Episode 9: Trixie on The Daily Show
Ever since Jon first started interviewing ponies from Equestria there was one individual who had always been his biggest asset. Princess Celestia.
From approaching Jon with the list of ponies names to teleporting both himself and guests to and from New York, Celestia was always the one person (or pony) he could rely on when it came to "Equestrian Interviews." That is until the night Jon requested something that even she would not help him with.
Jon had interviewed Twilight Sparkle not a couple hours ago and already he was conducting further business. Locked in his study away from the prying eyes of his family Jon had called Celestia to make a request...a request that she did not take to hearing very well.
"And you're sure you can't think of anyone?" Jon pleaded.
"I'm sorry Jon," Celestia answered with a sigh. "But I'm afraid I can't help you this time. What you are asking just sounds so...distasteful."
"Yeah I know," He responded. "But that's just how it works around here."
"Well if that's the case then I must commend you on being able to acclimate yourself to such standards within your profession," she continued. "But here in Equestria everypony is unique and deserving of the same praise as anypony else."
"I suppose you're right." Jon said, as he rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry if I upset you."
"That's quite alright Jon. I bear no ill will." Celestia responded in a soothing manner, like a mother to a child. "You are more than welcome to continue with this idea though I'm afraid all I can do is send somepony to you. Nothing more."
"I understand," He said. "If I make a decision on who I want for this project I'll call you back tonight, ok?"
"Of course Jon. Good luck!" Celestia said. "Say 'hi' to Tracey and the kids for me."
"Will do." Jon said with a heavy sigh as he rubbed his tired eyes. "Oh and Celestia let me just say it never ceases to amaze me at how much of a kind and loving person you are."
"Why thank you Jon." She responded humbly.
"...There's no way in hell you'd ever make it in show business." He added. Celestia responded with a slight laugh.
"I'll take that as a compliment." She said. The two said their goodbyes and hung up, leaving Jon alone in his study with only the the occasional gust of wind providing any sound.
"I definitely could have phrased that question better." Jon thought to himself as he ran his fingers through his aging hair.
After his vacation to Ponyville and meeting Twilight Sparkle, some changes occurred in Jon's normal routine. For one he had been more cautious about work and who he chose to appear on his show.
Jon previewed Twilight's appearance for days in both his world and Equestria. As as as result her segment was the highest rated Equestrian Interview to date. However at the last second she almost cancelled leaving Jon without a guest for the night.
Ordinarily this wouldn't have been too much of a problem as Jon usually had a backup plan for these kinds of things; however with Twilight it would have been different. If she hadn't shown up the fans wouldn't have gotten their daily dose of pony like Jon had promised. This would have been devastating for the show.
To combat this possible scenario from ever happening again Jon had sent (through Celestia) more letters to Equestrian citizens, requesting their appearance at a later date. This way Jon would have multiple people willing to appear instead of just having one at a time. Thereby making scheduling that much simpler.
Another one of Jon's plans in making sure his show ran smoothly was having a pony come by the studio and do an interview off-the-air and save it for later as a back up recoriding in case a guest couldn't make it for whatever reason. The act of taping an interview with the sole invention of never playing it unless there was an emergency was a very common practice in show business and has proven to work before in the past.
One incident that came to mind was when Jon had the opportunity to interview a high-ranking senator who on the day of his interview had to fly back to Washington D.C. to cast his vote on an important piece of legislation. At the time Jon had some footage of an unused interview that he used as a placeholder and eventually got to have the senator on his show a few days late, so all as well.
This rarely happened but Jon didn't want to take any chances. Especially with "Equestrian interviews" because had this happened with Twilight he would be in serious trouble due to the fact that he didn't have access to any back up pony interviews. Only human ones.
So with his heart in the right place Jon called Celestia with an idea that, though efficient, had her feeling somewhat flustered. What Jon had proposed to her was a pony coming over very early the next morning to do an off-the-air taping of an interview. Though in his haste to cover his bases Jon had accidentally used the phrase "uninteresting" in describing anyone she knew for the job.
Getting someone to appear for an interview was simple business. You get the famous people to appear live on prime time to bring in the ratings and you get the nobodies to appear as backup footage to be used as a filler for the next famous person. To Jon it was business, but to Celestia it was foul.
Although she had some disagreements in what Jon was proposing she understood the importance of having a 'plan B.' But asking her if she knew anyone who wasn't interesting enough to go on a live showing was too much.
She still allowed Jon to have someone come on his show for this off-the-air taping but it was still her position that everyone in Ponyville was equally important. So to that end the task of coming up with a guest for the project was entirely up to Jon.
"Yeah...I really could have phrased the question better." Jon thought, as he slumped his tired head on the palm of his hand to keep him up. Jon would spend the next hour or so thinking to himself as he poured over the list of names belonging to a different pony.
The next thing to cross of his "to do list" was find someone bland enough to appear tomorrow morning. This proved to be harder than he thought.
Captain of the Wonderbolts
Fashion Photographer
Spa Owners
Successful business owners
Doctors
Butchers
Bakers
Candlestick Makers
All these ponies were interesting enough to merit their own real interview and just the fact that they were all talking animals in itself meant burying one for the sake of filler would be a grave injustice...and yet it had to be done.
Great guests aside the process of asking someone too do an off-the-air taping was always an awkward one. By asking someone to do so is basically saying to them:
"Hey buddy, guess what? You're no where near interesting or likeable enough to appear on TV for real so howsabout we record your no-talent-as just in case we need to kill time for someone who is?"
Jon sat up in his chair and shook his head to try and stay awake.
"At this point it could be anyone." Jon thought with a tired sigh. Almost on cue a flash of light momentarily distracted him from his critical thinking. The light illuminated from a burst of emerald green fire, which came and went within a matter of seconds leaving behind only a faint smell and a bundle of sealed envelopes.
"Oh great," Jon said with a yawn. "More mail."
Another change in Jon's routine as a result of his vacation in Equestria was the chance to have a direct mail service between himself and his other worldly fans. Before leaving Ponyville Jon had set up a system where any fan mail from Equestria would be sent to Twilight's house whereupon it would be finally transported to Jon via Spike. It wasn't the best mailing system but it meant that for the first time ponies in Equestria (many of whom believed Jon to be not real) now had the chance to voice their opinions to Jon. And voice them they did...many times a day.
