk failed to bring back her appetite, however, and she finally decided that something else had to be done. "Aw, to heck with it," she proclaimed, pushing aside her food and standing up to leave.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Twilight inquired.

"I'm goin' to talk to Johnny," Applejack announced. "I feel bad goin' against him, seein' that we're on the same side and all, and I reckon he probably feels the same way. I figure I should at least go talk to the guy, and tell him there won't be no hard feelings about havin' to battle."

Twilight considered the idea for a moment. "That's not a bad idea, actually," she finally agreed. "I'll come with you - what do you think, Fluttershy?"

"Oh...well...I don't think I have time," Fluttershy explained, looking down at the bowl of Frosted Flakes before her. "I'd hate to let my cereal get soggy and risk having to throw it away, and make the chef here think I didn't like their breakfast."

"But...the chefs here don't actually make the..." Twilight decided the point wasn't worth arguing. "Okay then," she continued, "how about you, Spike?"

"Er..." Spike hesitated, knowing full well who had stolen the fighters' hut in the first place. "Maybe I'll stay here with Rarity and Fluttershy."

"That's fine," Applejack observed. "We best be gettin' along, Twilight - time's a wastin'."

Applejack and Twilight headed for the exit, only to run into Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash as they were entering the room. "There you two are!" Twilight addressed the pair. "Where have you been? Were you two out partying all night again? ...And why do you have a pack of Sharpies in your mouth?"

"Theef?" Rainbow Dash spit the markers onto the floor. "Uh, no reason."

"We were just out showing these hosers how to really get down!" Pinkie Pie declared, striking a Saturday Night Fever pose. "We'll have to come back here once this tourney is done - this place would be perfect for my Super Summer Send-Off Party!"

"I'll keep that in mind," Twilight muttered. "Anyway, we're..."

"MISS PIE!" Twilight was interrupted by a robotic voice, and turned to see Sektor approaching the group. "YOUR SOCIAL GATHERING LAST NIGHT WAS THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE," Sektor continued, bowling over Applejack and sweeping Pinkie Pie off her feet. "I INSIST YOU SIT AT OUR TABLE."

"Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie Pie agreed.

Applejack and Twilight exchanged confused looks as the robot hauled Pinkie Pie away. "...I don't even want to know." Twilight finally decided.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Well, I'm off to chow down!" she proclaimed, flying over to where Fluttershy and Spike were sitting.

"C'mon, Twilight," Applejack reiterated. "We've got business to attend to."

Twilight and Applejack approached the hut of Liu Kang and his friends with caution. "I hope we aren't interrupting anything," Twilight offered.

"I doubt it," Applejack observed. "What is it, 9 o'clock? Heck, my whole family's been up for five hours by now."

Twilight just sighed as Applejack knocked on the hut door. After a few moments, the door cracked open and Liu Kang stuck his head out. "Ah, Twilight, Applejack, hello," he greeted the ponies. "What brings you here this morning?"

"I'm scheduled to fight your friend Johnny in a few hours," Applejack explained. "I just wanted to talk to him - you know, to clear the air, and make sure there ain't gonna be any hard feelings."

"You wish to speak to Johnny?" Liu Kang hesitated for a moment. "To be honest, I don't think now's a good time for him..."

"Why not?" Twilight inquired. "Is something wrong?"

"Well..." Liu Kang began.

"For crying out loud, Johnny!" Liu Kang was cut off by Sonya's sudden scream. "You've been in the bathroom for two freaking hours!" Sonya lamented. "Get out of there, right now!"

"No!" Johnny shouted back. "I'm never coming out again! I can't show my face in the light of day looking like this!"

Liu Kang looked back over at Applejack and Twilight with a helpless expression. "See what I mean?" he pointed out.

"Oh...well, okay then," Applejack decided. "We'll come back later - just tell him we came by, y'hear?"

"I will," Liu Kang promised.

Just as the ponies turned to leave, however, Sonya came stomping up behind Liu Kang. "Ugh!" she exclaimed. "I have had it up to here with that prima donna - make him get out of the bathroom so I can wash my hair!" she whined. "And what are they doing here, anyway?"

"I came to see Johnny Cage!" Applejack repeated. "I wanted to..."

"You did? Great!" Sonya declared, turning and dashing back into the house. "Johnny!" she screamed. "Get out here right this instant - the stupid horses wanna talk to you!"

"WHAT?!?!" The sound of a door flying open could be heard inside the hut, and Johnny Cage burst from the building in a rage, tossing Liu Kang out of the way and confronting the ponies. "You!" he screamed. "It always comes back to you, doesn't it?"

Applejack gave Johnny a strange look. "What's that on your face?" she asked innocently.

"You tell me!" Johnny snarled, pointing at the blurry smear of colors that stretched from his temple to his jaw. "I've been scrubbing this thing since I woke up this morning, but just like you ponies, it doesn't go away!"

Applejack scratched her chin with her hoof as she scrutinized the mark on Johnny's face. "Shoot," she finally realized, "that sort of looks like..."

"That hoof painting of Sugar Cube Corner that Pinkie and the Cake twins drew? Yes, I think so too!" Twilight quickly interrupted, recognizing the washed out picture of a cloud and multicolored lightning bolt a split-second before Applejack did (and making a mental note to confiscate Rainbow Dash's markers when they got back to their hut). "Here, let me help," she offered. "Maybe my magic could..."

"Ohhhhh no you don't!" Johnny declared, jumping back with a start. "I'm not letting you or your crazy voodoo magic anywhere near my moneymaker, you hear me? You dumb ponies are nothing but bad news!"

"Please, Johnny, control yourself!" Liu Kang scolded his companion.

Johnny Cage facepalmed. "You still don't get it, do you, Louie?" he raged. "Up to now, we had a pretty good thing going with this tournament - smash some faces, save the world, make the cover of TIME, etc." He pointed an accusatory finger at the two ponies. "But ever since these morons showed up, nothing's gone right for us, not one lousy thing! Those bums are either in league in Shao Kahn, or they're the biggest flipping jinxes I've ever seen!"

"You are being overdramatic," Liu Kang accused.

Johnny Cage got back in Applejack's face. "Listen up, Apple Quack," he snapped. "When you step into the ring today, I'm going to break your face into a thousand pieces, and use your nasty-looking mane to knit a Christmas scarf for my Aunt Edna! You'll be begging Shang Tsung to take your soul when I'm through with you!"

Applejack's temper finally boiled over. "Oh yeah?" she retorted. "That's mighty tough talk from a citified pretty boy who can't handle a little marker on his face. I ain't never lost to no big-city highfalutin' snob before, and I ain't about to start now! I'm gonna beat that Kahn feller and save my sister, even if I have to climb over your sorry behind to do it!"

"Your mouth is writing some awfully big checks there," Johnny Cage growled, turning to go back inside. "We'll just see if you can cover the balance when the battle starts."

Liu Kang watched Johnny stomp back into the hut, then looked back at Twilight with an apologetic expression. "He had a rather rough night," he explained. "I'm sure he did not really mean what he said."

"That's too bad," Applejack grumbled, "'cause I sure did. Come on, Twilight - we best get ready for this here throwdown."

Twilight shot Applejack a concerned look as the two walked away. "I guess that wasn't such a good idea after all," she pointed out.

"Actually, I think it was just the thing I needed," Applejack proclaimed. "I'm really ready for this fight now! In fact, I think I'll head back over to the mess hall - all that fussin' really worked up an appetite."

"Another cider, please!" Rainbow Dash requested, slamming her mug down on the counter.

"That's your fifth glass," the server behind the counter remarked. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Look, pal," Rainbow Dash declared. "I am not about to walk away from an bottomless cider mug after having to eat dirt just to get a taste of the stuff back home, get it? I said I want another cider, and that's what I'm gonna get!"

"Whatever." The server rolled his eyes and refilled Rainbow Dash's glass.

"Aw, yeah!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed triumphantly, tipping up her cup. "No one's keeping me from my cider this time!"

"Excuse me, Miss Dash," a voice from behind the pegasus called out. "May I have a word with you?"

Rainbow Dash froze just before the cider reached her lips. Lowering the mug, she turned to see one of Kahn's generic-looking ninjas standing behind her. "You just delayed my fifth mug of liquid awesomeness," she informed the ninja. "This had better be important."

"Oh, I assure you it is," the ninja continued. "You see, I'm with the groundskeeping crew, and we're responsible for maintaining all the exotic greenery here on the island."

"So?" Rainbow Dash responded. "Growing stuff is Applejack's department, not mine."

"But you are one of the senior members of the weather team back in Equestria, are you not?" the ninja pressed. "Tell me...in your brief stay thus far, have you noticed anything...strange about the weather here?"

"Not really," Rainbow Dash admitted. "I though the weather was pretty sweet, actually."

"Exactly," the ninja declared. "Do you realize that we haven't had a rain cloud pass through here in almost two weeks?"

"Whoa...that is bad," Rainbow Dash agreed. "Princess Celestia would never let us get away with waiting that long."

"That's why I wanted to talk to you," the ninja revealed. "We could use a real humdinger of a storm right now, to make sure our plants and rivers have enough water. Do you think you could..."

"Are you kidding?" Rainbow Dash laughed. "I'm the best cloud chaser in the history of ponydom! I could put together a storm that would make everypony grab two of each animal and hop on a boat in no time flat!"

"Really?" The ninja smiled behind his mask. "Would you...care to demonstrate this?"

"Is that a challenge?" Rainbow Dash inquired, giving the ninja the evil eye.

"Only if you would like it to be," the ninja replied cryptically.

Rainbow Dash tipped her cider mug back and chugged its contents in one gulp, then flung the mug down onto the floor with authority. "You are on!" she proclaimed, taking flight and zooming out the cafeteria door, leaving a rainbow-colored streak behind her.

The ninja smiled and said nothing more, instead choosing to duck out a back exit. Out in the sunshine, however, the ninja's appearance began to change, and within seconds the man morphed back into his normal form, revealing his true identity as the sorcerer Shang Tsung. "We certainly are on," he cackled to himself, watching as Rainbow Dash began gathering clouds together in the sky, "but soon our good friend Johnny will be off."

When it came to weather, Rainbow Dash could walk the walk as well as talk the talk, and within the hour a massive storm cloud took shape over the entire island, unleashing a massive downpour on its inhabitants.

"Ugh!" Rarity muttered, as the ponies made their way to Applejack's battle site. "Honestly, Rainbow, what on earth possessed you to summon a monsoon like this? And right before Applejack's fight, of all times?"

"They said they needed it for the plants!" Rainbow Dash insisted. "They needed to make up for not having any rain for the last two weeks!"

"Well, couldn't you at least have made chocolate rain?" Pinkie Pie wondered. "I bet the plants would love that!"

Rainbow Dash facehooved. "For the last time," she explained, "we cannot make chocolate rain! The last time we tried, Solar Eclipse reported seeing the explosion from space!"

"Girls, you're missing the point!" Twilight interrupted. "A storm like this could seriously hinder the execution of our battle strategy!"

"This?" Applejack looked up at the clouds. "Shucks, a little rain never hurt anypony. Besides, like Rainbow said, the plants could really use the water."

Twilight eyed the foliage suspiciously as they walked, thinking it looked pretty lush and healthy for plants that hadn't seen water in a while.

Finally, the group reached the battle arena, discovering that the driving rain had kept both the crowd and media presence to a minimum. In fact, the only ones there were Johnny Cage, Liu Kang, the battle referee, three members of the media, and Shang Tsung.

Johnny stood around cursing a blue streak, holding up an umbrella to stay dry. "Of course it starts raining cats and dogs just before my fight," he spat in disgust. "What's next?" he yelled at the sky. "Hail? Snow? Or are you going to be more conventional, and have the referee serve me papers about another lawsuit?"

"It's funny," the referee remarked to Shang Tsung. "Al Roker didn't say anything about rain in the forecast this morning...I wonder where this came from?"

"Yes," Shang Tsung agreed, unable to stifle a grin. "I wonder..."

For his part, Liu Kang tried to get Johnny to concentrate on the fight. "You must control your emotions," he instructed. "Remember, this fight had to be moved outside because Applejack made the lava cavern collapse during her first-round fight. She is a strong-willed opponent, and if you do not match her focus...she will defeat you."

"In a horse's ear!" Johnny proclaimed. "I've never lost a fight in my life, and I'm not about to start now!"

"Never lost?" Liu Kang arched an eyebrow. "You got served in the quarterfinals of the last tournament...and by Kurtis Stryker, of all people."

"That's all in the past!" Johnny proclaimed. "You've gotta have a short memory when you're in this business! Actors, fighters, cornerbacks...if you get burned, you have to get back up and show them what you're made of!"

"You are...not making any sense..." Liu Kang noted, "but at least your focus is better. Go get 'em, tiger."

Applejack stepped into the circle, as the rest of her friends took up a ringside position. "All right," she declared, spitting onto the ground, "let's get this over with."

"I'm with you," the referee confirmed. "Attention, everyone! This match is about to start! In this corner, the undisputed apple-bucking champion of the world...Applejack! And in this corner, the star of the Mortal Kombat octilogy, the new Million Dollar Man...Johnny Cage! Combatants ready?"

"Bring it!" Johnny shouted, pulling his shades off and flipping them to Liu Kang. "I'm gonna put this pony out to pasture!"

"I'd like to see you try," Applejack retorted. "You better get ready for a Apple-smackdown!"

"I guess that's a yes," the referee translated. "Very well then...FIGHT!"

Applejack and Johnny Cage rushed each other, engaging in a fierce round of hand-to-hoof combat. After a minute or so of intense fighting, however, neither combatant had gained the advantage.

From their vantage point, Applejack's friends watched the stalemate with concern. "Oh dear," Rarity remarked. "This Cage fellow is certainly giving Applejack all she can handle."

"No worries!" Rainbow Dash declared confidently. "Applejack is practically a tank on hooves - she'll wear him down!"

From his side of the ring, Liu Kang was also intrigued by the impasse. "Johnny is fighting with more discipline than I expected," he said to himself. "Perhaps he found out about Sonya putting twenty dollars on the under when the betting line was at three minutes..."

For his part, Shang Tsung watched the fight with a look of total disinterest. "Typical Cage," he muttered. "He always was more of a gamer than he looked."

Suddenly, Shang felt a tapping on his shoulder, and turned to see a ninja standing behind him wearing a miner's hat and carrying a shovel. "We are fifteen feet away," the ninja whispered. "Shall we move in closer?"

"Don't bother," Shang decided. "With all this rain, the ground should be soft enough to do the rest."

Meanwhile in the ring, the fight's outcome remained in doubt, as neither side could break through the other's defenses. "Give it up, pony!" Johnny Cage demanded. "Do you have any idea how many crunches and pushups I have to do to keep up this physique? My body's a granite block! You can't possibly hang with me!"

"Granite, huh?" Applejack couldn't help but smile. "I knew you had nothin' but rocks in that head of yours!" Rearing back, Applejack threw a left hoof that connected with Johnny's jaw, sending him staggering backwards. "You left an openin' a mile wide," Applejack taunted. "It was your mouth!"

"That does it!" Johnny seethed, his face turning beet red. "Nobody touches the face and lives to tell the tale!" Gathering his strength, he raised his leg and brought out his signature Shadow Kick, sliding quickly across the sand and smashing Applejack on the end of her nose. "Hah!" he laughed, as the earth pony went head over hooves. "You asked for it - the Beast is coming out of the Cage now!"

"Hardy har har..." Applejack grumbled, grabbing her mud-filled hat and slamming it back on her head. "We'll see who gets the last..."

Suddenly, a loud rumbling could be heard emanating from underground. "What's going on?" Twilight asked. "Are we having an earthquake?"

Johnny Cage threw his hands up in disgust. "Oh, sure, an earthquake!" he shouted at the sky. "How could I haaaaAAAAHHHH!" Before Johnny could finish, the ground gave way underneath the battle arena, sending both Johnny and Applejack tumbling into the pit that quickly replaced the ring.

"APPLEJACK!" the other ponies screamed, as their friend disappeared into the hole. Peering over the edge of the pit, all they could see was a huge pile of wet sand at the bottom. "She must have gotten buried under all that mud!" Twilight surmised.

"How dreadful!" Rarity shrieked. "I wouldn't wish such a horrible fate on anypony!"

After a few tense seconds, Applejack's head emerged from the mud. "Whoa Nellie!" she exclaimed, spitting out a mouthful of wet sand. "I sure didn't see that one coming!"

"You know," Rainbow Dash suggested from above, "if you're going to keep falling every time you fight, you should really invest in a parachute."

"Ooh! Ooh! Or a rocket pack!" Pinkie Pie chimed in. "Wouldn't that be fun?"

"AAAIIIEEE!" The conversation was interrupted by an ear-piercing scream, as Johnny Cage burst forth from the mud like it was on fire. "Eeeeewwwww!" he screeched. "This is disgusting! Whose bright idea was it to bring the house down, anyway? I'm a martial artist - emphasis on artist - not a mud wrestler!"

A mischievous glint appeared in Applejack's eyes. "What's the matter?" she teased. "Afraid to get dirty?" Scooping up a hoofful of mud, she flung it at her opponent, striking him in the shoulder.

"Yuck!" Johnny complained, furiously brushing the dirt off. "Quit it! That's dirty pool!"

"That's kind of the point!" Applejack replied, throwing another mud ball at Johnny.

"Hey! Whoa! Watch it!" Johnny objected, ducking and dodging Applejack's mud projectiles. "Are you even watching this?" he shouted at the referee. "Call a foul already!"

"What?" The referee scratched his head. "Um...there aren't any fouls in Mortal Kombat."

"Well...then flag her for unsportsmanlike conduct!" Johnny demanded. "Give her a yellow card! Heck, send her to the penalty box, I don't care! Just make...her...stop!" Johnny's rant was cut off by a perfectly aimed mud shot that caught him square in the face. "AAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed, furiously scraping the mud off.

Sensing an opening, Applejack bull-rushed her opponent, grabbing him around the waist and tackling him to the ground. "Happy now?" she taunted, putting the actor in a headlock and giving him a noogie. "I'm not throwing mud anymore!"

"Hey!" Johnny objected, flailing around in a futile attempt to free himself. "Hooves off the hair, hayseed! That haircut cost me fifty dollars!"

The other ponies looked on in awe as Applejack literally rubbed her opponent's face in the mud. "Wow..." Spike mused. "AJ can be ruthless when she wants to be."

"I agree," Rarity seconded Spike's statement. "Ruining an expertly-styled coiffure like that is an absolute travesty!" If she noticed the bemused look her statement drew from Twilight, she didn't acknowledge it.

Back down in the pit, Applejack had resorted to stuffing Johnny's face into the mud and holding it there. "Come on, varmint," she demanded, pulling Johnny's face back out of the mud, "say uncle!"

"Never!" Johnny resisted, causing Applejack to stuff his head back into the wet sand and hold it there even longer. "How about now?" she inquired.

"Hah!" Johnny forced a laugh. "I faced scarier villains in my last movie! You'll never make me crack!"

"Give up now, or I'll get Rarity's fabric scissors and give you a mohawk!" Applejack threatened.

This got Johnny's attention. "You wouldn't!" he shot back.

"Hey, Rarity!" Applejack called up to her friend. "Would you mind gettin' your makeup bag from the hut? I need to borrow your..."

"AAAHHH!" Johnny screamed, breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought of having his hair messed with. "Okay, okay! I give! You win!"

"Fine then," Applejack declared matter-of-factually. "I'm glad we could come to a suitable agreement."

"That's it!" the referee declared. "This match is over! Applejack wins!"

Liu Kang could only sigh as Rainbow Dash swooped down and hauled Applejack out of the pit. "Johnny fought valiantly," he muttered, "but he is more like that fashionista pony than he would ever care to admit."

Now wearing a smile that stretched from ear to ear, Shang Tsung leaped into the pit and approached the fallen Johnny Cage. "Don't feel so bad, Johnny," he taunted. "When you join the rest of my souls, perhaps those three fillies we captured could give you a haircut instead. I hear they're hoping to see if hairdressing is their special talent."

"NOOOOOOO!" Johnny screamed, as Shang Tsung removed as soul.

Meanwhile, the media converged on the victorious earth pony. "Congratulations, Miss Jack!" one reporter offered. "How does it feel to win back-to-back bouts against seasoned combat veterans?"

"Are you worried that your victory against one of Earth's greatest champions might tip the scales in favor of Shao Kahn?" another reporter questioned.

"Given your talent for mud-slinging," a third reporter added, "have you considered running for public office?"

Hauling himself back out of the pit, Shang Tsung caught Liu Kang's eye and flashed an evil grin. "Don't worry," he mockingly consoled the warrior. "You'll get your chance to fight these ponies soon enough. Shao Kahn shall make sure of that."

"I am well aware of Shao Kahn's tricks," Liu Kang snapped in response. "But hear me now, sorcerer: I am not afraid of anyone on this island - not the ponies, not Kahn, and certainly not you. I am the champion of this tournament until proven otherwise...and I do not intend to lose."

"We shall see," Shang Tsung remarked, turning to leave. "After all, Liu Kang...we all know what they say about good intentions."

Dulling The Blade

Raiden glared unhappily at the phone before him, which was lit up like a Christmas tree from the various callers trying to reach him. Muttering something under his breath, he punched a button at random and picked up the receiver. "Hello? ...Oh, hey, Apollo," he began. "No, Fran's not in right now - I gave her the rest of the day off. She couldn't stop crying after Johnny Cage got beat this morning. ...Right, right...no, I'm fine, really. It's not a big deal - Johnny wins the tournament, what, once every three or four years? ...Yeah, I know, he's good, but he's awfully high maintenance, you know what I mean? Anyway, what were you calling about again? ...Your band's playing at the amphitheater tonight? Gosh, A-dog, I don't know if I can make it - Sonya and Liu Kang are fighting today, and losing Fran has put me way behind...Uh huh. Okay, I'll see what I can do. Talk to you later. Bye."

Raiden hung up the phone, grimacing as it immediately started ringing again. While he fed Apollo a line about being okay, the pained expression he now wore told a different story. Punching a few more buttons to forward all his calls to voicemail, he sighed and closed his eyes, trying to use meditation to regain his focus.

Suddenly, a Rebecca Black song started playing from inside Raiden's pocket. Confused, the elder god reached down and pulled out his cell phone. "Good grief, what now?" he wondered, hitting the answer button and putting the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"TROLLLLLLLLLL LO LO LO LO LO LOOOOOOOOO..." Princess Celestia could be heard singing on the other end of the line.

"Argh!" Raiden flung his phone against the wall in a fit of rage. "I have had it with that royal rabblerouser!" he seethed. Deciding that dealing with the other gods wouldn't be so bad after all, he started pounding on the buttons of his office phone.

"YOU HAVE FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE NEW MESSAGES," the phone informed Raiden.

Raiden slammed his head down on his desk. "This is not going to be a good day, is it?" he muttered.

"All right!" Spike declared, as he and his pony friends made their way back to their hut. "That's eight wins in a row!"

"Wow-wee!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "Isn't this exciting? Are you excited, 'cause I'm excited! I've never been this excited - well, except for the time when..." Pinkie Pie stopped and thought for a moment. "Nope!" she decided. "This is officially even more exciting than the time Twilight came to town!"

"I'm just thankful Rainbow is finally getting rid of that awful rainstorm," Rarity remarked, glancing up to where Rainbow Dash was kicking holes in the cloud clover. "Still, I do believe we've earned some modicum of respect from these ruffians."

"You got that right!" Applejack agreed. "These varmints'll think twice before messin' with us again!"

"We can't get too excited just yet," Twilight warned her companions. "There's still a lot of tournament left to be fought out, and we need to make sure we stay on top of our game."

"So who fights next, anyway?" Applejack inquired.

"Let's check the list!" Twilight declared. "Spike?"

"Let's see..." Spike pulled out a roll of parchment and began scanning the list. "It says here that Pinkie's scheduled to fight in a few hours."

"Wait...what?" Pinkie appeared shocked by the news. "Oh no! This is terrible! I haven't had time to pick out my game face yet!" With that, Pinkie Pie dashed ahead towards the ponies' hut, disappearing over the next hill in a streak of pink.

"I wish she'd take this whole thing more seriously," Twilight muttered.

"Aw, don't worry about her, sugarcube," Applejack advised her friend. "She's always a little out there, but she always gets results."

"I know I would certainly be unnerved by the thought of fighting her," Rarity offered. "I was ready to stick my head in an oven after somepony left me stranded in the desert with that girl." She threw an annoyed glare up at Rainbow Dash, but the pegasus was too high up to hear her.

Twilight took a deep breath. "You're probably right," she admitted, "but still..."

Back at the hut of Raiden's champions, Sonya stood in front of a mirror in a boxer's stance, throwing quick jabs at her reflection while a translucent vision of Raiden stood nearby. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" Raiden questioned.

"Are you kidding?" Sonya replied. "I've been waiting to take a crack at one of these ponies since the start of the tournament! I am beyond ready!"

"That's what Johnny said too," Raiden reminded Sonya. "Now he's trapped in his own personal nightmare starring three amateur hairstylist fillies with three pairs of scissors and zero hands between them."

"Meh," Sonya responded with a shrug. "Johnny's just a loudmouth lightweight - all talk and no action. Any real fighter with half a brain - let along a highly-trained member of Earthrealm's Special Forces such as myself - would roast these dumb ponies like a marshmallow."

"You are underestimating your opponent," Raiden warned. "This 'Pinkie Pie' is a formidable warrior, with an unpredictable battle style. She's like organized chaos, only without the organization."

"Formidable? Don't make me laugh," Sonya scoffed. "She beat Smoke by talking him to death, for crying out loud."

"Which she is more than capable of doing to you," Raiden pressed. "Are you absolutely certain that..."

"Relax, Raiden," Sonya implored, fishing a pair of earplugs out of her pocket and presenting them to the elder god. "I got this covered. The real question is...is that little horse ready for this?" She spun back around and executed a textbook roundhouse kick...smashing the mirror she had been using into a thousand pieces. "Oops..." she winced, giving Raiden a sheepish grin.

Raiden could only facepalm at the sight. "Thanks, Sonya," he grumbled sarcastically. "We could really use seven years of bad luck right now."

Peering out from his position behind a huge boulder, Shang Tsung looked out upon the row of outhouses that stood before him. Sighing at the sight of his nephew Shing approaching, Shang slid back out of sight before he was spotted.

"Well?" Sub-Zero demanded from his position behind the rock. "Was that the pony we heard, or not?"

"No," Shang Tsung admitted. "Apparently my nephew is not only as dumb as a horse, but also sounds like one when he walks."

"Confound it, Shang!" Sub-Zero exclaimed. "We've been standing back here for over an hour, and the only ponies we've seen have been in the sky! Are you sure that party pony will be coming?"

"Patience, Sub-Zero," Shang Tsung insisted. "I made sure to tell the cafeteria janitors to close their bathrooms until after the battle, and we've got hundreds of ninjas on patrol right now enforcing our ordinance against public urination. These are the only available bathrooms on the island, and I saw her drink seven glasses of punch this morning. She'll be here, all right."

"Bah," Sub-Zero muttered, tapping his foot impatiently. "I can't believe I rescheduled my Scrabble match with Baraka just to hang out by the bathrooms with some dopey sorcerer whose plan is probably rubbish to begin with!"

"Yo Pink, how you rollin' today?" a voice called out from the vicinity of the outhouses.

"I'm feeling grrrrrreat today, thanks!" a cheery pony-like voice answered.

Shang Tsung peered out from behind the boulder again, smiling as he saw Pinkie Pie exchanging a hoof-bump with another fighter on her way to the bathrooms. "Rubbish, huh?" he shot back. "Looks like that 'zero' in your name stands for your IQ, 'cause here she comes!"

"Lucky stiff," Sub-Zero grumbled. "So now what do we do?"

"Just follow my lead," Shang instructed, watching as Pinkie Pie stepped into one of the free stalls. "Come on!"

Sub-Zero followed Shang Tsung with a suspicious look on his face, as the sorcerer casually strolled over to the outhouse occupied by the pink pony. "So Zero," Shang remarked as they approached, "did you hear Sonya is fighting one of those ponies today?"

"I'm aware of that, yes," Sub-Zero replied curtly.

"Just between you and me," Shang continued, stopping just outside Pinkie's stall, "I hope that pony cleans Sonya's clock today. That girl is just a rotten apple, you know?"

"Of...course," Sub-Zero confirmed, still a bit unsure of Shang Tsung's motives. "It's just a crime how she treats poor Kano tourney after tourney..."

"It's more than that," Shang went on. "She's...well...she's just not a nice person! She blows off autograph seekers, she badmouths her friends behind their backs, and she never leaves a tip when she goes out to eat."

"Really...I did not know that," Sub Zero commented, knowing full well the sorcerer was lying through his teeth.

"Oh, but it gets worse," Shang Tsung proclaimed, lowering his voice to a whisper while making sure he was loud enough for Pinkie to overhear. "Remember the little kid who was here the last time we held the tourney on the island? The one from the Make-A-Wish foundation?"

"Er...yes?" Sub-Zero was really confused now.

"Remember that big show Liu Kang and those guys put on about going to the kid's birthday party later?" Shang shook his head. "Yeah...Sonya blew it off."

"Unbelievable!" Sub-Zero declared, using his best 'shocked' voice.

"I know!" Shang repeated, his voice squealing a little. "And to think...she even pinkie promised she'd be there too."

"WHAT?!?" Right on cue, Pinkie Pie practically exploded from the bathroom, blasting the door off its hinges and crashing into Shang Tsung. "That's terrible!" Pinkie shouted. "Nopony breaks a pinkie promise - no pony!"

"What...can I say?" Shang finally offered, a bit stunned from the blow (and from hearing Pinkie at full volume mere inches from his face). "Sonya does. It's not the first time, either."

Pinkie's entire body went from pink to red. "How dare she!" she seethed. "The power of the pinkie promise must be used responsibly! You can't just pass them out like party favors!"

"Don't tell me," Shang Tsung replied. "Tell her."

"I think I will!" Pinkie Pie decided, and the pony rushed off in the direction of the fighter huts, leaving behind an amused Shang Tsung and an unimpressed Sub-Zero.

"Congratulations - you made the pony mad," Sub-Zero remarked. "And this accomplishes what, exactly?"

"Oh, I've made her a great deal more than mad," Shang explained. "You see, my cold-hearted friend, there are sacred values...and then there are sacred values."

"Right...because that makes things so much clearer," Sub-Zero muttered.

"Just wait and see," Shang offered. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must answer the call of nature myself."

Shang Tsung identified the nearest empty stall with a working door and stepped inside, leaving Sub-Zero alone outside the outhouses. Muttering to himself, Sub-Zero turned to leave, but stopped upon seeing Sektor walking by the area. "Hey!" Sub-Zero called out, rushing over to the cyborg's position.

"GOOD MORNING, SUB-ZERO," Sektor greeted the ninja. "AWFULLY STRANGE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING TODAY, ISN'T IT?"

"Yeah, sure, strange," Sub-Zero answered. "Hey, remember that time when Noob Saibot drained out all your oil while you were sleeping?"

"DO I!" Sektor confirmed. "THAT LITTLE STUNT COST ME A FORTUNE IN CHIROPRACTIC BILLS."

"Well, here's your chance to get him back," Sub-Zero continued, pointing at the outhouse Shang Tsung had occupied. "I just saw him go into that stall - you should go tip it over while he's in there."

"YOU HAVE A SICK SENSE OF HUMOR, SUB-ZERO," Sektor announced, slapping the ninja on the back. "I HEARTILY APPROVE!"

Now, it was Sub-Zero's turn to smile, as Sektor walked up to the outhouse to perform the dirty deed. "Perhaps this will teach the sorcerer not to question my IQ," he chortled, "and teach that mechanical moron not to play his MC Hammer records all night."

"There you are," Liu Kang declared, spotting Sonya as he entered the cafeteria. "What are you doing? Shouldn't you be preparing for your battle?"

"I am!" Sonya insisted, gesturing to the large plate of spaghetti in front of her. "I'm carb-loading!"

Liu Kang looked quizzically at Sonya's meal. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" he asked. "I thought carb-loading was for endurance sports."

"Exactly!" Sonya agreed. "Let that pony blabber on until her jaw falls off - I'm gonna outlast that motormouth no matter what!"

"YOU!" The sound of a loud, irritated voice drew everyone's attention to the cafeteria entrance, where an angry Pinkie Pie stood foaming at the mouth with rage. "BREAKER OF PINKIE PROMISES!" she snarled, pointing a hoof towards Sonya.

"Breaker of what now?" Sonya shot Pinkie Pie an unamused glare. "What are you talking about?"

Pinkie Pie's eyes turned bright red. "Your soul is stained by the tears of the innocent," she proclaimed, charging at Sonya. "Feel their pain!"

"What the..." Sonya managed to say before Pinkie Pie leaped across her table and tackled the fighter to the floor. "Hey! Stop it! Get off me! We aren't supposed to fight for another forty-five minutes!" Sonya objected, as she traded blows with the enraged pony.

"No! The bill for your thoughtlessness comes due NOW!" Pinkie Pie thundered in response.

The rest of the room sat in stunned silence for a moment as the two combatants fought. Finally, two warriors stood up at a table on the far side of the room. "Brawl?" one fighter asked the other.

The second fighter nodded. "Brawl," he agreed.

With that, the cafeteria once again devolved into chaos, as everyone rose from their table, grabbed the nearest warrior, and started wailing on each other. For his part, Liu Kang suddenly found himself hoisted in the air and tossed through one of the side windows of the cafeteria, landing in a heap outside.

"Ow..." Liu Kang moaned, rising from the ground and brushing the broken glass from his hair.

"Liu Kang!" Liu Kang looked up to see Twilight and her friends running over to him. "Have you seen Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked. "Her fight begins soon, and we can't find her anywhere!"

Rainbow Dash looked at the Liu-Kang-sized hole in the window the fighter had just crashed through. "You know, it's probably easier to use the door when you leave a room," she advised. "Take it from somepony who knows - windows don't save you much time."

"It was not my idea," Liu Kang pointed out. "I was 'escorted' out via the window during the fight that erupted when your friend came in and attacked Sonya!"

"Attacked?" Twilight couldn't help but smile. "Come on, Liu Kang - Pinkie's the kindest, mellowest, happy-go-lucky pony you'll ever meet! She would never attack somepony, not unless..."

"Fus ro DAH!" The sound of Pinkie Pie unleashing a dragonshout cut Twilight off and shattered every window in the cafeteria (the ones that weren't already broken, that is).

"...somepony broke a pinkie promise, didn't they?" Twilight muttered.

"Well, we can't just leave her in there!" Applejack declared. "We've got to get her to the battle site before the fight starts!"

"Whoa!" Rainbow Dash dived out of the way of a frying pan that came flying out one of the windows. "Yeah...I think her fight's already started," she pointed out.

"Whatever shall we..." Rarity stopped in mid-sentence and sniffed the air. "Good heavens!" she exclaimed, her face turning green. "What is that smell?"

"I do not..." Liu Kang stopped short as the stench hit his nostrils. "By Raiden's non-existent beard!" he sputtered. "That smells like...like..."

"...like a fresh pile of cow manure, yes, I know." The group turned to see a soaking-wet Shang Tsung standing behind them.

"My word!" Rarity remarked. "What, pray tell, happened to you?"

"And why do you smell like a barrel full of skunks?" Spike inquired.

"I don't want to talk about it," Shang muttered.

"Okay then - what happened to the rest of Sektor?" Liu Kang asked, pointing at the robot head under Shang Tsung's arm.

"If he's lucky, his body did not escape Earth's orbit," Shang grumbled. "If not, it should be enjoying a close-up view of Jupiter right about now."

"I DID NOT REALIZE YOU WERE IN THERE, I SWEAR!" Sektor's head pleaded. "SUB-ZERO SAID IT WAS NOOB SAIBOT!"

"I will deal with Mr. Freeze later," Shang snapped. "Right now, I must break up this brawl to ensure that our next fight starts on time."

"How do you figure on doin' that?" Applejack questioned.

"Like this," Shang answered, walking into the cafeteria.

Within seconds, all sounds of combat coming from inside the dining hall stopped, replaced by a chorus of coughs, hacks, and curses. Soon, fighters came pouring out of every door and window, holding their noses and gasping for air as they escaped. "Well...that's one way to do it," Twilight commented.

Eventually, Shang Tsung reemerged from the cafeteria, dragging Sonya and Pinkie Pie behind him. "I believe these are the two you were looking for, hmm?" Shang asked rhetorically.

"I demand an apology from this hag!" Pinkie Pie shouted.

"For what?" Sonya snapped back. "You attacked me! I should be the apologizee, not the apologizer!"

"That's enough!" Shang bellowed. "We shall settle this like we settle everything around here: with Mortal Kombat!"

"Fine!" Sonya and Pinkie Pie proclaimed in unison, as a cheer went up from the surrounding crowd.

Twilight watched apprehensively as the crowd begin moving towards the fight site. "I don't know about this..." she admitted.

"You never do," Spike muttered, as he and the other pones followed the crowd.

The atmosphere surrounding the fight was more like a primetime matchup than a midday undercard, complete with a raucous crowd that was not shy in voicing its opinion - or its favoritism. "Knock her block off, Pink!" one person shouted.

"You got nothin', Blade!" another person offered. "Nothin'!"

The anti-Sonya sentiment worried Liu Kang. "Why are they doing this?" he asked his companion. "They do realize we're trying to keep Shao Kahn from conquering Earth, right?"

"Meh." Sonya dismissed the sentiment. "Everybody loves an underdog - or underpony, in this case."

"I know," Liu Kang acknowledged, "but still..."

"Whatever," Sonya stated flatly. "They can cheer, they can boo, they can play vuvuzelas and sing show tunes for all I care - I'm going to change this pony's color scheme from pink to black and blue."

The ponies, on the other hand, were enjoying the good feelings being thrown their way - mostly. "Geez," Rainbow Dash pouted, "why don't people cheer like that for me?"

"Probably because you don't own a party cannon," Twilight suggested, turning back to Pinkie Pie. "Are you ready for this?" she asked.

"Yes," Pinkie Pie declared, her voice an octave deeper and far more serious-sounding than usual. "The honor of the pinkie promise must be defended."

"Okay then!" Twilight decided, secretly impressed with Pinkie Pie's newfound focus.

Finally, the referee stepped up to the edge of the ring. "Your attention please!" she called out. "This match is about to begin! In this corner, the undisputed party-hardy champion of the world...Pinkie Pie!"

"PING-KAH-MEE-NUH *clap clap clap-clap-clap* PING-KAH-MEE-NUH *clap clap clap-clap-clap*" the crowd started chanting. Pinkie Pie, however, did not acknowledge the cheers.

"And in this corner," the referee continued, "the woman responsible for the capture of the top-thirty most wanted Outworld outlaws...Sonya Blade!"

The crowd's chant shifted to "OH-VER-RAY-TED *clap clap clap-clap-clap*."

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"Get on with it," Sonya responded, while Pinkie Pie just nodded.

"Very well," the referee declared. "FIGHT!"

Anticipating a verbal assault, Sonya struck a defensive pose and waited for the monologue. Pinkie Pie, however, didn't even crack a smile, choosing instead to stare stoically at her opponent.

"What's the matter?" Sonya inquired. "Cat got your tongue?"

Pinkie didn't flinch...or move...or even blink.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Sonya pressed.

Pinkie Pie simply raised a hoof, pointed it at Sonya, and motioned for the fighter to bring it on.

"Fine - be that way," Sonya snarled, charging the pony and attacking with a lightning-fast volley of fists and feet. Pinkie Pie, however, parried every attack with surgical precision, as if she could predict Sonya's every move.

Liu Kang and Twilight's jaws dropped in unison at the defensive display, while the rest of the crowd roared its approval. "Where on earth did Pinkie learn to fight like that?" Twilight wondered.

Applejack shrugged. "With Pinkie, anything's possible."

Meanwhile, Sonya's frustration level was rising with every deflected blow. "Come...on!" Sonya sputtered. "You...can't...stop...me...forever!"

Pinkie Pie responded by yawning and turning herself perpendicular to Sonya. While this move meant she had two fewer legs left for blocking, it didn't seem to make her any less effective. "Are...you...serious?" Sonya complained.

Pinkie Pie just kept waiting...and waiting...and waiting. "What are you waiting for - an invitation?" Rainbow Dash shouted to her friend. "Get after her already!"

After another ten seconds of building anticipation, Pinkie did just that, rearing back and planting a back hoof in Sonya's stomach, sending her flying backwards on a line.

"Yikes!" Liu Kang exclaimed, diving out of the way as Sonya flew past him. The palm tree twenty feet behind Liu Kang, however, made no such maneuver, and Sonya crashed hard into its trunk.

"Lucky shot," Sonya growled, quickly jumping back to her feet. "Let's see you block this!" Racing back into the ring, Sonya leaped into the air and aimed a flying kick at her opponent.

Pinkie reacted by slowly raising a hoof towards Sonya as she leaped, as if she was summoning some invisible force to freeze Sonya in mid-air. The action caught Sonya off guard, and threw her for a bit of a loop. "Seriously?" she yelled. "She can do that?"

Pinkie Pie smiled for the first time since the fight began. "No, not really," she admitted. Instead, she quickly sidestepped the attack, clamped Sonya's outstretched foot between her hooves, and started spinning like a hammer thrower.

"WHOOAAOOAAOOAAOOAA!" Sonya wailed as Pinkie spun her around and around, eventually flinging the fighter back through the air and up against the very same palm tree she had hit before. "I...think I'm going...to be sick..." Sonya moaned.

As the crowd cheered, Pinkie Pie switched to attack mode, rushing over to where Sonya lay, jumping into the air, and performing a massive headbutt drop on her opponent. Pinkie followed up the drop by lifting a stunned Sonya back onto her feet, pushing her so that she bounced off the palm tree, and striking her with a flying clothesline, causing the crowd to cheer ever louder.

"Give her the chair! Give her the chair!" a voice shouted from deep in the crowd.

Pinkie nodded in agreement, pulling a metal folding chair out of nowhere. "Now will you apologize?" she asked her fallen opponent.

"N...never..." Sonya offered a weak reply.

Pinkie Pie shrugged. "Okey dokey lokey!" she remarked, raising the chair over her head.

WHAM! Pinkie's blow drew a pained 'ohhhh...' from the crowd. Shielding his eyes from the actual hit, Liu Kang looked to see Sonya laying on the ground wearing the chair as a necklace, with stars and songbirds circling her head.

"That's it!" the referee announced. "The match is over! Pinkie Pie wins!"

As the crowd went wild, Pinkie walked back over to her friends. "Wow..." was all Twilight could muster. "That...that was incredible, Pinkie! How do you feel?"

"Like it's time to get out of serious mode!" Pinkie proclaimed, her voice reverting to its normal tone. Producing a three-layer cake from behind her back, she raised it above her head like a trophy. "Who wants cake?" she shouted to the crowd, which roared in approval.

Meanwhile, Shing Tsung (who had to step in after his uncle went to take a three-hour shower) walked over to where Sonya was sprawled out on the ground. "Geez Louise..." he mused. "I mean, I don't know what you did to that pony, but she worked you over but good. I mean, that last chair shot hurt me."

"Iz dat you, mommy?" a half-coherent Sonya mumbled.

Shing just shook his head, and went about removing Sonya's soul. After finishing the deed, he gave Liu Kang a sympathetic look. "I dunno, man," he offered. " I'm glad I'm in my shoes and not yours. I mean, these ponies look unstoppable, and you've got, like, zero momentum right now."

"Momentum is a fickle mistress," Liu Kang declared, "and starting tonight, the tide shall start to turn."

In Liu Of Victory

Taking a sip of her ice tea as she sat on one of the many palace balconies, Princess Celestia couldn't help but smile as she watched the sun begin to sink low in the sky. "Oh, Luuuu-naaaa!" she called out. "Tell me, what's the current face of the moon?"

"Face?" A dark blue pony appeared in the balcony doorway. "Dost thou mean 'phase,' dear sister?"

"No...but it was a rhetorical question anyway," Celestia admitted, using her magic to float a piece of paper over to her sister. "Do you think you could project this onto the moon tonight?"

Luna scrunched up her face at the sight of the picture: a bald, misshapen face sporting an oversized creepy smile. "Are thee sure?" she inquired. "Thy image is...disturbing."

"I know," Celestia replied, looking over at Luna with a smile similar to that of her drawing. "Raiden won't be able to watch the primetime fight with us tonight, so I figured I'd send him a little message instead."

Luna arched an eyebrow. "Pray tell, fair sister," she questioned, "what possible message could such a face deliver?"

Celestia took another sip of her tea, and turned to watch the sun go down. "Just one: Ponies rule, and humans drool."

After making storage arrangements for the soulless remains of his companions, Liu Kang returned to his hut, trying to maintain his focus as a thousand different thoughts raced through his mind. "I must quiet my mind," he told himself. "My battle tonight will require more of my strength and discipline than any before it, if I wish to taste victory. Perhaps I should meditate, and pray to Raiden for guidance."

"That won't be necessary." Liu Kang froze at the sound of another's voice behind him, and he spun around to find that Raiden was already waiting for him. This was no mere vision of Raiden, however - this time, the elder god was live and on location to deliver his pep talk.

"Raiden?" Liu Kang scratched his head at the development. "What brings you here?"

"Anger, determination, and the most annoying set of ponies I've run into since I lost twenty grand at the Belmont back in '93," Raiden answered. "I can deal with losing one fighter this early in the game - especially when it's Johnny Cage - but losing two like this cuts our margin of error down to zero, and gives me a serious case of heartburn." Raiden glared at Liu Kang will all the seriousness and gravity he could muster. "We're one loss away from ceding the entire planet to Shao Kahn," he reminded Liu Kang, "and I am not about to let that happen."

"Neither am I," Liu Kang confirmed, "but I believe your estimates are overly pessimistic. After all, the ponies fight with us, not against us."

"Do they?" Raiden asked. "Sure, they talk a good game about saving their friends - heck, they might even believe they're doing the right thing! But do you really think they stand a chance of beating Shao Kahn's minions - not to mention Kahn himself - and winning the tournament?"

"If I have my way tonight," Liu Kang proclaimed, "the answer to that question will be moot."

"Yeah, well, I'm not taking any chances," Raiden declared, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small metallic ring. "Take this," he insisted. "It will help you in tonight's battle."

"No," Liu Kang declined. "I find that such trinkets interfere with my fighting style. Besides, I only wear bling on karaoke night at the Shaolin temple."

"Look here," Raiden explained, "this is an anti-magic ring. It will render any spell cast on you completely ineffective." Tossing the ring at Liu Kang, he pulled out a small pamphlet detailing the day's matchups. "I picked this up at the island's visitor center," he remarked, pointing to Liu Kang's name on the paper. "You're scheduled to fight Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's personal protégé back at her academy. She's a potent spellcaster, but all that time spent reading books in the library means she doesn't pack much of a punch physically. With this ring, her magic will be powerless against you, and she'll be a sitting duck...or pony, in this case."

Liu Kang eyed the ring suspiciously. "Isn't this cheating?" he finally inquired.

"Hey, if that stupid gun Stryker carries around is legal, there's no way this ring is against the rules," Raiden pointed out.

"Point taken," Liu Kang agreed. "Very well - I shall carry this ward with me into battle."

"Good." Raiden turned and headed for the door. "I'll leave you to your meditation."

Liu Kang looked down at the ring in his hand. "Where did you get this thing, anyway?" he asked, just before Raiden exited the hut.

Raiden shrugged and kept walking. "I won it from a miniature giant space hamster in a poker game," he called back to Liu Kang. "Now those guys have some cool trinkets."

The night's broadcast opened with a closeup of the moon, complete with the troll face Celestia had asked her sister to display. "Even the man in the moon is tuning in tonight!" Joe Buck's voice drifted in from off-camera. "There's a full moon out, and that means anything goes - of course, when it comes to Mortal Kombat, anything goes no matter what phase the moon is in! We've got an epic matchup on tap for you tonight, as the reigning tournament champion - and arguably the greatest warrior in Mortal Kombat history - takes on the ringleader of the most improbable team of hotshots to arrive on the scene since Chuck Norris hit town!"

The camera switched to a head shot of the announcer, who was standing next to the candlelit battle arena where Twilight had first defeated Goro. "Good evening, everyone," Joe continued, "I'm Joe Buck, here with you once again from Shao Kahn's private island, where one of the most anticipated bouts since Tyson-Holyfield is about to get underway! As I bring in my partner Hulk Hogan, I have to say, Hulk, this has to be the last matchup we expected to be an instant classic."

"You got that right, brother!" Hulk agreed. "I mean, we're talking Liu Kang, one of the toughest, most experienced brawlers of all time, going up against Highlight Speckle, a lightweight egghead whose daily exercise routine consists of turning pages - on paper, this thing's a total mismatch! But take it from the Hulkster, dudes - this girl is no one-trick pony! She's a serious sorceress who gave up five hundred pounds and four-arms to Goro and still cleaned his clock like a boss! I tell ya, Joe, the guys in Vegas have Liu Kang as a slight favorite, but he's gonna have his hands full tonight!"

"Liu Kang's certainly got the experience advantage in this fight," Joe offered, "and while he's a perfect 41-0 against Motaro in his career, nothing can really prepare you for a fight against a purple unicorn with enough magic to make Albus Dumbledore jealous. On top of that, Twilight's posse has put together an impressive 9-0 record and taken the planet by storm, earning congratulatory tweets from A-listers, attracting thousands of fans worldwide, and most impressively of all, knocking Tim Tebow off the back pages of the New York Daily News."

"I've never seen anything like it!" Hulk gushed. "We're talking Ponymania, brother!"

Meanwhile, high above the broadcasters, Shao Kahn sat in his private box, munching on a cupcake and gazing silently at the crowd below him. "Mmm..." he murmured, savoring the sweet delicacy in his hand. "Seriously now, why can't we get treats like this in Outworld? Perhaps I should talk to the Cakes about franchising their shop and opening up a branch back home..."

"I'd go easy on the sweets if I were you, Kahn," a voice remarked from behind the Outworld emperor. "Empty calories are a fighter's worst nightmare."

Shao Kahn turned to see a familiar set of eyes staring at him from beneath a wide-brimmed hat. "Why, Raiden!" he exclaimed with a smile. "How nice of you to grace us with your presence. Please, have a seat!"

"I'd rather stand," Raiden replied, not returning Shao Kahn's smile. He walked over to the edge of the box and looked down at the crowd. "What's your game here, Kahn?" he inquired.

Shao Kahn couldn't help but laugh at the question. "Raiden, Raiden, Raiden..." he declared, shaking his head, "what do you think my game is? I'm here to conquer the Earth and finally take control of the realm I so justly deserve! Honestly, I'd have thought you'd have figured that out by now."

"It's different this time," Raiden accused. "You're letting a bunch of unwitting ponies do your dirty work for you by having them take out the warriors your henchmen never could."

"So?" Shao Kahn shrugged. "You've heard that old line about the ends justifying the means, haven't you? I don't give a flying fart who beats your champions, Raiden, so long as they are beaten...for once they are gone, your world is mine."

"Don't go counting your chickens before they hatch," Raiden advised. "You've thrown an entire book of dirty tricks at Liu Kang before...and every one of them fell flat."

"Perhaps," Shao Kahn admitted, "but as you so eloquently put it, things are different this time. This 'Twilight Sparkle' character dispatched our friend Goro with frightening efficiency."

Raiden dismissed the statement with a wave of his hand. "Please," he insisted, "that fight wouldn't even crack Liu Kang's top ten smitings of that four-armed freak. That pony's game is all smoke and mirrors." He turned away from Shao Kahn to hide the smile forming on his lips. "I doubt her magic will pack quite the same punch this time around," he predicted.

Back down on the ground, Twilight and her friends had gathered at the edge of the ring for one final pep talk. "All right, everypony, hooves in!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "What are you gonna do here, Twilight?"

Twilight gulped nervously. "I'm...gonna win," she managed to say, albeit with a Fluttershy-esque level of confidence. "I'm gonna beat Liu Kang."

Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a disappointed look. "Not sounding like that, you won't," she observed. "Say it again, like you mean it!"

"I'm...gonna win tonight," Twilight repeated.

"I can't hear you!" Rainbow Dash declared.

"I'm gonna win!" Twilight shouted.

"Louder!" Rainbow Dash implored.

"I'm gonna beat this guy!" Twilight screamed.

"LOUDER!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

Twilight took a deep breath. "I'M GONNA KNOCK THIS POSER INTO THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK!" she proclaimed.

"That's the spirit!" Rainbow Dash announced. "And what are we going to do, gang?"

"Um...cover our eyes, plug our ears, and try to think happy thoughts?" Fluttershy offered.

Rainbow Dash facehooved. "Try again," she demanded.

"We're gonna cheer Twilight to victory!" Applejack answered.

"And eat our weight in cotton candy!" Pinkie Pie added.

"And look fabulous doing it!" Rarity chimed in, sporting her usual elegant attire.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Wrong on all counts!" she declared. "We're gonna boo the heck out of that Liu Kang guy! If that bozo thinks he's just gonna walk in here and squash us like a bug, he's got another thing coming!" She looked disapprovingly over at Liu Kang, who was calmly stretching at the other end of the circle. "Just look at that scrawny wimp," she muttered. "Seriously, put a freakin' shirt on!"

"Pay no attention to him, darling," Rarity suggested, turning back to Twilight. "Don't worry about a thing," she told her fellow unicorn. "Remember that brains triumph over brawn every time."

"And you've got one thing that rascal ain't!" Applejack added, pointing at Twilight's horn.

Twilight closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and steeled herself for battle. "You're right!" she proclaimed. "It's not about strength and power - it's about preparation! I've read more books on martial arts than this guy's read in a lifetime, and I've put together a set of spells that will guarantee victory!"

"That's what I'm talkin' about!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Now get out there, and show him what you're made of!"

"Ladies and gentleman!" All eyes turned to the fight's announcer, who had stepped into the center of the ring. "It's time for tonight's final matchup, so I ask all of you...are you READYYYYYYY?!

The crowd's loud reaction to the question suggested the answer was 'yes.'

"In this corner," the announcer began, pointing towards the empty side of the circle where Twilight was slated to enter, "the most feared librarian in all of history, who will make you regret not returning your books on time...Twiliiiiiiiiiight Sparklllllllle!"

Twilight bounded into the ring with a renewed sense of vigor, waving her hooves to acknowledge the cheering crowd.

"And in this corner," the announcer continued, "the reigning champion of Mortal Kombat, and winner of eight of the last ten tournaments, a warrior, enforcer, and all-around tough guy...Liuuuuuuuuuu Kanggggggggg!"

Liu Kang bowed his head and stood still, eschewing a flashy entrance and choosing to tune out the crowd and quiet his mind instead.

"Combatants ready?" the announcer asked.

"Ready and able!" Twilight confirmed.

"As am I," Liu Kang added, finally looking up.

"Then let's get this show on the road!" the announcer declared. "FIGHT!"

"Time for 'Operation Victory!'" Twilight announced. "Step 1: The Super Soaker!" Gritting her teeth as her horn lit up, she began drawing water vapor out of the air around her to conjure a stream of liquid that began circling her. "Take this!" she shouted, aiming her water stream at her opponent and blasting it at Liu Kang like a fire hose.

Liu Kang didn't even flinch as the attack connected, and the water bounced harmlessly off of him, not even soaking his clothes. "Twilight strikes first," Joe narrated, "but the attack doesn't seem to have any effect!"

"Amazing!" Hulk gushed. "He must be using some duck style of kung fu!"

Twilight, for her part, was too busy to notice that her attack had fizzled. "Time for Step 2!" she decided. "The Super Shocker!"

As Liu Kang looked on stoically, Twilight's horn began crackling with electric energy, and suddenly a lightning bolt shot out from the horn, sped across the ring, and struck Liu Kang square in the chest, drawing a gasp from the crowd as it hit. Once again, however, when the lightning fizzled away, Liu Kang looked no worse for wear.

"Er...correct me if I'm wrong, sugarcube," Applejack asked Rarity, "but when you hit somepony that hard...shouldn't it leave a mark?"

"Well...perhaps this Kang fellow is a distant relative of Pinkie's," Rarity suggested.

"Whoa! You really think so?" Pinkie gasped, then pulled out a photograph depicting a huge collection of ponies smiling for the camera. "Hmmm..." Pinkie Pie mumbled, scratching her chin as she scanned the picture. "Well, he wasn't at the last family reunion," she informed her friends, "but cousin Stinky Pie couldn't make it - maybe he's from that branch of the family."

Twilight, for her part, had moved on to Step 3 in her plan, still completely oblivious to the fact that her attacks weren't having any effect. "Here we go - the Seismic Smite Special!" she proclaimed, as the aura around her horn grew larger and brighter.

Suddenly, Liu Kang found himself bathed in a white light, as if someone had turned on a spotlight above his head. Looking up, the warrior's eyes widened slightly as a beam of light shot down from the sky and headed straight for him. "Very impressive," he admitted.

BOOM! The force of the light beam hitting the ground sent a tremor (and a thick cloud of dust) through the entire area. "Gah!" Rarity shouted, ducking behind Fluttershy as the cloud swept over them. "Honestly, Twilight, was that really necessary?" she complained.

"We'll...see!" Twilight managed to reply in between coughs.

"Twilight opens with an impressive trifecta!" Joe announced. "But will this shot be any more effective than her first two?"

Unfortunately for Twilight, the answer was a resounding 'no.' Unleashing a fierce battle cry, Liu Kang burst from the dust cloud on a dead run, heading straight for his pony opponent.

"Wha...?" Startled by the attack, Twilight froze, and could only watch as Liu Kang closed in.

"I can't look!" Spike covered his eyes and buried his face in Pinkie Pie's mane.

POW! BANG! BOOM! Reaching his opponent, Liu Kang executed an efficient seven-hit combination, ending with an uppercut that drew a roar from the crowd and sent Twilight flying back across the ring. "And Liu Kang showcases both style and substance with a devastating set of blows!" Joe reported.

"Oof!" Twilight landed in a heap on the other side of the candlelit circle. Trying to blink away the stars from her eyes, Twilight looked up just in time to see Liu Kang rushing in for another attack. "Yah!" she screeched, instinctively summoning a purple-colored energy shield to protect herself. Liu Kang, however, went through the shield like a knife through butter, executing another six-hit combo that sent Twilight flying out of the ring, over the crowd, and crashing up against the side of the nearby stone building.

From his box above the action, Shao Kahn muttered something unprintable under his breath as he watched Twilight slide down the wall.

Twilight's friends had a similar reaction. "What the hay is going on out there?" Rainbow Dash shouted. "That guy went through Twilight's shield like it wasn't even there!"

"Maybe...he's immune to magic," Spike hypothesized nervously. "Twilight's told me about creatures like that..."

"No way!" Rainbow Dash disagreed. "This guy is way too lame-looking to be magic-proof!"

"Well, whatever this feller is," Applejack stated flatly, "Twilight better figure out a way to turn things around, and fast."

Meanwhile, Twilight lay on her back up against the building, trying to remember the license plate of the truck that had just hit her. "Who...what...where..." she moaned, staggering to her feet as the crowd parted around her to give Liu Kang a clear path to his opponent.

"Your quest is noble," Liu Kang monologued, "but it ends here." With that, he raced towards Twilight for another attack.

"YAH!" Still lucid enough to remember how well her 'fight' response had worked before, Twilight chose the 'flight' option this time, casting her trusty teleportation spell and disappearing into thin air as Liu Kang approached.

"Twilight pulls out her Elvis impression and leaves the building!" Joe declared. "The question is, where will she re-emerge?"

Liu Kang remained on guard, unsure if Twilight had teleported or used a Reptile-esque invisibility spell. "Your power is strong," he remarked, "but it will take more than mere magic to defeat me."

"He's got that right, brother!" Hulk confirmed. "It's time to find out if Skylight Sickle has the soul of a true warrior!"

Suddenly, Twilight reappeared from the ether, ending up just behind her friends. "Goodness!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "You look terrible, Twilight!"

"It's nice to know I look the same as I feel," Twilight muttered, pounding on her head with her hoof. "Think, girl!" she exhorted herself. "If magic can't hurt him, you've got to think of something that will!"

"Hey! She's over here!" a voice called out from the crowd, causing everyone to turn towards the purple pony.

"No rest for the weary," Twilight grumbled.

Instead of rushing over, however, Liu Kang remained by the stone building. "You are not the only spellcaster in this fight," he revealed, "and you are also not the only one who can call on a dragon for assistance!" Bringing his hands together, he thrust his palms out towards Twilight, and a plume of fire shaped like a dragon's head shot towards the pony.

"HOLY..." The end of Twilight's statement was drowned out by the roar of the flaming dragon, and she quickly conjured up another teleport spell, disappearing just before the fire beast reached her.

"And Twilight moves to a hide-and-seek strategy!" Joe narrated. "But how long can she avoid the champion's attacks?"

"That's a great question, Joe!" Pinkie Pie interrupted, popping up between Joe and Hulk. "You know what else is a great question? If you mash up cherries in a tortilla, should we call it a chimicherry, or a cherrychanga?"

"Good grief!" Joe exclaimed, sticking his fingers in his ears. "Quick, go to commercial!"

Meanwhile, Twilight reappeared back along the side of the stone building a mere fifteen feet from Liu Kang, but dived around the corner of the structure before being spotted. "C'mon, Sparkle," she pleaded with herself, "those fillies are counting on you! You've got to find a way to beat this guy, or you're gonna be soul food for Shang Tsung - literally!"

Back out by the ring, the crowd had started to boo the lack of action, but Pinkie Pie's incessant chattering sent everyone - including Raiden and Shao Kahn - looking for things to stuff into their ears to block the sound. Luckily, the concession stand vendors had learned their lesson from Pinkie's previous primetime bout, and had more than enough cotton candy for everyone.

Liu Kang, for his part, sensed an opportunity to bring the crowd into his corner. "Where is you honor, Twilight?" he demanded. "A warrior does not run and hide in the face of danger - they resolve to fight with all their soul, and face their fate with bravery and pride!"

"Sure," Twilight mumbled to herself, "because 'I fought with bravery and pride' would look so good on my tombstone." Looking over towards the treeline, she spotted the trusty boulder that both she and Rarity had used to great effect in the first round sitting nearby. "Perhaps it's time for the heavy artillery," she decided, using her magic to levitate the boulder.

Back at the battlefield, the crowd was starting to find its voice again. "Come out, you magical coward!" "Did you go running to your mommy?" "Mr. Ed fights better than you!"

"Booooooooring!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "We want a battle, not a rotten apple!"

"Rainbow!" Applejack scolded her friend. "You're talkin' about Twilight here!"

"I know," Rainbow conceded, "but come on! This is like watching paint dry!"

"The crowd here is getting restless!" Joe commented, as Hulk fought to hold Pinkie's mouth closed. "When is Twilight going to make her move?"

"Right now!" Twilight declared, using every last bit of her power to fling the boulder towards the ring. "Bombs away!"

Twilight's aim was true, and Liu Kang quickly realized that he was standing at the boulder's landing point. Instead of moving, however, he chose to stay put, and drew back his fist. "HI-YA!" he shouted, thrusting his hand forward as the rock approached.

SMASH! The sound of the rock hitting its target drew Twilight out from her hiding spot. "Gotcha!" she proclaimed, bouncing giddily back into the ring. "Now then, if there's nothing.." She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw Liu Kang standing in a pile of rubble, still frozen in his follow-through pose, and realized it was the rock that had broken and not Liu Kang.

Liu Kang gave Twilight a funny look. "Really?" he asked. "You thought a rock would beat me? I'm a martial artist, for crying out loud! Smashing boards and blocks is at least 50% of my training regimen!"

"You don't say," Twilight muttered.

"This charade has gone on long enough," Liu Kang announced, raising his right hand as a ball of flame began to form in his palm. "It is time to end this!"

"Yipes!" Twilight screeched as Liu Kang flung his fireball at the mare. Predictably, though, Twilight managed to teleport out of harm's way at the last second, drawing another round of boos from the crowd.

Up in Shao Kahn's private box, Raiden could only shrug at his host. "What can I say?" he offered. "Liu Kang likes winning even more than Charlie Sheen."

Liu Kang stomped around the ring, his hand still smoking from the fireball. "Where is she?" he asked. "Stand and fight like a ma...er, pony!" Behind him, the crowd booed in solidarity.

"Things are looking bleak for the unicorn now," Joe narrated. "It'll take a miracle comeback for Twilight to win!"

Eventually, Twilight reappeared behind the crowd, and quickly skittered back to her hiding place around the side of the building. "This is bad," she muttered. "My magic's no good against this guy, and I'm ten years of training and one Angelo Dundee away from going toe-to-toe with him...what'll I do?" Spying a fallen palm tree about ten feet away, a burst of inspiration hit her like a Liu Kang roundhouse. "I've got it!" she declared happily.

"Such cowardice is beneath you, Twilight Sparkle!" Liu called out from the ring. "Face me, and let us discover our destinies."

"D...d...does she have to?" Fluttershy whimpered, cowering behind Rarity.

"Yoo hoo! Liu Kang!" A deep contralto voice suddenly sang out from behind the building. "I'm over hee-yer!"

Liu Kang hesitated for a moment, as the crowd scattered from in front of the stone structure. "Who is there?" he asked, not immediately recognizing the speaker. "You are not Twilight."

"Oh, I'm Twilight, all right!" the voice assured Liu Kang. "If you don't believe me, come around the building and find out!"

Liu Kang approached the building cautiously. "I do not trust you," he proclaimed. "You sound...hoarse."

The crowd stopped booing Twilight for not fighting, and started booing Liu Kang for his terrible pun.

