DO NOT READ THIS: KEPT ONLY FOR INSPECTION

by Sound Shard

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 5384

Damo, Harry, and Price have been sucked into Equestria in their sleep.

Damo, Harry, and Price are stuck in Ponyville. After being stuck in Twilight Sparkle's, Rainbow Dash's, and Pinkie Pie's bodies. After they are human, they flub a speech in front of all of Ponyville, and get jobs. Part 1 of 3. Rated Teen for very harsh language and sexual refrence (meaning no actual sex stuff but still mentioned, kinda/sorta). By TDH

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-19 12:54:01 UTC

Chapter 2 Something's Wrong

When I woke, I knew something was wrong. I felt as if I had been morphed. My body made shorter, my hands and feet shaped into hard nubs, and my head enlarged and put a horn on top of. Horn, oh god. What was wrong here??

I sat up. That’s when it sank in. I knew it. I was in Twilight Sparkle’s library. It was weird not in the 2nd dimension, this now 3D library was hard to look at.

“Oh shit.” I tried to say, but it just came out “Aw shoot”. I tried again

“Shoot”

“Shoot”

“Shooty shoot shoots.”

“Shoooooooooooooooooot”

“Rrrrrgh, Celestia-dang-it, shoot”

I tried other swear words.

“Feather”

“Hay”

“Manticore”

“Sunava gun!”

I couldn’t cuss!

“Twili-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght, I’m trying to sle-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eep,” came a whiny voice from below me.

Spike! I’m saved!

“Oh Celestia, oh Celestia, Spike, ya gotta help me!”

“Urgh” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Whatever Twilight. Whaddaya need?”

“That’s just it, Spike. I’m not Twilight Sparkle.”

“Ya sure look like ‘er.” His speech was still lazy from being so tired

“That’s what confuses me too, I was in my house in Kansas, not in this universe by the by, with my friend Harry over to---“

CRASH!

Rainbow Dash came crashing thru the wall.

Chapter 4 Pinkie Price

It was Pinkie.

“Ya gotta help me Twilight! I’m not Pinkie Pie! I’m Price, a boy from Kansas!”

Oh thank god.

“Price!” Shouted Rainbow Harry and gave a flying hug to Pinkie Price

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Price, it’s us!” I say, “I’m Damo, and that’s Harry on top of you”

“Harry, get the fuck off me.”

“Why?!?!” I scream.

“Because it’s kind of gay.”

“No, no. He can’t cuss!” explained Harry.

“OMGLOL!” said Price, but he pronounced it “Ohmja lawl!”

“Well this is weird though” he continued “And not even that I’m a pony. I’m now a girl, therefore meaning I no longer have a di-“

I stopped him right there

“No dude, just no.”

“But how am I supposed to…”

“No.”

“And now I have a va—“

“LALALA! CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

“And it’s really…”

“DOO DE DA DOO DEEEEEEEE DA LALALALALAAAAAAAAAA!”

“Fine.”

“Good boy!”

“We’re off to Zecora’s; would you like to join us?” Harry pitched in.

“Well hell yeah!” Responded Price

“Now you’re just rubbing it in my face.” I said.

Chapter 5 Sugarcube Corner

Well, we remembered to go to Sugarcube Corner, go inside, possibly get a treat, leave again, take a right, and just avoid the poison joke and you’re there. When we got to Sugarcube Corner I had, like, 30 bits, so I just ordered Harry and Price muffins and myself a scone. Yum, scone-y goodness. I’ve always had a thing for scones. Everything only cost 2 bits a piece. Hmm. I wonder how that translates to US dollars.

“Guys, a muffin would be about 2 dollars at Muncher’s (a local bakery in Lawrence, the city I’m from) and that means, one bit is one dollar.”

“Dude, how can you already use your magic?” asks Harry.

“That was just logic. Not magic. How do you already fly?” I took a bite of my scone.

“With a lot of crashing and extreme fear, but no, you’re floating your scone-y thingy.

“Oh shoot!” I say, and drop my scone.

“Ya shouldn’t-a told him.” Says Price.

Just then, Applejack walked in.

“Well hi-ya! How y’all doin’?”

“Not good AJ. But you’d think we was insane if we told you what was up.”

“I ain’t one for judging. Tell me, I’ll probably believe you.”

“That probl’y’s what’s botherin’ me ‘bout that” I say. Oh god, I still talked like a Southerner

“Wha’s wrong with ya, Twi? You’re talkin’ like… well, me!”

