Colgate looked above, to the endless sea of purple and black that was the night sky, the colors interrupted only by the moon and stars, millions of miles away. She wished she could travel to one of them, leave behind this world and all her memories with it. But she knew that her wish would never come true. She would be stuck here until the end of time, and possibly beyond.
She backed away from the window and returned to the table. Laying on it was her open saddlebag, along with a few items she would be taking with her on her journey away from the place she had called home for the past decade. She wished that she could stay, but she had learned her lesson the last two times she had tried that. She wouldn't be able to return here until long after everyone she knew was long gone. Everyone... But her.
The Maya Blue mare continued packing, taking what few possessions she owned, along with an extra few she took every time she left Canterlot. Colgate wasn't fond of the idea of owning many things. The fewer things she had, the less she had to take with her when she left. And owning as little as possible meant the less she had to remember her past by.
Once everything on the table was in the bag, Colgate closed the flap and picked up the bag, laying it over her flanks. Once she was certain that the bag was secured to her, she checked to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. What she noticed might have made her heart stop, were it able to.
It was the one memory that was ever-present in her mind, and the painting was the one thing she could never live without. Instead of letting herself look at it, she quickly reopened the saddle bag and stuffed it inside, careful so that it wouldn't be ruined. Thankfully, she had long ago learned a spell to shrink it down to a more convenient size. Had it retained it's full volume, Colgate wasn't sure that she would have allowed herself to keep it. Celestia knew she should have gotten rid of it long ago, when she wasn't insistent on never giving up on her memory, her lost solace.
She pushed the thoughts back to the dark recesses of her mind, until they inevitably returned sometime in the very near future. Her departure was painful enough as is. She didn't need to make it even more unbearable on herself. Instead, the unicorn resealed the bag and took another look around the home. She was hesitant to say this would be the last time she would ever get to see it, as she would return to Canterlot eventually. The structure may still be standing then, but she didn't have her hopes held high. Not that she cared for this place. It may have been where she resided, but she never thought of it as home. She didn't have anywhere in all of Equestria that she felt like calling her home, since she spent so much time traveling to all the farthest corners of the land, to areas where nopony knows her in the then current era, so that she could begin anew.
After a few minutes of quiet, during which Colgate stared blankly off into space and nothing more, she shook her head and said her silent goodbyes to the residence. Once she was finished, she faced the door and walked towards it, no longer hesitating. She exited her home, not bothering to look back.
Her hooves gently slid in and out of the snow, which Colgate did to ensure no ponies could hear her. The snow was lightly falling, so she didn't have to worry about covering her hoofprints. Seeing all the snow made her somewhat forlorn to leave all the friends she had made behind, as was often the case in this situation, especially as she was leaving them the night before Hearth's Warming Eve. She had picked this very date for multiple reasons, one of them being because she knew everypony would be in their beds, the anticipation for the new day's events sitting in their minds as they drifted off to their peaceful slumber.
The main reason was because she knew she couldn't handle another Hearth's Warming Eve, at least, not one in Canterlot. The festivities were always wondrous, the ponies seeming to the brim with joy. But for Colgate, it was the worst day of the year. And the absolute worst part of Hearth's Warming Eve in Canterlot was the pageant that they put on every year. Almost every town had one, but ponies came from miles around just to enjoy the prestigious Canterlot pageant. Colgate had even been one of the actresses in the show over the past few years, at her friend's insistence, but she only did so to draw everypony's attention away from her utter hatred for the day.
It wasn't that she hated seeing everypony happy, or that she disapproved of the symbolism behind it, with everypony overcoming their differences in the name of harmony. She despised the holiday because of all the reminders. Just thinking about the pageant sent a flood of memories coursing through her mind, each more painful than the last. She wanted to force them away, but all the decorations that had been set up brought made some of the most painful events of her past back to her, and she was a cruel victim to the emotions they brought.
She came to a sudden stop and leaned against the side of somepony's home, remembering her days as a young filly, playing with all her unicorn friends. She didn't have any pegasus or earth pony companions back then, because she wasn't allowed to interact with them. Not that she had wanted to, at the time, because she was always taught that earth ponies were filthy, disgusting animals, while pegasi were insane, bloodthirsty ruffians. She learned the errors in her beliefs long afterwards, but at the time, she not only believed it, but also assumed they were all an understatement, and both races were actually far worse than everypony made them out to be.
She remembered the endless cold, and many offensive comments towards the hornless beings, some of which she uttered herself. She remembered her father, saying he was going to a meeting between the three races. When he came back, he said that the vile beasts weren't going to cooperate, meaning we would slowly go hungry, and that the cold wouldn't let up, creating another possibility for danger towards us.
Soon afterwards, there was a proclamation spread to every unicorn saying that Princess Platinum and her adviser were going on an expedition in order to find a new land, one where we could be far away from the filth that were the pegasus and earth pony races. After several months of toiling through the anguish, news finally came back that Princess Platinum had not only found a new land, but had managed to reconcile with Commander Hurricane, leader of the pegasi, and Chancellor Puddinghead, leader of the earth pony tribe.
