As Partial Compensation, All Orgasms Are Rerolled
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As Partial Compensation, All Orgasms Are Rerolled
It could be argued that Twilight reacted so badly to hearing the knock at the library's door because it was Date Night, and the debate would have launched from a platform of extremely nervous facts: ones which had spent hours inching their way up to the podium while waiting for something to Go Wrong. It was hard enough just to clear the time: she had to find an evening where all of the tree's needs had been taken care of, there obviously couldn't be any friends scheduled to drop by, and somepony had to take care of Spike for the entire night because a little brother could not be there. (She had been living in a state of low-level, steadily-increasing dread that Rarity would eventually ask why). Oh, and the sadist who was apparently in charge of operating the universe needed to be asleep at the reins, because any degree of smirking awareness would probably see a mission called. And those were just a few of the factors which operated on Twilight's side of the clock: for the party whom she was in-theory-secretly dating to clear some part of the calendar was an effort which could cross borders or, more frequently, rearrange them.
So she didn't really pay much attention to the nature of that forehoof's knock: how it came with more than a touch of echo, or the little tapping rhythm of anticipation which followed the initial sound. Instead, she simply moaned (and, when it came to that night, not for the last time), pushed herself off the bench -- the light sweat of pre-date nerves made that exit into something of a skid -- and then the little alicorn marched towards the door, already Making Plans. The majority concerned how mission alerts had to be honored. Most of the remainder was trying to narrow down the range of potential patrons who would seek their reading material after library hours on a night when she'd posted the Closed To All Ponyville Residents AND YES THAT MEANS YOU sign, along with trying to figure out where to dispose of the body.
Barely an hour past Moon-raising, and she might not even make it to a date which hadn't been scheduled to start for another twenty minutes. It was aggravating, the frustration leaked into her magic, and that was why her corona yanked the door open.
An unstoppable combination of misplaced nerves, directed annoyance, and frustrated sex drive yelped "What?" into an exceptionally-dark summer night.
The uniformed mare standing on the other side blinked. The flat box held within her own corona bobbled somewhat with the minor movement.
"I come bearing," that mare stated, "a disc of baked dough. Coated in the decimated remnants of tomatoes."
Twilight stared at her.
"That is the proper term to apply," the mare huffily continued, having falsely concluded that the stare was due to her choice of vocabulary. "For no more than a tenth of what had been pulped survived to reach this stage. Additionally, there is an assortment of baked and diced vegetables. Along with a portion of pineapple." Thoughtfully, "The presence of pineapple chunks exists only to defy explanation, yet appears to be mandatory. And the final result is contained within this box. Which has been brought to its destination by a properly-uniformed mare, and so the conventions must be honored."
She inclined her head at Twilight, which involved rather more than the usual amount of 'down'. Waited.
The librarian was still staring at the uniformed mare. This was partially because the uniform never should have been there, but it was mostly because 'properly' didn't seem to apply. Oh, it probably would have been possible to acquire something appropriate, at least when it came to fit: the match of mare and uniform had already created a level of inherent universal contradiction which seemed to have light backing away from the tree. But if it had been absolutely necessary... a visit to a designer, a lengthy explanation of what was required, allow several breaks for the fainted party to revive and twelve secrecy-swearing signatures later, there would be a marginally less surreal sight on Twilight's doorstep.
However, in this case, the uniform probably hadn't been commissioned so much as commandeered. There would have been a pause while scouting through the dark sky, followed by a swoop, minimal explanation as to why the garment was being pressed into government service, probably another faint, and then a small pile of bits would have been left on the prone form of a recently re-nuded citizen as the newly-dressed pony continued through the night, accompanied by the little twangs which came from steadily-splitting seams. Because for the most part, ponies came in a fairly narrow range of sizes and the mare... didn't.
There was rather a lot of mare and when taken proportionately, very little uniform.
"...what?"
The very large mare sighed. Most of the red fabric which had been failing to compress her rib cage gave up right there.
"I am delivering a pizza."
"Oh!" Twilight exclaimed, because it seemed there were certain things you had to expect when you were seeing somepony and minor upheavals of reality currently took second place to the fact that Date Night was back on. "Sure, we can have pizza!" She quickly looked past the mare's flanks and saw what privacy required: just about nothing. "Is this darkness yours? I was expecting you to teleport in, but if you're trying to make sure nopony sees you until we're ready to tell everypony --"
"-- the conventions," the mare repeated, "must be honored." Inclined her head again. Waited.
