I Love You. I Hate You. I Want To Be You.

by Cheer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Queen Chrysalis, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Anthro, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1913

Chrysalis looks at her phone and feels something.

Changelings aren't liked. They have no close ties. They can't. No one will risk it.

Chrysalis spends most of her time looking at the lives others lead through their social media posts.

She didn't mean to feel anything as she looked at her, but she did.

Published 2020-02-12 07:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-14 17:26:00 UTC

I Love You. I Hate You. I Want To Be You.

Chrysalis stared up at her phone. She didn't feel anything. That was the norm for her. She'd wake up, go about her job from home, stare at her phone and then sleep. A daily ritual with no emotion. Her dark apartment matched her mood as she thumbed through her feed. Dozens of ponies with wide smiles, sunlit backdrops and lives better than any day she'd ever had.

Well... to say she felt absolutely no emotion was perhaps a lie. There was one thing that made her feel. There was one that had caught her eyes a long time ago. Before she was getting thousands of likes a post. A beautiful mare by the screen name of "Candenza". Every photo was filled with the most pure version of what everyone else pretended. A genuine smile, always out doing something. The park, the beach, a restaurant.

It all felt so far away to her. Even just going out, ponies knew exactly what she was. What she was capable of. She was required to wear a ring to prove she wasn't turning into anyone. She was avoided, her family, as was the way of changelings, tossed her aside as soon as they could. Romance was so far out of mind that she didn't even begin to know what that might feel like.

What would it be like to be out looking like anyone else? Not worrying that she'd run into the original or that she'd find someone who knew them. To just go out and get smiles in return. To not worry about the police following her around, making sure she didn't steal anything. To have her own friends?

A part of her knew it was pathetic but some part of her mind considered Cadenza her friend. Even though she never once interacted with any of her posts. Never once interacted with her. But looking at her posts, new and old had become a sort of daily habit. She knew each small detail of every post by heart. Her first post years ago, her budding relationship with a Police Officer, her love of his family. Even tutoring his little sister. Though her posts had made it clear that the young girl had little scholastic that Cadenza could teach her.

She felt her phone buzz. A notification. She only had three things she had them turned on for. Texts, her bank app and when Cadenza posts. A quick glance showed that it was the latter. A quick few skilled movements of her fingers and Cadenza's page was reloaded. She looked at the most recent one. She was engaged. Chrysalis didn't usually feel anything but... now she did. Now she felt... something. She was... angry. Why was she angry? She should be happy for her. She was happy. You're happy for friends right?

Her finger hovered for a moment before tapping the formerly white heart, now turned red. She didn't feel any different. She was still angry. Was it really anger? Why was she even angry? Why did she feel anything while looking at her pictures? Friendship with someone who didn't know you existed. Did she even really feel that? Or did she just convince herself she did so that she didn't feel so lonely?

She sluggishly got up from her bed and walked into the bathroom, phone in hand. She stared at herself in the mirror. The bags under her eyes, her naturally drooping ears, tattered wings and long greasy hair. She looked like shit, even for a changeling and that was saying a lot. No wonder ponies thought she was a criminal or something.

She looked through the pictures again. She stopped on one with the caption "New day, new me!" and stared at it for longer than she cared to keep track of before she raised her hand in the peace pose.

In the next moment a ring of green flames wrapped around her head and traveled down to her feet. She looked at herself. Perky ears, bright, wide eyes, wide beautiful wings and soft bouncy hair.

But there was no light in her eyes. She was a changeling. She could copy the forms of ponies she knew with nigh perfection but she couldn't copy things that weren't physical. The lack of life in her own eyes was reflected in that of her current form. It didn't look natural at all for her.

Chrysalis didn't have any of the things that Cadenza did. The family, friends or lover. The things that gave other ponies lives meaning. What did Chrysalis have? A dark, dank apartment and a job that paid barely enough?

The ring of flames returned as once again the black skinned changeling was standing. She dropped her hand and set her phone down. She could feel... something from deep inside. It was bubbling up and finally she spoke her first words all day.

Well it wasn't really words. She screamed and grabbed at whatever she could reach. Tearing down her shower curtain, stomping through her toilet seat. She breathed heavily and stared at her reflection before another scream escaped her throat as she slammed her forehead into it.