“I ain’t Twilight.” I explain “This ain’t Rainbow, and that ain’t Pinkie.”

“Den who are ya?”

“We’re… humans. You probably dunno what those are, but that don’t matter. My names Damo, and d’ese are my best friends Harry and Price. “

“Well…” she ponders this. “I believe ya, but… how’d you get in my friend’s bodies? And how ya know our names?”

I explain to her about what happened to us, the TV show, who we are, and where we’re going.

“Well. Princess Celestia needs to hear about this.” She concludes.

“Okay then. I need a pencil, paper, and instructions on how to write in your Hyrulian looking writing.” I say

“Dude, dude, no!” giggles Harry. “We are in Equestria, not Hyrule.”

“I know, but have you seen the stuff? It looks like Hyrulian!”

“Whatever, I’ll get Spike” says Harry.

Then, Seasons 1+2 of MLP, a TV, a DVD player, and a picture of me, Harry, and Price fell in front of me.

“I knew these 4th wall breaking powers would be useful” said Pinkie Price

“We didn’t need that much proof” I tried to facehoof but ended up knocking myself on my back. Everyone was laughing, even Applejack, even Mr. Cake, until he noticed the strange items in his floor, then he left.

“I tried to facepalm! Hoof. Whatever! Why would my being in pain amuse you? I’m especially disappointed at you AJ.” She pulled her hat over her face.

“I’m sorry” said Harry “But now I should go get Spike.”

“So this is what you look like?” asks Applejack, sliding the picture to herself.

“Yep! That’s me in the middle, Price on left and Harry on right

“Weird. Like Spike, but taller and not purple. And wait; is that Fluttershy on your shirt?”

“Yep.” I said. “But, to be honest, you were always my favorite.”

“Why?”

“Well, I used to have to work on a farm. And I envy your ability to make that hat look good and the fact that, you can’t tell a lie, really.”

“I can, I’m just bad at it.”

“Exactly”

“Hey, can I interrupt?” asks Price nosily

“No. Go find an outlet and hook up the TV and DVD Player.” I respond

“Okay!” he agrees cheerfully.

“M’kay, now I know y’all are telling the truth.”

“How?”

“Pinkie Pie... I mean Price, didn’t say ‘Okie dokie Loki’”

“Funny thing about that...”

I went on to explain about religion on Earth and who Loki was. After a bit, Pinkie Price called us upstairs.

“Eh! Damo! AJ! It’s up! Com’ere!”

We went upstairs and watched over “Party of One”, “Putting Your Hoof Down” and “Return of Harmony Part 2”

Questions and comments from AJ included “Do I really look like that?” “I really am a bad liar” “Why did no pony tell me about this?” and “Wow, what a jerk that Discord is.”

We were about to watch another when Rainbow Harry, Zecora, Spike, and Fluttershy came through the door. Fluttershy. I couldn’t hold it back. I tried so hard my lips quivered, but it came out.

“D’aww!!!!” I gushed

“I know! She is just soooo adorable!” agreed Harry. Fluttershy blushed and smiled a bit.

“Wh-why thank you” she stuttered quietly

“D’aww!!”

“Anyway, down to business. I already sent the letter to Princess Celestia, and we should get the response any min—“he burped up a letter “—ute.”

“Okay…” he began.

“Dear Human,

I am aware of your situation, and all I can say is welcome to Equestria. There is no way to send you back to your world, even with Twilight Sparkles magic. Now I understand we are a TV show in your world, and we hope to learn a lot from you about your customs and our popularity.

What we can do is revive you to your human state and bring Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash back to this world.

Signed,

Princess Celestia”

“Come with me, we must fix you. But we’ll need some things to make your forms true.”

“How does she keep on rhyming like that?” I wondered aloud.

“Don’t ask” said AJ.

Chapter 6 Zecora and the Human Potion

Zecora gathered some herbs, and one looked familiar.

“Is that…?” I began.

“I think it is” said Price.

“Naw…” doubted Harry

“You ask her” demanded Price.

“No, you” responded Harry

“I’ll ask her” I decided.

I tapped her on the shoulder as lightly as I could.

“’Scuse me, Z? Um… Is that, Marijuana?”

“Marijuana? What’s this? This is Leaf of Bliss”

“Dang.”

Then I saw Scootaloo on her scooter, and I got run over by a wagon. They stopped very quickly.