Twilight thought about it.
"I'll get some plates."
The dark left forehoof was tapping a little faster now.
"The pizza cannot be eaten. Not at this time."
"Well, no," Twilight agreed. "Not until I get the plates. Um... did you put eggplant on it?" Which was immediately followed by a small wince. "Because I can smell it from here. Please don't be offended when you see me picking it off. You didn't know. I just don't like --"
"-- the pizza," the mare cut in with truly excessive patience (which, for this mare, was just about any patience at all), "requires -- payment."
Maybe she didn't pay for the uniform yet. Or the pizza.
Maybe somepony told her you need a uniform before you can carry a pizza.
Maybe she's decided late-night delivery services are naturally part of her dominion and from now on, all holiday tribute has to come with a garlic crust.
There were certain things you had to expect when you were seeing somepony, and Twilight wasn't always certain that the list included 'sanity'.
"...my bits are next to my bed. I'll just go --"
The mare took a deep breath. Frost crackled across the fabric on her back, which served as the only thing still holding it together.
"You fail to understand. You cannot pay for the pizza."
Twilight blinked. This swept several tiny particles of dust away from her coronas and so on the most base technical level, accomplished something.
"...my bits are next to my bed," she repeated.
"Within the conventions of this playlet," the mare slowly said, "you cannot pay. You do not have the bits."
"...my bits are --"
"-- the bits," the mare interrupted, "do not exist. There are no bits near your bed. There are no bits within the Late Fees box. There are, in fact, no bits in all of Ponyville. At the moment you approach them, they vanish. For you to desperately gallop through the town in search of payment would merely result in spreading a plague of bankruptcy. So in the name of not creating an economic crisis on Date Night, may we ignore the presence of currency?"
"...okay," was a word which could be vocalized, although Twilight wasn't entirely sure it, or anything else in the dictionary, currently applied.
"Good," the mare concluded. "We have established that there are no bits. We may further assume that you still desire the pizza, which you had ordered prior to my arrival and before that next sentence reaches your mouth, Twilight Sparkle, you ordered it."
"But not with eggplant," tried three rather desperate brain cells. "I never would have ordered anything with --"
The hoof tapping accelerated.
"There is no eggplant."
"I can smell --"
Chill fog rose from the mare's skin. The dark corona flashed. The smell vanished.
"There. Is. No. Eggplant."
"...okay," was threatening to become as locally popular as 'yeah'.
"I was unaware of the eggplant restriction. I will not take fault for something I had no previous knowledge regarding."
"I'm not blaming you," Twilight frantically tried.
"It may be possible," the mare mused, "to safely extinct the species. What percentage of the current population would you say are eggplant farmers? I am uncertain as to whether I have ever seen the mark in the modern nights. It did exist once, but the few ponies who bore it tended to wear pants at all times."
"...really?"
"The coverage cut down on the frequency of spectator giggling. At any rate, it seems we have reached the time of transfer." The box floated forward: Twilight's corona instinctively took custody. "This is the pizza which you so very much desire, yet lack the bits to pay for. Yet payment must be had. And so we must find..."
The mare's voice dropped. Thick eyelashes subtly batted at the air.
"...another medium of exchange."
She reared back slightly, and the last ice-coated pieces of uniform dropped to the ground. Long legs easily absorbed the force of landing, then bent carefully at all four knees, bringing her that much closer to Twilight's eye level. The semi-tangible tail stilled, and several stars twinkled with the light of desire.
"I am certain," she whispered in a voice coated with dark velvet, "that there is some other way in which you might make -- restitution..."
The initial few seconds following this statement didn't so much pass as carefully sneak away while hoping nopony spotted them. Everything from the twenty-first on noticed Twilight's bewildered, uncomprehending stare and simply ran for their lives.
Eventually, "...Luna?"
"This is not a particularly comfortable position to hold for an extended period, Twilight Sparkle," the larger alicorn stated. "It would help to find another. As part of the restitution."
"What are you doing?"
The alicorn blinked. Frustration flared several constellations in the dark mane, exasperation rearranged a nebula, and all of it went into a single "Truly?"
