Welcome to Distopia

“Yes.” Alastor nodded. “Let’s talk.”

“Ooooooo! Hi!” Pinkie immediately was in the deer’s face. “I’m Pinkie Pie, and welcome to Ponyville you hunk of a buck.”

“A pleasure to be here my good mare, but I must apologize, I’m here for her specifically.” He pointed a hoof at Lorraine.

“Huh?” The noodle dragon blinked.

“Awww…” Pinkie wilted a bit. “Could you share?”

“Ha!” Alastor barked a laugh, only to follow it with a somewhat flat. “No.”

“Pinkie, let’s let them talk. I’m going to Twilight's to send a message to Celestia that we accidentally summoned a demon.” John said heading to the door. “Come on, Pinkie.”

“But-” Pinkie pouted.

“Pinkie. Privacy. It exists. Let’s let them talk. Please.” John stated, as he got to the front door.

“But stallions aren’t supposed to order mare’s around.” Pinkie whined.

“Excuse me for a moment.” Lorraine said to the deer before dragging the pink mare out the front door.

John sighed and rolled his eyes, then looked at Alastor. “Sorry.”

“Perfectly fine, my small, insectoid friend.” The deer nodded, maintaining a small smile.

Outside, the luck dragon had dragged the mare a decent ways away from the house. She plopped the mare down and gave her a serious glare. “What is your problem?”

“What do you mean?” Pinkie blinked, looking oblivious.

Lorraine groaned out a sigh. “If a guy says no. They mean no. Hell, if anyone says no, they mean no!”

“But Granny Pie always said that stallion’s aren’t meant to talk back, they’re meant to stay home and take care of the house.” Pinkie explained with a nod and a smile, like that fixed everything.

“But he wasn’t talking back, he was asking you, politely, to leave.” Lorraine countered.

“But, why don’t you wanna share?” Pinkie looked a little downtrodden. She seemed to be switching tactics. “There’s enough Johnny for another mare or two.”

“Because it’s not my decision to make.” Lorraine replied. “He’s not interested, so I support that.”

Pinkie blinked. “What? But… Don’t you… aren’t you, like, head mare of your herd?”

“No. No. It’s not a herd, We’re monogamous. It’s an equal partnership.” Lorraine explained to the confused-looking mare.

“Oooooooohhhh…….” Pinkie gave a long oh of understanding. “Duh!” She clocked her head with a hoof. “That’s so obvious now. So, you ever gonna start a herd?” She asked with a wink.

“I don’t fuckin’ know.” She said with a shrug. “If John’s okay with it, then maybe we could talk about it later. We’re kinda working on a stallion-creature-rights movement sort of thing.”

“Huh. That’s.” Pinkie actually looked thoughtful. “That’s… great?”

“I suggest getting in touch with Princess Luna. She’s the one running the whole thing.” Lorraine said with a nod.

“I might.” Pinkie said with a hum. Then she perked back up. “So, I’ll leave you to talk with your demon buck! Want me to trot Johnny to Twilight’s?” She asked hopefully.

“Only if you make it abundantly clear that you’re going to stop pursuing him.” Lorraine replied.

“Right!” Pinkie gave her a salute as John trotted past.

“I guessed by your feelings that things wrapped up, I’ll go get that letter sorted.” John said.

“Tell Spike I said hi.” Lorraine nodded as Pinkie immediately started bouncing after the smol bug.

“Will do.” John called back only to look over at his pink companion. “Yes, hello Pinkie- No, it’s fine.”

John knocked on the library’s front door. He sat for a moment, humming. Then he blinked. “It’s a library, why am I knocking again.”

Before he could finish his thought, the door swung open. He was greeted by Spike. “Hey John, how’s Lorraine?”

“She’s… good? I’m assuming she’s good at the moment.” John said, trotting by the small dragon into the library. “I’m actually here to see you, to be perfectly honest. Oh, also, Lorraine says hi.”

“Tell her hi back. Need a letter sent?” Spike asked as he shut the door and waddled over to desk to get a quill and parchment.

“Yes actually, sorry to use you like a mailman.” John said with a small chuckle.

“It’s all good.” Spike waddled over to the central table and got himself settled.

John trotted over to him. “Twilight still uses quills and parchment?”

“Yeah, quills are cheap and parchment has a smell to it, and it’s also easier to enchant.” Spike explained. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kill for some pens or mechanical pencils.”

