The Great Whiskey Adventure

by Universal Librarian

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Gilda, Berry Punch, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3263

Gilda and Berry Punch work together to deliver a batch of Whiskey.

While on a short trip to Ponyville, Gilda gets dragged into helping Berry Punch escape from a devious organisation that desperately wants her newest concoction: Single Malt Whiskey.

Together the two embark on a wild escapade to keep the whiskey out of the clasping hooves of the League of Cerberus and deliver it to its intended recipients.

Originally written as my entry into Shrink Laureate's Season 10 Bingo Writing Contest with these prompts - Gilda, Berry Punch, Cerberus, Minotaur Land, Saddle Arabia. Sadly, events conspired to prevent me from finishing the fic on time, but I'll still be working on it whenever I get a chance!

Published 2020-03-01 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-04-27 06:47:24 UTC

Chapter 1 - Penderyn

There was a tremendous squealing from the brakes as the train slowed to a stop in Ponyville Station. A few moments later the doors opened and the usual rush of ponies either alighting or climbing aboard began. Out of the crush of ponies and other visitors, a lone, dark figure emerged.

The figure made his way out of the crowd and strode purposefully towards the exit. His mission was clear; find the target and acquire the assets. All measures and expenses were authorized, failure would not be tolerated.

Exiting Ponyville Station, the figure paused just long enough to get his bearings, then set off in search of his target.

Gilda sighed as she wandered through Ponyville. She had originally planned on visiting Rainbow Dash while the Wonderbolt and Teacher had some rare time off, but something had come up and the pegasus had been called away on urgent business, putting the rekindling of their friendship on hold for now.

Annoyed that she'd come all the way from Griffonstone for nothing, Gilda blew a lock of hair out of her eyes and looked around to see if she could find something to do, anything that would make this less of a wasted trip. She paused as she spotted Sugarcube Corner. Visiting Pinkie could be worth a shot, if only to try and get more ideas on how to improve her baking.

"Look out! Coming through!" Gilda looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of a pink pony with a purple mane before it crashed into her and the two tumbled to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

Shaking her head to clear it, Gilda extricated her legs and shoved the offending pony off her. "Hey! Watch where you're going!"

To her surprise, the pony dove back at her and planted her hooves on Gilda's shoulders. "You've got to help me!" Gilda blinked in surprise and opened her beak to say something, but the mare just pointed back the way she'd been running from. "Please, they're after my treasure!"

"Treasure?" Distracted by the thought of bits, it took Gilda a second to spot who the mare was referring to, and a second more to really wish she hadn't. A red unicorn stallion wearing a coal-black cloak and mask was striding purposefully down the street towards them. A coat of arms featuring a barrel with the heads of three snarling dogs rising from behind was emblazoned prominently on the cloak. "Whoa! Who's that!"

"The League of Cerberus!" the mare hissed. "They're after me!"

"Berry Punch," the stallion called out in a deep, menacing voice, "you cannot escape us this time. Cease this selfish resistance and submit to the authority of the League."

Berry Punch squealed and grabbed Gilda's chest feathers. "Help me!" she pleaded.

Gilda looked from Berry to the scary stallion and back. "Aw, nuts." She grabbed the mare and launched herself into the air with a powerful flap of her wings. "Hold on tight!" Berry Punch just yelped and wrapped her forehooves around Gilda's barrel in response.

Looking back over her shoulder, Gilda yelped and banked aside just in time to avoid a crackling red bolt of magic. "Whoa! What the heck?!" The unicorn's horn flared as he charged another shot. Gilda banked sharply and flew down the closest alleyway before he could fire, zipping between buildings as fast as she could without crashing in a bid to escape the lunatic chasing them.

When she finally shot out into a clearing on the other side of Ponyville she risked a glance over her shoulder. The stallion was nowhere to be seen. Satisfied that they had lost him, at least for the moment, Gilda dumped Berry unceremoniously on the floor, eliciting a startled yelp. "Alright, what the heck is going on?" Gilda asked roughly.

Berry rubbed her head and looked up at her. "It's probably best not to talk about it out in the open. Would you mind escorting me to Sugarcube Corner? I'll explain everything there."

Gilda considered telling the random pony where to get off, but she couldn't help feeling intensely curious about what exactly was going on. That, and the mention of treasures had admittedly caught her attention.

