Wanted: A Decent Enough Male to be My Brother’s Coltfriend
It’s a pattern that every Changeling has noticed, that when King Thorax is asked to participate, he pretends to be happy to do so. Yes, pretend. He may have on a smile during Arts and Crafts, that he may laugh at jokes during the annual pot-luck lunches, and he would kindly applaud during dances. However, every Changeling near him could sense that his outward appearance of being happy-go-lucky doesn’t match the emotions they’re picking up. There was a sour sadness, a bland melancholy that the King carries around him for the past week-and-a-half.
And for a while, none of the Changelings could figure out why. They were at peace, as well as their neighbors. Their culture was growing up and developing. There was peace among them. Even the relationship between the brothers, Thorax and Pharynx, has improved. Out the outset, it seemed out of character for the King to be in a state of hidden mourning.
“Hey, bro?” One day, Pharynx decided that enough was enough and he was going to get to the bottom of whatever is troubling his brother. “You there?”
“Come in.”
Parting through the double curtains of jade beads, Pharynx entered into the place that was once forbidden. Chrysalis’s private cave, a darkened, windowless place that now has been opened up to natural light, colorful lamps and a soft mossy bed. Even at night, the once foreboding room was lit up by the countless lanterns that showed through a rainbow of stained-glass that hung from the ceiling.
As expected, he found Thorax on the bed with a book. He caught a glimpse at the title before his brother set it aside: Consolation of a Broken Heart According to Schopenhauer. And while Thorax turned to face him with a smile, he could feel it up close that he was anything but happy.
“Hey Pharynx,” Thorax greeted him, “how you’ve been?”
“Well besides telling you that all is quiet… again, I’m here for you.”
“Oh?”
Pharynx frowned, “Okay, drop the act.”
“What act?”
“That everything is fine. I didn’t want to bring it up, but everyling within five miles can tell that something’s wrong. We all know that recently all the smiles and laughter are starting to become… well… fake. Each day passes, we can tell that you’re just putting up a brave face, but we can sense that something’s off.”
Thorax’s smile started to waver.
“So, what happened? Are you being blackmailed? Sick?” He narrowed his eyes, “Someling bullying you again?”
“No! No, it’s…” The King shook his head. “It’s none of those things. I’m fine.”
“You know you’re a bad liar, right?” Pharynx deadpanned. Carefully approaching the bed, he added, “Is it something I did?”
“No. You didn’t do anything wrong it’s just…” He sighed. “It’s silly, really. This isn’t anything to worry about.”
“Bro, for something being so ‘small,’ it certainly something that you’re taking it seriously. So, tell me, what is it?”
With another sigh, Thorax frowned, “You’ll laugh.”
“Really? Am I known for having a sense of humor?”
Thorax opened his mouth but let it hang there for a moment as he realized that he can’t dispute that fact. So, allowing his head to rest on the bed, he looked up at his brother. “Recently, I’ve been feeling… well… lonely.”
Raising an eyebrow and tilting his head, his brother replied, “How? Last time I’ve checked, you’re hardly alone with so many Changelings crawling about.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not that. It’s just that recently I’ve noticed that many of our friends have increasingly been going on dates or are married. Starlight and Trixie have tied the knot last June, Discord is going steady with Fluttershy for a while now, even Ocellus has recently asked Smolder out – and she’s a good deal younger than us! And it’s been announced that Lady Ember is about to select a suiter. It’s like by now everyone is finding love except for me.”
“Meaning…?” Pharynx blinked.
“I don’t want to be single forever. I’m growing sick and tired of not having someone there for me. Of not having someone that I could trust enough to tell my secrets to. And being able to trust enough to uh…” His cheeks turned pink as he coughed out the words, “you know…”
“So, you want to have a mate?” His brother nodded. “Okay, so what’s stopping you?”
“Oh, the billion factors out there such as I have too many Changelings and officials that depend on me. That I’m too busy to stop. That I may not have enough time to so much as go on a date. That I have no idea who would best suit me. Or that I’m afraid that even if I did, it wouldn’t work out. As much as I don’t want to be alone, I’m more afraid of failing at love before I could start.”
“Huh…” As much as Pharynx wanted to say something effective, in truth, there was nothing in his wisdom that he could bring up to comfort his brother without making it worse.
Rolling off the bed and standing up, Thorax said, “You know what? I think I’m going to go down to the spa to have my chitin be polished up before going to bed.” He then added, turning to his brother, “I can sense that you want to help but… I don’t think there’s nothing you can do this time. I’ll be okay just… I need some time by myself for a while.” He said before leaving the room.
However, after his brother left, the only thing that filled Pharynx was determination.
“Yeah, I agree that what Thorax is going through sucks; but how do you expect me to help?” Spike questioned it.
