Pinkie Pie BLJ's Into a Parallel Universe In 0.5 A Presses

by darf

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Mario, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 2974

Pinkie Pie learns about parallel universes in a strange book, asks Twilight about them, and then shatters physics to arrive in a land of pipes, plumbers, and power stars. AU, Meta-Narrative, Pre-Season-4-Canon. Also stupid.

Pinkie Pie finds a mysterious book written by a pony whose name is a symbol that looks like a pancake turning in the air. The book is filled with strange pictures of turtles and flowers in blocky textures and suggests a means to travel to them through arcane techniques. She asks Twilight for help, tests her theory, and bursts through QPU de facto speed to arrive in the world of Mario 64, where stupid stuff happens eventually maybe. Full of dumb memes and pre-season 4 canon. Shoutouts to SimpleFlips.

Published 2020-02-05 08:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-05 08:00:02 UTC

Prequel

"HEYTWILIGHTDOYOUKNOWANYTHINGABOUTPARALLELUNIVERSES"

"Ahhh!"

Twilight Sparkle, who had been quietly reading a volume on the history of Zebra-Griffon conflict over the past century, had only a second to react to the pink blur that had rocketed in the window before it collided with her chair, screaming a barely comprehensible blur of words simultaneous with its impact. Twilight heard her name and the vague hint of a question mark that had been left behind at the transfer station, then braced for the impact of the ceiling as her chair shattered into splinters behind her. The history of Zebra-Griffon conflict volume one went flying, its pages flapping out in a wing-like, aerodynamic fashion, maintaining verticality for half-a-second before the sudden accumulation of velocity caused it to burst into flames. These are physics, immutable. Look them up.

"Pinkie Pie!" It was more of a muscle memory response at this point, a reflex to explosions or unpredictable circumstance suddenly becoming discernible. Twilight's chair had just exploded. There were relatively few potential culprits anyway.

"Hi Twilight!" Pinkie Pie waved a hoof from where she had landed in a nearby bookcase, which itself had toppled over into several others in a half-hearted domino effect. Pinkie pulled herself further out the pile of pages and smiled, a ruffled atlas spread out upside down on her head like a hat.

Months, maybe years ago, Twilight would have yelled as loudly as the sound her chair had made when it evaporated--but after dealing with Pinkie's repeated confusion and, occasionally, prolonged sobbing, Twilight's methodology had softened slightly.

"Pinkie... you broke my chair."

Pinkie bounced out of the bookcase and landed on the library floor, shaking her head like a soaked puppy and dislodging the atlas and most of its pages to parts unknown.

"I did? Oh no! I'm sorry, Twilight. I guess I didn't know how fast I was going."

"Probably just shy of the sound barrier, I'd say." Twilight brushed off a hoofful of splinters out of her mane and cast a forlorn look around the library at the remnants of her bookcases. Remember how it was with Pinkie Pie, always like this. A brain made of a cupcake. Deep sigh. Calm breath. Like you're talking to baby Spike.

After a few moments of meditative silence (eight point four three seconds if you are measuring) Twilight opened her eyes and inspected the room. She concentrated on the furniture and books strewn about, retracing their path in her mind. Her horn began to glow dimly, and after only another few moments (twelve point six six one two four six seconds) the bookshelves, books, tables, chairs, and wooden globe all found their rightful places, magically massaged back to their uninjured states. Twilight's chair, however, remained dust-ified. Atomization frequently left objects beyond repair. Sigh.

"That sounds pretty fast. Heheh. 'Sounds'. Get it?"

Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Yes. Haha.

"Yeah, good one, Pinkie. Was there something you needed?"

"Actually, now that you mention it, there totally is! I came over because I wanted to know if you knew anything about... PARALLEL UNIVERSES!" Pinkie raised her forelegs over her head and wiggled them spookily.

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Parallel... universes?"

Pinkie nodded.

"Uh-huh. I was reading about them the other day and they sound really neat!"

Pinkie reading, Pinkie reading about quantum physics, Pinkie coming over to ask about quantum physics, Pinkie potentially shattering the laws of physics on her way over... which to start with? It was usually Rainbow Dash who came that quickly.

"*You* were reading about parallel universes?" Twilight couldn't hide the... in-cre-du-li-ty... in her voice. I would like to be paid per word, please.

"Uh-huh! I heard there's even a parallel universe where everyone is made out of chocolate!"

"That's Choco-Land, Pinkie. We went there last week. You ate a foal made out of nougat."

"Oh yeah. Good times!" Pinkie burped.

