“Mornin’, Anon,” Applejack said from behind her apple stand. “How you doin’ today?”
Ponyville’s resident human returned AJ’s upbeat mood with a friendly smile.
“I’m doing alright. And you?”
“Can’t complain,” Applejack answered. “In fact, things have been goin’ really swell lately. Applebloom and her friends just helped somepony find their cutie mark, Granny’s got some old friends visiting her, and Big Mac and I just had ourselves one of the biggest apple harvests we ever had.”
“That’s amazing,” Anon exclaimed. “So, does that mean there’s a lot more cider to go around this year?”
“You bet it does.” Applejack quickly looked this way and that before returning her attention to her friend.
“Just make sure you don’t tell Rainbow, okay? You know how she gets around cider season.”
Anon chuckled and winced at the same time. Last time cider season came around, Rainbow Dash had worked herself into a frenzy making sure she would get a mug; so much a frenzy, in fact, that one could almost describe her efforts to secure one as “feral”.
“You got it, AJ.”
“Much obliged,” Applejack said. “So, what can I do for you today?”
Anon had almost forgotten why he stopped by. Then, he remembered.
“Oh, yeah. Can I get a dozen apples? I’m trying out something a little different on my apple pie recipe.”
“You got it, partner. One dozen apples comin’ right up.”
Anon turned around and looked around him while Applejack filled his order. It was such a beautiful day today. No clouds in the sky, the sun warming a cool day, pegasi chirping happily in the trees, and happy faces wherever he looked. Yes, this was definitely a wonderful day.
“Here ya go, sugarcube,” Applejack said. “One dozen apples. That’ll be ten bits.”
Anon turned and smiled as he fished the money out of his pocket and laid it on the stand. Applejack began to hand him the sack filled with his order.
“AAAAHHHHHHH!!!”
Without warning, Anon screamed loud and long into Applejack’s face. The farmer pony was so startled that she inadvertently tossed the sack into the air, apples sailing over the place. By the time she regained her composure, Anon was down on one knee crying out in pain and muttering an almost incomprehensible string of cursing and ranting.
“Anon, what in tarnation was that all about?!” Applejack shouted angrily.
Anon didn’t answer her. Instead, he continued shouting and cursing almost out of her view.
“Uh, Anon?” Still, nothing.
‘What the hay?’ Applejack wondered as she moved around to the front of her stand. She was so focused on what was happening that she didn’t see other ponies around her pointing and snickering. It was then that she saw what the problem was.
Anon was now on the ground, struggling with something he was desperately trying to get off his ankle. No, not something, but someone. It was Gummy, and he had clamped his mouth around Anon’s ankle with the force of a vice grip. The rest of his little body was wrapped around Anon’s shin, leaving him upside down. Anon had both his hands around Gummy’s torso, trying to pull the baby alligator off his ankle with no success whatsoever.
“Gummy? What the hay are you doing?” Applejack asked, her voice betraying more than a small amount of amusement at what she was seeing.
“Forget that,” Anon screamed at her. “Just get him off!!”
“Oh right, right! Sorry about that,” AJ answered as she moved in to help.
The two of them struggled for what seemed like an hour to finally pry Gummy off Anon’s ankle (in reality, it had only been ten minutes). Anon quickly scooted himself back and away from the alligator in AJ’s hooves.
“Get him away! Get him away from me!” he shouted.
“Now what in Equestria made you do something like that?” Applejack asked Gummy. She then remembered her friend on the ground.
“Oh yeah,” she stammered. “Uh, don’t worry, Anon. I’ll take him back to Pinkie right now.”
She could see Anon’s face relax somewhat as she turned around, plopping Gummy onto her back. Unfortunately, Applejack forgot about the spilled apples and tripped over them, sending Gummy flying into the air. She landed hard on the ground, almost knocking the wind out of her. A second later, Gummy landed on one of the earth pony’s hind legs and clamped down. Applejack screamed.
Anon sat in the restaurant’s patio having an early lunch. He struggled to maintain some degree of comfort while he ate. After all, every seat in Equestria was built to accommodate pony-sized individuals, and he frequently had to squat down lower than was comfortable to sit down without breaking anything.
