Schultz Knows Nothing

by JustAnotherHistoryBuff

Apologies and Planning

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There is a point in time where everypony bucks up. Right now, Luna knew she had bucked up and bucked up hard. When she had ventured into Hogan's mind, she never expected to see what she saw... Let alone witness the horror of it all without being able to do anything about it. If anything, she was naive... Something she hadn't been in a long time.

When she entered Hogan's mind, she thought that she was going to experience a memory similar to that of Schultz's memory. An era bygone through time, only left as a memory in his mind. What she got was a memory... Or well, set of memories... But they were not pleasant. If anything, they were ones of regret and angst, something she never really expected from a p... Male with Hogan's personality and apparent self-assurance.

All throughout the morning, Luna paced in her room and pondered what to do when she and Celestia were to return to Ponyville later in the day. She knew she had to say sorry... But she didn't know how. This simply wasn't a pony she was dealing with for ponies were typically naive and forgiving (yet also quite xenophobic). She was dealing with unknown territory here and she didn't know what to do. Her mind was simply trapped in the thought of it all... Screaming for an answer to be given.

Too deep in thought to pay attention to her surroundings, Luna did not notice her sister tiphoof her way into Luna's room with a silver tray of breakfast being levitated towards her reading table along with a rather dusty and ancient looking book. It was only when her sister came over and tapped her shoulder that Luna was broken from the near trance she was in.

"Sister, please do not scare me like that... You are lucky I did not have the axe with me." Luna said, still somewhat surprised by her sister.

"Oh, and which axe would that be Luna?" Celestia asked.

"The axe used during the wars of griphon unification of course." Luna replied nonchalantly.

"THAT axe... You always said it was your favorite." Celestia said with a chuckle.

"Well... The memory of the glory of it all never leaves me... But I am thankful that the era of such violence has long passed us now." Luna said, her mind drifting back to that first battle on the border.

"Indeed... That was a rather unpleasant time for both of us... But then again, you are the better fighter." Celestia admitted.

"Yes, that may be... But you were the one with the smoothest words. If it weren't for you... I think I would've gained a bloodlust if that war had not ended." Luna replied.

"Well... Let's be thankful that harmony reigns." Celestia said, pouring a cup of tea for herself and Luna.

"Indeed..." Luna said with a sigh.

"Luna, what is wrong? Did you make a mistake?" Her sister asked.

"How do you know that is what happened?" Luna asked.

"Easy, you always make that face when you regret a decision you see as a mistake." Celestia deadpanned, levitating Luna a cup of tea.

"Well, I cannot say you are wrong there sister... My... I have never felt so embarrassed before... Even after all I did that millennia ago." Luna admitted.

"Tell me Luna, what did you do that is... That is giving you this regret." Celestia asked, her face of sympathy washing over her.

"Well... Last night, I looked into the mind of our dear guest Colonel Hogan..." Luna began.

"Well... Was it anything but what I expected after looking into Mr Schultz's mind. Sister... Of all the terrible things I committed during my time, I have never scene such misery... Cruelty... And sadness before in somepony's dream. I should've never even gone into his mind... I should've..." Luna said, nearly beginning to hyperventilate.

"Luna... You don't need to worry too hard over this. You saw that Colonel Hogan is not a being to hold a personal grudge, especially after what his own soldiers did yesterday. I am sure that if you say it to his face that you are sorry, he would forgive you." Celestia advised. For a moment, Luna just stared at her sister, unsure of what to say.

"Do you... You really think that sister?" She asked.

"If I did not, I would've suggested the letter Luna. Now come on... Let's at least have breakfast before we go over the spell that I found in the library." Celestia said, gesturing towards the tray and book on the table.

"Pray tell... How did you find the book so quickly sister?" Luna asked curiously.

"It was quite simple really... Turns out Starswirl had left an entire section on apparent inter-dimensional travel in there. It was just do dusty, nopony knew it was there." Celestia said with a slight chuckle under her breath.

*** *** ***

The walk back from the coffee shop was uneventful to say the least. They group still got looks from the onlooking ponies but it was nothing unexpected. On the plus side, Hoofstetter was off their backs and was probably fuming in some corner so that he would calm down after Carter's "explanation".

