A Simple Raid?

by WhispersInTheDark

Rating: everyone
Tags: Science Fiction, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Star Trek, Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Adventure
Length: 3079

Beam down to the planet while the natives are asleep, get the crystals, beam out. Simple, right?

The USS Exeter, still damaged after a recent battle, scans a certain planet and finds evidence of much-needed dilithium crystals on the surface. Scans also show it's a pre-warp civilization, so the Prime Directive is in full force.

But they need those crystals, as the nearest starbase is hundreds of lightyears away. They only need a few pounds of them to repair their warp drive, then they can be back on course. How hard could it be to beam in, get the crystals from the primitives, and beam out?

What they don't know about is the white unicorn who's been using them for her dresses.

Those poor fools...

Story idea stolen BORROWED from Estee's Utterly Mundane Crossovers blog.

Now made into an audio play by Visual Pony!

Also featured on Equestria Daily!

Published 2020-02-04 23:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-04 23:40:01 UTC

I went to the Academy for this?!

"Spike! Spiiike! Over here!" Rarity stood pawing at the wall of the cave, her horn alight with her gem-finding spell. Spike came trotting up, a wagon in tow already laden with the afternoon's finds. There were amethysts, rubies, diamonds and sapphires, all sparkling in the dim light, as the dragon dropped the wagon's handle and started digging with his claws. Soon, he'd exposed a rich vein of weird, white, glowing crystals, and the fashionista's eyes lit up. "Oh, Spike! They're perfect!"

Spike picked up a chunk and held it close to his eye. "What are they? I've never seen these kinds of gems before." He gave it a lick. "Blechh! They taste horrible!"

"Never mind how they taste, darling, let's get them all loaded into the wagon. I can't wait to start creating with them!"

It took the better part of an hour to retrieve all the strange gems, and Rarity complimented her helper as they made their way home. "Thank you so much, Spike! I don't know what I'd do without you!" Spike blushed and looked up at her with hearts in his eyes.

"Anything for you, Rarity..."

She fluttered her eyelashes at him and purred, "Oh, Spike! You say the cutest things!"

Spike looked down and muttered, "If I'm so cute, a kiss once in a while would be nice..."

"What was that?"

Spike startled and looked up at her. "Oops! I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet."

Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing!" He picked up his pace. "We'd better get back!"

"Scans complete, Captain. There's a minimum source of dilithium on the planet, but it's enough to repair our engines," Science Officer Curtis reported.

Captain Artis sat back in his chair and said, "What do we know about the planet?"

Curtis checked her screens. "It's an M-class planet, with an unusual rotation of its star and satellite. The rotations are arbitrary, suggesting both were artificially created. The inhabitants appear to be sapient equines, but without space-faring technology."

"Equines? Not humanoid?"

"That is correct, sir."

"Fascinating. Do we have any images?"

Curtis' fingers flew over her console and brought up the images on the main screen. "These are the three known variations: standard equines, unicorns, and pegasi." All on the bridge gazed with wonder at the screen.

"Unicorns and pegasi," breathed a junior officer. "It's like something out of a fairy tale."

The Captain scowled. "Belay that, Ensign. We're scientists and explorers, not children." The ensign's face went bright red and she quickly looked down at her screen, averting her gaze, but the Captain's expression softened and he added, "Even so, it is quite remarkable." He turned back to his Science Officer.

"How could they have created their own star and Moon, but do not possess warp-capability?"

"Unknown, sir."

The Captain steepled his fingers and said, "It looks like the Prime Directive is in force here, in that we must avoid contact with the natives." He looked up at his second in command. "Assemble an Away Team and beam down under cover of darkness, during their late hours. We should remain undetected."

The Commander nodded. "Shall we take arms, sir? It is standard procedure when beaming to an unknown planet."

The Captain remained silent, thinking it over. Finally, he nodded and said, "Set phasers to light stun. We don't want to hurt any of Ensign Parker's 'fairy tale' creatures." Though still blushing, Parker couldn't contain her smile at this decision. Then her face brightened.