"You crushed my voicebox with that last combo of yours, okay?" Twilight sputtered in frustration, forgetting that she had been speaking just fine between now and then. "Just get over here and fight, would you?"

"Very well." Stopping just before he rounded the far corner of the building. Liu Kang took a few steps backwards, let out another battle cry, and leaped around the corner with his fists and feet flying.

Liu Kang's eyes nearly popped out of his head at what he saw: Waiting for him around the corner was Twilight Sparkle, bulging with muscles and nearly five times her original size, pinching the fallen palm tree between her front hooves and holding it like a baseball bat. "Hidey ho, neighbor," she greeted her opponent, as she reared back with her weapon. "Batter up!"

Liu Kang flailed his arms wildly trying to slow his momentum in mid-air, but it was too late. "Oh, crud," was all he could manage to say.

CRACK! The loud crack of the tree caught everyone's attention, and the crowd watched in awe as Liu Kang was unceremoniously launched into the night sky. "EEEYYYAAAHHH!!!" Liu Kang screamed.

"He's going back-back-back-back-back-back..." Pinkie Pie called, freeing herself from Hulk's grasp and channeling her inner Chris Berman.

"What the..." Raiden's nearly fell out of Shao Kahn's box as he leaned over the railing to watch Liu Kang sail. "Impossible!" he objected. "There's no way!"

Shao Kahn could not contain himself, and started rolling on the floor with laughter. "My my, Raiden," he teased his guest, "perhaps your warriors have been spending too much time with these ponies - they're starting to fly like them!"

As everyone watched and waited with bated breath, Liu Kang cleared the trees, the beaches, and eventually the entire island, finally landing in the ocean several hundred feet offshore. "We have splashdown!" Pinkie declared.

Shao Kahn managed to pick himself up off the floor and compose himself enough to deliver his final verdict. "This match is over!" he called down to the throngs below. "Miss Sparkle is victorious!"

The crowd began cheering at full volume, giving Twilight a standing ovation as she emerged from around the building. "Incredible!" Joe shouted into his microphone. "Twilight Sparkle channels her inner Albert Pujols and sends Liu Kang on a one-way trip all the way to El Salvador!"

"The old Team Rocket Send-Off Special!" Hulk gushed, wiping a tear from his eye. "Beautiful job, brother!"

Not knowing what else to do, the announcer raised his finger in the air and swung his hand in a circle to signal a home run. "Touch 'em all, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie shouted, now channeling Bob Costas. "You'll never hit a bigger home run!"

Twilight obliged the fans by doing a victory trot around the ring, winking at her friends as she passed by. "Neat, huh?" she asked rhetorically.

"Er...Twilight?" Applejack asked. "Why do you look like that Iron Will feller on steroids?"

"Well," Twilight explained, "since I couldn't use my magic on Liu Kang...I decided to use it on me instead!" She flexed one of her front legs for the crowd. "The tree was a nice touch, don't you think?"

"Heck yeah!" Rainbow Dash declared, "That was sick, girl! I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Um...Twilight?" Fluttershy inquired. "What about Mr. Kang? Is he going to be alright?"

Twilight froze. "Oh, no!" she realized. "He's probably drowning out there! We have to go save him!" With that, Twilight turned and headed for the beach, plowing a path through the fans that had stormed the circle in celebration.

Luckily for Liu Kang, the impromptu cold-water bath had brought him to his senses, and he had managed to drag himself back onto shore by the time the ponies arrived. "Liu Kang!" a back-to-normal-size Twilight cried out, her spell having worn off by the time she reached the beach. "Are you okay?"

"An...an odd question...from the one who...who put me here," Liu Kang acknowledged. "But I do not die so easily."

"Well," Rarity huffed, "if I'd have known that, I wouldn't have risked sullying my outfit by taking a shortcut through the forest."

A set of faint lights began shining through the treeline. "Listen carefully - I do not have much time," Liu Kang insisted. "With my fall in battle, the defense of our realm - and yours - falls to all of you. You must continue to fight your way through the tournament, and claim victory by defeating Shao Kahn and his minions. It will not be easy, and Kahn will use every trick at his disposal to stop you...but in watching you battle, I have seen that you all possess the strength and the spirit needed to triumph."

"Don't worry," Twilight assured the fallen warrior. "We won't let Kahn and his cronies take over the world."

"You got that right!" Applejack seconded her friend. "We'll teach that realm-hungry rascal not to mess with us Equestrians!"

"Not to mention punish him for his crimes against fashion!" Rarity added, drawing a disapproving look from everypony around her. "What?" she declared incredulously. "Have you seen that awful thing he wears on his head? It's simply horrid!"

The lights in the distance grew brighter, and soon Shang Tsung and a squad a ninjas emerged from the trees. "It is time," Liu Kang observed. "Stay strong, stay focused...and teach Kahn a few lessons about friendship."

Wearing a smile a mile wide, Shang Tsung strode smugly up to Liu Kang and the ponies. "Your soul has always been a personal favorite of mine, Liu Kang," he proclaimed. "To possess a man of your strength...it is a high no drug could ever match."

Liu Kang winked knowingly at a guilty-looking Twilight. "Enjoy it while you can, sorcerer," he answered, "for the arrangement will be temporary."

"Whatever you say," Shang Tsung casually responded, looking over at the ponies. "We'll handle things from here," he explained. "You should all hurry over to the castle - Shao Kahn would like to talk to you."

"Fine by me!" Rainbow Dash declared. "I've got a few things to say to him myself!"

"Rainbow, wait!" Twilight cried out in vain, as the pegasus took off for Shao Kahn's fortress. "Ugh," she muttered, as she and her friends gave chase.

Rainbow Dash zoomed through the halls of Shao Kahn's castle, making her way to the emperor's personal chambers. "Dirty rotten lousy snake!" she muttered. "When I get my hooves on him, I'll..." She stopped abruptly in mid-sentence, as a familiar cry reached her ear from farther down the hall. "Wait...is that..." she whispered, kicking herself into another gear and zipping down the hallway until she reached a large set of ornate-looking double doors.

"Take that!" Rainbow shouted, spinning around and bucking the doors open with her best Applejack impression. "All, right, you lousy mother..." she began to speak, but cut herself off again, this time due to the sight of a small iron cage sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, which contained three familiar-looking-and-very-much-alive fillies: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.

"Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo cried out, rushing to the edge of the cage to be as close to her idol as possible. "I knew you'd come!"

"You're darned right I would!" Rainbow Dash declared, quickly scanning the cage to find the door. "When somepony steals the soul of my number one fan and practically begs to have to their tail kicked, I am there!"

"Hmph!" Shao Kahn pouted sarcastically from the corner of the room. "Are you just going to take your friends and leave without saying goodbye to your host? I'm hurt, Rainbow, I really am."

"Rainbow!" Twilight called out, and she and the rest of the Ponyville crew burst into the room. "You shouldn't go running off like...

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack interrupted, racing over to the cage. "You're alive!"

"And Sweetie Belle! Thank goodness you're..." Rarity suddenly twisted up her face in agony. "My word!" she objected, covering her nose with her hoof. "You three need a bath, stat! Why Sweetie, you've even got mold growing on your flank!"

"That's what that is?" Sweetie Belle's face fell. "Aw...I thought I'd finally gotten my cutie mark..."

Shao Kahn pantomimed wiping a tear from his eye. "Such a heartfelt reunion," he observed. "I knew you all would appreciate it."

"So this is what you wanted to see us about?" Twilight inquired.

"Ah, Twilight - getting straight to the point as always!" Shao Kahn replied. "As a matter of fact, this is what I wanted to discuss with you. You see, I saw you all working so hard out there and mopping the floor with your opponents, and I thought to myself, 'You know, Kahn, I think these ponies - and don't forget our friend Spike! - have proven their point, and they shouldn't have to slog all the way through the tournament just to save a couple of fillies.'" He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a brass key. "I have here the key to the young ponies' cell," he announced. "You may take it, free your friends, go back home to Equestria, and forget this whole thing ever happened."

"Really?" Applejack was skeptical of the offer. "You mean you'd just let us up and leave like that?"

"Of course," Shao Kahn answered. "That is what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Well...yes, I suppose..." Rarity admitted.

"Then what's the issue?" Shao Kahn asked. "You've saved your friends, triumphed over your critics, and probably picked up another million fans in the process. What's left to accomplish? And besides..." He looked over at the caged fillies. "Haven't they been through enough?" he posed.

Apple Bloom looked over at Applejack. "I...I wanna go home, Applejack," she decided. "I really do."

"Me too," Sweetie Belle added.

"So you've been smacking down the bad guys in death matches?" Scootaloo asked Rainbow Dash, completely ignoring Shao Kahn's question. "That must've been awesome! I wish I could've seen it!"

Applejack and Rarity exchanged pained glances, as Liu Kang's final request echoed in their minds. "Er..." Applejack stammered, "well, uh, you see..."

"The truth is, Sweetie..." Rarity started to explain.

"It's okay, girls," Twilight proclaimed. "You should get the fillies out of here while you can." She looked back over at Shao Kahn with the fiercest gaze she could muster. "With Liu Kang gone, we're the only ones standing between Kahn and total domination. I have to stay and finish the job."

"Me too!" Rainbow Dash declared. "You're not taking over the world on my watch!"

"But we can't just leave you here to face all these...fellows...by yourselves!" Rarity objected.

"Rarity's right!" Applejack seconded. "We're strongest when we work as a team!"

"Well, then don't go!" Scootaloo offered. "Stay and knock their blocks off!"

"Scootaloo!" Apple Bloom shouted. "If we don't leave right now, they're gonna leave us stuck in this cage for the whole thing!"

"Actually," Shao Kahn interjected, "Shang Tsung was going to re-consume your souls if your friends didn't take us up on the offer...but, you know, to-may-to, to-mah-to, six of one, half-dozen of the other."

"I don't wanna go back there, Scoot," Sweetie Belle offered. "It was cold, and dark, and...and we could be stuck there forever!"

"Aw, it wasn't that bad," Scootaloo countered. "Besides, these jokers will never beat Rainbow Dash! She's the best!"

"How true..." Rainbow mentioned to nopony in particular.

Apple Bloom looked back over at Applejack, her spirit stirred by Scootaloo's speech. "You know something?" she decided. "You're right! Applejack, you're the greatest rodeo pony in all of Equestria! You could beat these guys with two hooves tied behind your back!"

"But if I don't take you home now, that varmint Shang Tsung will take your soul back," Applejack pointed out. "Are you really okay with that?"

"Just make sure I don't stay there too long!" Apple Bloom said with a wink.

"I dunno, girls..." Sweetie Belle admitted.

"But they need Rarity here too!" Apple Bloom insisted. "You've seen how nasty she can be!"

"I beg your pardon!" Rarity objected. "I am a lady, Apple Bloom - I do not get 'nasty'!"

"Oh really?" Sweetie Belle arched an eyebrow. "Then how would you have described yourself after Opal ate one of your false eyelashes?"

"I did not get nasty," Rarity reiterated. "I was only...mildly irritated."

"Well, if you sew Opal's tail to the wall when you're 'mildly irritated,'" Sweetie Belle reasoned, "I'd hate to see you when you really get angry."

"People, please!" Shao Kahn finally shouted. "So let me get this straight - you three want to stay and be part of Shang Tsung's soul collection?"

"That's right!" Scootaloo responded. "We're not afraid of you!"

"...well, maybe just a little," Sweetie Belle added.

"And the rest of you are okay with this?" Shao Kahn went on. "None of you want to take them home and leave the competition?"

Rainbow Dash wheeled on Fluttershy (who was cowering behind Pinkie Pie at the time) and gave her the evil eye. "Don't even think about it," she warned.

Shao Kahn sighed and shrugged. "Fine - be that way," he decided. "I'll have Shang collect the fillies' souls when he gets back from the beach. You may all go back to your quarters and prepare for your next battle."

"We'll do that," Twilight agreed, turning to leave.

Apple Bloom and Applejack exchanged a hoof-bump through the cage bars. "Don't you worry none," Applejack declared. "We'll beat this rascal and get you home in no time at all!" The statement drew an eye roll from Shao Kahn, but none of the ponies noticed it.

"Stay strong, girls," Rarity encouraged. "We shall deal with these ruffians, and bring this whole matter to a swift and satisfactory conclusion."

Shao Kahn watched silently as the Equestrian contingent filed out of his chamber, then turned back to his desk. "An unfortunate decision," he acknowledged, "but not entirely unexpected. Perhaps these next matchups shall..."

SCREEEEEECH! A high-pitched sound approximating nails on a chalkboard suddenly filled the room. Flinching at the noise, Shao Kahn turned back around to see Scootaloo scratching the bars of her cage with her hoof. "Would you cut that out?" he demanded.

"What, this?" Scootaloo flashed Shao Kahn a smug smile. "Why? It's not bothering you, is it?"

"Either you stop, or I will..." Shao Kahn began to threaten.

"You'll what? Have your lame sorcerer take our souls like he was going to do anyway?" Scootaloo started digging on the cage with both hooves. "Come on, girls," she declared, "it's time for Operation Irritation!"

"Yay! Cutie Mark Crusader Crazy Cretins!" The three fillies exchanged a high-hoof, and began scratching on the bars in unison.

Muttering a phrase unfit for young fillies' ears, Shao Kahn stuck his fingers in his ears and turned back to his desk. "Perhaps I've been too easy on these ponies so far," he reasoned. "I think it's high time we showed them just how painful this tournament can be."

Thinning The Herd

The fall of Liu Kang sent shockwaves from California to China to Canterlot, generating more after-dark action than Princess Luna had seen since returning from her banishment. By the time she made it back to the castle after finishing her nightly rounds, television trucks representing every media outlet imaginable had set up camp outside the palace walls, all hoping to catch a glimpse of the famed Equestrian rulers and perhaps an inside scoop on the ponies dominating Shao Kahn's tournament.

Sensing a chance for some positive PR, Luna landed near the gathering throng. "Greetings, scribes and pundits!" Luna announced, wandering into the media fray. "We...er, I am Princess Luna, Princess of the Night here in Equestria! Wouldst any of thou like an interview?"

Everyone turned and stared at the smiling princess for a moment...then went back to their own business.

Luna looked confused. "All of thee would pass up a chance to speak with Canterlot royalty?" she pressed.

No one even bothered to look over this time.

Luna sighed. "Once again, our presence is taken for granted," she muttered.

"Excuse me, Princess?" A reporter hurried over to where the princess stood.

"Huzzah! We are not forgotten after all!" Luna squealed. "Dost thou desire a quotation from us...uh, me?"

"Actually," the reporter admitted, "we were wondering if you could get us an interview with Princess Celestia."

"Wha..." Princess Luna stepped back in shock. "Are we not royal enough for you?"

"Oh no, you're royal enough," the reporter declared. "You're just...well...how should I put this..."

"What is it?" Luna demanded, slipping into the traditional Canterlot Voice. "Tell us at once!"

"To be frank," the reporter offered, "Celestia's Q score is off the charts right now. Yours is...well...negative."

Luna grimaced. "Of course it is," she grumbled, leaping into the air and flying off.

"If it makes you feel any better," the reporter shouted after Luna, "you still score higher than Newt Gingrich!"

Luna flew up over the palace walls and over to one of the balconies, dodging a pair of news helicopters along the way. "Oh, sister dearest!" she called out as she entered the castle, her voice laced with irritation. "Thy adoring public is waiting outside." Getting no immediate response, Luna made her way to the palace kitchen, where she found her sister eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and staring at a small television nearby. "Shouldn't thou be out raising the sun?" she asked.

"In a minute!" Celestia shushed her sister. "I want to see if we made the Today show."

Right on cue, a shot of Liu Kang's impromptu flight appeared on the TV screen. "Breaking News!" a serious-sounding anchorman narrated from off-screen. "In what can only be described as a major upset, martial artist, defender of humanity, and all-around good guy Liu Kang is defeated in Mortal Kombat by a talking purple unicorn! What does this mean for Shao Kahn's plans for world domination? Has the fate of the Earth been placed into the hooves of a bunch of magical ponies? And how will this affect the upcoming presidential election? Our analysts debate..."

Princess Celestia giggled and shook her head. "Humans are such high-strung creatures," she declared. "I mean, let something even slightly unexpected happen, and they all fly off the handle thinking the world's going to end."

"Thy subjects have defeated all of their champions," Luna pointed out. "If the roles were reversed, would we not react the same?"

"Whatever for?" Celestia inquired. "I have my own special way of dealing with megalomaniacs...you know, like ones who refuse to lower the moon when I tell them to."

"Thou art so funny that we forgot to laugh," Luna muttered, turning and exiting the kitchen.

Celestia just snickered and turned back to the television, where a reporter was interviewing a man identified as "Kenshi," who was dressed in black and wearing a red blindfold over his eyes, and appeared to be sitting at a blackjack table. "...It's a crying shame, really," the man offered, pushing a stack of chips into the center of the table. "Originally, Liu Kang was going to be on vacation this week, but he switched places with me so I could attend my niece's bachelor party here in Vegas."

"You mean 'nephew,' don't you?" the reporter asked.

"Er...right. Nephew," Kenshi corrected himself.

Celestia could only smile as the reporter next spoke over the phone with "Jax," who had been found chilling on a beach in the Caribbean. "Tsk tsk, Raiden," she mused, "so many fighters, and yet so few of them were actually at the tournament...I wonder what he has to say about all this?"

After a few more interviews with AWOL warriors, the television showed a reporter asking Raiden that very question. "I SAID NO #%@^& COMMENT!" the disgusted thunder god roared in response.

"My, my...seems like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Celestia observed, using her magic to raise another spoonful of Lucky Charms to her mouth while she changed the channel. "Time for some tourney coverage!" she proclaimed. "Let's see if that blasted Tebow guy is still ruining my 'Mortal Madness' bracket..."

Back on the island, Twilight and a few of her friends had chosen to spend their morning waiting for the remaining second-round matches to be posted, which they did with varying levels of patience. "Ugh!" Rainbow Dash muttered disgustedly, hovering above the purple unicorn and staring at the half-full bracket on the bulletin board before them. "Could these guys possibly take any longer to post these things? I could've gotten in a full workout this morning!"

"We've been here ten minutes," Twilight pointed out.

"Like that's supposed to make me feel better," Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"Now, Rainbow," Rarity chided the pegasus from her position next to Twilight, "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this delay. Perhaps they're busy cleaning up the cafeteria from Pinkie's scuffle yesterday."

"Right," Rainbow Dash deadpanned, "because these guys care so much about cleanliness around here." She pointed to a nearby overflowing garbage can that didn't look (or smell) like it had been emptied since the Clinton administration.

Rarity's stomach turned at the sight of the can. and she quickly averted her gaze. "I suppose that would be too much to ask at this point," she conceded.

After another five minutes of waiting and griping, Shing Tsung finally arrived on the scene carrying a Sharpie and a piece of paper with the latest pairings. "It's about time!" Rainbow declared. "What took you so long?"

Rarity scowled at Shing's unkempt appearance. "He certainly didn't waste any time making himself presentable," she remarked to Twilight.

"I overslept, okay?" Shing admitted, as he prepared to fill in the bracket. "I mean, you try sleeping while the entire world is throwing a party just outside your door! I mean, it's not like Liu Kang hasn't been beaten before..." Shing started writing on the board. "Stupid Sub Zero," he muttered to himself. "I mean, I'm going to have 'Material Girl' stuck in my head for the next week."

The three ponies watched intently as Shing Tsung began inscribing the names of various combatants onto the tournament bracket. "C'mon, c'mon!" Rainbow implored. "I'm gettin' old over here!"

Shing ignored Rainbow Dash, instead focusing on staying awake long enough to finish writing all of the names. He failed at the most inopportune time, however, scrawling out the name 'Rain-' before collapsing against the board, snoring loudly.

Rainbow Dash was not amused. "Hey, Soul Boy!" she yelled into Shing's ear, causing him to leap up in shock. "You forgot the rest of the name!"

"All right, already!" Shing replied, reaching up to add '-bow Dash' to the end of the name, then filling out the name of her opponent: Sub Zero.

"Aha!" Rainbow Dash declared. "So I've got Snow Miser, do I? Well, he'd better give me more of a fight than..."

"Wait...what?" Shing perked up at Rainbow Dash's comment, then looked back at the paper in his hand. "Aw, geez, did I screw that up, too?" he grumbled. "Sub Zero is fighting Rain today, not you."

Rainbow Dash facehooved. "Way to get my hopes up, genius!" she shouted. "So who the heck am I actually fighting?"

Shing said nothing, but responded by drawing a line through Sub Zero's name and replacing it with a single word: Fluttershy.

"WHAT?!?!" the three ponies screamed in unison.

Temporarily paralyzed by the revelation, Rainbow Dash fell ungracefully to the ground. "Are you kidding me?" she objected, bouncing back to her hooves. "I have to fight...Fluttershy?"

Shing Tsung shrugged. "Seems like a fair fight to me. I mean, you two are the only combatants that can fly...well, okay, supposedly Kid Icarus can too, but honestly, I think his wings are fake."

"Oh dear!" Rarity squealed, bringing her hoof dramatically to her forehead. "Of all the things that could happen, this is..."

"It gets better," Shing admitted, looking down at his paper. "You get to fight the dragon," he announced, pointing a finger at Rarity.

"Spike?!" Rarity nearly choked on the word. "I...I have to fight...little Spikey-wikey?"

"Little?" Shing Tsung scratched his head. "I mean, the guy looked like Godzilla when he beat Cyrax. Good luck beating that."

With everypony's second-round match now accounted for, the three ponies turned and walked away in stunned silence, leaving Shing to fill in the rest of the board. Not a word was spoken until the ponies reached their hut, where Applejack was practicing her apple-bucking technique on a nearby coconut tree. "Hey there, gals!" she called out. "Say...why the long faces?"

"'Cause they're ponies, silly!" Pinkie Pie answered, sticking her head out of the hut doorway.

Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash shot Pinkie Pie a death glare in unison. "Ooh! Now those are awesome game faces!" Pinkie commented, misunderstanding the seriousness of the matter.

"Whatever," Rainbow Dash spat out in disgust, leaping in the air. "I'm behind on my training as it is."

"As am I," Rarity seconded, trotting briskly into the hut. "One must ensure that one is fully prepared when facing a serious matter such as this."

"Rainbow, Rarity, wait! Let's talk about this!" Twilight implored, as the two ponies hurried in opposite directions. "This...is bad," she admitted.

"And just how bad is 'bad'?" Applejack inquired, a bit surprised at the ponies' quick departure.

"Is it badder than the time Dashie and I pranked you by switching the labels on your bottles of distilled water and nitroglycerin?" Pinkie posed.

"Much worse, I'm..." Twilight did a double-take. "Wait, you did what?"

"Uh...nothing," Pinkie amended her statement.

"I wondered why that last experiment exploded..." Twilight grumbled. "Regardless, at least we all walked away from that little disaster. This time...we won't be so lucky."

Rarity sat in a darkened corner of the hut, staring silently at the wall as the realization of what she would have to do - and who she would have to do it to - propagated to every corner of her mind. The thought of attacking a dear friend and beating them into submission made her stomach turn...but with her sister's life on the line, she had no other choice. Why did it have to be Spike? she thought to herself. I could handle teaching some manners to a brute like Applejack, or paying back Rainbow Dash for abandoning me in a desert with Pinkie Pie - actually, breaking Pinkie's jaw might be satisfying in its own right - but Spike? My darling little Spikey? I could never bring myself to harm one little scale on his head...and yet, I must. She was beginning to regret going along with Twilight's save-the-universe crusade and not taking Sweetie Belle back when she had the chance.

"Uh...Rarity?" The unicorn was startled by the familiar voice of her darling little Spikey coming from behind her. "Is everything okay?" Spike inquired. "You don't look so good."

Rarity did not look over. She didn't want him to catch her looking like this, and even if she managed to compose herself, she couldn't bring herself to look her friend in the eye anyway. "I'm...fine, Spike," she managed to say. "I just...want to be alone for a while."

"Oh...okay," Spike acknowledged, turning and heading for the hut door. Once outside, he spotted Twilight standing conveniently nearby, and made a beeline for her. "Rarity sounds really sad," he remarked. "Do you know what's wrong?"

"I'm afraid I do, Spike," Twilight admitted, although she did so in a voice that seemed a bit deeper than usual.

The difference caught Spike's attention. "You know, you don't sound that good either," he pointed out.

"I...don't?" Twilight paused for a beat, then began to cough. "I must be coming down with something," she theorized. "Anyway, about Rarity...she's trying to come to terms with the fact that her next opponent...is you."

"Me???" Spike shouted in surprise. "B-b-but I can't fight Rarity! Why, she's so strong, and talented, and gorgeous...just the thought of harming a single hair on her head is making me break out in hives!" As proof, Spike presented his arm (which was indeed covered in bumps) by pushing it into Twilight's face.

Twilight coughed again (although this was a product of dragon body odor rather than sickness). "Then you know what you have to do," she declared.

"What? What do I do? Oh, please, Twilight, tell me what to do!" Spike pleaded.

"You have to be her knight in shining armor," Twilight proclaimed. "You have to follow the route of chivalry."

"But how?" Spike asked.

"Concede," Twilight instructed. "Refuse to fight her, and grant her victory."

"But if I do that...I'll lose my soul..." Spike noted, breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought.

"Whose soul would you rather they take," Twilight posed, "yours...or Rarity's?"

Twilight's arrow hit its mark, and Spike stood silently for a few seconds as the question washed over him. "...Mine," he finally conceded, his voice cracking a little. "All right, then...I'll do it."

"You're making the right decision," Twilight encouraged, draping her front leg across Spike's shoulders.

"I hope you're right, Twi...I hope you're right," Spike replied.

With that, Spike turned and walked back to the hut, resigned to his cruel fate. Had he stopped to look back, however, he would have seen that Twilight had disappeared, and that a certain shapeshifter was now standing where she had been. "That's right, Spike," Shang Tsung whispered under his breath, as he watched the dragon slink back into his hut. "You chose wisely..."

The real Twilight Sparkle, for her part, had gone with Applejack and Pinkie Pie to chase down Rainbow Dash...or rather, Twilight and Applejack followed along as Pinkie did her best Pepe Le Pew impression while tracking down the pegasus. Eventually, the trio wound up outside a small mountain cave, not far from where Applejack and Blaze had tangled earlier. "Rainbow?" Twilight called out, her voice echoing off the cave walls. "Are you in there?"

"Go away!" a voice (which sounded an awful lot like Rainbow Dash) answered back. "There's nobody here but us rocks."

"Listen, sugarcube," Applejack offered, "I know it's gonna be hard to fight against Fluttershy, but..."

"Hard?" Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through the entrance of the cave, bowling over Applejack in the process. "This isn't gonna be hard!" Rainbow sputtered, summoning a burst of pride. "Fluttershy is the biggest wimp on the planet! Beating her will be, like, the easiest thing ever!"

"But you two have been friends for a long time," Twilight reminded Rainbow Dash. "Being forced to fight her..."

"This isn't about friendship, okay?" Rainbow Dash insisted, though her expression seemed to contradict the statement. "This is about beating the snot out of some smug sap and getting my fan club president back! This is about saving Applejack's sister and Rarity's sister and everypony's sister from world domination, and stomping on the face of anypony who gets in your way...no matter who it happens to be." Rainbow Dash turned away from her friends. "I will win this tournament," she stated flatly, "and I won't be stopped by you or Fluttershy or Celestia or Shao Kahn or anypony." With that, Rainbow Dash leaped into the sky and flew away before she lost her composure.

Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie stood in shocked silence as they watched their friend fly off into the distance. "Sheesh!" Pinkie Pie finally spoke. "When did Rainbow become such a gruff grouch grouchy-pants?"

"I hate to admit it," Applejack admitted, "but Rainbow's got a point. We gotta find a way to win this thing, no matter who we end up fightin'. Somethin' like this was bound to happen, and I reckon this won't be the last time."

"I know," Twilight concurred, "but it's our bond as friends that makes us strong, and we aren't careful, fighting each other might sever that bond permanently." She looked over at Shao Kahn's castle in the distance. "This wasn't an accident," Twilight hypothesized, "but we can't let winning the tournament mean losing our friendship in the process."

Time waits for no pony, of course, and soon the dreaded hour of battle was at hand. The crucial bouts were scheduled to begin at about the same time, so Twilight left Applejack and Pinkie Pie to monitor the pegasus duel while she went to witness the fight of her number one assistant and his forever sweetheart. Rainbow Dash did not return to the ponies' hut before the battle, so the earth pony pair simply rounded up Fluttershy and accompanied her to the fight.

For her part, Fluttershy handled finding out that she was to fight Rainbow Dash much more calmly than anypony had expected - in fact, she barely appeared to react at all. She hadn't spoken more than a few words since her friends had broken the news to her - although that was nothing unusual - and her expression seemed more...determined...than Applejack had ever seen. "Are you sure you're alright, sugarcube?" Applejack inquired, not believing that Fluttershy could really be so placid at a time like this.

"I'm fine," Fluttershy replied curtly. "I just need to get this over with."

"If you say so," Applejack declared, though she was less than convinced.

"Well, I'm certainly not fine!" Pinkie Pie proclaimed. "I'm so confused about this battle, I'm positively flummoxed! I mean, who do I root for? Should I throw a victory party afterwards? And are silly childhood nicknames fair game when razzing the competitors?" Pinkie clasped her head in her hooves. "I don't know what to do!" she wailed.

"It doesn't matter," Fluttershy reprimanded her friend. "Now for pony's sake, be quiet - I am trying to concentrate."

Applejack and Pinkie Pie exchanged concerned glances, wordlessly agreeing that the pony-on-pony battle was having an adverse effect on Fluttershy as well.

Finally, the trio arrived at the prescribed beachside battle site, a newly-constructed circle not 100 yards from the one it had replaced (which had been turned into a crater via Rainbow Dash's earlier battle with Scorpion). A small crowd had already gathered around the edges of the circle, including Shang Tsung, who would be handling the soul-collecting duties for the match. Rainbow Dash, however, was nowhere in sight.

"It's almost time for the fight to begin," Shang Tsung observed. "I assumed all of you ponies would arrive together."

"Well, we didn't," Fluttershy snapped at the sorcerer, "so you're just gonna have to deal with it."

"Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Miss Grumpy," Shang offered, unable to suppress an evil smile.

Fluttershy stomped her way into the circle and waited for her opponent to arrive. After several awkward minutes of waiting, however, Rainbow Dash was still missing in action. "C'mon, c'mon," Fluttershy muttered to herself. "I don't have all day."

Finally, after another minute of stalling, a rainbow-colored streak shot down from the sky, and Rainbow Dash finally made it to the battlefield. "Sorry, everypony," the blue pegasus apologized. "I just needed an extra minute to get myself together."

"Meh," Shang Tsung declared. "Put on a good show, and all will be forgiven, right?"

The meager crowd cheered in response.

"Without further ado," the battle referee declared, stepping up to the circle, "it's time for our match to begin! In this corner, the self-proclaimed fastest flyer in the known universe, and owner of the greatest hair-dying job in history..."

"Hey!" Rainbow objected. "This color's natural!"

"...Rainbow Dash!" the referee continued. "And in this corner, the winner of the 'Kindest, Gentlest, Most-Nice Pony in Ponyville' award for seven years running...Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy just scowled in response.

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"I guess..." Rainbow Dash muttered, while Fluttershy simply nodded.

"Very good," the referee concluded. "FIGHT!"

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, and slowly starting walking towards her friend. "Look, Fluttershy," she began, "I know how much you hate fighting...and conflict...and the possibility of conflict...and I don't want to hurt your feelings or have you take this the wrong way, but...I have to beat you, Fluttershy. It's just the way it has to be."

Fluttershy said nothing, opting to glare ominously at her opponent.

"Look at the facts," Rainbow Dash went on. "I'm faster, stronger, tougher, smarter, cooler, awesomer, and radicaler than you are. I am the most qualified pony to kick Shao Kahn's tail, save the world, and bask in the requisite glory afterwards."

Fluttershy could only roll her eyes at the monologue.

"I don't want to fight you," Rainbow clarified. "That's just the way things were scheduled. No matter what happens, I'll still be your friend when it's over. This is just...just business, that's all. You understand...don't you?"

Fluttershy sighed. "Are you done?" she asked.

"...Yeah, I guess that about covers it," Rainbow decided, extending her hoof in friendship. "No hard feelings, then?"

"Lemme ask you a question," Fluttershy replied. "Ya hungry?"

"Huh?" Rainbow shot Fluttershy a puzzled look. "Er...sort of..."

"Let me fix you a hoof sandwich, then!" Fluttershy shouted, drawing a front hoof back to strike.

POW! Stunned by the thought that Fluttershy might actually attack her, Rainbow could only watch as Fluttershy forcefully connected her hoof with Rainbow's nose, sending the blue pegasus head-over-heels and drawing a pained "Ohhhhh..." from the crowd.

Applejack looked over at Pinkie Pie in disbelief. "I...I don't believe it!" she sputtered. "I never woulda figured Fluttershy had it in her to hit Rainbow like that!"

Pinkie Pie shrugged. "You just missed her 'New Fluttershy' phase, that's all."

Meanwhile, back at the battle, Fluttershy had begun a massive verbal assault on Rainbow Dash, as the latter pegasus struggled to get back on her feet. "Who do you think you are, anyway?" Fluttershy demanded. "You think you can just waltz in here, proclaim your greatness to the world, and expect me to back down and let you roll me like a carpet?"

"Um...yes?" Rainbow Dash answered.

"Well, let me tell you something, Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy went on. "You might think you're a big shot, with your colorful mane and your too-cool-for-flight-camp attitude, but in reality, you're the biggest fraud in Equestria, a no-talent hack who's just a red nose away from being a clown! If you want to be the hero, you're gonna have to earn it...and I don't think you can!"

"What the..." Rainbow Dash whispered in shock. After taking a moment to compose herself, she returned Fluttershy's glare. "Oh really?" she snarled. "Well, if that's the way you feel, then I'll prove to you - to everypony - that I'm the right mare for the job, 'cause I'm the best fighting filly that history has ever seen!"

"What do you have in mind?" Fluttershy inquired.

"Let's settle this the old-fashioned way," Rainbow declared. "I challenge you...to a cyclone duel!"

"Challenge accepted," Fluttershy agreed. "Bring it on!"

"Whoa - a cyclone duel!" Pinkie Pie squealed, as the two pegusi leaped into the air. Her expression, however, quickly shifted from awe to confusion. "Um...what's a cyclone duel?" she asked Applejack.

"I reckon we're about to find out," Applejack answered.

As Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash prepared for their battle, Twilight found herself on a rocky mountain plateau on the other side of the island, watching as Rarity and Spike prepared for their own brouhaha to begin. Rarity was a nervous wreck, of course, but Twilight was more struck but how calm Spike seemed to be as he took his place in the circle. He seemed to have made peace with the idea of fighting against his crush, though Twilight couldn't for the life of her figure out why. While Shang Tsung knew the truth, he had sent his nephew Shing to cover this battle (on the off-chance that Spike morphed into Spikezilla again and starting attacking the crowd), so the secret of Spike's serenity remained with the dragon alone.

"S...so tell me, Twilight," Rarity sputtered, "does our Spike have any...er...well...weaknesses that I could...um...take advantage of? Y...you know, so that we can end this...this battle...quickly?"

"Not unless you have a gallon tub of ice cream handy," Twilight replied. "To be honest, I would say his only weakness...is you."

Rarity swallowed hard at the thought. "W...well then," she declared, attempting to compose herself as best she could. "I suppose we'll just have to...to make the best of things, now won't we?"

"You attention please!" the battle referee called out. "This second-round battle is about to begin! In this corner, currently in his earliest evolution stage, the only dragon manly enough to appear in public wearing a decorative apron...Spike!"

Spike was staring at the ground was lost in his thoughts, and did not acknowledge the introduction.

"And in this corner," the referee continued, "the first pony ever to grace the cover of InStyle magazine - which comes out tomorrow, by the way - and the biggest star to hit the world fashion scene since Tommy Hilfiger...Rarity!"

Rarity gulped again, and managed a weak wave to the crowd.

"Combatants ready?" the referee inquired.

"Well...I...uh..." Rarity stammered.

"No," Spike interrupted, causing the crowd to fall silent. "No, I am not ready," the dragon went on, in the most dignified-sounding voice he could conjure up, "and if you're asking me to fight the most beautiful creature in the world...then I never will be."

"Well, I mean, you should be good then," Shing Tsung commented. "I mean, we're not asking you to fight Britney Spears, right?" This comment drew a lot of strange looks, and caused the people standing around Shing to gave him a ten-foot berth. "What?" Shing asked. "I mean, I think she's cute."

"Ahem!" Spike shot a 'you're stealing my thunder' glare at Shing, then continued with his soliloquy. "Yes, my lady," he gushed, looking into a blushing Rarity's eyes from across the ring, "I could never bring myself to do you harm, no matter the cost to my being. Therefore, I cannot engage in this battle, and forfeit my right to continue in this tournament."

"Wait...really?" Shing did a double-take. "You wanna quit? I mean, you can grow into a fifty-foot monster at will and could probably crush Shao Kahn right now...and you wanna quit?"

"Yes," Spike reiterated. "For Rarity...I will resign."

"Oh, Spike..." Rarity whispered, a bit taken aback by his sacrifice. "That...that is very noble of you, Spike. I...I thank you."

"I guess that's it, then," the referee announced with a shrug. "The match is over! Rarity wins...via Friendship!"

"Awwww..." the crowd murmured, though mostly in disgust. "But we wanted to see some action!" someone in the back shouted.

"Geez..." Shing muttered, walking over to where Spike stood. "Let the record show that I think you're nuts," he offered.

"Stay your hand a moment," Spike requested. "I need another moment with my friends."

Shing threw up his hands. "Why not?" he agreed. "I mean, it's not like I'm going anywhere..."

Spike shuffled over to where a stunned Rarity stood frozen in place. "Don't worry about me," he insisted, "You're the strongest, toughest, most beautiful pony I've ever known. You will win this tournament and save us all, Rarity, I just know it."

"Th...thank you, Spike," Rarity answered, her eyes welling up a bit. "That was a very brave thing you just did, and I...I will never forget it."

While the rest of the crowd dispersed, pony and dragon shared a heartfelt embrace, and then, without warning, Rarity brought Spike's face to her own and planted the mother of all kisses on his lips, causing Spike's eyes to bug out, his face to turn beet red, and steam to start shooting out his ears. "Know that no matter what happens, no matter where they take you," Rarity whispered, "our souls will always be together."

"I know," Spike replied. "I'll wait for you, Rarity...no matter how long it takes."

"Aw, come on, man!" Shing chided himself, turning away from the scene as he began to sniffle. "I mean, I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry!"

Finally, after several emotional minutes, Spike pulled out of Rarity's embrace. "I have to go now," he explained. "Goodbye, Rarity, and good luck." With that, Spike walked over to where Twilight (who had gotten fairly emotional herself) stood at the edge of the ring. "Thanks, Twilight," he offered. "You always give the best advice."

"Wait...I do?" Twilight's sadness was immediately replaced by confusion.

As Twilight began racking her brain to figure out exactly what Spike was talking about, the dragon himself finally went back over to Shing Tsung. "I'm ready now," he declared.

"Hold your horses!" Shing demanded, wiping his eyes. "I'm gonna need another minute here."

Spike, Rarity, and Twilight stood in awkward silence for another minute as Shing tried to compose himself. Finally, the sorcerer got himself together enough to perform the grim ritual, and sucked Spike's soul from his body. "I'm sorry about this, I really am," Shing apologized to Rarity. "I mean, I'd have totally let the little guy stick around as a non-combatant and not have to split you up, if I didn't think Shao Kahn would pull my brain out through my nostrils if I did."

"It's alright," Rarity insisted. "But if I could...I'd like to stay with him until you have to take him away."

"Be my guest," Shing agreed.

Twilight walked over to where Rarity sat, as the reminder of the crowd dispersed and the two ponies found themselves alone with their fallen comrade. "We will make Kahn pay for this," Twilight declared, "I promise."

"Yes," Rarity proclaimed. "Our foe has raised the stakes...but I, for one, am all in."

Back on the beach, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and the rest of the fight attendees could only stare into the sky as Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy made their final duel preparations. "What are they doing up there?" Applejack wondered. "And did anypony figure out what in tarnation a cyclone duel was?"

"Aha!" Shang Tsung announced, holding an old, dusty, red-stained book high over his head. "I just had one of our staff fetch a copy of 'Ancient Pony Practices' from the castle library," he explained. "Now then, let's just take a look at the index..."

"What's with all the ketchup stains?" Pinkie Pie asked, pointing to the book's cover.

"It's blood, actually," Shang revealed. "Sometimes we hold matches in the library - you know, just to change things up." After a few moments of searching, Shang discovered a passage on cyclone duels in the book. "Here we are!" he cried out. "'A cyclone duel is an ancient pegasus custom used for settling disputes.'"

"Yeah, we kinda figured that," Applejack observed, rolling her eyes. "How's it work?"

"'The duel starts with both pegusi flying in the same circle, but in opposite directions,'" Shang read aloud. "'Combatants can choose to either inflict damage on the other fighter as they fly past, or increase their speed enough to create an upper-atmosphere tornado. The duel ends when one pegasus is unable to maintain their flying pattern, and either falls or gets flung out of the circle.'"

"Yikes," Applejack commented. "That sounds serious."

"It looks pretty serious, too," Pinkie agreed, as she watched the battle using a telescope she had pulled out of thin air.

"Hey, whatever floats your boat," Shang Tsung commented.

"Attention, combatants!" the referee called out to the flying fighters (with the help of a giant megaphone). "Since the battle has already officially started, you can commence hostilities at any time!"

High in the air, Fluttershy shot Rainbow Dash a determined look. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"Since the day I was born," Rainbow Dash responded.

As the crowd looked on from the ground, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy began the ancient ritual, beginning by tracing a wide circle in the air, then shrinking it as their speed increased. Being the self-proclaimed fastest flyer in Equestria - as well as still being a little unnerved at the idea of attacking Fluttershy - Rainbow chose the easy route to victory, cranking her speed up to Mach 2 knowing that Fluttershy's flying abilities were only slightly better than Scootaloo's. Fluttershy refused to go along with the plan, however, and took a more aggressive approach, flailing at Rainbow with whatever she could swing (be it hair or hooves) and landing an impressive number of blows at every opportunity, keeping Rainbow from reaching her top speed.

"Ow! Oof! Ugh!" Rainbow sputtered with every blow. "Be careful, will you? You're gonna put somepony's eye out!"

"Am I hurting you?" Fluttershy replied in mock sympathy. "Why don't you go down and cry about it while that Tsung guy takes your soul? Nopony who whines as much as you could ever beat Shao Kahn!"

"Grrrr..." Rainbow Dash grumbled to herself, trying to concentrate on building speed. I can count the number of times Fluttershy said a mean word to anypony on one hoof...since when did she turn into the Wicked Witch of the West? she wondered to herself.

"You're avoiding me!" Fluttershy pointed out, landing another solid blow on Rainbow's head as she darted past. "What are you afraid of, Rainbow? Can't bring yourself to admit that I'm the tougher pony?"

"I'll...show...you...tough!" Rainbow shouted angrily, kicking herself into another gear as the winds began to flow decidedly in her direction.

Unfortunately, none of the subtlety of the action could be witnessed from the beach. "I can't see a dadblamed thing from down here!" Applejack complained.

"Neither can I!" Pinkie Pie admitted, holding the wrong end of her telescope to her face. "It's like they're fighting on the moon or something!"

As the battle raged on, Rainbow Dash started to generate a sizable cyclone with her speed, all the while under a withering physical and verbal assault from Fluttershy. "Face it, Rainbow Crash," Fluttershy accused, "you're not even good enough to beat poor, helpless little old me!" In truth, however, the yellow pegasus was finding it harder and harder to maintain her own flight pattern while fighting against the wind.

Just keep on keepin' on, Rainbow Dash told herself. No matter what she says, that girl is no bark and even less bite - she won't be able to hang on for much longer...

Fluttershy knew it too, and so she decided to bring out her biggest weapon. "Some Element of Loyalty you turned out to be!" she declared. "If you wimp out against somepony like me, you'll never be able to stand up for Equestria against Shao Kahn! I guess Scootaloo was a fool to put her trust in you - she can forget about being rescued!"

This was the straw that finally broke the pony's back. "That does it!" Rainbow proclaimed angrily, and as she circled around to meet Fluttershy one last time, instead of trying to pass her quickly, she did a 180 in midair and swung her back legs at her opponent with all her might.

BOOM! With a blow that reverberated across the sky (and probably doomed Rainbow Dash's soul to go down rather than up after death), Rainbow Dash landed a powerful strike, KOing Fluttershy in one shot. "Who's talking now, huh?" Rainbow asked rhetorically, as Fluttershy was unceremoniously flung from the cyclone and started to fall.

A collective gasp went up from the ground as Fluttershy began her descent. "Land sakes!" Applejack cried out. "We gotta do something! If she..."

"Ah, ah, ah!" Shang Tsung interrupted, wagging a finger at Applejack. "You know the rules, AJ - we can't step in until the match is over. Only Rainbow Dash can help her right now."

Rainbow, for her part, was too busy flexing and preening for the crowd for the thought of Fluttershy's fall to even register. "That's right!" she proclaimed, banging her hoof against her chest. "Number one, and don't you forget it!"

"Dangnabbit, Rainbow!" Applejack shouted into the sky. "Stop squawkin' and grab Fluttershy before she hits!"

"No worries, everypony - I got this," Pinkie Pie assured Applejack, putting her telescope away and pulling out a bright-pink cell phone out from behind her back. As the rest of the crowd waited on pins and needles, Pinkie punched a few numbers on the phone and waited.

Suddenly, a stray cloud next to Rainbow Dash started ringing, startling the pegasus out of her celebration. After staring quizzically at the cloud for a few seconds, Rainbow cautiously flew over, poked the cloud with her hoof a few times, then pressed her ear against it. "Uh...hello?" she asked.

"Hey Dashie!" Pinkie answered. "Hey, could you do us a super-huge favor and catch Fluttershy before she hits the ground and becomes a Fluttercake? Kthankxbye!" With that, Rainbow was left with nothing but a dial tone.

"Wha...?" It took a few seconds for the bulb in Rainbow's brain to light up, but eventually the implication made its way through her thick skull. "Oh, hayfever!" she shouted, looking down to see that Fluttershy was already halfway to the ground. "Hang on, Fluttershy!" Raindbow shouted, taking off like a rocket. "I'm comin!"

Thankfully, Rainbow's "fastest flyer" nickname had more than a modicum of truth to it, and Rainbow dove down and snagged Fluttershy out of the air within the span of five seconds, sucking all of the drama out of the scene. The pegasus pair then made a slow descent to the beach, as Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and the rest of the crowd hurried over to the landing spot.

The battle referee peered over to get a look at Fluttershy's face (which now featured crossed eyes and a pair of hoofprints, not to mention the ring of stars and butterflies that circled her head). "No doubt about it - she's down for the count!" he proclaimed. "The match is over! Rainbow Dash wins!"

"Jolly good show, my dear!" Shang Tsung congratulated Rainbow Dash. "Now then, if I could just borrow your friend for a moment..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Rainbow objected. "Hold on just an apple-picking minute here!" She picked up Fluttershy and flew over to the water. "I need some answers first!"

As the crowd looked on, Rainbow Dash began dunking Fluttershy's head repeatedly in the sea. The yellow pegasus came up sputtering and screeching after the third dunk, after which Rainbow Dash dragged her back onto shore. "Oh...is it...is it over?" Fluttershy asked.

Rainbow scowled at her friend. "All right, missy!" she demanded. "What was with the Mean Girl routine up there? I mean, were you possessed or something?"

"Well..." Fluttershy offered, "I...I had to do it."

"Had to?" Appleack exclaimed, as she and Pinkie Pie hurried over to meet the pegasi. "I don't follow."

"I knew from the start that I couldn't beat you, Rainbow," Fluttershy explained. "You really are the strongest, fastest, and toughest pony in Equestria, and I'm...I'm...not."

"So you decided to troll me instead?" Rainbow scratched her head. "How does that work?"

"Well...these people are all mean and nasty and evil," Fluttershy continued, "and might try to bully you and call you names and try to make you think you could never win...you know, like those guys as the Best Young Flyer Competition."

"Okay..." Rainbow responded, trying to process the line of reasoning.

"I know that you can be really hard on yourself sometimes," Fluttershy went on. "I guess I thought that if I could bully you and make you overcome any fears or doubts you had to win, then maybe if it happened later, you would know how to handle it...and then maybe I would be helpful."

"Huh..." For once in her life, Rainbow Dash, the biggest-talking filly in modern history, was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry about all those nasty things I said about you, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy apologized. "I didn't mean any of them...but I thought I had to say them anyway."

"And to think," Rainbow realized, "all this time, I was worried that I would hurt your feelings if I fought you..." After a few moments of pensive silence, Rainbow smiled. "Well, thanks, Fluttershy, I guess," she offered, extending a hoof to the yellow pegasus. "Friends?" she asked.

Fluttershy returned the smile, and gave Rainbow Dash a weak hoof-bump. "Friends," she agreed.

"A touching moment, I'm sure," Shang Tsung interrupted, stepping in between the ponies, "but there is still the matter of your defeat, Miss Fluttershy..."

"I...I know," Fluttershy conceded.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash interjected, pushing Fluttershy's chin up with her hoof. "Don't worry about a thing - I'll beat this Kahn bozo and get everypony's soul back before you know it!" She gave Fluttershy a knowing wink. "I am the best, remember?"

Shang Tsung leaned over Fluttershy, as pulses of dark magic began shooting from his fingertips. "Your soul...is mine," he proclaimed ominously.

Rainbow Dash glared angrily at Shang Tsung as he performed the dirty deed. "Not for long, it isn't," she stated coldly.

Given all of the drama thus far, the concluding fight of the second round seemed bland by comparison, as what was billed as a classic Ken-Ryu primetime grudge match went south when the former fighter had to retire five minutes due to a hangnail injury. After the bout, Shao Kahn retreated to his private quarters to bask in his good fortune and begin planning for the third round, and was soon joined by Shang Tsung.

"I suppose I should admit that I was wrong," Shang Tsung begrudgingly offered. "It appears that your plan is working after all."

"Yes," Shao Kahn acknowledged, "but rest assured that my wheel of chaos has not stopped spinning quite yet." He peered at the list of remaining fighters that lay on the table before him. "I'll be adding some new blood for the next round," he proclaimed. "Another fighter from Earthrealm, I believe."

Shang Tsung's eyes doubled in size. "You cannot be serious!" he objected. "We finally clear all of Raiden's champions from the tournament, and you decide to bring in another? Have you gone mad?"

Shao Kahn shrugged. "What can I say?" he replied, grabbing another piece of paper from his table and holding it out to his sorcerer lieutenant. "I was made an offer I couldn't refuse..."

Shang Tsung quickly scanned the letter...and his eyes doubled in size yet again. "You've got to be kidding," he implored his master. "This is a bad, bad, bad idea."

Shao Kahn chuckled. "Perhaps," he declared. "That's why I shall let the Equestrian contingent deal with it first."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: In light of recent events, this chapter is hereby dedicated to MKE's resident Sub-Zero fan Brice "Ice" Kilmurray, who committed suicide back in May. May your soul find peace in a land where ponies are heroes and friendship is magic.

UPDATE: He's ALIVE! Let the rejoicing commence!

Twilight's Last Gleaming

After a morning of intense congressional testimony, followed by the obligatory four hours of interviews discussing the testimony with every three-letter television network on the planet, Princess Celestia was ready for a break, or at least a good laugh at somepony else's expense, and decided to pay an impromptu lunch visit to her fellow Mortal Kombat adviser Raiden. She made a quick cross-country shopping trip to assemble a proper gift basket for her arrival, then began flying high into the sky, beyond the clouds, past the stratosphere, and up into the heavens themselves before arriving at her destination: A large, drab-looking building that housed the corporate offices of the Elder Gods.

"Sheesh," Celestia muttered, faking a smile as she waved to the security guards and made her way to the front entrance. "Do they have to paint everything white up here? I don't think adding a little color now and then would kill them..."

Deciding that she wanted to spend as little time as possible amidst the building's too-sanitary decor, Celestia quickly made her way to the front desk, where she was promptly ignored by a receptionist sporting horn-rimmed glasses and a couldn't-care-less-if-she-tried expression on her face. "Good day, madam," Celestia greeted the woman, dropping her basket on the desk. "I'm here to see Raiden - is he in?"

The receptionist glared back at the princess. "I'm gonna need more than that, honey," she replied in a thick New York accent. "We got 10,000 deities workin' here, and you expect me to remember all of 'em?"

Celestia arched an eyebrow at the comment. "Seriously?" she asked, glancing at the computer on the woman's desk. "Can't you just look him up on that thing?"

"Computer's down," the receptionist explained. "We gotta do everything manually around here."

"I see," Celestia acknowledged, silently noting the deck of cards and half-finished game of Solitaire next to the computer. "Really, though, you have to know Raiden - he's, like, the only Elder God anypony ever talks about! You know - God of Thunder, stands about this tall, martial arts buff, cavorts with mortals, wears an oversized cymbal on his head?"

"Oh, him!" the receptionist realized. "I'm afraid you're outta luck, honey - Cymbal Head ain't in today."

"Oh, please!" Celestia shot back. "He just told you to say that so he could avoid getting the trolling he so rightfully deserves."

"See for yourself," the receptionist offered, gesturing towards an elevator at the back of the room.

"Well, where's his office?" Celestia inquired.

The receptionist gave Celestia another death glare. "I don't even know the guy's name, and you expect me to remember where his office is?" she snapped.

"Forget it," Celestia grumbled, heading for the elevator. "I'll find him myself."

After collecting Sub-Zero's soul and calling in a cleanup crew to pick up the rest of the ninja, Shang Tsung made his way back to Shao Kahn's castle, where he found an urgent message waiting for him to meet with his Outworldian supervisor. Wasting no time, the sorcerer made his way to the Outworld emperor's personal chambers, where he found Shao Kahn in the middle of an intense negotiation.

"I'm telling you, Pete, this offer is a real steal!" Shao Kahn shouted into a conference phone sitting on his desk. "He's got loads of experience, he makes the Zamboni obsolete, and his contract is salary-cap friendly! Seriously, you have no idea how little I'm paying this man!"

"Um...what are you doing?" Shang Tsung inquired.

Shao Kahn held up his hand and motioned for Shang Tsung to be quiet. "Pete, I gotta call you back - I'm late for another meeting. Just think about it, eh?" He punched the power button on his phone. "Ah, Shang Tsung!" he practically sang. "I'm glad you're back - there is something I must show you..."

"What was that phone call all about?" Shang Tsung repeated.

"Oh, nothing much," Shao Kahn claimed. "Just working the phones trying to get a deal done. Tell me, sorcerer...what do you think of trading Sub-Zero to the Boston Bruins for Brad Marchand?"

"You cannot be serious," Shang Tsung replied in an unamused tone. "I wouldn't give you a bag of unwashed athletic supporters for that dimwit, and I can't imagine today's loss to a certain rainbow pony will help his trade value."

"He lost, eh? Curses," Shao Kahn muttered. "I guess I'll have to throw what's left of Sektor into the deal as well. Maybe they can use him as an espresso machine..."

Shang Tsung facepalmed. "Really?" he asked.

"Why not?" Shao Kahn answered. "We've never conquered Earthrealm with them; I can't imagine we could do any worse without them."

"You could say the same about any one of us," Shang Tsung countered.

"You think Sub-Zero is the only person I've tried to trade?" Shao Kahn snapped. "I tried to dump you last year, but all Bowser would offer me was a Magikoopa and three of those accursed Goombas."

"So this was what you wanted to see me about so urgently?" Shang Tsung grumbled. "Pithy trade rumors?"

"No, no..." Shao Kahn stood up and motioned for Shang Tsung to follow him into the hallway. "I wanted to show you the latest addition to our tournament! He's working out in the castle gym right now..."

"I know who he is," Shang Tsung interrupted.

"Ah, but you've never seen him like this before!" Shao Kahn insisted.

Shao Kahn led his subordinate sorcerer through a maze of hallways to the castle gym, where a variety of fighters were working over punching bags, smashing through cinder blocks, and even squaring off against each other. The Outworld emperor pointed to the corner of the gym at one of the fighters, who wore nothing but a black spandex bodysuit and matching mask. "That's him!" Shao Kahn exclaimed giddily. "That color suits him quite well, don't you think?"

Shang Tsung scowled at the warrior. "He looks like one of those stupid G.I. Joes," he remarked.

"True," Shao Kahn conceded. "Luckily, Snake-Eyes got knocked out in the last round, so there shouldn't be any confusion." He smiled evilly as the mysterious fighter climbed into a boxing ring, where four other combatants stood waiting for him. "Check this out," Kahn instructed his subordinate, pulling out a stopwatch as the four waiting fighters attacked their new opponent. "Five bucks says he clears the ring in under fifteen seconds."

Shang Tsung rolled his eyes as the shadowy fighter unleashed a hail of fists and feet upon his attackers, sending them all flying across the gym and crashing into the far wall. The resulting clamor caused every other warrior in the room to stop and take notice of the stranger's power.

Shao Kahn clicked a button on his watch as the last fighter hit the floor, then looked down at the recorded time. "Ten seconds flat," he announced. "Pretty impressive, isn't he?"

"This tells me nothing I did not already know," Shang Tsung muttered.

Shao Kahn gave the sorcerer a confused look. "Well, aren't we a Debby Downer today!" he observed. "What is your beef, sorcerer? Afraid that this new challenger will steal your thunder, or perhaps your lunch money?"

"It is your thunder that you should be concerned about!" Shang Tsung snapped. "You know as well as I do that this...freak...could easily clean the clock of every living creature on this island - yours, mine, the ponies', everyone. And yet you insist on putting our entire plan in jeopardy by allowing him to circumvent the rules and enter the tournament!"

Shao Kahn rolled his eyes in response. "Your poor, poor, fool," he lamented, throwing his arm around around Shang Tsung and guiding him out of the gym. "You don't give me any credit at all, do you? I am fully aware of our friend's exceptional power and potential, and already have a plan in place to take care of him." He patted the sorcerer on the head as the pair exited the gym. "Simply do your job the way the way you always do, and you'll have nothing to worry your ugly, shriveled-up little head about."

"Forgive me if your words do not fill me with confidence," Shang Tsung replied sharply.

Shao Kahn shrugged. "I suppose there's just no pleasing some people," he declared, pulling a cell phone from his pocket. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Shang, I have other important business to attend to." With that, the Outworld emperor punched a few buttons on his phone, pressed the device to his ear, and walked away, leaving an annoyed Shang Tsung in his wake. "Good day, commissioner! How are you?" the sorcerer heard his boss say as he rounded a corner and disappeared from view. "I'm wondering if I could get some contact information from you..."

Shang Tsung glared in the direction that Shao Kahn had gone for a moment, then fished out his own phone and began dialing. "Rest assured, Kahn," he muttered ominously, "that you are not the only evil genius with a contingency plan around here."

After twenty minutes of wandering through a maze of hallways and cubicles, Princess Celestia finally arrived at Raiden's office...or, at least, where the funny-looking deity standing by the water cooler holding a trident had told her Raiden's office was. Looking through the open door, however, the princess discovered that the office did not only not contain Raiden, it didn't contain anyone at all. While she saw some indentations in the carpeting indicating where a desk and chair had been before, the room was now completely empty save for a potted palm standing in the corner. "Well, this isn't helpful," Celestia said to herself.

The sound of someone crying caught the princess's ear, and Celestia turned around to see a depressed angelic female cleaning out a desk just in front of Raiden's office. "Excuse me, madam," Celestia asked, "but do you know where Raiden's office is?"

The angel wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "It's right...well, it was right here," she sniffled. "He resigned this morning."

"WHAT?!?!" Celestia sputtered. "What do you mean, he resigned? How the heck do you resign from being an Elder God?"

"It's a rather simple process, actually," the angel explained. "First, you need to fill out a EG-dash-422 Intent To Resign form and have it signed by your supervisor, and then you need to send a letter of resignation clearly stating your reasons for leaving to the Immortal Resources Department, and then you fill out an EG-dash-7211 Material Transfer form for each piece of furniture in your office, and then you go to IT, which is in the next building over..."

"Okay, okay, I get it. Very simple," the princess deadpanned. "The real question is why? Did the dope have a mid-eternal-life crisis or something?" She shook her head and smiled. "I'll bet that last loss by Liu Kang pushed him over the edge, and he went and bought a new Mercedes convertible and ran off with his secretary," she chuckled.

The angel gave Celestia a confused stare. "Um...I was his secretary," she informed the princess.

Celestia stopped chuckling. "Oh, right - you're Francine, aren't you? I, uh...here, have a gift basket!" She used her magic to push the basket she had brought into Fran's hands, hoping to alleviate some of the awkwardness.

"Thanks...I think," Fran replied. "Without Raiden here, the gods didn't need another secretary, so they told me to clean out my desk and leave. I know Raiden said that this was just temporary and he'd be back soon, but until then...I just don't know what I'm going to do." With that, Fran broke down completely and started bawling her eyes out.

"Wait...Raiden said he'd be back?" Celestia scratched her head with her hoof. "Why would he leave just to come back?"

"He...he told me he had some business to attend to," Fran sobbed.

"Business that he couldn't attend to as an Elder God?" Celestia exclaimed. "That doesn't make any sense at all! What could Raiden possibly have to do that he couldn't do as an..." The answer hit Celestia like a ton of bricks. "He wouldn't!" she declared.

"Wouldn't what?" Fran asked.

Celestia pointed at the computer still sitting on Fran's desk. "Who's fighting in tonight's primetime battle?" she demanded.

"Gosh, I don't know - let me check," Fran obliged, logging into the machine and navigating to Shao Kahn's website. "That's strange," she commented. "I've never heard of either of these people."

"Let me guess," Celestia offered. "One of the fighters is a mystery warrior who entered the tournament after-the-fact via a special exemption from Shao Kahn himself."

"Why, yes! That's exactly what the site says!" Fran confirmed. "How did you..."

"Knowing Shao Kahn," Celestia continued, "the name of the other warrior is one of the following: Rarity, Applejack, Twilight..."

"That's the one!" Fran interrupted. "Twilight Sparkle!"

Celestia cursed under her breath. "I've got to go," she declared. "What's the fastest route from here to Kahn's island?"

"Uh..." Fran drew a blank.

"Never mind," Celestia decided, turning to leave. "Thanks anyway."

Celestia made a mad dash back to the front entrance, cursing Raiden's name with every step. Upon reaching the front desk, however, she was flagged down by the previously-unhelpful receptionist. "Hey, horse lady!" the receptionist called out. "Your name wouldn't be Princess Celestia, would it?"

"What's it to you?" the princess shouted back without breaking stride.

"I got a message for you," the receptionist informed the princess. "They need you back home, pronto. Some kind of an attack goin' on at your place. Bunch of change-thingys, they said."

"A changeling attack? Now?" Celestia came to a quick halt. This can't be a coincidence, she reasoned. "Look, I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency of my own, here," she said. "Where the heck is Luna, anyway? Can't she handle this?"

"She's in the middle of a boss fight, accordin' to whoever called," the receptionist answered.

"Argh!" the princess screamed in disgust. "I knew I should have never bought her that Xbox!" She shook her head and gritted her teeth. "Fine," she decided. "I will go back to Equestria, I will smite the changelings and their stupid queen Chrysalis, and so help me, I will banish Chrysalis, Luna, and Raiden to the moon until the polar ice caps melt!"

The receptionist watched without expression as Celestia stormed off in a huff. "Some ponies just don't know how to handle stress," she muttered.

Oblivious to the chaos back in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle spent the afternoon following Rainbow Dash's battle preparing for her primetime match against her mysterious challenger. The pony's pilgrimage back to the bulletin board (and subsequent grilling of Shing Tsung after waiting fifteen minutes for him to update the board) had not even turned up the true name of her opponent, so Twilight decided to prepare for battle the only way she knew how: by consulting with some of the greatest minds in history.

"Er...Twilight?" Applejack gave her friend a concerned look as the purple mare paged through a large book she had picked up from the library inside Kahn's castle. "Are you sure readin' that there art book is gonna help you win tonight?"

"Absolutely!" Twilight replied. "The Art of War is one of the seminal books on battle strategy. It's got lots of useful pointers!" She pointed at one of the lines on the page she was reading. "Listen to this," she said. "'The more you read and learn, the less your adversary will know.' How's that for brilliant insight?"

"Oh, please," Rainbow Dash offered. "If that were true, anypony who fought Twilight wouldn't even remember their own name."

"Whoa..." Pinkie gasped. "That's why they couldn't tell us the name of your opponent - not even your opponent knows it!" She looked down at the book in awe. "This guy's good," she declared.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "If you ask me," she offered, "I think he said that just to sell more books."

"Probably," Rainbow agreed. "Anyway, I'm with Applejack on this one, Twilight - what could this guy possibly tell you that you didn't already know? I mean, does his advice even apply to you? You're a souped-up magical egghead, and he's just some dumb general who's probably old enough to remember the eight-track tape."

Pinkie stifled a giggle. "He didn't listen to eight tracks, silly!" she corrected the pegasus. "They listened to records back then!"

Twilight could only facehoof at her friends' ignorance. "Look at this," she instructed, flipping to another page and pointing to one of the passages. "'The general who wins the battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought,'" she read aloud. "We don't know anything about the person I'm fighting tonight, so if I'm going to win, I'm going to have to be prepared, and consulting the great minds of history for advice is essential to that preparation. I need to have a plan for whatever scenario arises."

"Aw, that's easy!" Pinkie insisted. "Just carry an extra cake with you! Cake makes everything better!"

