Spike and Starlight Glimmer Save the Day with Rarity

by Duke of Canterlot

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Starlight Glimmer, Sex, Profanity
Length: 9026

Spike is in a threesome with Rarity and Fancy Pants but Starlight Glimmer needs his help.

Nobody:

Duke of Canterlot: Hey everyone, I wrote a sequel to “Spike and Fancy Pants Fight Over Rarity”. I know everyone was waiting anxiously to know what is in store for Sparity.

Published 2020-02-01 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-02 03:33:39 UTC

Another Day in Ponyville

Spike was in eternal bliss. The dragon had scored with the love of his life, Rarity. He snuggled with Rarity, the gorgeous fashionista unicorn, who was currently sound asleep. Moving to Carousel Boutique was Spike’s best decision yet.

Spike gave Rarity a soft kiss. He felt some shaking from the other side and a whisper “Love that ass”. That was Fancy Pants. All Fancy Pants cared about was playing with Rarity’s plot so that gave Spike freedom to enjoy the rest of her. Spike sometimes dreamed of being exclusive with Rarity but he counted his blessings. Three months ago, Spike wasn’t having sex with Rarity and he was slaving away at Twilight Sparkle’s castle. Having Fancy Pants in a threesome wasn’t so bad.

Spike saw Rarity open her eyes. She said with more energy than one would expect for someone who just woke up, “I hope my darlings slept well because I am extra horny today!!”

“Ho ho”, said Fancy Pants, “those are my favorite days in the whole wide world.”

“Me too”, piped Spike.

“I suppose the usual. Spikey in front and Fancy in back”, said Rarity with a giggle.

“Amen”, said Spike and Fancy in unison.

Spike held Rarity tight in his arms and navigated his penis into Rarity’s womanhood. Spike was slightly distracted by the obnoxiously aggressive ass thrusts of Fancy Pants but Spike was grateful to be able to bed the beautiful Rarity. He was certainly extra horny today.

Starlight Glimmer was not happy with her situation. She was being forced to work her magic overtime to keep the castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle clean. She didn’t know who annoyed her more - Princess Twilight or Fleur de Lis. Fleur was far too overly enthusiastic about serving her princess in any way possible. However, Twilight was a tyrant. Starlight used to have Spike to keep her company but Spike was freed from his “duties”. Instead she had Fleur..ugh...

“Oh today was an incredible day”, blabbed Fleur, “the Princess let me give her a sponge bath! It was so exciting. Cleaning out every single pore of the Princess’ body including her nether regions. Tee here.”

“That’s so disgusting”, said Starlight with a roll of her eyes, “I’m glad that I don’t have to see Twilight naked and in bathing.”

“I think you’re just jealous”, responded Fleur haughtily, “I am now the Princess’ favorite assistant and not you.”

“If it means not being true to myself, I’ll pass.”

They could hear a loud and petulant voice.

“STARLIGHT GLIMMER!! The toilet. The toilet!!”

“If you would just be a little nicer to Princess Twilight”, said Fleur, “you wouldn’t have to do toilet duty.”

“At least I can do it in fucking peace”, mumbled Starlight with obvious sarcasm.

Starlight sighed. She would need to clean the toilet. Twilight usually took shit after shit and didn’t bother to flush it. Twilight used to make Spike scoop out the wet feces. Starlight was allowed to use her magic but it took a long time and a lot out of her.

Starlight approached the toilet and gagged. It was clogged with Twilight’s poop again. She used to transport the poop to Rainbow Dash’s house. However, the poop enthusiast had too much of Twilight’s poop already and requested no more. Starlight needed to be more clever as to where the poop would go. Ugh, she hated poop more than anything. Starlight wished there was a world where no pony would need to poop. Hell, why couldn’t Twilight just flush the toilet before it got clogged? Twilight used to be much kinder and courteous.

Starlight sighed and used her standard spell to make the poop disappear. This time, it would go to Sweet Apple Acres. She performed the spell and the poop was all gone. Starlight gagged and coughed. This was terrible. What happened to Twilight? Why did she change? At that moment, Starlight realized something...hmmmm...could this Twilight be a fake?

“Are you done with the toilet yet”, shouted Twilight.

“Yes, just finished. Your majesty.”

“Good. You’re about 1% there to redemption for enslaving that village of ponies a couple seasons back with those equal sign cutie marks.”

“Why does every pony need to remind me of that?”

“Because it makes me morally superior to you no matter what I do.”

“I think what you’re making me and Fleur do is pretty shitty.”

“Yes, shitty indeed. You’ll do more soon.”

“I miss Spike.”

“Don’t mention that baby dick dragon in this castle!! You now must clean the dishes too. I ate a lot of food the past couple of days.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. Yes, she would. She would also find out what was wrong with Twilight. But she would need some help to get there.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack were playfully wrestling each other at Sweet Apple Acres.

“Ah’m gonna win this time”, said Applejack with a smirk.

“Only because I’m letting you win”, said Rainbow with a wink, “I could take you on any day.”

Rainbow had to admit that she was prolonging the game a little bit. Any excuse to be near Applejack. She was even better than poop to the sporty pegasus which was saying a lot. The two heard a loud plop.

“Oh, there is more fertilizer just for me”, said Applejack, “my the vegetables will be happier than a Rainbow Dash in pony droppings.”

“I already have too many of Twilight’s poop. I’m sick of that shit!”

“Well my farm is mighty proud of it, so ah will use it.”

“Well if it makes you happy, I’m happy too.” Rainbow and Applejack shared a passionate kiss.

“I love you AJ”

“Aww, I love you too.”

The element of honesty was being honest.

“I do wish Starlight Glimmer would send me different poop though.”

“She’s Twilight’s main slave since Spike moved in with Rarity. Ah don’t think you’re getting any other poop from Starlight.”

Rainbow realized something. She had never collected poop from Starlight. That was something which would need to change soon. Rainbow was already filled with ideas on how to acquire the poop which proved to be even more elusive than that of Rarity.

