Author's Note

Another chapter completed. I’ll be taking a break from writing for now, but I’ll be back in a week or two. Maybe.

Chapter 10: Weekend Pranks

My morning began like any other in Ponyville: with a rude awakening by my fellow flatmates and their devil sunlight, though today would be different. On the way home from the park yesterday, Rainbow Dash popped out of the sky and kept Twi and I company on the walk home. She said she’d been the least attentive of our friends to me lately and wanted to hang out sometime today before we had to get back into the groove of things for work. To stop by her pad ‘for some action packed fun in the sun’, whatever that means.

With Rainbow Dash, fun usually consisted of practical jokes at someone’s expense, mainly mine, but it was all in good fun. One time, she caught me meditating in the canopy of the Golden Oak’s Library and thought it would be funny to push me out of the tree, just to catch me moments later. Another time, she dropped out of the sky just to haul me up above the ground and ‘pretend’ to lose her grip. Today was different though, as I was aware of my surroundings and prepared for any attempts to sweep me off my feet.

I wasn’t complaining in the least, it was a nice day out. Clear skies, freshly baked bagels in my pack for lunch, and I had some new shoes Rarity wanted me to trial for her. Said something about ‘boots being in this season’ or some bull, but I was happy to make her happy.

Sunday is one of the only days the marketplace was barren of any shops, so it made an easy trip to get over to the business district for an early lunch at Sugarcube Corner’s confectionery. I could already taste their apple tarts. I waved to a few of the familiars as I passed by, locked on target to visit my favorite little dive, when that pink mink called Pinkie Pie popped next to me.

She skipped along, her sky blue blouse and skirt combo stained with flour, meaning she skipped work to come say hi. “Howdy wowdy, Aurelius! Whatcha doin’ today?”

I pretended that she was always there, instead of focusing on the fact that I was nowhere near SCC yet and she quite literally popped up. “Just walkin’, Pinkie. On my way to grab a bite to eat and then head over to Dash’s for something exciting.”

“Oooo, whatcha planning? Gonna try to race her? Oh no wait, I bet you two are gonna have a funny face contest!” I shrugged. “You don’t know? A mystery!”

”Yeah, she just said to prepare for some action, whatever that means. Could be anything.”

We passed twelfth street, meaning lunch was only a ten minute walk away. She was bouncing in place as I walked along, her sproinging keeping pace and her imagination running wild. I simply smiled and placated her randomness, as she never really meant to annoy anyone.

My arrival to the sugar shop was anything but boring, my stomach catching up with me to yell its anguish. Carrot Cake, the owner, was busy sweeping the entryway with a pleasant attitude, before waving me a hello. “Mornin’ friend, I take it you’re doing fine?”

He stepped out of the way so I could enter. “Yessir indeed. How’s the missus been?”

He cringed a little. “Eh, this tail end of the pregnancy has a little snippity, ‘specially since she’s been craving the strangest things way late in the night. This morning, she had me make a peanut butter and pickle sandwich with a side of chocolate-dipped hay fries and we didn’t have any pickles.”

“Yowcha, I’ll be she wasn’t very happy.” He grimaced and shook his head.

“Oh but it isn’t all bad. She’s had a heck of a craving for pony, if’n you catch my meaning.” He flashed his eyebrows mischievously. “I swear I’ve been more sore than a stubbed toe.”

Pinkie Pie giggled “Oh I bet, hehe. Is she in today?”

“Oh, no, but Pinkie should be able to whip ya up some grub ‘for you head out for today. Same as always?” I nodded. “Just set your payment on the counter whenever and just take a load off.” He pointed over to one of the empty stalls.

I cooled my heels as Pinkie ran in the back to check up on fresh goods in the kitchen, looking through the new menu for later. Mr. Cake came a few minutes later with a small paper bag with my name tagged on it. “You know me too well, Carrot.” I opened it up to snag a bite, before noticing he put an extra one inside. “Hey, you put one too many.”

