The One With Twinkie Kisses
Hnnnnnngh. Twilight Sparkle, seated at a desk with her backpack beneath her, textbooks and notebooks sprawled out in front of her, groaned in absolute contempt for the notion of doing work on a Friday. She squinted through page after page at the textbook until she hmphed her way out of unbridled concentration. She sighed and reached into her bag to grab a cellphone, revealing a bar of messages on the lock screen:
Pinkie: happy b-day! 🎂 🎂 🎂
BBBFF: Happy birthday, Twily ❤️
Mom: Happy birthday! Your father and I wish we could be there with you for your big day. Please give us a call; we’d love to talk to you! Love, Mom and Dad.
Twilight clicked the screen to back and returned her focus to her notebook. She doodled a single heart and stared with a frown, finally clicking back the phone, unlocking, and tapping on a certain pink profile picture in Chats.
Twilight: Hey Pinkie!
Twilight stared at her phone emptily, tapping her phone until a moment later it buzzed back with a familiar profile picture flashing on the screen.
Pinkie: hiya, lucky ducky!
Twilight: :) Are you busy?
Pinkie: naw-se-ree, i just finished up my shift at the diner! :D
Twilight: Do you think maybe we could hang out when you get home?
Pinkie: sure thing, girlie! ❤️
Pinkie: do u want to come to my place?
Twilight: I don’t want to impose…
Pinkie: wha? thats not imposing, i offered! :P
Twilight: Does 6 tonight work?
Pinkie: see u then! ^_^
Twilight looked around at the picturesque suburban neighborhood disrupted by a single small grey house in the corner: her destination. The trials and joys of familiar cohabitation at work. Arriving at the door, Twilight knocked.
“I’m coming!” Pinkie screamed, muffled by many layers of doors and walls in between but words clear outside by virtue of sheer amplitude. Clank, clonk, clunk banged around inside until the door swung open to reveal one Pinkamena Pie. Smiling, she reached her hand inside her hair and produced a clarinet, because that totally makes sense and doesn’t defy any physical laws.
“Hi, Pinkie.” Twilight waved. “What’s the instrument for?”
“Hiya! I wanted to play for you!”
Twilight raised her eyebrow as Pinkie drew a a dramatic breath, placing the instrument to her lips, playing the tune of Happy Birthday, finally punctuated with a “Tada!”
Twilight smiled. “You sound pretty good.”
“Thanks!” Pinkie beamed back. “I’ve been working on my embouchurro.”
“Embouchure.” Twilight idly corrected, on grammarian instinct as much as conscious care.
“Nope!” Pinkie stuck out her tongue. “Embouchurro.”
The girls shared a giggle as Pinkie reached out her hand towards Twilight’s. As Twilight grabbed on, Pinkie lurched and waving. “C’mon!”
In a blur – that may or may not have involved wormholes, time travel, or Pinkie Pie – Twilight ended up stepping through the door and moments later finding herself seated next to her friend on her friend’s bed, her backpack dropped on the floor resting closed.
Twilight’s eyes traced out the patterns of the swirls of polka dots decorating the pink walls of the bedroom. “Huh, cute.”
“No, you!” Pinkie winked. “But thanks, though!”
Twilight stared nonchalantly as her mouth began to droop in understanding. “Wait. Were you just flirting with me?”
A shrug. “I don’t know, Were you flirting with me?”
“No?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I was complimenting the design of the room.”
“Oh! Then I was complementing the design of your room.”
“Pinkie, you’ve never been to my dorm. And it’s pretty ugly.”
“Eh!” Pinkie beamed. “So what if I was flirting?”
“I mean…” Twilight brought her hand to her rosy cheek. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world if a girl flirted with me, but… Pinkie, aren’t you into guys? I distinctly remember a certain stint with a Mr. Bl–”
“–Heh, yup.” Pinkie slapped on a smile. “Definitely into guys!”
Twilight nodded once, then twice, then thrice, speed decreasing with each iteration as a bluish mist seeped over her face. “I just feel pathetic, you know?” Pinkie offered Twilight her hand, a gesture awkwardly but warmly received. Hand in hand, Twilight continued, “It’s Friday night on my 18th birthday, and I know the dating pool is a little smaller since I’m gay, but I’ve never even had a girlfriend, or a casual date or… even a first kiss.”
Pinkie squeezed her hand, a surge of empathy spiking through the love conducting medium. “What? Nah, there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone grows at their own pace!”
A scrunched up nose replied. “When was your first kiss?”
A faint blush and a nervous reminiscent giggle.
“Eh heh… 11? Unless you mean on the lips, in which case… 12?” Her visage darkening to the colour of the lips in question, she added, “Or if you really mean on the lips, then 17. But let’s not talk about that!”
Shaking her head, Twilight muttered, “11, 12, 17…” Hrmgh. “Pinkie, all three of those are less than 18.”
“You’re the math major!”