"Look, Pinkie, this is already really confusing. Can you just get us out of this meta-narrative preamble and explain what you're talking about?"

"Sure! I just figured since you were the smartest pony I knew, I could always come to ask you anything about weird sciencey stuff. And the book I read this in was really old... like, REALLY old. So old it was made out of PAPER."

"Most books are made out of paper, Pinkie."

"Yeah, maybe in YOUR timeline."

"Pinkie?"

"Yuh-huh?"

"Please be quiet for a moment."

"Okay!"

"Well, first of all, do you know what a 'universe' is?"

"A metaphor?"

"Pretty much. Also everything. So a 'parallel universe' is kind of a misnomer."

"I like gnomes."

"Pinkie."

"Sorry."

"Everyone's going to complain you're out of character."

"They're not even reading this far, shush."

"Which one of us is talking anymore? We lost our dialog tags a while ago."

"Yeah, but you can still mostly tell by which words we're using."

"I guess so."

"Indubitably."

"Cut that out."

"Indeed I shall."

"Pinkie!" Twilight's horn flared, and a small dust-bunny underneath her newly-repaired desk combusted into a miniature but very bright purple flame.

"Yeah?"

"Parallel universes. Can I just tell you about them so you'll leave?"

"You're in a tree house, so I guess I'm always 'leaf'ing, huh?"

"A PARALLEL UNIVERSE IS A SPACE OUTSIDE OUR OWN THAT HAS SIMILAR RULES BUT DIFFERENT CONSTRUCTS AND PARAMETERS. IT CAN BE ALMOST IDENTICAL OR DISTINCT IN EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY. ALSO YEAH SURE THERE'S ONE MADE OF CHOCOLATE."

"Awesome!"

Twilight breathed a 'sigh of relief' (you have to type it in quotes every time, we're in the future where 'sigh of relief' can never not be cliche again deal with it).

"Is that everything you needed to know?"

"Um... if there are any cool parallel universes near ours, how would I go to them?"

"Well... I'm not really sure. Just because these things exist doesn't mean we know how to travel to them. We're talking about manipulating the laws of physics to take a vacation to Candy Island. Couldn't you just go visit BonBon?"

"Naw, ever since she started hanging out with Lyra she doesn't like candy anymore. She says she likes eating carpet instead. Sounds weird to me, but maybe gets those fancy, imported ones from Saddle Arabia."

"Right. Well... even magic hasn't touched on contacting parallel universes that much before. They're so strange and foreign, nopony knows what might happen if we contacted one. There have been experiments done in Canterlot, and some promise in Divern Vester's 'reverse chronology' tests, but those require so much speed not even the most trained pegasus can reach it safely. Anypony going that fast would probably explode at an atomic level before they were able to cross the dimensional boundary threshold. I used a lot of big words, so that's enough of an explanation, right?... Pinkie?"

Pinkie was gone lol.

Author's Note

hey, we're back

Prequel Part Two

A bead of sweat rolled down Pinkie's forehead. She bit her tongue gently between her front teeth and stared cross-eyed at the book open in front of her, a two-page illustration diagram stretched out under the afternoon sun. It was a picture of a tiny red pony in a hat going very fast into a set of stairs...

"This doesn't make any sense at all. If I crash into the stairs won't I stop moving?"

Pinkie Pie, by this arbitrary time in her clowning career, was intimately familiar with the laws of 'arbitrary physics'--mostly meaning that if things behaved largely as they seemed they should, and there wasn't anypony smart around asking questions, things happened conveniently and in the best interest of whatever visual gag happened to require their input. But this whole 'parallel universe' thing made no sense. For one thing, the book she'd been reading seemed to indicate that unless you made the jump to the parallel universe on your first try... and screamed something immediately afterwards, that you'd be stuck in the threshold to dimensions for... well, it just had a really long line that ran off the page of the book. And the book itself wasn't even in a language Pinkie could read... it just had a lot of strange symbols, of stars and mushrooms and the occasional transcription of someone yelling "YAH-YAH-YAH-YAH-YAH..." over and over again. Pinkie Pie scratched her head for effect.

But that was the diagram showed. Step One, place self in front of stairs, facing away from stairs. Step Two, jump forward, barely. Step Three, for some reason, was a picture of a bowl of oatmeal. Pink oatmeal. Step Four... go backwards?

"That part doesn't make any sense. You can't see where you're going when you jump backwards. And even if you could... how would it make you go faster?"

