Call Me Pony

by Fazponyjack

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Romance, Adventure, King Sombra
Length: 3293

The nerdy boy becomes a nerdy pony. Wait, nerdy? Isn't Carson a streamer?

CallMeCarson, but he's a pony.

Real fuckin' new at this point, huh?
Plus he's gay. So that's a thing now I guess. Not gonna fix the fucking story now and make him straight...

Rated T for cursing, and the suggestion of genitals. For plot. obviously.

Published 2020-01-15 19:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-01-15 19:30:01 UTC

Call Me Pony

Author's Note

I don't know how, don't ask me how, because I have no fucken idea how it went from zero to a hundred real quick.
And I'm not gonna rewrite this, so enjoy it.

Call Me Pony

“Mmkay, so who are you again?” Carson asked the irritated black unicorn for the millionth time.

“Sombra.” He responded dejectedly with crossed hooves, having given up on brainwashing the new pony ages ago.

“And what do you do?” Carson asked.

“I’m a pretty pink princess.” He answered monotonously, uncaring about the frilly dress and pink crown that had appeared on him, along with the duster pan and small brush that floated alongside him in the void.

Carson put a light brown hoof over his mouth in a thinking pose, snickering quietly.

“Perfect.” Carson finally said, tears forming in his eyes. Then he remembered something.

“Oh, one last thing.” He said. Sombra glanced over, excitement filling his smoking eyes before he looked away, an invisible blush tinting his dark cheeks as he hid his face.

“Ya gotta send me back.” Carson reminded him.

Sombra contemplated this for a moment. “And what would happen if I refused?” Sombra asked, unwilling to make eye contact with the ‘famous’ pegasus.

“Would you like to find out?” Carson requested.

“Sorta…” Sombra squeaked, his cheeks now flaring at the response that had slipped out of his mouth.

Carson’s head tilted in surprise. “What was that?” He asked, the squeak having been quiet enough to preserve Sombra’s dignity.

“N-nothing.” Sombra quickly responded, glowering at the pegasus.

“Come on…” Carson said, floating up beside him, wrapping his hooves around Sombra’s neck in a makeshift hug as he placed his head next to Sombra’s.

“You know you want to~” Carson teased, a tiny grin touching his lips.

An unsure whimper escaped Sombra’s mental walls once more, slowly degenerating his mind to the point of nearly revealing his thoughts to the pegasus that had been whittling him down for the past thousand years.

“If I send you back…” Sombra trailed off, hoping to have a moment of respite to collect his thoughts before continuing. “Will we still be able to do… this?” He asked.

“Hmm... maybe.” Carson responded, leaning his head back a tad to whisper into Sombra’s ear. “Only if you promise not to be a bad guy anymore.”

“Deal.” Sombra answered immediately, wincing at his dumb self responding just a little bit too quick.

“Then let’s do this!” Carson exclaimed, backing off from the timid warlord.

Sombra grumbled as his horn lit up in dark magic, which also surrounded Carson.

“Here we go.” Carson said to himself, rubbing his hooves while thinking about how many ponies he could make submit to what he was calling “The Dress-ups”.

Suddenly, Carson’s vision flashed white for a millisecond, before the effects of inter dimensional travel caught up to him and knocked him out cold.

Shortly after, Sombra popped into existence next to Carsons unconscious body, smiling at the fact that he had managed to get them just inside city limits. He looked over at Carson, hoping for him to ask Sombra to lead the way, but his smile dropped at noticing Carson’s condition.

“Oh right, only celestial beings can handle inter dimensional travel enough to arrive conscious.” He mused to himself, staring at the body.

‘So where to next?’ He thought, his body on autopilot as he slung Carson carefully over his back trotting forward to leave this wretched alleyway and find a landmark to better orient himself. ‘Definitely not anywhere public. I doubt the princess would trust me. Maybe the crystal mines? No, too far… The Everfree? No, too dangerous for my little foal…’ He stopped, surprised at himself for calling Carson his little foal. He looked over his shoulder to look at Carson, trying to determine whether ho could be dubbed a foal to him or not. Fortunately, while he was deep in thought, Carson had adjust positions and now lay across the length of Sombra’s back, his hooves wrapped around Sombra’s neck in a loving embrace as his head lay on Sombra’s shoulders, mumbling about this or that.