"This is just --"
"-- something has just occurred to me," Luna cut in as multiple stars dimmed. "Upon further consideration of the material, I believe you are actually the one who is supposed to make the offer." Her feathers rustled with embarrassment. "Very well. We restart from the --"
"-- I..." Twilight swallowed. "...I don't know what's going on... just that if it's something you want to do, then I -- I could try. The same way we tried going out with each other, and..." Her tail, which had been merrily twitching along without her notice, slowly stilled. "...that's been the best thing, I think. For both of us. Because we sort of -- anchor each other. I want to be with you, I want to do things with you, but -- right now, I just don't understand."
The older alicorn briefly closed her eyes. Slowly, carefully dropped lower, came to rest upon her knees.
"It recently occurred to me," Luna quietly said, looking directly into Twilight's wide eyes as the surrounding shadows deepened, "that we may be with each other for -- some time. Our relationship has only begun -- but as we become more familiar with each other, there is the chance for that increased knowledge to trigger stasis. Each acts only as the other already knows they will, and such can be comforting -- but it can just as easily produce boredom. A desperate search for anything new, and separation occurs simply because being apart is unfamiliar. If we do not last --" her head heavily dipped, dark eyes now looking away from the younger "-- then so be it. But not from stasis, Twilight Sparkle. And it is early yet, so very early... but I wished to introduce -- variety into our encounters. And so I ventured into certain sections of the palace library, delved deep into fiction, and -- used what I found. I thought your own reading would lead you to recognize the playlet. I should not have assumed."
And now she was looking at the ground, with only the little pool of light from the doorway reaching her at all.
"I... hate having confused you. I wish that I had never --"
Twilight nuzzled her.
Dark eyes shot open.
"Variety?" Twilight gently asked through the nuzzle. "Is that what this is?"
"I wished to begin with the most frequent example," Luna quietly replied. "And thus the most likely to be known. I failed." She paused. "Actually, there was a choice of two. In the other, I would have come to clean your swimming pool."
The little mare briefly frowned. "I don't have a swimming pool."
"And thus my choice," Luna observed. "But you were not aware of how the scene was meant to play out. So I have failed."
The nuzzle carefully worked its way towards Luna's snout. "What was I supposed to do?"
"You were meant to offer restitution for the pizza," the older alicorn explained, "in the form of sex."
Twilight blinked. Slowly, carefully broke contact, adding a touch of ear-flick at the end to indicate the caress would soon resume. Floated the box closer, and opened the lid.
"Sex," she repeated.
"Yes."
"For a pizza."
"Exactly."
"...it's cold."
Dryly, "I feel that you are still missing the point of this exercise."
Twilight tried the nuzzle again. It didn't seem to be doing much.
"It was a rough playlet upon an ill-chosen stage," Luna sighed. "Taking on the role of another far too prematurely, when we are each still trying to learn who the other truly is --"
"-- a role?"
The sheer force of the words broke the contact. But that was necessary, because Twilight had to look directly at her now, let Luna see the joy which had just sparked in her eyes.
Simultaneously confused and hopeful, something which was so much a part of Luna, "Twilight Sparkle?"
"We're roleplaying?"
One dark eyebrow curved. "That had been my hope --"
The response came as four words of open, almost miraculous delight. The joy of a mare who had not only just seen a wish fulfilled, but had it be one which she'd been afraid to express.
"I'll get my sourcebooks!"
There were now several fresh stacks of books on Twilight's largest nightstand. Some of them were comprised of thin paperbacks, while others had been made with the sort of hardcovers which were taking a temporary break from the foundation stone life. A few featured colorful art, others gilt edging and compared to the prices of similarly-sized books, every last one had chosen a personal multiplier.
Luna, whose body was carefully strewn across both the main bed and a hastily pushed-up guest one, had been skimming through most of it. Catching up on a thousand years of missed time required the ability to read in a hurry.
"All right!" Twilight enthused as she came up the ramp: the trailing corona bubble brought the assorted small polyhedrons in a few seconds later. "Now don't worry too much about which system we're using! Because honestly, there's just so many of them!"
"I believe I have seen that," Luna carefully stated. "This one..." Her corona flipped a page. "This claims to be the -- third edition?"
"You're only at Third?" The little mare's trotting pace accelerated as she moved towards the bed(s).
"There is a maximum reading speed for those who wish to retain any degree of information." Another page flipped. "Comprehension, however..."
