Chapters Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
As a professional entertainer Jon Stewart was used to the feeling of rejection. Early on in his career he grew accustomed to being turned away from the occasional night club or a stand up gig, and as a famous talk show host he got used to celebrities refusing his offers to appear on his show.
Jon learned a long time ago to not take it personally but instead build on that feeling to better yourself. It's as the old saying goes when one falls of a horse you get right back on...however as used to it as he was Jon still hated getting rejected.
"Fifteen times...how do you say 'no' fifteen times!?" Is what Jon was thinking to himself on a quiet New York afternoon at his home. He rubbed his forehead and swiveled in his chair to avoid the rays of sunlight that was still penetrating his work study.
Jon had just received another batch of letters from Spike and among the usual assortment of fan mail were some response letters from ponies that he had written to specifically. One of whom wrote back to decline his request for an appearance...for the fifteenth time.
This pony went by the name of Fluttershy, and like a child being denied a toy Jon wanted her on his show now more than ever before. When he first sent a letter asking her to make an appearance she responded with a simple "no thank you" the very next day. At the time Jon just assumed it was bad timing on his part and waited what he thought was an appropriate amount of time before asking again, only to get the exact same results as before.
This pattern would repeat itself several more times, each response containing the same three words as the last; "no thank you." Jon didn't take it personally (though it was hard to not do so) but at the same time he wondered why she was so amendment about rejecting his offers, especially since she never gave an explanation for her answers.
Usually Jon wouldn't pursue a single guest so persistently but this was by all accounts no ordinary pony. This Fluttershy not only rejected Jon fifteen times and refused to come on by request of Princess Celestia but she was also a member of the Elements of Harmony.
Whoever this pony was she was definitely a high-profile individual whose busy schedule was of such utmost importance that it prevented her from attending. This was Jon's train of thought for her rejecting his proposal yet again and it was also what made Jon want her on his program to begin with it.
Jon's fixation on the letter was soon interrupted by the sound of giggling and scuffling of feet just outside his study. What soon followed was the sudden appearance of his two children, Nathan and Maggie, bursting into his study at almost the same time. Without a word to their father they quickly spit apart and ran to opposite sides of the room with Maggie hiding under the desk that Jon was currently occupying and Nathan hiding in the wardrobe located at the other end of the room.
Jon peaked under his desk at his daughter who was holding on tightly to his left leg, she greeted him by pressing her fingers against her lips, signaling for him to be quiet. Jon looked up to see if his son would do the same but instead caught a glimpse of a blue blur just outside his door. The two children began to giggle to themselves which caused whatever it was that ran past his study to stop and turn around.
Jon heard the sound of hooves trotting in the hallway and before he could call out to whatever was making the noise a blue unicorn poked its head into Jon's study. It was none other than Trixie, Jon's magical assistant and the latest addition to the Stewart family. Before saying anything, or receiving permission to enter, she walked into the room and quickly glanced around.
"...Stewart." She said as she circled the room without making eye contact.
"Trixie." Jon responded as he watched her walk around the room, waiting for her to explain herself. After a few seconds of silence Jon decided to break the ice.
"Can I help you with something?" He finally said. Trixie didn't look at Jon right away, she only made eye contact after her search yielded no results.
"Perhaps you can, student." She said as she flipped her hair. "I am currently playing an oh so riveting game of 'hide-and-go-seek' with your children and I lost track of them. Tell me...have you seen them lately?"
Once again she looked away which gave Jon ample time to look downwards at his daughter who was still holding onto his leg and shaking her head, begging him to not give up her location. Jon leaned forward so she couldn't see what he was about to do next.
"Trixie, I can honestly say I have no idea where they are." He said as he pointed downwards. Seeing this Trixie smiled a rather cocky smile as she made her way around Jon desk. Without asking she pushed Jon asked and awkwardly squeezed herself under Jon's legs to find Maggie who tried to run away again.
Luck was not on her side however as Trixie very quickly used her teeth to grab a hold of Maggie by the back of her collar. She then proceeded to very delicately drag her out from her hiding spot. Maggie was giggling uncontrollably the entire time which meant Trixie had to wait before interrogating her.
"Ok little Missy, where is your brother?" Trixie said in a playful tone. Maggie defiantly shook her head and placed her hands over her mouth, both to convey that she would not squeal and to hold back her still incoming giggles. Trixie waited to see if she would crack but she remained steadfast in her reluctance to rat out her older brother.
Down but not out Trixie looked over at Jon once again giving him a raised eyebrow in the hopes that he would help her out once more. Making sure Maggie couldn't see him Jon motioned his eyes to the corner of the room and used both his hands to make a gesture like he was adjusting an invisible necktie.
Trixie knew exactly what this meant and immediately trotted over to the adjacent wardrobe. She placed an ear on the side of its wooden panels where she could hear the sound of stifled laughter and restless movement, she had found her prey.
With the element of surprise finally on her side Trixie used her magic to tilt Jon's dresser forward causing Nathan to tumble out in a dizzy haze with one of Jon's dress pants covering his face. Before he could make heads or tails as to what happened Trixie gently bonked him on the head.
"And Trixie wins again!" She announced pridefully. "Let this be a lesson for all who dare appose me, for I am the--"
Before she could continue her victory speech Trixie was tackled from behind by Maggie. Though she only meant to just give her a hug their size difference meant it was more of a takedown. Following suit Nathan did the same with Trixie now finding herself crammed in the middle of an all out group hug. She tried to force her way out but their combined strength proved to be too great.
Jon began to laugh as he pulled out his cell phone.
"Hold still!" He said as he snapped a picture. "Now that's...a Kodak moment right there."
"Ok kids fun time's over," she said. "Now release Trixie, please." A much as they didn't want to the children obediently released her, though Maggie took this opportunity to pet her mane a few times. Now free from the children's embrace Trixie took a second to catch her breath and straighten her hat and cape.
Jon loved the antics of his two kids and Trixie. Because of his hectic work schedule he rarely had the opportunity to spend this kind of time with his family so he enjoyed every second of it. His joy however would not last long as a blast of green fire appeared; bringing with it a pile of letters, quickly reminding him that he had work to do.
"Cooooool!" His kids said, not sharing Jon's sense of dread.
The sudden reminder caused him to sigh heavily which got the attention of those in attendance.
"What's wrong daddy?" Nathan asked.
"Yes, what ails you Stewart?" Trixie added.
"Oh it's nothing really." Jon dismissively said. "It's just more work I have to do." Hearing this made Nathan ran up to his dad, jumping up and down in the process.
"Anything I can do to help!?" He said with great enthusiasm.
"Tell ya what, champ." Jon said as he picked up his son and placed him on his lap. "If you really want to help me then here's what you gotta do. Build a time-machine, go back 10 years and warn past me to not take this job. Can you do that for me?"
Still sitting on Jon's lap, Nathan actually gave the question some serious thought.
"I can try." He said earnestly. Jon laughed and placed his son back on the ground.
"I'm fine really," he assured them. "I'm just having trouble with a potential client who--"
Jon stopped as the gears in his head began to turn. He thought that maybe he did need help; he just needed to ask the right person...or rather the right pony.
"Actually now that I think about it..." Jon said with a pause. "Trixie would you mind if I consulted you on some business?"
Trixie took a second to throw her nose in the air in a snooty fashion, unaware that Maggie was imitating her movements from behind
"I don't know...my time is extremely valuable." She said as she admired her hoof. "But I suppose if you really need my genius mind I can spare a few minutes."
"Alright then let's get down to business," Jon said as he turned to his kids. "Ok guys I need you both to go and play for a bit while daddy and Trixie talk." Unlike with Trixie Jon's request was met with great hesitation.
"Awwww but we don't wanna!" Nathan whined.
"Yeah can't we stay and help you too!?" Maggie pleased. Jon was about to set them straight when Trixie intervened.
"Now now children we'll have none of that," she lightly scolded. "Now listen your father and go play elsewhere...we'll continue or play time later." Jon was all but certain that her demands would fall on deaf ears...he was wrong.
"Ok, we will!" Maggie said as she gave Trixie a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The two children quickly ran out the door with Nathan poking his head back in one last time.
"We love you Great and Powerful Trixie!" He said. The sounds of giggling slowly faded as the two ran further down the hallway and into another room. Jon found it hard to believe that the two kids who had just left were actually his.
"What have you done to my kids?" Jon asked facetiously after a moment of silence.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie has merely shown them who is the one in charge around here." Trixie responded with a wave of her hoof. "Now then...you needed my help."
"Yeah...I did." Jon responded with an annoyed look on his face. "There's this pony--"
"Before we go any further," Trixie interrupted. "If you know what's good for you you'll delete that picture you took."
"Oh common it's cute." He responded. "It's like you're a marshmallow in between two crackers."
Trixie was unamused and continued to glare at Jon till he complied.
"Alright alright here." Jon presented his phone after a few swipes on its touch screen. He showed her the picture with a prompt asking if he was sure he wanted to delete. "You do the honors."
Trixie pressed her hoof against the screen and permanently deleted the picture.
"Very good, student." She said. "Now then...about this pony."
"Well it's like this, for awhile now I've trying to get this pony to come on my show." He said "But so far I've been met with some...reluctance."
"So she doesn't want to appear?" She ventured, getting a nod in return.
"See for yourself." Jon retorted, as he handed her the latest rejection letter. Trixie skimmed it over before giving it back.
"Has she said why?" She asked.
"Not at all." Jon answered. "This is the fifteenth time she's said 'no.' I've tried to get in contact with her via phone but Celestia says she refuses to talk to me."
"Maybe she just doesn't like your show." Trixie said. "I mean I can certainly understand if that were the case. You're program...could be better."
"Yes well there's a little thing called courtesy," Jon said as he paced back and forth. "I mean I don't like Fox but whenever they invite me over to do a show with O'Reilly or Chris Wallace I gladly do so...or at the very least explain to them why I can't make it."
His comparison would have made more sense to Trixie were she not distracted by how he phrased it. Her mouth opened but she said nothing, she was picking her next words carefully.
"I'm sorry Stewart but...but what was that?" She asked. "A fox once invited you onto its show?"
"Oh uuuh...not it’s just--" Jon struggled to explain to the perplexed Unicorn. "Uh you know what just forget it, it's not important...so uh, what if anything can you tell me about this Fluttershy."
"Not much I'm afraid...all I know is she's one of the Elements of Harmony and the friend of...ugh, Twilight Sparkle," she said with a grimace. "Although she's never had the pleasure of meeting me I've heard rumors that she's a bit of a pushover...So no I don't know much about her. And just as well I suppose, the Great and Powerful Trixie has no need to consort with such pusillanimous ponies."
"Delightful as always I see." Jon said, taking off his reading glasses for a moment to rub his eyes. Trixie arched her head at Jon to show her expression which conveyed that she wasn't amused by his back talking. Suddenly a look of realization appeared on her face and she looked to the left of her, where the kid's bedrooms were, then back to Jon.
"You know Stewart for what it's worth there have been some well documented cases of skilled Unicorns using their magic to time travel." Trixie said in uncharacteristically serious tone.
This sudden news made Jon look up at Trixie so fast it caused his head to slightly throb in pain. He knew Unicorns were a powerful species but he had no idea their abilities could extend to that of time manipulation.
"You...can time travel?" Jon asked.
"Well I've never tried it before personally but I assure you that there is not a single spell that I the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot master!" She said rather loudly.
Jon stared at her waiting for her to continue. With a statement as bold as hers was he was certain that whatever she would say next would start off with the phrase "But."
"...But at the moment Trixie is ill prepared to handle such a feat," she said in a much softer tone. "I still haven't regained all my magical energy since I arrived in your world...also I wouldn't know how to prepare for that kind of spell. The next time you're in Equestria and you happen upon a book of incantations I can probably give it a try."
Jon stopped what he was doing to look at her dead in the eye; he wanted to make it clear to her how he felt about her offer.
"Trixie...as generous as your offer is let me assure you that I'm perfectly happy with how my life is right now." Jon said trying his best to sound sincere. "Before I was just joking to liven up the mood...yes some days are harder than others but the truth is I wouldn't trade the Daily Show for anything in the world....but still, thanks anyway."
He returned to his work while Trixie, losing interest now that her services were no longer needed, turned around to leave the room. Jon was now going through his newly delivered pile of letters when something caught his eye immediately, it was a name he had recognized all too well.
"Huh, what do we have here?" Jon asked out loud, causing Trixie to look back at him from over her shoulder.
"What is it?" She asked. Jon brought the letter closer to his face, adjusting his reading glasses to get a better look.
"It's...it's another letter from Fluttershy. This is the first letter I've gotten from her that wasn't just a response to one of mine." Jon answered perplexedly. "OH! Maybe she reconsidered! Or at least is ready to talk business!"
In a very quick and dirty fashion Jon hastily tore open the letter like a child opening a present on Christmas morning. Trixie, interested in what the letter would say, trotted up to Jon's desk to join him. He held the letter at half an arm’s length and began to read. Slowly his vibrant expression began to sink and transition to one of disbelief.
"You alright, Stewart?" Trixie ask as she slowly nudged him with her hoof.
"You...have...got...to be kidding me!" Jon exclaimed as he stood up and threw his arms to the side causing the letter to float gingerly to the ground. Trixie was shocked by his sudden outburst; he looked as if he had seen a ghost or witnessed something he couldn't comprehend.
She looked down at the letter which lay perfectly at her hooves. Using her magic to levitated it closer to her face and began to read it's very neat hoof writing.
Dear Mr. Stewart:
My answer is still 'no thank you.' And if you ask me again, I'm sorry to say, it will still be 'no thank you.'
So if you want don't ask me tomorrow and you can save some paper.
But if you really want to ask me again you can but I will still say no...sorry!
-Fluttershy
"A future rejection letter!" Jon said with a frustrated laugh. "She actually sent me a future...rejection letter...ok that does it, it’s time!"