The morning’s incident was nearly forgotten, save for his sore ankle, and Anon was finally at the point where he could actually relax and enjoy his lunch. He was taking a bite out of his sandwich when he heard something zoom right over his head, followed by the sound of four hooves landing right next to him.
“Hey, Anon. How’s it going?” a cheerful voice said.
Anon turned and addressed the smiling, blue face that was looking at him.
“Hi, Rainbow. I’m doing alright, I guess. How are you?” he answered, gesturing towards the chair in front of him.
“I’m doing great,” Rainbow Dash answered, taking a seat. “In fact, I’m feeling really awesome today.”
“Really?” Anon asked, gesturing towards a waiter. “What’s going on?”
“Well, you know how I’ve been really busy lately with the Wonderbolts?” Anon nodded.
“Well, we just got back from the Flyers’ Tournament at the Crystal Empire, and we won FIRST PLACE!!!”
Dash shot into the air, cheering and laughing while performing a pair of tight loop-the-loops before landing in her seat with a squee. Anon was happy for her. The Wonderbolts had been training rigorously for the tournament for months, and seeing her jubilation over their victory added to his own elation.
“Congratulations, Dash. I knew you guys could do it,” Anon said. He extended a fist towards her for a fist bump (…hoof bump?...), which she eagerly returned. “This calls for a drink.” He turned to the waiter and ordered one of Dash’s favorite drinks.
“Thanks, Anon,” she replied giddily. “I gotta tell you, though. We almost didn’t make it.”
“Really? What happened?” he asked, taking a sip.
“Well, when we were looking over the order of events, Spit…”
Dash’s words were cut off as Anon violently spewed his drink into her face. It caught her off guard, so much that she jerked back with enough force to upset her chair and land squarely on her back, hitting her head on the cobblestone.
She lay dazed for a moment before she could shake off the cobwebs and placed a hoof on the back of her head.
‘Yeah’, she thought, ‘that’s gonna leave a bump.’ She slowly struggled into a sitting position on the ground and kneaded her aching head.
“Anon, what the buck was that?!” Rainbow nearly shouted. It was then that she became aware of the sounds around her. Somepony was painfully muttering an incomprehensible string of cursing and ranting. She would later swear that she heard the faint sounds of snickering and laughing around her. She slowly opened her eyes and saw the source of the disturbance.
Anon was lying on the ground across the table from her in a fetal position, facing away from her. He was thrashing this way and that, struggling with something Dash couldn’t see. Every so often, his face would turn in her direction, displaying his red face with veins popping out everywhere and his eyes bulging out to twice their size before he turned away. She then realized that it was from Anon she was hearing the cursing and ranting.
“Anon?” she asked with concern. No response; at least, not to her. “Anon, what’s the matter?” Still nothing.
Finally clearing the cobwebs from her mind, she got up and hovered to the other side of the table to see what was wrong. She was startled by what she saw.
Gummy had attached himself to Anon’s leg and had firmly clamped his jaws onto the human’s ankle. Anon was thrashing about in pain, locked in deadly combat with the powerful reptile. One moment, he had both his hands on Gummy, trying to pry him off. The next, he thrust his leg out, quickly and forcefully, hoping the momentum would propel the little ankle biter away from him. Alas, it was a losing battle. The alligator’s grip on him was too strong.
Anon soon became aware of a new sound around him, just next to him. In the midst of his struggle, he turned his head and saw Rainbow Dash. Not only was the little brat not helping him, but she was also lying on her back, her back legs kicking as she laughed non-stop at his plight. He made a mental note to strangle her later.
“RAINBOW!!!” he shouted. Hearing her name caught the pegasus’ attention. “This isn’t funny! Get over here and help me!”
Dash scurried to her hooves, gave a quick, serious salute (albeit with a not-so-serious look on her face), and went over to help her friend.
She grabbed Gummy’s upper jaw, while Anon grabbed the lower, and the two slowly managed to peel the alligator off Anon’s leg. Anon handed Gummy to Dash and quickly scooted back, despite the fresh pain in his ankle; it was the same ankle Gummy had latched onto at Applejack’s stand.
“Stupid alligator!” Anon yelled. “That’s the second time today! What’s your problem?!”
Dash gave Anon a puzzled look.
