Bedbug

by BezierBallad

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Thorax, Pharynx, Slice of Life
Length: 2831

Pharynx oversleeps one morning, so Thorax decides to have some fun with that. He immediately regrets his decision.

Pharynx sleeps in. Again. Thorax decides to mess with him. Bad idea.

Also why does Pharynx keep muttering about some Maulwurf?

Published 2020-02-06 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-06 02:30:01 UTC

“That Dang Maulwurf!”

“Where is he, where is he, where is he?” Thorax kept muttering the question over and over as he continuously paced around the throne room of the hive.

Up until this present moment, everything was normal. Or at least everything was supposed to be normal. Ocellus was at the School of Friendship, the drones were taking part in either the Feelings Forum or the many other activities, and Thorax himself was busy attending to his duties as a changeling leader, which obviously meant running the entire changeling kingdom, of course.

None of those things explain why Pharynx hadn’t shown up to attend his duties, Thorax thought silently to himself as he sat down on his large, wooden throne in the middle of an even larger clearing of the hive.

To him, it just wasn’t like Pharynx to supposedly decide to not do the usual and arouse the changeling soldiers so they could get the daily training sessions started. Heck, Thorax even woke up early just so he wouldn’t have to deal with Pharynx’s baritone voice booming at the drowsy guards, who weren’t exactly into the new schedule that was given to the warriors-in-training.

Unfortunately, that plan was immediately proven to be useless once Thorax realized that his older brother likely won’t be showing up today.

Why? Thorax didn’t have a clue. He just hated that fact. A lot.

The changeling leader let out a heavy sigh of exasperation as he slumped down in his seat, taking a moment to gaze up at the countless clusters of white clouds above him.

Thorax then gently shut his eyes just to use a few minutes of tranquil silence and relaxation to think about the possibilities of where his brother could be...

His eyes suddenly snapped open and his ears perked when he heard a yawn from someone nearby.

“Pharynx!” Thorax quickly sat up to greet his elder brother—

“Oh...” his eagerness and excitement deflated as soon as he glanced to see who it really was.

A turquoise changeling drone was rubbing his bright vermillion eyes. “Morning, Thorax,” he greeted the changeling leader politely, trying to display his best possible grin, despite looking like he was still half-asleep, before glancing up at the sun’s position. “Or is it afternoon?” he wondered aloud. “It feels like I’ve been sleeping forever.”

“I see it’s just you, Cornicle,” Thorax muttered as he lowered head in disappointment, loud enough for the drone to hear.

“Of course it’s me,” Cornicle merely replied as a few other drones came up to join him. He immediately took notice of the newcomers and added, “Well, it’s all of us, actually. Were you expecting someone else?”

“Well, have any of you seen my brother lately?” Thorax finally asked the group as he trotted up to them.

“Oh... You’re looking for Pharynx?” A light green drone questioned.

“Well, yeah! He was supposed to wake you guys up for combat training, wasn’t he?”

The group of drones exchanged unsure glances for a moment. “Sooo, should we tell him?” a yellow drone whispered to his peers.

It didn’t take very long for Thorax to catch that. “Tell me what? What’s going on?”

That was when a light blue drone spoke four words that just caused everything to make sense;

“Pharynx slept in again.”

Thorax immediately slapped a hoof against his own forehead. “Again? Why didn’t I even think of that possibility?”

“I know! It’s the fourth time this month that it’s happened!”

Thorax’s eyes widened; just how long has this been going on for? “And you guys didn’t bother to try waking him up—“

“And get kicked in the face by a tossing and turning changeling general?” a female drone cut him off. “No, thank you.”

Okay, what? Thorax shot her a glance. “Excuse me, what now?” he questioned as he raised an eyebrow at the drone.

“You mean they never informed you of this problem? It’s been happening for quite some time now!” Cornicle exclaimed as he stepped forward.

“What has? What is it?”

A moment of silence occurred, and Cornicle let out a sigh before continuing. “The truth is,” he explained, “Pharynx has not only been tossing and turning in his sleep, he’s been also been kicking and swatting and punching at the air, and...” he softly shuddered as he spoke. “All sorts of other stuff like that..”

Thorax’s throat went dry as he swallowed heavily. “How bad did it get?”

“Remember a few days ago when Coxa wasn’t able to patrol the area with us due to being in the medical chamber with a broken nose?”

Thorax suddenly winced at the thought. “Oh... right,” he chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head with a foreleg.

“Hey, it at least serves Coxa right,” a dark green drone said with a smirk. “It simply teaches him not to go doodling on other changelings’ faces when they’re slumbering.”

That comment elicited a couple of glares from his fellow changelings. “What? It’s only karma!”

“Right,” Thorax said as he rolled his dark magenta eyes. “Well, I guess I could try, you know, snapping him out of it? Or at least talk to him about the matter?”

“And end up with a fractured antler?” Cornicle remarked. “Thorax, that is a very bad idea.”

“It is a horrible idea,” another drone agreed.

