Or Fruit Loops. Whichever Is Funnier
“So do you think you can do it?”
Rainbow Dash scoffed at the question. The mere idea of failing at such a menial task was laughable, so much so that she laughed just to prove the point. Pinkie Pie laughed as well. Whether it was for the same reasons or just because she was Pinkie Pie was unknown.
“What do you mean, can I do it?” Rainbow responded, puffing out her chest. “This is child’s play!”
“Yeah, but the twins were busy, so I picked you!” Pinkie responded with a smile. “I was just asking since...well...”
She gave a pointed gaze towards the item that currently resided in Rainbow’s grasp. Rainbow stared down at it as well. Her general disdain for it still stuck, but that wasn’t enough to turn down a request from a friend.
“Relax, Pinks,” Rainbow told her. “Just because I don’t like pie doesn’t mean that I get, like, super-uncomfortable about holding one or anything. I’ll just bring it to Twilight and that’ll be it. I won’t even have to eat any.”
“You can if you want,” Pinkie answered, a hopeful smile on her face.
“Don’t do this again,” Rainbow said flatly. The last pie incident was more than enough.
“Right!” Pinkie giggled, clapping her hooves together. “Now, juuuust a quick warning before you go...”
“Warning?” Rainbow asked. “Warning for what? I’m bringing Twilight a pie. What possible thing could there be to warn me about?”
“Weeeeell...” Pinkie started. “Twilight’s kinda in a mood today.”
“A mood?” Rainbow scoffed. Scoffing was quickly becoming a favorite response of hers. Plus, it sounded funny. Pinkie wasn’t the only pony who could appreciate a funny-sounding word,
“A moody mood,” Pinkie responded, emphasizing every word in the sentence. Which technically meant that no particular word was emphasized, but this was a fact that was lost on her for the time being.
“Well gosh, I’d better watch out!” Rainbow exclaimed, briefly supporting the pie with a single front hoof while she clutched the other to her chest in mock terror. “I don’t want her to roll her eyes at me or anything!”
“That was sort of mean,” Pinkie said, giving a Rainbow a look. Rainbow gave a little pout.
“Okay, you’re right,” Rainbow responded. “Sorry.”
“You can apologize to her when you get there!” Pinkie said with a smile. “Now go on! Give that grumpy-guts Princess the perfect pear pie that she pines for, post-haste! Pretty please?”
Rainbow gave a quick salute, then zoomed off. Of all the tasks that she could have been tasked with, this had to be one of the easier ones. Of course, that was a trend whenever Pinkie came to her with a request. Pinkie’s ideas of earth-shattering favors of the utmost importance tended to fall somewhere between “pass me that muffin” and “hold this for a minute” in terms of urgency. In fact, this actually did err on the side of necessity compared to those. And then there was that one time that Pinkie asked Rainbow to punch her in the mouth, but that was a whole different story.
Rainbow smirked to herself; a super-cool smirk that would have forced anypony who saw it to mentally acknowledge her coolness. This task was so simple, it was basically begging for her to show off. If Twilight wanted a pear pie, and Twilight wanted it post-haste, then she would get it to her so fast that “post-haste” would sound like an understatement. The term “post-post-haste” would have to be coined for how expedient Rainbow would be in her designated dessert delivery.
“Let’s do this!” Rainbow shouted. Without further hesitation, she burst forward through the air. If one were to look closely at her signature rainbow streak as she propelled herself through the town, they might have noticed a smaller brown streak left by the pie in the center of it.
The speed at which Rainbow arrived at Twilight’s castle was unparalleled, so much so that she would not have been entirely surprised to discover that she somehow managed to arrive before she had even left. The pegasus gave a cursory look towards the pie, just to make sure that it had not been obliterated by her awesome speed. Once she was satisfied that the pie had remained intact, she flew confidently into the castle.
“Twilight!” Rainbow called out. “I got your super-important pie!”
“In here,” Twilight’s voice rang through the halls. The response was decidedly icy, far from Twilight’s usual cheery tone. Maybe there was some merit behind Pinkie’s earlier claims of a moody mood? Whatever it was, Rainbow had to complete her task. Perhaps the pie would even cheer her up. Rainbow followed the echo of Twilight’s voice, quickly locating her friend in the library. Although to be honest, one didn’t have to follow an echo to find Twilight in a library. The odds were rather high.