Author's Note

Just another shitty story. This one is going to be longer than the first two - yes a story about pony feces with a real plot.

Team Up!

Spike just had the best orgasm ever from his sexcapade with Rarity. He could hear her moan with pleasure and say, “Oh Spikey Wikey, you’re so sexy!”

"Not as sexy as you, Rarity", responded Spike as he lightly nuzzled Rarity. Fancy Pants had to go back to Canterlot for a couple days so Spike wanted to take advantage of every moment he had with his marefriend.

"Tee hee", giggled Rarity, "but oh my, I just need to use the ladies' room. I will be right back."
With that, Rarity got out of the bed and trotted over to the bathroom.

Spike knew Rarity's secret too well. Rarity's poop was diamonds. When Rarity's food goes through the digestion process, it is transformed into diamonds and can be used for any of the typical purposes of diamonds. Spike also knew that Fancy Pants could also create diamonds in the same manner. However, Spike was sure that Rarity's diamonds were much better than those of Fancy Pants. It was a secret he would never tell any pony or non-pony. Spike was honestly afraid of what could happen if anyone found out. Rarity was worth a fortune in that respect.

Some ponies would probably have been grossed out if they knew Rarity's secret. However, it only made Spike admire Rarity more. She was extraordinary.

Spike's thoughts were interrupted by a knocking.

"Spike, I need your help. I think I know what's wrong with Twilight."

Starlight Glimmer, thought Spike, why did she have to ruin his perfect life? Spike would be nice though. It wasn't Starlight's fault that Twilight was such a tyrant.

"Starlight, I am not interested. I have a new life now."

"What? With the drama queen who shits diamonds."

Spike got worried. Did he accidentally spill the beans at some point?

"Wait!? How do you know that?"

"I have twice the magical talent of Twilight Sparkle. I can see the inner workings of any creature with a simple spell. So yes, I know how diamonds are made."

Ugh, thought Spike, he knew what Starlight was going to say next.

"You haven't told anyone, have you?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"Look, Starlight. I know what you're doing and.."

"Could you just let me in? I made Rarity constipated so she will be in there for a while."

Spike groaned and said, "Fine."

Spike opened the door and there was Starlight Glimmer.

"Long time, no see", said Starlight with a grin.

"Yes, it has been a while. So, how are things at the castle?"

"Worse since you left. Your replacement, Fleur, is an insufferable sycophant. She has inflated Twilight's ego tenfold! I can't take being there anymore. Honestly, I'm probably not going to return."

"Well, you seem like you can handle yourself. So, why do you need me? Because honestly life is great since I moved in with Rarity. I have never been happier in my whole life."

"Your obsession with Rarity has always been by far your worst characteristic."

"But she loves me too and.."

"Oh Spike, you're so naïve but I really could use your help. You have known Twilight your whole life."

"Yeah, she's changed her personality completely and is out-of-character but she is smart enough to make her own decisions."

"But what if.. what if... Twilight is an imposter."

"An imposter?"

"Yeah, Twilight used to consider me her protégé with eagerness to help me understand the power of friendship. Now, all Twilight wants is for me to be her slave."

"She's been like that for almost a year now. But do you think?"

"What do you think?"

"Yeah, Twilight has changed", said Spike nervously, "but maybe the power of being a princess got to her head."

"I don't think so", said Starlight, "the Twilight Sparkle I know would never make others bend to her will."

"Yeah, unlike the Starlight Glimmer I know. Are you an imposter?"

"If I let you make jabs about my past, would you help me?"

"Maybe, as long as I don't have to put on a cutie mark for whatever your next cult is."

"It's just going to be sowing your mouth shut."

"I did miss you. So what's on your mind?"

"It's just a hunch but I think the real Twilight has been ponynapped."

"Ponynapped?"

"Yes, it is the only thing that makes sense."

"Yeah, Twilight has been acting weird. I'll admit but I am with Rarity now."

"Don't you remember all that Twilight has done? Don't you want to save her if she's in trouble? You wouldn't be with any of us if it wasn't for her. Including Rarity. Spike, you owe us if Twilight is in trouble."

"Damn it, why do you have to be so persuasive? But still, Rarity is my life now."

"Hmmmm, maybe I should go find others to help and have a nice chat about diamonds."

"You wouldn't!?!?"

"I don't even like Rarity that much. I don't care what happens to her."

"Ahhh - okay, okay. I will help. Just don't say anything about Rarity's secret. Please!!"

"Great!! So I will need you to write a note to Rarity that you were pulled away on a dragon quest for a couple of days. We have some work to do."

Rainbow Dash was pensive. How could she have never obtained Starlight Glimmer's shit? Starlight wasn't a Fluttershy case. Rainbow didn't feel like she was going to scar Starlight of her innocence by acquiring the poop for her fetishistic desires. Rainbow hovered in the air and wasn't really going anywhere.

Her thoughts were distracted by something that sounded springy and bouncy. It could only be one pony.

Pinkie Pie.

"Watcha' doin", said the pink peppy party pony.

"I'm just practicing my floating", said Rainbow, "everything is fine."

"Oh yeah, I bet you're thinking of finding some floaters in the potty."

Rainbow groaned. Everyone knew about her fetish .. everyone.

"That's an urban legend."

"I know you haven't collected any of Starlight's poop yet."

"It's so hard. I don't think that bitch even uses the bathroom when around others. She's tougher than Rarity. I don't know what to do. Spike helped me get Rarity's shit but that's only because he wanted to spend more time with Rarity. And there's no pony who is quite the scavenger he is."

"I know of some pony who can help!! Wheeeee!!"

"You? It requires..er.. discretion."

"Honestly, I find poop super icky. So not me. But you're not the only one in Ponyville with that kink. I know some other pony.. but oh boy.. that pony would kill me. Could you just tell her that I only did it to help you? Pinkie Promise?"