Sombra smiled warmly, enjoying the beautiful scene in front of him. ‘Yep. Definitely my little foal.’ He rotated his head forwards again, resuming the trek to higher ground. ‘I can’t wait until he starts calling me father.’ He uncharacteristically giggled to himself, his mind swimming with all the activities he could experience while being a father. ‘We could ride roller coasters together, I would help him with his homework... ‘ His eyes widened as he thought of a new plan to go public. ‘I could march right up to Cadenza, claim that Carson is my foal, and demand a place in society.’ His smile widened as his pace quickened. ‘It’s the perfect plan! I could even enroll him into school-’ His thoughts were cut short as he bumped into something. It was then that he finally looked at his surroundings. Panic raced through his mind as he saw what he had bumped into. The crystal heart, He heard a gasp behind him. His body did a 18, freezing as he saw hundreds of ponies, all frozen in fear, staring directly at him.

“Umm…” He uncertainly said, unsure of what he should do. Against his better judgement, he raised a hoof, waving at the crystal ponies. “Hi?”

They all screamed, dropping what they were doing and darting into their homes, some opting to just duck under their market counter and hope he didn’t see them. His smile dropped as his ears flattened against his head, a rare scared look adorning his face.

It wasn’t he was scared of the heart or anything. He knew he could overpower it with the strength he had gathered over his exile with Carson. No, he was scared of him. He promised Carson to be good, and he had already made an entire empire flee in terror. This would not be a good situation if Carson had decided to wake up right now.

“SOMBRA!”

The booming scream startled him, causing him to jump back against the heart as Cadence landed in front of him with an especially angry expression.

He started sweating profusely. “O-Oh, h-hey there, p-princess! F-f-fancy seeing you here-” Cadence silenced him with a stomp, which he obliged quickly.

“What are you doing here?” She hissed. He swore if you replaced Cadence’s head with a snake, they’d look the exact same.

“W-Well, you s-see, I-I was merely e-escorting my dear friend Carson and-”

“WHAT?!” She screamed, suddenly two inches away from him. He flattened himself up against the heart, taking care to stay as far away from the princess as possible without accidentally knocking the heart out of place, or Carson off his back.

“Shh, he’s sleeping!” Sombra whisper shouted.

He then heard Carson stirring on his back. Sombra looked at Carson in horror, as Carson stared back drowsily. “Whas goin’ awn?” Carson drawled. His eyes dragged over to Cadence, who stared in confusion. “Oh, wassup, pink princess pony?” He said, before letting out a huge yawn. He stayed silent, slowly looking between the two frozen monarchs as the pieces slowly assembled in his head.

After a minute of awkward silence, Carson squinted at Sombra. “Sombra baby? Are you givin’ this hear princesh trouble now?” He tiredly asked, studying Sombra’s sudden switch from horrified to nervous to embarrassed.

“Don’t call me that in public!” Sombra scowled at the sleepy pony.

“Jus’ why nawt, sugar baby?” Carson replied with a lopsided grin, placing his head against Sombra’s in a loving fashion.

“Wait until after I defuse the situation!” Sombra hissed.

“Alrigh’, sugar bun, jus’ don’ keep meh waitin’, ya hear?” Carson said, before falling asleep while leaning against Sombra.

Sombra tilted his head a bit farther for Carson, before returning is gaze to Cadence.

“You better not have ruined my chance with Carson.” Sombra whispered aggressively, his head lowering. To Cadence’s surprise, Sombra’s nervousness from earlier had completely dissipated, leaving her to stare dumbfoundedly at the couple.

“If you have nothing further to say, then move so I can deal with sugar baby over here.” He demanded, gesturing at the cinnamon colored pegasus on his back.

No longer sure of herself, she obliged, stepping to the side, hoping to study this strange development. She did notice something off about Carson, so she studied him especially close, while still keeping an eye on Sombra at the same time.

Sombra turned his head to look at Carson again, nudging him awake. “Carson.” He quietly called, which finally woke up the pegasus, whose bowlcut bounced as his head darted u.

“Huh? Whazzat? Who dares wake the almighty-” He interrupted himself with a long yawn before continuing. “Carson?” He finished, looking around drowsily.

“Carson.” Sombra said once more, finally gaining his attention.

“Pizza, whatchu want?” Carson responded, dragging his gaze from the princess to him in an exaggerated way.

“You said you’ve met with a group called the Misfits, correct?” Sombra asked.

Before answering, Carson decided to slowly rise to a sitting position on the now slightly trembling kings back, as Carson was just that little bit bulkier and taller than he was.

“Yeah, I know the Misfits.” He finally responded, looking down into Sombra’s eyes with a bored expression.

“I’ve heard they live here now.” Sombra informed him. Carson didn’t react, choosing instead to continue staring at the king.

“Really?” Carson asked, disbelief lacing his words.

“Do you have any reason to not trust me?” Sombra said.

“I can think of a few.” Cadence interjected.

