Your foe stands imposingly before you once more in the dream realm, the dark green hues of Anon’s subconscious swirling in contrast to the soft light colors that mixed around each other in the landscape beyond. Time was of the essence, yet you were frozen in perplexity. Never before had you encountered a mind so enigmatic in your realm, much less one that not only had the ability to disable your magic but was also able to remove you from itself entirely. A shadow of anxiety begins to creep from the corners of your mind as you try to think; he hasn’t tried to harm you in any significant way but that does not mean that he did not have the ability should he actually be conscious when his mind rejects you.

You decide that entering his mind, his territory was no longer a viable option. Not when you risk putting yourself in real danger by not having your magic available to you. You would have to somehow put the ball in your court, but how?

It all seemed so easy before, you thought to yourself as you gazed upon the colorful orbs of creatures enjoying a peaceful slumber. Then again, you never had to try very hard to whisk away any nightmares that plagued them. You willed these fears and anxieties to be erased with a single thought, and it was so. Desperately, you wanted this cycle of happiness to remain the way it was, which is why you must do whatever it takes to ensure their safety.

Upon this realization, a novel idea strikes you. It would require the utmost finesse, and holding everything together would require every bit of magical skill you have acquired in all your years of maintaining this realm. You exerted your will upon the realm, and a pink sphere rose in the distance from the sea of others and floated over to you. Slowly you pushed it and Anon’s spheres together, and like two soap bubbles kissing they snapped together into a larger sphere. For a moment it seemed that the forest green had consumed the other in its entirety, causing intense fear to twist your insides roughly. But then from the murkiness bloomed beautiful cotton candy pink blossoms that spread across the entirety of the surface of the sphere. Truly you found no surprise in Pinkie Pie’s mind meshing so well with Anon’s at this point, but you grinned wildly in delight in the face of your first success.

While fear of your failure was very much present, the rush of excitement burned intensely in your being once more. In the beginning, you felt excited because this experience was new and mysterious, but now it was magnified tenfold as you were pulling out all the stops this time and holding nothing back. You step inside the amalgam for what you hope to be the final time. For what you know will be the final time.

“Well Anon, you’ve officially hit the one-year mark since you’ve shown up to Ponyville!” Twilight says enthusiastically from her seat across from you, “How have you been holding up so far?”

You link your hands behind your head and stare at the ceiling, “Honestly, I’m doing pretty good, couldn’t be happier.”

Twilight looks surprised at this, “Really? No signs of any Chronic Loneliness? Being away from your own kind for so long must have some kind of adverse effects.”

“None that I can think of,” You say nonchalantly, “I’ve got plenty of friends and I get by just fine. Feels like the opposite of lonely to me.”

Twilight hums to herself and magically writes something down at your response.

Looking back up at you she continues her questioning, “How would you describe your closeness to your friends?”

“Are you coming onto me?” You joke.

“Just answer the question Anon.”

“Well, there’s the guys and they’re pretty awesome. Rarity seems to be the only pony with any bite around here so she’s nice to talk to. And Pinkie Pie… she’s really special honestly. Can’t think of a day where I haven’t seen her, I actually found her in my fridge once eating my leftover pudding. Not to say I don’t like it though, I like having her around the most actually.”

“Really?” She says, “Have you developed romantic feelings for Pinkie?”

The bluntness of the question shocks you, “I--Uh… Well. Maybe? I’m not too sure, we’re just so different I decided not to give it much thought.”

“Hmm, you should look into that then,” She says, jotting down more notes.

“You know therapists are supposed to be supportive, Twilight.”

“This isn’t therapy Anon, it’s scientific analysis. Do you need therapy?” She questions.

“Uh, no?”

She quickly scribbles some more on her sheet of paper.

“Wait what did you just write?” You ask.

“Nothing important. Next question: in the time you’ve spent getting acclimated here, have you developed a sexual appetite for anypony?”

Your face heats up considerably at this, “Twilight!”

“It’s all confidential Anon, don’t be a prude. You did read that book I lent you, What’s Down There On a Mare, didn’t you?”

“No!” You say blushing harder. Twilight raises a skeptical eyebrow at you.

You look down at the floor to avoid her gaze, “Maybe...Yeah.”

More scribbling ensues.

“Twilight--”

“Just one more Anon, one more, then I’ll let you go.”

Twilight hesitates for a moment, and puts down her paper before meeting your eyes.

“It’s been quite some time since you’ve arrived here and you’ve never made any mention of it, which is why I won’t push it and just ask you once. Do you want to go back home at all?”