"And make sure you color-coordinate anything you're wearing," Rarity advised. "Normal ponies are only privately disgusted by clashing colors, but these uncivilized brutes might just fly into a rage."

"Um...no, Rarity, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who gets mad at that kind of thing," Rainbow Dash asserted.

"Well, of course it doesn't bother you," Rarity shot back. "With that mane of yours, you clash without wearing anything at all!"

"Hey, what's wrong with my mane?" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"Girls, stop it!" Twilight shouted. "Just let me read my flipping war book in peace, all right?"

"All right, all right..." "Fine, whatever..." "We'll leave you be, if you want..." Twilight's friends honored her request, and scattered in all directions looking for other ways to pass the time.

Twilight waited until her friends were all a suitable distance away, then turned back to a page in her book that worried her the most. "'If you do not know your enemies but do know yourself," she read to herself, "you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.'" With all the time she had spent on her friendship studies in Ponyville, she was confident she knew herself, but fighting against a complete stranger still put her in a precarious position. Twilight took a deep breath, turned to the next page, and hoped that this battle would be the one she won, not lost.

The remainder of the afternoon zoomed past in the blink of an eye, and soon Twilight's hour of reckoning was at hand. As the ponies made their way to the battle site, the television crew began their coverage of the match with a peaceful shot of the sun sinking low on the horizon. "Another day comes to a close on Shao Kahn's island!" an announcer called from off-screen. "The winds are light, the clouds are thin, and the temperature is a crisp 68 degrees - perfect weather for an old-fashioned, no-holds-barred Mortal Kombat slobberknocker!"

The scene switched to a headshot of the announcer, but instead of the smiling face of Joe Buck, the camera revealed a man with no glasses and a much thicker head of hair. "Good evening and welcome, everyone," the man continued. "I'm Kenny Albert, filling in for Joe tonight while he prepares to call tonight's World Series matchup, which will follow our coverage of this bout between Twilight Sparkle and a mysterious new entry into the tournament. I know that the pitchers won't be taking the mound for another hour or so, but as I bring in my partner Hulk Hogan, if people are looking to see a true ace, they won't be disappointed."

"You hit the nail on the head, brother!" Hulk agreed enthusiastically. "Twinelit Spickle may be new to the battle scene, but she's taken on two of the early favorites and sent them both home will their tails between their legs! I tell you, Kenny, that girl may look like a pitiful pony, but she's a real animal in the ring!"

"For the folks counting at home," Kenny revealed, "that's 117 MK championships worth of experience that Miss Sparkle has defeated in her previous fights with Goro and Liu Kang. However, it's a lack of experience she's going to have to overcome if she wants to win this match, as Shao Kahn has decided to throw a completely new fighter against her here in the third round."

"It's a classic Kahn curveball, Kenny!" Hulk declared. "But when it comes to Mortal Kombat, you have to throw rules, fairness, and common decency out the window, because you never know where that next folding chair is going to come from! But if you ask me, brother, as good as Twinbill Sparky's been thus far, Mr. Mystery better be ready for a rumble!"

As Hulk continued to find ways to mispronounce Twilight's name, the five ponies took their place along the edge of the battle ring. "So that's him, huh?" Applejack mused, staring across the arena at the warrior standing calmly in the ring. "He doesn't look that scary."

"Neither does Twilight," Rainbow Dash pointed out, "until you forget to return one of her books on time."

"Appearances can be deceiving," Twilight agreed. "Personally, though, I don't care if I'm fighting Starswirl the Bearded - we've got to save Spike, and Fluttershy, and the fillies, and the world, and we can't let anypony stop us."

"You tell him, girlfriend!" Pinkie Pie shouted, as Twilight entered the battle ring. "Knock his block off! ...Unless she's a girl, in which case, knock her block off!"

High above the crowd, Shang Tsung sat and pouted in Shao Kahn's private box. "Why on earth did you make this battle the primetime bout?" he complained to Kahn, who sat nearby. "The pony will be crushed so quickly that the network will demand a refund for having too short a battle."

Shao Kahn couldn't help but smile. "Honestly, sorcerer," Kahn chided his subordinate, "I cannot fathom why you're selling the pony so short in this battle." He peered down at the crowd below him. "I, for one, think she has more than a fighting chance..." he chuckled.

Meanwhile, the crowd milled around for several more minutes waiting for the battle to begin, despite the fact that both combatants were both present and ready. "What're we waitin' for, anyway?" Applejack wondered out loud. "Let's get this over with."

Another minute passed with no action. "We seem to have encountered a logistical delay of some sort," Kenny informed the television audience. "Tournament officials tell us that the referee for tonight's battle has yet to arrive."

"Well, they'd better get here soon, brother!" Hulk declared. "This crowd is amped up and restless, and if they don't get some action soon, the fight will start in the stands, ref or no ref!"

"Wait! Hold on! I'm coming!" Finally, a man dressed in a stained, ill-fitting referee uniform pushed through his way through the crowd. "Sorry, everyone," the referee apologized. "My ship was late getting to the island."

"Ugh!" Rarity recoiled at the referee's disheveled appearance. "What is he thinking, showing up at an important function dressed like that?"

The referee assumed his position along the outside of the battle ring, then pulled a crumpled-up paper from his pocket and cleared his throat. "Your attention, please!" he read off the sheet. "This battle is about to begin! In this corner..." The referee's voice trailed off, and he leaned over to Shing Tsung, who had taken up a position beside him. "All I've got for a name is 'The Mysterious Stranger,'" he whispered to Shing. "I thought you said you were going to email me the guy's actual name when you got it."

"Well, I assumed they were going to tell me the guy's actual name," Shing whispered back, "but they never did."

The referee sighed. "In this corner," he repeated, "is a man so mysterious we don't even know his name, so please welcome...this guy!"

"That's certainly a different name," Kenny commented. "Perhaps he's related to Guy Smiley?"

"And in this corner..." The referee did a double-take upon seeing Twilight standing in the ring. "Wait...is the nameless guy actually fighting a horse?" he asked Shing.

"Uh...yeah," Shing confirmed. "I mean, have you not been following the tourney? We were on the cover of TIME yesterday!"

"Just checking," the referee replied, turning back to the crowd. "And in this corner, an intellectual combatant whose work on the magic of friendship has just been nominated for a Pwnie award...Twilight Sparkle!"

Twilight indulged the cheering crowd with a small wave.

"Combatants ready?" the referee read from his paper.

"Absolutely!" Twilight confirmed, while her mysterious opponent nodded.

"Very well then," the referee concluded. "Begin!"

"You're supposed to say 'fight,'" Shing corrected the ref.

"Whatever!" the ref shouted. "Just go already!"

"Okay!" Twilight declared, as her horn began to glow. My plan didn't work so well last time, she reasoned, so I think I'll go with the fling-him-against-the-wall approach.

As her opponent watched without expression (or movement), a magical aura the color of Twilight's horn suddenly surrounded his entire body. "Time to fly the friendly skies!" Twilight announced. She began to flick her head in the direction of the stone building nearby, but instead found her head stuck in place, and her opponent didn't move at all. "What in the world..." Twilight sputtered, trying the move again but discovering that neither her head nor the mysterious ninja would budge. "What's going on?" she complained. "Why can't I move this guy?"

"It looks like Twilight will need some extra horsepower to take down this ninja!" Kenny proclaimed, drawing some boos from nearby fans for his pun.

"He must have eaten a big lunch!" Hulk offered, rubbing his stomach. "I sampled some of the food here earlier, and it really sits heavy on the stomach, brother!"

As Twilight continued to struggle, her opponent silently watched her for a few moments, then calmly raised his arms to the heavens and began chanting in a low voice. "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipisicing elit..."

Suddenly, a bright light appeared in the sky, shining a beam of light down upon Twilight Sparkle. "Hey!" the unicorn objected. "I wasn't trying to cast that spell! And even if I were, it should be aimed at..." The light went on in Twilight's brain a split second too late. "Uh oh..." was all she managed to say.

KABOOM! On cue, a huge bolt of lightning split the sky, striking Twilight with full force and once again sending dust and spectators flying in every direction. "EEYYAAHH!" Twilight and Rarity screamed in unison (albeit for very different reasons).

"The mysterious fighter calls in a ferocious air strike!" Kenny narrated. "How will Twilight Sparkle survive this?"

As the dust began to clear, Rarity leaped to her feet and began frantically brushing the dirt off of her coat. "This is outrageous!" she thundered. "If these brutes continue to sully our manes at every one of these battles, I am going to lodge a protest with the management!"

"For cryin' out loud, Rarity," Applejack shot back, "stop worryin' about your mane! We got bigger problems!"

"Yeah, like whether or not Twilight's still got all her teeth!" Rainbow Dash added.

From his vantage point high above the battlefield, Shao Kahn shook his head in mock disapproval. "Tsk, tsk," he declared, "if we keep kicking up dust storms like this, we'll be hearing from the Environmental Protection Agency." Turning away from the action on the field, he stealthily pulled a walkie-talkie from his pocket. "Do it now," he whispered into the device.

As the battlefield emerged from the dust cloud, it revealed that both Twilight and the nameless warrior remained in their respective positions. The difference, however, was that the warrior looked none the worse for wear, while Twilight just looked extra-crispy, with her coat singed, her eyes bugged out, and her hair standing straight up and pointing in all directions.

"Oh no!" Applejack cried out, running into the circle and over to her friend. "Twilight! Are you okay?" she asked worriedly. "Speak to me!"

Twilight eyes stopped spinning in their sockets for a moment, and she managed to focus them both on Applejack. "I'm okay, mommy!" she insisted. "I can still go to school today!" With that, Twilight's eyes turned into swirls, and she fainted onto the ground.

Everyone turned in unison to watch the referee seal Twilight's fate, only to find that he had been thrown from his post by the force of the blast, and was now buried in a mound of sand, with only his ankles visible. "Oh, great," Shing muttered. "Anybody got an excavator we can borrow?"

While a group of Shao Kahn's staff ninjas moved in to dig out the referee with spoons borrowed from the cafeteria, another staff ninja emerged from the crowd behind the mysterious fighter, carrying a metal folding chair. "Another combatant has entered the ring!" Kenny narrated. "It looks like he's going to perform a sneak attack on the victor!"

The crowd let out a collective gasp as the ninja sneaked up behind the fighter, raised his weapon, and smashed the chair across the back of Twilight's opponent. The mystery warrior, however, was no more moved by the chair than by Twilight's magic, and did not seem to suffer any ill effects from the impact. After a brief pause, the fighter calmly turned to face the confused ninja. "It's not very nice to hit people with furniture," the warrior explained, uttering his first words of the evening.

Shang Tsung looked over at Shao Kahn. "Really?" he inquired. "That was your big plan? Give the guy the WWE treatment while the ref wasn't looking?" The sorcerer stood up and headed for the door. "Ridiculous," he proclaimed.

Shao Kahn ignored his sorcerer's tantrum. "Begin Plan B," he whispered into the walkie-talkie. "And do it with feeling this time."

In response, the ground between the nameless combatant's feet began to quiver and sink, forming a small pit underneath the warrior. "Eh? What gives?" the warrior wondered, looking down at the ground just as a large orange head emerged from the bottom of the hole. "Wait, is that a..."

The pit creature suddenly let out a threatening growl, then clamped onto one of the warrior's feet with its jaws and started pulling the fighter's leg into the pit. "Hey! Leggo! That's my foot, not a chew toy!" the warrior protested, dropping his ninja attacker and trying to pull himself out of the sand creature's grasp.

"Another monster has joined the fight, and still no call from the referee!" Kenny narrated. "What will happen next?"

"It's turning into a real free-for-all, brother!" Hulk answered joyously. "I've got half a mind to jump into the ring myself!"

Despite the anonymous warrior's best attempts, the creature attached to his leg continued sinking into the ground, causing the warrior to lose his balance and fall to the ground. "Stupid dirt-muncher!" the warrior spat in disgust.

As the mysterious warrior continued to struggle, Shao Kahn removed another strange-looking device from his pocket, aimed it at the sand-dwelling intruder, and pressed a button marked 'Scan and Identify.' "TRAPINCH: THE ANT PIT POKEMON," the device replied in a mechanical voice. "ITS NEST IS A SLOPED, BOWL-LIKE PIT IN THE DESERT. ONCE SOMETHING HAS FALLEN IN, THERE IS NO ESCAPE."

The last line drew a chuckle from Shao Kahn. "Who knew all those breeder contacts Scorpion had would actually be useful?" he asked rhetorically.

Back down on the ground, two more orange heads popped out of the sand, latched onto the fallen warrior's hands, and began dragging the attached limbs down into the dirt. "More of them?" the fighter gasped. "I thought Bob Barker always said to spay or neuter your stupid pets!"

At that very moment, Shao Kahn's ninjas managed to unearth the referee. "Would you look at that," one ninja drawled, as the ref dumped the sand out of his hat. "That nameless guy's face down in the dirt. Must of knocked himself out with his own attack."

"I'll be darned. You're right," another ninja commented, exchanging a wink with the previous speaker. "What a dope."

The referee looked over at the grounded fighter, still trying to blink the sand from his eyes. "No doubt about it, he's down," he concluded, never even bothering to look over at the barbecued pony across the ring. "That means this match is over! The pony wins!"

A confused gasp went up from the ground. "Wait...we won?" Rainbow Dash repeated, scratching her head with her hoof. "How does that work?"

The "losing" fighter had much the same reaction. "WHAT?!" he screamed, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull. "What do you mean, the pony won? I'm still lucid over here, bozo!" Swept up in a rush of adrenaline, the warrior yanked his arms off of the ground, sending the attached animals sailing into the sky, then performed a quick backflip to give the creature on his leg the same treatment. "The stupid pony's been deep fried!" he yelled, gesturing towards the toppled Twilight.

"Huh?" The referee looked over, cursing under his breath as he realized his error. "Oops...er, hold that thought, everyone!" he corrected himself. "The winner is actually..."

Before the ref could finish, however, he was drowned out by a loud, evil laugh from high above the action. "Well, well, well!" Shao Kahn teased, peering down from his suite. "It appears that our humble referee has made a mistake! Perhaps we should review this decision...oh wait, we put the replay booth into next year's budget!"

"You fixed this fight!" the warrior accused Shao Kahn. "The rules clearly state that the battle must be fought by the combatants alone, but I was clearly interfered with by your minions!"

"Really?" Shao Kahn shrugged, unable to keep himself from grinning. "I certainly didn't see any rules broken, and even if something had happened, wouldn't our stripe-wearing friend here have said something?"

"He was stuck in a sandpile!" the warrior objected.

"That's the way the cookie crumbles, I'm afraid!" Shao Kahn giggled. "The result stands as called - you lose."

"I protest!" the nameless warrior shouted, ripping off his mask and flinging it to the ground. "This match was a sham!"

Another gasp went up from the crowd. "That's not a mysterious fighter!" Kenny shouted into his mic. "That's Raiden, the thunder god!"

Raiden pointed an accusatory finger at Shao Kahn. "This is a blatant violation of the Mortal Kombat rules, Kahn!" he ranted. "When the Elder Gods hear of this..."

Shao Kahn continued chuckling at the misfortune of his nemesis. "Don't be such a sore loser, Raiden," he chided his counterpart. "Besides, if you had actually bothered to read the contract you signed, Section 4,902 Part FF specifically stated that..."

"It was in .001 font!" Raiden interjected. "I couldn't read it without my Elder God powers! I probably couldn't read it with my Elder God powers!"

"Allow me to play you a tune on the world's smallest violin," Shao Kahn cackled, drawing an imaginary bow across an imaginary instrument.

As the argument continued to escalate, Rainbow Dash quickly swooped over to where Twilight and Applejack remained in the ring. "Quick, load Twilight onto my back!" Rainbow directed.

"We can't leave now," Applejack declared. "This guy's gettin' a bum deal! Much as I hate to say it..."

"Can it, Honest Abby!" Rainbow interrupted, flipping Twilight onto her back herself. "We got the win - nothing else matters! Let's get out of here before that bonehead changes his mind!"

"I agree," Rarity concurred. "After all, she who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day."

"But...but..." Applejack stammered, torn between her friends and her sense of fairness.

"Come on!" Rainbow snapped, as she and Rarity headed for the hills. "Pinkie, give us some cover!"

"Aye aye, captain!" Pinkie saluted the pegasus, pulling out her trusty stereo. "Who's ready to shake what their momma gave 'em?" she shouted to the crowd, which cheered in approval and began flowing out onto the battle ring.

Raiden's temper completely boiled over at the sight of the crowd ignoring an obvious miscarriage of justice in favor of getting their groove on. "Okay, that's it!" he declared, storming through the throng in the direction of Shao Kahn's box. "If you won't listen to my words, then maybe you'll listen to my fists!"

Shao Kahn laughed one final time, then forced a scowl. "You're gonna die, fool!" he shouted in a thick-but-terrible New England accent. "I'm coming out of the booth!" Ducking out of sight, he again reached for his walkie-talkie. "Give the sorcerer a message for me, and make it quick..." he whispered.

Raiden fought his way through the crowd and made his way to the stairs leading to Shao Kahn's suite, conveniently finding the Outworld emperor waiting for him to arrive. "Marquis of Queensbury rules?" Shao Kahn asked.

"Oh, so now you want rules?" Raiden thundered, getting in Shao Kahn's grill. "I'm gonna knock you into the middle of next month!" he threatened, raising his fist to strike

Shao Kahn smiled. "Have it your way," he agreed, reaching up and grabbing Raiden's fist before he could land a blow. On contact, Kahn's hand turned bright blue, and Raiden suddenly began to feel his power draining from his body.

"What the...wait, you're not Kahn!" Raiden objected.

"And you're the 62nd person who's said that to me as their last words." Shao Kahn appeared to speak the words, but the voice was that of Shang Tsung. "No soul for you!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Raiden shouted, as Shang Tsung unceremoniously took away the thunder god's soul.

"Okay, you're about the thousandth person who's ended with that," Shang taunted, tossing Raiden's soulless form to the ground.

"Ha ha!" the real Shao Kahn shouted, as he came bounding down the steps. "You see, sorcerer, this is why I like you!" he told Shang Tsung. "You make an excellent Pippen to my Jordan."

Shang Tsung turned to face Shao Kahn, but did not return his smile. "Perhaps now you can get Bowser to throw in an extra Shy Guy or two in your 'deal,'" he grumbled.

"Are you kidding?" Shao Kahn grinned. "A takedown like that is worth at least a Hammer Brother or two! Besides, I neglected to fill you in on the best part of my contract with Raiden..."

"And that would be?" Shang Tsung inquired.

"Well," Shao Kahn began, "as you know, letting someone into the tournament in the middle of the third round is a major no-no, but Raiden was just so desperate to get someone in here after our favorite little ponies crushed his warriors beneath their hooves..."

"Get to the point," Shang Tsung snapped.

"I agreed to let him into the tourney on one condition: he had to sacrifice his godlike powers, and they would be included in the winner's prize package!" Shao Kahn cackled. "The fool's confidence got the better of him, and he accepted my terms without hesitation!" Shao Kahn stopped to laugh a bit more at his good fortune. "Considering that both you and I have an automatic berth in the finals, sorcerer," he finally continued, "I found the offer quite attractive."

"It certainly beats the Family Guy DVD set you gave the winner last time," Shang Tsung admitted. "Still, Raiden's confidence was not without merit - even without his powers, he could have easily defeated every fighter on this island."

"But he didn't," Kahn pointed out. "The fool fell prey to a clueless official and a trio of Trapinch."

"You were lucky, Kahn," Shang Tsung declared, "but mark my words: A man who continues to tempt fate as you have will eventually get bitten."

Shao Kahn could only shake his head as Shang Tsung stomped back towards the castle. "It's so hard to find good help these days," he muttered to himself.

After stewing in his room for an hour or so, Shang Tsung decided that he needed to clear the air with his employer, and made his way to Shao Kahn's inner sanctum deep within the castle. Upon arrival, he found the door open and the Outworld emperor sitting idly at his desk, and decided to let himself in. "Shao Kahn," he began, "I believe that I must apologize for my words earlier tonight. This tournament has been exceptionally stressful up to this point, and I should not have taken my anger out on you."

Shao Kahn looked over at Shang Tsung, but did not reply, or even change expression. Behind the emperor, however, one of the wall panels began to tremble.

"In hindsight," Shang Tsung continued, "your decision to bring Raiden into the tournament on such advantageous terms was a wise one. You always have a plan to take the guesswork out of such decisions, and I should have expected no less here."

As Shang Tsung spoke, the quivering wall panel silently slid to the side, revealing a secret passageway behind it. Standing in the passageway was a frightening-looking man with pale white skin, piercing green eyes, a clean-shaven head, and a pair of swords strapped to his back. The man stepped quietly into the office and took up a position directly behind Shao Kahn, who did not seem to notice the man's presence.

If Shang Tsung had any ideas about the mysterious man's motives, he did not reveal them to his boss. "However," the sorcerer observed, "I believe that there is one issue we haven't yet resolved. After all, adding Raiden at so late a stage throws off our entire bracket, and will make scheduling a logistical nightmare going forward..."

The pale, bald man behind Shao Kahn brought his hands together, then slowly spread them apart, generating a green ball of energy between them.

"I would like propose a simple solution: removing one of the existing fighters from the tournament," Shang Tsung concluded, unable to suppress a smile. "My suggestion...is you."

Upon hearing the last word, the silent assassin behind Shao Kahn released his energy ball, which struck Kahn square in the back and caused the Outworld emperor to howl in pain and fall limply to the ground. Upon hitting the floor, however, Shao Kahn's form began to change, and the body before Shang Tsung suddenly morphed into that of a grotesque pony-like creature, sporting a dark-colored coat, flimsy insect-like wings, and limbs that resembled a block of Swiss cheese. "Huh?" Shang Tsung sputtered. "What...what is this madness?"

"As you said, sorcerer...I always have a plan." Shang Tsung spun around just in time to take a folding chair across the kisser courtesy of the real Shao Kahn, and collapsed unconscious on the floor.

The Outworld emperor chuckled as he looked upon the prone forms of Shang Tsung and the strange creature. "I must admit, Queen Chrysalis," he commented, "having an entire army of shapshifting lackeys comes in awfully handy."

The pale "assassin" across the room began to change shape as well, transforming into Chrysalis's true form (which was essentially a larger version of the creature on the floor). "It does have its advantages," Chrysalis agreed.

Shao Kahn turned and motioned a pair of his staff ninjas into the room. "Give this traitor a room next to his fellow conspirator Quan Chi in the dungeon," he ordered, "and tell that good-for-nothing Shing that he's been promoted to head soul-storer while his uncle is out on medical leave. As for you, Chrysalis, you may call your hordes back from Equestria - we have no need to distract Princess Celestia further."

"Very well," Chrysalis agreed, scowling as the ninjas hauled Shang Tsung out of the room. "I certainly hope that our partnership does not end in the same manner," she commented.

"So long as you do not test my patience, it won't," Shao Kahn explained, walking over to a map of the Earth hanging on the wall. "I have no need for a candy-colored fantasy land filled with sentient ponies," he proclaimed, stabbing the land mass marked 'Equestria' with his finger. "When I conquer this planet, you may take the throne of the pony sisters as your own...but be sure to keep that icky-sticky lovey-dovey stuff out of my evil empire!"

Chrysalis licked her lips. "Now that," she replied, "is an order I can take."

Sisterhooves Smackdown

SPLASH! The feel of a cup's worth of ice-cold water hitting her face brought Twilight back to her senses in a hurry. "Gah!" she cried out, sitting up from her bed with a start. "Where am I? What happened?" she sputtered, in between coughing up mouthfuls of water.

"Sufferin' horseapples!" Twilight heard Applejack curse. "Consarn it, Pinkie!" the orange pony shouted over at her pink counterpart. "Warn me next time you start playin' that dang trumpet of yours! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Applejack?" Twilight asked, blinking the water from her eyes. "What's going on?"

"Well, she was trying to put a cold cloth on your forehead," Rarity explained, as she approached Twilight's bedside, "but she apparently neglected to wring the cloth out properly, and ended up giving you a bath instead."

"I don't need no editorializin' from the peanut gallery," Applejack grumbled, giving Rarity a stern look before turning back to Twilight. "I'm awful sorry, Twi," she apologized, grabbing a dry towel with her teeth and tossing it to Twilight. "I've taken care of my fair share of sick fillies, but I'm still no Fluttershy."

"What about the battle?" Twilight pushed. "How long have I been out? Did I...did I win?"

"Well...let's just say you didn't lose," Rarity offered.

"Oh, it was epic!" Pinkie Pie declared, dropping her instrument and racing over to Twilight. "There was this mystery guy, and he started speaking in this really weird language, and then there was this huuuuge light in the sky, and then this huge lightning bolt went BOOM! And then you were all swirly-eyed, and you starting talking to your mom, which was really freaky since she wasn't there..."

"Yes, Pinkie, I was there for that part," Twilight interrupted. "What happened after that?"

"Oh! Well, we threw this massive dance party," Pinkie Pie recalled, "and I ran into that crazy wrestler guy who talks during the big fights, and he was wearing a lampshade on his head and kept calling me 'Stinky Guy,' except it sounded more like 'Steee Gahh,' because he kept chugging pitchers of hard cider..."

"Good grief!" Twilight exclaimed, plugging her ears as Pinkie meticulously described her party antics. "Could somepony else tell me what happened, please?" Twilight pleaded.

"The ref got buried by the sand that bolt kicked up," Applejack explained, "and by the time somepony dug him out..."

"A trio of horrid little creatures with big mouths attacked that mysterious fellow," Rarity summarized, "and fooled the referee into declaring you the winner."

"What...what happened to my opponent?" Twilight asked nervously.

"Oh, nothing too serious!" Pinkie replied. "He just had his soul removed like everypony else, that's all!"

Twilight gulped at the revelation. "R...right," she agreed half-heartedly. "Nothing too serious."

"Heyyyyyyyyy pony ladies!" Rainbow Dash's voice drifted in from afar, and within seconds the rainbow-maned pegasus was inside the hut, hovering above the other ponies. "Is Twilight back among the living yet?" she inquired, unable to suppress a wide grin.

"She's still restin'," Applejack answered, as she eyed Rainbow with suspicion. "What are you so happy about, anyways? You're grinnin' like a beaver who just found himself a fifty-foot fir tree!"

"Oh, nothing," Rainbow fibbed. "I just happened to stop by the bulletin board this morning."

"You know what our next, er...engagement will be, then?" Rarity deduced. "Well, out with it! It's terribly rude to keep a lady - and whatever Applejack is - waiting."

Applejack rolled her eyes at the subtle dig, which only made Rainbow's smile bigger. "Oh, this one's going to be good," the pegasus snickered.

"Ooh! Ooh! Let me guess!" Pinkie shouted. "It is...Rarity versus Mokap! No, Applejack versus Meat! Wait, I've got it: Mr. T vs. Mr. Rogers!"

"Oh, it's way better than any of those...except maybe that T one," Rainbow revealed.

"Well then, spit it out already!" Applejack demanded. "Who's fightin' who?"

Rarity sighed. "It is 'who's fighting whom," she corrected Applejack.

"For Pete's sake, Rarity," Applejack groaned, "this ain't the time to be fussin' over grammar like some strict schoolpony! I just want to know who's fightin' today!"

"Being in a hurry is never an excuse for one to play fast and loose with language," Rarity retorted. "Of course, I would expect nothing less from a..."

"From a what?" Applejack shouted. "Go on, say it! Say it to my face!"

"Girls, stop!" Twilight yelled over the din. "This is not the time for petty arguments!"

"Twilight's right, girls," Rainbow Dash agreed. "This is definitely not the right time. If you ask me, I'd say the right time would be about...oh, one o'clock, over on the beach."

"That sound like a..." Rarity stopped in mid-sentence. "And just what are you insinuating?" she asked Rainbow Dash.

"I'm not...uh, in-sul-lay-ting anything," Rainbow offered, tripping over Rarity's large vocabulary. "I'm telling you that the next fight is between..."

"Applejack and Rarity!" Shao Kahn declared, pointing at the two names on a whiteboard as he addressed some of his remaining team members within a small a conference room inside his castle. "The salt-of-the-earth hayseed versus the refined socialite: A formula for mayhem as old as civilization itself!"

The fighters seated around the conference table nodded in agreement. "It weakens the ponies by turning them against one another," a bald man with an oversized mouth and sharp teeth spoke up, "while further thinning their ranks."

"Plus," a four-armed, olive-skinned female wearing minimal clothing quipped, "it spares our ninja brethren from further humiliation at their hands...oh, I'm sorry, at their hooves." The woman cast a smug glance at a ninja dressed in black from head to toe who was sitting across the table.

The black-clothed ninja threw up his hands in exasperation. "Oh, come on!" he objected. "So Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Reptile, Smoke, and Rain went down in flames - why does that always reflect poorly on me? I'm twice the fighter those blockheads are!"

"Actually," a middle-aged man sporting a brown, loose-fitting body suit chimed in, "if you crunch the numbers, you'll find that the performances of all five of you are eerily similar in terms of general winning percentage and opponent success rates. I say 'five' because Smoke is a bit of an outlier, and not in a good way, let me tell you."

The bald fighter gave the man in the brown body suit a funny look. "Who are you?" he asked. "I've never met you before..."

"I'm Dr. Peter Venkman," the middle-aged man replied. "Your blue buddy Zero called me in to look into some potential paranormal activity. He thought your resident undead assassin was cheating him at Scrabble by having other spirits hover behind him and read his tiles."

Now it was the dark-clothed ninja's turn to shoot Peter a strange look. "Really?" the ninja asked.

Dr. Venkman smiled. "No, not really," he admitted. "I'm you." In an instant, Dr. Venkman's features melted away, and a carbon-copy of the ninja appeared in his place. "What's the matter? Don't you recognize...you?" The new ninja unleashed a hearty laugh. "Perhaps you're more of a 'Noob' than I realized!"

"I don't get it," the four-armed woman said to Shao Kahn. "I though you said you threw Shang Tsung into the dungeon last night."

Kahn smiled. "I did," he confirmed. "Everyone, I'd like you all to meet Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings over in Equestria. She'll be joining our management team for the remainder of the tournament. Chrysalis, these are some of my loyal henchmen..."

"Ahem!" the four-armed lady interrupted.

Shao Kahn sighed. "My loyal henchpeople," he corrected himself. "The bald guy with too many teeth is Baraka, the persnickety woman with too many limbs is Sheeva, and the goth ninja with too many recolored clones is Noob Saibot."

"Pleased to make your acquaintances," Chrysalis offered, as she morphed from Noob Saibot to her true, diseased-looking form.

"Now then," Shao Kahn began, pointing to the two pony names on the whiteboard, "our first order of business: Who do we want to actually win this fight?"

"Rarity. Definitely Rarity," Sheeva declared emphatically. "I won't be able to speak with her today, and we can't take away her soul until I've asked her if she makes dresses for non-ponies."

Baraka facepalmed at Sheeva's reasoning. "You are right for all the wrong reasons," he observed. "The fashion pony is easily distracted by trivial concerns - simply getting her dirty is enough to destroy her resolve. Applejack, on the other hand, has shown a knack for overcoming the most trying of circumstances."

"Not to mention," Noob Saibot added, "we've had to move a number of fights because Applejack collapsed an entire cavern with just her hind legs. I'll take my chances with Diamond Butt over Apple Flank any day, thank you very much."

"Duly noted," Shao Kahn said. "And what say you, Chrysalis?"

Chrysalis cast a stern glare across the table. "The question is irrelevant," she proclaimed. "The farmer and dressmaker are gullible fools who pose no threat to your empire. It is Celestia's student that you need to worry about. She is the only one capable of ruining your plans."

"I'll mark that as an abstention," Shao Kahn decided, ignoring the rest of Chrysalis's rant. "The Rarity votes carry the day! Now, for my next question...does the prissy pony stand a snowball's chance in the Golden Desert of winning?"

Baraka, Sheeva, and Noob Saibot exchanged glances. "Nope," they declared in unison.

"Zero percent, eh?" Kahn smiled his most evil smile. "Luckily for you hosers, statistics can be manipulated into saying anything we darn well please." He drew a small circle on the whiteboard behind him, augmented it with eyes, a hat, and a small trio of apples, and pointed his marker at it. "So tell me," he inquired, "what is Applejack?"

"Er...she's a talking pony, isn't she?" Sheeva responded.

"No, no, no!" Shao Kahn shouted. "I mean, what really makes Applejack Applejack? If you had to describe her in five words, what would they be?"

"Well..." Sheeva scratched her head and her chin simultaneously as she racked her brain. "She's one of those 'work until the job's done' types," she observed. "She doesn't like to waste time just standing around."

"Exactly!" Shao Kahn declared. "This, my friends, is an old-school mare who believes that idle hooves are the devil's playground! She's not waiting for life to come to her, no sir - she's going to grab the bull by the horns, metaphorically speaking, and not stop until that bad boy's hogtied and branded!"

Chrysalis shook her head at Kahn's oratory. "And just how does this help us?" she inquired.

"Easy," Shao Kahn replied. "If the pony needs something to do...we'll give her something to do."

Applejack, for her part, had left the ponies' cabin after learning she would be fighting Rarity, preferring to prepare in solitude for her match. Still, after fifteen minutes of canvassing the island, one of Shao Kahn's staff ninjas located the apple farmer practicing her bucking technique on some of the deserted fighter huts.

"Excuse me, ma'am," the ninja said as he approached Applejack. "I'm with the environmental maintenance crew here on the island, and we were wondering if you could help us with something."

"Help?" Applejack stopped wailing on the hut wall for a moment, and gave the ninja a suspicious look. "You take my sister's soul and make me fight a bunch of varmints to get it back, and now you want me to help you?" She shook her head and went back to her bucking. "Sorry, but I'm kind of busy right now..."

"I understand," the ninja replied, turning to leave. "I'm just not sure what to tell those families, though."

"Families?" Applejack paused in mid-buck. "What're you goin' on about?"

"Well, I was hoping to get you to help us clear away some rubble from a collapsed cavern high up on the mountain, to free some children who were playing inside," the ninja explained. "We estimate that they've got about two hours worth of oxygen in there, so we really wanted to open that cavern back up before then. If you've got other things to do, though..."

"Land sakes!" Applejack shouted. "You've got two hours to save a bunch of kids?" Applejack abandoned her bucking and rushed over to where the ninja stood. "Why didn't you say so?" she demanded. "Of course I'll pitch in! Where is this dang cavern, anyhow?"

"Oh, it's pretty high up on the mountain, a ways above where you fought Blaze earlier," the ninja revealed. "First, though, we've got to get our equipment up there. Follow me."

The ninja led Applejack away from the fighter huts, through a dense section of jungle, and finally to a remote location on the beach, where several other ninjas were unloading a bunch of large boxes from a ship docked nearby. "Luckily, the rock-busting gear we ordered from Amazon arrived just in the nick of time," the guiding ninja commented. "Funny how that works, huh?"

"Quit talkin' and start pullin'!" Applejack ordered, using her teeth to grab a conveniently-placed rope that had been tied around the largest box. "Whih way do ah goh?" she asked, her voice muffled by the rope.

"Just follow that path there!" One of the box-carrying ninjas gestured to a path leading back in the forest.

"Fahn! Leh goh!" With that, Applejack began dragging the large box up the trail, struggling a bit with the weight of the cargo inside.

Behind Applejack, the staff ninjas exchanged devious smiles behind their masks. "What did you put in that box, anyway?" the ninja who had fetched Applejack asked his compadres.

"Oh, you know - sledgehammers, wedges, six hundred pounds of kitty litter," one of the other ninjas replied. "Just standard rescue operation gear. We've got four more boxes like that on board."

"You'd better get them out, fast," the first ninja suggested, watching as Applejack disappeared into the jungle. "Maybe add a few more kitty litter bags, too. A few more treks like this, and she'll be too tired to think, let alone battle."

Back at the ponies' hut, Rarity had settled on occupational therapy as her method of preparing for her bout, and spent her morning putting together a set of new wardrobe designs. "Now this is going to look fabulous!" she cooed, taking a second to admire a sparkly blue dress that she had highlighted with some gems she had found (and made Twilight dig up). "Those sapphires accent the fabric choice marvelously!"

"Um...Rarity?" Twilight interrupted, a bit confused at the dressmaker's behavior. "What are you doing?"

"Why, I'm working on my new summer collection!" Rarity answered cheerily, using her magic to pull a measuring tape out of her bag. "I admit, it's a bit of a nuisance not having my sewing machine here, but I'll manage. After all, when inspiration strikes, one must heed its call!"

Twilight sighed, assuming her friend was just seeking a way to keep her mind off of her match with Applejack. "Look," she offered, "I know having to fight against a friend is hard..."

"Now, Twilight, darling," Rarity assured the purple unicorn, as she measured another length of blue fabric, "there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Applejack and I are mature, professional ponies who understand that this, er...brouhaha...is just business, and that our feelings towards each other will not be affected in any way."

"Really?" Twilight smiled. "I'm so glad to hear that! I was afraid that you..."

"Yes," Rarity continued, pulling out her fabric scissors and beginning to cut the fabric she had measured. "No matter what happens, Applejack will always be a loyal, honest, proud, energetic, salt-of-the-earth, hard-working, hardheaded, stubborn, brutish, closed-minded, unfashionable, uncultured, act-before-you-think...what in Luna's name is wrong with these confounded scissors?" she sputtered, her voice and frustration rising with every syllable.

Twilight gave Rarity a bemused look, and pointed at the scissors. "I think you're try to cut too many things at once," she observed.

"What do you mean, I'm...oh dear." Rarity stopped in mid-sentence, realizing that in her rage, she had not only cut through half of the fabric, but also half of the table it was laying on. "Eh heh heh..." she laughed weakly, giving Twilight an embarrassed smile as she resumed her cutting, minus the table. "I, uh...I suppose I'm getting a little too caught up in my work," she incorrectly hypothesized.

"Just business, huh?" Twilight retorted, giving Rarity her best 'yeah, right' stare. "You're already talking about Applejack as if she were one of Shao Kahn's henchmen!"

Rarity sighed. "Would you feel any better," she asked, "if I promised to separate my friendship with Applejack from this fight, and to conduct myself in an honorable manner and not demonize her in any way?"

"Would you pinkie promise that?" Pinkie Pie inquired, appearing from out of nowhere to step between the two unicorns and pose her question.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Rarity declared. "This fight will be about taking care of business, nothing more."

Twilight wasn't sure she bought Rarity's promise, but figured it was the best she could going to get for the moment. "All right," she decided, "I guess that's okay...but remember, Pinkie will be watching!"

"That's right!" Pinkie Pie confirmed, as Twilight turned and walked away. "I mean, I'd usually be watching The Trotting Dead then, but I found somepony to DVR it for me, so I will definitely be there!"

"I'm glad to hear that," Rarity offered. "Of course, if this fight is truly going to be about business, I'm going to need more ponies watching than just you." She stared at her half-finished dress and pondered the comment for a moment, then turned back to Pinkie. "Speaking of Applejack," she began, "she mentioned something about you using a phone at Fluttershy's last fight. Do you still have it with you? I need to make a few calls..."

As Rarity continued on her creative binge, Applejack tore through her impromptu cardio session at a blistering pace, hauling all five of her oversized (and overloaded) boxes to the 'accident' site near the summit of Shao Kahn's mountain while barely breaking a sweat. "This here's the last one!" the earth pony announced upon arriving with box number five. "Y'all should have everything you need to save those kids now!"

Standing near the boulders, Noob Saibot could only grimace from behind his mask and pull a walkie-talkie out of his pocket. "The pony was thirty seconds faster this time around," he growled. "I thought I told you to make the boxes heavier!"

"Don't blame us!" came the static-filled reply. "Blame the joker in supply who only ordered two tons of kitty litter! We dumped everything we had left into the fourth box, and had to stuff the entire kitchen crew into that box she just brought up to weigh it down!"

"What?" Noob shouted in surprise. "If the kitchen crew's in there, who's fixing lunch?"

"We ordered a bunch of take-out, and left it out as a buffet." the static-filled voice answered. "Oh, by the way: You might want to open that last box pretty fast. We didn't have time to poke any air holes in it, and one of the cooks was complaining about indigestion."

"Er...right. We'll get right on that. Stand by for further instructions." With that, Noob Saibot stuck the walkie-talkie back in his pocket and kicked the dirt in frustration.

Meanwhile, upon discovering that nothing actually seemed to be happening at the accident site, Applejack decided to take charge of the rescue operation, and began barking orders at the ninjas that were milling about. "Come on, y'all, get with the program!" Applejack demanded. "You ain't even got any of those boxes open yet!"

"Oh...er, right!" Noob agreed. "You heard the horse, you fools - open those crates!"

In short order, the crates were broken open, and an army of ninjas swarmed the cavern entrance and attacked the boulders in their way. The halfhearted manner in which they performed the operation, however, did not sit well with the orange pony. "Put your backs into it!" she ordered. "We've got to get those kids out!"

"Give us a break!" one of the hammer-toting ninjas snapped back. "It's not like you could do any better!"

"Oh, I couldn't, could I?" Her hackles raised at having her capabilities questioned, Applejack stomped over to where the largest boulder sat. "Well, let's just see about that!"

As the ninjas watched with varying levels of interest, Applejack picked up one of the wedges with her teeth, then reared back and spit the wedge at the boulder with such force that it stuck into the stone upon contact. Turning her back on the stone, Applejack then wound up and unleashed the most powerful buck she could muster, striking the wedge with her back hooves and immediately shattering the rock into small pieces. "Yee-haw!" she shouted triumphantly. "That's how you git 'er done!"

The ninjas could only gawk in stunned silence at the display of strength. "Holy smokes," one whispered. "It's like Chuck Norris had a daughter with Rachel Alexandra."

As Applejack moved on and begin repeating her feat with the other boulders, another ninja looked over at Noob Saibot. "The pony is not going to be happy when she blasts through those rocks and finds out there aren't any kids inside," the ninja commented.

"Then I delegate you as the person who tells her we've made a mistake once she discovers that fact," Noob Saibot shot back, grabbing the ninja by the back of his hood and flinging him back towards the pony-watching mob. Retrieving the walkie-talkie once again, Noob shouted more instructions to the ninjas back at sea level. "Find another cave near the shore, and block the entrance with boulders, ASAP," he demanded. "Get two of Chrysalis's change-thingys to pose as kids inside." He cast another glance at Applejack as the earth pony made quick work of the large stones. "Tell them not to worry," he said with a sigh. "Believe me, they'll be rescued."

The rest of the morning continued in a similar fashion, with Rarity furiously churning out outfits as Applejack bashed her way through half of the rocks on the island. Eventually, though, time ran out on the ponies, and the two competitors made their way to the beachside battle site. Rarity was the first to arrive on scene, reaching the battle site an Applejack-esque sixty minutes early, and passed the time by berating the staff ninjas who were present about the 'abhorrent environment' she had found.

"This battle surface is completely unacceptable!" Rarity fumed, kicking up a small cloud of dust in frustration. "All this sand will make a mess of my mane, and sully my new outfits!"

"'Sully your outfits?'" From her ringside beach chair, Rainbow Dash lifted her sunglasses and shot Rarity a stern gaze. "You know, if you really want to beat Applejack today, you're gonna have to get over your fear of dirt. And sun. And nature."

Rarity returned Rainbow's glare, but ignored the pegasus's comment. "What are you still doing over there?" she demanded. "I told you, that's where I want the photographers to stand! Why don't you make yourself useful and go see what's keeping Twilight and Pinkie Pie?"

"No way!" Rainbow Dash objected. "I got here an hour ago to stake out this seat, and I'm not moving!"

Rarity facehooved at Rainbow insolence, and summoned her magic to begin levitating the pegasus's chair off the ground. "Hey! Quit it!" Rainbow shouted. "This is my..."

Rainbow was cut off when Rarity suddenly flipped the beach chair upside down, causing the pegasus to fall to the ground with a splat. "There, you're up," Rarity muttered. "Now go find the other girls before I use this chair to make you a body cast!"

"Fine, fine..." Rainbow Dash replied, leaping back in to the sky and heading for the inland jungle. "I hope AJ gives her a mud bath," she grumbled to herself.

With her rainbow-maned friend busy, Rarity looked for the next poor creature to direct her ire towards. "You two!" she ordered, pointing a hoof at a pair of ninjas that were cowering behind a nearby boulder. "Go and find me the biggest carpet you have on this island this instant! We don't have much time!"

All of Applejack's rock-bashing and kid-rescuing made her later than she would have liked (which meant she was only ten minutes early), but the earth pony eventually found her way over to the battle site, looking none the worse for wear despite the best efforts of Kahn's ninjas. "I'm awful sorry to keep y'all waitin'!" Applejack apologized, as she bounded into the ring.

Not long afterwards, Noob Saibot arrived with the battle's referee. "Gosh, that pony with the hat looks awfully spry," the ref commented. "She must have gotten a good night's rest - I've heard sleep can do wonders for your health!"

"Apparently this pony's been sleeping since 1985," Noob grumbled. "I, on the other hand, am running on three hours of sleep and a Red Bull."

Rarity, meanwhile, was busy treading a six-inch-deep path into the sand, ranting all the while. "Where is everypony?" she sputtered. "Pinkie probably found something shiny on the ground to distract herself, but Twilight is usually much more punctual than this! And where is Rainbow Dash? Honestly, how long could it take for a pegasus to search an entire forest for two ponies? And where's my flipping carpet, anyway?"

"Well, I'm right here!" Applejack announced. "Let's get this here show on the road!"

"Absolutely not!" Rarity snapped. "We cannot begin until Twilight and Pinkie arrive with my designs!"

"Designs?" Applejack scratch her head in confusion. "Rarity, this is a fight, not a fashion show."

"Tell that to them!" Rarity replied, pointing a hoof towards a large throng of people standing alongside the ring.

"What the..." Applejack could only stare in bewilderment at the crowd, mostly made up of people (and even of couple of ponies) who were far too well-dressed to be watching a round of Mortal Kombat. "Who in tarnation are they?" she asked innocently.

"They," Rarity declared, "are only some of the world's biggest fashion moguls!" She squealed, smiling for the first time since arriving at the battle site, and struck a pose. "They're hear to see a certain somepony model the outfits from my newest collection!"

"Miss Rarity!" One of the fashion ponies in attendance, sporting a bluish-gray coat and a paper fan cutie mark, stepped forward. "I do hope we can get this show underway soon," he requested. "This harsh sun is wreaking havoc on my complexion."

"Of course, Mr. Hoity Toity," Rarity agreed. "I'm sure my, er...assistants shall be here momentarily."

"Good grief..." Applejack muttered under her breath.

Another awkward minute passed before Pinkie Pie finally emerged from the treeline, bouncing towards the ring in her usual manner while dragging a large screen behind her. "Hi, Rarity!" she greeted her fashionable friend. "I brought your changing screen, just like you asked!"

"And not a moment too soon!" Rarity responded, breathing a sigh of relief. "What took you so long? And where is Twilight? Shouldn't she be right behind you?"

"Of course not, silly!" Pinkie Pie laughed. "Your outfit rack was much heavier than your screen! Rainbow's helping her with that right now."

"WHAT?" An image of Rainbow crumpling her outfits together and carrying them over in a wrinkled heap flashed through Rarity's mind, and the mare bolted for the trees. "I'm coming, Twilight!" Rarity shouted. "Rainbow Dash, for the love of Celestia, keep your hooves off my clothes!"

Applejack facehooved at the whole scene. "We'll never get the battle goin' at this rate," she muttered.

"Aren't we waiting on Shing as well?" the referee pointed out.

"We'd better not wait for him," Noob Saibot advised. "He had a few too many ciders celebrating his promotion last night. His Facebook page had a bunch of new pictures of him doing that 'Gangnam Style' dance with Miss Pink over there."

"That was pretty fun," Pinkie Pie admitted.

Luckily for Applejack, she did not have to wait very long: Two minutes after disappearing, Rarity re-emerged from the jungle, dragging her oversized rack of outfits along with her teeth. (Rainbow Dash followed closely behind the unicorn, carrying an exhausted, slightly-dehydrated Twilight in her hooves.) Leaving the rack next to her changing screen, she brushed her hair back into place and turned to address the throng of fashionistas in attendance. "Fillies and gentlecolts," she began, despite the fact that at least 90% of the crowd was human, "I apologize profusely for the delay you have had to endure. Rest assured, however, that your patience will be rewarded with the revelation of the greatest fashion collection since Ralph Lauren played his first game of polo!" The pronouncement generated naught but a few whispers among the gathered moguls, but at least a few of them smiled.

"Er, before you do that..." the referee interrupted, "there is the matter of today's Mortal Kombat match!" He gestured towards the orange pony standing across from Rarity in the ring. "In this corner," he announced, "a rough-and-tumble pony who is rumored to have bench-pressed 700 pounds at the NFL combine using just her hind legs...Applejack! And in the opposite corner..."

"The most fashionable pony in Ponyville, and designer to the stars of Equestria," Rarity interrupted, "Rarity the unicorn!"

"I was going to say that," the referee offered.

Applejack gagged as Rarity bowed to her invited crowd. "Get over yourself for a change!" she shouted. "Stop goin' on about your clothes, and let's get this thing over with!"

Rarity simply sighed in response. "Very well," she agreed, "if you are so eager to 'get this over with,' I suppose those ne'er-do-wells will never find a proper carpet anyway."

"I guess that's means everyone - er, everypony - is ready!" the referee decided. "In that case...FIGHT!"

"Yee-haw!" Applejack cried out, rearing up on her back hooves before charging towards Rarity. "Get ready for an eight-second...whoa!" Applejack left her sentence hanging in the air upon discovering that she was hanging in the air, courtesy of Rarity's magic. "Hey! What gives?" Applejack sputtered. "Put me down!"

Rarity ignored Applejack's plea, and again turned to address the fashion critics. "For this collection," she narrated, "I was inspired by the juxtaposition of the island's serenity and the fighting's raw brutality. I believe you'll all find that these items capture both the strength and beauty of this exotic location."

"For cryin' out loud!" Applejack pleaded. "Would you stop talkin' about your froufrou designs for one second? We're supposed to be fightin' here!"

"Seriously!" Rainbow Dash seconded. "We want some action, not a bunch of fashion!"

Twilight, in contrast, watched the events unfold in silence, completely baffled by Rarity's actions (and still recovering from having to drag Rarity's clothes to the beach). Rarity's no dummy, she though to herself. She must know what she's doing. I just wish she'd let the rest of us in on the secret...

Meanwhile, Rarity continued with her opening monologue. "Prepare yourselves for the fashion revelation of a lifetime!" she advised. "Once I get my model ready, the show will begin!"

"Your model? What do you mean by..." Applejack stopped in mid-sentence as Rarity floated her towards the changing screen, her eyes widening as she realized exactly who Rarity's model was. "Oh, no you don't!" Applejack objected, flailing her limbs wildly in an attempt to resist Rarity's magic. "You ain't puttin' me in any of those fancy getups! No way, no how!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Applejack," Rarity apologized, "but I did promise Twilight that this battle would be about business."

"AAAHHH!!!" Applejack screamed in vain, as Rarity floated the earth pony in behind the screen. "Hey! That's my hat, not yours! Good grief, what is that? You keep that sparkly thing away from me! Holy horseshoes, it's got sequins! Stay back! Back!"

After about thirty seconds of loud crashes and pained screams from behind the curtain, Rarity pulled back the screen to reveal a stunned, trembling Applejack, now looking fabulous in a flowing, blue evening gown adorned with sparkling stones. "Ohhhh..." the crowd gasped in awe.

Annoyed by Applejack's paralysis, Rarity fired up her magic once more to take control of Applejack's legs and force the orange pony to strut across the battle ring. "This particular number," Rarity narrated, "was inspired by the beautiful blue sky that this island enjoys on a nearly-year-round basis!" Rarity shot a bemused glare at Rainbow Dash as she said the word 'nearly.' "The glass slippers add an extra level of elegance, and the crystal tiara rounds out the outfit quite nicely!"

Rainbow Dash gagged as the fashion crowd fawned over Applejack's outfit. "Borrrrrrring!" she jeered. "Man, I thought this was gonna be a cool battle."

For Applejack, however, the temperature of the match was considerably higher. The barrage of camera flashes eventually snapped her back to her senses, and she realized that she was being paraded in front of a bunch of gawking critics in an outfit that her cousin Braeburn would never let her live down. "Rarity!" she shouted, her face flush from a mixture of anger and embarrassment, "When I get my hooves on you, I'm gonna make you regret that you ever picked up a sewing needle!"

"Oh, come now, Applejack, can't you at least try to enjoy this?" Rarity teased, dragging the earth pony back behind the changing screen for a costume change. "For this next outfit," Rarity continued, turning to face the critics while ignoring Applejack's loud objections, "I drew inspiration from the lush greenery that covers the island. The trees, the brush, the mosses...it may seem to be a sanctuary of peace, but in reality it is but a thin veneer over the savagery that resides here. In that vein, I give you...the power of nature!"

Rarity drew back the screen using her magic to reveal a dumbfounded Applejack, now sporting a lei, a coconut bra, and a palm-frond skirt covered in small gems that sparkled in the sunlight. The earth pony said nothing, but her vacant expression and wide, twitching eyes spoke volumes.

The design drew more kudos from the critics in attendance. "Bravo, Miss Rarity!" Hoity Toity lauded the unicorn. "You've turned a bland, unoriginal outfit into an eye-catching masterpiece!"

Rarity flashed an evil smile at her opponent, and used her magic to raise Applejack onto her back hooves and make her hula dance across the battle ring. "I hoped you all would appreciate it," Rarity replied to the fashionista, taking a small bow. "But don't forget, there is plenty more where this came from!"

As the cameras flashed, Rarity continued her onslaught against Applejack's pride and resolve, dressing the earth pony in outfit after outfit, each one more ostentatious than the last. While the fashion moguls in attendance reveled at the display, everyone else, including the referee, had to avert their eyes from the scene. Eventually, even Pinkie Pie could take it no longer. "Too...much...sparkle..." she wheezed, collapsing to the ground and clutching her chest. "Oh no, it's the Big One!" she cried out. "You hear that, Fred? I'm coming to join you, pal!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at Pinkie's antics. "Whatever," she muttered. "This battle's over - it'll take a miracle for AJ to come back now."

Twilight nodded. "Please, Rarity!" she pleaded. "You've won already! Stop doing this to Applejack!"

"Not until she's finished modeling my designs!" Rarity yelled back. "I've got seven more outfits to go, and..." Rarity left her sentence hanging in mid-air, as something in the distance caught her eye. Spinning around to look at whatever it was, a look a sheer terror appeared on her face. "Sweet mother of Luna!" she screamed, falling to the sand and covering her face with her hooves. "My eyes! They burn!" she screamed.

"AAAIIIEEE!" The fashion critics along the side of the ring had a similar reaction, recoiling in horror at whatever they were looking at. Those that didn't have a Pinkie-style heart attack turned and began fleeing the battle site, screaming all the while.

The outburst caused Rainbow to abort her getaway, and she turned back to look at the pandemonium that had swept the battle site. "Okay, I'll bite," she declared, tracing the horrified looks from the critics back to their source. "Holy Liberace..." she whispered, her eyes widening as she realized exactly what everypony had been looking at.

"What is it?" Twilight asked, unable to summon the courage to look herself. "Is it bad?"

"You know that miracle I was talking about?" Rainbow replied, pointing a hoof towards the treeline. "Well, I've just seen that miracle...and it's wearing hammer pants."

"Hammer what?" Twilight turned around and followed Rainbow Dash's hoof, flinching slightly at what she saw: Shing Tsung strolling down the beach in their direction, wearing a fluorescent-green suitcoat, an orange, leopard-spotted pair of baggy pants, an oversized pair of sunglasses, a gel-filled spiky hairdo, and enough gold chains to make Mr. T jealous. "Oh my," Twilight whispered. "What happened to him?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Maybe he's decided to change his name to Bling Tsung."

Intrigued by the commotion, Pinkie Pie bounced back to her hooves and looked over at Shing. "Why...that...that's disgusting!" she proclaimed, in an uncharacteristic fit of anger.

"Really?" Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow at her pink friend. "I figured you might actually like it."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Pinkie roared. "Do you have any idea how many fluorescent-green Siberian flamingos were killed to make that jacket? At least seventeen!" Pinkie Pie shot Shing a disappointed look. "Have you no shame?" she demanded.

"But aren't flamingos...oh, forget it," Rainbow muttered, deciding it wasn't worth the effort.

"Yo, yo, yo!" Shing greeted the battle-watchers, crossing all of his fingers in a lame attempt at making a gang sign. "How's the battizzle going on, peeps?"

Noob used his hand to shield his eyes from Shing's outfit. "Good grief, man!" he sputtered. "What on earth possessed you to dress like that?"

"You like my threads?" Shing Tsung smiled, and did a slow 360 to allow the world to admire his style (which just drew more screaming from the fashionistas). "They're just a little something I picked up to celebrate my promotion to head soul man!"

"Well, congratulations," Noob snarled sarcastically. "You're the initial recipient of Mortal Kombat's 'Worst Dressed' award! I mean, look what you've done to the poor pony!" Noob Saibot pointed at Rarity, who was still lying on the ground convulsing.

On the other hoof, Shing's arrival left Applejack a much-needed opening to recover her senses. "Wha...what happened?" she whispered to herself, discovering herself face-down in the sand where Rarity had dropped her. "Good gracious," she said to herself, as she picked herself up off the ground and shook the sand out of her mane. "I had this crazy dream about Rarity forcing me to dress up in all these awful...GAH!" Applejack cut herself off, partially because she realized that she was wearing a pink, form-fitting, gem-encrusted ninja outfit, and partially because she had accidentally looked directly at Shing's clothes. "This ain't no dream! Get this thing off me!" she shouted, quickly ripping off the clothing and kicking it to the side. "Where is that varmint?" she demanded, spinning around until she spotted Rarity twitching on the ground. "RARITY!" she yelled, charging the unicorn at top speed. "I'm gonna put you out of business permanently!"

"Eh?" Rarity's ears perked up at the sound of her name, and she looked up to see Applejack coming at her with a full head of steam. "EYAHHH!" she shrieked, leaping to her hooves and racing for the treeline. "Wait! Stop!" she called back to her pursuer.

"No waitin'! No stoppin'!" Applejack declared. "Just Poundin'!"

"Finally some action!" Rainbow cheered, jumping into the air to watch the action from above. "Looks like they're heading for the mountain!" she observed.

"Then that's where we're going, too!" Twilight announced. "Let's go, Pinkie!" She took a few gallops before looking back and realizing that Pinkie had abandoned her in favor of chewing out Shing for his flamingo-insensitive clothing, but decided it wasn't worth interrupting her, and kept on going.

The chase went on for a good fifteen minutes, as the two ponies made three complete laps around the island, then cut through the fighters' huts and cafeteria, and finally wound their way up the mountain in the center of the island. By the end, the scene morphed into something out of a Benny Hill skit, as fighters from all across the island joined in the chase to see how the battle turned out.

As she climbed higher and higher, Rarity cast a concerned eye at the rocks that made up the terrain around her. "Dear me," she said to herself, "this stone is dangerously weak - I'm surprised this entire mountainside didn't collapse years ago!" She pondered the thought for a moment, wondering what this could mean for her immediate future. "Hmm...I wonder..."

As luck would have it, Rarity soon came upon a large cavern near the mountain's summit, the same one where Applejack had first tried to save a pair of kids earlier in the day. "All right, then," she decided, taking a deep breath as she raced into the cave. "This will be where I make my stand."

Applejack, on the other hoof, pulled up as she reached the cavern entrance. "Well, shoot," she realized, "Rarity's just made my life a whole lot easier! All I've gotta do is give these here walls a few good licks, and I'll bring the house down on her fancy little head!"

"I...severely... doubt it," Noob Saibot gasped, as the rest of the field began arriving at the cave. "I've fought in that cave before, and the actual battle arena is a good three-tenths of a mile inside the mountain. Hitting the rock out here will only block her in - you'll have to get closer to cave in the cavern."

"Well, we can do that!" Applejack proclaimed confidently, kicking herself back into gear and hurrying into the cave.

As Applejack disappeared into the cave, one of Kahn's staff ninjas slunk over to Noob Saibot's position. "What did you tell the pony that for?" he asked. "The battle ring is maybe four hundred feet from the entrance!"

"I know that!" Noob Saibot snapped back. "I just didn't want that apple muncher caving in another one of our caves! Jarek and Hsu Hao are duking it out in there as we speak, and OSHA's already on our case about unsafe working conditions!"

Rarity discovered this fact the hard way, stumbling upon the battle just as one combatant, a stout-looking man wearing a brown vest, green pants, and a pair of oversized shin guards, was putting his opponent in a headlock. "Give it up, Hsu!" the man insisted, tightening his grip. "The Black Dragon clan shall carry the day!"

Hsu Hao, a green-skinned man sporting a pair of green pants, a matching hat, and a cybernetic heart glowing red in the center of his chest, scoffed at the offer. "Never!" he declared. "A Red Dragon would never surrender to a Black Dragon clodhopper like you, Jarek!"

"Pardon me, gentlemen, and I do use the term loosely," Rarity interrupted, "might you be willing to vacate this establishment for a moment? It's just that I have some pressing business to attend to, and..."

"Not until this windbag admits that the Black Dragon clan is superior!" Jarek snapped back.

"Then I'm afraid you'll be stuck here waiting until the end of...gah!" Hsu Hao tried to reply, but was cut off when Rarity used her magic to levitate and separate the fighters. "What manner of sorcery is this?" he demanded.

"Hey!" the battle's referee called out from the sideline. "You're not allowed to interfere with this battle!"

"They are interfering with my battle, and I am merely responding in kind!" Rarity shot back, magically flinging the fighters in the direction of the cave entrance. "Now move it or lose it!"

"Whoa Nellie!" The flying fighters nearly landed on top of Applejack as she arrived at the edge of the ring, but the earth pony sidestepped them with aplomb. "All right!" she snarled at Rarity. "There ain't gonna be any more runnin'! We're gonna settle this here fight, once and..."

"Hey!" Jarek objected, shoving Applejack out of the way. "This is our battle site! Go get your own!"

"Go shake an orange tree!" Applejack yelled back. "I'm tryin' to cancel a fashion show, if you don't mind!"

Sensing an opportunity, Hsu Hao spread his arms wide, then clapped his hands together with a loud bang that echoed through the cavern (and nearly caused Rarity to faint). The clap generated a fierce gust of wind that raced towards Jarek while the Black Dragon's back was turned. Jarek, however, managed to sidestep the gust at the last moment, and the attack instead struck Applejack in the face and sent her sprawling to the ground.

The orange pony came up spitting mad from the attack. "That does it!" she shouted. "I'm gonna teach y'all a lesson that you won't ever forget!"

The two fighters and the pony lunged at each other with fists, feet, hooves, and insults flying, stirring up a cloud of dust that obscured the actual happenings of the brawl. When the referee for Jarek and Hsu Hao tried to step in and break up the fight, he was instead sucked into the chaos and promptly pummeled.

From the far corner of the cave, Rarity could only facehoof at what was transpiring. "If you ask me, all three of these brutes need to be put in timeout and made to think about what they've done," she remarked. Being a pony of action herself, she used her magic to rectify the situation by pulling the combatants apart and levitating them all over to where she stood. "As punishment for your little escapade," she decreed, "I shall be assessing you all penalties for fighting, and will be restraining you here for the next...oh, however long that sport with the sticks and the missing teeth keeps you here for."

"Five minutes?" the present referee suggested.

"Five minutes it is," Rarity announced, turning to leave while leaving the fighting trio hovering in the air. "You should all be grateful that I intervened when I did," the unicorn pointed out, gesturing towards a few ominous cracks in the ceiling. "Why, another one of those dreadful loud claps could have collapsed this whole cavern!"

"Gee," Hsu Hao mused, "I never thought of that. Thanks, pony."

"That's 'Miss Rarity' to you," Rarity corrected the fighter.

"Oh, for the love of Celestia!" Applejack moaned. "What's wrong with you, Rarity? Stop all this stallin', and let's finish this thing!"

"That, my dear Applejack, is exactly what I plan to do," Rarity replied. She continued making her way towards the cave entrance, but stopped when she reached the edge of the battle ring. "Oh, and one more thing..."

As the other fighters watched nervously, Rarity took a deep breath, reared back, and unleashed her inner Fluttershy with a shrill cry of "AVALANCHE!!!"

The scream echoed off the cavern walls for a few moments, but was quickly overshadowed by the loud rumble of rocks cracking and shifting throughout the cave. "That will be all," Rarity concluded, turning and walking calmly towards the cave entrance.

"Holy smokes! The cave's gonna collapse!" Applejack cried out, stating the obvious. She and the two other fighters struggled to free themselves, but they found themselves held fast by Rarity's magic. "Dangnabbit, Rarity, this is cheating!" Applejack proclaimed. "Let me go so we can settle this like real ponies!"

"I consider the matter fairly well settled, thank you," Rarity called back. "Give my regards to Sweetie Belle and Spike!"

"No!" Jarek screamed. "I have not yet demonstrated the superiority of the Black Dragon clan to this Red Dragon loser! Come back, pony! ...Er, I mean, Miss Rarity!"

"The Black Dragon must be flattened by my hand, not a boulder's!" Hsu Hao seconded Jarek's plea.

"Boulders don't have hands!" Rarity shouted over the rumbling, as she dashed out of the cave (with Jarek and Hsu Hao's referee right behind her).

As the cave collapsed around her, Applejack could only sigh and stare at the ceiling. "Aw, nuts," was all she had to say.

Noob Saibot was already throwing a hissy fit when Rarity emerged from the cave. "Again with the cave-ins?" he sputtered. "Do you have any idea how much paperwork I need to fill out now? There's another week out of my life that I'll never get back!"