“My treat, friend. You’re always working so hard up at Applejack’s farm, thought you could use the extra food. You have a good day today.”

I paid my farewells and headed on out to the outskirts of town, savoring the sweet treats. It didn’t take long at all to reach the largest cloud structure in Ponyville, and soon enough I could make out the shape of the door.

I cupped my hands around my mouth, calling out. “Hey! Rainbow! I’m here!”

For a moment, there was only the sound of the gentle breeze rustling the grass and the distant chirping of birds. Then, without warning, a rainbow blur shot out from one of the windows, and Rainbow Dash landed in front of me.

“There you are, slowpoke!” she teased, playfully punching my shoulder. “Are you ready for some fun?”

“Well, I would be, if you weren’t so cryptic yesterday before bolting off. What’s the plan?”

She thumbed at me and then herself. “You and me, we’re going pranking!”

“I should’ve guessed it would be something sneaky, you seem like the type. Who’s the target today, oh master prankster?”

“Oh, just some good old-fashioned, harmless fun with the locals,” she said, winking. “I’ve got a whole list of ponies we can hit today. Trust me, it’ll be a blast.”

“Sounds fun. What’s the tool? Eggs? Water balloons?”

“Nah, those are too easy. I’m talking about something bigger.” She pulled a fishing line out of her pocket. “Wanna go trip up Mayor Mare?”

“With a fishing line? What, gonna tie her hooves together without her noticing?”

Rainbow Dash grinned like a fox, shaking the line in front of my face. “Nah, nothing that mean. We’re gonna string this across her office door, and when she comes out—bam! She’ll trip, but we’ll make sure she lands on something soft. Like a pile of those fluffy cloud cushions.”

I giggled. “Oh, I just thought of another idea. What if first, we tie her window to her chair, so she gets startled the moment she sits down, then, when she gets up to investigate it, we snag her glasses off her desk and place it JUST beyond the door.” Her smile was building by the minute. “Then, when she steps out to grab them, she trips and falls into a creme pie.”

She burst out laughing. “Bahaha! That’s brilliant!”

Rainbow Dash’s laughter was infectious, and it was hard not to get caught up in her enthusiasm.

“Okay, okay,” she said, wiping a tear from her eye. “We gotta get this setup perfect. You handle the chair and the window; I’ll take care of the fishing line and the pie.”

“Deal,” I said, feeling a thrill of excitement. It was like I was a kid again. It was only a minor inconvenience for someone always so busy, so she could use the distraction. Besides, even a mayor had to have a sense of humor, right?

Rainbow Dash took off, zooming around her cloud house to grab the supplies. She returned moments later with a pie tin, a can of whipped cream, and a few other odds and ends. “Alright, here’s the pie,” she said, handing it to me. “We’ll set it up last, after everything else is in place.”

I took note of everything and thought occurred to me. “How exactly are we supposed to get into her office without her seeing us?”

Rainbow scoffed. “Oh, that’s easy. Sunday is her short day this week, so she’ll be on lunch for longer than usual. We just gotta wait by her office window and we’ll be done faster than you can say bubblegum.”

We made our way toward Town Hall, Rainbow Dash flying low beside me. The streets of Ponyville were still quiet, the townsponies enjoying their lazy Sunday morning. As we approached the Town Hall, Rainbow Dash motioned for me to stay back while she zipped up to one of the windows and peeked inside.

She returned with a crafty look. “Alright, so she’s still inside looking over paperwork. Lunch should be just around the corner. Here’s the plan: I’ll go in and tie the pie above the door and string the frame. You pull out her chair and loosely tie the window to it. Then, when she gets up to reopen it, I’ll catch her glasses on a line from the ceiling and bam, tripped into the pie.”

