“Now son it’s just until this evening, so as long as you keep the little buggers company for the day you’ll be set! It’s as simple as taking them to the park and making sure they have lunch and their naps.” Mr Cake tells you as he loads the back of the double stroller with all the necessary baby items for the twins.

It was the early hours of the morning, and the sun was just peeking out over the horizon highlighting your bedhead and sunken eyes. Apparently prep time for the Cakes to make all of this party crap for rich people is going to take all morning so you have to pick up the babies early, as in 5 in the Celestia Christ screaming in agony on the cross AM early.

“Don’t sweat it, Mr Cake, the kids are going to have a blast!” You reassure him, “I’m a regular… shoot I had something for this.”

“Manly Poppins?” Pinkie says coming up from behind you, bright-eyed and literally bushy-tailed.

“Da--Man, that one's actually better,” you say morosely.

“Aww, is Nonny a cranky-wanky pants?” Pinkie says jabbing your side with a hoof. Just one makes you exhale sharply.

“No, I’m good Pinks,” you say. You were determined to be grumpy. But for Pinkie that gave her the green light to begin her assault.

“I don’t knowwwww, sounds like Nonny has a case of the Grumpies! I know what the cure for that is!” Pinkie primes her hooves at either side of you before you realize what’s happening. Getting the drop on someone who’s sleep-deprived and vulnerable, how wicked.

Your sides didn’t stand a chance before being launched into orbit by Pinkie’s assault, and in no short time, she had you cackling and teary-eyed. The twins who were dozing this whole time in the stroller are jolted awake by Auntie Pinkie’s antics and start making all the happy baby noises that babies make. More like the crowd in an arena watching and cheering as the pink lion tore apart the innocent gladiator.

“P-HAH-Pinkie okay okay I get it!” You manage to get out. The mare has brought you to your knees at this point, it’s just gruesome.

Finally, after eons of this torment, Pinkie relents.

“I think I managed to get all of the Grumpies out, whaddya think Baby Cakes?” Pinkie turns to her audience. With bated breath, you watch the two and await their answer. After a moment, they laugh and clap their hooves in response. The judges have chosen to spare you, and so you live another day.

“Well, looks like you’re all set Nonny!” she says as she backs down and makes her way to the foals, “I’ll pick you guys up later, so be good for Uncle Nonny okay?” and she’s met with more delighted babbling as she rubs noses with them.

As she and Mr Cake disappear inside you’re left sitting on your butt face to face(s) with the pegasus boy and unicorn girl, and at that moment you felt a bit trepidatious. Twilight told you that pony babies seemed to be leagues ahead of how advanced you described human babies being, and Pinkie did tell you the story about how her first time babysitting them went… but you can’t be deterred at this point, no going back now. Plus they’re babies, how hard could it be?

You figured that the Cakes and Pinkie weren’t going to take too long to get the job done, so you strolled the kids and yourself to the park, and this early in the morning it was pretty empty save for some ponies out for their morning jog. Or was it trot? It’s too early to care.

You rolled out the blanket you grabbed from the stroller under the shade of a large tree, and since it was so early the babies had dozed off on the way here, and so you deposited them on the blanket where they promptly curled up next to each other. It was pretty damn cute honestly, they looked downright angelic in their peaceful slumber. You chalk Pinkie’s cautionary tale about her first time sitting to her being bombastic like she always is.

Leaning against a tree next to the foals you pop open a book Twilight loaned to you, you made extra sure that it wasn’t one of her fanfictions she wrote up this time. While you agreed to keep it confidential between each other you still find the experience of reading it… burned into your mind. It wasn’t extreme or anything alarmingly degenerate, but it certainly was like a car accident, you couldn’t look away from it.

You felt the weight of your own body pushing you deeper into the earth, and the subtle throbbing of your muscles from yesterday’s workout made you feel that much more depleted. Man, this morning breeze made you feel so relaxed. You had a coffee though, so no doubt you were going to make it through the day. You open the book and start the first chapter, it was a gripping tale about…

“Mr Anon? Hey, Mr Anon! Wakey wakey sleepyhead!”

Your eyes pop open and in front of you is Scootaloo, a scrappy filly you came to know in your time here. Mostly because she and her friends tried their damndest to get you a cutie mark shortly after your arrival. You don’t believe their crusade has ended since then, they have a habit of roping you into their shenanigans.

Wait. UH OH.

Your mind flies into a panicked frenzy upon the realization that you had dozed off and left the babies basically by themselves. You were so screwed, and the last thing you saw before the Cakes hoofed you to death was Pinkie’s disappointed face. How would you ever recover from-- oh. Having crawled into your lap the precious babes had nested together in your crossed legs.

“Whoah, did I spook you Mr Anon?” Scootaloo asks, startled.

You put your face in your hands and breathe out an immense sigh of relief. The sound of it causes the babies to stir, and they let out little yawns as they begin to wake as well.

“No Scoot, I just need to know what offering I need to give to your pony god for saving my ass from a major problem,” you say.

