Handle With Care
Fires crackled as the nearby wooden buildings were consumed by the out of control conflagration. Terrified screams rent the air as ponies ran away in panic without rhyme or reason in an attempt to escape the calamity that had befallen their town.
“It’s coming this way!” White Knight heard one of his fellow ponies shout in terror as he rushed past the hastily made barricade he and the few remaining members of the militia had created in a forlorn hope of containing the threat long enough for the rest of the town to escape.
“Get ready!” he shouted as hooves grasped whatever weapons their owners had managed to gather with death grips and curses were muttered underneath their breaths. They all knew far too well how strong the calamity was after the first clash against it. They knew all too well what their chances of success really were. “Do not let it get close! And for the love of all that’s good, do not touch the bucking thing!”
That above all else was the crux of the whole mess, the bucking cursed sword that had fallen right at the nearby fields like something straight out of a folktale. The bucking cursed sword that had promptly possessed the first poor idiot colt that had touched it, turning poor Dream Chaser into a crazy berserker that immediately started to ravage and burn everything in sight, and how, even after they had managed to subdued the colt, it had promptly possessed the pony that had finally managed to disarm him and continued to destroy anything in sight unabated.
“It’s here!” White Knight shouted as a writhing mass of darkness and flame crushed its way straight trough the wall of a house at the far end of the street, revealing to all and sundry the calamity that had befallen their village in its entire unholy splendor.
It was a large broadsword, easily as broad as a fully grown pony and twice as tall in length, which seemed to be made of pure darkness. The inky blackness of the blade so deep that it seemed to devour all light that touched it, making it look as if something had carved a piece of the darkest of nights and turned it into a weapon. And if that wasn’t enough to show the blade’s supernatural origin, then the rolling mass of shadows and fire that constantly sprung forth from the blade and wrapped around the pony it had claimed as it’s wielder, and the glassy look he currently sported, made sure that nopony would confuse the blade for anything but what it was.
A bucking cursed sword.
“Loose!” he shouted, hating himself for the words but knowing he had no choice for, as every single bow currently at the barricade released their arrows at the same time in an attempt to rob the sword of its host, he knew that if they had barely managed to deal with a small colt wielding the damned thing then they sure as buck wouldn’t be able to do so with a fully grown and highly muscled farm pony wielding it.
But in the end, it made no difference. For the mass of shadow burst forth as dozens of ebony tendrils swatted the arrows from the sky as if they were nothing, all while the sword spurred its wielder to start slowly trotting towards the barricade. And as volley after volley of arrows sallied forth to no effect, White Knight cursed out loud as he drew his sword, ready to make the cursed thing pay dearly for defiling his home!
“Hey, so that’s where you ended up!” a loud boisterous voice cheerfully exclaimed from behind the earth pony knight. The very incongruous cheerful tone so at odds with the current situation that for a moment White Knight couldn’t help but turn his head to see who had spoken. Only to blink in surprise and take a step backwards as he was confronted by what had to be easily the largest pony he had ever seen.
“And, by Din’s eternal flame, what do you think you’re doing?” the very large brown-coated earth pony asked to apparently no one as he pushed several ponies out of his way without a moment’s hesitation and jumped over the barricade, his crimson mane fluttering on the wind.
“Wait! Come back here, it’s dangerous!” White Knight shouted as his brain finally processed that the stranger was past the barricade and nonchalantly walking towards the cursed sword and its victim without a care in the world. But as he was about to jump over himself in an attempt to stop the strange pony, a green wing was gently but firmly placed over his shoulder in order to hold him in place.
“Don’t worry, Ganondorf has everything under control,” the green pegasus holding him in place calmly said as he gave him a serene smile.
“You don’t understand! The sword is cursed!” White Knight finally managed to shout after another short moment of incredulity. He tried to shove the pegasus away so that he could drag the crazy mass of muscles away from the sword before the damned thing managed to snag a, frankly intimidatingly large and well muscled, new victim.
“Of course the sword is cursed, because why wouldn’t he make a cursed sword for himself? How typical,” a well cultured voice huffed in slight annoyance as a white unicorn appeared at White Knight’s other side. The appearance of one of the reclusive horn heads here of all places actually caused the earth pony to stop and stare for a brief moment, before he remembered what was happening.