Sombra glared at Cadence before looking back to his partner. “You’re not a part of this, lovebutt.” Sombra yelled.

“Yeah-” Carson cut himself off with a long, snort like wheeze that transformed into laughter, somehow staying on Sombra’s back as he rolled around in laughter. Cadence snickered quietly at Sombra’s puffed out cheeks. He was clearly not enjoying this laughing bit, but definitely wasn’t going to stop it.

“What’s so funny?” Cadence asked.

“Lovebutt!” He jeered, pointing at Cadence before his laughter returned, returning his hoof to his chest as his laughter degraded into wheezes, before finally stopping, leaving Carson to lay on Sombra’s back, staring at the sky, heaving air back into his lungs as tears of joy streamed from his eyes.

“Ya done?” Sombra squeaked, his legs now shaking considerably, teetering on the edge of falling, as sweat matted his fur.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m done.” Carson answered, admiring the beautiful daytime sky. Or just secretly catching a glimpse under a passing mare’s tail. Either way, he was silent with a content smile.

“Good, cause I can’t hold you for much longer.” Sombra said, now swaying side to side, making it harder to stay upright.

“Really?” Carson mumbled, glancing down at the extremely concentrated expression of the stallion below him. Instead of getting off the poor unicorns back, he rolled over, dangling his legs on either side of Sombra, placing his head in his favorite spot in the crook between Sombra’s left shoulder and neck, gazing dreamily at his face, which he couldn’t see from his angle.

“Y’know, you are really cute like this.” Carson commented. Sombra’s tail begun slightly swaying at the compliment, but otherwise didn’t react.

“And the fact that such a strong stallion is willing to wield that face to prevent his best friend from falling really add to the effect.” Carson noticed Sombra’s tail, smirking at the fact that he was able to make it wag like a Chihuahua whose owner just came home.

Sombra grunted, his stance lowering slightly.

Carson looked back at Sombra’s face. “Come on, you can hold me just a little bit longer, can’t you?” Carson cooed, stroking the side of Sombra's muzzle with his nose. With a groan of dissatisfaction, Sombra shakily stood tall, instinctively raising his rump enough to present Carson to anypony that was looking.

“Good boy.” Carson praised, patting Sombra’s head a couple of times. “Now you can fall.”

Carson’s smirk faded a tiny bit as Sombra didn’t move. “I said fall.” Carson ordered, a bit worried that he had gone too far with his trolling.

Cadence took a step towards them, concern also painted on her face. “Sombra, what are you-” She yelped in surprise and jumped back when Sombra stared directly at her, the dark magic filling his eyes, and pouring out of the nonexistent corners of his round eyes like a waterfall, growling with primal instinct.

“I think you broke him.” Cadence deduced, staring into Sombra’s eyes.

Carson remained still, fear shaping his features, too scared to hop down from his perch.

“U-Uh, Sombra, buddy? C-can you calm do- ah!” Carson yelped as Sombra barked at Cadence. Carson was scared at how demonic and hellish his bark was. Carson began uncertainly rubbing the side of Sombra’s chest, cooing in his ear in an attempt to calm him down, but Sombra was too focused on Cadence.

Cadence gulped, having just noticed that Sombra had crouched into a defensive position, ready to leap at her at any moment.

“I think you’re the problem, princess!” Carson shouted over Sombra’s growling, which started to sound as if it had come from the underworld as well.

“What about you?!” She yelled back, unable to remove her eyes from Sombra’s.

“I know what I'm doing! just go!” He yelled back.

Carson felt Sombra’s body jerk back, prompting him to quickly wrap his hooves around Sombra’s neck and hold on for dear life as Sombra pounced at Cadence.

She dodged at the last second, turning tail and galloping as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

“Keep running straight, I have a plan!” Carson announced.

“What do you think I'm doing?!” Cadence responded, Sombra nipping at her flailing tail, trying to slow her down even the tiniest bit.

Carson’s hoof slowly slid down Sombra’s neck, going as slow as he could to avoid flying off with half of him holding on. His hoof slowly slid on Sombra’s soaked fur. He suddenly gripped Sombra’s chest as Sombra hopped over a fallen log, which only served to spur Sombra into sprinting even faster.

“Are you trying to get me killed?!” Cadence screeched, now having to focus on whipping her tail away from Sombra’s snapping muzzle while not crashing into anything.

“Just a little longer!” Carson screamed. His hoof glided over Sombra’s cutie mark, stopping at the base of his tail. Carson slid his hoof under Sombra’s tail as slowly as possible as to not alert Sombra to his intentions. He blushed the tiniest bit as he felt what he was looking for, shamelessly taking to opportunity to-

“CARSON!”