"Pinkie Promise."

Rainbow Dash was filled with hope. She couldn't believe what Pinkie told her. It couldn't be true. It couldn't be.

Rainbow made her way to Fluttershy's cottage and knocked on the door.

Rainbow heard a soft, "Just a minute, I'm coming."

Rainbow hoped it would be true. Fluttershy was so sweet and innocent - well, not so innocent if this is true - but still she could get Starlight's shit.

The door opened.

"Oh hey Rainbow Dash. How are you?"

"I need your help, Fluttershy. I know this is going to sound very weird but I.. um..."

Fluttershy blushed.

"I need your help with some extraction" finished Rainbow.

The yellow pegasus turned pink with embarrassment.

"Why me", asked Fluttershy, "oh, but honestly I know..and um...it's true."

"Really? I thought I was the only one."

"Mine is a little different though than yours. Gosh, all of my animal friends - they know that I love their fecal matter. I was so pleased when I learned I wasn't the only one who.. um.. you know."

"Yes!! So it is true. And please don't be mad at the one who told me, that one did it to help me."

"And don't you worry, Rainbow Dash. I will help you obtain Starlight Glimmer's poop!"

Rainbow Dash thought to herself, was she that obvious?

"Oh thank you Fluttershy!! Thank you!!"

"And besides, I lost Spike's poop. Unfortunately, when Angel is really naughty - he knows how to make me really upset. Maybe we should invite Starlight and Spike out to lunch. You know, Chipoate."

"I like the way you think, Flutters", said Rainbow Dash with a wink.

Author's Note

Will Spike and Starlight be successful with their plan?
What about Rainbow and Fluttershy?

Find out in the next chapter!

Chipoate

Spike and Starlight Glimmer were walking aimlessly through Ponyville. Neither of them really knew where to begin this quest. Starlight honestly just wanted to get out of Carousel Boutique before Rarity got out of the bathroom.

"So, any thoughts on the plan of action", asked Spike anxiously.

"I know that Twilight has been acting really weird for almost a year now. Some ponies, myself included, don't even know if she has taught a single thing about friendship the past year. However, it certainly wasn't caused by any of the shapeshifting spells I know or I would have revealed the imposter a long time ago."

"Maybe it is the real Twilight Sparkle."

"I got my doubts. She seems to have lost some of her memories too about friendship lessons."

"Until Celestia sent her on that friendship mission to Ponyville, Twilight didn't think much about friendship. Maybe she just decided friendship wasn't worth it. Could be your fault too for all I know."

"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a shallow diamond shitter?"

"I do and I am proud of it", said Spike pumping his chest.

"What do you two talk about besides sex?"

"Ummm..fashion and diamonds and whatever exciting excursion Fancy Pants has going on and.."

"Sounds boring to me."

Starlight thought that the young dragon was clueless about what love truly was - but she barely knew much about love herself, so who was she to judge?

"Umm..well, Rarity is quite special. As you know, she literally converts her food to diamonds. I bet you can't do that!"

"That's right and I wouldn't want to poop diamonds. Pooping is such a disgusting part of life and I wish that poop did not exist. I don't understand what the big deal is about shit! It stinks and is an inconvenience to everyday life. Except for fertilizer on a farm, I don't see any real benefits to poop."

"You don't get a feeling of pleasure after taking a big dump?"

"What!?!?", said Starlight with shock turning red in the face, "absolutely not! I hate poop and I think society would be better if it didn't exist!!"

"Woah", responded Spike, "I didn't know you felt so strongly about poop."

"The sewage system was the toughest part of running a village", said Starlight more calmly.

"Why do you hate poop?"

"I just do - okay. Maybe it is because I am stuck cleaning Twilight's stupid toilet since you left. I want you back and I want the real Twilight Sparkle back. My life has been fucking awful, okay!"

"Okay", said Spike, "so umm.. what should we do besides bitching about poop?"

"I was thinking that the answer could be in the Everfree Forest. Maybe Zecora knows what's going on - she seems to have a good idea of all the weird stuff without unicorn magic."

"Would you be okay with visiting Zecora if she uses poop to make some of her spells", said Spike with a chuckle.

"Yes, I'm not going to die. It's a sacrifice."

As the two turned towards the Everfree Forest, they heard a pony shout, "Hey Spike and Starlight!! Just the ones we wanted to see."

It was Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

"Oh, hey guys", said Spike.

"We don't have much time to talk", said Starlight, "important mission."

"Have you two eaten any food?", asked Fluttershy.

"Um, no", said Starlight, "I was thinking we would just find some food where we are going."

"You know what", said Spike, "are you inviting us out to lunch?"

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy nodded.

"I was thinking we could go to Chipoate - the food there is rad and they have discounts this week!!", said Rainbow Dash.

"Ooh, I could go for Chipoate", said Spike.

Starlight groaned. The poop enthusiast would certainly try but end up revealing one of Starlight's deepest secrets.

Rarity got out of the bathroom and saw Spike's note.

She thought to herself, "Oh, Spikey Wikey is going on a dragon quest. Maybe he'll meet some nice lady dragon and be out of my mane."

Rarity was horny again. Fancy Pants and Spike both being out would not do. Rarity gave Fancy a call.

"Hey Fancy, watcha' doing?"

"Oh lady Rarity, I am trying to purchase an ancient yet charming building to expand your business which could be your new Canterlot headquarters."

"Spikey is out. I need sex."

"My goodness, I will be right over!!"

Fancy Pants was able to teleport himself right to Carousel Boutique.

"I am always ready for you, Lady Rarity", said Fancy Pants with a grin.

"I know", responded Rarity with a wink, "you will be more than my plot buddy today."

"Ho ho, I do love the change of pace."

Rarity and Fancy Pants began to kiss passionately and made their way to the bed without taking their gaze off one another.

"Oh dear", said Fancy, "I might have forgotten a condom."

"I don't care - I want your babies, Fancy Pants", squealed Rarity.