Truth be told, Pinkie had been trying to follow the diagram for the better part of the morning. The closest she had gotten was when she got distracted jumping by something shiny out of the corner of her eye, and by the time she went to retrieve it she'd looped the town enough times to crash through Twilight's house like an air-to-ground missile. It was fast, sure, but not much for Pinkie. And it certainly wasn't 'parallel universes' fast.

The label on the diagram made no sense either. 718? 8LJ? Scratch scratch.

What was that song, though, from an earlier and less-profitable place in Pinkie's memories? Something about disregarding safety precautions and jumping mindlessly over a cliff?

Oh, yeah. It was from that pony with curly hair who liked to yell in the middle of downtown sometimes. Shia LeHoof. "Just DO IT."

"I wonder if anypony will appreciate that reference," Pinkie Pie thought out loud. A generic shrug sound effect played in the background.

"Here goes nothing." Pinkie straightened her angle and crouched low. Slight forward, pull back. And... something something yahoo?

Pinkie felt the stairs come up to meet her. But they came faster than before. Instead of a series of decisions, the steps blurred together into a long diagonal chain of ups and downs. Pinkie Pie felt her hooves catch one step, then move up to the next. They hit the step, then moved again, hit the step, then moved... Pinkie felt herself building up speed. A LOT of speed.

There were twenty stairs on her front staircase. She counted them as she felt them under her hooves. Down to the last three... two... one...

And with the sound of a car bass stereo being crushed into a trash compactor as a clock rewinds and a well-dressed somepony in a yellow coat yells the name of the planet they're standing on--

YAHOO--

FIRST TRY, IDIOT

And Pinkie was gone.

Vanished.

BLJ'd... into a parallel universe.

Chapter One Featuring Content

For a short time, Pinkie didn't know where she was. There wasn't much of anything around--any direction she looked, just more blue, more green, more endless horizon, like every object and house and pony between her and Equestria had been snapped out of existence. Just like in that really popular story involving an ant. She thought she saw Twilight in one of the horizons, but it turned out just to be an alicorn that looked like her instead, so she ignored it and let her speed continue to carry her away.

Eventually, or as much eventually as Pinkie could wait for, she seemed to re-enter reality. Trees and water took shape around her, ground and dirt and rocks and a small lake which she shot across the surface of like a hovercraft, or maybe something a lot faster than a hovercraft, probably something else more in-tone, more applicable to in-universe setting, something something. With the really fast jetstream bits behind. And she zoomed up on the beach and glassed the sand and with two trails of fire behind her spun around the circular bowl of an area she had come to rest in fifty-seven times before finally losing enough speed to come to rest in front of a small, wooden sign. She waited for her eyeballs to finish spinning around in her head before she read it.

"Princess Toadstool's castle is just ahead. Press A to jump, Z to crouch, and B to punch, read a sign, or grab something. Press B again to throw something you're holding."

Pinkie's faced scrunched.

"What the heck does that mean? Press... B?" Pinkie stared down at one of her hooves. She imagined herself pressing a large green button somewhere in her head. Her hoof flew up and punched her in the face.

"Ow! No more pressing B..."

Pinkie looked around her again. Come to think of it, was she even in Equestria anymore? This did look a bit like the palace, but everything was so different. A lot more trees, for one. And butterflies.

One of the butterflies landed on Pinkie's nose. It was bright purple with pink spots.

"Hello!" Pinkie said to the butterfly. She smiled at the butterfly as it flapped its wings lazily, enjoying the sun.

Hmm. That was a castle in the distance. Maybe Pinkie had finally reached one of those so-called parallel universes? Maybe that meant Princess Celestia was just a ways away. Maybe this universe's Celestia could help her find something without nougat in it. A timeline of infinite possibilities.

Pinkie ambled her way over the small green hill and surrounding tiny trees towards the castle bridge over its moat. A stained-glass window above the castle entrance showed a portrait of some weird pink thing with a crown. Pinkie hoped she didn't have to meet whatever it was. She knocked loudly on the castle door with both hooves.

"He-lloo!! Sure is a nice castle you got here! My name's Pinkie Pie, mind if I come in?"

One of her best cold opens. Sure to warm the heart of any potential host. But no one answered, and after two minutes, Pinkie decided she wasn't about to waste her whole morning backwards jumping to a parallel universe to leave at the door. She gave the door a tentative push--but as soon as her hoof touched wood, she was whisked from the bridge with a SCHWOOP, and sucked inside the castle, the door never moving from its frame.

Pinkie's head was spinning again. It felt like she'd been outside one second, then suddenly... oh boy. SUDDENLY. Pinkie loved that word. It was probably her favorite word.