Twilight, who was too happy for little things like details, merrily leapt onto the nearest portion of mattress. "There's five editions, Luna! The first is just about the oldest one there is! The fifth only came out a little while ago. And at the time every last one of them was published, it claimed to be the best. The most definitive, or even ultimate, guide to roleplaying there could ever be! Which just meant the subsequent editions were even more definitive. Isn't that silly?"
"So if each is definitive and ultimate," Luna pondered, "how can the different versions be reconciled?"
The smaller alicorn giggled. "Homebrew!"
"I fail to understand --"
"-- just let me take care of the details!"
"And this," Luna carefully inquired, "will assist us in sexual roleplay."
"Yes! Because it'll help us assume characters! You wanted to be a deliverypony, right?"
"That had been my original intent," the dark mare cautiously agreed.
"And you had some perfectly understandable trouble with it," Twilight attempted to comfort as she carefully curled up next to the pleasantly cool fur, arranging most of her form against the long torso. "Because you didn't understand how this works! But this should help with everything, because --" her voice dropped into the deepest realms of delight "-- there's rules for roleplaying! Lots of them!"
"Rules." It had emerged as a rather plain sort of word.
"And we can mostly ignore the ones which contradict each other," Twilight quickly added. "Delivery shouldn't even have that much of a skill tree. So. Character creation..." A pinkish corona seized several thick tomes. "Did you go through any of these?"
She completely missed the tension which had suddenly dropped into Luna's voice. "Yes."
"I thought you might like them! Because it's about being all dark and brooding and struggling against a world which wants to think you're a monster --" and realized she was potentially about to cross the line between Date Night and Fight Fest "-- only you're really this cuddly bundle of fur and feathers who's just misunderstood." The top hardcover in the stack opened itself. "So that's a good place to start --"
Twilight stopped. A deep red blush began to underlight purple fur.
"-- oh."
"Regarding those books," Luna carefully began. "I had time to go through a number while you were searching for the dice --"
"I never thought about the sex part," Twilight said. "Not with these books."
"A remarkable achievement," the older alicorn darkly stated. "As attempting to invoke such an atmosphere seems to be a great deal of what such those books were about. And please note that I described the results as 'attempting'. When it comes to the actual content --"
"-- because vamponies can't enjoy sex! And wraithponies are dead, so they can't have sex. Only they're not dead in the same way. It's more like a ghost dead, except ghosts don't exist. And neither do vamponies. But in the books, they've both existed for thousands of years." Thoughtfully, "But the vamponies don't know the wraithponies exist. The vamponies think they control the world and they hardly know anything else exists unless it's another vampony."
"Natural politicians," Luna diagnosed. "Again, regarding the content --"
"-- and you don't want to think about werepony sex." Twilight shuddered. "Turning into bipeds. I still don't know anypony who thinks that was a good idea. But don't worry, because there's more type choices! But we'll both have to be the same one, because none of them really know anything about the others. And they're not supposed to meet, even though they've been in the same world forever and everything they do influences each other."
"And thus we move to diplomacy," Luna softly groaned. "Twilight Sparkle --"
"Oh, we're not playing that. There's no real characters! And we're doing this so we can stay together as long as possible. Not so we can break up before we get under the covers. Because we would need to have a six-hour discussion about whether we were getting under the covers. Minimum." Twilight shuddered. "Nothing drives friends apart like diplomacy."
The entire speech occurred while Luna was looking at her. It was a regard Twilight completely missed, and it came from an expression she never would have understood. It was the face of a mare who had just worked a personal equation, measuring the affection for a potential lifemate against Having To Put Up With This, and had regretfully realized the total somehow worked out to a positive integer.
"-- I believe --"
"-- so let's stick with dark and brooding! Pick a supernatural template to apply -- oh, no..."
"-- that you have chosen --"
"I just realized!" Twilight declared, eyes wide with the horror which could only be experienced by a retroactive rule-breaker. "We're both alicorns!"
"-- something which -- what?"
"We're already three supernatural templates applied to the same character! That can't be legal --"
A very large wing draped itself across Twilight's body. It was a gesture of comfort, presence, and only incidentally served to jam several feathers against her mouth.