"Perfect."

Fancy Pants began to mount Rarity as she moaned louder than she ever did with Spike. Rarity was in eternal bliss with Fancy Pants. The two planned to have sex nonstop.

"So big", whispered Rarity.

"That's what all of my lady friends say."

"But I'm your best lady friend, aren't I?"

"Of course, my lady Rarity."

Fancy Pants thrusted himself deep into Rarity and came in ten seconds flat.

"Ooh", said Rarity, "someone's horny. Good thing we got all the time in the world!!"

Spike, Starlight, Rainbow, and Fluttershy were all enjoying their lunch at Chipoate.

Starlight could see the 'gotcha' look on Rainbow's face. Starlight wouldn't be able to hide her secret much longer. The food was good though even if spiked with laxatives. She could already see Spike making quick glances to the restroom at the back of the restaurant.

"Thank you for taking us out", said Spike, "it's been a while since we all get together."

"I know", said Fluttershy, "it was so funny that we ran into each other like this."

"This is already one of my best days ever", said Rainbow Dash pumping up her front hooves.

"Oh, you always say that", responded Fluttershy with a giggle, "oh gee, you two are going somewhere. Don't you need to go to the bathroom?"

Spike rushed to the bathroom. Starlight didn't feel anything - she never did.

"Hey, I gotta go too", said Rainbow Dash, "I'll be right back." She rushed to the bathroom - presumably to collect whatever Spike was going to shit out.

"Starlight, you got a long journey, don't you", asked Fluttershy.

"Yeah but I'm not in a rush to use the bathroom like those other two."

"Oh my", said Fluttershy, "wonder why Rainbow ran into the mens' room."

"Ponyville doesn't care about which bathroom we go into. As long as no creepy perverts go into the ladies room!"

"Agreed on that", said Fluttershy, "I just realized that we haven't really talked to each other much - if at all."

"Yeah, it has been a shame", responded Starlight, "but these days I have been slaving away at Twilight's castle."

"I know. It is so sad what happened.. I don't know.. but oh my - there might be um.. spies here. We should continue this chat in the ladies' room."

Starlight rolled her eyes. She knew these two pegasi were working in cahoots on the whole poop thing. There was no use hiding it anymore.

Starlight nodded and said, "Good idea."

They could hear Rainbow snickering in the bathroom which Starlight noted made Fluttershy blush.

The two mares each went to their respective toilet.

"So, what do you think is wrong with Twilight", Fluttershy asked. Starlight could hear a small plop.

"She is acting so different lately. I think that Twilight is an imposter." Starlight thought about pretending to make pooping noises but she couldn't make any that were real.

"I suppose so. Twilight Sparkle just isn't the same anymore. But ponies change - like you.. who knows maybe the two of you changed personalities or something like that?"

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard, Fluttershy."

"Oh, okay."

Starlight let the last of her urine fall into the toilet but, as always, no poop. They would all know. Starlight thought about just flushing and hopefully the secret was out but surely Rainbow would have laced the food with a laxative so strong that it would clog the toilet. Starlight sighed and headed to the sink to wash her front hooves.

"Oh my", said Fluttershy, "I didn't think you would forget to flush. Lemme flush for you and... oh.... that's kind of odd."

"Why would it be so odd, Fluttershy?"

"Um...ummm", stuttered Fluttershy, "no reason - I... uh..."

"It's okay. I know Rainbow Dash has been wanting my poop. But boy do I have something special to tell you!"

"I'm listening."

"I can't take a shit, Fluttershy", said Starlight, "I never could."

"Wow..um..really?"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

The two mares left the bathroom. Rainbow Dash was anxiously watching. At least Starlight didn't have to worry about her stuff being examined by RD.

Rainbow Dash gave Fluttershy an angry glare like she failed.

Starlight couldn't let Fluttershy take the fall - she was too nice to deserve it.

"Look, Rainbow Dash. I know what you want and I wouldn't mind giving it to you if I could."

"Wait, what are you saying", asked Rainbow.

"My body cannot poop", whispered Starlight.

"WHAT!!!?!?!?! That's terrible", gasped Rainbow Dash almost too loud.

"Every pony is starting to stare", snarled Starlight, "let's continue this conversation outside."

They left Chipoate.

"Wait, so tell me - do you know why, Starlight?", asked Rainbow, "so you don't take shits?"

"Yeah, I don't", said Starlight, "see, it is related to my magical powers. Celestia.. this is so embarrassing. Ever since I was born, my magic made the food disappear on its own before I took a poop. This is the life I know and it doesn't bother me so much. But it always bothered me how much it bothers other ponies. When I was a foal, Sunburst would tell me about all the wonderful craps he would take and - my goodness - it made me sad that I couldn't enjoy such an activity with him. My parents told me it was just a sign of how gifted I was magically and they are probably right. Honestly, once I knew that Twilight could poop the first time the six of you visited my quaint village- I knew I was much better at magic than she was."

"That's not so bad that you can't poop", said Fluttershy, "it's true that you are a genius."

"No wonder you enslaved a village", said Spike with a chuckle.

"I, Rainbow Dash, promise to do whatever it takes to cure you of this disability!! Someday you will be like every other pony. I will work on research until the day I die!"

"What the fuck?", said Starlight, "all of this chitter chatter about poop is ridiculous!"

"Can I go back to Rarity now", asked Spike.

"Hmmm", said Starlight, "there is a good reason why you might want to stick around. You see - I know a spell. Yes, I do. It is a spell which will get rid of poop once and for all!!"

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy both looked horrified. Both of the pegasi began to cry.

Spike facepalmed and mumbled, "What the hell, Starlight?"

Author's Note

Where is Twilight?
Will Starlight actually rid the world of poop?
Find out in the next chapter.

Poop Science

"No", shouted Rainbow Dash, "you can not get rid of poop!! It's not fair."