"Time for what?" Trixie asked.
"Time for some drastic measures!" Jon answered as he rounded his desk. "I think a little one-on-one is in order here...I'm going back to Equestria!"
Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Intermission: Trixie proves herself
In the short time that she's known him Trixie would never have categorized Jon as the serious type. For the most part she thought of him as just an eccentric human who just last night tried to get his daughter to squirt milk out her nose by using bread sticks as tusks while making walrus noises. However today was different, her perception of him had changed. After receiving news that he wouldn't get his desired guest he made plans to set off back to Equestria to ask her in person...Trixie had never seen a more determined looking Jon Stewart.
Trixie watched as Jon went back and forth collecting various trinkets he would need for his soon-to-come trip to Equestria like his wallet, cell phone, and good shoes. After gathering all his belongings Jon whipped out his phone and began to dial.
"Who are you calling?" Trixie asked in a demanding tone.
"Celestia. She knows Fluttershy is refusing to come on but I'm sure she'll let me talk to her in person." Jon answered as he typed number after number. "You uh...you may want to leave the room for this, we wouldn't want her to find out you're hear somehow."
Jon was about to press the dial button when the sight of a Trixie's pointy hat approaching him caught his attention.
"Pony feathers!" Trixie yelled as she slapped Jon's phone out of his hand. For an animal that was half Jon's size she could hit surprisingly hard.
"OW! What was that for?!" He asked as he rubbed hand.
"When you begged me to stay here I only agreed so i could be your magic professor!" Trixie barked. "So if anypony is going to send you to Equestria it's going to be me!"
Jon bent over to pick up his phone only to stop mid way to give Trixie a confused look.
"You?" He said, standing back up. "You're going to send me there?"
"Why of course!" Trixie said in a smug tone. "You don't need that stuffy old princess to help you when all you really need is somepony who is just as fluent in magic as her...somepony like me! THE GREAT AND--"
"Wait I thought you said you didn't have enough power to get back home." Jon interrupted. "I mean you yourself said the only way you could get back would be if another pony did it for you."
Trixie will still in mid pose when she got interrupted so she slowly lowered her head to look at Jon with narrowed eyes. She really didn't like being interrupted. Jon, in lieu of time, didn't want to start a staring contest that he would ultimately lose. He said his apologies and motioned for her to continue.
"...Somepony like me! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She finished. Jon didn't comment right away on the off chance she wasn't finished.
"Are you done yet?...good." He continued. "But my point remains, how are you going to send me to Equestria when you're not at full power."
"For your information Stewart sending somepony to Equestria from this world is much less difficult then sending somepony to this world from Equestria." She explained. "The reason it to me three days, all my resources, and most of my power to teleport here is because I had never been to the human world before, so traversing here I was going in blind...but since I know Equestria very well sending you there will have much less stress on my body."
Even for someone like Jon, who was still relatively new to the concept of magic, her explanation made a lot of sense. However the logic behind her reasoning caused Jon to recall why she was stuck here in the first place.
"Wait so are you telling me you could have gone home anytime you wanted!" Jon asked as he pointed his arm in a random location hoping that Equestria was in that general direction.
"Again you don't understand," Trixie retorted with a deep sigh. "The reason why I can't go back is because even thought I know the layout of my world very well I still don't have the energy to pull off the spell...you see teleporting somepony else is easy but teleporting yourself is much harder."
Jon vaguely remembered Twilight saying the same thing the last time she was on his show. Though for the sake of clarity he still wanted an explanation.
"Well...how does that work out anyway?" Jon asked. Trixie rolled her eyes and proceeded to walk around his desk, looking rather annoyed in the process.
"I'll try to explain," she said. "But it might be hard for somepony like you to understand."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jon shot back.
"It means since you don't use magic you might not understand the finer points." She answered. Even Jon had to admit that what she said made perfect sense.
"Oh I...I guess you have a point." He said as he rubbed the back of his head. "Well could you give it the ol' college try?" Not one to turn down a challenge Trixie obliged by using her magic to levitate a signed baseball off Jon's desk.
"Alright...let's pretend that this is you," she explained. "Now watch."
With a flick of her neck she tossed the ball across the room over to the nearby couch.
"As you can see tossing the ball across the room is very effortless," she continued. Getting up from her spot she walked across the room to retrieve the baseball and placed it back on Jon's desk. "However having to physically bring myself across the room demands a little more energy and concentration...it might not seem like much but multiply that example by a factor of traveling through worlds and you'll probably get the idea."
Jon tried his best to understand the Unicorn's lecture but his mind was preoccupied by the thought of being thrown in between worlds like a baseball...it was a mental image he wished he could forget.
"Looook Trixie...I appreciate the offer but I think I'll just have Celestia do it," Jon said very delicately. "I mean...you're great but I think it would be in everyone's best interest if--"
"Jon...please." Trixie said with gloomy eyes. "I know you don't think too highly of me but...I want to prove I can do this...I know I don't have that much magic in me at the moment but if you give me a chance I know I can do it! So please...give me a chance."
Avoiding eye contact proved to be too difficult and soon he felt as if he was at the dinner table. Only instead of a canine begging for food scraps it was a Unicorn wanting to use her magic to transport him through different planes of existences. His initial response would have been a firm 'no' but doing so was a lot harder than he thought. So hard in fact that he buckled under and gave way to her begging.
"Oh alright." He said, looking away to scratch his head. "I'll let you perform the spell...but if we're going to do this I'm going to need a change of clothes." And with that a happy looking Trixie quickly began to move some furniture around to get some room for her to prepare.
Walking across the room Jon soon found himself at the very wardrobe that his son had previously used to hide. He opened it on both sides to reveal a wall of spare suites, pants, and ties that he had in case of any last minute usage. He was about to take this shirt off when he looked over at Trixie who was still busy.
"Uh...do you mind?" Jon asked while using his head to motion towards the door. Trixie stopped for a brief moment to look at Jon.
"Not at all," she answered indifferently. "Go right ahead." Missing the point entirely she continued to move the furnishing. Jon felt uncomfortable with changing in front of her but when it was apparent that she showed no interest in looking he began to remove articles of clothing as he changed into a more professional attire.
"A thought occurs," he said as he pulled up his dress slacks and tucked in his shirt. "If you've never met Fluttershy before how are you doing to send me to her?"
It was fair a question that Trixie hadn't considered, but not being the type to easily give up Trixie submitted a simple solution.
"It's quite simple really," she answered. "First tell me what kind of pony she is...species wise I mean."
Looking at Trixie through the mirror on the inside of the door Jon tried to recall by memory alone but could not. To fix this he walked over to his desk to look at his notes, multitasking at the same time by putting the finishing touches on his necktie.
"Says here that she’s...a...Pegasus." Jon answered. "Huh, I guess she can fly."
"If that's the case then she most likely lives in Cloudsdale." Trixie said.
"Cloudsdale huh?" He retorted as he slipped on his sports jacket. "That's the place that filled with Pegasi huh?"
"Correct. If this Fluttershy is anywhere she's bound to be there." Trixie said to a now fully dressed Jon.
"So...what kind of place is this Cloudsdale anyway?" He asked as he looked for his good cufflinks.
"Hmm I can't really say for certain," Trixie answered. "I've never been I only know where it is...to be honest I don't know much about it at all other than its location and that fact that it's a city in the clouds."
"...A city in the clouds?" Jon repeated as he held on to his sleeve. "Ooooh please tell me their leader is someone called 'Lando Calrissian.'"
Trixie glanced over to give him a curious look. She didn't get the reference.
"Uuuh nevermind," he said as he continued to look around. "So...this place sounds rather nice. I bet the apartments have one hell of a skyline view...how come you've never been?"
"Never had the chance...didn't even know it existed till it was too late,” she said. "I hail from a town far to the east, close to the coastal line so I'm not too familiar with the whole 'Ponyville, Cloudsdale, and Canterlot district."
"I see," Jon said now in autopilot. "How interesting." Trixie noticed this and rolled her eyes.
"Stewart!" She yelled, getting his full attention as she pointed to Jon's desk. "Left side...second drawer."
Jon stood still for a second while Trixie continued to point at his desk. Slowly he walked over and checked that drawer that she had mentioned. Among other things like his checkbook and a loose collection of pens were a pair of shiny cuff links.
"Ah!...uh thanks." He said.
"Alright...are you ready Stewart? She asked.
"As I'll ever be...so how exactly does this work anyway?" He asked. Trixie responded first by making her horn glow with light.
"Basically a teleporation spell is very easy to cast but since we're going to be doing this through different worlds I'll need to stabilize a lot more energy than what is normally needed." She answered. "At this much power I could teleport you across the room...maybe even to the other side of the house. What we need is enough to send you to Equestria. So it's all about getting enough magic in my horn without it blowing up in my face."
"And do you think you can do that...just handle that much magic at once?" Jon asked.
"Oh please," she responded. "The Great and Powerful Trixie can do anything!...behold!"
Her horn began to pulsate faster and faster as more magic began to build up at it's tip. Jon, going by experience, quickly covered his eyes before the eventual burst of magic could blind him. Not long after doing so however he heard a sound that resembled a device powering down. When he opened his eyes he saw Trixie rubbing her own horn with a look of discomfort on her face.
"...What happened?" He asked with one eye open.
"N-nothing!" She quickly responded. "The magic just discharged a bit...don't worry though that was just a practice run...here I go for real now!"
Once again a large amount of magic began to build up and once again Jon closed his eyes. However what followed was the same pattern as before, the building up of magic that she could not control. She'd never admit it to Jon or herself but Trixie couldn't handle that much magic at once.
"Uh...you ok?" He asked. "I mean I'll understand if--"
"Stewart please!" Trixie shot back. "I'm just...I'm just not used to this kind of pressure...Trixie demands that you give me some room!" Jon took a step back and waited but once again the results were the same.
A good 15 minutes passed and Trixie was still going through the same three steps over and over again. Build up magic, try to stabilize magic, have magic blow up in face. Wash, rinse, and repeat. To her credit she never gave up but the same could not be same for Jon who was now sitting in front of her with a copy of the day's newspaper in his hands...he was passing the time by trying to do the crossword.
Again Trixie tried to harness the vast amount of magic and like before it didn't work. This time she didn't try it again right away but instead took some time to catch her breath.
"Hey while I got you here can you help with this," he said. "Seven letter word going down. 'Mystical creature of many animals'...any ideas?"
"SILENCE STEWART! I...I almost...had it" She said in between breaths. "Your professor...needs...absolute quiet!"
"Sorry Obi Wan." Jon said as he got up to stretch his legs. "Please continue."
Now having given up on his crossword Jon moved on to the Horoscope section to pass the time. He looked under Sagittarius which read; "An unwanted guest means to do you harm. Seek help from a close friend to undo the damage."
Jon was about to suggest that they skip this idea and just call Celestia but he felt obligated to at least let her try a few more times. Although he didn't show it through his droll expression he actually wanted her to succeed. Proving that she was as magically competent as anyone else was a big deal for her and Jon knew the feeling.
Once again Trixie tried to conjure forth the right amount of magic but this time she could barely make it past step two. Her frustration was very visible and in anger she slammed her hoof against the floor.
"I can do this!" She said. "I...can do this!" She slowly began to charge her horn at a much slower pace than before. He wanted to spout some encouragement at her but he knew all to well that her pride would not allow her to accept it. Her type only responded to one thing and Jon knew exactly what to do.
"You know Trixie I probably could have walked to Cloudsdale by now." He said in an arrogant tone.
"S-shut up!" She said. "I'm going to do this, dammit!"
"Yeah yeah sure you will," he continued, now in full heckle mode. "I mean hell you couldn't even finish your first semester at Magic College but I'm suuuure you'll get this right."
"I'm...not listening." She said as the magic in her horn grew larger and larger.
"You know for the record Twilight performed the same spell on me rather quickly when I went to go visit her." Jon said instantly grabbing her attention by the mere utterance of Twilight's name. "And she manage to get it right...on her first try."
With eyes filled with rage Trixie let forth a scream of determination bringing with it a bright light. When Jon opened his eyes she saw Trixie in the middle of room, huffing in rhythm to the sound the massive amounts of stabilized magic emanating from her horn.
"HA! Trixie told you she could do it!" She announced proudly. "Now prepare yourself Stewart, the time has come!"
"Well alright! Let's get this show on the road!" He said with excitement as he lined himself in front of her.
"Alright...just relax while I focus on sending to you Cloudsdale." Trixie said as she closed her eyes.
While he waited he reflected on how Trixie manage to do what few ponies could ever do, sustaining the amount of magic needed to travel through worlds. He could feel a twang of pride inside not unlike how he felt when one of his children does well in school. He wanted to congratulate her properly but decided against it on the off chance it would break her concentration.
"Get ready Stewart..." Trixie warned. Jon obliged and closed it eyes. But as he did a thought crosses his mind, it was something that he didn't think about till just then.
"Hey wait a minute," he said as he opened his eyes. "If you're sending me there...then who's going to bring me ba--"
Before Jon could finish his sentence the magic in her horn activated completely in a large burst of light, leaving only Trixie behind in the Study. Dropping to her knees Trixie focused on her breathing which was spastic and uneven, unaware that Jon was in even worse shape.
Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Intermission: Jon's free falling adventure
The only direct interaction Jon ever had with magic was his dealings with Celestia and for a brief moment in time with Twilight Sparkle, both of whom were tasked with transporting him to and from Equestria. In both cases they teleported Jon instantaneously due to their respective understanding of Magic, but with Trixie it was different.
Her magic wasn't as refined as theirs and as a result it took a few seconds for Jon to reappear in the world of talking ponies. The time between his departure from New York and his eventual arrival in Cloudsdale was spent in an almost purgatory-esque state of existence. But due to the carelessness of Jon he could not see anything as he had foolishly opened his eyes at the moment of the spells activation, momentarily blinding him. His sight slowly began to return in conjuncture with his return to Equestria.