"I don't want to hear it, bro!" Shing Tsung shouted at Noob. "I mean, I'm the one who has to dig through all that stupid rock to get their souls!"

"No worries, gang - I can do that!" Pinkie volunteered. As the crowd watched in amazement, Pinkie squeezed herself through a two-inch gap between a few of the larger boulders near the cave entrance, and made her way to the battle arena inside. Thirty second later, she emerged with the flattened trio of combatants. "See? Easy peasy!" she declared, drawing a round of applause from the crowd.

Twilight quickly hurried over to where Pinkie had dropped Applejack onto the ground. "Applejack? Are you alright? Speak to me!" she begged.

Through sheer force of will, Applejack managed to open her eyes and focus them on the unicorn in front of her. "It's okay! I'm...fine," she insisted. "Just...let me...get back...on my hooves..."

'Getting back on her hooves' turned out to be a three-minute ordeal, during which most of the gathered crowd left to watch something more exciting, like paint drying. Finally, though, Applejack managed to steady herself, and crept gingerly over to where Rarity stood. "All...right...Rarity," Applejack managed to say, "no...more...magic tricks. Let's...settle this...once...and for all."

Rarity rolled her eyes. "If you insist," she agreed.

As Applejack tried to figure out which of the four Rarities she saw was the real one, Rarity unleashed her own ultimate attack: She huffed, and she puffed, and she blew as hard as she could, toppling Applejack with a single breath and causing the earth pony to faint.

"That's it!" the referee for Rarity and Applejack's fight announced. "This match is over! Rarity wins!"

The other referee scratched his head as he looked down upon the unconscious forms of Jarek and Hsu Hao. "I guess this one's a draw," he finally decided.

"A draw?" Shing exclaimed in shock. "I mean, I don't think we've ever had a draw in Mortal Kombat before..."

"We had to call a match between John McClane and Batman because of darkness once," Noob Saibot recalled. "Kahn called them wimps and took both of their souls, so he'll probably do the same thing here."

Twilight averted her eyes as Shing Tsung began removing Applejack's soul. "This is worse than I thought," she admitted.

"I know what you mean," one of Kahn's staff ninjas commented as he walked by. "Vegas had Applejack as a heavy favorite, and set the betting line at five minutes. There are going to be a ton of angry gamblers when this result gets posted."

"Forget the gamblers!" Twilight sputtered. "Don't you see? Rarity and Applejack have been friends forever, and Shao Kahn just made Rarity drop a mountain on Applejack's head! He's destroying our bond as friends by making us destroy each other!"

"Well, duh," Rainbow Dash confirmed. "I mean, that's kind of the point of a tournament, isn't it? Only one pony can win...and just so you know, it's going to be me!"

"I beg to differ," Rarity countered. "Regardless of what you think of Scootaloo, Rainbow, I have an actual sister to save, not to mention poor Spike. I will beat you, and Pinkie...and yes, Twilight, even you."

"Puh-lease!" Pinkie laughed. "I have to win! I mean, if I lose, who's gonna throw the after-parties? This place would be flatter than a week-old soda without me!"

Twilight put her head in her hooves as her three remaining friends argued, then walked over to a nearby ledge that overlooked Shao Kahn's castle. "I know your game," she spoke into the wind, "but it's not going to work. We've been friends for too long, and have gone through too much. You can't split us up, no matter how hard you try." She swallowed hard as she turned away from the ledge, not completely sure she believed her own words.

The Party's Over

After successfully repelling the changeling horde's invasion of Equestria, Princess Celestia returned to Canterlot Castle to survey the damage and deal with the political aftermath. "Prepare a letter to Princess Cadance," she dictated to one of her armored pegasus knights. "Tell her that she and her husband are to travel to New York City at once."

"Of course, Princess," the guard agreed. "What are they to do there?"

"I want them to introduce a resolution to the United Nations Security Council," Celestia declared, "condemning the actions of the Changeling Empire, and bringing the full weight of the world down on their shapeshifting little heads! I want economic sanctions, I want weapons inspectors, I want everything!"

"Right away, Princess!" The knight saluted his princess, and hurried off to craft the letter.

"Let's see how our friend Chrysalis likes having all her financial assets frozen," Princess Celestia grumbled to herself, as she entered her throne room. Sitting down upon her throne, she used her magic to bring an old, red rotary phone to her side, then levitated the receiver and began dialing furiously. "Hello?!" she shouted into the phone. "Is this Zeus's office? This is the fair and wise Princess Celestia of Equestria, calling to complain about a certain cymbal-wearing ex-employee of his. Is he in?" A few moments passed in silence, as Celestia listened to the reply. "What do you mean, he's out of the office?" she screamed. "Don't tell me that lout is out playing golf again!"

"Um...Princess?" A dark-coated knight stuck his head into the throne room. "We have somepony here to see you."

"Tell that dork I hope he triple-bogeys the entire back nine, and have him call me back ASAP!" Celestia snapped, before slamming the receiver back down onto the phone. "Now, what was that you said?" she asked the knight.

"A foreign dignitary has arrived to speak with you," the knight explained. "Shall I send him in?"

Celestia threw up her front hooves in exasperation. "Sure, why not?" she decided. "It's not like my day can get any worse."

"Very well, then," the guard said, stepping back out of the room.

"Just my luck," Celestia muttered, using her magic to put away the phone. "Some random ambassador shows up to talk shop just as my kingdom goes to heck in a hoofbasket." Turning again to her magic, she removed a glass box from underneath her throne, which featured the phrase 'BREAK IN CASE OF EMERGENCY' on every side. Removing the contents of the box (a chocolate cake), she flung the empty box against the nearest wall, where it shattered with a loud crash. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," she proclaimed, taking a humongous bite out of the side of the cake.

After a few minutes of eating in solitude, the dark-coated pegasus guard returned to the room. "Presenting our esteemed guest," he announced, "Emperor Shao Kahn of Outworld!"

"What?!?!" Celestia's eyes nearly bulged out of her head, and she spewed the chocolaty contents of her mouth across the room. "You!" she snapped, as the Outworld ruler stepped through the door.

"My dear princess!" Shao Kahn called out, setting down a large bag he had been carrying and kneeling deferentially. "It is good to finally meet you in person! Or in pony, as the case may be."

"Can it, bonehead," Celestia growled. "What do you want?"

Shao Kahn unleashed a hearty laugh. "Why, Celestia," he cackled, "such a hostile tone is hardly necessary, is it? Why, I've even brought you a gift, harvested fresh from my private island this morning!" He picked up his bag and tossed it in Celestia's direction.

"You're too kind, really," Celestia offered in an icy tone. She summoned her magic to turn the bag upside down, dumping several bunches of yellow, elongated fruits onto the floor.

"I hope my offering suits your tastes," Shao Kahn said with a sly grin. "After all, I heard you like...bananas."

"Idiot." Celestia brushed the bag and the bananas off to the side of the room with a wave of her horn.

Shao Kahn began strolling slowly around the throne room, admiring the architecture. "I must admit, the decor here is a bit too...cheery...for my tastes," he observed, "but the voice I heard downstairs screaming in pain and begging for death made me feel right at home!"

"That would be my sister," Celestia explained. "As punishment for her lackluster performance during our recent national crisis, I've hung her upside down by her hooves in her bedroom, taped her eyes open, and forced her to watch a marathon of Here Come Honey Boo Boo." The princess could not help but chuckle at her idea. "She should be just starting Season 2 right about now," she guessed.

Shao Kahn laughed again. "I ordered the same punishment for Reiko and Tanya just last month!" he revealed. "Perhaps, dear Celestia, we are not so different after all."

"Dude, we're not even the same order, let alone the same species," the princess pointed out. "Cut to the chase, Kahn - what are you really here for? Have you come to surrender, and spare yourself the shame of being humiliated in battle by my subjects?"

"Oh my, no," Kahn replied. "You see, princess, I am here because out of all the things I stand for - pain, violence, the occasional cupcake - the thing I am most passionate about is equality of opportunity!"

"Uh huh," Celestia muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, Celestia," Shao Kahn continued, "Mortal Kombat is not about race, or class, or gender, or even whether you are man or machine! It's about stepping into the ring, mano a mano, with a chance to knock the stuffing out of your opponent and claim victory!"

"Or, in Raiden's case," Celestia noted, "it's about getting duped into giving up your power and getting roped into a fixed match officiated by a replacement referee."

"That's precisely what I wanted to talk to you about!" Kahn said with a smile. "Being the benevolent dictator I am, I gave Raiden the chance to redeem his fallen fighters and enter the tournament, because yours truly is all about opportunity!" He extended his hand to the princess. "I would be remiss," he declared, "if I did not offer the same opportunity to you...for the right price, of course."

Princess Celestia rolled her eyes a second time. "As much fun as it would be to plant a hoof in your booty and manually launch you to the moon," she proclaimed, "I'm simply having too much fun sitting around the castle, eating cake, torturing my sister, and watching my subjects put a beatdown on your puny underlings. Unlike Raiden, I sent a group of warriors who could actually finish the job, and you."

Shao Kahn shrugged. "Well, you can't say I didn't give you a chance!" he decided. "But know this, princess: I've added your friend Chrysalis to my management team..."

"So you're responsible for our recent invasion," Celestia interrupted. "If it weren't for diplomatic immunity, Kahn, I'd pop you in the mouth right now."

"Sorry, PC, but you've already turned me down, and we don't believe in takebacks in Outworld!" Kahn cackled. "When I defeat your little ponies and become the king of Earthrealm, you will be deposed as ruler of this pathetic realm, and Chrysalis's brood shall feast on the ashes of your empire."

Celestia didn't even flinch at the threat. "Let me explain something to you, pal," she snarled. "My sister and I took control of Equestria by smacking down the previous ruler - a draconequus with enough power to literally turn the world inside out, mind you - and turning him into a glorified lawn ornament. When Luna decided to try and overthrow me, I sentenced her to ten thousand years of hard time on the moon. When King Sombra enslaved the Crystal Empire, I transmogrified him into water vapor. My question for you is this: How do you think I managed to do all that?"

"The answer is irrelevant," Kahn proclaimed, "for your declining of my heartfelt invitation means that the fate of the world rests with your 'faithful student' and her friends, not you."

"Wrong answer, bonehead!" Celestia revealed. "The answer, obviously, is 'The Elements of Harmony!' But gee, I don't control them anymore...I wonder who does?" She scratched her chin with her hoof as she pretended to rack her brain. "Oh, that's right, my 'faithful student' and her friends! You've met them, haven't you?"

"I have," Kahn grumbled, "and I can see who they get their irrational confidence from."

"Now, now," Celestia said, "I'm sure that you're a perfectly evil dictator, and can strike fear into the heart of millions with nothing but a sneer. Around here, though, you and your stable of ham-fisted losers don't even crack our top ten list of national security threats." She summoned her magic to bring a quill and a scroll to her side. "Speaking of which," she added, "I'm scheduled to deliver a list of 'The Top Ten Things Ponies Do Better Than Humans' to David Letterman tonight, and I've only thought of six so far, so...you can let yourself out."

"Very well," Shao Kahn agreed. "But mark my words, princess: We shall meet again, and when we do...you shall be groveling at my feet, begging for mercy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Celestia dismissed the threat with a wave of her hoof. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out, okay?" She shook her head as the Outworld emperor left the room. "Why do evil psychopaths always have to be so darn dramatic?" she wondered.

While Shao Kahn traded verbal barbs with Princess Celestia, his henchmen Baraka and Noob Saibot were trudging through a dark, cavernous dungeon deep within the mountains of Outworld, on a mission to retrieve a new combatant for Kahn's tournament. "Man, this place gives me the creeps," Baraka admitted, as he ducked under a cluster of stalactites. "Remember when Drahmin came down here a few years ago?"

"Yeah, he got captured by a bunch of drow elves who wanted to sacrifice him to some random deity," Noob Saibot recalled. "It took us six months to root them all out of here, and Drahmin still has to go to therapy. He told me the night terrors have finally stopped, and he only wets the bed about once a month now, but he's still a little claustrophobic."

"Do...Do you suppose they're still down here?" Baraka wondered.

"I'm trying not to think about it," Noob replied.

"Me too," Baraka conceded, "but I'm thinking about it, anyway."

Noob Saibot nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should think of a way to distract ourselves," he offered.

"Good idea!" Baraka agreed. "How about a game of 'Would You Rather?'"

"Yeah!" Noob said. "You go first."

Baraka racked his brain for a good question. "How about this: Would you rather fight Super Mario, or Tim Tebow?" he asked.

"Definitely Mario," Noob Saibot answered without hesitation. "I've fought enough people who have a god on their side, thank you very much."

"True," Baraka said. "but I got stomped by Mario a couple of tournaments ago, and my head still hurts. It's amazing how someone that fat can jump that high."

"I used to say the same thing about Charles Barkley," Noob Saibot remarked. "Anyway, it's my turn now, isn't it...I know! Who would you rather fight, Rambo or MacGyver?"

"Ooh, that's a tough one," Baraka commented. "I guess I'd have to say Rambo - I mean, there are only so many ways that he could beat you. Remember when MacGyver beat Cyrax using paper clips and a set of banjo strings?"

"Oh yeah," Noob remembered. "He's been allergic to bluegrass music ever since."

"Okay, my turn," Baraka declared. "Would you rather fight...hey, we're here!"

"Heyward Heer?" Noob Saibot gave Baraka a funny look. "I don't know him."

"No, I mean, we're here!" Baraka pointed at a solid iron door set into the side of the rock wall, not three feet from Noob's position.

"Oh, right," Noob said. "Bring the torch over here so I can make sure."

Baraka held the torch close to the door, illuminating a raised metal plaque attached to the front of the door. "'We...Are...Many," Noob Saibot read from the plaque. "Yep, this is the one, all right. Do you have the key?"

Baraka reached into his pocket and pulled out a rusty iron key. "You wanna do the honors?" he asked.

Noob Saibot took the key from Baraka, and inserted it into the lock. Despite its age, the lock turned easy, and a metallic click signaled that the door was open. "Come on," Noob Saibot directed, gesturing to Baraka.

"I, uh...think I'll wait out here," Baraka suggested. "I can't imagine you-know-who is happy about being locked down here for so long, and I'd rather not have him take his aggression out on me."

"Come on, you big baby!" Noob grabbed Baraka by the shirt, opened the door, and flung the sharp-toothed warrior inside. "Hey, Error Boy!" Noob shouted into the darkness, as he stepped inside the cell. "We've got a job for you!"

"Please keep in mind that it was Kahn's decision to lock you down here, not ours!" Baraka added nervously. "And remember that shooting the messenger is generally considered poor form!"

The two warriors' comments were met with only silence. "Good grief!" Noob Saibot muttered, as he facepalmed. "Did Kahn give us the wrong cell or something?"

Suddenly, a single word echoed through the minds of Baraka and Noob Saibot: Speak.

"I guess not," Noob said with a shrug. "Anyway, uh, Shao Kahn has a mission for you: There's a..."

You wish for us to face the mysterious and unpredictable warrior in charge of the tournament after-party scene, the voice interrupted. The one they call...Pinkie Pie.

"Well...yeah, if you would," Noob Saibot confirmed.

Very well, the voice agreed. We are ready.

WHAM! The cell door suddenly closed and locked into place, trapping Noob Saibot and Baraka inside. "Hey!" Baraka objected. "What are you doing? Let us out!"

Fear not, the voice assured the fighters. The rats here are relatively small, and they do not bite unless provoked.

"Rats?!" Baraka screeched. "I hate rats! They're ugly, and nasty, and..."

And they do not take kindly to being insulted, the voice explained.

A series of squeaks suddenly filled the cavern. "AAAHHH!!!" Baraka screamed, jumping into Noob Saibot's arms.

"For crying out loud, it's just a..." Noob Saibot stopped as he spotted several sets of red eyes staring at him from the corner of the room, eyes that he estimated to be about six inches below his own eye level. "This is not good," he observed.

Outside the cell, a tall, muscular ninja dressed in a red tunic stood and listened to the cacophony of squeaks and screams for a moment, then turned and began walking away. Their fate will pale in comparison to that which we have in store for Emperor Kahn, the man thought to himself. We shall have our revenge, and this 'Pinkie Pie' will not stand in our way.

Back on Kahn's island, Twilight Sparkle was trying to figure out what to do about her shrinking circle of friends, which she feared was on the verge of disintegrating entirely. The four remaining ponies had bickered all the way down from the mountain cave where Rarity had beaten Applejack, and went their separate ways immediately upon reaching their hut. Twilight had spent every moment since then racking her brain to figure out how to reunite her friends and refocus their efforts on defeating Shao Kahn together, knowing the task was impossible as long as they were divided. Unfortunately, her efforts yielded no new ideas, which left her with no other choice but to escalate the problem to her mentor.

"Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight dictated aloud, as she wrote down her thoughts on a sheet of paper, "although we have made great progress through Emperor Kahn's tournament, the effect on the attitudes of my friends leads me to conclude that we are on the preci..." Twilight halted for a moment before realizing that this time, she was writing her own letter, and thus was free to show off her vocabulary. "Precipice of disaster," she continued. "Our strength has always come from our bonds as friends and fellow ponies, but the island's atmosphere of violence and selfishness is beginning to rub off on the others, and while our resolve has not weakened, I fear our friendships, and thus our power, have suffered. I have so far been unsuccessful in warding off these problems, and request your immediate assistance to ensure that our mission is successful. I await your quick response. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Her letter finished, Twilight instinctively looked around to find Spike and have him send the message to the princess, but quickly re-remembered that she was on her own. Luckily, the brochure she had picked up from the island's visitor center listed a post office among the island's amenities, and a quick ten-minute walk brought her to a beachside shack manned by one of Kahn's ninjas. "Excuse me," Twilight asked, as she approached the counter, "but I have an urgent letter that needs to be sent to Princess Celestia immediately."

"Not a problem, ma'am," the ninja answered. "We'll send it out right away."

"Thank you, sir," Twilight said with a smile. She left the letter on the counter and turned to leave, never giving a thought to exactly how the letter would be delivered.

The ninja, for his part, rolled up the letter, deposited it into a glass bottle, corked the bottle, wrote 'TO: PRINCESS SUHLESTEUH' on a sticker, applied the sticker to the outside of the bottle, and finally heaved the bottle out of the shack's beach-facing window. The note landed in the ocean with a splash, in the middle of roughly two hundred other corked bottles floating just offshore.

At the behest of the Fox Broadcasting Company, Pinkie's battle had been scheduled for the night's primetime bout, as the pony's unique brand of "Pinkieness" translated into any language, and thus drove ratings to heights even Johnny Cage and Liu Kang had never achieved.

As night began to fall across the island, Twilight became more and more agitated, partially because she had no idea where Pinkie Pie had gone off to, and partially because Princess Celestia had not yet answered her letter. "Something terrible must have happened," she told Rarity and Rainbow Dash, who had both finally returned to the ponies' hut. "She's always been so prompt! I hope everything's alright back home."

Rarity sighed. "I'm sure everything is just fine," she reassured Twilight, while continuing to stare into the mirror in front of her and adjust the hat she wearing. "She's probably just busy with her other duties right now."

"Hurry up, you slowponys!" Rainbow Dash demanded from her position at the entrance of her hut. "Stop worrying about your letters and your outfits! The fight starts in fifteen minutes!"

"I will not have myself broadcast around the world looking anything less than fabulous!" Rarity declared, using her magic to remove a few excess feathers from her hat. "Personally, I'd rather stay in tonight," she admitted, "given these brutes' penchant for throwing dirt into the crowd and generally making a mess of things."

"Fine, you can stay home, then," Rainbow snapped, taking off into the air. "I'm going to watch the fight. Smell y'all later!"

"Rainbow, wait!" Twilight rushed out after her friend, but the pegasus was long gone, leaving only a rainbow-colored streak behind her. Twilight muttered something under her breath, then turned back to Rarity. "We really should get going ourselves," she advised.

"Oh, just go without me, darling," Rarity offered, waving Twilight away with her hoof. "Arriving fashionably late is...well, more fashionable."

Twilight shook her head, but decided to take Rarity's advice anyway, and hurried over to the customary late-night battle site, just outside the building where Kahn had hosted his introductory feast. Much of the crowd had already crowded around the ring by the time Twilight arrived, leaving her in a peripheral position near the broadcast table, where Joe Buck and Hulk Hogan sat discussing recent tournament developments.

"...not only have we seen the first draw in Mortal Kombat history," Joe was explaining to the viewers at home, "but tournament officials are now telling us that one of tonight's combatants has had to withdraw because his wife has just gone into labor."

"It's a no-brainer, brother!" Hulk proclaimed. "As good as it feels to rearrange a man's face with your bare hands, the birth of your first child is one of the greatest feelings in the world! I gotta say, though, that the news really caught the Hulkster by surprise - I've known Solid Snake a long time, and I didn't even know he was married!"

"What?!" The switch caught Twilight by surprise, and she rushed over to the broadcast table. "What do you mean, withdrawal?" she demanded, stepping in between Joe and Hulk. "I didn't hear anything about a withdrawal! Since when has there been a withdrawal?"

"Er...And we're happy to be joined by Twilight Sparkle, a member of the pony team that has been the story of this tourney thus far," Joe improvised. "Twilight, with the opponent switch only now being announced, how do you think your friend Pinkie Pie will respond?"

Twilight ignored Joe's question, and instead started trying to look over the crowd to get a look at the replacement fighter. "Which one is fighting?" she asked.

"That would be the person standing inside the battle ring," Joe answered, gesturing towards the red-tunic-wearing ninja that had arrived from Outworld a few hours ago. "Now, let's go back to Pinkie Pie for a moment..."

"I see him!" Twilight declared, quickly rushing away from the table and pushing through the crowd to try to get a ringside seat (a task made substantially easier by a certain pointed object on top of her head).

"...Uh, thank you for your time, Twilight," Joe deadpanned. "Now then, let's discuss the other hot topic of the day: The recent UN resolution introducing sanctions against the Changeling Empire..."

As the broadcasters continued talking, Twilight reached the edge of the battle ring, finally getting a clear view of Pinkie's new challenger. Physically, the stranger seemed no more imposing than anypony else on the island, but the strong magical aura emanating from him sent a chill down Twilight's spine. She didn't know exactly what Pinkie was up against, but despite the pink pony's talent for making the hard look easy, this battle would not be a cakewalk.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the ringside announcer spoke up, "The final battle of the evening is about to begin, so let me hear you make some noise!" A huge roar went up from the crowd in response.

"In this corner," the announcer continued, gesturing towards the empty side of the ring, "the sugar-fueled sensation with a license to chill, who moonlights as a baker, fortune teller, superhero, and detective in her spare time...Pinkie Pie!"

The decidedly-pro-Pinkie crowd went ballistic as Pinkie Pie bounced into the ring. "What's cooking, everypony?" she shouted to the crowd. "We're gonna blow the roof off this place tonight! ...Well, at least we would, if islands had roofs!"

"And in this corner," the announcer said, "standing in for Solid Snake, a man whose very existence was denied by the world's governments until recently, a man who gives new meaning to the term 'multiple personality'...Ermac!"

The crowd began booing Pinkie's opponent with all their might, but the red-clad ninja said nothing.

"And now," the announcer concluded, "we ask tonight's challengers: Are you ready?"

"You betcha!" Pinkie confirmed. "Time to get jiggy with it!"

The red ninja remained silent, but nodded his approval.

"In that case," the announcer declared, "FIGHT!"

Various members of the crowd began shouting encouragement at Pinkie Pie: "Get this party started, Pink!" "This dweeb's got nothing!" "Make him wish he'd never been born!"

"Hurry up and beat this chump!" Rainbow Dash chimed in from high above the ring. "You've got more power in your hair than this loser's ever seen!"

Pinkie Pie opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Ermac's unfamiliar voice inside her mind. This atmosphere does not suit our sensibilities, the ninja declared. Our mission is to destroy you, not 'perform' for some infernal audience.

Who are you? Pinkie thought back. I've heard a lot of voices in my head, but I've never heard you before. Are you new here? My name's Pinkie Pie, and I like baking cakes, singing songs, playing pranks, and making friends! Do you want to be friends?

You have far too many friends already, Ermac replied. Perhaps we should go someplace...quiet.

Suddenly, the world around Pinkie Pie began melting away, and a dark void began to take its place. "Hey! What's going on?" Pinkie asked. "What are you doing?"

Welcome to my world, Ermac cackled. Won't you come on in?

With that, the void swept the ground out from underneath Pinkie Pie, and she started falling into the darkness. "WAAAHHH!!!" Pinkie wailed as she fell.

In truth, however, Pinkie had fallen under Ermac's telekinetic trance, her mind trapped in a bizarre virtual reality. Back in real reality, the two combatants were still standing in the battle ring, completely motionless. "It appears that someone has hit the pause button on our match!" Joe Buck quipped. "The fighters are still examining each other, looking for a weak spot..."

Twilight broke out in a cold sweat as she looked into Pinkie's glazed-over eyes, and wondered if Ermac had already found one.

Pinkie Pie's descent into Ermac's dream world ended abruptly with a hard landing on a gray, stone-like surface, although Pinkie, true to form, happily bounced off of it as if she were a rubber ball. Taking a look around, the pink pony found herself apparently alone in a large room that seemed to expand infinitely into space, its edges obscured by shadows. "Hello?" she called out, the word echoing in the room several times before fading out.

"Ooh, neato!" Pinkie remarked, giggling at the room's acoustics. "Echo!" she shouted, smiling as she put a hoof to her ear to hear the room repeat the word back to her. This time, however, there were no echoes.

Your low amusement threshold amuses us, Ermac's voice announced from high above Pinkie Pie, but we have business to discuss. Allow us to introduce you to OUR friends.

On cue, several hundred human-like forms appeared at the edge of the shadows, their features still obscured by darkness. "Wow!" Pinkie exclaimed, as the forms formed a large ring around Pinkie Pie. "That's a lot of friends!"

Being surrounded by so many people that were not her friends (yet) caused Pinkie's friend-making instincts to kick in, and she trotted up to one of the people standing at the edge of the circle, a tough-looking hombre in full cowboy regalia who looked like he had just stepped out of a frontier town in the Old West. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pony introduced herself. "What's your name?"

The target of Pinkie's question scowled down at the pony from underneath his weathered cowboy hat. "And just what are you supposed to be, pilgrim?" he drawled.

"I'm a pony!" Pinkie replied with a smile.

"You ain't either!" the cowboy shot back. "Why, we've got jackrabbits back home that stand taller than you! You're the sorriest-lookin' pony I've seen in all my born days, not to mention the ugliest!"

A few scattered laughs echoed through the room. "Hey!" Pinkie Pie objected. "That's not very..."

"What's with your coat, anyway?" a gentleman sporting a long, snow-white beard and carrying a book about finches chimed in from across the circle. "Tell me, did you evolve from a pig or a flamingo?"

"Mon dieu! Zee colors, zay are atrocious!" a man with a smock, a beret, and a thick French accent agreed. "And zat face...disgusting! It looks like something zat hack Picasso would design!"

"What's wrong with my face?" Pinkie demanded, as said face flushed red in frustration.

Much of the circle was now pointing at Pinkie and cracking jokes at her expense. "Nice birthmark, Gorbachev!" an older man wearing a suit and tie called out as he pointed at Pinkie's cutie mark. "Forget Russia - you're the one I should have outlawed!"

"I'm surprised she doesn't fly, brother!" a mustachioed man wearing an aviator's cap commented to a similarly-dressed man next to him. "After all, she's full of hot air!"

"I've got a friend for you, my dear!" a woman with brown, curly hair dressed like a chef announced, stepping forward from the circle and tossing a sack of flour at Pinkie's hooves. "Not much personality, but I'm sure you can fill in the gaps!" the woman laughed.

Pinkie began to wilt under the constant barrage of burns, and she stuffed her front hooves into her ears to try and block out the noise. This act did little to stop the pounding of her head, however, and she began looking frantically around the circle, looking for somepony, anypony, who was a friendly face.

What she saw first, however, was a short man dressed in a French military uniform rushing towards her. "Sacrebleu!" the man shouted. "Finally, a pony to ride that is just my size!"

"EEYYAAHH!!!" Pinkie Pie was in no mood to be ridden, of course, and she sprinted in the opposite direction, pushing her way through the crowd and running towards the open space beyond.

Pinkie ran as far as she could, as fast as she could, for as long as she could, trying to put as much distance between herself and the snark and anger of the circle she had broken. Just as her stamina began to falter, however, something else began to appear at the edge of her vision, something that seemed slightly familiar. Pinkie squinted as she looked off into the distance. Was that...a pony she saw? Wait, was there more than one? While ponies could be just as cruel as their human counterparts, Pinkie was desperate by this point, and figured that anypony was better than the mob she was running from.

As she approached the group, Pinkie quickly confirmed that yes, they were ponies, and although they were nopony she had even seen before, something about them seemed...familiar. "Oh, wow, am I glad to see you gals!" Pinkie said, as she hurried over to the mysterious ponies. "You won't believe the day I've had..."

The pony standing at front of the pack, a pegasus with a blue mane and a pink coat just slightly darker than Pinkie's, stared awkwardly as Pinkie began recounting the tale of her entire day. As the story went on, a smirk formed on the blue-maned pony's face, which soon spread to a full smile, followed by a couple of repressed chuckles. Eventually, the nameless pony could not hold back any longer, and she too started to laugh.

Pinkie shot the other pony an annoyed look, a bit tired of people and ponies laughing at her expense. "What's so funny?" she demanded.

The other pink pony pointed a hoof at Pinkie. "You, of course!" she proclaimed. "I mean, seriously - pink on pink? What, were you designed for a four-year-old girl or something?"

A snow-white pegasus with poofy, yellow hair hovering over the other ponies because giggling as well. "And you're a boring earth pony too!" she pointed out. "Gosh, I'd hate to look like that and not have wings!"

The other ponies started to snicker at Pinkie's misfortune, which made Pinkie's mood fall even further. "Stop laughing at me!" she screamed, as her hair began to straighten and lose its volume. Looking through the other ponies, she spotted a yellow-coated earth pony that appeared to be the only one not laughing at her. Pushing her way through the others, Pinkie confronted the stone-faced yellow pony. "Well?" she inquired. "Aren't you going to laugh at me too?"

The yellow pony gave Pinkie a sympathetic stare, but the red glow in her eyes suggested something was afoot. "Why would we laugh at something so pathetic?" the pony asked, using the same voice that had spoken to Pinkie before her descent into this nightmare. "Why would we laugh at a clown that isn't funny?"

"I am not a clown!" Pinkie shouted.

"That is not what your 'friends' say," the yellow pony replied. "They believe you lack the seriousness to amount to anything in this world. In their minds, you are nothing more than a fool, a court jester who fiddles while the world burns."

"That's not true!" Pinkie countered, her anger rising.

"Come now," the yellow pony offered, "there is no cause for anger here." She stopped for a moment, and seemed to look past the irritated pink pony. "We believe that is your cue," she said. "Why not put on one last show for your fans?"

A sudden increase in the volume of the laughter around her caught Pinkie's attention, and she turned to find herself once again surrounded by her previous tormenters. As human and pony alike began laughing and heckling their target, Pinkie Pie's head began to spin. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed, looking towards the sky as if calling on a higher power for assistance.

No help came, however, and after thirty more torturous seconds, the overload of malice eventually overwhelmed Pinkie, and she collapsed upon the ground.

Back on Shao Kahn's island, the crowd had begun to boo the lack of action as Pinkie Pie and Ermac continued to stand in the ring, staring into each others' eyes. "We're fifteen minutes in, and still no signs of life from the competitors!" Joe narrated. "Hulk, have you ever seen a battle like this before?"

"Zzzzzzz..." Hulk snored his response.

From the edge of the ring, Twilight Sparkle heard somepony behind her calling her name, and turned to see that Rarity had finally arrived at the battle. "Good evening, darling!" Rarity greeted her friend. "Have I missed anything important?"

"Are you kidding?" Rainbow Dash replied, cutting off Twilight as she landed next to the two unicorns. "This is even more boring than when Twilight played hide-and-seek with that Liu Kang guy!" Rainbow looked out at Ermac and Pinkie with disdain. "Just do something already!" she commanded.

"I think he's using some sort of mental power," Twilight explained. "He's trying to attack Pinkie's mind."

"Really?" Rainbow burst out laughing at the idea. "That's like trying to beat you by challenging you to a trivia contest!" she cackled. "Talk about a death wish! Why would you ever try to get into Pinkie's head?" Rainbow Dash shook her head, and jumped back into the air. "We've got this one in the bag," she declared confidently.

On cue, Ermac abruptly snapped out of his trance, and looked around at the crowd as it aimed its vitriol, and the occasional piece of debris, at his head. "Wait...I think I see movement!" Joe told his audience. "Something might actually be happening..."

As Ermac made eye contact with Twilight, he smiled from behind his mask. My, my, he commented, it is awfully hard to find good friends these days.

"What did you do to Pinkie?" Twilight shouted, noting that the pink pony still seemed to be stuck in a daze.

She is finished, Ermac proclaimed, and let her fate be a warning for our dear Emperor Kahn. We are coming for him, and there is no one in either realm who can keep us from having our revenge.

As Ermac spoke, Pinkie Pie began to show a few signs of life herself. "Pinkie!" Twilight screamed, rushing over to her friend's side. "Are you alright? What happened?"

Pinkie Pie blinked a few times, gave Twilight a look of pure terror, then took a deep breath and began to exhale. As the crowd watched in shock, Pinkie's body began to deflate as she breathed out, and within seconds she resembled a popped balloon, lying flat and motionless on the ground.

"And that's the game!" the announcer declared. "This match is over! Ermac wins!"

The crowd really let Ermac have it now, raining oaths and curses on him and throwing trash, rocks, and even a few throwing stars in his direction. The ninja ignored what he could, sidestepped everything else, and calmly made his way out of the ring and into the night.

"Pinkie, speak to me!" Twilight pleaded, lifting up the pink pony's deflated head. "What happened?"

"Step aside, girlfriend!" Shing Tsung ordered, stepping out of the crowd and shoving Twilight out of the way. "The new headmaster of soul has a job to do!"

As Shing collected Pinkie's soul, an awkward silence settled over the crowd. "So...what do we do now?" one voice asked.

"We can't have a party without the Pinkster!" another voice observed. "It just wouldn't be the same!"

"I don't feel like partying anymore anyway..." a third person said.

With that, the crowd quietly dispersed, leaving Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash to stand vigil over their fallen friend. "So...it's just us three, then," Rarity finally spoke.

Rainbow Dash felt a lump growing in her throat, but quickly swallowed it down and gave her a resolute glare. "It doesn't matter," she concluded. "That dope's just one more head I'll have to smash on my way to winning this thing."

"No," Twilight replied. "You can't win this, Rarity can't win this, and I certainly can't win this...but we can." She extended her hoof to her friends. "We've got to stay strong and stick together," she advised, "no matter what happens in the future. Are you with me?"

Rarity and Rainbow exchanged a nod, and placed their hooves on top on Twilight's. "Let's do this," Rarity said, "for everypony."

Shao Kahn, meanwhile, discovered that not even Outworld emperors are immune to budget sequestration, and thus learned of Pinkie's defeat from CNN while sitting in a crowded airport gate in Chicago. "It's a pity, really," he commented to no one in particular. "I was starting to enjoy her all-night soirees." He looked back up at the monitor just as a picture of the three remaining ponies appeared. "So Chrysalis thinks Miss Sparkle is our biggest problem, eh?" he mused. "I think I know of a way to put her mind at ease." He smiled, secure in the knowledge that he was on the verge of finally conquering Earthrealm...and when he did, he would never have to deal with Raiden, Celestia, or connecting flights in O'Hare ever again.

All You Need Is Love

THUMP! THUMP! The sound of someone pounding against the wall of their stone hut one again jarred Twilight from her slumber. "Ugh..." she muttered as she rose to her feet and stumbled towards the front opening. "Applejack, for crying out loud..." she began to complain, forgetting in her half-awake stupor that her friend had already been eliminated.

Instead of a pony, however, it was one of Kahn's generic ninjas knocking on the ponies' hut. "Miss Sparkle?" the ninja asked. "An urgent telephone call from New York has just come for you."

"Somepony is calling me now?" Twilight stared at the ninja in disbelief. "Who is it? I don't know anypony in New York!"

"The man would not give us his real name," the ninja explained. "He called himself 'Shining Armor.'"

"But Shining Armor is his real—wait, Shining Armor is calling for me?" Twilight snapped to attention. "Well, why didn't you say so? Of course I'll talk to him! Where's the phone?"

The ninja promptly led Twilight to a watch tower that overlooked the fighters' quarters, where her "phone"—a rusted tin can on a string attached to a cardboard box sporting a rotary dial and enough mold to make Alexander Bell vomit—awaited. Twilight hesitantly used her magic to bring the can to her lips, taking care to avoid direct contact with the metal. "Hello?" she shouted into the can. "Shining Armor? Are you there?"

"Twily!" The faint voice of Twilight's brother could be heard on the other end of the line. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes!" Twilight called back. "Is everything okay? What's going on? What the heck are you doing in New York?"

"I'm at the United Nations!" Shining Armor replied. "The Security Council just declared that Queen Chrysalis violated the laws of war with her recent invasions of Equestria, and I've been chosen to head up a security force to take her into custody."

"That's...nice," Twilight muttered. "And you couldn't wait for a more reasonable hour to tell me about this...why?"

"Because we're coming your way first," Shining Armor revealed. "Chrysalis has joined forces with Shao Kahn, and Princess Celestia thinks Chrysalis made a deal with Kahn to take over Equestria if he wins the tournament."

"What?" Twilight nearly dropped her can in shock. Facing the possibility of Kahn ruling the world was bad enough, but having an on-site changeling horde milking Equestria of all its love and affection? A cold chill ran up Twilight's spine at the thought. "So if you're coming here," she reasoned, "then you think Chrysalis is here with Kahn?"

"Right," Shining Armor confirmed. "She could be anywhere—and anypony—on that island. I'll be out there by the end of the day, but until then, be on the lookout for anypony suspicious. She's probably going to try and sabotage you in the tournament, so keep your eyes open and stay safe."

"Don't worry!" Twilight proclaimed. "We'll search this island high and low, near and far, inside and out! If Chrysalis is anywhere around here, we'll find her."

"What's that?" Another voice could be heard on the far end of the line, and Shining Armor's voice faded out for a few seconds as he exchanged words with the unknown speaker. "Darn," he finally muttered. "I guess I have to go inspect the troops now. Look, just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll be fine. After seeing what you did to that to Liu Kang guy, I know you've got the skills to win this thing."

"Thanks." Twilight set her can down softly, then wheeled on the ninja standing behind her. "Where's Chrysalis?" she demanded angrily. "I know she's here on the island working with Shao Kahn, so don't try to deny it!"

"Well, duh," the ninja replied with a shrug. "Everybody knows Chrysalis is here—we put out a press release about it yesterday. She's probably in the castle right now, although no authorized personnel are allowed in until morning."

"Well, you tell Chrysalis that her plan won't work any better than Kahn's," Twilight declared, poking her hoof into the ninja's chest for effect. "We're going to win this tournament, save our friends, bring Chrysalis to justice, and send the rest of you back to Outworld where you belong."

The ninja shrugged as Twilight stomped out of the watch tower. "That's cool, I guess," he decided. "I don't get paid anything extra if we win anyway."

Twilight returned to her hut as the sun began peeking over the horizon, determined to root out Chrysalis from wherever she was hiding. At that moment, however, finding the changeling queen would have been as easy as following the screams of rage.

"KAHN!" Chrysalis's voice echoed off the walls of Kahn's castle, as she stomped her way systemically down every corridor in the building. "You cannot hide from me—I invented hiding! Show yourself!"

A door opened near Chrysalis in response, but it was a half-asleep Shing Tsung whose stumbled into view, not Shao Kahn. "Chill out, fly girl!" Shing pleaded. "I mean, Kahn's crib is about five floors up from here, on the other side of the castle!"

"Hmph." Chrysalis glared at Shing for a moment, then made her way—loudly—over to Kahn's inner sanctum. "I am tired of waiting for your empty promises!" the changeling queen shouted, kicking Kahn's door open and barging into the room. "Come out here this instant!"

A young-looking brunette sat at a desk in the corner of the room, but Kahn was nowhere to be seen. "I'm sorry," the woman apologized, "but Kahn came in very late last evening, and hasn't come in to the office yet."

Chrysalis eyed the women suspiciously. "Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Fran, Mr. Kahn's new secretary!" the brunette replied. "I joined the team yesterday to help plan and coordinate events on the island. We're on pace to set a new attendance record for Mortal Kombat tournaments, and we want to make sure everyone is having fun!"

"Uh huh." Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "Well, when Mr. Kahn gets back in, tell him that his fellow monarch is tired of living in this barren wasteland of hate and vengeance, having to survive on romantic comedies and Friends reruns!"

"Oh! You're a Friends fan too?" Fran squealed. "I loved that show! Weren't Ross and Rachel the cutest couple ever?"

"NO!" Chrysalis screamed. "They are the most irritating, inconsistent human beings to have never lived! They love each other, they hate each other, they're making out, they're on a break, they're getting married, they're not getting married—sometimes you have to watch half a season to get a decent meal!"

The sound of Shao Kahn's booming laugh caused Fran and Chrysalis to turn back towards the doorway. "Come now, Chrysalis," Kahn teased as he walked into the room, "Friends is one of the most beloved sitcoms of the past twenty years! Of course, if you'd like a little more variety in your diet, Sektor has the first six seasons of How I Met Your Mother on DVD."

"You fool!" Chrysalis went nose-to-nose with Kahn, despite giving up eighteen inches and at least a hundred pounds to the Outworld emperor. "My brood cannot survive on DVDs alone!" She poked her hoof aggressively into Kahn's chest. "You promised us a veritable feast of love and happiness," she claimed, "but you have only thrown us crumbs!"

"I also promised you that I had a foolproof plan to rid the world of that lavender unicorn you keep blathering on about." Kahn unleashed another ear-splitting laugh. "Hold my calls, Fran—I believe it's time to reveal the next step of my master plan! Follow me, your majesty..."

Shao Kahn led Chrysalis on a long and winding climb through the castle, culminating in a trip up a steep, spiraling staircase inside one of the castle towers. Chrysalis spent much of the trek mumbling unprintable oaths about Kahn's mother, but upon reaching the tower stairs, an appetizing aroma cut her off in mid-sentence. "Wh-What is this?" she asked as her mouth began to water.

"This is me killing two birds with one stone," Kahn replied. "Do you like it?"

"This is incredible," Chrysalis offered, smacking her lips as she followed Kahn up the stairs. "A full serving of caring, trust, and mutual affection, topped with a pinch of passion and dollop of lust!" She suddenly scowled up at Kahn. "Why have you kept this from us?"

"It's...not something I like to talk about, really," Kahn admitted. "I have a reputation to uphold, you know."

"Ooh..." An impish grin spread across Chrysalis's face. "So you have a secret special someone locked away in a tower like a modern-day Rapunzel, eh?"

"Eight of them, actually," Kahn revealed, "but they are back in Outworld, and they actually enhance my reputation. This is another issue entirely."

Eventually, the evil pair reached the top of the stairs, and were greeted a large iron door with a 'KEEP OUT' sign and a Justin Bieber poster taped to it. Kahn motioned for Chrysalis to stop, then pulled two pairs of sunglasses out of his pocket. "It's too dangerous to go in there without protection," he cautioned, putting on one set of shades and offering the other to Chrysalis. "Behind that door is one of the most terrifying things known to mankind, and anything you see in there cannot be unseen. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I was hatched ready," Chrysalis declared, donning her sunglasses as drops of drool began falling from the corner of her mouth. "Let's do this."

Kahn took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

"Yah!" Chrysalis jumped back in shock at the sight before her. In contrast to the dark, dank decor of the rest of the castle, this room had been painted bright pink, with matching curtains on the windows and carpet on the floor. Clothes of every shape, size, and color were strewn all over the floor, and posters of various bubblegum pop stars—along with a few depicting a shirtless Liu Kang—hung on the wall.

Lying on a canopy bed in a corner of the room, surrounded by was a young-looking, dark-haired woman dressed in a blue T-shirt and matching pants. Looking up from the smartphone she had been tapping on, the woman shrieked as the appearance of Shao Kahn and Chrysalis. "Excuse me!" the woman shouted, shooting Kahn an annoyed glare. "You're supposed to knock before you come in here! I could have been, like, changing or something!"

Chrysalis looked up at Kahn. "And this is...?"

Kahn sighed. "Chrysalis, allow me to introduce to you my daughter, Princess Kitana. Kitana, this is Queen Chrysalis of Equestria."

Kitana didn't reply, or get up from the bed, or even smile. She sneered over at Shao Kahn. "What do you want?"

"Aside from a mere sliver of the respect I deserve from you?" Kahn responded. "I am your father, after all."

"You're not my real father," Kitana reminded Kahn.

"No," Kahn agreed, "I'm just the one who keeps you in house and home, provides you with three square meals a day, and—"

"And the one who killed my parents, lied to me about being my father, and created a warped twin out of my DNA," Kitana finished the sentence. "And you took away my TV privileges last week."

"You threw a steel fan at my head when I told you to eat your vegetables!" Kahn countered. "Live neon turnips are an Outworld delicacy!"

Kitana stuck out her tongue in disgust. "You are, like, the most horrible father in the world."

Kahn threw his arms up in frustration. "You see what I have to put up with?" he asked Chrysalis.

"Mmm..." Chrysalis stood in the corner of the room with a goofy smile frozen on her lips. Despite the hatred Kitana and Shao Kahn had been flinging at each other, Chrysalis still seemed to be soaking up a lot of love and affection.

Kitana turned back to her phone. "What time is the final match, anyway? I want to see Liu Kang bust you up good."

"As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I came to talk to you about," Kahn revealed. "I've been given a reprieve from Kang's fury—he has already lost."

"Yeah, right." Kitana rolled her eyes. "Like any one of your no-good lowlifes could ever touch him."

"True," Kahn conceded. "Were I not my own general manager, I would have fired myself by now. This time, however, I got a little help from the good guys."

"Great." Kitana sighed and rolled off of her bed. "So who beat him?" she asked as she folded her arms and faced Kahn. "Cage? Jax? Kung Lao? Or did Raiden finally get up off his lazy butt and decide to do his own dirty work for a change?"

"Oh, I'm afraid it's much worse than that," Kahn replied, trying to suppress a giggle. "Liu Kang was beaten...by a talking purple pony that was about half his size."

Kitana stared silently at Kahn for a moment. "Seriously?" she said, shaking her head. "Is that supposed to be a joke? Because it's, like, so not funny."

"That depends on your perspective," Kahn offered, reaching back and pulling a copy of TIME from behind his back. He tossed the magazine at Kitana. "I find it to be quite amusing, actually."

Kitana's eyes and mouth opened wide as she stared at the magazine cover, which featured an illustration of six ponies and one baby dragon standing atop a pile of unconscious fighters. "Her?" she sputtered, stabbing the drawing of Twilight Sparkle with her finger. "That thing beat Liu Kang?"

"Oh, Miss Sparkle didn't just beat him," Kahn revealed, as he picked up a stuffed Liu Kang doll lying on the floor and gave it a disapproving look. "She chewed him up, spit him out, and sent him to the moon with a swing that would have made Babe Ruth proud."

"What?!?" Kitana stared at Twilight's picture in disbelief. "How is that even possible? She's a tiny little pony, for crying out loud! She doesn't even have hands!"

"Screwy, ain't it?" Kahn offered, tossing the Liu Kang doll onto the bed.

"I'll show you who's screwed!" Kitana flung the magazine against the wall, then reached back and grabbed one of her fans and flung it at the magazine. The fan struck the magazine directly in its center, pinning it to the wall. "If I got my hands on that magical little witch, I'd turn her into purple confetti!"

"Precisely what I was thinking," Kahn said with a smile. "Would you care to exercise your option to join the tournament, and correct this unspeakable..." Kahn was almost literally cut off by a steel fan flung in his direction, which forced him to take evasive action. "I'll take that as a yes," he concluded.

Kitana walked over and waved a pointed finger in Kahn's face. "I'm going to fillet that pony," she promised, "and after that, you're next."

Kahn could only shake his head as Kitana stormed out of the room. "Kids these days, huh?" he asked Chrysalis.

"Sorry, can't talk right now," Chrysalis answered, as she hurried out of the room after her breakfast. "Please, Kitana, wait for me! Tell me more about this Liu Kang fellow..."

Back at the ponies' hut, Rarity was staying busy dealing with the fallout from her battle with Applejack. "Over a hundred new orders in the first twenty-four hours!" she squealed, as she sifted through the mountain of papers that had arrived at her door this morning. "I haven't seen so much business since the last Grand Galloping Gala! Perhaps this brutish affair has a silver lining after all!"

Using her magic, Rarity began going through the orders to see how many of each dress she would need to produce. "Let's see," she counted, "that's five orders for the evening gown, another three for the ballet outfit, an order for the palm-frond dress from a 'Candy Kong,' two of the—"

SPLAT! Rarity was rudely interrupted by a large amount of mud that landed unceremoniously on her head, causing her to drop her order forms. "AIIIEEE!" she shrieked, as she collapsed to the floor and began furiously brushing her hair with her hooves. "GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!"

Looking around the hut, Rarity spied a barrel full of water standing in the corner of the room, and quickly ran over and began dunking her head in the water repeatedly. "Disgusting! Horrible! Outrageous!" she sputtered in between dunks. "Whose awful idea for a practical joke was this?"

In response, Twilight Sparkle stepped through the front doorway of the hut, carrying a large metal bucket with her magic. "It was a test," she explained, "and you passed. Only the real Rarity would react to a little mud like it was radioactive. I needed to make sure that you were really who you appeared to be."

Rarity scowled over at Twilight. "You could have just asked."

Twilight shook her head. "Not anymore. Chrysalis has teamed up with Shao Kahn, and is on the island right now plotting to stop us."

Rarity's expression softened a little, but not completely. "Well, be that as it may," she offered, "I do not believe the ends justified your—ugh!—unclean means."

"Just be happy your wings didn't disappear while you in midair," Rainbow Dash grumbled as she followed Twilight into the hut.

"Secure the entrance," Twilight directed, as she began casting suspicious glances around the room. "Rarity, is this room clean?"

Rarity looked over at a large mold growth on one of the walls. "I highly doubt that place has ever been clean."

"No, I mean, is anypony listening?" Twilight clarified. "Is anypony else in the hut?"

"Well, aside from the ants, the mice, the roaches, and the bedbugs," Rarity muttered, "we are alone."

Twilight motioned for Rainbow Dash and Rarity to come closer. "Now then," she whispered, "if Chrysalis is here, she's probably going to try to interfere with our matches."

"Perhaps she's already started interfering," Rarity offered. "What about that strange fellow who beat Pinkie? Didn't you say he was a stand-in for her actual opponent?"

"That's true," Twilight conceded. "He used some sort of strange magic to get inside Pinkie's head. I'll bet it was Chrysalis the whole time."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "So what? Even if she's decided to mess with us, it's not like we haven't beaten her before."

"Shining Armor and Princess Cadance beat her, not us," Twilight reminded Rainbow Dash. "She was one love-powered blast away from crushing the rest of us beneath her hooves."

Rarity gulped at the memory. "So what do you propose we do?"

Twilight turned away from her friends and face the wall. "Chrysalis thrives on the element of surprise," she declared, as a purple glow surrounded her horn. She paused for a few seconds for dramatic effect, then turned back towards her friends sporting a monocle and a Fu Manchu mustache. "I propose that we turn the tables on her, and give her a taste of her own medicine."

Rainbow Dash and Rarity exchanged confused stares. "I...I don't quite understand you, darling," Rarity admitted.

"I checked the battle schedule on my way here, and our next fight takes place in three hours," Twilight explained as she removed her disguise. "I'll be fighting against that four-armed lady who keeps asking Rarity about purchasing her designs."

"Oh...her," Rarity acknowledged in a slightly-disapproving tone of voice. "She has a rather...er...how do I say this...unique style."

"My brother had to call Kahn's castle to reach me," Twilight continued, "so Chrysalis probably knows that we know she's here. Still, she's going to make one crucial assumption: That I'm going to be out there in the circle ready to fight."

"Wait...you won't be there ready to fight?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow at Twilight. "Does anypony else see a problem here?"

"Oh, I'll be there," Twilight replied. "I'm going to stake out a position near the battle where I can keep an everything that goes on during the battle. If Chrysalis makes a move, I want to be able to intervene and catch her by surprise."

"So who's going to fight that four-armed freak?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, we'll need to have an appropriate stand-in," Twilight admitted. "I'll need Rainbow Dash to keep watch from the air, but..." Twilight cast an apologetic look over at Rarity.

Rarity's eyes popped open as she realized was Twilight's plan was. "Oh no," she declared, "I do not intend to serve as a...a tackling dummy for a fashion-challenged warrior princess! Besides, Twilight and I look nothing alike!"

"Don't worry, I've got that covered!" Twilight interrupted. "I've been working on some pigmentation spells, so coat and hair color won't be a problem! Of course, we'll have to change your mane style a little bit..."

Rarity's eyes got even bigger. "You wouldn't dare!" She began backing up towards the rear of the hut as her friends started to close in. "Stay back! Back, I say!"

With the leverage of near-Super-Bowl ratings for his fights, Shao Kahn spent much of his day striking a new lucrative deal with Fox to air the remainder of the tournament battles on television, rather than just the primetime fights. Unfortunately, since Twilight's fourth-round bout had been scheduled for the afternoon, the network decided to show the fight on Fox Sports 1 rather than their flagship station, and turned the call over to Kenny Albert.

"Sun, sand, and savagery—a perfect backdrop for what should be another classic battle!" Kenny proclaimed. "Good afternoon and welcome to Shao Kahn's island, where we are about to raise the curtain on the fourth round of the Mortal Kombat tournament! I'm Kenny Albert, along with my partner, famed wrestling heel and proud member of the 1%, the Million Dollar Man himself, Ted Dibiase! Now Ted, as we all now, the storyline so far has centered around the surprising success of the Equestrian contingent. However, with over half of the group having gone down to defeat, we have to start wondering: Has the pony phenomenon run its course?"

A man wearing a gold-colored suit, complete with matching shoes and sunglasses, came into view of the camera. "Don't believe it!" the man told the audience. "I know money when I see it, and let me tell you, these puny ponies are money!"

"The money agrees with you today," Kenny added, "as even after Twilight Sparkle's awful performance against Raiden, Las Vegas has her installed as a 3:1 favorite over her Shokan opponent Sheeva, who comes into the match with a mediocre .437 winning percentage despite her extra limbs."

"Sheeva's had a good run," Ted agreed, "but her last fight against Ronda Rousey was nothing to write home about. She'll have to step up her game to compete with a magical marvel like T-Spark."

High above the battle ring, Rainbow Dash found herself shielding her eyes from the Million Dollar Man's garish outfit. "I guess now we know who that moron Shing stole his outfit from," she muttered.

"Focus, Rainbow!" Twilight's voice came crackling in through a walkie-talkie hanging around Rainbow Dash's neck. "Chrysalis is out here somewhere, and we've got to be ready when she makes her move."

"Yes, and the quicker we find her, the quicker I can be extricated from this predicament!" Rarity's voice chimed in.

Rainbow Dash snickered. "Aw, come on, Rarity, you look great as—AAH!" The pegasus stopped short as a magical aura surrounded her and pinned her wings in place for a moment, sending her into a fifteen-foot freefall.

"One more word," Rarity threatened over the walkie-talkie, "and so help me Celestia, I will ground you permanently!"

"Fine, fine," Rainbow muttered in response.

Back on the ground, the battle referee had stepped out of the crowd and into the ring. "Attention, everyone!" he yelled. "This battle is about to begin!" He motioned to one side of the circle. "In this corner, a master of magic who is rumored to be in negotiations to take over the Headmaster position at Hogwarts...Twilight Sparkle!"

As the crowd cheered, a lavender unicorn with blue eyes, a bowl cut, and a look of absolute disdain on her face stomped into the ring. "I feel about as ridiculous as I look," the unicorn grumbled. "I truly hope that none of my peers recognize me like this—my standing in the fashion industry would be destroyed! I'd be nothing but a laughingstock!"

"Keep it together, Rarity," Twilight's voice commanded from a small walkie-talkie dangling around the blue-eyed pony's neck. "And don't worry—we're right here to intervene if Chrysalis steps in."

Meanwhile, the referee continued with his battle introduction. "And in this corner, a fierce Shokan warrior who counts dagger throwing, machete eating, and crocheting among her hobbies, and who is the undisputed pattycake champion of the universe...Sheeva!"

As Sheeva stepped forward and performed a quadruple-flex for the audience, the real Twilight Sparkle kept a close eye on the Shokan through a pair of binoculars from a post at the top of a nearby palm tree. "Where are you hiding, Chrysalis?" Twilight muttered to herself.

"Are you sure we're gonna see her before she attacks?" Rainbow Dash questioned from high above the action. "I mean, she could be anywhere and anypony right now."

"It's simple," Twilight explained. "I've researched Sheeva's combat repertoire, and her magic is rudimentary at best, so anything even remotely powerful she does will be a dead giveaway. Otherwise, nopony else is supposed to interfere with the battle, so anypony who does becomes a prime suspect. Trust me, finding Chrysalis will be a piece of cake!"

Right on cue, Shao Kahn emerged from the treeline, followed closely by a gray-haired lady wearing a black robe and carrying a copy of the Constitution underneath her arm. "What a surprise!" Kenny exclaimed. "Shao Kahn is here at the match with former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor!"

The gray-haired lady, otherwise known as Chrysalis's latest transformation, frowned as some of the spectators began gawking and taking pictures. "I told you this was a terrible disguise," she whispered to Kahn.

Kahn laughed. "Loosen up, Sandy baby!" he advised. "If anyone asks, you're here to speak with me about the establishment of an Outworld judicial system."

"What are we doing out here, anyway?" Chrysalis demanded. "Why couldn't we have stayed in the castle and out of the public eye?"

"Because," Kahn said with a smile, "I thought you would appreciate seeing the destruction of Twilight Sparkle firsthand."

As the crowd refocused on the battle, the referee raised his arms. "Combatants ready?"

"Ready for victory," Sheeva proclaimed.

"Actually..." Rarity took a few steps backward. "Could I have another minute? I need to, er...clear my mind before I, uh, wreak havoc on my opponent."

The referee scratched his head. "Well...I guess that's okay."

"Thank you, my good sir!" Rarity quickly backpedaled out of the circle. "We are running out of time!" she whispered sharply into her walkie-talkie.

"Hey, I'm looking as hard as I can!" Rainbow Dash objected.

"Well, look harder!" Rarity hissed.

"HOLD EVERYTHING!" A voice suddenly boomed from the treeline, about three trees down from Twilight's position. As all heads turned towards the noise, Princess Kitana burst out of the forest, made a mad dash for the crowd, hurdled the entire throng in one incredible flying leap, and landed next to Sheeva in the battle circle.

"Hold everything!" Kenny repeated for the benefit of the viewers at home. "Princess Kitana has thrown her fan into the ring, and she is not in the mood to take prisoners!"

"You!" Kitana bellowed, pointing a threatening finger in Rarity's direction. "You're the little witch that beat up my boyfriend and ruined my entire life!"

"Eh...beg your pardon?" Rarity replied, unsure of what Kitana was talking about.

Kitana drew a steel fan from her waistband. "I'm going to, like, mess you up so bad, your unborn grandchildren are gonna be sore!"

Rarity received this message loud and clear. "Pardon me," she apologized, "but I do believe I hear my...something...calling me." She quickly turned and began frantically pushing her way through the crowd. "Twilight!" she shouted. "I believe that this is your cue!"

Before Kitana could move, however, Sheeva stepped up to block her path. "Excuse me, Miss Prissy," Sheeva snapped, "but this is my fight, and I'm not in the mood to have a drama queen like you..."

POW! Kitana threw an elbow that connected squarely with Sheeva's face, cold-cocking the Shokan and sending her sprawling to the sand. "Anyone else got a complaint?" Kitana growled.

"As a matter of fact..." The battle referee hurried over to where Kitana stood. "I have not officially announced the start of this battle yet, so if you would kindly..." The referee was promptly cut off by the slamming of a steel fan over his head. "F-f-fight," he managed to whisper before collapsing to the ground.

"First Sheeva, and now the referee is down!" Kenny exclaimed. "Who will be next to suffer Katana's wrath?"

From the air, Rainbow Dash could only stare down in amazement at the strange turn of events. "I guess you were right, Twilight," she admitted. "That dumb changeling is so obvious, she might as well be wearing a freaking name tag."

"Congratulate me later!" Twilight yelled back. "We've got to help..." The unicorn took a step, then looked down and suddenly realized she had overlooked an important detail in selecting her observation post. She looked up at Rainbow apologetically. "Um...a little help here?"

Meanwhile, Kitana scowled as she watched Rarity fight her way through the crowd and away from the battle. "You can run, dorkface, but you can't hide!" Kitana declared. She took a deep breath, whispered a few words in an ancient tongue, and suddenly disappeared in a wisp of purple smoke.

"Look at that!" Twilight pointed a hoof at where Kitana had been standing. "That's got to be Chrysalis! Teleportation requires a high level of magical power!"

"Yeah, about that..." Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a disapproving glare as she flew over to the tree. "Why didn't you do that instead of bugging me to get you out of this stupid tree?"

"Oh...right," Twilight's face turned red at the realization.

"Twilight! Rainbow!" The two ponies turned to see Rarity breaking through the crowd and making a run for the forest. "I am in need of your assistance!"

Suddenly, another puff of violet smoke appeared in front of Rarity, and Kitana stepped out of the cloud to block Rarity's path. "Surprise!" Kitana growled.

"EYAAHH!" Rarity tried to apply the brakes, but it was too little, too late. Kitana brandished her fans and swung them in a double-uppercut motion, smashing Rarity in the face and lifting the unicorn high into the air.

Twilight's eyes popped open at the impact. "Forget it!" she decided, shoving Rainbow away from her. "We don't have time! We've got to stop her now!" She quickly summoned her magic, and a magical purple aura began to surround Kitana. "That should hold her until..."

Kitana, on the other hands, did not even notice the magic floating around her. Instead, she hurried over to where she estimated her opponent would fall, then reared back with her leg and delivered a Lionel Messi special just before Rarity landed, sending the pony back up into the air. "Oh no!" Twilight gasped. "Not this again!"

The failure of Twilight's magic also caught Chrysalis off guard. "That's odd," the changeling remarked. "I did not sense that your daughter had much magical ability. How is she able to resist Twilight's spell?"

Shao Kahn chuckled. "Oh, it's just a little trick I picked up from Liu Kang," he explained. "You see, he was wearing this fantastic trinket when he lost—a shiny little ring! Being the thoughtful soul that I am, of course, I knew that our friend Kang would have wanted Kitana to have it, so I gave it to her a few nights ago and told her that it was a good luck charm from her boyfriend!" A devilish grin spread across Kahn's face. "It seems I wasn't lying after all."

Kitana's juggling of 'Twilight' continued for another minute, as the real Twilight continued freaking out about her sudden magical impotence. "What'll we do now?" Twilight wondered.

"We do this the hard way!" Rainbow mimed rolling up her sleeves with her hooves, then charged down towards Kitana. "Hey Chrissy! Come here and pick on somepony your own size!"

Kitana looked over at the pegasus steaming towards her. "Oh joy. More ponies," she deadpanned. Looking back up at Rarity as the unicorn flailed helplessly through the air, Kitana leaped up to match the pony's height, reached back with her first, and spiked Rarity towards Rainbow Dash like a volleyball.

"Whoa!" Rainbow could not react in time, and the two ponies collided in midair and crashed to the ground. "Okay, that didn't work as well as I expected," Rainbow muttered, as she spit out a mouthful of sand.

As Rarity and Rainbow struggled to rise up from the ground, Kitana pulled out her steel fans and approached the pair slowly. "It's time to end this."

"Kitana closes in for the final blow!" Kenny shouted. "Is this the end of Twilight Sparkle?"

Still stuck in her treetop hiding spot, Twilight's mind began racing as she watched Kitana close in on her friends. Come on, Twilight, THINK! she chided herself. You've been here before, remember? When you couldn't use your magic for Liu Kang, you used it on yourself...except I'm up here and Chrysalis is down there! As she stared at 'Chrysalis' for a moment, an idea suddenly struck her. Of course! I'll just need to find somepony else to use my magic on...or something!

Kitana raised her fans in preparation for a final strike, but just before she could act, a magical aura surrounded the fans, and they pulled loose from Kitana's grip. "Hey! What's up with..." Kitana looked up to see her weapons spin around in midair and charge towards her. "What the...Stop it! Heel! You're supposed to be on my side!" Kitana objected, as she began parrying blows from her fans.

Seizing the opportunity, Rainbow Dash jumped to her feet and started slapping Rarity's face. "Hey, Earth to Rarity! You've got an opening here!"

"Uhhh..." Rarity moaned, waving her legs around in a haphazard attempt to stand up.

Rainbow facehooved. "You realize you have about five pounds of dirt in your hair right now, right?" she pointed out.

"WHAT?!?" Rarity snapped out of her daze, and began scrubbing her hair with her hooves as fast as she could. "Help! Medic! I need shampoo and conditioner, stat!"

Sensing that the tide of the battle was beginning to turn against him, Shao Kahn decided to step in as a surrogate referee. "You there!" he roared, pointing a finger at Rainbow Dash. "Get out of the way! You know the rules—no one is allowed to interfere with the battle!"