“Know the feeling anyway. So this is going to Celestia.” John said.

“Okay… everything okay?” Spike glanced over at the bug.

“Maybe?” John said nervously. “So…. Dear Princess Celestia, It’s John. Lorraine and I accidentally summoned a deer demon. What do? Please help.”

Spike finished transcribing, stared at the parchment, blinked and looked at John. “Seriously?”

“Yep. Enchanted letter. I think…” John nodded.

“Huh, must be Tuesday.” Spike shrugged as he rolled it up and blew purple-blue flames.

“And now we wait.” John said.

“It might be a little bit, she does have to lower the Sun and finish some paperwork.” Spike nodded. “So, wanna read comics?”

“It’s not all that complicated.” Alastor said with a smile. “I wanted to summon you to me, King Mourning Star took exception to that and arranged for me to be banished from Tartarus for… an indeterminate amount of time.”

“Soooo… Why do you care about me again?” Lorraine asked, quite confused.

“Why? Because you’re interesting of course! Life in Tartarus get’s so unbelievably boring. What better a way to shake things up than bring in an entity that is our polar opposite? Demons are beings of Darkness and Chaos, my Dear, you are a creature of Light and Order. Why, if you wanted to, you could kill me in an instant.” He laughed.

“What- No! I’d never do that!” She snapped in shock.

“Exactly!” The deer pointed a hoof at her. "You, my dear, are different, unique! You're no Luck Dragon. You. Are mortal! So delightfully mortal in everything you do and it's fascinating. All that power, and you refuse to use it."

The noodle dragon blinked. “But I’m nothing special.”

“That’s the entire point.” He said with a wide sharp-toothed grin. “And you’re handling things quite well for a mortal, well done.” He clapped his forehooves together.

“Okay?” Lorraine said. “Soooo, what now?”

Alastor paused. “I don’t follow.”

She gestured at him. “This. You, here. What do you want out of this? What even is this?”

“What do you want it to be?” He asked in return.

“You don’t want me to answer that, you really don’t.” She replied quickly.

“Scandalous.” He chuckled.

“Well, excuse me, you were fictional like fifteen minutes ago!” She said with an exasperated groan. “You weren’t real, and now you are, and you deserve respect, and- AGH! Being a fangirl sucks!”

“Oh dear, was it really that bad?” The deer raised a brow.

“You’re a person and I kinda have to separate all the fangirly stuff from common decency, etiquette, whatever you want to call it.” Lorraine explained with a huff.

“Oh if I knew I’d have this kind of effect, I’d have shown up sooner.” He grinned cheekily.

“Very funny.” She deadpanned.

“Oh staying with you and your small paramour is going to be so much fun.” He said with a chuckle and another toothy grin.

“Say what now?” Lorraine stated.

“I mean, he’s not Donny Cate’s Venom, but he’s still good.” John commented as Spike and he sat on a couch and read comics.

“I wouldn’t know about whoever Cates is, but Venom is a good villain.” Spike nodded.

“Good thing noodle dragon isn’t here.” John snorted.

“She did kinda drool on any copy that had Gabriel in it.” Spike commented.

“Ha, she doesn’t drool.” John countered.

“Are you two still reading comics?” Twilight asked from the balcony.

“Yep. Still waiting for a reply. I’ll be out of your hair soon. I hope.” John said apologetically.

“Oh, no worries. I was just checking on you two.” Twilight replied before turning away and heading back to her room.

John went to continue reading, but the door to the basement opened. A blue unicorn with a silver mane trotted out of the basement and shut the door. John blinked as the mare trotted into the curtain that led to the kitchen. There was the sound of rummaging, then the mare returned with a plate full of crackers, a container of peanut butter, and a knife. She sat herself at the dining table and started to make herself peanut butter crackers.

“Hi Trixie.” Spike said with a wave.

“She’s still here?” John asked the dragon. “I thought she’d already left.”

“Trixie has to wait. Two. Months. Before she receives a new cart.” The mare said from the table. “Twilight Sparkle was kind enough to lend Trixie her basement while the claim goes through.”

“Huh…” John said, blinking again. “What actually happened that day, we were kinda sidetracked and just wanting to decompress after it all.”

“Trixie will explain.” Trixie stated.

“Thanks. Oh, and I’m John. Hi.” He waved.

Trixie finally looked at the smol bug. She blinked. “You’re a Changeling.”

“A little one, but yes.” John nodded.

