Fading Star

Starlight awoke in the middle of the night after a brief, miserable three hours of sleep. A loud banging noise from outside the door to the dungeon had pulled her back to consciousness. She groaned as she tossed on the cold stony ground, her fur caked with spider web and rat hair. Her body still stung from the burns.

“What? What’s going on?” she muttered.

Chrysalis teleported a half-awake Starlight to the other side of the door, where she stood imposingly over her, holding a sort of cowbell in a green aura of magic.

“Rise and shine, Starlight.”

“Wha-what?” mumbled Starlight, her eyes barely open and drool dried to one side of her face.

“Oh my, that reminds me, your sleep schedule will be rapidly changing under my supervision. We wouldn’t want you to be comfortable at any point, would we?”

Starlight wasn’t fully awake enough to understand what that meant or what to answer with.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said, bowing her head slightly in confusion. She was still unable to stand straight, due to her aches and burns, lying on the ground with her hooves in front of her.

Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

“Not a morning person, I take it. Perhaps I can help you wake up.”

With that, Starlight snapped back into reality, jumping up from the ground as Chrysalis began walking away.

“What? No! I’m sorry!”

Chrysalis turned around to face her, getting in Starlight’s face.

“What did I say about speaking?”

Starlight’s eyes widened and she fell back to the floor in submission.

“Sorry…”

“Just, shut up, okay? It’s early,” said Chrysalis, bitterly.

Starlight sat there, confuddled, her mind filled with static. Chrysalis picked her up with her magic and carried her back to the torture room. Starlight wondered what new horrors awaited her this time.

“Now, if you perform well today, I’ll give you your food and water right after, okay? If you don’t meet my expectations, you’ll go another day without food. Got it?”

Starlight nodded, still wary of speaking. Chrysalis threw her onto the work table, hard, again shoving a few splinters into her skin. Starlight winced. Chrysalis teleported a strange electrical box into the room, with wires and screws sticking out of it.

“I had this shipped in yesterday morning. I think you’ll love it.”

Chrysalis brought the mysterious box closer. She turned back to Starlight, who was lying on the table in the fetal position. Chrysalis locked Starlight’s limbs in the shackles on every corner. Starlight was still amazed at how tight those shackles were. Turning back to the box, Chrysalis disconnected three intimidating metal clamps, which were connected to wires that sprang out from the top.

‘Oh no…That doesn't do what I think it does, does it?’

Approaching Starlight with the clamps in the air, she took two and stuck them over Starlight’s chest, right over the parts where her skin had been burned and torn off. Starlight shuddered in pain at the pressure on her sensitive skin. Tears welt up under her closed eyes as she clenched her teeth and held her breath in anticipation. But Chrysalis wasn’t done yet.

“Open up.”

Starlight gaped at her captor with horror as she realized what was happening, but complied, opening her mouth. Chrysalis used her magic to pull Starlight’s tongue outward, and then stuck the third clamp right on top of it, pulling hard from underneath the hole in her tongue. It felt as though her tongue was being ripped out slowly. Starlight gave yelps of fright every time the clamp slipped a little, afraid her tongue would be ripped out and she’ll never be able to speak again. She groaned in anguish and wrestled with her shackles, pain and anger raging through her. Chrysalis went back to the box and flipped a switch, sending waves of electric shocks through the wires, into her tongue and chest. She began shaking uncontrollably in shock and pain, her whole body rattling.

“I still need my beauty sleep, so I’ll leave you like this until morning. Then you’ll make me breakfast, and if I like it, you may even get a reward.”

Starlight breathed deeply through her nose, her eyes red and her brow furrowed as she fought through the pain. Chrysalis smirked at her pouting and went off, slamming the door to the torture room behind her. Now Starlight was beginning to get used to torture, not the pain of the torture, just the routine nature of being tortured near daily.

‘Didn’t she say I would only be tortured for three days a week? This is the third day and it seems like there’s no sign of stopping...’ she complained to herself.

Though the pain from the clamps and the shocks was strong, it wasn’t nearly as strong as what she endured yesterday at the hands of the electric St. Andrew’s Cross. These shocks were like somepony was continuously poking you with a safety pin. Painful, but tame compared to previous atrocities. Starlight figured she would only have to hang in there for a few more days until Twilight would find her.

Yet, the thought of Twilight failing always lingered in the back of her head. What would she do? Eventually she’d find a way to kill herself so she doesn’t have to live like this anymore, but she’d much rather find another way, that involved living. Besides, if she kills herself, then Chrysalis will have no reason to keep all of her friends in the cocoons alive, she’d be killing all of them too.

