Letters to My Best Friend

by Real_Harmony Sparkle

Rating: teen
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Discord, Slice of Life, Death, Human, Sad, Fluttershy (EqG), Rainbow Dash (EqG), Applejack (EqG), Equestria Girls
Length: 3125

Rainbow sends texts to a friend that she has lost forever.

All it took was one car wreck to end a life. It ended a life that Rainbow will never be able to forget. That day in the hospital breaks her heart to think about. She doesn't think she'll ever be able to move on, and it certainly takes a lot of help from her partner and friends to finally get her to move on from the heart ache.

Published 2020-01-04 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-01-04 19:00:01 UTC

Natural Heartbreak

Author's Note

Many tears were shed in the making of this story :fluttercry:

Natural Heartbreak

Rainbow slowly walked into her bedroom, tears continuing to well up in her eyes, adding to the tears that stained her cheeks. She felt lost, broken, and empty. She had just lost her best friend. It had happened a week ago, but it felt like yesterday. Wiping her eyes, she slowly changed out of the black dress she had been wearing, pulling on black sweatpants and a blue t-shirt. She had just returned from the funeral, so her emotions were at an all-time high.

After changing, she simply threw the dress to the floor, not wanting to think of the memories that came with that dress, all down to the very reason she had purchased it. The more she stared at the clump of fabric on the floor, the more she hurt. Feeling her legs begin to shake and find it hard to hold up her weight, Rainbow trudged over and collapsed onto her bed, before she began to full-on cry again, clinging tightly onto her pillow. She cried until she heard a soft knock at her door. Her head jerked up at the noise, her heart hoping slightly that everything had been a dream, and the person she had lost would walk through the door and embrace her in a hug. Unfortunately, this was not the case, and it was her mother that walked through the door. Heart sinking in despair, she laid her head back on her pillow, not in the mood for conversation, “Rainbow? Sweetheart?” Windy asked as she slowly approached the bed, sitting down next to her daughter, “I know you’re upset, but I promise you everything will be alright…”

“No! It won’t be!” Rainbow yelled, not bothering to look up from her pillow as more tears running down her face, “She’s gone! My childhood best friend is gone! The girl that I spent my entire life with! The person that I trusted everything with, that helped me through all of my problems and trusted me with her own! The person I loved so much...She’s gone,” Rainbow’s voice had more rasp to it than normal, she nearly choked on her words with the next thing she said, “F-Fluttershy’s...Fluttershy’s….gone! I’ll never see her again all because of that stupid car!”

Windy sighed as she pulled her daughter into her arms and held her in a hug, caressing her hair and doing her best to comfort her, “I know you’re hurting Rainbow, but I promise you she’s in a better place now and one day, all the pain you’re feeling will go away. Maybe you should find something, anything that can help you cope with the situation, anything that won’t hurt you in any way of course,” She said cautiously as she gave Rainbow a kiss on the cheek before laying her on the bed and kissing her cheek, “I know you aren’t in the mood for dinner, but at least drink something at some point okay?”

“Okay…” Rainbow replied meekly, though she remained unmoving. After her mother left the room, Rainbow slowly turned onto her back and stared at the bulletin board she had on her wall. Photos of herself and all of her friends covered it from the years behind her, but she only saw the other photos that were only of herself with Fluttershy. Biting her lip to keep herself from bursting into tears again, Rainbow slowly began to take deep and slow breaths, trying to calm herself down. It took a moment, but she soon managed to calm down, and she began to think of ways she could follow her mother’s advice, “What could I do…?” She whispered to herself, looking around the room to see if anything she owned could give her some ideas, but the only thing that drew any attention was her phone. The more she thought about it, the more she got an idea. Some people would write letters to their lost friends or family, but Rainbow didn’t see the point in that, feeling that she would eventually lose a notebook or a piece of paper. Her phone, however, was something she had never lost. She knew Fluttershy’s phone had been turned off and kept in her bedside table drawer after her parents got photos and videos off of it and transferred to a USB drive they could keep, so any message Rainbow sent to her phone would remain known to only her. At least, deep down inside of her somewhere she knew that, but on the surface of her mind, Rainbow hoped that just maybe Fluttershy would somehow see the messages she would be sending. Releasing a sigh, Rainbow reached over and grabbed her phone. She bit her lip again as she opened her messages with Fluttershy. The last thing they had said to each other through text was a simple exchange of sisterly ‘I love yous.’ Then again, that had actually been the last thing said to each other in real life, when they said their heartbroken farewells in the hospital a week prior. The thought of that made fresh tears run down Rainbow’s face. Wiping them away, she focused her attention on her phone, as she began to type out a message to her lost friend.

