Banjo Shaped Scrapbook

by Banjo64

Rating: teen
Tags: Anthology, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random
Length: 16636

Because one writer's scraps can inspire another's magnum opus.

Because one writer's scraps can inspire another's magnum opus. Not that this is likely to happen here...

But yeah, this is just a collection of my scraped and discarded rough drafts and ideas. As you can probably guess, these will in incomplete, unedited, and probably low quality. But then again, that's what you're here for, isn't it?

And yes, consider these free for adoption in the off chance someone is actually inspired.

Published 2020-01-29 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-01 03:15:21 UTC

Equestria Girls: The (Un)Official Retcon

After a thousand years trapped in time, the Crystal Empire had a lot of catching up to do. Now though, after several months of learning and exploring the world around them, the crystal ponies were ready for the next big step.

Princess Cadance had sent out an invitation to all the nations of the world, inviting them to come visit the empire and show the crystal ponies the wonders and culture of their homelands. Nearly everyone accepted, and with so many powers meeting like this, a week long celebration of cultural exchange had been declared.

“I’m so excited! This is going to be one of the biggest parties ever!” exclaimed Pinkie as she bounced on her train seat.

“Indeed! Can you imange just how many exoctic fabrics we’ll find at this event? Elken cloth, Minotaur cotton, and perhaps even genuine deer silk! This event is going to get my muse going wild, I just know it!” exclaimed an equally excited Rarity.

“Yep. Ah recon this is goin’ to be one hay of a show,” added a much more calm Applejack.

“I just hope it doesn’t get too loud though. I don’t want the crystal ponies thinking we’re forcing ourselves on them,” admitted Fluttershy.

“Don’t worry about it, Fluttershy. Have you seen how excited these ponies are? I’d be more concerned with them scaring everyone else away,” said Rainbow Dash with a smirk.

Twilight Sparkle, newly crowned Princess of Equestria, just stared out the window. Unlike her friends, she was dressed in full Princess garb, crown included.

“Twilight? Are you OK?” asked Spike.

Twilight turned to face her assistant.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Spike. I just have a lot on my mind,” she reassured.

“Why’s that? The Princess said you don’t have any royal duties during the festival. You can just relax and have fun with the rest of us,” said Spike.

“It’s not the festival, Spike. I’m looking forward to it too, but…” Twilight sighed and turned back toward the window.

Her friends all turned toward her with worried looks.

“Ya wanna talk about it, Sugercube?” asked Applejack.

At that moment they all felt the train start to slow down.

Twilight shook her head.

“Maybe later. For now, let’s just get situated and make some plans for the festival. Besides, this really isn’t something a Princess would talk about in public. I think…” she said.

Twilight’s friends shared uncertain looks, but decided not to press it.

As the train pulled into the station and Twilight got off the train, she failed to notice a cloaked pony watching her from a nearby ally.

The pony was not happy with what she saw.

“Really? Celestia made her a princess?! I’m the one who deserves that crown!” the pony hissed under her breath.

The hooded pony briefly considered marching over and snatching it off Twilight’s head, but held her ground. She didn't get this far by making stupid choices. She stopped and thought about what her next move should be.

“Hm... If that gem really is the Element of Magic then… yes. That could work. Yes, that should work perfectly. Don’t worry, your highness, that power will soon belong to a pony who can actually use it,” the pony chuckled before she slipped away.

She had some prep work to do.

Insert misssing script here

“Sunset Shimmer… that name sounds familiar,” said Twilight.

“I should hope so. She was a former student of mine,” said Celestia.

“Wait, she was your student too?! Shouldn’t she be an old mare by now?” asked Rainbow.

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“I was Princess Celestia’s prized student, Rainbow. That doesn’t mean I was her only one. She usually has two, or even three students at any given time. I think I remember her now. She was definitely talented at magic, but we never really connected all that well as she preferred a more hooves-on approach to reading. That, and I wasn’t very good at making friends those days,” admitted Twilight.

“Twilight is correct. But there is another reason you don’t remember her very well. She was always ambitious. Too ambitious. I’m not sure exactly what her motives were, but one day she was caught in the forbidden section of the archive, reading books on illegal black magic,” said Celestia.

“Oh dear...

Author's Note

Oh boy. I never wrote much of this one, but I sure have a lot of notes about it. So strap in, there's a lot for me to talk about here in the author's notes.

I remember coming up with the idea for this one shortly after Rainbow Rocks aired. I recognized that the second movie was widely regarded as being much better than the first one, and a third was promised to be released in the future, so I reasoned that EqG was going to be a permanent, on going spin-off series. Possibly even one of good quality. One that would be always plagued by it's rocky start.

And what does every successful series with a rocky start do? They at some point remake the original to better fit in with the rest of the franchise. I recognized that was unlikely to happen in this case, so it was up to the fans to write one. I figured I'd take my shot at it, and this was the result.

And as I was basically rewriting the movie with a few tweaks to fix many of said movie's problems, I lost steam fairly quickly. I do remember my big list of things I wanted to fix though:

1) Make Sunset a more compelling villain. More specifically, a sympathetic one so that her redemption is not only more believable, but desirable to the audience. I was planning something along the lines of being driven by a desire to prove herself worthy to Celestia. She plan was never to take over or invade Equestria. She just wanted to ascend so Celestia would have to acknowledge her capabilities. I was also going to add a bit of depth to her relationship to Twilight. She feels Twilight doesn't deserve her wings because Sunset only remembers her as a bookworm who never cared for anything that wasn't between pages. "I'll take the crown and the responsibility that come with it. You can just crawl back home to your books."

2) Turn the three days time limit into seven. Apart from making things less rushed and hectic, it'd give wiggle room for Sunset to return to Equestria. I was going to add the idea that the two world are on opposite time tables: high noon on one side is midnight on the other. Twilight didn't wait until the next morning to travel through the mirror. It's just a different time of day on the other side. Also, I was going to have Celestia outright state that it's a parallel universe, and that's the reason Twilight's friends can't come along. It'd be far too likely to draw undesired attention if there were six girls struggling to even stand up right.

3) Flash Sentry. OK, big thing first: Twilight would still get the crush, but would recognize it as only the result of her hormones being mucked over due to the sudden species shift. She would have trouble keeping it under control, but would ultimately turn him down before leaving. Also, I was going to give him more to do that just bail Twilight out of trouble once. The big ones being that he'd give her a quick guitar lesson to help her learn how to use her hands, and play a role helping her get votes.

4) less incompetent staff. Celestia would notice the crown was stolen, and simply ask Twilight to use her crown as a substitute (because Twilight remembered to bring the fake, but it was crushed in the struggle). Because of the unique composition of the Element, it appears no different than glass and plastic. Twilight can't think of a reasonable excuse to say no without giving herself away, especially since Celestia bought a safe to ensure no further thefts. Luna would recognize the poor editing as poor editing, and scoff at how amateur it is. Also, there would be a running gag with Discord as the janitor being disappointed with today's youth. No sense of mischief, these brats.

5) Twilight would have to do more than a song and dance to win the Fall Formal. After reuniting her human friends, she'd have to act like the leader she wasn't sure she was: look at the resources at her disposal, and utilize them effectively. She'd send out the girls to their own circles to try and win over as many students as possible. Also, I was going to draw attention to the fact that logically, there's no possible way for a new student to win a popularity contest with less than a week at the school. Twilight would have to jump through some serious hoops to win.

6) The humane six were going to be a little more cautious about Twilight. Near the end of the week, they'd confront her about all the little weird things she does and why she needs to win the crown so badly. This would lead to Twilight, not Pinkie, having to explain the situation. Which leads to...

7) Sunset's plan would hing on an unproven theory about how magic artifacts work in a non-magical environment. In theory, the magic should readily slip into the nearest living vessel. In practice, it's never been tested. And it might just make a really big explosion instead. Twilight figures it's not worth the risk, and the rest of the crew agree.

8) Demon Sunset still happens, but not because of the Element's magic. Rather, it's because the Element rejects her, causing a negative feedback loop. The friendship laser would also be far less spectacular, as it's only based off one Element instead of all six. Also, Twilight would warn the others that having raw magic channeled through their bodies might have some unknown side effects and ask for their permission before doing so.

9) The fight would wrap up with a whole day to spare, leaving time to get proper explanations on a few missing links: how much Celestia and Luna know about the portal (a lot), what happens to Sunset (outright banishment until the learns friendship), and Twilight coming to recognize her own skills as a leader.

And Finally,

10) There was going to be a running gag about Spike liking the dog treats because they taste like bacon. Twilight would respond accordingly, depending on your thoughts on whether ponies are full blown vegetarians.

Make of all that as you will.

Fallout: Equestria Reaction

Twilight sighed as she waited for her friends to finish reading the letter.

“... and so, we have decided to invite you all to a private screening of our up-coming movie! Sweet!” cheered Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t know, Rainbow. This movie is rated for adults only, and I for one have never heard of this Fallout series,” said Rarity.

“Oh, come on Rarity! It’s a free movie night! It’s sure to be fun!” added Pinkie.

“The movie sounds kind of scary though,” said Fluttershy.

“Yeah, though Ah could have sworn Ah heard about this movie somewhere, but Ah’m not sure,” added Applejack.

“It probably wasn’t the movie Applejack. The Fallout franchise has been around for almost forty years now,” said Twilight.

“Forty years?! OK, even if we aren’t all eggheads, why the hay have none of us heard about it before if it’s been around that long?” asked Rainbow in surprise.

Twilight shook her head.

“It only started gaining mainstream popularity about two years ago. I’ll be honest with you girls, I’m not certain if we should go see this movie. I know the franchise pretty well, and I’ve always enjoyed it, but it’s not a happy story. It deals with some really, really serious material. The sort of things you don’t talk about in public. Not to mention the series has always been the source of some controversy,” admitted Twilight.

