Ultimate Sandwich

by StacheHand

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1056

Pinkie needs one vital ingredient for her sandwich.

It's a beautiful day at Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie is eager to make a sandwich. It's looking delicious so far, but it's incomplete. She only needs one more ingredient to make it the perfect meal. She has to say something drastic.

Published 2020-02-15 01:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-15 01:40:02 UTC

1: Pinkie Says the Word

Pinkie Pie eyed her lovely, delicious creation: the Ultimate Sandwich. She added a carrot, lettuce, cheese, raspberry jam and maize. However, she could tell that something was missing. However, it required a great risk: one that she was willing to take.

"I'm going to say the n-word!" Pinkie announced.

"No, Pinkie! Don't do it! Don't say the n-word!" her circle of friends pleaded loudly.

"Naysayer!" said Pinkie cheerfully. A massive stack of hay appeared out of nowhere in the sandwich, and then she ate it in one bite. In a matter of seconds, she grew until she was the size of a galaxy and her already wild mane became even crazier.

"Oh no, she's become the world eater!" Rarity cried in fright.

"How could she let herself go this far?" Fluttershy asked, scared out of her mind.

"We told her not to say that accursed word!" said a frustrated Twilight Sparkle.

From there, Pinkie Pie absorbed Equestria through her mouth, and moments later, she recreated it, only now it was made entirely of food. She giggled so hard it shook the fabric of reality. Her friends are now gone, and so is her mind.

In the time after that, Pinkie Pie has control over the entire cosmos. She became the ruler of all and destroyed everything she loved, all because she said "naysayer" to make a sandwich, and ate the fruits of her labour. Not even Discord would dare mess with the new ultimate being that is Pinkamena Diane Pie. All is Pinkie Pie now, and the universe has to deal with it. No questions.

In the middle of her new reign, Pinkie Pie looked remorsefully at the stars and remembered something said by her old friend, Fluttershy.

"Beware the n-word." said the voice of the timid pegasus.

Then Pinkie created a sandwich version of Fluttershy with a single thought. The sandwich kicked her for ending Equestria. Then another voice came into the party pony's mind.

"No matter how much of a pro maneuver you may think it is, saying the n-word just isn't worth it." said the hyperactive voice of Rainbow Dash.

A sandwich version of that pony was created, and it formed a Sonic Rainboom. The blast hit Pinkie like a tidal wave. Pinkie felt weird, but also felt the taste of candy on her tongue.

"Ah'm gonna kick you." yelled the angered voice of Applejack.

A sandwich version of Pinkie's fellow Earth Pony was born, and it grew to a size more terrifying than Pinkie's. It delivered a heavy blow, like somebody swinging an axe, to Pinkie's face. After taking it, Pinkie exploded into a tsunami of sweets.

Just then, Pinkie found herself awake in her bedroom. Everything was all just a nightmare. None of it happened. Equestria was safe.

Pinkie suddenly felt the urge to say something important.

"I'm going to say the n-word!" Pinkie announced.

"No, Pinkie! Don't do it! Don't say the n-word!" All her friends pleaded desperately as they appeared in the room.

"Naysayer!" Pinkie said cheerfully.

Sugarcube Corner exploded, and there was no sandwich in sight. Everyone endured the blast, but now Pinkie has gone and made everyone mad.

"PINKIE!!!" an angry Twilight Sparkle yelled at the top of her lungs. Her eyes glowed red, her hair and tail turned into plumes of fire, her fur glowed light yellow and her wings radiated a rainbow glimmer. "You've done the worst possible thing in all of Equestria, Pinkie. You said the n-word. We told you not to and there you went, saying it anyway against our protest."

"But that word is the key to an ultimate sandwich, Twilight!" Pinkie justified. "It's a powerful word that can grant me the most amazing meal in the universe! If you wish to stop me from crafting a source of deliciousness and satisfaction, then you have made yourself a powerful enemy!"

"Do your worst!" Twilight barked.

"Behold my powers!" Pinkie shouted to the heavens and took on a creepy, super-powerful form. The saturation in her fur, mane and tail degraded, her mane drooped and glowed with a ghastly aura, and her eyes became nearly pure white orbs with the tiniest of pupils.

"I am going to burn you!" Twilight announced.

"I'm going to make you frown!" Pinkie called back.

They collided in the air, there was a cataclysmic explosion, and Pinkie Pie found herself awake in her bedroom again. It was another dream.

"Wow." said Pinkie, scratching her head with her right fore hoof. "I need to lay off the ChimiCherryChangas before bed."

She got out of bed, went downstairs to the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner and found that it was morning. Business had not started yet. Pinkie, remembering her dream, felt compelled to make herself a sandwich. She grabbed the whole wheat bread, added carrots, lettuce, cheese, raspberry jam and maize to the concoction. But there was still one ingredient missing. To complete this scrumptious meal, Pinkie needed to take a big risk: one she was willing to take.

"I'm going to... grab some hay from Sweet Apple Acres and take it back here to finish my Ultimate Sandwich." said Pinkie after a second of pondering. She rushed out of the building and headed towards the farm of her friend Applejack. Then she swiftly returned to where she was standing. "Oh, and say the n-word."

"No, Pinkie! Don't do it! Don't say the n-word!" shouted the voices of her friends inside her mind.

"Naysayer!" Pinkie said cheerfully. Nothing happened this time. "OK, time to get the hay." Then, for real, she went to her next destination. She was gone like a lightning-fast hare.

Some time later, business had begun at Sugarcube Corner. Mister and Missus Cake were baking some tasty treats for the customers that would be arriving soon. Thankfully, for Pinkie Pie, the sandwich was left alone. She returned with the hay she needed, carried on her back in a big stack. She hopped over to her precious Ultimate Sandwich and applied the hay. As soon as it was completed, she ate it all in one bite. Nothing happened this time, except for Pinkie licking her lips and burping. "Excuse me." She said.

All was right at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie made the Ultimate Sandwich indeed. No nasty word required. Only love and attention.

The End!