Dear Fluttershy,
I miss you so much already. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it without you. I love you so much, and I can’t stop thinking about the last time I saw you in that hospital. When I saw you so broken, so mangled from that fatal car accident. I remember hearing the doctor’s whispering about how you had a small percent chance of living. I think it was a five percent chance. In my heart, I was hoping it was all turn out like one of those miracle stories or movies where the patient somehow survives and uses their experience to help others through their own problems. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case with you. I knew it the moment you looked at me with that peaceful, heartbreaking smile, telling me that the pain was disappearing that you loved me. Those words from you still echo in the back of my head every time I think about you. I still wake up every morning in hopes that all of this nightmare is just a dream and that I’ll go to school and see you standing with our friends in the lobby before school. I know deep down it’ll never happen, but I wish it would.

I promise you Flutters, I will keep living for you, I will live my life in honor of yours that was wrongfully ripped away from you. I’ll follow every piece of advice that I can that you gave me. I want to make it seem like you’re still around, like I can still talk to you, and like I can still hug you. My life doesn’t have any purpose without you, so I might as well do my best to live to help honor and keep your memory alive. I love you, Sis, I’ll talk to you again soon, I promise.

It had been a year since Fluttershy passed away. Rainbow knew that this was going to be a hard day for her every year. She was currently sitting on the bleachers in the gym. While a lot of good things had happened in her life recently, this was a day that she would never be able to be truly happy on. She bit her lip as she looked around the gym, watching everyone play basketball or walk laps around the gym. However, she noticed there was one person missing from her class. Lifting her head from her hands she began to look around, when she suddenly felt an arm wrap around her, making her tense until she felt a familiar cowgirl hat lay down on top of her head, “There you are, AJ…” Rainbow sighed as she leaned on her girlfriend, which she had been dating for six months now. Revealing her crush to Applejack and just going for it had been something Fluttershy had been begging her to do for years, and Rainbow only wished that Fluttershy had been around to see her finally follow her advice. Thinking about all of this, plus it being a year exactly after the accident, Rainbow felt her heart break again as tears welled up in her eyes and run down her face. Seeing this, Applejack wrapped both arms around her partner and hold her in a tight yet comforting embrace.

“It’s gonna be alright, hun. I promise. She’s still here in a way, ya just have to remember her,” Applejack’s comforting words helped Rainbow calm down slightly, as she buried her face in Applejack’s shirt, almost clinging to her for comfort. Of course, Applejack didn’t mind.

“I miss her...I miss her so much…”

“I know ya do, sugarcube. It’ll be alright eventually, just keep her in your memory and remember the good times ya had with her.”

Biting her lip again, Rainbow looked up at her girlfriend, an almost confused expression on her face, “How...How are you handling all of this so well?” She asked, her partner responding with a gentle yet sad smile.

“Because I’ve known loss before this too, hun. I felt just like ya do right now when I lost my folks, I felt like I would never find myself back on the right track, and that I would never find true happiness again. Then I met you and our friends. I learned over time that in life we lose a lot and we gain some. We just have to grasp the good things and hold ‘em close for as long as possible,” As she spoke, Rainbow was almost positive that AJ’s grasp around her tightened, though she didn’t mind, “Life isn’t fair, it isn’t always good, and more often than not, we find ourselves questioning why we were put on this Earth in the first place, I know I was thinking that for years. Then I met you.”

Rainbow couldn’t help but blush, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, I’m sayin’ you gave me a reason to keep on going, and ya really helped me when you confessed your feelings for me. I’m not trying to say that I can, in any way, replace Fluttershy, but what I can do is be there when you’re upset, and help you through your darkest points, it may not be much, but I do hope that I can help a little bit.”
“Trust me, you help me every day,” Rainbow said with a tiny smile as she hugged Applejack, “I love you.”

“I love you too, sugar.”

<><><>

When Rainbow got home that evening she went straight to her room, knowing what she would have to do, as it was the only thing that helped her cope with her grief and broken heart. Dropping her bag on the floor of her bedroom, she grabbed her phone and laid on the bed, immediately going to Fluttershy’s chat. She had sent a few short messages of ‘I miss you’ or ‘I love you’ over the past year, but she only sent long messages on important days like her death anniversary or her birthday or something. Rainbow braced herself as she once again found herself typing a message to her lost friend and sister.