"Permission to join the Away Team, sir!"

The Captain and his second in command exchanged glances, then the Commander smiled and said, "Permission granted."

Rarity's mind was simply rife with ideas as she settled at her desk and arranged her gems. The white ones with the odd glow especially got her creative juices flowing. After some hours of planning, sewing, starting over and finally being satisfied, she'd fashioned three remarkable dresses and scarves including them. She set them on the mannequins and admired them in the evening lamps.

She glanced at her clock. It was still about an hour to midnight, but she yawned and decided to let the rest wait until morning.

Setting Opal out for the night, she yawned again and went to her recently installed alarm. It was the latest gadget, the salespony had assured her, guaranteed to alert her in the case of a break-in. She sadly remembered a time when such a device was not needed in her small town, but a rash of thefts happening late at night had changed her mind. She set the alarm and made her way upstairs. She snuggled into bed and was soon fast asleep.

At about three am local time, Commander Karlson, Ensign Parker, and Ensign Styles beamed down to the outskirts of Ponyville. Parker barely managed to suppress a squee when she saw the quaint houses and buildings, all reminiscent of her childhood tales. They all took a moment to admire the scenery, with the overlarge Moon shining brightly down upon them. But then the Commmander hurried them along as he pulled out his tricorder. "This way."

When they came in sight of Carousel Boutique, the young ensign did let out a gasp. "It's so cute!" she whispered.

Karlson glanced at the red-shirted junior officer and said, "We have a job to do, Ensign. The tricorder indicates the crystals are in this building. Follow me."

The three made their way to the front door, which was almost a foot lower than their heads. The Commander tried the doorknob, finding it locked fast. "How do these creatures use doorknobs with hooves?" he pondered out loud. He turned to the others. "Try the windows." They each went around the building, finding all the windows the same as the door. Karlson shrugged. "No help for it," he muttered as he took out his phaser. Putting it at its lowest setting, he discharged it at the lock. Once it was melted, he tried the door again. As soon as he broke the threshold, an alarm began blaring. He looked around quickly, found the source of the sound and shot his phaser at it. Immediately, silence prevailed, and he stood stock-still, along with the rest of his officers, and waited. After a few moments, they all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"I think we're in the clear, Commander," said Styles.

"There's no time to waste," replied Karlson. "Find the crystals and let's get out of here. Quickly!"

After a few moments of searching, Ensign Parker whispered, "Over here, Commander." They each shone their handlights over the dresses, and Parker sighed, "They're so beautiful! This one must be some sort of seamstress."

If Karlson was moved by the artwork, he didn't show it. He immediately grabbed one of the dresses and began forcefully removing the crystals. "You two get started on the others; we need to move before we're spotted."

But it was too late.

Rarity smelled them before she saw them, as she crept down her stairs, and she knew they weren't ponies. In another time, under different circumstances, she might have been frightened by the thought of actual aliens in her home. Maybe even terrified. But when she heard them ripping up her dresses, she wasn't just angry. Her expression changed from slight irritation to a mask of fury. Her teeth clenched and she began shaking as she listened to hours of work being destroyed!

She seldom worked with thick materials like canvas, but when she did she had several extra-long needles she used for the work. And now, she was going to put them to another use.

Time to make them pay!

The only warning the three got was a strange glow coming from the foot of the stairs. Then they heard a "zzzzt" as something flew through the air, and Karlson howled when his buttock was pierced. The other two had no time to ask what was wrong before they too were assaulted. "We're under attac--" the Commander shouted before he was hit again. He looked around wildly for the source, aiming his light at the strange glow. He barely had time to register the equine before he was hit again.

The equine shouted in its language, which the Universal Translator rendered as, "Get out of my home!"

Styles brought up his phaser, but the Commander slapped his hand down. "No! We can't hurt them!" The air was filled with the zipping of the projectiles as Karlson covered his head with one arm while quickly bringing out his communicator with the other. "Karlson to Exeter! Three to beam up! Now!"