Her eyes widened for a moment. “Oh! You’re one of the two that arrived out of the blue. Twilight was telling Trixie about you and the luck dragon.”

“Kay?” John said, unsure of how to respond.

“Trixie would love to meet the luck dragon. She has heard stories.” She said, then cleared her throat. “Ahem, but Trixie was going to explain. So, Trixie’s show went well, despite a couple rude interruptions. Trixie did notice that the luck dragon and yourself calmed some… less than agreeable ponies. Ponies will always heckle Trixie’s shows.” She sighed. “Anyway. A pair of colts were asking Trixie about her stories after the show, and Trixie explained that they were just that, stories. They were made to entertain.” She grumbled and rubbed her head as she levitated a cracker slathered in peanut butter up to her mouth, yet didn’t eat it. “Yet, the colts got it into their heads that they had to find an Ursa for Trixie to defeat. In a bout of whimsy, those colts brought an Ursa to Ponyville. Trixie can barely fight off Timberwolves!”

“Snips and Snails got into big trouble for that. They’re grounded for months, they have to do community service, and their families had to pay for the damages to both Ponyville and Trixie’s cart.” Spike helped explain.

“Of which Trixie was grateful, but Trixie has insurance for this sort of thing, the only downside being-”

“Waiting for bureaucracy to finish.” John finished for her.

“Yes.” Trixie nodded. “Thus Trixie is stuck, temporarily jobless, in a farm town, Trixie can’t even trot out the door without getting odd looks. Admittedly, Trixie has had worse shows.”

“Wait, what?” John asked, leaning forward, the comics abandoned. “What’s worse than a giant star bear crushing your mobile home-slash-mobile theater?”

“One word. Three syllables. Manehatten. Ponies there are too obsessed over their heroes and villains to even consider a simple magic show.” Trixie snorted.

“Yeah, sounds about right.” John nodded.

There was a loud belch as purple smoke whirled into a scroll that plopped into Spikes lap. “Mail.” The dragon said as he unrolled the scroll. “Ahem. Dear Johnathan.”

“My name’s just John.” John deadpanned.

Spike continued. “We are aware of Alastor and will be sending along an attached letter from King Mourning Star. Don’t worry. Everything will be just fine my little changeling.” Spike then slid a second paper out from behind the first. “To Princess Celestia, Luna, and our new arrivals. In accordance with the Laws of Tartarus, the Overlord Alastor is hereby exiled until both the Diarchy of Equestria and the Throne of Tartarus believe that he is fit to return to his duties. As such, his powers have been stripped from him while within the mortal realm, and has been placed under the care of Lady Lorraine of the House of Faith and Time. Kindest regards, King Mourning Star. P.S. He’s just like any other pony or deer, if you need to, slap him. In fact, slap him for me.”

“Huh. Fair.” John said. “I’ll take those, but I have no idea where the fuck he got the title from.” He shrugged and got up. Spike rolled up the papers and handed them to the changeling, who slid it through a hole in his leg.

“Trixie.” John nodded at Trixie. “Pleasure to meet you. And Spike, thanks for the reading time.”

“Any time.” Spike held out a fist and John bumped it.

“Evening.” He trotted towards the door. “See ya, Twilight!” He called out.

“Oh, you’re leaving?” Twilight called out in response. “See ya. Thanks for coming by.”

“You’re welcome.” He called back, before nodding and trotting out the door.

On returning home, John was met by a very confused noodle dragon and a grinning deer. “Hey hey, I’m home. Got a reply.” He said trotting towards his girlfriend and holding up the leg with the rolled up scroll in it.

“Kay so what do we do?” She asked as the smol bug waved his paper holding leg, which she grabbed.

As she unrolled it and started reading, the changeling trotted up to Alastor. The deer gave John a curious brow raise, only for the bug to gesture a hoof to come closer. Alastor leaned his head down as the bug reared up onto his haunches.

John stared into the red eyes of the buck. “Alastor, I bring news.”

“Oh?” Alastor asked, sounding quite amused.

“The King of Hell sends his regards.” John said with a dramatic hiss, before swatting the deer across the tip of his nose.

“AH!” Alastor reared back and plopped onto his haunches, clutching his forehooves over his nose. “That- That… That actually hurt.” He almost looked stunned.

“You got nerfed.” John stated.

“Why did they make me his bloody caregiver?” Lorraine asked staring at the paper. “I’m gonna get so much flak for this.”

