Wanna Try My Meat Twilight?

by TheGuyFromMinecraft

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 2515

Get it while it's hot!

You are a picky eater being the first human in Equestria. Always tossing his greens and veggies. Fortunately, one of your friends figured out a way to bring you to Earth and back anytime you want. But realizing that ponies don't eat meat typically, you call upon one of your friends if she wants to try some you brought over from home. Oblivious as ever, you haven’t had a clue that the word "meat” means a whole new definition in Equestria.

Contains: Innuedos Galore and a BIG language barrier.

Published 2020-02-08 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-08 14:30:01 UTC

How long do you want it for?

It was with a miracle when you stumbled in Equestria, you at first didn't want to harm any of them as making contact with alien life was your all-time dream. Weeks went by, you have already made good friends to six of the ponies. The one who accidentally summoned you by accident called herself Princess Twilight Sparkle.

But something was irritating him the first day he got here; the mythical creatures? The happy-go-lucky nature from all the civilians? No...

It was the cuisine! The meat-free, all organically obtain greens and veggies. To which you gagged from all the healthy food options. At first, it was alright for you to be served a salad and eat healthily at some times, not when it’s every day. Thankfully, the generous princess Twilight has given you an amulet to hop worlds through and forth. Happy that you get to enjoy your meat-filled diet. This week’s meal is straight out of your favorite restaurant.

“Anon...may I ask what are you eating?” asked Twilight, sitting across from you from the dining table.

“A classic Whopper Sandwich!” you grumbled, taking another bite of the burger in his mouth and swallowing it, “It's just a burger with—”

“—Yes, I know what a burger is but.” she smiled nervously, “Do you have to eat so fast? It's just that it's been like five minutes and you've almost finished the whole thing.”

“Sorry, I just never had this in a long time; Nearly forgot about it in my time here” you briefly apologized for your mannerisms, picking up a few fries in its box and dropping it into his teeth.

“But do you have to eat your food in this world? Don't you have a house?”

“Yeah, but I live all alone—my parents out of the city for business—I needed some change in the atmosphere you know? This glorious castle makes me feel like I'm in Disneyland!”

Having no clue as to what is this “Disneyland” you were referring to, Twilight moved over to the next topic, “As was I'm saying, I wanted to learn more about your species while you're here; I plan to make a book on how human society can coexist with equines.”

“Sounds fun,” blurting out, you take a sip of your cup filled with coke.

It took you no more than a second to realize what was she eating, a cucumber sandwich. What kind of sicko would only put cucumbers in sandwiches? And only cucumbers? At least put a second veggie to balance things out. You would typically put in a slice of cheese, slices of dill pickles, and stacks of ham and turkey to make that sandwich a whole 2 inches of meaty goodness! Speaking of meat, you never have seen any creature in this world put any type of meat in their diet, besides those hippogriffs eating certain fish.

Rather than them, no creature in Equestria has ever heard of the delicious goods of a 12 oz steak cooked medium rare, or glorious fried chicken with the usual mashed potatoes and coleslaw combo. You figured out that no pony had ever eaten meat before.

“So... Twilight...” you ominously called her name.

“Yes?”

“You haven't tried meat before, ain't that right?”

Her first reaction had him scratching; she spat out nearly all of the chewed bits of her sandwich out of her mouth and had her face all red. Like she got some embarrassment when he asked her a simple question.

“Umm...w-w-wouldn't you like to know?” she stuttered, “I mean...we have been friends for a long time! Not that long! But yeah, think it should be the time for me to try meat”

“Well too bad I finished my lunch already,” he ate the last bite of his burger, now going for the last few fries in his hands, “Are you free tonight?”

“Y-Y-Yeah... I'm free…” she still blushed and turned her head away from him, “N-No! Never mind, I don't want to rush into things and we haven’t even gone out once... I also need time to prepare myself both physically and mentally!”

“Oh, no rush...it should be over when you at least try it!”

"Uhhhhh... O-O-O-Okay...so t-t-t-tonight then?” She quivered like she was left in the cold for too long.

“Yeah, sure! Just have to go back to Earth to get some supplies...” you smiled in front of her nervous wreck of a face.

“Oh...Ohhh! You want to make it like that?” she could be heard squealing with all her excitement, “Alrighty then, tonight in my room?”

“Well, it would be strange to do it in your room. Maybe in the kitchen or outside?” you threw out some suggestions, “Anywhere but your room is what I'm saying.”