“Guys, this is my brother you’re talking about,” Thorax reassured the small mob of subjects. “I’ll be fine. And this is coming from the changeling who had to spend his childhood playing the ‘Stop Hitting Yourself’ game, while being on the receiving end, of course.”

“Tch. Suit yourself, then...” Cornicle said audibly as Thorax already began trotting away. “Try not to get your antler knocked off in the process...”

“And be sure to tell Coxa we said ‘hi’ when you get sent to the medical chamber!”

Thorax silently peered into his brother’s dimly lit bedchamber, having to squint his eyes in order to properly see the changeling general in his deep slumber.

The only reason why the room wasn’t in pitch black darkness was that Pharynx kept kicking holes in his walls, thus allowing the morning sunlight to seep its way through the open spaces and into the room. So, that was a plus for the changeling leader.

Well, here goes, he thought as he wiped the pooling sweat off of his chitinous forehead. Taking a deep breath and bracing himself, Thorax steadily made his way into the bedroom.

The room itself hadn’t changed, surprisingly enough; inside, there was not only a bed, but there was also a nightstand, a rug and a table. There were even a few spears, some swords and shields, along with other things necessary for any sort of combat. Though Thorax couldn’t help but notice that certain things like flowers in vases and framed photographs weren’t present in the room. Probably because they just weren’t his taste, he guessed as he carefully trotted next to the bedside of his brother.

There was Pharynx, facing away from his younger brother, his body slightly shaking as he kept mumbling quietly.

“Hey, Pharynx...” Thorax whispered as he stepped closer to the elder changeling, trying not to let the anxiety get the best of him. “You okay, big bro?” he asked as he slowly reached a foreleg towards the bed.

Still asleep, Pharynx turned his body to face Thorax with a scowl, while tightly clutching one of the pillows with his forelegs.

Thorax just had to smile when he saw him in this state. Gee, he thought with a soft giggle. He just looks so cute when he’s sleeping like this.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for Thorax to realize what Pharynx was actually doing to that pillow.

Judging from the way Pharynx’s forelegs were jerking and twitching, he wasn’t cuddling the pillow he had in his grip. It was like he had it in a chokehold.

That alone left Thorax to question the obvious: Why the heck is my brother choking a pillow? He desperately wanted to ask that question out loud, so he almost did.

Too bad he wasn’t expecting Pharynx to suddenly hurl the pillow straight at him out of nowhere.

Upon recovering from the rough collision, Thorax managed to hear Pharynx muttering again. “That’ll teach you to mess with my brother,” he had said within his slumber, before pressing his head against the now-flat surface of the mattress.

Thorax sputtered as he held back his laughter, before reaching his foreleg out to the slumbering general.

“Back off, Maulwurf!” Pharynx responded as he abruptly swatted it away, causing the younger changeling to immediately withdraw his hoof. He had barely dodged it in time.

Thorax frowned. Maulwurf? Was that what Pharynx usually dreamed about? Where was Princess Luna when you needed her, then?

He watched as Pharynx continued to swat the air for a moment, before recoiling back into a regular sleeping position.

The changeling leader thought for a moment; he thought about trying to jostle him awake like anyone would usually do to their sleeping sibling. But Thorax just wanted to try a little thing or two. Maybe even more than that.

Okay, definitely more than that, he decided.

It was settled then; Thorax wrapped his forelegs around the closest bedpost he could reach. Then, he waited for a minute or two, seeing if Pharynx was going to keep sleep-talking.

“Okay, coast is clear. For now,” the general mumbled sleepily, lazily making a motion with his foreleg.

Thorax kept his grip on the bedpost, starting to slowly shake the entire bed back and forth. “Hey, Pharynx? Do you feel that shaking?” he whispered, trying to sound, well, convincing at least.

“What... shaking?”

Within seconds, the shaking became more and more violent, and Thorax’s anticipated grin grew wider and wider all the while.

Pharynx responded by clutching to the bed’s mattress. “Gah! Get down! Earthquake!” he said as he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.

Okay, this is just amazing. Thorax thought as he struggled to contain his laughter. The next thing he decided to do was to start punching the mattress in a steady beat, trying to stimulate the sound of giant footsteps. “You hear that, Pharynx? I think the Maulwurf’s back.”

“Oh yeah? Well let me handle it, then!”

SMACK!

Thorax stumbled backwards as Pharynx’s hoof came swatting across his chest, only to suddenly regain his balance just before he hit the wall.

“Okay, I guess that’s definitely enough messing around,” Thorax said to himself as he trotted back towards the bed. It was time to wake up Pharynx. Like, now.

“Okay, bro,” he said to the slumbering general. “I dunno if you can still hear me, but I was just messing around—“

“There’s no time for messing around!” Pharynx muttered in his sleep once again. “You guys take cover! Now!”

“Pharynx, I’m just trying to—“

“Now, Thorax! Go while you’ve still got time!”

The changeling leader squinted his eyes. “So that’s how you want to play, huh Pharynx?” he mumbled under his breath as he began backing towards the wall. “I guess you leave me no choice, then.”

Thorax then starting charging forwards, before launching himself onto the bed and tackling his brother.