Rainbow opened her mouth to reply, but Twilight cut her off. "I've got an idea," she proclaimed into her walkie-talkie, "but it's going to take some time. Stall them for a minute."

"Um...well..." Rainbow looked at Rarity, then at Shao Kahn, and finally over at Kitana, who had finally regained control of her fans. "I...uh...I...just...wanted to tell you all something!"

"Well, spit it out then!" Kitana snapped. "I've got, like, a boyfriend-smiting pony to settle up with!"

"Well...you see...that's kind of the thing..." Rainbow search her brain for a convenient lie, but came up empty. Great, she thought to herself, now what?

The truth will set you free! a voice in her head suddenly shouted.

"Oh, geez," Rainbow muttered. "First Fluttershy, and now Applejack is in my head?"

You got any better ideas, sugarcube? the voice inquired.

"Fine." Rainbow took a deep breath. "What I wanted to say," she announced as she pointed at Rarity, "is that this pony...is an impostor!"

A gasp went up from the crowd. "Baloney!" Kitana spit back at Rainbow. "How the heck can she be an impostor? Seriously, how many other lavender unicorns with starry cutie marks can there be in the world?"

"It's true!" Rainbow insisted. "I can prove it!" She turned back towards Rarity. "All, right, 'Twilight,' what's the capital of Beirut?"

"Eh..." Rarity leaned in close to Rainbow Dash's face. "Rainbow, what are you doing?" she whispered.

"You're dodging the question!" Rainbow shouted. "Somepony as smart as the real Twilight would know this!"

"But darling, I don't believe Beirut is even..."

"Too slow!" Rainbow interrupted. "Let's try something simpler: What's the square root of Abraham Lincoln?"

"What?" Rarity gave Rainbow Dash a confused look. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"Obviously, the answer is 42!" Rainbow Dash turned back towards the crowd. "How could anypony claiming to be the world's smartest pony not know that?"

A gasp went up from the spectators. "Unbelievable!" Kenny declared. "In a shocking twist, another pony has stepped into the ring to fight as Twilight Sparkle! Tell me, Ted, what would possess somepony to disguise themselves and face the punishment of a Mortal Kombat battle in somepony else's place?"

"It's got to be the money, partner!" Ted offered. "Everypony's got a price!"

As those in the crowd began whispering amongst themselves, Kitana threw up her hands in disgust. "You know what? I don't even care!" she announced. "I came out here to stomp a pony into the ground, and that's just what I plan to do!"

"Before you do," Twilight's voice crackled from the walkie-talkie around Rarity's neck, "I have one last question: What's soaking wet and clueless?"

"Didn't Shing already use that..." Rainbow stopped as a massive shadow enveloped the entire beach.

"TIDAL WAVE!!!" A voice from the crowd screamed out.

Rarity and Rainbow turned towards the shore, only to be greeted by the sight of a massive wall of water headed straight towards the beach. "Er...Rainbow?" Rarity asked. "I believe we have overstayed our welcome."

"Ya think?" Rainbow Dash scooped up Rarity and made a break for the treeline, beating the water there by a mere five seconds. The rest of the crowd, unfortunately, was not blessed with Rainbow's speed, and took the full brunt of the wave as it crashed upon shore.

The wave receded as quickly as it came in, leaving spectators, broadcasters, and even a certain Outworld emperor and changeling monarch face down in the mud. Standing in the middle of the scene, completely dry and looking quite pleased with herself, was the real Twilight Sparkle. She quickly made her way over to where the battle referee was laying. "Excuse me, sir," she asked, "but I believe the battle is over."

The referee picked his head up off the ground, spit a flounder out of his mouth, and looked over at Twilight. "It is?"

Twilight pointed a hoof at where Sheeva had landed, then over to where Kitana had her head wedged in the sand. "See?"

"Huh...I guess you're right," the referee agreed. He stood up and raised his arms. "This battle is over! Twilight Sparkle wins!"

"Thank you, kind sir." Twilight patted the official on the back, then made her way to the treeline, where Rainbow Dash and Rarity were waiting for her. "How did you do that?" Rainbow asked. "I thought you couldn't use magic..."

"You don't need magic to make a big wave," Twilight explained. "You just need something big to throw into the water."

"But what would you have found around here..." Rainbow Dash stopped and followed Twilight's gaze over to Shao Kahn's castle, which now had roughly half as many towers as it had a few minutes ago. "I...uh...well played, girl," Rainbow finally declared.

"Well, Twilight," Rarity inquired, "perhaps you'd like to explain why you didn't just do that in the beginning, and thus saved me the trouble of getting my hair cut and my face rearranged!"

"Uh...well...gosh, look at the time!" Twilight rushed over to where Kitana was half-buried in the sand. "We'd better tie Chrysalis up and get her back to our hut, so Shining Armor can take her into custody when he gets here!"

"Fine," Rarity replied, "but I expect this favor to be repaid!"

As the three ponies carried 'Chrysalis' away from the beach, the real changeling queen—minus her disguise, but now sporting the Million Dollar Man's gold-plated sunglasses—raised her head and looked over at the soaked form of Shao Kahn beside her. "'Foolproof plan,' you said," she hissed. "'Destruction of Twilight Sparkle,' you said. Honestly, do you even listen to me? This happens every time! You think you've got that little witch cornered, and then pow! She pulls some miraculous stunt out of her butt, and..."

Shao Kahn reached over and grabbed Chrysalis's mouth with his hand. "Oh, shut up."

Mind Games

At approximately 1100 hours Zulu time, five United Nations helicopters under the command of Prince Shining Armor landed on the beaches of Shao Kahn's island, intent on apprehending the rogue changeling Queen Chrysalis and bringing her to justice. As a team of soldiers in blue helmets emerged from the choppers, a youthful, brown-haired woman hurried down the beach to meet them. "Excuse me!" she called out over the sound of the helicopter blades. "Is there a 'Shining Armor' here? I'm supposed to speak with him when he arrives!"

"I'm Shining Armor." A tall stallion with a white coat, a three-tone blue mane, and a blue shield on his flank stepped out of the crowd of soldiers. "Are you Fran?"

"That's right!" Fran confirmed. "I've been assigned as your liaison for you stay here on the island! Emperor Kahn would have met you here personally, but he had a conflict with another appointment. He did give me a statement to read for you, though." Fran fished around in her pocket for a moment before drawing out a folded-up piece of paper. "Let it be known," she read, "that I, Shao Kahn, sovereign ruler of Outworld and this island, declare that this mission is illegitimate and a disrespect to my rule, and feel that this search for Chrysalis is nothing but a witch hunt perpetuated by Equestria and its petty, pathetic pair of princesses. My associates and I intend do everything in our power to impede, obstruct, obturate, hinder, block, delay, stymie, stonewall, and generally make life miserable for those invading our territory under the guise of the United Nations."

Shining Armor shrugged. "We expected as much."

"Hold on, there's more." Fran looked down at the next paragraph. "I would also like to state unequivocally that Princess Celestia is getting rather plump in the posterior and should consider skipping the dessert line once in a while, and that Prince Shining Armor is a gold-digging sycophant who can go..." Fran scrunched up her face at what followed. "That's not very nice!"

"He wouldn't be a bad guy if it was." Shining Armor looked up at the sky for a moment, then back down at the troops under his command. "We'll set up camp in the abandoned fighter huts," he ordered, "and begin searching for Queen Chrysalis immediately."

"Yes, sir!" The soldiers saluted Shining Armor, then hurried back to the helicopters to unload the rest of their equipment.

Shining Armor turned back to Fran. "Tell our gracious host that he can expect to see us on his doorstep bright and early tomorrow morning."

"I'll add you to his calendar!" Fran confirmed cheerily. "Now, if you'll all follow me to the fighter huts..."

From her perch high inside Kahn's castle, Chrysalis peered down at Shining Armor as he and his company of soldiers followed Fran away from the beach. "Drat," she groused. "It figures that the one pony on this accursed island who could provide me with a good meal is also the one pony I can't get near without having my Miranda rights read to me."

Chrysalis's stomach gurgled loudly in agreement. This, in turn, drew a sigh from the changeling queen, and she abandoned her post at the window in favor of scavenging some more romantic comedies from the castle library.

As Chrysalis passed by Shao Kahn's office, however, her journey was abruptly ended by a computer monitor that flew out of Kahn's door, missed her nose by centimeters, and smashed against the stone wall of the hallway. "I see that somepony is taking the utter failure of their master plan well," she remarked.

Kahn had already torn his office to shreds by the time Chrysalis poked her head inside. The remnants of a desk, computer, and several file cabinets were strewn across the floor, and the emperor was currently in the process of snapping a chair over his knee. "Tsk, tsk," Chrysalis chided Kahn. "This is why we can't have nice things."

"What do you mean?" Kahn gave Chrysalis a confused look. "My desk was carved from the finest Outworld mahogany, and my chair was custom built to be perfectly ergonomic!" He pointed at the scraps of wood at his feet. "That was Fran's desk."

Chrysalis rolled her eyes as Kahn turned away and slammed his fist into the wall. "This is unacceptable!" Kahn roared. "Twilight Sparkle still lives, my island is occupied by armed peacekeepers, and Bob Vila wants to charge me five hundred thousand dollars to replace my towers!"

"My heart bleeds for you," Chrysalis muttered. "My stomach, on the other hoof, is wondering whether surrendering to the UN is the only way to get a decent meal around here."

"Hmmm...surrender to the UN..." Kahn paused for a moment to scratch his chin. "Interesting...what was it that Imus was saying on the radio this morning..."

Chrysalis glared at Shao Kahn, unsure she liked the sound the wheels were making as they turned in Kahn's mind. "A bit for your thoughts?" she asked, her voice even more pointed than usual.

"Oh, this one's worth much more than a bit, my dear." Kahn patted Chrysalis on the head, drawing another scowl from the changeling. "Once again, my superior mind has concocted a plan to solve all our problems!"

"Well, unless you're bringing in Princess Cadance for me to snack on—"

Kahn shook his head. "Honestly, Garfield, do you think about anything other than food?" He went back to his desk and pulled a disc out of one of the drawers. "Ten classic holiday specials, freshly DVRed off the Hallmark Channel," he said, as he tossed the disc towards Chrysalis. "Now don't spoil your supper!"

Chrysalis used her magic to catch Kahn's errant throw, and stuck the disc on the tip of her horn for safekeeping. "I'm down three pounds since this morning," she remarked as she turned to leave. "The only thing spoiling around here is the meatloaf surprise you're serving in the dining hall."

"Well, duh! Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a surprise, would it?" Kahn called after Chrysalis. He waited and listened as the sound of Chrysalis's hooves faded into the distance, then picked up his phone. "Besides, I've got a much bigger surprise in store for you," he whispered as he dialed. "Hello, Sareena? When Fran gets back, tell her to schedule a meeting between myself and those fools from the UN after tonight's battle. Oh, and reach out to Mr. Vila again about travel arrangements—I believe I'll be able to meet his price."

Back at the fighter huts, Fran was wrapping up her tour of the area for Shining Armor and his troops. "And that hut over there," Fran concluded, "is where—"

"Twilight and her friends are staying?" Shining Armor guessed.

"Why, yes!" Fran looked at Shining Armor in amazement. "How did you know?"

"Just a hunch," Shining Armor said with a smile. "Of course, the blue pony shadowboxing next to the hut kind of gave it away."

Fran smiled and nodded. "Well, I guess I should be getting back to the castle now. If you need anything, though, don't hesitate to ask!"

As Fran made her way back to the castle, Shining Armor hurried over to where Rainbow was bobbing and weaving around. "Hey, Rainbow!" Shining called out. "Are you guys okay? Where's Twilight?"

Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof back towards the ponies' hut. "Rarity threw me out an hour ago so she could 'prepare' Twilight for her battle tonight."

"Her battle?" Shining Armor arched his eyebrow. "But according to the schedule—"

"Long story short, we made Rarity stand in for Twilight while we laid a trap for Chrysalis, so now Twilight's fighting in Rarity's place. Speaking of Chrysalis..." Rainbow trotted over and banged her hoof on the wall of the hut. "Hey, Rarity! Could you stop messing with Twilight's mane long enough to bring Chrysalis out here?"

After a few seconds of silence, Rarity emerged from the hut, levitating a bound, gagged Kitana behind her. "Ah, Prince Shining!" she exclaimed. "We are happy to report that we have apprehended the ne'er-do-well that you are looking for!"

"Mmph! Mmph!" Kitana objected.

"You watch your language, young lady!" Rarity scolded Kitana. "I had to gag her so she didn't disrupt our preparations with her incessant griping. She claims she's really some sort of Outworld princess who wants to overthrow Shao Kahn."

"Pfft." Rainbow Dash dismissed the story with a roll of her eyes. "Her, a princess? I'd sooner believe that Twilight was a princess."

"Well, regardless, if she is Chrysalis, we'll find out pretty quickly." Shining Armor cast a stern glare at Kitana. "We have ways of making her talk."

A shiver ran up Rarity's spine at the implication. "You don't mean torture, do you?"

"Even worse." Shining Armor used his magic to remove a small disc from his saddle bag. "I mean Nickleback."

Kitana's eyes popped open at the name of the band. "Mmph! Mmph!" she said, shaking her head vigorously.

Shining Armor put the CD back in his bag, and drew out a walkie-talkie. "We've got a potential positive ID over here," he spoke into the device. "Send a team over to pick her up at the ponies' hut." He put the walkie-talkie back into his bag. "I'd like to see Twilight before the battle, if I could. Can I come in?"

"Heavens, no!" Rarity declared. "It will be at least another hour of work before she'll be ready! Besides, I don't think she'll even notice you right now."

"Why not?" Shining Armor asked.

"It's this book she's reading," Rarity explained. "She's been engrossed in ever since she got back from the library. She hasn't moved an muscle in the past hour! While I admit it's made styling her mane and putting her outfit together much easier, I'm still a little concerned."

"I'm sure it's nothing I can't fix," Shining Armor proclaimed confidently. He walked past Rarity and stuck his head through the hut doorway. "Hey, Twi—Twily? Is...is that you?"

Standing in the middle of the ponies' hut was a white-coated unicorn with violet eyes and an exquisitely-styled mane, wearing what appeared to be a light-blue evening gown (with matching earrings) and staring intently at a book lying on the ground in front of her. The sound of Shining's voice caused the pony's ears to perk up, and she looked over and smiled. "Shining!" the unicorn shouted. "Don't be fooled by the color change—I'll be standing in for Rarity in tonight's battle. Anyway, this is perfect timing—I need your help!"

"Great! I can finally bail you out for a change," Shining Armor said with a laugh. "What can I do?"

"I need you to find me a rock," Twilight directed. "Sedimentary, igneous, metamorphic, whatever you can find—it just needs to be six inches wide, six inches long, and preferably two inches thick, though one-and-a-half will do in a pinch."

"A rock?" Shining Armor tilted his head to the side and gave Twilight a confused look.

"It's really important."

"Oh, I believe you," Shining Armor insisted. "I just can't imagine what you're going to do with it."

"It's absolutely crucial for my battle tonight," Twilight explained. "I—er, Rarity—is scheduled to fight a mysterious fighter named Ermac, who attacks by breaking into a pony's mind and destroying them from within."

"Wait, this is the guy that wiped out Pinkie?" Shining Armor's eyes widened at the thought. "So you're going to...smash him in the head with a rock?"

"You'll see," Twilight assured her brother. "For now, though, I've got to finish this book before tonight's fight. It's the only way I'm going to have a chance of winning."

"I'm sure you'll be fine." Shining Armor turned back to the door. "But if you think you need a rock, then by Celestia, I'll find you one!"

"Thanks, Shining." Twilight hopped over for a quick hug with her brother, then returned to her book as Shining exited the hut. "Ten more chapters to go," she told herself. "Hopefully I can digest all this before the fight. Ermac's coming for my brain, and I'll be darned if I'm going to give it up without a fight."

The hours passed quickly, like plumbers through a warp pipe, and soon the hour of the night's primetime battle was at hand. Fox's coverage of the event opened with a shot of UN soldiers frisking spectators at a security checkpoint outside the ring. "Dark skies, foul moods, and an international changeling hunt form the backdrop for tonight's battle!" Joe Buck narrated from off camera. "It's round four of the Mortal Kombat tournament, and the stakes has never been higher!"

The camera cut to a ringside shot of Joe and Hulk Hogan. "Welcome back to Kahn's island, ladies and gentlemen," Buck continued, "where we've got a good one in store for you tonight, as the fashionable femme fatale Rarity makes her primetime debut against the man-of-many-souls, Ermac. Now Hulk, while a refined, image-conscious fashion designer with a severe dirt allergy is the last creature, be it human or pony, that we expected to see this deep in the tournament, if there's one thing we've learned in this game, it's to expect the unexpected."

"Right on, brother!" Hulk agreed. "This girl is more than just a pretty face! Ermac may have some pony-pummeling experience, but he'd better bring his A game tonight, because the Hulkster hasn't seen an animal like this in the ring since Jake the Snake retired!"

"The momentum for this fight is just about even," Joe noted, "as both combatants are coming off impressive victories in the last round. Rarity beat three fighters for the price of one during her epic victory over Applejack, while Ermac's defeat of Pinkie Pie makes him the only non-pony to find success against the Equestrian contingent."

As Joe and Hulk continued droning on about the fight, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Shining Armor took up a position near the edge of the battle arena. Rarity, however, had traded her usual dazzling ensemble for a black hooded cloak to try to avoid being recognized. "Are you sure it's okay with your superiors for you to be here with us?" Rarity asked Shining Armor. "We don't want to keep you from your sworn duties."

"Don't worry!" Shining assured Rarity. "Chrysalis most likely sees you gals as the biggest threat to her plan, so if she's going to do anything, it's going to be to one of you, and when she does, I'll be here to nab her in the act!"

"Speaking of which," Rainbow Dash interrupted, "I still can't believe that crazy girl we caught wasn't Chrysalis!"

"I know, right?" Shining replied. "It turns out she actually was a ten-thousand-year-old princess of some random dimension that Kahn conquered. Who woulda thunk it?"

"Ten thousand years old?" Rarity's jaw dropped at the number. "But she looks no older than we do! If this is true...I simply must find out what moisturizer she uses."

High above the action, Chrysalis scowled from the privacy of Shao Kahn's private box. "This is pointless," she grumbled. "The dressmaker's game has so many holes in it, she might as well be one of my subjects. This will be over quickly." Hearing the sound of footsteps behind her, Chrysalis turned to see Fran entering the booth from the back stairwell. "Where is Kahn?" Chrysalis demanded. "Have the ponies frightened him away from his own tournament?"

"Oh, no!" Fran replied. "He has an important meeting scheduled for right after the battle, and needed the time to prepare. He sent me here to monitor the battle and report the outcome to him."

"He could have just asked me to do it," Chrysalis muttered as Fran took Kahn's customary seat next to her.

Fran started to reply, but was cut off by the sound of the battle announcer's voice over the loudspeakers. "All right, everyone! It's time for the final battle of the evening, so...are you ready for some action?" The announcer paused for a moment to let the din of the crowd wash over him. "In this corner," he continued, "a man with more soul than Ray Charles who counts forty-seven kingships, nine presidencies, ten #1 albums and over five hundreds patents among his accolades...Ermac!"

The crowd booed mercilessly as Ermac stepped into the ring, as many in attendance were still sore over his defeat of Pinkie Pie and subsequent destruction of the island's party scene.

"And in this corner, a true 'clothes horse' who is rumored to be joining the cast of Project Runway next season...Rarity!" The announcer gestured to the other side of the ring as 'Rarity' came into view sporting a stunning crystal crown in addition to the evening gown she had been wearing earlier. The sheer fabulosity of the attire drew oohs and ahhs from the crowd, but nearly made Rainbow Dash throw up in her mouth. "What's with that getup?" Rainbow asked Rarity. "I haven't seen you wear anything like that when you fight."

"It's quite simple," Rarity explained. "Do you have any idea how many eyeballs will see my incredible design tonight? It's the perfect advertisement for my shop! I'll win this battle and generate loads of new business at the same time!" Rarity squealed with delight at the thought. "Best of all, if this ruffian locks Twilight in a staring contest like he did with Pinkie, then neither of them will be moving, and my dress won't even get dirty!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I'm glad to see you have your priorities straight."

The battle announcer raised his arms. "Combatants ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be!" Twilight proclaimed. "Although this tiara thing is kind of heavy..."

Ermac simply nodded at the announcer.

"Very good, then!" the announcer declared. "FIGHT!"

Twilight stared in Ermac's eyes and made the fiercest-looking face she could muster. "Alright, Ermac," she whispered, "make my day."

Ermac glanced up at the crowd raining vitriol down on him, then looked back down at Twilight. We do not make days, he told the unicorn. We break them.

Suddenly, the world around Twilight began to blur, its colors fading into a dark nothingness. Twilight took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Here goes nothing," she said to herself.

"It's looks like Ermac's opening this fight with a full court press on Rarity's mind," Joe observed as Twilight and Ermac stood motionless in the battle ring. "Looks like it's time to bring out the newest addition to our broadcast team..."

Hulk nodded, and pulled a miniature ray-gun-like device out from under the broadcasters' table. "The production crew really outdid themselves this time!" he gushed. "This baby is the CortexCatcher 5000™, a positively sick tool that we can use to read a person's mind!"

"Hold on," Joe cautioned as Hulk aimed the ray gun at Ermac's head. "The producer is telling me that we haven't tested this product on humans yet, and we don't know if there are any adverse health effects—"

"Then we'd better hope Ermac drank his milk, took his vitamins, and said his prayers, brother!" Hulk declared as he squeezed the trigger.

Instantly, a monitor next to the broadcast table flickered to life. "We've got contact!" Joe exclaimed. "Let's take you live to the action..."

"Who are you?"

Twilight opened her eyes. Ermac, the battle ring, and the raucous crowd had disappeared, and she now found herself standing alone on a large stage with tattered curtains and a few broken scenery props scattered around. She also noticed that her head no longer felt weighed down by her crystal crown, and a quick look down at her legs revealed that not only had her gown vanished, but her coat had returned to its original purple color.

"Yer not the fancy-pants scudder we's s'posed to reckon with!" the voice called out again, calling Twilight's attention to the front of the stage. A crowd of thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, sat before her in rows of theater seats that stretched out as far as the eye could see. Each member of the gallery wore the same confused expression, save for a dust-covered cowboy standing in the front row. "Yer that magical varmint that done laid that Liu Kang feller low!" the cowboy remarked.

"That's right," Twilight confirmed with a nod of her head. "Where are we? And where's Ermac?"

"Oh, we's all Ermac." The cowboy waved his hand behind him to indicate the entire audience. "And yer in our house now, missy."

"Interesting..." Twilight began walking slowly towards the back of the stage, looking around at the various props and lighting fixtures. "So we're physically still on the island, but you've trapped my mind in some sort of warped dream world that you've created?"

"That's right," another man with a business suit and a bulldog-like face declared, "and it's too late to ask for détente now. Around here, you're the crook who's about to be impeached."

"Don't even think about trying to get away!" a man dressed from head to toe in green and gold attire spoke up, spreading his hands apart as Twilight continued her slow trek away from the audience. "We've got a seal here, and a seal here, and you're sittin' right in our alley!"

Twilight ignored the grousing of the crowd. Upon reaching the back of the stage, she stopped and began shaking her left hind leg, causing the horseshoe on her hoof to loosen and fall to the ground.

As the crowd began rising from their seats and moving towards the stage, Twilight used her magic to lift the horseshoe into the air. She examined it for a few seconds, then raised it higher for the crowd to see. "Do you know what this is?" she asked the audience.

"Your lucky charm?" someone snickered from the crowd.

"Exactly." Twilight dropped the horseshoe and cast her gaze skyward. "HELP!" she cried out. "Somepony save me!"

The audience, which had started to climb onto the stage, stopped and laughed at Twilight in unison. "Ain't that purty?" the dusty cowboy remarked. "I hate to break it to ya, missy, but—"

"Hold it right there!" a loud voice called from offstage. As everyone turned to look, a large, white-coated unicorn stallion came bounding in from stage left. "There!" the unicorn yelled, pointing a hoof at the crowd. "Twilight is in trouble!"

The crowd watched in disbelief as the unicorn rushed over to Twilight. "Wait," one person asked, "is that her...brother?"

Twilight shrugged and smiled. "Maybe."

The stallion stepped in between Twilight and the angry mob. "You shall not harm Twilight Sparkle!"

"Dude, what is he doing here?" a man in the crowd asked a woman standing next to him.

"It does not matter!" the woman spat, in a voice that sounded a lot like Ermac's. "A pair of mere unicorns cannot stand against us."

"You're right, you know," the stallion acknowledged. "That's why I'd like you to meet my friends!" He reared up on his hind legs and spread his front legs wide. "Get 'em, boys!"

On cue, a loud rumble began echoing through the area, and the stage began to quiver underneath the mob's feet. "You might want to step back and cover your head," the stallion advised Twilight. "It's gonna get a little crowded."

Suddenly, a large group of men came pouring in from both sides of the stage, all dressed in combat fatigues and armed to the teeth. Another group of soldiers rappelled down from the ceiling, led by a mustached man wearing a black tank top, brown campaign hat, and mirrored sunglasses. "All right, Joes!" the mustached man roared. "You heard the horse—take them down!"

"Yo Joe!" the soldiers cheered.

As Twilight's team charged forward and began laying a massive smackdown on Ermac's motley crew, the purple unicorn popped up and wrapped her white-coated counterpart in a hug. "Thanks, Shining Armor. I just knew you'd come for me."

"Shining Armor?" The stallion smiled. "You must be mistaken, ma'am. My name is Mr. Charles. You remember your training, right?"

Twilight returned the stallion's smile. "Yes, I guess I do."

The pony pair sat back and watched as their army went through Ermac's warriors like a knife through butter. After a few minutes of brawling, however, the floor began shaking violently, causing parts of the ceiling to fall. "Get ready!" the stallion warned Twilight. "Ermac's becoming too weak to maintain his dream world! It's starting to collapse!"

Twilight nodded, closed her eyes, and waited for the end.

Back on Shao Kahn's island, the CortexCatcher 5000™ worked to perfection, and the audience cheered as Ermac's alternate reality crumbled and the picture faded into static. "What an amazing turn of events!" Joe remarked. "Just as Rarity made an appearance in Twilight's battle earlier, Twilight steps in for the dressmaker tonight and brings the house down on Ermac!"

"Talk about a battle royal, brother!" Hulk added. "I kind of wish I was in there—that looked like fun!"

"Actually, you might have been," Joe offered. "I saw a blond guy with a Fu Manchu putting Charlemagne in a headlock in one of the overhead shots."

Back on the battlefield, Twilight opened her eyes just in time to see Ermac fall to his knees and bring his hands to his chest. His voice echoed weakly in her mind: How...how did you...

Twilight stared down Ermac, and her eyes and horn began to glow. "I've kicked you out of my head," she declared. "Now stay out!"

A bright pink laser shot from Twilight's horn across the ring, striking Ermac in the chest and blasting him back into the crowd. "That's the game!" the announcer proclaimed as Ermac crumpled lifelessly to the ground. "RariTwi wins!"

The crowd erupted in cheers and rushed the battle ring, but before they could get to Twilight to carry her victoriously off the field, a blue magical aura surrounded the unicorn and floated her up and away from the crowd. "Stay back, all of you!" Rarity shouted. "I will not have your grubby hands sullying my masterpiece for the sake of some victory moshpit!"

"That was awesome!" Rainbow Dash gushed as Twilight landed next to her. "You really showed that mental moron what for!"

"A most impressive performance," Rarity agreed.

"Come on now, was there ever any doubt?" Shining Armor spread his front legs wide in preparation for a hug, but thought better of it after noticing Rarity's death stare.

"Twilight!" A man with a microphone headset rushed over to the group. "We'd like to have you do an on-set interview with Joe and Hulk, if you would."

"Of course she would, darling!" Rarity exclaimed, as visions of dresses and bits danced through her head. She fired up her magic once more, and practically hurled Twilight into a seat between the two broadcasters.

"And we're glad to have Twilight Sparkle joining us here on set," Joe segwayed. "Tell us, Twilight..."

"That was beautiful, brother!" Hulk interrupted. "How on earth do you fit an fighting force like that in your head?"

"It's standard subconscious training!" Twilight replied, using her magic to levitate a large book out from under her gown. "I read all about it in this."

Joe squinted at the book's cover. "Mind Games: How to Dream in Peace and Keep your Secrets to Yourself, by Dom Cobb," he read.

"It's a fascinating book," Twilight. "For example, their use of totems to differentiate dreams from reality is ingenious!" She held up her left hind leg to show her horseshoe to the camera. "I carved this one out of a stone," she explained. "Once I saw it was a normal horseshoe, I knew I could call in reinforcements!"

As Twilight droned on about dreams and mazes and limbo, one of Kahn's generic ninjas sneaked over to the other ponies and tapped Shining Armor on the shoulder. "Mr. Armor? Emperor Kahn would like a word with you down by the beach."

"He wants to talk now?" Shining Armor eyed the ninja suspiciously. "What's this all about?"

The ninja shrugged. "All he said was that it was of utmost importance that he meet with you."

Shining Armor sighed. "Well, he is number one on our interview list. I'll grab one of our interrogation teams and meet you on the beach in ten minutes."

"Don't forget us!" Rainbow Dash interrupted. "If anything happens, I wanna be there for the action!"

Shining Armor shook his head. "You three are the only ponies standing Shao Kahn and world domination. If we're walking into a trap, I'd prefer that you all be far, far away when it all goes down."

"He raises a valid point," Rarity agreed. She looked back over at the broadcasters' table, where Joe and Hulk's eyes had glazed over in the face of Twilight's literary onslaught. "Besides, I don't think we'll be getting Twilight off of that stage anytime soon."

"Aw..." Rainbow pouted as Shining Armor left to collect his team.

Up in Kahn's private box, Chrysalis was swearing up a storm and overturning all the furniture she could get her hooves on. "That miserable little witch!" she roared. "Of course she switched places with her friend! Of course she has an entire army hidden in her brain! Of course she played us all like a rented harmonica!"

"Gosh, you seem tense," Fran observed. "Have you thought about trying breathing exercises to relax?"

"ARGH!" Chrysalis grabbed Fran's chair, dumped the secretary out of it, flung the empty chair out onto the crowd below, and stormed out of the box in a huff.

"Um...okay! See you tomorrow!" Fran called after the irate changeling.

Chrysalis stomped her way back to the castle, grumbling about Twilight's dumb luck the whole trip. Upon reaching the castle, however, she cast a glance towards the beach and spied several figures standing around a large bonfire near the water's edge. Realizing that she had no other plans for the evening, Chrysalis decided to give in to curiosity, and made her way through the moonlit forest, eventually reaching the beach's edge.

Standing by the bonfire was Shao Kahn, who stared silently down the beach as several of his staff ninjas hovered nearby. What really got Chrysalis's attention, however, was the changeling that lie bound and gagged on the ground between two of Kahn's ninjas, and looked exactly like her.

"What is this?" Chrysalis spat from the treeline. "Is that idiot burning me in effigy?"

Suddenly, another ninja came rushing across the sand. "They're coming!" he called out, drawing a nod of acknowledgement from Shao Kahn.

Within moments, the silhouette of Shining Armor appeared on the beach, followed closely by a group of his fellow soldiers. "Good evening, your Highness!" Kahn offered as he bowed to the group. "Looking dapper as always, I see! Tell me, how is life in the Crystal Empire treating you these days?"

Shining Armor did not return Kahn's smile. "You're awfully cordial for a man who called me a gold-digging sycophant a few hours ago," he noted dryly. "What did you drag us out here for, Kahn? What do you want?"

"Why, only to cooperate with the good folks over in Turtle Bay!" Kahn gestured to the prone form of 'Chrysalis' behind him. "You're looking for a certain changeling queen, are you not?"

"Yes..." Shining Armor stared at the changeling for a moment, than looked back at Kahn. "So after all that bluster about not even giving us the time of day when we got here, you're just going to give Chrysalis to us?"

Kahn shrugged. "What can I say? Times change, people change. I must admit, though, that having a business arrangement go south within forty-eight hours is a new personal best."

"I do not trust him, monsieur," a soldier with a French accent declared. "'Ow do we know zat zis is ze reel Chrysalis?"

"Oh, she's real," Kahn claimed. "She's just not that spectacular." He turned and bent over to look 'Chrysalis' in the eye. "Show these nice gentlemen what you can do," he ordered.

The restrained changeling sighed from behind her gag and began a morphing medley, first transforming into Kahn himself, then Shining Armor, and then finally into a scarecrow dressed in green, raggedy clothes.

"Appropriate given her non-existent brain, no?" Kahn said with a laugh, causing smoke to start spewing from the ears of the real Chrysalis. "Now, you're going to go with these nice fellows like a good changeling, and not cause any more trouble for the world?"

'Chrysalis' sighed again and nodded.

"Well, there you have it!" Kahn cackled. "Now, are you going to take her or not?"

Shining Armor glared at Kahn for a moment, then nodded towards two of his men, who stepped forward to claim the changeling. "Selling out somepony right after agreeing to work together? You're even more despicable than I thought."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Kahn remarked. "Still, if you must know the truth...the tournament's running a teensy-weensy bit over budget this year, what with the unexpected castle renovations and all. Therefore, not only do I need to reduce my head count, but I believe someone mentioned something about a reward associated with Miss Chrysalis's capture."

"There was a reward, yes." Shining Armor looked back at another soldier, who produced a sack of gold coins from his backpack and brought them forward. "It sickens me a little to give you this," Shining admitted, "but you have given us Chrysalis, and rules are rules."

"I'm glad we could come to an agreement!" Kahn accepted the money, bowed once again to Shining Armor, and motioned for his ninjas to douse the bonfire. "You can let yourselves out," he said as he turned to leave. "I'm sure a magical equine such as yourself is smart enough to find your way home, but I've been wrong before."

Shining Armor scowled at Kahn as the Outworld emperor marched up the beach. "All right, let's move out!" the unicorn commanded, levitating 'Chrysalis' with his magic. "We'll pack up our things and fly out at dawn."

As both parties took their leave, one of Kahn's ninjas casually walked over to his employer. "I have a bad feeling about this," the ninja admitted. "Shang Tsung has already betrayed us once during this engagement. How can we be sure he will live up to his end of the bargain?"

"Have no fear," Kahn reassured his subordinate. "He owes me for sparing his pathetic life...and he knows what I shall do to him if he fails this time."

Kahn attempted to continue speaking, but he was cut off by a hard slap across his face courtesy of the real Queen Chrysalis. "I do not take kindly to having my intelligence questioned!" Chrysalis roared. "We will see whose brain is smaller at the end of this accursed game, for your arrogance has allowed Twilight Sparkle to survive, and she will be the death of us all!"

Kahn scowled down at Chrysalis. "One more outburst like that," he threatened, "and you shall join the sorcerer on his business trip tomorrow morning!" He paused for a moment and counted backwards from ten to regain his composure. "Fortunately for you, Chrysalis, I am no one-trick pony. I have a mathematical solution to our lavender unicorn problem, and as we all know...numbers never lie."

Blood On The Saddle

Shao Kahn woke up the next morning in a pleasant mood, having relieved himself of the problems of the prior day. Despite Chrysalis's incessant pessimism, everything was still going according to plan, and only three candy-colored ponies stood in the way of his total domination of Earthrealm. He indulged in a few Sugar Cube Corner cupcakes for breakfast, then walked over to his office humming 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah' and offering pleasantries to everyone he met.

Upon reaching his office, Kahn burst through the doorway with a flourish and a smile, both of which disappeared quickly. "Good morning, Fr—gyah!" He jumped back in surprise at the sight that greeted him: In addition to his secretary, his office held approximately twenty other humanoid creatures, mostly dressed in dark colors and sporting pale skin, red eyes, and large, elongated fangs protruding from their mouths. A few members of the crowd held signs with the phrase 'Ve Vant Freedom' written on them. "What is the name of Bram Stoker is going on here?" Kahn demanded.

"A real live example of civil disobedience!" Fran squealed from behind a card table she had set up after Kahn had destroyed her previous desk. "All these vampires here are unhappy about the way you're treating their homeworld, so they've occupied your office and aren't leaving until you hear them out. Isn't this exciting?"

"I can hardly contain my excitement," Kahn grumbled sarcastically.

A tall, muscular vampire stepped forward from the group. "We are tired of your inaction, Kahn!" he declared. "We have watched you bleed our fair land dry for centuries, forcing us to pay tribute while watching you embark on foolish conquests and bury our cries for respect and justice under an avalanche of bureaucracy!"

Kahn smacked his face with his palm. "If I've told you idiots once, I've told you a thousand times, I can't unmerge you lowlifes from Outworld unless I have the right portal sphere! Besides, it's not my fault all those bills for Vaeternian independence keep getting killed in committee! My puppet Outworldian Congress has decided that it has better things to do, like raising taxes and building solid-gold statues in my likeness."

"It matters not!" the vampire thundered. "We are here, and we will wait no longer!"

"And we've already been waiting in here for...twenty! Twenty minutes! Ah, ah, ah!" a purple-skinned vampire added.

"Oh, for the love of..." Shao Kahn pointed a finger at Fran. "Re-schedule my breakfast appointment with Vladimir Putin," he ordered before turning back to scan the crowd of vampires. "Where's Nitara? I know she's behind this."

"She is also behind you." Kahn turned to see a scantily-clad woman with dark hair, long nails, and a mean-looking set of wings standing in the doorway.

"You sense of timing as is infuriating as ever, I see," Kahn groused.

Nitara smiled wickedly at Kahn. "I would have been here sooner, but I was giving an interview to Bill O'Reilly about your brutal reign over our realm. He's already demanding military intervention from the United States on our behalf."

"Not surprising, considering he's originally from your realm," Kahn mumbled under his breath.

Nitara stepped into the office and took her place in front of the other vampires. "I trust our delegation has given you our demands?"

"Yes," Kahn acknowledged, "and I will tell you, just as I have told them, that I have neither the time, the patience, nor the resources to do anything about them! Now, if you don't mind, kindly remove yourselves from my office and go jump in a lake!"

"Not this time!" Nitara roared. "We will not leave, and your forces are too weak to expel us! We shall remain here until you send an expedition force to Onaga's chambers to find and destroy the portal sphere that binds our worlds together!"

"And what if I don't?" Kahn growled.

Nitara glared back at the Outworld emperor. "We shall unleash our brethren on this accursed island," she declared, "and feast on all who inhabit it!"

Kahn squinted menacingly at Nitara. "Go ahead. Make my day. I recommend you try the changelings living in the dungeon as an appetizer. They'll add some variety to your diet, and I'm only renting them anyway."

"Have it your way!" Nitara turned and pointed at Fran. "We shall start with your perky assistant here!"

Fran shrieked and jumped out of her chair as the vampires turned to face her. "Wait!" she cried. "Y-You can't! I have to take notes for our meeting in an hour!"

Kahn turned and looked at Fran, who was backing into a corner as the vampires slowly closed in. "Wait—we have a meeting this morning?"

Fran nodded weakly. "You and Queen Chrysalis were going to discuss what to do about the odd number of fighters left in this round."

"That's right..." Shao Kahn scratched his chin and stared up at the ceiling for a moment.

Fran curled up in a fetal position in the corner and waved her crossed hands as the vampires in a weak attempt to scare them. "Please, you don't want to do this! I've read that vampires find B negative blood to be awfully bitter!"

"Hold on there!" Kahn suddenly leaped over Fran's card table, landing between her and the vampires. "Before you snack on my secretary, would you mind letting her bring up the list of competitors remaining in this round?" He lifted Fran out of the scrum, placed her back into her seat, then peered over her shoulder as she pulled up the list. "That's all I needed to know!" he said as he jabbed a finger at the screen. "Call off your hordes, Nitara—I have an offer you can't refuse!"

Nitara eyed Kahn suspiciously from the opposite corner of the room. "You're acquiescing to our demands, then?"

"Let's make a deal," Kahn offered. "It just so happens that I've got an opening—"

"No!" Nitara shouted. "We will not participate in your pointless meat-grinder of a competition! The odds are infinitely stacked in your favor, and my head still hurts from the last time I participated!"

"Yes, I recall that Captain Falcon messed you up pretty good," Kahn admitted, "and yes, normally I demand that you win the whole tournament before I give you back your homeland, but for one day only, you can get our Onaga destination vacation package, your very own portal sphere, and the immediate separation of your realm from Outworld for only one measly victory!"

"Only one victory?" Nitara's eyes widened at the surprising offer. "You have my attention."

"I'm not stoppin' there!" Kahn continued. "Accept this offer, and we'll throw in the most laughable, most feeble, least fearsome opponent in the history of history!" He hurried over to a nearby file cabinet and rifled through one of the drawers, eventually pulling out a newspaper clipping and holding it out towards Nitara. "Think you could beat this?"

Nitara burst out laughing at the clipping, which included a picture of Rainbow Dash with her eyes pointed in two different directions as she was giving an interview during her post-Scorpion stupor. "You can't be serious! This little pony can't possibly be competing in the tournament!"

"There were seven in the Equestrian contingent, actually," Kahn admitted, "and unfortunately, no one on my payroll has managed to beat a single one."

"That says more about the cruft you employ than anything else." Nitara stepped up and slashed the picture to pieces with one swipe of her hand. "I could corral this pony and suck her drier than a raisin without breaking a sweat."

"Then you'll accept my offer?" Kahn asked, flashing a sly grin.

"Yes," Nitara said as she jabbed a finger into Kahn's chest, "but you had better hold up your end of the bargain, Kahn...or else."

Kahn laughed off Nitara's threat. "Defeat this pony, Nitara," he proclaimed, "and I will personally deliver the sphere to you on a silver platter."

"Now that would be a sight to see." Nitara motioned to her fellow vampires, and the group slowly filed out of Kahn's office.

"You're still free to have the changelings over for lunch!" Kahn called down the hallway. He waited for a few moments until the vampires were out of sight, then ducked back into his office. "Go and find Chrysalis," he dictated to Fran. "Tell her that I have a special task for her to perform." He patted his assistant on the head. "After today, at long last, I shall be rid of that winged witch once and for all."

"You mean Rainbow Dash?" Fran asked.

"I mean Nitara." Shao Kahn walked back over to his file cabinet, pulled out a rainbow-colored wig styled to resemble Rainbow Dash's mane, and placed it on top of his skull helmet. "The pony is going to clean that vampire's clock today. I shall make sure of that."

Down on the beach, Twilight and Rarity spent the morning saying their goodbyes to Shining Armor as his team prepared to take 'Chrysalis' back to civilization to face the International Court of Justice. "It's too bad you have to leave so soon," Twilight lamented, wrapping her brother in a hug as she spoke. "I'm going to miss you."

"Why do you have to leave?" Rarity asked. "Surely your team is fully capable of taking Chrysalis back to...er...wherever is it you have to take her...by themselves."

Shining Armor shook his head. "Our mandate was to take Chrysalis into custody and bring her back to stand trial, and as the big cheese on this mission, I've got to go and make sure the goods are delivered."

Twilight sighed and stared down at the sand. "Goodbye, B. B. B. F. F."

"Aw, don't give me that tone!" Shining Armor reached over and placed his hoof under Twilight's chin, drawing her gaze back up to meet his. "I'm only saying goodbye for now," he clarified. "As soon as the paperwork clears, I'm grabbing Mom, Dad, Cadance, and everypony I can get my hooves on, and we're coming back to cheer you to victory! Believe me, I want to be here when you smack down old Skull Face and save the world from total destruction."

Twilight's expression brightened at Shining's words. "That would be great! So...what are you waiting for?" She pushed her brother towards the helicopter that waited behind him. "Hurry up and book that baddie!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Shining smiled and saluted his sister, then turned and ran for the chopper, hopping aboard just before the door closed.

Twilight and Rarity watched and waved as the UN choppers took off from the beach and disappeared into the sky. "Where is Rainbow Dash?" Rarity asked, as she and Twilight turned and started walking back towards the fighter huts. "It's considered poor etiquette to miss a parting of this magnitude."

"She went to check and see who she was fighting today," Twilight explained. "The island staff's been awfully slow updating the billboard lately, so she may still be waiting there."

Right on cue, a rainbow-colored streak shot out from above the treeline, and Rainbow Dash appeared in front of her friends. "You're here!" Twilight exclaimed. "Have they finally filled in the bracket?"

"About two minutes ago!" Rainbow shouted exasperatedly. "And it took the guy, like, five minutes to write a six-letter name! Seriously, what's going on around here? It's like this whole place is moving in slow motion!"

"There might be a cold going around," Twilight hypothesized. "A lot of people looked really pale at breakfast this morning."

"And cold!" Rarity added with a shudder. "Why, some sickly-looking fellow brushed past me while I was waiting for my wheatgrass juice, and his hand was like ice!"

"Great." Rainbow Dash smacked her face with her hoof in frustration. "Well, if everypony's sick down here, I'm gonna spend the day up there." She pointed up towards the sky, then leaped into the air and made a break for the clouds. "Later!"

"Wait!" Twilight cried out in vain. "You didn't tell us who you were fighting today!" She sighed as Rainbow disappeared into the clouds. "I'll guess we'll have to go see for ourselves."

"But that's so far out of the way!" Rarity complained, as she and Twilight headed for the forest. "What does knowing the name get us, anyway?"

"Plenty!" Twilight insisted. "We can use it to start building a profile of the opponent. Who are they? What are their strengths and weaknesses? How might they approach the battle? Once we have that information, we can come up with an optimal battle plan!"

"Not that Rainbow Dash will actually follow that plan...but I see your point," Rarity conceded. "Very well, then—let us learn the name of this ruffian."

"It's Nitara," a strange voice suddenly interjected.

Both ponies froze at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, and started looking all around trying to find its source. "Who's there?" Twilight demanded.

A brown-coated pony with a spiky mane and hourglass cutie mark emerged from a nearby bush. "You foe's name is Nitara," the pony repeated.

"Oh! I know you!" Rarity exclaimed. "You're that time-turning fellow from Ponyville! I'm surprised you're still talking to us, after what Twilight said about daylight savings time in the paper."

"Daylight...savings time?" The brown pony gave Twilight a confused look.

"Eh heh heh..." Twilight blushed and smiled awkwardly. "Well...you see...the truth is that, uh, the Foal Free Press misquoted me. I'm not against daylight savings time at all! I only said that recent scientific literature questioned its usefulness, and that we should do more research to see if putting everypony through the time change was necessary. I never said anything about wasting precious astronomical viewing time, honest!" She reached out and kicked Rarity with her back leg as she spoke.

The brown pony rolled his eyes. "It's...okay. Really. No hard feelings, water under the bridge, and all that stuff."

"Well, regardless, please accept our apologies," Rarity offered. "We do appreciate the information."

"There's more," the brown pony continued. "Nitara is not a normal competitor. She is a vampire."

Rarity rolled her eyes, unmoved by the revelation. "Personally, I don't think there is such a thing as a normal compet—"

"A vampire?" Twilight gasped. "Oh no! This is...is..." The shock suddenly disappeared from Twilight's face, replaced by a wide smile. "This is wonderful!" she declared.

"Er...how so?" Rarity asked.

"It's simple," the brown pony explained. "Vampires have been around for centuries. We know what they do, we know how they attack, and most importantly—"

"We know how to beat them!" Twilight exclaimed happily. "Rarity, run over to the dining hall and ask them for every garlic clove they've got. I'll signal Rainbow Dash and have her start looking for fallen trees we can make stakes out of, and then I'll stop by the island's house of worship and see if I can get the priest to bless some holy water."

Rarity nodded and turned to start making her way to the dining hall.

"Thank you so much for your help!" Twilight said to the brown pony. "It would have taken us forever to come up with a plan if you hadn't stopped by."

The brown pony shrugged. "No need to to thank me, ma'am. It's what I do."

Twilight smiled, then turned and hurried off in the direction of the cloud Rainbow Dash had disappeared behind. The brown pony watched her disappear into the forest, then reached back into the bush he had emerged from and pulled out a walkie-talkie. "We're done here," he said into the speaker.

"Splendid!" Shao Kahn's voice answered from the far end. "So our little ponies are ready to be vampire slayers, then?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Chrysalis replied in her normal voice. "I've led the ponies to the water. We'll see if they're smart enough to drink it."

At Kahn's insistence, Rainbow's throwdown with Nitara was scheduled for high noon on the same picturesque beach upon which Rarity had forced Applejack to perform in her fashion show just days earlier. The forecast did Nitara no favors either, with clear skies and a projected high of eight-five degrees inspiring much of the crowd to dress down for the occasion.

From her position inside the battle ring, Nitara wiped her brow and scowled at the blazing sun overhead. "So Kahn wants me to melt under this accursed Earthrealm sun, eh?" she muttered to no one in particular. She bent down and reached for a bag sitting alongside the edge of the ring, and drew out a bottle of SPF 100 sunscreen and a black jumpsuit. "Well, he will have to try harder than this," she said, as she smeared some sunscreen on her face with one hand and began donning the suit with the other.

Rainbow Dash, for her part, was standing by the jungle treeline doing her best to stay awake as Twilight went over their battle plan for the twelfth time. "C'mon, Twilight, we get it already!" she finally declared. "I mean, there's water, there's stakes, there's garlic...how hard could it be?"

"Plenty!" Twilight shouted. "These tools will only work if you use them properly!" She pointed a hoof at several large bags sitting next to her, all filled with various vampire defense items. "Now remember, the only way to defeat a vampire is to stake them, and the stake will only work if you hit them in the heart. The holy water should burn on contact, though, so you should use that to stun Nitara before moving in with the stake. The garlic is more of an irritant than anything else, but vampires can't stand it."

Rainbow Dash took a necklace of garlic cloves out of one of the bags, sniffed it, gagged, and held it out at leg's length. "Ugh! I can see why."

"You should wear a few of these around your neck," Twilight suggested. "Vampires attack by biting your neck and sucking out your blood, but wearing these—oof!" Twilight was interrupted by Rarity as the fashionable unicorn fainted away and bounced off Twilight on her way to the ground. "—should help, since the smell will break Nitara's concentration, and the effects will be stronger as she comes closer."

"Fine, fine, fine." Rainbow Dash donned a few of the garlic necklaces. "At least my sinuses will be nice and clear." She grabbed a bag full of holy water vials and added it to her collection of neck accessories. "Now sit back and watch me show these punks how it's done!"

Rainbow Dash leaped into the air and flew over to the battle ring, taking her place in the circle opposite Nitara. "All right, Miss Creepy!" she shouted. "Let's get this show on the road!"

Nitara chuckled at the sight of her unimposing foe. "Very well," she agreed, licking her lips. "I was just wondering who I was going to have for lunch today."

"Wait!" The battle referee suddenly ran into the center of the ring while waving his arms wildly. "We can't start until the network broadcasters finish their monologue."

Nitara laughed. "Is that all?" She held up her index finger at the referee. "Excuse me for just a moment." She turned and exited the battle ring, heading in the general direction of the Fox production crew as she disappeared into the crowd.

Within seconds, the air was filled with blood-curdling screams, the sound of running feet, and the crash of expensive television equipment smashing on the ground, with the occasional prayer thrown in for variety. As the living members of the crowd looked on in horror, Rainbow closed her eyes, swallowed hard and pulled her bag of holy water a little closer to her body. "N-No worries, girl," she told yourself. "Y-You got this."

After about thirty seconds, the cacophony finally faded into silence. Nitara, now sporting a microphone headset, quickly wormed her way back through the crowd and into the battle ring. "We're all clear to start!" she cheerily told the referee.

"Uh...of course," the referee stammered as he raised his arms. "Attention! Your attention please, everyone! This battle is about to begin! In this corner, a fierce and brutal warrior who is considered a terrorist by the Outworldian government, a powerful woman who volunteers for the International Red Cross in her spare time and has been featured in the last two swimsuit issues from Sports Illustrated...Nitara!"

A rousing cheer went up from the vampires in the crowd, but Nitara ignored them in favor of staring down her opponent.

"And is this corner," the ref continued, "the new holder of the world flight speed record, and the favorite to win both the upcoming Kentucky Derby and Daytona 500...Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and struck her most confident pose as she met Nitara's stare. "That's right!" she proclaimed. "I am the epitome of awesome, and a no-account bloodsucker like you isn't gonna slow me down!"

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked.

"Yes," Nitara declared.

"Darn right I am!" Rainbow echoed.

"Okay then." The ref raised his hands and spread his arms wide. "FIGHT!"

WHOOSH! Rainbow Dash was in the air in a flash, catching Nitara flatfooted with the sudden display of speed. The vampire blinked a few times and stared at the spot where her opponent had been. "What the...where'd she go?" Nitara demanded.

Rainbow made a quick dash to position herself directly above Nitara, then reached into her bag and clamped a couple of holy water vials between her hooves. She used her teeth to pull the cork from each vial, then held them all over Nitara's head. "They call me the Weather Maker," she said as she turned the vials upside down, "and it's time to make it rain!"

"Huh?" Nitara looked up just it time to cover her head with her arms as the water came splashing down upon her. "Aaaaahhhh!" she screamed.

"Direct hit!" Rainbow pumped her hoof in elation, then raised a hoof to her ear to listen to Nitara suffer.

"Holy mother of mercy, that's cold!" Nitara shivered for a moment, then shook herself like a wet dog to rid herself of some of the moisture. "Honestly," she chided Rainbow Dash, "if you're going to dump water on someone, can't you at least make sure it's room temperature before you do it?"

"Huh?" Rainbow's smug grin was replaced by a look of surprise. "Aren't you supposed to be, you know, writhing in agony right now?"

"Well, sure, if you had used holy water," Nitara explained. "I don't know what that stuff was."

"I see." Rainbow Dash shot an annoyed glare back at Twilight, who was in the process of picking her jaw up off the ground as she watched Nitara's nonchalant reaction.

"I...I don't understand!" Twilight sputtered. "Nitara should be in excruciating pain after getting hit with all that water!"

"Perhaps this water is so filthy that not even a man or woman of the cloth could cleanse it," Rarity said with a shiver.

"But I had the priest bless those bottles twice just to make sure!" Twilight insisted.

"Wait...there's actually a priest at that place?" the battle referee interrupted. "Shao Kahn told us he didn't keep a priest on his payroll. He's been having the off-duty referees staff the place in between matches."

Twilight smacked her face with her hoof. "Never mind."

Meanwhile, Nitara finished drying herself and jumped into the air, flying up to match Rainbow Dash's eye level. "So much for your little plan," she snickered. "You're going to have to do better than that to beat me."

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath, gritted her teeth, and reapplied her smug smile to her face. "You're still looking a little wet there," she noted. "Maybe I can help you. Check this out!"

Rainbow started flying tight circles around Nitara as fast as her wings could carry her, creating a rainbow-colored vortex around the vampire. "This is my very own patented 'Rain Blow Dry!'" she shouted.

Nitara started looking around wildly as she tried vainly to keep up with the pegasus's speed. "For crying out loud, hold still, will you?" she demanded.

"Not your style, huh?" Rainbow chuckled as she continued her flight. "What if I buy you lunch to make up for it?" She brought her hoof to her mouth and whistled, signaling Twilight to draw a wooden stake from a bag and float it over to the combatants using her magic.

Rainbow grinned impishly as she clasped the stake between her hooves and circled around behind Nitara. "Here," she offered, "have some stake!" She squinted, aimed for Nitara's heart, and slammed the stake into the vampire's back with all her might.

The crowd let out a collective gasp at Rainbow Dash's blow. "Yes!" Rainbow shouted as she threw her hooves up in celebration. "And the crowd goes wild for—huh?" Rainbow took a second look at her work, her jaw dropping as she realized the stake had not even penetrated Nitara's jumpsuit and had instead bounced off the vampire and fallen harmlessly to the ground. "What gives?" she griped. "It didn't even scratch her!" She gave Twilight another irritated look. "What, are the stakes not really wood either?"

Nitara turned around and gave Rainbow a bemused look. "It's called Kevlar," she explained, patting the hard exterior breastplate of her jumpsuit. "After all, you're only the millionth creature to try to turn me into a vampire shish kabob."

"Gee, you thought of everything, didn't you?" Rainbow grumbled to herself.

"And now that you're standing still..." Nitara reached out and grabbed Rainbow Dash by the neck. "Playtime is over," she growled. "It's time to end this."

"Ack!" Rainbow tried to use her hooves to break out of Nitara's hold, but the vampire's grip was too strong. "Gee, it looks like the garlic isn't slowing you down either," she observed, noting that several cloves sat directly under Nitara's palm.

"Oh no, I can't stand garlic," Nitara admitted with a smile. "That why I always make sure to take my allergy meds. I'm living Claritin clear today!"

Rainbow Dash started to sweat as Nitara pulled her in until their faces were nearly touching. "I've never tasted pony before," Nitara said, licking her lips as a few drops of drool dripped from her fangs. "Still, I've always been open to trying new things."

Rainbow's pupils shrunk to the size of BBs. "Um...well...eh heh heh..." she stammered as she racked her brain for a new plan. "You know, honestly, the, er, taste of pony isn't really all that interesting. It's not even worth your time, really. We, uh, just kinda taste like...well...chicken, that's it! We taste just like boring old chicken."

Nitara's smile grew even bigger. "I like chicken."

Rainbow smacked her face with her hoof. "Of course you do."

Back down on the ground, Rarity and Twilight watched in horror as the scene unfolded. "Um...Twilight, darling?" Rarity said as she closed her eyes and covered her head with her hooves. "P-Perhaps a new plan is in order."

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Twilight pounded on her head with her hooves, desperately hoping an idea would shake loose. She looked up at Rainbow as the pegasus tried to talk her way out of being Nitara's lunch. As the two fliers hovered together in the air, their bodies inches apart, both dripping with sweat and tense with anticipation, Twilight suddenly had a feeling of déjà vu, as if she had seen this happen before...

Twilight smiled as she watched her foalsitter walking around the house, moving farther away from Twilight's position behind the raspberry bush. "This was a great idea, Shining!" she said to her brother, who was crouched beside her. "She'll never find us here!"

"Shh!" Shining Armor replied. "She'll hear you!"

The pair sat for a few minutes in silence, peering through the bushes to see if the foalsitter had doubled back to look for them in the front yard again. "Thanks for playing hide-and-seek with me, Shining," Twilight whispered. "You always know the best hiding places."

"Hey, I'd never miss a chance to hang out with my little magic whiz sister!" Shining replied.

"How come you didn't tell Mom and Dad that hoofball practice was canceled?"

Shining smiled down at Twilight. "'Cause then they wouldn't have called Cadance over to foalsit you, and you'd be stuck with just me. Wouldn't you rather have Cadance here?"

Twilight nodded. "You're right. This is better."

"Gotcha!" Suddenly, a pink blur came soaring from behind the pair, grabbing Shining Armor and hoisting him into the air as it passed.

"Oh no! She found us!" Twilight squealed, leaping out from behind the bush and running for the house.

"She's got me!" Shining called after his sister. "Run, Twily! Save yourself!"

Twilight made a mad dash around the house and dived behind a nearby hedge. She sat there for a moment trying to catch her breath as quietly as possible, then slowly peeked around the hedge to witness her brother's fate.

Shining Armor was being held captive about ten feet in the air by Cadance, a pink pony with a pink, purple, and pale-golden-colored mane. "So you knew the entire time, huh?" Shining asked his captor. "Exactly how long were you standing behind us watching?"

"Oh, about three minutes," the pink pony said with a giggle. "I would have nabbed you sooner, but you two looked like you were sharing a cute moment together and I didn't want to disturb you. Besides—" A slight hint of red appeared on Cadance's cheeks. "—sometimes I like seeings ponies from a different...perspective."

Now it was Shining's turn to blush. "You know," he said, "Twilight's probably miles away by now, or at least hiding under her bed with her favorite doll."

"Oh really?" A devilish grin spread across Cadance's face, and she quickly glanced around the area. "Then I guess I've got a moment free before I go look for her."

The two floating ponies looked into each other's eyes, then slowly brought their faces together and...

"That's it!" Twilight rushed into the battle ring, stopping underneath Nitara and Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow!" she shouted. "If I tell you to do something crazy, will you do it?"

"Your track record's a little weak today!" Rainbow reminded Twilight. "But sure, why not?"

"Okay! Look into Nitara's eyes for a second!"

Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a confused look. "Um...why?"

"Just do it!"

Rainbow sighed, then turned and look back at Nitara. "Um...boo?"

Nitara chuckled and locked eyes with Rainbow Dash. "Okay, little pony, I'll play along. What are you going to do, hypnotize me?"

The two airborne fighters remained locked in a staring contest for several seconds. "You're both doing great!" Twilight called up to Rainbow. "Now kiss!"

"WHAT?!?!" Rainbow Dash and Nitara shouted in unison.

"You heard me!" Twilight repeated. "French her right on the lips!"

"Are you crazy?" Rainbow yelled.

"Are you desperate?" Twilight asked.

"Okay, this is where the game ends," Nitara stated flatly. "You've stalled the inevitable long—" Nitara was rudely interrupted when Rainbow Dash wrapped her front legs around the vampire's head and locked onto Nitara's lips with a passionate kiss.

Nitara's eyes nearly popped out of her head at Rainbow's actions, and she immediately let go of Rainbow's neck and started trying to pull out of the pegasus's hold. "Quit it! Let go!" she protested in a muffled voice.

"Perfect!" Twilight declared as she stepped out from under the flying couple. "Now let her go!"

Rainbow Dash immediately complied, as she wanted the awkward moment over as badly as Nitara did. The vampire, for her part, fell from Rainbow's grasp and crash-landed on the ground, her brain short-circuited by Rainbow's smooch. "Ew! Gross!" she sputtered. "Pony spit!" She began wiping her mouth off with her sleeve, spitting onto the ground in between wipes.

"I'm free!" Rainbow Dash cried. "So...what do I do know?"

Twilight threw her hooves into the air. "I don't know, just pound her!"

"Works for me!" Rainbow Dash flew a few quick laps around the battle ring to build up momentum, then swooped down and landed a haymaker square on Nitara's nose that sent the vampire sprawling to the sand.

"Ow!" Nitara whined, quickly getting back to her feet before bringing her hands to her face to check if everything was still in place. "You...You broke my nose, you little—"

"Take that! And that! And that!" Rainbow Dash unleashed a flurry of head shots that sent Nitara stumbling backward across the ring. "And now, for my final trick of the day!" The pegasus did a quick backwards flip in mid-air, reaching out her back legs as she spun to land a devastating kick up under Nitara's chin. The hit sent Nitara flying up over the crowd and up against the trunk of a nearby palm tree, which she promptly slid down and landed at its base in a crumpled heap.

"That's it!" the referee declared. "This match is over! Rainbow Dash wins!"

"Aw yeah!" Rainbow did a little victory jig in mid-air. "Call me MC Hammer, creepy girl, because you can't touch this!"

"That was a fortunate turn of events," Rarity admitted. "Tell me, Twilight, where in the world did you come up with such an...unorthodox strategy?"

"Well..." Twilight's mind again drifted to the past...

Cadance and Shining Armor's lips locked, and the pair shared a passionate kiss in mid-air as Twilight looked on. The kiss did not last long, however, as Cadance's wings faltered almost immediately, and the two ponies fell ungracefully into the raspberry bush below.

"Shining! Cadance!" Twilight ran towards the pair as they crawled out of the bush. "Are you okay?"

"Twily? Oh, uh, yeah, we're fine," Shining replied, his face still red from before.

"What were you doing up there?" Twilight asked.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Cadance insisted. "We, uh, were talking about the homework due next week!"

Twilight shook her head. "Nuh-uh! You were kissing, I saw you!"

"We weren't kissing!" Shining shot back. "We were just...exchanging ideas!"

"That's right!" Cadance nodded in agreement. "And, uh, I got so wrapped up in thinking about the problems that I forgot I was flying, heh heh."

Twilight laughed. "Shining and Cadance, sitting in a tree..."

"...and then Shining Armor locked me in his closet for the rest of the day," Twilight explained. "I figured if it happened then, it might happen now."

"I suppose that would tend to break one's concentration," Rarity admitted, "especially given Rainbow's poor dental habits."

"Speaking of teeth..." Twilight looked up at Rainbow Dash, who was sticking her tongue out at an unconscious Nitara while Shing was removing the vampire's soul. Twilight sighed, fired up her magic, and pulled the pegasus out of the air in mid-raspberry.

"Hey! What was that for?" Rainbow asked.

"It's poor sportsmanship to taunt your opponent in victory," Twilight explained, "especially when so many of her friends are watching."

"Oh." Rainbow looked around at the twenty angry, fanged spectators that now surrounded the three ponies. "Um, what I really meant to say was—"

"Save your platitudes," Rarity advised. "I suggest we take our leave while we still have our heads attached."

"I'm on it!" A bright pink glow surrounded Twilight's horn, and the ponies disappeared in a blinding flash of light, leaving the miffed vampires in their wake.

Queen Chrysalis sighed as she lowered her binoculars and stepped away from the castle window. "It's already over," she said to Shao Kahn, who would fiddling with his phone at the opposite side of the room. "Apparently they didn't need your help after all."

"Excellent!" Kahn smiled evilly, then tapped a number into his phone. "Free that changeling and gather up the dynamite," he spoke into the phone. "Plan A was successful after all."

"Why were you so bent on making the pegasus win, anyway?" Chrysalis inquired. "The more ponies live, the more powerful Twilight Sparkle remains."

"It is as I told you last night, my dear," Kahn explained. "My tournament strategy is based upon an intricate calculus, the likes of which you and the rest of the mere mortals out there could never comprehend. I needed the rainbow pony alive to balance my current equation."

"In English, please," Chrysalis snapped back.

Kahn shrugged. "Just know this: Tomorrow, Twilight Sparkle will face her toughest opponent yet: herself."