Had this been a month or two ago Jon would have been utterly shocked by the sudden appearance of anything through the medium of fire, but it had been happening so regularly for the pass couple of days that Jon could practically set his watch to it.
Jon grabbed his new bundle of letters and skimmed through them one by one just to get a quick idea of what they were regarding. He was almost half way through the collection of letters before gently tossing them back on his desk; he was going to read them all later but in the meantime it looked to be a normal assortment of what to expect. Requests to have someone on the show, requests to have the sender on the show, ideas to make the show better, and general questions.
With deep breath Jon sat back in his chair and continued to think about what his next move was going to be. He closed it eyes and could feel himself gently floating away when something jolted him from his near slumber. Another small flash of light...only this one was somewhat different
He looked forward at his desk but no new letter could be found. In addition the flash of light was very faint compared to what he usually witnessed and the faint smell of smoke was absent. Jon wondered if he had merely dreamt whatever it was he thought he saw. In response to this he rubbed his hands over his face.
Bzzzt
This time Jon knew he wasn't dreaming because in addition to seeing the same faint flash of light he also heard something. Jon scooted closer to his desk, again no new letters. He leaned forward so to see if he could catch whatever it was that was causing the commotion.
Suddenly it happened again.
Bzzzzzzt
A little surge electricity appeared in front of him. Somewhat surprised Jon's first instinct was to check the wiring around his desk to see if there was a broken cable or something of that nature. Though this was somewhat pointless as the electrical shock appeared no where near any wiring. Almost as if it was in mid-air.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzt
It returned again. Time time it appeared much quicker and brighter than before. Louder too.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT
Now the surge of electricity was starting to get bigger and more violent. Jon was about to get up call someone who would know a thing or two about electrical currents when all at once a burst of light and energy sent him flying back with great force. Fortunately for Jon his desk chair caught him before he could fall, but the papers and other trinkets on his desk however were not so lucky as most of them scattered all over the ground.
Jon opened his eyes to see a cloud of smoke atop his desk. He didn't panic though because even through it's thick smog he could tell there was no fire; just smoke. In addition the smoke in question was not what Jon would call normal. Instead of being a black haze it was actually purple and blue.
Jon covered his mouth and used his free hand to wave the think mist away. He couldn't see much but he could just barely make out a lone figure standing on his desk. Who ever it was Jon could tell it was female based on the tone of her voice as he coughed and gestured off the cloud of smoke herself.
Even though he couldn't see what the person looked like through the slowly dissipating smoke there was one thing he did know for sure. Based on the silhouette of this mysterious stranger Jon could infer that it was a pony.
Eventually the colorful gas evaporated revealing both Jon's messy desk and a dark neon blue Unicorn. Her mane was comprised of light streaks of blue almost to the point that it looked white, and her cutie mark was not visible as it was covered by a cape held together by a diamond.
In fact, aside from maybe a hat or collar, this had been the first time Jon had seen a pony wear much clothing at all. Most of her body was covered by a purple cape and atop her head was a wizard's hat, both of which were purple and adorned with blue and yellow stars. Whoever this pony was she certainly seemed colorful.
With the smoke now gone, and any sense of danger along with it, Jon slowly approached the Unicorn to get a better look. It was then that he noticed that she looked as if she would fall over at any moment. Her legs wobbled strenuously and her breathing was heavy like she had just emerged from underwater.
"Is she injured?" Jon thought to himself. "I better see if she's ok."
Although his study was now a mess Jon felt it was only right to see if she needed assistance. He quickly walked over to his desk to tend to his invasive guest.
"Are you alright?" Jon asked, extending his hand to help get her down. "Do you need-"
Before Jon could offer even the smallest of assistance the blue Unicorn slapped his hand away.
"Do not touch Trixie!" She said. "I can handle myself!"
Jon recoiled at the sudden rudeness that seemed to have sprung from no where. He noted that it would seem she was talking in the third person; by that he gathered that her name was 'Trixie.'
"Um, Who...are you?" Jon asked.
"Who I am is not important." Trixie said. "What is however is my present location."
She began to look around in all directions as a smile slowly crept upon her face.
"Tell me human," she said with a smug tone. "Is this place...New York."
"Uh...yes, yes it is." He answered. "Manhattan to be exact."
"Excellent! Then the spell was a success!" Trixie exclaimed, wiping some loose particles from her attire. "Oh and forget what I said before...about who I am being not important because in actuality, it is. Brace yourself human for you are looking at the one...the only...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!"
Jon watched as Trixie flung her hooves in the air as if she had just won the lottery. She stood there in her pose for a good couple of seconds as if she was awaiting for an audience to cheer for her or to be doused by a shower of confetti.
"I'm sorry but...I'm afraid I've never heard of you." Jon said trying his hardest to tread lightly. This sudden news did not set well with Trixie, who just threw her nose in the hair in a manner that suggested she was better than Jon.
"Hmph! Well I suppose I shouldn't expect you to." She responded. "After all, only the most important ponies have ever heard of me. And I'm pretty sure none of them live here in...New York." She made sure to say 'New York' in the same fashion someone would explain a root canal.
Jon still couldn't see Trixie's cutie mark though with all the boasting she was doing he wouldn't be surprised if it was a picture of Kanye West's face.
"Speaking of which," she added. "Since this is New York I'm assuming you are the one they call 'Don Drewart?'"
"It's 'Jon Stewart.'" He answered, now sounding slightly annoyed.
"It does not matter what your name is," Trixie replied. "Just so long as you are who I think you are."
"Aaaand who do you think I am exactly?" Jon asked. This time it was Trixie who looked annoyed.
"If you are indeed the one called 'Jon Stewart' then you are the owner of that...show everyone seems to love so much." She responded.
"I'm guessing you mean 'The Daily Show.'" Jon shot back.
"Yes, yes that's the one." She said as she hopped off of Jon's desk onto the floor. Her graceful leap was met however with a thud as she crashed to the ground due to her weak legs; she slowly tried standing up which proved to be a challenge. For whatever reason she looked absolutely exhausted.