“I got your pie!” Rainbow said, smiling proudly as she entered the library. Her pride was quickly hushed by the sight of Twilight sitting at a table. Between the frown, the hunched-over posture, and the crossed forelegs, her outward appearance alone was enough to discern that she was in a bad mood. All that was missing was backlighting and a dreary cloud overhead. A less brave pony would have backed out of the room right then and there. Rainbow Dash, however, only considered it.
“Come here,” Twilight said. Her tone sent a shiver down Rainbow’s spine as she approached.
“Heyyy, Twilight!” Rainbow offered, in the cheeriest tone she could manage. “Pinkie said that she baked a pear pie just for you, and here it is! Special delivery, just for you! Awesome, right?”
Twilight said nothing. She simply held a hoof out expectantly.
“I’ll...take that as a yes,” Rainbow said through an awkward grin. This really was a bad mood, unlike anything she’d ever seen from Twilight. She passed the pie over, and it was quickly snatched up by purple hooves.
“Thank you,” Twilight responded. At least her manners still showed through her grumpiness.
“Nooo problem!” Rainbow replied, offering a big smile. When it wasn’t returned, she started to retreat. “I’ll...just be going now. Wouldn’t wanna disturb-“
“It’s cold.”
The pegasus froze in place, as if she was as cold as Twilight claimed the pie to be.
“Cold?” Rainbow asked.
“Cold,” Twilight repeated. “I like my pies hot.”
“Oh,” Rainbow responded. She honestly didn’t know what else to say. “I...I mean, you could-“
“Try again,” Twilight commanded. Before Rainbow could ask what she meant, her entire world was enveloped in purple.
~~~~~~~~~~
“So do you think you can do it?”
Rainbow blinked. Once, then another time. The pony in front of her now was decidedly more pink than the one she thought she was just talking to a moment ago.
“I...I...” Rainbow stammered, still trying to regain her bearings and figure out what had just happened.
“Aye-aye!” Pinkie responded cheerfully. “That’s the kind of attitude I like to see!”
Rainbow stared at Pinkie, completely dumbfounded. There she was, standing right where Rainbow had left her, holding the exact same pie that she was positive she’d just brought to Twilight, and speaking as if none of what had just happened had happened at all. Before she could question the situation, the pie was shoved into her possession.
“I’m glad you’re so okay with doing this for me, Dashie!” Pinkie bubbled, pronking in place. “I figured it might be an issue because...well...”
Rainbow stared at the pie. She remembered this specific line of conversation from earlier.
“I...uh...” Rainbow started. “I...I’m not so against pies that I won’t deliver them?” It wasn’t exactly what she’d said earlier, but it didn’t have to be.
“Great!” Pinkie answered. “ Now, juuuust a quick warning before you go...”
It was all happening again. Rainbow shook her head out, trying to come to terms with what she was starting to believe had just happened.
“Is...Twilight in a mood today?” Rainbow asked. Her stomach was beginning to tie itself in a knot.
“Ouh, how did you know?!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Do you have a secret Rainbow Sense? Why didn’t you tell me about it sooner?”
She actually did it. The nut had actually sent her back in time to try again.
“No...” Rainbow responded. She wasn’t at all sure how to feel about this. On one hoof, it was a flagrant misuse of powerful magicks and a fairly rude way to treat a friend. On the other hoof...well, the other hoof actually agreed rather handily with the first, upon further consideration.
“You don’t have to tell me, Miss Tricky Trots!” Pinkie giggled, giving a Rainbow a pat on the head. “But it’s not nice to keep secrets!”
“Sorry?” Rainbow responded. She wasn’t really sure how to respond at all; not an uncommon situation when dealing with Pinkie, even without spontaneous time travel being involved.
“You can apologize to her when you get there!” Pinkie said with a smile. “Now go on! Give that grumpy-guts Princess the perfect pear pie that she pines for, post-haste! Pretty please?”
Rainbow didn’t bother responding. She simply flew out of the bakery, staring down at the pie.
It was hard to be mad at Twilight. She was a wonderful pony, one of the best friends anypony could ever ask for. As such, even though this was a fairly large infraction, Rainbow wasn’t exactly prepared to be mad at her. In fact, some ponies might have even found this kind of thing to be funny. In a way, it sort of was. Twilight had used a ridiculously powerful spell and torn the space-time continuum because her pie was cold. Finding at least a speck of humor in it wasn’t exactly the most daunting task.