Pharynx had traveled all the way to Canterlot. Of course, neither the Royal Guard nor even Spike himself had expected to see the Changeling Prince at their doorstep, asking for help from the Friendship Ambassador/Twilight’s Royal Adviser. Naturally, Spike, who was undergoing a growth spurt, was taken aback by the fact that he came here without Thorax’s knowledge.
Clearing his throat, the Changeling replied, “I figured that since it’s clear that I’m gonna need help with resolving the King’s issue, I would need the assistance of his most trusted and longest friend. You may know some things about my brother that I don’t and know a good deal many ponies as well.”
“Yeah, but to act as a matchmaker?” Spike raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you best turn to Cadence?”
“No. Because it would have been too obvious. If I’m going to help Thorax find a mate, I have to do so without him making it obvious for him. After all, given your range of connections and that my brother trusts you, in theory, it should be easy to help him find a decent enough male to fall in love with.” He looked over to Spike, wide-eyed. “What?”
“Hang on! Are you implying that… Thorax is gay!?”
“As in attracted to males. Yes, why?”
“How in Equestria do you know that?”
“Well…”
“Okay, what’s with you and dolls?”
A very young Thorax looked up at his brother. “What? I like them. See this,” he held up a clay figure covered in black, “this is Prince Thornwack and he’s on a quest to-”
“Save a princess?” the young Pharynx rolled his eyes.
Little Thorax tilted his head, “Why would he save a princess? No, he’s on a quest to save another prince in a high tower, Prince Rosebud.”
“But you have to participate in a sport, the Queen demands it for your training.”
“I don’t wanna!” A foal Thorax yelled back. “I wanna put on a play! With singing and dancing!”
“…. And that’s how you hunt.” Their instructor finished, turning to the younglings. “Are there any questions?”
Thorax raised a hoof. “So when we go hunting, do we have to go out in black?”
The instructor thought it over for a moment, “It would depend on the environment you’re in. For example, if you’re in a place where there’s lots of snow around, it’s best to go in white, or the forests, you may want to adopt a dark green. But if you want to remain unspotted by the prey, then it’s best to turn into the color of the landscape you’re in.”
“What landscape is there where it’s all pink?” All the nearby Changelings gave him a look. “What? It’s my favorite color.”
“Now this is impressive.” Pharynx commented his teenage brother, returning to the hive, he could sense the huge amount of love that Thorax was carrying, “So did you get all of that from the Mares?”
He shook his head. “No, turns out I just have to hang out with a couple of guys, I listened to what they have to say and getting their love was pretty easy.”
“…. Let’s just say that I have a hunch.” Pharynx explained to Spike.
“Huh… Well, I guess looking back now, it kinda makes sense in a way. Of all the years I’ve known him, he’s a lot better socially with hanging around guys than girls.”
“Yeah, so I’ve noticed.” Pharynx deadpanned. “So, as I was saying, if there’s any good chance of my brother finding a mate and getting out of his depression, it would most likely come from males.”
“Okay, but why not turn to the Hive?”
“Do you think that there wouldn’t be a single Changeling who would be intimidated by dating my brother? Forget that he’s nice, he’s still the King of the Hive. That alone would be quite an obstacle for most Changelings, let alone males. And even if there were, I doubt the relationship would happen naturally.”
“I… see your point.”
“Now do you happen to know anyone at all that would date my brother?”
Spike the Ambassador hummed in thought, his claw rubbing his chin. “I admit that this is gonna be tricky… but then again, I may know a few that could work.”
“So… Why is going to the Crystal Empire so important with establishing the Hive’s economy?” Thorax questioned.
On the Friendship Express, the Changeling King and his brother embarked on a journey northward. Before Pharynx made the return journey, he was given a list by Spike of a few candidates that, in theory, Thorax could develop a connection with. Although they were heading up towards the location to where date number one was, Pharynx did have to come up with some excuse to get his brother there to begin with.
“From what I’ve heard,” Pharynx told him, “that the Crystal Empire, although small, is quite wealthy and productive. In fact, Sunburst has been putting together a book in his research as to why their economy is booming. So maybe by asking him how the Empire is doing so well, perhaps it would give some ideas as to what to do with the Hive.”
“Ah.” Thorax nodded. “Good thinking!”
Technically, Pharynx wasn’t lying. He wrote a letter ahead of time to Sunburst about their current situation about economics. At the same time, however, in that letter, he did explain that his brother was single and looking for love. That if he wrote a reply consenting to the date while taking care of the boring economy stuff out of the way, he will have Thorax be sent straight to the Empire. Sunburst agreed.
The train rolled up to the station where they're on the platform was Bachelor number one, waiting with a nervous smile, and in his hooves was a shiny red box of chocolates and in the other was a bouquet of roses. Stepping out, the brother was greeted by the borderline panicky but excited Sunburst who let out his welcome with the grace of an explosion.
“Hello!”
Thorax, although taken aback, blinked. “Uh… hi?”