“Controversy?” asked Rarity.

“Yes. The series was inspired by a political piece that was written by a particularly paranoid diplomat during our first contact with zebras. It was a horror story about what would happen if Equestria developed connections with the strange and ‘backwards’ zebra nations. In short, it said that if we did, it would lead to a war that would destroy all life on the planet,” said Twilight.

Twilight’s friends paused to consider this.

“So… it’s some political story then? That sounds kind of boring, and a little mean to zebras,” said Pinkie.

“For the record, the piece was largely dismissed as needless fear mongering and was utterly disregarded. We’ve since developed friendly relationships with zebra nations, even if we mostly keep to ourselves. But the idea of ponies and zebras going to war and destroying the world inspired a few writers to try and write the idea into a poetic story about the dangers of war and fear, which lead the creation of the Fallout series. And for the record, yes, the zebra nations are aware of the series but have made it clear that they don’t find it offensive in any way,” explained Twilight.

“Ah. So it’s a tragedy then, warnin’ ponies about what could happen if we lose sight of ourselves,” deducted Applejack.

“Sort of. You see, the entire reason it's called Fallout is because it takes place hundreds of years after this hypothetical war. It’s the story of survivors in a harsh wasteland trying to survive and stay true to their morals as the world around them threatens to tear them apart,” said Twilight.

“Sounds like it’ll be awesome then. Well, aside from the whole everypony dies part, but we’re all adults here. We can all look at that sort of thing and not break down into crying fits. Hay, didn’t you visit a different timeline where this sort of thing really happened?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Yes, and it’s also why I didn’t bring this invitation up with Starlight. I don’t think she needs a reminder of the world she almost created,” said Twilight with a sigh.

“That’s probably a good idea,” mumbled Fluttershy.

“Anyway, as Rainbow said, we’re all adults here. We know about the darkest aspects of civilization. We can handle a little violence and strong language. But that’s not the reason I’m hesitating over seeing the movie. The problem is that this movie is based on the new reboot that takes into account recent developments,” said Twilight.

“Recent developments? Wait… are you talking about...” said Pinkie Pie.

“Yes. The reboot takes into account Princess Luna’s return, and more importantly, our roles as Equestria’s heroes several times over. Now, we all know that we’ve had our likenesses plastered all over posters and such since saving Equestria, and not always in flattering ways. But this story, it has a lot of details showing how the six of us, though we had good intentions, are partially responsible for this supposed end of the world,” said Twilight.

The girls looked at each other in horror.

“I’ve already read the book myself, so I can say that it makes us look like tragic figureheads rather than evil warmongers or something. But we’re still going to see fictional versions of ourselves that showcase some of our worse flaws. And I do mean our flaws. The writers made sure to match our depictions as closely to reality as they could manage. Of course, it was written before I became a Princess, so some details are sure to be a bit outdated if the movie stays true to the book, but you get the point,” said Twilight.

“Wait, we never talked with any movie ponies. How the hay did they manage to get us right?” asked Rainbow.

“Remember those questionnaires Princess Celestia sent us in the mail? We might not boast wildly about our adventures, but there are those who take inspiration from them. The Princess wanted us to fill out those form so that, if somepony decided to write a story about us, they’d be able to do so with some degree of accuracy,” explained Twilight with an eyeroll.

“Oh. Right, forgot about those,” admitted Rainbow.

“And they want to give us a private showing of this less than flattering depiction?” asked Rarity in disbelief.

“Well, it’s a good story. A dark story with lots of messy stuff, but still a good one. I’m certain we’d all find something to enjoy if we watched it (yes, even you Fluttershy), but I don’t want you girls to suffer through it if any of you think it’s going to make you uncomfortable,” finished Twilight.

Again, everypony paused to think.

“Does it have a happy ending?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“It has some sad parts to it, but ultimately yes. It has a happy ending,” answered Twilight with a nod.

“Then I think we’ll all be able to take it, knowing that it’ll all end in sunshines and rainbows,” said Pinkie Pie.

Twilight smiled and giggled at the (possibly) unintended reference.

“Well, how about the rest of you? Do you still want to see the movie?” asked Twilight.

“Hay yeah! If it’s about adventures in a war-torn future, I’m definitely going to see it!” declared Rainbow.

“Ah might as well too. Ah think we’ve all aware that it’s a good idea sometimes to back up and look at yourself in the mirror. We might even learn a thing or two from this,” said Applejack.

“Well, I suppose I could handle it. I mean, it’s a private showing, so I could just leave if it gets too scary,” said Fluttershy.

“Oh don’t give us that, Fluttershy. I’ve seen the comic books you read. You enjoy the violent stuff when you know it’s not real,” said Rainbow with a jab of her hoof.

Fluttershy didn’t respond, but she did squeak and blush.

“I believe I shall attend as well then. It’d be quite rude to be the only one to turn down the invitation,” said Rarity.

“Alright then, it's decided. We’re all going to see Fallout: the Movie,” announced Twilight.

It was a shame Spike wouldn’t be joining them, but if the movie was anything like the book, then it was certainly going to have content she didn’t want the baby dragon to see.

Author's Note

Sigh... my muse has to be one of the most fickle muses in existence. When I finished reading Fo:E, it naturally went haywire and came up with about three different ideas for a spin off and demanded I write at least one of them. The end result I opted to actually write was... less than popular. But to be fair, I was kind of late to party, and my fic really wasn't much of a typical Fo:E spin off. But it wasn't the only idea I had.

One thing that really got me inspired was an old comic [Link Here] that treated Fo:E as a work of fiction within Equestria. I really like the idea, and thought about how to expand on it.

Option 1 was this scrap: a "mane six reaction" sort of deal. How would they respond to being portrayed in such a flawed manner? But it quickly became apparent that it would boil down to just a lot of "how terrible, but I'm glad it's only fictional." So, all I wrote was this intro setting the stage. There's also a reaction to the prologue, but I only realized after I wrote it that commentary style fics are against site rules, so I won't be posting that one.

Option 2, which I never wrote, was a sort of behind the scenes deal, describing the events that resulted in the big Fallout reboot after Nightmare Moon's return and how it exploded in popularity. But... the idea fell apart fairly quickly after I realized I wasn't comfortable creating a fictional pony version of KKat. Not to mention the focus on the corporate side of things would have made it just as effective with out Fallout: Equestria , so I never went anywhere with that one.

The Reality Shift Spell

Hidden deep within the depths of Canterlot Castle lies the forbidden archive. This archive is where Equestria stores the worst sources of dark and terrible magic in the world, ensuring that they do not fall into the wrong hooves.

All three of them.

The first was the bag of Tirek, believed to be full of dark and corruptive energy that would destroy the mind of any who touched it. What else would the dark lord store in such a terrible artifact? The few ponies who knew of its existence slept better at night knowing that Tirek had never discovered the archive during his escape and reclaimed this dark power.

Though, in actuality, it was just where Tirek kept his food while he was traveling to Equestria. The reason it seemed so evil was because of the rotten meat Tirek still had in it when he was sent to Tartarus. It wasn’t just the smell, though. By now it had spoiled to the point in resembled something out of a lovecraftian nightmare, which is why it was stored down here. This way nopony would go insane from daring to look inside.

The second artifact was the dreaded Necronomicon. This dark tome held the secrets to spells so dark and twisted that it was said that the book’s mere presence could suck out the souls of anypony nearby. Anyone who dared to read this book would gain the knowledge of how to cover all of the world with their new dark power, and nothing would be able to stop them.

Fortunately, the rumors about the soul sucking thing were true, so anyone dumb enough to try to read it would die before they could finish opening it. The only reason it was down here was because too many stupid would-be tyrants tried to read the thing while it was a museum piece. It was convenient for getting rid of potential evil overlords, but Celestia didn’t want to be accused of sucking out the souls of Equestria’s enemies.

Finally, there was the ancient scroll describing the ultimate spell. It wasn’t a dark spell, but it was undeniably one of the most dangerous forms of magic ever conceived. For this was the spell of rewriting reality. What’s more, the spell could be cast by any living being, even non-magical ones. Should anyone cast the spell they would be able to reshape Equestria, and every living thing in it, as they saw fit.

And it was this very spell that a hooded mare had snuck down here to collect.

“Yes… at long last…” the hooded figure chuckled as she copied the spell onto an enchanted blank sheet of paper. The scroll was protected so that it couldn’t be removed without raising an alarm, but the scroll itself wasn’t necessary to cast the reality changing spell.

“Now, with this spell in my hooves, I shall rebuild the world in my glorious image! Mwahahaha! Nothing can stop me now!” cried the hooded pony.

“And then she had a heart attack and died,” deducted the doctor.

Princess Celestia shook her head.

“I don’t know if I should be impressed by her resolve, or disappointed in my guard for letting a pony that was older than Granny Smith sneak into the forbidden archive,” she admitted.

“Well, to be fair, this place isn’t all that protected,” said the doctor.

“That’s because there’s nothing particularly valuable in here. Really, the only reason we even have a forbidden archive is to keep ponies from hurting themselves with these stupid things,” admitted Celestia with a shrug.

“Even the reality scroll?” asked the doctor in surprise.

“Especially the reality scroll. Yes, it’s the most powerful spell in existence, but the spell only lasts for twelve hours, and nopony can cast it twice. Plus it has safeguards ensuring nopony gets seriously hurt while it’s active. Even if she had cast it, we would only have to put up with her reign for a single day. We put it down here because of how annoying it was to have reality be rewritten every day while it was out and about,” explained Celestia.

“That’s good, because judging from the quill and sketchpad, little miss Princess for a day here copied down the spell, and there’s no sign of where the copy is. I think the wind must of taken it or something,” said the Doctor.

Celestia blinked, and then facehooved.

“Well then, I have to make an announcement warning ponies of the headaches to come. I just hope nopony tires to make stupidity contagious again…” mumbled Celestia.