"Trixie!? A-are you still there?" Jon called out as he stumbled backwards in the empty void. "Did it work? Hey! Can anyone hear me? I'm I in CloudsdaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Before Jon could fully regain his sight he felt a sudden explosion of different sensations. He felt as if he was falling down, like someone had pulled the ground from beneath his feet. Any attempt to find his center of gravity was met with much difficulty. In addition he suddenly felt cold but at the same time he can feel the suns warm rays beating down on him.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Jon yelled out in a panic. "WHERE AM I!?" The sound of wind rushing by him was so great he could barely hear himself let alone the voice of anyone who could answer him. He called out again but no one responded to his cries for assistance, he was completely alone.
Soon Jon's vision came back in full. He took this time to look up, or what he believed to be up. He was surrounded by a thick layer of fog too dense for him to see past and judging by how bright it was it was morning in Equestria. Before Jon could call for help again he successfully passed through the seemingly endless wave of fog and was now greeted by endless blue skies. Still looking in an upwards direction Jon could now see that what he thought was thick fog was in fact clouds, each one bearing evidence that he had penetrated it in the form of a hole.
A disturbing thought crossed his mind and with much hesitation he began to shift his weight so he could see below him, and what he saw terrified him to the point where he lost the feeling in every muscle. He could see open land spread out of miles, along with the occasional town and even the Canterlot Castle further in the distance. Jon's mind raced with dozens of possible explanations as to what went wrong or what was happening all leading to one solitary point. He was now free falling down to earth and would soon die.
"H..h-help...h...help" Jon said, his voice steadily rising. "Help me! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP!!!" As if they had a mind of their own his arms began to flail wildly in an attempt to grab a hold of something, He looked in all directions for signs of life but none could be found, though even if there was it would be difficult for him to see them with the constant gust of wind in his eyes.
The barely audible screams of help continued to go unnoticed and his sore throat forced him to stop for the time being. He covered his ears, which were popping uncontrollably, to drown out the sound of wind so he could think. No good ideas came to mind, as evident by his continued attempt to call out for help.
"SOMEONE HELP ME!" He screamed again. "PLEASE HELP...I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
Although he tried his hardest not to he eventually looked back down at the world laid out before him like an open book. It was hard to tell at first but the landmarks that at first seemed so far away were now bigger, which meant that he was getting closer and closer to the unforgiving ground.
In a last ditch effort Jon began to cry to the one who brought him here in the first place.
"Trixie! Trixie if you can hear me get me out of here!" He shouted. But like before no one answered, though that didn't stop him from trying again. "Trixie I swear to god if you don't get me out of here right now I'll sell your blue ass to a glue factory then I'll turn you over to Celestia and she'll--"
Jon stopped himself mid rant. He had unintentionally given himself an idea, an idea that he wouldn't normally consider but in this case he made an exception... he was very desperate.
Reaching into his sports jacket he pulled out his cell phone, his plan was to call Celestia and have her use her magic to save him. The wind in his face made it very difficult for him to see where or what he was typing. Luckily he still had her number dialed from when he tried calling her in his study, prior to Trixie's interference.
However his luck ended when he tried to press dial. After hitting a little bit of turbulence the phone slipped from his grasp, the constant stream of upwards wind was too strong for Jon to handle. Time seemed to slow down for Jon, he watched in horror as his phone began to hover overhead and eventually out of reach.
"NO!" Jon yelled as he tried and failed to grab his phone which was now miles above him. Out of morbid curiosity he looked back down and noticed that the ground seemed a lot closer than before; the longer he fell the faster his velocity became...his eventual contact with solid ground was getting closer.
Jon's tried to keep his eyes open but it was difficult since he slowly starting to lose control of his senses. His body, as if trying to lessen the inevitable pain, began to shut down and slip into an unconscious state. With the last bit of energy he had left he tried one more time to call for help; his voice weak and his body almost numb.
"Help....me." He said as his eyes closed. "Help....please."
But just as he was about to slip away something incredible happened. All at once, and without warning, Jon's deadly decent came to a sudden halt, forcing him to awake once again. The resulting velocity of going from 250 miles an hour to a complete stop caused a great deal of pressure to go to his lower stomach; he was now awake but he had to do everything in his power to prevent himself from regurgitating whatever food he had left in his system.
He was aware of his surroundings but his senses were still dull. Despite his vision not fully returning he could see a vast and beautiful scenery which, much to Jon's relief, was standing still. His ears were ringing from the pain of falling from such a high altitude as they had popped several times. He closed his eyes and grabbed his heart which was beating so rapidly he could hear it. Never before was he so grateful that his wife had put him on a strict egg whites only diet.
His main priority at the moment was trying to focus on his breathing which was difficult since he was hyperventilating.
Jon was still unsure as to why he had stopped falling; did Trixie save him after all? Did he land on something soft? Or maybe Celestia did hear his cries for help. In truth he didn't care, he was just happy that he was saved.
His ears were starting to regain their function, the first thing he could hear was the faint sound of someone talking, though it was hard to make out. Slowly the muffled sounds got louder and clearer to the point where Jon could now understand it.
"...eeeeey! I said are you alright?" The voice asked. "Hey common wake up, big guy." Along the with strangers voice Jon could also hear another faint noise. It was the sound of wings flapping...had Jon been rescued by a guardian angel?
With all of his senses now returning (though not all at once) Jon could feel something holding him up on either side of him. He looked to his left and right and saw a pair of hooves, each one firmly under an armpit. Slowly Jon looked upwards and was now staring straight into the eyes of his rescuer.
"You ok, dude?" The tomboyish voice said. "I swear you tourists are getting crazier every year!"
The person looking back at Jon was a pony...a Pegasus to be exact. She was cyan colored and her eyes were purple. She seemed very strong since she was able to hold Jon up with her hooves and keep them both afloat with her wings with very little effort.
For the first time ever Jon actually recognized a citizen of Equestria without having them introduce themselves. This was done through simple inference since the biggest and most visual feature about her was her mane which, along with being somewhat messy, was a multitude of technicolor.
"Rain...Rainbow Dash?" Jon asked sheepishly.
"Yep!" She responded with a smile. "That's me!"
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Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Intermission: Rainbow Dash won't take no for an answer
Even though he was still delirious from his near death experience there was no doubt in Jon's mind that the pony who had just rescued him was Rainbow Dash. He had never met her before but her mane was a dead giveaway. At this point though it didn't matter who rescued him, all that mattered was that thanks to her he would live to see another day.
"You gonna be ok Mr.?" She asked, her rainbow mane brushing against Jon's face.
"Oh god, thank you!" Jon blurted out as he relaxed his body. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Heh heh no problem," She responded proudly. Soon after her large eyes widened as a result of her making a sudden realization.
"Heeeeey I know you!" She said, flapping her wings harder with excitement. "You're the guy form the TV...Jon Stewart! Oh wow, I love your show!"
In his weakened state Jon was unable to hold is head up any longer, he slumped down in a mixture of relief and exhaustion. Rainbow Dash on the other hand was bursting with energy and was still trying to talk to him.
"What were you doing in Cloudsdale?" She asked while still being able to hold up his dead weight body. "How did you even get all the way up there?"
"Look....Rainbow Dash." Jon said in a low lifeless sounding voice. "I don't mean to be...rude here but could you please save any and all questions till I'm back on solid ground?"
"Oh right, sorry." She said with a slight laugh. "Don't worry Johnny I'll get ya back down!" Flapping her wings even harder she gained a little bit of altitude and took a deep breath like she was about to do a power-dive.
"SLOWLY PLEASE!" Jon yelled, once again grabbing his heart. "Please I just...please just set me down...nice and slowly...please...I don't want to fall."
She obliged and began to descend at a slow enough pace that there was very little to no turbulence. Jon now felt more relaxed about his present situation and as a result his breathing regulated itself to longer deep breaths. His sense of relief was then broken by the sound of his savior trying to talk to him again.
"Soooo why were you in Cloudsdale?" She repeated, convinced that she had waited long enough to start asking questions again. Jon took a very deep and lengthy sigh to convey his feelings but Rainbow Dash was still awaiting an answer. With all that had happened Jon momentary forgot why he was even there in the first place but it all came back to him.
"I...I was...I'm here on business." Jon responded thinking his answer would be enough for her and that she would drop the subject...she didn't
"What kind of business?" She responded by whispering in Jon's ear. "Come oooon you can tell me!"
"Look here Ms. Dash you seem like a nice kid," Jon said. "So...I'm just going to be honest with you. I don't--"
"OH OH wait were you here looking for somepony to be on your show!?" She interrupted excitedly, rocking back and forth in the process.
"Hey, hey, hey! Watch it will ya!?" Jon said as he lightly flailed his legs.
"Well!?" She asked, her downward flight coming to a stop. "Were ya?"
"Yes, yes, you're right! I was scouting for talent!" Jon said feeling slightly nervous. "I was looking for a my next guest. Now can you please just keep going down!?"
Once again they made their decent only this time she was swaying back and forth out of joy which only made Jon feel ill.
"ALRIGHT! I knew you'd get my letters!" She said triumphantly. "I can't freaking wait! When do you need me by?"
"W-what are you talking about?" He asked as he was being rocked back and forth like a rag doll.
"My letters to you, duh!" She said. "I've sent you like twenty of them asking if I can be on your show and now you've finally come to get me! This is so awesome!"
When he thought about it Jon could vaguely recall getting a few letters from her requesting that she be on his show. If he recalled correctly they were the ones with really bad penmanship. Since she was also a member of the Elements of Harmony Jon wanted to cash in on her willingness to appear at a later time, preferably on a rainy day or special occasion. This not being one of them.
"Oh yeah right...look about that," Jon said trying his best to sound respectful. "I appreciate your offer but the thing is--"
"Although you really should have called me first or sent me a letter back," Rainbow Dash interrupted. "I don't know how you got up there but it's dangerous for an outsider to go to Cloudsdale...only a Pegasus can walk on clouds ya know."
"Ok, but look I've alre-- wait...wait what did you say?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"I saaaaaid only us Pegasi can walk on clouds," she repeated. "Anypony else who tries ends up...well like you."
For the good of his health Jon tried to not get angry but instead took deep breaths to calm himself. He focused not on ways he would pound Trixie into gravy but on how he would now have to shatter the dreams of his winged friend.
"Ok...look kid...I appreciate your enthusiasm but I didn't come to Cloudsdale looking for you." He said much to the shock of Rainbow Dash. "I came here looking for a pony named 'Fluttershy.'" Again the two stopped their decent which annoyed Jon to no end.
"WHAT! FLUTTERSHY!?" She exclaimed incredulously. "Why would you want to interview her!? I would make a waaay better guest than that scaredy pony! I mean with me ya get the whole package! I'm strong, fast, have loads of charisma, good looks, and not to mention I know how to--"
"Rainbow Dash at this rate I won't even make it back in time to start the show!" Jon interrupted. "So please...could you just focus on getting me onto the ground!"
"Ugh...alright fine." She said with a sour face.
Her body drooped in disappointment as she began to fly downwards at a much slower pace than before. Sulking the entire way down.
"Oh and by the way if you came all the way up here looking for her then you're out of luck," she said, her tone slightly uncaring. "I don't know where you got the idea but Fluttershy hasn't lived at Cloudsdale in years...she lives in a cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville."
Upon hearing this new detail Jon's hands began to shake in anger and his eyes darted back and forth wildly like he was trying to look for something.
"Wait...are you telling me that not only am I unable to walk around your city...I was also in the entire wrong district?" Jon asked in a passive aggressive tone.
"That's right, big guy." Rainbow Dash answered in a slightly amused tone.
"Oooooh I am going to kill Trixie." Jon said under his breath so Rainbow Dash couldn't hear him.
"But hey that's alright cause now I'm here to save your ass again!" She continued as she puffed out her chest. "Who needs that ol' wimpy Fluttershy when you've got me!...Have me on your show and I guarantee it'll be the most watched episode ever!"
Jon had to admit that her persistence was, at least to some degree, admirable. If this were any other circumstances he might've considered her offer but at the moment all he wanted was to have the ground firmly beneath his feet.
"Ok...I'm going to make this very clear for ya Dashie," he said sounding annoyed and bitter. "Right now I don't care...I don't care about the show, or who goes on it, or...whatever. Right now all I want...Is. To. Be. On. The. Ground...and I'm sorry but as far as my show is concerned I'm probably just going to go find Fluttershy anyway...I'm not leaving here empty handed. So thanks...but no thanks."
The two exchanged no words after that with Rainbow Dash focusing on flying downward which pleased Jon since he could tell that they were getting closer and closer to solid ground. Because of his angle he couldn't tell but Rainbow Dash looked very mournful, almost heartbroken by the news that she wouldn't get to be on his show. However her mood quickly changed and she soon found herself scheming something.
At this point Jon was probably a good 15 feet away from land and he couldn't be more happy, though they were still pretty high up. But just he was starting to feel slightly better he could feel himself slipping slightly from Rainbow Dash's grip. At first he thought it was all in his head, till he realized that he was slowly sliding forward.
"W-w-w-what's going on!?" He demanded. "Why are you letting go!?"
"I'm not letting go! It's just that...you're soooo daaarn heavy." She shot back trying her best to sound like she was straining. "I...I don't think I can hold you up for very much longer." Again she loosened her grip and Jon slid forward even more.
"Jesus Christ, stop that!" He barked. "I thought you said you were strong!?"
"I am but it seems I'm just not strong enough this time." She said as Jon began to flail his arms and legs; because of his position he couldn't grab a hold of her. "Too bad your precious Fluttershy isn't here...I bet she could hold you up."
"Your're crazy!" Jon yelled as he foolishly began to fidget in place which only caused her to lose more grip. "Come on this isn't funny!"