Spike glared at Starlight Glimmer. He knew exactly what she was doing. Spike would play hardball and see what happens. He could live without pooping if it meant being with Rarity.

"Hmm", said Spike thoughtfully, "maybe what Starlight is proposing isn't so bad after all. I don't mind not being able to poop to be honest. In fact, if we could eliminate the poop in our bodies like Starlight - perhaps it's more efficient."

"It's not about efficiency", argued Rainbow Dash, "it's the pleasures of knowing that everything that is consumed ends in the same brown stool that we call poop. It all goes through the same digestive process just to end up as poop. And plus the smell is amazing."

Fluttershy nodded in agreement.

"Starlight Glimmer, please I am begging you", implored Rainbow, "you can't get rid of our poop. I feel so bad that you cannot poop yourself but you shouldn't take it away from others."

"I know", said Starlight despondently, "but poop has only caused me problems my whole life. I hate it! And you know very well I can end poop as we know it."

"Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it", said Spike.

"There is one thing I can think of which will stop me from destroying shit."

"Anything", said Rainbow anxiously, "anything - we'll do anything."

"It's up to Spike", said Starlight with a smile.

"Goddamn it", groaned Spike, "I just want to go back to Rarity.. but ugh.. Starlight Glimmer, will you promise to not destroy poop if I help you find Twilight Sparkle?"

"Certainly!"

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy both looked at Spike waiting for his answer. Damn.. those two really loved their shit.

"Fine, Starlight, I will help find Twilight."

"Great! Rainbow Dash, no need to fear. I shall live life knowing that I can't poop and be okay with it."

"But you have no need to fear", said Rainbow, "I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to cure your disability. And then you will finally be able to excrete fecal matter yourself."

"Oh goodness, I hope not - but I won't stop you. C'mon Spike. Let's go to the Everfree Forest."

Spike gulped but he needed to keep his promise. Or he would probably be killed by Rainbow and Fluttershy.

Spike and Starlight Glimmer approached the Everfree Forest. What a dark and scary place it was!

"Um", said Spike, "I don't know if you know this about me but.."

"You're a wimp", finished Starlight, "yes, I know. Look, I was thinking. Maybe we don't need to go into the Everfree Forest."

"Oh, good...... Wait, why?"

"All of that talk about poop got me to think about what might have happened. What is the worst thing that Twilight makes us do?"

"Those naked sponge baths", responded Spike with a shudder.

"I've managed to avoid that duty thankfully - but after that."

"Eating her out?"

"I don't think that's so bad but..I can see why you don't like it. One more guess?"

"Well if we're on the subject of poop - I guess it's the toilet cleaning."

"Third time's the charm! So, I am guessing that every pony has slightly different poop. That's why Rainbow Dash collects poop from each individual pony. Maybe the imposter Twilight has different poop than the real Twilight."

"I like the way you think", said Spike, "well - the poop stuff is nasty but I guess we might avoid a trip to Everfree Forest because the one pony who can help us is..."

"Rainbow Dash", finished Starlight.

"Yes - this could solve the mystery! And we can find out that Twilight isn't an imposter and I can go home."

"There's always the possibility that the imposter could have duplicated Twilight's poop as well but I don't think this fake Twilight is particularly smart."

"You think every pony is stupid."

"True. If you want to go home, I will just do a little cleaning and.."

"Fine! Let's go examine some poop."

Thanks to Starlight's spell, Spike and Starlight were able to make it to Rainbow's house pretty easily.

"Rainbow Dash", said Starlight while knocking on the door, "we could use your assistance!"

"Is this about Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yeah."

"Come on in!"

They opened the door to find Rainbow Dash sporting a lab coat and wearing glasses. She said, "Thank Celestia, you're both here. Can you help me identify exactly how magic can stop poop from fully forming?"

"Maybe another time", said Starlight, "but wow, you have really been working hard on this."

"I always look out for my friends."

"So, you consider me a friend?"

Rainbow twitched slightly and said, "If you're not going to destroy the poop - then yes."

Spike whispered to Starlight, "I think she was talking about Fluttershy and the other poop freaks."

"Fluttershy too", whispered Starlight.

"Yeah - she goes gaga over the animal poop - including mine. That's something you can't tell other ponies."

"I understand."

"So what do you guys need from me", asked Rainbow.

"We need a poop analysis stat", said Spike, "do you have a sample of Twilight's poop from over a year ago and one more recent."

"Of course", responded Rainbow Dash, "I sort it chronological order so it should be easy to sort."

Starlight Glimmer shuddered - she hoped that Rainbow never figured out how to make her poop.

Rainbow Dash sprinted towards her collection and found two jars of Twilight's poop. She opened the older jar and gave it a long sniff. Rainbow gave a pleasurable moan and said, "Oh yeah, this is the good stuff. Looks to be from a successful and incredibly magical pony friend of mine - maybe one who figured out how to shit despite any disabilities."

"Ugh, Twilight studies a lot but she is no where as good as me", said Starlight with a snarl.

"Relax", giggled Rainbow, "I was just kidding around with you. I know Twilight poops like normal ponies. Okay - now let's examine the second one."

She opened up the jar and began to cough.

"Not bad but wasn't what I was expecting."

"Huh?"

"You see. This specimen isn't quite as accomplished as the first one. It is just so bland. It doesn't make me think of Twilight Sparkle at all. Hmmm - let me take both of the poops out."

Rainbow took each poop out of its respective jar and examined each one under a microscope.

"Curious - curious."

Spike and Starlight were both impressed that Rainbow was doing anything studious/academic - seemed it took shit to turn Rainbow into a scientist.

"Fascinating. These specimens are so different. I do not think the second one comes from Twilight Sparkle at all. In fact, I doubt it originated from an unicorn. Seems more like a pegasus poop to me - this is odd for sure."

"So you're saying that pony who has been treating us like shit may not actually be Twilight Sparkle."

"Based on this poop, I can say conclusively that bitch in the castle is not Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"C'mon Spike", said Starlight, "let's go beat the shit out of that imposter!"