“Oh dear! Twilight!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle.

“Oog.” I got up. “Oh. I’m not Twilight. I’m stuck in her body.”

“Then, who are you?” asked Scootaloo.

“I’m Damo, this is Harry and Price.” I explained “Zecora’s gonna whip up a potion to fix us”

“Waill, can we hailp?” asked Applebloom cutely. “We’re lookin’ for ahr…”

“Cutie Marks, I know. Yer the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“You’ll never stop the search” continued Harry

“You’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders” continued Price

“Until you get your cutie maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarks!” we all finished, out of tune.

“Yeesh. They do know us” said Sweetie Belle, weirded out

“Sorry. You’ll understand later”

So Zecora gathered up the rest, we went to her hut, and we drank the potion she made. It was painful, but we stretched into a human form and the three ponies we were appeared next to us.

Chapter 7 As Humans

Twilight went in first, to warn Rarity I guess. Then she beckoned us inside. We had to duck a bit, but not too much. We were actually about the same height, ponies and humans that is.

“Well aren’t you the most darling thing? Twilight made it sound like you would be hideous monsters or something of the sort” said Rarity when we entered.

“Figures” said Price, annoyed.

“Hey. Rarity really does have a British accent!” I said, and she did.

“Did you just insult me?” asked Rarity. She sounded hurt.

“No, i-it’s a way of speaking from where I come from.”

“Oh, okay then.”

“Like, Applejack has a Southern accent. And Bon-Bon has a Valley accent” I explained as Rarity measured us.

“Yecch. Bon-Bon” said Twilight and Rarity in unison.

“What’s wrong with Bon-Bon?”

“She always just comes to my store when there’s a sale and buys the cheapest item.  Cheapskate” explains Rarity

“She comes to the library and read books but never checks any books out, just sits and reads them while talking to that Lyra Heartstrings character” added Twilight

“Hey, I always liked Lyra” said Harry

“Me too” I seconded.

“Me third” agreed Price.

“Big sister, what’s going on?” asked Sweetie Belle “I have tons of homework and-- what in the world are those?”

“Yeesh!” said Harry with a hand up to his ear “The voice cracks are two times as annoying in real life”

“Eh! Be nice” me and Sweetie Belle said in unison.

“You learn to deal with it” said Rarity halfheartedly, paying attention to the fabric.

Spike entered the room now.

“Princess Celestia will be here at three” he explained “The town meeting will be at five”

“We got 2 hours to kill” said Harry

“I know! Let’s go to Sugarcube Corner!” said Price.

“You can go; I’m going to the library. So many, many books! I just have to find one I can read!” I said

“I wanna see Rainbow Dash! I wanna make my life 20% cooler!” said Harry

“No one… I mean no pony is going to get that joke.” I retorted

“Then I’ll make it getable, later.”

“Be back here in an hour! Your clothes will be done by then!” nagged Rarity

“Damn, she’s fast!” I said. “Wait, I ain’t a pony no more! I can cuss again!”

“Fuck yeah!” said Harry, and we all three high fived

“Again with the nonsense words” said Spike

“Well let’s go!” I said. “Wait, Twilight…” I dug thru my pocket and pulled out a hand full of golden coins “…these are yours”

“Hey” she said. “There are 24 bits here. There used to be 30.”

“I may or may not have bought food”

“Urgh. Fine. You wanted to go to the library?”

“Why yes, let’s”

Chapter 9 Pace and Pinkie

Price was baking with Pinkie. Well, figures. I smelled the air. Brownies!

“Yo! Price! Rarity would like to see you! And hey, you makin’ brownies?” I called

“Indeed! Don’t they smell good?” he responded

“Only cuz Pinkie’s helping. ‘Member the last time you tried to make brownies?” I reminded him

“We promised never to speak of that again” he said with a grim face

“Ooh! Ooh! What happened?!” bounced Pinkie Pie

“You heard her! She wants to know” I pressured

He sighed “The brownies were so hard that you couldn’t even puncture the surface, and if you tasted it, it was really sour” he said regretfully. I was expecting the famous giggle-snort or something like that, but she gazed at him understandingly and said:

“That happened to me, too. The first…” she looked like she was counting in her head “…15 times”

“Okay, see? It even happened to the master of baking, fuck off about it” he said, obviously trying to make a point

“Spike was right about the nonsense words!” squealed Pinkie

“They’re not nonsense words. They’re swear words where we come from” I tried

“Explain” demanded Pinkie

And so I did. “Different swear words mean different things: Such as if I yell ‘Damn’ or ‘Damnit’ that means I’m frustrated. If I say ‘Hell yeah’ or ‘Fuck yeah’ that means I’m über-happy. ‘Fuck off’ can mean ‘leave me alone’ or to ‘stop talking about it’.  ‘Shit’ can mean a lot of things, it can mean ‘poop’, ‘you’re lying’, or ‘stuff’. But for some reason these words are bad wear I come from, so they called them ‘swear words’, ‘cuss words’, or ‘curse words’ for some reason” I explained.