“Contagious stupidity?” asked the doctor.

“I must politely refuse to elaborate,” replied Celestia with a blush.

And thus began the nightmarish annoyance of the reality shift spell.

The reality spell, copied on a humble sheet of paper enchanted for protection, floated merrily through the air on the current of a strong wind. That wind just so happened to be headed toward Ponyville.

“...So yeah, we’re all supposed to keep our eyes out for a spell that can rewrite reality for a day,” said Bon Bon.

“Really? I don’t know about you, but if I found that spell, I’d definitely use it. I mean, a whole day with the world however you want it, why wouldn’t you want to give it a go?” suggested Lyra.

“Well, first of all, I can guarantee everypony in Equestria will know it was you,” said Bon Bon with a glare.

“Oh please, I’m not the only anthropologist in Equestria,” replied Lyra with a wave of her hoof.

“Yes, but you’re the only one who went up to Princess Celestia and demanded she acknowledge that humans are real,” said Bon Bon.

“So? You think anypony remembers the crazy pony who was brave enough to try that?” asked Lyra.

Bon Bon’s expression said yes.

At that moment, the spell flew down and slapped onto Lyra’s face.

“Wait, don’t tell me that’s…” started Bon Bon.

After pulling it off and realizing what it was, Lyra gave Bon Bon a rather disturbing smile.

Bon Bon put her hooves in her face.

“There’s absolutely nothing I can say to get to you just put that down and walk away, is there?” asked Bon Bon.

“Nope!” cheered Lyra before she read over the spell.

“Hm… seems like all I have to do is hold the spell, and wish for what you want to change. Hey, if it’s this simple maybe tomorrow you can give it a try,” said Lyra.

“No. As soon as you cast it, we’re turning it into the authorities before this gets out of hoof. Didn’t you hear about what happened last time this spell got out? Ponies kept waking up not sure what they were supposed to do, or even what they were supposed to be sometimes. And now you’re going to get the ball rolling again. Seriously Lyra, can’t you just let it go?” asked Bon Bon, though she wasn’t very hopeful.

“No way, Bon Bon! This is my chance! The chance to finally prove, once and for all, that humans exist!” exclaimed Lyra.

“But this won’t prove anything. You’ll just rewrite reality so that humans do exist, and then they’ll go back to not existing when the spell wears off,” Bon Bon pointed out.

Lyra stared at Bon Bon for a moment, then stared down at the spell.

“Buck it, I’m doing it anyway,” announced Lyra.

As the spell was cast, a great while light consumed the world.

A moment later, the world shifted.

Sunset Shimmer stopped and made a confused face.

“Huh. Why do I suddenly get the feeling something really weird is happening somewhere far away and I might be able to take advantage of it if I knew what it was?” she asked.

“Really? I get that feeling all the time!” said Pinkie Pie.

Sunset shrugged.

“Whatever. Probably nothing important,” she decided before continuing on her way.

Celestia blinked as the light faded, before looking down at herself in surprise.

“Oh dear. I was hoping the spell would be found before this happened,” she mumbled to herself as she held her new hands out in front of her.

The spell had turned her, and everypony else in Equestria, into humans. At least the shift had provided all of them with clothes.

“How can this be? Did somepony use the mirror portal without our knowledge?” asked a rather distraught looking Luna.

“It’s not like humans are entirely unheard of, Luna. I suspect the spell fell into the hooves of a pony who’s quite obsessive over them,” deducted Celestia.

“Well, better humans than cockroaches or something equally unpleasant, I suppose,” replied Luna.

“Please don’t jinx it, Luna,” said Celestia with a shiver.

Twilight Sparkle groaned as she looked down at the familiar sight of herself.

“Well, this definitely confirms that the reality shift spell is out and about,” said Starlight Glimmer as she looked herself over.

“Yes, and that it’s in Ponyville,” said Twilight.

“What makes you say that? Also, how the hay do you balance like this without a tail?” asked Spike.

“It’s in the legs, Spike. They’re longer than what you’re used to. And I know it’s in Ponyville because there’s only one pony in Equestria who would want to turn us all into humans,” deducted Twilight.

“Well, I guess I shouldn’t complain. I could have ended up as a dog again. So, now what? We just sit around all day and wait for the spell to wear off?” asked Spike.

“Well, Princess Celestia has declared a state of emergency until the spell is found so it’s not like we have anything important to do. That said, I’m heading out and finding Lyra. If she has the spell, we can stop this after only one use,” said Twilight as she turned and headed for the door.

“Alright then. we’ll just stay here and relearn how to walk, I guess,” said Spike

“Forget walking. How do these things work?” asked Starlight as she looked down at her hands.

“So… this is a human then?” Rarity asked herself as she gazed into the mirror.

“I don’t believe Twilight’s description did them justice. A bit lanky perhaps, but there’s a certain beauty to these creatures. Not to mention this form came with a rather stylish dress. And they’re a species that always wear clothes! Perhaps Lyra’s fascination isn’t completely unfounded,” she mumbled.

“Rarity? Are we supposed to be wearing clothes? Because I have no idea what I’m wearing,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Oh, yes, I believe so. Twilight did mention that…” Rarity trailed off in horror as she saw her sister.

It was at this moment that Rarity learned of the great enemy of fashion known as casual clothes.

“This sucks…” moaned Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, I don’t know. A lot of my animal friends really like my new hands. There’s just so nice for petting,” said Fluttershy.

“Yeah, but we don’t have wings! I have to go the rest of the day without flying! And if this stupid spell keeps getting cast, this is probably going to keep on happening! Ugh… this reality shift thing is hooves down the worst thing to happen to us,” complained Rainbow Dash.

“Don’t you mean hands down?” asked Fluttershy with a giggle.

Rainbow Dash just groaned.

“Well, this is just great. How the hay am Ah supposed to take care of the farm like this?” asked Applejack as she looked down at her two legs.

Big Mac gestured toward the large machine that had appeared with the reality shift.

“Yeah, that thing might help, but neither of us have any idea how to use it. What is it anyway? Some kind of mini-train or somethin’?” asked Applejack.

“Ah don’t know, but we should figure it out before Apple Bloom tries to,” said Big Mac.

Applejack quickly nodded in agreement.

Nopony saw Pinkie Pie all day. She would later say that she had gotten a Pinkie Sense telling her she had a once in a life-time opportunity now available to her, and she hadn’t wanted to miss it. Though she wouldn’t tell anypony what that opportunity was.

“One hamburger with lettuce and cheese? Well, I guess if you can eat it now, it’s your decision. By the way, you ponies are making every effort to find that spell, right? We don’t want to be dragged into this mess,” said the gryphon across the counter.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re working on it. Just give me the meat!” cried Pinkie.

Well, since only ponies can get cutie marks, I guess we’re out of a job for today. Guess I’ll head to the arcade and see if having hands will get me a higher score at Pac Pony, thought Scootaloo.

If Lyra was making any noise, it was inaudible to human ears. She was locked up with her face grinning so hard it looked like it was about to snap in two.

Bon Bon just looked down at herself in confusion.

“So this is one of your humans, huh? I guess they look better than I suspected, though I’m not really sure about the skirt. You’ve told me enough times about human clothing so I get that part, but why a skirt? I’m a candy maker. Shouldn’t I be wearing something like an apron?” asked Bon Bon.

Lyra didn’t respond. She was still overcome with sheer joy.

“Well, whatever. You’ve got your humans for a day, so how about we take that spell to Princess Twilight so we can… wait, where’s the spell?” asked Bon Bon as she noticed that Lyra wasn’t holding the paper.

Lyra blinked in surprise, but didn’t respond.

“Lyra… please don’t tell me you let go of it and the wind took it,” begged Bon Bon.

Lyra didn’t answer, but she did blush a bit.

Bon Bon pinched her temple in frustration. She would later admit that hands were in fact really useful. Hoof just couldn’t help with headaches like fingers could.

The reality shift spell wore off that evening, turning everypony back to normal and removing all the clothes and strange machines that had appeared. It had shown the world how the spell would work, and many ponies were now prepared to face whatever would come next.

More than a few also began making plans for what they would do if they stumbled upon the spell, though most decided to just turn it in and end the madness.

Cherry Berry was not one of them.

“Imagine what I could do. How I far I could fly. I don’t want to become a pegasus, that wouldn’t be enough. If I find that spell, I’m going to wish for a world where I can fly further and higher than anypony ever has,” Cherry whispered to herself as she stared out her window at the sky.

“It’s a reality shift spell, Cherry. If you wish for something like that, then everypony is going to be able to do it,” some part of her brain argued back.

“So? It’ll still let me do it. I want to soar so bad…” she mumbled before sighing.

At that moment, a sheet of paper flew in through her window and landed on her head. A moment later, she realized what it was.

Yet another moment later, the world shifted.

“I can’t decide if this is more annoying or less annoying than being human,” comment Spike as he slowly drifted through the air.

While this shift left them in their normal bodies, it removed gravity, leaving the three of them floating at various points around the room.

“I’m going to go with more. Once you get the hang of having hands being human isn’t that bad. This, however, is just dumb. Why would anypony wish for no gravity?” asked Starlight.

Twilight shrugged as she kicked off from the wall.

“I’m not sure. Maybe they wanted to see what space is like?” she suggested.

“They why aren’t we all a bunch of space whales or something?” asked Spike.

“Space whales are only a myth, Spike,” said Twilight.

“And that matters at all when we’re dealing with magic that changes reality?” asked Spike with a raised eyebrow.

“Fair point, I guess. And I have no idea where to look for the spell this time,” admitted Twilight as she sighed.

“By the way, do either of you have any idea how the planet still has an atmosphere if gravity doesn’t exist anymore?” asked Starlight.

Luna grumbled as she struggled to control the bizarre magic that now flowed through her horn.