You find yourself at a loss for words for quite some time, and Twilight makes no effort to force an answer out of you. Your stomach turns to ice and you steady your hands by gripping your knees.

“You know Anon if you need time to--”

“Absolutely not.” You say, cutting her off.

The finality of your tone strikes her, “Oh! Well, you seem more sure of yourself than I thought.”

“Yeah.” You say curtly.

A sympathetic look dawns on Twilight’s face, “Oh Anon, I’m sorry if I got carried away and stressed you out. As much as it is research I hope you can trust that I want the best for you. We all do.”

You breathe out a weary sigh, “I know Twilight, sorry for getting heated with you. But I think that’s enough ‘scientific analysis’ for today.”

You bid her farewell with an embrace and on your way out the door Twilight stops you, “Actually Anon, I need one more thing from you.”

“Yes, Twilight?”

“Can I actually get that book back? You’ve had it for a while now.”

Your face heats up once more as you say, “Sure thing, Twilight,” through gritted teeth.

The rest of your morning was absent minded to say the least. Because of that you manage to smash your thumb hammering nails to fix Cranky’s shed, cutting your arm on thorns moving pallets of roses for Daisy, and nearly slipping and falling off of Applejack’s house while replacing the shingles on the roof. Running dirty fingers through your hair and subsequently chastising yourself for doing so, you decide some comfort food is in order.

Poking at your usual heaping order of fries, you continue to mull over your meeting with Twilight earlier. You don’t know why you’re so rattled by a simple question you were asking yourself for months when you first showed up here. All the experiences you’ve had here, all the kind souls you’ve met and formed bonds with, comparing it to the life you left behind just made you feel like you were comparing an authentic Pinkie Pie pastry to a plumber scraping the buildup of your kitchen sink pipes onto a plate and telling you to eat that.

An upside-down Pinkie obscuring your vision startles you out of your malaise and the chipper mare greets you with an enthusiastic “Hiya Nonny!”

Speak of the Pinkie and she shall appear.

“Heya Pinkie,” You say with a smile, both at the fact that Pinkie just makes you smile when you see her in general and the fact that she shows up the second you’re feeling remotely glum.

Slipping over the divider between the two booths and over you she noodles under the table and reappears opposite you, head in hooves squishing her cheeks, “Whatcha up to?”

“Oh nothing,” you say looking absentmindedly at the colorful sea of patrons, “Just wrapped up another day of work and I’m beat.”

“You’re not just beat, you’re beat up!” She says taking your damaged hand in her hooves with a pouty look, “These little guys look like they got trampled in a Buffalo stampede! Too bad you can’t feed these little guys some of AJ’s pie to make ‘em feel better.”

The way she stroked your fingers tenderly causes the sinking pit in your stomach to start bubbling up fiercely, like you were going to puke but in a good way. Watching her frown heavily at the offensive wounds on your hand and arm like they were unwelcome guests she could evict with a dirty look made the inside of your chest feel warm, and inadvertently you squeeze the hoof she was holding your hand up with. The action breaks her from her stupor, and she gingerly let’s go of your hand with a nervous laugh and an accompanying blush.

“Heh, sorry about that Nonny,” she says.

“No problem Pinks, I’m used to it, they are pretty interesting to you guys.”

“They are!” She says excitedly, “They’re like griffon claws, but they aren’t sharp or scaly! And they’re super soft and warm.”

“Well I bet the scales are super useful for when you hit yourself with a hammer, being soft hurts when that happens.”

She gives you a concerned smile, “Rough day huh?”

“I’ve had better days, not gonna lie,” You admit, “But it beats the hell out of what I used to do.”

“What was that?” Pinkie asks.

“Retail, kind of like the department stores in Canterlot had a baby with a grocery store.”

“Aww, a little baby store!” She says, “Did it have a bunch of baby stuff?”

“Yes, a lot of baby stuff Panko,” you chuckle, “But also stuff like gadgets, clothes, and toys. I still get nightmares about Black Friday sometimes.”

“Oh no!” she says concerned, “They made you work in the dark on Fridays?! That’s so mean!”

You smile and shake your head, “No, no not like that. It was basically a corporate holiday. Every kind of gift you could think of went on sale the month before Christmas, and people went crazy over it.”

“Christmas?”

“Oh--Uh, it’s basically Hearth’s Warming.”

She lights up at the name of the holiday, “Oh well that sounds way nicer! How could a holiday about buying gifts for other ponies give you nightmares?”