"Can't wait, hate that bitch!"

Author's Note

The proof is in the poop. Can Spike and Starlight defeat the imposter and find the real Twilight Sparkle?

The Imposter

Spike and Starlight Glimmer rushed to Twilight Sparkle's castle as fast as they could.

"I feel so awful", said Spike, "I really had no idea that Twilight was ponynapped."

"Well that's why you have me around", responded Starlight, "let's go kick some ass."

"And hope no poop falls out."

"Yeah, I hope not."

The two barged into the castle where they saw Twilight Sparkle lying on a big chair with Fleur filing her hooves.

"IMPOSTER", shouted Starlight Glimmer, "you must tell us now the whereabouts of the real Twilight Sparkle!"

"You're insane, I am the real Twilight Sparkle!!"

"We know you're not", said Spike, "we went to Rainbow Dash."

Twilight groaned and said, "Maybe my poop just changed - maybe you were just smelling Rainbow Dash's sexual discharge on the poop. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle and you must bow down to me!!"

"Well she did say that it seemed like pegasus poop", said Spike.

"Please.....shut....up", said Starlight with gritted teeth.

"I am so glad that you both came back to me", said Twilight with an evil grin, "Fleur can't do all of these chores all by herself."

"But I have been extra good to the Princess, right?"

"Yes you have. You are my favorite assistant, Fleur de Lis."

Fleur flashed a smile to Starlight and Spike.

"And my Princess, if these two choose to fight you - I will take your side in battle."

"Thank you, Fleur. Of course, you would be absolutely useless in battle but I appreciate the efforts."

Fleur kept the stupid grin on her face but certainly she couldn't have been too happy with the insult.

"By default, I win", said Twilight Sparkle, "you cannot defeat me in battle. I am much too powerful at magic."

"No you are not", responded Starlight, "I will destroy you!!"

"Oh - I see that you are still so evil. Spike, don't you see that Starlight hasn't changed her ways. She wants to destroy poor me - Twilight Sparkle. Starlight, without me, you are nothing! You would still be an insecure wench who can't let go of something minorly inconveniencing from her childhood."

"Fuck you - I am about to go Super Saiyan on you!"

Spike gave Starlight a nudge and whispered, "Not yet. I have an idea."

"No Spike! I will kill her."

"She will turn Ponyville against you", said Spike.

"Spike is right", said Twilight, "if you lay a hoof on me - I will certainly have all of Equestria against you. They will send you to Tartarus for trying to kill me. I am sorry that you think I am shit but I am the almighty Twilight Sparkle and the world thinks I am fabulous."

"You are definitely an imposter. The real Twilight Sparkle would never say that about herself."

"I don't know what to say", responded Twilight, "I have gained some self confidence over the years. It is better than your blustering insecurity where you try to act all tough."

"I will surrender to you, Twilight Sparkle", said Spike, "I am sorry for the way I acted. I just didn't like cleaning the toilet."

Starlight sighed. She hoped whatever Spike was thinking would work in their favor.

"Excellent judgment, Spike. I shall reward you with a special treat." Twilight motioned to her pussy and said, "Spike, please eat me out."

Spike shuddered. He did it with Rarity so many times but it seemed disgusting doing it with Twilight. Spike headed towards Twilight's pussy and began to move his tongue around it. He could hear Twilight's moans of pleasure.

"Oh Spike", moaned Twilight, "no wonder, Rarity loves you - you are useful."

"Rarity loves me", asked Spike.

"Of course, she does. What? Has that manipulative Starlight Loser been telling you different?"

Spike continued to eat Twilight out.

"Since you're just a little pathetic dragon, you might be shocked by this but I think that not only Rarity loves you - the other pony who loves you is.."

Before Twilight could finish, Spike could see that she was being trapped in a magical force field. Spike eagerly took his tongue out.

Spike could only watch as Twilight began to change form. Her horn had disappeared completely as well as her mane and just about everything else changed. Spike heard a loud yell. He turned around and saw that Starlight was still activating the spell.

The new pony fell to the ground. Spike and Starlight looked at shock and saw it was no other than Flash Sentry. It was that incompetent pegasus of the Royal Guard. He had apparently disappeared from society but nobody cared because he was a loser.

Flash opened his eyes and said, "You must all obey your Princess!"

Fleur gagged and said, "You're not a real princess - screw you guys, I am going home!" Fleur ran out of the castle.

"W-w-w-w-hat", quivered Flash with confusion.

"You have been exposed", said Starlight Glimmer, "now you will tell us exactly where Twilight is."

"Oh, and why should I do that?"

"Because we are going to reveal that you have been masquerading around as Twilight for a whole year and everyone is going to hate you more than they do now."

"You will have to defeat me first", said Flash. He began to charge at Starlight. Starlight was prepared with a spell - but in a split second, Flash began to choke.

"I..I...ack....ack... Twilight Sparkle is...ack...ack....". Flash fell to the ground. He was most certainly dead.

"What just happened? Spike, do you know?"

"I have no idea but whatever it is...I don't think it was so good."

"Flash Sentry is dead but we still don't know what happened to Twilight Sparkle."

A filly suddenly appeared in their line of vision. It was a yellow filly with a red bow - no other than Apple Bloom.

"Ah just killed Flash for you", said Apple Bloom with a smile, "you're welcome."

"How did you do it", asked Spike.

"It was easy. Invisibility potion. I got to the castle before you two did. Ah had a feeling that you both were going to figure out the truth sooner or later - so I needed to kill Flash Sentry."

"Wait... wait... but you're Apple Bloom? You're just a filly", said Starlight with surprise.

"I love that y'all underestimate lil' ol me", said Apple Bloom. She suddenly pulled a sword out of nowhere, jumped into the air and used it to decapitate Flash.

"Now, do you underestimate me?"

Starlight and Spike shook their heads nervously.

