Applejack stared at the calendar.
Ever since she was a little filly, Applejack's life had a schedule. She knew when to plant, when to harvest, and when to prune the orchard in-between. Applejack knew the best time of year to make cider, and how long to let it sit in the barrel before tapping. She knew how long it took for a broken bone to heal, how long it took for the ground to thaw after Winter Wrap Up, and how long it took to recover from one of Pinkie Pie's surprise parties.
There were, however, a few gaps in her knowledge.
“Hold up. Is it really Hearts and Hooves Day?”
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh slurped at his coffee.
“Well, shoot.” Applejack huffed, and poured a mug of coffee for herself. She took a bracing, well-deserved sip of hot, caffeinated goodness and stared out the window at the rising sun. “Betcha already got somethin' lined up for Sugar Belle already, dontcha?”
“Eeyup.”
“And now you're just sittin' there laughin' 'cause you know I ain't got anythin' for Rarity, dontcha?”
Big Macintosh only took a long pull of his own coffee, remaining silent. He was a smart pony in that respect.
“Well, joke's on you, 'cause Rarity hardly ever gets up 'fore brunchtime iffin' she ain't workin' on somethin' big. And when she is workin' on somethin', she's too distracted to worry 'bout anythin' else, so I got plenty of time to get her somethin' for Hearts and Hooves Day. Even if it's a stupid made up holiday just for sellin' cards n' chocolates n' stuff.” Applejack breathed in deeply and leaned against the refrigerator, turning her back to the treasonous calendar with its surprise holiday (that took place the same date every year). “Plenty of time.”
“Eeyup.”
“And it ain't like Rarity needs somethin' fancy from me to know how I feel.”
“Eeyup.”
“And it ain't like she needs to get me anythin'. Even if she's got the whole Generosity thing goin'. Which means she's probably been up all night sewin' up somethin' all fancy with, like, imported lace or whatever that she put her whole heart n' soul into 'cause she thought it'd make me look nice.”
“Eeyup.”
“I'm just ... gonna go stretch my legs out a bit.” The lie, however small, was even more bitter than the black coffee in Applejack's mug. “Y'all got a handle on everythin' here?”
“Eeyup.”
“Right then. I'll be home, uh ... later.” Applejack grabbed her hat from where it had been hanging on a hook, flipped it onto her head, and trotted out the door.
Moments later, the sound of galloping hooves on a dirt road came from the other side of the door. Mere moments after that, Granny Smith tottered into the kitchen, drawn by the siren smell of fresh breakfast. She squinted at the faint cloud of dust left in Applejack's wake, then looked back to her oldest grandchild.
“Applejack done run oft on a crazy tear 'gain, ain't she?”
“Eeyup.”
Applejack knew how long it took to run from Sweet Apple Acres to Ponyville at a full gallop.
A faint sheen of sweat began to bead beneath her coat by the time she trotted into the center of town-- but she'd made it. Ponyville's various merchants and shopkeepers were already opening their doors for the morning-- perfect. Applejack figured she had plenty of time to drop by the florist, get a bouquet, and then show up on Rarity's doorstep before Ponyville's premiere fashionista even woke up. And then the two of them could have a nice pleasant brunch somewhere and then get back to their own busy schedules.
Simple.
Easy.
Perfect.
And so, Applejack breezed through the door to Flowers & Things-- only to find the shelves absolutely bare of both. There wasn't as much as a single stray petal on the floor-- the only thing suggesting the store had been a florist's in the first place was the bewildered looking pony sitting behind the counter.
“Lily, right?” Applejack said, glancing around. “Shoot, sorry I'm so early-- y'all must not have put the flowers out yet. Could ya do me a favor n' grab me somethin' pretty out the back? Like, somethin' with roses in it?”
Lily blinked, shaking head to clear it. “I ... uh ... I'm sorry, Miss. But we're out.”
“Outta roses? Shoot, shoulda figured. How 'bout ... uh ... violets or somethin? Or Daffodils? Peonies? Don't matter what it is, so long as it's pretty.”
“I'm sorry, Miss. I wasn't clear. We're out. Of everything.”
The blood drained from Applejack's face. “Everything?”
Lily nodded, her own face just as haggard.
“But ... you're a flower shop! You sell flowers! This has gotta be like the biggest day of the year for flower sellin'!”