"Are you alright?" Jon asked, once again running over to help her up.
"Trixie is fine!" She shot back, once again refusing his assistance.
"Uh huh...sure you are," Jon said, standing back to give her some room. "Then well me...Trixie...why on earth does it look like you just went ten rounds with Big Macintosh?" Trixie, now focused on getting back on all fours, gave a somewhat straight answer for once.
"Well if you must know...getting here proved a bit more difficult than expected." She answered. "But in the end it was nothing the Great and Powerful Trixie couldn't handle!"
Seeing as how she looked as if she would faint at any moment Jon offered her a seat on his comfy chair. Instead of taking it however she began to walk around Jon's study, pulling out the occasion book or looking at a picture. Jon decided to do the same only he preferred to pick up the fallen letters and documents that had scattered upon Trixie's arrival and place them neatly back on his desk.
"Why are you here?" Jon asked as he picked up piles of papers.
"Isn't it obvious? Or are all humans has oblivious as you?" Trixie asked. Jon showed no signs of frustration; as a comedian in New York he's heard worse. "Trixie is here because she demands that you have her on your show!"
"I'm sorry?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief. "'Demand?'"
"Yes...'Demand,'" She responded. "It means to ask with authority. Try to keep up Stewart."
Jon stopped picking up his belongings to marvel at his present situation. He was at a loss for words; all he could do was give a confused laugh. Throughout his years in the entertainment business he'd met some pretty narcissistic characters but this one took the cake.
Part of what was catching Jon off guard was the fact that in his travels to Equestria, for the most part, every pony there was polite and respectful; almost as if their world took place in a kid's show. But this Trixie just seemed like she didn't belong there at all. She was rude, arrogant, entitled, and had a huge chip on her shoulder...she was more of a New Yorker than Jon.
"Well I...let's say, appreciate your offer Trixie," Jon said, putting a stack of envelopes on his desk. "But you see-"
"That's Great and Powerful Trixie, Stewart!" She interrupted.
Jon rolled his eyes, wondering if he still had that muzzle from when he owned a dog.
"...Noted." Jon said as he rubbed his hand across his face. "As I was saying I appreciate your offer but I already have a schedule in mind, and as you can see I already have a lot of people trying to get on the show as it is." To demonstrate this Jon motioned to the stacks of fan mail he had been getting since his visit.
Almost as if it was planned to happen a burst of green flame caught the attention of both Jon and Trixie before disappearing and leaving behind a new bundle of letters.
"See what I mean?" Jon asked, giving his rude guest a slight shrug.
Trixie stopped her exploration of Jon's study and made her way to his desk. In one smooth motion she stood on her hind legs and put her front hooves on his desk for balance. She examined the various piles of letters before giving a very audible "Ha-rumph!" With a single swipe of her hoof she sent a nearby pile tumbling back onto the ground.
"Do not compare me with these untalented ponies," she said as he tried to get back onto Jon's desk. This time he didn't lend her a helping hand. "Tell me Stewart, if these other ponies want to appear on your show so badly why are they not here?"
At this point Jon's sense of annoyance was slowly giving way to a sense of curiosity. As insufferable as Trixie was he was curious as to where she was going with this line of questioning.
"Well...I'm assuming there probably home right now." Jon answered. "But if you're asking why they're not here in my house making a mess it's because-"
"It's because they lack tenacity and the drive that I, the Great and Powerful Trixie possess!" She interrupted with a loud tone as if she wanted the whole world to hear.
Within the layers of arrogance that surround her previous statement was a kernel of truth. While others have wanted to appear in the show this was the first time someone from Equestria actually physically approached Jon instead of the other way around...and in his own home no less.
"To make it big as an entertainer one must have determination!" Trixie continued. "Isn't that rule number one for people like you Stewart?"
"And what would you know about the entertainment industry?" Jon asked.
"Well...if anypony here would be of some kind of authoritative figure on that matter I suppooose it would be you." She begrudgingly admitted. "But you know I'm right. I believe you humans have a term for it...now what was it?"
"Moxy?" Jon interjected.
"Yes that's it," She said as she flipped her hair. "You'd be a fool to squander your guest slot of anypony but me!" As annoyed by her as he was Jon had to admit that she was very determined...but then again the same could be said for a crazed stalker.
"Alright I'll hear you out." Jon said as he fell back in his chair. At this level, much to her delight, Trixie was now looking down on Jon. "Trixie...why do you feel the need to appear on my show?"
"Once again Stewart it's THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She said as she raised her hooves in the air. "And I'm afraid you have it the other way around...it is not I who needs to be on your show but it is you who needs me to appear on your show."
"Oh do I know?" Jon asked as he cupped his chin with his hand. "Well then enlighten me...why do I need you on the Daily Show?"
"Again the answer is obvious!" She said her tone now more smug than ever. "You need interesting ponies for your show. Up until know your roster as been a cavalcade of mediocrity but with me on your show your viewership will increase ten folds!"
Jon leaned back in his chair, impressed by Trixie...impressed at how egotistical she was.
"Furthermore it has come to my attention you have yet to have a skilled magic user on your program," she continued. "As a proud Unicorn I can not allow my kind to go unnoticed!" Jon thought about what she said, and how wrong she was.
"I'm afraid your mistaken oh Great and Powerful Trixie," Jon said. "We've already had a Unicorn on our program before...very recently as a matter of fact she was really good. Her name is Twilight Sparkle."
The utterance of Twilight's name seemed to have resonated with Trixie.
"Yes I am fully aware that you recently interviewed...Twilight Sparkle." She said, pausing as if she had to get a bad taste out of her mouth. "And I still stand by my previous claims. Trust me when say Ms. Sparkle is nothing compared to me...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!"
This time Trixie stood in a posed position for a longer duration than usual as if to act as her own exclamation point. Jon had heard enough, all he wanted to do was get rid of her. In that moment Jon had hatched a plan but for it to work he needed to tell a little fib first.
"Alright." Jon said. "I'll do it...I'll have you on my show."