“You remember me?” Sunburst asked, “I think I’ve run into you a couple of times when you were in the Empire.”
“I… Oh wait! I remember you. You’re that wizard guy that took care of Flurry most of the time. Speaking of which, how’s she doing?”
“She’s fine. Right now, she’s with her parents.”
“Oh alright. I guess it’s good for the foal to be with her mom and dad.”
“I pray for their souls. Oh! Here!” He offered up the flowers and chocolate. “I hope this isn’t improper, but I got these for you.”
“Ooh! Really?” Thorax instantly took them.
“Yeah,” Sunburst rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn’t sure if you would like-”
Munch!
Turning over to his brother, Pharynx witnessed his brother taking a bite out of the roses. Chewing on the red petals for a moment before swallowing. His brother looked at the partly eaten flowers, disappointed, “They’re kinda bland. Do you happen to have some honeysuckle or maybe lilacs? Roses are okay but pairing them up with something do help the flavor really pop.”
Sunburst's jaw hung agape. “Uh…”
“It’s okay, they’re still acceptable,” Thorax told him. “Unless…” Using his magic to open the chocolate box and pulling out a piece of chocolate, he placed it delicately on one of the flowers before taking a bite out of it. He nodded. “Hey…” He swallowed. “That’s something. You wanna try?”
“No thank you,” Sunburst replied, “I don’t think I’m that hungry.”
“Suit yourself,” he said before taking another bite. “Still, thank you for the snack. Now, shall we get down to business?”
Pharynx facedhoof.
Hours later after leaving his brother to the mercy of Sunburst, Pharynx waited to hear about the result of the surprise date. After all, it was as simple as it could get – a dinner and a movie. Sure, it was cliché, but to be fair, it was rather last minute on Sunburst’s end, so at least he hoped that maybe it would be enough for Thorax.
Pacing for the last two hours, he waited in the guest room of the Crystal Palace, worried about a countless thing that may have happened. Perhaps they got lost. Perhaps they were mugged. Or Sunburst is secretly Chrysalis who is pretending to be Sunburst to overthrow him and retake the hive!
He stopped. No, that last scenario was just ridiculous.
Finally, his ears perked up at the sounds of hooves in a quick trot towards the guestroom door. Without warning, it was forced open with a disgruntled Sunburst. He was singed yet dripping wet; glasses missing a lens and the frame was bent; his beard was in tatters and on his face was a frown.
“Never… again…” He told Pharynx through his teeth.
“What happened to you?”
Marching forward but still kept on the same expression, he said, “That was, without question, the absolute worst date in the history of ponykind! I’m sure your brother is a nice Changeling but by Shining Armor’s immaculate ass he was so oblivious!”
Pharynx blinked. “So… I take it that it didn’t go that well?”
Sunburst’s eyes narrowed to a deadly glare. “Now you’re just being too polite. Taking him out to dinner was a stupid idea to try to impress him at a hibachi bar.”
“A what?”
“You know, Neighponiese way of dining, where they have a chief cook in front of you on at this enormous grill, using fire and-” He was cut off with Pharynx’s magic being forced to face him.
“Did I hear you correctly?” He growled. “You let my brother near an open flame?”
“I didn’t mean to. When that chief stacked up the onions and made that cone of fire, he was attracted to it. Of course, I tried to stop him, and from there… well… let’s just say that it wasn’t long before the rest of the restaurant caught on fire.” He then waved a hoof over himself, “And you can guess what happened to me.”
“Is he safe?”
“Oh, he is. But even after all of that, did you know what he told me? ‘So I take it that you want to go home from our hang out?’ He wasn’t aware that we’ve been on a date! Not after the volume of chat-up lines I had to memorize in preparation for said date, that none of them had gotten through his thick skull of his.”
Pharynx raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“Like, take the last one I said before the place went up in flames. After all the good ones, even resorting to quoting Shakespur, he still didn’t get it. But the last one, I had to resort to try the blunt approach and say something along the lines of: ‘Has anyone ever told you that you’re the sexiest stud out there?’ He flat out told me, ‘Well I have orange antlers on my head, chitin of lime green and sparkly wings, I doubt that an eyesore like me would see as sexy.’ Sweet-tap-dancing-Celestia, even when he’s being complimented, he still doesn’t see it!”
“Huh… So I take it that given the chance if you have to date him again-”
“Not if he’s the last stallion in the world,” Sunburst said bitterly. “Now if you excuse me, I’m going to a hospital, as I’m sure that I probably have a few broken bones somewhere.” With that, he turned around, limping and slammed the door on the way out.
With a sigh, Pharynx took out the list and crossed out a name. “Well, that’s one down and five to go…”
Thorax stood before a very large mirror. Reflected back to him was a suit in the making – literally. Next to him, a gray stallion with a powdered white mane was making adjustments of royal attire. The kind for special occasions such as hosting dances or anything else important. Not that the Changeling King minded, if anything, his brother made a convincing argument and pointed him towards one of the top fashion critics/clothing designers in Canterlot – Hoity Toity.