‘She’s really got me, huh. Killing myself definitely isn’t an option...’

There had to be another way. But she just couldn’t think of one, and the dull pain combined with the exhaustion of lack of sleep made her unable to focus on anything, her mind drifting off into nothingness as she succumbed to the static of the shocks.

Twilight and company had successfully entered the cave, escaping the unexpected blizzard. Twilight, still a little shaken up from the death of the doctor, let Shining Armor take the lead.

“These tunnels go far and wide, now if your friend is supposed to be hidden somewhere we don’t know about, check the walls to see if there’s any secret entrances or something. There’s no way she didn’t wander into someplace already constructed.”

The group all muttered in agreement. Everypony was exhausted and a little on edge after having to climb the cliff face. Shining Armor noticed this, and decided on them travelling in one group.

“We’re not losing anypony else today, okay? Keep track of where everypony is, and don’t take your eyes off of the pony in front of you.”

The group proceeded in single file, down the narrow walkways of the cave, which was littered with snow and the bones of some long-dead small animals. The cave path was always slightly descending, so they made sure to be cautious of not slipping. The four unicorns, Shining Armor, Rarity, Twilight, and the cartographer, all cast light spells with their horns so that they could see through the never-ending darkness. The cave was windy, and stunk of something foul that nopony could quite describe. Like rotting fruit or dried blood. Twilight was nervous. This mission was serious, and it had better be a success, given one pony had already fallen to his death. If it had been for nothing, she could never forgive herself. It was now more than just saving Starlight.

Twilight hadn’t even really thought about Starlight for a while, she didn’t want to. Chrysalis was right, it was a little humiliating, having your only student become someone else’s torture pet. Of course, Twilight also feared for her friend’s safety.

‘Celestia, I hope she’s doing okay...I can’t imagine what kind of things Chrysalis has done to her already.’

Her worries were interrupted by bigger problems.

“But, Twilight, what if Queen Chrysalis knows we’re coming? What if we run into her on the way? Then we’ll be goners for sure!” whispered Pinkie Pie to Twilight.

Twilight almost forgot that she hadn’t actually mentioned to Shining Armor that they’d be dealing with Queen Chrysalis. She was glad Pinkie remembered.

“Don’t worry, Pinkie. Starlight was taken by surprise, we won’t be,” she muttered back.

She did find it strange though, that Starlight had been captured at all.

‘Starlight is strong with magic, definitely stronger than Chrysalis, maybe even stronger than me! How did she get captured?’

She guessed Chrysalis had used Trixie as bait. But, even taken off guard, Starlight could still probably escape. But, that wasn’t really important, was it?

‘I wonder if she’ll be the same, after all this…’

Twilight realized Chrysalis might be doing things to Starlight’s mind as well, to break her down in every fundamental aspect. Worst of all, maybe even try to turn Starlight back to evil. This of all things deeply concerned her. If Starlight was to turn evil again, and be allied with Chrysalis, they’d definitely need Celestia’s help.

‘No, Starlight would never turn evil again, no matter how bad it gets.’

Starlight’s mind had gone completely blank from sleep deprivation, lack of energy, and the shocks. She felt extremely light headed by the time Chrysalis finally returned that morning, after about six hours.

“Are you ok? You don’t look too good,” Chrysalis said with fake concern.

She snickered as she grabbed the wires and ripped them off Starlight’s chest and tongue. A few blood vessels popped in her tongue as a result of that, making it even more difficult to speak. Her chest would’ve lost skin too, if there was anymore loose skin to be taken off. Starlight lay on the table with her mouth open, panting in relief it was over, letting her bleeding tongue hang out. After putting the wires back in the box and zapping it to a different location, Chrysalis turned and noticed.

“You know, that tongue seems to be pretty worthless. Maybe I should just do you a favor and cut it out.”

Starlight closed her mouth and shook her head desperately.

“No? You don’t want me too? I’m gonna have to hear you say it. Beg for it. Beg to keep your tongue.”

“Please, my queen! Please don’t take my tongue!”

Chrysalis replied by punching her in the face with her hoof.

“Alright, alright, fine, but I better not see it hanging out ever again.”

“Of course, my queen.”

Starlight had to open her mouth wide in order to pronounce words correctly, her disfigured tongue giving her a speech impediment.

Chrysalis unshackled Starlight, and let her fall to the ground on her weak knees. Her eyes were sunken, and she was pale-faced and thinner than normal.

“You seem tired,” said Chrysalis, amused.

Starlight peered up at Chrysalis with a fiery hatred.

“Aw, don’t look at me like that Starlight, I was about to give you your food, but maybe I won’t…”

“No! Please! Please!” Starlight said, surrendering her defiant pride and breaking down.