"Hm hm, a wise choice, Stewart." Trixie said. "Perhaps you aren't daft as I thought you were."
"Right back at ya." Jon said under his breath.
"Come tomorrow I'll show you and the rest of the world what real magic is." She said. "Now then in the mean time I shall require a room of my own to stay in, as well as transportation to your show in the morning."
"Wait what!" Jon exclaimed. "Didn't you think of that stuff before coming here?" There was actually a lot of things she didn't think of before coming to his world.
"Well excuse me Stewart but I was under the assumption that I am now your guest." Trixie shot back. "And as such I believe I am entitled to a little thing called 'hospitality.'" Jon smacked his palm against his face in frustration.
"Down the hall, first door on your right." He said. "That's our guest bedroom. It's all we have."
"It'll have to do." She said, making her way to the door. "Please do not disturb me for the rest of the evening I must prepare for tomorrow."
As soon as Trixie left the room Jon got up from his seat to make sure is she was really gone. He peaked into the hallway and just barely missed her flank disappearing in the free bedroom. Now that he was alone once more Jon took out his cellphone and began to dial Celestia's number, hopefully she could use her magic to teleport Trixie out of his house.
But just as Jon was about to press dial on his phone a thought occurred...he still needed someone from Equestria to do an off-the-air taping of an interview. The only problem that Jon had with this idea was he didn't particularly enjoy the thought of asking someone to act as filler...but perhaps the answer was now in front of him, or rather a few rooms away.
There are only two ways for someone to be eligible for being used as a backup piece: 1) They're not famous enough or 2) they're not likable enough. And to Jon, Trixie certainly filled one of those criteria.
Jon thought that the act of having Trixie appear as a filler interview was somewhat mean. Especially since he had no intention of telling her that that was the case. But in the end he justified it to himself with the following reasoning.
"It couldn't happen to a nicer pony." Jon thought as he put his phone away. He turned off the light in his study and made his way to bed, ready for a well deserved sleep.
Looking back Jon realized he was very close to having Princess Celestia take Trixie back to Equestria that day...with hindsight Jon knew he made the right choice by keeping her.
Interview: Please welcome to the show Trixie
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Episode 9: Trixie on The Daily Show
Interview: Please welcome to the show Trixie
The Daily Show Interview transcript archive:
Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: The Great and Powerful Trixie (Trixie)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019
THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
The sound of cameras turning on could barley be heard over the audience who were chatting amongst themselves. Jon had sent out a tweet stating that there was to be a very early morning edition of the show which would only contain the interview segment.
To anyone in the Manhattan area there will be an off the air taping of the show occurring @ 6:30 #Equestrian_Interview
Ordinarily the turnout for the event might not have been as big as an actual episode but Jon playfully made sure mention that is was in fact an "Equestrian" Interview to make sure people showed up. The result of this was a huge line waiting around the block to get in. The set looked as average as it always had with the only difference being the 'On air' sign would never turn on.
Before the taping a stagehand explained once more to the audience what this early morning shooting was for; after getting nodding heads he made a gesture and the camera starting to film. The crowd realized that the taping had begun which meant the show was about to start. This interview may not have been a part of a real show but the audience's excitement was very much genuine.
The camera angle changed slowly from the audience to Jon, essentially going from looking down from an upper level to looking forward from the lower level. The camera zoomed in on Jon who was rocking back in his chair and pretending to adjust his tie.
"Hi, welcome back to the Daily Show our guest tonight!" Jon yelled. "She is a traveling magician who is the self-proclaimed best magic user in all of Equestria. Please welcome to the show Trixie!"
The crowd began its usual level of cheering at the thought of not only getting to see an "Equestrian Interview" but also at the prospect seeing a real magician. For a few seconds no one turned up on stage which caused the applause and excitement to diminish somewhat...only to return again with even greater intensity.
Trixie finally appeared on set though instead of simply walking on out like most quests did she instead opted to teleport herself to the center of the stage in a cloud of vibrant smoke. She stood there hooves extended outward as if she was trying to grab the heavens. Before Jon could even get up from his seat her horn glowed with magic as she began to blast forth a spectrum of colors at the audience. In actuality it was only using a simple illumination spell but to those in attendance it was a wonder to behold.
Jon began to approach Trixie who was still providing her own show for the audience but immediately stood back once she threw up another spell which caused what looked like multiple flares to spring forth out of nowhere. Jon decided to stay where he was which was by the guest's chair.
After her little performance had ended she faced Jon who motioned for her to come over and sit down by lightly tapping the seat of the chair. With her magic now at an end Trixie noticed that the audience's cheers was slowly started to die down; she looked back at Jon and gave him a smug smile. She had an idea.
Once again her horn shined with a magic aura, an aura that also appeared over by the chair Jon was presenting her. Using her magic she forced it to roll over to her, surprising Jon in the process. The crowd found themselves in another uproar.
With the swivel chair now in front of her she easily teleported herself atop it and, using her magic once more, ordered it to carry her back over to Jon's desk. The crowd stood and applauded with delight while Jon walked over to his own chair giving his guest a non-sarcastic slow clap. He sat down ready to get things started.
"Wow, I gotta say," Jon said, pausing to let the crowd finish their cheering. "I've been...I've been doing this thing for over a decade now and that-- I've seen people come up to their seat but this is the first I've seen the seat come up to them."
"Well then I suppose those other guests just weren't as talented as me." Trixie said, nonchalantly looking at her hoof.
"Well...welcome to show," Jon said as he adjusted his notes. "I uh, I hope you've found your stay here in New York pleasant."
"Hmph, it's not the worst place I've ever been to." She responded. "I suppose it does have a...quaint charm to it."
"So uh-- so you're fine then?" Jon asked. "No complaints?" Jon would soon find out that Trixie had a complaint for a lot of things.
"Well now that you mention it I do have an issue I would like to discuss with you." She said, looking Jon dead in the eyes. "I am not at all pleased about your description of me for the intro."
"Oh uh...I had no idea." Jon retorted with a nervous smile. "Wha-what didn't you like about it?"