“I remember this. While the realities the spell creates don’t always make sense, they generally make some minor tweaks so that they can continue to exist for at least the whole twelve hours,” commented Celestia.

“The reason behind my new responsibilities does not make them more pleasant to bear,” mumbled Luna.

“Holding the world’s atmosphere together can’t be that difficult. You're magic’s been tuned to handle it, after all,” said Celestia.

“No, but not having a planetary pull means that Equestria now has no moon. And quite frankly, I find the title of Princess of Gravity to be rather insulting,” said Luna.

“Rarity? Do you remember what you said when you first heard about the reality shift spell?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Yes, and I now regret ever suggesting I would find inspiration during this catastrophe,” groaned Rarity as she kicked away one of her ‘dresses.’

It slowly drifted with the rest.

“I understand the practicality: with no gravy this is the only way to ensure that clothing remains on the pony who wears it. But just because everything must be skin tight doesn’t mean it has to be so plain! Where's the colors? The fancy lace? Is fashion even a thing here?” questioned Rarity.

“I don’t know, but I don’t think this is that bad. I mean, these pink ones look kind of nice,” suggested Sweetie Belle as she drifted past said ‘dresses.’

“I suppose, though it’s certainly not doing much for my muse,” admitted Rarity with a sigh.

Applejack looked around the farm. This shift wasn’t nearly as big a setback as the last one. Every tree now had a net over it, ensuring that no apple drifted off when the tree was bucked. And she had to admit, bucking in low gravity was actually kind of fun.

“Yeehaw!” she cried as she kicked off a tree, sending apples out into the net, and herself flying off through the trees.

As she neared another tree, she braced herself, and gave another powerful kick as she reached it, sending her out in yet another direction.

Big Mac sighed as he kicked off from his own tree. This really wasn’t a very effective way to collect apples and didn’t make a lot of sense either, but he figured it had more to do with Earth pony magic than physics anyway.

At least his family was having fun.

“Wahoo!” cried Granny Smith as she bucked apples for the first time in years.

“This is so much fun!” cried Pinkie as she spun wildly in the air.

The Cakes barely noticed. They were too busy trying to keep their kids from bouncing off the walls so literally.

Fluttershy wasn’t too happy with this shift. Not because it was troubling or anything, but because it was bothering all her animals.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t bring gravity back. You’ll just have to wait until the spell wears off before you store your nuts again. I’ll be glad to help you, but I’ve already promise to help a lot of my other friends once we’re all back on the ground,” said Fluttershy.

The squirrel could only sigh as he watched his hard won winter food drift away from him.

Scootaloo was one happy pony.

“Yes! I’m doing it!” she cried with joy as she flew through the air with ease.

Rainbow smiled as she watched her fly, happy that her little sister was finally in the air. It was a shame this shift would only last for twelve hours. The kid was insanely good at hairpin turns. She’d be a natural if she could get off the ground normally.

The spell hadn’t worked exactly as Cherry Berry had expected, but it still did what she wanted. A long flight on her helicopter later, she was inches below the magic barrier keeping the atmosphere around the planet. Her altometer said that she was higher than the world record flying height was without the reality shift.

“It’s beautiful…” she whispered, taking in the view. She felt so at peace, though she was careful not to drift away from her helicopter. She didn’t want to risk falling when the spell wore off. She wasn’t leaving the sky until it did.

The spell had drifted away, but Cherry hadn’t even noticed.

Author's Note

I... have no idea where this one came from. I think I just wanted to write something over-the-top silly with non-stop gags and punch lines. Or maybe it was an excuse to slap together as many "what if x was a y" scenarios as I could in one fic.

I can say why I stopped writing it, though. two dimensions in, I felt I was running out of gags. There's only so many ways you can say "Rarity wants her fashion back," or "Rainbow wants her wings back," and still find it entertaining. Well, that, and my muse started pushing some really weird jumps and I did not like where it was going.

And for the record, this and the following scrap are combinations of several different chapters, put together for convenience.

The Bar at the Edge of the Multiverse

Princess Twilight groaned as she made her way into her castle’s basement.

“What is wrong with these ponies? Why is it so hard to understand the difference between harmony and stagnancy? They’re polar opposites!” she angrily exclaimed.

“Well, to be fair I sort of made the same mistake myself, so…” mumbled a nervous Starlight Glimmer.

Twilight sighed and turned toward her student.

“Yes, but you decided to listen to me when I explained why it was wrong. I have told these same poneis the same exact thing time after time, and they still claim I’m doing things wrong!” Twilight exclaimed before she paused to take a deep breath.

“Oh, forget it. We’re heading down here to relax, not work ourselves up. We’ll worry about it later,” she declared.

“So… how exactly are we going to relax in the basement? Do we have a hot tub down here or something?” asked Starlight.

Twilight smiled.

“You’ll see. After what happened with Chrysalis, I think you’ve earned the right to know about this,” was all she said.

When they reached the lowest level of the castle, Twilight stopped before a large red door covering in marking that Starlight had never seen before. They appeared to be magical in nature, but not from any magic text Starlight knew.

“That’s weird. Is this some kind of long lost language? And if it is, what’s it doing in the castle’s basement?” asked Starlight.

“Yes and no. The language is ancient, but it’s far from lost. It’s just that there’s nopony in Equestria who uses it. And it’s in the basement because I put it here. I used to have a similar door in the basement of my old library,” explained Twilight.

“I see. So if it’s the kind of door that’s worth moving, then this door is some kind of portal then, right?” asked Starlight.

“Quick on the upkeep as always, I see. Yes, this door is a portal. A portal to a special place I consider myself very fortunate to have discovered,” said Twilight.

Starlight raised an eyebrow.

“Look, just follow me and I promise it’ll be worth it. A little mind blowing perhaps, but worth it,” said Twilight as she opened the door.

Inside was a translucent white surface that showed a decent sized hallway with a large set of doors at the other end. Without a word, Twilight walked through, crossing through the barrier as if it were water. After a moment’s hesitation, Starlight followed her.

Once through, Starlight found herself in said hallway and noticed a faint noise. It sounded like a large crowd was on the other side of the doors.

“Now, I’m sure this will come as a shock, but just follow my lead and you’ll get answers,” said Twilight as she made her way to the doors.

As she reached them, however, one of the doors opened on it’s own, letting in a loud noise. Starlight noted that it sounded like a crowded tavern, but her trail of thought was interrupted when somepony walk through the door.

That somepony was a second Twilight Sparkle. Or, at least a stallion who looked a great deal like Twilight Sparkle. Starlight’s mind froze up at the sight. Twilight herself seemed to recognize him.

“Evening, Dusk Shine. Leaving early tonight?” asked Twilight.

“Hey, Twi-6. Yeah. I’ve got a big day ahead of me tomorrow, so I figured I shouldn’t party too hard tonight. Oh? Is that Starlight with you?” asked Dusk Shine as he closed the door behind him.

“Yep. This is her first time here, so I imagine she’s trying to comprehend why I’m talking with a stallion version of myself,” answered Twilight with a giggle.

“I see. Well, welcome to the BEM, Starlight. Hope to see you around later,” said Dusk before he walked past them. Starlight noticed that he even had the same cutie mark as Twilight. As Dusk crossed the portal, he seemed to vanish into thin air.

“What just… who was… Twi-6, what?!” stuttered Starlight.

“Oh, that’s just my nickname at the BEM. I need some way to identify myself apart from all the other Twilights, you know?” answered Twilight.

“Other Twilights?! Where the buck are we?!” exclaimed Starlight.

“The BEM. The Bar at the Edge of the Multiverse,” answered Twilight as she pushed the door open.

On the other side was indeed a bar. A massive bar full of familiar, yet new faces. As she looked around Starlight could see multiple Twilight Sparkles, Pinkie Pies, Princesses, and even several different versions of herself! And it wasn’t just ponies either.

“Is… is that Rarity as a diamond dog?” asked a gobstopped Starlight.

“Oh! I didn’t realize Raridog was here tonight. I’ll have to stop by and say hello later. Come on now, Starlight, let’s not stand here and block the door,” said Twilight, or rather, Twi-6 as she made her way inside.

Starlight followed, though her mind was still reeling. The more she saw, the more impossible this place seemed to become. There was a green cybernetic pony hoof-wrestling with a filly Princess Celestia. There was a straight maned Pinkie Pie drawing in a sketchbook while a weird bipedal creature with rainbow hair posed for her. There was even what looked like a living puffball sharing a taco with…

“Chrysalis?!” cried Starlight, though with her mind as it was, it barely came out as a whisper.

“Not our Chrysalis. And this particular Chrysalis is… well, not really friendly but definitely willing to play nice. Not every version of everypony is evil in the multiverse, Starlight,” said Twi-6 with a wave of her hoof.

Starlight wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t resist as Twi-6 dragged her away from the Changeling Queen who was now giving her a funny look.

Finally, they reached the bar.

“Here we are. Take a seat, Starlight,” said Twi-6 as she hopped onto an open stool.

Still feeling rather confused, Starlight took the stool next to Twi-6. A moment later, the bartender, a massive pink alicorn stallion with a dark purple mane, came up to them.

“Evening, Twi-6. The usual?” he asked.

“Yes please. And an apple cider for my friend here. Non-alcoholic, if you don’t mind,” said Twi-6.

“You sure about that? The poor thing looks like she could use a stiff drink,” said the bartender with a chuckle.

“Trust me. Just give her a minute to put it all together and she’ll be fine,” said Twi-6.

With a roll of his eyes, the bartender wiped out a pair of mugs and slid them over. Starlight glanced into hers and noticed that it was full to the brim with hot apple cider even though she hadn’t seen the bartender fill it up. When she glanced at Twi-6’s mug however, she noticed that liquid inside hers was glowing bright blue.

“You know, if you brought your student here, we’re going to have to get you a new nickname,” said the bartender.

Twi-6 rolled her eyes.

