The Rainbow Factory?

by Just Horsing Around

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Main 6
Length: 3326

Twilight and friends discover the secret of the Rainbow Factory - and how it relates to one of them!

After Rainbow Dash succumbs to a terrible accident, Twilight Sparkle and her remaining friends gather for the funeral. But who is the strangely-familiar Pegasus pony standing in the doorway? Who are the two Ponies in Black who accompany her? And how does this relate to Cloudsdale's mysterious Rainbow Factory?

Twilight finds the answers are stranger - and more literal - than she could possibly have imagined!

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An... alternative... take on Woodentoaster's unbelievably awesome Rainbow Factory.

Published 2012-08-20 00:14:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-20 00:14:03 UTC

A Rainbow's Tale?

=====// \=====

Twilight Sparkle adjusted the small hat which was threatening to slide off her ears again, and tried to ignore the persistent itch the dress always caused on her withers. It probably served her right for buying off-the-peg stuff, but she had bought it in a hurry for her grandmother's funeral, and never expected to need it again. Certainly not this soon, anyway. Swallowing heavily, she looked around the room once more.

It was the sort of place decorated to swallow sound. The heavy velvet drapes not only cut the bright daylight outside down to a minimum, leaving only the long beeswax candles to light the room, but also ensured that any conversation or weeping was muffled and ultimately extinguished. Sprays of lilies and violets stood out starkly against the dark oak panelling, and the thick carpet engulfed their hoofsteps, reinforcing the sombre atmosphere.

Respectful, they no doubt thought it. Restful. Already, Twilight hated it more thoroughly than anything she could remember. She had a wild urge to scream, to shout and sing and pull down those hideous oppressive curtains, letting the sunlight flood the room. This was not right! This was not her friend! This should be light and bright and loud, just like she was! Just like she had always been.

The grandfather clock in the corner loomed sternly over her, the Gothic carvings and finials of its blackened oak case cowing her into submission. The inexorable, leaden thunk of its escapement sliced the day into precise slivers, a ceaseless reminder of the steady march of time. Tempus fugit, indeed. Time flees before us. She found it strangely threatening in a way she had never considered before. You are here to acknowledge another's mortality, and yet each moment marks the approach of your own.

She took a deep breath and dragged her eyes away, looking for her friends. Rarity slumped on a bench nearby, her eyes lost behind a thick black veil. Spike, looking every inch the gentlecolt in his little tux, sat with her. Pinkie was on his right, all the joy which usually lit up her face gone. From what Twilight could see of her friend behind the rail-straight, pink mane, her chin trembled slightly and her cheek twitched from time to time. Twilight quickly looked away before it overtook her, too.

The clock ticked on.

Applejack stood in the far corner, hollow-eyed and gaunt-faced. Her usual treasured, battered Stetson was absent, and Twilight knew it would never be seen again. She had seen the farmer slip it into the casket before the lid was lowered for the final time. One last prize for her favourite rival and very best friend.

Of all of them, Fluttershy had taken it the best. Not that she had loved Rainbow any less than the rest of them; in fact Twilight suspected she had been closest to her old school chum and fellow Pegasus than anyone, but somehow she had come to terms with it faster than they had. Maybe her years of working with animals had accustomed her to the harsh knives of grief when there was nothing more she could do for one of her little friends. Or perhaps she just hid it better.

The clock ticked on.

Once again, she went back over the same question in her mind; how could this have happened? How had it happened? Nopony had been particularly worried when Rainbow was late for lunch at Applejack's – after all, she was hardly a byword for punctuality at the best of times, but when she didn't show up for Weather Patrol the next day, her colleagues had first become concerned. Of course, being Pegasus ponies they had first reported to the Weather Council in Cloudsdale who were more worried about the weather than their absent employee, so it had taken hours for the news to reach Ponyville. Even then, it was only after Fluttershy visited Rainbow's empty cloud home and found Tank butting his empty food bowl agitatedly that they first began to suspect anything was amiss.

The clock ticked on.

She had co-ordinated the search, of course, but with no hint of where to start they had to try a radial search pattern out from Ponyville. While Applejack and Pinkie went through the village itself, others fanned out across the countryside but each extra mile away from the village added a vast amount of area to the search. The Everfree was the first major boundary – nopony could think why she would want to go in there anyway – and the Pegasus ponies were able to cover the most ground, although they were hampered by trees and overhangs.