Of Mice And Mares

Twilight spent much of the afternoon after Rainbow's victory gathering notebooks and sharpening pencils in preparation for the fifth round of the tournament. While the ponies' obligations for the current round had been fulfilled, a few final battles remained on the schedule, and Twilight was determined to collect as much intelligence on the remaining combatants as she could.

After assembling her supplies, Twilight assembled her two remaining friends in their hut. "All right, everypony," she said to Rarity and Rainbow Dash, "there are three battles left on today's schedule, and we've got just enough ponies to cover them. Rarity, I'd like you to watch the bout by the beach. Rainbow, I want you to keep an eye on the mountaintop match. I'll go to the primetime match being held at the main hall."

"Aw, do we have to?" Rainbow whined as Twilight stuffed several spiral notebooks into Rainbow's saddle bags. "I'm gonna miss my mid-afternoon nap!"

"And why do I have to go to the beach?" Rarity asked. "I won't get to show off my latest fashion creation to the television cameras!"

Twilight sighed and smacked her face with her hoof. "Focus, ponies," she said. "There aren't many competitors left, so chances are we'll end up facing the winners of these fights in the future. I want to know as much about these fighters as possible: Their strengths, their weaknesses, their style, everything. Besides, all the battles are televised now, remember?"

"True," Rarity said. "Still, I think we've already established that these ruffians have no style at all."

"And they definitely don't have any style that can match this!" Rainbow pounded her chest defiantly.

Twilight sighed. "Look, I just want to make sure we know what we might be up against, so we have the best possible chance of winning. Saving our friends—and the world—is too important to do anything less!"

"I suppose," Rarity conceded. "Very well. If information is you need, information is what we shall collect."

Rainbow Dash grimaced. "I still think I'd be better off being well-rested," she muttered.

Twilight eyed Rainbow suspiciously. "Didn't you already have your nap? You were sleeping on a cloud when I found you!"

"That was my early afternoon nap," Rainbow replied. "Obviously, you can't have a mid-afternoon nap until it's mid-afternoon, duh! An egghead like you should know that kind of stuff."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

Shao Kahn, for his part, spent the remainder of his day working the phones, trying to settle some urgent international business. "I don't care what that multi-souled moron Ermac thinks!" he yelled into the receiver. "I've already promised Commissioner Silver that he could stick Donald Sterling in our dungeon, and we need to use that cell! When the tournament is over, Ermac will just have to share—if I'm generous enough to spare his souls from destruction!" He slammed the phone onto the hook.

"What was that all about?" Fran asked from her card table in the corner.

"Oh, I'm just trying to make sure we have room in our dungeon for an incoming slimy sleazeball," Kahn explained.

"Emperor Kahn, sir!" One of Kahn's dark-clad, generic-looking ninjas stepped into Kahn's office. "We've just received an update from one of our changeling spies. They say that the ponies will be splitting up this evening in an attempt to watch all of the remaining battles."

"Excellent," Kahn said. "Our lavender friend will be at her most vulnerable without her precious friends in tow." He pointed a finger at the ninja. "Tell Chrysalis to brush up on her bipedal studies and martial-art moves. Tonight, after the featured battle...we strike."

"Strike?" Fran looked at Kahn nervously. "But I thought you said fighting outside of sanctioned matches was strongly discouraged."

"That's right," Kahn said. "Our broadcast partners get mad when they miss a chance to put gratuitous violence on TV." He patted Fran on the head. "Don't worry your silly little head about it—I will be sparing the rod for the time being. This will just be a meeting of the minds, an information session befitting a scholar of Miss Sparkle's stature. I want to give her a sneak preview of her matchup in the next round."

Fran scratched her head. "But won't that give her an unfair advantage? She'll be able to tailor her battle plan to a specific opponent."

Shao Kahn shot Fran an evil grin. "That, my dear Francine, is exactly what I'm counting on."

The crowd around the battle ring was still fairly sparse when Twilight arrived that evening. While the atmosphere remained tense and charged, the before- and after-battle party scene had never really recovered from Pinkie Pie's defeat, so most of the spectators elected to arrive at the very last minute or skip the battle altogether.

Twilight, however, decided not to take any chances, and took up a position on a hill overlooking the fight to avoid being distracted or having her view blocked. "This is perfect," she said as she pulled a pencil and pad of paper from her saddlebags. "I'm close enough to get a good look at how the fighters operate, and far away enough to not have to listen to that wrestler guy or smell those fried scorpions at the snack stand."

She was not, however, far away enough to avoid being watched by Shao Kahn, who kept his binoculars trained on the unicorn from his private box. "She's hunkered down on the east hill," he spoke into a walkie-talkie. "Be prepared to move in once the battle is over, and remind our dear changeling queen to put on a good show."

Back on the hill, Twilight raised her quill as the battle announcer entered the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," the announcer began, "welcome to tonight's primetime matchup! We've got a great one in store for you, so are you ready for some action?"

The crowd responded with an indifferent murmur.

"I can't hear you!" The announcer teased, putting a hand to his ear.

An awkward silence followed, broken only by a few stray cricket chirps.

The announcer ignored the crowd's indifference, and swept a hand to one side of the battle ring. "In this corner, a brutal mauler who thrives on pain and suffering, and who moonlights as an alternate for both the Blue Man Group and the Seattle Seahawks' defensive line...give it up for Moloch!"

A large, muscular beast with blue skin and three yellow eyes stepped into the ring, unleashing a huge roar as he emerged. Moloch: Tall, stocky, loud, Twilight noted. Very intimidating on first impression. Lumbering, kind of slow. Carries a huge cannonball around with him?

The announcer pointed to the opposite side of the ring. "And in this corner, the original shadowy ninja of the universe, the coldest hombre this side of Sub Zero, the one, the only...Noob Saibot!"

NS: Unimposing figure despite gothic appearance, Twilight wrote down in her notebook as Noob stepped into the ring. Whiny and disorganized when encountered previously. Seems like more of a bureaucrat on the island. I'm curious to see how it made it this far.

"Combatants ready?" the announcer asked.

Moloch unleashed a deafening roar in response, while Noob Saibot simply nodded.

"Very well then," the announcer said. "FIGHT!"

Both combatants charged at each other, Moloch raised an arm to strike, but Noob beat him to the punch (literally) with a ferocious six-hit combo that sent Moloch sprawling to the ground.

Twilight's eyes popped wide open at Noob's unexpected display of skill. Neither adversary is very patient, she noted. Noob Saibot much faster and stronger than expected. Has enough power to fell somepony twice his size. Moloch slothfulness confirmed. Seems to have a glass jaw.

Before Moloch could even blink, Noob grabbed him, spun him around a few times in the air, and then flung him against the side of the building nearby, sending the crowd in that area running for cover. As Moloch slid down the wall and fell to the ground, Noob leaped a good twenty feet into the air, then stopped abruptly in mid-jump, did a quick somersault, and landed hard on Moloch's head with a devastating ground pound.

Twilight's jaw dropped to the ground, and she scribbled down her observations as fast as she could. Incredible leaping ability, off the charts athleticism, hits with a force that far exceeds his mass. As dangerous in the air as he is on the ground. Will require extra planning to defeat.

Noob Saibot leaped back and assumed a defensive stance as he waited for Moloch to rise again (which took a good forty-five seconds). When Moloch was finally upright, the Oni roared and slammed his cannonball weapon into the ground, causing several sharp rocks to shoot out of the ground and towards Noob Saibot. The shadowy ninja, however, dodged the projectiles with ease, and ended his defensive display by clapping the last rock between his hands and crushing it to dust.

Agility levels nearly 200% of that of a normal ninja, Twilight wrote. Nearly impenetrable when in defense mode. Will need to re-consult 'Art of War' book for this opponent!

Moloch, angered by his attack's ineffectiveness, let out another roar and charged at Noob Saibot. Noob, however, responded by uttering a few words in an ancient tongue, which caused him to disappear just at Moloch arrived. Noob reappeared several seconds later behind Moloch, and landed a jab on the back of Moloch head before jumping back and motioning for Moloch to try again. "He's magical too?" Twilight shouted at Noob toyed with his opponent. "Is this guy on steroids or something?"

After repeating his teleport-attack-repeat procedure for a minute or so, Noob yawned and summoned a gigantic blue-and-white fireball, which he promptly launched at Moloch's gut. Noob's aim was true, and the fireball sent Moloch flying across the ring.

Extraordinary magical capabilities! Twilight wrote as Moloch skidded to a stop at the announcer's feet. Teleports and summons fireballs with minimal effort. Seems to have been saving his talents for the later rounds, which means this display may just be a lower bound on his power!

The announcer looked down at Moloch's unconscious form for a few seconds. "That's the ballgame!" he declared.

A half-hearted cheer went up from the crowd in response. "Finish him! Finish him!" a voice in the back shouted.

"You heard the man!" Shao Kahn called down to Noob Saibot. "Unleash your true fury!"

Noob Saibot grinned evilly from behind his mask, then waved his arms at Moloch and began casting another spell. A green glow suddenly surrounded Moloch, and the Oni began to shrink and lose his muscular appearance, eventually regressing into a small, two-year old monster. "Noob Saibot wins!" the announcer shouted. "Babality!"

"An age spell?!?" Twilight's eyes nearly popped out of her head as the crowd cheered. "He can cast an age spell too?" She frantically scribbled down a few more notes in her notebook. Extremely advanced magical ability. Combination of physical and magical talents make him by far the most dangerous man in the tournament! How are we ever going to defeat him?

As Shing Tsung stepped into the ring to take care of Moloch's soul, Shao Kahn reached for his walkie-talkie. "I believe Miss Sparkle is ready to listen to reason now," he said.

On cue, several of Kahn's generic ninjas stepped out of the forest behind Twilight. "Miss Sparkle?" one of the ninjas asked. "Emperor Kahn wishes to speak with you in his private chambers at once."

"He wants to talk now?" Twilight slipped her notebook back into her saddlebag and eyed the ninjas suspiciously.

"Yes," the ninja confirmed. "He said it was urgent."

Twilight looked back towards the battlefield, shaking her head as Noob Saibot took a curtain call. "All right," she said. "I'll see what Kahn has to say."

While Shao Kahn's staff led Twilight to the emperor's chambers, Kahn himself took a few shortcuts from his private box to ensure that he arrived there first. Much to his surprise, however, Kahn found his room already occupied by Noob Saibot when he walked through the door. "That was a splendid performance!" Kahn said, slapping his lackey on the back. "I must say, Chrysalis, your number has earned a permanent place in my Rolodex—you'd be a natural choice to star in the movie adaptation of my autobiography."

Chrysalis metamorphosized back into her true changeling form. "What can I say?" she said with a shrug. "It's what I do."

The sound of hooves on stonework started echoing from the hallway. "Well, you'd better do it one more time," Kahn advised Chrysalis. "We can't have Twilight finding out you're still on my payroll."

Chrysalis sighed and transformed into one of Kahn's ninja staffers. "By the way," she said, "I swung by Noob Saibot's cell on the way up here, and he's improved from spewing gibberish to saying complete sentences. Should we be concerned that—"

Shao Kahn brushed off Chrysalis's concerns with a wave of his hand. "We left him down in Ermac's cell for a good 48 hours, and his mind is sufficiently scarred. He shall play his role with aplomb." He walked over to his desk and started messing with a laptop that was sitting there. "I'm more concerned about this blasted PowerPoint presentation working," he admitted.

As Kahn fiddled with his computer, Twilight and her ninja accompaniment entered the room. "I'm here, Kahn," Twilight said, her eyes narrowing as she glared at her host. "What did you want to discuss so urgently?"

Kahn laughed. "I'm glad you could join us on such short notice!" He pulled a remote out of his desk drawer and used it to turn on a projector mounted on the ceiling. "I just wanted to congratulate you and your pony brethren for defying the odds and making it this far in our humble tournament."

"That's what you call urgent?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, but there's more," Kahn continued. "As a reward for such outstanding displays of martial arts excellence, I'd like to give you an exclusive sneak preview of the next round!"

"A sneak preview? Really?" Unsure of the Outworld emperor's motives, Twilight kept a close eye on Kahn as he continued working on (and cursing at) his computer. Eventually, the projector displayed a stylized title slide with the words "MK Tournament, Round 5: Endurance Matches."

"Endurance matches?" Twilight stared at the slide for a moment, then looked back over at Kahn. "What are endurance matches?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Kahn flipped to the next slide, which contained a set of bullet points detailing the endurance match rules. "Instead of the boring old mono y mono battles we've been having, in an endurance match, all combatants are randomly paired with another fighter and forced to fight just the way Noah intended: two by two! The pairs, however, do not fight simultaneously—instead, the battle starts as a fight between a member of each pair, and the second member of the pair steps in when the first is defeated. The first team to defeat both members of the opposition is declared the winner. Easy peasy, am I right?"

Twilight nodded. "Yes, but I still don't see why you're telling me this now when you'll have to tell everypony about this tomorrow. What's the big secret?"

"Now now, Miss Sparkle!" Shao Kahn smiled evilly and wagged a finger at the unicorn. "Don't go jumping to conclusions before you've received all the facts!" He flipped to the next slide, with contained a diagram of the entire tournament bracket. "I'm also prepared to give you an advance look at the pairings and matchups!"

Twilight squinted at the obscenely-small text in the bracket. "How am I supposed to read this?"

"Hold on, there's a slide for that." Kahn clicked his remote, but nothing happened. "Good grief, don't tell me I have to reboot this piece of junk again," he grumbled. He waved the remote around and clicked it a few more times, then threw it onto the ground and crushed it with his boot. "Leave a note for Fran to order a new remote tomorrow," he told Chrysalis.

Kahn walked over to the laptop and tapped on the keyboard, and the slide changed to a close-up of the center of the bracket. "How time flies!" he remarked. "It seems we're down to the final eight combatants in our tournament."

Twilight noted the positions of the three remaining ponies in the bracket. "Do the bracket positions reflect the battle pairings?"

"Of course not!" Kahn laughed. "We've never followed such logic before, so why start now?" He jumped to the next slide, which depicted a quartet of fighters Twilight didn't recognize. "Ooh, Taven and Daegon on the same team?" Kahn clapped his hands together gleefully. "Talk about a ratings bonanza! Although I suppose I should have Fran double-check with our insurance agent before the battle, and make sure we've got enough homeowners coverage on our island."

Twilight's eyes widened as the implications of the first battle hit her. Not only were all three ponies fighting in the same match, but the fourth member of the group would be Noob Saibot. She gulped as she looked back at the saddlebag containing her notes from the primetime battle.

"And this means that the participants in the second battle are..." Kahn slammed his hand down on the keyboard with a flourish, but instead of showing the next slide, the screen went dark. "Oh, come on!" Kahn said as looked down at the laptop screen. "What do you mean, 'Driver IRQL Not Less or Equal?'" He grabbed the laptop and threw it against the wall, smashing it into a million pieces. "Accursed Microsoft rubbish!"

Twilight glared at the Outworld emperor, knowing full well why he had called her in to meet. "I don't need to see the matchup," she told Kahn. "You're trying to turn us against each other, just like before. You're trying to—"

"Why, Twilight!" Kahn brought his hands to his chest and feigned a look of surprise. "Your accusation cuts me to the quick! I'll have you know that I am just as big a proponent of the magic of friendship as you are, and that I would never do anything as vile as tearing apart a group of lifelong friends. Really, I'm shocked—shocked!—that you would ever think such a thing."

Twilight arched an eyebrow at Kahn, unconvinced by the emperor's claim.

Kahn smiled back at Twilight, then walked over to a whiteboard mounted near the doorway and grabbed a marker. "You see," he explained, "it's not the individuals that matter here, but the teams they're assigned to. Observe." He drew out the names of the four fighters in the tournament, then drew lines between them to signify the pairs. "At eleven tomorrow morning, Rainbow and Miss Rarity will be competing against you and my most powerful associate, Noob Saibot. You've met Noob, haven't you?"

Twilight winced and looked back at her saddlebag once more. "Yes."

"He's pretty good, huh?" Kahn laughed. "Anyways, I just thought that since you had made it this far, and since you and those other ponies are such good friends, I should give you time to prepare your friends for tomorrow's clash...and their inevitable destruction." He reached down and put his arm around Twilight. "After all, you are the most magical unicorn in the known universe, and my man Noob is the toughest, most talented, most brutal fighter left in the game, right?"

"R-Right," Twilight stammered, unsure of what to make of this development.

Shao Kahn suddenly straightened back up. "I've got an idea!" he said. "Why don't you go down to Noob's crib and talk battle strategy? He tends to toy with opponents and makes them suffer, but I'm sure you can convince him to make your friends' deaths as quick and painless as possible."

Twilight was silent for a few moments as she considered the idea. "Maybe I will," she finally said.

"Good, good!" Kahn gestured towards his ninja henchmen standing by the door. "Be a good host and show our pony friend to Noob's room, would you?"

The ninjas nodded, and motioned for Twilight to follow them. Twilight took one last long look at Kahn, then turned and walked out of the room.

Chrysalis waited for the echo of Twilight's hooves in the hallway to dissipate before transforming out of her disguise. "So," she asked, "are your precious equations still balancing?"

"Like a top on a tightrope." Kahn rubbed his hands together and grinned evilly. "Our friend Twilight is already doing the math in her head, and Noob's sudden and regrettable misfortune will make her decision that much easier."

Twilight began to get nervous as her ninja escort led her past the fighter rooms and down into the castle dungeon. "Why are you bringing me down here?" she asked one of the ninjas.

"Emperor Kahn said to take you to see Noob Saibot," the ninja replied. "This is where he is staying."

On cue, a loud scream echoed through the hall. "That's him now," the ninja said. "Please, come this way."

The party wound their way through the depths of the dungeon, passing cell after cell of seedy looking characters (which were actually more disguised changelings) who watched Twilight pass without expression. Finally, the ninjas stopped in front of Noob Saibot's cell, finding the ninja curled up in the fetal position in the corner and sucking on his thumb.

Twilight stared at Noob Saibot in surprise. "That's Noob Saibot? The same guy who was wreaking havoc in the battle half an hour ago?"

"We're afraid so," one of the ninja escorts replied. "You see, Mr. Saibot has just received word that his poor old mother has died, and—"

"You idiot!" A second ninja smacked the first ninja in the back of the head. "It was his grandmother, not his mother!"

"No, I'm positive Kahn said it was his mother!" the first ninja snapped back.

"I thought he was sad because he lost his life savings betting on the Belmont Stakes," a third ninja offered.

Twilight sighed as the ninjas started arguing over exactly why Noob Saibot looked so bad. "Could you at least open the cell so I can talk to him?" she asked.

The ninja ignored Twilight and continued arguing. Twilight shook her head, summoned her magic, and promptly teleported inside the bars. "Um, hello there, Mr. Saibot," she said, sticking out her hoof.

Noob Saibot looked up at Twilight, and his eyes widened in terror. "Get down!" he screamed as he lunged at the pony.

"Aah!" Twilight had no time to react, and quickly found herself lying on the floor with Noob Saibot lying on top of her. "Get off me!" she objected. "What are you doing?"

Noob brought his face close to Twilight, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Do you hear them?" he whispered. "They're in the walls, the ceilings, the floors, always watching, always waiting, waiting for the right moment...to strike."

"What are you talking about?" Twilight asked.

"You can hear them scratching at the rocks, and telling their plans to each other," Noob Saibot went on. "Squeaky squeak, squeaky squeakity squeak!"

"Are you talking about...rats?"

"Don't call them that!" Noob clamped his hand over Twilight's mouth. "They hate that word! If you call one of them that, the rest will know...and they'll come after you."

"Ohhhh-kay." Twilight decided that she'd heard enough, and uses her teleportation spell to zap herself out of the cell.

"Don't go to sleep!" Noob threatened, throwing himself against the bars of his cell. "They always attack when your back is turned!"

Twilight looked incredulously at the other ninjas. "All this because he lost his mother, or grandmother, or whoever it was?"

"Sad, isn't it?" one of the ninjas said with a shrug. "Don't worry though, it's just a temporary episode. It may take a day or two, but he'll get over it and be his usual bloodthirsty, take-no-prisoners self in no time." The ninja patted Twilight on the back. "It's a good thing he's got you to cover for him in the next round."

Twilight gulped and cast another look at her saddlebag. "Lucky him."

It took Twilight a good twenty minutes to cover the ground between Kahn's castle and the ponies' hut, and her friends were waiting by the front door when she arrived. "My stars, Twilight!" Rarity exclaimed. "Where have you been? And why do you look so...dreary?"

"One too many marigold margaritas at the after-party, huh?" Rainbow Dash guessed.

Twilight shook her head. "I had an unexpected meeting with Shao Kahn," she explained.

"And what did the foul brute have to say?" Rarity asked.

"I'll tell you later," Twilight said. "Anyway, what did you find out at the other battles?"

"Aw, mine turned out to be a big fat bore," Rainbow said as she rolled her eyes. "That Tebow guy was supposed to be fighting, but he withdrew and left because he'd been elected Pope or something."

"The one I attended was a rather tacky bout, but I did manage to collect some information." Rarity lifted her own notebook out of her bag and started scanning it. "Both participants used the same clashing red-and-blue color scheme, and neither one wore it particularly well. One of the gentleman wore a form-fitting bodysuit that did not leave enough to the imagination, and he had this emblem on his chest that was far too garish for the occasion. The other went with a folksy shirt-and-overalls combination that made him look like a simpleton, and he had this horrendous mustache that would have made even Applejack scream in terror. I did, however, appreciate his monogrammed chapeau."

"That's not what I was—oh, never mind," Twilight sighed. "Our battle is at eleven tomorrow morning. Rarity, can you put together a mouse mask for us to wear before then?"

"A mouse mask?" Rarity gave Twilight a confused look "Certainly, Twilight, but why on earth would we need it?"

"And what do you mean by 'our' battle?" Rainbow asked. "Which of us are actually fighting?"

"All of us." Twilight shook her head and pushed past her friends as they looked on in surprise. "Look, I'll explain later. Right now, I just want to go to bed. It's going to be a long night."

Rarity and Rainbow Dash watched silently as Twilight curled up in the corner of the cabin. "I shoulda warned her," Rainbow remarked. "Those margaritas can ruin your night in a hurry if you're not careful."

Morning, and Twilight's explanation, came all too soon for the ponies, and before long they found themselves standing at the edge of the island's mountaintop battle ring, waiting for their endurance match to begin. While the crowd around them was abuzz at the juicy matchup, the ponies themselves were silent, and they stared out at the battle ring waiting for the inevitable.

Finally, the battle referee stepped into the circle. "All right, everyone, it's time for today's fifth-round match to begin!" she proclaimed, drawing a loud cheer from the crowd.

As the referee gave a quick rundown of the rules, Rarity cast a nervous glance at Twilight. "Are you absolutely sure about this, darling?" she asked. "I'm sure this Noob Saibot character is powerful and all, but undermining him at the cost of your own soul?"

"I have to do this," Twilight responded coldly. "We can't take the chance of letting Noob Saibot recover, and we certainly can't do it at the cost of your souls."

"But you're, like, the most magical thing left on this island!" Rainbow offered. "I don't care how much juice that goth geek's got up his sleeves, he could never go hoof-to-hoof with you and live to tell about it!"

"Not to mention that you've been our chief strategist and motivator ever since we arrived," Rarity added. "While I plan to make these witless oafs pay for Sweetie Belle's capture, I hardly think that I have a better chance than—"

"No," Twilight said. "We're better off having both of you around than one of me."

"...The first combatants to enter to the ring will be Rarity and Twilight Sparkle!" the referee announced. "Fighters, to your positions!"

Rarity gulped and stepped into the battle ring, sweating nervously as Twilight took her position on the opposite side.

"Combatants ready?" the ref asked.

Both ponies nodded.

"Then without further ado...FIGHT!"

Rarity took a deep breath and walked slowly over to Twilight, who remained still. With the crowd around the pair cried out for blood, Rarity walked up and placed both front hooves on Twilight's side, then turned her head away, closed her eyes, and gave Twilight a light shove.

"Ack!" Twilight flung her hooves into the air and fell to the ground with a theatrical flourish. "I go, and it is done; the bell invites me. Hear it not, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven. Farewell to you, and you, and you, Rarity. Farewell to thee too, Rainbow. Countryponies, my heart doth—"

"I think you're overdoing it, darling," Rarity interrupted.

"Oh. Sorry." Twilight brought a hoof to her forehead. "Et tu, Rarity? Then fall, Twilight!" With that, Twilight closed her eyes and let her limbs fall limply to the ground.

"That's it!" The referee threw her hands in the air. "Rarity wins!"

The crowd started booing Rarity for all it was worth, unhappy at the battle's lack of action. "Are you kidding me?" Shing Tsung sputtered as he pushed his way into the ring. "I mean, this girl goes full nuclear on Ermac's flank, then takes a dive on the first punch?" Shing approached Twilight and glared down at the fallen pony. "Come on, girl, at least make it look good! I mean, we're up against The Voice this week!"

Twilight re-opened her eyes and frowned at Shing, then reached out a back leg and kicked Shing square in the crotch, causing Shing to scream and fall to his knees in pain (and also drawing the loudest cheers thus far). "If you'd prefer not to sing soprano for the rest of your life," Twilight threatened as she raised her leg for a second blow, "then I suggest you stop complaining and go with the flow."

"Okay, okay! You win!" Shing squeaked in a voice two octaves higher than usual.

Twilight looked over at Rarity and winked. "You know what to do next. Go get 'em."

Rarity nodded weakly and turned away, preferring not to watch as Shing removed Twilight's soul.

"And now, for the third combatant of the fight!" The referee announced. "Noob Saibot!"

The crowd parted to make way for four of Kahn's generic-looking ninjas as they carried a jittery Noob Saibot out on a stretcher. "No! Please!" Noob begged. "Don't leave me out here in this filth where they can—" He was cut off when the ninjas dumped him onto the ground.

"Combatants ready?" the referee asked as Kahn's ninjas retreated.

Rarity nodded again, but Noob Saibot ignored the ref and turned to the crowd. "Listen to me, everyone!" he shouted. "Repent of your sins and pray to your gods, for the end of days is nigh! The Rodent King is coming, and he seeks to end the reign of humanity!"

Rarity and Rainbow Dash exchanged confused looks as Noob Saibot preached. "And you thought Twilight was overdoing it," Rainbow remarked.

"Well...perhaps this works in our favor," Rarity said. "Do be a dear and pass me that mask, would you?"

Meanwhile, Shing Tsung walked over to Noob Saibot and tried to get the ninja to focus. "Get your head in the game, dog!" Shing pleaded. "I mean, we're on a tight schedule here! We need to get this fight in pronto!"

"There is no point!" Noob thundered. "Resistance is futile! We cannot hope to prevail over the Rodent Revolution!"

Shing Tsung threw his hands up in disgust. "You might as well start the fight, bro," he told the referee.

"Could you at least get him to turn around and face his opponent?" the referee asked.

"Shing shrugged. "Yo, Sai-butt!" he yelled as he waved his arms in air. "You mind preaching to the choir over here?"

Noob turned. "We haven't much—yah!" Noob's face went pale at the sight of Rarity wearing her homemade mouse mask. "It's too late!" he wailed. "The Rodent King has arrived!"

"Well, er, yes. Yes, I have," Rarity deadpanned. "Squeak squeak squeak."

"Run for your lives! Save yourselves!" Noob turned to flee the battle ring, but the crowd stood firm and would not let him through.

"Oh no you don't, you coward!" one of the impeding spectators shouted. "We paid good money to see some action, and by jingles, we're gonna get it!"

"What are you waiting for?" Rainbow Dash shouted towards Rarity. "Get in there and give him the business!"

"Now now, Rainbow," Rarity replied. "I believe that discretion is the batter part of valor here." She walked over to where Noob Saibot was trying frantically to escape. "I'm afraid you're right, Mr. Saibot," she said. "I intend to conquer this world and subject all of its inhabitants to long and painful deaths. If I were you, I would ask the poorly-dressed fellow over there—"

"Who are you calling 'poorly-dressed?'" Shing interrupted. "I mean, zebra-print patterns are all the rage!"

"Only if you're an actual zebra," Rarity corrected Shing. "Now then, Mr. Saibot, I think your best course of action is to have our zebra-striped friend remove your soul in a quick and painless manner, before my, uh, my rodent brethren take if from you forcefully."

"Yes, of course!" Noob rushed over and fell at Shing's feet. "Release me from this mortal coil, my brother," he begged. "and spare me from a fate worse than death!"

"What? No!" Shing declined. "I mean, if we get a Mortal Kombat match without any combat, Fox is gonna be majorly peeved, and the big cheese will give me a fate worse than death!"

"Oh, for the love of Celestia," Rarity muttered. She used her magic to lift Noob Saibot back onto his feet, then manipulated Noob's leg to kick out and land a second hard blow to Shing's groin.

"Aiiieee!" Shing stiffened, then fell over backwards.

As the crowd cheered, Rarity walked over and looked down at Shing. "Is that enough combat for you?" she asked.

"Yes, Miss Rarity," Shing squeaked, his voice now resembling a dog whistle.

"And that's a wrap!" the referee proclaimed, as Shing began removing Noob Saibot's soul while still lying on the ground. "Rarity and Rainbow Dash are the winners!"

Rainbow flew over and landed next to Rarity. "Good battle," Rainbow offered. "That last kick was a nice touch."

"I thought so," Rarity replied.

The two ponies stared silently for a few moments over at where Twilight still lay on the ground as the crowd began to disperse. "So...I guess it's just you and me now," Rainbow observed.

Rarity sighed. "It would seem so."

Rainbow took a deep breath and summoned her confidence. "Well, that's just one more beatdown we're gonna have to give that skull-faced snot when we see him!" she declared. "Nopony takes down our friends like this and gets away with it!"

"My sentiments exactly," Rarity agreed. She cast a long look down at the castle sitting at the base of the mountain. "Mr. Kahn will eventually run out of subordinates to obstruct us, and when he does"—Rarity's eyes narrowed—"he will pay."

Back in the castle, Shao Kahn was locked in an intense battle of wits with Chrysalis, with both parties trying to gain the upper hand on the other. Kahn had defeated creatures ten times as fearsome as Chrysalis, and had done well to hold his ground for this long, but Chrysalis had started asking increasingly probing questions, and Kahn was running out of ways to dodge them.

Across the table, Chrysalis smiled smugly at Kahn as she went in for the kill. "Got any fours?"

"Confound you, Chrysalis!" Kahn threw his cards down violently onto the table. "You're cheating, I just know it!"

"Of course I'm cheating," Chrysalis replied. "What did you expect?"

"I expect to out-cheat you, that's what!" Kahn raged. "I expected some beginner's luck out of you, but eight games in a row?"

"Oh, don't be such a sore loser," Chrysalis said. "I just know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, that's all."

"My lord!" One of Khan's ninjas hurried into the room. "We just got word that the ponies' battle has ended."

"And did you bring me what I asked for?" Kahn asked.

The ninja nodded, and stepped aside as four more ninjas entered carrying Twilight's body on a stretcher.

Chrysalis dropped her cards at the sight. "Can it be?" She hurried over to Twilight and pressed her hoof against one of Twilight's legs. "There's....there's no pulse!" She leaned her head down near Twilight's mouth. "She's not breathing! She's... She's..."

A huge smile appeared on Chrysalis's face, and she began leaping and prancing around the room. "She's finished! Done for! Celestia's precious protégé is finally history! The wicked witch is dead!"

Kahn laughed as Chrysalis and his staff ninjas formed a conga line and began dancing around the room. "I knew you'd appreciate seeing this," he said. He leaned in close to Twilight's face. "I'm afraid your adventure is over, my little pony," he cackled. "I've saved the best for last, you see, and your friends do not stand a chance against the evils I have in store for them. They will fall like dominoes, and when they do...all of Earthrealm will finally be mine."

Clothes Break The Mare

The defeat of Twilight Sparkle set the Internet ablaze within minutes, and quickly became the lead story of every media outlet on the planet. Within hours, the fallout included a thousand point drop in the New York Stock Exchange, the raising of threat levels in fifteen countries (and the subsequent worldwide shortage of duct tape and plastic sheeting), and a rash of faintings back in Ponyville (which, after further investigation, just turned out to be the same three ponies fainting over and over). World leaders from every corner of the globe suddenly found themselves locked in top-secret teleconferences with their advisers and allies, all trying to come up with a defensive strategy for the assumed Outworld invasion.

The scene was no different in Canterlot Castle, where Princess Luna had gathered the nation's top military minds in the throne room to come up with their own plan of action. "Tell us," Luna asked one of the generals, "in what state of readiness are thy ground forces?"

"We stand five thousand strong and counting!" the general replied. "Three earth pony battalions have already been mobilized, with two unicorn units available for magical support."

"Five thousand troops will not be enough to stop Kahn's forces combined with the changeling horde," Luna grumbled. She thrust a hoof towards the lone Wonderbolt in attendance. "What about our air defenses, Miss Spitfire?"

"Every flier we have is prepped and ready for takeoff!" Spitfire said with a salute. "We may be small in number, but—"

"'One Wonderbolt equals ten of anything else,' yes, we know." Luna turned to one of her suit-wearing diplomats. "Have thee received word from our allies?"

The diplomat nodded. "The zebra, buffalo, and griffons stand with us against the Outworld menace!"

"And the dragons?" Luna inquired.

"Well..." The diplomat gave Luna a sheepish smile. "The dragons decided to send our messenger back without burning his mane off for a change."

"Curse their hubris!" Luna slammed a hoof on the ground in frustration. "Those scaled simpletons have no idea what kind of power they will be facing! If they do not join forces with us, they face certain extinction!"

From her seat at the far end of the room, Princess Celestia rolled her eyes at her sister's melodramatics. "Would you ponies just chill out for a minute?" She paused to take a sip of her lemonade. "We're not beaten yet, you know. We still have two ponies competing in the tournament."

"Yes," Luna muttered, "we remain represented by a mouthy, insecure pegasus and a fussy, obsessive-compulsive fashionista. Forgive us if this arrangement does not fill us with confidence."

"We remain represented by two Elements of Harmony," Celestia corrected her sister as she pointed out the pictures of Rainbow Dash and Rarity on one of the stained glass windows. "They are just as capable of victory as my student." She took another pull on her drink. "There's no use crying over milk that hasn't spilt yet."

"Well, we can at least have our napkins and paper towels ready for when it does!" Luna shot back.

"This from the pony who chose playing Call of Duty over defending our homeland during the last changeling invasion," Celestia pointed out. "Still, if fretting over our defenses helps you sleep during the day, knock yourself out." She shrugged, then stood up and walked to the door. "As much as I'd love to stay and play with you all, I have a pressing engagement in New York City that I must attend."

"What are you doing?" Luna asked as Celestia walked by. "Are you requesting military assistance from the United States? Are you consulting with the UN?"

Celestia paused and flashed a mischievous smile. "I'm taping a lip sync battle for The Tonight Show," she revealed. "Jimmy Fallon better bring his A game tonight, because I know the words to every Luke Bryan song ever recorded, and I am not afraid to fake-sing them."

Luna smacked her face with her hoof as her sister left the room. "We should probably get a recording of her actually singing those songs," she grumbled. "That would scare Kahn away much faster than any army."

The mood on Shao Kahn's island, of course, was the exact opposite of that of the rest of the world. In fact, Kahn and Chrysalis had their spirits lifted so high by Twilight's fall that they organized a raucous kegger for that evening, complete with togas, beach balls, slip 'n slides, a Florida Georgia Line concert, and enough cheap pizza and beer to make a fraternity brother jealous. Those in attendance agreed that, while it wasn't a Pinkie Pie party, it was still rather enjoyable.

Rainbow Dash and Rarity, however, decided not to partake in the festivities, which made the pair the only cogent creatures left on the island the next morning. Since they had nothing better to do, the two ponies walked over to the tournament bulletin board to see what the battle matchups would be in the next round. Neither pony said a word the entire trip, as both mares had a strong suspicion about who they would be facing.

The matchup list was predictably blank when the two ponies arrived. "So...how long do you think we'll have to wait this time?" Rainbow asked.

"Probably another few hours, which will be a few hours too long." Rarity grimaced as she looked over at a nearby trash can, which was overflowing with empty bottles, discarded articles of clothing, and the remains of several life-size Lego figures. "Every time I believe this toxic atmosphere cannot get any worse, I am unpleasantly surprised."

"Hiiiieee!" Suddenly, a wide-eyed, creepy-smiling Fran bounded out from the nearby bushes. "How are you fine girls this morning? Isn't it lovely out today?" she said at warp speed, her eyes twitching and limbs quivering as she spoke.

Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow at Fran's strange behavior. "Um...are you alright?"

"Never better, thanks!" Fran replied cheerily and rapidly. "I was just feeling a little slow this morning after having one too many pink lemonades last night, so I had a triple shot of espresso and now everything's fine and dandy!"

"You don't drink caffeine much, do you?" Rarity asked.

"Oh no, never! I just wanted to make sure I would be awake!" Fran said. "We don't want to keep people in suspense over today's battles!"

"I see," Rarity said with a sigh. "Well, I suppose your diligence is to be commended."

The two ponies waited patiently as Fran tried to keep her hand and eyes steady long enough to write down the battle matchups. "There!" Fran said, squinting as she looked at the indecipherable scribbles on the board. "How does that look?"

Rainbow frowned. "It looks like I used my tail to—"

"Just perfect! Very well done," Rarity interrupted, stuffing her hoof in Rainbow's mouth to stifle the pegasus's comment. "Never denigrate a woman on a caffeine high," Rarity whispered. "Trust me, it just makes things ugly."

"Great! Well, I'd better go back to the castle—our files need alphabetizing, our walls need painting, and our courtesy vehicles need the air changed in their tires!" Fran turned and half-walked, half-bounded off towards the castle.

The pony pair watched Fran disappear into the distance, then turned back to the board. "Well," Rainbow noted, "that line has two scribbles instead of one, and the first letter in the first one kind of looks like an R..."

"It's probably you," Rarity said, "just like that shorter scribble below it is probably me."

Rainbow Dash and Rarity stared silently at the board for a moment. "So...you and me," Rainbow offered. "Well, I can't say I didn't see that one coming."

"Likewise," Rarity agreed, sticking her hoof out towards Rainbow. "Well, Rainbow," she offered, "I suppose there's nothing else to do but wish each other luck, give this battle our all, and let the chips fall where they may. No hard feelings?"

Rainbow nodded and returned Rarity hoof-bump. "Works for me," she said, "I'd say 'may the best pony win,' but hey, we already know that's me."

"Of course." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Now then, I suppose I had better get all my ducks in a row before today's kerfuffle. I must get my outfit together, find some suitable accessories, alert the media as to my latest appearance..."

"Right, because that's really important." Rainbow Dash shook her head and leaped into the air. "Well, I've got some super important stuff to do right now, so I'm gonna, um, go do it right now. Later!"

Rarity watched as Rainbow flew off into the clouds. "Ten bits says she spends the rest of the morning napping, thinking she's already won this fight," she said to herself. She used her magic to pull Twilight's copy of The Art Of War out of her saddlebag. "Well, I think Rainbow will be in for quite a surprise when we meet again this afternoon."

Rainbow actually spent the rest of the morning searching for brain for a decent battle strategy, pacing a hole through three separate clouds in the process. "How am I gonna compete against Rarity?" she wondered. "Outfit or no outfit, she can pull me out of the sky with one wave of her horn!" She pounded her head with her hoof a few times, hoping a good idea would fall out. "How can I counter her magic?"

Rainbow looked up at the sparse cloud covering that hung over the island. "Maybe I could throw another big storm together and make the whole place wet and muddy," she said. "Of course, Rarity would probably just come out wearing her ruby-studded raincoat with the matching galoshes." Rainbow shook her head. "Seriously, who worries about being color-coordinated in a fight? I'm glad I don't have to worry about stupid stuff like—"

The solution struck Rainbow like a lightning bolt. "That's it!" she declared excitedly. "That's how I beat Rarity! I just need the right outfit!" She looked down at Kahn's castle and smiled evilly. "And I know just where to find it."

Rainbow Dash quickly made her way to the castle, darting from cloud to cloud to avoid detection. Upon reaching the cloud closest to the building, she took a couple quick looks to see if anyone was watching, then made one last mad dash and dove through a open window on one of the upper floors.

Rainbow did a quick somersault upon hitting the floor and dived behind the nearest piece of cover she could find, which turned out to be a large stereo. She looked around to confirm that the room, which appeared to be a room for one of Kahn's fighters, was empty. "Huh. I wonder whose room—" She scowled as she spotted a stack of Madonna CDs near the stereo. "On second thought," she decided, "I'd rather not know."

Turning to the door, Rainbow opened it a small crack to see if the hallway was clear. Her eyes widened in shock as she spotted two undisguised changelings standing nearby. "What are those guys doing here?" she wondered. "I thought Kahn double-crossed Chrysalis and turned her over to Shining Armor."

Out in the hallway, the changelings were having a heated debate over the important events of the day. "You're crazy!" one of the changelings told the other. "Season one was the absolute pinnacle of the Epic Rap Battles of History! They've been diluting their material for mass consumption ever since!"

"Baloney!" the second changeling said. "The newer battles are way better! The lyrics are sharper, the acting is crisper, the production is more professional—heck, even their beats have more bounce!"

Rainbow Dash smacked her face with her hoof as the changelings argued. "I'm just wasting time waiting here," she muttered. "Luckily, these guys don't look too bright. I wonder..."

Rainbow threw open the door and walked straight up to the two changelings. "Hey, guys!" she shouted. "Check out my disguise! I'm Rainbow Dash!" She jumped up and did a couple half-speed circles in the air above them, making sound effects as she went. "Zoom, zoom!"

The changelings were unmoved by Rainbow's display. "Dude," the first changeling said, "that has got to be the worst Rainbow Dash disguise I've ever seen."

The second changeling nodded. "Pitiful. Just pitiful."

"Excuse me?" Rainbow came back down and frowned at the changelings. "What's wrong with my disguise?"

"For one thing," changeling #1 began, "your muscles are way too defined. The real Rainbow Dash looks a lot scrawnier and wimpier."

"And uglier, too!" changeling #2 added. "Seriously, not even that apple pony makes me gag as much as Miss Clown Hair does. Her face looks like somepony took a hammer and—"

POW! The conversation was abruptly ended when Rainbow Dash spun around and bucked both changelings in the face, crumpling them in a heap against the wall. "If you value your lives," she growled at the unconscious changelings, "you won't finish that sentence."

The changelings had nothing more to say, of course, so Rainbow Dash dragged them both into the room she had just exited. "Gotta hide the evidence," she said as she closed the door. She then looked up and down the hallway at the identical doors that lined the walls. "The rooms don't even have name tags," she grumbled. "How am I supposed to find the right one?"

"Hiiiieee!" The sudden sound of Fran's voice nearly caused Rainbow to jump out of her skin. "Can I help you with anything?" Fran asked.

"Actually, yes," Rainbow admitted. "I'm wondering if you could point me to somepony's room..."

As Rainbow infiltrated Kahn's castle, Rarity spent her preparation time hunkered down in the pony's hut. However, instead of preparing her outfit—well, mostly instead of preparing her outfit; regardless of the stakes, Rarity couldn't stand the thought of being televised while improperly attired—Rarity was reading up on spells that might be useful in battle. "Let's see," she said to herself, "for a proper shield spell, the book says to imagine the shape of the shield in your mind. I wonder if I could make a good cake dome..."

Rarity closed her eyes and summoned her magic. After a few seconds of concentration, a small, light-blue magical aura materialized around her, encasing her in a protective shield. Rarity opened her eyes briefly to survey her work. "That wasn't so difficult," she remarked. "Now, for the best part." She focused on her shield a bit more, but instead of glowing brighter, it appeared to vanish into thin air.

Rarity re-opened her eyes and stuck her hoof out, confirming that she was prevented from fully extending her leg by a unseen force. "Perfect!" she declared with a smile. "A shield that's both there and not there! Why, I daresay that even Shining Armor would be impressed."

Rarity dissolved her shield and walked over to her bags lying in the corner of the hut. "Rainbow may think she's too fast for me," she said, "but she can't stop for what she can't see." She looked down into one of the open bags, which contained various toiletry items. "She'll charge face first into my shield, which will slow her down long enough for me to counterattack, and when I do..."

Rarity grinned mischievously as she pulled out her hoof file. "I don't believe it will take long for Miss Don't Touch My Hooves to crack."

It took a while for Kahn's staff to clean up after the previous night's soirée, which pushed the ponies' fight back into the late afternoon. Still, the bout drew a good crowd to its mountaintop location, and it provided a beautiful sunset backdrop for the international televised audience. "The end of another day means the beginning of another Mortal Kombat throwdown!" Joe Buck narrated from the ringside broadcast booth. "It's time for the first semifinal match of this tournament, and no matter what happens, we're going to find out who will claim the title of Best Pony."

"Absolutamundo, brother!" Hulk agreed. "One's got speed, the other's got style, but who's got the guts to be the last pony standing?"

"Whoever it is will represent the last hope of humanity and ponykind against the designs of Shao Kahn," Joe said, "so a lot of people of understandably anxious about this fight."

"Not me!" Hulk declared, pounding his chest for emphasis. "DayGlo Trash and Ferret Pee has proven themselves to be true ultimate warriors, just like my man Jimmy Hellwig! Take the Hulkster's advice, Kahn, and start sleeping with one eye open!"

Next to the broadcast booth, Rarity and Rainbow Dash winced at Hulk's mangling of their names. "I never dreamed I would be nostalgic for the days of Highlight Speckle," Rarity remarked.

"At least you won't have three lunkheads waiting to throw that name at you the next time you're in Cloudsdale," Rainbow muttered.

"By the way," Rarity asked, "why on earth are you wearing that drab old cloak?"

Rainbow looked down at her attire for a moment. "Let's make a deal: I won't tell you why I'm wearing this, and you don't have to tell me what you're planning to do with that makeup bag."

"What makeup bag?" Rarity kicked her bag behind a nearby rock and gave Rainbow her sincerest smile. "I don't know what you're talking about, darling."

"Right..." Rainbow rolled her eyes.

Eventually, a tuxedoed announcer stepped into the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen," his voice echoed across the mountaintop, "welcome to today's Mortal Kombat matchup! Now, please put your hands and hooves together as we introduce our combatants!"

The crowd responded with a polite round of applause, just slightly more raucous than a crowd at a golf match. "I miss Pinkie," Rainbow said to no one in particular. "This place is kinda boring without her."

"In this corner," the announcer continued, "a winged warrior who was recently named the second most eligible bachelorette in Equestria—"

"Wait, what?!" Rainbow's face turned red. "I'm supposed to be awesome, not eligible!"

"—the pride of Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash!" The announcer gestured towards the opposite side of the circle. "And in this corner, the most prolific pony fashion designer in the world, and the third most eligible bachelorette—"

"What?!?!" Rarity was in the announcer's face in an instant. "How could I be behind Rainbow Dash? And who could possibly be number one?"

"I just took the list from a Trenderhoof article, ma'am," the announcer said with a shrug. "I didn't make it myself."

Rarity grumbled something about rotten apples as she returned to her side of the ring.

"Rarity, ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer continued. "Now then, are the combatants ready?"

"I've been ready for two hours!" Rainbow shouted. "Let's go already!"

"I concur," Rarity said. "We have waited long enough."

"Then let's get to it!" The announcer brought his hands together above his head. "FIGHT!"

Knowing that time was of the essence, Rarity closed her eyes and summoned her shield. Instead of pressing the issue, however, Rainbow yawned, stretched her legs, and reached for her cloak. "It's getting a little hot out here," she declared. "Maybe I should take this off..."

The loud gasp that followed piqued Rarity's curiosity enough for her to open her eyes. What stood before her was a horror too unspeakable to behold: Rainbow standing proudly in the ring wearing an entire wardrobe of the loudest, tackiest, gaudiest clothes in the known universe. "You like?" Rainbow asked with an impish smile.

"AAAHHH!!!" Rarity screamed and fell over backwards, and her shield fizzled out weakly. She covered her eyes to shield them from the sight, but the image was already seared into her retinas. "I... I can't feel my face!" she wailed. "Help! Medic! Sweet mother of Cadance, I'm blind!"

Rainbow laughed at Rarity's meltdown. "That was just too—"

"It was you!" An angry Shing Tsung, wearing a much less ostentatious outfit than usual, pushed his way into the ring and pointed an accusatory finger at Rainbow. "You're the thief who broke into my crib and lifted all my threads!"

"Hey, I'm not stealing your junk, I'm borrowing it!" Rainbow clarified. She gagged as she looked at the plaid/leopard/Hawaiian prints on her front legs. "Seriously, you think I wanna keep these?"

"Give them back right now!" Shing demanded. "I mean, I laid out serious bread for those at Walmart!"

"It looks like Rainbow Dash has started a beef with the soul collector," Joe narrated for the benefit of the TV audience. "But was her fashion crime enough to subdue her opponent?"

From her position on the ground, Rarity tried to regain her composure. "Must... Fight... Back..." she said as she stood up. She tried to re-summon her shield, but Rainbow's outfit had fried her focus, and she failed. "Moldy applesauce!" she cursed, using her hoof to shield her eyes. "I'm afraid I have no choice but to go on the offensive!" Rarity turned to her makeup bag and used her magic to withdraw not one, not two, but twenty hoof files, and send them in Rainbow's general direction. "Time to make our tacky friend a bit more fabulous!"

"Whoa!" Rainbow leaped back in surprise as a file whizzed past her nose. "Watch what you're doing with—" Her eyes widened when she realized what was heading her way, and how many of them were coming. "Oh no you don't!" she said. "Nopony files my hooves without permission!"

Rainbow Dash began zigzagging across the sky in an attempt to evade Rarity's floating army of files. This turned out to be fairly easy, given Rainbow's speed and the fact that Rarity could not look directly at her opponent without getting queasy. "Hah!" Rainbow laughed as she dodged her opponent's minions. "You'll have to try harder than that to catch the fastest flier in—"

Suddenly, disaster struck: Rainbow turned her head towards the crowd at the exact moment a large flashbulb went off from the press section. "Gah!" Rainbow sputtered, her vision now clouded by stars. The event was just enough to let the hoof files catch up, and they wasted no time in collapsing tightly around Rainbow's back hooves. With this complete, two files peeled off and begin filing her back hooves for all they were worth.

Rainbow started squirming and giggling at the file's actions. "Stop it!" she said in between chuckles. "Th-That tickles!" She tried to pull her legs free, but the other files held firm, and she was powerless to resist. Her giggles quickly turned into full-blown laughter, and eventually her wings could no longer keep her aloft, and she crash-landed in the battle ring.

"And Rarity responds with a powerful tickle torture combo!" Joe declared. "Could we have finally reached the rainbow's end?"

Rarity laughed as Rainbow flopped around on the sand in a vain attempt to free herself from the files. "I'm afraid there's no escaping this time," she declared. "Capitulate immediately, or I shall be forced to file your legs into nubs!"

"Ah ha ha! Never!" Rainbow managed to say. "I'll—ha ha!—never give up!"

"Stop that right now!" Shing cried from the sidelines. "I mean, you're getting my clothes dirty!"

"I like to think of it as putting them out of their misery," Rarity replied. "Perhaps a ceremonial burning after the battle would be most appro—ack!" Rarity was cut off when Rainbow's squirming accidentally kicked a hoofful of dirt into the unicorn's mouth. "Blech! Disgusting!" Rarity shouted as she tried to spit out the dirt.

The soil snack broke Rarity's concentration long enough for Rainbow Dash to break free from her hoof file tormentors, and the pegasus wasted no time in getting back in the air. Her first order of business was to locate the person who had blinded her and give him a good tongue-lashing. "What's your deal?" she demanded upon finding the perpetrator. "Are you trying to get me killed?"

"I'm trying to make a living, pal!" the photographer countered. "I can get twenty g's for a good action shot!"

"Yeah, It's not our fault everypony and their mare wants to see you!" a second photographer chimed in.

A light flickered on in Rainbow's brain. "That's right!" she realized, looking up at a nearby TV camera. "Everypony's watching, aren't they?"

By this point, Rarity had regained her bearings and was preparing for another file attack, so Rainbow countered by soaring into the air and hiding behind one of the few clouds that hung low in the sky. "Fly all you want, Rainbow!" Rarity shouted as she aimed her files. "You cannot outrun my fury!"

"I'm not running, I'm being modest," Rainbow called back, as several sleeves and pant legs waved from behind the cloud. "I figured you would appreciate that."

Rarity scowled, and launched her metal minions towards the cloud Rainbow was hiding behind. Before they could get there, however, Rainbow burst through the cloud at Mach two, roaring past the files while carrying all the ugly clothing she had previously been wearing. "Hey Rarity!" she shouted as she hurled the clothes at the unicorn. "Catch!"

"What?" Rarity was caught flathooved, and before she could react, she was buried under an avalanche of ugly laundry. "AUGH!" she screamed from underneath the pile. "GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!"

As Rarity wailed, Rainbow rushed over to the broadcast booth and snatched a portable TV camera from the FOX production crew. "Hey!" Joe objected. "We need that for the post-match coverage!"

Rainbow rushed back over to the ring and stuffed the lens of the camera underneath the clothes pile. "Look, seven million zillion people and ponies of the world!" she said. "It's Rarity, and she's wearing mismatched plaid!"

"EYAH!" Rarity burst out of the clothes like a dolphin jumping out of the ocean. "Keep that away from me!" she shrieked, as a stray tiger-striped belt dangled from her horn. "I can't be seen in public covered in awful garments like those!"

"News flash: You already have been," Rainbow Dash pointed out. "An image of you covered is ugly styles has been burned into the minds of millions, plus it's been captured by Celestia-knows-how-many people over there."

Rarity turned to face the millions of cameras flashing from the crowd. Her face became even paler than usual as the realization swept over her. "They...they have pictures? All of them?"

Rainbow nodded. "Bet you're the lead story on DMV, or whatever that weird show is."

Rarity began to feel a little woozy, but with her last wisp of magic, she pulled Joe and Hulk's table off of the broadcast booth and into the ring. She brought a hoof to her forehead, stood up onto her back legs, and fainted away onto the table. "That's it!" the announcer proclaimed. "This battle is over! The winner is Rainbow Dash!"

"Aw yeah!" Rainbow celebrated by spiking the camera she had taken onto the ground, where it shattered into a million pieces.

"What a battle, brother!" Hulk wrapped Joe in a huge bear hug. "You know it was an epic throwdown when even our set gets trashed!"

"Out of the way!" Shing rushed into the ring to survey the damage to his clothes. He fell to his knees as the sight of his torn, dirty linens lying on the ground. "You...you monster," he snapped at Rainbow. "I mean, you ruined everything!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Chillax, dude," she said. "I didn't ruin all your stuff." She flew over to the side of the ring and dragged a large bag out from behind one of the television cameras. "I couldn't figure out how to wear some of this stuff, so I didn't." She pulled a pair of tighty whities out of the bag. "Seriously, what do I do with these? Do I wear them on my front legs, or my back? And what am I supposed to do with my tail?"

"You went commando in my clothes!?" Shing clutched his chest as if he was having a heart attack, and he slammed his face into the ground. "It's just not fair!" he sobbed. "Not fair at all!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes again. "Geez, what a baby." She turned back to where Rarity lay on the table, and let out a big sigh. "I guess it's just me now," she said to herself.

Suddenly, Rainbow found herself surrounded by reporters, all shoving their microphones in her face. "Miss Dash!" one shouted. "How does it feel to be the only thing standing between Shao Kahn and world domination?"

"Are you up to the task of being the savior of humanity and ponykind?" another asked.

"Is there anything you'd like to say to Kahn right now?" a third inquired.

"Uh..." Rainbow stared out at the press for a moment as she pondered her response. "Up to the task?" she finally said. "Of course I'm up to the task!" She pointed back at Rarity. "Tell Kahn to enjoy this," she said, "'cause it'll be the last time he sees a pony lose!" Her eyes narrowed. "He's gonna rue the day he challenged the Element of Loyalty."

Chrysalis, for her part, decided to forgo attending either semifinal battle in person, and instead watched the fights from a TV in Shao Kahn's office. Kahn left to watch the primetime match from his private box, but returned after a stray fireball burned the whole structure to the ground. "How did it turn out?" Kahn asked upon his return.

Chrysalis shrugged. "How should I know? Both fighters looked the same to me."

"It doesn't matter," Kahn said. "Neither Taven nor Daegon cause me to lose any sleep at night." He reached over and changed the channel to CNN, where a trio of anchors were discussing Rainbow's comments from earlier in the day. "My my!" Kahn said with a smile. "Doesn't she know it's considered bad form to provide bulletin board material for her opponent? Why, Bill Belichick must be turning over in his grave right now, and he's not even dead yet!"

"Get used to it," Chrysalis said. "Of all the ponies that came here, she is the one with the smallest brain and the biggest mouth."

"Well, we can't have a pony walking around here thinking they have a bigger mouth than me!" Kahn walked over to his desk, pulled out a shiny new laptop, and logged on to his Twitter account. Looking forward to facing Miss Dash in #MortalKombat, he typed. Rainbows always end, and I shall enjoy claiming my pot of gold. #RainbowDeath

Power(up) Ponies

After a late night of plotting her upcoming invasion of Equestria, Chrysalis had planned to sleep in the next morning, and spend the rest of the day lounging around watching Outlander reruns. Instead, however, she found herself being roused by Fran at the ungodly hour of 6:30 AM. "You had better have a good reason for this," Chrysalis snapped at the secretary.

"Kahn needs you in his office right away!" Fran insisted. "He said it was a matter of inter-dimensional importance, one that could shape the future of the world for centuries to come."

"Sure it is." Chrysalis rolled her eyes, but complied with Fran's request and followed her to Kahn's chambers, where they found the Outworld emperor poring over a pile of documents on his desk.

"It's about time you got here," Kahn said to his secretary. "What, did you go to Chrysalis's room by way of Albuquerque?"

"I'm terribly sorry, sir," Fran replied. "I got there as fast as I could."

"She was probably too busy contemplating the seriousness of your request," Chrysalis remarked sarcastically. "Out with it, Kahn. What matter was so important that you deemed it a higher priority than my beauty sleep?"

"This." Kahn pulled out two pictures of ornate palaces and held them out towards Chrysalis. "Tell me, in your Earth-dwelling experience, what would make a better capitol building for my new empire: Buckingham Palace, or the Taj Mahal?"

"Really?" Chrysalis stared disapprovingly at Kahn for a good five seconds. "I don't know," she finally said. "The Taj Mahal may not be big enough to hold your ego, but perhaps the monsoon season would wash the slime out of your head and allow your brain to breathe."

"India does have a rather extreme climate, doesn't it?" Kahn noted. "Very well. Merry old England it is!" He tossed the castle pictures into a garbage can next to his desk. "Now, for the next order of business..."

Kahn clasped his hands together and leaned across his desk towards Chrysalis. "Normally, Shang Tsung and I serve as the final arbiters of this tournament," he explained. "However, as you are well aware, Shang is a bit tied up in New York as a guest of the UN these days, and while his dimwitted nephew has been covering his soul-collecting duties, I fear that Shing Tsung's fighting ability is no better than his fashion sense."

"A safe assumption," Chrysalis agreed, "but who cares? Watching him get crushed would be the highlight of this whole endeavor."

"Yes, but I do not want to listen to those pithy Fox executives complain about a lack of action like they did in the Twilight Sparkle fight," Kahn replied. "Therefore, I would like to slot someone else in that post-final slot, or rather, somebug."

Chrysalis suddenly dove across Kahn's desk, knocking the emperor to the floor. Before Kahn could react, Chrysalis was standing on his chest with her face inches from his. "Do not call me that!" she roared, raising her hoof threateningly. "Or perhaps you'd like to see which one of us squashes more easily!"

"My my, it seems that someone did not have their coffee this morning." Kahn pushed Chrysalis off of him in one effortless motion, then climbed back to his feet. "Still, that attack was quite impressive, madam. Certainly impressive enough to smite whoever emerges from tonight's finale."

"Personally, I think I've done enough of your dirty work," Chrysalis muttered. "I will be moving my brood back to the Equestrian border after tonight's battle, and I will have my hooves full coordinating the move. Trust me—if you think herding cats is hard, try herding changelings."

"Are you sure you won't reconsider?" Kahn pressed. "Princess Celestia will be there. We received her RSVP this morning."

"And I should care why?"

"Think of it this way," Kahn said. "You get a chance to finish the tournament that seals your takeover of Equestria, potentially knocking out the final pony in the process, and our pompous princess friend can do nothing but watch her empire go up in flames in front of the entire world! You can even swipe the crown right off her head, and we can hold a little coronation ceremony after the battle while Equestria's ex-ruler is led away in chains!" He threw an arm around Chrysalis. "After everything she's done to you and your brood, could there possibly be a more delicious ending to the changeling saga?"

Chrysalis closed her eyes and let the scene play out in her mind for a moment. "No," she agreed, "there isn't."

"Splendid! So you'll do it?"

"I'll think about it." Chrysalis turned and headed for the door. "I prefer to make decisions on more than three hours of sleep."

Kahn chuckled as Chrysalis exited the room. "Take Shing's name out of the tournament bracket, and tell him his life has been spared," he told Fran. "We have found a suitable replacement."

"But didn't Miss Chrysalis say—" Fran began to say.

"Oh, she'll do it," Kahn assured his secretary. "Trust me—after everything that fool Celestia has put her through, she can do nothing else."

Rainbow Dash found her own rest disturbed by a loud knocking at the slightly-less-revolting hour of eight o'clock, but she wasn't any happier about it than Chrysalis. "Keep it down, will you?" she shouted in the direction of the hut door. "Some ponies are trying to sleep around here!"

"Miss Dash?" a voice called from outside the hut. "Emperor Kahn sent us to make sure you would be awake for this morning's weigh-in at the castle."

"Weigh-in?" Rainbow's mind flashed back to the five pieces of apple upside-down cake she had eaten at the after-fight party, and she bounced out of bed and raced outside to where a group of Kahn's generic staff ninjas were waiting. "What do you mean, weigh-in?" she demanded. "Nopony told me was gonna be a weigh-in! Since when do we have weigh-ins around here?"

"Cool your jets," one of the ninjas said. "It's not really a weigh-in. Kahn just likes to bring the final fighters together to exchange pleasantries—and maybe a few jabs—for the TV cameras."

"Well, I still wish somepony would have said something about this yesterday," Rainbow grumbled. "So when is this stupid weigh-in thing?"

"Oh, in about fifteen minutes," another ninja replied.

"What?! But I've got, like, a million other things to do before then!" Rainbow passed on a formal farewell in favor of a mad dash across the island to the cafeteria, where she threw three bowls of oats and two mugs of cider down her gullet in under three minutes. From there, she rushed up into the clouds for a morning workout: fifty crunches, one hundred wing pushups, and ten quick laps around the peak of the island's mountain. "That'll have to do," she grumbled as she flew towards the castle.

Rainbow was greeted at the castle's front gates by a mass of screaming fans and photographers, all there to catch a glimpse of their planet's last hope. She couldn't help but grin at all the adulation being thrown her way. "Thank you! Thank you!" she said to the throngs below. "You're too kind!"

"Miss Dash!" another one of Kahn's ninjas called out from a second-story window. "Do not use the main entrance! Come through here!"

Dash did as she was told, but not without trepidation. "What's wrong with the front door?" she asked.

The ninja reached over and plucked a feather from Rainbow's wing, then casually tossed it out of the window. The air suddenly filled with cries of "OMG! It's a real Rainbow Dash feather!" and the scene outside descended into chaos as the masses fought for possession of the feather.

"See?" the ninja said. "They would have plucked you like a chicken."

Rainbow looked down at the crowd with a confused look. "Humans are weird," she finally concluded.

The ninja led Rainbow to a large conference room containing a long table, two microphones, and about one hundred members of the mainstream media. "Wait here for a moment," the ninja said. "We have to introduce Emperor Kahn first."

As the ninja spoke, Fran emerged from behind a curtain at the other side of the room. "Ladies and gentlemen, and ponies of all ages," she shouted, "please welcome the leader of Outworld and the master of ceremonies for this tournament, Emperor Shao Kahn!"

The assembled media crowded at the front of the room as Kahn appeared from behind the curtain. "Kahn! Emperor Kahn!" they all screamed, raising their hands in the hope that Kahn would answer their questions.

Kahn didn't even bother to hide his smile. "Please, no questions!" he said, waving the journalists off. "After all, this event is all about our final two combatants!" He waved to a group of ninjas in the back corner. "Bring on the scale!"

The crowd parted just long enough for the ninjas to carry in an oversized bathroom scale and place it next to the table. "Now," Kahn continued, "My administration has a strict 'ladies first' policy, so we will begin with the self-proclaimed fastest flyer in the universe, Miss DayGlo Trash! ...Oh dear, I mean Miss Rainbow Dash." He flashed an evil grin towards the pegasus. "I'm terribly sorry."

"Sure you are." Rainbow rolled her eyes and flew over to the scale, and struck a confident pose upon landing. "I hope your wimpy little cameras can handle this much awesomeness!" she said to the photographers. "Don't worry if they aren't, though. You'll all get another photo op after I win this fight and introduce 'Cowed Fawn' here to my little friends." She raised her front hooves to hammer to point home.

Kahn examined the scale needle as it rattled into a steady position. "An even ninety-eight pounds, eh?" he chuckled as Rainbow hopped off the scale. "How unfortunate. I suppose I'll let you reporters finish that phrase." He pointed back to where Rainbow had entered the room. "Challenging our arrogant aerialist in tonight's battle is an Edenian lad with some very impressive lineage, and a man ruthless enough to destroy his own brother in last night's semifinal bout. Scribes of the universe, I give you...Taven!"