The new land would be shared with all three races, causing much outcry amongst the unicorns. However, they were told about the windigos being the ones to cause the snowstorm, and they did so because of the hate that was harbored towards one another. After finally understanding that, a small percentage of unicorns decided to give the other ponies a chance, and departed for the new land, known as the Kingdom of Equestria. Most of the self-proclaimed noble beings, "Wouldn't allow themselves to stoop to such low levels," but, in time, they all came around. Colgate, who had gone by Minuette at the time, was the child of two parents who were part of the first group to open their minds about the situation, taking her along with it. Though, her father was a bit more reluctant to do so than her mother had been.
She continued her life, becoming accustomed to living with all the new ponies. At first, she was frightened because of all the rumors she had been told or she herself had imagined, but she eventually managed to realize that the others were ponies, just like she was. It didn't matter that they didn't have horns, because they were essentially all the same. Well... Except for her. But nopony knew that then.
Years later, Colgate finally began to notice her problem. Her friends were all physically aging, with wrinkles, liver spots, and all the other common signs of adulthood appearing at their own rates. Yet Colgate remained the same. Being a female unicorn, she had been raised to take care of her appearance, so she was ecstatic that all her hard work to maintain her appearance was paying off in her later years.
As time went on, it became more and more apparent that something was wrong with her. No matter how many years passed, she still appeared like a young mare, one who looked like she had only barely completed her studies a few years prior. Not only was it obvious to her, but to everypony she knew, as well. They began avoiding her, only talking to the mare if she managed to grab their attention and initiate a conversation, but the unicorn knew what they really thought of her. In their eyes, she was a freak. In her eyes, she was a freak.
Many of her friends ended up having children, though, by that time, she was avoided almost entirely. She would overhear the young fillies and colts talking, spreading stories about her, and how she was a witch, with her, "evil unicorn magic." None of these rumors were true, but nopony would listen to her when she tried to explain that.
She had long ago wondered how the Princesses were able to bear the curse they all shared. After much thought, she came to the assumption that the Princesses had responsibilities for all of the kingdom, and therefore the curse was more a tool for them to ensure the safety and order of the land for all eternity.
The final straw came many years after those rumors started. She had left her home to escape the rumors and begin a fresh life. Worried for what other ponies would think of her when they found out about her... Issue, she left that town a few years afterward. After some time, she thought it may be a good idea to return to the kingdom's capital, which she had called home, long before.
Upon arrival, she was forlorn to find all of the ponies she had known had long since passed, but she was glad, as well. If nopony knew her here, then she could live in the one place she had felt like she belonged, at the time. She could go back and see the sights that she had left behind, along with all the revisions and additions that had occurred over her absence.
She acted like a traveler, so as to lower suspicion, and didn't tell them that she had lived there prior to that period. Everypony bought the lie, and accepted her as a new member of the town. She grew to understand how her old home had changed, and shortly afterwards, she finally understood how evil her curse truly was. After she met...
The mare shook her head, knowing that this wasn't the time to think about such things. Gathering her thoughts, she pushed away from the house she had been standing against for support. Leaving behind only a set of four hoofprints, the unicorn continued on. Despite her troubles, Colgate had to leave the town, to get away. Once she was gone, she was certain it would be better, for a time, at least. She could never keep them away forever, though.
She passed by home after home, each shrouded in snow and filled with shadows. The darkness, along with the snowfall partly shielding her, hopefully meant nopony could see her. If even one of her friends caught a glimpse of her now, then she would have to wait a until the next night to leave, or possibly even a few days afterwards. As much as she would like to spend more time with her current generation of associates, she couldn't stay forever. Eventually, they would all get that look in their eyes. That look that Colgate didn't belong. The one she hated most.
Colgate saw the the train station, with tracks that led out of Canterlot, though there wasn't the usual guards posted outside. They always got a temporary reprieve from their duties for certain holidays, one of them being Hearth's Warming Eve. However, she had one more stop to make before she left.
She turned away from the railroad, towards the mountainside that Canterlot was built into. She weaved in and out of alleyways and various paths, heading to a destination she dreaded but was helpless to visit. Thankfully, she still managed to avoid an encounter with anypony. Thankfully, the moon was new tonight, so the illumination of the town was minimal.
Eventually, she arrived to the destination she had been heading towards. The entrance was blocked off by large, wooden planks, though they had worn down a great deal over the years since they had been built. They had been added since the last time Colgate had visited this place, but that had been long ago, and they didn't impede Colgate for longer than a few seconds.
Once she had gotten past the boards, she found herself in a cavern, using her magic to faintly illuminate the area. By this point, she no longer needed it, as she could find her way in the dark, after all her previous trips here. She passed by rows and rows of engraved stones, many still in their original state, as they were protected from the effects of weather.
If not for the aged wood, then Colgate would still have been able to tell that it had been some time since anypony had been here. It had been overpopulated for many years now, and nopony remembered any of it's occupants after such a long time. Colgate didn't know or care for any but one of them, except for one.
