Mi Amore Cadenz-Ur

by CategoricalGrant

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, The Elder Scrolls
Length: 1215

Princess Cadance has been acting a little strange...

Princesses Celestia and Luna have a favorite niece, but unfortunately she's been acting a little strange. Determined to get to the bottom of things, they pay her a visit.

A story that is effectively One Big Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind reference. You've been warned.

Cover art by Probablydnon.

Published 2020-02-03 08:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-03 08:40:01 UTC

The Celestarine Prophecy

Sitting together at the large table in Canterlot Castle’s feasting hall, Princesses Celestia and Luna were having a silent breakfast together.

Celestia raised a half-peeled banana to her mouth and took a bite. Chewing deliberately, she took a long look at her sister. Luna, for her part, was very deliberately cutting the pancakes Celestia had made for her, her eyes crumpled in what appeared to be deep and consuming thought.

Slowly, Celestia swallowed. “Sister...have you noticed Cadance acting a little strange recently?”

Luna threw down her fork, her eyes widening precipitously. “Yes!” she shouted, apparently relieved. “Thank goodness I’m not the only one! What is going on with her!?”

“She sent me a messenger recently who just spoke in riddles,” Celestia explained, frowning. “Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem, but I’m pretty sure he infected me with some sort of terrible disease.” Celestia grabbed her napkin in her magic and used it to cover her mouth as she daintily coughed. As she lowered it, it was covered in blood. “Excuse me.”

“That is nothing!” Luna replied. “On my night walks recently, I keep getting approached by angry ponies that keep muttering about the return of ‘Mi amore Cadenz-Ur’ and speaking threateningly about some sort of ‘Crystal House’. And don’t even get me started on the weird dreams I’ve been having, or her letters!”

Celestia frowned. “Maybe we should pay her a visit?”

“Agreed,” Luna chimed in. “Though, let me finish my pancakes first.”

The next day, the two sisters stood silently on the train platform in the Crystal Empire, looking very confused.

“Lulu,” Celestia began, unsure of herself. “...Why is there a crippling dust storm here?”

“I do not know,” she answered. “I was under the impression the surrounding lands were extremely cold.”

The two sisters advanced through the empty streets of the Crystal City, keeping their distance from the odd, menacing bird-like creatures flying overhead.

The two entered the castle some minutes later and brushed the dust off of themselves. No guards were there to greet them.

“This is very odd.” Luna stated matter-of-factly. “I hope Flurry Heart is okay. The Royal Physician tells me that inhaling dust is not good for foals.”

Ascending several flights of ornately curved stairs, the sisters climbed the castle. After pausing for a moment at the throne room doors, Celestia pushed the doors open quickly, and they entered.

Cadance was inside. She did appear to be alive and safe, although she appeared to be wearing a strange form of golden mask which hid her face from view. Before the sisters could greet her and ask what was going on, she spoke. “Welcome, Moon and Star!” she began, her voice taking on an uncharacteristic air of authority. “To this place...where destiny is made.”

“Um...Alright?” Celestia responded. “Hello, Cadence. We came to, er, just check in on our favorite niece!”

“You have come to me through fire and war,” Cadence’s voice boomed.

Luna’s eyes narrowed. “No. We, uh, we took the train.”

Celestia closed her eyes and sighed. “Cadence, we came because you’ve been acting a little strange. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Welcome, Celestevar! Together, we shall speak for the law and the land and drive the mongrel Yaks of Yakyakistan from Equestria.”

Luna hummed. “It is clear to me that you are indeed not ‘okay’.”

Celestia leaned over. “Maybe you should get Twilight,” Celestia whispered to Luna. “We might need her help figuring out what’s going on here.”

“Good idea,” Luna agreed. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” With a flash of magic, Luna disappeared.

And then promptly reappeared again about ten feet in the air, crashing down into the throne room floor.

“There is no escape!” Cadance chided. “No recall or intervention can work in this place!”

Luna, tearing up, rubbed her shoulder. “Ouch!” She glared at her gold-clad niece. “Celestia, keep her distracted. I’m going to go see if I can find Shining Armor or Flurry Heart. Maybe they know what’s going on.”

Celestia nodded gracefully and stepped forward as Luna began creeping toward the door out of the throne room. “Cadance, I’m here to help you. What’s going on? How can I help you?”

Chuckling, Cadance stood up from her throne and walked to the windows on the right side of the throne room. “Come, Celestevar. Friend or traitor, come. Come and look upon the Crystal Heart. And bring the Elements of Harmony! I have need of them.”

“The Elements of Harmony are destroyed, Cadance...But, alright…” Celestia strode up to stand next to her and looked out the window. Aside from the sandstorm blanketing the Empire, the Crystal Heart looked perfectly normal.

Suddenly, Cadance turned about. In a flash of magic, Luna appeared again in the throne room, falling from ten feet up once again and hitting the floor with a sickening crunch. “Is this how you honor the Crystal House, and the Empire unmourned?” she asked angrily. “Come to me openly, and not by stealth!” Turning to Celestia again, she growled. “Have you brought Starswirl’s tools?”

Celestia was beginning to lose her composure. “Cadance, what...What in Equestria are you talking about?”

Growling, Cadance responded. “Mi Amore Cadenz-Ur welcomes you, Celestevar, my old friend. But to this place where destiny is made, why have you come unprepared?”

Tearing up from the pain, Luna rose to her hooves again. “Enough of this! Cadence, you need help. We’re taking you to the hospital, whether you like it or not!”

Throwing her head back, Cadance laughed maniacally. “What a fool you are! I’m a Princess! How can you incapacitate a Princess? What a grand and intoxicating innocence! How could you be so naive!?”

A line of electric magic shot from Luna’s horn, hitting Cadance squarely on her chest. Writhing, she fell to the ground. “L-lay down your weapons!” she called. “It is not too late for my mercy.”

Luna hit her with another bolt.

Small tufts of smoke rose from Cadance’s body as she lifted her masked head. “This is the end. The bitter, bitter end.” Her head fell back as she lost consciousness.

“So, physicker, what have you found?” Luna asked.

Dr. Wave Function scratched his purple-coated muzzle as he looked at the restrained, sedated Cadance on her bed. “Well, sounds to me like classic rapid-onset schizophrenia. Drugs, stress… A whole bunch of things could have knocked her for a loop and triggered it. We’ll get psych to come down and start her on some haloperidol.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “And the, um…” She drew a hoof around her head, indicating what she was trying to ask about.

“Ah, you mean the golden piece of pottery on her head?” Dr. Function pursed his lips and shrugged. “Gonna be honest, that’s a new one for me. I’ll call neurosurgery and, uh, see what they think.”

The three ponies stood quietly together, casting glances around the room and trying to look at anything but the incapacitated, insane Princess lying there with them.

“Well, I’ve got to go,” the doctor sighed. “Got a delirious post-op patient that thinks he’s some sort of character from a video game, or something.”

Author's Note

I'm sorry but this had to be done and honestly I'm surprised I got to it first.