He swiftly turned around and tossed the restraining wing away, ready to jump over and hurry towards the crazy pony. Only to stop mid motion and gape in incredulity at the scene that met his eyes.
“What the buck?” White Knight heard himself mutter as he took in the large earth pony holding the cursed blade at bay mid-strike with a single hoof with no apparent effort. Despite how the possessed pony was straining all his muscles in an attempt to make the sword move, or the fact that the crazy pony was grabbing the sword by the blade’s edge itself. But no matter how much the berserker pony strained and pulled, the sword remained stubbornly fixed at the exact same point where it had suddenly stopped mid-strike, as if the sword itself refused to move a single more inch.
“So, what do you have to say for yourself?” he heard the crazy pony, Ganondorf apparently, say to the berserker pony struggling to strike him down. “Well?
“I leave you alone unsupervised for but a few days, and what do I find you doing?” the brown-coated pony continued in a chastising tone of voice, as if a parent talking to a misbehaving child. And with a start, White Knight realized that Ganondorf wasn’t directing his words to the pony wielding the sword, but at the sword itself! “I find you terrorizing a tiny farming town, after possessing some idiotic weakling! A tiny farming town!”
As Ganondorf shouted the last few words, White Knight felt his jaw drop even further, as the palpable aura of darkness and malice that enveloped the blade seemed to shrink into itself, as if actually chastised by the large pony’s words.
“You are Night Bringer! The Herald of the Void! The Eternal Darkness! The sword of the goddess damned Dark Lord himself!” he continued to shout to the blade. Whose aura of malice and darkness was indeed shrinking at a rapid pace before White Knight’s wide disbelieving eyes. “And yet, here you are, terrorizing a tiny hamlet while being wielded by some nobody! That’s starting level drudgery work! Have some damned self respect!”
White Knight blinked several times before he shook his head and pinched himself. But the scene remained the exact same, with a large crazy pony chastising the bucking cursed sword that had been all but demolishing his home town but a few moments ago, and far more importantly, somehow making the absurdity of it all actually work.
“You would’ve been far better served incinerating any one foolish enough to touch you and wait for me to reclaim you than debase yourself like this!” Ganondorf berated the sword as he swiftly removed it from the now completely still former berserker. The sword dark aura shrinking even further, before briefly flaring it a few times in short bursts as its new wielder held it by the hilt without a single hint of being possessed.
“Don’t take that tone of voice with me!” the large stallion said to the blade, which immediately stopped its intermittent flaring and seemed to shrink into itself as if ashamed. “You had more than enough time to bewitch a stupid noble or something, turn him into some dark abomination, and unleash an undead scourge upon this land, or any other such actions worthy of my weapon! So stop with the excuses!”
The blade briefly flared it’s aura a few more times, which in turned caused the large pony to nod once in apparent satisfaction.
“You better apologize! Seriously, I have half a mind to-“ and as Ganondorf continued to chastise the large ebony blade, which flared it’s dark malicious aura every time he stopped talking, White Knight suddenly realized what was happening.
“The hay… Is the sword actually answering him?!” he incredulously asked as he wondered what the buck was going on.
“Yes,” the green pegasus nonchalantly replied, as if the idea of a sentient cursed sword wasn’t anything worth of notice, before he turned to the exasperated looking unicorn at his side. “Well, that’s Night Bringer dealt with. Wonder what the Master Sword is up to, though.”
“True, but it’s a holy sword,” the unicorn cordially replied to the pegasus without a hint of arrogance or anger, which, alongside everything that had already happened this day, made White Knight seriously question what exactly Wild Berry had put on today’s stew. “Unlike Ganondorf’s cursed sword, I sincerely doubt it’d cause much trouble wherever it is that it landed.”
The green pegasus gave the unicorn an undecipherable look for a moment, before, with a shrug of his shoulders, he started to calmly walk towards the crazy earth pony who seemed to have stopped berating the cursed sword. And as the unicorn followed after and started to have a civil conversation with both of them, White Knight traded a very lost look with his equally confused looking militia ponies and wondered what the buck had just happened.