She made it to a spot near the center of the area, still not having any difficulty in her search. She passed by many different gray stones, many of which had different markings or additions to differentiate them from one another. Colgate had never cared for flashy, gaudy decorations of this nature, since she saw the pointlessness of them after all her time spent thinking, but she said nothing about it. Immediately after passing a particular showy piece, she finally came to what she had been hoping would one day disappear, so that she would never have to go back to it ever again.
She laid her hind down on the ground, staring in silence at the gray mass ahead of her. She could still make out the hourglass she had etched out, all those centuries ago. Besides that one feature, it didn't stand out anymore than any of it's brothers in the nearby radius. Regardless, the mare knew it like the back of her hoof. She had put it here, marking the site for others wishing to use it in the generations that followed. Colgate wished they hadn't, because it took away some of the significance that she had felt for it, but by the time she had found out, she was too late.
She used magic to open her saddlebags, and began pulling a few items out. She laid a candle, a box of matches, a vase and a single flower, placed in the vase, down on the dirt in front of her, and then closed the bag again. She struck a match and lit the candle, letting her horn-light fade away to nothing and blowing out the match.
In the light of the flame, the unicorn could more clearly read the inscription, but she had already memorized it, as she herself had been the one to make it. This was the one wound that couldn't seal itself, no matter what Colgate did.
The mare sat in almost complete silence. the only sounds coming from the flickering flame of the candle and the gentle winds blowing through the crevice she had entered through. She preferred the solitude and silence, though she severely hated that she had to do this.
She thought back on every life she had lived, everypony she had known, and how they were all gone already. Perhaps some were still somewhere in Equestria, wondering where their friend had run off to, but they might as well be gone already, because Colgate could never see them again, without everypony regarding her as some kind of horrid monster. There had only ever been one pony who hadn't...
She opened her saddlebag again and pulled out the painting. She stared at it for some time, as it invoked all the memories that had led to it's creation and her desire to keep it. In her peripheral vision, she could see what lay beyond the portrait, making all the pain of said memories multiply exponentially. She made to return the painting from where she had just gotten it, but she paused.
She looked at the painting for a while longer, hardly blinking. A tear began to form in the corner of her eye, and then she did the one thing she wished she could do all those years ago.
Colgate placed the painting in the fire. Almost immediately after doing so, she tried to grab it back and extinguish the flame, but she burned herself and quickly retracted her hoof. She almost went for it again, but she prevented herself from doing so. This was the only way she could begin to overcome her past. It wouldn't happen overnight, Colgate was sure, but over a long period of time. That was fine with Colgate. Time was one thing that stayed with her throughout the eons, when everypony else got left behind in their own time, where they belonged.
Tears began to flow freely from Colgate's eyes, and she abruptly stood up, knocking over the vase and the flower inside. She didn't bother to pick it up, as she was already running towards the exit, trying to get away. Once she was out in the open again, she replaced the wood with her magic and continued back where she should have been, on her way to the next town, instead of some long forgotten cranny of the great kingdom she had spent most of her youth in.
She made it back to the railroad, just as the conductor was making the last calls for passengers to board. She grabbed an empty bed, which was easy, considering the train was completely empty, save for the mare and it's operators. They had seen her before, but they didn't actually know her, and had no idea of where she was going once she got of the locomotive. Whenever she took this train before, it was usually for trips to Ponyville, to take a break from Canterlot. That meant she couldn't go to Ponyville, either, since ponies knew her there as well. That was fine, as there were plenty of other towns to hide in. Were she a pegasus, she would have an even wider array of decisions, but she made due with what she had.
She stared out the window as she laid on her side. She was honestly not even focused on what transpired in front of her eyes, but instead on the recollection of the events that had just occurred. The action of placing the painting in the flame played over in her head, hurting her, yet feeling somewhat... Satisfying. She wished she had done this in the first place, instead of growing so attached to it and letting it have this kind of an impact on her. However, she was feeling happy. At least, somewhat mildly happy. Regardless, it was something she hadn't genuinely felt in a long while. She hoped that this was a sign that her decision had the effects that she had longed for over the centuries. Only time would tell. And Colgate would be there to find out, whether she wanted to or not.
Meanwhile, back in the cavern, the flame still burned, though it was growing steadily weaker. Just before it died out, the stone was illuminated for one more brief moment. Were a pony there to observe, they could catch the last brief glimpse of the inscription, reading:
What good is this love if you'll just get hurt again?
What good is the morning if the night never comes?
Followed by an hourglass, the same size and shape as the cutie mark of the mare who had placed it here.
Unfortunately, there was nopony there. Nopony saw what Colgate had done, and nopony knew who she truly was. Nopony could ever know. But, if she had to live forever, then she should at least try and avoid the shroud of pain she had buried herself under so many years ago, which she thought only a short while before would forever be her reality. It was a simple manner of just trying to live in the now, rather than in the forever she knew as her past.
Because maybe, just maybe, there was more to her life than this game of immortality.
