Holy shit! That's illegal!
“C’mon, Pound Cake! You’ve got this!”
“Just a little more, Pumpkin! Show your brother who’s boss!”
“Are you really gonna let a girl show you up like that? Show her what you’re made of!”
“Are you really gonna let a boy win? Stay in the lead!”
The two Cake twins looked at each other with confused expressions, wondering why two adults would take something even as simple as drinking from a bottle and turn it into a competition. Pumpkin Cake was in the lead, not because she was trying to win, but because she was legitimately more thirsty than her brother. She wondered whether she should slow down just so that her brother could win, even though she wasn’t sure whether losing or winning would bring with it worse consequences.
In the end, however, with the two adults’ faces right next to the infants’, Pumpkin Cake finished her baby formula, pulling the bottle out of her mouth and gasping for air with exhaustion. One of the grown ponies was electrified from the result whereas the other put a hoof over his face, groaning with displeasure. When Pound Cake finally finished his own meal, he looked straight at Pumpkin Cake, again giving her a confused expression, but his sister merely shrugged, not sure what to do next.
“Ha! In your face!”
“Oh, that was a false start and you know it!”
As Windy Whistles pointed her hoof towards her husband with a smug grin, Bow Hothoof slapped the hoof away and pointed his own hoof towards his wife, glaring with aggravation.
“False start?!” she exclaimed in disbelief. “If anything she started second!”
“Also,” the husband continued, “let’s not forget about that unsportsmanlike conduct in the middle! Pumpkin was obviously taunting.”
“Do you mean when she hiccupped? Oh, so is breathing taunting too?”
Just as their argument was going to disturb the customers of Sugarcube Corner even further, however, a third pony bounced into the middle of their argument with a smile that could cool down any altercation. The other ponies in the bakery breathed a sigh of relief, but Windy Whistles and Bow Hothoof looked like they weren’t quite ready to end their squabble quite yet.
“Heya, guys!” the energetic pony between them said with a smile. “What’s got you two so worked up?”
“Pinkie, can you please tell Windy that in a bottle-drinking contest, burps are off limits?”
“How?!” Windy asked frantically. “Pinkie Pie, my foal won fair and square. Maybe you should just tell Bow to stop being such a sore loser!”
The pink mare between them raised an eyebrow, confused as to why two grown ponies would be making such a fuss about something so trivial. She then looked at the Cake twins, hoping that they would somehow be able to explain things better, but alas, they were babies. All they could do was return the same bewildered expression that Pinkie Pie had.
“Wait!” Pinkie Pie said, finally beginning to understand things a little more clearly. “A bottle-drinking contest?! That sounds like the most funnest thing ever! I wish my parents let me drink baby formula growing up! All we were allowed to drink were rocks… Anyway! What sprung this on? Were the two of you thinking about having another baby?”
The two parents looked at each other with the same expression that Pinkie had given the twins just a moment earlier, but in the next few seconds, the two began cracking up, laughing hysterically for some unknown reason. Once the two could finally breathe again, Windy Whistles turned towards Pinkie Pie, wiping a tear from her eye and said, “No, nothing like that. It’s just now that Rainbow Dash is all grown up, we miss being able to have moments like these.”
Pinkie Pie couldn’t help but scratch her head. “But… Wouldn’t that be the perfect reason to have a baby?”
“That sounds awesome!” Bow added. “We’ve already raised the most amazing mare in all of Equestria! We’d love to do it again! But… I don’t know how we’d do it.”
“That’s easy! You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they--”
““NO!!!””
All of the patrons in the bakery turned towards the two parents as they quickly shouted, cutting Pinkie Pie off from saying something that would scar the kids for life. Then, once Pinkie Pie had gone silent for probably the first time ever, Windy Whistles breathed a sigh of relief and continued to explain for the both of them.
“What I think Bow is trying to say is, I’m just too old for a foal at this point. I admit, we’ve thought about having another baby before, but when we had Rainbow Dash, we really didn’t have any reason to have another one. She made us so happy that we couldn’t even think about having another foal take our attention away from her. Now that she’s all grown up, though…”
Both parents looked back at the Cake twins as Bow chuckled awkwardly. “We’ve been having baby withdrawals, in case you couldn’t tell.”