"So it is obvious that you know something about Twilight Sparkle's whereabouts", began Starlight.

"Ah do."

"How did you get Flash to impersonate Twilight?"

"Ah may not have yer magic but I am quite proficient at potions and am smarter than any of you."

"Oh, you aren't smarter than me - you little brat! I figured out your scheme!"

"Umm... remember the sword thing that happened a minute ago", said Spike shaking.

"Ok. But yeah, Apple Bloom, you caused us a year of torture. Why would you do this?"

"Nothing personal", said Apple Bloom, "ah was actually waiting for the day you would figure it out. Took you much longer than I expected."

Starlight was ready to charge at Apple Bloom but she remembered the decapitation - well, Spike had to remind her again.

"Flash Sentry is a loser that no pony will miss", continued Apple Bloom, "that's why I chose him. I know exactly where Twilight Sparkle is but you both need to do something for me first."

"What is that exactly?"

"Ah consider myself an entrepreneur. An ambitious self-starter. I'm quite fascinated by the whole poop thing myself. You both know the same thing I know about Rarity and Fancy Pants. They answer the question of where diamonds come from. I was thinking that if I started my own diamond farm that I could be super rich. Ah could make diamond hats, diamond houses, diamond carts, diamond cupcakes, diamond anything. Ah can be the diamond master but I need Rarity and Fancy Pants in my captivity in order to make it possible. Once you bring them to me, ah will tell you where Twilight has been at. She is okay but she does dearly miss her friends. But ah treat her well."

"That's it", said Starlight, "ok Spike - we can bring those two to Apple Bloom easily and then we can free Twilight.

"Huh, what do you mean "That's it".", asked Spike, "we can't trust Bloom. It's pretty clear she's a psychopath."

"Ponies used to think I was evil."

"Hahahaha", laughed Apple Bloom, "if you know everything I have done - even you would admit that village thing and your botched time travel experiment were foal's play. But all I want these days is to be a diamond farmer, can you help me?"

"Yes, we will help you."

"No - absolutely not", growled Spike, "I am going back to Carousel Boutique now to warn them!!"
Spike ran out of the castle. Starlight began to chase after Spike but she was pinned down by Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom shook her head and said, "We don't need Spike. Ah only need you. Do you want to see Twilight again? It is clear that Spike made his choice. Have you made yours?"

Starlight nodded.

"Good, then you will do exactly what I say."

Author's Note

Final chapter coming up - what will happen?

Diamonds

Spike ran faster than he ever ran in his life. He needed to save Rarity!! Spike knew that he probably was risking the real Twilight Sparkle and her life for this.. but he loved Rarity so much. How could Starlight not want to protect Rarity? But he knew Starlight would be asking how he could not protect Twilight. Perhaps it was wrong for him to be mad at Starlight - since her reformation, she had only been kind and helpful towards Spike.

Spike would figure out a way to save both Twilight and Rarity.
He heard loud moans of pleasure coming in from Carousel Boutique. Fancy Pants must be back.

Spike opened the door and shouted, "Rarity!! Fancy Pants!! You are both in danger!!"

"Just a minute, Spikey Wikey...ohhhhhh...ohhhhhh….Fancy, you know how to use that so proficiently."

"Hoh hoh. Oh, about us being in danger - Spike, you can fight the danger for us, right?"

"My big strong dragon ", said Rarity with a moan, "and ohhhhh...my big strong stallion."

Spike would save them both even if they were literally putting themselves in harm's way. He was Rarity's big strong dragon after all. Spike pumped up his chest and prepared for Apple Bloom's arrival.

Spike was about to close the door but he saw a flash of yellow and another flash of light purple. Shit..shit… they were coming.

Spike took his chances and closed the door.

"Too late, Spike."

Spike turned around and saw Apple Bloom and Starlight Glimmer. Apple Bloom was grinning from ear to ear. Starlight looked more concerned.

"You can't do this... ummmm… look.. there are plenty of diamonds here at Carousel Boutique. Just take them. It's not like they will notice."

"These diamonds are most valuable when right out of the anus", said Apple Bloom, "ah can't shape these to the form I wish. But nice try. You know that we don't want to hurt you."

"I know", said Spike, "but I can't let you harm them."

"Harm them?", said Apple Bloom with a laugh, "well in a sense - ah suppose so but they won't see it like that. Are you well-versed in your history?"

"Huh?"

"The Roman unicorns - a bunch of pompous aristocrats who kept the poor in their place. 1500 years ago. A wealthy empire which had a lot of accomplishments to boast. However, towards the end, they were too busy having sex and shitting diamonds. That's all they did and the barbarian ponies came in and destroyed the empire. Rarity and Fancy Pants are descendants of those unicorns who weren't watching the store and let such a beautiful empire fall to the ground. They will be just fine in my master plan."

"Come on", added Starlight, "Apple Bloom is right. Rarity and Fancy Pants will do fine on the farm."

"You're just saying that because you think Twilight will come back."

"Oh, she will", said Apple Bloom, "do you really think I have any desire to keep Twilight locked up much longer? Ah can't believe you, Spike. You are choosing Rarity over Twilight."

"Yes", said Spike, "I am."

"In that case", said Apple Bloom, "Starlight - you know what you need to do."

Starlight nodded and said, "I'm sorry Spike, I promise this won't hurt." Starlight cast a spell on Spike and he fell asleep.

Starlight and Apple Bloom went into the room where Rarity and Fancy Pants were having sex. Rarity was too busy giving Fancy Pants a blowjob to notice what was happening.

"Ugh, so nasty", said Apple Bloom, "Starlight, just stun them - please."

Starlight closed here eyes and put together the stun spell. Rarity and Fancy Pants were both paralyzed. Unfortunately, for the filly and mare, a less than desirable position but it would do the job. Apple Bloom took out a shrinking potion from her bag and shrunk the two unicorns. She stuffed them in her bag.

"I'll show you where Twilight is now."

