First Time Through the Mirror
First Time Through the Mirror
Dear Princess Twilight,
Did I ever tell you about my first trip through the mirror?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Tonight the girls and I are having a slumber party. It’s well past midnight and everyone is asleep… except for me, of course, since I’m writing to you in the journal. A few years ago, I couldn’t even imagine having such good friends, and hanging out and having slumber parties like this... It’s wild to think how much my life has changed since I met you.
But that wasn’t the only life-changing event I went through. Even before I made friends with all of you, the first time I left Equestria and came to the human world was the biggest change in my life. I think I’m ready to tell you about it, so let me start from the beginning.
I never talked about this before, but… I’m trans. It’s not an easy thing to bring up, but it’s very important to me, and I’m glad I finally feel able to tell you. Back in Equestria, when I was a student of Princess Celestia, she knew me as a young colt. I did very well in my study of magic, and I was hoping to earn a spot among the leaders of Equestria.
Sometime around then was when I realized I might actually be a girl, but I wasn’t quite ready to accept it. Everypony knew me as a young prodigy, and I guess I really wanted to be the great student they expected of me, so I couldn’t even think about changing my self-image. This inner conflict probably contributed to my increasing desperation. I pressured myself to succeed at magic, but really I think I was just terrified of failing everypony. It’s funny, dreaming of being a princess is how I realized I might really be a girl…
Anyway, I’m sure you already know that when Princess Celestia wouldn’t give me the power I wanted, I went through the portal. And that’s when everything changed.
It’s so disorienting, being in a brand new body. You remember, don’t you? Humans sure do look freaky if you’ve never seen one before! Of course when I was in my human body for the first time, I had no reference frame for what I was supposed to be, no idea about gender or anything. I think I was mostly looking at my fingers, transfixed and slightly disgusted by them…
I was adjusting to a whole new world, so the time after that was kind of a blur. I remember someone finding me, a staff member probably. They brought me to my feet and took me inside Canterlot High. I was barely coherent the whole time the faculty were trying to figure out who I was. Seeing Principal Celestia for the first time just disoriented me even more, and the whole day felt like some kind of fever dream!
Through all the noise and confusion, one thing about that day stuck in my memory forever. I can’t remember any words that were spoken to me, except some bits and pieces I clung onto:
"...with me, young lady…"
"...this girl outside…"
"...did she say anything…"
"...find anything about her…"
Shockingly, everyone suddenly saw me as a girl. I never had a chance to deny it, nor did I really want to. In my delirious state, I was filled with a strange kind of euphoria with every gendered word spoken to me. It didn’t take long to figure out that it was gender euphoria, and that I was always meant to be a girl.
I still don’t fully understand how it happened. Somehow, when I went through that mirror, I was sent to a world where everyone saw me the way I wanted, even though I didn’t realize it was what I needed. Maybe, like a true mirror, it doesn’t reflect what you think you are, but only what you really, truly are.
In any case, I had a chance to start my life over completely, so all my plans were put on hold. I managed to pick up human culture pretty quickly, but everything wasn’t fine and dandy. I was the new girl in school, and I was faced with all the challenges that come with it. I had a new goal to strive for: popularity.
I know your time in Canterlot High was brief, so you may not know the ins and outs of high school culture like I do. Popularity is what every insecure student dreams of. As you know, I never take anything in half measures, so I was quickly gaining approval from the popular kids and putting down anybody beneath me. I won myself the title of Fall Formal Princess in my very first year… and the year after that, and the year after that one too. I think at some point I stopped looking for approval, and decided that ruling by fear was more effective. Needless to say, I didn’t make any real friends that way.
You know the rest of the story. I took my pursuit of power to the next level and set my sights on Equestria. Thanks, by the way. For stopping me, and giving me all my real friends. I know I already said it, but… I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you guys.
Oh, you want to know something else? Do you remember the time you took me back to Equestria, when Wallflower Blush was erasing all my friends’ memories? That was such a nerve-wracking visit… you know why? It was the first time I had seen Princess Celestia since I left her, sure… but it was also her first time seeing me as a girl. Er, a mare.
I know I didn’t have anything to worry about, but it’s still a scary feeling, meeting someone again with a new identity. Celestia was actually eager to talk to me, and we had time to catch up. I apologized for all the trouble I had caused, even when I was still her student. I told her about all my troubles and insecurities that were causing me to act out. It was a cathartic conversation… I forgot how much I trusted her. Being with her felt like being home again, for a short time.
I was surprised to hear Celestia apologize to me! She felt sorry that she couldn’t give me the help I needed at the time. It wasn’t her fault, of course. Nobody could have known. But the thing that really struck me was that Celestia was proud of me. She said that she was proud of what I had become. I think I really needed to hear that. It’s one thing to have good friends, but having the acceptance and approval of somepony so important to me… it’s funny, I don’t think I could ever have the same kind of relationship with Principal Celestia! But who knows?
Anyway… I thought it was important for you to know all that. It feels good that I can share anything with you. I love being trans!!! Being a girl is very important to me. I also think I might be nonbinary… but I’m not going to talk about that now. I feel just about ready to pass out. Please get back to me soon! I hope I can read your response when I wake up tomorrow.
Your friend forever,
Sunset
Author's Note
I hope you enjoyed this! I'm not looking for any constructive criticism on this story, and please avoid any transphobia in the comments.
