Twilight Fucking Destroy Communists
Twilight Fucking Destroy Communists
Twilight was fucking bored. Like realy FUCKING bored. She red all books in her library like 10 times, but still managed to be bored. She was lying in her bed, when suddenly she had an idea to sneak into secret Canterlot archives to find some interesting books to read.
Teleporting to Canterlot was easy. It was that easy that Twilight could teleport from Ponyvile to Canterlot all day and still perform some complicated spell. Her plan to sneak there was to just sneak there. Everything was going as planed, untill she managed to bump into a guard. Insert that noise from Metal Gear here. Before guard had a chanse to react she teleported him to hell(not tartarus).
"That was a close one" she said. But the only thing she forgot is that guards radio works all the time. Suddenly siren started to make 'REEEEEEE' sound and also lights started to blink red.
"Aw shiet! How could I forgot!" unicorn said. Since Twilight didn't have time to choose the book she grabbed the first book she found. With that book she teleported herself back to the library.
"That was bad. " she said " Interesting what was that book that I grabbed?" Twilight said examing the book. "'Communist manifesto'" she red book title "Never heard of it. Maybe that's a good sign"
After she finished examing the book she began reading it.
Two hours later
"I mean this could work in theory, but in practise it's such bullshit!" she said "I want to shoot the guy who wrote it myself, if he haven't done it himself. But who wrote it??"
Twilight wanted to know more about this book and topic. And the best idea how to get knowledge is to steal books from Secret Canterlot Archives. With that in mind Twilight teleported herself to Canterlot.
"I hope this time my mission will go smoother."
Like previous time Twilight teleported herself near the building which held Canterlot Archives. She climbed up in the window and with her special crawling technique she headed in direction of Archives. Everything went smooth. No one noticed her. And now Twilight standed in front of Canterlot Archives. After that she teleported herself in.
"Finally" she whispered "All the knowledge that I need is here somewh-" Twilight noticed giant section that was simply titled 'Communism shit' "Well I'm not the only one who thinks it's bullshit. Now let's see..." Twilight said "Soviet Onion? That'll do"
apology for bad equestrian
where were u wen soviet union die
i was at home eating potat when radio say
"Soviet union is kil"
"нет"
"That was.. entertaining, but it's not what I wanted!"
It was 5 in the morning and Twilight still couldn't find anything communism related. All she had was that 'Soviet Onion' book. But one of books was an instruction how to make ak-47. At least she had something.
"Twilight!? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in your library?" asked Celestia.
"I'm just reading some books here in... 'Communism shit' section?"
"Oh you like reading comedies too? It's my favourite section!"
"Wait comdey section? But why is it titled 'Communism shit'?" asked Twilight Sparkle.
"If you want to know more about communists you have to go to 'History bullshit' section" answered Celestia.
"Oh. Thank you princess!" after Twilight thanked Celestia she immedeately rushed into 'History bullshit' section.
20 minutes of research later
"Well, I was right it is bullshit. I know! I'll kill all communists to prevent this books from happening. I'm one hundrend precent sure nothing bad will ocur."
After that Twilight simply teleported herself back to the past.
DECEMBER 1, 1930 Stalin's office
There he is counting his money while humming kalinka. Stalin was sitting on his throne in his office. On his desk except money was lying his Makarov Pistol and two bottles of vodka.
"Who disturbs me in such a bad time?" said Stalin.
"It's me Twilight Sparkle. And I'm here to kill you!"
"Not so fast, Twilight Sparkle!" said new voice. "To kill him you need to kill me first!"
"And who the fuck are you?" asked Twilight.
"It's me ~~GRAND DAD~~ Ivan Vodkin "And I'm gonna stop you with my communist machines. Attack, my robots!"
His communist robots were walking potatoes with legs that used hammer and sickle as weapon. There was about 1000 of them.
"What the actual fuck is this?" asked Twilight Sparkle.
"It's my robots that'll destroy you! If not Joseph already called his own highly trained army. That's why I'm one hundred percent sure that you won't escape this place alive!" engineer said.
That's where epic shit starts or not.
To destroy robots Twilight used her hoof-made ak-47, but it quickly ran out of ammo. She destroyed only 1/3 of them. Twilight had to think harder to reach her destination of killing all communists. That's why she started to use her unicorn powers as normal unicorn would already use.
"Die potato" she said as she destroyed the last robot.
"Oh no! My robots you destroyed them! But look on the bright side by that I mean look in the window"
In the window Twilight saw a giant army of communists with Stalin.
"Give up, Twilight Sparkle and no one will get hurt." said Stalin.
"See give up, you can't destroy such a giant army." said engineer laughing. But then he noticed that he wasn't the only one who laugh. "Why are you laughing? You are trapped here with no way out."
"That's what you think." she said.
"What do you mean" he asked.
"Do you really thought that you could outsmart me, Twilight Sparkle?! I outsmarted... you by outsmarting me! That time when you looked away I quickly made nuke from destroyed robots. And it will explode in less that one minute."
"But you will explode with us!" said engineer.
"Nah, I just teleport back to the future." she said. "So goodbye."
After that she quickly teleported herselft back to Equestria.
Our time, Equestria
"I did it I saved the wo...rld" Twilight wanted to say, when she noticed that Equestria wasn't the same as before. Everywhere on every building was portrait of some white pony with blue eyes and her portrait had the following text under it: 'Aryanne is watching you'.
"You know maybe communist played bigger role than I thought..." after she said that she teleported back to the past.
DECEMBER 1, 1930 Stalin's office(Before first Twilight arrival)
"Phew. I came before myself did." she said.
"Who's here?" asked Stalin.
"Oh, It's just me Twilight Sparkle. I'm here to stop myself from killing all communists and you." she answered.
"That make sense, but please faster I have several important meetings to attend."
Several minutes of talking with Stalin later
"And I said who the fuck uses bonemeal on cactus?" said second Twilight.
First Twilight finnaly arrived.
"What the actual fuck?" said first Twilght "Is it me talking with Stalin?"
"Yep, Twilight you are me, but I'm from the future and if you kill communists and Stalin, Hitler will take over the world."
"Seems reasonable" said first Twilight shooting herself with ak-47.
"It seems that your job here is done" said Stalin.
"Yeah. I hope will meet again" said Twilight Teleporting herself back to the future.
Our time, Equestria
Twilight was at her library drinking tea while writing letter to Princess Celestia.
Her letter said following.
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned that blaming everything on communists and killing them after won't solve anything.
Your faithful student Twilight Sparkle
On the next day after reading her later Celestia hanged herself.
The end.
Author's Note
Glory to Equestria.