A five minute walk later, keeping their eyes peeled for the angry unicorn, the two found themselves seated at a booth in Sugarcube Corner, each nursing a milkshake.

"What do we do if that unicorn comes in here?" Gilda asked.

Berry shook her head. "He won't. The League of Cerberus doesn't dare interrupt this place's business."

Gilda frowned in confusion. "The what of what?"

"The League of Cerberus." Berry sighed and took a sip of her milkshake. "They're an organisation formed by the nobility whose sole purpose is the acquisition and protection of rare, unique, or otherwise unusual foods and beverages." In response to the griffon's blank look, she rolled her eyes and tried a simpler explanation. "They're a bunch of posh morons who collect rare food and drinks."

"Ooohh, right, I get it." Gilda raised an eyebrow curiously. "So, what? Did you steal some sort of legendary bread or something?"

Berry snorted. "Far from it. I'm a brewer, one of the few permitted to operate in Equestria. I started off by making wines, that's how I got my cutie mark, but I also dabble in other kinds of alcohol. My newest creation is this," she reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a large bottle full of amber liquid.

Gilda eyed it in amazement. "Is that…"

"Single malt whiskey," Berry confirmed. "It took me forever to learn how to make it, and then even longer to distil it properly." She sighed and stuffed the bottle back in her saddlebags. "I've got two bottles, and the League of Cerberus wants both."

"Whoa… wait, so the League are trying to steal them? " Gilda asked in surprise, wondering why the mare hadn't just gone to the local heroes for help.

"No, they're not trying to steal anything," Berry assured her. "Well, not exactly, anyway. They're offering a very reasonable amount of bits for the bottles, the problem is they just won't accept no for an answer. They'll buy my whiskey if they have to rip it out of my hooves and stuff the money in my bags by force."

Gilda gave her a confused look. "So… they're trying to force you to sell the whiskey? If they're offering so much, why not just sell some to them?"

Berry smiled ruefully. "I do every now and then, when I come up with something new, but I've already promised the first two bottles of this batch to somecreature else. I don't mind selling the next batch to the League, but they're adamant that they want the very first bottles of the very first batch."

"Which you've already promised to somepony else," Gilda confirmed.

"Yeah. I've got to get the first one to an acquaintance in Canterlot, and the second one is going to a colleague from Saddle Arabia. The problem I have is how to get to them without getting caught by the League." Berry sighed and dropped her head to the table with a thud.

A somber silence fell over the booth. Gilda rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, thinking hard about what to do. Not long ago, she would have cheerfully left Berry alone without a second thought, unless plenty of bits were offered. Recently, however, she had found herself motivated more and more by the most annoying thing she had ever felt; a conscience.

Finally, Gilda sighed heavily. "Okay, I'll help you deliver your whiskey."

Berry's head snapped up at that. "Really?!"

A small voice in the back of Gilda's head screamed at her to refuse, but she ignored it and forced herself to nod. "Sure, but I want a taste of that whiskey when you've got another batch ready!"

Berry grinned and nodded happily. "Deal!"

Chapter 2 - Glenfiddich

Gilda cautiously peeked out of the window. She scowled when she spotted the offending unicorn from the League lurking by the corner of a building just down the street. He was glaring directly at Sugarcube Corner, but he wasn't trying to come any closer. "Uh, quick question. How are we supposed to get out of here without getting spotted by that douche-nozzle?"

"That's a good question," Berry called as she joined Gilda at the window. "Normally I'd say we could take the back exit, but the League is bound to have somepony else watching the rear of the building, too."

"Wait, you mean there's more than one of them here?!" Gilda glared accusingly at the mare. "One crazy unicorn is bad enough, why didn't you tell me there might be more?"

"Because I didn't know you were going to help me?" Berry countered. "Besides, I have a way we can get past the pony out front, after that all we have to do is get to Ponyville Station without getting caught." She rubbed a hoof under her chin thoughtfully. "I guess the only problem is going to be actually getting on the train to Canterlot. We'll have to time this carefully."

Another sigh escaped Gilda's beak. "Let me guess, there's going to be more of them waiting at the station?"

"Probably," Berry admitted. "They might even try to follow us onto the train, but at least they won't try using force once we're aboard. They won't risk damaging the train or harming the passengers."