“I can see that,” Pinkie replied, making Windy Whistles blush as Bow Hothoof rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, if you really want a baby, though, there’s always the alternative to the traditional way.”
Suddenly, a lightbulb went off over the two parents’ heads, causing them to look each other in the eyes with their mouths smiling wider than ever.
“It was so obvious!” Windy exclaimed with joy.
“It was right in front of our noses the entire time!” her husband agreed. “Why didn’t we think of it before?!”
Pinkie couldn’t help but smile along with them. “You see, guys? There’s always something you can do if you think hard enough!”
“You’re right!”
“Of course!”
“It’s the perfect plan!”
“No doubt about it!”
“We’re going to have another baby!”
“The perfect one!”
“Eeeeee!” Pinkie Pie cheered along with the two parents. “I’m so excited for you two! I’m just surprised that the two of you didn’t think about that before coming to Sugarcube Corner for a bottle drinking contest.”
“Yeah,” Windy agreed. “We know what to do now!”
“Yup!” Bow added. “And that alternative is…”
Pinkie Pie smiled, bursting with enthusiasm.
“Adoptio--”
““Kidnapping!””
The pink mare’s jaw dropped to the floor, her eyes nearly bulging from their sockets, but the other two ponies grinned at each other, celebrating their newfound epiphany. Pinkie waited for a few more moments just to make sure this wasn’t a joke, but once they hugged each other with enthusiasm, she knew that she should probably tell them the flaw in their plan.
“Wow, kidnapping huh?”
“Yeah!” Windy Whistles exclaimed. “It’s the perfect idea! Thanks for telling us about it!”
“Yeeaaaahhhh… About that…”
“You’re a genius, Pinkie!” Bow added. “We owe you one.”
“Before you thank me, I think there’s just one teensy weensy, itty bitty detail that I should probably tell you about.”
Windy and Bow looked at each other in confusion. “What’s wrong?”
Then, grabbing both parents on the shoulder, she shouted, “THAT’S ILLEGAAAALLLL!!!”
The two of them looked surprised, but they appeared to be more shocked by Pinkie Pie’s loudness than by the actual message. While the pink mare heaved to recollect all the air she had expelled from her lungs, however, the other ponies began laughing again, leaving her so shocked that the remaining air caught in her throat.
“Oh, don’t worry,” said the pegasus mare. “We’ve already thought of that.”
“You… You have?!”
“Yeah!” exclaimed her husband. “Kidnapping only applies to taking away the foal of another pony! The law doesn’t say anything about taking away the baby of another species!”
Pinkie Pie shook her head, rubbing above her eyebrows as if she were experiencing a sudden throbbing migraine. “I don’t know, guys. I’m no lawyer, but that still sounds illegal. Maybe you could at least think about adoption?”
Windy Whistles blinked. “Well, that just sounds like kidnapping with extra steps.”
“Yeah, we’ll just stick with the easy way,” said the stallion. “Then when we have our own baby, we’ll be sure to let everypony know that it was your idea!”
“We really owe you one, Pinkie!”
Right when Pinkie Pie was about to object further, however, a pony wearing a blue hat and vest walked through the front doors of the bakery, making her eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. Then, as if on cue, the police mare turned towards Pinkie, Windy and Bow, making her heart jitter uncontrollably while the other two smiled as if nothing were wrong. The pink earth pony wished that they would at least be a little bit nervous to see a cop in the bakery considering what they were talking about, but she knew that if they were to release their plan, she was going to be credited with the idea. She needed to wear her best poker face, at least for the time being.
“Heeeeeeeyyyyy, Sergeant Sprinkles!” Pinkie said, trying to smile despite her teeth clattering together. “What brings you here?”
The police mare, however, tilted her eyebrow, giving the pink pony a suspicious look through her dark sunglasses. “I’m a cop,” she said bluntly. “Where else would I be besides a donut shop?” Pinkie Pie then giggled nervously, darting her eyes back and forth between the cop in front of her and Rainbow Dash’s parents, praying to Celestia that they wouldn’t tell the police mare about her brilliant kidnapping scheme. The mare in the blue vest, however, seemed to grow more suspicious as a sudden sweat trickled down Pinkie’s coat. “Sayyyyy, you’re not hiding anything from me, are you, Pinkie Pie? If that is your real name!”
“Actually, my name is Pinkamen--I mean, I PLEAD THE FIFTH!”