"Twilight Sparkle," Luna carefully said, timing her words through the muffled yelps, "I went through several of those books. I did not have time to take in their full content. However, experience allowed me to quickly recognize the existence of a reversed escapism, where the fictional life is so bleak as to make one's true existence seem better by comparison -- and I am speaking as an entity who spent a thousand years in isolation while trapped within Moon, so please consider the source. Additionally, based on both my reading and some previous experience with pyramid schemes, I predict that each supplemental volume contains exactly one minor nugget of new information and a great deal of rather bleak artwork, which is most of what you are paying for. Additionally, multiple authors attempting to create a shared setting would do well to create a master plan. Or, at the very least, speak with each other once per year, which is more than anypony here had clearly bothered with."
She lifted the wing, and so saw Twilight's frown.
"Anyone," the librarian primly corrected.
"Truly?"
"They're written by donkeys."
"Ah. Yes, that would explain the constant theme of hopeless struggle in a doomed environment whose death is only hastened by one's efforts. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Without you, I would have been mailing the return to the wrong postal code." Her corona seized and relocated several thousand pages (along with up to three pieces of relevant worldbuilding, one of which contradicted the other two). "Next?"
"I fail to see why both of these are unsuitable."
"It's the rules. That one's First Edition!"
"And was described to me as being the original definitive and ultimate. Your point?"
"You didn't see the spellcasting system!"
"...spellcasting."
"We both have horns. We've both played around with magic while we were --"
"-- I will concede the point to reality. So why is this unsuitable?"
"I'm pretty sure you're higher level than I am."
"Level."
"Yes."
"If we are both level, then we occupy the same plane and neither of us is any more elevated than the other --"
"-- oh, don't even get me started on planes! Luna, you can cast more spells than I can, right? You're more experienced."
"Yes..."
"That means you're higher level. So I could use my corona to give you a nice rubdown."
"Hmm. A rather capital idea. Yes. Let us begin there. 'As you requested a truly heroic three additional toppings --'"
"But I could only do it for eighteen seconds. And then I'd have to sit in a room all by myself and read for five days before I could try to do it again."
"Ah. So following the rules in this book would turn your sex life into what it was before we began our mutual courtship. And this other? The one which you said was best-suited to describe all facets of our characters during the creation phase?"
"It uses one-second activity increments for any physical contact. Do you have any idea how many dice we'd have to roll between those seconds?"
"I am rather more concerned with where some of them might wind up rolling to. That four-sided specimen --"
"-- we'd have to keep making skill checks! And track position shifts. The good news is that I'm pretty sure we can skip the dodge rolls, but it's not as if anypony ever makes those anyway. But just trying to follow the rest of it... Luna, if we use this, we'll just spend the whole night talking to each other."
"Truly?"
"Because when it comes to these rules, talking is easier than doing anything else. But we're still disqualified from putting this one into play."
"Because?"
"The bed would have to be hexagonal."
They had both leaned in over the same book. Their horns were touching, and the longer one carefully rubbed against the length of the smaller.
"This one is... interesting," Luna considered. "No dice. A deep affection for shadows, which is something I am more than ready to appreciate. And the feeling that only the ones closest to you are the most real. The very definition of the perfect sexual encounter. So how is this administrated?"
"It's one of the best concepts," Twilight softly sighed. "And I loved the original novels. But I could never find anypony to play it with. And now --"
"-- I am here now," Luna gently told her. "I mean to stay. The rules, Twilight Sparkle. How do they apply to us in this time and place?"
"They..." The little mare winced. "...they sort of... can't."
"Why? Creating the characters is simple: they encourage basing such on ourselves! We define our capabilities, we state where we are and what what we wish to do, and then --"
"We're the players," Twilight cut in.
"Yes. We play with each other," Luna smiled. "Your point?"
"We say what we're doing to a neutral third party. And then they tell us whether it happens."
The mares looked at each other across the pages.
"A third party," Luna carefully repeated.
"Somepony whose only interest is supposed to be making sure we have a good time. So they can see how it all comes out. And they'd have to stay here, watching, so they could serve as referee. Since nopony knows we're dating, we'd have to tell somepony and hope they would be neutral."
"And even if such a pony exists," Luna mused, "they would be neutrally watching us have sex. Not something I wished to experience so early in our relationship, if indeed we ever delve into such an interest at all."
Twilight shivered. "No. I want to be with you. Not you and somepony sitting off to the side who keeps taking notes."