This was going to be easier than, well, pie. We waited around outside her office until she stepped out to lunch. Slipping inside the open window, we got straight to work setting up our traps. I made sure the window was unlocked and the line tied strongly enough that when it was pulled, the sudden jolt would cause it to slam back down. Rainbow secured a flimsy line across the doorway and one around her reading glasses before flying up into the rafters of the dainty little office.

Rainbow snickered from high above, looking down on me as I hid myself in a storage closet. “Now, we wait for the mayor to come back,” I said calmly.

She wasn’t gone long at all, maybe twenty minutes at most. Mayor Mare came into the office unaware that anything had changed, looking down at the papers she walked in with. It must have been stressful to deal with her work because the look she was giving them was disappointment.

She sighed heavily. “How have we already spent this quarter’s budget so much faster than I anticipated? We have maybe three weeks until more funding comes in and I don’t know how we’re going to afford it all.” She turned her chair and sat down deeply, bumping the thread tied to the window but not triggering it. “With the Harvest Festival and with the repairs to infrastructure so close to one another, we’ll be in debt before October. I need a break.”

Just pull up to your desk and set your glasses down. My anticipation built to bursting and I nearly lost myself to the giggles I stifled. She really needed a distraction from all the stress and I hoped it wasn’t too annoying. Ms. Mare swiveled in her chair, setting her glasses on the desk by a near invisible fishing line, her hands gripping her mane in an attempt at self-soothing her anxiety.

She sighed again. “No, Mildred, keep it steady. You can always ask for donations from other towns or even visit Canterlot to request funding. Everything will be-“ she stopped after pulling into her desk and jumping at the slamming window behind her. “Celestia above, I thought I locked the window in position?”

She stood up to tend to the window, putting it back up. The line I had set up over the curtain rod fell onto the floor by her feet, leaving her unawares at our handiwork. Rainbow Dash carefully fished up the set of red reading glasses off the desk and swung then just far enough from the doorway. The moment the mayor stooped down to pick them up, she’d step on the tripwire and be met with our pie from above.

After securing the window, she turned back to her desk, and that’s when her glasses clattered to the floor. Her head turned towards the sound, confused further by our antics. “How did my glasses get over here?” She said, walking over to and barely missing the line by the floor. Picking them up, she walked back over to her desk, our prank ruined. Or at least, that’s what I thought. Rainbow Dash had dropped down from the rafters and, like a butterfly, swooped into the small hallway outside the office and up to the pie.

With a hefty throw, the pie sailed through the air. “Head’s up, Mayor Mare!” She cried. Mildred didn’t even have the time to register who called her name, spinning round and being nailed straight in the face with whipped cream. Rainbow laughed heartily, pointing at her latest victim. “Hope that whipped your worries into shape.”

I burst out laughing at the terrible pun, watching it all unfold from the closet. The pie tin fell to the ground unceremoniously and revealed the less than pleased face of the mayor, her eyebrow twitching.

Rainbow was still laughing, wiping tears from her eyes as she leaned against the doorframe. “Oh, come on, Mayor Mare! Lighten up a little! It’s just a bit of fun! Besides, you looked like you needed a laugh.” She hovered in the air, arms crossed, looking unapologetic.

She stood frozen with the whipped cream sliding down her muzzle. She licked her lips, tasting the sugar. “Rainbow Dash, I don’t know whether to laugh with you or yell at you right now.” Her voice, laden with annoyance, dropped. “I find it very hard to see amusement right now with all the stress I’ve been going through and I am not happy..”

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the closet, trying my best to look contrite. “Sorry, Mayor Mare. It was all in good fun. We didn’t mean to upset you.”

She huffed, turning her gaze to me. “She roped you into this too, Aurelius? I expected better from you,” she chastised me, smudging the cream between her fingers as she grabbed the bridge of her nose. “I suppose I did need SOMETHING to distract me from the funding issues we’ve been having, but this was not at all what I expected.”

I winced, rubbing the back of my neck. “I… I guess we got caught up in the moment. Sorry.”