“He’s done this before?” she asked. Anon was about to respond, but a surge of pain cut him off. He simply nodded.
“Hey, don’t sweat it Anon,” she said reassuringly. “I’ll take him to Sugar Cube Corner and let Pinkie know. Okay?” Again, Anon nodded. Dash smiled at him as she took off.
Anon was struggling to his feet when he heard the sounds of “Ow ow ow ow!!” coming from above. He looked up in time to see Rainbow Dash spiraling wildly out of control, Gummy having clamped onto one of her wings, and crashing unceremoniously through Carousel Boutique’s front door.
Anon slowly limped through the streets of Ponyville, determined to get home and forget about this day. This, so far, had been the worst day he’d ever had since his arrival in Equestria several months ago. Every now and then, he had to stop and rest his sore ankle, whether by sitting down or leaning on some random building.
‘Stupid gator’, he muttered occasionally. ‘I swear ,if I had the tools and the know-how, I’d turn that little freak into a wallet.’ Unfortunately, this did very little to improve his mood.
As he turned down an alley, his mind turned to what happened not long ago. He chuckled a little as he remembered Rainbow Dash’s accident; watching her spin out of control, her four hooves flailing wildly in every direction, and finally crashing head first into Carousel Boutique.
‘Oh well,’ Anon thought. ‘No damage done. Well, not to her anyway.’ This made him laugh some more as he continued his way down the alley. Oh, well. He made another mental note, this one to make sure Dash was okay before he strangled her.
He was nearing the end of the alley when he felt something crunch beneath his foot. Suddenly, something wrapped around Anon’s sore ankle and began pulling his leg up. Desperate to maintain his balance, he had little time to register a rope next to him quickly being raised by an unseen force. He also failed to notice that the rope was wrapped around his ankle before he was pulled off his remaining foot.
He fell and landed on his back. The back of his head smacked against the ground, sending a stream of stars and Scootaloo-shaped chickens dancing across his vision. Lucky for him, the stretch of alley hadn’t been paved, or he might have been knocked out altogether.
By the time the rope stopped its ascent, only Anon’s head, shoulders, and arms were able to touch the ground. After a moment of clearing the stars and Scootaloos from his vision, he took a moment to look around him.
‘What the buck is going on here?’ he wondered. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. Did…did he just say to himself ‘What the buck?’ Yeah, yeah he did. Well, that’s just great. He’s only been in Equestria for several months now, and he’s already adopted Equestrian profanity into his vocabulary. Great.
His train of thought was cut off when he felt something latch onto his free leg and clamp down hard on his ankle. His body thrashed about violently as he cried out in pain, muttering an incomprehensible string of cursing and ranting. He kicked his free leg about this way and that trying to get whatever it was off. He thrust his leg forward; nothing. He thrust his leg backward; nothing. He kicked his leg straight out in a motion similar to bucking. Again, nothing.
It was during one of his bucks that Anon finally saw the source of his discomfort. A little green mass of scales and legs had firmly attached itself to his leg yet again, for the third time this day, with a gaping, toothless maw clamped down on his ankle.
“Celestia dammit, Gummy!” shouted Anon. “What the buck is wrong with you?!” He was about to vocalize a threat about wallet-making when a voice made itself known.
“Hey, Anon. Could you use a…hand?”
His blood ran cold, and a massive shiver worked its way up his spine as he recognized the voice. It was bad enough he had to deal with the owner of the voice, but there was also a not-so-subtle hint of mischief in her words.
‘No,’ he groaned inwardly. ‘Not her, anyone but her. Give me Luna on a gaming binge. Give me Twilight on a dance night. Give me Discord. Give me anyone but her.’
He strained his head to look past his upside-down torso, and he groaned again at what he saw. There, standing a few feet away, was a mint green unicorn, and she was looking at him with bulging eyes and a Cheshire Cat-like grin. Only, she wasn’t looking at his face. She was looking at his hands. Instinctively, he pulled his hands over his chest, trying to get them out of her view. However, it was all for naught as the unicorn moved closer to him and continued to gawk at his curled digits.
“Hey, Lyra,” Anon said begrudgingly.
“What happened to you?” Lyra giggled, her bulbous eyes never leaving his hands.