“Very funny. We didn’t change our nicknames when the CMC started coming, or the Princesses, or everypony else. Anyway, to our drinks,” said Twi-6 as she took her mug and sipped.

Utterly overwhelmed, Starlight took her mug and took a sip herself. It was certainly tasty, but she found herself wishing the bartender really had provided her with something alcoholic to help with her headache. Somepony further down called for the bartender, and without a word he turned to serve the next patron.

Several minutes passed, with both ponies slowly sipping their drinks. After a while, Starlight started to regain her wits.

“So, have you figured out exactly what this place is yet, Starlight?” asked Twi-6.

Starlight turned toward her teacher, and took a deep breath to collect her thoughts.

“Well… judging from the name and everything I’ve seen so far, I guess this place is… some kind of sanctuary that stretches to parallel universes or something?” Starlight answered hesitantly.

“Exactly. The BEM is a place where ponies, and non-ponies, from across time and space and come together to get away from the stresses of their own planes of existence. Some come here because it’s the only safe place they can turn to. Others come here just because the drinks here are literally out of this world. And some, like me, come here because of the opportunities this place offers,” said Twi-6.

“Opportunities?” asked Starlight.

“Look around you Starlight. Nearly everypony here is from another dimension. Can you even imagine just how much there is to learn here? Even if not for learning, everypony here has a story to tell. Stories that can expand one’s horizons and really think about what it means to live. And at the very least, it a great place to hear about others who have it much, much worse than you do,” said Twi-6 with a shrug.

Starlight sipped her drink in thought.

“I guess. Though I have to ask, why is your nickname Twi-6? I get why you’d need to have a nickname here with so many versions of you around, but why that?” asked Starlight.

“Our dimension is near baseline. The only thing that makes me unique from any other Twilight Sparkle is that ours was the first baseline dimension where all six of the element bearers became regulars at the BEM. hence, I am the Twilight of the Six, or Twi-6 for short,” explained Twi-6.

“Baseline?” asked Starlight.

“Just a term for what could be considered a ‘normal’ version of Equestria. Don’t think about it too much, or it’ll hurt your head. As I was saying, even though a lot more ponies from our dimension have started visiting as well, we’re all know as denizens of the Six-verse, and all of us have similar nicknames,” said Twi-6.

“So… Then our Pinkie Pie would be Pink-6, Fluttershy would be Flutter-6, and so on for the others, right?” asked Starlight.

“Exactly. This also makes you Star-6. I suggest you start using the nickname right away. Wouldn’t want you to get confused for some other Starlight if we split up,” said Twi-6.

Noticing another Starlight a few stools down from them that was a perfect mirror image of herself, the newly dubbed Star-6 nodded in agreement.

“So… what now? Do we just sit here and drink until it’s time to go home?” asked Star-6.

“Well, first thing first, you’ll want to read the bar rules. After that, well, it’s up to you. I’m joining the Sparkle Session after I’m done with my drink, and you're a grown mare who can take care of yourself. Feel free to sit and drink, get up and socialize, or just head back to the portal and go home. Just one word of advice: don’t assume anything about anypony. In a place like this, first impressions tend to be rather useless,” said Twi-6.

“I see… wait, what’s the Sparkle Session?” asked Star-6.

Twi-6 pointed towards a table in the back where a dozen or so Twilight Sparkles were sitting together over a large pile of books.

“Right. I get the idea. So… where exactly can I find those rules?” asked Star-6.

Twi-6 pointed again, this time to a large list on one of the back walls.

Rule #1: The Bar at the Edge of the Multiverse is a haven for everyone across time and space. This means everyone, regardless of species, age, or any other factor. The bartender, however, reserves the right to ban anyone from the bar for any reason. Therefore, NEVER MAKE THE BARTENDER ANGRY.

Rule #2: The bar’s purpose is to serve as a sanctuary, not as a home or a doorway to other worlds. ALL PATRONS MUST RETURN TO THEIR OWN DIMENSIONS. Extended stays can be arranged, but only on a case by case basis and for a limited time. Also, if you wish to visit another plane of existence, you must do so through through some other method of crossing the dimensional divide.

Rule #3: There is no rule against villainous beings visiting the bar. That said, ALL PATRONS ARE EXPECTED TO DEMONSTRATE CIVIL BEHAVIOR. This means no attacking other patrons, enslaving other patron, or anything else of that nature. However, this also means that other heroic patrons may not attack villains for the sole reason of being a villain. This leads into rule #4.

Rule #4: FIGHTING WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. If whatever reason patrons feel the need to ‘step outside,’ please take your argument downstairs. We have a enchanted fighting arena down there where you can settle your differences as aggressively as you see fit. Details can be found downstairs.

Rule #5: There will no consequences for strong language, but keep in mind that this is because a censorship spell is in effect. Only those who know the vulgar word you are saying will be able to hear it. However, the spell is not perfect, so be mindful of our more innocent patrons and try not to push it too hard. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BYPASS THE CENSORSHIP SPELL.

Rule #6: ALL DRINKS ARE FREE. However, bear in mind that the bartender can only brew drinks from ingredients he possesses. if your drink of choice is made using ingredients unique to your dimension, the bartender will require you to bring your own brewing supplies. Please speak to the bartender about what he has available before doing so.

Rule #6.5: NO ALCOHOL IS TO BE GIVEN TO UNDERAGE PATRONS. Non-alcoholic options are available. I can’t believe I had to add this rule, you stupid ~v~^~v~^~v~^~v~^~v~^

Star-6 noted that she couldn’t read the rest of the rule, as the words seemed to blur and move on the paper. Also, rule 6.5 had been taped on. She figured there must be a story behind this, but the nature of the rule itself convinced her that it’d be best not to ask.

Rule #7: MIND BASED MAGIC, IN ALL FORMS, IS FORBIDDEN. The bartender is the sole exception, and may grant permission in certain circumstances.

Rule #8: Information may be freely traded among patrons. This includes spells, though keep in mind that magic may function differently in different dimensions. However, MATERIAL ITEMS MAY NOT BE TRADED AMONG PATRONS AND TAKEN HOME. This is primarily to prevent weapon smuggling, but other items are forbidden as well. Exceptions may be granted, but only in extreme circumstances. *This rule is enforced by the portal. Don’t worry about sharing things in the bar itself.*

Rule #9: SOCIAL EVENTS ARE PERMITTED, BUT MUST BE APPROVED IN ADVANCE. See the nearby bulletin board for full listings.

Rule #10: GAMES ARE AVAILABLE. We have many card decks, both conventional and collector card, as well as several board games and several Role-playing books. The books may be rented, but everything else must stay in the bar. Be mindful that there will be severe consequences for losing or damaging the books.

Rule #11: Above all else, BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS. When there’s this many individuals from this many walks of life, it’s inevitable that sooner or later you’re going to run into someone whose opinions sharply disagree with yours. Please remember rules #3 and #4, and remember to practice love and tolerance.

Rule #12: ~v~^~v~^~v~^~v~^~v~^

“Uh… what is this?” asked Star-6.

“You mean rule twelve? It’s censored. You saw the rule about the censor spell, right? Our dimension’s never had to deal with anything like whatever rule twelve is about, so the two of us are literally incapable of understanding what it means,” said Twi-6.

“So... don’t worry about it and hope it never comes up?” asked Star-6.

“Exactly,” Twi-6 with a nod.

There were also a massive amount of smaller rules beneath the main ones, though they were a bit too specific for anypony to bother learning all of them and they were enchanted to draw one’s eyes to the relevant ones.

Case in point, Star-6 noticed a rule explaining to Starlights that cutie mark stealing was forbidden without express permission, and had to be reversed before the target left the bar. While the sheer number of rules made her less than eager to read outside the rules that pertained to her, she did glance through a few out of curiosity.

Twilights were forbidden from experimenting with the entry portal, Pinkie Pies were forbidden from throwing surprise parties (though normal parties were permitted), and Celestias were forbidden from bringing samples of ‘that’ potion into the bar.

“Why do I get the feeling I don’t want to know about that one,” mumbled Star-6.

“Anyway, that’s about it. I know this is still really overwhelming, but the best way to get used to it is to get out there and become a part of it. Any questions before I set you loose?” asked Twi-6.

“Just one: what the hay were you drinking earlier?” asked Star-6.

Twi-6 smiled and shook her head.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Ask the bartender for a Soul Shot if you really want to know,” she answered before she turned and left.

“Soul Shot?!” Star-6 asked in disbelief and horror.

“It doesn’t have actual souls in it, if that’s what you’re thinking,” said a crystal pony on a nearby table.

Star-6 jumped in surprise.

“Er… right. Thanks,” said Star-6 as relief filled her.

“Sure thing, Starshine,” said the pony before turning back to what looked like a card game of some kind.

With a sigh, Star-6 made her way back to the bar stand. She had a lot to learn, but getting a proper drink first seemed like a good idea.

After enjoying a second (and more alcoholic) cider, Star-6 was content to simply pony watch for a while. And really, there was so much to see that she didn’t even know what to do with herself.

She quickly noted that the bar was a lot bigger than it seemed. There were only two visible floors, but every time she tried to focus on the walls they seemed to glide away from her.

“It’s enchanted that way to give the place a more homely feel instead of being too open-ended,” explained the bartender.

Star-6 gave a small jump before she turned toward the alicorn.

“It’s usually the first thing ponies notice once their heads stop spinning. It’s not just the walls, though. Everything from the front door to the chairs are enchanted so that’s there’s always room for more ponies to join. It’s also why the place always seems crowded, but not packed to point it’s hard to find a seat,” he provided.

“Right. That’s good to know,” said Star-6 as she turned back to the crowd.

It was a great deal like looking into a funhouse mirror. Yes, there were a large number of ponies she didn’t recognize, but there were far more she did, if only by name. Assuming they even had the same name as her friends. Star-6 tried to put the sheer number aside and focus a select few, but she felt rather like a child at a candy store.