Mayor Mare sighed, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. She wiped a bit more of the pie off her face with a handkerchief from her pocket. “I appreciate the sentiment, but there are better ways to offer support. Not everyone finds being hit in the face with a pie relaxing.”

“Next time, try bringing flowers instead of dessert. Now, if you two are done, I have a lot of work to get back to—and I think I need to clean up first.” She left the room to remove the remaining gunk out of her fur.

Rainbow Dash shrugged while still hovering. “Eh, you can’t win ‘em all. Still though, that was pretty funny.”

I twisted my hand in a ‘so-so’ motion. “Maybe we chose the wrong prank? She didn’t seem very pleased with us.” I made for the window to climb back out.

Rainbow followed suit, taking the pie tin and throwing it into the trash can in the corner. “Nah, we just caught her at a bad time. Trust me, she’s usually more playful and tries to get back at me.”

We walked and talked about more prank opportunities, mostly Rainbow because I hadn’t the skills necessary. “So, who’s next on the list? The flower girls, Lily and what’ser face?”

She shook her head. “There’s only so many times you can hear ‘The Horror!” or watch them pass out from simple things before it stops being funny. What about ‘bit on a string’?”

I crossed my arms, pausing on the side of the street. “No, too slow. There aren’t many people out this late in the morning. What is it, eleven? Noon?”

She looked up towards the sun. “Beats me.”

“What about the fountain in the square?” I suggested. “We could dye the water and see how many ponies notice.”

Rainbow Dash tilted her head, considering it for a moment. “Hmm, maybe. But that might take a while to set up, and it’s not really my style. I like pranks a little more… immediate impact, y’know?”

“You’re the expert on this. I’m here for the ride.”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Let me think…” She flew lazily in circles around me. “We could paint the inner rings of somepony’s glasses… pop balloons to startle…”

“What about paintballs?” I suggested.

“Paintballs? Wouldn’t that hurt?”

“I mean, yes, but you know foam dart guns?” She nodded. “We could take one apart to increase the air pressure and load it with darts modded to have paintballs on the tips. It’d take a while to set up, but we’d be able to mess with six different people.”

“Huh, never thought to do that before. It’s creative.” Her eyes lit up with the spark of an idea. “Actually, that’s a perfect idea! It’s a bit daring, and we’ll need to be careful not to shoot any eyes out, but it’s sure to make some heads turn.”

I nodded, happy that I could participate further. “Just aim for center of mass and the clothes of Ponyville will fear us!”

“Alright,” she said, landing next to me with a grin. “Let’s swing back by my place and I’ll see if I can find my old dart gun lying around. You head into town to find targets and buy ammo from the paint store.”

I grinned heavily as I waited for RD to return, parking myself at the town square. There were few out today, either at work or home. What few ponies out and about consisted of dates at a local cafe and children squealing as they chased one another. Safely sitting in one of my pockets laid the biodegradable paintballs, enough to nail ten, if accurate enough.

I continued to scope out people, chuckling at imagining streaking someone who could take a joke’s coat. And then I saw the perfect pony to mess with: Lyra Heartstrings. The mint green mare was walking across the square, looking over at the fountain to clock for the time whilst levitating a bag of groceries. I snickered, preparing myself to levitate a small rock and see how far I could throw it with magic, nailing it a decent distance away. I felt my hand swirl with power, floating one of my many paintballs out of pocket and snuck around the edge of the town center, Lyra never awares.

I reached a comfortable spot behind her. This is going to be so friggin funny! I aimed carefully, and nailed the ball square in her back with enough force to splat. She jolted, startled, turning around to shoot me a shocked stare. “Did you just throw an egg at me while my back was turned?” She asked.

“Even better, a nice blue color to go with your coat. Think fast!” I floated up two more and launched a salvo of comedy at her, missing one but nailing the second on her forehead.