“It is. We even brought in extra stock. Until ... he showed up.” She shivered. “He took ... all of it.”
“He? Who?”
“H-h-him.” Lily's voice shook as she pointed out the window. And sure enough, there he was, humming to himself and pulling along a comically oversized wagon, loaded to the brim with flowers and bouquets.
Discord.
“Right.” Applejack set her jaw, resolute. “I see how it is. Don't you worry none. Imma go have a ... chat with that feller. Straighten this right out.” And with that, she charged out the door, fueled by righteous indignation. She sprinted across Ponyville square, and came to a skidding halt in front of the draconequus.
“Discord!” Applejack said. “What n' tarnation do ya think you're doin'? You keep on sayin' you're reformed, but now you're off terrorizin' innocent ponies?”
Discord blinked his mismatched eyes, then tilted his head, curious. “Terrorizing? Moi? Surely you must have me mistaken for some other dashingly handsome embodiment of primordial chaos.”
“You can't trick me, ya pronghorned varmint! Lookit!” Applejack jabbed an accusatory hoof at Discord's wagonload of flora. “The evidence is right there! Whole cartload of stolen flowers!”
“These?” Discord turned his head a boneless 180 degrees to peer at the flowers. “They're not stolen. I bought them, thankyouverymuch.”
“You-- what? Why?”
“For Fluttershy, of course. You think she'll like them?”
“Wait what.” Applejack said.
“I'm just trying to get into the holiday spirit, you know? And I thought it would be a lot more interesting if I bought the flowers instead of just conjuring them up-- shows I put some effort into it, you know? That, and conjured flowers have a tendency to start screaming if you leave them alone for too longl. Completely ruins the mood. Hence, I am participating in your little economy game. Quite quaint, don't you think?”
“You ... paid for these?” Applejack said.
“Every one! I mean, all I had to do was find one silly shipwreck with a chest or two full of bits at the bottom, and voila! The best Hearts and Hooves Day ever! Even though I've only got the one hoof.” Discord stood on one leg and waggled said hoof in the air. “You don't think Fluttershy will hold it against me, do you?”
“I ... don't think that's what Hearts and Hooves day is about.”
“Why, you're right, Applejack! It's not about how many hooves you have-- or even how many hearts! (I've got at least three of those, last I checked). It's about showering your loved ones with dead plant material that will inevitably shrivel and die!” Discord blinked, scratching at his head. “Mmm. Quite morbid, now that I think of it. Just another of those little mortal creature quirks. But! You must forgive me, as I don't have time to chat-- I'm almost late for breakfast tea. Ta!” And with that, Discord snapped his fingers and disappeared-- along with the entirety of Ponyville's flower supply.
“Welp.” Applejack said. “Reckon' it's time for plan B.”
Applejack knew how long it took to bake a cake.
She trotted across Ponyville, heading straight for Cupcake Corner. Pinkie Pie would be happy to help, and it'd be a lot easier to bake something there instead of making the trip all the way back to Sweet Apple Acres. Not to mention the fact that Applejack didn't relish the thought of going back home empty hooved just yet. So all she had to do was borrow the Cupcake Corner kitchen, whip up something appropriately tasty and decorated, and then swing by Rarity's house for a late lunch.
Simple.
Easy.
Perfect.
Where Flowers & Things had been completely empty, Cupcake Corner had the opposite problem. Ponies of all sorts bustled in and out, practically throwing their money at Mrs. Cake, who used her cash register more for cover than to keep track of purchases. But with each hoof-ful of cash, Pinkie Pie would materialize out of nowhere and cheerfully pass over a small, pink-iced masterpiece of the baking craft. Pinkie's eager giggles echoed through the bakery, seemingly the only thing keeping the crowd from devolving into a mob. Applejack shouldered her way through the fracas, ducking through a side door so she could loop around to the kitchen, which had an air vaguely reminiscent of a war zone.
“Oh, hi there, Applejack!” Pinkie Pie swung down from the rafters, hanging from her rear legs. “What's up? Besides me, that is.”
“Looks like y'all been mighty busy.”
“Yup!” Pinkie Pie dropped from her perch, twisting around in mid-air with ninja-like agility to land on all four hooves. “Somepony went and bought all the flowers in town, so now everypony's getting sweets for their sweets! Maybe they're even going to spend the evening in a nice hotel somewhere so they'll get suites for their sweets, too! Makes me glad I'm just a baker and not in the hospitality business. I'm busy enough as is!”