Starlight was practically clawing at Chrysalis’ legs, absolutely desperate for food. Chrysalis chuckled, and magically transported a plate and a dog bowl from another room onto the ground in front of Starlight. The plate had one slice of cheap bread, and the dog bowl contained a small amount of lukewarm water. Starlight beamed with excitement. But, before she could devour it all, Chrysalis stopped her.

“Up! No hooves! You eat with your mouth like a dog. That is what you are, right? What are you?”

Starlight sighed, annoyed.

“A dog.”

“Say, ‘I am a dog.’”

Starlight frowned even harder.
“I am a dog.”

Chrysalis giggled.

“Say ‘I am a worthless dog loser slave.’”

“I’m a worthless dog...loser slave.”

This was humiliating. And Chrysalis thrived off of it.

“Now eat, stupid filly.”

Starlight paused at being called stupid, but not for long, as the need to eat overcame every other emotion. She was so ravenous she devoured every last crumb of the small slice of bread, and practically dunked her head into her bowl to get every last drop of water. She also wanted the taste of puke out of her mouth as much as possible. Chrysalis gazed down at her slave eat, content. When Starlight was done, she gasped for air and fell back on her knees. Chrysalis took a breath.

“Now, you are to make me breakfast and then report straight to my throne when you’ve finished, understood?”

“Yes...my queen,” she said, pausing to breathe. The splash of water from her bowl helped her wake up a little, and her previously constricted stomach loosened up a little.

“Good.”

At that last word, Chrysalis teleported Starlight to the kitchen, where she sluggishly began preparing breakfast, eggs with ham. When she was finished, she sauntered over to the throne, guessing which direction to go, as she forgot most of what she saw on her tour. She made it at last, to see Chrysalis sitting relaxed on her throne reading a book.

“Your breakfast, my queen.”

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow and brought it over. She ate at it as Starlight stood there.

‘I hope she likes it this time.’

Chrysalis swallowed it slowly, but still looked displeased.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Starlight.”

Starlight’s ears perked up for the first time in a while.

“This is even worse than last time.”

Starlight felt like crying, but held it in this time, knowing she’d need those tears for later.

“This is putrid,” Chrysalis said, almost angrily.

In actuality, Chrysalis loved it, and thought it was even better than her dinner last night. Normally she would make her own dinner, but it turns out having a servant do everything for you really was the superior option.

“What do you think of yourself right now, Starlight?”

Starlight didn’t expect to be asked a question, especially one like that, and simply stared at her captor, blushing in embarrassment, unsure what to say.

“I asked you a question.”

“Um, in what way, my queen?”

“Do you think you’re a good cook?”

Starlight again paused.

“Just answer. Don’t think about it.”

“Yes.”

Starlight immediately cursed herself in her head for saying that.

‘Why did I say yes? Oh Celestia, help me…’

“Do you? Interesting…”

Chrysalis stood up and began walking in circles around Starlight, who was still standing before her.

“Do you think you’re smart?”

‘No going back now.’

“Yes.”

“Funny?”

“Um, I don’t know...yes?”

“Strong?”

“Like, physically? I guess so, I mean, I exercise a lot, sometimes I-”

“I don’t care.”

Starlight shut up fast and stared at the floor in fear. Chrysalis continued her ominous pacing.

“Do you think you’re good at magic?”

“...Yes.”

“You think you’re well liked?”

“Well, I…”

Chrysalis glared at her, clearly only preferring one-word answers.

“Um, yes…”

Out of all the questions, that one was the most difficult. The truth was, she really didn’t know if she had earned everypony’s respect, as she had to carry around the weight of her past mistakes everywhere she went. She wanted to be better, but it was never in her control how much other ponies could get over who she used to be, and accept who she was now. That’s really all she wanted. To be accepted for who she is. How she’s changed, and what she’s become.

After a brief period of silence to let Starlight contemplate, Chrysalis asked one more question.

“And, do you think you’re a good pony?”

Starlight froze. To be consistent, she should answer yes. But she knows that Chrysalis wants her to believe she’s a bad pony, so which is the wiser answer?

“Y-yes.”

“You stuttered? Why?”

“I...I didn’t know which answer you’d prefer…”

“I didn’t ask for what answer I’d prefer, you dumb filly, I asked for what you think.”

Starlight was taken aback. She loathed Chrysalis with all her heart for all of this. Chrysalis stood in front of her.

“You must hate me, right? You must think I’m the bad guy and you’re just a poor damsel in distress, right?”

Starlight said nothing, only staring at her, her eyes wide, skeptical of where this was going.