Eventually, Dizzy Twister had spotted a splash of blue at the bottom of Ghastly Gorge. Signalling to Raindrops, her partner, they landed amidst the boulder-strewn valley to find that it was already too late.

The clock ticked on.

The rescue team brought her back to Ponyville Urgent Care, where Doctor Dray had carried out the autopsy last night. She had broken many bones, but nothing immediately fatal. Death, he said, was due to shock and exposure. What cut the deepest was the conclusion that she had died only shortly before being found, perhaps as little as an hour or two. Twilight's throat shrank closed again at the thought of her friend suffering helplessly while they searched only a few miles away.

The clock ticked on.

Shortly, they would take their places as the pall-bearers, pulling the hearse containing their bravest and most loyal friend to her rest. There would be a brief service in the Garden of Remembrance, where practically the whole of Ponyville would be gathered, but it had been Rarity, of all ponies, who had put her hoof down when the Royal Sisters arrived to offer their condolences. No. This is not a Court occasion. No Princesses, no Guards, no social occasion for the Court. This is about Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash only, she had insisted.

Princess Luna looked shocked, but acquiesced stiffly, Very well. We shall respect your wishes, and we shall depart forthwith.

Princess Celestia, however, had nodded understandingly and levitated off her crown and jewelled torc, setting them to one side. No Princesses or Royal pomp. However, I hope you will permit Celestia and Luna to say goodbye to their friend Rainbow?

Rarity had nodded as regally as any princess, her eyes streaming. That would be perfect.

Behind her, there was a soft thump and brief whirr from the clock. The hour was approaching, and still the clock ticked on.

She was expected to lead the cortage, she knew, but had made other arrangements. I know the press will be there, and I don't want it to become all about me, she had explained to Applejack, It sounds a bit narcissistic, but they always overlook you guys, and I really hate that. I couldn't have done anything without the rest of you.

Applejack just looked at her, I guess now we're going to have to, she had pointed out leadenly.

Twilight swallowed, trying not to think of how many times Rainbow had helped her, teased her, laughed with her, brightened her day, hung out. The loss of the Element of Loyalty seemed like a tiny thing against the loss of her friend. Please, Applejack? I'd do it on my own if it wasn't for them, but it's not right. I need my friends. I need all of you to help me carry the load.

Applejack had swallowed and looked away, tears leaking down her cheeks. OK, I'll do it. But she ain't heavy, sugar cube. She's my sister.

The clock ticked on.

Pegasus ponies are creatures of the air, Mr. Waddle had explained gently in his kind, warbly voice. They are born and live amidst the clouds, and so in death we return them to the skies they have loved. The funeral pyre has been a Pegasus tradition since time out of mind, and Rainbow Dash left instructions requesting the traditional rites.

In olden times, Twilight knew, the ceremony was carried out on a mountain top on a wood fire, but these days the gas crematoria was preferred as being hotter and more complete. Her mind shied away from these dry, analytical thoughts, and she heard a suppressed sob from Rarity.

Above her, there was a click and the clock whirred into life, tolling the hour loudly on a brass bell. It was time. As the shimmering echo of the last strike died away, Applejack took a deep, hoarse breath and drew herself up. “Harness up, everypony.” she said commandingly.

Around her, the six friends slowly assembled and exchanged hugs before forming up, Pinkie and Twilight in one pair, Fluttershy and Rarity in another, with Applejack at their head. Spike stood to one side; he would follow them separately. There was a soft click ahead of them and the door slowly swung open. The attendant had come to lead them to the coach-house.

A strangely-familiar attendant, in fact – a powder-blue Pegasus pony. Twilight barely registered the two large mares on either side of the newcomer, dressed in sharp-looking black suits and sunglasses, as her eyes took in the windblown, multi-coloured mane and tail, and the familiar, rose-coloured eyes.

“Hey, gang,” said Rainbow Dash.

=====// \=====

The Pegasus Device

=====// \=====

Twilight simply gaped at the familiar, utterly impossible figure in front of her. The red, yellow, and blue lightning-bolt cutie mark. The same grin. The little nick in her left ear. She heard a fluttering moan and a loud thump. That sounded like Rarity, a corner of her mind noted, And for once, it's not an over-reaction.

Applejack was the one who broke the spell. “I don't know who you are, but we're expecting the attendant,” she said hoarsely, “We got a funeral to go to.”

“Uh... It's me, A-J. You know, Rainbow Dash? You've been bucking too many trees,” said the Pegasus, looking confused.