"Well for starters Stewart...'self proclaimed best magic user in all of Equestria?' She asked, leaning forward to intensify her glare. "Nothing about me is 'self proclaimed.' I simply am the best at magic. Don't believe me? Ask your spectators." Before Jon could respond he was cut off by a quick burst of cheering from the audience.
"I'll...I'll make a note of that!" Jon said as he comically scribbled on his notes. "Anything else I should know, Trixie?"
"YES; that! Please refer to me by my actual title...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She said, throwing her hooves in the air.
"How about an abbreviation?" Jon asked. "I could call you for GAPT for short?" The crowd chuckled while Trixie just gave him an icy glare.
"Ok..." Jon said raising his hands in defeat. "The Great and Powerful Trixie it is."
"Very good." Trixie said. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?" Jon didn't feel like answering that question. He just wanted to continue with some of his laid out talking points.
"So...Great and Powerful Trixie." Jon said. "Why do you think-- I mean, why are you the most powerful pony in all of Equestria?"
"Are you blind Stewart? Did you not see my performance?" Trixie asked. "I suppose it's true what they say about one's vision being the first to go in their old age." The crowed grew with anticipation, wandering how Jon would respond. For the entire interview they just assumed her attitude was just part of an act. It wasn't.
"No, no I saw." Jon retorted. "I mean my vision is just fine...don't believe me? Ask me how many fingers you're holding up." The crowd laughed while Trixie just continued glaring at Jon. The last thing she wanted was to be out staged, even on Jon's own show.
"But what I mean is...how uh, how do you know for certain you're the best?" He continued. "I mean have you gone around challenging other ponies, till there can be only one or something like that?"
"You're not too far off. For you see I'm actually a wandering sorcerer," Trixie answered "I go from town to town displaying my magic for all to see! And in my travels I have yet to find a single pony as talented as the Great and Powerful Trixie."
"It uh, it almost sounds like you’re a traveling performer." Jon retorted. "An...entertainer if you will."
"If you feel the need to I suppose you can label me as such." Trixie answered as she flipped her hair. "Though I prefer the term 'wandering sorcerer.'"
"Well riddle me this." Jon retorted. "Do you...display your magic for the entertainment of others or do you ever charge money?"
"I'll charge a nominal fee every now and again." She responded tentatively. "And yes I do generally use my magic for entertainment purposes."
"For what it's worth it really does sound like you're an entertainer." he retorted. "You know we have people here in our world who do the same thing. It's how they make a living."
"Is that so?" Trixie shot back, sounding interested. "Like who?"
"Well the most famous I can think of are Pen and Teller," Jon answered. "Um there are others like: David Copperfield, Siegfried and Roy, Mark Wilson...but to my mind the best is still Pen and Teller."
"Tell me Stewart." She said. "These magicians of your world...what kind of magic do they do. I'm certain their abilities pale in comparison to my own."
"My how...confident of you." Jon retorted. "But you see they-- that's another thing what they do isn't technically magic. At least not by any literal definition."
"Elaborate!" Trixie demanded.
"Well you see we don't have real magic here in our world, what these magicians do is simple parlor tricks." Jon explained. "They use smoke, mirrors, and the sleight of hand to make it look real when it really isn't."
Trixie gave the audience a look as if she wanted to confirm with them that what Jon said was true.
"I mean here in our world we have a little saying: 'a magician never reveals his secrets.' But in fact...some of the people I mentioned before have and every time it's revealed that their magic is...uh for lack of a better term-- fake." Jon said as he turned to address the audience. "Welcome to 'The Daily Show' where we ruin childhoods!"
The crowd laughed as Trixie, in a gesture to show off her superiority, used her magic to levitate the water out of her mug and into her mouth.
,
"My, how disappointing." She said. "The Great and Powerful Trixie was so hoping to show these so called 'magicians' that I am the superior magic user."
"Isn't that just a little bit presumptuous of you?" He said. "I mean you've never...met any of these men before. What makes you think you're better than they are?"
"Well Stewart as I've said before I have yet to meet anypony with more magical abilities than me," She answered. "I just naturally assumed that this world would be no different."
"Alright but hear me out for a second...hypothetically." Jon said leaning forward. "Let's say you uh, you did get the chance to go one-on-one with one of our magicians...what would be your game plan? How would you deal with, with their forms of magic?"
"Simple. Trixie would simply deduce how their magic works than replicate it but better." She said. "And thus I would show that there is nothing the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot do."
"You really think you could do all that?" Jon asked as he raised his eyebrow. "Just show up and beat them at their own game."
"Of course." Trixie said proudly. "I've said this before and I'll say it again: 'anything you can do I can do better!'"
"You can do anything better than me?" Jon asked
"Yes I can!" Trixie answered.
"No you can't." Jon responded.
"Yes I can!" She exclaimed. "Why I could even do a better job of hosting this show than you."
The crowed cooed with anticipation while Jon leaned back in lofty shock and gave her a smile.
"Oh you think ya bettah than me!?" Jon said with his New York accent. "You think you're that good?"
"Oh please Stewart," She said. "Your so called comedy is no difficult feat. Anypony could do it; observe." Trixie cleared her throat and used her magic to face the audience.
"Why did the Scootaloo Cross the road? To get the cutie mark on the other side!"
"What did one lumbercolt say to the other lumbercolt when he hit him with his axe? Sorry, that was an 'AXEident.'"
"What is a pony’s favorite drink? A Maregarita!"
"How many apples did Applejack need to make her Pie? 3.14!"
The audience as well as Jon laughed as soon as her routine ended. Trixie took their laughter as proof of her comedic talent unaware that they were laughing at how awful her jokes were.
"You know what," Jon said still in mid-laugh. "I'll give you this...you certainly are 'entertaining.'"
"Trixie told you so." She said raising her head in the air. "I mean, was there ever any doubt."
"But tell me oh Great and Powerful Trixie." Jon continued. "You uh...you say you're the best and that you've been going around doing your magic from place to place. Who--what obstacles have you had to overcome to get where you are today?"
The question was met with some hesitance on Trixie's part. Being used to people just watching her rather than talking to her she was not familiar with someone asking questions like this before. She had no idea that Jon was only getting started.