Rainbow Dash was trying to hide a smirk from appearing on her face all the while making it seem like Jon was too heavy. In actuality she had no intention of dropping him; she just wanted to see if her plan would work. She was in full control the entire time.
"I'm sorry Johnny but...I don't think...I can hold onto you...much longer," she said very convincingly. "If only I had some kind of...incentive for holding onto then maaaaybe I could find the strength to not drop ya." To emphasis her claim she lowered Jon a little bit more. He was now hanging off her hooves by an inch.
Instinctively Jon's next thought was to scold the young pony and call her out on her bluff till she agreed to do what he said but he never got the chance. In his struggle to hold on he glanced downward at how high up he was and decided it wasn't worth risking.
"OK, OK, I GIVE UP YOU CAN BE ON THE SHOW!" Jon yelled and he tried to lean back to her.
"Really!" She said, pulling Jon closer to hear him better.
"YES FINE, YOU CAN BE MY NEXT GUEST!" He said nervously. "YOU CAN HAVE THE SLOT, YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT JUST PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DROP ME!"
"AAAAAAAAALRIGHT!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed with immense excitement as she did a somersault in the air and pumped both her hooves in victory. In her celebration however she had unconsciously made the mistake of letting go of Jon anyway, her better judgment temporarily blinded by her own hubris.
"RAINBOW DAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaash!" Jon said as he plummeted to the ground.
"Oops." She said, the consequences of her actions now starting to sink in. "Ah...h-h-hold on Johnny! I'm coming!"
With a quick stretch of her wings she was once again dive bombing to the rescue of Jon. But this time she wasn't fast enough since he already had a head start.
"GRAB ME, GRAB ME, GRAB ME, GRAB ME, GRAB MEEEEEEE," he shouted with fear in his eyes. "GRAAAAB MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
Jon flailed his arms and legs so wildly that he pulled a couple of muscles in the process. Rainbow Dash was starting to close the gap between herself and Jon but she was too late. Jon closed his eyes so as to not see his own death.
His eyes would not stay shut forever though; they sprung back open the second he colliding stomach first in a tree. In truth Jon was very lucky that he landed where he did for if he was a few feet off he would have hit solid ground and most likely have died. His weight coupled with how fast he was falling meant he easily broke thought the first couple of branches of the tree, each one slowing him down considerably.
Finally he stopped on the last branch, landing again stomach first which knocked the wind out of him. After trying to draw breath he quickly checked to see if anything was broken or if he was bleeding, but aside from a few bruises and scrapes he was fine. Jon slowly tried to slide down from the branch but at the last second his weight gave way and the branch broke like the rest. Sending him straight down and face first into a large patch of mud which softening his fall.
Slowly he flipped himself over so he could breath, he didn't get up right away but instead just laid down on his back staring upwards wondering to himself how a relatively dull day ended up like this. The sound of wings flapping caught his attention and soon Rainbow Dash found him. He was safe, albeit very filthy.
She tried her best to not laugh at Jon's situation though it was entirely obvious that she found it comical.
"Here uh...let me help." She said. Hovering over Jon she grabbed him by the hand and slowly pulled him up. He was completely covered in mud to the point where, had she not seen him land there, Rainbow Dash wouldn't recognize him. He tried to take a step forward but just ended up falling back down. This proved too much for the young Pegasus to handle, the echoes of her laughter could be heard all over the rural area.
She was laughing so hard she almost fell in the mud herself but soon she stopped once she saw Jon now sitting up and looking very unamused. He stared at her with eyes that looked like they were in pain which made her feel very guilty for what she did.
"I'm...I'm sorry I dropped you," She said, scared that this might mean she couldn't be on his show. "I uh...I guess this makes us even huh?
"Ooooh were not even." Jon said in a monotone voice. "Not by a long shot."
"We-we're not?" She asked.
"Nope." He answered. Before she could inquire as to what he meant Jon sprung forward and grabbed Rainbow Dash by her tail. Before she could ask what he was doing he very quickly pulled her down into the mud with him. When she tried to get back up Jon placed his hand on top of her head and, using all his strength, shoved her face first into the mud. She tried to use her wings to escape but Jon's leverage preventing her from doing so.
After an appropriate amount of time had passed Jon took his hand off her head and she emerged from the mud gasping for breath. She too was now covered in it.
"Ok...were even!" Jon said with a content laugh as he stood up. "Now you can be on my show."
"Wait seriously! I can still go one!?" She said, receiving a nod as an answer. "Ah Yeah! GO RAINBOW, GO RAINBOW, GO RAINBOW!"
She wasn't the only one who was happy. Dunking her face under the mud proved to be very therapeutic for Jon as most of his anger had now washed away along with any sense of ill will towards her. However there was still one problem left to overcome...Jon still needed a way back and his phone was still missing in action. Without a lifeline Jon had one option left but he needed Rainbow Dash's help first.
Very delicately he walked across the the muddy area and onto a dirt road that led into two different directions.
"Hey Dashie?" He called out. "If you really want to be on my good side I need a favor" She stopped dancing in the mud long enough to respond.
"Sure!" She said. "What's up?"
"I need to get to Twilight Sparkle and I need to do it without anyone seeing me." He said as he looked around the deserted area. "Think you can handle that?"
"No problem!" She said confidently as she shook the mud off her person. "Just leave it to me."
She flew towards a trail and motioned for Jon to follow. He took a few steps forward each one providing an unattractive squishing sound. He looked at the amount of mud that engulfed him and let out a depressed sigh. Another good suit of his, ruined.
Noticing this Rainbow Dash offered to help.
"Ah don't worry Johnny I got ya covered!" She said. Jon was in the middle of taking off his jacket when she quickly flew towards him, flying around him with such speed that the mud began to fly off him and land in random locations. Her cleansing whirlwind however proved to be too effective and the resulting force was actually strong enough to momentarily make Jon hover off his feet. When she was done Jon feel to the ground on this back with a loud thud.
"Oops." She said biting her lip nervously. "Sorry...again."
"Just take me to Twilight." Jon responded.
Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Intermission: Twilight can keep a secret
The world of ponies known as Equestria was a much different place than the world of man, one such difference was their solar cycles which were synched differently. Jon reflected on this as he and Rainbow dash walked (Or rather he walked, she flew) down the empty streets of Ponyville.
Back in New York it was in the late afternoon with the sun almost out of sight, but here in Ponyville the day had barely started. This wasn't the first time Jon experienced this phenomenon. He recalled on how in the past he would arrive in Equestria and it would be morning when back at home it was still night time.
He wondered if their day had fewer hours or vice versa, or maybe if it had something to do their sun being controlled by their own leader. If he had more free time in his schedule Jon would've asked his good friend Neil Degrasse Tyson to figure it out but as of late time was something he had very little of.
At first Jon found it annoying, mostly in part because it affected his own biological clock, but today he was gracious since it meant no one but Rainbow Dash (And soon Twilight) would know that he was here unannounced.
Jon was still not entirely familiar with the layout of Ponyville which meant that Rainbow Dash was a few feet in front of him guiding him along the path to Twilight's house. Eventually some landmarks started to jump out at him, their familiarity a welcomed change. One in particular being Sugercube Corner which they passed and they rounded a corner.
Soon their route led them to a familiar street leading to a humble tree. A tree which had a house partially built inside it where a certain lavender pony and her scaly assistant resigned. The two approached the structure and began to knock on the door loudly enough so the residents could hear them but not so loudly that it would wake up anyone else in town.
After no one answered they tried again, this time they could hear a noise coming from upstairs. They waited to see if someone would answer the door with Rainbow Dash flying in place and Jon looking behind him to see if they were truly alone. He noticed that the sun was just barely rising over the horizon and the birds were beginning to chirp. For most Equestrian citizens it was almost time to wake up but for Jon it was well past his bed time.
The sound of doors opening from overhead caught their attention. Jon took a step back and looked up just in time to see a sleepy looking Twilight Sparkle rubbing her eyes as she peered over her balcony.
"Huh?...w-who's there?" She said with a yawn.
"Hey bed head." Jon called out. "Howsabout you let us inside huh?"
"Wha-- huh! Jon? Jon Stewart is that you?" Twilight said. "And Rainbow dash? Wha-what are you two doing here?"
"We're here to see if you've heard the good news about our lord and savior." He said jokingly, getting nothing in return. "Actually I'll explain later...you don't mind if we come in do you?"
"Oh uh...not at all," she said as she straightened her mane.. "Just give me a second I'll have Spike prepare us some drinks or something."
Twilight disappeared back into her house, calling out for Spike to wake up. Jon leaned against the tree sensing that it might be awhile before she came down. Rainbow Dash seemed to have felt the same way, her impatience got the better of her resulting in her flying overhead and through Twilight's balcony door leaving Jon alone for the time being.
He cupped his hand in front of his face and breathed into them to keep himself warm. Soon the front door opened and Jon was greeted by his old friend Twilight.
"It really is you!" She said with a smile. "Welcome back to Equestria! Won't you come in?" The two entered the house whereupon she offered him a seat that he respectfully declined since it was about three sizes too small for him. Rainbow Dash now joined them but Twilight didn't offer her the seat since she knew first hand that she preferred to fly.
"Thanks Twilight," Jon said. "Sorry if I woke you up but I need your help."
"Oh that's alright Mr. Stewart, anything for a friend. I have a full day ahead of as it is," she responded as she went around putting abandoned books back on their shelves." And thanks to you I can get started on my list of things to do an hour early...although if I do that there's a good chance I'll have an extra hour of nothing to do. I suppose I could work in some last minute busy work to make up for that time but who knows how long that will take...maybe if I use this as an opportunity to explore possible scenarios where a correlation can be made between--"
"Uh Twilight I don't mean to be rude but I'm kind of in a hurry." Jon interrupted with a tired smile while Rainbow Dash shook her head.
"OH, of course! I'm so sorry." She said with embarrassment. "Now then, you needed my help."
"Yeah weeell it's like this...actually let me start from the beginning." Jon said. "You see it all started when I came back to Equestria to handle some business with the Daily Show...I won’t bore you with the details but I ended up in Cloudsdale."
"Oh Mr. Stewart don't be silly," She said dismissively as she continued to organize her library. "Only a Pegasus can go to Cloudsdale...if anypony else even tried they'd just...fall right through" She looked back over at Jon and saw that he had a worrisome look about him like he was remembering something tragic.
"Yeeeeeah let's just say I had to learn that the hard way." He replied with a shudder.
"Oh...OH!" Twilight said almost dropping a book on agriculture. She noticed that Jon looked as if he had been in the middle of a wind tunnel and that he had a few scrapes on his face. "Oh my goodness are you alright!?"
"Yeah I'm fine now, thanks to this one over here" Jon answered, pointing to Rainbow Dash. "She caught me right before I turned into a human pancake."
"Oh well that's-- wait, what were you doing in Cloudsdale anyway?" Twilight asked.
"Long story. All you need to know is I have a show soon and I was looking for the next guest to appear on Equestrian Interviews," Jon answered. "But my plans kind of fell through, no pun intended, and luckily for me ol' Dashie here was patrolling the area so she saved my ass."
"Oh I see...thank Celestia she happened to be around!" Twilight said with a sigh of relief. She directed her attention to Rainbow Dash who was hovering nearby. "Good work Rainbow! Sometimes I wonder what we'd do without you."
Rainbow Dash didn't say anything back; she merely flew in place with her cheeks puffed out like a squirrel with too many acorns in its mouth. Twilight waited for to comment on her heroic accomplishment but she remained silent.
"Um...are you ok Rainbow Dash?" She asked. The multicolored Pegasus again refused to say anything, instead deciding to cross her arms and look away.
"Yeah she's been like that ever since we came into town," Jon interjected as he sat on the floor. "She's holding her breath cause she doesn't want to say anything till tomorrow when she's on the show. She's afraid she'll say something totally awesome then won't be able to say it again on live TV cause it'll sound rehearsed...her words not mine."
Normally Twilight would have lectured her on the importance of inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide but she was momentarily overwhelmed with Joy.
"Oh I had no idea she was the pony you were looking for!" Twilight said. Jon almost mentioned that he was originally looking for Fluttershy, but for the sake of the moment he decided not to and let her have her moment in the spotlight.
"Oh Rainbow I'm so happy for you. I know it's what you've wanted for awhile now...if you'd like I can coach you on what to expect...I mean I have been to the human world before and I've since then been boning up on my knowledge of human culture." Twilight said, unaware that Rainbow Dash was slowly starting to change color. "Like did you know that humans actually evolved from subset of animals known as primates millions of years ago? I'm sure if you talked about that during your segment they'll think you're very--"
Before she could finish her lecture Rainbow Dash fell to the ground. The lack of oxygen made it harder and harder for her to keep herself in the air.
"OH NO! Breath Rainbow Dash, breath!" Twilight pleaded as she shook her back and forth. Eventually she drew breath before getting the chance to pass out, though she was still a bit woozy from it all. Jon just watched as Twilight tried to get her to breath more by pressing on her stomach, he wondered if every day was like this in Equestria.
"Don't scare me like that, Rainbow!" Twilight scolded.
"Yeah yeah whatever," Rainbow Dash said as she once again flew up in the air. "Oh stop looking at me like that...I'm fine!"
"I don't know bout that," Jon interjected. "You still look kinda blue to me." Twilight giggled to herself while Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves and turned her back on the two.
"Ha ha veeery funny," She said, looking over her shoulder to stick out her tongue. "I'll remember that the next time I see you falling down helplessly."
"Bring it on, tiny!" Jon shot back comically. "You may be half my age but I'm also twice your size! I think I can take you!" Sensing that he was only joking she flew up beside him and began to throw a couple of punches his way, purposely missing each blow.