“So how much longer do I have to stand like this?” Thorax asked.
Hoity carefully added a pin, taking great care not to prick the king. “I’m almost through. All I have to do is mark a few places that seem a little loose on you, take it back to the sewing room and I’m done.” He looked up from at him. “I hope you like it.”
“Yeah, I really do.” Thorax nodded. Looking at the mirror, he did admire the modest but regal look of the suit. Pristine white with the cuffs, collar, and hem outlined in gold that had an ivy pattern. Even the buttons and buttonholes were carefully stitched in golden thread. “To be honest, while I don’t know much about fashion, I must say that I look like I’m going to get married in this.”
“I can easily imagine that.” Hoity said, pinning the last loose area of the suit. “That should be the last of it. Now I shall take your suit and make the correct adjustments. No no, allow me to remove your suit. It is still very delicate at this point.” Slowly, Hoity carefully unbuttons and pulls off the suit. Not only to carefully pull the clothing off without scratching or pricking the King but also to get a… closer look at him physically. Taking sly glances when the King wasn’t looking while removing the overcoat, Hoity found what he was looking for, and he was pleased.
“So how long would you need?” Thorax asked.
“What?” Hoity snapped his attention at his face.
“The coat, how long do you think you need to make those adjustments?”
“Probably about five or so minutes.” He replied, going over to the door of his shop, flipping the open sign to close and pulling down the blinders. “However, Your Majesty, we still have so much time.”
“You mean you’re not busy?” Thorax tilted his head. “I thought you were going to adjust that-”
“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Hoity said, getting up close to the King, letting a hoof run down his withers. “After all, I can only imagine that for you, it’s been quite a long day. Hasn’t it?”
“Not really.” Thorax shrugged. “All I did was wake up, had breakfast with Pharynx, then he suggested I should come here and now you’re just making my clothes. Besides that, I don’t have anything that major to do.”
Hoity purred. “Good. Since we have so much time, how about I polish that horn of yours for a couple of hours?”
Thorax blinked, he looked up at his forehead. “What do you mean?”
“Punch a few holes in me.”
He tilted his head. “But wouldn’t that hurt.”
“Put on a private fashion show for you.”
“…. Still don’t get what you’re saying.”
Hoity frowned. “Plow my perfect, sexy plot?”
“As in gardening? Well, I’m afraid I don’t know much about tha-”
Hoity facedhoof. “Good Goddess, how thick-headed can you get? C’mon, you know. Lick the lollypop?” Thorax blinked, confused. “Do the sideways tango? Make the beasts with two backs? The sixty-nine? Deflower the secret garden…? Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you?”
“Not… really?”
“Ugh! For the love of Princess- I want to have sex with you!”
Thorax stood there for a moment. “Ooh… Still don’t get it.”
Hoity’s jaw dropped. “I… I don’t know what else to tell you. That sentence could not be interpreted in any other way. I want to have weird, wobbly, gay pony sex with you.”
“Ooh…” A sudden realization came in Thorax’s eyes. “I think I understand what you’re saying.”
“Good!” Hoity smiled wide.
“You want to find someone to fall in love with too.” The smile instantly disappeared. Beyond that the longer the Changeling King spoke. “It’s alright, I’m having the same problem too, you know. With friends getting married or on a date left and right, it’s kinda hard. I’m struggling to find anyone that I could spend the rest of my life with. But then again, maybe it’s all a matter of patience and being on the look-out for anyone sig-”
“You know what?” Hoity suddenly said, getting around to push the King towards the door. “How about you come back tomorrow morning, I’ll have your coat be done by then.”
“But I thought you said you can finish it in five minu-AH!” Suddenly, Thorax was thrown out the door. Getting up in time to see it slam shut and locked. “Was it something I said?”
“So, do you think it might actually work this time?”
Spike peered through the bushes with his pair of binoculars. “Frankly, I would be shocked if it didn’t.” Across from him and Pharynx, sitting outside of a café near dusk was Thorax sitting across from the Wonderbolt – Thunderlane. They had been at the table a good hour after they had finished up their meal, still talking and laughing. By the looks of things, this was going very well. “From what I know, Thunderlane, in theory, should be a rather good match.”
“And you know this would better compare to the others… how?” Pharynx questioned.
“For one, they have a good deal of similarities. Thunderlane has a brother – and therefor, devoted to his family. He has to work pretty hard to get to where he’s at, is a secret anime nerd, loves to eat fine food and to cook it, has mommy issues, is a genuinely nice guy. And, as a bonus, his coltfriend had broken up with him a couple of years ago and he too is looking for love.”
“Do you think those things alone would make their date work?”
“I… Hold on…” Spike lifted up his binoculars. “They’re getting up! We should head out, now!”
