Going Through the Motions
When Sunburst came home, Starlight was sitting on the couch.
Which isn’t weird, except for the fact that it’s four in the morning and she’s supposed to be waking up in another two hours. And if living with her has taught him anything it’s that a sleepy Starlight equals an angry Starlight.
So, he opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong.
She beats him to it.
“I’m pregnant.”
And everything comes screeching to a halt.
“W-What?” No, no, no. He heard her perfectly well, but it’s the only word he can force out of his suddenly dry mouth.
Pregnant? Weird food cravings? Violent mood swings? Starlight screaming in labor? Little ponies running around and pulling his tail? Parenthood? Sleepless nights? He suddenly wants to sit down. Forget that, his legs give and buckle under him so that he’s half sprawled on the floor and still waiting for everything to catch up.
“I’m pregnant.” She repeats, because, well, obviously him collapsing wasn’t enough of a reaction to make her happy. Maybe she’s waiting for him to faint? Because he is starting to feel a little lightheaded, but maybe this is all a bad dream and he’s about to wake up at any moment but still…he knows he isn’t that lucky.
The statement slowly sinks past the first layer of shock and Sunburst finally finds his voice. “A-Are you sure?” She doesn’t answer this time, at least not verbally, but when a little plastic stick appears in front of his face with a flash of turquoise, he takes that as a yes. He doesn’t have to look to know that there’s a little plus sign on one end. And another appears, just for good measure. The third one shows up above his head and bounces of his messy mane, clattering to the floor.
“Oh.” Sweet Celestia. What a welcome home. She hadn’t come to Canterlot with him, mumbling something about feeling under the weather. It made more sense now, but…gah. Silence descends over the room, Sunburst weak in the knees and Starlight still sitting on the couch.
Now what?
“I’m pregnant.” Third time’s the charm. Maybe it’ll sink in this time? He doubts it. And…oh no. Is she crying? She’s totally crying. She’s not sobbing, or really making a big fuss, but even from across the room, he can see the tears trailing down her cheeks. He feels like the scum of the earth for not noticing sooner. He sighs and scrapes himself off the floor, ignoring the trembling in his legs. He’s a sucker for tears, always has, always will be.
She doesn’t look up at him when he plops down on the couch cushions, but she tilts sideways all the same to use his not so broad chest as her own personal pillow, he slings a foreleg over her shoulders and makes sure she knows that he’s free to be used as a comfort device. And…maybe, maybe he feels a little better too because it’s not like this is a one-way bond. With his cheek resting on her head and his hoof tracing circles on her side while he waits for her to stop trembling, Sunburst decides that, definitely, things are better this way.
But him? A dad? He technically did have experience with foals, (but it was only one and Flurry Heart’s parents could afford more competent foal sitters), and his involvement only made him put off parenthood even more. And Starlight’s experience is even more limited, despite her previous job as a counselor and now Headmare of Twilight's School. She never dealt with creatures so young.
“I’m sorry,” Starlight mumbles from somewhere against his chest. “Sorry.” There’s a sniff and Sunburst can feel her hoof brush against his cape as she wipes her eyes. “I…dunno. I thought we’d be okay that one time. And…argh!” Ow, her head-bang against his chest had hurt. “I’m sorry!” Vaguely he wonders if that’s for the pain or for the pregnancy. “I just…”
Now would be the time to whisper in her ear that it’s okay, that he doesn’t mind, that everything will be just fine, that this won’t change anything at all, to be her pillar of support.
He wants to, so very badly, but he can’t. Because things aren’t going to be the same, things might not be okay, and he most definitely does mind. He’s not ready for this—and if he lies about something this huge, she’ll never forgive him for it. So he keeps quiet. He doesn’t know what to say to make it better. Doesn’t know what to say that won’t make it worse. He just holds her close because he doesn’t know what else to do.
“But…I want to keep it. Him. Her. Whoever.” He can feel her tense up as soon as the words leave her lips, feel her muscles quiver as she waits for his response. Slowly, Sunburst shifts his head so his snout is buried in her mane, his lips poised right next to her ear.
“Then keep it. I won’t stop you.” And that, at least, is simple enough. That, at least, is not a lie. It’s their foal, after all. And the words come out smooth enough. So, alright: parenthood still bothers him, but he isn’t outright opposed to the idea; it doesn’t mean that he wants to…terminate the pregnancy, as it were. Things will change very drastically, there’s no denying it, but if she’s alright with it, then he can’t just back down from the challenge, can he?
“You know,” he mutters when the silence threatens to turn permanent, “you really should warn me before dropping a bomb like that.” There’s a snort or a sniffle, maybe it’s a hiccup, possibly even a laugh, he can’t really tell, but in any case, at least she heard him because he feels her nod against his chest, and he grins. Holds her closer and presses his smile into her hair. There, mission accomplished. Crisis averted. They’re okay. Hopefully. Probably. Maybe. Only time would tell.
“So, I guess we need to go shopping?”