SUDDENLY. Pinkie noticed another figure inside the castle with her. A nice little castle, with a staircase, and some doors with stars on them, and a carpet with a big picture of the sun on it in the center. And the figure... a pony-sized... mushroom?

Pinkie Pie bounced over to the mycological being and poked it on its red-and-white noggin.

"What the heck are you?" she asked.

Silently, moving in horrifying staggered robotic lurches, the mushroom turned to face Pinkie. It's eyes were dim and narrow, and its hollow face showed not even a hint of a soul. Before Pinkie could turn and run, it opened its mouth, face illuminated, and began to BUP.

"Â̶͍͒m̷̝̳͕̌̀ ̶̥̜̘̆̀̍Ĭ̸̜̬͔͘ ̴̣͐͊͜ġ̷̝̮̹ļ̵̟̄͛ä̷͚̣̯̖́͋̄̓d̶̬̲̋͘ͅ ̵̨̧͚̓̀̿͘ẗ̷̡̖̘̭́͠o̸̜͂̈́̒ ̵̱͉̙͛̐ṡ̸͇̙͉̀̏͒ē̵͎̳̫͓̉̎ḛ̸̹͎̽̈́ ̴̈́̊̎ͅy̶̢̯̞͑̀͘ŏ̷̬ų̷̬̥̤͗̄̑̏!̴̗͓̰͈́ ̸̠̝̺̄T̵̗̥̐̀̾ȟ̸͕͉̮̻̔e̵̥̒̇͆̒ ̸̦̳͙̂̔͑͜P̵̞̖͍̒̽͑͂r̴͍̳̈̑̂i̴̛͉̦̗̥͋̓ń̶̠͎͛͊̌c̶͇̐͘e̴̬͒s̴̛̪̜̀͐͒ͅs̷̛͖̙̀̒̆.̴̦̈.̶̗̔.̷͓̹͖̹̅̀ă̷̧̙̫̻̒̈̕n̸̲͈͋͘̕͜d̵̼̰̘̈ ̴̜̲͌̓Ȋ̸̼̮̪͈.̴͍̥͍̳̒̓.̵̠̠̈́̄͐̕.̶̢͙̙̼̚̕͝a̸̩͚̎n̸͈̱̜̽̚d̸̛͉̰̼̊,̷̲͔͐̆̇̍ͅ ̷̝̓̊̇w̷͕̗̻̆̀͝e̷̞͍̍̐̂̚l̷̘̼̗̏ļ̷͎͓͑͐̂̅,̷̳̂ ̴̣̍͌͂e̵̘̞͔͌̍̊́v̶̡͇̟̄͑́ẹ̵͆͌̅͠r̸̲͐y̸̢̙̤͋̂͠͝b̴̦͈̹́̎ỏ̵̰͈̑̊ḋ̶͓y̴̢̥̭̎̎̒̕.̶̧̥͓͙̒̈́̿͛.̶̤̮̈́̊́͑.