There was a cloaked version of Applejack showing off a pair of swords to a pirate Rainbow Dash, though the latter seemed to be trying to get a rise out of the former. There was a seemingly normal version of Lyra Heartstrings serving drinks to a duo of changeling Twilight Sparkles as the two compared notes. There was what looked like Fluttershy fused with a minotaur petting the mane of a pony version of herself that had unusually fluffy ears and…

“Pretty overwhelming, huh? Been there, done that,” came an unnaturally familiar voice next to Star-6.

Turning to see the newcomer, Star-6 came face to face with some sort of clothed bipedal creature with her own mane sitting next to her.

“Oh. Hello… er… I guess me as a… whatever you are?” said Star-6.

The other Starlight rolled her eyes.

“Human. I’m a human. We’re fairly commonplace around the BEM, so I suggest you keep the word in mind,” said human Starlight.

“I see. So… what’s your nickname?” asked Star-6.

“Human Star. I was the first human Starlight to arrive, so I got the easy name. How about you?” asked Human Star.

“Star-6. I came here with Twi-6,” answered Star-6.

“Ah. Another one from the Six-verse, eh? Well, you’ll sure to end up a regular here then. Something about your place always makes ponies want to stick around,” said Human Star.

“Really? Is our dimension well known or something?” asked Star-6.

“Sort of. There’s nothing special about your dimension itself, but nearly everyone at the BEM knows at least one pony from the Six-verse. You guys do have one of the largest number of visitors from any one plane of existence,” said Human Star.

“Huh. Well, I hope you’re not expecting anything from me. I mean, I’m you and all, so… um… gah, this is so confusing even when I know what’s going on,” groaned Star-6.

“You get used to it. And no one's expecting anything from you other than following the rules. And yeah, talking with another version of yourself can be kind of awkward, but that’s part of what makes the BEM so interesting. Tell you what, why don’t I give you a quick run down of the place? Give you more than just a list of rules to work with?” suggested Human Star.

Star-6 thought about it for a moment, then nodded.

“Yeah, I think I’d appreciate that,” she said.

“OK, first thing first, you see those shadowy tables over there?” said Human Star as she pointed.

S-6 turned to see that was indeed a section of tables that were in fairly poor lighting. The ponies and other sorts sitting at these tables seemed… unfriendly. Especially that one straight maned Pinkie Pie wearing a rather disturbing looking dress.

“That’s the Dark Corner. If someone’s sitting there, it’s because they’re a bad guy looking to hang out with other bad guys. Now, they won’t try anything because of the rules, but it’s never a good thing to be surrounded by their twisted kind. It’s also the only place in the BEM you’ll want to actively avoid, though there are some other places I’d be weary of as well,” said Human Star.

Suddenly, the creepy Pinkie Pie turned towards them. Starlight shivered a bit. Even across the bar, that Pinkie’s gaze felt unnaturally cold.

“For example, over there’s the Loser’s Club. No really, that’s what they call themselves. It’s where the poor souls from really, really messed up dimensions find companionship in their shared misery. You can usually get some good stories from that area, but make sure you're ready to have your heart torn out and your stomach emptied if you pay them a visit,” said Human Star.

They certainly seemed like a sorry lot. Star-6 noted that there were a lot more empty mugs at their tables than anywhere else in the BEM.

“And if you go around that corner, you’ll find the stairs down into the arena. There’s always someone fighting down there for one reason or another, be it petty bar arguments or just a friendly spar. It can get kind of exciting if you’re in the mood to watch some action, but be careful. The censorship spell’s weaker down there, and while it’s impossible for anyone to die here, it can get really messy, really quickly,” said Human Star.

Having gotten into a few fights herself, Star-6 was intrigued, though also concerned. She had a good idea what her human self exactly meant by messy, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to see that.

“There’s also the Sugar Bowl in the back which I recommend you never visit, but I’ll understand if you head over anyway. It’s just usually so depressing to see proof that some versions of Equestria have literally no problems whatsoever. Those guys don’t even know what hunger means, their homes are so perfectly perfect,” said Human Star.

Star-6 looked down at her drink. She suddenly wanted something a bit stronger.

“I see… is there anywhere you’d recommend I actually go?” asked Star-6.

“Don’t worry. There’s far more of those then places you should avoid. Most of the bar is just tables of beings from across the multiverse sitting down with a drink and talking anyway,” said Human Star with a wave of her hand.

Star-6 let out a sigh of relief.

“That said, if you're looking for something a bit more exciting, there's plenty to choose from. Twi-6 is probably already at the Sparkle Session. Despite the name, anyone in the mood for some multiversal science and research is welcome. I’ve paid them a visit myself a few times, and I’ve always left feeling a little wiser, and a little humbled by how smart Twilight Sparkle can be,” said Human Star.

“Just can be, not always is?” asked Star-6 with a raised eyebrow.

“Rule number three of the multiverse, alternate version of myself: there are always exceptions to everything,” said Human Star with a giggle.

Star-6 tried to imagine a version of Twilight that wasn’t a magical prodigy, and all she could come up with was Twilight wearing a dunce hat while her eyes made Derpy’s look coordinated. The idea seemed so paradoxical that she started giggling herself.

“Next, there’s the card tables over there. While game nights are on Saturday, there’s always someone in the mood for a poker tournament,” said Human Star.

“I’m not much of a card shark, to be honest,” said Star-6.

“Neither am I, but card games do tend to make for easy introductions and story swapping. And if poker isn’t your thing, you can probably find a Pinkie Pie up for a round of Candyland. Or if you're looking for something with a bit more depth, then find a table where there’s an RPG going on. And don’t say you don’t know what that means. I know you got into O&O as a kid because I did too,” said Human Star with a roll of her eyes.

Star-6 sighed. It’d been years since she’d played a round. Still, it probably wouldn’t hurt to play again for nostalgia's sake if nothing else.

“Wait, what was that about a game night?” asked Star-6.

“Oh, right. Before you do anything else I’d recommend you look at The Board. Anytime someone is planning some big event at the BEM, you’ll find the details there. It’s always a good idea to know what’s around the corner so you can keep your calendar clear,” said Human Star.

“Really? Anything exciting coming up?” asked Star-6.

“Well, there’s a bunch of Trixies planning a magic show in two days. They tend to be pretty good, if a little flashy at times,” said Human Star.

Star-6 made a mental note to make the time.

“Anyway, another good place to hang out is the Drinking Corner. As the name suggests, it’s where you go when you don’t have anywhere to be for the evening, and you don’t mind getting a little buzzed. I can guarantee you’ll find at least one drinking game you’ll want to join if you head over there,” said Human Star.

Star-6 was tempted to head over there right that moment, but decided to wait until Human Star was done before trying to bury her confused mind into a drunken haze.

“And finally, there’s the big guy himself, the Bartender. He’ll be one of your best friends here. Well, as long as you don’t cause any trouble that is. The guy has a knack for mixing up exactly the drink you need when you need it, and is more than happy to hear you spill your guts out if you need an ear,” said Human Star.

Star-6 turned to look back at the alicorn, who was serving drinks to a grown-up Scootaloo and a robot Octavia.

“It’s weird. I think I recognize him as somepony I’ve seen in passing, but I can’t put my hoof on it,” Star-6 mumbled to herself.

“Well, he kinda is. He’s an alternate version of Berry Punch,” said Human Star with a shrug.

Star-6 would have spat out her drink if she’d siped any at that moment.

“Berry?! But… but he’s a stallion and… well, I guess I did run into a stallion Twilight on my way in,” mumbled Star-6.

“Exactly. He also comes from a universe where alicorns are somewhat more commonplace, but also far, far more powerful than baseline. We’re talking practically godhood here, and the BEM is far from the only multiverse spanning center they’re involved in,” said Human Star.

“You’re kidding me…” said a wide-eyed Star-6.

“Nope. In fact, he can point you towards another establishment if you can convince him it’s vital that you get there. Don’t count on it happening though. Especially considering your world’s near baseline and has little reason the explore the wider multiverse,” said Human Star with a shake of her head.

Star-6 could only stare into space at the thought of just how… small she now felt.

“One meta-thoughts fix, on the house as always,” said the Bartender.

Star-6 jumped when she realized the Bartender was right next to them. A moment later, he passed her a drink that glowed a soft golden color.

“I’d drink that slowly if I were you. This stuff can kick really hard if drunk too quickly,” said the Bartender as he moved on.

Star-6 just looked at the glowing fluid in front of her.

“And I’d recommend you actually drink it,” said Human Star with a smirk.

With a resigned sigh, Star-6 sipped her drink. Almost immediately, her headache seemed to fade a bit.

“There you go. Now, I’ve got some friends to catch up with, so one last tip before I head out: don’t be afraid to ask. Everyone here has a story to tell, and most of us are more than eager to share it. Just make sure that who you're asking doesn’t look like he or she’s ready to tear your legs off, and you’ll be fine,” said Human Star as she stood up.

“Right. Thanks for everything,” said Star-6.

“No problem. Always happy to help another Starlight,” said Human Star as she turned and walked away.

Star-6 continued to slowly sip her new drink, which continued to make the whole place seem less daunting.

That didn’t stop her from making her way to the Drinking Corner once she’d finished it. She was going to need a lot more alcohol before she was ready.

Author's Note

Ah, the mega-crossover. So awesome, so ambitious... so easy to get wrong. I thought I'd be able to avoid many of the traps that doom such projects by keeping the focus grounded and small. No epic battle for all of existence, no struggle to get everyone home, just a bunch of characters from different stories coming together to have a drink.