“Right?!” Chrysalis yelled.

“Um, right!” Starlight responded, quaking.

“Right. It seems to me that your egotism has clouded your perspective on the world, Starlight Glimmer. And your egotism is likely the product of spending too much time with a certain posh Canterlot Princess, who lives in a crystal palace…”

Starlight kept her mouth shut and listened.

‘I’m not an egotist.’

“You used to see things differently, no? I talked to your old villager friends, and they told me all about how you took over their town to prevent them from pursuing their natural talents. You used to be quite a success.”

“No, I wasn’t! I was wrong! All of that was wrong, and I regret it!”

“Why is it wrong? If your villager friends were so easily corruptible, and you were so great at corrupting, what objectivism decides you shouldn’t be allowed to take advantage of that?”

“That I lied to them to do it!”

“You lied because they were easy to trick, no? They were happy, living blissfully unaware of what was really happening. Now look at them. Strung up like trophies for you to suffer for. They may never leave this place.”

“Don’t punish them because of what I’ve done!”

“Don’t give me commands, Starlight Glimmer. I thought after all I’ve done to you already you’d understand your place by now.”

Starlight stopped talking, letting Chrysalis ease up a bit.

“My point is, you gave up all of that, that blissful lie, and now you’re with Twilight. That’s fine, makes sense even, but then, you develop a new attitude. You used to be self-loathing according to your daft magician friend with the hat, why did you change?”

“I…”

Nopony ever really asked her about that.

Starlight had extreme self esteem issues ever since she was a kid, but upon living with Twilight for the first few weeks and getting bad looks from everypony who saw her, those feelings developed into something rather serious. She did occasionally feel a little joy and took refuge in trying to learn friendship and become a better pony. But ever since she was young she had always hated who she was, and found she was never, ever good enough. But at last, she believed she had finally changed, thanks to Twilight’s help.

“I moved on. And became better. I learned to treat other ponies as equals. To not take advantage of other ponies.”

“But everypony isn’t equal. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Of course we’re all equal!”

“You said you were smart, strong, gifted, funny, talented, well liked, and confident. Do you think every other pony in Equestria is just the same as you in all of those areas?”

“We’re not all equal in ability, of course, but we’re equal in worth!”

“Worth is determined by ability, no?”

“Worth is subjective! Some things matter more to some ponies than to others. That’s how we specialize! That’s a good thing! My village is doing just fine without the equality thing as when it had it!”

“Worth is not subjective, Starlight. Are we worth the same?”

“Well, no, but that’s not a fair comparison!”

“What is, then?”

“Well, take Twilight and I! Twilight values finding a common ground more than anything when solving a problem, and I value finding a practical solution! Neither goal is more logical than the other.”

“Your respective goals in solving problems are irrelevant, what matters in solving a problem is solving the problem. The hard truth is, Starlight, some ponies are better than other ponies. You want to know how we determine worth? In a pony? How we judge whether somepony is ‘good’ or ‘bad’? It’s based on how much they excel at. If you don’t excel at anything, you’re not worth anything. I guess you’re unfamiliar with that, since your mind has been poisoned by Twilight’s egalitarian fantasy nonsense.”

Starlight had nothing left to say, and just sat there, almost convinced. Chrysalis noticed her wavering and continued.

“You were self-loathing because you realized you had built your life on taking advantage of others for an issue that could’ve been resolved easily. Why didn’t you just write up your friend who went to the Canterlot school?”

“He...he never wrote back…”

“Ah, yes, Starlight Glimmer, the well liked pony. Whose only friend cast her aside as soon as he got the excuse to.”

Starlight’s head tilted downwards in shame.

“Smart, funny, and talented. That’s interesting. You must be really amazing, huh?” Chrysalis asked, sarcastically

Starlight said nothing. She knew Chrysalis was just trying to get under her skin.

She hated to say it was working.

“But of course, that’s also a fantasy. Your biggest success in life was establishing your little ideological cesspool in your old village, which made you end up living in a cave for a few weeks before you were defeated and made into Twilight Sparkle’s personal accomplishment. She had no respect for you, you know. You do know, I can tell. Twilight took pity on you because you were so misguided in how you handled losing your geeky friend with the glasses. You were easy to control. Weak.”

Starlight began to feel the anxiety of her past returning. Thoughts that she hadn’t had in ages.

Does Twilight actually like me?

Why did Sunburst never write back?

Why did he never try to reconnect with me?