̴̲̓̿̈́ͅw̸̝̳̬̰̆̓̃ě̸͎͜͝'̸̬̳̇͐̆r̵̢̩̟͖͝ę̴͎̙͖̐͋̐ ̴̹̝̣̿͂͌a̶̛͓̫̘̅l̶̩͙͊̀̀͝ͅl̸̤͛ ̶̢̟̾ͅt̴͙́̆r̷͎̈́̀̎͋ȃ̴̖̻̜̚͝p̸̢̧̨̘͒p̷͍̥̪̟̓͒̿̕ȩ̴̩̹̖̾̔d̴͚̄͝ ̸͖̖̑̄́̽ͅi̴̤̯͂̓͛n̸̡̲͙͗̒̏s̴̺̜͊̈́̎i̷̢̙͐͗d̴̛̯̩̺̱̐͑͊ë̵͖͕͈́̐͠ ̴̡͕̘̃͛̄̑t̶͔͉̜͊̒̑̇h̷̝͙̘̓e̵͓̳̍̍ ̸̗͖̦͇̿ç̸͖͖̻̓͠ạ̴̰̎̊́͗ͅͅs̸̼̠͙͋͊̾͐ͅt̷̨̻̫̤̋͒͛l̷̡̻̯̝̈́̄e̷͔̭͎̹͛̐̓ ̶͉̩̘̏̀͛͊͜w̸̺̰͕̐́̚a̶͇̳̗̅l̵̰͔͉̀͠l̷̪̪̈́́͘s̷̡̒̚.̷̬̆̍ ̶̢̳̲̩́B̸̻̔̌o̷͙̖̎̎̊̊w̷̰͒͆̋̚ş̸̲̺̋̊̓e̶͜͝͝͝r̴͓̩̠͐́ ̵͇̣̲̩̋̾̈́̀h̶͙̜͗̽̕a̴̞͈̞̅ṣ̵̉ ̷̠̉̀͛s̶̱͘ͅṱ̷̦̑͌̔o̷̠̗̓̒l̴͓̑͝ḙ̸̮͖̭̅̈́ǹ̶̡̥͕̲ ̴̤̳̀͗͝t̷̮́ͅh̴̦̾̔̓̅e̷̻̿̀͝ ̴͙̋͋̅c̸̰͈̈́̅̽̚a̸̛̤̜͂̏s̴̡̲͚̈́̈́̅ţ̵̐l̸̳̭͕̅͝e̸̲͇̰͛͑'̴̧͈̲͆͒ś̵̺͆͛ ̶̜̩̑͝S̷̡̫͙̯̎̂t̸̛̻̖a̶̫͐͑̋̍ṟ̶͇̕ś̸̹͕̝͗̍,̸̢̤̹̒̎͝ ̵͔̓̃a̸̢̤͒̏n̸͕͑̀̕d̴̢̥̿ ̶̙̱͂̄̔h̷̯̫̪̥̽̏͋̃e̷͎̗͈͛͘͜'̸̩̝̼̥̈́ş̶̯̼̋̂͑̚ ̶̫͋͂̈̚ų̴͖̗̮̍̓ş̷̗̥̯̏̔͠i̷̢̙̓̓̓n̶̥̑͆g̸̯͗̔ ̴̤̣̱͋̇ţ̶̺̝͉̋̇͊h̵̲̮̻̩̋̐͝e̷͓̍í̶͚͌̽r̴̩̰͒ ̸̡͕̄̈́́͋ͅp̸̼͂̔ȯ̷̡͖͝ẅ̴̼̯̰́͂̏̃e̸̥̗̟̠͌̀̄̈́r̸̪̜̙̓́͊͠ ̷̧̖̺̣̓͛̑͘t̴͚̺̺̾͗̀͐ͅo̷̭̜̙̮͊͌̀̉ ̷̗̤̾̅͊̇c̸̩͗̎̓ṛ̷̛̃ė̸̩̺̥̄a̴̢̰͎͂̈ṯ̷̑̐͘ê̷̘̦̆̈ͅ ̴͍̓̉͆ͅẖ̶̠̟͎̔͂ȋ̸̼̉̕s̷͉̖͔̞̒ ̵̘̜̖̣̀̀̐͛ố̶̥̗͉̪w̶̖̏͌̾̄n̴͕̱͛͝ ̸̳͈͓̺̄w̸̳͔̙͒̕͝o̵̡̲͈͆̾r̵͓͖͆͂̔l̷̲̪͓̼̓̊̑d̶̹̂ ̸̰̻̀̈́i̴̟͔̓̽͜ǹ̴̥͓̎̈́ ̵͚́́͘͝t̵͍̬̕͘h̶̝̑͜e̶̘̅́̾ ̵͚̯͙̔p̸̢̓á̶̖̪̭̓̉̑ͅḭ̵̧͌̑̒̚n̴̝̭̗͎̽͑̃͑t̸̢̠̓͛i̸͖̻̙̪͌n̵͖̘̯͝g̶̙͖̦̋̋s̷͖̈́̅͘͘ ̸͖̝̓̅a̷̰͇̭͚̿̿̎ǹ̴͉̾͠ḓ̴͍͌̆̇ ̶̩̰̰͋́̂w̸̤͈͙̱̒͘a̶͚̠̍ͅl̸͔̦̮̂l̶̥̟̜̏́͆̍ș̶̼̃̈́̅.̵̘͈̳̲̋̈́͑̌"