Like she couldn’t be so much giddier, Twilight crossed her forelegs over towards her blushing cheeks, containing some pleasurable sounds from her mouth, “W-W-We couldn’t go someplace more private?”

“Well, of course, not, I'm better when we’re outside. At the parks to be exact!”

Her already deep red cheeks traveled through her whole face as she could imagine what wonderous girth beyond his meat. She froze in place, “G-G-G-Great...C-C-C-can’t wait...”

“Good, wait in the dining table tonight for you to experience it for yourself!”

Time went by, and she was at the usual meeting spot where her friends gather around the large table housing the map of Equestria, she had them gathered this evening to announce some good news about herself.

“Girls! This is not a drill! Repeat, not a drill!” her mouth containing all the excitement roared out from her mouth. “Anon has promised me that I can try his meat later today!”

Her friends gasped at her exciting announcement, the room nearly froze in awe when the words “Anon” and “meat” were mentioned.

“No freaking way! You're going to do it?!” Rainbow cried to her group of friends circled in the map room.

“Yep! This princess has found her precious prince to share the rest of their life!” boasts the Princess seated on her seat in the round table, “I'm graciously been accepted by Anon to partake in his offering of his meat”

“Nah! I don't believe it at all! No way Anon could've picked you over all of us!” Applejack's fury engulfed her, “I thought he would go for Rarity or Fluttershy!”

“There’s no way I want to try Anon’s meat” flustered the timid pegasus, covering her face, “I don’t think he’s right for me,”

“Oh AJ, I appreciate that you're jealous of Twilight and all...but be supportive of Twilight. She's a princess!” pleaded Rarity, lifting a hoof over to Twilight, “But, are you very sure that Anon is the one?”

“Yes Rarity, he was the one that offered me. So I said yes,” she nodded.

“I'm just saying, you only know each other for a few weeks and you barely even know about him.” Rarity said with her authority as the most elegant mare in the room, “What if he isn't the one for you?”

“Then...I'll just make him..." the princess snickered deviously.

"Come on Twilight! You can do this! I know you can; Just grab that precious meat of his and just take it all to yourself!" exclaimed Pinkie.

"Good! At least somepony here is supporting me!"

Rainbow Dash butted in and asked, “Where is he anyway?”

Twilight smirked, “Get this, he went back to Earth to get the supplies he says...”

“Oh my! Anon is getting wild with this!" gawked Pinkie Pie, placing a foreleg on her mouth, "Are you going to be okay?"

Twilight couldn't contain her joy anymore, she rolled around the map like a little filly. “Oh, who am I kidding: I'm finally going to get to try Anon’s meat!”

“Then we must make haste girls! There are lots of prepping and practicing you must do before you commit to the offering!” said Rarity, off from her seat and trotting towards Twilight, “Come, I’ll show you some techniques using my array of gizmos...”

Back on Earth, you were just in the comfort of your house—specifically the kitchen—reaching for the refrigerator handle and skimmed through the interior finding the perfect dish to serve Twilight. Upon your quick search, starting to think about what to cook up when you placed a finger below your chin.

“What kind of meat do horses like?” you said to yourself, “Do they like chicken? Maybe pork? Hmm...”

Rummaging through the different drawers filled with defrosted packaged meats, you decided to go and search your freezer section as you had a much more variety over there. After moving some frozen TV dinners and tubs of ice cream, you had your eyes on the best dish for this occasion.

“Wow, this is perfect! Twilight will surely love this!” you smiled and grabbed the frozen pack out of the freezer, “Now, I just need to run to the store to get a few things... I’m sure Twilight will enjoy my big, juicy, and meaty cuisine!”

A few hours have gone by, Twilight was told by Anon to await in the dining table. Odd for her to be doing this in the dining table, but she doesn’t care. She has prepared the table for this exact moment; Placing herself flat on top laying sideways similar to the mares in a Playcolt magazine cover. Just to be sure, she has brought a bottle of her sister in law Cadence’s brand of lube ’ A Princesses Pleasure’ resting on her side, and wearing Rarity’s seductive scent perfume she masked herself on. It took her about a few minutes to see Anon spring out the door from the kitchen.

“Twilight, I’m just almost ready. Give me just a few minutes to prepare!” you called out to her, strangely eyeing her as she posed, “And why are you on the table like that?”

