Twilight, Don't Try To Cook. Ever.
Bubbles and Glitter
BANG! BANG!
The treacherous knocking met the pony occupying the bedroom's ears. Rolling over, it groaned, and put it's pillow over it's ears. The knocking grew louder, and the violet unicorn gave up. Sighing, she rolled out of bed, trotted to her dresser, and picked up her brush with magic. Brushing all the obvious tangles out of her hair, she splashed some water on her face and trotted down the stairs leading to the main library. Walking over to the door, she unlatched the lock and opened it. Looking back at her with a bright smile was a grey pegasus with a blond mane and golden eyes that pointed two different directions. Holding a stack of mail on her head, she cheerfully said, "Mail's here, Twilight!"
"Oh, thank you, Derpy." Taking the mail in her magic, she set the envelopes on one of the bookshelves. Just as she turned back to the cheerful mail mare, she heard a slight rumble from behind her. Turning back to Derpy, she smiled. "Hungry?" she asked. Now, this behavior was out of the usual for the unicorn, as Twilight Sparkle is not, under any circumstances, a morning pony, especially when she had spent the night before studying some obscure topic, such as pegasus body language, and had ended up going to bed at four o'clock in the morning. Something about this mare, though, made her smile. Maybe it was her way of grinning to everyone she delivered mail to, and then some.
Derpy smiled, embarrassed, and said, "Yeah, I had to get up early today to get a special package to the Boutique, so I didn't get any breakfast. Since you're my last stop, I was about to go get some."
"Oh, then would you like to come in for breakfast? I'm sure Spike won't mind." Twilight smiled and held the door open. Derpy grinned thankfully, and trotted through the doorway. "I'm really sorry, Derpy, I just woke up and last night I was up till four studying. I need to take a shower, if you don't mind." Derpy told her it was fine. Twilight thanked her and trod up the stairs. The violet mare trotted through the open door to the bathroom and stepped into the shower. Turning the knob, she let the warm water pour over her body, working out all aches and pains from the previous night's studying.
Grabbing a bottle off a shower shelf, she squeezed it in her magic, and with said magic, she caught the shampoo that came from the bottle. Levitating it up to her mane, she spread it out and worked it into her mane with her hooves. Rinsing the suds out, she picked up a small cloth, wet it, and squirted some coat-wash onto it. The mare proceeded to wash her coat and skin. Turning to the shampoo once more, she washed her tail, rinsed it, turned the knob, and stepped out of the shower. Pulling down a towel, she dried off, and picked up the hair dryer. Turning it on, she dried her mane and tail. Turning off the hair dryer, she took her horn-polisher and brushed it up and down her horn till the magical residue from the previous night was gone. She then brushed her teeth, mane, and tail, and headed downstairs.
Spike had already made her coffee, and had sat it on the table in front of her usual chair. Derpy was sipping from a mug. She smiled and gestured towards the other chair. Twilight sat down and picked up her mug, sipping at the hot coffee. A smile crept across her face at the taste of the wondrous liquid.
"So, Twilight, what were you studying last night?" Twilight started. Her eyes widened, and darted around. Finally, she sighed.
"You might find it a bit odd... Well, I was studying pegasus body language, as I had noticed that pegasi's wings move during conversation, much like unicorn and earth pony body language. I looked up a book in my library, and... Well, that's why I stayed up till four. Note to self, never stay up till four studying." She grinned sheepishly.
Derpy looked at her a bit strangely, but shrugged it off as Twilight being Twilight. The aforementioned Twilight sat silently, a bit awkwardly, too, until she took a breath, and said, "Well. Would you like some muffins? I just got a new recipe from Pinkie for some banana nut muffins." Derpy nodded and grinned excitedly. Twilight was nervous, though. Last time she had tried to cook... Well, she didn't really want to think about that. Trotting to her recipe binder, she turned the page to the banana-nut muffin recipe. Pulling out the ingredients, she began to bake...
-HALF AN HOUR LATER-
Twilight desperately caught water from the tap in her magic and tried to put out the burning muffins on her stovetop. Finally deciding to just dunk them in the sink, she picked them up and tossed them into the sink, water running over them and putting out the flames. Grinning awkwardly, she turned to Derpy. "...Sorry?"
Derpy sighed, smiled, and asked, "Need some help?" Cleaning up the mess Twilight had made, they began again...
-FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER-
Twilight and Derpy dashed out of the flaming library, Twilight levitating Spike behind them. Fireponies surrounded the fiery tree, spraying water on the flames. Slowing down, Twilight turned around and stared at her tree, a tear dripping down her face."My books..." she whispered. Having heard her, a very disgruntled Spike rolled his eyes and informed her that her books were safe, having cast multiple protection spells, including fireproofing, on all of them a week ago. Breathing a sigh of great relief, Twilight realized something.
She didn't have a place to stay.
Her eyes widened and she gasped. Frowning at the ground, she gave an order to Spike. "Spike, get my personal funds. We're going to need a place to stay, and we don't have enough bits without it." Derpy looked at Twilight.
"Oh, that's okay Twilight, you can stay with Dinky and I."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
And thus, the S.S. TwiDerp set sail. Anyway, this is my first fic, so please don't bash me too hard. Constructive criticism is awesome, and a like is even awesomer. Course if you don't like it, you don't have to thumb up it. But it would be appreciated! Thanks for taking the time to read this fic. Adios till chapter 2!
EDIT NOTE: Yes you guys! I edited some spaces in! Happy? Good. Chapter 2 is nearing conpletion.