And before anyone says anything, yes, I am aware of Wanderer D's little Isekai. But according to my time stamps, I wrote this shortly after the season 6 finale, so no, I did not steal the idea. So if you're reading this, Wanderer D, you can stop hacking into my google docs account. Besides, you hardly need my crappy writing to inspire your awesome stories. (I kid. Please don't think I'm trying to steal your spotlight)

As why this one was scraped, well... it wasn't due to a lack of inspiration or running out of ideas. I mean, there's over 5K of set up here. I really wanted this to work. But when the time came for me to start writing actual scenarios I found myself at an impasse. I didn't want to write other people's characters without their permission... but...

well...

I was too shy to even try asking.

...

So... this is where it stopped. Never finished. And I still don't have to guts to ask for other people's characters. And now that there's other, better, multiverse bars out there... well, it seems like I need not bother.

Sigh...

Anyways, that's all my scraps for now. I might have more later, but what I do have I still think i can make proper stories out of. Some day. Hopefully.

Principal Horse

The first sign that it was going to be a long day was that Celestia woke up with far more energy in her than usual. Despite her emblem being a sun, Celestia was hardly a morning person. The only reason she was always up before the sunrise was because her job demanded it, and decades of that demand had wound her inner clock so tightly she couldn’t sleep in even if she wanted to.

As Celestia left her dreams behind, she found herself able sit up and stretch without having to slam her snooze button for a second time. She had not been able to do that since her middle school days.

Huh. That’s weird, she thought to herself.

She immediately suspected that something unusual had happened to her last night. Honestly, after all the crazy magic mishaps that had happened in her school the past few years, she was surprised that it had taken so long for her to get caught up in something herself.

Well, there was that time her garden started talking and singing, but she didn’t really count that one as her students had taken care of it before she’d even gotten a chance to see it for herself.

Still, with a resigned sigh, Celestia opened her eyes and looked down.

Yep, something had definitely happened to her last night.

She gingerly raised what had become of one of her hands, holding it up close to her eyes. It was somewhat difficult to do as her joints seemed to have changed. She quickly realized what she was looking at.

“A hoof. I have hooves,” she said.

She looked at the rest of her body. The shape under her covers was far too large and round. Her hair, while not necessarily longer, was now more thick and plentiful. And when she focused her eyes on the white blur at the bottom of her vision, she saw what could only be a muzzle.

There was no doubt about it: Celestia had turned into some sort of horse. No, not some kind. She knew exactly what kind of horse. The kind that usually turned into humans when they visited. She had turned into one of the ponies from across the portal.

Now confident on what exactly had happened to her, Celestia was finally ready to stop being professional about it and start panicking.

“AHHH! I’ve been turned into a pony!” she shrieked.

After several minutes of flailing about and screaming, Celestia managed to calm herself down.

“OK… OK. Get it together, Celestia. You know perfectly well that this sort of thing is possible these days. In fact, you have several students who go through something similar on a regular basis. Students who will undoubtedly be able to help you get back to normal. And even if they can’t right away, this is hardly the worst thing that could have happened to you,” she said to herself.

She looked back down at her body, now visible after she’d flung the covers off in her panic. Her pajamas seemed to have vanished into thin air, leaving her naked, fuzzy, equine body exposed to the morning air. Celestia didn’t know much about ponies, let alone magical alien ones, and she had no idea what to make of what she was seeing.

“Right, first thing first: get up, look in the mirror, and find out what I look like,” she said.

She turned her attention to getting off her bed, and gulped.

“Alright, you have four legs now, so… just slowly crawl off, and then stand up,” she told herself.

She bent around, pushing her new front legs off the side of the bed. She then awkwardly wiggled her way forward until she found herself falling. Her front legs gently caught her as they hit the carpet, and she found she could hold up her weight in this previously awkward position with ease.

“Huh. This isn’t too bad,” she said.

Getting her back legs off the bed, however, proved more difficult. Wiggling forward ended up sending her backside to the floor.

Bam!

Celestia winced at the dull pain from the impact. Pushing herself up with her forelegs, however, was surprisingly comfy. She was effectively sitting down doggy style with her front legs straight, and her back legs underneath her.

“Alright, that’s step one. Now to stand up,” she said.

She quickly noticed how off her legs felt now. The joints she was familiar with were still there, but it felt like they’d been stretched up. Her knees were next to her hips, while her ankles were now in the middle of her leg. This made her legs seem to bend backwards, though it sure didn’t feel that way.

Still, by making slow and careful movements, Celestia managed to straighten out her legs and stand up. The sensation her hooves sent to her brain felt like she was standing on tiptoes, though her hooves also felt far more stable than they had any right to. However, she felt… hunched. And her vision seemed much lower than...

“Oh, right. Need to raise my head,” she said.

Feeling a little nervous, Celestia lifted her neck up. And up. And up! It shocked her how far she could lift her head now. When it was fully raised, Celestia found her vision was more or less where it had been as a human. She also found this new position to be unnaturally comfortable.

Now aware of how flexible her neck was, Celestia turned her head and looked at her own body. Looking back at her undeniably equine form, it brought back memories of her short-lived horseback riding lessons. She hadn’t even lasted long enough to learn how to get off a horse properly.

Hm… she seemed to be unusually nostalgic today.

She turned her attention back towards the distant mirror.

“Alright, walking next,” she said.

“I look like a little girl’s imaginary friend,” mumbled Celestia as she looked over her reflection.

She’d quickly noticed that she wasn’t just an alien pony. She was an alien pony unicorn. The large white horn pushed out of her forehead like it belong there, though Celestia supposed it kind of did. Come to think of it, hadn’t Sunset mentioned something about being a unicorn herself?

“Note to self, once this is over, ask Sunset for more details about the world across the mirror,” mumbled Celestia.

The mental note was placed next to the other dozen or so notes with the exact same thing.

She looked away from the horn. She had to admit, her current form seemed rather… regal. She was thin and graceful, yet strangely powerful looking despite being no taller than an adult human. She had no trouble imagining some medieval queen using her as a noble steed.

Celestia gave out an (un)surprisingly horse-like snort.

“Luna would probably have tried to make that a reality if she hadn’t had to drive out to that board meeting last night,” she said with a shake of her head.

The thought of Luna reminded Celestia that she was still the principal of Canterlot High and, transformed or not, she still had a job to do. If nothing else, she needed to speak with Sunset Shimmer and the others. She needed help, and they were the closest things to magic experts she knew.

So with a deep sigh, Celestia turned away from the mirror. There was no way any of her clothes would fit her like this, so she had to hope that her new coat was adequate. She clumsily made her way to the door. She quickly realized that she had no idea how to open said door with hooves.

“Hm… didn’t Twilight Sparkle mention something about telekinesis?” she asked herself.

As it turned out, yes, unicorns had telekinesis. And it was far easier than it had any right to be. So easy, in fact, that it was kind of worrying.

“I really hope this isn’t a sign that my mind has been changed as well. Next thing you know I’ll be munching on grass or treating the world as my bathroom,” mumbled Celestia as she levitated her breakfast onto the kitchen table: a nice and healthy bowl of cereal.

Celestia rarely had time to cook even on her best days, and this was obviously not one of them.

As she munched on the magically floating cornflakes, she considered her options.

She could just call in a sick day. Goodness knew she had plenty saved up. She could just wait until the school day was over, then call Sunset Shimmer and her friends and ask them to pay her a visit. But then she’d be stuck in her house all day, and Celestia hated being inactive.

Then it occurred to her that she rarely set foot outside her office during school hours. And it wasn’t like she couldn’t talk or fill out paperwork as a unicorn. If she could get to her office, she might just be able to just do her job, and avoid being spotted until she could speak with her magic inclined students.

…

Yeah, this was probably going to go horribly wrong. Still, a bad plan was better than locking herself up in her room for the day. And it occurred to her that it had been years since her last sick day. Someone was bound to check up on her if she wasn’t in her office when classes started. Well, if she ultimately couldn't do anything about being found out, she could at least make sure she didn’t end up with a mountain of unfinished paperwork to do as well.

Her mind made up, and her breakfast finished, Celestia levitated her purse over her neck, and headed to the garage. She picked out her car keys only to pause and look at her car’s front seat, clearly not intended for an equine.

…

“Well, guess I’m walking to work today. As a unicorn. Please let this not end in someone calling animal control on me,” Celestia mumbled as she headed for the door.

She was already regretting her decision to go to work.

Not for the first time, Celestia found herself grateful that she lived and worked in a town like Canterlot. It was large enough that there were plenty of students in her school, but small enough that she didn’t have to deal with all the chaotic energy that came with a big city. Case in point: even though she was trotting through the middle of town, not a single soul seemed to be out and about to notice the large white unicorn as she made her way to the high school.

This suited Celestia just fine. Aside from the whole unicorn thing, she couldn’t get over the fact that she was technically streaking in public. If her transformation suddenly wore off… well, it would be interesting explaining things to the police. “Sorry officer. I just thought my horse coat would last a little longer.”

Celestia shook her head to clear it of such thoughts and continued on her way. She had to admit though, despite the worry that flowed through her at being spotted, she was enjoying her trot through town. The pleasant sensation as she worked her legs was a delight she had not experienced in years. It reminded her of her college days on the track team.

“I’d forgotten how nice this feels. Maybe I should take my sister’s advice and start getting some exercise again,” she mumbled to herself.

Though the way her hooves grinded on the concrete was kind of irritating. If this transformation lasted past today she might have look into purchasing some horseshoes or something.

What an experience that would be.

At last Celestia arrived at Canterlot High. Not for the first time, Celestia paused to look at the statue base that was also a portal to another world. She still had no idea what to make of it, or even what she should do about it. Honestly, waking up like this was making her once again consider asking the Princess from the other side to just close the darn thing.

Or at least help her find a way to convince the government to take notice. That darn mayor never listened to her. Always dismissing what she said as “teenage shenanigans” or “elaborate pranks.” Well, maybe if she dragged him down here and shoved him through the portal…

Celestia shook her head. She reminded herself about the rule of no thinking about politics this early in the morning. It always killed off her enthusiasm to be a teacher for the rest of the day.