"Why do you wish to know?" Trixie asked.
"Well we have six minutes to kill and you seem to be really good at talking about yourself." Jon answered. Before Trixie could respond Jon made sure to give an honest answer.
"But really it's because it sounds as if you've seen a lot of things in your time." Jon added. "Plus I'm sure your fans would love to know a little more about you." Sensing the direction he was going in the crowd began to cheer for Trixie to answer. She couldn't say no at this point.
"I can assure that there have been very little things that can get in my way," Trixie answered. "But if you must know I would say my biggest obstacle would be...a lack of support for what I do. When I first started doing this I didn't receive positive feedback for using my magic for entertainment purposes."
"Ah I've been there myself." Jon said. "I was really young when I...started doing comedy and standup and because of that it was difficult to get a gig let alone get my foot in the door."
"It...It was hard for you too?" Trixie asked.
"Oh you bet," Jon answered, sounding as genuine as he could be. "I mean even my own parents didn't fully support my decision at first." Trixie was in the middle of using her magic to transport more water into her mouth when she lost focus, causing her water to spill on the table.
"Your parents?" She asked inquisitively.
"Yeah...I guess they didn't like the idea of seeing their baby boy grow up to be a dime-a-dozen comic," Jon answered. "But even though they had their disagreements they still made sure to respect my decision and give some support...which, let me tell ya, really helped me a lot when I was waiting tables at comedy clubs."
For the first time in the interview Trixie didn't have a quick and pompous response but instead had a look on her face as if someone had given her an extra hard math equation. He'd seen that look before.
"How about your parents?" Jon asked. The question caused Trixie to once again return her attention to Jon.
"Excuse me?" She said.
"Were your parents supportive of you being an entertainer?" He asked.
"I...wouldn't know." Trixie answered. "I've never really met my parents." Jon began to wonder if this was going to be one of those interviews.
"Oh I see," Jon said. He wanted to be tactful about this subject yet at the same time get her to open up more. "What do you mean exactly by...by 'never really met?'"
Trixie didn't know how to answer; no one had ever asked such a personal question before. Uncertain of what to do she chose to tell the truth.
"What the Great and Pow....what I mean is my parents left me at an orphanage when I was but a mere filly." She answered. "According to those who worked there I looked to be only a year old." Now Jon was certain that this was indeed going to be one of those kinds of interviews.
"I'm...so sorry to hear." Jon said.
"It wasn't all bad." She said, as she brushed her hair aside. "It was because of dear old mommy and daddy leaving me there that I discovered my special talent."
"Your special talent?" Jon asked. Trixie stopped playing with her hair and swung her hoof behind her to whisk her cap in the air. This briefly displayed her cutie mark which was a magic wand sprinkling what look like magic powder.
"Yes, as you can see by my cutie mark Trixie was born to be a magician." She said.
"If you don't mind me asking." Jon continued. "How...uh, how did you discover your talent for magic at an orphanage?"
Trixie debated on not answering his questions but in the end decided to on the off chance the audience would turn on her if she didn't.
"Well Stewart when you've lived in an orphanage as long as Trixie did you're bound to find your special talent sooner or later." She answered. "I went unadopted for most of my young life so when I got older I became a 'big sister' who was in charge of taking care of the younger fillies and colts who came in. A lot of them were scared or sad and it was my responsibility to show them around the orphanage."
The crowd as well as Jon held their breath less they accidentally distracted Trixie from her story.
"I found early on that I could use my magic to entertain them and make them feel more at home." Trixie continued. "I remember on rainy nights when we couldn't play outside I would put on magic shows for them. Or if somepony didn't get adopted I would cheer them up by using a spell to playfully levitate them in air, or as they called it 'playing rocket ship.' Some nights, if the children were frightened of the dark, I would use my horn as a night light till they went to bed."
"I see. Now...you say you spent most of your younger years at the orphanage," Jon said leaning forward so she could hear him. "And you discovered your special talent there so how did you learn to use magic in the first place? Did you teach yourself or something?"
"No somepony at the orphanage trained me," Trixie said as a perky smile found its way on her face. "An older unicorn...his name was Puppet Theater," Jon noticed that this was the first time he'd seen Trixie smile at something that wasn't out of arrogance or pride...she simply looked happy.
"Tell me about this unicorn." Jon said.
"Well he didn't work there or anything like that; he was also an orphan," Trixie continued, the smile still resting on her face. "He was a few years older than me and when I first arrived at the the orphanage he was the one who took care of me like how I eventually did with the other ponies. He had a fondness for carving wooden puppets and he would use his magic to make them dance for us. When I got to a certain age he taught me how to use magic like he did and we became good friends."
"What kind of pony was he?" Jon asked. Trixie answered as if she was a schoolgirl talking about a boy from homeroom class.
"Oh well he was unicorn like me of course but he was much taller." She said with a giggle. "His coat was a simple light brown and he had a wavy black mane. He always wore this blue bow tie and he had the most adorable cutie mark you've ever seen. A puppet held up by strings."
Jon had never seen her look so happy...which is why he hated that he had to ask his next question.
"So...where is--What ever happened to Puppet Theater?" Jon asked. The smile on Trixie's face disappeared.
"He got adopted." Trixie said bluntly. "Right around the time I got my cutie mark a family took him away from me-- us. With him gone I was the oldest pony and was in charge of taking care of the little ones...I never saw him again after that."
"You didn't try to get in touch with him?" Jon asked.
"I had no idea where he went so it would've impossible." She answered. "All I knew was he gone to live in some kind of distant town but I never found out which one." Jon tried to steer the conversation in a somewhat different direction.
"So when did you get adopted?" He asked.
"...I never did." Trixie answered. "I lived at the orphanage till I was too old to stay and the couple who owned the place, Mr and Mrs. Heart, were forced to kick me out." Jon didn't know at the time but Trixie getting sent away would become a common theme in her life.
"Whoa...I-- I can't imagine what that must've been like." Jon said. He tried to reach for her hoof but Trixie pulled it away. "Where did you go afterwards?" Trixie took a moment to respond.