Pinkie's eyes widened. The weird thing sounded like it was pre-recorded, like one of the magic toys at Pony Pizza unicorns could bewitch to sing your birthday for you.

"Bowser? He sounds like a Discord to me. Up to no good, probably. Do you have any Discords here?"

The mushroom ignored her and continued its pre-recorded message.

"P̶̢̝͊͛̈́͠l̴̨̞̩̰̋e̵̛͚̲̊́̚a̷̳̹̼̪͑s̷̰͋̐̇e̷̥͉̳̙͂̈́ ̶̪͔̯̆ṙ̸̥͇̿ȇ̶̘̮̣c̵̮̻͉͓͆̈́̕ö̴̅͆ͅv̴̳̋̒̔e̶̘͔͠ṟ̷̡̐̊̋̓ ̷̱̺̠͑̍̋t̷̞̳͔̔̌ḣ̶̛͙ę̷̈́ ̷̢̲̭̖̓̏̓͝Ṕ̴̖͖ô̷̠̘̜̹̚w̴̫̳͘è̷͍͠ř̸͎̱͜ ̴̡̠̳̠̓Ś̴̬̖͎͈͆t̴͇̗̎͊̋a̵̹̦͝r̷̮̦̟̭͐̃̈̐s̴̖͒!̸̧͕̈́̃̀ ̶̹̭̭͐͆̐͘A̶͇̫͎̅̓̒ś̷̹ ̷̨̹̮̔́̈͠y̴̝͋̅͜ó̴̠̈́͆u̵̠̬̼͑ ̸̛̰̹̉̔f̷̡͈̫̖̓̾ī̴̙̦n̶̩͕̏͝ḍ̷̨̝̖́͠ ̵̥̏ẗ̸̥̯́h̸͉̹͂͝ẽ̸̝͈͚̥͒͝m̴̰̄͆̆̿,̶̤̣̰̐̅ ̸̢̻̬̊̄͜y̴͈͈̳͐̃̎̕o̵͈̽̈͜ų̴̖̩̦̆̄̿ ̸̜̖͕̿c̸͙̭̰̀̚a̵̢͉̟̲͛̆͆n̵̡̲̤͜͠ ̷̬͈̟̖͌̎͊̇u̵̫͍͔͌̿̚s̷̢̡̗͋e̷̡̡̺̠̿̊̍ ̶̧̹̈̀͝͝t̸̟̍͑̒̈́h̷̯̙̳̜͐͛̿ế̶̻ỉ̷̪ṛ̵͍̫̚ ̵̡͖͎̀̀̆p̷̧͖̭̀͝ǫ̵̞̈́͑̑̏w̸͈͖̩̱̄ę̵̘̂̾͆͒r̶̪̮͓̓̽͐͝ ̴͈̊ţ̷͖̯̏o̷͍͉̿͘ ̷̰̎ǫ̷͚̤͗p̷̢̦̻͊e̷̘̼̾n̷͔͕͇̣̏̄ ̶̦̂ẗ̷̞̻̞̗́̒͘h̵͙͙̿͘ë̷̛͚̄ ̴̺͕̤̌͊͝d̵̨̢̙̫̈́̀̾ò̴̬͍̼̣ơ̵̙̾͑̂r̵̲̿́̈͂s̸̨͙͔͖̑̀́ ̴̡͚͝ͅt̶̨̠͕̒͝ẖ̸̖͓̊͜a̵̹͚͛̑͘͝t̵̲̫̊͘ ̴̯̞̩̐B̴̦̀o̸̡̬̫̊͒͝͠w̶͎̺͍͍͆̚͝s̴̪͔̍̈͜ē̷͕̦̳͓͑̚͝r̸̪̐͒̂ ̸̰̉͝ḥ̸͚̚͜a̵̛̪͚̭̅ͅs̵̭̃ ̵̖̩̝̖̓̐s̵̛̙ẻ̸̤͎͜ͅa̴̼̓̆͋̋l̵̹̩̦̐̂ẽ̸͖̪̟̓͛ḑ̶̳̞̟̇̍̒͠.