"Tell me again what happened?" It took some effort for the Captain not to smile as he watched his officers in sickbay. They each were lying on their stomachs while the doctor and some nurses went about the task of removing the needles from their...hindquarters. All who had seen them limping on tiptoes from the Transporter Room to Sickbay, their behinds studded with needles, had also been hard-pressed not to laugh out loud. A scowl from Karlson had quickly silenced all mirth, at least to their faces.

"As I said, sir, we... OWW!... beamed down and found the crystals in one of their... AHHH!... dwellings. When we tried to retrieve them, we... TAKE IT EASY!... were assaulted by one of the natives."

The doctor did smile. "Relax, Commander. Almost done."

The Captain kept his face still as he asked, "And that's why you only got a few crystals?"

The Commander's face reddened even more."That's correct, sir."

Artis pondered. Then he sighed and said, "Well, now they not only know about us, they're hostile. But we need more." He walked over to a communications panel. "Captain to Curtis. What is the currency used by these inhabitants?"

Curtis responded, "Checking, sir." After a few moments, she said, "It looks like they use a form of gold for coins."

"How much can we replicate?"

They heard the beeping of the Science Officer working her console. "We can have several pounds within minutes, Captain."

"Replicate ten pounds and have them taken to Transporter Room Three. I'll be there momentarily."

"Sir, you're not going back down there?" asked Parker. Whether by her smaller size compared to the two males, or sheer dumb luck, she'd been hit less than the others, so the nurses had already finished healing her. "Permission to accompany you." But he shook his head.

"Permission denied. It's time for diplomacy, and too many of us may be seen as further hostility." He addressed the room at large. "I'm going to try and reason with them. But," he added, "keep a transporter lock on me at all times." He turned back to his second in command. "Tell me as much as you can remember about that equine."

"Tell me again what happened?" asked Twilight. She and Rarity were sitting in the Golden Oaks Library's kitchen, as Spike served them tea. Rarity took a sip to calm herself before answering.

"As I said, it was aliens destroying my dresses! Destroying them! Of all the rude, crass, inconsiderate things to do!"

Twilight stared at her friend. "Why would aliens want anything to do with your dresses? Are you sure you weren't just having a nightmare?"

Rarity stared back. "I know what I saw, Twilight. I can show you the dresses."

The purple unicorn held up a hoof. "I'm not saying you're lying, Rarity, but I think we're missing the bigger picture. Aliens? In Ponyville? Why not Canterlot, or some other large city?"

"I haven't the foggiest. All I know is they were in the process of ripping the gems off my creations."

Twilight's ears perked up. "The gems? What sort were they?"

"Actually, I'd never seen their kind before. Spike and I found them yesterday afternoon." Twilight got to her hooves, the light of discovery shining in her eyes.

"Show me!"

Spike had been listening, and he said, "I'm coming with you!" Twilight turned to him and shook her head.

"No, Spike! It might be dangerous. We don't know what these aliens' true intentions are." But Spike stood his ground.

"All the more reason for me to come! I won't let anything happen to you or Rarity!"

Twilight bit her bottom lip, thinking. Finally, she said, "Alright Spike. You can come. Just...stay close to me, okay?"

"You can count on me, Twilight. And...Rarity..."

Twilight still looked grim, but she noticed the white unicorn's eyes looked down and she kept silent.

"Sensors show three lifeforms near the crystals," said the Transporter Chief. "Two equines, one reptilian."

"Reptilian? Are there sentient reptiles down there too?"

"It may just be a pet, sir. Scans show it's much smaller than the equines."

"Are they all awake?" asked the Captain.

"Awake and aware, Captain."

The Captain nodded. "Okay, it looks like I've got one shot at this." He hefted the container of gold and stepped onto the transporter pad. He faced the Chief. "You know what to do if I get in trouble. Set me down four meters in front of them. Energize."

As soon as they saw and heard the effects of the transporter, Spike cried, "Get behind me!" and ran forward.