She hated this. She hated everything. Life wasn't supposed to be this. Why was she cast aside, hated for what she was. She growled to herself as she stared at her phone once again, picking it up and ignoring the blood that was falling from her face. She tossed the phone towards, somewhere. She heard it crack and fall against the ground but it didn't matter.

She wasn't going to keep living this way. To Tartarus with everyone and what they thought. Who were they to decide where she was allowed to be at what hours. She was going to live. As free and open as everyone else! To feel something other than anger and hate. To finally enjoy life. Even if it was someone else's.

She grabbed her jacket and threw it on as she stomped her way out of her apartment, not even bothering to close the door. It didn't matter. If this failed then there was no future anyway. None that she wanted to live to see at least.

Author's Note

This was inspired by the album art. I couldn't help myself the moment I saw it.

The source is this. Their stuff is amazing. Original source Tweet was deleted though.

I Hated You. I Pity You. I Want To Understand You.

Cadence looked through the two way mirror at the mare who'd pretended to be her. Now that the haze of anger was gone, she didn't see an monster, an evil changeling or an impersonator. She instead saw a sad, downright pathetic mare. She wasn't fidgeting or worrying. She simply sat there, staring at the mirror side of the glass.

Even as she remembered all that happened. The false text, the cut gas line, the ride she needed to get back to her own wedding the part that stood out to her was when she called her out. Not for the reasons most expected. But because of how she reacted. The smile she wore was... strange. Like it wasn't natural on her face. Uneven and gone instantly when she realized it was over. Her disguise flickered as she stammered an excuse. But once Shining shouted at her she just... shut down. Those words "Who could love an impostor like you?!" seemed like they were a slap in the face. Her previously flickering disguise completely dropping.

After she'd been arrested the wedding itself went off without a hitch. There were a few more complaints about changelings than there would have been but everyone had a great time. She herself had been admittedly a part of the group complaining. Not about Changelings as a whole but the whole ordeal was stressful. Her expression stood out so clearly in her mind. At the time she was angry. Even taken some joy in the fact she knew her little... whatever it was had failed. But things had changed since then. They'd told her what little they could find out about her. She lived alone, worked alone and didn't have much to her name. The apartment itself had been ransacked, anything of value stolen.

There were so many around Cadence telling her what to do, what to think. As it stood it was up to her if she wanted to press charges. It seemed like it was what everyone expected her to do but... She couldn't bring herself to. Not after getting a good look at her.

She'd heard about changelings of course. How they are treated, thought of and stereotyped. How they had to wear a ring to bind their abilities. She hadn't gotten many chances herself to find out how true any of it was since they all kept to themselves so much.

She glanced down at the ma- No, Chrysalis' wrists. On both of them was an obvious band, locked. They were a semi-public punishment. Proof that she'd broken the rules. That she was troublesome. Honestly she felt it was a bit cruel. Yes she'd broke the rules but even criminals wore an ankle monitor that was usually hidden under pants.

She sighed and rubbed her temples softly. All the different voices going through her head. Shining shouting how she should be basically raked over the coals for what she'd done. Taken to court and the whole nine yards. Twilight trying to understand what the changeling's plan was. Aunt Celestia with her cold anger. But honestly? From the look on her face it wouldn't do anything more to her. Cadence of course couldn't be completely sure of it but she looked hopeless and it scared her. Not for herself but for Chrysalis. For what she might do.

She took another breath. She knew she didn't have to do this. Everyone would understand if she did nothing but ignore the mare. If she even outright hated her. But she didn't. She couldn't bring herself to. She'd been taught many things through her education. But perhaps the most important right now was that everyone should be given a chance. Chrysalis may have done things wrong but Cadence wanted to be the the one to give it to her. She wasn't blindly optimistic. She didn't expect to change the mare or desire to "Fix" her. She just wanted to give her a chance. Someone to care.

Author's Note

So. Yeah. I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually do this but I did. Ideally, she doesn't have any helpers and being away from people so much she's got very little power. It was a desperate attempt that didn't last long. She got a taste of someone else's joy and then it was torn away.

I doubt I'll write anything extra to go along with this but this is the end of this short tale. Chryssi failed quickly. Cady had her happy wedding and Chryssi is just waiting for it all to end. Too bad Cady isn't going to leave her alone.

I wanted a somewhat optimistic feeling without being overly sappy. There's a chance something good will come from this all. But also equally possible she just jumps in front of a car as soon as she gets out. She's not in a good place. Good thing she has someone like Cady to help her.

Idk. I'm just rambling now.