Ducking back in the bushes, Thorax and Thunderlane looked over in time to see the bushes rustling.
“Is it normal for you to be spied on all the time?” Thunderlane inquires.
“Chances are, it’s my brother,” Thorax replied. “He’s probably looking after me now.”
“Should we tell him that we know that he and Spike are there?”
The Changeling King shook his head. “I wouldn’t worry about that; they’re probably making sure that I’m safe is all.”
“Ohh…” Thunderlane said, rubbing his hoof.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just… would you at least mind that you walk me home?
“Why? Is Ponyville dangerous at night?”
“Not like it used to be.” Thunderlane muttered.
“What was that?”
“I mean, yeah I could easily fly home but… I still want to spend further time with ya is all. That is if it’s okay.”
After giving a moment’s thought, Thorax shrugged and agreed to go with him. Of course, as they walked through the streets, they did catch glimpses of Spike and Pharynx trying to follow them in the shadows. Of course, “trying” is rather a generous word as it was made clear that Spike was not the sneaking kind given his size. The two stallions shrugged it off and continued on their way.
“That reminds me,” Thunderlane pointed a hoof at Spike, his back against a lamppost, “have you ever seen World’s Worst Ninja?”
“I’m afraid I’m not too familiar with it. What is it?”
“It’s about a funny anime of a determined guy who’s learning to be a ninja but no matter what he does, the training keeps blowing up in his face, much to his mentor’s annoyance.”
“Then how come the mentor doesn’t turn him away?”
“Because he’s too polite and isn’t the kind to turn away students if they asked him.”
“Hm, that seems fair. Like what sort of stuff does the ninja in training fail at?”
“Sneaking,” Thunderlane nodded over to Spike whose hiding behind a poster, “for example.”
As the two of them continued off, Spike slowly lowered down the poster, annoyed. He turned to Pharynx who was a brink in a wall. “I’m not that bad at sneaking, am I?”
Two eyes and a mouth popped out from the disguised brink. “Let me put it to you like this – you’re as noticeable as an amputee.”
“Gee, thanks.” Spike deadpanned as he dropped the poster and continued to follow the pair.
After Thorax listened to Thunderlane ramble on about twenty other Neighponiese animated shows, they had finally reached the Wonderblot’s home.
Thunderlane turned to the Changeling King, pawing a hoof and blushing. “Say… I wanna say thanks for doing this for me.”
“What? Dinner? It was Spike’s ide-”
“No, not just that.” Thunderlane interrupted him. “I mean, just… doing this. It’s been a long time since anypony… This might sound weird, but even as a Wonderbolt in my own right, I don’t have anypony else outside of my little bro and my teammates.”
“Are you saying that you’re lonely?”
He nodded. “To a degree, yeah. It’s just… It’s so nice to finally have somepon- oh, sorry, somecreature to have a conversation with. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I sat down with somebody and just… talked. Over food, family, anime, wanting to find someone special, more anime.”
“Hey,” Thorax placed a hoof on his shoulder, “trust me, I get it. It’s hard being alone at times. Having a connection, it helps a lot. You know? Besides, I’m glad Spike recommended spending some time with you. You’ve been great.” He yawned. “I think it’s about time we go to bed.”
Before Thorax could register what was happening, Thunderlane’s face lit up like a gaudy Hearth’s Warming tree. “Really!” He sqeed. “Oh Goddesses, yes! Finally! Oh, it’s been so long since I’ve done it!” Thunderlane immediately burst through his front door with the enthusiasm of Pinkie Pie on her birthday. “You won’t regret it Thorax! This is gonna be the best night of your life!” And disappeared out of sight.
Thorax awkwardly stood there, looking between the street and the open front door. After standing a good few minutes trying to figure out what to do, he slowly and quietly closed the door. “Guess he must be really tired.” He reasoned to himself, as he walked away, yawning.
From behind a tree, Pharynx glared at Spike for a solid minute before hitting his head against the tree he was hiding from.
About a good hour or so later, Thunderlane’s brother, Rumble, walked through the front door. “Hey Lane?” He called out. “Sorry I’m late, but we lost track of time and…” He paused, his ears perking up. “Thunderlane?” He noticed right away that the house was very, unusually quiet. However, he did pick up on the smell of roses and lavender, to which he followed the smell upstairs to the ajar door of his brother’s.
Already, he could guess that it must be scented candles, but his curiosity got the better of him as he pushed open the door… and immediately wished he hadn’t.
There was his older brother. Sitting in a sex-swing made up of straps and chains, dangling from the ceiling. The first thing that Rumble unfortunately noticed was the clothing he had on. A Prench-maid’s outfit, complete with striped black-and-white panties covering his… male parts. On his face was a bright red ballgag, a blindfold, and a pair of earplugs in his ears.
“What the actual…” Rumble cautiously approached his brother and first pulled out one of the earplugs and removed the gag.