‘Stop talking, Chrysalis, please…’

“Twilight saw you as a chance to impress Celestia, to show that she wasn’t a lowly student anymore, she was a teacher. And you bought her little story about being inspired and wanting to help you. And of course, nopony wanted to be your friend. They knew who you were, some nutjob who tried to destroy Equestria. They knew who Starlight Glimmer was, and they didn’t buy that you had changed. Change how? All that happened to you was that you got caught!”

“That’s not true! I changed! I became better!”

“Nopony ever really thought so, did they? Why should they? You can make up a lot of stories about helping others and being kind. Twilight’s friends didn’t like you, the only one who did was her clumsy dragon pet, and that’s because he had a new servant friend to keep him company.”

“I’m not Twilight’s servant,” Starlight spat with disgust, more than insulted.

“Who calls the shots? You or Twilight?”

“Wh-Calls the shots on what?” Starlight bellowed anxiously.

“Anything! Who makes decisions for you?”

“I-Twi...light…” she said, her voice trailing off in a sense of realization.

“That’s right...who gives you commands that you follow without hesitation?”

“Twilight…”

“Correct again! Now you’re thinking…”

“But, we’re friends!” she said pathetically, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“You think you’re friends. She certainly doesn’t think so.”

“H-how would you know?! She cares about me!”

“Is she even searching for you right now? I showed her what I’ve done to you, and all she did was stare. Stare and say nothing. Like you were just some noise in the background she finally got rid of. I bet she’s glad you’re gone. She already got her brownie points with Celestia for teaching you, by now you must’ve finally gotten on her nerves. I mean, all you do is complain and make sassy comments, you’re no fun to be around. Even if anypony forgave you for all you’ve done, they’d get tired of you after a while. Because you have no social skills, nothing interesting about you. You’re afraid to make new friends because your first attempt ended so poorly, and you’re always so nervous that somepony isn’t going to like you, or judge you for your past, you ruin any chance you get!”

“Stop it!” Starlight yelled, unable to hold back the tears.

Chrysalis was grinning now, high on a sadistic adrenaline rush.

“You know I’m right. I shouldn’t even have to say it.”

Starlight was now sniffling, red faced, mad and hopeless.

“They’ve never liked you, and they like you even less now. And what are you going to do, turn evil again? Yeah, that will make things better. You should just go away, disappear, right? Good thing I’ve helped you do it then.”

Starlight stopped shaking and stood still, her face devoid of expression as she started to give in to Chrysalis’ manipulation. Without mercy, Chrysalis pressed on.

“Everypony has just used you to get places, because you’re a pushover. You’re afraid to have control ever since you abused it with your old village. You let ponies walk all over you because you think giving them control will make it easier for them to like you, when in reality it just makes you look pitiful and pathetic. You don’t have any real friends, who know you and love you for who you are, except for the magician, who everypony also hates from what I’m told. What a great match you two are! You think Twilight’s you’re best friend? You do, don’t you? Well I’ve got some news for you, she’s only ever been using you. She doesn’t care about you as a friend. She’s known you the shortest and if it came down between you and any of her other friends, she definitely wouldn’t pick you. And you still try and lie and tell me you’re smart, and talented at magic? Since when? You got your cutie mark late, and you got rejected from the Canterlot school of magic all three times you applied. They didn’t think you had potential. Your mother walked out on you and yes, your father supported you, but deep down he knew you wouldn't go far. I know because I asked him. He loved you because that’s what good parents do, love their children no matter how awful they end up. You failed in academia, then you failed with friendship, then you failed in your revenge for failing those two, then you failed in your revenge for that, and now you’re just kept as an example of what happens to failures when they grow up. You’re an inspiration, you really are, on what not to be when you grow up. You have no talents, no skills. Remember what I said? Worth is determined by ability. And you, Starlight Glimmer, are lacking in every aspect. You’re nothing. They’re not even looking for you. You’re such a waste of existence you should be thanking me for removing you from the world. And you know I’m right. I’m just repeating what you’ve known your whole, worthless life.”

Starlight stood there, her body frozen as tears streamed down her face. Her mind was clouded. She felt a great pressure in the front of her head. She swallowed, her eyes staying fixed on nothing.

“Y-You’re right…”

Starlight muttered those words, yet Chrysalis heard them crystal clear. She had done it. There would be no coming back from this. Starlight Glimmer was defeated. She had successfully broken her. She looked at her pitiful pet, red-faced and speechless, frozen in place, with an expression of dull somberness being emitted from her unmoving face.
Starlight couldn’t think straight. Somehow, everything Chrysalis had said made perfect sense. She didn’t feel different, just, more free. Like a great burden had been lifted from her. She had finally admitted it. She had admitted what she had feared her whole life. That she really was nothing, that her hatred for herself was justified. The pain in her heart was now stronger than ever.