Then, tilting her sunglasses down, the sergeant said, “I’m gonna need to take a look around this place. Hope you don’t mind.”
“N-n-n-n-n-n-not at all! Heheheh.”
Somehow, the police mare didn’t seem to notice that Pinkie Pie was sweating so much that anything left on the floor was now floating in a stream of perspiration. The sergeant was literally treading through water to get to the cupcakes on the other side of the bakery, but when she got there, she seemed to be too interested in examining the selection to notice the fact that some ponies were now wearing floaties. Sergeant Sprinkles looked up to the menu, then back down at the donuts, and finally, she looked over at Windy Whistles and Bow Hothoof before she tilted her glasses up, scowling angrily at Pinkie Pie.
“Did you think I really wouldn’t notice, Pinkie Pie?”
“N-n-n-n-n-n-n-notice what, Sergeant?”
The cop then pulled a vacant canoe that had floated downstream towards her and began paddling over to Pinkie Pie, who was still perspiring in nervousness. “You think you can just lie to a law enforcement agent and get away with it?”
Suddenly, Pinkie’s eyes went wide, tears building up and building up until the flood gates burst open, replacing the earlier sweat with a stream of sadness.
“Waaaaahahahaaaaah! I’m sorry, officer! I didn’t mean iiiittt! Please don’t throw me in the big house! You don’t know what they do with ponies like me in there!”
The sergeant tilted her eyebrow. “The big house? I was just gonna tell you that you still had Tuesday’s prices up. Don’t you know that Wednesday is the day when you sell your frosted sprinkles for half off? You thought you could pull a fast one on me, but you should never keep secrets from the police. There’s no crime that goes on here without me knowing about it, isn’t that right Mr. and Mrs. Dash?”
Rainbow Dash’s parents then nodded nervously, stepping down from the table they were standing on once the water finally drained out the door. While Pinkie Pie was left with her mouth open and her eyes wide, however, the police mare immediately started gathering a dozen frosted sprinkle donuts and heading towards the cash register. Pinkie Pie blinked again, but before Sergeant Sprinkles could get too impatient, Pinkie rushed behind the counter, putting on the biggest smile she could, despite her face still appearing slightly anxious.
“That’ll be six bits, ma’am.”
The police mare happily tossed over a hoofful of bits and blissfully trotted out the door, carrying a box of donuts on her back. Then, once she was out the door and out of earshot, Pinkie Pie slid onto her haunches, wiping the remaining sweat off of her forehead while the two parents in the room guffawed in relief.
“We really dodged a bullet there, honey!” said Bow.
“You bet!” replied Windy. “I can’t imagine what they would have done to Pinkie had they found out!”
“Which is why you’re not going to kidnap anyponyyyy!!!”
The two parents quickly turned their heads towards the pink earth pony, who was now heaving in exhausted aggravation, but her reaction only fueled their laughter more.
“Of course we’re not, silly!” Windy said. “We’ve already told you, we’re going to kidnap a different creature.”
“What did you have in mind, honey?”
“Oh, I know! How about a changeling!”
“That sounds awesome!”
“Oooohh, just think if it turned into a pony and forgot it could change back! Wouldn’t that be just adorable?”
“I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it!”
“How will we get one, though?”
“Mehh, it couldn’t be that hard. I mean, it’s not like we’re picky, after all. Are changelings really that hard to steal?”
“Oh! We should go before it gets dark!”
“You’re right, Windy. Thanks again, Pinkie! We owe you!”
As the couple happily walked out the door, congratulating themselves on hatching such a perfect diabolical plan, Pinkie Pie sat there with her jaw on the floor, trying to figure out how they could still be thinking about this. Right after seeing a police mare walk through the store, they were really about to go steal a baby from its hive, just so they could have another baby, and if things went south, they would blame the whole thing on her! Pinkie Pie knew that she had to stop them by any means necessary, just so she could keep herself out of jail!
Oh, and also to make sure a changeling didn’t get separated from its family. That part mattered too.
The couple arrived near the changeling hive not too long after they left Sugarcube Corner, mostly because being the best fliers in Equestria apparently ran in the family. Pinkie, on the other hoof, who had been busy holding onto Bow’s tail the entire ride there, was now starting to wobble back and forth, her face green from nausea and probably a bug that she swallowed during the flight.