"Guys, guys, stop this!" Twilight pleaded, not getting that they were only playing around. "This is no time to be fighting. Rainbow you finally got your chance to go on TV like you wanted! This is cause for celebration!...Now where is Spike with those drinks?"
Directing her attention upwards she could now hear the familiar sound of Spike snoring from the upstairs room.
"SPIIIIKE! Get up, we have guests!" Twilight yelled, before shaking her head. "Ugh that dragon! I swear if he had his way all he would do is sleep and eat ice cream."
Jon would have spoken on his behalf but admittedly she had a point. The last time he was in Equestria he found him sleeping on the job.
"I'll wake his ass up!" Rainbow Dash said as she made gestures like she was pulling up invisible sleeves. Within an instant she had already flown up to Twilight and Spike's room where she gently placed both her hooves under his small bed.
"WAKE UP SCALE-BUTT!" She yelled as she flipped his bed over causing him to tumble halfway down the stairs.
"Rain Bow Dashington the third!" Twilight scolded as she rushed to Spike's aid. "I really wish you wouldn't so rough with Spike! He's just a kid!"
"Ah ease up will ya, he's fiiiiine!" She shot back. "Aint that right, shrimp?" Flying in closer she rubbed her hoof against his head making him even more dizzy than he already was.
Finally after grabbing his head to stop the spinning Spike could now see clearly what was going on.
"OW! What the heck Rainbow Dash?" He said as he rubbed his head. "Why did you...wait is that...is that you, Jon?"
Sitting on the floor Jon didn't say anything back but instead waved at Spike while sporting a very goofy looking grin which only looked more comical when combined with his tired looking eyes.
"Jon, it is you! You're back!" He yelled as she raced across the room to greet his quest who in turn welcomed him with open arms.
With Spike being about a third Jon's height all attempts on his part to give him a hug were usually met with difficulty, the highest he could ever reach was probably just above his knee. In addition their weight difference meant any attempt to tackle him would be like a puppy going up against a brick wall. This time around however, since Jon was already sitting on the floor and was exhausted from lack of sleep, when Spike launched himself at him it resulted in the two crashing to the ground.
"It's...good to see you again too," Jon said, finding it hard to speak with Spike's tiny arms wrapped around his neck in a hugging embrace. His tail was wagging with glee and the scales on the side of his head were standing straight upwards. Even in his weakened state Jon still found the strength to get back up, pull Spike off and give him a playful headlock and noogie.
Feeling slightly left out Rainbow Dash flew in and grabbed Jon's arms from behind just long enough for Spike to jump on his face. All this rough housing was too much Twilight so she went to the kitchen to get the drinks herself. She emerged a few second later to find the three playing "keep-away" with Jon's left shoe.
"Ahem!" Twilight said, using her magic to hold up a tray of beverages. "I could use some help here, please." All three got up to help with Spike being the first to grab a cup.
"Uh uh uh, not you Mr. Stewart." Twilight added. "You are a guest here, we should be serving you." Using her magic again she levitated a glass of water to Jon.
"Thank you very much," an out of breath Jon said. "And if you know what's good for ya you'll call me 'Jon.'"
She agreed and lifted her drink into the air.
"A toast to Rainbow Dash," She said. "Here's hoping she has a wonderful time in New York." All three downed their drink with Spike finishing last.
"Is that why you're here Jon?" He asked. "To get Rainbow Dash on your show?"
"Oh that's right! I completely forgot!" Twilight said with a gasp. "Jon you came here because you needed my help!...I'm sorry, I guess I got caught up in all the excitement."
"It's alright." Jon said. "But now that you mention I would like to get down to business for a second."
"Absolutely." She retorted. "So...what can I do for you today?"
Jon knew he had to go about this very carefully; what he was about to ask of her was highly unorthodox and could very easily backfire on him.
"Yeah you see I uh...I kinda need you to send me back to New York?" Jon answered sheepishly. "Like, right now if you can...you see I'm sort of stuck here at the moment."
The gang was momentarily at a loss for words, it wasn't everyday that famous celebrities from other worlds came to Twilight's house requesting such an enormous task.
"Wait what...y-you're stuck here?" Twilight asked. "I don't understand."
"Well remember when I said I had that unfortunate run in with gravity earlier today?" Jon asked getting a nod of acknowledgment in return. "Well you see during my free skydiving lesson I accidentally lost my damn phone...and well as you can imagine I can't exactly call Triple A to come bail my ass out soooo that's where you come in."
"Oh I see. Well I am sorry to hear this but I think Princess Celestia would be a more appropriate pony to be asking for this kind of thing." Twilight said sounding concerned while at the same time humble. "I may be skilled with magic but I'm sure she'll do a much better job than me...as a matter of fact we could ask her right now...Spike could you please take a letter."
Almost as if he pulled it out of thin air Spike produced a piece of paper and a quill, signaling that he was ready to go.
"Now then," Twilight said, clearing her trough. "Dear Princess Celestia...I am writing to you because--"
"Actually about that," Jon interrupted by putting his hand over Spike's writing. "Princess Celestia can't know I'm here."
The two ponies and Spike starred at Jon, each of them looking rather confused.
"She can't know you're--Wait...the princess doesn't know you're here?" Twilight asked.
"No...no she doesn't." Jon answered with a shrug. The three mythical creatures shot each other slightly worried looks before going back to staring at their human friend.
"So wait a minute...why can't she know you're here in the first place?" Twilight asked. Of course Jon knew why he didn't want Celestia to know of his being here. If she did she would question him about how he arrived in the first place and that would mean she might find out that Trixie in his world without permission...something which Celestia deemed to be a crime.
Even though Jon was furious with Trixie for almost killing him he had a promise to keep that he wouldn't rat her out...plus if Celestia took her away now Jon wouldn't get the chance to kick her ass all up and down Manhattan.
"I uh...I can't tell you why." Jon answered. This made Twilight look uneasy.
"And speaking of which," Rainbow Dash interjected. "If the princess doesn't know you're here then how the bucking hell did you get all the way up in Cloudsdale anyway?"
"I uh...I can't tell you how I did that." Jon answered.
"Uh Jon...why are you being so secretive all of sudden?" Spike asked, sounding worried about his friend's current state.
"...I can't talk to you about that either." Jon answered now feeling guilty for leaving his friends in the dark.
"Jon...are you..." Twilight said pausing a moment to look around. "Are you in some kind of trouble or something?"
"No, no, no it's nothing like that," Jon insisted as he waved his hands back and forth. "Look It's just...look I know I'm asking a lot here but I wouldn't be putting you in this kind of situation if I really didn't need your help...I know it's a tall order but at the moment all I need for you to do is send me back home and tell no one I was here."
An uncomfortable silence fell upon the room with only the sounds of Rainbow Dash's wings willing the void.
"Just...please do this for me Twilight and I'll owe you big time! I'll uh...I'll take you to the Library of Congress the next time you're in town!" Jon pleaded. "All you have to do is send me back home where I'll call Celestia and tell her I want Rainbow Dash and that'll be the end of it...I promise."
"...And I can't tell anypony that you were here?" Twilight asked. "Even Princess Celestia?"
"Especially Princess Celestia." He added.
"I don't feel comfortable about this, Jon." She said in a low voice. "I don't like keeping secretes from the princess...I mean what if she--"
"Oh don't be such a kill joy, Twi!" Rainbow Dash interrupted. "It's not like this is just anypony asking its Jon Stewart we're talking about here."
"Yeah Twilight let's help him!" Spike added. "He's our friend! And friends always help friends out of a jam."
"Ooooh I don't know..." She said as she rubbed her chin.
"Oh come one Twilight this may be my only chance to get on TV!" Rainbow Dash insisted. "So whaddya say Twi? Will you do it...for me...pleeeeeaaaaase?"
Twilight found it very difficult to say no to just one friend, so three was almost impossible.
"...And exactly how big is this 'Library of Congress?'" She asked as she continued to rub her chin.
"Enormous...it's like one of the biggest libraries in the entire human world!" Jon answered. "Went there once when I was in college...almost got lost." Twilight's eyes grew with interest.
It was very tempting and while she thought about it some more all three beggars huddled together to give Twilight an innocent smile complete with puppy eyes...the dangers of peer pressure proved to be too strong for twilight.
"Oh alright...I'll do it." Twilight said causing everyone in the room to jump and cheer. "But remember Jon you owe me...big!"
"Absolutely! Thank you so much." He said as she grabbed both her hooves and gave them a shake.
"Alright, so we're all in agreement that this secret is just between us!" Rainbow Dash said as she hocked a pile of spit onto her hoof. "Let's shake on it!"
"Hear, hear!" Jon said as he spit in his palm which made Spike do the same (Though for him it was difficult so he had to try twice). They all looked at twilight who stared back with a look of disgust on her face followed by a sigh.
"I'm just going to get started on that spell if that's alright with you." She said as she walked away to grab a book.
The three didn't push her any further and with that Spike walked away to wash his hands while Rainbow Dash wiped her hoof on Jon's already tattered jacket.
Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Intermission : Honey I'm home
While Twilight was off gathering the equipment needed to send Jon back home the rest of the gang were busying keeping themselves entertained.
Rainbow Dash was up on the one highest bookshelves going through different novels, desperately looking for the latest issue of "Daring Do" that Twilight insisted she didn't have yet. While Jon and Spike were busy catching up on lost times.
"Wow really!?" Spike exclaimed. "My interview is still the most watched one?"
"Well...most watched online, yes." Jon answered as he got up to stretch and yawn. "It's not all that surprising...I mean you were my very first Equestrian Interviewee." Spike rocked back and forth with a smile on his face that could block out the sun.
"Enjoy it while it lasts, little dude." Rainbow Dash called out from on high. "Because once I go on the air tomorrow everypony out there will be talking about yours truly for days."
"Which reminds me," Jon said while putting his hands in his pocket. "The second I get back home I need to tell the boys to set up the stage for your arrival...I'll probably have my assistant...draw...up some--"
The sound of something squishing in Jon's pocket made him slowly stop talking, whatever it was the texture was unappealing and cold to the touch.
"Oh god what?" He said as he emptied his pockets releasing a flow of mud that was left over from his free falling mishap. "That's just what I needed...uh sorry bout the mess, guys."
Spike ran off to go get the items necessary to clean up the spill, insisting that he would clean it up himself. Jon would have offered to help in cleaning the mess he made but he was too tired to lift a finger. As Spike finished mopping of the mud he noticed something had been left behind, it was Jon's wallet which he had accidentally dropped on the ground along with the mud.
Out curiosity he picked it up and began to look at it's contents without Jon's permission. In particular he was looking at the pictures that were neatly encased in protective plastic.
"Hey Jon?" Spike asked, pointing to a group shot. "Who are these people?"
Before Jon could answer Twilight walked over and pulled Spike aside by his ear with her magic.
"Spike, what have I told you about going through things that don't belong to you!?" She scolded.
"It's quite alright, I don't mind." Jon said with a hardy, albeit tired laugh.
He grabbed Spike, who was rubbing his own ear, and placed him on his lap.
"That was a picture of my family," he answered. Opening his wallet he began to show Spike more pictures he had stashed away. "See? Aaaand these are my kids....that's my youngest one Maggie, she's six...and this is Nathan who's eight years old now."
Jon proceeded to show Spike more pictures of his son and daughter, both individually and as a group. When he was much younger Jon always swore he would never be "that guy." The kind of person who went around showing people photos of his own children, but time had a way of changing people.
"Heh heh, cute kids." Spike said as he flipped through picture after picture, eventually stopping at one. "...so who's this lady?" Jon looked over at the picture of the woman Spike was pointing to.
"Oh her," Jon said with a genuine smile. "That would be my beautiful wife Tracey...we've been married for over ten years now and I swear to you I love her more each and every day."
"Awww, how sweet!" Twilight said while Rainbow Dash continued to look at a book she found. She was pretending to not listen to what they were saying, but that didn't stop her from making gagging noises and Jon's sentimental declaration.
"Yeah I know it's corny but that woman is my entire life." Jon went on. "I'm a very lucky man." Spike continued to look at the picture of Tracey before going back to talking with Jon, this time at a much lower voice.
"So...what's it like?" Spike asked, in a slightly gloomy tone. "What's it like knowing that you've...you know, found your soul mate?" Jon wondered if it was wise to talk about such things with a child but in his sleep deprived state he saw no harm in it.
"Well spike it's the greatest feeling in the world," he said. "Waking up every morning with the person you know you want to spend the rest of your life with is a feeling like no other."
Spiked rubbed his arm and looked away like he was thinking of someone.
"But hey chin up little man," he said giving Spike a playful chuck on the arm. "It'll happen to you someday too."
"Oh uh, I...I don't care about that kinda stuff!" Spike announced before leaning in to whisper. "You really think so?" .
"Sure I do but if you ask me you shouldn't be worrying that kind of stuff for a least another couple years....I mean you're young, try enjoying the single life as long as possible." Jon said jokingly. "I was almost forty when I got married and brother let me tell you sometimes I miss being a bachelor."
Now having most of her ingredients ready Twilight walked up to Jon but didn't interrupt him, she wanted to make sure he was done speaking to Spike.
"Both me and Tracey are career driven adults so we have little time for anything else," he continued. "My little girl is about to start kindergarten and just the other day my son told me he wants to grow up to be a professional basketball player, and I have to somehow break it to him that he's Jewish."
"Wow...sounds like being a parent is a lot of hard work." Twilight said, wanting to add something to the conversation.
"You bet your cutie mark it is," Jon replied. "But I mean you know all about that don't ya, Twilight?"
"What do you mean, Jon?" She asked with a confused look about her.
"Well I mean...aren't you Spike's mother?" He added.
His bold assumptions caused Spike to drop Jon's wallet on the ground and Twilight to crinkle her nose in surprise.
"W-why Jon please don't say such things," Twilight said nervously as her faced turned a shade of red. "I'm much too young to be anypony's mother."