You suck in a deep breath recalling those memories, “Well let’s just say people got a little too crazy on that day. There were more people than merchandise, and at least a few injuries were guaranteed. An old coworker of mine had his wrist broken once, and I almost got slugged for telling a guy we were out of one kind of toy.”

“Oh…” Pinkie says, going quiet at the answer.

He never really talked about his home, and when he did I never heard anything good. It always made him so sad.

“What was that?” You ask her.

“I didn’t say anything,” She replies, “Unless you count ‘Oh’, then in that case I said ‘Oh’.”

“Oh,” You say, delving into awkward silence. Shoot, you’ve gone and bummed her out, good job idiot. Change the subject before it gets even more awkward.

“Hey did you hear--”

“Actually Nonny, do you wanna get outta here?” She says suddenly, “I think I got something that’s bound to cheer you up!”

“Uh, sure,” You say, abandoning your half-eaten meal with some bits as the mare leads you to your mystery destination. It doesn’t turn out to be a mystery for long as you walk a block and a half to Sugarcube Corner.

“Well I appreciate the offer Pinkie but I’m not really in the mood for a cupcake right now.”

“We’re not here for cupcakes silly!” She says cheerfully, “ It’s better than 72 cupcakes and an eclair, promise!”

Well, you can’t argue with a promise that specific. Lo and behold the interior of the Corner was laden with streamers and balloons of varying colors, cakes and pastries stood proudly fresh on a large table in the center of the room, and confetti littered the floor and kicked into the air as you strode to a booth with her. Well, there was always confetti on the floor, but there was a lot more of it since it was a party of course. What stood out to you most however as she sat across you was the lack of other party members.

“Where’s everybody else?” You ask.

“Oh, around and about, they’ll show up!” She chirps, “Just gives us time to chitty chit-chat!”

You thoughts stall for a moment. If no one is here yet then why didn’t we just talk in the restaurant before coming here? Pinkie gives you the answer before you can ponder further however, her usually perky features falling to a more concerned countenance.

“Are you doing okay Anon? Like, okay okay?”

Oh.

It wasn’t often that you inadvertently let slip the details of your past, but this was certainly the first time anypony had brought it up. You were sure that if it were somepony else you would be better to deflect the question, but Pinkie of all ponies asking you such a question made your stomach churn with anxiety. Like you were suddenly a part of some interrogation where you were trying to hide the fact that you were guilty of being a sad sack.

“I’m fine Pinkie, really,” You assure her, but her worried gaze seemed to only be strengthened by your feeble half-truth.

“Can you put a Pinkie Promise on that?” She asks.

Shit, you think to yourself as the churning in your stomach turns to angry bubbling as you try to keep that particular bottle sealed shut. You couldn’t make a fake promise to her like that, Applejack filled you in very descriptively of the consequences that would hold. But you didn’t think she would blow up at you, you think that she would become depressed that you couldn’t trust her with those feelings. Which seemed far worse in comparison.

“Pinkie I--I just can’t--” You stammer helplessly, at a loss for words.

Pinkie’s expression changes as you become increasingly distraught, to one that is concerned that she took things too far.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Nonny,” She says softly, “I just want you to know that if you ever need somepony to talk to I’ll always be here for ya.”

Your anxiety is quelled as she lets you out of the corner she backed you into, and you give her a grateful “Thanks”, which seems to lift her spirits.

A pregnant pause envelops the two of you as you sit in contemplative science. You feel bad for shutting Pinkie out, but you harden your resolve with the belief that somepony like Pinkie doesn’t deserve to be burdened with information like that. Keeping the heavy load to yourself was better for everypony in the end.

Nonny always wants to help everypony, I just wish I knew why he feels like he shouldn’t let other ponies help him.

“What was that?” You ask her.

“I said that I can relate to what I think you’re feeling more than you think,” She reiterates. Showing her your attentiveness she takes a moment to go over her words before continuing.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I get homesick all the time. But at the end of the day I know that it isn’t ‘home’ for me, y’know? I left because I wasn’t happy there, there wasn’t anypony else but my family for miles and throwing parties for rocks gets boring after a while!

I hit the rails and looked for where I really belonged. I tried to live in Canterlot for a while, but I got overwhelmed pretty quickly. There were just so many ponies to throw parties for and only one Pinkie to throw em! I was just starting out too, so I hopped on the train again after getting burnt out.

I ended up in Ponyville after running out of money to stay on the rails, and the Cakes were kind enough to give me the spare room in exchange for working here. I figured I would just get enough money for the train and be back on my way to bigger things. It turned out that Ponyville was bigger than any dream I had! All the treats I could bake and eat, and Ponyville was just the right size for getting to know everypony real closely and throwing the best parties I could for them! I can’t think of a day where I’m not happy here and not growing into a better version of myself. I just want to make sure you feel the same Anon.”