"Well...since I was on my own for the first time in my life I decided to try and improve my magic so I can further my career as an entertainer," She said as she twirled the water in her mug with her hoof. "But with Puppet Theater gone I needed a new teacher so I worked a couple of odd jobs for the next year till I earned enough money to attend my first semester at a private academy for Unicorns."
"Oh well that's nice," Jon said. "Did you end up learning the kind of magic that would help you...as uh, as an entertainer?"
"Yes I did," Trixie said. "Unfortunately learning that kind of magic is what got me into trouble."
"What do you mean?" Jon asked as he scooted up in his chair.
"Well...remember when Trixie said her desires to learn magic for entertainment purposes wasn't well received?" She asked.
"Yes..." Jon answered.
"Well that all began at the academy," she continued. "Depending on where you go Unicorns will treat magic with the utmost reverence. To some magic is a sacred act which demands an equal level of respect...let's just say some of the ponies at the academy didn't like the fact that Trixie was using their precious knowledge of magic for 'fun and games.'"
"Could you give us an example of this?" Jon asked. Trixie took a moment to think before speaking.
"Very well Stewart, behold that power that is the Great and Powerful Trixie!" She said as she stood up in her chair. Her somewhat troubled demeanor was replaced with her usual egotistical confidence as she was once again back in her element.
Her horn became illuminated with magic as she began to cast bright light which filled the room. Some of Jon's stagehands caught on to this and dimmed the light. It was dark enough to the point where the brightest thing in the entire set was Trixie.
"This...is a simple illumination spell. Nothing special" Trixie said. "And this is what a little extra magic can do." The magic around her horn changed in color and flow and along with it so did the light it projected. The white light changed to a light blue color; before the audience could even give out audible reaction the color changed again and again and again till her point came across.
"You see Stewart one of the things I picked up from school was I could change the color of an illumination spell if I added some extra magic," Trixie boasted as she changed the hue again and again. "If I wanted to I could even make it I could throw the light around me in multiple bursts."
"That's very impressive!" Jon said. All at once Trixie ended her light show so she could address Jon.
"Well the headmasters at the academy didn't think so," Trixie said with a layer of detest in her voice. The lights turned back on and with it Trixie continued to speak. "You see to do these tricks I need to add an extra bit of magic and concentration. My professors didn't like that one bit. To them it was a pointless waste of time and talent to take an already simple spell l work extra hard to decorate it."
"So what did you end up doing?" Jon asked.
"What else could I do...I ignored them. I didn't care what they thought so continued to learn magic with the sole purpose of being an entertainer and traveling lands." Trixie answered. "A lot of my tricks came about from basic spells with a cosmetic overlay...as time went on I experimented with what I could do. Teleportation spells with funny sound effects, voice alteration spells where I could change my tone to something more humerus...I even learned a defensive spell where I could cast a smoke bomb to avoid enemies but changed it so the smoke was colorful and shiny."
"Huh, a young woman goes to college to learn and ends up experimenting, no that seems about right." Jon responded as he tapped his pen against his desk in anticipation. "I can't imagine this went over very well with your professors."
"No it didn't," Trixie answered. "They tried to get me to stop but I told them I wouldn't so they did the only thing they could do..."
"Oh don't tell me..." Jon said as he winced in discomfort.
"That's right; I as expelled," Trixie said without a hint of grievance in her voice. "They kicked me out too...I suppose they just could not handle the genius that is the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
Jon paused to think of another topic to change to, wondering if it would just yield more bad memories for his guest.
"Ok so...you're now out of college and you have a new understanding of magic," Jon said waving his hand in front of Trixie. "What did you do next?"
"Isn't it obvious? One so proficient in magic as myself cannot keep her talents bottled up." Trixie answered with a smirk. "After Trixie was so wrongfully expelled I traveled the lands displaying my magic from town to town."
"How did that work out for you?" He asked. "I mean being a traveling performer must've been tough for someone on their own."
"Hmph. Well let’s just say there were those out there who shared the same...philosophy as my college." Trixie said as she idly adjusted her cape.
"Other towns didn't like you using magic for entertainment?" Jon asked, knowing all too well the feeling of getting thrown out of a night club because his routine was no good.
"Yes but that wasn't the only reason. It's true I performed in towns that didn't like my style of magic but other towns had their excuses too." Trixie said as she held her head high in the air. "The first town I visited was populated by traditionalist Unicorns who didn't approve of me. Another town kicked me out because they were all hardworking Earthponies who didn't allow magic. I even remember one city forced me to leave because I needed a license to perform on their streets...a license which they would not authorize to me."
"You...I'm sorry to say but you make it sound like you didn't have much success at all out in the field." Jon said which got him a sharp look from Trixie.
"You assume to much Stewart! While it's true I did have trouble getting around I was met with more welcoming experiences as well. Though even they had their reasons for wanting to get rid of me." She said. "I recall one town which welcomed me with open hooves. I made a killing there but some of the local flavor threatened me to move since I was taking business away from them. But that's not all; Trixie remembers a town that loved me so much they couldn't get any work done on account of their citizens lining up to observe me. The mayor asked me to leave since I was too much of a distraction...her words not mine."
Jon was starting to get a better picture of his guest...a sad picture of a Unicorn who simply wanted to call a someplace home but never could.
"Each excuse may have been different from the last but in the end...in the end every town had a reason to want to get rid of me," Trixie continued in a somewhat sad tone only to immediately bounce back to her pompous one. "They were all just jealous of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
The last thing Jon wanted to do was interrupt Trixie at the moment so he made sure to wait till she was done talking.
"So Trixie what, uh what town would you consider to have been the most hospitable towards you?" Jon asked. Trixie thought about the question for a second.
"I had a pretty good thing going for me in this one town...you might've heard of it, it's called 'Ponyville.'" Trixie said straight faced.
"I've...I've been there." Jon said nodding his head. "I didn't know you once performed in Ponyville. Too bad I missed it."
"This happened over a year ago," She continued. "For a moment I thought I might've found a permanent resting location. Or at the very least a base of operations. The citizens loved me, my magic was at its prime, and I even out did their local heroes with my power. Everything was perfect."
"Until?" Jon ventured.
