The Deal of A Lifetime

by MaximilianBarrett0427

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Adventure, Discord, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 4520

A young pessimistic loser doesn't have much to live for, suffering through the miserable nature of his entire existence. However one day, an opportunity arises that may change his life for the better. If he doesn't break the rules...

This is the story of a young man named 'Thomas'.

At only twenty years of age, Thomas is a pessimist at heart. A man of low self-confidence and of a higher intelligence than a normal human. He had a dead-end job that demanded too much of what it was worth. But he wasn't qualified for a better job, no prospect of a better life. Arriving home to an rotting apartment of melancholy and tears; a constant reminder of the miserable nature of his entire existence. Seemingly forever suffering by the apathy of his family and the ruthless system of capitalism.

However one day, something strange occurred. An opportunity arises, one that may change his life for the better. If he doesn't break the rules...

Published 2020-02-15 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-15 02:00:01 UTC

Thomas Wolfeschlegel

"I don't get it. Discord, the Spirit of Chaos itself, a being of incomprehensible power, that can... bypass the laws of physics or something, lost to six ponies, or six mares rather, by the... and this is a very weird thing to say, the Magic of Friendship... Why did you just let yourself get caught? Couldn't you have just destroyed the Elements in the first place? Or just defeat their minds hopelessly to the point of no return? You would have won by default. A demigod lost to the equivalent of six bugs."

"Oh, underestimating these ponies is a very big mistake. Trust me, these beings are a lot more special than you might think," He snapped his talons, and a glass a chocolate milk appeared before both beings. The human blinked at the sight. "Well I wasn't really going to get caught. I was never in danger. The Elements of Harmony by themselves isn't enough to stop me. But I must let them think that. The ponies must always think that. They are too young and immature to understand what I'm capable of... and, those six one day will face a foe much more dangerous than myself. I'm preparing them, do you see? I could have snapped their necks like a twig, toss their necklaces into a volcano, but of course, I would never do that. I may be a powerful god, but even I have standards. And, I must insist this next point, I'm not evil. And have no more intentions on conquering Equestria... unless I get bored again. Maybe. Haven't thought that far ahead. Anyways, I simply wanted a good time Tommy, and a jolly ol' good time I had."

Thomas very much had a good time of chocolate milk too. But still was mystified nonetheless by his explanation. Though once he considered it for a moment, maybe it made sense. Though the idea of just getting bored of conquering the world didn't quite get through to the young man. "Fair enough I suppose... But, you have to build them up? For what exactly? You're basically a god, but you don't want to help directly. You just wanted a challenge, or...?"

He scoffed. "Of course I like challenges! Where's the fun in taking everything over with a snap of my talons?" He coughed something under his breath the human could not understand clear enough. "Also I'm not in good stead with certain Princesses. Also also, it's against my nature. Chaos and Disharmony is sort of my schitck. Also also also, hello? My name is Discord. Do you not read the tin? Also also also also... kinda took over the nation with a snap of my talons. A couple of times... Okay, a lot of times! Trust me, you had no idea how vulnerable Equestria was as a nation when I first arrived. All three pony races couldn't agree on how to gather crops, let alone foster a nation of peace and harmony under one main race. Not that the races on the other side of the planet knew about their existence. I could've made Equestria stir in eternal darkness or eternal afternoon for as long as I wished. I could've moved the Sun around the Earth, and throw all other planet out into space. But that would be a bit mean. And I guess beheading someone for been insulted for looking weird would be a bit much..."

He could only stare at him for a few moments. Thomas was really dealing with a demigod. Or a quite literal god, who he could figure somehow die? He wasn't sure, and didn't want to test his theory. "You... okay, you're the Spirit of Chaos. Yet you say that is not evil? I don't quite get the difference."

"Well, did I harm them those little ponies back there? Mentally, sure, but it was only a limited amount of time. Nothing that could traumatise them for a lifetime, just enough pain for them to hold a grudge. And even then, that would only apply to one. Physically, not a bruise or a scar. Although Rarity may have given herself one... But anyways, Chaotic and Evil are not the same thing. Chaos opposes Order, not good. Order can be good, but it can certainly be misused by some for their own misdeeds. Some beings could easily corrupted by greed, or push their political agenda through with their own biases perhaps and you get the point. You're a pretty smart cookie. And even Chaos is a necessary element of life, perhaps not just friendship, or whatever they blabber on about. But it's quite difficult for many ponies to grasp that," He finished his sentence by grasping an orange out of thin air and squeezing it. The liquid disappearing as it blasted into whatever atmosphere they were both currently conversing in.