The feeling that grew and permeated your being as she finished her story was something you’ve never experienced before. It was like persistent pink weeds had managed to slither through the cracks of the concrete protecting your heart and entwine the organ in it’s loving embrace. Your heart aches in the best of ways as you fully absorb this tenacious mare’s story, your eyes welling with tears and your throat constricting with intense emotion. You move wordlessly and thoughtlessly from your seat, and walking around the table separating the two of you you wrap her in a tight embrace. She doesn’t respond with words, but instead with returning the embrace even more tightly, running one of her forelegs up and down your back in a soothing fashion.

Taking a moment to get your feelings back under control as you hold the embrace you ask, “Hey Pinkie?”

“Y-yeah Nonny?”

“No one else was coming to this party huh,” You say with a wry smile.

She gives a breathy laugh to this, “Nah, this one was just a party of two.”

“What do you mean ‘this one’?” You ask, confused, releasing the embrace enough to still hold her but see her excited grin stretching from ear to ear.

Right on cue the Corner’s door bell jingles as party goers fill in.

“Whoa what kinda party is this?” Rainbow Dash jeers playfully as you two separate from the hug.

“A party with hugs!” Pinkie says bounding over you and tackling Rainbow to the floor in another big hug, much to the pegasus’ dismay. As more ponies fill in you realize it’s all of your friends you’ve made here, and they’re all looking your way.

“Alright everypony, all together now!” Pinkie announces.

“Three! Two! One!”

“TO ANON!” The crowd cheers, and as Pinkie blows a party horn a banner unfurls from the ceiling saying in big green letters: HAPPY ANON-VERSARY!

You wanted to say that you didn’t cry, but you cried like a bitch out of sheer happiness. The party was a blast too, and the hours of sheer bliss sped by in a blur as you partied your heart out with your best friends.

As the party wound down in the final minutes and everypony shuffled out, you found yourself alone with Pinkie Pie once more.

“So Nonny, how’d you like the party?” She asks.

“It was the best. Your parties are always the best, but this was the best of the best. I can’t thank you enough Pinkie.”

“I’m super duper glad about that!” She says happily before her demeanor becomes more shy and she paws the floor, “And… like I said earlier, if you ever need somepony to talk to, I’ll always be here for you.”

You give her a final hug to show your appreciation and before you part you say, “I actually gave it some thought, and I’ll say one thing’s for sure. It sure as hell was an accident, but I managed to find my real home. With everypony else… and you.”

The memory dissipates with a white light, and transitioning from the void Luna finds herself seated at a high school lunch table with Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Rarity all dressed in bright pink 50s garb. Save for Luna herself, whose clothing was black.

“So what’d you do this summer Pinkie?” Twilight asks.

“Well I spent most of it with Nonny, he’s a really special guy I met,” She replies.

“Special?” Luna scoffs, “Anonymous is nothing of the sort, besides being a special pain in Our flank.”

Luna rises from her seat and begins to stride off, but finds surprise in the fact that she can. Experimenting a bit she attempts a simple light spell, and to her delight a glowing sphere grows and floats away from her horn. She rears in happiness at her success, now Anonymous would stand no chance against her!

At the same moment, a groovy baseline strums in the background out of sight and Luna’s attention is drawn straight to Anon. He was standing proud surrounded by his male compatriots, all dressed in leather jackets and all with slicked back hair. As the ambient music picks up he breaks into song:

“Summer Lovin’ had me a blast!”

Pinkie follows suit with her own verse:

“Summer Lovin’ happened so fast!”

“I met a mare, crazy for me~”

“I met a boy, cute as can be~”

As the two went on about summer days drifting away into summer nights, Luna quickly rushed to Anon with a crazed smile of triumph.

“WE HAVE FINALLY FOUND THOU!” She bellows in the Royal Voice, firing a magical blast off and vaporizing Bulk Biceps.

The music abruptly stops, and Big Mac and Spike scream in terror and run off leaving a shocked Anon by himself.

“Well, this isn’t supposed to happen,” Anon says with mild shock.

“Thou may have foiled Us before, but We will not fail this time,” Luna growls excitedly, “Thou shall give Us the information We require and this can all end without any immense pain.”

Anon stares her down with a scowl, his resolve not shaken, “If you’re talking about poking around where you don’t belong, that’s gonna be a hard no from me. The only thing I agree with is making this the last time this happens.”