Speaking of pies getting cold, there was a very real chance of that happening again if Rainbow didn’t get moving. She was sure she’d gone fast enough last time, but clearly she needed to go faster if Twilight was to be satisfied. With that thought buried safely in her head, the pegasus bolted through the sky. There was no chance that the pie would have time to cool at this pace. At this rate, it was a wonder that she wasn’t beating the sunlight to the castle. The only time she slowed down was when she reached the castle door. Speed was important and fun; concussions were not.
“Twilight!” Rainbow called. “I got your super-important pie!”
The fact that she’d said the same exact thing as the first time wasn’t lost on Rainbow as she headed towards the library. Twilight’s response of “In here” was exactly as unnecessary to finding her in the library as it was the first time, so much so that Rainbow didn’t bother waiting for it. This time, she was sure that the pie would be exactly as Twilight wanted it. With the speed at which she’d arrived here, there was no doubt in her mind. It was a combination of this determination and the fact that this was her second time doing this that almost entirely eliminated the intimidation factor of Twilight’s grim appearance.
“Heyyy, Twilight!” Rainbow said, swaggering into the library and up to her table. “Got your pie for you! Perfect pear pie, Pinkie-approved!” She watched the hoof extend and placed the pie in it, grinning brightly in anticipation of Twilight’s approval.
“Thank you,” Twilight said, pulling the baked delight fully into her possession.
“Nooo problem!” Rainbow replied. “And I’m sure you’ll find that-“
“It’s cold.”
Rainbow’s jaw dropped.
“What?” Rainbow shouted. “It can’t be! There’s no way that-“
“Try again.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“So do you think you can do it?”
Rainbow stared into the pink abyss in front of her, and it stared back with the cheeriest of smiles and a persistent scent of cotton candy. Twilight had done it again.
“You...but...” Rainbow sputtered.
“You bet!” Pinkie kind-of repeated. “That’s the kind of attitude I like to see!”
Rainbow narrowed her eyes. She was clearly stuck in this until Twilight was satisfied with the temperature of her pie. The more time that was wasted, the more opportunity there was for the pie to get cold. She didn’t have time to just stand here and talk. It was time for action.
“Sorry Pinks gotta go!” Rainbow bellowed. Before any talk of pie aversion and moody moods and P-alliteration could take place, she snatched the pie from Pinkie’s hooves and took off like a multicolored bullet through the window.
Despite her usual uncanny ability to notice just about everything that she flew over, the entire world was a blur for Rainbow as she cut through the air like a knife through butter. There was no chance of that pie being cold when she arrived at the castle, which happened even faster than she had expected. Not even bothering to stop at the door, she hurled herself through the nearest open window and exploded into the library.
“Pielight I got your Twi!” Rainbow yelled as she landed right in front of the table where her friend sat. “And there’s no chance of it being cold with how fast I got here! I didn’t even wait for Pinkie to finish talking this time!”
Twilight simply lifted the pie from Rainbow’s possession with her magic. She inspected it closely, dipped a hoof into it, and rolled her eyes.
“You know it’s the speed doing it, right?” Twilight asked.
“I...what?” Rainbow asked.
“The speed you’re moving at,” Twilight repeated. “The wind is what’s cooling the pie.”
Rainbow’s face fell as the words soaked into her brain. It took a moment for words to come to her, but it took that same moment for Twilight’s horn to light up.
~~~~~~~~~~
“So do you think you can do it?”
“Horse apples!” Rainbow screamed, stomping at the ground.
“No, pears!” Pinkie replied cheerfully.
Rainbow briefly considered turning Pinkie’s request down. Sure, it wasn’t what a good friend would do, but neither was sending somepony back in time because a pie was cold, and that had already happened three times. Rainbow knew she couldn’t do that though. It wasn’t even a matter of manners. It was a matter of competition now. Twilight Sparkle had made the grave mistake of defining a lose condition for this mission, and if there was one thing that Rainbow Dash never did, it was lose.
“I can do it,” Rainbow said through gritted teeth. “Because I’m Rainbow Dash.”
“Wow!” Pinkie giggled, clapping her hooves together as Rainbow took the pie. “That was intense!”
“That’s just who I am,” Rainbow stated. She could swear she saw a little swoon from Pinkie as she flew off, but she could deal with that later. Right now, she had a mission to win.
Not flying at top speed felt so strange in a situation where the typical response was expedience. Every instinct in Rainbow’s body was telling her to pick up the pace, but she fought those urges as hard as she could. If she caught herself speeding up at all, she made sure to slow herself back down. She even took to flying backwards at one point, partially because the extra concentration helped to slow her down and partially to use her body as a shield against the wind that threatened to plunge the pie’s temperature below the accepted threshold.