“Well, I'll try to stay outta your way, then.” Applejack nodded. “In fact-- I'd even be willin' to put in a helpin' hoof, if y'all wouldn't mind doin' me a favor.”
“Oh oh oh! I love favors! Because then you can have party favors, too!”
“Welp. Would ya mind if I borrowed your kitchen for a li'l bit? I just gotta whip up somethin' nice for Rarity, and--”
“Of course! Mi cocina es su cocina! You can bake whatever you like in here! But, quick heads up, we're running kind of low on a few things. Like the red food coloring. And the pink food coloring. And eggs. And sugar. And ... well, I think we're down to our last bag of flour, so that might be a little bit of a snag ... “
“That bad, huh?”
“If by 'bad' you mean 'good,' then yes! This is the most business we've done all year! Even though the year started just like a month and a half ago but still!” Pinkie Pie bounced over to a table in the center of the kitchen and started tossing heart-shaped cupcakes into a waiting cardboard box.
“Right, well. I reckon I ain't gonna need much. Just enough to whip up somethin' special for Rarity.”
“Aaaw, that's so nice! You're baking things fresh here in town so she can get the goodies while they're still warm!”
“Yeah, uh. Somethin' like that.”
“And I bet Rarity won't get mad at you if you just make her something nice and home-cooked instead of something all fancy and decorated and like ninety percent fondant!”
Applejack blinked. “Didn't think of that--”
“And you're just as good as a baker as I am so you know how to work under pressure even though it's not like the only thing standing between you and emotional devastation is a pretty cake, right?”
“Well, I--”
“And Rarity loves you soooo much she wouldn't even mind if you accidentally underbaked things and then the cake is a little too dry or maybe she gets a little bit of food poisoning so then she spends the most romantic night of the year barfing all over the place like BLAAAAAARGH!” Pinkie Pie put the last of the cupcakes into the heart shaped box and closed the lid. “No pressure, right?”
“Uh.” Applejack surveyed the flour-spattered kitchen, and then the jostling crowd of holiday procrastinators visible through the bakery's service window. “Y'know what? On second thought, I think Rarity might like somethin' a bit less, uh, edible. I'll go 'head n' stay out of your mane for now.”
“Kay!” Pinkie Pie balanced the box of cupcakes on her head and trotted out towards the counter again. “You know Rarity even better than I do so you'll know exactly what she likes so I hope you two have a great Hearts and Hooves Day!”
“Uh, yeah.” Applejack edged towards the door. “Me too.”
Applejack knew how long it took Twilight Sparkle to stop talking.
She waited at the back of the classroom, watching the Princess of Friendship teach a class of mostly-attentive children. After her earlier attempts at last-minute romantic-holiday-gift-acquisition, Applejack figured she needed a backup plan. And if anypony in town was organized enough to have a contingency plan for almost anything, it was Twilight Sparkle. By the time Twilight finished her lecture and helped Applejack figure out what to do, there'd be just enough time to learn the true meaning of Hearts and Hooves Day, and then Applejack could drop by Rarity's boutique just in time for dinner and whatever possible romance that might follow.
Simple.
Easy.
Perfect.
“--and it's due to this emotional-etheric potential of Love that makes it a such a potent vector of magical energy. So potent, in fact, that King Sombra tried to ban love during his reign over the Crystal Empire, as he feared that ponies would harness its power and use it to depose him. But this didn't stop ponies from loving each other.-- they just kept it secret.” Twilight Sparkle paced in front of the chalkboard, happily relating the historical facts. “And so, to this end, they would smuggle coded love letters to each other, passed along from one pony to the next. Love became a form of rebellion-- if a subtle one. And dangerous, too-- which is where the term “Your Heart is in my Hooves” came from, eventually evolving into the holiday we know as Hearts and Hooves Day. Which, admittedly, has evolved into something completely different over the centuries. But now, if you've got a special somepony, you could even write your note in a cipher, for that extra bit of historical accuracy.” Twilight beamed, then turned to face the class. “Any questions?”
A young filly, obviously in her first year at the School of Friendship, raised a hoof. “Do you have a special somepony?” She asked with the blithe bravery of youth.