A tall, chiseled figure with a well-trimmed chin curtain beard and a black, gold-trimmed martial arts uniform stepped into the room and strode up to the table. "Meh," Rainbow said as she looked the man up and down. "He doesn't look so tough."

Kahn stuck out his hand as Taven reached the table. "Congratulations on getting off the schneid and finally beating Daegon!" he said. "Like I always say, the twenty-sixth time's the charm."

Taven glared at Kahn, and walked past him without returning his handshake offer. "Where is the scale? Let us get this over with."

Kahn shrugged, but continued smiling. "Fine. Be that way."

Taven walked up to the scale, then raised his right foot and slammed it down, splitting the scale right down the middle and rendering it unusable. "Consider this a sneak preview of what I will do to your skull," he said, although it was unclear if he was talking to Shao Kahn or Rainbow Dash.

Kahn laughed off Taven's threat. "You know, I don't believe I've introduced you two properly. Is there anything you'd like to say to each other before our Q&A session?"

Rainbow glared at Taven. "I hope you've made funeral arrangements, pal," she said, "because I'm sending to you to the great beyond, or wherever that dork Shing keeps all the souls he gets. Nothing and nopony is standing between me and saving my friends!"

"Hmph," Taven snorted. "Another bloodthirsty abomination that Kahn has dug up to perform in his twisted circus." He turned to the assembled media. "You should all be ashamed of yourselves," he declared. "You glorify a tournament that will one day bring Armageddon to our world, and you lionize the sick fiends who partake in it. It is disgusting, and the sooner I bring this madness to an end, the better."

"Well gosh, tell us how you really feel!" Kahn laughed. "Now then, let's open the floor for questions..."

A man at the front of the room stood up. "Taven, this tournament has been going on for centuries," he said. "How do you plan to stop it?"

"I can bench press Mt. Kilimanjaro, I throw more fireballs than Randy Johnson, and I've got an office in the Elder Gods corporate building," Taven replied. "I think I can find a way."

A woman on the opposite side of the room raised her hand. "Rainbow," she said, "Taven's credentials are very impressive. How would you assess your own chances for victory?"

"Hey, my credentials are pretty good too!" Rainbow Dash insisted. "I'm the fastest flyer in the whole entire history of Equestria! I'm the only pony to ever pull off a Sonic Rainboom! I've helped smite some of the baddest baddies ever to do bad!" She glared at Taven for a moment. "Heck, I can probably grow a better beard than this guy," she added. "Seriously, dude, stop kidding yourself and buy a razor."

"Your friends have all been defeated," another reporter pointed out. "Can you really win this tournament by yourself?"

"I won't have to!" Rainbow declared. She stood up onto her back hooves and placed a front hoof over her heart. "We're all together in here, even when we're apart." The sappy statement drew an eye roll from Taven.

A bespectacled reporter with a coffee-stained polo raised his hand. "Taven, TMZ is reporting that you recently spoke with Vince McMahon about joining the WWE. Can you confirm this?"

"I can, yes," Taven replied. "I'm trying to end that operation too. However, that case is less about fending off Armageddon and more in the name of good taste. Seriously, did you see the last Royal Rumble battle? I could've beaten every one of those amateurs in under a minute."

A pony wearing a fedora and carrying a notepad stepped forward. "Miss Dash, Ann Coulter recently called your success, and I quote, 'a liberal conspiracy to promote a anti-gun, anti-family, and anti-business agenda.' Would you care to respond to this?"

Rainbow arched an eyebrow at the question. "Who's Ann Coulter? She sounds dumb."

Kahn yawned as the questions kept coming, and decided to add a little more spice to the matchup. "As many of you know," he said, "the collective destiny of all the losers in this tournament is in the hands—or hooves—of the supreme winner. My question for you, Miss Dash: What would you do with them?"

"Do with them?" Rainbow was a bit taken aback by the revelation. "Well...I'd bring my friends back, of course, but I'd make Applejack give me the first barrel of cider every year as payment. You can keep those other dopes."

"I see." Shao Kahn looked back towards Taven. "And what say you, Taven? Do you share the pony's plan of mercy?"

"As far as I am concerned, you and your gladiators are a blight upon the universe," Taven stated matter-of-factly. "Your souls are all beyond salvation, and I will destroy every last one."

"What?!" Rainbow's jaw dropped, and she went nose-to-nose with Taven. "What do you mean, destroy them?" she demanded. "You can't destroy them! We're the ones trying to save the world!"

"It matters not," Taven replied coldly. "This tournament will destroy the universe if left unchecked, and those who participate in the fighting are part of the problem, regardless of their intentions. As far as I am concerned, your ilk is no better than the scum that Kahn employs."

"But you're participating in this stupid thing too!" Rainbow pointed out.

"Do not try to hide behind details!" Taven raged. "I will defeat both you and Shao Kahn, and when I do, I shall put an end to the tournament and those who compete in it."

Steam began shooting out of Rainbow Dash's ears. "Oh yeah?" she snarled. "Well, think again, you mulch-munching meathead!"

"I will not lose to a pitiful, potty-mouthed pegasus!" Taven shot back.

"Ground-bound goon!"

"Insolent insect!"

"Brother-beating homewrecker!"

"Book-loving braggart!"

"Half-god poser!"

"Wonderbolt wannabe!"

"Enough!" Shao Kahn pushed his way in between the squabbling fighters to separate them, although the smile on his face suggested that he found the war of words quite enjoyable. "That's all for Q&A, folks, so you'd all better tune in tonight to see who gets the last word!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow agreed. "You'd better show up to the fight tonight so you can take your lumps like a real mare!"

"I will be there," Taven promised, "but when the battle is over, it will be you who is absent."

Rainbow stared daggers at Taven for another second, then made a beeline for the nearest window and headed for the clouds. Taven had struck a nerve with his comments, and though she remained confident in her abilities, she also wanted to squash him extra-flat in the battle, which meant she was going to have to kick her training into overdrive.

The evening's battle drew a crowd of several thousand fans to the island, overwhelming Kahn's staff and forcing him to take drastic measures in response: Place an emergency takeout order of five hundred pizzas, designate a hundred suitably-large palm trees as makeshift bathrooms, and press several hundred of Chrysalis's minions into service for crowd control duty. Normally such a crowd would have also overflowed the battle ring at the summit of Kahn's mountain, but since many of the new arrivals were pegasi, Kahn's crew solved the problem by having the ponies bring in twenty large stratus clouds and arrange them in a circle around the mountain.

Rainbow Dash, for her part, was too focused to even notice the extra excitement, and threw down her most intense training session since arriving on the island. She tripled her pushup and lap counts from that morning, then went through her entire Wonderbolt routine at double speed, throwing in a spectacular Sonic Rainboom at the end for good measure. She arrived at the cloud-ringed coliseum prepped and ready to rumble, and the large crowd neither moved nor unnerved her. "Alright, I'm here!" she shouted at the battle announcer. "Let's get this party started already!"

The tuxedoed announcer shrugged. "We have to wait for the signal from the broadcast booth."

Rainbow slammed her hoof on her head, and looked over to where Joe Buck and Hulk Hogan were addressing the camera. "Tonight's battle presents quite a conundrum for those still trying to decide who to support," Joe said, "as both combatants are running on the anti-Kahn platform and would not support an Outworld merger."

"The choice is clear for me, brother!" Hulk declared as he donned a rainbow-haired wig. "A vote for Taven means a vote for the end of Mortal Kombat, and that would be totally tragic! I'm backing Kano Smash, the real horse in this race, and accepting no imitations!"

"I'd expect nothing less from you," Joe quipped. "Now, as—"

"What's that?" Suddenly, Rainbow Dash swooped in between the broadcasters and grabbed Hulk's mic. "The battle's about to start?" she said in a mock surprised tone. "Gosh, I guess we'd better shut our pieholes and get to the action!" She threw down the mic with authority, then sped back over to the announcer. "You're on!"

The announcer nodded and cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, fillies and gentlecolts, and creatures of all sizes all around the world," he began, "welcome to the concluding battle of the Mortal Kombat pyramid! We've got a good one in store for you tonight, so let's get ready to RUM-BULLLLLLLLLLL—"

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Rainbow darted over and swiped the microphone from the announcer. "I'm Rainbow Dash, he's an idiot"—she pointed to Taven, who had just stepped into the ring—"and we're both ready to fight!"

"I concur," Taven said. "Let us end this absurd spectacle and get down to business."

His thunder stolen, the announcer could only sigh and shake his head. "Fine then. FIGHT!"

Rainbow Dash moved to leap into the air, but Taven was in her face before she could even blink, and he unloaded a trio of punches that sent the pegasus tumbling back into the crowd. "What the hay?" Rainbow sputtered as she jumped back to her hooves. "How did you do that? I've never seen anypony move that fast!"

"Then perhaps you would like to see it again!" In a flash Taven was beside Rainbow once again, connecting with another flurry of punches and finishing with an uppercut that sent Rainbow spiraling into the air.

"Taven opens with a pair of devastating combos!" Joe narrated. "How will Rainbow Dash respond?"

Rainbow quickly righted herself in the air and shook the stars from her eyes. "Alright," she told herself, "it's time to bring the battle to this dope for a change!" She did a quick U-turn and made a beeline for Taven, intent on implanting her hoof in his nose. "Here I come!"

Taven shook his head. "You are as predictable as that fool Kahn, and slower to boot." He waited until the absolute last second before twisting himself away from the attack, and Rainbow ended up hitting nothing but air.

"Hey!" Rainbow objected as she turned to make another pass. "What are you, too chicken to take a bit of your own medicine?"

"This is incredible!" Hulk gushed as Taven smoothly dodged Rainbow's second attack. "I haven't seen moves like that since that Neo guy made the quarterfinals a few years back!"

Rainbow Dash gnashed her teeth in frustration. "Okay, Mr. Scaredy-Pony, let's see you dodge this," she said. She flew high into the air, roared past the cloud seating, made a big turn around the blimp providing Fox's aerial coverage, and started diving back down towards the battlefield. The pegasi in the clouds cheered at the sight of a cone of air swirling around Rainbow, as they knew full well what was coming next.

Taven yawned as Rainbow began making her descent. "It seems I must show this mare that aggression without control brings nothing but misfortune," he muttered.

As Rainbow Dash plummeted from the sky, the air cone around her grew bigger and bigger, but her speed seem to plateau for a few seconds. Suddenly, about two hundred feet from the ground, the cone exploded with a loud bang, and a sky was filled with color as a Sonic Rainboom shot across the sky. The explosion immediately kicked Rainbow's speed up to Mach 3, and before Taven could react to the sudden acceleration, Rainbow smashed her front hooves into his stomach, sending him sprawling to the ground. "And Rainbow counters with a spectacular bull—pardon, pony rush—that knocks Taven for a loop!" Joe shouted.

"Ha! Take that, Mr. Tough Guy!" Rainbow laughed as she zoomed back into the air and prepared another attack.

Taven picked himself up off the ground and glared silently at the gloating pegasus. "Taven's in a bind now," Joe declared. "He doesn't know if Rainbow will come at him with her Bugs Bunny changeup or unleash her four-seam fastball."

"It does not matter," Taven snapped at the announcer. "To extend your plebeian baseball reference, the key to victory is simply to make good, solid contact." With that, Taven stepped out of the battle ring, pushed his way through the crowd, and took up a position about sixty feet outside the ring.

Rainbow Dash made another loop high in the air, and came barreling down towards Taven a second time, building up another head of steam as she flew. She dialed back her speed a few notches this time in anticipation of Taven's dodge, but Taven instead waited patiently for her to arrive, so she hit the afterburners and aimed for another body blow.

Taven waited until Rainbow drew near, but instead of moving, he whispered a few words under her breath and suddenly disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Rainbow's eyes popped wide open as she passed through the smoke and saw what was waiting behind it: A large, sturdy-looking rock sticking up out of the ground.

POW! Rainbow faceplanted hard into the stone, hung in the air quivering like an arrow in a target for a few seconds, and then slid down to the ground. "Ooh!" Joe said with a wince. "That's got to hurt."

Taven soon reappeared about ten feet from the scene of the accident, and smiled as he gazed down at the wreckage. "Perhaps a broken jaw will teach you not to speak too soon," he remarked.

Rainbow managed to raise herself back onto her hooves, and turned to face Taven, although her eyes were pointing in two different directions. "Calling in backup, huh?" she said as she rose up onto her back hooves and assumed a boxer's stance. "Bring it on! I'll whup all five of you."

Taven smirked. "You look a bit confused, madam. Allow me to help you see the light." A ball of flame appeared in his right hand, and he reared back and flung it at the pegasus with all his might.

"YAH!" The sight of five fireballs being flung at her brought Rainbow to her senses pretty quick, and she leaped into the air just before the fireball hit, escaping with only a few singed tail hairs. "Didn't Smokey the Bear ever tell you not to play with fire?" she shouted down at Taven.

"I assure you that I am not playing!" Taven summoned his magic once more, took aim at Rainbow Dash, and began pumping fireballs into the air, their flames leaving behind streaks of light like tracer bullets.

"Whoa! Hey! Yikes!" Rainbow shouted as she tried to avoid the fiery barrage. Luckily, in addition to being the fastest flyer in Equestria, she was one of the most agile, and Taven's scattershot fireballs didn't even graze her. "Hah! Try again, dorkface!" she said with a laugh.

"You live your life too fast," Taven observed. "Maybe you should stop and smell the roses for a while." He uttered a few words and spread his arms wide, and a gray aura spilled forth from his hands and started spreading in all directions, freezing everything it touched.

"And Taven summons his Time—" was all Joe could say before he was stuck in place.

Rainbow was similarly caught off guard by the attack, and she ended up trapped high in the sky with her mouth hung open in surprise. Taven chuckled at her awkward expression, then brought his hands together and summoned the biggest fireball he could muster, which wound up being about three feet in diameter. He shot the fireball toward Rainbow, watched as it made it way towards the stuck pegasus, then snapped his fingers to dispel the gray aura and restart time just before impact.

The fireball struck paydirt and exploded with a loud bang, sending Rainbow Dash sailing across the night sky like a flaming comet. "And Taven connects with a devastating blow!" Joe shouted. "Is this the end of Rainbow Dash?"

As the crowd oohed and aahed at Rainbow's flight, one of Kahn's generic ninjas pulled out a pair of binoculars and traced her trajectory. "She's headed for the fighter huts!" he announced.

With that, Taven, the crowd, and the television crew packed up and headed down the mountain to watch the final act of the battle unfold.

"Uhh...my head..." Rainbow Dash groaned as she lay in the pony-sized hole her landing had created. Every part of her body ached, but an image of her fellow Elements of Harmony flashed before her eyes, and she managed to will herself back onto her hooves. "Where...where am I?"

A quick survey of her surroundings revealed that she was in an unoccupied fighter hut, albeit one with a new skylight courtesy of her entrance. She jumped up to fly back through the hole and see what was going on outside, but a sharp pain in her wings vetoed this plan almost immediately, and she landed dejectedly back on the ground. "Great. Just freaking great," she said. "I'm grounded, and that idiot'll be here any minute to finish me off. What am I gonna do?"

In response, a voice in Rainbow's head began screaming: Make a plan! Take advantage of your surroundings, and use the element of surprise to swing the battle back in your favor!

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Rainbow slammed a hoof on her forehead. "First Fluttershy, then Applejack, and now Twilight is in my head?"

What's wrong with that? the voice demanded. Besides, would your rather play 'Dodge the Fireball' without wings?

"Fine, fine," Rainbow grumbled. "But I swear, if Rarity starts talking to me, I'm gonna hurt somepony."

Considering you haven't managed to hurt a certain somepony up to this point, a second voice that sounded a lot like Rarity pointed out, perhaps talking to me would be an improvement. For now, darling, I agree with Twilight. See if you can put together an ensemble that is both dazzling and flame-resistant.

Rainbow sighed, and started walking through the hut to see what she had at her disposal. While the hut didn't have a whole lot to offer, a large pile of orange boxes sitting in a corner caught Rainbow's attention. "What have we got here?" she asked as she pulled one of the boxes off the pile for a closer look.

The box itself was unlabeled outside of a large, unhelpful question mark on the side, and there didn't seem to be any easy way to open it, so Rainbow took a deep breath, raised her hoof, and slammed it down on the box. The box did not break, but instead turned a reddish-brown color, and a furry body suit with pointed ears and a long tail popped out.

"Is this...a cat suit?" Rainbow grimaced at the garment. "Yeah, sure, this'll be helpful."

The other boxes produced similar results, and soon Rainbow found herself surrounded by a bunch of bizarre items and costumes. "Cat suits, raccoon suits, frog suits, penguin suits, hammers, boomerangs, propeller hats...seriously, what kind of kinky weirdo was living here?" she wondered. "Plus feathers, acorns, cherries, flowers, enough shrooms to make Cheech and Chong jealous, and...a giant shoe???" Rainbow kicked the shoe across the hut. "What am I supposed to do with this junk?" she wailed. "I'm doomed!"

"Pony!" Taven's voice suddenly echoed from outside the hut. "Show yourself, or I shall be forced to destroy every hut on this island!"

Rainbow gulped, and turned to the last box that she had yet to open. "Here goes nothing..."

Taven stood at the very edge of the fighter hut area, surrounded by screaming fans, scrambling Fox production associates, and a few groveling generic ninjas. "We beg you, Taven, do not destroy the huts!" the ninjas pleaded. "It took us four months to build all this!"

"When I end this tournament, there will be no need for these shoddy dwellings," Taven stated coldly. "Now then...this is your last chance, pony! You have until the count of three to surrender! ...One! ...Two!"

Suddenly, one of the nearby huts exploded in a ball of light and dust, sending anyone who wasn't named Taven scrambling for cover. "What kind of pitiful attack is that?" Taven sputtered in between coughs. "My great-grandmother has been dead for centuries, and even she could hit better than...that?"

A gasp went up from the crowd as they saw what now stood in the hut's place: A gigantic, pixelated Rainbow Dash, with legs the size of redwood trunks and a head that blotted out the full moon overhead.

"Aw yeah!" Rainbow said as she stared down at herself. "Now this is what I'm talking about!"

"How in the... What sort of trickery is this?" Taven demanded.

"Oh, it's just a little something I like to call star power!" Rainbow flexed a front hoof for the cameras. "Now, about that fight we were having..."

"Foolish pony!" Taven cursed. "Size does not matter in Mortal Kombat!" He reared back and fired a few fireballs at Rainbow, but they bounced harmlessly off of her.

"I beg to differ, shrimp!" Rainbow cantered over and swatted Taven with her hoof, sending the half-god fifty feet through the air and into a grove of nearby palm trees.

An angry Taven bounced back to his feet and cast his Time Stop spell, freezing the world in place once more. He charged at Rainbow, then leaped and threw a mighty punch that struck her in the eye. "Eeyow!" he screamed as he crash-landed on the ground and stared at his now-swollen-and-throbbing hand. "Impossible!" he shouted. "Is she made of titanium or something?"

Taven continued his attack, raining down a hail of punches, kicks, and fireballs on Rainbow's legs, face, and body. The attacks were so ineffective, however, that even after the time spell wore off, Rainbow simply stood around for a minute and watched Taven wear himself out. "You're such a failure," she laughed.

Finally, Taven's stamina gave out, and he collapsed onto the ground. "This...This cannot be happening!" he panted. "I cannot lose to a infernal creature like you!"

"Why not? Everypony else does." Rainbow pinched Taven between her front hooves, tossed him into the air, then jumped up and spiked him into the ground like a volleyball. "Game, set, match!" she declared.

The battle announcer emerged from the crowd and looked down at Taven, who lay motionless on the ground with mini Rainbow Dashes circling his head. "That's it!" he shouted. "The winner, and tournament champion, is Rainbow Dash!"

A loud cheer went up from the crowd, but before Rainbow had time to bask in it, it switched over to a chant: "FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM!"

An evil grin spread across Rainbow's face. "Don't mind if I do!" she said as she scooped up Taven. "After all, my mom always said to put trash in its proper place!"

Back at Kahn's castle, Chrysalis had finished packing for her trip back to Equestria, and was now in one of the castle towers giving her final invasion orders to her changeling generals. "You two attack from the south with Alpha and Delta squadrons," she directed. "You two take Charlie company across griffon airspace and come in from the east. I'll be bringing the Lambda, Sigma, and Omega divisions down from the Crystal Empire, and we shall all meet on the steps of Canterlot Castle! That cuckoo Celestia won't know what—"

Chrysalis was rudely interrupted by the sudden violent removal of the roof above her. "What is this?" she grumbled. "If this is another one of Kahn's games, I swear I will—"

"My queen!" one of the changelings shouted. "Take cover!"

"Good grief!" Chrysalis dove out of the way as a giant Rainbow Dash appeared overhead.

"Boom Shakalaka!" Rainbow shouted as she threw down a vicious tomahawk jam and slammed Taven through the opening created by the missing tower roof. "And the crowd goes—" Rainbow stopped as she locked eyes with the changeling queen. "Hey! It's Chrysalis!"

"Uh oh..." Chrysalis stammered as Rainbow glared angrily at her. "Company, retreat!"

"Hold it right there!" Rainbow demanded as Chrysalis and her associates scrambled for the door. Rainbow raised a hoof to block their escape, but just before she could, her star power suddenly expired, and she shrunk back to her normal size. "Grrr..." Rainbow growled as Chrysalis made a run for it.

Rainbow turned and raced back down to the crowd below. "Queen Chrysalis isn't with the UN!" she shouted. "She's still in there with that loser Kahn!" She gestured to the pegasi hovering in the air around her. "If you've got wings, follow me! If you don't, head for the front gates and storm the castle!"

Rainbow flew off with her makeshift crew, leaving the rest of the crowd to process her command. "I'm confused," one person finally admitted. "Who's Queen Chrysalis again?"

"I don't really want to mess with Kahn's staff," another person said. "They were so nice when we asked for directions to the battle."

"I heard they're serving pizza in the cafeteria tonight," a third person offered.

With that, the crowd made its way down to the dining hall, completely ignoring Rainbow's request.

As Rainbow went back to the castle tower with a army of pegasi, Chrysalis quickly scurried back to Shao Kahn's office. "Kahn? I''m afraid we have a situation here!"

"You think I don't know that?" Kahn pointed angrily at the TV he was watching, which now featured a high-definition picture of Chrysalis's face courtesy of Fox's blimp. "Thanks to you, that blasted fool Shining Armor and his UN lackeys will be on our doorstep by sunrise!"

"So what do we do?"

"You mean besides stuffing you in a box and leaving you as an early Christmas gift for the authorities?" Kahn shook his head and stood up from his seat. "Luckily for you, I wasn't planning on holding the final battles here anyway. Come with me, now!"

Kahn turned and pounded on one of the bricks in his office wall, which opened a secret passage behind his desk. He and Chrysalis darted down the passage and into a large room, which contained a large stone ring inscribed with strange symbols. "You have a stargate?" Chrysalis asked.

"I installed it last year," Kahn revealed. "I got tired of conjuring a portal to Outworld every time I had a staff meeting." He quickly dialed up the gate, then pulled out a cell phone and dialed that as the gate powered up. "Fran!" he shouted into the phone. "Initiate our code red disaster procedure, then go find that fool Shing and meet us back at Outworld HQ. He knows how to get there." He gestured towards Chrysalis as a wormhole opened up inside the gate. "After you, madam."

By the time Rainbow Dash and her pegasi squadron reached the chamber, all that was left of Shao Kahn and Chrysalis was a large stone circle that nopony knew how to operate, and a short note lying on the floor:

Dear Miss Dash,

Congratulations on your tournament victory! But I'm afraid your ponies are in another castle.

If you'd like to lodge a complaint with the management, come see me at my Outworld offices...if you dare. I'm sure a smart pony like you can find your way here.

SK

"Why that no-good rotten apple!" Rainbow cursed as she kicked the stargate. "Send a message to Equestria, and see if we can get some magic to open this thing back up! Those losers aren't getting out of this without a fight!"

O Captain! My Captain!

As Shing Tsung performed his victory dance, the far doors of the entryway unlocked and opened, and Fran walked into the room. "Oh dear," she said, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Shing rushed over to Fran. "Check it out, Fran! I won!" He pointed to Rainbow's prone form. "She came at me like 'I'm gonna kill you,' and I was all like 'Don't make me laugh,' and then I went pow! And she was like 'Noooo!', and then I won!"

"Right, because that's exactly how it happened," Jax muttered.

"That's great, Shing!" Fran offered. "I guess that explains where that box came from."

"Box? Who got a box?"

"You did! It's downstairs right now." Fran walked past Shing and began to pick up Rainbow's body. "Help me take Miss Dash down to the body chamber, and I'll show you!"

"Er, maybe I should do that, ma'am," Shining Armor offered. "Rainbow's a bit heavier than she looks."

"Would you? Oh, that would be awesome!" Fran said.

"I dunno," Shing said. "I mean, Kahn doesn't like good guys wandering around his castle."

"Oh, he won't care," Fran insisted. "Nothing helps his mood more than conquering a realm like Earth!"

Fran led Shing, Shining Armor, and everyone else in the entryway down two flights of stairs to a large room filled with gurneys. Each gurney served as the final resting place for a fallen warrior, and while the specific identities of the bodies were obscured by the white sheets placed on top of them, it wasn't hard to pick out the five ponies and one small dragon in the crowd.

Shining Armor's stomach turned a little as he spied one of the sheet-covered ponies. "Where would you like me to put Rainbow?" he asked.

"Could you put her on that open gurney over in the corner? Thanks!" Fran lifted a large cardboard box off of a nearby table. "Here it is, Shing! It looks like it's from Equestria!"

"Equestria?" Shing scratched his head. "Who would send me a package from there? I don't have any friends in Equestria. I mean, I don't have any friends anywhere else, but—"

"Maybe it's from a secret admirer!" Fran sniffed the box. "Oh, it's perfumed! Open it, open it!"

Shing ripped the tape off of the top of the box and opened it. He eyes lit up as he peered inside. "Sweet mother of Sindel!" he exclaimed as he reached into the box and pulled out a pair of necklaces. "Check out this sweet bling!"

Shining Armor's eyes widened as he realized the necklaces were two of the Elements of Harmony, but he bit his tongue and remained silent.

"There's a note inside!" Fran pointed out. She reached into the box and drew out a piece of paper. "Dear Shing," she began reading.

"Hey!" Shing snatched the paper from Fran. "I mean, it's not polite to read a note from someone's secret admirer!" He stared at the note silently for a minute or so, as the rest of the room watched with bated breath. His face fell. "This isn't from a secret admirer," he said, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. "It's from that princess horse Chrysalis kept talking about."

You mean Princess Celestia?" Fran asked.

"Yeah," Shing replied. "She's just thanking me for talking care of her subjects' souls, and wanted to send me something as a token of her appreciation."

"That was awfully nice of her!" Fran offered. "Those are some awfully nice bracelets."

"True," Shing said. He clasped the two Elements in his hand onto his arm, then reached into the box, grabbed the three remaining necklaces, and put them on his opposite arm. "What do you think?" he asked the others. "I mean, they would go better with the clothes that rainbow pony ruined, but they don't look bad."

Shining Armor's team exchanged bemused glances amongst themselves. "I dunno, dude," Kung Lao said. "I'm not sure that's quite your look."

"Oh, that's probably because he's not wearing the whole set." Fran reached into the box, pulled out Twilight's crown, and held it out towards Shing. "Try this on and see what you think."

Shing eyed the crown suspiciously. "That looks like something Princess Peach would wear. Besides, I'd rather rock my plaid fedora."

"Aw, I think it would look good!" Fran insisted. "Besides, aren't you curious to see how you would look as a prince?"

Shing weighed the idea in his mind for a few moments. "Well...I guess I could try it. I mean, I was going to ask if I could rule the Bahamas after Kahn took over Earth."

"That's the spirit!" Fran pushed Shing over to where a mirror hung on the wall. "Ponies and gentlemen, I give you...Prince Shing of Paradise!" she said as she placed the crown on Shing's head.

As soon as the crown touched Shing's scalp, a bolt of energy shot through him, and he started quivering uncontrollably. "W-W-What's going on?" he asked. "What's h-h-happening to me?"

Fran stepped backward with a look of surprise on her face, and then scurried behind one of the nearby gurneys. "Take cover!" she shouted.

As Shining Armor and his team did as they were told, Shing began shaking more violently, and a bright ball of light appeared on his chest. "T-T-The souls!" he shouted, as his eyes began flashing every color of the rainbow. "T-They're...exploding or something! I mean, I can't hold them!"

Beams of bright light began emanating from the light ball, and the ball suddenly exploded with a loud bang, flinging Shing hard against the far wall of the room. Fragments of the light were hurled in all directions, bouncing off the walls and each other as if they were billiard balls on a three-dimensional table. After a few seconds, however, the fragments slowed down and began weaving haphazard trails around the room. "Are those...the souls?" Shining Armor asked.

Nightwolf nodded. "Once the shock of their release wears off, they will seek out their bodies and rejoin the ranks of the living."

As everyone looked on, the souls indeed began to congregate around the gurneys, and gradually the souls began to thin out as they found their bodies. Soon the air was filled with pained groans and salty language as the fallen fighters tossed aside their covers and sat up from their gurneys. "Twilight!" Shining called out as he rushed over to where his sister sat. "Are you alright?"

"Ugh..." Twilight blinked a few times and held up a hoof to shade her eyes. "S... Shining? Is that you? D-did you lose your—"

"Nope!" Shining Armor pointed at where a thoroughly-fried Shing lay on the ground. "Once you were all reunited, the Elements of Harmony reacted with Shing's magic and set everypony free! You're all alive!"

"Well, everyone except Scorpion, at least," Kung Lao clarified.

"Wheeeee!" On cue, Scorpion half-walked, half-danced his way into the middle of the room. "Check it out, girls!" he squealed as he did a pirouette. "I'm a human!"

Everyone else in the room exchanged confused glances. "UH, SCORPION?" Cyrax asked. "ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?"

"No, I am not!" Pinkie Pie bellowed as she stepped out from the crowd, her hair now straight and volume-less. She pointed a hoof at Scorpion. "This insolent pony has stolen my body, and I demand that she return it!"

"Aw, don't be such a grouchy grouchpants!" Scorpion said. "I'm just borrowing it for a while!" He walked up to a nearby table and picked up a rusty bone cutter that was sitting on it. He admired the bone cutter for a moment, then set it back down, waited a few seconds, and then snatched it back up again. She repeated this sequence a few times, giggling louder with each iteration. "Hands are really neato!" he declared. "In fact, I'm so happy, I could sing a song!"

"No! No more songs!" Johnny Cage rushed over and covered Scorpion's mouth with his hand. "You've been singing ever since you showed up! I would rather listen to Celine Dion on helium than hear any more songs out of you!"

"Enough blabber!" Pinkie rushed over and raised a hoof to strike Scorpion, but Scorpion laughed and pulled away at the last moment, and Pinkie ended up hitting Cage in the face instead. "Get your face out of my way!" Pinkie thundered.

"That's it!" Cage shouted. "I'm tired, I'm hungry, I haven't showered in ages, and I've been stuck in purgatory with a trio of hooved hairdressers!" He pointed at the pink bow glued into his hair. "Somebody's going to pay for all this, and it might as well be you!" Cage lunged at Pinkie, and the two began rolling around on the floor flinging punches, kicks, and curses. Others quickly joined in to settle their own scores, and the room devolved into a martial arts moshpit.

Rainbow Dash made a move to join the party, but Shining Armor used his magic to pull her away from the scrum. "Hey! What gives?" Rainbow demanded. "I wanna get my licks in too!"

"You have bigger fish to fry." Nightwolf pointed to the doorway and the stairs beyond it. "I do not seen your young friends here, so they are probably still in Kahn's clutches."

"We can take care of business down here," Shining Armor said. "Head up to Kahn's throne room, and kick his flank for the rest of us!"

Rainbow saluted. "Yes, sir!" With that, she raced out of the room and disappeared up the stairs in a rainbow blur.

Back in his throne room, Shao Kahn passed the time by watching old sitcom reruns on his tablet, occasionally stopping to take notes on what he would do upon conquering Earthrealm. "Decree #973," he said as he wrote, "require that Charlie Sheen return to Two and a Half Men. Decree #974: Ban the cultivation of spinach, under penalty of death." He stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Perhaps I should add brussels sprouts to that as well..."

He glanced over at a clock on the wall. "Hmm...it's been a good twenty-five minutes since I heard the band play. Perhaps that fool changeling was able to defeat Miss Dash after all." He looked down at the cage he was using as a footrest, which contained the bodies of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "So much for your so-called savior," he chuckled.

"Huh?" Suddenly, Sweetie Belle's ears perked up, and she slowly lifted her head and stared groggily at Kahn. "What did you say?"

Kahn's eyes widened, and he grabbed the cage and held it close to his face. "What sorcery is this?" he demanded, as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo began to stir as well. "What are you three doing here alive?"

"Ugh!" Sweetie Belle gagged and covered her nose. "Haven't you ever heard of breath mints?"

"Yeah, you must brush your teeth even less often than Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo added.

"Enough!" Kahn ripped the door off of the cage, then reached inside and hauled Apple Bloom out by the neck. "How did you escape the soul prison?" he asked the filly.

"You ain't got to yell when I'm right here!" Apple Bloom said. "Besides, I don't know how we got here! We were workin' on gettin' our beautician cutie marks, and tryin' to figure out what mascara went with that Cage feller's eyes, and—"

Kahn tossed Apple Bloom to the ground, then turned the cage upside down and shook Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo out of it. Once completed, he stomped angrily towards the nearest window and flung the cage out into a pool of lava below. "This is impossible!" he fumed. "Even when the sorcerer died, the souls were not released until after the tournament! Don't tell me that fool Shing's magic was not strong enough to—" He stopped as he realized what must have happened. "So the pony triumphed after all, did she?" he grumbled.

In response, the door to the throne room burst open, and Rainbow dashed inside. "Rainbow!" Scootaloo squealed. "I knew you'd save us!"

"That's right!" Rainbow struck a confident pose and began staring down Shao Kahn. "Chrysalis and that soul-stealing doofus of yours didn't slow me down at all," she proclaimed. "There's nopony left between you and me, dorkface. You've got nowhere to run and nowhere to hide."

"So I see. Well, I suppose there is nothing left to do but make lemons out of lemonade." Kahn turned and walked over to the far corner of the room, where a golf bag full of metal hammers was hanging on the wall. He stared at the bag for a moment, then pulled one of the shinier hammers out of it. "I wasn't looking for an excuse to break in my new nine iron," he said as he brandished the hammer, "but I seems I have one anyway."

"Then let's get this over with," Rainbow said with a scowl.

"Now now, Miss Dash," Kahn said, "I simply cannot allow your emotions to get in the way of our sacred protocol! After all, I'm trying to run a respectable tournament here." He pointed at the fillies. "Would you three care to announce the combatants?"

"Sure!" Apple Bloom agreed. "Why, I'll bet we could get our announcin' cutie marks if we do this right! ...But how do we do it?"

"You gotta do it with style!" Scootaloo said. She pointed a hoof at Rainbow. "Introducing the fastest, coolest, most awesomest pony in Equestria—no, the world—no, wait the whole entire universe, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that just about covers it."

"Ooh, let me try!" Sweetie Belle said. "And over here, the meanest, nastiest, most-not-nice bad guy in the whole entire universe..." She paused, her eyes widening as she realized she had forgotten something. "Um...what was your name again, sir?" she asked apologetically.

Kahn shook his head. "Never send a filly to do a man's job." He held his hammer high in the air and struck a defiant pose. "I am Shao Kahn! Konqueror of worlds!" he shouted. He pointed his hammer at Rainbow Dash. "You will taste no victory!"

"That's the best line you've got? Seriously?" Now it was Rainbow's turn to shake her head. "That's just sad, bro."

"All right! We've introduced the fighters!" Apple Bloom looked at her flank, but there was still no mark. "Darn," she muttered. "I thought that sounded pretty good."

Kahn sighed. "You're supposed to ask us if we're ready, and then start the battle," he instructed the fillies. "Do you think you three pea brains can handle that?"

"Of course!" Apple Bloom said. "So, uh...are you ready?"

Kahn rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"Me too!" Rainbow added.

"Okay, girls!" Apple Bloom nodded to the other Crusaders. "On the count of three! One! Two! Three!"

"GO!" "BEGIN!" "START FIGHTING!" The three fillies each shouted a different word, then looked back at their still-blank flanks and sighed.

"I never thought I'd find a creature stupider than Shing, let along three of them," Kahn muttered.

"It's time to edumacate you about how a real pony fights!" Rainbow Dash starting darting around Shao Kahn like a hummingbird. "Lesson one: Speed kills!"

Kahn, however, had no trouble keeping up with Rainbow Dash's erratic movements, and easily parried her hooves away whenever she tried to attack. "Unfortunately for you," he taunted, "when it comes to all things Kombat, I not only wrote the book, it's already in its fifteenth edition!" He used his hammer to poke-check Rainbow Dash in the gut, sending her sailing backwards. "It's time to show you how the real MC Hammer dances!"

Kahn rushed towards Rainbow, spinning his hammer around like a baton as he charged. Rainbow managed to dodge most of the blows, but Kahn's final swing caught her underneath the chin, sending her bouncing off the ceiling and crashing to the floor. "Victory shall be mine!" Kahn shouted as he raised his hammer over his head.

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow glared up at Kahn. "Well, I hope you can enjoy the victory with only five freaking toes!" She raised a front hoof and slammed it down on Kahn's right foot.

"YEOW!" Kahn's eyes bugged out of his head, and he nearly dropped his hammer.

Rainbow took the opportunity to get back into the air and swoop around behind Kahn. "I don't know about you," she laughed, "but my mom always told me you couldn't stop what you couldn't see!" She plucked Kahn's helmet off of his head, spun it around, and slammed it back down on Kahn.

"Argh!" Kahn reached up to right his helmet. "Curse you, Rainbow Dash!" he thundered.

"All right, Rainbow!" Scootaloo cheered. "Show that baddie what for!"

Rainbow decided to give Kahn a taste of his own medicine, and dashed over to his golf bag of hammers. She pinched the handle of one hammer between her hooves and gave it a mighty pull, but the hammer didn't budge. "What the—are these stupid things bolted down or something?" she sputtered.

A large green fireball flew across the room and smashed into the wall just above Rainbow, sending her scrambling for cover behind the golf bag. "Those hammers are only for children ages 3 and above," Kahn revealed as he finished straightening his helmet. "I'm afraid they're above your intellectual capacity."

Rainbow Dash blew a raspberry at Kahn as he approached. "You can't hit me here!" she taunted from behind the hammers. "You'll hurt your precious toys!"

Kahn shook his head, lowered his shoulder, and suddenly shot forward like a rocket, leaving a shadowy trail of silhouettes behind him as he moved. He slammed his shoulder hard into the bag, crushing the hammers—and Rainbow—flat against the wall. "Actually, I signed a lifetime endorsement deal with Big Nasty War Hammers Incorporated a good century ago," he laughed as a paper-thin Rainbow slid slowly down the wall. "They provide all my hammers for free!"

As Rainbow dripped onto the floor, Kahn reached down and grabbed her. "Good grief, madam, have you ever heard of soap and water?" he chided Rainbow as he carried her over to a window. "I think a good, long lava bath would do wonders for your complexion!"

Kahn raised Rainbow high over his head and flung her out the window towards the lava pool below, then brought a hand to his ear and listened to Rainbow as her screams faded away. "Rainbow! No!" Scootaloo screamed.

"Perhaps that will teach that rotten pegasus just who is the best—" Kahn stopped as the 'p' word registered in his brain, and he slammed his palm against his face. "Did I really just try to throw a winged creature to her doom?" he grumbled as he rushed back to the window.

Just as Kahn leaned out the window to look for Rainbow, the blue pegasus swooped back into the room through an adjacent window. Before Kahn could react, Rainbow promptly flew over to Kahn, reared back with a hind hoof, and booted him square in the rump, sending him tumbling through the window. "See you next fall!" she said with a smile.

"You did it!" Scootaloo shouted, as she and the other Crusaders hurried over to Rainbow. "You saved the world!"

Rainbow brushed her hooves to knock off some imaginary dust, and gave the fillies a smug smile. "All in a day's work for the greatest flyer in Equestria!" she proclaimed confidently. "Now then, before we go, I want to sit on Kahn's throne and see how soft it—whoa!" She flinched as a spear made of green light shot past her, missing her head by inches and sticking into the ceiling. "Uh...girls? You might wanna step back..."

Within seconds, Shao Kahn had used the spear to pull himself back up the wall and into his throne room. "Congratulations, Miss Dash," he growled. "It seems you have succeeded in exacerbating my hypertension!"

Rainbow stared blankly back at Kahn. "Uh, egg-sas-per-ay-ting what, now?"

"Never mind!" Kahn reared back and hurled his hammer at Rainbow's head.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and ducked her head, avoiding the attack. "You're going to have to try harder than that to—" She was cut off by the hammer as it smacked her in the back of the head as it returned to Kahn.

Kahn's smile returned again as Rainbow fell to the floor. "It seems all those training sessions in Australia paid off after all." He walked over to Rainbow as the pegasus slowly got back to her hooves. "Tell me, Rainbow, is it stuffy in here, or is it just me? I think it's time for a little change of scenery."

Kahn crouched down, then unleashed a massive uppercut that struck Rainbow Dash under the chin and sent her crashing into the ceiling so hard that she broke right through it. "RAINBOW!" the Crusaders shouted.

Kahn held the uppercut pose for a few seconds, then gave the Crusaders a disappointed look. "You're supposed to say 'Toasty!'" he said.

"Why?" Apple Bloom asked. "I think it's kinda cold in here."

"I could go for some toast right now," Sweetie Belle said.

"Me too, as long as Sweetie isn't making it," Scootaloo added.

Kahn shook his head. "I'm going up to finish the battle. Feel free to throw yourselves into the lava while I'm gone."

Kahn headed for the door, but much to his chagrin, the Crusaders were right behind him. "Come on, girls!" Scootaloo said. "Rainbow might need our help!"

Rainbow Dash, for her part, found herself laying face-down on the roof of Kahn's castle. "What...just...happened?" she wondered.

A sharp pain in her flank quickly brought her to her senses. "Ow!" she shouted as she bounced up from the ground. Turning around, she found that she was being poked in the cutie mark with a halberd held by one of Kahn's generic ninjas. "What's your problem?" she demanded.

The ninja ignored her and turned around to face a group of other ninjas behind him. "Yep, she's still with us," he announced.

"I could've told you that, genius," one of the other ninjas said. "That move never knocks anyone out."

Rainbow flew up another twenty feet and scanned the rooftop. "Where's Kahn?"

"He'll be up in a second," a third ninja replied, pointing to a set of doors on the other side of the roof. "Sometimes the elevator takes a while to get up here."

Right on cue, the elevator doors opened, and Kahn rushed out onto the roof, gasping for breath. "Good grief!" he gagged as he fell to his knees.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders casually strolled out of the elevator behind Kahn. "Gosh, Mr. Kahn, are you okay?" Sweetie Belle asked.

Kahn scowled, and wheeled around to face the fillies. "All right, which one of you farted in there?"

"What are you talking about?" Scootaloo replied. "Apple Bloom always smells like that."

"Hey!" Apple Bloom objected.

"Grrr..." Kahn turned back to Rainbow Dash and pointed his hammer at her. "I grow tired of dealing with you infernal ponies!" he growled. "Let us finish this!"

"Agreed!" Rainbow called down. "Personally, though, I approve of the venue change." She began circling the castle, building up speed for a high-powered attack. "I can always use more space!"

"Then allow me to challenge that statement." Kahn raised his fist and shot a green energy spear straight up into the sky. The spear didn't even come close to hitting Rainbow, but instead ripped open a large dark cloud that hovered over the entire castle, unleashing a huge downpour.

Rainbow looked up at the cloud and shrugged. "Who do you think I am, Rarity? I'm not afraid of a little rain!"

"I'm not finished yet." Kahn fired several more spears into the cloud, causing it to start dropping bolts of lightning across the countryside.

This development got Rainbow's attention, as she was forced to take evasive action to avoid getting shocked. "Hey! Whoa! Watch it!" she screamed, shaking a hoof at the cloud. "Ponies are trying to fly around here!"

Kahn laughed at Rainbow's antics, and fired up a few more spears to energize the cloud further. "I'm afraid you'll have to join us here on the ground, Miss Dash," he said, pointing to several large lightning rods mounted on the castle walls. "Otherwise, you'll soon be fit to be fried."

Rainbow muttered something under her breath, and swooped down to the castle roof.

"I knew you'd see things my way eventually," Kahn said with a grin. "Now then, Rainbow...en garde!" He charged at Rainbow, swinging his hammer to and fro like a master swordsman.

Lacking a weapon herself, Rainbow ran over and snatched the halberd from Kahn's ninja. "Bring it on!" she shouted, gripping the weapon in her teeth.

The two fighters engaged in an intricate dance of advancing, swinging, and parrying, surrounded by cheering spectators and crashes of lightning. The duel stretched for five minutes, then ten, and then fifteen, and while neither side showed any signs of fatigue, neither one seemed to be able to break through the other's defenses.

"This is impossible!" Scootaloo lamented as the battle raged on. "Rainbow can't even get close to that jerk! How can somepony so big move so fast?"

"This can't be happening!" one of Kahn's ninjas said. "Kahn's been beating on that pony forever, and her jaw isn't even tired! How can someone that small be that strong?"

Finally, at the twenty-two minute mark of the epic clash, something gave out: With one final mighty swing, Kahn snapped the halberd in half on contact, sending the tip sailing off the roof and down into a lava pit below. The swing still missed Rainbow, however, and the unresisted follow-through left Kahn badly out of position. Before he could recover, Rainbow Dash reached up and smashed Kahn across the face with what was left of the halberd's handle, sending the Outworld emperor sailing backwards. He flew about twenty feet through the air, then skidded across the roof shingles for another fifteen feet before coming to rest at the hooves of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Rainbow spit out the halberd handle, shook the rain out of her mane, and stared down Kahn as he rose back onto one knee. "Had enough?" she asked pointedly.

Kahn paused for a moment, then stood up and wiped his mouth with his hand, which left a streak of blood on his gauntlet. He stared at the blood for a few seconds, and a smile began growing on his face. He giggled, then laughed, and finally unleashed a happy roar as he was backlit by a bolt of lightning. "Miss Rainbow Dash!" he shouted. "It is truly a pity that things must end this way. Your fighting spirit is truly beyond reproach, and perhaps in another place and time, we could have fought side by side as allies. Unfortunately, it seems that fate—"

"Are you done yet?" Rainbow interrupted. "My hooves are getting pruny!"

"Very well." Kahn turned his back to Rainbow and walked past the Crusaders to the edge of the roof. "Did I ever tell you about the first time Shang Tsung and Quan Chi decided to assassinate me and take over the world themselves?" he asked. "It's a fascinating tale, really..."

"Not interested!" Rainbow Dash started walking towards Kahn. "Now either surrender, or prepare to eat a hoof sandwich!"

"Fine. I'll give you the Cliff Notes version." Kahn turned back to face Rainbow. "You see, their stupid little plan actually succeeded, and they left me fully, completely, 100% dead on the floor of my throne room."

"How is that possible?" Scootaloo asked. "You're still here!"

Sweetie Belle's eyes popped open, and she dived behind Apple Bloom. "Y-y-you're not a g-g-ghost, are you?"

"Of course not, my dear!" Kahn laughed. "My life was spared, thanks to the miracle of science!"

"So you were brought back to life?" Apple Bloom said.

Kahn smiled. "No, actually, I—"

"Enough talk!" Rainbow declared. "It's time to take you down once and for all."

Kahn's smile grew even bigger. "Go ahead. You see, the best thing about being me...is that there's so many of me."

Rainbow suddenly realized that Kahn seemed to be looking past her, and she turned to find fifty identical clones of Kahn standing behind her. "This...could be a problem," she admitted with a grimace.

Kahn laughed again. "Get 'er, boys!" he commanded.

"Yikes!" Rainbow leaped into the air just before three clones leaped on top of her. "This cannot be legal!" she shouted at Kahn.

"Why not?" Kahn chuckled as Rainbow dodged thirty spears thrown in her direction. "The rules only say the fight has to be between you and me. They don't mention any limits on how many of me you have to fight!"

Rainbow was now trapped between a rock and a hard place, evading spears and hammers from below while also dodging lightning bolts from above. It was a delicate balance that even the greatest flyer in Equestria could not maintain, and eventually a stray hammer clipped her on the wing and sent her spiraling toward the ground. As soon as she hit the roof, she was promptly dog-piled on by thirty of Kahn's clones, and grew faint as she felt the life getting squeezed out of her. "Resistance is futile," the Kahn nearest to her ear whispered. "The rainbow ends here, and I shall finally have my pot of gold."

"NOOOO!" In a fit of rage, Scootaloo charged at the real Kahn. "Why, I'll...I'll...I'll fix your wagon, you...you cheater!"

Kahn yawned and casually swatted Scootaloo away with his hammer. "It's not wise to step to the soon-to-be supreme ruler of the universe," he cautioned. "In fact, now that the tournament is over, I have no further use for fool fillies like you...not alive, at least." He walked over to where Scootaloo lay on the ground with her eyes spinning in their sockets. "Prepare to join your 'hero' in the afterlife."

Kahn raised his hammer to squash Scootaloo into a pony pancake, but the weapon was yanked from his hand by a magical force before he could strike. "Hold it right there, Kahn!" Twilight called from across the roof.

Kahn sighed. "It figures. If Shing's soul purgatory couldn't hold these dimwits, it certainly wouldn't hold Miss Einstein Pony." He turned and faced Twilight, finding that she was flanked by five other perturbed ponies, a displeased dragon, an enraged Elder God, and a modicum of mad mercenaries. "Why, Twilight!" Kahn greeted the unicorn. "How nice of you and your friends to attend my coronation."

"Where's Rainbow?" Twilight demanded.

"S-She's over there!" Sweetie Belle pointed a hoof at the pile of Kahns. "They're crushing her!"

"You fiend, Kahn!" Raiden raged. "Having your clones do your dirty work for you!"

"What are you complaining about?" Kahn asked. "The only difference between you and me is that I send in clones while you send in clowns!" He looked down at his wrist, even though he wasn't wearing a watch. "I say, you chaps have impeccable timing! I'd give Speedy McFasterThanYou over there, oh, only about thirty more seconds before she gives up the ghost and makes me the emperor of Earthrealm."

"Land sakes!" Applejack gasped. "We gotta do something!"

"But what?" Twilight asked. "The rules say we can't interfere!" She looked up at Raiden for guidance, but Raiden could only shake his head.

"Then...this is it?" Rarity gulped. "No more Equestria? No more world?"

"No!" Liu Kang declared forcefully.

"No, this is not it, or no, there is no more world?" Pinkie asked.

Liu Kang ignored Pinkie's question, and kneeled down next to Twilight. "Listen to me," he whispered. "Long, long ago, when I was a young man training to—"

"We don't have time!" Twilight whispered back. "Skip the story and get to the punch line!"

Liu Kang nodded. "The Shaolin monks have a saying for times for this."

"Which is?"

"When overmatched in battle..." Liu Kang winked. "Cheat."

"Cheat!?" Twilight's eyes popped wide open. "We can't cheat! ...Can we?"

"It's either that, or watch your friend get flattened," Liu Kang replied. "I heard that Rainbow did quite well against Taven once she found an extra source of power. Perhaps she could 'find' such a thing again."

"But what could she—" The answer struck Twilight like a Shao Kahn hammer to the temple. "B.B.B.F.F., get me the Element of Loyalty right now!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Shining Armor reached into his saddlebag and tossed the necklace over to Twilight.

Twilight focused all of her magic on the elemental necklace, nearly dropping Kahn's hammer on his foot in the process. "All right, girls," she ordered, "assume the formation!"

The remaining four elements stepped up beside Twilight as a rainbow-colored ribbon of light emerged from her crown and quickly wound its way around the Elements and their bearers. "Let our powers combine!" Twilight demanded. She summoned all the power she could muster, then stepped forward and held her head up as high as she could. "Magic!" she shouted.

Applejack repeated Twilight's actions. "Honesty!"

"Generosity!"

"Kindness!"

"Heart! ...I mean, uh, Laughter!"

A bright yellow glow traveled up the ribbon from each Element bearer to Rainbow's necklace, causing it to glow so bright that it was almost blinding. "Here goes nothing!" Twilight shouted as she used to magic to fling the glowing necklace towards the pile of Kahns.

"Huh?" Kahn was caught flatfooted as the Element neatly slid its way through the clones and into the pile. "Hey, you can't do that!" he objected. "You're not supposed to break the rules! You're the good guys!"

After a few seconds of awkward silence, the Kahn pile suddenly exploded in a ball of light, flinging clones in every direction and sending non-clones diving for cover. As the smoke cleared, only a single figure remained where the pile had stood: A glowing gold pegasus with bright, iris-less eyes and a mane cut very similar to Rainbow Dash, and who wore the Element of Loyalty around her neck. "Whoa..." Scootaloo whispered. "Is that Rainbow?"

The golden pegasus leaped into the air and looked down upon the battlefield. "By your powers combined," she proclaimed, "I am Captain Harmony!"

"What?" Shao Kahn stood slack-jawed with disbelief. "What!?"

Captain Harmony dropped back to the rooftop and pointed a hoof at Kahn. "Time to put the trash in its proper place!" she declared.

"Insolent equine!" Kahn pointed back at the captain. "Clones, attack!"

The clones that had managed to stay on the roof following the explosion rose up and rushed Captain Harmony, but the good captain only smiled. "I know kung fu," she said with a smile.

As the rest of the crowd looked on, Captain Harmony unleashed an epic display of martial arts that would have even impressed Chuck Norris, thrashing the clones that dared approach without receiving so much as a scratch in return. "Whoo! Gooooo Harmony!" Pinkie cheered.

"This is impossible!" Kahn seethed as he watched Captain Harmony mow down his forces. "More! We need more!"

Hundreds of clones began pouring onto the roof from every conceivable place: The elevator, the stairs, even from over the castle walls. Nothing could turn the tide of battle this time, however, and before long a pile of fainted Kahns stood next to Captain Harmony that was three times larger than the one Rainbow had been compressed by. "I appreciate your commitment to reuse and recycling," the captain said, "but it's time to send you to the landfill of history."

"No!" Kahn turned around to pull his generic ninjas into the fray, but they had already seen the writing on the wall and had left to update their resumes. Fresh out of cannon fodder, Kahn reached for his last remaining ally (his hammer), raised it over his head, and charged at Captain Harmony. He swung his hammer with all his might and smashed the captain square in the chest, but the hammer head shattered into pieces without even displacing the captain's fur.

Captain Harmony smiled smugly at Shao Kahn. "Are you done yet?"

"Never!" Kahn thundered. "I will—"

POW! Captain Harmony silenced Kahn with one hard right hoof to the kisser, laying out the Outworld emperor colder than a block of ice. "Now you are," the captain observed.

"That's it!" Raiden waved his hands in the air. "This battle is over! The winner, and new champion of Mortal Kombat, is Captain Harmony!"

A cheer rose up from the crowd, and everypony rushed towards the new Kombat champion. "You did it, Rain—I mean, Captain Harmony!" Scootaloo gushed. "You won!"

"We did it," Captain Harmony corrected the filly. "Without all of you, none of this would have been possible. Thank you."

"I echo that sentiment as well." Everyone turned to see Princess Celestia emerging from the elevator. "You all have once again demonstrated that nothing can defeat the magic of friendship," the princess said, "especially when it is combined with a sick set of martial artist skills. You have saved the world, and most importantly of all..." Celestia grinned and held out a hoof towards Raiden.

"Really? You're going to hold me to that, even after all this?" Raiden sighed. "Fine. Have it your way." He pulled a large wad of C-notes from his pocket and placed them on top of Celestia's hoof. "I don't care. I can expense it anyway."

"And?" Celestia asked.

Raiden smacked his face with his palm, then removed his hat and placed it on Celestia's head. "There. Are you happy?"

"And?"

"Oh, come on!" Raiden dug deeper into his pockets and flipped a set of keys to Celestia.

"This is to the Jaguar, right?" Celestia asked.

"No, this is for the Bentley, and that's all you're going to get!" Raiden declared. "You don't even have hands, for crying out loud! What do you want with a car?"

"I have no idea," Celestia said with a wink, "but I'll have an enjoyable time figuring that out." She turned back to Captain Harmony. "And now, dear captain, it's time for you to go."

"Of course, Princess." Captain Harmony closed her eyes and bowed her head. Another yellow ribbon appeared as the captain's golden coat began to melt away, and her powers slowly returned to the other Elements. In fifteen seconds, all that was left of Captain Harmony was a slightly-trembling Rainbow Dash wearing a huge grin. "That. Was. Awesome!" she declared. "When we get home, we are so doing that again."

"Um, no, I think once is enough," Twilight replied.

"Our next order of business," Celestia said, "is to deal with a certain broken-down bonehead." She raised her head and fired up her magic, and a stray bolt of lightning came straight down and zapped Shao Kahn on the helmet.

"Yah!" Kahn awoke with a start, and he slowly climbed back to his feet. "Curse you, Celestia!" he screamed. "All my dreams were right there in front of me...and I would have achieved them, if it hadn't been for your meddling ponies and that dragon!"

Suddenly, Kahn felt his arms been pulled behind his back and snapped into a pair of handcuffs. "What in the name of—Fran!?" He stared in disbelief at the secretary that was restraining him. "What are you doing?"

"That's Lieutenant Fran to you, buster!" Fran folded her arms and stared down her captive. "I've been undercover in your organization since the fourth round of the tourney, and I've found a lot of interesting memos that the Elder Gods would love to talk to you about."

"Wait—you're the one responsible for that network breach yesterday?"

"Maybe." Fran smiled.

"She might also be the one who delivered that package of mine to your friend Shing," Celestia added. "I knew he wouldn't be able to resist shiny objects like the Elements of Harmony."

"Great work, Fran!" Raiden said. "When I get reinstated by the Elder Gods, I'll see to it that you get a promotion and raise for your efforts."

"Sorry, sir." Fran tapped the Elder God Investigative Bureau badge pinned on her shirt. "I'm afraid I've got a better offer." She turned back to Shao Kahn. "You'd better call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Kahn, 'cause you, me, and Queen Chrysalis are going uptown for a little chat!"

"Make me!" Kahn had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when Fran yanked him off of his feet and started dragging him by the arm over to the elevator. "You haven't heard the last of me yet!" Kahn insisted as he disappeared behind the elevator doors. "Mark my words, the tournament shall live on, and one day I will destroy you all! Do you hear me? I'll be back!"

"Hasta la vista, baby," Celestia chuckled. "Now then, I believe that's enough excitement for one day, don't you? Who votes we all go back to my place to watch rom-coms and eat our weight in ice cream?"

"AYE!" The vote was unanimous, and the entire crew headed for the stairs content that Earthrealm was safe.

...For another few months, at least.

THE END

Author's Note

And as the credits roll...

MKE may be finished, but if you're looking for more action, take a look at Fighting Is Magic: The Equestrian Grand Tournament, or check out the stories in the Mortal Kombat group.

Thanks for reading, everypony!

The Mysterious Ship

The cheery ringing of a bell signaled the opening of the front door of the Sugar Cube Corner Confectionery shop. Standing in the doorway, however, was not a pony, but a tall, imposing figure, dressed in black leggings and a yellow tunic. A pair of swords was strapped on the man’s back, and his face was covered by a mask that revealed only a pair of glowing, soulless eyes.

The figure did a slow scan of the room, finding the shop to be temporarily uninhabited. He quickly strode up to the front counter, ringing the service bell he found there. After receiving no immediate response to his action, the man’s eyes narrowed, and he pounded on the bell a second time.

Finally, Pinkie Pie bounded through the swinging doors behind the counter. “Hi!” she called out as she approached the impatient figure. “Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner! I’m Pinkie Pie and I’m watching the shop while Mr. and Mrs. Cake are away! What would you like? We’ve got cupcakes and pies and muffins and cookies and…”

“I’m here to pick up an order I placed,” the customer stated in a raspy, slightly-demonic voice. “It was under the name ‘Scorpion.’”

“That’s right!” Pinkie Pie replied with a smile. “I just finished up your order a few minutes ago!” She turned and bounced back through the swinging doors into the kitchen, emerging moments later with a stack of boxes balanced on her nose. “That’s six chocolate cakes, three dozen gingerbread cookies, a dozen raspberry tarts, six gallons of punch, and twelve dozen cupcakes with strawberry icing and extra sprinkles!”

“Correct,” Scorpion confirmed, taking the boxes from the pony.

“Gosh,” Pinkie Pie gushed, “you guys must be throwing some party, huh? I mean, why else would you need soooo many cupcakes?”

“They are a favorite of Shao Kahn’s,” Scorpion offered in explanation, taking a large bag from his belt and dropping it onto the counter. “This should cover the charges,” he declared.

“Okey dokey lokey!” Pinkie Pie agreed, looking down at the gold coins in the bag as Scorpion turned and headed for the door. “Have a great one!” The ninja didn’t respond, slamming the door with authority as he left.

“Wow…” Pinkie Pie mused to herself. “Twelve dozen cupcakes...that must be one epic party they’re planning…”

“Cubed what now?” Apple Bloom stared incredulously at Sweetie Belle.

“Cubic zirponium,” Sweetie Belle confirmed sadly. “My sister says it just looks like gold, but isn't as valuable.”

Apple Bloom sighed. “So much for bein' prospector ponies...” she pouted. “We might as well face it, Sweetie: At this rate, we'll never earn our cutie marks.”

“Don't say that!” Sweetie Belle implored. “We'll think of something, we just have to!” She stopped and thought for a moment. “What about that comedy routine you were working on after the talent show? Didn't you find a good joke book at the library, by one of those funny Mark brothers?”

“Yeah...” Apple Bloom admitted, “but I couldn't understand it! I mean, he kept talkin' about capitalism and the prole-something...I didn't think it was funny at all!” She looked down and scuffed at the ground with her hoof. “It's no use,” she sniffled. “I've tried everything I can think of, but...”

Suddenly, Scootaloo burst out of a nearby bush. “Apple Bloom!” she shouted. “You've got to see what I...hey, Sweetie Belle! What did Rarity say about that sweet rock we found?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “Sorry, Scootaloo,” she explained. “She said it wasn't actually valuable.”

“Really? Rats,” Scootaloo replied, still smiling despite the bad news. “Anyway, you've got to see what I saw over by the river! Come on!”

Scootaloo turned and dashed back through the bushes, with a confused-but-curious Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in pursuit. After cutting through a grove of pine trees and climbing over a stone wall, the group reached the riverbank. “Check it out!” Scootaloo directed, pointing further down the river.

“Whoa...” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom uttered in unison at the sight: Anchored along the near bank of the river was a massive wooden boat, its sails billowing in the breeze. “Is that...a pirate ship?” Sweetie Belle wondered out loud.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo declared. “Isn't it awesome?”

“That's not a pirate ship!” Apple Bloom objected. “It's doesn't have the pirate flag!”

“Well, duh!” Scootaloo countered. “Of course they're not flying their pirate flag! If they did, then everypony would know they were pirates!” She gazed out longingly at the vessel. “How cool would it be to sail the high seas on a huge pirate ship?” she asked

“Um...I dunno, Scootaloo...” Sweetie Belle offered. “That ship doesn't look very safe to me. I'd rather sail the high seas on something sturdier...and cleaner.”

“Sailing the high seas...” Apple Bloom's face suddenly brightened. “Sailing the high seas!” she repeated. “Of course! Why didn't I think of this before?”

“Think of what, Apple Bloom?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“We could get our cutie marks in sailing!” Apple Bloom revealed. “We could be...Cutie Mark Crusader sailors!”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo agreed. “We could go adventuring on the ocean!”

“Find buried treasure!” Sweetie Belle chimed in.

“Discover new worlds!” Apple Bloom shouted.

“Oh, man,” Scootaloo exclaimed, bouncing up and down with excitement, “being a sailor would be so amazing!”

“Well...what are we waiting for?” Apple Bloom declared, rushing towards the ship. “Come on, girls!” she shouted.

“Er...I still don't know if this is such a good idea!” Sweetie Belle cautioned, as she and Scootaloo hurried after their friend.

The three ponies ran over to where the boat was moored. “Hello? Is anypony here?” Apple Bloom called out, as she ran up the gangplank and onto the deck.

From the looks of the deck, the ship appeared to be completely deserted. “Darn,” Scootaloo muttered. “They must all be out doing pirate stuff.”

“Um...maybe we should go back now,” Sweetie Belle suggested. “I don’t think they’d be happy if they found us messing with their boat.”

Suddenly, the creak of rusty hinges could be heard nearby. As the three ponies turned to look, a deck hatch opened and a man emerged, looking much like the ninja Pinkie Pie had met earlier, but sporting a green tunic and a set of green, piercing eyes. “Who isss here?” the man demanded. “Ssshow yourssselvesss...”

“Eep!” Sweetie Belle ducked behind a nearby barrel. “What is that?” she asked her friends.

“Maybe it's the pirate captain,” Scootaloo offered.

“It can't be!” Apple Bloom disagreed, as the green ninja continued glancing all around looking for the intruders. “You have to wear the special hat to be the captain!”

“Aw, who cares?” Scootaloo decided. “Maybe he can tell us how we can be part of the crew!” With that, Scootaloo ran over to where the ninja stood.

The man looked down at the small pegasus that appeared before him. “Who are you?” he demanded.

“Arrrrrr, matey!” Scootaloo replied in her best pirate accent. “We be the Cutie Mark Crusaders, ready to set sail across the blue waters of the world!”

“We're looking for the ship's captain, to see if we join the crew and go sailing with y'all!” Apple Bloom explained, walking up beside Scootaloo.