It took far too long to finally reach the castle. The mere thought of how slow she had been moving was nearly enough to bring a Rainbow to tears. She was known for her extreme speed. If the other Wonderbolts ever caught wind of her slothfulness, even with a good reason for it, they would never let her live it down. She supposed, however, that it would all be worth it when she saw the satisfied look on Twilight’s face upon biting into the perfect pie.
“Twilight!” Rainbow called as she flew into the library. “I’ve got your pie!” Not expecting a response, she landed right in front of the table, enduring Twilight’s cold stare. “And I made sure not to fly too fast, so the wind didn’t chill it!” She kept her grin as Twilight took the pie and gave it a poke.
“And with how long it took, it just cooled normally,” Twilight responded. Her horn lit up once again, interrupting Rainbow mid-shout.
~~~~~~~~~~
“So do you think you can do it?”
Rainbow Dash was tired. She’d completely lost track of how many times she had been sent back by this point. No matter what she did, nothing could satisfy Twilight. By the time she’d finally figured out just what speed she needed to go to ensure the optimal pie temperature, Twilight had started to find other things wrong with the pie. One of them was tilted too much to one side. One of them had been carried at too high an altitude and had cooled even despite the proper timing. And the most recent one was shaken too much when it was passed to her. Every muscle in Rainbow’s wings ached, but she was determined to get it right this time and end the madness.
“Yes,” Rainbow responded. She was too tired to say much more.
“Great!” Pinkie said. “Now, juuuust a quick warning before you go...”
“Twilight’s in a moody mood,” Rainbow answered.
“Ouh, how did you know?” Pinkie asked.
“I have a secret Rainbow Sense,” Rainbow said in a complete deadpan. “But it’s not nice to keep secrets, and I shouldn’t be a Miss Tricky Trots.”
“Aw, it’s okay!” Pinkie laughed, patting Rainbow on the head. “Now go on!”
“Give that grumpy-guts Princess the perfect pear pie that she pines for, post-haste,” Rainbow droned. “Pretty please.”
“That was positively perfecto!” Pinkie squeed. She then let out a “Pshoooo!” as Rainbow took to the skies.
Every single part of the flight had to be perfectly regulated. Rainbow moved fast, but not too fast. Enough so that she would get there quickly, but the wind wouldn’t cool the pie too much. Her altitude was kept at a safe 20 feet above the ground, so as not to brush the clouds and chill the pie further. Any lower than that would require dodging around obstacles, which would surely risk tilting the pie too much. It also had to be held perfectly even, which required a level of flight control that only a tried and true Wonderbolt could manage.
Rainbow landed at the castle with perfect timing. She had to land, of course, because flying through the castle was faster, and she couldn’t have that. But it was necessary to pick back up into the air upon entering the library proper, because she had tripped and jostled the pie once and that just resulted in another trip back in time.
“Twilight...” Rainbow muttered, just above a whisper. The last time she’d spoken at a higher volume, Twilight had claimed that the reverberations in the air had a negative effect on the pie. “Pie.” Any more words used risked an extra breath, and any extra movement meant more chance to shake the pie.
Rainbow carefully moved the pie in Twilight’s direction, but stopped it far enough away for Twilight to pick it up effortlessly. She wasn’t sure how a change in proximity would mess with Twilight’s magic, but she wasn’t the one with the horn.
Twilight lifted the pie and inspected it carefully. Sweat beaded on Rainbow’s brow as she waited for the assessment.
“Good,” Twilight finally said.
“Oh thank Celestia,” Rainbow sighed.
“Not perfect, though,” Twilight said. The string of curses that Rainbow screamed were silenced by her disappearance.
Twilight let out a soft sigh, sitting back in her chair. As she did so, the door to the study creaked open. Spike poked his head in, glancing up at Twilight.
“So how many more times do you think it’ll take before she realizes you’re just teleporting her and not sending her back in time?” Spike asked. The corners of Twilight’s mouth creeped up into a smile.
“I’ll tell her when she comes back this time,” Twilight responded. “She’d notice soon, anyway. The sun’s about to start setting.”
“What do you think she’ll do when you tell her?” Spike asked.
“Probably think twice about pranking Pinkie and I again for a while,” Twilight said, rubbing her hooves together. “Now come on, hide yourself so you don’t get caught in the collateral when she realizes you know too.”
“Right,” Spike said. “Uh, is it okay if I dig into one of these twenty pies now?”