Luna can’t help but laugh incredulously at the statement, “Thou would dare challenge Us? Dost thou really think thou can put up any kind of resistance against the Princess who has mastered the realm of dreams?”

Anon’s fists clench with anticipation, “Maybe not, but I can sure as hell try!”

Anon puts two fingers to his forehead, and vanishes from sight.

“THOU SHALL NOT ESCAPE!” Luna shouts, and tearing open a rift in space into a Ponyville bathed in twilight, she dives in to pursue her foe.

You hear Luna’s royal voice echo behind you as you fly through Ponyville to gain some distance. You don’t know how Luna managed to get back in control despite being in your head, but you certainly weren’t going down without a fight. Streaks of azure lighting blitz past you as she gains on you, and just as she starts to get close you dive straight down as you reach your destination.

You find yourself backed against Fluttershy’s cottage, and Luna slams to the earth before you.

“We will only give thou one final warning, this is a fight thou has no hope of winning,” She says, her body visibly trembling.

“Maybe not alone, but I know some ponies who really want to join the fun!” You declare, knocking on Fluttershy’s door. It immediately is blown to splinters as the Legendary Super ‘Shy barrels towards Luna with a roar, blowing the alicorn away with ease. Dream Rainbow exits the house as well, and the two of you take flight to assist.

You and the rest find yourselves congregated in the center of Ponyville now as the battle continues, the Flutterbeast unrelenting in it’s assault as you and Dash fire volleys and beams at Luna. The alicorn proves to be very effective at dodging, and what misses her ends up destroying various Ponyville buildings. Your hands tingle fiercely with each attack to the point of being a numb burn, and the more fiercely you or your allies attacked the more frequently a dull ache washed over your brain. You deliberately ignored it, you weren’t going to keep this up much longer anyway. You aren’t allowed a moment to strategize however as Luna manages to blow you away with a cyan blast of her own, sending you crashing into Rarity’s Boutique.

Your muscles and limbs seize, and a primal panic pounds in your starving heart as the blast had knocked the wind out of you. The moment passes thankfully, and you greedily suck in air to stabilize. Luna didn’t seem to do any real damage to you, despite adorning your dream shirt with a charred hole, and the ongoing battle rattled the building with its muffled thundering.

“Hiya Nonny!” Pinkie Pie says happily.

“Heya… Wait what are you doing here Pinkie?” You ask, surprised.

“The better question is why do you have clothes on mister?” She asks scrutinizingly, “You usually don’t when you’re in my dreams!”

“Your dreams…?” You ask, but then something outside the window catches your attention. Pinkie Pies were running for the hills as wayward blasts destroyed their hiding spots, and while it didn’t make too much sense considering the setting you rationalize that your dreams would always contain Pinkie in some capacity.

“Yeah, it’s getting nuts out there!” Pinkie says joining you, “First I tried hiding in my room, and it blew up! Then I tried hiding in Twilight’s treehouse, and that blew up too! Luna must be messing with my dream in a really weird way, I mean can you imagine if Twilight’s house blew up?!”

“Yeah,” you say dismissively to the dream pony, “But this nosey princess isn’t going to be around for long.” With that you tear away the tattered remains of your shirt.

“Now this is more like it!” Pinkie cheers, “Now c’mere and--hey where are ya going!?” She yells as you rocket from the hole you came into and back into the fray.

She’s a skilled mare alright, you concede, but she can’t hold out forever. Especially when you have more tricks up your sleeve. Snapping your fingers the shadows cast from the moonlit Ponyville structures begin to writhe and rise from the earth it was bound to, canned audience laughter growing in volume as the tendrils grew in tandem.

Waiting for the right moment you exert your will on the laughing shadows, and the tendrils shoot out hungrily and grab hold of the alicorn as she dodges right into their grasp. Your head throbbed in greater pain as she fought to free herself, but you fought through it with the sheer force of will. The tendrils splayed her limbs outward and with her soft belly exposed Rainbow’s back legs sank violently into Luna’s gut, causing her to buckle in pain and spray spit. She isn’t allowed even a second to recover as the Flutterbeast appears from above and spikes her to the ground with both forelegs, the alicorn’s impact with the ground creating a sizable crater.

Luna proved to be more sturdy than you anticipated because while it took some effort, she manages to shakily rise to her hooves. She could barely stand, and the battle damage that she wore visibly pained her. Regardless you restrain her wings and limbs once more with the shadows, and you stand defiantly before her as your two compatriots land on either side of you.

“Give it up Luna!” You shout, “You’re outnumbered.”