Spike opened his eyes. Where the hell was he?

The ground felt grassy. He must have been outside.

Spike looked up and saw an apple tree. On that tree was a large cage. He could hear crying. Oh no... they got Rarity!?!? Spike used all of his strength to pick himself up and tried to run up the tree but with little success.

"Spike, it's no use."

Spike recognized that voice... could it be?

Twilight Sparkle?

Spike turned around and it was indeed Twilight.

"Oh Spike, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Twilight, but don't you see what is happening to Rarity?"

"I know."

"Huh?"

Spike then saw Apple Bloom and Starlight Glimmer within his line of vision.

"This was all part of my plan all along", said Apple Bloom, "ah needed those diamond producers for my diamond farm."

"And I think Apple Bloom has proven to be a promising young businesspony ", said Twilight, "she told me her idea and I knew that you, Spike, would be the only one who could bring Rarity to Apple Bloom. I am so sorry that you had to deal with Flash for so long. Didn't think it would take a year to figure it out."

"That's what ah said."

Starlight shook her head and said, "Your plan was obnoxiously convoluted. I am certain that anyone can see the plotholes in the plan."

"Not if you're as smart as me", said Apple Bloom.

"Oh, I disagree."

"Whatever to save your fragile ego, I guess."

"Why you little!?!?"

"Relax", said Twilight, "Starlight - relax. Apple Bloom, stop goading my protégé, please."

"Fine. See - you are the Princess of Friendship. Unlike that imposter", said Starlight, "but I have to say, you really impressed me. So you were behind this all along?"

"Yeah I was. Diamonds are going to change Equestria for the better. It took this precocious filly to show me the light. She was the one who told me that Rarity could poop diamonds."

"But-but..but...but Rarity", said Spike.

They could hear a shout from the tree, "Spikey Wikey - why aren't you freeing us from the tree?"

"Oh my dear", said Fancy Pants, "Spikey Wikey is too weak to save us."

"So true - let us continue having sex. Seems very risqué doing it in the cage on here."

Apple Bloom shook her head and said, "See, they will be fine. They can just keep fucking each other on my diamond farm and make me diamonds."

Spike was feeling sad. He couldn't believe they said that about him. He felt a slight tap to his shoulder.

Starlight Glimmer.

"Hey, Spike. I hope you're ok."

"I can't believe it. Do they really think I'm weak like that? Or are they just scared of being in that cage." The all-too-familiar moans of pleasure told Spike it wasn't the latter.

"If they think you're weak, they are so stupid. You are one of the strongest and bravest creatures I know. I am glad to consider you a friend and..."

Spike stared at Starlight and said, "And..."

Starlight brought her face closer to Spike's face. The two stared at each other. Starlight gave Spike a kiss on the cheek. Spike reciprocated with a kiss on the lips. Starlight smiled. The two engaged in a passionate kiss which could have lasted forever. Spike was done with Rarity.

"Something tells me we'll be doing this a lot", said Starlight.

"Yeah", said Spike with a grin, "I really liked that."

Spike and Starlight left the Everfree Forest claw in hoof. They assumed that Apple Bloom would take care of business.

Spike and Starlight decided to move back into Twilight's castle. He was pleased to have a marefriend who truly cared about him. The same with Starlight who had her own unhealthy romantic obsession with Sunburst for years.

Spike moved into Starlight's bedroom and the two got into their own routine. The sex wasn't as wild as with Rarity but Spike appreciated the change in pace.

Spike was excited about today though. It was the grand opening of the Diamond Farm. Right at Carousel Boutique.

Spike nuzzled Starlight to wake up, "we shouldn't be late."

"Huh, oh you're right. Wouldn't miss the Diamond Farm for the world."

Starlight and Spike took front row seats at the Carousel Boutique room. They saw Rainbow Dash (still in her glasses and lab coat) with Applejack.

"Hey Rainbow", said Starlight, "still working on that poop thing?"

"Most of the time but some pony keeps distracting me from my work."

"Heh heh", said Applejack, "ah think ah know which pony that is."

"And I love it, babe."

The two of them nuzzled their snouts and kissed.

"We are all so proud of your sister, Applejack", said Starlight.

"Yeah, she's as smart as a whip - as frightening as one too but she looks out for us."

Apple Bloom and Twilight Sparkle approached the podium.

"My my this is a mighty big crowd", said Apple Bloom, "ah am glad so many ponies and others have decided to show up. As you all know, Rarity has agreed to let me take charge of Carousel Boutique going forward. Ah changed the name to the Diamond Farm! It's like the ol' farm where ah grew up but instead, it is diamonds."

"Our main diamond miners are busy at work right now and couldn't make it", said Twilight, "but we wanted to show you the whole collection of diamond products."

"Ah know y'all love it."

"I think it is all shit", shouted a pony from the audience.

"Oh Bon-Bon", said Twilight nervously, "you are right - it is shit but..."

"Hold on", said Bon-Bon, "I didn't say it was a bad thing. I think it is incredible actually. Lyra and I don't have much money but we would love to buy two of your diamond saddles."

"Two diamond saddles SOLD!!", shouted Twilight Sparkle.

"Alright every pony", said Apple Bloom with glee, "plenty of diamond products to go around!!"

The audience could hear grunting and moaning from upstairs.

"Ummm", said Twilight, "that's just our miners hard at work with the diamonds."

Twilight motioned at Starlight and Spike. They knew what they needed to do.

The two went upstairs.

"Oh, this is going to be too easy", said Starlight.

"I know. We'll be more quiet."

They opened the door. Starlight stunned Rarity and Fancy Pants and pushed them off the bed.

"This is definitely the beginning of a beautiful relationship", said Starlight.
Spike nodded with agreement and added, "they should be paralyzed till midnight, right?".
"I guess we'll find out."

The two began to make love (quietly - of course) until the sun went down.

Author's Note

I hope you all enjoyed this story! Even though the premise is shitty.

StarSpike!