Twilight harumphed, a herd of elephants stampeding through her vocal folds. “Part of me doesn’t care who it’s with. No strings kissing, no strings sex, whatever. Maybe it isn’t healthy, but I still wish somebody – even you, if you weren’t straight – would want me like that, you know? Somebody is better than n–”
Unfortunately, she was rendered unable to finish her comment by an interrupting pair of lips jammed up against her own, a faint little kiss planted from midair, the preemptive strike of a floofy pink romantic ninja.
“Pinkie!” Twilight screeched, eyes rolling out of her head and lips and tongue oscillating faster than noisy words emerged. “What the hell was that?”
A delighted shrug, apparently. “There! Problem solved!” Pinkie closed her eyes and licked her lips slowly, mirth resting upon her from the relaxed arch of her eyebrows to the warm drooping curve of her spine. “Mm… tastes like chocolate.”
Shake her up and Twilight blanks like an Etch-a-Sketch. “I don’t even know what to say right now.”
Pinkie’s eyes shot up with an acutely goofy grin replacing the prior subtle pleasure. “For one, you could tell me why your lips taste amazing.” She lowered her voice to a comically over-enunciated stage whisper. “Is it something in the water?”
Twilight shook her head, a tinge of amusement mixed with disbelief, as she reached a hand blindly into her bag. Fumbling around, she pulled her arm out to produce a small box of assorted chocolates, almost entirely full. Eyes fixated on the box and puppy panting, Pinkie’s act dropped in free fall. “My Mom sent me these for my birthday.” Softly and a little nasally, Twilight asked, “Would you like some?”
Eyebrows sprung up, Pinkie boomed, “Uh, duh! What kind of crazy person would say no to chocolate?!” Twilight handed her the box. “Ha! First the kiss–” Pinkie removed the lid and popped three little chocolates into her mouth simultaneously, still managing to squeak out “–no te chocolt.” Gulp and swallow. “It’s a win-win!”
“I mean…” Twilight darted her eyes to a corner. “It was a nice kiss, um…”
Pinkie patted herself on the back. “I am known for my ‘savoir de la bise’, as a friend once said.”
Twilight chuckled. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”
“You asked!”
“I did?”
Two monosyllabic bullets pierced Pinkie, popping her balloon hair, the noisy gush of air audible as it deflated with her spirit. “You… did ask, right?”
“I…” Twilight hung her head low. “I guess I did. Yeah. I didn’t think you would but I… I guess I did.”
With a curt nod, Pinkie returned to her land of the living (and her hair to the poofing), raising the chocolate box into the air. “Tada! That makes two good things, then!”
Twilight returned the smile, though her eyebrows creased. “Not to pry, but about that… I didn’t think you liked girls.”
“Nope!”
“Nope, you like girls?”
“Straight as spoon!” Pinkie lowered the box to her lap and popped in another chocolate.
Blink. “What? You’re telling me I had my first–”
–Abruptly, Pinkie leaned to kiss Twilight again, with a fiery passion far beyond her initial peck. Lips connected, she held on for several seconds before finally releasing a pink balloon of a Twilight, left wheezing out air and panting, “First… two kisses with a straight girl?”
On cue, Pinkie reached her hand into her hair, thrashed around a bit, and then pulled out a blue and purple bisexual flag. Because apparently that girl just casually carries flags in her hair, in case of flag emergency. Anyway, Pinkie waved the flag around and said, “We can make it three if ya like, silly!”
Twilight’s eyes followed the wave of the flag in the air. “I… uhm… Does this make us, uh, girlfriends? I’m new to this.”
“Nope!” Pinkie stuffed the flag firmly back within her hair. “You said no-strings! Which probably means I shouldn’t get too close to the lip region.” A quick wag of the eyebrows. “Since I’m pretty sure that has a string.”
Twilight tilted her head. “What do you– oh. I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
Nothing but an unwavering innocent grin replied.
Twilight paused. “You seem to talk about lips an awful lot.”
“I learned from the best.” Pinkie swiped her fingers against her lips and blew a kiss.
“The best?”
“What? Did none of Sunset, Rarity, or Fluttershy never tell you about Hearth’s Warming Eve last year when we f–”
“–What? When you what?”
Pinkie bat her eyebrows. “When you left after the party, and Dashie went home with Applejack, so the four of us–”
“–Nope. Never heard of it. Never happened. Please stop talking.” Twilight clasped her palms over her ears.
Pinkie simply smiled. “Okey dokey lokey!” she said as cryptic as ever. She reached her index finger to the gap just under her nose to form a mock mustache. In a low whisper, she said, “If you ever want to know exactly what happened that night, let me know and we’ll make it happen.”
“Umm…” Twilight awkwardly stroked her cheek with her fingers, apparently out of instinct. “You mean you’ll tell me what happened?”