Dear Fluttershy,
It’s been a year since that dreadful day, and a year since I’ve been able to be truly happy. I never imagined in a million years that I would have had to start Senior year alone like I did. I never imagined I would get my driver’s license and walk out of the DMV and not see you proudly smiling at me. I never thought I would have gone to Junior or Senior Prom without you, true I had our friends and Applejack to go with, but it still didn’t feel right. We had always had such dreams of going to Junior Prom together and then going to Senior Prom with our respective partners if we had them at the time. Nowadays it doesn’t seem like anything I do is fun anymore, no matter how much I pretend it is. Without you, it doesn’t seem like I’ll have a true smile on my face again. I wanted to spend my entire life with you, I wanted you to find love just as I have. I think I know who you would’ve ended up with though. Ever since the accident, Discord hasn’t smiled. He doesn’t play pranks anymore, he just, he isn’t himself. We’re all worried about him. We’re all afraid he’s gonna do something stupid to himself. He loves you so much. He loves you probably about as much as I do. It doesn’t seem like anything will ever be the same for me or for him again, not as long as we live. The world just isn’t the same without our sweet little ray of kindness that you are. So many things will be changing for us all. I can’t imagine going through graduation without you, getting married without you there, or even starting a family without you there, even if I know I’ll have to. I miss you Flutters, and I’ll talk to you again soon.

Dear Fluttershy,
It’s been ten years since you’ve left us behind on Earth, and it’s been five years since I’ve messaged you on this chat. Life really does fly after you graduate high school. I just wanted to catch you up on some of the things that I wish you could have been apart of with me, and some things that I wish had never happened. Obviously, I graduated high school, I went to college and now I play professional soccer with the Wonderbolts… Yay, I completed my life’s dream… A few years after college Applejack proposed to me in the park by that foundation you and I would always play at when we were in Elementary School. While the night was magical and I loved it, memories of the past had me crying for more reasons than just overwhelming happiness. In fact, I think my broken heart overtook my happiness. Of course, I didn’t tell Jackie that, I didn’t want to ruin the night for her. A year after that, we got married. AJ waited for me. I walked the aisle, just like you always wanted to do. My dress had a little hint of you in it though, the belt around my waist had a butterfly pendant on it, and in my hair was a headband with a butterfly pendant that held my veil back. Rarity, Twilight, and Sunset were my bridesmaids, and since you weren’t there to be my Maid of Honor, I asked Pinkie to it, and she did. Discord was Applejack’s Best man. However, that was the last time we ever saw Discord.

His heart was more broken than we thought it was, stricken with depression and grief. Hours after AJ and I returned home from our honeymoon, we got a call from Sunset, who was crying, that Discord had been found hanging in his room, a suicide note simply reading:

“I can’t live without her.”

I’m sure you’re spending Eternity with him now, happy just as you should be. You deserve happiness more than anyone else in this world, Flutters. You were always so kind to everyone, you always helped others when they needed it, you showed more compassion for animals and the world than anyone else I’ve ever known, and you always found time to help me and our friends, even if you were upset yourself. You had a heart of the purest diamond, Sis. I hope you know that.

After his funeral, the cycle of grief started all over again for all of us, but we helped each other through it, and eventually had to move on, just as we had to do for you. No matter how much it hurts to do so. That’s why I’m writing this letter to you now, as a final farewell. Applejack says that I need to let go of my grief, and live on with a smile in honor of you, because that’s what you would’ve wanted. I have to believe her and trust her judgment, because I know she’s right. You never did care or think too highly of yourself, even though you should have. I wished you did. I wish I could have taught you to think higher of yourself, I think that’s one of my biggest regrets.

Now, I’m sitting here in bed, leaning on my wife, eight months pregnant thanks to a donor we got, and I can only wish that you were physically here to experience this wonderful time with me. Though I can promise you this, I will make sure my daughter knows about you, I will make sure that she knows what an amazing person you were, and how much you deserved to live. How much you deserved to live a full and happy life. I will make sure she knows who you are, Fluttershy. I promise you that. I also want you to know before anyone else does, that AJ and I have decided to name her Angel. I hope she grows up to be every bit as kind as you.
I love you Flutters, you will always be the best friend and sister that I have ever had. While there will be no way that I can ever forget you, and there will be no doubt that I will continue to cry every year on your birthday and the day you passed on, I will do my best to remember you with a smile, and continue to live in honor of you and make sure that you are never ever forgotten.

I love you Fluttershy, I love you so much, I know I need to end this letter, but I know I won’t be opening this chat back up ever again once I send this message. I’m crying right now as I type this and think about finally letting go, but my heart keeps telling me not to. I know I’ll make it, I know I’ll see you again one day, I know things will be okay. You’ll be okay, I’ll be okay. So in a final farewell, just remember that I love you, and that I always will. Remember that I will never forget you and that you are loved so much more than you will ever know. Never forget how much I care for you. I love you Sis, take care of yourself.

Eternal Love,

Your Sister and Best Friend,

Rainbow Dash