“Oh...It’s just what mares do when we’re about to feast on meat” she playfully snickered, “Tell me this Anon, how big is it?”

“If you’re worried about its size, then don’t worry,” Anon, ignorantly not getting her signals at all, vaguely answered back, “Just make sure I gotta put this in-between it!”

From his left hand, he brought out a pack of hotdog buns that were still intact placing it on the table. Twilight looked down on the strange bagged item he just brought forth in front of her, she almost didn’t have any clue what was he talking about.

“I’m... going to try it on that??” she confusingly cringed up when you showed her the bag.

“Well yeah, that’s how you’re supposed to eat it. Like in my world!” He confirmed to her, now placing two bottles of condiments side-by-side down on the table, “Also, can't enjoy it with these two in unison with your tongue!”

“Ketchup and mustard?” Twilight wasn’t processing his method of ‘first time’ when she noticed he bringing out the two bottles, “W-What are you gonna make me do? Lick it off of it?”

“Yeah, these are to enhance its flavor!” you assured, while she simultaneity purred like a kitty, “Now, any more questions about its taste? Or do you wanna go blind?”

“Y-Yeah... it’s just that it’s my first time and I don’t exactly know how it tastes,” she timidly cooed, flicking her mane to add that seductive flare

“You want to know what it tastes like? Here’s a tip; try to savor in the juices at it comes into contact with your taste buds. It's kinda salty at first, but you'll start to get used to it when you get more of it."

“Ohhh, I’m sure I want to get more of it~”

“So you’re ready huh? Well, let me prepare in my workspace. I need to concentrate all of my energy to get it ready!” you chuckled before heading back to the kitchen with your other supplies.

Twilight was squealing up to her lungs like a filly being first in line for ice cream while gyrating her legs and neck. She waited far too long for you to make the first move on her. Out of all of her friends; she was the luckiest one to ever be chosen to enjoy your great big—

“—And It’s ready! Come on Twilight! Try some of this American cuisine!” you pop out of the kitchen, bring out an abundance of nicely prepared hotdogs in their buns served on the fanciest platter.

“C-C-Cuisine?” she lifted an eyebrow straight to your face

“Yeah, you wanted to try meat? I decided to cook up some hotdogs for us!”

The uncertainty from her mind couldn’t be so clear when she corrected him, “H-Hotdogs? Why would we eat hotdogs together? I thought you were going to give me your meat!”

“Um, yes! I’m going to give some ole fashion American beef hotdog! Not that fake carrot on a bun; those disgraceful combination butchers the hotdog name!” you exclaimed,

The inner brain of the princess was the most key component of her personality. Always working as a machine learning new things and storing a vast network of knowledge. But at this moment in time, it began to break down like an old-time vehicle as she was internally suffering from visible confusion with her face all mixed up. This lasted for a few seconds tops before she spoke again.

“....uhhhhhh” her voice drowned.

“Twi, what’s wrong?” you slowly walked over her placing the plat down on the table, “You’re still realizing that meat comes from animals? I thought you knew that,”

“Ohhh... OHHHHHHHH...oh!” Twilight quickly snapped to reality, blushing deeply as she went off the table covering your face, “I’m soooo sorry Anon... I got things way mixed up here!”

“What do you mean?” you asked her.

“How should I explain this; meat in Equestria is different than in your worlds’ definition,” she spilled the beans, “When you offer a mare to try your meat, It just a saying to a mare that you want them to suck... your...”

She paused for a moment, firmly shouting out, “Penis!”

Placing your two palms onto your cheeks, you let out a huge gasp, “WHAT!? Y-Y-You thought I would want you to suck my... my...DICK?!”

She slowly nodded, hesitantly as she rubbed the backside of her head with a foreleg smiling, “I already had meat before when I went to Sunset’s world. It wasn’t bad, it’s just that I’m not quite used to it. Again, soooo sorry for the whole mix up; I got too carried away with this preparing and all! let’s just put this all behind us and forget about—”

“—Cause I’d be down for that!”

With her interruption, she instantly went squealing, “—Okay!”

“After we dig into these hotdogs! I never had them in a while!” you were speaking almost her grabbing a dog from the softness of its fluffy bun.

“Maybe I can stuff a bunch in my mouth, would you like that?” she purred directly towards your gazing eyes at her, walking as she levitated several hotdogs leaving out the buns.

“Hehe... room for one more on the way?”

END