Luna’s head hangs, blocking her expression from you. But softly and gradually the alicorn’s laugh begins to rise over the soft laughter of the shadows binding her, and her laugh rises to a cackle as she rears her head to you and displays a maniacal smile with a matching set of wild eyes.

“It appears We have given thou enough experience manipulating dreams to become a formidable opponent,” She says giddily, “But while I may be outnumbered…”

Her crazed eyes were overtaken by a mystical white as she channeled her magic. You feel the power over the laughing shadows begin to rapidly fade, and with it the shadow’s laughter begins to turn into panicked screams and then into abrupt silence as the alicorn’s magic begins to reshape it into a being all her own. You take a step back in trepidation as the shadows grow exponentially, swirling around Luna and engulfing her in it’s darkness and taking the shape of a much larger, featureless unicorn.

“Thou was given the chance to concede, and thou hast decided to throw that chance away. Now thou shalt be subject to the living nightmare known as the Tantabus.”

Your primal instincts screamed danger and for you to run away, but your body was unresponsive in the presence of the divine horror.

“We will do anything to defend Equestria, and while thou thinks they can stand against Us…”

The white pupiless eyes of the Tantabus spark to life as Luna’s royal declaration vibrates the air around you and thunders in your ears:

“THOU ART OUT OF THINE DEPTH.”

Your fight-or-flight kicks in, and as your rational mind erases the notion of fleeing from your options you harden your shaken resolve as best as you can and prepare for the fight of your life.

The Flutterbeast roars in defiance and blasts past you and Dash in an attempt to wrench the Alicorn from her unholy vessel, but your fear can only be magnified when you witness what happens when the monster breaks into the breast of the shadowy creature. She doesn’t even make it close to Luna before being frozen in place. The Flutterbeast writhes and roars in agony as it struggles to escape, but you witness the darkness consuming the creature rapidly from all angles as if it were being dissolved in acid.

You and Dash were flying far away before you could finish watching your ally’s demise be completed. The burning sensation has spread throughout your entire body as you try to maintain stability in flight, and you can only assume that you’re feeling the death throes of a concept you created. You desperately didn’t want to know how painful being caught yourself would be.

Every attempt to fight back in any capacity was immediately quashed by the invincible monster, firing your most powerful attacks at it just for them to turn to a shadowy mist when it comes into contact with the form. The Tantabus retaliates with ease, and the two of you struggle to hold back the steady stream of magic that stems from it’s horn that threatens to obliterate you.

“Can’t you just imagine us stronger or something!?” Dash shouts at you exasperatedly.

“If I could, don’t you think I would!?” You shout back, the pain of trying to hold it back with all of your being ripping through your resolve and your muscles like razor wire.

It proves to be far too much even for the two of you together, and you’re blasted through several abodes and buildings until the two of you smash into the Town Hall on a bed of rubble.

Your torn muscles and tired joints protest at your rising to your feet, you were really starting to hate how real this dream felt. The Tantabus quickly but casually strode towards you and as you watched it approach through the broken frame of your final refuge you wrack your brain for a last ditch effort. Dream Rainbow hasn’t fared too well either, but she manages to get back up as well. Your bruised ribs cry out as a pony leaps out from the shadows and embraces you.

“I found ya Nonny!” Pinkie cheers.

“You sure did Pinkie…” You wheeze.

“You’ve never played hard to get before Nonny,” She runs a hoof lovingly down your bare chest, “So does that mean I win a prize for catching you…?”

Well, this was a weird way for your brain to mock you for dying at the hands of a crazy horse princess before you ever got laid.

“Yeah, if you can stop Luna from tearing him to shreds, and by extension me,” Dash mutters sourly, “Which is a more pressing matter than your horniness, Anon.”

Pinkie frowns in confusion, “Why does Luna want to destroy you so bad anyway? If she doesn’t like my kinky Pinkie dreams she doesn’t have to stick around.”

Ignoring the comment but still blushing slightly nonetheless you turn to Rainbow, “Well, do you have any bright ideas?”

“I’m just the love-child of your memories and an anime reference you used to buck with somepony, doofus,” Rainbow says curtly, “I’m not suddenly going to come up with some new idea to save our flanks.”

The Tantabus has grown even closer now, it’s footsteps starting to make the earth around you tremble and loose debris to fall from the fractured walls.

Well, if pop culture references got you this far, you think to yourself, there’s only one more thing you can think of doing to even come close to matching such strength. Or you’ll make a complete ass of yourself before you die. But hey, at least you’ll have a little more fun.