“Finally!” Thunderlane said relieved, “I was beginning to worry that you wouldn’t come. Being strapped here and dangling alone for a really long time. So come on, Thorax.” He wiggled his rump. “I’m all lubed up and ready for you. I’m completely helpless. At your mercy. So, come on and buck me senseless and pump me up with some of that Changeling love.”
So, completely disturbed beyond comprehension, Rumble placed the gag and the earplug back to its proper place; quietly exited the room and closed the door behind him. Of course, he was going to untie him, but as of right now… he felt that a shower was needed.
In truth, Pharynx was mentally kicking himself. Not because of the next stallion that’s courting his brother. If anything, out of all the single gay stallions out there, he wouldn’t picked Braeburn to be his brother’s coltfriend. However, what made him want to smash his head in was where Braeburn was taking Thorax to. It should have been one of the first things he should’ve tried.
Stopping in Appaloosa and carefully letting Braeburn pick him up to show him around town, Pharynx had followed the two of them throughout the whole day. Then, as the sun was going down, Braeburn had insisted on showing Thorax one last place to complete their tour. It was a good out-of-the-way-place, that was a good hiking distance from the small settler’s town. It was on the side of a cliff – or to be more précised, built right into it. Before even reaching it, there was a good deal of noise going on inside, along with the stench of musk could be detected before one could approach the door.
“And what’s this place?” Thorax asked.
“Partner,” Braeburn told him with a cheeky smile. “We're about ta enter Appaloosa’s most well-kept secret. This here,” he put a hoof around Thorax’s neck and waved with the other, “is we call Mt. Brokeback! Consider it as an inside joke among us fellas.”
“We?”
“Oh, ya know, like-minded individuals that wanna kick back and relax. A small place ta be ourselves with a couple of drinks and some… games.”
“Oh! You mean a bar.”
“Well… that too. But don’t worry, the inside of the place is cleaner than it looks from the outside. Why the owner here, he’d refuse ta let anyone in until it’s all scrubbed from top ta bottom.” He giggled, “Okay, that too, but ya know what Ah mean.”
Thorax nodded. “I think so?”
“Well, why don’t we go right in?” He gently pushed Thorax towards the door.
“But I don’t have any bits on me.”
“Now ya don’t worry about that. Ah’m gonna make extra sure that ya have a good time here.”
With that, the two stallions entered through the door.
At a short distance away in the shadow of the tree line, Spike and Pharynx hid in the branches and waited. Even when the sun has gone down, the two of them stayed, patiently sat there to see a sign from the Changeling King. They noticed that while there was a good deal of noise going on from inside, there wasn’t a single pony that went in or out of the establishment.
“I don’t like this.” Pharynx finally spoke up.
“It’s only been about… fifteen minutes, I think? For all we know, maybe he’s at the bar drinking or something.”
“That’s exactly what I don’t like about this. We don’t know what’s going on in there. For all we know, someone could have poisoned his drink; or drugged him until he’s unconscious; or he might be raped at this very moment; or-”
“Or maybe you worry too much?” Spike pointed out. “After all, I did look at the statistics and the chances of that happening to anyone are pretty l-” Pharynx suddenly left the hiding spot, a quick look around and he spotted him flying towards the bar. “So much for watching over your bro at a distance.”
Pharynx pushed his fragile wings to their limits as he tried to propel himself as fast as he could towards the mountainside. Fueled by the thought that his brother could be in danger, he zipped through the air like an arrow towards its target. So concerned was he that he didn’t bother to slow down when he got to the door.
Crashing antlers first through the door, he tumbled, knocked, kicked and piled across a room where other stallions slowed down his collision. It took a moment for his dizziness to subside among the bright rainbow of lights and loud music. When his vision came into focus, Pharynx saw the crowd of annoyed, confused stallions around him. The large room could only be described as a neon, techno-colored wonderland of mirrors, glitter, bottles, random stuff bolted to the walls, and a bar. Sitting at the bar was Braeburn and Thorax, both looking over to him.
“Pharynx?” Thorax asked.
But shaking his head and getting up with a start, he went over to his brother. “Thorax! Are you hurt? Feeling sick? Dizzy? Has anyone touched you in any way?”
The Changeling King blinked. “Uh… no?”
“You okay there, partner?” Braeburn asked, “That was some entrance ta come in on yer head like that.”
“I’m fine.” He turned to his brother. “What have you been doing this whole time? Are you alright?”
Thorax smiled. “This place is great! Everyone here is offering me free drinks. There’re pretty lights everywhere. Plus, these guys are super nice! A couple have asked to give me a message. And a few of them have proposed to show me a good time in the back…” He put a hoof to his chin. “I still don’t know what that means, though. Braeburn said that they play games here.”
‘What’s with these stallions and them wanting to have sex with my brother?’ Pharynx wondered.