Shit, he’d been found out. He slowly raised his hoof, lifting Sombra’s tail for a better shot.

“Hyahh!”

Carson drove his hoof into Sombra’s man parts as fast as he could, eliciting a yelp of both pain and surprise from Sombra. As the pain shocked Sombra’s body, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, and promptly tripped on a rock. Sombra hastily attempted to regain his footing and keep chasing Cadence, which caused him to careen off into a forest, crashing into a tree at full speed, causing Carson to fly off of him as half of Sombra’s body ended up on the other side of the tree. Try he may, try he might, he wasn’t leaving the trunk anytime before midnight.

Carson lay on the grass beside him, his blurry vision locked onto the struggling monarch in a tree. As he lay there, his feeling of accomplishment began fading as he barely began to notice Sombra’s horn lighting up.

Knowing he had time to stop Sombra from escaping once more, Carson slowly got up, groaning in pain as he stood on all four of his hurting legs. He stumbled towards the unicorn, whose horn glowed brighter and brighter by the second. Carson reached the king but knew he wouldn’t be able to wrap a hoof around his horn in time, and he couldn’t move his wings, so he did the only other thing he could.

“Carson! ” Cadence called.

“Sombra!” Her husband called, having been chasing her ever since they left the empire, but never able to catch up.

“Mmrph mm!” Carson mumbled, just loud enough and close enough for the duo to hear. They darted into a bush, seeing Sombra stuck in a tree as she exited said bush. As soon as Shining Armor exited the bush, it suddenly got up, showing two green-clothed legs that ended in boots, before it quickly ran away, but neither of them noticed.

“Carson?” Cadence asked, confused looks on both of their faces.

“Mmm mmm!” He mumbled, resisting the urge to gag on Sombra’s sharp horn. He knew that if he moved from this admittedly embarrassing - and honestly kinda hot situation - Sombra would have control of his horn again and escape. Sombra’s head hung, fast asleep, so Carson had to bend down, but it was necessary.

Shining hurried over to Carson, but Carson stopped him with a hoof. Shining raised a brow, but backed off nonetheless.

Carson slowly raised himself off of Sombra’s horn, trailing circles around it with his tongue. Sombra shuddered as Carson’s tongue finally left his horn. Sombra panted slightly, looking up at Carson with half-lidded eyes.

Carson laid a hoof on Sombra’s cheek, keeping his attention, smiling warmly. “Don’t worry.” Carson assured Sombra.

Sombra squeezed his eyes shut as Shining placed a magic inhibitor ring on Sombra’s horn, causing Sombra to grunt in pain at the magical feedback from the dormant spell that had been blocked with Carson’s heavenly tongue.

“It’ll be okay.” Carson continued. Sombra opened his eyes, his ears flattening against his head as he looked up at Carson with puppy eyes. Carson noticed that Sombra’s eyes were back to normal, which he took as a sign that Sombra had control once again.

“Carson,” Sombra started. “Carson, I'm so sorry I lost control like that. I-I don’t know how to make it up to you-” Sombra’s eyes widened in surprise as Carson locked lips with him, effectively silencing the king so Cadence could work on removing him in peace and quiet.

Cadence’s spell made Sombra phase through the tree, so she slowly angled him out of the tree, so Carson could keep his attention. Once the process was nearly done, Sombra accepted the kiss, leaning in to Carson as his hooves dropped onto the ground, which Carson took as the signal to pull away, effectively causing Sombra to trip into Carson’s hooves.

“Whoa there, nelleh.” Carson said, imitating a southern accent. Sombra made no move to escape Carson’s embrace, so Carson pushed him upright alone. “Gotta watch where yer goin’ dere, pardner.” Carson warned, patting the back of Sombra’s neck before releasing him.

“That surely was… something.” Sombra said. “First, I bring us back, then I turn into a primal beast, then I get trapped in a tree, then I find true love-” Sombra stole a glance at The three ponies, watching their expressions, especially Carsons. “-So many things happened in just one hour.” He finished.

Carson’s eyes widened in surprise. “One hour?” He repeated, looking at an invisible watch on his hoof. “Oh shit, we gotta go.” Carson said, preparing to drag Sombra along with him to wherever he was going as Carson looked at the couple that had saved them.

“Thanks for the help!” Carson said, before galloping off to who knows where with King Sombra.

“What just happened?” Shining asked, turning to his wife.

She sighed contently, looking back at him. “True love, Shiny.” She looked back to watch the couple sprint over the hills towards Ponyville, which prompted Shining Armor to follow her gaze.

“True love.”