In the dark of the night

Twilight sat down on her bed in the Ponyville Library. It all seemed like it was a fantasy to her. The ponies all smiling at each other every day. The peace that surrounded her. Even seeing Spike almost seemed like a fantastic cliché now.

Sighing as she looked out the window, she could see the last vestiges of sunlight coming through the window. Luna's night would be soon upon them. Not that she would be sleeping tonight. No... there was far too much on her mind.

A grey pegasus mare with a lustrous raven-black mane walked up the stairs and over to Twilight before she nuzzled her neck affectionately.

"Something wrong Twi?"

In the time they had known each other, the black-maned pegasus had come to be able to read Twilight Sparkle like an open book.

"I don't know Artemis... So much has happened. Has it really only been a year?"

"Yea... Feels like its been ages though right?" She knew what Twilight was going through all too well.

"It feels like its been an eternity... Now... everything is so peaceful. Everything is back to the way it was, but..." Twilight hesitated to say what was on the tip of her tongue. "but its not the same... I'm not the same." And with that slowly hung her head.

Wrapping her forehooves around the lavender unicorn in a hug, Artemis pulled Twilight close.

"I won't lie to you and say that you are the same pony you were a year ago Twilight, but if you hadn't chosen the path that you did... this town, these ponies, none of them would be the same. All of Equestria wouldn't be the same. You know what they were planning to do. They didn't care... they were going to kill anypony who resisted them. We HAD to stop them."

Turning into Artemis's hug, Twilight buried her muzzle into the grey mare's chest as tears started to fall from her eyes. As she hugged her back, Twilight asked.

"I know... but how do I hide the monster I've become? How do I account for the terrible things I've done? The ponies I've..."

Twilight's breath caught in her throat as the long blade of remorse stabbed into her. It was a feeling she still couldn't shake.

"The ponies I've killed!"

Artemis stroked Twilight's mane as she cried. She had been there for the events Twilight was remembering. To say that some of them wouldn't haunt her own dreams for a while would have been a lie. However, after over 1,000 years, she had learned how to let go many of her own past transgressions.

"Monster?" Artemis shook her head slowly and tilted Twilight chin up to look into her eyes. "The ponies we killed, those were monsters Twilight. Do you know how many innocent ponies lives we saved by killing those ponies? We saved the lives of thousands and kept Equestria the safe place it is today. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

Releasing Twilight and stepping back a bit before giving her a saucy smirk, Artemis said "Besides, if YOU are a monster... then I'm something far worse... and I probably need to be punished for it." She said, putting particularly emphasis on the word "punish" as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Twilight. She knew exactly what it would do.

Twilight had to stifle a giggle at that. Though the pegasus across from her was possibly one of the deadliest ponies in all of Equestria, after getting to know her, you couldn't call Artemis Night a monster.

Sighing as her laughter resided, she looked up at Artemis and said "So how do I deal with this? You told me once that you found a way to suppress it?"

Looking at the unicorn across from her, Artemis shook her head.

"You don't want to suppress this Twilight. When ponies start to suppress the regret, the remorse, the pain... that's when ponies like us become monsters."

Twilight flattened her ears a bit at that... in a way, she didn't want to feel at all any more, but she knew what would happen if she stopped feeling. They both did. They had seen it with their own eyes.

Twilight pushed the memory back as Artemis continued.

"However, I know one thing that has helped me to deal with these kinds of things throughout the years. Write it out."

Twilight gave her a quizzical look as she explained.

"Write it all out. Your regrets, your pain, your happiness, your joy. The good times, the bad times, everything. Write it out. Keep the scrolls, burn them, make 'em into a book if you want. It sounds a bit old-fashioned but it works."

At this Artemis smiled before adding "I should know."

Twilight closed her eyes and nodded slightly, then re-opened her eyes to look into Artemis's. A grateful smile on her lips.

"Thank you... for everything."

Artemis walked back to Twilight and wrapped her in another hug, whispering "You would do the same for me." before kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"In a heartbeat" Twilight replied.

Giving Twilight a slight squeeze, Artemis let go of Twilight and started to walk back down the stairs, calling up as she went down "Oh, and just so ya know, I'm heading over to Sugarcube Corner to pick up some things. Do you want anything? She asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"No thanks, I think I may do a bit of writing... Give your suggestion a try."

"Certainly wouldn't hurt. Be back in a few Twi."

"Ok" Twilight called down as she turned to look at her old writing station. She was hesitant. It looked as if it had aged with her. The surface, once pristine and polished, was now battered and stained. There were gouges from where heavy objects had landed, stains from the blood on surgical instruments. She cringed at the memories, then, looking back at the pedestal, sighed and levitated a scroll, quill and inkwell over to it. She would likely be writing for quite some time so she also levitated extra's over.

Can't be too careful, right?

At that thought, she stopped and chuckled to herself. It was almost like hearing herself from before. Always needing to be utterly prepared and organized. Maybe that's what had kept her from going mad? Shrugging to herself, she sat down and started writing. Writing out her own story.

This is my story. The story of how I Twilight Sparkle came to be a creature of legend. The story of how I changed.

Where to start though? She thought for only an instant before she knew. She started on that day... the day that changed everything.