“Okay…” she tried to piece together “So if someone says ‘I don’t like parties’ I can say ‘Shit!’ right?”

“No, you’d say ‘That’s shit’. Don’t ask me why” I said

“Okie dokie Loki!” she piped

“Price, to Rarity’s Clothes and Whatever and Stuff Place with you. I have to find out the fuck where Harry is” I ordered.

Pinkie opened her mouth to speak but I knew what she was going to ask.

“If you have to ‘find out the fuck where’ something is, that means you really, really, super gotta find it” I said like a boss.

She gave me an open mouthed smile and nodded her head profusely. Now, to find Harry

Chapter 10 Late Harry

They were over next to school house. Miss Cheerilee was watching in horror as Harry and Rainbow Dash discussed… whatever they were discussing (probably Harry explaining to Rainbow Dash about “20% Cooler”). I walked up behind Cheerilee and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Hey, I know you…” I started “You’re Miss Cheer—“

She cut me off by saying:

“Who and what are you?”

“I’m a human. You’ll understand at the town meeting. Forget you saw anything. It was an honor to meet you, Miss” I said calmly. As I walked away, she was repeating to herself:

“I didn’t see anything. I didn’t see anything. HahahaHAAAA, I didn’t see anything!”

“Harry-y-y-y-y-y-y!!” I called. “You’re late to Rarity’s!” he looked at me in disgust “Hey, it won’t be bad. She hooked me up with these sweet cords!” He then burst into laughter.

“Did you seriously just say ‘cords’ in reference to corduroys?” laughed Harry

“Yes, now scoot ya boots, we gotta go” I responded, annoyed. I turned to Rainbow. “Yo.”

“What’s that mean?” she asked

“It means hey, which means hello”

“If you insist” she said then turned back to Harry. “Good luck with Rares.”

As we headed back to Rarity’s, Harry asked me something I hadn’t thought of:

“How late am I?”

“Ohh… 30 minutes late. She is going to kick your ass, and maybe literally too.”

“But that’d kill me!”

“Maybe, but she doesn’t know that”

“You call me pessimistic…”

“I know, I know, but still”

When we walked in she was pissed with a capital P.

“HARRY!!! OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE 30 MINUTES AGO AND NOW YOUR SHIRT AND PANTS FRESH ANYMORE!!!! “

“Chill! I’m here now and that’s what matters!” he said. He looked scared. Rarity huffed and threw his shirt and pants onto his face with magic.

Chapter 11 The Town Meeting

The town meeting was weird. We arrived early as to be ready.

“Okay, we explain who we are, how we know all these ponies, then take questions. Sound good?” I say

“Yeah” said Harry

“I still like my idea about handing out pies” said Price, arms crossed

“No!” said me and Harry in unison.

As Princess Celestia arrived, we all bowed but Price. I punched him in the leg.

“Dude! There is royalty in front of you! Bow, damnit!” I whispered harshly

“Oh!” he realized. He then bowed.

Princess Celestia then nodded and said “As you were”

“You’d think we were royal guards or sumthin’” whispered Price in my ear as we stood up

“Shaddap!” I whispered back. As ponies began to file in, Twilight floated a cordless mic into my hands. I gave her a funny look. There couldn’t be that many peop—I mean ponies arriving… Could there be? And besides, there was no cord, so it couldn’t amplify my voice.

“I know what you’re thinking” she said “Yes, we’ve developed enough that we have cordless microphones, and there will be that many ponies”

“Damn. I know you ain’t, but ‘re you telepathic or sumthin’?” I asked stupidly

“You said you knew I wasn’t, but you still asked?”

“I ain’t too bright…”

“I’m sure you’re a smart stallion, but that was just stupid of you”

“I’m technically not a stallion…”

“Whatever”

I decided to give the mic a test.