“What happened?!” the human asked incredulously. “This is what happened!” He swung his free leg forward, revealing the little green monstrosity gnawing on his ankle.
Lyra glanced up at Anon’s ankle. Her facial expression went from maniacal to baffled as she looked at Gummy, then to Anon, back to Gummy a second time. Then, her shoulders began to shake as she snickered at the sight.
Anon groaned in frustration as Lyra’s snickering soon turned into full-blown laughter. He would’ve made a mental note to strangle her as well, but he figured that trying to assault a unicorn (especially one as crazy as Lyra) would be quite detrimental to his health.
“Lyra!!” yelled Anon. The unicorn jumped as she turned her attention towards him. “Will you quit laughing and get him off me?!”
“Uh, yeah,” Lyra replied, stifling her laughter. “Yeah, sure. No problem.”
Unlike Applejack and Rainbow Dash, Lyra had no difficulty in prying Gummy off Anon’s ankle. Her magic easily pulled the alligator’s mouth open, set him down behind her, and nudged him on his way.
Anon groaned, relieved that the walking wallet was finally gone. However, his relief turned into self-preserving concern as Lyra turned around to face him.
That look, that maniacal look in her eyes, was back. His concern quickly rose to near panic as Lyra began making her way to the upside-down human, her eyes locked onto his hands. He could only watch as the unicorn lowered her head onto his hands, still clutching each other in front of his chest, and began nuzzling them gently. He was never certain about it, but he would’ve sworn he remembered hearing her purring at that moment.
“So, Anon,” Lyra said mischievously after a moment. “Is there anything else I can….help you with?”
Anon was unable to answer. He knew Lyra was obsessed with humans, and hands in particular, but this took her obsession to levels he found most terrifying. What made it worse was the fact that she didn’t seem in a hurry for him to answer. In fact, he had taken so long by this point that she had laid down next to him and continued to nuzzle his hands.
“Uh, Lyra?” Anon stammered after what felt like an eternity.
“Yes, Nonny?” She opened her eyes and looked at him with her maniacal grin.
His blood ran cold at her response. It was cute when Pinkie Pie called him that, but Lyra’s mischievous tone of voice, coupled with the look in her eyes, made him feel like a fly caught in a spider’s web. It took all of his willpower to focus his attention and present his request.
“Could you….um….get me….down from here….please?”
The look on Lyra’s face slowly sank from maniacal, to confused and, finally, to disappointment. After a long minute, she sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
Her magic lit up once again, lifting Anon completely off the ground. Anon could feel the snare loosening its grip on his ankle, then being pulled off his leg, and Lyra setting him down gently on the ground. He sat up and began massaging both his ankles, noting that his right ankle, which had taken the most abuse, was quite swollen.
“Thanks, Lyra,” he said, turning his attention to the unicorn next to him. “I appreciate it.”
“Uh, yeah. You’re welcome.” This time, there was no mischief in her voice. “Need anything else?”
“No thanks. I just want to get home and get some ice on my ankle.”
Lyra stood up and, giving a curt nod, turned around and left.
‘I swear, I’ll never understand her,’ Anon thought, watching her leave. ‘Well, at least she was nice enough to get me down.’
He struggled to his feet, enduring the pain now coming from both his ankles. He turned to finish walking out of the alley when he saw something green on the stack of crates next to him at eye level.
It was Gummy, and he was holding the handle of a frying pan in his mouth. Anon had only a fraction of a second to register this before the alligator introduced the human’s face to the business end of the pan.
Everything went dark.
The bell over the door to Sugar Cube Corner rang, and Pinkie Pie turned to greet her latest customer.
“Hi, there! Welcome to Sugar Cube…” Her words were cut off at the sight before her.
Standing in front of her was Anon, and he looked absolutely dreadful. His hair was disheveled, his clothes were a mess, both of his eyes were black, and he had red splotches all over his face and arms. Something must’ve been wrong with his legs, for she noticed the pained look in his eyes with each labored step he took.
“Nonny?” she blurted out. “What happened to you?”
Anon said nothing at first. Instead, he extended his hand out and dropped Gummy down onto the counter. Pinkie glanced at the alligator, then at the human hoping for an answer.