Celestia stepped… no, trotted into her office. As the principal of the school, she was always the first one into the building, and the last one to leave. Her sister always teased her about it, pointing out that it was more of her personal agenda rather than a code of conduct to her position, but Celestia had always felt that as the head of the school, she had hold up a higher standard than the rest of the faculty.

Apparently “go to work even in the event of being turned into a unicorn” was part of that standard.

She levitated off her purse and made her way behind her desk, only to pause and look at her chair. How on earth was she supposed to climb onto it? Then again, her head was more than high enough to see her desk with ease. And with her magic, she didn’t need her front legs to be free.

“Well… I suppose I don’t really need it right now,” she decided as she pushed the chair aside.

She levitated up the first bit of paperwork for the day and a pen, and got to work.

For the next hour or so, she was able to ignore her current predicament. True, the sensations her body were sending her were kind of distracting, as was the soft light that moved her pen instead of her hand, but paperwork didn’t care if the one slaving over it was human or not. It never judged anyone. It just hated everyone equally.

But, inevitably, it was only a matter of time before something came up.

Celestia jumped as she heard her cell phone go off. It wasn’t just from surprise. The volume of her ringtone seemed to have somehow gone above it’s max setting. She then remembered that she was a unicorn at the moment, and those big fuzzy ears on her head were probably not just for show.

She carefully levitated her phone out of her purse, noting that the caller was Cheerilee. Then she realized her magic couldn’t swipe the screen to answer.

Celestia let out a sigh as the 80’s pop song she’d set as her ringtone ended.

“Better figure out a solution to this. That call might be important,” said Celestia.

She stared at her phone for a moment before, feeling rather silly, she touched her nose to the screen and slid it across. As her fingerprint was currently unavailable, she now had to enter her password.

“I wonder if this is why the ponies don’t have cell phones across the mirror,” she grumped as she awkwardly tapped the screen with her muzzle like a hen picking seeds.

A moment later, she was in. Just in time for a voicemail from Cheerilee to pop up. Celestia quickly opened it.

“Hey, Celestia. I’m afraid I’m going to have to call in a sick day today. I had trouble just getting out of bed this morning, and I haven’t gotten any better yet. Sorry about dropping this on you at the last moment. Anyway, talk to you later,” said the voicemail.

Celestia sighed.

“Not again…” she mumbled as she awkwardly tapped out the number for one of her substitute teachers.

Celestia paused as she stood in front of the classroom. Luck was certainly against her today. All the school’s subs had called in sick as well, leaving only her to try and fill the position. While she’d normally be delighted at such an opportunity, Celestia had a suspicion that this was going to turn out just like every other time she’d tried to sub a class.

No doubt about it, this was going to be awkward. Maybe she should just cancel the class? It was unlikely the students would be interested in learning about history when their teacher was a unicorn. There was probably going to be a lot of yelling and confusion the moment she trotted inside.

“Well, might as well give it a shot. Worst case scenario, I still give the students an explanation of why the lesson will be postponed. Besides, Rarity is in this class. If nothing else, it’ll let those girls know what’s happened to me,” mumbled Celestia.

With a deep sigh of resignation, Celestia opened the door.

The room instantly went silent and just stared at Celestia.

Celestia stared back.

…

Well, this was unexpected. And the silence only made things even more awkward than Celestia had feared. With a sigh of resignation, Celestia realized that the class was a lost cause.

“Forget it. Class is cancelled. Would everyone please make your way to the gymnasium? I suspect I have an announcement to make,” said Celestia.

Celestia took a deep breath and shuffled her hooves. All the students and teachers that were still in the school were gathered in the gymnasium. There were far more than Celestia had been expecting, to be honest.

Clearly, this particular mess was a bit larger than a few singing plants. At least there didn’t seem to be a mass panic.

I don’t know if I should be proud of my students for gathering here all the same, or concerned that this sort of thing has become fairly commonplace. At this rate, unusual activity is going to have to be addressed in the curriculum, thought Celestia.

Seeing little point in delaying, she stepped forward and levitated the microphone up to her muzzle.

“Good morning, everyone. I apologize for not organizing this as soon as the day began, but I was not aware of how… severe the situation was,” said Celestia.

There were a few chuckles, but there were far more eyerolls.

“At any rate, I believe I don’t have a great deal to say, as I have no better understanding of the situation than most of you. Classes will be suspended until this matter is resolved, which hopefully won’t take too long,” said Celestia as she looked at Sunset Shimmer.

Sunset gave an awkward cough.

“I… uh… already contacted Princess Twilight. I suspect this one will probably call for her help. But rest assured, We’re going to do everything we can to fix this,” said Sunset.

“I am glad to hear that. In the meantime, I was hoping a few volunteers would be willing to help me determine how far this has spread. Or at the very least, help me inform those who didn’t come here today how serious this is,” said Celestia.

Several ponies in the crowd raised their hooves.

Author's Note

Alright, let's start this scrappy tour with the closest thing I have to a finished story.

I remember starting to write this as my take on a pony TF story, trying to add a twist with it being EqG focused. But at some point my muse latched onto the final paragraph and I tried to make it match up with the actual "you've been ponified" stuff and shortly after I realized that the story just wasn't working.

There are so many moments in this script that make me shake my head at how forced it is. I still feel like there's no reasonable reason for Celestia to go to the school, or try and sub the class, or even why she didn't check to see if she was the only one affected by this. It's just one "because the plot demands it" moment after another.

Add the fact that the actual TF reaction is basically just like every other TF reaction ever written, that I still have no idea where I was going with any of it, and that other writers have since played with the "ponified EqG" bit, I never felt this bit was worth posting. I still don't, and that's why it's in the scraps.

At least I can say this was a learning experience. You don't realize how hard it is to avoid "I've been turned into a pony" cliches until you try writing one yourself.

Tales of First Contact: Fusion World

“Spike! Spike. Where are you?” asked Twilight as she barged into her room in Canterlot.

Spike sighed and put down his tablet. He could already tell this was going to be one of those days.

“What is it, Twilight? Did you try disassembling the fridge again?” asked Spike.

“No, and this is far more important than that! I need you to help me find _____,” said Twilight.

Spike rolled his eyes as Twilight started pulling books off the shelf. He turned back towards his tablet, opened his library mapping app, and searched for the book.

“Try the top shelf of the northwest wall, twelfth book from the right,” said Spike.

Twilight turned toward her assistance with a frown.

“You know, you really shouldn’t be so dependent on that thing. We have a sorting system for a reason, you know,” she chided.

“Oh, sorry, I just figured the urgency of whatever you’re looking for would be more important than your technophobia for once,” replied Spike with a shrug.

Twilight groaned.

“I do not have technophobia! I just prefer doing things the old fashioned way,” she objected.

“Uh huh… and the fact that you still refuse to use so much as a calculator, let alone the tablet the Princess got you on your birthday, is just because you want to be traditional, right?” asked Spike.

Twilight chose not to dignify that with an answer, and just pull down the book Spike had suggested.

“Alright, it says here…”

“That on the thousandth year Nightmare Moon will return, and tonight just so happens to be that year,” said Spike as he read his tablet.

Twilight looked at him in confusion.

“Wait, how did you know that?” she asked.

“It’s all over the internet, Twilight. Half of Equestria’s been stockpiling food, and the other half’s packing to go to Earth until this whole mess blows over. And in case you didn’t look it up, and I bet you didn’t, the Human Military is moving into position to help us. Really Twilight, you need to start using your tablet,” said Spike.

“Ugh… just get out a pen so we can write a letter to the Princess,” Twilight grumbled.

“Already sent her a text, and she’s already sent her reply,” said Spike.

“Spike! The Princess taught you how to that message spell for a reason!” cried Twilight.

“Yeah, so that we can still reach her if the internet goes down, or if it’s something super secret. I still have full bars, and I don’t see how something that everypony except for you already knows about can be considered secret,” explained Spike.

“That thing is taking over your life, Spike,” mumbled Twilight.

“You’re not helping your technophobia case, Twilight,” said Spike.

“... next on the list is a pony name Applejack. Must be part of the apple family, though considering we’re going to Sweet Apple Acres, this should have been obvious,” said Spike.

“The Apple family? What’s so special about them?” asked Twilight.

Spike gave Twilight a deadpan expression.

“Because they’re the largest family to have both pony and human members, and their business was one of the first to stretch across both worlds. And I know for a fact that they’re mentioned in the history books about first contact, so your usual excuse of not using the internet doesn’t hold up,” explained Spike.

“I can't remember every little detail of every book I read, Spike,” said Twilight.

“The Apple family isn’t exactly a little detail,” countered Spike.

“...her!” said Spike as he pointed.

There was a human with unusual purple hair whose hands were glowing with magic energy.

“No, no, oh goodness no!” she exclaimed as she levitated fabric.

Twilight glanced back at Spike, who had hearts in his eyes.

“First Martha Moondancer, and now this. You have a thing for human catalyses, don’t you Spike?” asked Twilight with a giggle.

Spike didn’t even notice.

Author's Note

As the chapter title suggests, this was going to be part of my Tales of First Contact series, but after a few scenes I realized that this was nothing but a unending gag about Twilight being reluctant to use modern technology, which makes no sense in a world were humans and ponies have been in contact with each other for centuries.

That, and this was basically going to be a re-run of episode one with half the cast being human. I think it was Twilight, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash as ponies, while Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity would be humans or catalyses. I also think it was Apple Bloom as a pony, Scootaloo as a human, and Sweetie Belle as a catalyst.

Speaking of which, The catalyses thing was just my in-universe explanation for humans that have magic. For the life of me, I can't remember where I was going with it. I think it was the result of humans and ponies having children, but I'm not sure. I also can't remember if I was planning to give them pony-like traits or anything like that.