"That's lucky," Gilda muttered drily. Keenly aware that she had already agreed to help, she swallowed her complaints and turned away from the window. "Okay, so what's your plan for getting rid of the nutcase out in front?"

"Oh, that's easy." Berry smiled and looked back over her shoulder. "Hey, Pinkie?"

"Yep? Pinkie called from behind the counter.

Berry pointed through the window. "One of the ponies from the League of Cerberus is out there watching the door."

Pinkie froze in place. Her expression slowly morphed into a slightly-too-wide grin, with her eyes bulging out of their sockets in a way that was more than a little creepy. It wasn't a happy smile, it was a smile that somehow conveyed the thought that somepony was about to be in a whole world of pain, and Gilda couldn't suppress a shiver at the sight of it. She tried to look away as Pinkie stalked towards the door, but morbid fascination coupled with some deeply buried instinct forced her to watch.

When Pinkie reached the door she calmly opened it and poked her head out. The League unicorn's ears perked up when he saw the door open, but the moment he spotted Pinkie he yelped and darted away, tripping over his own hooves in his desperate rush to escape. With the unicorn gone, Pinkie turned back and gave a much more natural beaming grin to the two. "There we go, all done!"

"Thanks Pinkie!" Berry grinned and looked up at the clock on the wall, then turned back to Gilda. "Okay, the next train to Canterlot arrives in just under five minutes. Let's go!"

"Go? Hey, wait!" Gilda barely had time to react as Berry pulled the door open and darted outside. By the time Gilda managed to snap herself back to reality and follow the mare was already galloping around the corner of a nearby building, forcing the griffon to take to the air in order to catch up.

Flying as fast as she could without risking a crash, Gilda soon caught up with Berry. The mare was surprisingly fast on her hooves. Still, if the train was arriving so soon, they were going to be cutting it close. "If the train's leaving so early, do you think you can make it in time?"

"Yeah," Berry said curtly. "As long as we can avoid any of the-"

She was cut off as a crimson bolt of magic zapped out from an alleyway, missing her by inches. The two glanced back to see the League unicorn appear out of the alleyway and charge after them.

"That's not goo- whoa!" Gilda twisted in midair to avoid another bolt.

"This way!" Berry turned at breakneck speed and galloped down another alleyway, taking a zigzagging route between buildings that Gilda could barely keep up with. Unfortunately, the unicorn managed to stay on their tail, though the mad pace at least ruined his aim as he fired spells at them wildly.

Still, getting shot at wasn't something Gilda was willing to take lying down. As they rounded another corner, she deliberately knocked over a barrel resting against one of the walls. The unicorn managed to jump over it easily enough, but he stumbled as he landed, tripped over his own hooves, and ended up faceplanting a few steps after. "Ha! That's what you get!"

"Nice one!" Berry called appreciatively as she turned another corner. "Come on, the train's going to be leaving any second!"

"Seriously?! We'll never make it at this rate!" Gilda cursed under her breath, then made a snap decision. "Hold on, and try not to squirm!"

"What do you-whoa!" Berry cried out in shock as Gilda snatched her up and carried her into the air.

"Hold on tight!" With a powerful flap of her wings Gilda launched herself over the top of the buildings and banked around, making a beeline for the train station as Berry cursed and yelped below.

Gilda felt a wave of relief as she spotted the train still in the station, but then she noticed two pegasi closing in on her from either side, both wearing the same robes as the unicorn she'd left behind. "Nuts, they've got pegasi too?!"

"Fly faster!" Berry yelled. "Go straight for the train!"

"What about tickets?" Gilda asked.

"It's fine, they know me!" Berry retorted.

"Fair enough." Gilda nodded. "In that case, let's see you catch this!"

Gripping Berry tightly, Gilda pushed herself to her absolute limit and grinned as she shot past the pegasi, leaving them in the dust. She may not have been able to beat Rainbow Dash anymore, but she was still fast enough that the Wonderbolt had to at least put some effort into it, a feat that few either within or beyond Equestria could manage. A pair of food-hoarding League pegasi didn't stand a chance.

"Ha! Eat that!" Gilda kept up her pace as she angled herself directly towards the train. As she soared over the ticket booth she slowed down and lowered her altitude, dropping Berry on her hooves right outside one of the train's doors.