Dinky Mistrusts a Glimmer of Twilight
Dinky Mistrusts a Glimmer of Twilight
Twilight raised her hoof to the door and tapped, once, twice, thrice. The door creaked open, revealing a small lavender unicorn filly. Said filly looked unimpressed. In a high voice, the filly said that the mare Twilight was looking for was “in the kitchen.” As Twilight levitated her bags and Spike through the doorway, the filly jumped up at her and said, “If you break her heart, I’ll break your freaking spine.” Twilight backed away and escaped into the kitchen.
“Hey Derpy, I’m here! Also, who was that filly - Whoa, it smells good in here!” She called out. Derpy grinned happily back at her. The scent of baked goods wafted through the air.
“Oh hi Twilight! I’m baking muffins and that was my little sister, Dinky!” Derpy replied.
“Oh, boy, what flavor?” Twilight responded.
“Muffin flavor.” Inexplicably, a smaller muffin burst through the top of the muffin that Derpy was holding into the air, and Twilight swore she heard a guitar riff echo through the muffin scent. Twilight eyed Derpy, but then shrugged it off. She’d seen stranger things happen around Pinkie. Trotting all the way through into the kitchen, she stepped onto the tile floor -
BAM!
Her bags slammed into the doorway, sending her rocketing toward Derpy. They both fell over in a tangle of limbs. When the dust from her (ancient) suitcases settled, Twilight was standing over Derpy, their faces inches from each other. Twilight’s face began to heat up, Derpy's following suit. “U-uuhh... s-sorry?” Twilight stammered out. Her face was a flattering shade of red-violet, and Derpy’s was pink. A sound came from Derpy, a small “pomf!” and her wings were stiff and spread out. Twilight awkwardly climbed off of Derpy, letting the mare get up. Standing up, avoiding each other’s eyes, the awkward silence stretched. “So... uh... I think I’ll put my stuff away, if you don’t mind....” Twilight stuttered.
“Upstairs, second door on the left.” Derpy said quickly. Twilight hurried up said stairs, and entered the guest room. Setting her stuff down, she sat down with a huff of relief. Taking out the book “Moodwings: A Comprehensive Study of the Pegasus Body Language,” she flipped to the page she was looking for.
Chapter 11: Standing at Attention - Arousal
A note to the reader: The next chapter cover a subject not suitable for a younger audience. Please keep out of the hooves of foals.
Perhaps one of the most interesting quirks of pegasus wings is the display shown when expressing a keen sexual interest in another pony. Their wings subconsciously jut upwards, in a fashion that could almost be confused with aggressiveness. But the reality is quite the opposite. It shows an immense attraction towards another pony. This is not necessarily in a romantic sense, but a physical one. These displays are often completely out of the pegasus's control, although with mental and physical training, such displays can be suppressed to a certain degree.
This is, however, the reason why a pegasus's wings are flared when in the throes of passion. That is why restricting wings is a rather extreme deviance for a pegasus, combined with the fact it prevents one of the basic aspects of their life: flight. However, this is not a subject that will be covered in this book; for more details, see the Pony Sutra.
The scientific term for this display would be ‘Erogenous Alarum Stiffening’, but this is not a term commonly used by society. The most popular term is ‘wingboner’, but numerous synonyms and euphemisms exist.
Wingboner, popfeather, wing erection, popping a wingie, rigor eros, popping a pinion, flight firmness, at full sail, saluting the sky, reluctant advertising, bedroom turbulence warning, spontaneous wing-stretches...
These are the type of expressions that you will hear on the street, or in a casual conversation. Admittedly, a very casual conversation, and usually not a public one. This is only a partial list. As you can see, the names are numerous, and often material for many professional comedians. Most of them have drifted in and out of use, as slang tends to evolve at an extremely quick pace. Much faster than my research could keep up with, I’m sad to say.
The point is simple: like many displays of pegasus emotion, if they are interested in you... you’ll know.
Twilight blushed. Finishing the last line, she realized something...
Derpy... is interested in me?!
^-_-^-_-^-_-^-_-^-_-^-_-^-_-^
Spike shook his head. He was still dazed from the impact from Twilight’s (strangly) numerous bags. Standing up, he heard Derpy say “Upstairs, second door on the left.” There was something strange about her tone, but he paid it no attention. Turning around, he spied the stairs and started walking. His path was blocked, however, by a small unicorn filly. He didn’t know how to react.
“So, you’re staying with Twilight here, huh?” the filly asked suspisciously. “Just make sure - DARN SURE - that she does NOT. HURT. MY. SISTER!” She exclaimed in the general direction of Spike.
“Uh... okay... What’s your name, anyway?” Spike responded with a question.
“Dinky. Dinky Hooves, and you better not wear it out.” Dinky said with attitude. Tossing her mane, she proceeded up the stairs, Spike following...
Or at least she tried to. She raised her hoof just a smidge not high enough, and put pressure on it...
-click-
She came tumbling down on top of Spike. When the two realized their surroundings again, they saw that Dinky was standing over Spike, much like Twilight and Derpy had earlier. Her face was pale red, whereas Spike’s was mostly covered with scales. Still, little bits of red could be seen in between. Dinky stumble off of Spike, and they departed to their rooms without another word. Spike collapsed on the guest bed and sighed.
Celestia, she was cute... and had an attitude... in a good way! Wait. What am I THINKING?!?! Do I have a crush?!?!?!
Spike gasped a little at the realization.
If I do, what about Rarity?
_____________________________
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
Welp. There’s another chapter! Woo! Two awkward situations, dow-
Really Shammy? Really? The same situation with two sets of ponies? Well, in one case, a dragon, but he wants to be a pony, so would that even count? Or would he be a pony-dragon, or a dragon-pony, or-
Yes Pinkie. I made it that way for a reason.
Oh.
Anyway. Thanks to Tchernobog for letting me use bits of Mood Wings in this, he’s awesome, and you should check him out!
