Gather ‘round and hearken to this my tale. ‘Tis a tale of a wise dragon magician and the beautiful Unicorn princess whom he adored. It happened once upon a time in the land of Spiketopia. As they journeyed across the land, on their quest to rid the kingdom of the evil Squizard, the trio of Garbunkle the Magician, Sir McBiggun the Black Knight, and Capt. Wuzz paused to make camp and rest for eventide had fallen upon them. Garbunkle took to his astronomical charts and, by the position of the stars, deduced that the holiday of Hearts and Hooves Day was drawing near.
“By my ken, Hearts and Hooves Day is nigh,” noted the Magician. “I desire to give a favor to the Princess.”
“O Garbunkle,” spake Capt. Wuzz, “we haven’t a mint of money and we have somewhat of comestibles. By what fortune are we to gain gift and grub?”
“Thou shan’t needst worry,” replied the other, “for shall I relinquish my share of bits to procure a present for the Princess.”
When morning morrowed, the trio betook themselves to a town to replenish their victual for they were all anhungry and in want of food. ‘Twas here they designed to sojourn until day-dawn. ‘Twas Hearts and Hooves Day and the ponies in the kingdom, as was their wont upon this day, bestowed gifts upon the one they fancied, a symbol of their love for one another. As they went about the square, the trio heard tell from a merchant in passing that the Princess was fraught with distress for she had nary a pony with whom to spend Hearts and Hooves Day.
“She thinks herself a lachrymose wight,” explained the merchant.
“Oh, sorrow befalls me,” cried Garbunkle. “How it grieveth my heart so to think the Princess downhearted.”
Then spake Capt. Wuzz, “Whatso wilt thou do?”
Quoth the Magician, “I would fain search the land over for such a gift befitting the Princess and raise her spirits on high. An thou wouldst accompany me, we may yet find such a treasure ere the morrow.”
Quoth the Captain in reply, “I will join thee in thy quest, O Garbunkle.”
Of the Black Knight, Garbunkle asked an he would fare forth with them to which the former responded, “Eeyup.”
Thereupon, the trio spent a longsome time in search of a bounteous gift for the Princess, but could find only naught. Hereat, they designed to try their luck elsewhere and thereupon hied themselves for the market in a town thereabouts.
As they traversed the countryside, they came upon a copse where they paused.
“We mustn’t tarry here long,” warned Garbunkle, “for the morrow will soon be nigh and Hearts and Hooves Day will cease.”
Haply they were visited by a stranger great in stature whose cloak concealed his features. “Glad tidings upon you!” spake he. “Hast thou a bit thou couldst spare for a wearying vagabond?”
“Eeyup,” Sir McBiggun made reply.
Greeted Garbunkle, “Good day, fellow wayfarer! We’ve a bit to give thee.” He withdrew the bit from his scrip.
“Bless thee! May Harmony abound!” rejoiced the stranger accepting the gold coin.
“Fare thee well,” bade Capt. Wuzz. “We all three shan’t tarry here longer for we are upon a quest.”
Replied the stranger, “A quest sayest thou? Pray, what is the nature of thy quest?”
Garbunkle made answer, “We go in search of a gift that I may vouchsafe to the Princess.”
“A gift befitting the Princess must exceed in all esteem and must be beyond compare,” spake the stranger. “I mayhap know that which wouldst suit my sire the Princess well, but only if thou art capable of enchanting enchantments.”
“Surely, we three are capable thereof,” spake the dragon. “O friend, prithee discover to me, an thou wilt, the place where I might find this treasure.”
Quoth the other, “Then thou shalt journey with me to yon antre. Come now and shall I take thee thither.”
Thereupon, their stranger-friend escorted them to a grotto within which stood a fountain. Around the fount they bestood when spake the stranger, “Thou must use thy magic to open the door.”
Garbunkle waved his scepter and the fountain began to hover in its place, revealing a passageway underneath.
“We must jump down,” informed the stranger. “Then shall we follow the adit to the treasure of treasures.”
The three did as the stranger bade and all four found themselves in the chamber thereof. As they entered in, they descried a trove of treasures and marveled with great marvel. It was filled with such fortunes the likes of which nopony had e’er beheld: bits by the thousand, royal raiment, jewelry, and valuable stuffs.
“Have ever thine eyes beheld such a bounty?” asked Capt. Wuzz.
Sir McBiggun made answer, “Nope.”
At the center of the hoard, placed upon a dais, was the treasure of treasures, the perfect present for the Princess! ‘Twas then, lo! the stranger’s eyes grew greedy and rushing forward, he quickly hent the treasure exclaiming, “‘Tis mine! At last, it is mine!”
“O cur!” cried Garbunkle. “I weened thee to be a friend, but I see now that thou art a cutpurse.”
The stranger cackled aloud, removing his hood and revealed himself to be a Diamond Dog. He bid them adieu and untied his cloak so as not to impede his stride and hied himself away from that place. No sooner did the brigand leave, then the trove began to tremble. The treasure that remaineth either turned to dust or melted away. An eerie din sounded as a musky wind howled through the tunnel, carrying voices of whispers and moans. Skeletons that layeth strewn about the cavern floor were reanimated and rose to prevent the trio’s escape. Fearing them not, the brave Black Knight of Castle Chadwick used his sword to forefend the foemen, clearing a path for their escape. They reached the exit anon. Before the fount-door was sealed, Capt. Wuzz tied a rope to an arrow and shot it to the ceiling and the three clomb out.
Seeing neither hide nor hair of the Diamond Dog, Garbunkle fell to his knees and wept, “How couldst thou, o fiend, cozen me as you have done? I designed to give so seldseen a treasure to the Princess, but now have I naught to give, save for this tasse I collected ere the deceiver’s deceiving. Alas, ‘tis all I have to offer.”
Thereupon, the trio repaired themselves to the castle of Princess Shmarity. In the presence of Her Highness, they bowed their brows low and kissed the hem of her robes.
“O mighty Princess Shmarity,” spake Garbunkle, “I have heard tell from a merchant that thou art saddened. I could not bear to live further my life with such science. Thus, our company journeyed to obtain a gift unlike any other for you. ‘Twas our misfortune that we joined with a stranger who hented the treasure of treasures and hied himself away. Therefore, my sire, I have only to give thee this mite offering.” He presented the cup to the Princess.
“How canst thou speaketh so?” questioned Princess Shmarity. “To say this tasse is a mite offering is far from sooth; rather, ‘tis the greatest gift any creature hath e’er given me.”
“Forgive me, Princess Shmarity, but how can that be so?” quoth the Magician.
Princess Shmarity made reply, “‘Tis the perfect gift, greater than any treasure, O Garbunkle the Magician, not on account of its worth, but because it came from thy heart.” She joyed and fell upon the dragon’s neck and bussed him. “Come and be my special somepony!”
The twain and Sir McBiggun and Capt. Wuzz reveled and celebrated Hearts and Hooves Day together and shared in a grand banquet and they lived happily ever after.
Finis