"Additionally," the dark mare considered, "there is the security clearance issue."
"...the what?"
"I am a ruling Princess," Luna reminded Twilight. "You have far less reason to care about any personal title, but you remain in the emergency line of succession. It could be argued that our relationship should be viewed as a state secret. And in that case, the only one who might be qualified to both know and observe is --"
Two inner stages were instantly occupied by the same white form.
"...I believe," Luna eventually choked out, "we need to close the book."
"Yes!" Twilight instantly agreed. "Right now!"
"And never open it again."
"NEVER!"
"The Ambidexterity feat looks useful."
"I don't think we can meet the prerequisites."
"Which are?"
"Hands."
They were both nibbling on the pizza. The same slice, and doing so while staring at a well-dogeared page. A dogeared page in a book owned by Twilight, which was additionally adorned in years-old sweat stains of frustration.
"One of the things which attracts me to you," Luna declared, "is your intelligence. Have I told you that?"
"Yes," Twilight weakly smiled. It would have been stronger, but an old foe had just landed its usual blow in a sore spot.
"And that you are rather cuddly," the dark mare added. "But intellect has a value. And would I be correct in assuming your intellect has wrestled with these words before?"
"Too many times," Twilight sighed. "I... like your brains too, Luna. It's nice having somepony I can just talk to. Without worrying about whether I'm using the wrong words, or too many, or -- anything."
"We respect each other," Luna concluded. "We recognize each other as equals. We are, without debate, two of the most intelligent sapients upon the planet."
"You are," Twilight automatically said. "But it's nice that you feel that way about me."
It wasn't a good time for the full argument. "Two geniuses," Luna went with instead. "Trying to solve the same problem."
Twilight bashfully nodded.
"And I do appreciate this concept," Luna added. "But I have been over these rules six times in the last twenty minutes, there is only so much night remaining to us, and no matter how many times we both try to make sense of how this is supposed to happen..."
Her left forehoof flipped the cover closed.
"'Orgasm Of Opportunity'," the older alicorn quoted. "Let us hope that one day, somepony might work out the means of actually having one."
The pages blackened within the fire, curled in on themselves before turning to ash and moving up the flue to disperse in summer heat.
It was a process which was being silently watched by two alicorns. The older had literature itself as one of her dominions, while the younger had a regard for books which usually bordered on the fetishistic and occasionally leapt across the line. They both saw the written word as precious, something which needed to be protected at all costs. Each perceived censorship as a last resort, at least on those occasions when it wasn't a sin. And yet they both stood in front of the fireplace, watching a book burn.
"I didn't know I had that one," Twilight eventually said. "It came from a bulk auction. I just -- shelved it."
They'd already bleached the shelf.
"Dark tomes," Luna told her, "have a way of finding entrance to hallowed halls. Simply be glad that no others within the tree saw those writings before we did."
Twilight nodded.
"I'm still sorry."
The book's spine fell apart.
"Sneak preview..." Luna said.
"What?"
"Do not concern yourself. I was merely pondering the existence of the authors. Such as it is. Or may be. Or might continue. At least for the short term."
The librarian nodded, and the movement came across as a little -- vicious.
"Let me know when you find them," she darkly told Luna. "I want to be there. I want to tell them why it's happening."
The lovers nodded at each other. The appendix added a little warmth to the world, which was the only time anything about the book would be able to say that.
"Only what they have brought upon themselves," Luna told her. "Only what they have earned. And then nopony will ever 'roll for vaginal circumference' again."
It was, perhaps, a truism of first sessions. The majority of time was spent in trying to work out exactly how things might proceed, and it left very little time for actually doing any of it. They had read, (mostly happily) argued, snacked, cuddled, and argued some more. The remnants of their arguments were scattered about the library, and it wouldn't be long before Sun illuminated exactly what they'd been doing. Each was struggling against a deadline: the older had an orbiting body to consider, and the younger had been up for hours. But they had finally reached some level of consensus, and neither wanted to stop before the deed was actually done.
They were under the covers. (That had been a coin flip.)
"So I can't pay," Twilight softly declared. "I just can't..." And smiled. "After eight rolls to bottom out on starting money, I just can't pay!"
"And yet," Luna whispered, "the pizza is here. Or once was, having already been eaten. The product cannot be returned. So what can be done regarding my -- compensation?"