“We’re heeeere!” Windy exclaimed, looking out towards the hive which was still as beautiful as ever. Ever since the changelings had decided to share love instead of eat it, the entire surroundings appeared as if there were a giant rainbow spreading across the area, a sign for the Dash parents that they had made the perfect choice. “Oh, honey, what should we name our new baby?”
“How about Rainbow Dash Version Two?”
“Oh! That’s a good one! But what if it’s a boy?”
“Hmm… I like Earl.”
“That’s amazing! Did you just come up with that one off the top of your head?”
“I’m pretty good at naming babies. I was the one who came up with Rainbow Dash’s name, after all.”
“Umm… I believe it was me who came up with Rainbow Dash’s name.”
Once the world stopped spinning around Pinkie Pie, however, she didn’t waste a second to intervene in the conversation before they had an argument that would get them all caught. “I’m sure you both played an equally important role in naming Rainbow Dash, but maaaaaybe we should keep our voices down. Or better yet, we should leave! C’mooon! I’ve got candy!”
Pinkie Pie immediately pulled a lollipop out of her fuzzy mane, but the parents barely even looked in her direction, still more enthralled in their own conversation to give any thought to free sweets.
“Pinkie Pie’s right,” Bow said sternly after a sigh.
“I am? OH! I mean, I AM! Let’s get out of here. We’ve still got time to grab a doubledecker ice cream sandwich before the shop closes!”
“Yeah,” Windy agreed. “We should be quiet from here on out. No talking unless it’s a whisper. We don’t want them to catch us before we get our baby.”
The pink earth pony’s eye twitched, still dumbfounded as to how two grown adults--who had a daughter of their own, no less--could say with a straight face that they were going to go take a child away from its parents. She wanted to yell, to scream to the hive and blow their cover, but even though she wanted their plan to fail in the end, she was too scared that somepony would end up in jail if they were caught now. They had already made it to the crime scene. Their plan was officially in action. Pinkie would just have to find a way to convince them to turn back, but now that they had made it all the way there, she didn’t have much time left to do it.
Bow and Windy nodded their heads to each other as they silently communicated their plan, then got as low as they could, sneaking past the rocks and shrubbery on the outer layer of the changeling hive. Pinkie Pie slapped her hoof over her face before reluctantly joining them in their plan, trying to blend in with the grays and greens of her surroundings despite her bright pink hues which would give them away in an instant. Fortunately for the three of them (although not so much for one very unfortunate changeling family), the sun was beginning to set, casting long shadows on the land as the sky was filled with pinks and yellows. So long as they were quiet, nopony would notice them.
Or so they thought.
“Pinkie Pie?! Pinkie Pie, is that you?!”
Suddenly, the three ponies jumped and turned around to see a male changeling exiting the hive, his face wide with glee while Pinkie Pie’s twitched in anxiety. She couldn’t get caught this easily! She had to do something quick before they found out about her plan to steal a baby--er, talk Rainbow Dash’s parents out of stealing a baby.
“Pinkie, it’s me, Ommatidia! We met at last year’s Equestria Games!”
“Uh... I’m not Pinkie!”
The changeling pulled back his head in surprise. “You aren’t?”
“No, I’m… uh… Arthropod!” Pinkie deepened her voice to make herself sound more like a boy, and as far as she could tell, her randomly inspired name seemed to be the name of someone in their hive! Maybe she was in the clear after all! “Yeah, sorry if I fooled you. I didn’t realize my Pinkie Pie impersonation was so good.”
“That’s… OK? Sorry, Arthropod, but are you new here? I’ve never heard of anyone with that name here before.”
Horse feathers! How was there not one single changeling named Arthropod?!
“Uhhhh, yeah! I’m from the hive up north! Heheh.”
“But… the hive up north only speaks French.”
French?! Was that supposed to be an animal or something?!
“Oh, uh… We speak reformed French now.”
Ommatidia tilted his head to the side in confusion, but Pinkie Pie continued to smile, even though sweat was beginning to drip down her face and her eyes traveled whenever they made eye contact with his. With the shrug of his shoulders, however, the changeling said, “Well, your accent is really good. Not the best impersonation of Pinkie Pie, though. I don’t think she weighs that much. Anyway, I hope you and your friends enjoy your stay at the hive!”