“You mean Celestia? Hate to break it to you Mr Anon but she only moves the sun, she doesn’t really do much else. You’re babysitting the twins though?”

“Yeah I am, wait what time is it?” You ask.

Scootaloo looks at the sky, “From the look of it I’d say… a little past nine?”

“I fell asleep for four hours!?” You exclaim, and the babies leave your lap to stretch their legs.

“You’re not an early riser Mr Anon are you?” Scootaloo says teasingly.

“No, apparently not,” you say as you tussle her mane, “But I do owe you one Scoot, who knows what would have happened if I was asleep any longer.”

“Oh! Oh! Could you get me ice cream? Sweetie Belle said that Mr Scoop made a birthday cake flavor!” Scootaloo says excitedly.

“It’s a deal Scoot, lead the way.”

Mr Scoop was a pretty cool guy, he even had baby cones for the little ones to enjoy, and honestly, they deserved a treat too after your little slip. You and Scootaloo take a seat at a nearby bench with the babies happily lapping at their cones in their stroller.

“So why are you all alone today Scoot? Or are Applebloom and Sweetie Bell trying to get cutie marks in hiding?”

She sighs in response, “Nah, we tried that one already. Sweetie is off on a shopping trip with Rarity in Canterlot and Applebloom is at a family meeting all day. Something about turning their crops around or something.”

You feel for the poor kid, you didn’t have a wealth of friends either back home and when they were all busy you felt bored out of your mind. Video games and pornography didn’t exactly count as quality wastes of time either, and she had access to neither. At least you hoped so.

As you conversed with the filly the babies continued to indulge themselves with ice cream, but alas, disaster strikes in the best of times. As Pound Cake licked his cone, he gets too overzealous and ends up knocking the scoop out and onto the grass below. He couldn’t believe this, nothing more terrible would ever happen in his entire life or anyone else's life than this.

Instead of immediately wailing he turns to his sister and gives her a pleading look to share. Pumpkin Cake has already devoured the entire cone though, sissy never wants to share her food.

“Well, you’re free to hang with me all day if you want, kid. How’s school going?” You say trying to shift her focus onto something else.

“It’s going good I guess, school’s almost out for the summer. They’re throwing a graduation party for everyone and Ms Cheerilee wants us to find chaperones or helpers or whatever.”

“A party huh, I bet Pinkie’s throwing it,” you say.

“Oh yeah, she’s thrown all of them since as long as I can remember. They’re fun and all, but they make such a big deal over it even though we’re still going to be there for like, two more years.”

His lip quivered and frustrated tears filled his eyes, but suddenly he remembered the nice ice cream man. Twisting and turning in his seat he sees Mr Scoop packing his cart and moving on down the road. He had to catch him!

“Ms Cheerilee sure is a busy mare huh. Well why don’t you put me down as one of those ‘whatevers’, I’d be happy to help out.” You just might be formulating an idea.

“Really? That’s awesome! You’ll be like the only adult that isn’t suuuper boring.”

Pound Cake struggles and squirms against the tight embrace of his buckle, but he was not deterred. He’s bested this foe before and he shall do it again! The little pegasus makes short work of that vice, and he putters off in the direction the ice cream man went with his little wings.

“Heh, thanks Scoot. When is it anyway?” You ask.

“In a little over a couple weeks actually. I’ll let Ms Cheerliee know when I see her.”

“Ah dun!” Pumpkin Cake squeaks, munching her last bit of waffle cone.

“Aw, I didn’t know you guys could… talk.” Your eyes almost pop out of their sockets. The universe faked you out the first time, and it struck when you dropped your guard.

“What’s the matt--” Scootaloo stops short, and mirrors the look of abject horror.

“UH OH.” You both say.

“Uh oh!” Pumpkin Cake mimics.

Ugh. You loved the Cakes like family and you loved doing your job, but back to back rushed buffet orders could pop even the most bubbly of ponies. You rested your chin on one of the tables of Sugarcube Corner, pink curls obscuring your vision as your mane droops in front of your face.

“Ha, and they say the young’uns have more energy than us old-timers huh dear?” Mr Cake says.

“Oh hush Carrot,” Mrs Cake says playfully prodding him, “You look absolutely pooped Pinkie!” She says to you. Mrs Cake was like a mom away from your mom, and the scent of mocha in front of your face shows that she’s always on top of making sure you’re in tippity toppity shape.

“Thanks Mrs Cake, I feel like poop right now.” You manage to lift your immensely heavy noggin from the table and take some sips of the hot drink. Mmm, whipped cream, your favorite!

“Well catch your breath dear, everything’s in the oven so we caught ourselves a half hour break!” Mrs Cake says as she sits across from you in the booth, Mr Cake sitting beside her.

“How do you think Nonny is doing with the kids?” you ask the Cakes. Nonny is super duper, but usually the Cakes are pretty picky about choosing a sitter, they pretty much only let you or Fluttershy babysit. Even Flutters was a dicey one to them, on account of the fact they saw the kids cuddling with her bear when they came to pick them up.