"Put two tickets on my tab!" Berry yelled to the attendant as she and Gilda dove onto the train. To Gilda's surprise, the attendant simply nodded and slammed the door shut behind them, sealing them safely on the train.

Chapter 3 - Glenmorangie

Gilda sagged against the door as she tried to get her breathing under control after the mad rush. Glancing out of the window, she saw the two League pegasi land on the platform and glare furiously at her on the train. "Uh, you're sure that those guys won't force their way onto the train, right?"

Berry glanced out the window and smirked. "They won't. The League of Cerberus avoids disrupting public services in case it harms their reputation."

"But they're okay with attacking creatures in broad daylight?" Gilda asked flatly.

"Yeah, they're not the sharpest." Berry jerked her head towards the seats. "Come on, let's find somewhere to sit."

The two moved down the carriage and found a spare bench with a table just as the train started to move. They each slipped onto either side of it and sighed heavily, finally getting a chance to relax.

"Okay, that's the first part of the journey done," Berry sighed and plonked her saddlebags onto the bench next to her before settling herself more comfortably. "All we've got to do now is wait until we reach Canterlot."

"What then?" Gilda asked.

Berry sighed and folded her forelegs on top of the table so she could rest her head. "Then we find my contact for the Minotaur Lands."

The two fell silent for a while, listening to the rattle of the train as it chugged along. Gilda took the opportunity to wonder how exactly she had allowed herself to get dragged into this mess. Then again, there was the possibility of a good drink at the end of it, so things weren't really looking too bad.

As the scenery outside flew by, Gilda asked Berry about her business. Berry gleefully indulged her, going into great detail about her work creating wines as well as her many experiments with brewing and distilling other alcoholic beverages. Lost in their discussion, the two didn't notice another mare walking up to them until she paused and cleared her throat.

Gilda glanced at her in annoyance, then did a double-take as she recognized the League of Cerberus' cloak and hood.

"It's okay, she's not going to attack!" Berry said quickly. She turned to the mare and grinned. "Here to try and buy my secrets again, Pristine?"

The mare, Pristine, pushed back her hood to reveal that she was a unicorn, with snow-white fur and a neatly curled pink mane. "Miss Twist. Miss… I'm sorry, I don't know your name?"

"Gilda," came the clipped reply.

Pristine nodded. "Miss Gilda. Yes, Miss Twist, I am here to once again attempt a negotiation."

"Shouldn't you try that before sending in your goons?" Gilda asked pointedly.

"Believe me, I would rather deal entirely in negotiations," Pristine replied. "Unfortunately, my fellow members of the League, those 'goons' as you put it, are a little more, shall we say, forceful than I am. If you don't mind me being a little less than polite then I'd go so far as to say that they're all stupid, vulgar, hard-headed idiots without a drop of true class between them."

"You're right about that," Berry snorted. "Anyway, to business. I believe you're about to make an offer on behalf of the League?"

Pristine nodded. "Naturally. For the purchase of the first bottle of your new beverage, the League of Cerberus has granted me the authority to offer the sum of no more than two hundred and fifty thousand bits."

Gilda's eyes popped out of their head and her jaw dropped open at the ridiculous sum of cash. Her surprise only increased as Berry shook her head and said, "No deal."

"As expected," Pristine nodded. "Well, I shall be off now. Shall we meet at the usual spot?"

"Sounds good to me!" Berry waved cheerfully as Pristine got up and left the carriage.

Gilda whipped her head from Berry to the door Pristine had departed through and back again. "Are you insane?!"

"What?" Berry asked blankly.

"Two hundred and fifty thousand bits!?" Gilda screeched.

Berry rolled her eyes. "Oh please, they offered me twice that for my first bottle of vin du rose." She frowned and patted her chin thoughtfully. "I actually accepted that time. The first batch wasn't anywhere near as good as I'd hoped it would be, but the League didn't care. They just wanted the prestige of having the very first bottle."

A heady mixture of awe, incredulity, and intense envy stalled Gilda's brain. She had expected the nobles to be offering a pittance for Berry to be able to reject it so easily, not mind-bendingly vast sums of cash.

Berry just smiled at Gilda's brain-fried expression. "I'd get some rest while you can, we'll be pulling into Canterlot Station soon."

Chapter 4 - Aberfeldy

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Chapter 5 - Bruichladdich

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