The pink pony’s jaw dropped to the floor as Ommatidia pranced off in the other direction, and to make matters even worse, the two parents behind her were doing a terrible job at pretending not to laugh.
“I guess the cupcakes went straight to her thighs.” Bow whispered, to which his wife fell to the floor, slamming her hooves on the dirt while she tried to keep herself from laughing. Pinkie, though, was too exhausted to argue.
“Can we leave now?” she asked. “I don’t think we can keep up this kind of charade for much longer.”
“Hmm?” Windy mumbled, getting back up to her hooves. “Oh, no. Not without the baby. We’re already here, so we might as well see if there’s one we like.”
Pinkie Pie wanted to shout horse feathers in her mind again, but at this point, it was more like the entire wing! This nightmarish day was only getting worse the closer they came to getting caught, and by this point, if the changelings found out that she wasn’t just an underrated Pinkie Pie impersonation, she would never be trusted in the changeling community again! How could they ever trust her when she was going around telling them that she was a northern changeling called Arthropod? Was it really that unconvincing of a name? It at least had to be better than naming a child Earl.
While the earth pony went to war with her thoughts, however, the two pegasi had already snuck in, causing her to gallop to catch up with them before they could get away.
“Any babies here?” Bow asked, looking through a swiss cheese-like hole that acted as a window into a changeling’s home.
“I don’t see any,” replied his wife, squinting her eyes as she searched for any unsupervised children.
“Heeeeeere, changeling changeling changeliiing!”
“Honey, Rainbow Dash Version Two isn’t a dog.”
“Oh, you’re right. SOOOOEEYYY!”
“SSSHHH! NOT SO LOUD!”
As soon as Bow Hothoof started calling out, Pinkie Pie immediately latched her hooves around his muzzle. If he kept yelling like that, it would only be a matter of time before some changeling peeked around the corner and saw them sneaking around the hive. They had done a fairly good job of remaining hidden up to this point, but in their desperation, it seemed like the Dash parents were ready to go to any extreme to find a changeling foal just waiting to be taken.
“Well if we don’t call, how do you ever expect us to find our new daughter?” Windy asked.
“Mffngnffgnnf,” her husband agreed.
Then, releasing Bow’s mouth, Pinkie Pie ran her hoof down her face, pulling her eyelids down her cheeks. “Can we at least talk about this for a second? I mean, haven’t you ever thought about why these changelings haven’t been leaving their babies out in the open? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maaaaybeeeee, they don’t want their foals to get kidnapped?”
The two parents put a hoof to their chin, deep in thought until Bow finally said, “Well, now they’re just being selfish!”
“So selfish!”
Pinkie Pie growled under her breath, venting out her inaudible frustrations before she lost her fleeting composure, but right as soon as she opened her mouth to rebuttal, she heard a noise behind her and leapt to the side for cover. “Ssh! I hear somepony! Hide!” Then, without even giving them a chance to act for themselves, Pinkie pulled the two pegasi with her behind a neighboring wall, poking her head out slightly to see who was coming.
In the next moment, her heart melted. A beautiful green and blue changeling mare pranced around a corner, wearing a baby sling around her neck while her child giggled loudly, reaching its tiny hooves out towards its momma. The older changeling made silly noises, attempting to match her sounds with a similarly goofy face, but the sounds of her child’s laughter kept her smiling so wide that making funny faces was obviously difficult.
Then, putting a hoof over her eyes, she gasped and said, “Where did mommy go? Where did mommy go?” The baby seemed to make confused cries until finally, pulling her hoof away from her eyes with a surprised smile, she exclaimed, “Here I am!” to which her foal giggled wildly, clapping its little hooves together like it was asking for her to do it again. And again. And again. No matter how many times the mother did it, the baby’s laughter grew louder, and every time her baby laughed, she found herself with a smile that matched.
A small tear fell down Pinkie Pie’s cheek. She had seen mothers play with their kids her whole life, and even she had done similar games with the Cake twins during the times when she had foalsat them. When she thought of the idea of how precious this moment was, though, and that at any moment, somepony could take that joy away from her forever, she felt a real, physical pain stabbing through her heart. Hopefully something like this would help Rainbow Dash’s mom and dad remember why they chose to be parents in the first place. When she turned around to face them, however, she was met with a reaction she didn’t expect.