"Oh well then excuse me for assuming but if I recall correctly didn't you hatch him from an egg?" Jon asked curiously and with a raised eyebrow.
"Well I mean yes I suppose I did," Twilight said as fiddled with her glass of water. "But you see I did so by using magic, I um...I'm not his biological mother."
Jon made sure to cover Spike's ears (Or at least what he thought was Spike's ear) before continuing.
"Well obviously I mean I doubt your brave enough to do it with a dragon...nor do I believe a dragon would be desperate enough to do it with a pony," Jon said causing Rainbow Dash to burst out laughing in the distance. "But tell me who: raises him, feeds him, cleans him, and on occasion has to punish him?" Twilight didn't even have to think about it.
"I do." She answered, her voice laced with a hint of pride.
"Well there you have it...look I'm not advocating for anyone to be parents at a young age, all I'm saying is you meet all the qualification for being a mother." He said as she gently rubbed the top of Spike's head. "And from what I can tell, based on your handiwork here, you make a pretty damn good one too."
Neither Twilight or Spike said anything, they merely looked at each other then at Jon to give him a smile that seemed to say "thank you." The mood was broken by Rainbow Dash dive bombing her way into the middle of the room.
"Alright, alright, enough of this mushy stuff!" She demanded, as she pointed at Twilight. "How much longer till we can get Johnny back home?" Twilight snapped out of it just long enough to remember what she wanted to tell Jon.
"Oh right I forgot," she said as she walked over to her various spread out goods. "I've compiled all the necessary ingredients for the spell...I just need to time to mix it all together and to focus my magic."
"And how long will that take?" Jon asked as he approached her.
"Oh I'd say somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty four hours," she answered. "In the mean time you can stay in the guest bedroom away from prying eyes. I believe we have a--"
"Twenty four hours!" Jon yelled surprising all in the room. "Why the hell is this spell going to take so long? I need to be back in New York now!"
"I'm...I'm sorry Jon," Twilight said. "But...the thing is teleporting somepony from one world to another is a lot of work...especially if it's to the human world...I'll need time to prepare."
"But...I, but you teleported me to New York before!" He pleaded. "Remember the last time I was here!? And back then you did so in a few short minutes!"
"Yes and I'm still recovering from that day. When I was scheduled to appear on your show I teleported you home once and myself twice, to and from New York...it took so much magic to do all that...magic that I'm still building back up." Twilight explained. "The truth is it took almost everything I had to get that far, so if I'm going to do this spell I need to make sure nothing goes wrong hence the extra amount of time. If done incorrectly I might only teleport a fraction of you, not to mention I'm still not used to the layout of your world...visualization plays a key role in teleporting."
Panic began to set in on Jon at the thought of missing his show's deadline, a fear that was also shared by Rainbow Dash.
"Oh come one Egg-head you gotta think of something!" She begged. "If Johnny doesn't get back in time I don't get my time slot!"
"Twilight...is there anything you can do to speed up the process?" Jon pleaded.
"Hmmm well...there is one thing I can do." Twilight wondered out loud. "Part of the reason why sending both you and me to your show last time was so stressful was because I had pinpointed our location to a single square inch of space...but if I broaden the parameters of your destination It'll put less stress on me and I could send you home right now." Jon now found himself slightly more hopeful.
"That's it? That's all you have to do?" Jon asked anxiously,
"Well yes but he only drawback is instead of appearing in your house like last time you'll probably end up in the general area." She explained.
"Hey as long as I'm in New York and not Zimbabwe I'll consider it a victory!" Jon said. "Let's make it happen." Twilight hesitantly agreed and began to charge her horn. Jon too prepared by saying his farewells to Rainbow Dash and Spike.
"Alright guys I'll see you later," Jon said shaking Rainbow Dash's hoof and giving Spike one last hug. In no time at all Twilight's horn was radiating large amounts of magic. She had stabilized it much faster than Trixie had.
Taking his place in front of Twilight he closed his eyes.
"Oh and remember!" Jon announced so everyone could hear him. "I was never here." Everyone nodded and with a deep breath Twilight released her magic in the form of a bright light that engulfed the room then disappeared taking Jon with it.
Using all that magic at once caused Twilight to stagger sideways. She would have fallen down in the process were it not for Spike who rushed to her side.
"Think he made it ok?" Spike asked.
"We'll soon find out." Twilight answered.
In an instant Jon could feel a cold air all around him followed by the sound of sirens and the unmistakable stench of urine soaked streets...he was finally home.
Jon opened his eyes expecting to see his neighborhood but to his surprise he didn't recognize where he was...at least not at first. He looked around and noticed that this was indeed New York it just wasn't exactly where he wanted to be. Jon scouted the area for any kind of distinguishable landmarks till he eventually and to his utter dismay found one...a sign that said 82nd street.
When he looked across from him he saw a familiar building, the Holy Trinity Roman Catholic Church...Twilight had teleported Jon not to his home in lower Tribeca but instead all the way up north in the Upper west side of Manhattan. Almost ten miles from his preferred destination...she wasn't joking when she said she would "broaden the parameters."
"Unicorns these days." Jon said to himself.
Without his phone he had no way of contacting a cab so for the most part he had to walk it back home; he checked his watch, it was almost two o'clock in the morning. Jon grimaced as he forced himself to walk forward. But just as he was about to head out a couple off to the side of him got his attention when they dropped their bags. It was a young German couple with large backpacks, tourists obviously, who had just witnessed Jon appear from thin air. They stood there mouths agape, their eyes a mixture of wonder and fear for what they just witnessed.
Jon was in no mood.
"Oh get over it, it’s just a simple teleportation spell." he said as he staggered on.
At about halfway home Jon managed to find a cab driver who was on duty. Even though driving people around was his job and it itself no big deal Jon praised the cabbie like he was a deity who had answered his prayers. Despite being spared the torture that was having to walk any further Jon was already tired to the point of collapsing.
Finally he made it home. He was sure no one would be up at this hour and just as well because he had some unfinished business to take care of before he got the luxury of going to bed. Two pieces of business in fact: one was contacting Princess Celestia and the other pounding a certain Unicorn into the ground like a lawn ornament.
Jon very lazily opened the front door and was immediately greeted by his wife who had waited for him on the couch all night. She was worried when he didn't come home at his usual time or called in to let her know he was ok.
"Oh honey there you are," she said, running up to give him a hug only to stop once she saw how tattered he looked. "What the hell happened to you...did you get--"
"Where is she?" Jon said interrupting his wife mid sentence as he walked pass the threshold.
"'She?'" Tracey said, "Who? You mean Trixie?"
"Yeah where is she I need to...have a little chat with her." Jon said his eyes lifeless and tired.
"She's upstairs in bed why?" She asked. Jon didn't answer instead he quickly though quietly made his way to the guest bedroom where he flung the door open and turned on the lights...no one was there.
"Wrong bed?" Tracey whispered from behind Jon, now motioning to the next door over. Jon was confused, the bedroom she was pointing to was the kid's room.
Like a ninja Jon very stealthily opened the kid’s bedroom door just enough so he could peak inside without having the hallway light shine in on them.
One bed was unoccupied while the other had three figures laying in it. Once Jon's eyes adjusted to the dark he could see that in one of the kid's bed were both Maggie and Nathan sleeping, with Trixie caught in the middle. Maggie was holding Trixie from behind like an oversized teddy bear while Nathan used her stomach as a pillow.
Jon looked back over at his wife who explained the situation.
According to her while Jon was out the kids went to bed early at the behest of Trixie. But half way through their bed time Maggie had a nightmare and was too scared to go to back to bed while Nathan out of loneliness didn't want to sleep till Jon returned home. Tracey was still worried by that fact that her husband was still missing; so to help ease everyone's worry Trixie had agreed to comfort the kids by laying with them in the same bed till they went to sleep. This way the kids had company while Tracey waited on Jon.
When Jon asked why Trixie didn't just leave after the kids went to sleep Tracey went on to explain that her plan worked too well. She figured that if she left in the middle of the night it would cause such a disturbance that they would wake back up. Not wanting to risk that she decided to stay in bed with them, both to make sure if they did wake up she would be there to comfort them and of course for the sake of their health since they needed their sleep.
The once rage filled eyes of Jon gave way and his heart began to melt. As mad as he was towards her he just didn't have it in him to stay sore at someone who looked after and loved his own kids as much as he did. Jon always had the biggest soft spot for his family and subsequently those who helped protect them. She may not be perfect but with Trixie around Jon knew his kids were safe and that was worth any number of free falling accidents.
Quietly closing the door Jon turned and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and told her that he would join her in bed very soon and would explain everything in the morning. He shuffled over to his study and, lacking his cell phone, grabbed his study phone where he began to dial Celestia's number. It ringed longer than usual but eventually someone picked up.
"Greetings Jon. Calling a little late aren't we?" Celestia said cheerfully. "So to what do I owe the--"
"Rainbow Dash." Jon Interrupted.
"Oh..I beg your pardon, Jon?" She asked.
"I want Rainbow Dash on my show." Jon repeated.
"I see...a little straight to the point today aren't we?" She said still rather surprised by his tone of voice. "Would you...like to go ask her in person or shall I do it?"
"Oh god no!" Jon said, his voice thick with apathy. "I don't...I just...please...Rainbow Dash."
"Very well then I'll ask her myself," Celestia said sounding concerned. "But tell me Jon...are you alright?"
"Yes I'm...just fine, I...just...Rainbow Dash." Jon repeated
"Well alright then," She continued sounding curious. "Is there anything else you want me to--"
Jon hung up the second he was convinced that business was done. He knew cutting a princess couldn't be good in terms of karma but at this point he didn't care, all he wanted was to go to sleep.
"I'll send her flowers and an apology card." Jon thought as he dragged himself across the hallway. He quickly glanced back over at the children's room and rubbed his tired face.
He reflected on how this was probably one of the most stressful days of his life.
Eventually after almost collapsing in the hallway he was now in his bedroom where is wife was already undressed and under the covers. Without a second thought he threw himself on his mattress, ruined suit and all, waiting for the sleep to take a hold of him.
"Next time...I'll just accept the rejection letter." He said as he closed his eyes.
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Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Interview: Please welcome to the show Rainbow Dash
The Daily Show Interview transcript archive:
Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Rainbow Dash
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019
THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART
It was now the day of Jon's interview with Rainbow Dash and even with all that happened leading up to it his luck was starting to turn around. His day kicked off to a flying start when he arrived at work and found his staff and crew hard at work getting the stage ready for the final segment.
Turns out that while he slept in that morning his wife had called in on his behalf and relayed to his assistant that they were to have an Equestrian citizen. She knew this because right before he went to bed Jon had written; "Tell Selina. Set up stage" on the notebook he always kept by his nightstand.
The set was now half done so all that was needed was the theme for them to go on which Jon responded with a simple one word answer.
"Rainbows."
Never before has the set of The Daily Show looked so, for lack of a better term, "girly." The background showed a double rainbow that began at the backstage entrance and ended at Jon's desk which was now a cloud. There were also some rainbow cutouts which were placed in between himself and audience like a fence around a house. The whole presentation was so tacky looking the set resembled a kid's show rather than a Comedy Central program. But as bad as it looks it was at least something to go on.
Another bit of good luck was that since this would be a live tapping the actual airing wouldn't occur till late that night, which meant they had a few hours to advertise their newest guest. This also meant that Jon's staff had time to come up with a theme song for Rainbow Dash to walk on stage with. It took a lot of last minute scrambling but they managed to pull it off, thought some of his employees were confused since the song didn't fit the tone stage design.
With barley an hour to spare the set was ready to go and after two segments came and went it was now time for the main attraction.
As the Daily Show returned from yet another commercial break its logo appeared on sight then left to the sound of the audience cheering excitedly. The camera made a slightly different route to show the days theme. This time around it made a long sweep from left to right so those at home could see the rainbows the littered the set. But soon, like always, it zoomed it on a very well rested Jon Stewart who was was pretending to sign papers by way of scribbling on page after page of his notes.
Soon his attention was on the camera and after a quick crack of his neck he began to speak.
"Welcome back to the Daily Show, everyone! My guest tonight!" He yelled over the audience. "She is the self proclaimed fastest flyer in Equestria, a member of the elements of Harmony and to this day the only pony ever to have pulled out a 'Sonic Rainboom.'"
As emphasis Jon pointed forward at the camera, signaling the staff to play the video clip that was provided last minute by Celestia.
Youtube Video
"I'm not even sure how they got those camera angles." He said, getting a quick laugh out of the audience. "Please welcome to the show, Rainbow Dash!"
Before the camera even got the chance pan over to the side Rainbow Dash had already flown to the center of the stage to wave at the audience members so quickly they missed the shot of her coming out. The only thing louder than their cheers and applause was the theme song that the backstage hands had put together to accompany her.
The crowd showed little sign of calming down anytime soon so Jon made a route to greet his guest. On his way there Rainbow Dash decided to fly above the audience where she posed for a picture of gave the occasional high-five. It only intensified their cheering since this would be their first time actually making physical contact with someone from Equestria.
Each audience member stood and cheered in the hopes that they would be the next person to get to interact with her. Noticing that all of them now had their hands in the air Rainbow Dash began to fly back and forth between rows with an outstretched hoof to give them what they wanted.
Jon tried to coax her out of the mob but it was no use. Finally she made one last service to the audience by throwing her hooves around two random attendees while a third one took a picture.
She then flew back on stage where she shook Jon's hand so vigorously that he swore his warm would have popped out of his socket had she gone on any longer. To say she was rough would be a huge understatement. The two eventually made their way to the desk where Jon sat in his chair and Rainbow Dash hovered above hers. He motioned for her to sit but she wouldn't budge from her spot.