“Would you look at the time!” Twilight Sparkle forced a grin. “Looks like I went on a little too long with my lecture, ha ha-- better get going before you're late for your next lecture, everypony! Class dismissed!”
Not needing any further encouragement, the young colts and fillies broke into a small-scale stampede. Applejack stepped to the side, allowing the stream of young ponies to pass. Within moments, the classroom was empty, save for the farmpony and the princess.
“Applejack! It's good to see you!” Twilight trotted over, smiling. “I didn't know you were interested in the history of the Crystal Empire-- would you like me to put together a reading list for you?”
“Uh, that ain't why I'm here, Twilight.”
“Aw.” Twilight's wings and ears drooped in tandem, only to perk up a moment later. “Then why did you come by? Not that I wouldn't love to hang out, but I know you've been really busy lately--”
“Didn't come by to hang out, either.”
“Oh! Is everything okay? There's not a friendship emergency to take care of, is there?”
“Not ... exactly.” Applejack scratched the back of her neck. “I need some help. Some ... Hearts and Hooves Day kinda help.”
“And you came to me?” Twilight blurted. “I mean, uh. Not that I wouldn't be happy to help, but I ... might not be the best pony to ask about that sort of thing? Because I'm just a little, you know ... single. By choice, mind you! Between the school and the occasional 'time to save Equestria' crisis, I've just been too busy to really think about romance. And that's fine! I mean, I'm still young, so I've got plenty of time to figure things out. Maybe even a thousand years or so, with the whole “Princess” thing-- and hopefully by then ponies won't be too intimidated by the whole “nigh immortal” thing that they won't hide how they feel-- assuming, of course, somepony would ever feel feelings at me to begin with and-- uh, wait a minute, I'm rambling, aren't I?”
“A little bit, yeah.” Applejack shook her head. “Shoot, keep on goin' on, like that, and maybe you're the one who needs the Hearts n' Hooves Day help.”
“Oh, oh no.” Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “I still remember what happened when Rainbow Dash got it in her head to get me a date, and that was back before I even had wings! I appreciate the sentiment, Applejack, but I'd rather help you with your problem.”
“Right. About that.” Applejack said. “I, uh, kinda forgot 'bout Hearts n' Hooves Day comin' up, and I forgot to get Rarity anythin'-- I was gonna get her some flowers or chocolates or sommat, but that sorta fell through, so I was hopin' y'all might be able to give me some ideas of what ta get 'er.” Applejack stole a glance at the clock on the wall. “Some quick ideas.”
“Ideas? Like what?” Twilight said.
“If I knew, I wouldn't be askin' ya. But ... I dunno, you're friends with Rarity too, right? And y'all talk about ... magic unicorn stuff, right?”
“Not as much as you'd think-- Rarity's interest in magic is more practical than theoretical. But we talk about other stuff, though.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, this and that. Rarity likes to talk about Canterlot fashions-- even though I only know what she's talking about half the time.”
“That's 'bout half the time more often than I do.” Applejack smiled to herself when she said it.
“Or ... oh! Rarity likes to read, when she has the opportunity to do so. In fact, she visited the library just today--”
“She did?” Applejack perked her ears. “Any idea what she was lookin' for? 'cause if I can get her a book or somethin' she likes--”
“That'd be perfect!” Twilight said, bibliophilic tendencies coming to fore. Her horn glowed, then in a flash of magic, she and Applejack were instantly transported to the School of Friendship's library. Applejack blinked, wobbling slightly on her hooves at the unexpected teleport, even though it wasn't the first (nor would it be the last) time she'd been dragged along on such a thing.
“Hm.” Twilight said, trotting over to a table, still piled with books. “Rarity didn't re-shelve any of these. Which I suppose is good for us, but I'm going to have to give her a refresher on proper cataloging methods next time I have the chance.”
“So this is what Rarity was readin'?”
“Before she rushed out in a hurry, yeah.”
“Perfect!” Applejack rushed over to the table in question and looked over the books-- finally fixating on the one that had been left open on the table. The book was opened to a woodblock etching of a large, elegant-looking flower with a small descriptive blurb underneath. Applejack studied the picture, committing it to memory. “Now I know exactly what to get Rarity for Hearts n' Hooves Day!” She rubbed at her chin for a moment, then looked over her shoulder at Twilight. “Y'all mind if I borrow this book for a li'l bit?”