"And your chaotic... essence I guess, also goes down to your appearance."

"Jeez, I don't know Tommy. What would make one think that? The surgery-gone-horribly-wrong shtick suits me perfectly. According to me. I mean, ponies certainly don't like it. They either mock it or just dismissive it as very weird. And these are ponies we're talkin' about! They have a literal city made of clouds floating in the sky with actual rainbows pouring out at some places. Their capital hangs off the side of a shockingly stable mountain. Near the top. The top, Tommy! And they think I'm weird. Some would use much more... let's say, rude words to describe me. Can't exactly blame some after, actually don't worry about why. But hey, I think I look cool. And isn't all that matters?"

"Personally, I think you look rather cool too." He sincerely complemented the that he previously explained was called a 'Draconequus'.

Draconequus. Certainly gave Griffins a run for their money, on their creativity of different body parts thrown together. Yet, as he considered, he's never heard of a draconequus before. Not in any fiction he has read or heard about. Maybe Discord was something else before turning into a much more chaotic version of a Griffin... which he supposed make a whole lot of sense, considering what Discord claimed himself to be. Which he was willing the believe by this point.

Thomas wasn't sure what he had the head or body of, but he knew Discord had a lion's paw and an eagle's talon in place of hands. It would make grabbing things rather difficult, but he supposed he didn't really need to. A green scaly leg on his right and a brown furred one on his left, a long tail of a dragon to go with it. He had a mixed pair of wings, that are much smaller that what they probably should be. Though his could already float in air with a large amount of magic he more than enough acquired himself. And what is rather noticeable is the two different eye colours he possessed, bright yellow and red eyes separately. He had a deer antler protruding from the right of his head and a blue horn on the left. This was a Draconequus.

Thomas did believe that it looked cool. He thought Griffins looked cool too, and this Chimera being had much more... pizzazz. Uniqueness he hadn't really seen before. Or imagined, rather. He couldn't think of a better adjective. Or was it a noun? He always forgot the difference. And it was too difficult to pronounce out loud for him to attempt, even trying to think out the syllables in his head was quite difficult. Dragon-cone-e-ss... no that didn't sound correct.

Discord seemed taken aback. "Really? I'm flattered good sir, I really am. No one else really shares such a delicate opinion."

"Well, no offence I guess, your appearance really nails down the nature of chaos itself. An amalgamation of different beings all shoved into one. I still think it looks cool."

"See, you get it! Why can't everyone else think like you, Tommy boy? Do they think I'm ugly or something?"

"Maybe their too afraid or upset about your mere presence to give it a second of thought. I mean, you are rather large compared to ponies, and even myself."

"Hmm..." He held his talons to his chin. "You know, I never thought about it like that. Yeah, maybe they're scared because... actually, let's not get into that. So, how many more questions do you have? You have as much time as you'd like. Hit me!" A big target appeared in front of him, as the draconequus threw a rock towards him. He caught it, but then let it fall to the floor.

"You know I was never accurate with my throwing ability. But anyways, alright. I'm still trying to understand... you had Equestria, the most powerful nation on the planet potentially, and apparently, the entire world, and your... talontips... if that's even a word..."

He received a shrug. "Yeah, it's a word."

"Why did you throw it all away? I mean, I don't want to imagine how many humans would be envious enough of your position to kill for it."

"Let's say I got bored of winning all the time. All external threats had been eliminated, neutralised or basically written off to the point of obscurity. And it isn't fun winning all the time. So why not spice things up?" Thomas suddenly found a Jalapeño in his right hand, the sudden appearance making him recoil slightly. He took a breath. He'd really have to get used to a magical being capable of such power that he could muster objects that never existed into reality. Well, he had already seen enough weird things today, that it didn't shock him as much as it should have. This conversation itself is surreal enough.

He threw the pepper into the void. "Okay, I suppose. But you're immortal. Can't you just find something interesting..." His words trailed off, as the realization hit his brain. "Oh... I guess that makes sense."

"Oh yes, see? You get it. There was the idea of creating a powerful enough being that could stand in my way, but that could have just as easily backfired. And that being would be used my magic anyways, and I couldn't have that. But then the Princesses finally came around, and they were the perfect opponents to, let's say, defeat the villain and put an end to his Reign of Tyranny. Or something like that."