The crowd's cheering began to settle down but only because off-camera stagehands who were signaling for them to do so, otherwise the show couldn't start. Jon tried one last time to get Rainbow Dash to sit down but when it was clear that she would not.
Jon gave up and began to speak.
"Do the...do people always cheer for you like that when you enter a room?" Jon asked getting only a chuckle from Rainbow Dash in return. The crowd joined with the occasional audience member doing a last second holler.
"Thank you very much for being here Ms. Dash." He continued. "It's great to have you on the show."
"Yeah well it's about time you gave me a call," She responded. "I've been waiting forever to hear from ya!"
"Now uh...you've, you've probably sent me about-- at least 20 letters at this point," Jon said while looking up at her. "All of which were requests to appear on my show...why...do you want to be on this show so badly?"
"Pfft are you kidding?! The Daily Show is totally cool!" She said looking astonished that Jon would even ask. "It's like the coolest show on TV right now...but you know what would make the even better? If it had the coolest pony in all of Equestria?" As emphasis she struck a pose as to flex her muscles.
"Hm, can't argue with that logic" Jon responded. "Do you know who that pony is?" The crowd laughed at the two on stage with Rainbow Dash looking visibly frustrated at how easily she walked into Jon's trap. She, like almost everyone else, had no way of knowing that Jon's living with Trixie for the past couple of weeks had trained him in the art of dealing with ponies with massive egos.
She glared a Jon with an expression that seemed to say; "Not. Cool."
"But alright you're finally here!" Jon continued. "So I guess...the big question on everyone's mind is...h-has being here uh, right now lived up to your expectation."
Despite having been embarrassed at his hands the still sulking pony shifted gears and was about to express her absolute delight for being present for the show. She caught herself mid way just in time to switch her facial expression from joy to indifference.
"Eh...it's alright." She said, pretended to not care as she checked her hooves. "I mean it's not what I expected buuut hey, what can ya do?"
"Well if you don't like your time on the show we can end it early," Jon said, checking his watch.
"NO WAIT DON'T" Rainbow Dash yelled, not thinking he would call her bluff. She cleared her throat before continuing "I uh I mean...you don't gotta do that. I'm already here so might as well go along with it...b-besides if we stopped now it'd be a huge disappointment for my fans."
"You have fans?" Jon asked, now wishing that he'd phrased that better.
"Of course I do!" She shot back. "Matter of fact there are even some fan clubs who follow me around, thank you very much...and don't even try and tell me you haven't gotten letters from ponies asking for me to be on your show."
Before Jon could answer he had to think about her claim for a second; when he gave it a quick thought he realized that she was actually right.
"Actually now that you mention it I have gotten letters to that effect." He said. "On average I'd say about...10 a day."
"AH HA! See I told ya so!" She responded excitedly. "They're probably from ponies all over Equestria who've seen me in action."
"Well actually they've all been from one pony," Jon added, bursting her bubble. "She's been sending me them since day one...does the name 'Scootaloo' ring any bells."
Even though the crowd didn't know who this crazed fan was they still laughed at how comical it was.
"Ugh...yeah I know her," Rainbow Dash grunted as she folded her hooves. "She's always following me around trying to hang out with me. Lucky for me I can just fly away and she'll never catch me but still...she's persistent."
"But hey look on the bright side," Jon said with a shrug. "You...you have a stalker...that's a pretty uh, good sign that you're famous."
"Really?" She asked. "Do...do you have a stalker?"
"Well not exactly but I do know the feeling of having some annoying...person always bothering you and-- OK SERIOUSLY are you sure you don't want to sit down?" Jon asked interrupting himself; he was already feeling the pain in the back of his neck from looking up at her. "We got you a really nice chair, ya know!"
"Nah its ok," she answered. "I brought me own." Jon was just about to ask what she meant when in a split second she disappeared from the set and into the darkness that was backstage, leaving behind a rainbow trail. Jon got up to get a better view. When she returned pushing something in front of her.
It was a cloud.
"Here we are!" She said as she jumped on giving the impression that it had the tendencies of a sofa. "I took one from outside right before camera time...hope you don't mind if I borrow it for now."
The crowd began to cheer once more; none of them expected that they would witness a Pegasus using an actual cloud like it was furniture.
"You actually stole a cloud." Jon said
"I'll put it back later!" She insisted as she shifted her position so she'd lie on her back. "Gotta say though you're guys' clouds feel way different from the ones in Equestria...but it's all good."
Jon didn't say anything back which left the studio is a state of rare silence. To break this he leaned forward and stuck his hand through the cloud very hesitantly, waving it back and forth like he was trying to grab a hold of it. This act ended the silence.
"This doesn't seem very structurally sound." Jon commented.
"Maybe not for you, but us Pegasi are totally one with the clouds," she said in a proud tone. "See?...Check this out." Getting up now she flew slightly above the cloud and with her hind legs gently kicked it sending out a small thunderbolt. It flashed very brightly for its size causing Jon to withdraw his still outstretched hand. Half the crowd found it amusing while the other half was still struggling to understand what they had witnessed.
"You know what let's get back to the interview," Jon said hurriedly as he rubbed his hand. His face looked like it was stuck in a permanent expression of surprise. "So uh...what we're we talking about again?"
"He he! Uh I think...we were talking about how...I have tons of fans all over Equestria." Rainbow Dash said as she struggled to hold back her giggles.
"Of course we were." Jon retorted; he was still keeping a close eye on that cloud of hers.
"So are you sure nopony else has written to you about me?" She said leaning in with a pleading smile.
"Well...there have been some people who have expressed some interest in you," he said which instantly got her attention. "Though it hasn't been from a pony...but rather some humans here in New York."
"OH WOW REALLY!" She said now in high hopes. "Who are these humans!? Wha-wha-what did they said about me!?"
"Actually they weren't specific people per se bur rather representatives from major organizations," Jon continued. "You see...uh, whenever we have someone from Equestria on our...on our show we got a ton of people who just...who-- they want to hire that guest or get in touch with them to put together some kind of business arrangement. When we announced that you were coming on our show this morning we got...a slew of people wanting a piece of you."
"Oh awesome!" She said and she applauded herself. "What kind of business humans were they?"
"Well for starters one of the first groups that wanted to get in touch with you was uh...a privately owned company called 'Mars Incorporated.'" Jon answered.
"Ooooooooo they sound coooool!" Rainbow Dash cooed. "Are they like a super secret group of humans who like...have control over the planet Mars or something?"
"Uh no they don't," He answered with a straight face. "They make candy." Some of the audience members knew where this was going and preemptively laughed as a result.
"A candy company?" She wondered out loud.
"Yeah, believe it or not the spokesperson I talked to...wanted to see if you'd be interested in working for them full time." He continued. "The job would be being the new mascot for...one of their candy products called Skittles."
"What, why?" She said in confusion. "What would they want me to do that?"
"Uh...I'm guessing it's because you're name is Rainbow Dash." Jon said getting a look of further confusion on her part. "The advertisement slogan for Skittles is 'Taste the Rainbow.'"
Hearing the company's tagline caused Rainbow Dash to recoil back in surprise. The phrase in itself caused her to blush somewhat.
"W-what the hell!" She blurted out over the roar of the audience. "That's it!? That's why they wanted me...pffft so lame! Like I'd even want to work for a candy company...who do I look like, Pinkie Pie?"
"I don't know it sounds pretty neat," Jon commented. "I'm sure you'd get all kinds of free stuff?"
"Pass." Rainbow Dash said bluntly. "Who else tried to get in touch with me?"
"Let's see...well there was this local group that wanted to set up an appointment with you." He continued. "Same as before they wanted to see if you'd be interested in being a mascot for them." Rainbow Dash looked over at Jon suspiciously.
"Reeeeaaaally?" She said, her eyes squinting at Jon. "And what kind of company we're they ?"
"Well actually they're weren't really a company...more like a uh...a local..activists group," he answered. "They were a local chapter of the 'LGBT' community."
For those in attendance who knew what the acronym stood for, the connection was made instantaneously. These were the ones who could see the punch line coming a mile away.
"What do they do?" She asked sounding slightly more hopeful. "Do they make candy too!?"
"No, nothing like that," Jon answered. "They're actually a group of young people who go from place to place advocating for...gay rights."
"Gay rights?" She asked, again looking confused. "They like...fight for the right to be gay?"
"That's one way of putting it, yes." Jon said feeling slightly odd that he was speaking on their behalf, somewhat. "You see...I don't know if it's the same over in Equestria, but over here there are some people who are...persecuted or outcasted because they are gay. Organizations like the 'LGBT' run on a philosophy of equality, and dedicate themselves to help others through counseling and such."
"Oh well I guess that's cool," Rainbow Dash responded with an odd look on her face. "But I don't get it...why would anypony be against being gay?"
"Well in our world some people see it as being...immoral or...unnatural, even." He said. Jon leaned back to get a better view of Rainbow Dash. He felt a bit proud of his guest for her virtuous way of thinking; it would seem that over in Equestria sexual preferences was not an issue.
"What? That's dumb." She added "You guys are weird...why would anypony think being happy was unnatural."
The crowd began to laugh as Jon laughed into the palm of his hand. He had previously seen Rainbow Dash's remarks as her unadulterated views on gender politics but it would seem that it was just ignorance on her part. Jon wouldn't now this till much later but Equestria had another word for being homosexual. The term "gay" was human slang but to them its root definition was still the same.
"Oh boy...Uuuh Rainbow Dash, we seem to have a bit of a...cultural barrier going on here." He said as he rubbed his hand over his face. "You see...while you're not wrong in thinking that 'gay' means 'happy'...you should know that in the human world it's also more commonly referred to as something else."
"Oh really? Well what does being 'gay' mean over here?" She asked. Her perfectly innocent question was met with a wall of laughter from the audience
He briefly reflected on how odd it felt to have to explain something that was so prevalent in human culture.
"Uh well it means...basically...actually come here for a second." He said, standing up to get closer to her. Leaning in Rainbow Dash turned her head to the side as Jon began to whisper something to her. Slowly her faced turned red. She realized now what going on and felt embarrassed, both because of the subject matter and the fact that she had looked silly on live television."
"WOW!" She exclaimed, now flying so high in the air she briefly went off camera. "THAT'S what that means!"
The crowd continued to laugh which only made her turn more red. Jon tried not to laugh but it was hard not to.
"UGH! For the love of Celestia," She said as she slapped both her hoofs across her face, trying to hide her increasingly blushing cheeks. "How did they even know I'm-- I mean WAIT A MINUTE! Why does this...'ELPT' want me to mascot for them anyway!? I aint into mares!"
"Again it goes back to your hair," Jon responded now pointing to her mane and tail. "The uh...the official colors of gay pride is the Rainbow."
There was a slight pause before Rainbow Dash calmly sat back on her cloud looking very disappointing by the kind of attention she was getting. Not because of what they represented but because the only thing they wanted her for was her Rainbow image.
"Yeah you can go ahead and tell them I'm not interested in no deals." She said, her face half burred in the cloud.
"Are you sure about that? I think you would make a great mascot." Jon jokingly said to try and cheer her up. "You know I, uh-- I got some connection down at PBS, if you want I can pull some strings to see if we can't get them to bring back the 'Reading Rainbow,'....I'm sure they'd let you host it."
It didn't help her feel any better.
"You know there's more to me than just my name and hair," she said in a slightly pouting tone while at the same time looking at the gaudy layout of the studio set. "...I'm special."
"No, no, no, I'm sure you are!" Jon said profusely. "Why don't you elaborate by telling a little bit about yourself? Like explain...who is-- what it is you actually do for a living. What is your occupation?"
She was still a little down from before but the opportunity to talk about herself some was too good a chance to pass up.
"Well...I do weather patrol around Ponyville." she said now sounding a little more active.
"That's right I've heard, uh I've heard that Pegasi are in charge of controlling the weather." Jon commented.
"That's right Johnny!" She said, giving herself a boost of confidence. "And I'm in charge of assigning who does what and in what area!"
Even thought she obviously was trying to convey that she was a high ranking weather official Jon couldn't help but imagine her sitting languidly in a cloud all day while making everyone else do the work.
"So tell me...from a Pegasus point of view how did you-- explain how you came about learning...that you could control the weather," he said as he made motions with his hand on the table. "Was it like when you were a kid you were just like; 'man I'm having such a bad day right now, oh wait why is it suddenly raining.' or--"
Both the audience and Rainbow Dash laughed. With a quick shift in weight she made it so her cloud was at a lower altitude so she could address Jon better.
"Nah man, it’s nothing like that. We pegasi are just real good at handling these kinds of things," She demonstrated by rubbing her lone cloud. "When we're young we get sent to a special kind of school in Cloudsdale where we are taught how to maintain temperature, or how to properly use a cloud, and when and where to make it rain. It's every Pegasi's duty to make sure the weather is properly maintained and regulated cause without us the seasons would...well there wouldn't be any seasons."
During her entire explanation Jon just listened and nodded his head in appreciation for the important public service that her species does every day.
"My job is just sitting on my ass and making fart jokes all day long," Jon responded which caused Rainbow Dash to roll around in her crowd laughing hysterically. "Sooooo I think we know who the clear winner is here."
"OH YEAH!?" Rainbow Dash said now feeling in a playful mood. "Well I get to sit in this comfy, comfy cloud!...Do you have a cloud? HA, didn't think so!"
"Yeah well you can keep your smelly old cloud!" he said. "My chair has wheels."
"Oh I'm sooooo jealous." She demonstrated by rolling around in her cloud till she was completely surrounding by it; with the only part of her visible being her eyes. The crowd laughed at the sight of Rainbow Dash who resembled less a pony and more like a giant white cream puff.
"You sure do love that thing," Jon said now adjusting his tie and speaking in a overly joking tone. "Wha-what, is your house made of clouds too!?"
"Actually it is!" She answered after she had popped her head through the top of her seat like a Wack-a-mole. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I live in a floating partial cloud-house just in between Cloudsdale and Ponyville .
