It’s a hell of a place to be!
Silverstream blinked rapidly as she took a long breath. That was weird, she didn’t think hippogriffs who died breathed anymore. Then again, they also likely didn’t feel mild back and wing pain. Silverstream got to her feet and stretched, sighing softly as her wings popped just right. She kept her eyes closed throughout the stretching, taking silent pleasure in each and every crack and pop she felt. It just felt so good to stretch out!
A gust of hot air ruffled the fur on her face however, and made her open her eyes. Her relatively good mood diminished as she beheld a terrifying sight. For as far as she could see, lakes of lava and fire ran between mountains of what looked like bones. The sky was a deep red, and a thick haze of smoke clogged the air. Silverstream made the mistake of taking an experimental breath, and her hands quickly clamped down over her beak.
“Never smelt brimstone before,” she muttered, trying to find something positive about the situation she found herself in.
She was clearly in hell, but if she was being honest with herself, she couldn't quite remember doing anything that would have warranted going to hell. Sure, her mom had warned her more than once about taking too many risks, and technically she had tackled the manticore from behind, startling the creature and making it lash out, but that wasn't grounds to go to hell, right?
As Silverstream considered her situation, her luck turned, though she couldn’t quite tell whether it was for better or for worse as a massive, fiery, pony shaped demon appeared before her. The pony seemed to eye her up and down for a second, then checked his clipboard. What Silverstream imagined was his mouth turned into a hard frown as he regarded the clipboard, then he looked back to Silverstream. His brow furrowed, and his eyes went back to the clipboard.
Her fear disappeared as the demon continued regarding her and his clipboard with increasing confusion. She cocked her head and smiled widely, more than ready to put her friendship learning to the test.
“Can I help you with something, Mister Demon Pony?” she asked cheerfully.
It was a blind guess at a title, but he didn't seem overly offended at it. Instead, the demon regarded her with his smoldering, confused eyes.
“You are the hippogriff Silverstream, yes?”
She should have been afraid of the shrieks of pain she heard in his voice, but if she was being honest with herself, hell wasn’t so bad so far. Nothing like the Storm King. Even thinking about him sent jitters down her spine. To distract herself from bad memories of being alone and pursued, Silverstream smiled at the demon and nodded.
“Yep! Am I dead?”
The demon frowned and looked back to his clipboard.
“I don’t know. Your soul… it’s a mess. I can’t make heads or tails of it.”
Silverstream flapped up and around so that she could get a good look at the clipboard. She was unsurprised to find all of the words on fire. Still, she could make out most the writing, so she got close and squinted hard.
“Well… it does say I’m not supposed to go to heaven," she pointed out, gesturing toward the upper half of the fiery clipboard. "So I guess that means I’m in the right place.”
It wasn’t the most helpful thing, but she imagined if she could work through her process aloud, it would help the demon out. Unfortunately, her plan didn't seem to work, and the demon shook his head.
“Right, but here it says 'assign to a personal heaven'. It has something to do with all of these near misses on your record, what are you, a firepony? Thrill junkie?”
Silverstream shook her head.
“Nope, just a student of Princess Twilight.”
The demon sighed.
“Ah, that explains this mess a little.”
He rubbed the back of his head and motioned for Silverstream to set back down on the brimstone floor (there was so much brimstone everywhere, she wondered where it all came from). The demon sighed again, then shook his head and looked Silverstream in the eye. If she wasn’t already dead, she imagined that she would have seen her death in his eyes.
“Look… I’ll make you a deal. I need to talk to my supervisor about this, but at the same time, if you aren’t in a hell, I could get in big trouble. Like, my boss eats me, kind of trouble. Would you mind if I dropped you into the Library of Infinite Organization? I’ll get you a heaven gift card if things turn out bad, but it could be my butt on the line if you aren’t put somewhere.”
Silverstream smiled at the demon.
“As long as there are books about sinks, I’m on board! Let’s do it!” She squealed in excitement. "Just think of how many books I can discover in an infinitely organize library!"
The demon let out a small sigh of relief, and he snapped his fingers, making the pair of them disappear.
*****
Silverstream opened her eyes with a gasp of pure joy. Not only was there a library in hell, but it was huge! So many books, so many things to learn! She flapped over to the nearest shelf, and blinked in surprise as she realized that it was organized just like Twilight’s library. The books followed the alicorn's system to the letter, and it let Silverstream streamline her search.
As she followed the towering bookcases, she saw something that set her brain alight with happiness. A simple red and white sink. There was a sink in hell! What other majesties could she find? She flapped away from the bookshelves toward the sink. She landed before it and immediately set to work admiring all the work that went into it.