"...Reign of Tyranny?"

"It's just ponies not appreciating my artistic expression. Pink clouds of chocolate rain, or lemonade or any other sugary beverage. Much like the one your drinking now. Grass replaced with checker patterns of purple and pink, roads of slippery soap. I don't understand some of their problems, I mean pegasi can fly! They can just move the clouds out of the way, instead of moan and bicker. I suppose when you can't live on candy and sweets everyday, ponies quickly get sick. So I have to give in here and there with clean and healthy hay and water. I didn't much interfere in their lives as much as they might think. Although they never liked my pranks..."

"Maybe they saw them as mean, and you didn't care. You... I think you controlled every aspect of their lives, anyways."

"They were not mean at all... not that mean, anyways. Everything is all back to its boring and normal state now. I guess ponies like bland grass, but they don't even eat grass. Which is odd, considering horses normally eat grass. If it's not hay, they don't bother with it at all."

"...I kinda like the idea of a chocolate raining cloud."

"See Lulu? Someone likes my chocolate raining cloud! Other than Pinkie, of course. She's chaos and harmony all balled up into harmless insanity... okay maybe not the correct terms to use, but you get the point. Sadly the other ponies can't appreciate some of the benefits from my chaos that I can conjure."

He had finally finished his glass. And then took a deep breath. "I have to ask this question..." He couldn't find himself meeting the eyes of the draconequus. "Why me? Could have chosen anyone from the Seven plus billion people on my planet, and yet you went for me? I'm not that special... I never have been. I can't understand why you would be generous enough for... for me."

"Well, would you prefer it if I choose someone else. Because I can totally do that if you're not up for it."

"No, no, I can handle this. I'm not against it all, I'm just saying..." He couldn't finished his sentence, as he glanced towards the utter blackness of the floor, and the world around him. Faint glimpses of light mushing with dark clouds of grey. And suddenly silence reigned, as his lost the ability to find the right words.

His glass suddenly filled up again, this time it was a different pink liquid. "It's okay, you don't have to think about why. Just be gracious of this opportunity, and leave it at that. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but I've been scouting many beings for a while, finding the right man or woman for the job, and you topped the list. You met the criteria. Trust me, your perfect for this."

He didn't respond to his words of encouragement.

"Try your drink, it tastes wonderfully scrumptious. I'm surprised you aren't afraid of my abilities. Humans would be overwhelmed by the mere sight of magic itself."

Sweet pink lemonade. "Trust me, it's taking a lot to get used to. But I've... seen a lot of weird things."

Thomas sighed off to the side, as the pause in noise got to Discord very quickly. "Any more questions then?"

"I think it's best we get to the task at hand at this point."

"Good! Now, there are only four requirements I simply ask of you. Break any of these rules, and the deal is off, completely! No ifs, no buts, no injuries that are cuts."

He would have noted how that odd use of the regular saying, before the hybrid animal quite literally chopped his own right bear paw off, before snapping with his left claw and immediately healing it to its natural state. Or rather, as natural as it can get with this powerful magical being.

"Of course this deal wouldn't be without its catches, I suppose.."

"Don't suppose of these rules like catches. Think of these rules being a challenges towards your goal. You're going to have to work for them. It's not going to come that easily," He wasn't exactly convinced, but he wasn't surprised by the last point he made there. "Numero uno," He held up three talons, "You are not allowed, under any possible circumstances, to reveal the true nature of myself not being in stone, this deal itself, or any mention of this conversation. At all."

"Not allowed... at all?"

"Nope."

Many scenarios ran through his mind. None more pleasant than any other. "Not even..."

"Not even if your more direst of situations you may find yourself landed in. Whether your life or another depends on it, whether you deeply trust someone with your life and you wish to spill the beans. Break it even the slightest, an instant red card and your sent packing. You won't be seeing any first warning yellow cards from me. You disagree with this rule? Then your more than welcome to return to your home."

He took a deep breath. "Please, continue."

He was less than pleased at the draconequus' 'hmph' sound. "Règle deux," He held up four talons, "You are not allowed to leave the confines of Equestria, unless otherwise instructed by myself, the Princesses, or if Equestria is invaded by an enemy force."

"Okay..." Uneasily comprehend this rule, he had to ask. "What enemy force is going to mess with Equestria that you can inform me about?"

"Oh it'll probably never happen, but you can't be too sure..."

"Why stay in Equestria with these ponies exactly?"