“This is what happened,” he responded with more than a little anger in his voice. “Ever since this morning, he has been attacking me without cause. He has latched onto my ankle multiple times, he set up a snare trap in the alley, he hit me with a pan, he pushed me into the path of a moving cart.”
He shuddered.
“And I don’t even want to talk about what he did with the Weed Whacker.” He shuddered again, before glaring even more at the party pony.
“Seriously, Pinkie. It’s like the little psychopath is trying to kill me. What gives?”
Pinkie looked him up and down for a while, and then snickered, her mane and tail undulating.
“Why, that’s easy, silly! Don’t you know what happens when a predator smells blood in the air?”
Anon’s anger turned to confusion. What was Pinkie talking about? And what does blood have anything to do with….
His eyes turned down to his hand, and the realization hit him when he saw his bandaged-wrapped thumb. He had been working on his apple pie recipe that morning, and he had accidentally cut his thumb while slicing the apples.
“Of course,” Anon said. “They’re drawn to it like Derpy to a muffin.”
“You got it!” Pinkie happily exclaimed. “He must’ve seen your thumb, got a whiff of the cut, and said to himself ‘Ooh, that smells like blood, and it’s coming from the human. Well, that can only mean one thing. I’m a predator, and he’s the prey. I think I’ll hunt him and gnaw on him up one side and down the other since I have no teeth. And then I’ll….’”
Anon’s attention was diverted from Pinkie’s tangent to her mane and tail. They were moving about more frequently, seemingly with a life of their own. They also seemed to be weighed down by something inside. It was almost as if something, or somethings, was moving around with a will of its own.
“Uh, Pinkie?” he said, raising his hand.
“Yes, Nonny?”
“What’s with your mane and tail?”
Pinkie looked up at her mane, then back at her tail. When she turned back to look at Anon, he could see a somewhat embarrassed look in her face.
“Yeahhhhh. About that,” she started, her mane and tail beginning to bloat and writhe about even more.
“You see, Gummy maaayyy have disappeared for a few days last week, and he maaayyy have stumbled upon the….Mirror Pool,” she said nervously.
Anon was confused.
“What does that have to do with…”
His train of thought was interrupted Pinkie’s mane suddenly bobbed down, depositing a scaly, green mass onto the floor. He was terrified at what he saw.
It was Gummy. Anon quickly turned his gaze to the counter. There, staring at him, was Gummy. His attention was turned to the party pony as another Gummy dropped out of her tail.
“Uh, P..P..P..Pinkie?” he asked, fear quickly rising as yet another Gummy plopped out her mane.
“Nonny, no! Don’t be afraid!” Pinkie quickly shouted, as a Gummy plopped out of her tail. “Don’t you know that predators are attracted to fear?!”
Five more Gummys plopped out, three from her mane and two from her tail.
“I…I…I…I,” Anon trembled as seven more Gummys popped out.
“I GOTTA GO!!”
He turned to run as fast as he could, to escape the ever increasing crowd of Gummys pooling around Pinkie’s hooves.
“Nonny, stop!” Pinkie shouted as dozens of Gummys appeared, but it was no use.
Anon had already turned on his heels in a desperate bid for the door. Unfortunately, he had failed to register the closed door and hit it at full force.
Anon blacked out.
A panicked mess of words could be heard from inside Sugar Cube Corner, gaining looks of confusion from many of Ponyville’s residents. However, none of the words spoken were from Pinkie Pie or the Cakes. Neither Pinkie nor the Cakes would be shouting out an incomprehensible string of cursing and ranting; everypony knew that. So, what was going on?
The confectionery’s door was suddenly flung open, revealing to all the source of the disturbance.
Out came Anon, struggling to run with great difficulty. His body twisted and convulsed this way and that while his arms violently thrashed about. He was covered by nearly twenty Gummys, and they were crawling all over him, latching onto and gnawing on him. Anon could be heard trying to speak and scream, but this too was difficult as a Gummy had firmly clamped down on the human’s lips.
Witnesses later reported seeing a virtual river of hundreds, if not thousands, of Gummys pouring out of Sugar Cube Corner in an endless stream in hot pursuit.
Anon disappeared over the horizon and was never seen again.