The front door opened. “Hey, I’m home. Hunting went… great…. Who’s this guy?” Gilda said as she came into the living room and spied the still somewhat stunned deer demon. “Lorraine, why is there a buck in the living room?”

“Apparently he’s our new roommate, or something.” Lorriane said, holding the letters out the the griffon, which Gilda took.

Gilda briefly looked them over. Then she snorted and barked a laugh. “Ha!” She stared at Alastor. “Get fucked!”

“Gilda. Gilda no. He’s still a demon.” Lorraine said patting at the griffon’s shoulder.

“Not now, he’s not.” She said, half-giggling.

“I’d rather not have my friends fighting each other.” Lorraine said simply.

“Oh, fine.” Gilda rolled her eyes. “Heh, he’s gonna get mobbed the moment he leaves the house.”

“I’m going to what now?” Alastor asked, looking genuinely confused.

“Ahem.” Gilda puffed out her feathers. “Deer bucks are known for their virility and passionate love-making. Deer are one of the few races that ponies consider equals, if only for their technological prowess and the… sturdiness… of their bucks.”

“Oh. Oh no.” John snorted and dropped his head into his hooves as he started to giggle.

Lorraine was silent.

“I am quite lost, would the feathered lady kinda explain in simpler terms?” Alastor asked, returning to his “normal” look of curious amusement.

“It means, Studdly McIncubus, that you are going to be drowning in mare pussy the moment you leave the house, whether you like it or not.” Gilda grinned. “Or, you know, you could date her.” She gestured a thumb at Lorraine. “It worked for Bug here, that’ll keep the mares off your back.”

“What- Nonononono! Bad idea!” Lorraine waved her claws furiously.

“Well, so long as Lorraine’s happy, I’ll do my best not to get jealous.” John said, breathing slowly to stop his giggles. “That’s me being honest too.”

“Wait what?” Lorraine stared at John.

“I’m not forcing anything, you don’t want to date him, that’s fine too.” John smiled.

Alastor just grinned at the luck dragon.

“What has my life turned into?” Lorraine thought aloud.

“Sounds like an anime.” Gilda said. “One of those lovey-dovey ones. Not my style but, eh?” She shrugged.

“Suggestions. Please.” Lorraine stated, looking quite frazzled.

John trotted over and hugged the larger dragon. “Gilda could you find Alastor a room, I think Lorraine needs time to process.”

“Sure, come on, lover buck.” Gilda gestured to the deer.

Alastor made to follow, then paused by the pair. “Whatever happens, I feel that this will be anything but boring.” He smiled, nodded, and trotted after the griffon.

Lorraine blinked sleepily as she sat on the couch next to the equally sleepy bug. It had been a stressful, sleepless night, but they had a plan.

Gilda walked in, followed closely by Alastor. Gilda yawned and started towards the coffee maker in the kitchen.

“Good Morning, my fellow roommates!” Alastor announced happily.

John slowly looked over at the deer. “No.” He said flatly. “You’re too happy. Tone it down.”

“But it’s such a lovely day.” Alastor replied, with a smile.

John blinked, flicked an ear, then leaned against Lorraine.

“Good news. We have a plan.” Lorraine announced, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Oh, do tell.” Alastor sat on his haunches, grinning at the pair.

"Okay, so, the main issue is the whole, stallions aren't people mindset and the whole interracial relationship thing, which is dumb," Lorraine explained. "What we're gonna do is what we've always been doing, treat each other like people."

"I've also noticed that people are surprised I defer to John when making decisions as opposed to the other around, so I'll do more of that," the dragon continued. "If you and I are out together, I'll do the same. If people think we're together or something, I don't care."

"I am just so fucking done with all of this," she admitted. "So, as long as you're not hurting anyone or breaking the law, you can do whatever. John is the boss here though, not me."

“I will not hesitate to swat the shit out of your nose again, or I could sic Gilda on you.” John stated. “So you better behave.”

“That I can do.” Gilda called from the kitchen as she stared at the coffee maker.

“I will have to behave then, won’t I?” Alastor chuckled and grinned at the pair. “So, I will defer to you then.” He nodded at the changeling.

“Good. You better.” John sniffed and blinked sleepily.

“So, who wants to go out for breakfast?” Lorraine asked, suddenly pepping up a bit.

“Food. Sure.” Gilda nodded.

“Food then a good nap.” John added.