“Well, you talked so highly about Anon we knew we were leaving the kids in good hands! He’s helped around here enough to have some trust anyhow, the Corner wouldn’t have gotten it’s new paint job last month without him!” Mr Cake says confidently.

You remembered that day, and how when you went out to bring them lemonade to the boys Nonny had taken his shirt off in the heat of the day. He wasn’t a fuzzy dude like other stallions, so you could see every one of those muscles rippling with every movement. Another Pinkie had to invade that memory to spritz you with a water bottle and jolt you back to the present.

“And when you declared him their Uncle, we just had to believe that this guy was worth his weight, don’tcha know.” Mrs Cake says, cooly.

“Ha, that’s right! ‘Uncle Nonny’ sounded pretty natural coming from you Pinkie, seems like you were pretty sure of it!” Mr Cake adds, not even trying to hold back his giggles.

Ok, if you weren’t blushing already you were definitely a good few shades darker than pink right now. You’d have to change your name now, something like Red-ie Pie or Maroon Pie, which would mean all of your cuff links would be worthless!

“Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Haha I don’t know what you’re talking about, sure I really really like Nonny but I mean come on I don’t know what makes you think that I super duper lovey dovey like Nonny--”

“Pinkie, you know that we know you ramble when you lie.” Mr Cake says.

“What my dear husband is trying to say Pinkie is that Anon is a very nice boy, and we both think if you really like him you should tell him your feelings.” Mrs Cake says warmly.

“Oh? Where was that bravery when we were first going out hun?” Mr Cake turns to her with a playfully raised brow.

“Hah!” Mrs Cake laughs, “I remember a colt so nervous that he was shaking the whole time on our first three dates like a jittery junebug, and I distinctly remember having to be the first one to kiss that colt too!”

“I keep telling you that I kissed you first!” Mr Cake retorts.

“Pretending to drop your popcorn at the drive in just to have an excuse to kiss my cheek doesn’t count, dear.”

Mr Cake lets out a snort, “Anyway, we’re saying that there’s no chance he’ll turn a swell mare like you down,” you were sure they’ll resume this little argument later.

You were definitely a jittery junebug right now, and it wasn’t the coffee. The Cakes had a habit of teasing you just like parents do. But, you trusted them. Better you tell them instead of your real parents anyway, otherwise your actual mom and dad would be hunting down Nonny’s parents and settling a marriage right away. Oh jeez, now you’ve got that on your mind again.

“It’s just… I never had too much luck with stallions and the whole mushy gushy romance stuff,” You say running your hoof around the rim of the mug, “What if I just end up driving him away? What if he decides to skip town because he’s so embarrassed? What if he decides to go back--?”

“Pinkie,” Mrs Cake places a hoof on your shaking one, “Listen to yourself! There’s no way that that’s ever going to happen.”

“Yeah Pinkie, you’re talking to the experts here, we were the Nose Nuzzling Champions of Ponyville two years in a row you know!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that!” Mrs Cake remembers fondly, “We had to throw in the towel after hour four to Bright Mac and Pear Butter though. They went undefeated for years!”

“Hey, I said we were experts, not the masters. But we’re still pretty darn good at lovin’,” He says rubbing his cheek against hers, “And as an expert, I can tell you you just have to find your element and work with it Pinkie.”

“My element?” You ask, “Like the Harmony one?”

“Kind of?” Mr Cake says, “You’re the best party thrower in Equestria, just use your next party as a way to get in close with Anon, you’re bound to be a lot more confident in your own environment!”

“Oh! The little ones are having their graduation bash soon, I’m sure that Anon will be there lending helping hoov--hands to the party!” Mrs Cake adds.

“That’s perfect! See Pinkie, the pieces are already falling into place for you, you just gotta make them click!” Mr Cake beams.

You feel a lot better hearing their pep talk. You couldn’t deny your feelings for Nonny, and you were determined to throw a party so good that he wouldn’t be able to resist wrapping you in those big strong arms of his! You could see it now, a shirtless Anon riding to the Corner on the back of a giant Gummy.

“Pinkamena,” Noggin Nonny says, “My muse, my beautiful dollop of frosting on the cupcake of my life, ride with me!”

“Oh Nonny!” You say swooning with your flowery dress billowing dramatically in the wind, “I never thought you’d ask! Take me away to the ends of Equestria!”

Nonny pulls you into his arms and Gummy charges off into the sunset, all of the other Pinkies in town screaming with joy and cheering for you two until you disappear into the distance.

Multiple timers ring from within the kitchen as you finish your thought. You’ll definitely be saving that one for later.

“Back to work!” Mr Cake says rising from his seat.

“Let’s do this!” you say with new vigor, you were definitely fired up now!

In a land far from Pinkie or Anon, a shadowy alicorn sits looking out over a parapet, waiting to make her next move.

Author's Note

How it do everybody, here's the new chapter! Obviously from the title it's a two-parter, and the second part is already almost done, so expect that one soon!
The story is getting to a point that I'm really excited to finally start working on, so I hope you all enjoy!