"Everything will be answered in due time. Maybe. If I can be bothered. Doesn't the mystery spark your curiosity for you to see for yourself?"

"If I want to go on an adventure, I'd like to know the risks involved before I partake in a rather dangerous operation."

"Yeah... but then it isn't any fun."

"Isn't any..."

"Moving on!" Discord didn't let the human dwell any further on the rule. "La terza regola," two talons, "If, under any circumstances, gain the ability of magic powers, you will not use them to take over Equestria or any nation on the planet, for that matter. Starting your own nation in the middle of nowhere isn't allowed either."

This rule left the human bewildered. "Gain magic powers? Start my own nation?" Gain magic powers? Start his own nation? Why did he repeat these thoughts? He highly doubted these could ever occur. He never considered talking to a demigod a possibility anyways, so anything could be possible. Though, he wasn't a fighter himself. Attempting a Kamehameha would probably destroy his own body. And he was scared of heights, so flying was out of the issue. Gaining even a 100th of Discord's powers was written off immediately... But a human with magic powers sounds fascination enough by itself. "That is achievable? But... when... when am I ever going to gain powers?"

"Humans can't. Not naturally anyway. Perhaps there are certain methods that come to mind. But there's..." He broke into mild laughter. "No way I'm telling you how. You may have to leave Equestria, and you wouldn't want to break the rules, would you?"

"No, of course not."

"And no, I'm not giving you any."

"I really didn't expect any in the first place..."

"Really? You're being thrown into a land of unicorns and Pegasi and you didn't expect any magic of your own?"

"No. This opportunity is surreal enough for me to come to grips with."

"Alright, whatever. Now now, the final rule!" Just his bear paw, "If, at some point during your adventure, you happen to die, whether by accident or an unfortunate murder by the hands... or, probably hooves or magic spell, of someone that is evil or no, your memories from the start of our first conversation to the last moment of your life will be wiped completely, and you will return to your normal life on your old world as if we never spoke at all. Sacrificing yourself for someone else falls under this point. If you request the deal be erased, your memories will remain intact, but the ponies will never remember you existed. However, if you decide to commit suicide, you will die normally. I don't know why you would want to, but hey, I've seen weirder actions taken by humans,

"Now, Rule Four is rather lengthy. On if you kill someone or something else. Any sentient being you encounter, Ponies, Griffins, Dragons that you kill, you will be dealt with by the Princesses. If you manage to escape from their grasp, or if you, by sheer utter luck, managed to kill them, I will then kill you. And all your previous actions in their world, erased as if it never happened. If they attack you first, however, then the situation is different. I will judge whether or not your actions were self-defense. To further elaborate, killing a Timberwolf or Hydra, any wild animal you encounter, is acceptable. Chickens and cows, or any other animal humans normally eat will be allowed, provided they aren't the pets of a pony that you know of, or are sentient beings themselves. You'd be surprised. Humans need to eat meat, after all. Well.. I don't think you need to, but it is a large part of your diet. Correct?"

He couldn't answer the question at first, the detailed rule taking a few more moments to fully comprehend. The murder rule, he decided to refer it as. "Not... exactly, well... I primarily eat fruits anyways."

"Can you go the rest of your life without eating cooked chicken or roast beef?"

"I, um..." This pause was much longer than the last. "It may be... very difficult to adapt to a lifestyle without any meat."

"You can probably make a deal with a Griffin chef if you find one. Good luck with that in Equestria. Here's a titbit of knowledge, Ponies don't eat meat. At all. I mean, their metabolism can process if fine, but they choose not to. Harmonious nature or something or other. It'd be pretty difficult."

"Maybe I can make a deal with the Princesses if I'm that desperate?"

"Maybe. You could ask the rules of a race of vegetarians if you wanted, though the Griffins would want something in return. They don't ever trade for free. So maybe you'll find something out. Humans don't have to eat meat anyways. You should eat more vegetables than meat. Do you like Apples?"

"I don't mind Apples."

"Well, get used to Apples. A lot. You'll understand why soon."

"...Okay."

"Now, I've explained the four rules. Agree? Disagree? I would like feedback at this current time. Please be as honest as you possibly can be. I'm looking for some real, critical feedback here."

Don't mention Discord, or anything about why you're here.

Stay in Equestria.

If you have magic, don't use it for evil deeds. And don't conquer Equestria.

Don't kill a sentient, or semi-sentient being.