̶̲̜̋̈́ ̷͔̯̻̈́͝Ţ̸̮̓́͠ͅh̶͙̪͑̉͑e̷̝̣̝̍̀̌͝r̸͎͈̎̇͝ȩ̴̦̟̃ ̴͕̹͓͕̐͑̎ã̷͓̪͖̈́ŕ̶̥͈͎̈́̊e̷̛͚̯̞͋ ̶̲̺̯̰̌̈̿f̵̱̻̋͂̈́o̶̡̲̣͆͘̚͜ü̸̢̟͍̅r̷̼̫̀͂͊ ̷̧̛̘̥̏̈́͜r̵̻̬̻̲̄̈́̓͘o̷̭͍̪͒̆o̴̜̎̊m̸̨̟̉s̶̢̪̑ ̷̢͇̾̈̈̔o̸̞̾͋͂͝ṇ̴̛̲͛ ̶̼͍̆̍̉͋t̷̤̆͜h̵͉̩̄̓̀̽è̶̟̗͓̰̍̓̇ ̴̜̈͗̇f̴̿͜i̴̢̦̓͐̏͌ŗ̶̭̝̤̍̾͒s̶̡̛͍̥̯͑͂̔t̶͔̺̰̳̐̒͊͝ ̴̧̤͖̺̓̍̚f̷̛̪͈̏͂l̷͎̤̫͒̑̌̀ŏ̸̱o̸̜̽̾r̷̨͆̅̚.̸̞͙̊͐͊ ̸̫̩̕͠Ṡ̵̢͈̮t̵̯̗̓̾̒͝a̶̜̍ȑ̷̪͈t̶͖̅̾̈́ ̶̛̘͊i̶̘̐͝n̸͕͒̆ ̴͖̋ṯ̵͉̦͆̕h̵̯͇̉̾̏́ȅ̸̠̪͕͉ ̸̨͎̙̻̐̈́̈̽ơ̴͔̬̈́͘͝n̸͕͛̑e̶̝̹̩̾̿̚ ̶̡̗̲͙̑͌̑w̵͎͛͊͘̕ï̸̧͓̯͋͐t̶̞̹̳͂͘h̷̺͎̯̃̅͑ ̵͎̩̥̏̽̌̋t̶̨̠͔̠́̔h̸͎̎͒̎e̷͕̖͗̍̚ ̶̥͎̃͜ṕ̴̙̲̻a̵̺̝̾̇͛͊i̸̭͑n̶̬̆̏̾t̶̹̅͆̇̓ḭ̴̟̇̿̒n̶͇̼̳̿g̴̼̀̾ ̴͈͎̟̈̑͗ȯ̶͕̍f̴̪̿ ̵̹͚̰͋̓͊̈́B̴̛͎͔͔̠̒̏͠o̷̢̦͚͚̎b̵͚̍̉́-̸͚̣̫̔o̶̦̳̣͂͗͊m̵͓̦̗̥̈́b̷̺́̃͐͝ ̴͉̬̼͖̃̏î̷̳͚n̸̠̻̪̎s̸͓̱̥̖͌̓͐͐i̴̯͕͋͗d̷͖̞̟̾͘̚͜é̵̬̻̈́͆ͅ.̶͚͚̉ ̸̝̂̾͆͜͠Į̸̹̤̲̇͊͆t̸̩͔͉̒̓͝'̴̹̮̜̜̇́s̸̽̚̚̚͜ ̴̖̯͌͑͋͝t̸̺͒̒͘͠h̵̙̟̖͗ĕ̸̱̩͔̹̈́̀͒ ̷͍͙͊̽͝o̸̱͊̏̈͠ň̷̢̠̆̾l̷̡̲̩͐̚ỹ̶̢̙̜ ̵̯̼͔̤͐ŗ̸̖̯̱̓ỏ̸̬̞̱̏͜o̸̢̰̽̇͜m̵̯͛̽̓ ̶̥͎͂̅̄͠ṭ̴̙͚̈́̒̇͝ḧ̸̛̯̮͎́͐̎a̶̯̜̎̃̽̊t̵̨̟̝̪̿̍̑̒ ̵̢̧̤̞͆̆͝B̴͙̪̗̫͂͒̽̏ŏ̵͙̌̂̚ẅ̴͉̯̟͇̏̚s̶̰̲͖͑̀͠e̶͔̙̽ȑ̸̘͖̬͌ ̷̣͂̈͐́ḥ̵̂͝a̶͕̩̓s̷̤̮͑n̴̞̋̇'̷͓̬̈́ţ̶̬͔̀̀́ ̸̛͔͖͈̮̔̂̅s̴̝͇̙͒e̷͕̦̥̼̒̌͌a̸̹̾̚̕l̵̦̏̔͝ẹ̴̞͑ď̸̨̩.̴͇̈́͠͝ ̵̹̻̹̘̓̽͂͆Ẇ̸̰̯̤̒́h̶̤͛̈́̒ȩ̶̠͍́̾͜n̴̝̓͊̓ ̴̼̠̙̦͌̐̈́̓ŷ̵̝͐̿̌o̴͍̲̔̚͝u̴̻͔̚ ̶͙̯͙̰̀c̶̞͖̱̅͝ő̴͙͎̻͋̊l̵̥͑̑̕͠l̷͍̈́̈́̈́̾e̴̥̝̫̣͊͊͂c̶̢̟̖̯̈̓t̸͙̅͊̀ ̵̢̠̠͎̆͝e̴̱̣̽͑̽͠i̸͚̣̦̔̐̑g̷̝̮̣̜͆͛̈́h̵͙̦̕ť̷͙̦̣̚ͅ ̷̘̭͘P̴̘͕̊̊̀ͅơ̷͓̆ẃ̷̬͚̾ḙ̴̡̥̒͊̈r̸̙͐͆̚͜ ̵͕͌̀S̵̭̿t̷̢̥͚̞̆̍ą̴̹̝͆r̶̨̢̓͜s̶̺͛̓̓,̵̥̮̮͆̎͝ ̴͖̞̔̅y̵̭͂̓͒o̷͕̭͐͋͗u̴̜̬̺͕̇'̷̫̹̱͒̎̊͝l̶̢̇̈́̀l̴̛̛̻̾͆ ̴͓̽͘͜b̴̜̈̐ë̷̞́̾͠ ̷̡͒̄͘a̷̘͕̓̅̎͜b̴̤̰̄͊͜l̸͒͒͜e̶̳̐̆͜ ̸͔̯̹͛t̶̖͂͊͐̐o̷̖͆̌͂͘.̷̤̣̃.̴̧͕͉̈́͛.̶̘̆̍͐"