She smiled and yelled after me as I took off running. “YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR! I’ll get you…!” But I was long gone, weaving in and out of alleys, laughing maniacally.

Continuing to sneak my way around, I stopped to catch my breath around a corner of someone’s house. Right on cue, I heard Rainbow land next to me, the dart gun pointed at my head. She flipped it into the air and offered it, which I waved my hand at. “I won’t need it after all. Not when I have this.” I ignited my finger tips in a golden glow, my eyes changing color with it.

I lifted up six more paintballs out of my pocket, each plump and ready to meet their targets. Miming a gun firing, a single paintball shot off down the alley and landed a good ten yards away. I clicked my tongue and smiled. “At least the darts will work to distract somepony while you nail them. Smart thinking,” RD complimented, securing her tool to her belt loops. “Now, who’d ya get so far?”

“Lyra, and she took it well. Any suggestions?”

She looked out of the alley at a pony passing by, pointing. “How about the local mailmare?”

I chuckled. “Derpy? Sure, just sit back and enjoy the show.”

I peeked around the corner, spotting Derpy as she flew along her mail route, humming to herself with a saddlebag full of letters. She was oblivious, her signature cross-eyed expression focused on delivering letters as she weaved through the streets.

“Alright, here we go,” I muttered under my breath, gathering three paintballs in my magical grasp. They hovered silently above my hand, pulsing with energy. Derpy floated closer, and I aligned my shot, aiming for the lower part of her mailbag and struck the first shot at the mailbox she was reaching into.

Derpy paused mid-flight, blinking in confusion as she hovered in place. She looked down at her bag, puzzled. “Huh? Where did this come from?”

Rainbow Dash struggled to contain her laughter from the rooftop, biting her lip to stay quiet. I aimed the second and fired away, nailing her mailbag and smearing the Ponyville post office logo. “Wha?” She said, turning her attention to her bag. “But I just got it clean!”

For the third, I aimed to hit her mane, the yellow bullet knocking her brown hat off and leaving sticky paint all in her mane. “Who… what…?” she stammered, turning in slow, disoriented circles, still completely unaware of where the paint was coming from. She finally noticed me in the alley, reloading for a second volley. I gave her a wave hello and plowed her right in the chest, staining her outfit with a rainbow smiley face.

I couldn’t contain my laughter anymore, leaning against the wall as I joined Rainbow in laughing at Derpy’s dismay.

Derpy, bless her heart, simply shrugged it off after a moment of bewilderment. “Oh well… must be one of those days!” she said cheerfully before pulling out a handkerchief and blotting at the paint that now coated her.

As Derpy flew off, still humming her tune despite her paint-splattered appearance, I shook my head in amazement. “How does she stay so cheerful?” I asked, wiping a tear from my eye.

Rainbow Dash leapt down from the roof, clutching her sides as she tried to catch her breath from laughing so hard. “I don’t know, but that was priceless! She didn’t even care!”

I smirked. “I told you she’d be a good sport. Now, who’s next?”

Rainbow and I continued to prank through the rest of the day, from spiking someone’s food with way more hot sauce than they ordered (which was none) to jumping out of trash cans to spook people. And Rainbow was right about today being awesome. I hadn’t had that much fun in forever.

The sun began to set over Ponyville, casting long shadows across the square, I leaned against a bench, wiping away a stray tear. “I can’t believe we pulled all that off,” I said between breaths.

Rainbow, hovering beside me, grinned widely. “Told ya it’d be a blast! You’re not bad at this prank stuff, Aurelius.”

I smiled back. “Couldn’t have done it without you, wise mistress.”

She playfully punched me in the arm, earning a punch right back. She sighed, leaning back against the bench. “Today was awesome. We’ve totally got to hang out more!”

”Later, though. I’ve got work Monday through Friday this week, how does Saturday sound?”

“It’s a date!” Dash side hugged me and took off to go home, going our separate ways.

Man, do I have a story to tell Twilight at dinner.