Applejack bristled. “Oh, no you're not! I don't know who you think you are, but this ain't funny. This is just plain cruel, and you've got five seconds to explain or get the hay out of here before I start cracking heads!” she spat, her voice rising with anger.

Twilight blinked, slowly surfacing. It was her, it had to be her. There was no other possible explanation. She knew that mare almost as well as she knew herself. “Rainbow?” she whispered.

The Pegasus grinned. “Hey, Twilight! You know, black really isn't your colour!”

“This ain't funny! What they hay is wrong with you, that you'd do this?!” screamed Applejack, losing her fragile composure completely. She went to throw herself at the imposter but was swept up in a ball of yellow light, thrashing madly.

“Oh dear. I think I'd better explain,” said a voice. One of the black-clad figures stepped forward, cutting between the enraged farm pony and the Pegasus – Rainbow Dash?

“Who are you?” asked Pinkie in a stunned voice.

The pony, a pale-yellow Unicorn, grinned at her. “That is not important, but for the moment you may call me Jay. My taciturn friend over there is Kay.”

“Jay? What sort of name is Jay?” asked Twilight stupidly. Her mind was still refusing to function past one overwhelming certainty. Rainbow Dash.

“It's short for Jehoshaphat,” mumbled Pinkie absently.

The pony that called herself Jay blinked, “How in Equestria do you work that out?” she demanded.

The other black-clad pony, a green Pegasus, snorted and adjusted her tie, “Nice going, Jay!”

“I hate my mother! Why did she have to give me such a stupid name!” moaned Jay.

By this point, Applejack looked like she was about to self-combust, and Kay took over. “Well, leaving aside your mother's social inadequacies-”

“Hey!”

“-Inadequacies,” Kay repeated with relish, “I think these ponies want to know what's going on. Well, ladies, I'm happy to say that this really is Rainbow Dash. A happy reunion, and all that.”

“Rainbow Dash is dead!” Applejack barked harshly. “I saw her body, held her hoof one last time, and it was cold!” Her voice broke on the last word. Fluttershy looked like joining Rarity in unconsciousness, while the hints of a crazy smile danced on the edges of Pinkie's mouth.

“There was a misunderstanding?” said Jay hopefully.

Twilight's mind kicked into gear. “No there wasn't. There was no misunderstanding,” she growled angrily. Her magic shot out, seizing the two ponies in black around their necks and hoisting them helplessly up onto their hind legs. How? How, how, how, how...

“A clone,” said Twilight eventually, nodding slowly to herself. “It's the only way. The pony we knew as Rainbow Dash is dead.”

“Gah! They said she was smart,” choked Jay, her rear hooves scrabbling for purchase.

“Let us down. We'll explain,” wheezed Kay, slowly turning red.

“Keep going,” said Rarity's voice feebly, as she started to come around, “They deserve it.”

“Let Applejack go first. Then explain, and it had better be good.”

The yellow light around Applejack disappeared with a pop, and the farm pony dropped back onto her hooves and rounded on her erstwhile captors, absolutely incensed. Slowly, Twilight lowered the two Unicorns back down.

Jay rubbed anxiously at her throat, while Kay adjusted her tie again with some aplomb. “A long time ago-” she began, but Rarity cut her off,

“This isn't the time for an ancient history lesson! Tell us what happened to our friend!” she hissed angrily.

“Do you want to hear this or not?” demanded Kay, before continuing, “A long time ago, during the first Discord War, Princess Celestia had the service of a Pegasus pony called Rainbow Dash. She was the commander of the Airborne forces in many a battle and became one of the Princess' closest friends as they fought side-by-side for many years. Finally, the Princesses managed to locate the Elements of Harmony and risked an expedition to recover them. They were successful, but while they were away, Commander Dash was killed in a small, rather pointless skirmish near the Neighagara Falls. The Princesses managed to defeat Discord, but Celestia was devastated. She threw herself into rebuilding Equestria, and it was many years before she truly smiled again. Everypony needed a Rainbow Dash in their lives, she used to say. Well, the Pegasus Council was listening. And after many years, they made it a reality.”

“They always told me I was named after a hero,” said the new Rainbow Dash proudly.

“It's a little more complicated than that,” said Kay. “A small portion of Commander Dash was frozen at a facility in Cloudsdale and studied for centuries by a team of crack Pegasus scientists. Eventually, they found a way to re-create the Commander using a special technomagical machine. They called it... the Pegasus Device.”