When they finally returned to the library with the coffee, they opened the door to find the interior relatively calm. Le Beau and Newkirk were still... restrained. Kinch was reading one of the many books from the library's selection and surprisingly seemed drawn into the one he was currently reading. Schultz was... Schultz... he was nowhere to be found. How could anyone loose a man as fat as Goering and as tall as Heydrich?

Suddenly, the smell of food being cooked began to fill the room and everybody (and pony) looked up when the smell reached their noses. A few minutes later, Spike came out carrying a few plates of food along with Schultz and set it on a makeshift table in the middle of the room.

" 'Ey, what's all this Schultzie?" Newkirk asked.

"All of THIS would be breakfast Mr Newkirk!" Spike suddenly said before Schultz even had the chance to open his mouth.

"You bloody cooked all of this?" Newkirk asked in a somewhat state of shock.

"Yep!" Spike confirmed with a wide smile on his face.

"Bloody hell, I think I'd like to stay here for a little while longer Colonel, if that's alright with you." Newkirk said. With that, the whole room had a good laugh but inwardly, a few of their hearts skipped a beat when Newkirk said that, especially Twilight's.

"Let's not talk about that right now... I need my morning coffee." Hogan said before setting the coffee down and picking up one of the freshly baked breakfast cakes from the pile to eat.

*** *** ***

Headaches were nearly never ending whenever Hoofstetter got them. Whether it was from dealing with Colonel Iron Eagle, General WindBreaker, or Prince Blueblood... Hoofstetter could never seem to drop the headache quickly. This time though with that creature... Colonel Hogan... His head felt like it was going to split itself open in half. Seeing as the usual pill probably would not even numb the pain from this headache, Hoofstetter decided to take one of the extra strength sleeping pills he had "on tab" in case of situations like this. Slowly, he felt himself drift away until he was fast asleep, forgetting that he even had a headache.

*** *** ***

Breakfast was quite uneventful for the group. As per usual with any sort of delicacy, Schultz nearly shoved his face full of food and praised Spike with each bite, making the little dragon... Blush... Gleam... Eh, the word was unimportant. Spike just seemed extra happy that he succeeded with such a large breakfast. Kinch and Twilight talked about the subject of the book he was reading (Hogan could only imagine what it was) while Carter, Newkirk, and Le Beau simply talked amongst themselves, the previous day's malice seemingly behind them. It was odd sure... But a nice change of pace from trying to stop one or the other from shoving a spoon up each other's ass. It was all nice and calm until a knock on the door broke the harmony within the building.

Seeing that he was the only one who was not seemingly occupied, Hogan decided that he would go see who was at the door. To his surprise when he opened it, he was met by the Diarchs of Equestria, lacking the ceremonial guard. It was almost quite casual if they weren't two heads of state.

"Oh, Colonel Hogan... It is good to see you. Sorry for coming on such short notice but we have something to reveal to you and your... Subordinates. May we enter?" Celestia asked, wearing her usual smile.

"This isn't my house but I bet the owner would agree." He said with a slight chuckle under his breath, stepping aside to let the two princesses in.

"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna! I wasn't expecting you to come back so soon... I would've prepared..." Twilight began.

"Please Twilight, it is alright. You mustn't worry about such things. Besides, you are a Princess as well, you shouldn't be worked up over this. Besides, this is more of a casual visit anyways... No flashy introductions required or such... Paparazzi can be annoying sometimes." Celestia reassured.

"Sorry..." Twilight said, somewhat blushing and putting her head down.

"It is alright but to settle matters quickly, we will inform you all this." Celestia began, looking towards Luna.

"We have found a spell to return you to your world. It turns out it was already in our archives and was stored long ago..." Luna said, her mind thinking back to the dusty spellbook.

"That's bloody terrific, ain't it boys!" Newkirk said.

"Oui, now I can go back to cooking on a regular stove." Let Beau said.

"Not so fast Le Beau... When we get back to camp... We are fireproofing the barracks before anyone else decides to use the stove." Hogan said, earning a snicker from Carter and the princesses.

"Sorry Mon Colonel, it won't happen again." Le Beau apologized.

"Apology accepted, now... How long before we can get back, I feel like this world may be having a bad influence on all of us." Hogan asked.

"See... There is the tricky part that we really must discuss. You all know of Major Hoofstetter and his current ongoing investigation so to simply put it... We need to remove the files he has on all of you." Celestia stated.