“Gross,” Bow said as he and his wife pulled their bodies away from the cuteness. “Honey, do you remember doing anything like that with Rainbow Dash?”
“No! Do you?”
“Nuh-uh! I never did any of that sissy stuff when she was growing up.”
“Maybe that’s why she grew up as awesome as she is.”
“You said it!”
Pinkie Pie’s eye twitched again. She had been friends with Rainbow Dash for as long as she could remember, but had Rainbow really been raised by these two?!
“Listen, Pinkie,” Windy Whistles began, wrapping her hoof around her husband’s shoulder. “Thank you for giving us this idea, but we’re not sure a changeling is right for us after all.”
“No kidding,” Bow agreed. “If they feed off of cutesy love like this to survive, count us out!”
That’s what changed their minds. Really. Pinkie opened her mouth to speak. Then she closed it up again. After an entire day of stressing about her best friend’s parents being sent to tartarus for stealing somepony’s child, all she needed to do to convince them not to go through with it was show them how an actual, loving parent acts in front of her kids.
“Ugh,” the pink mare groaned, rubbing her forehead. “My brain just turned into spaghetti.”
“Speaking of which, I’m starving! How about you, Windy?”
“Me too! Hey, Pinkie, do you think Sugarcube Corner is still open? A batch of cookies sounds really good right now.”
She wanted to vent how absurd this whole situation was, how they had brought her to the edge of Equestria, terrifying her over the course of an entire day, and now they were asking her for cookies. At the same time, though, she just wanted the day to be over. Everypony was safe, and that’s what really mattered in the end.
***
“One dozen freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies for the lovely couple!” Pinkie said energetically, setting a tray of baked goods down with her mane. “Enjoy.”
“Wow! You’re the best, Pinkie!”
“Thanks so much!”
“I’m just glad we got here before closing time,” the earth pony continued, “and with ten minutes to spare!”
Then, just as soon as she had said those words, the police mare from earlier walked through the doors of the bakery, and this time, Pinkie could have a normal conversation with a clean conscience. “Hey, Pinkie.”
“Sergeant Sprinkles? You’re back again?”
The mare in the blue vest tipped her sunglasses. “I’m a cop, remember?”
“Oh! Right. One dozen glazed donuts comin’ right up!”
In a flash of smoke, the mare who was standing there just moments ago had vanished out of sight, leaving a trail of gray vapor that led to the kitchen. The police mare chuckled, shaking her head in amazement that Pinkie could have so much energy after what must have been another eventful day. Sergeant Sprinkles was exhausted after her own shift, but she knew that Pinkie was an entirely different breed, possibly concocted via sugar and caffeine in their purest forms.
With an amused grin, the police mare took a seat adjacent to the only other ponies left in the bakery. Apparently the Dash family was still there, and knowing Pinkie Pie’s recipes, she could imagine why. Then, tilting her sunglasses back, she waved to the family sitting at their table: Windy Whistles, Bow Hothoof, and their baby yak.
“H-huh?!”
Immediately, Sergeant Sprinkles blinked, leaning forward to make sure she saw correctly, but in the next instant, the two parents turned to face the police mare, shoulder to shoulder, waving as if nothing was wrong. Based on the way they were sitting, she couldn’t see if there was some other creature behind them, but just as she was about to ask them a question, however, Pinkie Pie returned once again, holding out a box of a dozen beautifully glazed donuts in a perfect display.
“Here ya go, Sergeant! Sorry to keep you waiting.”
The police mare blinked again, shaking her head in bewilderment. “Wow! Fast as ever, Pinkie Pie!”
“Yuh-huh! You should see the look on your face right now!”
“You’re telling me.” Finally, the sergeant put her sunglasses back over her face, grabbed the box of donuts and turned towards the front door again. “You take care now, Pinkie, and tell Mr. and Mrs. Dash congrats on the new baby.”
“You bet! I’ll make sure to--Wait… Congrats on the what?”
As soon as the police mare made her way out the door, Pinkie Pie turned incredulously towards the two pegasi, who had conveniently scurried out the back door. They couldn’t have… could they?
“Hang on a second! Nopony paid their tab! What in the name of Celestia has gotten into this town?!”
Author's Note
Written for the Season 10 Bingo Writing Contest. I had the following prompt:
