August - 2012 (T.W.G.)

by The Writer's Group

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 6689

Short stories, a lot of authors, and more 'wut' than you can shake a stick at. Is your body ready?

Short stories, a lot of authors, and more 'wut' than you can shake a stick at. Is your body ready?

Published 2012-09-14 09:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-14 09:04:01 UTC

I always feel like somepony's watching me - overdonefictions

Author: overdonefictions
Prompt: Gummy can write.
Title: I always feel like somepony's watching me.

Fluttershy checked her mailbox like she normally does, at three o' clock sharp. She leafed through a stack of bills and magazines. At the bottom of her pile was an unmarked envelope. Out of curiosity, she opened it. A single page had three big words on it "I'M WATCHING YOU"

Fluttershy squeaked and dove under her table. She peeked out and looked around. Suddenly she didn't feel safe. Even in her own house. Fluttershy climbed out from under the table. She checked outside all her windows. There was nopony.

Fluttershy heard a knock at the door. She opened it cautiously. Nopony was there. She looked down at her doormat. There was Pinkie's alligator, Gummy, sitting there. Fluttershy picked him up. He blinked once.

She figured Pinkie had probably lost him, so she brought him back to Sugarcube Corner. Fluttershy continued her routine day, and then went to bed at sundown.

_______________________

The next day at three o' clock, Fluttershy checked her mail again. There was another unmarked letter. She opened it and flinched. "YOU SHOULD PUT A WINDOW IN YOUR BATHROOM"

Fluttershy blushed slightly and threw away the note. She was beginning to feel more and more creeped out. She heard another knock. This time at her window. She looked and saw Gummy again. She ignored him this time. Pinkie was probably letting him out for a reason, and wouldn't want somepony to bring him back and mess something up. She concluded that wasn't a very good reason for leaving him there, but she didn't want to bother Pinkie again.

Fluttershy once again went through her routine, but this time, she could see Gummy staring at her. Fluttershy had trouble sleeping that night.

_______________________

Fluttershy didn't bother looking at her other mail this time. She searched for the blank envelope and tore it open. "YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU SLEEP"

Poor Fluttershy wanted to cry. She was so afraid that there was somepony dangerous around that she couldn't help but always look out her windows. The entire day, she saw Gummy there. She ignored him again. She was too busy being terrified.

Trouble sleeping again. Fluttershy considered boarding up her windows.

_______________________

Fluttershy read the next letter. "I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU TONIGHT"

Fluttershy did indeed cry this time. She whimpered pitifully under her table. "There's some kind of creeper -snif- or, or, a rapist, or something, -snif- and they're gonna get me!"

Fluttershy stayed there pretty much the whole day, crying and worrying. She saw it get dark outside and figured she might as well face her fate. She was saving herself for somepony special too...

Fluttershy opened her bedroom door. There were candles lit and rose petals covered her bed. She carefully entered the room. Gummy was sitting there on her bed. She suddenly felt extremely silly. "Oh Gummy, you scared the life out of me. Hang on and I'll take you back to Pinkie Pie."

Gummy made a croaking noise. Fluttershy looked back at him and he pounced on top of her.

"NOOOOOOO! PLEASE NO! AHHHHHHHHH!"

The End

Why the Flames of Youth Should Never Spread - Angelson1992

Author: Angelson1992
Prompt: The crossover that never should've happened (Naruto).
Title: Why the Flames of Youth Should Never Spread

It was a nice, peaceful morning in the library, and Twilight was in a particularly good mood because she had finally finished a difficult alchemy experiment that she had been working on perfecting for nearly a week now. Hours upon hours of blood, sweat, and tears had gone into the brightly shimmering vial that was sitting serenely on her tabletop. To be fair though, the only time blood had been spilt was when she cut herself on a shattered beaker, but that didn’t diminish the sense of accomplishment that currently buoyed her spirit. Add to this the wonderful scent of hash browns and pancakes that her number one assistant was whipping up as a thank you for not completely trashing the library in her research frenzy, and the day almost couldn’t get any better.

“Twilight, breakfast is ready,” came a singsong cry from Spike, only adding to her revelry. She nearly hopped from the ground in her enthusiastic joy and made for the door with a skip in her step. She had finished her experiment, it was a beautiful day for an outside reading, and a delicious breakfast awaited her consumption. Yep, nothing could possibly ruin this day. The instant that traitorous thought ran through her mind, the sound of her hooves steps abruptly ceased. Luckily, depending on your point of view, the silence was soon filled with the sound of a hoof loudly impacting its owner’s face. Why, oh why had she just thought that? Who knows what force of evil she just unleashed through the power of dramatic irony?

Almost as if to answer the poor mare’s question, the hinges to the front door suddenly found themselves minus said door. Also, aforementioned door seemed to find itself…heading straight for her formula. BUCK! Luckily, a leaping dive and a clever use of telekinesis saved her precious formula. Unluckily, her wall now found itself with a new ornament that was distinctly door shaped. Twilight twisted towards the used-to-be doorway, fully ready to give said intruder a thorough tongue lashing, only to find her tongue tied by the sheer ridiculousness of the sight before her.

Pinkie Pie in a latex, neon green, one-piece leotard and sporting a bowl mane-cut and ridiculous fake eyebrows. At lease she hoped they were fake. Pinkie bounced into the library at speeds that would make a physicist weep and took what could only be described as a heroic pose, “Twilight, have you stoked your Flames of Youth today?” she yelled while shining a literally blinding smile. Twilight was quite understandably stunned speechless and in ocular pain. “Ah, I see that you have not,” Pinkie shouted completely obliviously, “Do not worry for I shall assist you my good friend.” Pinkie switched to a new pose, one with a hoof and a winking smile directed towards her. The words entered Twilight’s mind without permission; it was the Nice Guy Pose. Pinkie then bounded out of her door as suddenly as she has entered while muttering something about gathering molten boulders they could juggle, but not before slamming the now mysteriously repaired door shut behind her.

Twilight’s abject staring was cut short by the sound of shattering glass behind her. She didn’t even turn around, she already knew. Could today get any worse?

The formula then spontaneously combusted.

Buck!

My Little Bhaalspawn - Kavonde

Author: Kavonde
Prompt: The crossover that never should've happened.
Title: My Little Bhaalspawn

"Ah. The Child of Bhaal has awoken."

Sweetie Belle's eyes tried to focus. Her head pounded horribly, and the way the light was blurring and bending in her vision wasn't helping. After several, long seconds, she finally cleared her sight enough to realize there was a tall, emaciated, two-legged creature with some sort of hood stitched to his head peering down at her impassively. "W-where am I?"

It ignored her question. "It is time for more... experiments."

Sweetie barely had time to scream before bolts of crimson energy, crackling like lightning, slammed into her and the iron cage that surrounded her. She was paralyzed with agonized convulsions, unable to escape or resist the agony. An eternity later, the energy faded away and she collapsed.

"The pain will only be passing, you should survive the process."

Another surge of power wracked her, and when it finally ended, she could do nothing but curl into a ball, sobbing helplessly.

The monster made a thoughtful sound. "Interesting. You have much untapped power. Do you even realize your potential?"

The thud of massive footsteps on a metal catwalk drew his attention, and Sweetie lifted her head to see a tall, mishappen hunk of rock or clay, vaguely formed into a two-legged creature like her tormentor. "More intruders have entered the complex, master," it rumbled.

Her captor frowned. "They act sooner than we had anticipated. No matter, they will only prove a slight delay." With a wave of his hand and a few muttered words, the creature disappeared in a flash of light. Its servant watched silently for a moment, then turned and left the way it had come. Sweetie watched it go, still aching in every muscle and bone in her body, and let blissful darkness take her.

Sweetie Belle stared at Scootaloo in open-mouthed shock. Applebloom looked between her friends and arched an eyebrow. "Scootaloo, I know ya played a buncha old PC games over winter break, but... I don't think writin' a fanfic about Sweetie Belle bein' an avatar for the God of Murder is a good idea."

Scootaloo pouted. "But Sweetie's the main character!"

"I don't think I want to be the main character," the unicorn said quietly.

"But it was gonna be awesome! You'd be all powerful and stuff, and you'd have a big, human sidekick named Minsc and his pet miniature giant space hamster, and... "

"Scootaloo," drawled a voice from above. "I understand the temptation to write stories about your friends, but before you do, you should always make sure it's alright with them, first. Always show your friends--and comrades--the respect and thoughtfulness they deserve."

Scootaloo frowned and nodded apologetically. "You're right. Sorry, Sweetie Belle. Sorry, Optimus Prime."

The giant robot gave her a reassuring thumbs-up. "No harm done. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go with my friends Indiana Jones, Invader Zim, Courage the Cowardly Dog, and Mal Reynolds to battle Dr. Doom, Darth Vader, and Queen Chrysalis. Everyone: roll out!"

There and back again? - Ferlathin

Author: Ferlathin
Prompts: The crossover that never should’ve happened and How it should have happened.
Title: There and back again?

Dash woke up, it was early, she couldn’t fall asleep, she was too excited. The reason was that today was her birthday and the day she became an adult. The same evening there was a huge party for both her and her grandma. Since their birthdays occurred at the same day.

Dash met up with her friends outside of her house, they chatted about the party and other awesome stuff. Suddenly they heard a wagon coming.

Twilight gasped. “Star Swirl the Bearded?!”

The unicorn facehoofed. “No. I’m not Star Swirl, he was my grandfather’s grandfather! I’m Zandalf.”

“I can’t help myself.” Twilight giggled.

After the party that evening, when Vega had done a “trick” to vanish out of thin air, Dash became worried. She went back inside and searched but her grandmother was nowhere to be found.

“She’s already left, you know...” Zandalf said.

“What are you doing in here!?”

“She left something for you though, right over there.”He pointed his hoof towards the fireplace.

Dash looked noticed a small pouch. She took a peek inside. “The... bracelet... She left the bracelet?”

“She did indeed. That’s why I was gone so long. To research, this bracelet. I just need to do a little test, to see if I’m correct. Can I borrow it?”

“Sure, take it.”

Zandalf thew the bracelet into the fire. “What are you doing!” Dash exclaimed.

“Schh. Just watch.” After maybe thirty seconds he took it out of the fire.

You’ll burn yourself!”

“No. It’s quite cold. See for yourself.” he gave her the bracelet. It was indeed cold. “Now, do you see something?”

“There’s... text.”

“Dang. It was as I feared. I need to go. You should go to Appleloosa, I’ll meet up with you there.”

“But...?”

“Only tell the ponies you can trust. Pack lightly and don’t use your real name. You should be, ms Undercloud.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Undercloud? That doesn’t even make sense!” He was already gone.

Dash told her best friends, and the next morning they took the first train to Appleloosa.

“Well. Now we’re here...”

“There you are, Undercloud!” Braeburn said and waved. “Zandalf said you would come. He’ll be coming by soon. Let’s go home to me, shall we?” he winked. Did he just...?

“Sure, whatever.”

Back at ‘his place’ they all gathered up in a big round room. There were representatives from all species in Equestria there.

Zandalf spoke up. “The bracelet must be taken to the volcano in Badlands. It’s the only way to destroy it.”

After a common murmur, some arguments and a proposed route the meeting was finished.

Dash whispered something to Zandalf. “Sounds awfully... difficult. What if...”

Twilight, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie had trotted towards the entrance to Badlands. “This better work...” Twilight said. Pinkie had brought a huge disco ball, Applejack gave it a buck so it started spinning, Twilight levitated it high up in the air while Rarity used her magic to make it sparkle massively.

“Hey! Over here! A party! Wheeeeeeeeeeee! So much fun!” Pinkie screamed in a megaphone to get attention.

– – –

“Well... That was incredibly easy, just dropping it!” Dash said as she flew beside Fluttershy.

“Can you imagine what it would have been like if we actually trotted the entire way!?” Fluttershy replied.

“Bwahahah! Don’t be silly!”

I have known too many pegasi - Honey Mead

Author: Honey Mead
Prompt: How it should have happened.
Title: I have known too many pegasi

“Welcome Mares and Gentlecolts. This is your host Pinkie Pie-”

“And Spike.”

“And we are proud to present the sporting event of the decade! The Iron Pony Competition to end all Iron Pony Competitions. The Clash of the Elements!”

“In the blue corner, weighing in at an even two hundred pounds, The Most Awesome Pony, The winner of the young fliers competition, and The Element of Loyalty, RAAAAIIINBOW DAAAAAASH!”

“And in the red corner, weighing in at three hundred forty eight pounds, The Apple Bucker of the Year, Cow Pony Extraordinar, and The Element of Honesty, AAAAAPPLEJAAAAAACK!”

Rainbow Dash reared up and slashed her rapier through the air a few times, “You seem a decent pony, I hate to kill you.”

Applejack smiled as she straightened her stetson, “You seem a decent pony, I hate to die.”

The two ponies crossed swords and began to circle each other.

“This is a truly extraordinary event here Spike. A competition, not only between two of the best fencers in Equestria, but also between best friends.”

“That’s right Pinkie. But let’s get to the action.”

The two combatants danced and parried each other, striking out at any opening that presented itself. Both were well versed in the art of fencing and neither seemed to be able to gain an upper hoof.

“It looks like AJ is relying on Bonetti’s Defense.”

“It only makes sense with the rocky terrain, Spike. She is probably expecting Dashie to respond with Capa Ferro.”

“But wouldn’t Thibault cancel out Capa Ferro?”

“Only if Dashie hadn’t studied agrippa, which I know she has.”

Suddenly the movement in the ring changed. Applejack began to push hard. Her epee flashing through the air. Rainbow struggled to keep pace, but was quickly losing ground. Dash soon found her back pressed against the fence that marked the edge of the ring. The farm pony leaned down heavily on the cyan pegasus, bending her over the wooden beam.

“Wait a minute,” Spike said, “ I didn’t realize Rainbow was left hoofed?”

“Don’t be silly Spike. Dash isn’t left hoofed.”

AJ stumbled back from the pegasus. As she struggled to maintain her balance on her hind legs Dash tossed her sword into the air and caught it with her right hoof, flourishing it in a show of supreme confidence. The tide of the fight changed in a flash of steel.

The pegasus attacked viciously, her movements too fast for the esteemed announcers to even try and keep up.

Applejack soon found herself in the same position that she had had Dash in only moments before.

“That was SO AWESOME!”

“But, Spike, AJ isn’t left hoofed either.”

Rainbow flew backwards from the force of the farm pony’s buck. As she recovered she saw that her opponent had likewise switched hooves. The air was filled with the sounds of clashing metal as the two ponies became a blur of hooves and steel.

“LOOK OUT!”

A glint of steel flew through the air, the epee impaling itself into the wood not three inches from Spike’s head. He stared at the wobbling rapier for a moment before feinting.

“That’s not fair! You can’t use wings!”

Moonshine - Candlelight

Author: Candlelight
Prompt: You’re a royal guard who’s on station inside Canterlot castle. You’ve just had a very long day, and headed down to the local pub. Seven drinks later, one of the princesses walk in.
Title: Moonshine

"Johnnie, gimme another one, will'ya?"

"No can do, you already had seven and you can't even sit straight without shakin'"

"Well screw you, Johnnie! I don't need you or your stupid booze! Now shut up and gimme another one!"

...

"Johnnieeee! Quit starin' like a newborn foal and gimme another one! What's the matter with'ya anyways?"

"You want another one, soldier? For I can certainly give you one, a hard one that knocks you cold for a week if you don't pull yourself together this instant in my presence!"

"And who da hay dares to talk like that with royal guar-- Oh, it's you, your majesty!" *hic* "Come 'ere an' take a seat on ma' lap! Johnnie, give us a double and make it snappy!"

"Do as he says, dear barkeep and please disregard what will follow soon."

"'ey, why you don't sit on ma' lap! I promise I'll keep my--"

"Shut up, you drowned rat! The last thing that is needed for this pathetic scene you've planted yourself into is getting court marshalled for hedonism!"

"Aww, come on, Princess, lighten up a bit! You just sat down to drink with me! And besides, I got all da right to take a break from guarding your royal hindquarters all day! And speaking of donkeys--" *slap* "Oww! That makes me sober up you know! Now I have to reach rock bottom all over again! Johnnieeee!"

"Do you know why I'm here, soldier?"

"Look at me, doll, I'm not in any state o' bein' to bein' able to second-guess what comes and goes through tight keyholes of vaults an' doors of minds of mares of high and distant regal stares through stairs and turns and thick stone-walls of secret plans 'which falls towards us lacking a speck of truth to fruit to brute and shallow fellows such as myself in the company of this here moonshine heeeeeeeeeeere." *shoved off stool*

"A-Are you alright?"

"Dunno, never drank myself to poetic levels before. Look, not one drop did I spill there!" *glug glug glug*

"Well, at least now I got to see a glimpse of what the rest of the roster sees in you."

"You hear that, Johnnie? The Princess digs me! Ten bits I'm gonna end up with her in--" *smack* "Oww! What was that for!"

"It's because you're cute when you sober up, and highly amusing to see you fall ever faster and deeper than before into your liquid demise!"

"'ey, dontcha hurt the feelins of my booze, you hear? It has feelins you kno, unlike you fluffy colourful witches with your wings and horns and reaaaally nice bot--" *slap* "Oww! You know, now that I'm completely sober, thanks to you, I've got myself thinkin'. Yep, I did, cuz I'm smart like dat, s-m-r-t. What I think is you didn't have any reason to come down here, except to sit around and listen to me blabbin' while you smack me in the face a couple of times! It's like you're enjoying it!"

"You're cute when you think you've got it figured out."

"Am I now? Johnnie, make that twennie bit--" *swoop* "Haha! I'm too fast fo--" *slap* "Ow."

"Princess, it is time."

"Yes, you're right as always. Well, time to leave you colts here and return to my cozy bed. Pity that it's otherwise empty, it is going to take a while to warm it up all by myself. Oh well."

...

"Damn, what a nice mare. I wish I'd be able to marry her or somethin'."

"Do you want me to brief you about the situation, or you just want another round to forget all this like every night so far?"

"Hmmm, good ol' blue an' red pill, huh? Well, since the blue pill here manifests as the refreshing ambrosia granted to us mortals by the blessed light of the heavenly body of Princess Luna herself, I have to decline your desperate offer to bring about the early rays of the purifying bittersweet Sun, accompanied by the smacks of the gentle whatshername whom I can't draw a parallel with the goddamn hangover that I'm starting to feel right now. Please, Johnnie, do as the gods and reverse the dawn back to night, release the moonlight from the singing bottle that shoos away soberity with its song of blindly soothing beauty!"

*pours* "When are you gonna grow up to face the future impatiently calling for you, Shining?"

Be careful with what you wish for - Lucefudu

Author: Lucefudu
Prompt: The crossover that never should've happened.
Title: Be careful with what you wish for.

Lyra was cranky. No- cranky would be an understatement. Lyra was ready to tear anypony’s head off with her bare [strike]hands[/strike] hooves if need may be. Last night she went drinking with her marefriend and, after downing cups after cups of hard drinks, she could do naught but massage her temples to keep the migraine at bay.

“Fucking ponies!” she said, blowing a raspberry at nopony in particular. “I bet that if I were a human, this would’ve never happened.” Her trot grinded to a halt and she looked down dejectedly. She felt a pain in her heart and a sudden sadness grabbing hold of her being.

“I wish I was a human...” she muttered forlornly.

Almost at the same time her words escaped her quivering lips, her ears perked up at a sudden jovial screech, most likely coming from Pinkie Pie.

“HANDS!”

At first, Lyra thought the Pink mare to be pranking her. But after a few seconds of waiting, nothing happened. ‘That,’ thought Lyra, ‘and the fact that Pinkie Pie isn’t nowhere near me... hmmm.’

Lyra trotted towards Sugarcube Corner with a certain hope constricting her heart. She was already planning on giving Pinkie Pie a good smack in case it really was a prank. As she rounded the last corner, Lyra stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes widened with terror as she saw the things that resembled the Holders of Harmony and, at the same time, didn’t.

“What... are you?” Was the only thing Lyra managed to blurt out. The sight before her made her coat’s fur stand on its end as goosebumps crawled relentlessly down her spine. She knew what a human was. She had seen them before in books. And Lyra knew that the things before her were not part of the mythological Homo sapiens.

“We’re a different kind of animation now!” the horrendously deformed Pinkie Pie chirped. “We’re an anime!” At this, everypony within earshot looked at Pinkie as if she was crazy. In her shock, she didn’t see the-thing-that-certainly-wasn’t-Twilight-Sparkle approaching and placing a hand — the appendix that up until early this morning, Lyra once had thought as the best thing ever to ever exist in the history of the universe — upon her shoulder.

“Ohhh! This pony is so kawai! Let’s hug it, uguuu~”

Lyra’s reaction was instinctual; she quickly jerked her body away while her head dove in and bit the monster’s finders. Lyra tasted blood, something that prompted her to relax her tightened jaw and gallop away. She was thankful for not completely clenching her jaw, or else she would be tasting the thing-that-also-wasn’t-human’s fingers by now. She heard the monster howling in pain and dared a look back. It looked so pathetic, a thing that resembled a grown human crying like a disabled baby.

Lyra wanted nothing to do with those abominations. She rounded the corners so fast that she nearly slipped onto the ground. The fact that her migraine has subdued a bit — or, more likely, the biology student inside her said, just because you aren’t feeling it, doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.

“Bonnie, we have problems!” she screamed as she quickly opened the door to her house, closed the wooden portal and slammed it behind her. She stood still, panting as her numb muscles slowly stopped to ache. Hearing no reply from her marefriend, Lyra tried again.

“BONNIE!”

This time, she heard some sounds coming from upstairs. Lyra was a little scared that, on top of what happened today, a thief was inside her home or worse, Bon Bon was with somepony else. She slowly climbed the stairs and came face to face with one of those things. She had the same characteristics as the deformed, wannabe humans; gigantic eyes, sleek bodies, expressionless faces and bodies that seemed to move on spasms.

“Oh, Celestia,” she said, sobbing as her legs faltered and she fell to the ground. She couldn’t take it anymore. It could’ve happened to anypony, ‘So why, why did this had to happen to my Bonnie?!’

“Oh, what a cutie pony! Eeeeeeee-” the thing gave a strange, high-pitched squeal. “I’ll call you Haruto Stringuso-Chan”

Lyra curled into a little ball and allowed the tears to pour freely from her eyes. “Please! No... no!” She hit her own face with both forehooves, as if trying to wake up from a bad dream. “I’m so, so sorry!”

thEEnd

inb4 raeg

Don't Even Think About It - GWFan

Author: GWFan
Prompt: 2) The crossover that never should've happened
Title: Don’t Even Think About It

This was a strange world. The cat was sure of that. Looking around the little village, he could see pastel color ponies everywhere. Having decided this might be a great opportunity, he walked up to a random pink pony.

“Excuse me, my name is-”

The pink pony suddenly gasped loudly and jumped in the air before bolting away at the sight of him.

“Rude.” He wasn’t going to get anywhere if all the ponies were like this.

“Oh my goodness! It’s a big kitty cat that walks on two legs!”

The cat turned around and saw a yellow pony with wings staring at him with big eyes. There was also a white unicorn with a lavender mane. Both of them appeared to be females.

“Hello there, ladies.”

The yellow one gasped. “And he talks!” She walked right up to him and smiled. “Hi, I’m Fluttershy. I never knew cats could talk.”

“I never knew ponies had wings and horns.”

“It’s only natural for us to have such fine qualities. My name is Rarity by the way. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a cat like you before.”

“Well-”

“Ahhhh. I’m going to call you, Whiskers.” Fluttershy snuggled him with her cheek.

The cat appeared briefly surprised but then smiled and hugged her back. “Except for the name, I kinda like where this is going.”

“I’ve never seen Fluttershy so bold before. Whoever you are, you are a great influence on her. I should really thank you in some way.”

“I can think of at least one way,” he replied with a smile.

“As can I. You really should do something about that awful red shirt. It doesn’t become you at all. Come to my boutique and remove it so I can see about making something better.”
The cat’s eyes lit up. “You want me to go with you to your house and take my shirt off?”

“Yes. Is there some problem with that?”

“Not at all. Lead the way, ladies. Only in togetherness can the world become a better place.” He placed his arms around both of their shoulders.

“Friendship is a wonderful thing,” Fluttershy agreed.

“And the closer the friendship, the better.” The cat moved his hands over their backs.

An explosion suddenly lit up in their ears. Before any of them knew it, the cat was sprawled on the ground with cake batter all over his face.

“Oh, heck no.” The pink pony from earlier suddenly appeared in front of them, pointing something right at him. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Is that a cannon?” the cat worried.

“If I were you, I would get out of town while I still could.”

The cat smiled. “Far out.” He got up and dashed away.

“Pinkie, whatever did you do that for? He seemed like such a nice gentlecat.”

“You just don’t get it, Rarity. That was Fritz the Cat.”

“Fritz?” Rarity started.

“The Cat?” Fluttershy finished.

The two mares exchanged confused glances. “I’ve never heard of him,” Rarity said as Fluttershy shrugged.

“Then you’re two of the lucky ones.” Pinkie Pie wheeled her cannon away and only took one look back to make sure Fritz the Cat didn’t return.

Rarity and Fluttershy just stood there, dumbfounded.

“What was that all about?” Rarity demanded.

And that’s how Equestria was saved.

The End

Bonds - LimeAttack

Author: LimeAttack
Prompt: 3) Gummy can write
Title: Bonds

It is not that I do not care to write for the benefit of the ponies. Rather, I feel that their strange, perceived notions of the intelligence of animals could not possibly be overthrown by my simple musings. I find this to be exceptionally likely, given the disposition of many to believe that my owner possesses an immense mind belied by her normally cheerful and blissfully ignorant exterior. This assertion holds true to some extent, yet her cheerful ignorance is not something conjured to hide brilliance. In fact, that apparent vacancy may be the reason she has learned so much about the world—very few ponies will watch their tongues so carefully when she walks by, humming quietly to herself.

As for myself, Pinkie Pie is a delight. She brightens up my otherwise dull existence, and always has a treat sitting around for when I perform feats befitting grandeur. I love her so. Fortunately, I have no teeth, so my loving bites are fairly harmless. I cannot imagine how I would express my affection if I did have teeth.

Anyway, back to my previous subject. Ponies naturally are very intelligent creatures in their own right, and can often—

“Gummy!” Pinkie called out, balancing a bowl on her head, “I have a dinner for you!” With a warm smile bigger than life, she bounced into the room to find her lovely pet quietly sitting, just like he always did. With a slight clunk, the food bowl settled on the ground. Gummy walked up to Pinkie Pie, and with a leap, clamped his jaw around her hair.

“Oh Gummy,” Pinkie laughed with a snort, “you must really like my hair!” As she glanced about the room, Pinkie Pie caught eye of a small book with a pencil laying beside it.

“Ohoh, what's this, Gummy?”

His eyes blinked thrice in rapid succession. No...

Pinkie stared at the lines in the journal, eyes going over every last mark. “That's really deep, Gummy! But I would work on the writing some.” When she set the book back down, the page stayed open to the most recent, completely unintelligible scribble.

Perhaps it is for the best that I do not show my work to ponies...

A song for the Princess - Aethraspex

Author: Aethraspex
Prompt: 5) You’re a royal guard who’s on station inside Canterlot castle. You’ve just had a very long day, and headed down to the local pub. Seven drinks later, one of the princesses walk in.
Title: A Song for the Princess

This song... boy do I have a story to tell you about this song.

So me and my buddy Smoke Wings- You know Smoky right? With the really pointy face and fat hooves? Ever since he got his bat wings, he’s been trying to pick up with that filly from Manehatten? Yeah, you know him. Got to say, glad I’m a day guard, those night guards have it tough. Well you know me and him used to take the southeast patrol together and we come down here for a drink when we’re done.

Well, last time we were here we’d had a long day, and I mean a looong day. I swear her highnesses must have been messing with us because we didn’t get off until I thought my feathers were going to fall out. And we were sitting down over there. Yeah, that’s right, that little table in the corner, the very last niche in the bar, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we’d had what... seven drinks? When suddenly our august princess of the sun trots straight through those doors like she was looking for the bathroom or something.

Long story short, she ends up with us, and it looks like she’s staying. So me and Smoky are flipping out. I mean, what do you just say to the supreme ruler of Equestria? ‘lovely day we’re having?’ ‘I know, I made it,’ OK, so my princess impression’s not the best, but you know what I’m getting at. And we can’t just leave either, I mean you simply can’t walk out on the princess, princess Celestia.

We’re pretty much looking for some excuse, any excuse, to not inevitably lose our jobs. And the princess, well you know she’s a big lady and she can certainly contain her fair share of liquor, but she starts having more than her fair share of liquor if you know what I mean. She’s swinging them back like there’s no tomorrow, which could well be true considering. Me and Smoky, we’re getting desperate, it’s like drinking with your parents, you know? I mean, some ponies don’t mind...

Well, it was a Tuesday, and Tuesday’s karaoke night. Then Smoky get’s this bright idea that he should sing for our princess. He rushes up to the stage and they ask him ‘what song?’ ‘Whatever,’ he tells them and grabs the microphone. The princess is delighted, of course, until she hears what song is coming on. It’s this song. Smoky, of course, goes through with it. It’d already started and he couldn’t back down then.

Celestia must have thought it was some kind of joke. I swear she was about to go bananas, if you know what I mean. Smoky finishes the song, sits down across from her highness and all three of us are just silent. Rest of the bar is too once they see what’s happened. Princess is all like, ‘very well then,’ and summons a scroll. She hands it to him, he unrolls it, and behold- he’s to report to Princess Luna tomorrow night to get his bat wings.
And that’s how it happened, that’s how he became Smoky the night guard.... Speak of the draconequus, there he is now. Hey! Smoky! You just missed Fly Me to the Moon!

Hey, hey, hey! Stay out of my Cupcake Factory! - JimboTex

Author:JimboTex
Prompt: 2) The crossover that never should've happened.
Crossover Source Material: Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, SHED.MOV
Title: Hey, hey, hey! Stay out of my Cupcake Factory!

Rainbow Dash groaned, her eyes slowly fluttering open as she regained consciousness. She found that she was in a dark room, strapped rather firmly to an odd chair, with just her wings mobile.

It was at this time that her captor decided to make an appearance. Bouncing in from behind the fourth wall, Ponyville's premiere party pony promptly presented herself to her pranking partner.

“P-Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash wore a shocked expression as she addressed her friend and apparent foalnapper. “What are you doing here, and why am I tied down?”

Pinkie's giggling at her friend's cluelessness was punctuated by a snort. “Oh Dashie,” she replied giddily, “didn't you get the invitation?”

Rainbow cocked her head inquisitively. “Invitation?”

“The invitation to your own special 'Congratulations On Scootaloo's Unfortunate Incident At The Rainbow Factory' party, silly filly,” Pinkie replied. Her mirthful expression remained as she turned to pick up a scalpel. (How, one may ask, does an Earth pony pick up a scalpel? Carefully, dear reader. Very carefully.)

Rainbow blanched. “Y-you heard about that?” She asked, her voice cracking slightly.

The pink mare nodded in confirmation. “Yepperoonies! That's why I decided to throw this party for you!” She put a hoof to her chin, as if deep in thought. “I was going to host it in the basement at Sugarcube Corner, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake were using it for storage. I had a bit of trouble finding a suitably secret location, so I just... err... 'borrowed' Fluttershy's shed for a bit. I'm sure she won't mind!”

And with that, Pinkie once again picked up the scalpel and set to her gruesome work. With a precision that could only have come from practice, the pink pony quickly sliced off Rainbow Dash's cutie marks, accompanied by the poor pegasus's agonized screams.
Holding Rainbow's former prized possessions in front of her, Pinkie chirped, “Well, Dashie, looks like you've become a blank flank again!”

Despite the searing pain in her thighs, Rainbow Dash managed to glare menacingly at Pinkie.

“Now, now, we can't have party poopers here! It ruins the fun. Just relax and look at all this porn I found in this shed!” She shoved the latest issue of Playcolt into Rainbow's face. The page Rainbow was looking at had some hot mare-on-mare action, and in spite of her agony, Rainbow's wings promptly erected in arousal.

Pinkie picked up an axe, grinning manically. “And now, the fun really begins!” She took a mighty swing... and was promptly slammed into the near wall by the geyser of blood that burst forth as wing was severed from torso.

Spitting out her friend's vital essence, Pinkie snickered. “Whoopsie-doodle! Didn't think that one through! Oh, well! Now for the other wing...”

Before she could do anything else, daylight suddenly shone on the horrid scene as the shed door was thrown open.

“HEY, HEY, HEY! I thought I told you to stay outta my shed,” a deep voice boomed forth.

“Oh, horseapples! She's back,” Pinkie muttered.

Rainbow managed one last thought before passing out from the pain. Oh no, not again!

Stealing Pinkie Keen - Owlor

Author: Owlor
Prompt: How it should've happened.
Title: Stealing Pinkie Keen

Dear Princess Celestia

Today I learned that friends can sometimes believe things which are not true, and no matter how well-meaning they may be, there's always a risk that they might hurt ponies if they put too much faith n something that can't be proven to exist.

I understand that Pinkie Pie has an emotional need to feel like she can sense danger. To be honest, in many ways she's just a filly in a mare's body, and reality often seems strange and arbitrary if you only have a loose grasp of it. But one day, her belief in a “pinkie sense” may cause herself or others trouble, when reality fails to measure up to her expectations.

Okay, I admit, Pinkie is strange enough that she may actually have a mystical ability to see the future, and I do try to keep an open mind, but my point is that regardless of whether I personally trust her or not, the EVIDENCE should have the final say. Nopony is exempt from irrational outbursts, even myself.

Challanging somepony's claim is not a sign of mistrust or something you do to be mean, it's just due diligence. It can be a harrowing experience when something you've put a lot of faith into falls apart, but the way to prevent that is not to impose polite silence on dissenters. Rather, we should challenge each other and keep each other in check. In the end, everypony will be better off for it.

Your faithful student

Twilight Sparkle