“Ssso you are...” the man responded, a smile forming behind his mask. “Of courssse you may join usss...new blood isss alwaysss welcome.” He gestured towards the hatch he had emerged from. “Pleassse come in,” he insisted. “You may wait in the hold until we ssset sssail.”

“Cool beans!” Scootaloo shouted, exchanging a high-hoof with Apple Bloom.

“The Cutie Mark Crusader Sailors are ready for action!” Apple Bloom agreed, following Scootaloo into the ship's hold. “Come on, Sweetie Belle!” she called out over her shoulder.

Sweetie Belle gulped nervously. “Right...behind you,” she answered, hurrying past the creepy-looking ninja and jumping through the hatch.

The green ninja watched the ponies disappear into the ship, then turned to face the sound of yet another person boarding the ship. “You have returned,” the man spoke, as Scorpion stepped onto the ship's deck. “You have the goodsss, I take it?”

“Yes,” Scorpion replied, holding out the boxes of baked goods he had purchased at Sugar Cube Corner.

“Good...Ssshao Khan ssshall be very pleasssed,” the green ninja declared. “He ssshall have his cupcakesss, and I have found three new combatantsss for the tournament.”

“Well done,” Scorpion congratulated his counterpart. “Alert the crew to prepare for departure—we shall set sail for the island at once.”

“Of courssse,” the green ninja agreed.

Within a matter of minutes, the gangplank with withdrawn, the anchor was raised, and the ship began sailing down the river to the ocean, and its ultimate destination across the sea.

Deep within the basement of the Ponyville library, Twilight Sparkle, sporting a lab coat and a set of safety goggles, sat reading a science textbook, surrounded by beakers full of various colored liquids. “Perfect,” she said, looking at one such beaker situated above a Bunsen burner with a thermometer sticking out of the top. “Solution heated to exactly 355º Kelvin,” she narrated, writing down the statement in a nearby journal. “Now to add the concentrated hydronitric acid.”

Using her magic, Twilight uncorked a nearby test tube and prepared to pour the solution into the heated beaker. “We have to be careful to add just the right amount,” she reminded herself, carefully tipping the test tube. “Adding too much would react to the heated solution and cause it to...”

“Hey, Twilight!” Suddenly, the door at the top of the stairs flew open with a loud slam, and Spike stuck his head in the doorway. “Are you down here?” he yelled out.

“AAH!” The noise startled Twilight and broke her concentration, which caused her to drop the entire test tube into the beaker. The reaction of the liquids triggered a huge explosion, sending books and test tubes everywhere and filling the basement with a thick cloud of smoke.

“I guess that's a yes,” SPike decided.

After a few moments, a slightly-singed Twilight emerged from the basement, coughing up a lung from the smoke. “Honestly, Spike!” she chided the dragon. “You can't just barge into a room like that while somepony is performing a delicate scientific experiment!”

“Sorry, Twilight,” Spike apologized, “but Applejack just came by looking for you, and she sounded kind of frantic. She's waiting by the front door.”

“Oh?” Twilight grew a little concerned. “I'd better go see what she wants—Applejack's not one to worry unnecessarily about things.”

Twilight and Spike hurried to the front door, where Applejack was pacing restlessly back and forth. “Applejack, what's wrong?” Twilight inquired.

“I'm mighty sorry to bother you, Twilight,” Applejack apologized, “but I was wonderin' if you'd seen Apple Bloom around today. She hasn't been around the farm at all, and when she missed dinner, well, I got worried.”

“Sorry,” Twilight Sparkle replied. “I haven't seen Apple Bloom since she checked out that Marx book a few days ago.”

“Das Kapital, to be exact,” Spike elaborated, suppressing a snicker. “Maybe she's trying to see if her special talent is communism.”

“Have you talked to Rarity?” Twilight probed. “Maybe she spent the day with Sweetie Belle.”

“Not yet,” Applejack admitted, “but I'm headin' that way next.”

“I'll go with you,” Twilight volunteered.

“Me too!” Spike announced, jumping onto Twilight's back.

The trio raced out of the library and through the streets of Ponyville, as the sun began to disappear behind the horizon. Halfway there, however, the group cut a corner too quickly and ran smack dab into Rarity, causing a pony pileup in the middle of the street. “Rarity?” Twilight gasped. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Twilight, Applejack, thank goodness I found you!” Rarity exclaimed. “Sweetie Belle hasn't come back yet, and I was wondering if she was over at Sweet Apples Acres.”

Applejack and Twilight exchanged surprised looks. “We were just on our way to your place to see if Apple Bloom was there!” Applejack explained.

“Oh dear!” Rarity responded. “I just came from Sugar Cube Corner – Pinkie Pie said she hadn't seen them either!”

“This doesn't look good,” Twilight concluded. “What could have happened to those girls?”

Suddenly, Spike's cheeks bulged out, and he belched out a scroll in a ball of green flame. “A letter from Princess Celestia? Now?” Twilight unrolled the scroll using her magic. “What could this be about?” she wondered.

Halfway through reading the scroll, Twilight's eyes nearly bulged out of her head. “Twilight? What is it?” Rarity asked.

“The Princess wants to see us in Canterlot right away!” Twilight informed her friends. “It's about the girls!”

“Land sakes!” Applejack shouted. “What happened?”

“It doesn't say,” Twilight noted, “but we'd better get over to the palace, and fast!” She rolled the scroll back up, grabbed Spike's tail with her teeth, and flipped him head-over-heels onto her back. “Applejack,” she instructed, “you run over to Sugar Cube Corner and grab Pinkie Pie. Rarity, you go get Fluttershy. Spike and I will track down Rainbow Dash. We'll meet out in front of the library in thirty minutes, and leave from there to go to Canterlot! Got it?”

“You betcha!” Applejack acknowledged.

“Understood!” Rarity declared.

“Then let's go!” Twilight ordered, as the three ponies parted ways and went to collect their friends.

After gathering at the library and setting off for Canterlot at a brisk pace, the six ponies (with Spike in tow) arrived at the castle of Princess Celestia. Wasting no time, the group hurried though the castle gates and made their way through the castle to the throne room, where the princess awaited them.

“We came as soon as we got your letter!” Twilight called out as she approached. “What happened? Where are the girls?”

“I'm afraid your friends are in grave danger,” the princess declared in a somber voice. “They have been captured by the forces of an old enemy of Equestria: Shao Kahn.”

“Golly!” Applejack exclaimed. “Who's this Kahn fella?”

“Khan is the emperor of Outworld, a land of sorrow and suffering that resides in another dimension,” Celestia narrated. “He has long desired to claim our world for his own, but by law, he can only do so by defeating this realm's greatest heroes in a tournament consisting of death matches.”

“A d-d-death match?” Fluttershy stuttered. “You mean, like...they fight...until one of them...?”

“I'm afraid so,” the princess confirmed.

Fluttereshy yelped and cowered behind Applejack, drawing a groan and a facehoof from Rainbow Dash.

“For many years,” Celestia continued, “the great heroes of our world have managed to win these tournaments and keep Kahn's forces at bay...but it seems that we are on the eve of another such tournament, and Kahn's champions have scoured the globe issuing their challenge and collecting any willing combatants.”

“Oh no!” Twilight shrieked. “The girls must have joined the tournament thinking they might earn their cutie marks!”

“Ugh!” Rarity recoiled more at this comment than any previous one. “How crude! I can't imagine what a fighting cutie mark would look like.”

“Besides,” Rainbow pointed out, “we already tried that.”

“Your friends are being held on the island where the tournament will take place,” Celestia concluded. “You must travel across the ocean to this island, and rescue them from Kahn and his fighters. Can I count on you for this mission?”

“Of course,” Twilight answered. “We'll move out at once!”

“Excellent,” Celestia proclaimed. “I've arranged for a vehicle for you to travel to the island. Follow me.”

Princess Celestia led the group to the castle courtyard, where a pink hot air balloon was tied down. “I've marked the location of the island on this map,” the princess declared, using her magic to hand off the map to Twilight. “This will be a grueling trip that may take several days...are you prepared for this journey?”

“No problem!” Pinkie Pie declared, holding up a gigantic picnic basket. “I brought cake for everypony! ...Oh, and a few gems for Spike.”

“Very well, then,” Celestia decided, as the ponies (and Spike) boarded the balloon. “I wish you all the best of luck on your quest.”

Twilight pulled up the stake holding the balloon down, and tossed the end of the rope to Rainbow Dash. “All right, Rainbow,” she instructed, looking at the map, “we haven't a moment to lose! Set a west-south-westerly course at 117.4°!”

“Thay wha?” Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a puzzled look, her speech muffled by the rope in her mouth.

“Er...I mean, go that way!” Twilight corrected, pointing off towards the horizon.

“Goh et!” Rainbow nodded and began flying in the specified direction, dragging the balloon with her.

Princess Celestia watched for a moment as the balloon flew away, and then turned to return to the castle. Suddenly, a loud boom echoed through the sky, and a bolt of lightning struck the ground just a few feet in front of the princess. Celestia turned her head and shielded her eyes from the flash, but when she looked again, a man stood before her in a flowing white robe and wide-brimmed hat. The princess immediately recognized the man before her as the elder god of thunder.

“Why, Raiden!” Celestia exclaimed. “How nice it is to see you again! What brings you to our fair land?”

Raiden sighed and folded his arms. “Princess, princess, princess...” he muttered. “What's your game here, anyway?”

“Why, whatever do you mean?” Celestia gave Raiden an innocent smile.

“You just sent six untrained fillies and a baby dragon to compete in Shao Kahn's tournament, which they will have to do to save their friends,” Raiden informed the princess.

“I know,” Celestia confirmed, flashing a slight smile.

“You do realize my warriors are highly-trained martial artists that have been preparing for this tourney for months,” Raiden went on. “They're more than capable of defeating the Outworld forces and rescuing your subjects.”

Celsetia snickered a little. “I know,” she repeated.

“Then why did you send those ponies off to fight?” Raiden demanded. “They are untrained, uniformed naifs that will just get in the way and make things complicated for my team! Nothing good will come of their participation—they will only make things worse!”

The princess could restrain herself no longer, and she burst out laughing. “I know!” she declared, rolling on the ground. “Do you have idea how much havoc those foals are going to wreak? This is gonna be hilarious!”

Raiden could only shake his head at Celestia's response. “If Kahn wins the tourney and takes over Earthrealm, I'm blaming you,” he stated flatly.

“Oh, don't be such an old stick-in-the-mud!” Celestia chided the elder god. “Lighten up for a change!” She motioned to the castle. “I'm gonna go fill out my 'Mortal Madness' bracket—wanna come in and watch the fights?”

“Um...I kinda have to go to the island and offer sage advice to my fighters...you know, like any wise, non-trolling mentor would do,” Raiden remarked.

“I'll have Luna make us popcorn...” Celestia offered.

“You don't even care, do you?” An exasperated Raiden threw up his hands. “I might as well come in — you're probably just going to screw with any plans we come up with anyway.”

“That's the spirit!” Celestia proclaimed, leading Raiden into the castle.

Flyer And Ice

As cameras flashed from all directions, a convey of black SUVs made their way through the streets of Washington, DC, eventually stopping in front of the U.S. Capitol Building. A team of large, unsmiling men in crisp black suits exited the vehicles and stood by as one of the SUV drivers opened their passenger door for the visiting dignitary he was carrying: Princess Celestia of Equestria.

"Salutations, people of America!" Celestia called out to the gathered masses as she stepped out of the vehicle. "May all of you be blessed with the magic of friendship!"

The suited men quickly directed the princess through the front entrance of the Capitol Building, as nearby television correspondents began setting the scene for their respective networks. "In what has to be a historical first," one reporter narrated, "the leader of a foreign nation has agreed to stand before a Congressional committee and answer questions regarding the recent developments at the latest Mortal Kombat tournament. Analysts expect lawmakers to press Equestria's ruler for assurances that the defeat of Earth's champions will not adversely affect national security."

In short order, Princess Celestia found herself at a small wooden table in the middle of a large room, facing a committee of lawmakers that sat behind a long desk spanning nearly the entire width of the room. "You've got a nice setup here," she remarked to one of the suited men, "but the decor is a bit drab. Perhaps you should re-decorate with some more vibrant colors, hmm?"

The chair of the committee banged a gavel on his desk to call for order. "State your name for the record, please," he instructed the princess.

"I am Princess Celestia," Celestia proclaimed, "the fair and beloved ruler of Equestria."

"The committee requested that your sister and fellow ruler Princess Luna attend as well," the committee chair noted, gesturing to an empty seat next to Celestia. "Why did you come alone?"

"Well, somepony has to stay home to rule the country," Celestia explained. "Besides, when Luna gets involved in one of her marathon Halo matches, she goes completely deaf to the world around her. Can you believe she completely missed the last invasion we had? I mean, here we are in the middle of a crisis, and..."

"That will be enough, Princess," the chair interrupted. "Now then...are you the one who authorized the entry of six ponies and one baby dragon into the current Mortal Kombat Tournament?"

"Gosh...'authorized' is so strong a word," the princess offered. "I like 'encouraged' better. ...Ooh! Or how about 'cajoled'? That has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Yeah, let's go with that one."

"Princess, please!" the committee chair chided Celestia. "I trust that you realize the seriousness of this matter."

"...Not really, no," the princess replied. "So the Earth's greatest champions got royally owned by a couple of my subjects. So what?"

"So what?" another committee member shouted, rising from their chair in frustration. "So what? My dear Princess, do you have any idea what could happen if Shao Kahn were to triumph in the tournament? It would mean enslavement, desolation, the end of civilization as we know it! In short, it would be an absolute catastrophe!"

"Pfft." Celestia dismissed the congressman's concern with a wave of her hoof. "Like that'll ever happen."

"How can you be so sure?" another committee member inquired.

"Look," Celestia offered, "as we have all witnessed thus far, the subjects I sent to the tournament are strong, tough-minded individuals who are more than capable of laying upon Shao Kahn the smackdown he so rightfully deserves. They are the wielders of the Elements of Harmony - which, if you didn't know, are artifacts that possess the most powerful magic in Equestria - and have vanquished some of our nation's greatest enemies."

"And just who are these 'enemies' that you speak of?" the committee chair asked. "Surely Equestria has never known a threat as great or powerful as the emperor of Outworld."

"Are you kidding?" Celestia shot back. "Tell me this: When was the last time one of your enemies threatened to shroud your planet in eternal night, or render all of physics null and void and make chocolate rain down from the sky?"

"Actually," one committee member admitted, "North Korea threatens us like that at least once a week."

"Regardless," Celestia continued, "all of these nightmare scenarios have actually come to pass in recent years, and every time, my champions - the same ponies who are right now working their way through all of Kahn's ne'er-do-wells - have challenged those responsible and walked away victorious. Seriously, if they can mop the floor with the embodiment of chaos itself...a pithy little shapeshifter like Sheng Tongue, or whatever his name is, doesn't have a chance."

Silence filled the chamber as Celestia finished. "Therefore," she concluded, "I'd like to respectfully request that the members of this committee take a chill pill, count backwards from 10, and realize that it's all going to be okay, and that you're clear to spend time on more important business, like Tom Cruise's divorce or your fantasy football team."

The gallery began buzzing with conversation as they processed Celestia's comments. "Order!" the committee chair demanded, banging his gavel to no avail. "I will have order!"

"Allow me," Celestia offered, turning to the gallery and taking a deep breath. "LET'S HAVE SOME ORDER AROUND HERE, HUH?" she thundered, shattering eardrums and cracking windows with a voice twenty times its normal volume.

The room, predictably, fell dead silent, as not even the crickets dared to make a sound. "That...that will be...be all, Princess," the stunned committee chair finally managed to say.

Celestia smiled as she stood up from her chair. "Luna's not the only pony who can use the Royal Canterlot Voice," she chuckled.

Morning came early on Shao Kahn's island, but for the remaining members of the Equestrian contingent, it brought with it a sense of purpose, and a renewed commitment to getting the job done. With a picturesque sunrise for a backdrop, the five ponies that remained unbeaten emerged from their hut and made their way to where the early third-round matches were displayed, trotting confidently by the other huts in a V-formation as the theme from Rocky filled the air.

Not everypony found the musical accompaniment soothing. "Pinkie, please!" Twilight insisted, shooting a glare at her friend as the party pony worked her way through the chorus on the trumpet she was holding. "I'm trying to think!"

"Oopsies," Pinkie Pie apologized, stashing her trumpet in the same mysterious place she kept her party cannon. "Sorry about that."

"Aw, let her play, Twilight," Rainbow Dash implored, flexing and preening for the fighters that had come outside wondering what the racket was all about. "We're just letting these dopes know that we were here!"

"Yeah, well, we won't be here if we start playin' around and takin' this here tournament lightly," Applejack cautioned her friends. "Besides, Rainbow, you toot your own horn loud enough already - you don't need Pinkie to do it for you."

Finally, the quintet reached the bracket bulletin board, only to find that Shing Tsung was once again late posting the early-round matches. "Good grief!" Rainbow sputtered. "Are we gonna have wait around for that doofus again?"

"Keep your feathers on!" Shing could be heard yelling from around the corner. "I'm coming!"

The ponies looked on with unimpressed expressions as Shing hustled over to the bulletin board. "Son of a shapeshifter..." Shing Tsung muttered. "I mean, what's with you ponies? Can't you just sleep in like everybody else?"

"Hey, we got places to go and baddies to smite!" Rainbow declared, pounding her chest with her hoof. "So spill the beans already!"

"Fine..." Deciding to try and get the ponies off his back before doing anything else, Shing unrolled his list of updates and quickly scanned for any sign of the fillies. "That's weird..." he finally offered. "They've got you down for just one fight today." He pointed at Rainbow Dash. "Looks like you're fighting Sub-Zero after all."

Rainbow jumped into the air and went nose-to-nose with Shing. "No fooling?" she demanded. "Is this legit, or are you seeing things again?"

"Well, I mean, see for yourself," Shing answered, holding out his scroll to show that not only were Sub-Zero and Rainbow slated to battle, they were the very first pairing on the list.

Twilight took note of the time written next to the pairing. "The battle's at high noon today," she announced. "And you said nopony else is fighting today, correct?"

"So far," Shing replied. "I mean, they haven't announced the primetime fight yet, but this is all I've got."

"It's all we'll need, too!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed, drawing an eye roll from her companions. "I'm gonna crush that chilly cad into cubes, and use him to keep my apple cider cool!"

Rarity could only shake her head in response. "And to think," she observed, "Fluttershy was worried about Rainbow's confidence level."

Rainbow Dash turned away from Shing and made a beeline for a group of cumulus clouds floating high in the sky above the group. "Now, if you'll excuse me," she called out behind her, "I've got some training to do!" Halfway to the clouds, however, the pegasus stopped and turned back to face her friends. "AND TELL PINKIE PIE TO LEAVE ME SOME CIDER!" she demanded.

Pinkie Pie looked over at Twilight. "Should I tell her I..."

"...drank it all last night?" Twilight finished Pinkie's question. "Maybe after her fight."

Sub-Zero, for his part, was getting in his own last-minute workout, training on one of the island's remote beaches with a team of generic-looking ninjas dressed in black from head to toe. "Whenever you are ready," he informed the others.

One of the ninjas nodded, pulled a whistle from his pocket, and blew into it with all his might. Three other ninjas carrying football pads immediately rushed the icy ninja, while several hundred feet down the beach, five more ninjas each hurled a clay disc high into the air.

Rather than waiting for his challengers, Sub-Zero instead charged the attacking ninjas, who stood between him and the disc throwers. He channeled his inner Barry Sanders to juke past the first attacker, performed a slick spin move to get around the second one, then simply leveled the third attacker with a single punch to the face. After taking a moment to locate the discs in the air, he took a deep breath, summoned his icy magic, and methodically shot each disc with an ice shard, causing them to shatter. "Too easy," he proclaimed, admiring his work.

The two ninjas Sub-Zero had dodged, however, now turned and rushed back towards their target while his back was turned. Sub-Zero anticipated the move, however, and swung around at the last moment with a vicious roundhouse kick that caught both ninjas on the ends of their respective noses and sent them sprawling to the ground. "And you call yourselves ninjas," he chided his attackers. "I could hear you coming a mile away."

A slow clapping sound off to Sub-Zero's right caught the icy ninja's attention, and he turned to see Shang Tsung walking towards him. "Very impressive, my friend," the sorcerer credited Sub-Zero, "but also insufficient. There can be no hesitation when facing the speed of your next opponent."

"First of all," Sub-Zero corrected, "I am not your friend. Second, I am fully aware that my opponent makes Usain Bolt look slow - why do you think I got up early this morning and spent two hours working the speed bag in the castle gym?"

"It's not going to be that simple," Shang Tsung warned his colleague. "The rainbow pony is among the strongest of the group, and is certainly the fastest. You will need to stay alert and keep you wits about you to keep up with her."

"As if that wasn't true about facing any fighter," Sub-Zero muttered, turning his back to the sorcerer. "Your concern is touching," he commented, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "but my victory is already assured."

"Oh really?" Shang Tsung inquired. "Pray tell, then: How exactly did you draw that little conclusion?"

"Three reasons," Sub-Zero enumerated. "For one, this rainbow pony is mentally weak - she can be infuriatingly arrogant one moment, and racked with self-doubt the next. Neither of these states are conducive to victory."

"Go on..." Shang Tsung instructed.

"Second," Sub-Zero continued, "this pony thinks that she is fighting just another mortal - albeit the coolest dude since Lord Kelvin - and that for the most part, my behavior will mirror that of an ordinary human." The icy ninja tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. "Let's just say I plan to...challenge these assumptions."

Shang Tsung rolled his eyes, noting that Sub-Zero's statement was also an assumption.

"Finally..." Sub-Zero reached into his pocket, pulled out a portable gaming device, and powered it on. After about thirty awkward seconds of tapping buttons, Sub-Zero held the device out towards Shang Tsung, just as the screen depicted a large bird being attacked by something that looked like a giant ice cream cone. "You see?" Sub-Zero asked, as the on-screen bird fainted. "Ice attacks are super-effective against flying foes. The pony is as good as toast."

Shang Tsung eyed the gaming device with suspicion. "Isn't that Scorpion's DS?" he finally inquired.

"Why, yes!" Sub-Zero acknowledged. "I 'borrowed' it after he was defeated by the ponies. Pulling the DS back and looking down at the screen. the ninja smiled an evil smile behind his mask. "I didn't think this game was challenging enough," he cackled, "so I released all of Scorpion's legendary Pokemon and replaced them with level-two Pidgeys. Now it's much harder!"

Shang Tsung facepalmed. "Scorpion is going to burn every Scrabble board you own when he gets back," he predicted.

"Pshaw," Sub-Zero scoffed, as he stuffed the DS back into his pocket and turned to leave. "When I win this tournament," he declared, "I will make Scorpion chop down one of these infernal palm trees, and carve me a hundred new boards out of the wood."

Shang Tsung scowled as he watched Sub-Zero walk away. "And he thinks the pony can be infuriatingly arrogant," he muttered to himself. "Do not count your chickens before they hatch, Sub-Zero, for if the pony does not destroy you...I will."

The bout between Rainbow Dash and Sub-Zero was scheduled to be fought within an underground temple buried deep within the mountains of the island. The trip from the huts to the temple entrance was long and treacherous (and was made even longer by Rainbow's incessant griping that she 'had better have room to stretch her wings'), but eventually the pony quintet managed to navigate the temple's maze of underground passages, and arrived at a large, dark chamber, whose walls were covered in strange runes and ornate carvings.

The wall decorations immediately caught Twilight's attention. "Incredible!" she gasped, rushing around the room to take in each and every detail. "This must have been the ceremonial hall for some ancient civilization!" She stopped at a section of wall that was completely covered in runes, and stared intently at the letters. "This is probably some sort of important prayer or chant," she hypothesized, wishing she had brought her quill and paper to write it down. "I wonder what it says..."

Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at another section of wall, where the runes had been covered by an obscene word written in red spray paint. "I can translate that one for you," she noted dryly.

"Brrrr!" Applejack started to shiver. "Good golly, it's cold down here!" she exclaimed. "It ain't like the cave I was fightin' in, that's for sure!"

Rarity reached into her saddlebags (which she had insisted on bringing along for the trip) and pulled out her trusty pink scarf. "This is why a girl always packs extra accessories," she declared, drawing a eye roll from her companions.

Within a few minutes, Sub-Zero arrived on the scene. "Hmph," he grumbled, "I see the peanut gallery has already arrived."

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow Dash shot back. "Well, if you think you've got a shot at winning today, you're the one who's nuts!"

After another minute of Sub-Zero and Rainbow Dash staring each other down, Shang Tsung and the battle referee appeared at the chamber entrance. "It seems we're a little late to the party," Shang Tsung commented. "Let's not keep them waiting any longer, shall we?"

The referee nodded. "Your attention please!" she shouted, her voice echoing throughout the chamber. "This third-round battle is about to begin!" She extended a hand towards Rainbow Dash. "In this corner," she announced, "one of the fastest fliers in Equestria, and certainly the only one classified by the United Nations as a weapon of mass destruction...Miss Rainbow Dash!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Rainbow bowed to an imaginary crowd, as the remote location and freezing cold had kept any spectators from coming. "Please, no autographs until after the match!"

"And in this corner," the referee continued, extending her other arm towards Sub-Zero, "a cold-blooded assassin who moonlights as a freezer repairman, ice cream taste tester, and amateur Scrabble player between tournaments..."

"What do you mean, 'amateur'?" Sub-Zero fumed. "I'm the reigning Scrabble world champion!"

"Outworld champion," Shang Tsung clarified. "You got trashed by Stephen Hawking in the Earth championship quarterfinals, remember?"

"Only because he put 'chronophage' on a Triple Word Score box," Sub-Zero complained.

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Egghead," she muttered to herself.

"Ahem!" The referee cleared her throat loudly to regain everyone's attention and finish her speech. "Introducing Sub-Zero! Now then...combatants ready?"

"Yes," Sub-Zero acknowledged. "This pony's tournament ends now."

"Bring it on, Ice Cube!" Rainbow Dash responded.

"Very well then." The referee clapped her hands together. "FIGHT!"

"Let me introduce you to my little friends Fast and Furious!" Rainbow Dash shouted, leaping into the air (though remaining only a few feet from the ground) and rushing towards her opponent with her front hooves outstretched.

Sub-Zero's hands began to glow bright blue. "I'd stay on the ground if I were you," he advised Rainbow, "for this battle's forecast calls for some treacherous flying weather." Sub-Zero threw his hands in the pony's direction, and a stream of ice shards began shooting from his fingertips.

"Whoa!" Rainbow quickly hit the brakes and began bobbing and weaving to avoid the ice. "Yipes! Hey! Careful with those!" she objected.

"You cannot avoid me forever!" Sub-Zero insisted, continuing to fire away. "Dance, pony, dance!"

"Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie replied, sweeping Applejack off of her hooves. "C'mon, AJ, let's polka!"

"What in tarnation?" Applejack sputtered. "Knock it off, Pinkie! He was talkin' to Rainbow, not you!"

"I know!" Pinkie answered. "Dancing's just fun!"

For her part, Rainbow Dash was having no trouble avoiding Sub-Zero's projectiles. "Nah nah na nah nah, you can't hit me!" she taunted, styling up her dodges with a spin or two.

"Perhaps you'd like to up the ante then!" Sub-Zero snarled, bringing his hands together and channeling his icy powers to generate a larger, basketball-sized chunk of ice.

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow shot back, as Sub-Zero flung the icy ball in her direction. "Check this out!"

As the projectile approached, Rainbow Dash bent over backward in a Matrix-like pose, and the icy ball passed harmlessly over her, albeit mere centimeters from her stomach and nose. "Hah!" the pegasus roared in triumph, turning and watching the ball smash against the wall behind her. "You're gonna have to be faster than that if you want to..."

KAPOW! Taking advantage of the opening Rainbow had left him, Sub-Zero quickly skated over and planted a fist in Rainbow's cheek just as she was turning back towards him, sending the pegasus sailing backwards. "Is that fast enough for you?" he asked rhetorically.

"Uhhh..." Rainbow Dash groaned, finding herself upside down against the same wall the ice ball had crashed into. Shaking the stars from her eyes, she snapped to attention at the sight of Sub-Zero closing in for another attack. "EEYAH!" she screamed, pushing herself off the ground and into the air to avoid the blow.

Noting Rainbow's inverted position, Sub-Zero had planted his foot and aimed a David Beckham special at the pony's nose. Rainbow's evasive maneuver, however, meant that there was now nothing left to kick but a ten-foot-thick stone wall.

Sub-Zero's eyes nearly popped out of his head as his foot connected with the wall. "AAAAHHHH!" he howled, grabbing his sore foot and doing a one-legged-holy-cow-that-hurt dance around the chamber.

"Whoa! Now that's a cool dance step!" Pinkie commented, rushing over to Sub-Zero and copying his technique.

Applejack shook her head in disbelief. "C'mon, Rainbow!" she called out to the pegasus, who was hovering in the air but still trying to regain her bearings. "Now's your chance!"

Rainbow smacked herself in the face with one of her hooves to try and regain her focus. "Right!" she agreed, making a beeline for her distracted opponent.

In the middle of hopping and cursing, however, Sub-Zero suddenly looked up to see Rainbow Dash bearing down on him. "Oh no you don't!" he shouted, conjuring a quick burst of magic and shooting his patented Ice Freeze attack at the pony.

"What the..." Rainbow Dash had no time to react, and quickly found herself frozen into a Rainbow Dash-sicle.

"Ha ha!" Sub-Zero laughed. "Let's see you dodge now, you..." Sub-Zero's smile disappeared from his face as he realized that while the ice had stopped Rainbow's movement, it had done nothing to slow her momentum, and that now he was being attacked by a frozen missile. "Gah! Pull up! Pull up!" he pleaded, trying to get out of the way but failing thanks to his injured foot.

SMASH! The sound of ice, pony, and ninja coming together echoed throughout the chamber, and both combatants found themselves piled in a heap on the floor. "Whee! Pony pile!" Pinkie Pie squealed, diving on top of the pile and drawing a facepalm/facehoof from all in attendance.

"Enough!" Sub-Zero growled, grabbing Rainbow and Pinkie by their tails and flinging them in opposite directions. "You, Miss Dash," he snarled, turning to face his opponent, "are beginning to make me angry!"

"And you aren't the brightest star in the sky," Rainbow Dash pointed out, making a dopey face and imitating Sub-Zero's voice. "'Oh, there's a pegasus coming at me? Let me freeze it so it hits me even harder! Durrr...'"

"Let's see you copy this!" Sub-Zero offered, firing another hail of ice at Rainbow Dash.

"Hah! That old trick again?" Rainbow laughed and began darting randomly about the chamber, easily dodging the ice shards. "Try again, loser - I could do this all day!" she proclaimed.

Twilight, on the other hoof, was significantly less happy with Sub-Zero's tactics. "Stop it!" she ordered, pointing to where the ice was hitting and damaging the chamber walls, rendering the ancient runes there illegible. "I haven't had a chance to study those yet!" she complained.

After another minute of effortless evasion, Rainbow Dash grew tired of Twilight's whining, and decided to wrap things up quickly. "You know," she pointed out, "I'm still lightning-quick up here, but I noticed that you aren't moving around so well. I say it's time we made you dance for a change!" With that, the pegasus zoomed over to a spot on the ceiling just above Sub-Zero's head, then reared back and kicked the ceiling with her back legs for all she was worth, causing a chunk of stone from the ceiling to break loose and fall.

"YAHHH!" Sub-Zero screamed, diving out of the way moments before the stone came down on his head. "Hey! Watch it!" he objected. "If that lands on my toe, you're really gonna get it!"

"Whatsamatter?" Rainbow Dash teased, jarring another section of ceiling loose. "Too much for a one-hoof wonder like you?"

Twilight, for her part, wasn't any happier with Rainbow's tactics than she was with Sub-Zero's. "Rainbow, stop!" she demanded. "Do you know what you're doing? You're destroying history!"

"No, I'm destroying lame ninjas!" Rainbow Dash corrected her friend, as she knocked down another ceiling chunk.

Sub-Zero quickly tired of the pony's game. "This has gone on long enough!" he thundered. "It is time to unleash my secret weapon..."

"Yeah, sure, whatev." Rainbow dismissed Sub-Zero's threat with a wave of her hoof, and prepared to kick out another ceiling shard.

Sub-Zero's hands began to glow again, but instead of summoning more ice to attack, the ninja began waving them around wildly, with each hand leaving a trail of ice hanging in the air as it moved. "You best be careful, Dash!" Applejack warned. "This rascal's fixin' up another frozen treat for you!"

"He'd better hurry!" Rainbow shouted back, as she continuing attacking the ceiling. "Scissors aren't the only thing rock beats!"

The battle turned into a race against time, as Sub-Zero tried to construct an icy defense before Rainbow could unleash her stone-cold attack. In the end, however, the pegasus was just too fast, and with one last kick, Rainbow Dash knocked loose a massive chunk of stone above her opponent. "Timmmmmberrrrr!" she shouted.

"No!" Sub-Zero proclaimed. "This is not how it ends!" Pressing his hands up against the meager ice shield he had built, he gritted his teeth, summoned all of his magic, and transferred it to his defenses. Within mere moments, the power infusion caused the ice to quadruple in strength and thickness, forming a complete hemisphere around Sub-Zero.

CRASH! Rainbow's rock smashed into the icy shield with a loud bang...and splintered into small pieces without making so much as a dent in the ice. "Oh, come on!" Rainbow griped. "That has to be against the rules!"

From his vantage point next to the referee, Shang Tsung could only sigh and shrug. "Well, you know what they say: Defense wins championships," he offered.

Rainbow Dash flew down to the frozen hemisphere and started banging on it with her hooves. "Hey! No fair hiding in an igloo!" she shouted. "Come out and fight like a real pony!"

Rainbow's word choice drew a giggle from Pinkie Pie. "He's not a pony, silly!" she pointed out.

"I don't care if he's a freaking centipede!" Rainbow replied, as she continuing pounding away on the ice. "Get out here, you coward!"

The awkward standoff went on for another minute or so, until Rainbow Dash finally threw up her hooves and gave up. "So...now what?" she asked the referee. "Do I win, or do we have to spend the next forty years waiting for this bozo to come out of his shell?"

"Well...er...I'm not sure," the referee admitted, looking over at Shang Tsung for guidance.

Shang Tsung shrugged again. "Give him a minute or so," he suggested. "I'd like to see just how special his 'secret weapon' really is."

"Fine," Rainbow Dash pouted, folding her hooves and beginning a staring contest with the icy shield. She did not have to wait long: Within seconds, a bright light began emanating from the center of the ice dome, and the structure suddenly exploded, sending ice flying in every direction.

"Yikes!" Rainbow cried out, pulling out her best spin-o-rama to avoid a large ice piece that came flying at her. "Okay, loser, it's time to...what the heck?" Her eyes doubled in size at the sight before her: Standing at the center of where the ice shield had been, laughing the most evil laugh he could muster, was Sub-Zero, sporting a notable addition to his usual attire - namely, a pair of large, icy wings.

"What do you say to this handiwork, eh, Miss Dash?" Sub-Zero asked the speechless pony. "Most people think ice is too cold and hard to work with, but I've always found it to be a rather flexible medium."

"What...how...where..." Rainbow Dash sputtered for a moment, then flew over to the referee. "Okay, this has got to be considered cheating, right?" she inquired.

"Sorry," Shang Tsung informed the pegasus. "There are no rules against powering yourself up via your own magic."

"Well, there ought to...whoa!" Rainbow dove out of the way of another ice ball. "Hey, I'm talking over here!" she screamed at a smirking Sub-Zero. "Haven't you ever heard of a referee timeout?"

"We don't have those, either," Shang Tsung pointed out.

"Enough stalling!" Sub-Zero thundered, charging the pegasus. "Prepare to meet your doom!"

Rainbow Dash ducked out of the way of Sub-Zero's errant fist. "You spend a gazillion years hiding under a glacier, and then accuse me of stalling?" she complained. "You have got to be the lamest ninja ever!"

"No matter!" Sub-Zero declared, throwing another punch but once again missing his target. "Now that the sky is within my reach, there is nowhere left for you to hide," he reasoned. "No more games, pony. It is time for us to end this battle, once and for all."

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to respond, but stopped before she spoke, and a strange look appeared on her face. "Silence implies consent," Sub-Zero proclaimed, as he moved in for another attack.

As Rainbow deftly dodged Sub-Zero's advances, her expression slowly morphed into a small smirk. "You know what? No," she decided. "Later!" With that, the pegasus did her best Road Runner impression, zooming out of the chamber while leaving nothing but a rainbow-colored streak and a dust outline of her previous position.

"Wait...what?" Sub-Zero was caught flatfooted by the pony's retreat, and took a few seconds to realize exactly what had happened. "Hey! Wait a minute! Get back here!" he ordered, taking off in pursuit of his opponent.

"Come on, girls!" Applejack shouted to her compatriots. "There ain't no point in standin' around in this ice box anymore!"

"But...but...but I haven't finished looking at the runes yet!" Twilight objected, sighing as she followed her friends out of the chamber.

Shang Tsung cursed under his breath as both he and the referee mimicked the pony posse and headed for the exit. "This is what I get for eating before the match," he grumbled, as his stomach voiced its displeasure at being jostled.

Out in front of the pack, Rainbow Dash quickly re-traced her steps through the underground maze, and burst from the temple entrance a mere forty seconds after exiting the chamber. She cast a glance towards the sky, and scratched her chin with her hoof. "Hmm...seems like we've got a few too many clouds today," she observed, despite the fact that it was eighty-five degrees and there were at most five clouds in the sky. Still, Rainbow concluded that something had to be done, and she dashed up into the sky to execute her plan.

For his part, Sub-Zero was nowhere near as quick or graceful in making his way through the maze, zigzagging wildly down each corridor while trying to avoid smashing his fragile wings against the walls. It took him a good ten minutes to find his way out of the temple, causing an underground traffic jam as the rest of the battle observers backed up behind him. "Finally!" the ninja declared as he emerged from the temple. "Where are you, you pathetic scaredy-pony? When I get my hands on you..."

"It's about freaking time!" a voice from above called out. Sub-Zero looked up into the sky to see Rainbow Dash peering down at her opponent over the edge of a large cloud - the only one left in the sky, and a product of the smaller, scattered clouds that the pegasus had smashed together. "What's wrong - having trouble with your shiny new wings?" she teased.

"Allow me to come up there and show you!" Sub-Zero snarled, leaping and flying up to the cloud. Rainbow, however, simply blew a raspberry at the ninja as he approached, and ducked her head back behind the edge of the cloud.

"Prepare to have your face...huh?" Sub-Zero stopped in mid-taunt as he reached the cloud, discovering that there was nopony on it. "Blasted mini horse!" he roared. "Where have you gone this time?"

Rainbow's head emerged from the far side of the cloud in response. "Yoo-hoo! Over hee-yer!" she sang out.

"Why you little..." Sub-Zero rushed over to where Rainbow hid, but the pegasus sunk back into the cloud before he could attack. "Spineless equine!" Sub-Zero cursed. "When I'm finished with you, you'll be begging to be shipped to the glue factory!"

"Hey moron!" Rainbow shouted, popping up out of another remote part of the cloud. "Does your face hurt? 'Cause it's killing me!"

"Then hold still so my fists can get in on the action!" Sub-Zero demanded. He hurried over to face his opponent, but Rainbow dove back into the cloud before he got there.

The game of Whack-A-Rainbow continued for another four or five minutes, as Rainbow Dash continued popping out of the large cloud to insult Sub-Zero, then diving back into the cloud before the ninja could mount an attack. His fury building with every zinger, Sub-Zero tried everything he could think to try to find a successful strategy: fake-attacking to get the pegasus to appear close to him, hovering underneath the cloud to fool Rainbow Dash into sitting still for a moment, even trying to freeze the cloud with his icy magic (which only made the cloud start snowing). As time passed, however, he began to notice that flying around the cloud was getting harder and harder, although he attributed it to simple fatigue.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, knew the truth behind Sub-Zero's deteriorating flying skills. "Hey, Popsicle Breath! I think your wings are coming up a little...short," she pointed out, trying hard to keep from laughing.

"What are you talk...YAH!" Sub-Zero screamed as he looked at his wings, which had taken a beating from the sun's rays and melted to a quarter of their original size. "So this was your plan!" he accused.

Rainbow Dash could contain herself no longer, and she burst out laughing at the ninja's misfortune. "You'll never make it to the ground before those things give out!" she declared, waving a farewell hoof at her opponent. "See you next fall!"

"You fool," Sub-Zero snarled, letting out an evil laugh of his own. "I am the master of all things frozen! I can make wings big enough to redirect the freaking jet stream!" Once again calling upon his frostbitten powers, Sub-Zero reached back and placed his hands on his wings, then channeled his magic to began restoring the wings to their former glory, all the while managing to stay aloft with the wing stubs he had left.

"Seriously?" Rainbow sputtered in disbelief, as Sub-Zero repaired his icy wings. Diving back into the cloud for cover, the pegasus re-racked her brain for a new strategy. "What am I gonna do now?" she whispered to herself.

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash heard a faint voice echoing in her mind: Rainbow...Rainbow Dash...

The owner of the voice caught Rainbow by surprise. "No way!" she exclaimed. "F...Fluttershy? Is that you?"

The voice continued on: He is vulnerable now. Empty the warrens. Sound the battle cry. Attack. Destroy. Inflict maximal pain.

"Okay, definitely not Fluttershy," Rainbow reasoned. "Still...I like the way you think."

Meanwhile, above the cloud, Sub-Zero was nearly finished fixing his icy wings. "It will not be long now," he proclaimed. "Soon I shall have you at my mercy, pony, and then..."

"Surprise!" Rainbow shouted, bursting from the cloud just underneath Sub-Zero with her hoof outstretched and aimed at the ninja's jaw.

BOOM! Rainbow Dash struck paydirt in the form of a devastating uppercut, catching Sub-Zero under the chin and erasing any and all green that was left in his health bar. "Ooh, toasty!" Pinkie Pie offered, as she watched the action through a set of binoculars.

"Oh my," Rarity commented, watching as Sub-Zero fell back to earth. "Perhaps somepony should do something before he hits the ground?"

"I got him," Shang Tsung replied, scurrying off in the direction of Sub-Zero's landing point. "You might as well call this one - it's over," he called back to the referee.

"Very well," the referee agreed. "The match is over! Rainbow Dash wins!"

"Aw, yeah!" Rainbow rejoiced, dashing back down to join her friends on the ground. "These bums haven't found the rainbow's end just yet!" she declared triumphantly.

"Rainbow, that was amazing!" Twilight gushed. "Luring Sub-Zero outside to make his wings melt? Brilliant!"

"Indeed," Rarity seconded. "I would never have imagined that you would come up with such a cerebral strategy."

"Thanks, gir...hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Rainbow demanded, wheeling on Rarity.

"Oh...er, nothing," Rarity replied.

Shang Tsung quickly made his way over to where he thought Sub-Zero would land, beating the ninja there by a good two thousand feet. "Let's see," Shang Tsung considered, "given the current wind speed and direction, and accounting for gravitational force..." He walked over to a nearby sandy knoll and drew an X in the sand with his foot. "He should end up right here," he concluded, "and it's a good thing I made it in time - at his current pace, he'll be putting the terminal in terminal velocity."

His calculations complete, Shang Tsung pulled a smartphone from his pocket, switched it to camera mode, and proceeded to film Sub-Zero as the ninja faceplanted hard upon the X, creating a impression in the sand of the ninja's body that was ten feet deep. "Hah! Classic," Shang Tsung chuckled. "I'll have Shing put this on Youtube later - Scorpion will never let him live this down."

After a few seconds, Sub-Zero managed to raise his hand and extend it towards the sorcerer. "I'm...okay!" he insisted. "You wouldn't...give me a...a hand here, would you...sorcerer?"

"I'm terribly sorry," Shang Tsung answered, "but aren't you the one who told Sektor to tip over the outhouse I was in?" Shang reached down past Sub-Zero's hand and placed his palm on the ninja's back, summoning his powers and beginning his soul-sucking ritual. "Don't worry," the sorcerer consoled Sub-Zero, "I keep Scrabble sets in my spiritual purgatory...it's just that the only letters in them are X and Q. Have fun!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Sub-Zero screamed, as Shang Tsung removed his soul.

Shang Tsung scowled as he finished the foul deed. "As much satisfaction as this gives me," he stated coldly, "it will mean nothing if tonight's battle does not go as planned." He looked over at Shao Kahn's castle off in the distance. "I hope that fool Kahn knows what he's doing," Shang muttered, "for all our sakes."

Hark! The Herald Angels...Shing?

The sight of blue helmets and black helicopters along the beaches of Kahn's island indicated that the Outworld emperor's prediction had come true. He did not, however, imagine the scope of the world's response: The helicopters were followed closely by Princess Celestia on her flying chariot, and Shining Armor's new incident response team included several Kombat veterans that Raiden had left off of his tournament roster.

Everyone and everypony gathered in Kahn's stargate room to figure out their next move. "We've got to get this thing open, pronto," Shining Armor declared as he paced around the gate. "For every minute we spend stuck here, Kahn gets further and further away."

Nightwolf, a warrior with long hair, war paint, and a feathered headband, stepped forward and placed his hand on Shining's shoulder. "Patience, captain," he counseled. "Shao Kahn is still bound by the rules of the tournament. He will be waiting for us—or rather, for your rainbow-haired friend—at his Outworld palace."

"Yeah, he just likes to mess with us." Kung Lao, a large man wearing a black vest and matching wide-brimmed hat, pulled out his phone. "Apparently everyone who actually knows the address for Outworld has already skipped town, and no one here will give up the password for the island wifi." He pointed towards a tall African-American man with bionic arms standing nearby. "It's a good thing Jax here had that access point installed during his last upgrade."

As Shining Armor's team scoured Google for the proper stargate address, Rainbow Dash sat and stewed on the far side of the room. "That lousy skull-faced cloudhugger," she fumed. "Turning tail and running away with my friends' souls...it's just not right! When I get my hooves on him, I'll stuff that spiky helmet of his—"

"While your passion is laudable," Princess Celestia interrupted as she walked over to Rainbow, "you cannot let your emotions cloud your judgment. You're not going to beat Kahn with physical strength alone."

"I'm not?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow at Celestia. "But isn't that, like, the whole point of this stupid tournament?"

Celestia threw a leg across Rainbow's shoulders. "You've got to be smarter than the average Outworld tyrant," she continued. "You have to find his weaknesses, and know how to exploit them." She winked at Rainbow. "And I just happen to have an idea of what his weakness is, and how we can use it."

"Really?" Rainbow Dash's ears perked up. "Do tell."

Celestia opened her mouth to speak, but her voice was drowned out by the sound of the stargate springing to life. "Got it!" Kung Lao shouted as a wormhole appeared inside the stargate ring.

"All right, everypony," Shining Armor said, "we're about to enter hostile territory, so stay in formation and stay alert! Kahn may have a welcoming party waiting for us when we arrive."

Rainbow Dash and Shining Armor's team fell into position behind the unicorn, and the entire crew crept cautiously towards the wormhole. "So, how does traveling through this thing work anyway?" Rainbow asked Kung Lao.

"No idea," Kung Lao admitted. "The stargate Wikipedia page said something about dissolving into atoms and getting reassembled at the other side, but really, what does that mean?"

Rainbow's eyes widened at the word 'dissolving.' "Yeah, uh, well, you guys can go first."

One by one, Shining Armor and his team disappeared into the ether of the wormhole. Finally, it was Rainbow's turn, and after taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she stepped through the opening.

The trip turned out to be anticlimactic, and in an instant Rainbow found herself standing beside Shining Armor's team in Outworld. Instead of being the awful land of death and decay she expected, however, Rainbow found Outworld to be kind of drab and boring. She and her companions were now standing in a large hallway lined with slime-green lockers, and the view from a nearby window appeared rather bright and cheerful. "This is Outworld?" Rainbow asked.

"No," Jax grumbled as he shot an annoyed look at Kung Lao. "This looks like a high school."

"Hey, you were were the one dialing the stargate!" Kung Lao snapped back. "You probably swapped two of the symbols."

Suddenly, a woman with blue skin and two-tone blue hair appeared from a nearby doorway. "What's going on here?" she called out towards the group. "Shouldn't you be in class right now? And what are you doing with those weapons and those miniature horses?"

"Please accept my apologies, ma'am," Shining Armor started to say. "There appears to have been—"

The woman's eyes widened. "The horse can talk?"

Jax slapped a hand over Shining's mouth. "Ixnay on the peakingsay!" he whispered to the unicorn. "Forgive us, ma'am—Kung Lao here likes to show off his ventriloquist technique. We're, uh, actually part of the theater group, and we're rehearsing our next play. It's called, uh..."

"The Road Of Destiny!" Kung Lao chimed in. "It's the gripping tale of a medieval prince's journey to find himself while traveling on the Crusades!"

The woman folded her arms and looked suspiciously at some of the soldiers in the group. "I don't believe they used automatic weapons during the Crusades."

"Well, if you people would stop cutting the drama club's budget," Kung Lao countered, "maybe we could get some more realistic props instead of having to make do with this leftover junk!" He pointed to the wormhole still open behind them. "Seriously, this backdrop doesn't even remotely resemble the Flemish highlands."

The woman sighed. "Very well. Carry on," she said as she walked back through the doorway.

"That was close," Shining Armor whispered. "Everypony, back through the wormhole! Next time, let's not mix up our address."

Meanwhile, back in Outworld, Shao Kahn sat down upon his throne, and smiled as two of his generic ninjas ran into the room and began fanning him with palm leaves. "I love the smell of hydrochloric acid in the morning!" he proclaimed. "Having an island paradise is all well and good, but coming home always puts an extra bounce in my step."

As she looked out upon the barren wasteland outside Kahn's castle, Chrysalis could only scowl. "Oh yes, I just love what you've done with the place," she muttered sarcastically.

Kahn rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. "Ah! Fran just texted me," he revealed. "She and Shing just made it to the castle gates. They'll be joining us shortly."

"I'll try to contain my excitement," Chrysalis grumbled as she continued staring out the window. "So what is your plan now, Kahn? Are we to while away the hours in this dump of a castle like sitting ducks?"

Kahn stood up from his throne and walked over to where Chrysalis stood. "My dear queen," he chuckled, "you really haven't learned anything at all, have you?" He patted her condescendingly on the head. "Once the tournament has begun, it cannot stop until an ultimate victor has been crowned, and no amount of running will stand in its way."

"Then why did we come here?" Chrysalis snapped. "What was the point?"

"The point was simply to reclaim the home-field advantage that I have rightfully earned," Kahn said. "They fight in my house now, and in my house, we play by my rules."

Suddenly, the door to Kahn's throne room burst open, and Fran and Shing Tsung rushed in. "This is just terrible!" Fran lamented. "I had seven meetings lined up for you today, and now I'm going to have to reschedule them all!"

"Don't bother," Kahn replied. "Once I win this tournament, everyone will have to bend their schedules to mine anyway."

"What are we gonna do?" Shing said nervously. "I mean, that rainbow pony looked really mad when ESPN interviewed her last night."

Shao Kahn motioned for the others to come closer. "Now, now," he said, "don't worry about a thing. I will take care of Miss Dash and her band of merry morons when they arrive."

"And what do we do in the meantime?" Chrysalis asked.

"Fran," Kahn said, "will run a crossing route to the guardhouse and prepare a welcome for our incoming guests, preferably something with flags and woodwind instruments. Chrysalis, obviously, will run a fly pattern to the front gates and keep watch for incoming pegasi. When anypony shows their snout, Chrysalis will provide a suitable greeting, cue the welcoming committee, and then scurry her little behind back up here. Shing will be our deep threat for today—I'd like him to prepare a little surprise to kick off our battle festivities. Understand?"

Fran, Shing, and Chrysalis exchanged glances, then all nodded in unison. "Very good," Kahn said. "Break!"

Fran and Chrysalis turned and made their way to the door. "So, uh, I mean, what sort of surprise do you want to give the pony?" Shing asked.

Kahn chuckled. "I'm afraid you misunderstood me," he replied. "The surprise I'm thinking of isn't for Miss Dash."

Back on Kahn's island, the dialing error turned out to be much more than a few flipped symbols, and it took Shining Armor's team another six tries before they finally connected to the right stargate. "Next time," Jax grumbled, "we call the operator before we start dialing this thing."

"Aw, stop complaining," Kung Lao said. "You got to see Arendelle Palace, didn't you?"

"What I got was probably frostbite," Jax groused.

Stepping through the wormhole one last time, the team finally found themselves staring at the decaying Outworld landscape. "Good grief!" Rainbow exclaimed as she covered her nose. "This place smells worse than Applejack's barn."

"This is the place," Nightwolf said, pointing to a castle off in the distance. "Kahn's fortress is but a short distance to the north."

"Then let's get going," Shining Armor ordered. "But stay together, and keep your eyes peeled for trouble!"

"This is Outworld?" Rainbow said in disbelief. "It's way more...purple than I expected."

The group made their way past several large pools of lava, through the ruins of what appeared to be an ancient city, and up a long hill to where the castle stood. Shining Armor used his magic to lift a pair of binoculars to his face. "I can see a single guard by the gates," he reported, "but nopony visible on the walls or in the towers. We'd better spread out and take cover—they might be preparing an ambush."

The single guard was actually Chrysalis disguised as one of Kahn's ninjas, and she was using her own set of binoculars to keep tabs on the approaching warriors. "What are they doing?" she wondered as the group split up and hid in nearby bushes. "Are we really going to have to wait for them to crawl their way up here like snails?"

After five minutes of darting, tumbling, and rolling between trees and shrubs, Shining Armor emerged from behind a large rock and walked up to the gate, leaving his fellow soldiers to wait for his signal. "Finally!" Chrysalis whispered in exasperation as the unicorn walked over. "Greetings!" she said in as deep a voice as she could muster. "Welcome to our humble palace. Emperor Kahn has been expecting you. Please, come with me."

Shining Armor stepped through the castle gates and observed the welcome Kahn had prepared. While the path to the castle entryway was clear, both sides of the path were lined with hundreds of Kahn's generic-looking ninjas, most of whom were waving signs, foam fingers, and oversized headshots of Shao Kahn and some of his warriors. As soon as the crowd saw Shining Armor, they began showering him with boos, insults, and requests to perform anatomically-impossible acts, and a marching band in the back of the crowd began playing an appropriately-generic fight song.

Shining Armor was taken aback by the strange scene, and he turned back to the rest of his team. "Stay back!" he yelled. "I'm not sure if these guys mean business, or whether they're just here to intimidate us."

"You call that intimidating?" Kung Lao replied. "This is nothing! I've seen nastier crowds at college football games. Let's go!"

The group hustled towards the castle gates and followed Chrysalis through the mob and into the castle entryway, where Shing Tsung was waiting for them. "Be a good sorcerer and entertain our guests whilst I tell Kahn that they have arrived," Chrysalis said as she continued walking to the next doorway.

Shing nodded, but couldn't hide the sweat dripping from his brow or the nervous look on his face. As Chrysalis approached the far doors of the room, Shing scurried back behind Shining Armor's team. "I'm, uh, just gonna hang out over here with you guys," he mumbled meekly. "I mean, if that's okay with you."

Chrysalis reached for the door handle, but quickly discovered that it wouldn't turn. "What in the—why is this door locked?" she demanded. "Shing, get over here and unlock this stupid thing!"

"I didn't lock it!" Shing insisted. "Someone must have locked it from inside."

"Of all the idiotic things..." Chrysalis started banging on the door as hard as she could. "Hey! Let me in! We've got company!"

As Chrysalis raised a fuss, Shing Tsung slowly reached for something in his pocket, but Jax grabbed Shing's hand before he could pull it out. "What are you trying to pull?" Jax said.

"It's just a piece of paper, I swear!" Shing replied. "I mean, see for yourself!"

Jax pulled Shing's hand out of his pocket and took the paper from his hand. "Well, well," Jax said as he looked over the paper. "Looks like Kahn wanted to start the party a little early."

"What are you talking about?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Jax cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, and ponies of all sorts," he read, "this pre-final Mortal Kombat matchup is hereby called to order!"

"What?" Chrysalis turned and faced the group. "What are you going on about?"

"In this corner," Jax continued, "the winner of the Mortal Kombat tournament, and the only creature to triumph while sporting Technicolor hair—"

"We don't need the fluff," Kung Lao interrupted. "Kahn's calling for a battle, so just tell us who the pony's fighting."

Rainbow Dash scowled at Shing. "I hope it's you," she snarled. "You've got a few souls I'd like to repossess."

"Actually, according to this," Jax revealed, "your buddy Chrysalis is on the undercard. Of course, if our friend here was about to make this announcement..."

Chrysalis's face flushed with anger, and she dispatched her disguise to show her true form. "This... This wasn't a mistake at all!" She pointed a hoof at Shing, who shrunk behind Jax. "You planned this the entire time, didn't you? You and that double-crossing fool Kahn!"

Chrysalis lunged in Shing's direction in a fit of rage, but Nightwolf stepped up to block her path. "The rules of Mortal Kombat are clear," he said. "Your fight is with the pony, not the sorcerer."

"Grrr..." Chrysalis glared at Nightwolf, then at Shing, and finally at Rainbow Dash. "Fine!" she finally declared. "I will fight Celestia's so-called champion! I'll fight you all if I have to!"

"I guess that means she's ready," Jax concluded. He looked over at Rainbow Dash. "You good?"

"Darn right," Rainbow replied.

"Then I guess the rest of us had better step back." Jax motioned to the other warriors, and they began lining up along the wall, leaving Rainbow and Chrysalis alone in the middle of the room. "You know the drill. FIGHT!"

Chrysalis smiled smugly at Rainbow Dash. "You've done an awfully good job of defeating Kahn's imbeciles," she said, "but I'm sure we can find a suitable opponent to challenge you."

Rainbow crouched down and pawed the ground like an angry bull. "Do you worst."

"Try this on for size." In a flash of green light, Chrysalis transformed herself into a yellow pony with fiery orange hair and a dark-blue officer's uniform. "What now, Rainbow?" she asked. "Do you think you could stand against one of your heroes?"

"Spitfire?" Rainbow's eyes widened at the sight, and she took a few steps back.

"Impressive, no?" Chrysalis said, perfectly imitating Spitfire's voice. "You see, fighting isn't just about physical strength—it's about having the right game plan for your opponent." She slowly sauntered over to Rainbow. "Anypony can defeat an enemy, but it can be awfully tough to raise a hoof against somepony you respect and admire."

"Don't listen to her!" Shining Armor shouted from the sidelines. "She's still Chrysalis underneath that disguise! You've got to fight back!"

"Yeah, what he said!" Kung Lao said. "You can do this!"

"Can you?" 'Spitfire' chuckled as she moved in on Rainbow Dash. "You, who have worshipped the not-so-wonderful bolts since you were a filly? You, who have personally gotten to know Spitfire and her ilk as friends?" She stopped and smiled as Rainbow Dash cowered before her, and then raised a hoof to strike. "I don't think so."

POW! Before Chrysalis could react, Rainbow suddenly leaped forward and landed a hard right hook to Chrysalis's face, sending the changeling sprawling to the floor. "Ow!" Chrysalis scowled and rubbed her sore cheek. "Why you—"

In a flash, Rainbow was nose-to-nose with her opponent. "Listen, you!" Rainbow shouted. "I've been trying to get into the Wonderbolts since I was ten!" She threw another punch that sent 'Spitfire' tumbling. "I've beat the baddest of baddies, I've won the raciest of races, and I've passed the testiest of tests! And yet you still don't think I'm qualified to join your little club!" Another haymaker sent Chrysalis bouncing off the far wall. "You even made me a wingpony to that numbskull Lightning Dust!" Rainbow continued, her rage building with every syllable. "I think it's time me and my hooves showed you just how qualified I really am!"

"That's the spirit!" Shining Armor cheered as Rainbow continued knocking Chrysalis around the room. "Let it all out! Don't hold back!"

Chrysalis quickly tired of having her face take the brunt of Rainbow's Wonderbolt frustrations, and she decided that a new plan was in order. In a flash of green, the changeling suddenly morphed into a tall, white-coated alicorn with a sparkling, multicolored mane. "Behold!" Chrysalis proclaimed. "It is I, Princess Celestia, the fair ruler of Equestria, here to—"

BOOM! Chrysalis's monologue did nothing but leave an opening for Rainbow to land a powerful buck underneath Chrysalis's chin. "I've got a bone to pick with you, too!" Rainbow said. "How come you always make us deal with the bad guys that want to destroy Equestria? I mean, you can raise the sun and banish ponies to the moon, and yet you didn't even bother to come with us to Outworld!" She unleashed another buck that bounced 'Celestia' off the ceiling. "What, are you too busy entertaining guests and eating cake to do your own dirty work?"

"Where in the name of Metta World Peace did all these anger issues come from?" Chrysalis asked just before she took another uppercut that sent her flying against the wall. She tried another transformation and morphed into a Fluttershy lookalike. "You wouldn't hurt poor, innocent Fluttershy, would you?"

Rainbow Dash answered Chrysalis with a vicious three-hit combo followed by a fierce uppercut. "Call me the biggest fraud in Equestria, will you?" Rainbow seethed. "Come here and let me show you how much of a poser I am!"

The onslaught began taking its toll on Chrysalis, and she started cycling through transformations, desperately trying to find somepony, anypony, that would pacify her opponent. Instead, every transformation just seemed to make Rainbow more angry. "Octavia? You play the lamest music in the whole world!" Rainbow screamed. "Palette Swap? You draw my mouth too big every freaking time you sketch me! Cloud Kicker? I'll show you who's the real winningest pony around here!"

Chrysalis went through every disguise she could think of: Mother Teresa, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Taylor Swift... In the end, it was all in vain, as Rainbow Dash appeared to have a beef with every creature in the universe. "You invented impossible math!" Rainbow raged. "You brought mullets back into style! You ruined my fantasy hoofball season! You voted for Obamacare!"

Finally, Chrysalis could take no more. "No más, no más!" she shouted, collapsing to the ground. "I... I can't fight you anymore."

Rainbow remained tense for a moment, wary of a ruse, but relaxed after it was clear Chrysalis was not making any attempt to stand back up. "Good," Rainbow said as she turned to face Shing. "You can take it from here."

Shing gulped, and he moved cautiously towards Chrysalis. "This was all Kahn's idea, I swear," he insisted. "I mean, I was just supposed to—"

"Forget it." Chrysalis sighed, and a single tear ran down her face. "Miss Dash is more than capable of giving that fool Kahn the smackdown he deserves."

Rainbow glared at Shing as he removed Chrysalis's soul. "We're not finished here yet," she declared. "I see one last loser I need to smite."

"And it looks like Kahn was thinking the same thing." Jax said as he looked back at Shing's note. "I hope you learned some kung fu from your uncle, Shing, 'cause guess who's next on the battle list?"

"WHAT?!" Shing snatched the note back from Jax. His eyes widened as he read his name on the very last line. "Uh oh... This is bad..."

Rainbow smiled evilly, and started stomping towards Shing. "I'm gonna enjoy this."

"Now, wait a second!" Shing pleaded, as he backed up against the wall. "I can't fight in Mortal Kombat! I mean, I don't know any martial arts at all! I'm not even officially Kahn's employee—I'm just a consultant! I don't even like Kahn! I mean, I totally sympathize with you guys!"

"Shut up and die!" Rainbow lunged at Shing.

"AAAHHH!!!" Shing screamed, waving his arms frantically in a pathetic attempt to defend himself. For the first time in his life, however, Shing caught a break: As Rainbow's hooves reached his throat, one of Shing's stray swings struck the pegasus square on the side of her head, sending her crashing to the floor.

A hush fell over the room as Rainbow laid motionless on the ground. "Come on, Rainbow!" Shining Armor shouted. "Get up!"

Shing took the opportunity to dash over to the opposite side of the room. "She attacked me first! You all saw that!" he said. "I mean, that was 100% self-defense!"

Shining Armor rushed over to Rainbow Dash, picked up one of her hooves, and then let it go. A look of horror crossed his face as the hoof fell limply back to the floor. "Oh no... She's... She's..."

"Wait, she's out?!" Shing gasped. "For real?" He stared at Rainbow Dash's fallen form for a moment, and then looked down at his hands. "Did I do that?"

Nightwolf bowed his head. "The battle is over," he proclaimed. "Shing Tsung wins."

"Lucky shot," Kung Lao grumbled.

"I won?" Shing's confusion and disbelief began melting away as the realization hit him. "I mean, I won! I won! I really won!" A huge smile appeared on his face, and he begun jumping up and down, waving his arms around like a madman. "i won my first ever fight, and I totally knocked out a horse!" He turned towards one of the room's stained glass windows, and smiled at his reflection. "Who's the toughest hombre in this tournament?" He flexed his spaghetti-thin arms. "This guy! Right here! Shing the Destroyer!"

Jax couldn't help but roll his eyes. "What a loser."

Shing ignored Jax, and uncorked his most evil-sounding laugh. "Wait 'til those jerks back at school hear about this! I mean, from now on, I'm the one giving the swirlies!" He walked back over to Rainbow Dash with a renewed confidence, and shoved Shining Armor out of the way. "Move it or lose it, pal! Shing the Destroyer has a soul to take!"

Shining Armor and his team stood by nervously as Shing completed his dirty deed. "So, uh, what do we do now, boss?" Kung Lao asked.

Shining Armor was silent as he watched Shing dance awkwardly around the room. "Pray," he finally said. "Pray really hard."

Author's Note

THE END?

Not even close.

The white flag is in the air! Hold on to your hats, folks—we've got (at least) one more chapter to go!