“And I’ll finally get to see this delightful town.” Alastor grinned happily.

“We’re getting a lot of looks.” Gilda said, glancing around at the ponies they passed.

The four of them paused as Spoiled Rich trotted up with a group of mares at her back. “See, what did I say ladies, she’s hoarding stallions!” There were a few grumbles from the crowd.

“Excuse you, I’m a hen.” Gilda replied. “And the only one’s in a relationship are the dragon and the bug. The buck’s just a new roomie.”

“Oh, and she’s associating with pigeons!” Spoiled thrust a hoof at Gilda.

“What’s wrong with griffons?” Lorraine asked, blinking in surprise at the open hostility.

“Oh fuck off, Spoiled.” John groaned from Lorraine’s back. “I’m too tired for racist bullshit today.”

“And look at how little control she has over her stallion!” Spoiled pointed at John. She then looked at Lorraine. “What did your father teach you?!”

“I was raised by my mum.” Lorraine replied.

Spoiled appeared caught off guard and was momentarily silent.

"Oh that explains everything," Spoiled sniffed in disgust. "You are a disruptive influence and a horrible example of how a mare should act. That poor buck would be better off with some real mares."

"I beg your pardon?" Alastor spoke up, a crackle of static accompanying his head tilting to side in confusion.

"Do you mind? we have somewhere to be." Lorraine stated politely.

“Spoiled, are you stupid?” John asked.

“Quiet, the mares are tal-” Spoiled got cut off.

“No! Shut it!” John hopped off his girlfriend’s back. “I have had no sleep, I’m hungry, and I’m stressed. I just want to go get some breakfast, then go home and pass-the fuck-out. What I do not want is some uppity bitch, and a bunch of mares she’s probably lied to, to block me from that. Now, let’s do some math hmmm? And I suck at math, but I’m gonna try anyway. You’ve got, what, you and about seven, eight mares? We have a griffon hen who easily out classes any of your pegasi, we have a demon in the guise of a buck, we have a fucking demigod, which you are trying to pick a fight with, and we have me, the bug that could probably shoot lazers if he put his mind to it. So tell me, Spoiled Bitch, how do your chances look now? Do you want to fight something that is a living myth, and someone who got kicked out of Hell?”

Alastor took a few steps forward and gave a deep, flamboyant bow. “Greetings ladies, I am Alastor, The Radio Buck.” He gave the group an almost too wide grin as his eyes turned to radio dials and the air filled with a buzz of static.

Spoiled’s ragtag band of discontent mares scattered like cockroaches when the light turns on, leaving Spoiled quite alone.

“Are you going to let us go to breakfast now, or am I going to have to talk to your husband about reducing your fun money pay?” John asked the mare.

Spoiled blushed bright red, glared at the four of them, then promptly stormed off.

“Good. Now let’s go before I breakdown from emotional overextension.” The small bug said only to be picked up and hugged by the noodle dragon.

It was quiet. Gilda had gone out to vent her frustration as she put it. Smol bug was passed out in bed. This left Lorraine alone with Alastor. The dragon was on the couch. The buck was in a cushy chair.

“Well… That was… something. At least the food was nice.” Lorraine said, trying to sound positive.

“I never expected to be approached by so many mares. Their forwardness… Mmmm… does not agree with me.” Alastor’s smile actually seemed strained.

“Well looks like we need to step up our game, people aren’t getting the message, want to help with PR?” She asked the buck.

“Come again?” Alastor asked.

“Well, see, we’re kinda on a mission from the Princesses, to I guess, I don’t know, stop people from treating stallions like objects and to be more accepting in general.” Lorraine explained. “Since people aren’t really getting it from just us doing everyday things, we might have to be more public. Interviews, stunts, whatever.”

“Did you say, interviews?” The radio effect of his voice momentarily increased. “Oh, I would love to interview you and your darling fireball of a changeling.”

“Well, I figure, you’re in the entertainment industry, what with all the radio stuff around you. Thought maybe you could help.” Lorraine shrugged.

“Oh, this is going to be great!” He got up and pranced in place. “I need to write questions! No, I need to do research first! I’ve missed so much!” He started prancing happily towards the door. “If you need me, I will be at the library!”

“Okay.” Lorraine nodded as he trotted out the door and shut it behind him. There was a moment of silence then.

The door opened again.

“Would you care to join me? The mares are quite insistent today.” Alastor asked, shutting the door behind him quickly.