“Nah, you’ll figure that part out yourself!” Pinkie reached into her head – seriously, does that girl just not use a backpack? poofier on the inside than the out? – and pulled out a cellphone. “I’ll just text Sunset and Rarity, and…” She clicked on the device, pausing to glance at the clock reading 19:34. “This time on a Friday night Fluttershy should be at Rares’ place, so no need to text her separately.”
Blink. There seem to be a lot of blinking that night, huh? Maybe Twilight’s eyes were especially dry. Maybe she should invest in a humidifier. “I am so hopelessly lost.”
“You didn’t know Rainbow Dash and Applejack are dating?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Rumour has it Applejack is shopping for an engagement ring, so yes, I’m aware they have been dating since senior year.”
Pinkie nodded. “And you know how Flutters and Rares are casual?”
“Come again?”
Pinkie did not, in fact, come again, simply continuing, “And how Sunset and I really, really, really love our friends?”
Twilight snorted. “That’s quite a bit of really.”
“Yup, that’s how you know it’s really really!” Pinkie clasped her hands together to form a heart. “Anyways, sometimes some of the four of us will get together for a super friendly night.”
“A friendly night. As friends.” Twilight deadpanned.
“Close friends!”
“Close friends.”
Pinkie sung out in an elated whisper, “Closer than moooost.” She placed her hand on her chest and cooed, “If ya like, Twilight, now that you’ve finally turned 18, you can be that close too!”
“Hey, it’s not my fault I skipped two grades and you’re all way older than me.” Twilight grimaced.
“Oo! Hey! I have a math problem for you, smarty-pants!”
“…I’m listening.”
Pinkie pulled a ballpoint pen out of her hair – okay, that one actually makes some degree of sense, or maybe that’s creeping normalcy after the bisexual flag – and wrote vigorously in the air, reciting, “If x is greater than y over two plus seven, what’s y?”
Twilight’s eyeballs swirled around her head for a second until she spit out, “y is less than two x minus fourteen.”
“Yeah, that’s what Sunset told me.” Pinkie nodded, straining her eyes for a second. “And if x equals eighteen and y equals twenty-one?”
“I mean, 21 is less than 22 so the inequality holds.” A pause. “Sorry, what’s this about? You are possibly the last person I know to ask me about algebra problems on a Friday night.” She grinned, tilting her head down and pushing her glasses up back on her nose. “Not that I’m complaining, of course”
“Duuuuh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “You’re eighteen and we’re nineteen and twenty and twenty-one so by the one-half-plus-seven rule, it’s totally not creepy for me to also be attracted to you!”
“By the one-hal—” Twilight’s words halted as her eyes grew glassy. “You’re… attracted to me?”
“Pff, yeah!” Pinkie flicked her finger across the tip of Twilight’s nose. “I’m attracted to all my friends. Aren’t you?”
“Oh. Attracted to me as a friend.”
“If you want!”
Twilight faded. “I just thought because you kissed me twice–”
Pinkie leaned forward and attached her lips to Twilight’s, reaching her arms out and wrapping them around the purple girl to close the gap entirely, and pulling the duo backwards back-up onto the bed, still hugging, still kissing, a sloppy grin painted across Pinkie’s face, as finally she released her lips. Twilight wheezed, supine on her friend’s bed. Her friend’s oddly snuggly, warm, comfortable bed. Granted, Twilight was far too busy with her current emotional whirlwind to pay any attention to how soft the bed was, but seriously, where does that girl go mattress shopping?
And don’t say she stocks mattresses up in her hair, in case of a mattress emergency.
Twilight panted. “I— I thought it might mean you were attracted as… Um, are you attracted to me? Romantically and/or sexually, that is?”
Pinkie stole a quick kiss on the cheek, earning a goofy grin in reply. “I’ll, uh, take that as a yes.” Twilight sighed. “I love you, Pinkie”
“Love you too, friend!”
Twilight twirled a lock of her hair in her finger, as well as she could while laying face-up in another girl’s bed. A bisexual girl as she had learned since learned. “Um… I don’t know if you want to–”
“Oh, I definitely wanna. But feel free to ask anyway! Communication’s cool!”
“Right.” Twilight stopped twirling. “If you want to— well, seeing as we’re already here, like this, together… And you mentioned with R– Rarity… and…”
Pinkie nuzzled her cheek against Twilight’s. “Yeah. You want me to call Rares? I have her on speed dial! Of course, if Flutters wants to come too.”
Twilight bit her lip, returning the nuzzle. “Actually… do you think maybe it could just be the two of us?”
Pinkie squeezed Twilight in her grip a little tighter, a giant teddy bear, her arms against Twilight’s soft chest and eliciting a gasp at the sudden pressure. Pinkie whispered into Twilight’s ear, “Thought you’d never ask, friend. Thought you’d never ask.”
And then the world faded to black. Or maybe they did lesbian things.
Addendum: The world faded to black while they did lesbian things.
Author's Note
I needed something fluffy to cheer my up when writing Nonfiction. So if Nonfiction bummed you out, here's some shameless fluff 