“Hey Pinkie,” You say to what you believe is a figment of your dreams, “I’ll double your ‘winnings’ if you can buy us some time from Luna.” You accentuate your offer by running your hand across the cheek of the mare who was still clutched to you, which elicits a sigh of bliss from her.

“Okie doke loki!” She says giving you a mock salute, “But I’d better not wake up when we get to the good part this time like I always do!”

Luna and the Tantabus stood only twenty feet away from the remains of the Town Hall, but before the alicorn could advance any further she hears the pink party pony yelling up at her.

“HIYA LUN-Y!”

Luna can only stare down in confused silence for a moment, she wasn’t expecting something like this happening.

“...Hello Pinkie,” Luna answers back awkwardly, her voice echoing loudly from the Tantabus.

“WHATCHA DOIN’?”

“We are… hunting down some Dream Rats,” Luna answers after another moment of thought, “They infest ponies dreams and cause problems.”

“IS THAT WHY EVERYTHING’S ALL EXPLODEY?”

“...Yes.”

“WELL THEN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BLOW UP MY DREAM NONNY IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR RATS, SILLY?”

“Because they just happen to look like--Oh to Tartarus with this nonsense,” Luna says exasperated. A tendril shoots out from the Tantabus’ breast and scoops up Pinkie within it. Pinkie giggles and snorts as she finds being inside the Tantabus to be quite ticklish, and she’s pushed upwards through the construct’s head and into its horn. With a distinct ‘pop’ sound Pinkie is shot out of the horn and into the distance, giving a cheerful ‘whee!’ as she flies.

As the pink mare flies off Luna continues her march to tear Anon from his hiding place and finish this ordeal when in a brilliant explosion of rainbow light erupts from the Town Hall evaporating the remaining structure. Luna could only suppress a gag as she sees the being before her is a hideous satyr-like creature: a human upper half with cyan legs, a rainbow mane and tail, and a matching muzzle with a smug grin.

You flex your muscles in various poses as you take in how good you feel right now. Like you just had the best energy drink ever combined with your entire body feeling like an orgasm. “This is way better than what I was expecting, I almost feel bad for how outclassed you are now.”

Luna can only feel her blood pressure rising again as you mock her, “And just what hast thou done now?”

“Anon and Rainbow felt bad that it was a 2 on 1 fight, so they became just 1 to make things a little more fair for you.”

“Such arrogance!” She growls, “We shall see how far this desperate confidence gets thou when We--”

She doesn’t even get to finish her sentence. In a fraction of a second you shot forward and landed a decisive fist to her face, blowing the Tantabus wide open in the process. Luna is blown skyward, and as she recoils from the shock she notices that you are lounging on a cloud next to her.

“I’m sorry, were you saying something?”

Luna in her now blind rage just fires at you, but you’re gone before it even reaches you. Laying an arm around the mare’s neck you say, “Ooh, so close. Wanna give it another try?”

Luna screams in fury and fires off another volley only to miss once more. Everywhere you pop up she fires and everywhere she misses, until you appear beneath her and sink a knee into her already tender underside. One, two, three jabs to the face and she’s too stunned to even fly properly, so you take advantage of this. The area was rocked so intensely from how hard you barista bombed her into the earth that the battered and beaten buildings from the previous round collapsed from the shock.

Backflipping out of the cloud of dust and gracefully sticking the landing you hop on your hooves excitedly. The head pain from exerting yourself beforehand had completely vanished as well, so now instead of fighting for your life you’re more preoccupied with how much fun you can get out of this now.

Luna charges at you through the smokescreen and attempts to tackle you, but you simply step aside and let her flop to the ground pathetically.

“Let’s wrap this up Princess, before you get any more embarrassing.”

“We are not the only ones that thou should worry about!” she snarls.

You just barely manage to turn and take a defensive stance as you feel the air suddenly turn blistering, and when the volley finally dissipates you see that the Tantabus has reformed. Hooves turned to talons, horn turned to leathery wings, and the featureless pony head had become the snarling mass of teeth that was the new dragon form of the Tantabus. No doubt the absorption of your ally had caused it to assume a more bestial form when separated from its host.

However you stand undeterred, “Worried? More like getting fired up!”

The dragon rears and spreads its wings wide, the next volley it fires splitting off into dozens of smaller faster beams.

You dance and vogue effortlessly through them as they speed by, ending your performance by doing a handstand and letting the beam pass between your legs.

“Well, you almost managed to graze my… wait what do I have down there now?” You say bending over for a closer inspection.