"Yeah yeah yeah, four rooms, get all the stars, capture Bowser, big door, fifteen stars, whatever. I got it, no problem. You made the right call when you summoned Pinkie to help your parallel universe!"

".̷̮͕̑̓͑̕.̸͖̩̬͒̄.̴͚̰̈́̈́̕͘o̴͉̭̺̓͜p̶͕̜͚͑͒̃́e̷͓͎͖̅̏͛͝n̷̨̠͉͚̈́͝ ̵̝̹̤̤́̃t̴̼̙́͒͗̉ḩ̸̿͗͠e̷̱̝̓͐͐̅ͅ ̴̻̙̑̉d̸̡̔̈̀ǒ̷͚̼̫̍͘o̴͇̥̓r̵̢͝͝ ̴͙̎́́ẇ̶̦́͝i̵͕͒̂̋t̴̜͔͕̅͊͂h̴͖̼͔̬̿ ̴̪́̓͘t̵͓̫̹̍͝ḩ̶͕̻̽̽̕ͅė̸͍̹̚ ̶͔̎͌ḇ̵̼̦̐̒̑͝i̵̮̅̋͒g̴̟̘̭͙͊͂ ̵͍̟̗͒s̴̥͆t̸̪̟͈̺̏͋a̸̩̮͂r̷̗̖̯͐̅.̸̡̭͍̾͊͝ ̴͈̑͋T̶̤̍̀̚͝h̷̢̒̾e̶̲͎̱̝̓̎ ̴̛̥͍̓́͠ͅP̶̪̿ȑ̷̤͇i̴̧̛̖̪̱n̸͔̈́͂̈́ć̸̞̤͔̊̒͝e̴̯̿̆͜s̷̯̞̞̥̈́̂̑̑s̵̨͘͜͜ ̵̲̭̣̽̒̌͝m̸͔͗̑̔͒u̶̺͔͌s̸̤͌t̴̺̀̾ ̸̢̨̻͖͂̽b̷̪̪͇̜̎̎̀e̸͔̝̅ ̵̥̎̽͊i̷̫͎̅n̷̰͇̭̅͠͝s̵̪̦̣̈́ĩ̴̧̭͈d̷̤̘̐̆̋͠ë̵̼̝͉!̵̪͚̱͌̄̍" As soon as its message was done, the mushroom's face faded back to transparency, and its body went limp, limbs hanging loosely at its sides.

Pinkie edged quietly away from the strange creature, careful not to make any sudden movements lest it suddenly spring to life and begin repeating itself. She snuck counter-clockwise around the outside of the room, keeping her eye on the thing the whole time, until she finally reached the nearest small door, wood, with a picture of a star carved in it. She opened the door and slipped inside, not daring to take her stare off the BUP-shroom for a moment. That's when it could strike.

Inside the room was a painting of a large bomb wearing a mustache. It had been drawn over with red sharpie, and someone had written 'poo' in rough but confident letters in the lower left corner.

"Let's see..." Pinkie walked up to the painting to examine it. "I remember them saying something about a painting. Am I supposed to... do something with it?" Pinkie stared at the painting, daring it to reveal its mysteries unprovoked. Her stomach grumbled. She wondered if she was in the mood for mushroom soup.

Shrugging, Pinkie shoved her nose to the painting and inhaled sharply. The last time she'd sniffed paint, something exciting had happened.

And with a wooshing sensation similar to the one that had sucked her inside the castle, Pinkie was SWOOSHED out of the room and into the rippling surface of the bomb painting, a tinkle of chimes ringing faintly in the background.

Author's Note

is it funny yet pls