"Huh, I...I uh,got the impression that... that you lived in Cloudsdale," he said as has he fiddled with his pen. "Don't all Pegasus come from there?"
"Eh, sorta. I was born and raised there, but now I work and hang out mostly in Ponyville." She said. "On occasion I'll still swing by my old flying grounds just to let them know whose boss...so I guess I'm lucky my place is right in the middle."
"Which...which would you say you like best?" Jon asked, feeling like throwing her an easy question. "Like say you had to uh...you were required to say in one place...the, the, the rest of your life which would it be?"
The question forced her to think for a second as she idly kicked chunks of cloud on the ground.
"Oooooo that's a tough one. Well...I'll always love Cloudsdale because it's where I grew up...plus it's where I usually spend my weekends to see the attractions. Real talk; It's one of the most happening towns in all of Equestria." She said now with a grin on her face. "Matter of fact, you should come visit sometime, Johnny...I'm sure you'll just fall head over heels in love with the place."
Only a small handful of people knew what Rainbow Dash was hinting at, and like a veteran getting painful flashbacks of his time in the war Jon shuddered as he briefly replayed the events of last night in his head.
"Buuuut if I had to choose I say I'd rather live in Ponyville," Rainbow Dash continued. "I mean it may not be as active as Cloudsdale but all my friends live there."
"Now...is that your final answer." Jon said, using his notes to pretend to fill in some boxes on an application.
"Yeah I think so," She answered. "The ponies who live are pretty nice and it's a pretty safe town...it's the kinda place where you can leave your front door unlocked at night and nopony will break in."
"Now that sounds like a great place to live: nice people, good values, and--" Jon said cutting himself off to place his two fingers against his ear. "...Ok, I'm now being told that thefts in Ponyville are at an all time high."
Although she knew he was only joking around the cyan colored Pegasus took the opportunity to brag some more.
"Thieves in Ponyville, huh? BRING EM ON!" She yelled while striking a pose like a professional boxer. "I can take em! I'll beat up anypony who tries to mess with Ponyville!"
"Ya hear that criminals!? If you come by Ponyville and start trouble you'll have to deal with Rainbow Dash!" Jon yelled while pointing at an adjacent camera. "She'll use her Pegasus powers to make the weather lightly dreary!...And...if that doesn't work...she'll, god forbid, she'll make it'll rain on you...don't tempt her! SHE'LL DO IT!"
Ordinarily his patronizing would have annoyed her but with the crowd laughing she couldn't help but join them. It was infectious that way.
"That's actually one of the reasons why I love Cloudsdale so much," She said. "It's located high in the skies so we're safe from most enemies without wings. But Ponyville...Ponyville is a sitting duck when it comes to hostiles. I swear it's like every week somepony tries to start something with us."
"I'm assuming you're talking about the number of times it's been attacked by...let's say the forces of evil?" Jon asked feeling silly for using such a corny description. "Would...you go as far to say that your being a member of the Elements of Harmony have-- uh, means that it's your responsibility to, to ensure the safety of those around you?"
"Yeah I guess you can say that, but really the citizens of Ponyville have nothing to fear with me around," she said proudly. "I was there to stop Nightmare Moon, the parasprite invasion, and when Discord came to town...yep I know my way around a bad guy or two."
"You make it sound like you did it all by yourself," Jon commented as he leaned back in his chair. "Isn't it called the Elements of Harmony?"
"Well I mean yeah sure my friends also help in protecting Equestria but I kinda like to think I do most of the work," she said as she laid about on her cloud. "When it comes to the gang I'm definitely the 'HPIC.'"
"'HPIC?'" Jon asked.
"Yep...head pony in charge." Rainbow Dash answered. The crowd cheered her on while Jon leaned in with one hand under his chin.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're not the element of modesty." He ventured.
"Hey, hey, hey all I'm saying is I do a lot for the team," she continued. "Also when Nightmare moon and Discord came to Ponyville and we used the elements to stop them what do you think was used to deliver the final blow...it wasn't a giant apple I'll tell ya that...it was a rainbow!"
"It...it really does seem like Ponyville is subject to uh, to a lot of....hostility," Jon said. "How often do you guys have to-- I mean like does the major have a special phone that she uses to call you guys? Like every other week she'll be like: 'Elements of Harmony the city of Ponyville is under attack by a giant monster; we need your help.'"
"Nah we don't have anything like that, but you know it's not a bad idea," she thought out loud. "I'll have Twilight mention it at the next town hall meeting...she's the only pony who ever goes to it."
Trying his hardest not to laugh Jon placed a hand over his mouth and lowered his head to try and contain himself. In the short time that he's known her he had to admit the thought of Twilight alone in a town hall building listening to the major was as frighteningly accurate as it was hilarious.
Making Jon Stewart laugh was enough of a victory for Rainbow Dash that she stood on her cloud to pump her hooves in the direction of the audience.
"Now...now before you said that...you like going to Cloudsdale to uh...see the attractions." Jon continued, holding back in left over laughs. "What kinds did you go see and explain, if you can, why you have to go to Cloudsdale to see them?"
Jon thought it was a relatively easy question bordering on soft but for Rainbow Dash it meant she could talk about something very important to her. Before answering she ducked slightly in her seat.
"Well Cloudsdale does have a lot to offer like the Rainbow factory or Nimbus Avenue," She said. "But when I'm there I never pass up the chance to see in action the great, the extraordinary, the biggest baddest, most awesomest group of ponies to ever exist..."
As if there was spring loaded seat in her cloud Rainbow Dash burst forward in excitement and flew straight in the air, doing a mid air back flip before diving back down on the cloud like it was a trampoline.
"...THE WONDERBOLTS!" She added, her voice high in volume.
"The who?" Jon responded.
"WHAT!?" She shot back. "You’re kidding...HOW HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF THE WONDERBOLTS!?"
"For the same reason I don't know who 'One Direction' or Nicki Minaj is," he said with a shrug. "...I'm old."
"Oh brother...alright Johnny listen up cause I'm only going to say this once!" Rainbow Dash said with a deep sigh. "The Wonder Bolts is a squad of Pegasus ponies who are famous for their performances where they show off killer aerial acrobatics and super cool demonstrations. They're the fastest flyers in all of Equestria and they often perform in Cloudsdale and on some occasions in Canterlot for the princess herself! Ever few years they scout for talent in search of new members with the current team being: Spitfire, Soarin', Rapidfire, Fleetfoot--"
"Ok, ok I get it you’re a fan!" Jon interrupted before she went any further.
"I'm not just a fan!...I'm their number once fan!" She yelped with a giddy expression. "And someday I'm going to be a member of the Wonderbolts just like them!"
"Have you tried auditioning before?" Jon asked, wanting to keep the pace of this topic alive.
"Not officially, no." She answered. "I'm still training...I want to make sure I'm ready for when I finally go for it."
"Admirable...but you know if I were you I'd just do this," Jon said as he prepared his famed stereotypical New York Accent. "Eh yo wonderbolts! You enjoyin' livin' ere in Equestria? Yeah, I saved it twice...baboom!"
As the crowd laughed Rainbow Dash tried to keep a serious look about her since they were talking about her lifelong idols.
"You know the way you describe the Wonder Bolts is the same-- is very similar to a group of flying performers here in our world," Jon continued. "They're called 'The Blue Angels' and they...pretty much do the same things that your guys do."
"Ooooo 'The Blue Angels' huh...they sound pretty cool, though not as cool as the Wonder Bolts, obviously," Rainbow Dash said, trying her best to sound forward. "Do you know what their WP is? I want to know how fast they are!"
"I'm sorry...but what's WP." Jon asked.
"You know 'Wing power,'" She answered. "I want to compare their WP with mine!"
As far as Jon knew there wasn't a well known measurement of speed known as WP. This led him to believe that Rainbow Dash might be assuming too much.
"Uh just so we're clear you do know that the members of The Blue Angles don't actually have wings, right?" He asked a now shocked Rainbow Dash.
"Wait, what?" She said. "How can they perform flying acrobatics if they don't even have wings?"
"They do so because they fly in planes," he continued only to get more confused looks, "Uh...a plane is a mechanical device that allows humans to fly for a period of time...they don't actually have wings on their backs, no human does."
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on here!" Rainbow Dash demanded as she shook her head. "So you're telling me that in addition to not being able to use magic humans can't even fly? Wow, and here I thought you were just the human version of an Earthpony...I kinda feel sorry for you humans."
The crowd cooed in fake protest; they took her statement not as an insult but as a humorous look at human life.
"You guys over at Ponyville live next to a 30-foot-tall Hydra," Jon quipped back. "I think us...as New Yorkers not having to live next door to a multi-headed dragon is a pretty good trade off for not having wings or a horn on our head."
It was almost time for the interview segment to end so Jon made sure to get one least question in before they had to go to a commercial break.
"Before we go I want to know...what is-- what exactly is a 'Sonic Rainboom?'" Jon continued. "You're known for being the only pony to ever pull it off but aside from the footage I'm not very sure what it is."
"Well to put it simply...the Sonic Rainboom is when a pony flies so fast that they can break through the color barrier," She explained proudly. "When the barrier is broken a whole buncha colors gets released, and I'm the only pony who's ever done it."
"Congratulations." Jon said right before the crowd had a quick round of applause for the proud Pegasus. "That sounds like quite a nice thing to have on your Pony resume."
"Yeah...it kinda is," She said trying and failing to sound humble about it. "Sooo tell me Jon have your precious Blue Angles done anything as cool as a Sonic Rainboom?"
"Uh...well I'm not sure about that," he answered, his guest acting not at all surprised. "But we do have a guy who-- he, who broke the sound barrier...a guy by the name of Felix Baumgartner."
This sudden new development caused Rainbow Dash to sit up in her cloud and take notice.
"Wait...w-what did he do?" She asked cautiously.
"Oh nothing much he just flew up into space and Skydived all the way back to earth," Jon continued. "He went so fast he actually broke the sound barrier."
"That...sounds awesome!" She said, her voice high pitched for a second.
"Yeah...it kinda is." He responded with a smug grin.
"Hey wait a minute!" She said. "I thought you said no humans had wings...how did this Felix guy fly up all the way to space!?"
Jon had to think for a second before answering since he only knew vague details of the operation.
"Well a space team sponsored by 'Red Bull' brought him up there." Jon said. "The whole thing was something of a publicity stunt with the main goal being Felix breaking a number of world records?"
"Wait...so what you're saying is...a Bull brought this human into space?" Rainbow Dash asked as she tried to visualize what it would look like in person.
"No actually that's-- you see 'Red bull' is an energy drink company, not an actual bovine." Jon explained.
"So an energy drink company made a human jump from space to break some records and gain attention?" Rainbow Dash summarized out loud while counting on her hooves.
"Welcome to America!" Jon announced as he threw his arms out. "Actually that reminds me...the 'Red Bull' company also tried to get in contact with me this morning...they too wanted to see if you wanted to work for them."
"Oooooh let me guess," Rainbow Dash said, her voice sounding annoyed. "They are somehow connected with Rainbows so they wanted me to be their mascot."
"Actually no not at all," Jon explained. "I believe they were interested in you because of the fact that you can fly."
"REALLY!" She said with an ever present smile. "Is, is, is it because I'm super fast and agile with a WP level that could put anypony to shame!?"
"I can't be one hundred percent certain but I think it's because you have wings," Jon said, trying not to laugh. "...Their slogan for the company is 'Redbull gives you wings.'"
Her once enthusiastic smile disappeared as she fell through her cloud and landed on the guest's chair. The crowd began to laugh as Rainbow Dash smacked her hoof against her face. After a round of laughter Jon leaned in to address her.
"Rainbow Dash it's been great having you here today!" Jon said as he grabbed her hoof to give it a shake. "And I wish the best of luck to you in your dream of being a member of the Wonder Bolts."
"...Thanks, Johnny!" She said as her spirits began to lift again.
"Listen can you stick around for about five minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web?" He asked as he pointed to the camera.
"Sure thing, big guy!" She said as she flew back in the air.
"Excellent! Thanks again for being here today," Jon said as he turned to the camera. "Rainbow Dash everyone. We'll be right back."
The camera began to pan away in a slightly faster pace than usual. This was done so the audience at could get a good view of Rainbow Dash who at this point was flying just at arms reach above Jon's head. It was slightly harder to tell but right before the segment ended the last thing anyone could see was Jon whispering something in her ear. The cheers of the audience got louder and louder only to slowly fade as the Daily Show logo appeared on screen then vanish in favor of the final commercial break.
Episode 11: Rainbow Dash on the Daily Show (Requested by DiscordsAdvocate)
Here it is your moment of zen
At around the same time the interview was occurring a commotion was taking place in the region where Jon had fallen in after being dropped by Rainbow Dash. The area in question was a verdant field just outside of Ponyville; with the occasional sign of life in the form of a shack or cobble stone road but it was mostly untouched.
It was such a rural patch of land that at any given moment it was deserted. At this hour however there was someone skulking around. A stranger who, while patrolling the area, had heard something so he went to investigate. He didn't know what was making the curious noise but whatever was making it was doing so in short regular intervals.
Even with the location being completely empty the stranger walked around trying his best to not be seen since it wasn't technically allowed for him to be there. After walking in another direction the stranger saw something shiny in one of the wet grass lands. He huddled down and slowly approached it, thinking it might be what he was looking for.
Getting close enough to where he could interact with it the stranger bent over and began to sniff it a few times; it had a scent that he never smelled before. Whatever the shiny trinket was it began to make the familiar beeping noise which caused the stealthy intruder to jump back in surprise.
The stranger approached it once more and with a flick of his hoof he turned it over. To his surprise what he saw was a device with picture on it; a picture of a group of humans...one of whom he recognized.
The stranger had found Jon Stewart's cell phone.