“Say,” Braeburn offered an open seat next to him, “ya wanna have a drink too?”
“Uh… Not really, I was just checking up on my bro is all.”
“What did I tell you?” Thorax said, wrapping his brother in a hug, “Always looking out for me. Now uh…” He got up from the barstool. “So… which way is the little colt’s room?”
“Ya go down that hallway,” Braeburn said, “and ya go down straight down and then ya turn to the-”
“Thank you!” Thorax said, hurrying out of the room.
“Oh…” Braeburn paled. “Ah hope he goes ta the left.”
Pharynx raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Well uh…” the cowpony laughed uneasily, “Ya see, the way this place is structured, certain rooms are in certain places. If yer not careful, and not knowing yer way around, ya might walk inta something that ya didn’t intend ta go.”
“In what way?” Pharynx growled, his face up against Braeburn’s.
“Well, that hallway,” he pointed, “if ya go all the way down, it splits. The left leads ta the restrooms fer toilets and such. But if he goes down ta the right, well, he would find himself in the-”
A sudden scream was heard, and before anyone could react, Thorax was galloping at full speed. Yelling his head off about snakes coming out from the walls before rushing out. For Braeburn, he shook his head.
“Too late,” he told Pharynx, “looks like he found the glory hole.”
“…. I tell you,” Thorax said as he, his brother and Spike were flying back to the Hive, “I opened a door, it was dark, and I kept bumping into these tube things that moved. So of course, I was so startled that I ran out. I seriously think that place as a serious snake problem.”
“Yeah…” Pharynx rubbed the back of his neck, blushing, “I’m sure that’s what happened.”
“So,” Spike cleared his throat, trying to change the subject, “you uh… excited to go home, Thorax?”
He nodded. “It’s been a crazy few days. I set a restaurant on fire by accident, upset a tailor, had dinner with a tired out Wonderbolt, and drank at a bar that had a snake infestation. Overall, I’m ready to just go home and try to take it easy for a few days.”
Spike and Pharynx slowly distanced themselves away from Thorax until they were well out of earshot. “Hey, wasn’t there one more guy that was supposed to date my brother?”
“I… I’m not exactly sure,” Spike thought aloud. “Sunburst, Hoity, Thunderlane, Braeburn… I can’t help but feel that I’m forgetting someone. Someone that’s important but at the very bottom of the barrel in terms of who Thorax would like.”
“Do you know who?” He asked, “I remember sending a bunch of letters asking some stallions to date my brother, but yeah… I think I’m forgetting someone too. Who was it again?”
“Hey!” Thorax called out, “What are you doing way back there? Are you feeling tired already?”
They had to catch up with him.
Eventually, they had reached the land of the Changeling Kingdom. But before they could reach the hive, all three of them noticed something weird among the landscape. As they flew over, they saw Changelings were planting red rose bushes, white lilacs, and bundles of forget-me-nots. And when they got to the hive itself, it was covered in ribbons of white and green.
“Is something going on today?” Spike asked the brothers.
“That’s weird.” Thorax said, “There’s not supposed to be a holiday until June… What’s going on?”
“Maybe they’re celebrating your return?” Pharynx suggested.
“But we have been gone for much longer,” the King pointed out. “And neither of us received anything like this before.”
It was quickly agreed that they should try to check out whatever the Changelings were doing. When they landed near the base of the Hive, they approached a couple who were putting up flowery reefs. As soon as they spotted them, they greeted their King with “Congratulations King Thorax!”
He looked around. “For what? I didn’t do anything.”
“Well… maybe not yet.” One of them said. “Still, this must be a hugely special day, isn’t it?”
“Indeed,” said the other, “it isn’t every day that the King is getting married.”
It took a good minute or two to register to the three of them what they have heard. “WHAT!” They asked at once.
“I know!” The first one said, “You must be so excited as we are, King Thorax. It’s about time you found someone to settle down with.”
“What are you two talking about?” Thorax questioned. “Who said I was getting married?”
“Said a pony from far away.” The second one explained. “Came here saying that he’s your true love and we should prepare a wedding by the time you got back.”
“He?”
“It’s true.” The first nodded. “And since then, we have been working very hard to make sure everything is just right for that big moment. Of course, we’re nearly done and-”
“Stop!” Thorax held up a hoof. “Who exactly came here and told you that I’m getting married?”
“We’re not sure.” The second one replied. “But he must be someone very important. Go up and see if you don’t believe us.”
Frowning, the Changeling King said that he’s gonna do more than just go up and see. He, Pharynx and Spike climbed up to the top of the Hive to the Throne Room. There among the streams of spotless fabric and confusing collection of flowers was a screaming unicorn.
“No! No! The ceremonial archway is supposed to go three centimeters to the left! Ach! What are you doing! The Royal Punchbowl is supposed to be filled with the finest apple juice and bicarbonate water! Not soda! What do you think we are? Peasants? And where’s that damn Hippy to perform the ceremony! The King could be here any…” The unicorn turned to notice him. “Oh, King Thorax.”