"Until I was...out staged by the one called...Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said taking a sip of her water like she was trying to wash back down the name she just uttered.
"I know about Twilight Sparkle." Jon added. "We just recently had her on the show."
"Trixie knows of this!" She shot back. "Commercials promoting her were all over Equestria! Word of her appearance spread like wild fire."
"And that's when you first heard about it?" He asked.
"Indeed. The second I learned of...Twilight getting to be on television I knew it was up to me to take her place and show the world what real magic was!" Trixie exclaimed.
"Well if that's what you were trying to do you're a little late," he said. "I mean we already had her on and everything."
"You do not need to remind me of that," Trixie said with sharpened eyes. "But I can live with this...after all I do believe the saying goes; "save the best for last.'"
"I don't mean anything by this," Jon retorted. "But why did it take you so long to get here if you knew of Twilight's appearance three days in advance." This question was met by Trixie crinkling her snout before responding.
"Well like Trixie said before it was difficult getting here," she said. "I've never been to New York so teleporting here would be naturally difficult since I could not visualize my location. In addition this is an entirely different world which only made it that more difficult."
"Then how did you do it?" Jon asked.
Trixie smiled a most devious smile. To her Jon might as well have asked "Trixie why are you so great?"
"Trixie can understand your wanting to know after all, the method I used is rather genius if I do say so myself." She said. "You see since I've never been to your world traveling would be near impossible. So Trixie found an alternate route."
"You took the bus?" Jon asked. The crowd laughed while Trixie just ignored him.
"You see I concocted a special spell. A spell that took three days and many ingredients to make but a spell that once activated would have teleported me straight to you." She said, pausing for dramatic effect. "Since I didn't know where you were I had my magic do the leg work for me...I simply construed a powerful spell that, when activated, would teleport me to 'the funniest human on earth.'"
Jon felt a combination of both being impressed and flattered.
"Oh wow nice trick, hope you didn't leave your oven on." Jon joked as he adjusted his tie. "You know I gotta say it's a real compliment that your magic would--"
"Of course that didn't work at first because when I called forth my magic to teleport me to the funniest human it revealed to me that said human was a man by the name of George Carlin who had passed away a few years ago, so I knew that couldn't be you." Trixie interrupted. "I tried again and instructed my magic send me to the second most funnies human on earth but all I got was somepony by the name of Dave Chappelle who lived in a place called California. I tried again with the third funniest and again another name came up...some human called Louis C. K."
Jon leaned forward with his hand under his chin and listened as Trixie listed one by one names of people who were apparently funnier than he was.
"...and then when I asked for the eight funniest human my magic told me it was a human by the name of Chris Rock," Trixie continued. "Then I tried the ninth funniest but all I got was a hairy looking human by the name of Robin Williams, so then I..."
Each name she listed felt like a huge blow to Jon's ego which wasn't helped by the audience who continued to laugh.
"Finally I instructed the magic to teleport me to the sixteenth funniest human in the world and that's when I got Jon Stewart," Trixie added. "With the right human finally revealed I fully activated my spell and it teleported me to your dwellings."
Jon took a deep breath before responding.
"Are you kidding me!" Jon blurted out, slightly startling Trixie. "You mean to tell me I didn't even make it in the top fifteen!?"
"What can I say? Magic doesn't lie." Trixie said with a laugh. "For the longest time I thought my spell might have been corrupted. I would have tested it by asking who is the most powerful Unicorn...though if I wanted to know that all I would need to do is look in the mirror."
Jon wanted to comment that for all her boasting it still took her three days to use the spell while it took Twilight only one mid afternoon's worth. He decided against it on the off chance that she would take it personally.
"You know that seems like an awful amount of trouble just to get on the show. Especially all by yourself." He said. "Wouldn't it have been easier to...oh I don't know just ask for help or something."
"I don't need any help." She said with a frown. Jon could sense she was holding something back.
"Why not?" He asked.
"Because I just don't! Other ponies may need help but not the Great and Powerful Trixie! There is nothing I can't do!" She announced, sounding somewhat angry. "Why would I need the help of those inferior to me? All they so do is dismiss me and cast me away without a second thought but once they all see me on TV they'll know just how great I am...I just...I just want to prove to the world that I am more then just a wondering Unicorn who does tricks."
Jon sat back and watched the passion within Trixie burst forward.
"You see this...this is all to show them what I'm made of!" She continued. "Now everypony will see me! My parents, Mr and Mrs. Heart, the orphans, my old school, all those towns that tossed me aside, even...Puppet Theater, They'll all see me and know what I've become!"
Jon sat back in his chair and smiled, for the first time he saw Trixie in a whole new light. Jon could understand how her experiences could leave her bitter, but underneath it all Jon saw a pony who just wanted closure...to be at peace. He regretted that this was an off-the-air show
"I mean...um what I meant to say was, the actual reason why I didn't ask for help is because I knew no one would," Trixie added as she admired her hooves. "Celestia made it illegal for anypony to travel to the human world without her permission so I did it alone to avoid being caught."
Jon stared at Trixie, waiting for her flawed logic to sink in but it never did. Now he was relieved that this was an off-the-air taping.
"You know what Trixie...from where I'm sitting you turned out pretty great," He said. "And another thing...I say fuck those other towns for not wanting you. I think I speak for everyone when I say as far as we're concerned you'll always have a home here in New York!"
Trixie watched as the crowd stood up and began to chant her name. Never before had she received such overwhelming praise.
"Listen we’re out of time but would you mind staying for about five minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web?" Jon asked over the roar of the crowd. Trixie quickly looked back at Jon wide eyed.
"You...you want me to stay," She asked before shaking her head back and forth to regain her composure. "I mean the Great and Powerful Trixie could spare a minute or two. It would be a crime to deprive the masses of more Trixie."
"Thanks again for being here tonight," Jon said as he turned to the camera. "The Great and Powerful Trixie everyone! We'll be right back!"
The camera began its usual route as it ascended to the sky; the last image of the two is Jon whispering something in Trixie's ear as she used her magic to make an object levitate towards the audience. Soon the Daily show logo made its way on screen before disappearing in time for another commercial break.