Both mares giggled.
"I have something you might like," Twilight offered. "Let me show you..."
There was a rattle. This was followed by multiple small bouncing noises, and ended on a groan.
"Twilight Sparkle?"
"...I need to find the fumble table."
"The what?"
"It's first contact. So I rolled to hit. And I didn't. Let me see..." Pages flipped. "It's a good thing we're not using Second. There's a one in forty chance that my horn would have exploded. As it is, a critical miss on that should put me..."
A small body wriggled under the blankets.
Luna made a sound. It was the sort of sound which had been meant to fill in during those circumstances where words were about to be a problem.
"I had to hit something!" Twilight's rather muffled voice called out.
A series of gasps eventually managed to assemble a rough approximation of "With your horn."
"It's what I rolled! It's the dice! They've hated me all night! That twenty-sider is out to get me!"
"Your horn," Luna barely vocalized, "is still there. And you move when you speak --"
"-- I'm sorry --"
"-- I did not say to stop! Honest rolls, Twilight Sparkle! Let the dice fall where they may! Recite our nation's founding declaration! Your friendship scrolls, from memory! Let us discuss the dramatic unities -- OH!"
"Luna?"
"Orgasm Of Opportunity!"
They were cuddling again.
"I should not have kept you awake for so long," Luna whispered. "My hours, not yours. You still have Sun to greet." A Sun whose light was just beginning to kiss the windows.
"...it's a delayed opening today," Twilight sleepily muttered. "And if we're together... I have to get used to it. So I can see you as much as I can..."
Nuzzling took place.
"Is Moon lowered?"
"Yes," Luna yawned. "You up too late, and the end of my hours after a full night. A delayed opening, you said?"
"...a little bit delayed..."
"And none will look for me for some time," weary royalty decided as she watched purple eyes close. "I think..."
There was something she'd been worried about. A mutual concern, shared with her lover. But she was wrapped in weariness and warmth, and couldn't seem to remember what it was.
"...that I should rest somewhat... before I go ba --"
Spike opened the last lock.
Staying at Rarity's for the night wasn't always what he hoped it would be. It was fun just to have a whole dinner for talking to her, especially knowing Twilight was halfway across town and in no position to make him reshelve anything. And just getting to curl up at the foot of her bed... that was a dream which operated on several levels, and trying to work out half of them made him fall asleep all the faster. But you couldn't really have a sleepover at the Boutique, at least not when it came to staying asleep. For Rarity could find inspiration in many places and when one of those turned out to be dream, a dragon in the bedroom rapidly turned into one in the storeroom, desperately sorting gems while she frantically sketched, trying to capture every aspect of the most recent vision before it faded.
It meant he was more than a little sleepy when he entered the library, and so he didn't notice the debris until he stepped on it.
The impact didn't really meant much. There were sapients who would have reacted to the little numbered pyramid in a way more suited to having stepped on a caltrop, but he had scales and so most of the poke came from the pressure of having his own protection's edges pushing against the skin underneath.
He recovered the lone die, then looked around the library and in doing so, found there were also wads of paper everywhere, failed efforts crumpled and discarded, and for Twilight to have just left things lying around in a mess was cause for worry --
-- but then he opened up one of the papers. Quickly read down the sheet, noted the low attribute rolls in precisely the wrong places. A further survey discovered scattered books of exactly the nature he was now expecting, and then he silently worked his way up the ramp. Went into the bedroom.
Two sleeping alicorns were tucked under the covers of a conjoined bed. Wings were extended as protective mutual shields. And they were surrounded by closed books and opened books and texts with multiple bookmarks sticking out, by discarded character sheets littering the top of the blankets, with two completed ones tucked against the headboard for easy reference. Graph paper substituted for half of the pillowcases. And there were dice all over the floor.
(This went with the five complex polyhedral shapes which had, in the strictest sense, wound up under the blanket. Which was to say, their current storage medium was under the blanket, and he would never learn about what had been done with them.)
There was also an empty pizza box, and that was the aspect which confirmed everything.
Spike quietly turned around, went back to the library proper, then began to clear enough space to place his basket. But there was something else to be done, and a little brother had an obligation to fulfill that commitment. Even if his sibling would never hear it, and a Princess never should.
The dragon slowly shook his head, and voiced the mandatory.
"Nerds..."