He drew a deep breath, preparing to unleash his flame, when Twilight cried, "No, Spike!" Her eyes widened as the alien fully materialized, then set down its container and put its upper appendages off to its sides. Then it spoke. The language was unknown to her, but then a male voice came from a device it was holding, in perfectly understandable Equestrian.

"Greetings. My name is Captain Artis. I mean you no harm."

Twilight and the rest stared at it, or rather, he, then she said, "What are you? And what do you want?" He looked down at the device, listened, then spoke again.

"I'm called a Human, and I come from a planet far away from here." He pointed at the ruined dresses. "I need those crystals on that clothing."

Rarity stepped forward. "Why do you need my gems?"

The alien listened, then replied, "They're used to power the engines on my ship. It's been damaged, and yours is the only source of these crystals for hundreds of lightyears." He slowly bent down and opened his container, exposing the gold. "I can pay you for them."

Rarity stared at the amount of gold, then exchanged a look with her companions. Her generous nature came to the fore. "If you need them that badly, then just take them. I can always make more dresses." But the alien shook his head.

"It was a mistake to try and take them from you, without your permission. For that, I am sorry. I am the leader of my crew, and I should have known better." He pushed the container towards her with his foot. "Please accept this compensation. It's the least I can do."

At this Rarity smiled, then levitated the dresses and scarves over to the alien, which he took in his forelegs. The alien smiled back, then said, "I thank you. We'll be on our way, and never bother you again."

As the alien began speaking into his device, Twilight cried, "Wait! I have so many questions!" He gave her a rueful look.

"Your people are not quite ready to learn about the greater universe. Maybe, in the near future, you will be." He then spoke into his device. "Captain to Exeter. One to beam up." He clutched the clothing with one foreleg and waved with the other, as he vanished.

As soon as the alien disappeared, Twilight went to the spot and swept it with her magic. Finding no trace of him, she muttered, "Fascinating! I can detect no magic, but he teleported! What else can they do? I have so many questions!"

Rarity put a hoof over her shoulder and said, "Twilight, Twilight... calm yourself. They're gone, but we might see them again someday. Besides," she added as she looked at her clock, "it's so late it's early, and we could all use some rest."

Twilight sighed, then nodded. "You're right, of course. Come on Spike... let's get going." Just as they were going out the door, Rarity stopped them.

"Wait! I... need to talk to Spike." He turned back to her.

"Me?"

She nodded, and her cheeks went deep red.

Twilight looked from one to the other, unsure of what was going on, but said, "Alright. Don't take too long, Spike."

Spike waved her off. Once she'd gone, Rarity smiled and said, "I want you to know I truly appreciate what you did to protect us, Spike. You were most gallant!" She stepped closer. Spike stared up at her, his heart beating fast. "I just wanted to give you something to show how much I care about you." Spike could hardly believe it! He closed his eyes and puckered his lips, reaching for her, when something heavy landed in his claws.

He opened his eyes, to see one of the gold bars there. He looked up at Rarity, who was smiling down at him. "Use it wisely, my brave dragon! You earned it!" Though it wasn't what he was expecting, he still managed a smile for her as he turned to go.

"Thanks, Rarity! I'll treasure it always." He had one claw on the doorknob, then he felt something soft and sweet press against his cheek. He held his cheek and stared at her.

She smiled. "You earned that too."

"Engineering to Captain. We're ready to depart."

It had taken several hours to extract the crystals and properly install them in the warp drive. Parker had requested and was granted one of the dresses and scarves, while the rest were stored away in respect to the creature that had made them. Though she, of course, wouldn't be able to wear the dress, she still treasured the idea that a unicorn had created them.

"Excellent work, Lieutenant Commander. Pass on my appreciation to the rest of your staff."

"Will do, sir. Engineering out."

Just as he was about to give the order to leave the system, Artis noticed Karlson had still not taken his seat. "Commander? Something wrong?"

Karlson stiffly turned to him. "Wrong? Nothing's wrong sir." The Captain raised an eyebrow.

"Then why don't you take your station?"

Karlson held his head high as he said, "I... prefer to stand, sir."