“Testing! Testing! Cinnamon bun. Having lotsa fun! Diggity doggity doo! So what’s it to you?” I sang

“Yeesh, your worse than Scootaloo” insulted Harry

“Hey, Scootaloo is best pony!”

“I thought AJ was?” said Price, confused

“AJ’s my favorite from the Mane Six, Scootaloo best pony in general, and my spot for best background pony is tied between Derpy Hooves, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, and Lyra Heartstrings. Now, everybody—I mean everypony, still not used to that, is going to be watching us, and you know how I get in front of a crowd” I said, flustered. I have extreme stage fright.

“You were never bad about replacing ‘pony’ with ‘body’ before. In fact, you used to do it with humans” reminded Harry

“You’re never going to fuck off about that are you?”

“Nope!” he said with a smile

“Well I wasn’t super really nervous then. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make an ass of myself” I say. Then I realized something. I held up the mic “This has been on the entire time, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah!” laughed Harry

I turned to the crowd, who were obviously holding back huge laughs.

“Go ahead, I don’t care, it’s very obvious you want to” I said. The crowd burst into laughter. After about 5 straight seconds, I had to stop them

“Okay, okay, I got 30 minutes so let’s get on with this. We’ll explain who we are, how we know all you ponies, then take questions. But before we begin, there’s something I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t ask. You!” I pointed to Golden Harvest, which Harry called Carrot Top, which I was about to fix “Is your name Golden Harvest or Carrot Top?”

“Um… Go-Golden Harvest?” she answered. Yes!

“In your face!” I screamed at Harry, pointing and jumping. “And I bet you, I bet you Doctor Whooves is in this audience, and his name is not Timothy!”

He thinks Doctor Whooves’s name is Timothy.

“Anyway, on with it…” said Harry

I explained about the human race, religion, the TV show, and the ever-growing fan-base and popularity. Bon-Bon’s face lit up when she heard the things about popularity.

“Wow, that didn’t take long at all. Well, I have to see something with my friends here so give us a minute”

Chapter 12 Awkward...

I turned to my friends and began to whisper. “Hey, I wanna make sure all the background ponies showed up. Look, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon”

“Brats” whispered Price

“I know, right? Just the kind of person—I mean pony, but I didn’t go to school with ponies, that used to bully me. Anyway, look, there’s my favorite background pony, Derpy Hooves. And look, Golden Harvest, but we already knew that. Bon-Bon and Lyra Heartstrings, always together, the best of friends kind of thing, are over there. Mister, Missus, Pumpkin, and Pound Cake way over are there. Colgate’s up front. There’s Doctor Whooves—“

“Timothy”

“Doctor Whooves”

“Timothy!”

“Doctor Whooves!!”

“Whatever…”

“Stargazer, Ditzy Doo, Snips and Snails, all the people from Hurricane Fluttershy…”

“Which episode was that again?” asked Price

“The one where Rainbow Dash had to get all that fucking water to Cloudsdale” Harry explained

“It’s over ninethousaaaaaand!!” I whisper-shouted

“Hey, Dragonball didn’t exist here ever, either”

“Whatevs, then there’s Octavia and… Hey, where’s Vinyl Scratch?” Octavia began to fidget. “Hey, look how Octavia is fidgeting. Maybe she knows where Vinyl is? It sucks she couldn’t make it, ya know? I always liked her with the ‘Wub-a-dub-dub, motherfucker!’ and the dubstep dishwasher and the ‘Goo-o-o-o-o-d morning, Ponyville!”

“That was just Epic Wub Time’s interpretation…” corrected Harry

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible that it happened!” I whispered “Hey, wait a second, Octavia only started fidgeting when I mentioned the fact that Vinyl Scratch was gone, Derpy is blushing, Diamond Tiara is seething and Silver Spoon is gone! And the Cutie Mark Crusaders are giggling their flanks off. Did I ever turn the mic off? No, I didn’t!” I raised my voice again and tried to sound as quirky as possible. “Well this is awkward! Question time, please none regarding what just happened.”

There were plenty of questions, and we answered as many as we could in time, and as everypony was leaving, I said: “Wait! Is there any way I can get a job around here?”

“You can work at my muffin shop!” said Derpy

“You actually have a muffin shop? Awesome! I’d be honored!”