A power-hungry fantasy, the rules would deny such a new life. Perhaps a very fair deal, Thomas concluded. He didn't want to hurt people anyways. Not that he'd ever consider that course of action for a world as presumably fantastical as he was being sold. He hadn't even harmed a fly before. Mosquito, sure. They were simply too annoying. But, healthy eating, speaking, fully-conscious, intelligent, powerful and rather adorable ponies...

Don't hurt others, don't conquer others, don't mention their equivalent of the devil.

"So on all four rules. I have to ask, why?"

The draconequus raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Yes, why? Why these four rules exactly?"

"Didn't I answer that question already? No?" He slowly slivered his very long neck towards him. "Well if that's the case... I won't say. That..." He poked a talon onto the humans nose. "...is something for you to figure out by yourself."

A sigh left the human. "I don't they're very necessary. I just want to be happy, not to be the next Napoleon Bonaparte."

Saying that line got a smile out of the draconequus. "See, you say that now, but I can never be sure. Maybe, after a long time, I could wane on the first rule, but..." He slipped from his glass, before just chugging the whole thing. "Ah, tastes good, doesn't it? I'm not but of a pink lemonade fan myself. I prefer the tastes of black cola, or red watermelon shake. Or even blackberry brandy. Not apple cider though..." He made a 'yuck' sound off towards the side. And Thomas couldn't help but enjoy the weird personality of the draconequus, even if he wasn't exactly happy with his initial answer.

His first interaction with the hyper-magical hybrid before him was only whispers through his head, visions of a pipe-dream filling his head with a wonderful fantasy of peace and harmony that simply didn't exist in his world. And it simply wouldn't ever, Thomas thought. It was impossible surely, unless you were born into a wealthy rich family with political influence stretching beyond multiple rivers. But he certainly didn't have that.

Then the draconequus began showing his face throughout random windows and wall around his home. He thought he was going crazy, he would show up at random times. Not that he ever told another soul. Not that anyone else would ever listen to him, when they weren't arguing. A presence that would immediately materialized out of nothing. It scared him at first. Wouldn't it scare everyone else? How often do people deal with magical wizards entering their room from thin air.

But as days turned into weeks, his presence of charm and joy, compared to the things he's used to dealing with, became one of the few things he looked forward too. He was never sure why Discord would bother wasting his immortal time on someone like him, but Thomas was grateful for every second. Getting used to things just appearing in front of him, on the other hand, would still take some time. Even the liquid that kept replenishing in the glass of his right hand was... not real.

None of this could be real.

He could have gone completely insane, he could have been in a terrible accident and is on his deathbed, living out the last moments of his life. But he felt very real. His flesh was as fleshly as it usually was.

Rolling with whatever is currently going on didn't fill him with the feelings of joy and excitement it probably should have. It sometimes took days for his mind to fully comprehend what occurs during his life. Thomas didn't want to believe this was a dream. He just wasn't sure.

And that worried him. It was too good to be true.

He wondered what other evil beings could exist out there. Did they ever had to deal with devil Dragons invading their countrysides?

"May I... have more information on these ponies I'll be meeting? Or any other species in this world"

All of a sudden Discord had fitted himself in a cowboy getup. "Naw, ya goin' in blind, me laddy."

Thomas wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed. "Nothing?"

"Why not? It's a challenge, you're getting enough free passes as it is. You're lucky you didn't just get thrown into the fray as just another pawn by a mad king hellbent on conquering the world. Also, I love experimenting with new things. And was the scenes I showed you not enough to grasp their personalities?"

"...Except for Pinkie, I guess, because one of the ponies is covered in pink... Or except the name 'Rarity', I don't know who any of them are."

"You'll learn them in good time. Take it from me, they'll stand out from the crowd. You'd be surprised by that as well."

Silence filled the room of infinite size. As the human attempted to calculate the possibilites of his new potential future. And how wonderful it could be. Not that he was given much time.

"Well! Now that you understand the rules of this deal, do you accept them or no?"

"I accept the rule in full." He answered as soon as Discord had asked the question, no hesitation, and no regrets at all.

"Splendid! Please be off my good man, you have a destiny awaiting to be created. Ta ta!" And with a click of his talons, the young human was teleported to a new world, as the draconequus was left alone with his thoughts, if only for a moment. "Certainly interesting, this will be," He stirred his glass mid-air. "Blue lemonade. Blue is much better,

"And now, to watch. Oh this'll be fun."