"Wait... Hold up a moment, since your a ruddy princess, can't you just personally request the files and then destroy them?" Newkirk asked.

"Now there is the very tricky part... It seems as during my absence, my dear sister thought it wise to limit her own affairs in the matters of documents pertaining to each and every pony within the EIS. Now, this does not remove her and my own pardon powers but knowing the bureaucratic mess these things are... It will take quite a while before everything is formed up so legally, you'd all have to stay here for quite some time." Luna stated, giving a stink eye to her sister. This response made Hogan's men frown with discontent but understanding.

"Ach, it would not be so bad here. The food here is Wunderbar!" Schultz said with a smile on his face.

"No offense Schultz but if we leave you here... By the time we get back we will have to cart you around Stalag 13." Kinch pointed out, earning a Jolly Joker from Schultz.

"Okay, I see the problem, but where else do we fit in this." Hogan asked curiously.

"Well... To put it lightly, we want you guys to break into EIS headquarters and well... Steal the documents." Celestia said, trying to keep her smile from turning into a frown.

"Excuse me but why would we do that... From what we have heard, it may as well be Gestapo headquarters we are breaking into." Hogan inquired, earning nods from all his men.

"Excuse me Colonel Hogan but... May we speak in private?" Luna asked suddenly, earning a strange look from Hogan. He pondered on the request for a few seconds before accepting it. Within a minute, he found himself in a quiet corner within the library speaking to Princess Luna.

"Alright, what is it that you need princess? I am sort of running on a clock, trying to figure out a plan to break into the equivalent of Gestapo headquarters before nightfall." He said rather impatiently.

"Well... I would um... I would like to say sorry Colonel Hogan." She finally spat out.

"Sorry for what?" He asked.

"I am sorry for what I did last night... Looking into your dreams and such... I really should have and I was quite naive..." Luna began before she was cut off by Hogan.

"You don't need to say anything else princess. If it helps, I already forgave you. Sure... Having somebody look inside my head literally is very... Disturbing and also an invasion of privacy, but I cannot blame you. You are a head of state after all and your first duty is to protect your people. Besides... After all that my team have done... I have learnt to forgive. It is sometimes hard, but things happen and you just gotta forgive one another for their mistakes." Hogan said, a sympathetic look dawning his face.

He could tell that his answer has an effect on Luna as she was speechless for a minute before regaining her senses.

"Th-thank you. I must be honest, I did not expect that Colonel Hogan." She said.

"Well, life is always full of unexpected things, that's the beauty of it... Now, I believe we have a plan to make before nightfall?" He said, gesturing towards the main enclave of the library.

"Yes... I believe we do." Luna said before walking back into the main room where everyone was huddled around, already talking about the details and what the plan required.

*** *** ***

The plan was simple... Almost too simple and nearly alike to all their other plans back on Earth. How simple one might ask... Well, it was jokingly simple, especially when Schultz heard the comparisons made between their current plan and the older plans the boys of Barracks 2 had concocted before. Of course, he would know nothing about these plans but for as long as he was in Equestria, he did know something.

The plan was trademark.... Simply lure out Hoofstetter and break into his room and documents safe with the help of Twilight and her friends. How to lure Hoofstetter out? Simple, use Klink's counterpart, Iron Eagle. Apparently, Hoofstetter keeps close tabs on this Colonel and his aptly named superior, General Windbreaker, for financial reasons and competence questions. It made sense... Schultz knew of what Klink sometimes do with camp funds (albeit Klink never abused it to severity as Iron Eagle's counterpart apparently had in this world). If Klink was a banker, he could scam millions if he wanted to.

Anyways, while Hoofstetter was too busy yelling at Iron Eagle for false claims of misappropriation of funds and also being hounded by General Windbreaker (Burkhalter's counterpart), they would sneak into Hoofstetter's office and retrieve the documents. It was so simple it was too good to be true. All they had to do now was simply wait until they arrived in Canterlot the next day.


Author's Note

Guess who is back!!!!! This writer!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the very.... very long delay in the next chapter of this fic. A lot of stuff has been happening recently irl and granted... I needed a break so that I could find my former narrative touch again so that I won't stray from the main premise of the story anymore. I hope this is not too long overdue everybody and I hope to see you all come back for the next chapter!

As always, leave a comment below and all criticism is welcome and warranted as long as it is kept respectful and clean of political nonsense... it gets annoying.

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