“DESTROY HIM!” Luna bellows at the Tantabus, and you blow a raspberry at the charging monster through your legs. The beast swipes at you with its claws and gnashes at you with its fangs, and as much as you wanted to be the slippery wet noodle you were with Luna the beast’s feral instincts prove to be more of a challenge than you expected.

The Tantabus snaps its jaws at you and you dash backwards, Luna provides interference though by bucking you from behind allowing the dragon to slash you with its claws. A burning sensation ripples across where the beast had clawed you and before you can wonder if such injuries in a dream would affect you in real life somehow you’re having to weave in between the myriad of energy streams being fired at you from both Luna and the monster.

Luna being far more worn than her creation, grew sloppier with her attacks and her movement grew more sluggish as you played the defensive. In a moment of pause between their attacks you blitz the ground to create a smokescreen. The dragon fires off again without care of what it can see, and lucky for it it hits its mark.

Well, not so lucky for the Tantabus as it turns out. The impact blows the dust away to reveal a thoroughly battered Luna having been grabbed and used as a shield by you.

The beast’s form flickers as Luna starts to finally succumb to her damage, and tossing the alicorn aside you take this last opportunity to deliver the finishing blow.

You materialize a rainbow sphere in your palm and it crunches satisfyingly as you close your hand over it, and bringing your fist up to your mouth you delicately blow the twinkling bits of light away and they sink into the dense blackness of the Tantabus. Massive black tumors quickly grow as the Tantabus loses its form and expands, and a rainbow halo radiates outward as the once terrifying living nightmare explodes into a brilliant stardust. The iridescent flakes fall to the ground like snow as Luna can only look on in utter defeat, somehow still conscious.

“Impossible…” she whispers.

The bliss of literally living the dream you had through ages twelve to nineteen has begun to wane, and you look down on the defeated princess with a grimace.

“Now are you going to leave of your own free will, or do I have to kick you out one more time?”

Luna grits her teeth and looks straight into your eyes with a burning hatred, “Thou may have won this round, but this is just the beginning. Since thou fights so determinedly to hide your secrets from Us, thou art clearly more of a threat to Equestria than We imagined. We will not stop this crusade of justice, and eventually thou will give in, especially since We will assuredly outlive thou as well.”

“Hmph. Hard way it is then.”

Cupping your hands at your side the rainbow dust rises from the earth and swirls into the space between your palms, coming together to form a ball of radiating rainbow energy.

“Let it be known I gave you a chance Lun--!”

Like the flick of a switch the energy instantly disappears, and along with it the appearance of your fused form. You stand stock still for a moment as your body loses all feeling, until the numbness is immediately replaced with feeling like you were dipped in fire.

You fall to your hands and knees as you scream in agony, electricity rippling around your body as you curl into a fetal position. The Princess rises to her hooves and looks down on you with a condescending smirk.

“Well, I suppose We should give you some merit for holding out this long at least.”

“What the hell is--agh!--happening to m-me!?” You cry out.

“Well We can only assume you gained the upper hand because you exerted yourself beyond anything thine mortal soul is capable of,” She says as her smile turns from smug to grim, “It must be quite painful.”

“Wh-what the fuck is your problem!?”

“Our problem, Anonymous, is that thou was never even supposed to be aware of Our little intelligence mission in the first place. It was all supposed to pass quietly and without issue.”

“Well m-maybe I didn’t want--”

“What thou wants is no longer important. Because now thou risks facing non-existence, unless thou partakes of Our pact. We save thine life, and thou simply gives us what We want.”

The railroad spikes drilling into your brain don’t exactly give you the ability to weigh your options, not like you had any left.

“F-fine!”

Luna’s horn glows briefly and it feels like the fire is quickly replaced with the sensation of cool water flowing over your form. It doesn’t make the pain dissipate, but it makes it bearable enough to lift yourself from the ground.

“We gave you enough energy to live and fulfill thine end of the contract, not enough to slip through Our frogs once more. Now proceed.”

You dig your nails into the ground angrily, but with no other options left and no means of escape you weakly stand. Waving your outstretched hand through the air a gray door materializes, and you muster the dirtiest look you can at the alicorn as you open it.

“After you, Princess,” You spit. She walks through without a word, and you follow her in turn.

A few feet away from the entrance the two of you had disappeared into, a mound of earth rises and out pops the pink party pony that was thought to be unceremoniously disposed of.

Author's Note

The Climax of the Lunar Arc has been officially crested! One can only wonder what Anon's most guarded memories hide as the conclusion is just on the horizon.
I hope you all enjoy!