Silverstream gaped in awe at the pair of handles, one for hot, and another for cold. They vaguely reminded her of wing bones. The spout was an interesting shape as well, looking almost like a pony head, with the jaw hanging open for the water to come out of. The sink itself was a lovely pale shade of white, with strange crimson outlines, but still, it was her first sink! Silverstream opened the cabinet under the sink, and squealed when she found not only a toolbox, but the pipe for the sink! She had read such great things about pipes, and here one was! Foreign instincts took over as he excitement reached new heights, and Silverstream poked only her eyes above the sink. She fixated on the faucet, then slowly, her eyes shifted to the handles. Her tail swished and flicked as she slowly reached a hand out, moving at an achingly slow speed. Like a cat about to swipe a glass from a table, Silverstream gently nudged the handle, her pupils dilating as she applied more pressure.
All at once, the suspense got the better of her, and she pushed the handle as far as it would go. For a moment, nothing happened, and Silverstream felt her heart drop. A sink with no water? Where was the enjoyment in…?
A rumbling came from the pipe beneath the sink, and the faucet shuddered as it pushed out a spray of thick, black, foul smelling material. Silverstream gagged at the foul liquid, and she covered her beak again. Her eyes fixated on the foul liquid for a moment, then, as she became used to the smell, she let her hand drop. Her heart soared as the opportunity before her presented itself.
She leapt into the air, cheering loudly.
“Hell has a sink, and it’s broken!” she cried in ecstatic joy.
She dashed toward the bookshelves, letting the sink run as she searched desperately for what she would need to repair the sink.
*****
The pair of demons watched the hippogriff flutter back and forth between the Library of Infinite Organization, and the Sink of Eternal Sludge. The larger of the pair frowned as the pink creature cheered and ripped out another selection of books, before flapping back to the sink, which spewed a torrent of black, chunky liquid at her. The spray smacked the hippogriff in the face, but it only seemed to make her happier as she pulled a toolbox from beneath the sink. The larger demon’s scowl deepened as the hippogriff started loosening the pipe leading to the faucet.
“And why did we put another naturally curious creature into the Library of Infinite Organization? You remember what happened last time.” The demon sighed loudly and shook his head. “Still can’t remember we had to rename it,” he muttered.
The smaller demon sighed.
“I didn’t know where else to put her! Look at this mess of a soul, what would you do?”
The smaller demon passed his clipboard to the larger demon, who, after a glance at the writing on it, immediately turned and threw up. While his boss emptied the contents of his stomach, the smaller demon watched as the hippogriff ripped the pipe free. She was instantly rewarded with a spray of green and black goo that covered her entire head. Instead of falling victim to her stomach, the hippogriff laughed and picked up one of the books she had taken down, and she began reading away as the goo continued spewing out onto the ground.
“What… what is this?” the larger demon asked. “How does a soul get to be so… nauseating?”
The smaller demon shrugged, and they both poured over the clipboard.
“I have no idea, but did you see this section? She’s nearly died fifty-three times; not counting the times she almost died while with her friends. What kind of creature is that blind to their surroundings?”
The larger demon scowled at the clipboard.
“I am much more worried about the numbers here. Since when does a hippogriff have two souls? How does that kind of mistake happen?”
The larger demon looked up to the giggling hippogriff as she stuck an arm into the gushing pipe, temporarily plugging the black substance that had created a small pond around her.
“Are we sure this isn’t a drill of some kind? Are we supposed to send her back to the realm of the living? What’s the protocol for this?”
The smaller demon shrugged again.
“I don’t know, that’s why I put her in the library. If she’s just lost on her way to heaven, then she’s happy for now, but if she’s meant to be here, I thought it would occupy her until we figured out what to do.”
The larger demon watched in horror as the hippogriff regarded one of her books again, then stuck her other arm into the pipe. It shouldn’t have been physically possible, but not only did she succeed in fitting the arm in, she clearly latched onto something. Her wings flapped with desperate effort as she yanked and pulled on something within the pipe, and within a few moments of grunting, she yanked something free. Not just any something, the source of the clog. The Boggy Ball of Blackness. It had been stuck in the Sink of Eternal Sludge since before heaven and hell had become separate domains, yet the hippogriff had gotten it out in less time than it took that infernal unicorn to organize the entire library.
The hippogriff kept the Boggy Ball of Blackness in one hand as she reattached the pipe and stood up, clearly proud with her work. Her empty hand reached for the handles, and the smaller demon felt his stomach leap at the sight of clear, clean water.
The larger demon shook his head and stepped away from the viewing port, clearly just as abhorred at the sight of the pure liquid.
“I… I have to take this up the chain. We can’t go through this again.”