“But we've all been to Cloudsdale? Where did they hide this thing?” asked Twilight, her head spinning.

Jay laughed shakily, “Why, in plain sight, of course! Who would suspect something like that in the weather factory? Plus, I think somepony got a kick out of calling it the Rainbow Factory!”

“Rainbow... Factory?” asked Rarity weakly, “You mean...?”

“Well, not quite,” admitted Kay. “We only produce an exact clone of the Commander once every couple of generations, but there's a few other ponies out there with her shining qualities, scattered across Equestria. Plus we need to keep a few spares, as they seem to find ways to do themselves in on a regular basis. This one's worse than most, though; this is the fourth Dash unit we've had to replace in the last two years!”

“Replace?” Twilight gibbered, appalled, “But the Elements!? How would that work?”

Kay shrugged, “This Dash unit turning out to be the Element of Loyalty was a bit of a surprise. We were rather worried the first time we had to replace her after this was discovered, but it doesn't seem to matter – which is a bit of a bonus!”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” said Rainbow Dash, rolling her eyes.

“We just have to clone her off a few times, then inject the appropriate memories and she's set to go.” added Jay, before rolling her eyes at their horrified expressions. “How do you think she affords that fancy floating palace of hers? We've got to have a base station to monitor her off, and this way we get a full upload every night.”

“How... how does she know this? Why doesn't she tell anypony?” asked Rarity faintly, as Spike fanned her with his jacket.

Jay grinned nastily, “She's programmed not to, of course!”

“P-p-p-programmed?” Fluttershy squeaked in horror.

“We've added a few refinements over the years. This Dash unit is a real pain, actually. I mean, you're a smart Unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, think about the Sonic Rainboom for a minute! The forces involved... the air friction alone tends to vaporise them, which is where the Rainbow part comes from,” said Kay.

“So every time they do a Sonic Rainboom-” Twilight gasped,

“Yup! New Dash unit.”

“So why, how did you let her do it in the first place?”

Kay scowled, “Those smart-alecs in the lab got really drunk one night and took the restrictors off a filly Dash unit, then supercharged the hay out of it. Wanted to see how fast they could make it go, they said! The next time the darn thing tried to race, boom! Straight through the sound barrier, and bits of grilled filly all over the place!”

Twilight shook her head, trying to wrap her intellect around the information. “How?” she asked eventually, “How could the Princess do this to us?”

“Princess?” Jay looked blank.

“Princess Celestia! How could she toy with ponies like this! How could she-”

“What makes you think the Princess knows about any of this?” asked Kay, also looking puzzled.

“She must have noticed!” Twilight shouted, waving a hoof furiously, “How could she miss the reincarnation of one of her dearest friends?! You've even given her the same name!”

Kay shrugged, “I don't think she's noticed, or if she has, she only thinks that she sees the Commander's best traits in others.”

“Well, you're too late now,” said Twilight triumphantly, “There's so many ponies gathered out there, you'll never be able to keep Rainbow's return quiet.”

“Our colleagues are out there now, explaining,” said Kay, with a shrug, “I admit we were a bit slow off the mark this time, but it's happened before.”

“It must be time the Scootabot got another upgrade,” agreed Jay.

“Scootabot!” Rarity gasped, “But, but...”

Kay gave her partner a sharp smack around the back of the head, “Nice going, Bonehead!”

“Aw, come on, they must have noticed!” Jay whined, rubbing her ear, “You did, didn't you?”

“But that's my little sister's best friend!” shrieked Rarity and Applejack in unison.

“That'd be a 'no', then,” Kay sighed, “How did I get lumbered with you again, Jay?”

“No more,” said Twilight shakily, “No more, you can't possibly expect us to keep this quiet.”

“Not even to have your best friend back again?” asked Kay smoothly.

Twilight threw a stricken look at the revived Rainbow Dash. Was it really that simple? Could they just pretend that nothing had ever happened, and let things go back to how they were? Rainbow Dash's hopeful smile cut her heart to ribbons in her chest. It was so achingly tempting, but she knew it was seldom that easy in the real world.

Kay smiled kindly, “Look, we have a little presentation here which will explain everything. If you'd all just like to gather around. You, too, Rainbow Dash. And you, little guy.”

“I'm not a little guy,” Spike grumbled, stalking across to join them.

“Now, if you'd just like to watch here for a second,” said Kay, pulling a slender metal rod out of her pocket.

The world vanished in a blinding flash of white light.

=====// F I N I S \=====