“Prince Blueblood? What are you doing?”
Suddenly, the Prince came up to him, kneeling down and taking a hoof into his own. “Oh, I knew this day would come! I was beginning to worry that I would never be able to find true love that is worthy of my station. But now, I have finally come to the graces of a royal who is also attracted to stallions as well.”
“What!”
“Come, my love!” Blueblood quickly got up to be at his side. “We shall be wedded! And unite our two kingdoms together in the name of love!”
“Now hold on a min-”
“Commence with the ceremony!”
A stampede of Changelings rushed into their places, quickly sitting in rows. The Changeling mare for the Feelings Form took her place underneath the ceremonial arch. And when a small group of Changelings started to sing the Wedding March, acapella, the Prince held the King’s foreleg and awkwardly marched down towards the arch.
Stopping there, the hippy Changeling in a hippy purple robe cleared her throat. “Dearly beloved,” she began, “we have gathered here today in the presence of the Hive, Nature, and whatever forces that drove this bossy asshole to this sacred ceremony. Now, before we can begin, are there any objections why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your-”
“I object!”
There is a suddenly shocked gasp among the Changelings. Not that this came from an outside force, but it came from Thorax who, with a frown on his face, raised his hoof.
“I have several of objections. First of all, I was not informed until now that there was a wedding going on in which I never consented to in the first place.” He pointed at Blueblood. “Second, apart from seeing you from past gatherings and hearing how big of a jerk you are, I don’t even know you! And even if I did, I would never marry you! I saw how you treated my Changelings, and frankly, I’m appalled.”
“THANK YOU!” Said the Hive as a whole.
“And third, who invited him anyway?”
Blueblood immediately pointed at Pharynx and Spike.
Spike snapped his claw. “I knew I was forgetting someone.”
“You two did this?” Thorax questioned. “W-Why would you tell Blueblood that I wanted to marry him?”
“Hey, we were trying to help.” Pharynx said, “You said so yourself that you wanted a mate.”
“Yeah but-”
“So, I thought I asked Spike who might be best suited for.”
“So why-”
“But it’s really hard to figure out which male that’s best suited for you.”
“I’m not attracted to males.”
The whole hive went silent. “YOU’RE NOT!”
Thorax deadpanned. “No… I never said I was. Okay, look, I get it that I could be… effeminate at times, but I think I’m pretty sure that I’m into mares. So,” he waved a hoof around the room, “could we please clean all of this up and send him,” he pointed at Prince Blueblood, “out of the Hive before he starts an international incident? And you two!” He pointed at Spike and Pharynx. “My chambers, now.”
Several hours later…
Thorax let out a calming breath. “Look, I understand that both of you have the best of intentions. Pharynx, I do appreciate that you are concerned for my overall happiness. And Spike, I don’t hold you entirely accountable for being roped into this… misunderstanding. Now I get your reasoning for asking these stallions to volunteer to date me and perhaps give me a chance at finding someone to love. However, I do not appreciate the fact that you two have gone behind my back and force me into these situations without being fully aware as to what they were.”
Before him, his friend and brother’s heads hung low. He could sense the shame that were coming off from them.
“However… If there was one thing that I could appreciate, is that it does give me some insight about this sexuality that I didn’t fully understand until now. Looking back now, I never knew how complex and diverse this sort of thing was from the individuals themselves to the… activities laid out.” He cleared his throat. “Clearly, it seems that in this area, I have much to learn. Still, I am rather surprised that both of you thought I was attracted to males in the first place.”
“Hey, I’ve misjudged you, okay.” Pharynx said. “Growing up with you, I thought that you’re…”
Thorax, now taking off his stern expression to replace a compassionate one and placed a hoof on his shoulder. “I’m not mad, nor am I not ungrateful for opening my eyes about something that I didn’t fully know of before. And I can sense that you did was out of good intentions. However, for the love for all that is holy, don’t ever get between me and my love life.”
“But I don’t want you to be miserable forever.”
There was a subtle knock and a Changeling pushed his head through the beaded curtain. “Excuse me, King Thorax?”
“Yes?”
“I just received this.” He held up a partly burned scroll. “It’s from the Dragons.”
“Okay, let me see.” The scroll was given to him. And after unrolling it and reading it through, he said, “Well… Looks like that Lady Ember wants to see me.” He smiled at his brother and friend. “Maybe… there is hope for me after all.”
After he left, Spike turned to Pharynx and the Dragon asked, “I wonder what he’s suddenly happy.”
“Something tells me that Ember has chosen a suitor.”
“Well… good for him.” Spike nodded. “So… now what?”
There was a pause between them.
“You wanna go to that bar in Appaloosa?” Pharynx asked.
Spike shrugged. “I got nothing better to do.”