“You can work at Sugarcube Corner with me, Price” said Pinkie

“Keep him away from the brownie recipè” teased Harry

“Hey!” screamed Price

“Hmpf!” grunted Pinkie

Chapter 1 Sleepover

Hi. My name is Treven. My friends call me Damo. Because that’s my middle name, and people won’t call me “Trevor” that way. I hate that name. I also hate the name Tiffany, but I’m a guy so I didn’t have to worry about that.

I have a sleep disorder. I roll around in my sleep, sometimes sit up in my sleep, talk in my sleep, have a hard time getting to sleep, and, on most occasions, don’t dream. But when I do (because sometimes I do) it’s usually something scary, like Killer Babysitter Clown or Possessed Princess Attacking Our House, or something meaningful, such as a dream where I put together a heist, and the next day, I do or almost steal something, such as a Reader’s Digest from the doctor’s office. But it turns out it’s a lot more than that.

I had my friend Harry over for a sleepover. We were going to be alone the next day until he had to go, so we were excited. We were watching all the My Little Pony we could. We re-watched season finales and openers and favorite episodes. We made fan art, looked at fan art, read a fanfic or two. Or four. Ma-a-aybe seven. Okay, we read a lot of fanfics, fuck off.

We had to decide though. And we decided I was either Twilight Sparkle or Applejack. I was like Twilight Sparkle because I read books, am always close to some kind of agitation burst (or something like that), and everything, and I mean everything, has to have a logical explanation. But I ain’t Twilight because I am anything but organized, and, if you were to ask me, I ain’t that bright.

But I could also be Applejack because I kinda talk like a Southerner (maybe because I am one) such as I say ain’t and imma and cuz and I use the idioms and the similes and such, I call people pet names, such as Sugar-Cube and Honey, and I sometimes work on my Grandparents farm. I ain’t AJ because I’m lazy, I would never in my life wear a hat like that, I’m not very strong, I lie a lot, a-a-a-and I… well, um… bruise easily, let’s say.

Harry was either Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy. He could be Rainbow because he’s sarcastic and cool like that, or he could be Fluttershy because he’s afraid of heights and is really shy. But he’s not Rainbow because he too is lazy and he isn’t Fluttershy because he’s horrible with animals.

Our friend Price that wasn’t there was absolutely without-a-doubt Pinkie Pie. Loved parties, baking, sugar, was automatic friends with everybody, loved to sing, bounce, and everything was hilarious.

When we went up to bed that night (I gave him my bed, cuz imma be a good friend like that) and he said

“I wish we could go to Ponyville. And I mean the real one too.”

“Yeah,” I responded. “But that’s impossible.”

“Always with the skeptics, you.” Cuz I was. Ver-r-r-ry skeptical.

Chapter 3 Rainbow Harry

“Damo! Is that you?” She shouted

“Gah! Rainbow Dash!” I said. I was surprised “How… How do you know my name?”

“Oh, thank god…”

I could only guess this was Harry

“Wait, you can say… That?” I was confused. While I am aloud to say god, damn, shit and so on in my head, Rainbow Harry… He/she could say it out loud.

“What?”

“The” I waved my han--hoof at him. “G-word. I can’t swear at all!”

“Well I don’t see god as a cuss word. Maybe it’s cuz he don’t exist in this world”

“He never existed in the first place!” I retorted

“Whatever!  I meant the idea of him!”

“Hold up!” Spike walked between us “What’s going on?” he said angrily. He was apparently awake now.

“Me and Harry here aren’t from Equestria. We live on a different world, possible even in another universe, where the events that happen in this place are a show that millions of people watch yours and Twilight’s and Rainbow’s and Pinkie’s---

“Hehe. Nutball. Just like Pace.” Rainbow Harry interrupted.

“Shut it!” Oh no. I couldn’t say shut up.

Damnit.

Rainbow Harry burst into laughter.

“Anywa-a-a-a-y…” I continued “And AJ’s and Rarity’s and Fluttershy’s. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders’s.”

“Okay, then let Rainbow Dash, or ‘Harry’ quote on quote tell me something she’s not supposed to know about me.” Spike tested.

“Actually I’m a he. Well anyhoo… um…” he/she (let’s say he from now on) was deep in thought. “Aha! You, sir, have a crush on Rarity!” he decided

“Shoot Twilight! It was bad enough you told Photo Finish!” he flustered

“First off, I’m not Twilight. I’m Treven. Friends call me Damo.” I explained. “Second off, Twilight didn’t tell her. And quick note, the show only covers you and Twilight arriving in Ponyville thru the Gala and then Discord thru Cadence and Shining Armor getting married.”