The smaller demon could only nod in agreement as the hippogriff flapped up to what was supposed to be an invisible viewing port, holding her prize in her clawed hands.
“I fixed your sink!” Silverstream called loudly through the muffling material.
She squealed and began tossing the Boggy Ball of Blackness back and forth.
“Oh, it was so much fun! Is there anything else you need fixed? Some stairs maybe?”
The smaller demon made the sign of a six-starred cross on his chest.
“Harmony save us. The ponies will turn hell into heaven at this rate.”
*****
The denizens of hell knew him as many names. The Keeper of the Evil Ones, Master of Suffering, Punisher of All, The Devourer. Not the soul before him, no, she had somehow ignored all of his introductory speech, and instead had taken to calling him Dave. Dave the Devourer, but Dave for short. Had any of his subordinate demons laughed, he would have eaten them.
Instead, he was fixated on the hippogriff that was causing all of the trouble, a pink thing named Silverstream. He needed to be rid of her, she was far too curious, and she was somehow going to be killed, while already dead, in hell. How she managed to avoid the usual pitfalls and create her own, unique and new ones, was astonishing, and it was all in the pursuit of knowledge that shouldn’t have mattered to anyone ever. Yet here he was, arguing with a mortal soul as she adamantly refused to listen to any of his commands.
“Young…. mortal,” Dave started weakly. “You get down here this instant! You do not belong on this side of hell, if you belong in hell at all!”
Silverstream shook her head.
“No! It’s great here! This spot has stairs and a sink, and I’m never leaving! I have everything I want!”
Dave stomped his hoof, obliterating a hundred sinners and a lesser demon.
“I will not argue this! I am the ruler of hell!”
“Oh yeah?” she countered. “Well I’m in a sink and you’re not.”
“Mortal,” Dave growled.
“You’re not my mom!” Silverstream called back.
She then nestled deeper into the sink she had found. Dave hadn’t even known he had such a thing in his realm, but not only did he have several, Silverstream had gone around and fixed them all, keeping the assorted blockages with her. One was responsible for the pool of sludge around Dave’s hooves, while the other was responsible for the growing power in the mortal soul. At the rate her power was building, she would become a rival demon lord, and then he wouldn’t be able to get back into his fortress.
The sink she had chosen to stake her claim in was located on the stairs leading to his fiery throne, and he would not stand walking through sludge whenever he went to work. Dave scowled and reached a hoof up to the sink to snatch the soul down, only to recoil as he felt a sharp pain in his hoof.
“Did you just bite me?” Dave roared.
Silverstream stuck her tongue out at him.
“I’m literally in a sink, and you’re not my mom. I’m not coming down. It’s perfect here!”
Dave stomped a hoof again, destroying more sinners and demons alike.
“Yes you will! I will not tolerate this sludge everywhere!" When she didn't budge, Dave sighed and shook his head. "At least give me the Boggy Ball of Blackness! Then we can talk about this in a more civilized manner. One lord of hell to another.”
Silverstream frowned as she considered his offer, then shook her head and disappeared again. Dave felt her power rise further as she curled around her cursed blockages.
“Nope, this is my bargaining chip! If I give it to you, you’ll take away my sink and stairs! I found them, they’re mine!”
Dave sighed. Within seconds she had absorbed enough energy to cease being a mortal soul. Utterly ridiculous. Force was no longer an option, he had only bargaining. Hopefully the hippogriff hadn't gone full demon yet, and he could still appeal to her curiosity.
“And if agreed to make you the patron demon of stairs, sinks and curiosity? What then?”
Silverstream poked her head out again.
“Really? I get all of the sinks and stairs, and I can explore whatever I want?”
Dave pointed to the black sludge pouring from the sink.
“If you give me that infernal clog and clean up this mess?" He shrugged, throwing his hooves into the air. "Sure, why not! I don’t want hell's sinks anyways.”
Silverstream appeared at his side in a flash of hellfire and hugged Dave.
“Oh, thank you!”
She tossed the ball into the Pit of Eternal Squalor, and Dave felt a rise of agony from the sinners within.
“There you go, all gone!” Silverstream said with a grin. “Now bring me my sinks! And the stairs! Ooh, I can’t wait to see all the ways they’re different!”
She rubbed her hands together, unwittingly creating balls of fire that destroyed half of the Door that Speaks in Winds. Dave winced as the breeze shrieked in his ear, but it was miles better than dealing with the sludge on his doorstep. He sighed and regarded Silverstream.
“Alright then, Lord Silverstream, let’s show you how things work in hell and get you set up. I hope you like learning new things, cause that’s really all we do.”
Silverstream’s eyes sparkled and she cheered as the fiery denizen led her into a bright, sink-filled future.