“That's what libraries are for--”
“Perfect! I'll be back tomorrow!” And with that, Applejack took off at a gallop, Early Bird's Guide to the Flora and Fauna of the Everfree Forest stuffed into her hat.
Applejack knew how long it was 'til the sun went down.
Which gave her just enough time to go into the Everfree Forest, find the fancy flower that Rarity had been reading about, and then get out of the wilderness before it got dark and the forest's more ... active wildlife started prowling around. Barring any unforseen monster attacks, Applejack would have just enough time to go by Rarity's boutique to present her with her gift and no doubt impress her with all the trouble she went through to get it.
Simple.
Easy.
Perfect.
The setting sun cast the forest in rosy pink light, as if Celestia herself wanted to get in on the Hearths and Hooves Day festivities. Which, for all Applejack knew, she did. Though that wasn't exactly something Applejack cared to dwell on, either. She had more important things to worry about-- namely, finding the one flower that Rarity had been interested in for whatever reason.
As Applejack pressed further into the forest, the trees grew thicker, taller, more ancient. That's what the book had said, after all-- the flower was to be found in the center of the forest, where no pony with any sense had any business in going.
Which was why it was so surprising to find one particular pony there.
Applejack halted in her tracks as she found herself staring at Rarity's tail. There was no mistaking the meticulously curled appendage, even from across the shadowed glade. Rarity had her back to Applejack, apparently having not noticed her just yet. Which was dangerous-- Applejack realized. If she could sneak up on Rarity, then any number of horrible predators of the Everfree Forest could do the same thing. Applejack grit her teeth at the thought, and marched closer, just so she could give Rarity a piece of her mind.
“Rarity!” Applejack snapped. “What n' tarnation are you doin' out here all by your lonesome?”
“Applejack?” Rarity straightened up and spun around, startled. “What are you doing here?”
“I asked you first!”
“I fail to see what that has to do with anything.”
“Dangit Rarity, you know better n' this! Ponies shouldn't be out this deep all by their lonesome! You coulda gotten hurt!”
“So that's why you followed me?” Rarity said. “Because you didn't think I could take care of myself?”
“What? No! I wasn't expectin' to run into you, of all ponies--”
“Aha! So you came here alone, just like I did! But I suppose it's okay when you do it, since you're so strong and rugged and self confident and ... where was I?” Rarity stopped herself before she could run a hoof over Applejack's toned shoulder.
“Uh.” Applejack, having noticed the almost-touch, began to blush, her earlier indignation draining away. “Look, I dunno why you're out here, but we should probably get back to Ponyville 'fore it gets dark. Reckon all the beasties out there don't care if it's Hearts n' Hooves day or not.”
“Practical as always.” Rarity said. “I ... apologize for my earlier crabbiness-- today has been an ordeal, let me tell you. But ... speaking of Hearts and Hooves Day, if you'll give me just a few minutes, I think we can be on our way.”
“... fine.” Applejack said, sparing a quick, wary glance over her shoulder. “But be quick 'bout it.”
“Hmf!” Rarity huffed. “Some things should not be hurried, you know.” She turned, and then went back to what she was doing earlier, examining a familiar-looking flower-- though this one looked far more beautiful than it did on the page.
“Well, shoot!” Applejack said, trotting over. “Figures y'all would find this 'fore I did. But, for what it's worth ... “ Applejack bent down and gently took the stem of the flower in her teeth. She tugged lightly, and the stalk snapped-- at which point she straightened up, and put the flower in Rarity's hair. “Happy Hearts n' Hooves Day.”
Rarity paled, eyes going wide in shock.
“Applejack. What have you done?”
“I ... gave you the flower you were lookin' for? I mean, it's ... the thought that counts, right?”
Rarity blinked. Sputtered. “I ... you ... agh! Do you know what this flower is called?”
“Hold on, lemme check.” Applejack pulled Early Bird's Guide to the Flora and Fauna of the Everfree Forest out of her hat and leafed through the pages. “Says here that's a ... Treant Rose? Weird name.”
“And do you know why it's called a Treant Rose?”
“Nope.”
“Because it is usually attatched to Treants.”
“Attatched to whatnow?”