“You had days! DAYS! How is it possible you haven’t managed to deal with this already!?” the angry aristocratic voice of Princess Platinum echoed through the halls of her royal castle as she bore down upon the robed and bearded form of Star Swirl with barely contained fury in her yes. “You are the Archmage of Unicornia! Do something about this nuisance!”
“You majesty, the situation is far too complex to-” Star Swirl started to say with a shake of his head, the bells hanging from his wizard hat merrily tinkling with the movement, only for his words to be cut short as the princess of the unicorns all but pressed her muzzle against his and continued to rant.
“It’s a bucking sword!” she shouted as she forcibly gestured with one hoof to the sword that had embedded itself point first into the floor right in front of the double doors that led to her castle’s throne room. “Just remove the damned thing already!”
“You know it’s not that simple!” Star Swirl retorted with a hint of anger in his voice.
Princess Platinum opened her mouth to retort in kind, only for both of them to stop as a large flash of light and a loud zapping sound echoed through the castle. They turned towards the sword as one just in time to see a fat noble flying through the air with smoke rising from his form before he hit the ground and stayed there grunting in pain.
“Case in point,” the Archmage stated with a tired sigh. All the while his apprentice Clover kept muttering like mad as he filled scroll after scroll with notes containing his observations about the strange magical sword that had fallen from the heavens.
“I wonder why some ponies are zapped by it, while others can touch it completely unmolested? And is it just me, or is the strength of the zapping variable as well?” the young mage thought out loud while paying very little mind to both his master and the princess right by his side. “It’s truly a curious artifact, how fascinating!”
“All attempts to move the sword have failed so far! And that’s not to mention how it seems to have, somehow, turned the ground around it indestructible, or its tendency to zap ponies that touch it apparently at random!” Star Swirl stated with a fierce nod, all the while another zap, followed by another flying pony, punctuated his words.
“I’m aware of that! But as Archmage I expect you to find a solution for this whole mess!” Princess Platinum shouted as she grabbed her own mane in anger and frustration. Before she forcefully gestured to the very large group of unicorns loitering all around the castle’s courtyard and the large doorless doorway to her throne room that now framed the sword. “It was bad enough we had to take the doors off their hinges in order to open them since the bucking thing stopped them from opening! But now I got throngs of ponies piling themselves at my home as they attempt to remove the bucking thing!”
Another zap, far stronger than before, echoed once more. And a particular fat noble was sent flying through the air after failing to remove the sword for the third time this day.
“So the zapping may be proportional to the number of failed attempts! Truly fascinating!” Clover cheerfully declared as he noted down the number of failed attempts the entitled noble had already done and the approximate power of the zaps received.
“And I swear to the stars above and the celestial orbs in their eternal dance! If I find out who it was that started this absurd nonsense about how ‘who that removes the sword from the stone shall have the princess hoof in marriage and be Unicornia’s new king!’ I shall not be held responsible for my actions!” Platinum ranted as she paced back and forward as her eyes twitched in annoyance. All the while Star Swirl started to uncomfortably tug at the collar of his robes as he avoided making eye contact with the princess. “I already have far too many idiotic suitors vying for my hoof in marriage as it is, without idiots thinking that it’s some carnival prize to be won in a silly contest!”
“Wait, you mean that’s not true?!” the fat, and still lightly smoking, pony asked from his prone position on the ground with a look of shock on his muzzle.
A withering glare was the only answer he received from the princess of the unicorns. All the while Star Swirl sighed as he rested his face upon his hoof and acknowledged the fact that this was going to be one of those days.
Author's Note
This Non-canon Omake was DarkKing2's prize for posting the 2000th comment in The Power of Freedom. He requested an Omake regarding Link and Ganondorf’s swords and what they could be up to, and this was the end result.
Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.
Ps: In regards to the next chapter of TPoF, I’m working on it and have the ‘skeleton’ of the chapter already mapped out. So, if all goes well, the next update should be ready soon.
Mandatory disclaimer: I do not own either My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or The Legend of Zelda.