“Well a lot has happened since then” said Spike

“Really?” I asked excitedly.

“No.”

“Celestia-dang-it. Wait. Double DANG-IT!”

“Whoa, whoa, what?” Asked Rainbow Harry

“I’m Twilight! This is horrible!” I began to realize

“Why? Twilight’s awesome!” Said Harry, offended

“No! Twilight is the only one who could’ve helped us!

“Aw shit!” He said

“Again with the nonsense words,” Said Spike confusedly

“Let’s go to Zecora. She’ll know what to do!” Said Rainbow Harry

“Not a bad idea,” I said

But then there was a knock on the door.

Chapter 8 Twilight's Hole in the Wall and Rarity's New Clothes

We walked in and Twilight said “I need to lie down.  There’s a foreign section over there, see if it has your language in it.”

I actually did find a book. It was “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”. Good book. It would seem that was it. I was going to have to read that over next time I’m bored.

But as soon as I grabbed it, there was a scream from Twilight’s room. I went in, and apparently, I hadn’t made the bed. Oh, and there was a giant hole where Rainbow Harry broke thru.

“What. Happened. To, my, room?” she said behind an angry smile.

“Um, Harry as Rainbow Dash couldn’t fly right so… and crashed thru the wall.” I responded

“I’ll fix it, but you have to help.”

“I act-actually could more than you think” I said. “I can work a hammer and hold down the piece of wood I’m nailing in.”

“Good” she said. “We just need some wood”

“Well… I could go down to the Apple Acres and see if AJ has an extra piece or 5 about.”

“Do.” And so I did. Applebloom had 6 leftover from the talent show, AJ had a hammer for some reason, and Big Mac had a box of nails to offer.

It was fixed in a jiffy, they do apparently have showers, and Twilight didn’t understand the concept that I didn’t want to be seen without my clothes on, but she eventually stopped bothering me. Just as soon as I took a shower I headed down to Rarity’s for my new clothes. It was a blue shirt with a red box in the middle and corduroys. Perfect, literally.

“Thank you so much” I said. “But how did you know about corduroys?”

“What?” she looked confused.

“The pants. I’ve never seen them in the show” I explained.

“Oh, they were in the picture” she answered. She floated over the picture Pinkie Price brought back from his trip from the fourth wall “I didn’t do your Fluttershy shirt. That’d just be weird”

“I understand” I said. “But you replicated these perfectly. You have a gift, my friend. Don’t hide that in a bushel basket.” I just quoted Jim Gaffigan in Ponyville. Hurray.

“I don’t plan to” said Rarity with a giggle, then she straightened out her attitude. “Go fetch your friends”

And so I did.

Chapter 13 Realization and Ending

“Well, you start Monday” said Pinkie and Derpy in unison

“Suckers” snickered Harry

“In case you didn’t notice, there’s no TV or X-Box here, you’ll be sitting, doing nothing” I pointed out

“Well… um, no I won’t!”

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to school. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re illiterate here!”

Damn. He had a point.

“Well, you’ll do that” I said. Then I realized something “Wait. We can’t have families, either.”

“Damn…” we all said

“Why not?” asked Spike

“We’re not the same race as anyone else!”

“So?” he didn’t know, apparently “That’s never stopped me!”

“What’s he talking about?” whispered Rarity to Applejack

“Who knows?” she responded

“It does stop us.” I said

“Why?”

“You’ll understand when you’re older” I tried to end the conversation

“If you insist…” he had bought it

We went on our separate ways. We helped the others with friendship issues. We even got a few of our own.

I learned some Equestrian (as it was called) writing and reading from Harry and Derpy. I got paid well enough to keep me alive, and Derpy really liked me. She can make one damn fine muffin.

Price became the secondary cook at Sugarcube Corner, and got a bunk bed to share with Pinkie. He got top bunk.

Twilight gave Harry lessons on the history of Equestria, the Equestrian language, and other sorts of things.

Princess Celestia let us stay, but I don’t think she had an option. I don’t think she liked me, either.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders really like me. They know I like Scootaloo, hate Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and I even gave them the hint of what their cutie marks are.

“One of you is a real daredevil, one of you has a voice to be heard, and the last a talent for fixing and building” was the hint.

And, I know that its cliché, but, we all lived happily ever after.

There was just one problem. We still weren’t ponies. I wished there was a way to fix that…

To Be Continued…