The Mane 6 Have A Rap Battle

by kittyhasnosoul

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Starlight Glimmer, Comedy, Profanity
Length: 1330

The mane 6 sort our their beef, by rapping.

The mane 6 have been friends for so long, but that doesn't mean they don't have something to say about one another.

Epic rap battles ensue.

Published 2020-01-17 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-01-17 02:00:01 UTC

Applejack VS Rainbow Dash

"Okay, so who goes first?" Applejack asked, in an outfit Rarity forced her to wear, including a golden chain and a snapback like Pinkie's, but red.

"I'll go first, but be warned, you'll loose all confidence, you won't even be able to say a word!" Dash exclaimed, adjusting her rainbow colored jumpsuit.

"Okay, go ahead, I guess." Applejack wasn't really into this. Yet.

"Ah-hem,"

"You're a boring background pony with barely any friends,
you barely do anything but work,
when does it end?
You're family does incest,
and it's kinda gross,
every Apple Family Reunion I see I wanna overdose."

Rainbow Dash had crossed a line, she had insulted Applejack's family.

Her only option was to destroy her.

"Okay, okay, Rainbow Crash,
you fled from your family, I guess that's why they call you Dash.
I'm sorry that I got a family dynamic
and you had to have a whole episode to establish one.
What's up with your sexuality?
One day it's Soarin, one day it's me
What happened to loyalty?"

Rainbow Dash had had enough.

"You barely get any screentime,
and if you do you're only in it part-time.
You should try being like me,
awesome as can be.
I've got fans, I've got game,
what do you have?
A really cool nickname."

Rainbow made this too easy for her.

"Mighty thanks for the compliment,
couldn't expect any less
from a mare that goes crazy when I flick my tongue in her-"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH," Rainbow cried.

The audience, the rest of their friends, were speechless.

"Fine, you win, AJ, just stop talking."

"Knew it."

Author's Note

this is really cringey and i got this idea from watching youtube disney princess rap battles

Fluttershy VS Rarity

"I don't know if I can do this," Fluttershy said,

"Of course you can, darling, and remember that no matter what is said, I will always be your friend," Rarity reassured her.

"I'll go first, to let you get the hang of it, okay, darling?" Rarity offered.

"Okay,"

Rarity was not prepared for what would come.

"I'll go soft on you,
just because you are scared,
darling, are you sure you aren't impaired?
Are you on any meds,
I think you should be
cause you're dragging us down with your anx-i-ety."

Fluttershy stood up, unbothered, and began.

"I'll have you know,
I see a therapist once a week
maybe you should try it?
For your impossibility.
You've failed to notice
how much I've improved,
it's called character development
have you even heard of it?
I've got a man,
and what have you got?
Blueblood thought you were a thot."

Rarity was staring in shock. She could not speak.

"You're over-dramatic,
always saying this is the worst thing that could possibly happen.
What you haven't yet witnessed,
is being destroyed,
by the quiet little pony
that has anxiety."

"I don't even want to do this anymore," Rarity said, "you can have this win, darling. I have been, as it were, utterly destroyed."

Twilight Sparkle VS Pinkie Pie

"Okay, so far we've witnessed Applejack getting more screentime than she has in 9 seasons, and Fluttershy destroying Rarity's confidence, forever." Twilight said. She had been writing all this down. It was apart of a new friendship study, I guess.

"IT'S OUR TURN!!!!!!" Pinkie shouted, and before Twilight had the chance to speak, she started rapping.

"When I first met you I thought you were really fun!
You were kinda a grouch,
but now I've got it all figured out!
You were raised by loving parents,
and a brother too,
yet you still couldn't make any friends!
You were so rude,
nobody wanted to touch you with a ten foot pole!"

"That doesn't really rhyme, you know." Twilight interrupted. Pinkie ignored her.

"You're favorite cupcake is salted caramel chocolate with a strawberry center and vanilla frosting,
you're so basic, every time I make your cupcakes I get bored!"

"Okay, at this point you're just kinda talking. My turn." Twilight then stood up, cleared her throat, and began.

"Have you ever considered taking valium?
Cause you talk a million per second.
Are you on cocaine?
Cause you're giving me pain in my brain,
and I wish you'd just shut up
cause you talk too much.
Maybe you should read a book,
if you don't get shook
that there's more to the world than cupcakes and sugar.
You'll probably get diabetes,
cause you're making me uneasy,
watching you eat all this frostines.
it's bad for your intestines."

Pinkie was unfazed, and decided to interject.

"My insulin comes at 70 bucks a refill,
maybe you're right, that it's dragging me down
but I'm happy,
what are you?"

"I think you just forfeited yourself, Pinkie." Rainbow said.

"Yeah, I don't reckon insulting yourself really wins a rap battle, Pinkie." Applejack suggested.

"Yes! So I won!" Twilight's eyes glimmered. "Okay, we're done, right?"

"Right...?"

Starlight Glimmer VS Mane 6

Starlight walked in.

"Whatcha doin?" She asked, glancing at their outrageous outfits. "Oh, rap battles? Lemmie try."

"You've saved the world a couple times,
no big deal.
You get all the credit, but students like me
know more about friendship than you do,
in fact I learned it in a week.
You've all got no flow,
and it's really sad.
Maybe I could teach you,
cause rapping's not as easy
as shooting laser beams,
but Discord and I
did without elementary.
Pinkie maybe you should reassess your diet
cause all that sugar's gonna leave your friends hangin',
but what about Twilight?
When we all die,
and you're still alive,
because you're immortal
all because you can fly.
That stupid princess title,
it's because you're privileged
Celestia favored you because you were rich.
Fluttershy, I've got no beef with you
Rarity, you're fine, you should hit me up sometime.
If you still can't find a stallion,
here's my number on a card,
cause I've got more ass than the royal guard."

The mane 6 had been obliterated. They were hospitalized for being completely roasted for 6 months after.

Author's Note

i am so bad at rhyming i am suffering

Let's Have A Battle (an epic rap battle)

"I'm bored," Rainbow said, lounging around Twilight's castle with the rest of her friends. They had decided to hang out because they all had nothing to do.

Dash was watching epic rap battles on PonyTube, looking for something to do. It was days like this that they sat in Twilight's giant castle with nothing in particular on their mind. No world to save, no immediate danger.

Rarity was working on one of her new dresses. As always. Applejack was eating an apple and thinking to herself, Fluttershy was meditating (something her brother taught her) and Twilight was reading about some crazy new spell. Who knew was Pinkie Pie was doing.

Rainbow Dash suddenly got an idea. "What if we had, like, an epic rap battle, like these ponies in this video?"

She showed them the video, showing two celebrity ponies dueling it out, roasting each other with each sentence.

"I dunno, Rainbow. Sounds like trouble, if we go 'round insulting each other like that." Applejack discarded her apple in the bin.

"I wouldn't want to get into a fight with anypony," Fluttershy inquired.

Suddenly, Pinkie hopped through the window, shattering it. "DID SOMEPONY SAY EPIC RAP BATTLE?"

"I heard that releasing tension is a great way to enhance friendships, and generally this just sounds like fun." Twilight said, putting her book down.

"So it's settled, AJ can suck my ass, and we'll have an epic rap battle." Rainbow had a grin on her face.

"You'd like that too much," replied Applejack.

"Gross, but go on," said Rarity, lowering her glasses and placing down her needlework.

"Well, you see, Rainbow likes-"

"NOT THAT!" Shouted everypony.

"LET'S DO THIS THANG!" Pinkie shouted, already in glasses and a snapback hat with gold chains.

And so they did.