Alchemist's diaries.

Around morning I came back to my real self. I wiped my aching head.

,,Ugh. My head hurts. I guess I might been sick for few days."
Bella stared at me with anger. I didn't remembered anything. Like. I had a big hole in my mind!

,,What happened? I know,I am sorry that I hadn't brought you to Fluttershy's Birthday. Wait. I wasn't there either!"
Bella stared at me with anger and started reminding me of what I done. Then somepony knocked to the door. Bella hidded to her room and I opened the door. It was Pie Hater.

,,Good morning,Starlight. We found this night Fluttershy's corpses. I wanted to ask you the question. Who it was?"

,,Pie Hater. I don't understand. I. Took Fluttershy to her bed. And then maybe same psychopath killed her."

,,Do you know who is this?"

,,No. Again this pony was covered. I... Don't understand. Really. Who might kill Fluttershy? She... Was so kind..."
I started to tear up.

,,Okay. I will leave. I will come back tomorrow in case you will find out who it was."
The mare closed the door. I started to sob quietly.

,,It was me. I am the monster. They will find out that I killed Fluttershy,Applejack and Lyra. I... Don't wanna live anymore! I did horrible things."
Raccoon hugged me. I sniffed and I wiped my eyes.

,,You're right. I will visit one last time my friends."

,,Darling. But it's not your fault that Fluttershy died. You tried so hard to find who that murderer was. We will be here for you. Just don't kill yourself."-spoke Rarity staring at me. Again I bursted into tears. Pinkie stared at me with worry.

,,Starlight. We are really worried about you. Yesterday you were so happy..."

,,BUT NOW I'M NOT! Fluttershy.... The only princess... She's dead. I... Tried so hard to find that monster."
I took a sip of whiskey crying. Rarity and Pinkie were staring at herselves worried. Rarity spoke to me in calm tone:

,,Hey. Suicide isn't the best option. We love you as who you are. Alchemist or no. We will be here for you."

,,It's over. I lost my closest friend in the hooves of slaughter."-I sniffed standing up from the chair. Pinkie stared at me tilting her head.

,,Glimmie. We're in this together. We are all sad after these events. Applejack's dead. Lyra's dead. Fluttershy's dead. Listen. You can't right now give up. We all know you are making great machines."
I stared at both mares with tears in my eyes and I left the restaurant.

,,So this is what brings you to the hospital while I have my gym hour?"-asked Rainbow Dash coming out from one of her training machines. I sniffed with tears in my eyes and I nodded.

,,You are too sad that three ponies died,huh? I can cheer you up. Next week they will choose new Princess. Had you heard that Celestia and Cadence hadn't even heard about these things? They will obviously come back in next month."

,,Yeah. Great. All my friends died. And you say this is nothing. This day can't be better."

,,Starlight. Chill out. It's not the end of the world. You have me,Sunset,Trixie,Pie Hater..."

,,FLUTTERSHY WAS MY CLOSEST FRIEND!"-I shrieked glowing my horn and blasting Rainbow Dash to the ground. Rainbow groaned in pain.

,,Oh God! I'm so so so so sorry! Are you okay?"

,,Ugh. Yeah. I am fine. Just don't do this anymore."

,,I'll try to not overreact."-I giggled nervously leaving the gym.

,,No way. Nuh uh! I know I am your idol but organising expo? Isn't it bad time for that? Three ponies are dead."

,,There will be four soon."-I murmured.

,,WHAT?!"-yelled Sunset staring at me.

,,I said I am planning suicide!"

,,What the fuck,Glimmer?"

,,Well fuck yourself! I didn't found that monster. Fluttershy's dead. All what I need to do is probably commit suicide and some other shit."
The truth was all I was thinking was finishing myself forever. I wanted to die. I wanted to leave this world. I was going again insane being honest...

,,Starlight. I slightly refuse. You still have your friends. And look at me. I was a thief once. But after good training by Tempest. I joined to the guard team. And I'll tell you something. Many friends of mine died. Probably you are my closest friend I ever had."

,,Hey!"-yelled from the wagon Trixie angrilly-,,What about me?!"

,,Yes Trixie. You too. Go back to sleep."
I stared at Sunset with tears in my eyes.

,,Goodnight Sunset. See you soon."-I sighed and I ran to my home.

,,So this pony was a mare. Anything else?"-asked Pie Hater tilting her head. The next day was even worse. I had bangs under my eyes. And I felt terrible. I sniffed with tears in my eyes and I spoke:

,,No. I mean. Not yet... I... Can't..."

,,Starlight. It's okay. We can move this investigates to the moment when you will feel better. Investigation from now in on over. I will visit you tomorrow,Starlight to chat on afternoon's tea. Okay?"
I nodded. All my days was now prison. I decided to make my final machine. Yeah. Rope creator and hangator. That was all I had to do probably.