To answer Applejack's question, the trees began to stir. What Applejack had thought was just a weird knot in the bark of one tree shifted and stretched, until a pair of glowing yellow eyes opened. The same happened to the next tree. And the tree next to that. And several more still.
“I was trying to discern which Treant this rose belonged to, so I could politely ask for it.” Rarity said through hissed teeth.
“The book don't mention anythin' 'bout that.” Applejack murmured back, taking a step to put herself between Rarity and the increasingly irate treants.
“That's what the other books were for.”
“Oh.” Applejack splayed her ears back as the sound of creaking, angry lumber filled the forest. “Any of them books say what you're s'posed to do when a tree-thingie's mad atcha?”
“They do, actually.” Rarity eased the Treant Rose out of her hair and laid it back down on the ground. “The first thing we have to do is give them the flower back.”
“And the second thing?”
“Run!”
Rarity shoved Applejack aside, moments before a gnarled, bark-skinned fist slammed down on the point where the two ponies had just stood. Needing no further encouragement, Applejack took off at a gallop, and Rarity dashed along beside her.
The anatomy of a pony is well suited to running. That of a deep-rooted Treant is less so. The two ponies easily outpaced their pursuers in a matter of minutes-- though the two kept barreling through the forest until they finally made it back to the relative safety of Ponyville. Sweaty, sides heaving, Applejack and Rarity leaned against each other, relieved to have escaped some of the Everfree Forest's oldest inhabitants.
And then Rarity started to cry.
“It's all my fault!” She sobbed, and buried her face in the side of Applejack's neck.
“Do what now?” Applejack said.
“This! All this, it's my fault!” Rarity bawled. “I've been so busy with work, that I completely lost track of the time, until I realized I hadn't made you anything yet! And worse yet, I didn't even know what to make! And when I tried asking Fluttershy for advice, Discord just showed up and dumped a literal wagonload of flowers on her-- and then I asked Rainbow Dash, but all of her suggestions were ... were ... “
“Stupid?”
“Lewd.”
“Oh.”
“But then, I was struck by inspiration. As I rememebered the Treant Rose can be used to create a green dye that matches your eyes perfectly, so I took it upon myself to find one, fool I was. And worse yet, you could have gotten hurt, chasing after me like you did.”
“Good news is ... I didn't?” Applejack mused, reaching out to pat Rarity on the back. “And you didn't, either. Everythin' turned out fine in the end.”
“But everything did not turn out fine! I've ruined Hearts and Hooves Day for you!”
“Yeeeah.” Applejack scratched the back of her neck. “'bout that.”
“Hm?”
“I didn’t get you anythin' either. Plumb forgot.”
“You ... what?” Rarity blinked, looking up at Applejack through tear-dewed eyes. “Then why were you following me into the forest?”
“I saw that book you were lookin' at, and I figured you'd like a fancy, hard to get flower ... so I went lookin' for one.”
“In the middle of the Everfree Forest? Alone?”
“Eeyup.” Applejack winced as she said it.
“Well. I suppose that makes us a perfect pair of idiots then, doesn't it?” Rarity tittered out a nervous, I-may-have-just-escaped-death kind of laugh. “All for the sake of a stupid made up holiday.”
“I know, right?” Applejack laughed as well, and then pulled Rarity in closer. “Ain't like I need flowers or chocolates or anythin' dyed the color of my eyes. Not so long as I can spend time with you.” Blushing, Applejack nuzzled in and gently kissed Rarity's cheek. “Sorry I almost got us killed.”
“And I'm sorry I got you so worried.” Rarity sighed, and settled in against the comforting solidness of Applejack's side. “You know what? I know how we can actually salvage this wretched excuse for a holiday.”
“How's that?”
“Follow me, darling.”
Applejack didn't know how long she'd been laying on the couch.
The sun had long since set, but Rarity hadn't bothered to turn her boutique's lights on. The light and airy sound of a string quartet softly came from the record player, just barely loud enough to be heard. Rarity poured out the last two glasses of wine, then passed the slightly-fuller one to Applejack before nestling against her side once again. The day's fatigue finally caught up with the both of them, and so Rarity and Applejack were too exhausted to do anything more ambitious than listen to music, sip wine, and silently enjoy each other's company.
Simple.
Easy.
Perfect.