He did not expect his brother to start wrestling him back even in his sleep, however.

Thorax nearly lost his hold on him when he saw him doing this. Still, he wasn’t going to give up on him that easily.

“Back off, beast! You’re messing with the a changeling soldier and you know it!”

“Just wake up already, Pharynx!” Thorax grunted as he then tried pulling his brother away from the bed.

“I said back OFF!” the general said as he suddenly used all the force in his back legs.

WHOMP!

Thorax grunted as he landed on the rug on the floor, groaning dizzily. A moment after the rough collision, he caught a glimpse of Pharynx pulling the bedcovers over his head, quietly grunting to himself. “Dang it!” Thorax whisper-shouted as he rubbed his head.

The changeling leader slowly got up, glaring irritatedly at his still snoozing brother.

Quietly, he took a few steps closer; he wasn’t giving up just yet.

Once he got back to his brother’s bedside, he immediately caught Pharynx’s hind hooves just sticking out from under the covers.

Still being more careful and cautious than ever, Thorax gave his hoof a gentle poke.

“Mmmph...” Pharynx rolled over to the side, his hoof twitching a bit.

Thorax decided to test this again, gently using the tip of his front hoof to trace the outer edge of the hind hoof.

That one elicited what sounded like a quiet chuckle from the elder changeling.

The lime changeling raised an eyebrow at these responses. He realized one thing: any pony or quadruped would know that hind hooves tended to be more delicate and sensitive than front hooves. (Seriously, what kind of sane creature would even go for the front hooves?) However, what he didn’t know was that changelings were no exception to that rule.

A grin started spreading across Thorax’s face; he had one last idea on his mind.

First, he just needed to turn into a pegasus, or at least any creature with feathery wings, but it would only be for a moment.

Twilight has pretty soft feathers, he figured as he shape-shifted into the lavender alicorn, plucking a feather from one of the large wings before changing back to his regular form, with the feather still in his mouth.

Since he lacked the magical aura that horned equines—like alicorns and unicorns—used to levitate objects, he had to take the possible risk of getting kicked in the face while doing this plan.

It was settled then. Thorax began gently trailing the feather along the chitinous surface of his brother’s sensitive (and admittedly, adorable) hind hoof.

Muffled giggles were heard from under the blanket. Thorax just kept going.

“Mmm... Staph it...” Pharynx muttered, his hoof starting to jerk.

The feather’s motions started going faster and faster, as Pharynx’s squirming kept increasing.

Thorax watched as his brother’s hoof shuddered in its position, as if Pharynx was genuinely trying his very hardest to not move. Still, he kept going.

After a while, he went for Pharynx’s other hind hoof, which twitched even more than the other when being stroked by the soft alicorn feather. It even resulted in it kicking lightly at the air.

“Mmmhmhmhm!” Pharynx just continued stirring about under the bedcover.

Until...

“S-Stoooop!” Soon enough, the changeling general finally exploded into fits of laughter, inadvertently kicking his brother for the umpteenth time. “Dang you, Maulwurf! Cut it out! Stop tickling me you little—Gahahahahaha! Hahahaha!” he laughed.

This time, Thorax did end up crashing into the wall, heavily denting one of his wings in the process, unfortunately. Nonetheless, he immediately got back up and grinned at the now-aroused Pharynx. “About time you woke up!”

The changeling immediately stopped laughing once he heard that. He then eyed the changeling leader. “What the? How long were you in here?”

Thorax chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s a long story, really. I talked to some of the changelings about where you were, and they said you overslept again...”

“I overslept again?!” he parroted, groaning loudly in embarrassment.

“Well, not just that. You were also sleep-talking, and—“

“Ooh, what happened to your wing there?” Pharynx cringed as he pointed with a hoof.

Thorax decided to be honest when explaining. “Well, you were swatting around, and kicking, so—“

Pharynx’s eyes widened. “Thorax, I’m so sor—“

“Pharynx, it’s fine. Really!” Thorax brushed his attempted apology aside. “Can I at least ask you what you were, um... dreaming about?”

“Do I have to?” the general sighed when the changeling leader nodded persuasively. He then took a breath before quickly explaining, “Well, it all started when I had some diamond dog in a headlock, and then there was a Maulwurf and there was an earthquake so I told you guys to go into hiding so I could fight it off, and when it was distracted, I went into hiding myself and—“ he took another breath “—and then, out of nowhere, it started tickling me.” He shuddered as soon as he said that last part.

Thorax couldn’t help it after that. He burst into fits of hysterical laughter as soon as Pharynx finished explaining his bizarre dream.

“I know it’s as weird as it sounds, I get it, but why is it funny?”

“I’ll talk to you about that later.” Thorax wiped tears from his eyes as he trotted out of the room. “Right now, I gotta get my bent wing taken care of.”

“Please just do me a favor and not tell anyone about this,” Pharynx grumbled loudly enough for his brother to hear.

“Oh, I won’t need to. They told me about this.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Hey, Coxa?”

“Thorax? What are you doing here? And what happened to your wing?”

“The other changelings said ‘hi’ by the way.”