Gallus Debates the Futility of Taxes

by Deergenerate

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Young Six, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Gallus
Length: 1262

Gallus uses facts and logic to destroy a pony Libtard

Gallus gets into a debate with Twilight Sparkle during his economics class over whether or not citizens should pay taxes to the Equestrian Government.

As a former citizen of Canterlot, Twilight argues yes, everyone should have to pay taxes, in the same way it has been done for a thousand years.

Gallus argues that taxation is theft, and you do not steal from a griffon.

Published 2020-04-05 07:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-05 07:30:02 UTC

No Step on Birb

"Welcome everycreature! Please take a seat, I am very excited about today's lesson!" Twilight Sparkle cried out as her students funneled into the room, mostly ponies but the young 6 were definitely prevalent, sitting in the front row.

"Now then, I have heard all the complaints kids your age are making these days, even though I think they literally make no sense. How schools teach useless stuff like how, 'the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell,' or how 'the sun orbits the earth rather than the other way around like what those filthy heretics say' so instead, we are going to go over something crucial to your future education." Twilight said stepping in front of her blackboard with a smile on her face. With a flash of magic, the title of the day's lesson flashed into existence.

"Personal Financial Literacy and You!" Twilight said with a smile. She picked up the chalk and wrote a quick subsection, "Lesson one, Taxes and How to do Them!"

Twilight turned to the class. "Any opening questions?"

Nobody said anything until a certain gryphon raised his hand.

"Yes Gallus?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, why the heck do we have to pay taxes?" Gallus asked crossing his forelegs.

"I am glad you asked. Taxes are collected by the government so they can afford for public works that improve the community, on top of funding government spending, as well as paying politicians and leaders for their work" Twilight turned back to the board and sketched out her explanation.

"Paying politicians? You mean lining their own pockets with your hard-earned cash." Gallus growled.

Twilight stopped her drawing, blinked twice, turned around and stared at the Gryphon.

"What?"

"Most, if not all taxes anyone pays just gets stolen right out of your claws and given to corrupt politicians!" Gallus said standing up.

Smolder suddenly hissed. "No one takes my stuff." She growled, pulling her writing utensils and books closer to her.

"What? Politicians are not corrupt." Twilight said fluttering her wings in shock. She was genuinely shaken at what Gallus was saying.

"I will admit there are strong leaders like Ember and King Grover, and there are leaders that genuinely care about the well being of their subjects like Thorax and Celestia, but for every Grover or Celestia, there are ten, no a hundred Neighsays and Bluebloods, both of which are obviously too powerful despite being completely incompetent and useless in running the country," Gallus said standing up. "And furthermore, the corruption rife in every government on the planet can be seen especially well in the Equestrian Government!"

"What? The Equestrian Government is the most stable government on the planet!" Twilight said, taking a stand and walking towards Gallus.

"Is it? Well, why is it that, despite being a multi-ethnic nation made up primarily of ponies, but including thestrals, buffalos, breezies, minotaurs, sheep and cows, the only politicians, from mayors to prime nobles, are ponies? And on top of that, why is it that those ponies are basically 90% unicorns?" Gallus hissed.

Sandbar looked from Gallus to Twilight. "Umm... that is a bit suspicious." He agreed.

"That's because non-ponies never run in the Equestrian elections!" Twilight replied.

"No, it's because only the rich and powerful have the ability to run for offices of any kind, and it just so happens that all the richest creatures in Equestria are the upper class who live Canterlot, a city which is almost entirely populated by unicorns," Gallus said leaning back and dropping back into his seat. "That feeds more into my point, why the heck do we even need to pay politicians if only the rich and powerful can run for office in the first place?"

Twilight pursed her lips and looked to the side. "Ok you are right about that... me, Celestia and Luna will probably have to look into that... but taxes are still very important for public works, like roads-" Twilight said.

Gallus cut her off. "So if I live in Ponyvile," He said gesturing with a thumb towards the exit of the room. "A town with dirt roads which literally require next to no upkeep, and were created simply by ponies walking through grass for days on end with no government oversight, I am required to pay for roads?"

Twilight ignored him and continued. "-Streetlights, railroads, public parks, and waterlines."

"AHA!" Gallus shouted standing up. "And why do I need to both pay taxes to pay for the government to do waterlines, when every waterline and piece of plumbing around contributes to a water bill, which is paid directly to a privately owned water treatment facilities! On top of that, railroads are all created by private rail tycoons such as Hornelius Vanderbit, who need I mention, was a unicorn!"

Silverstream suddenly leaned over and whispered into Ocellus's ear. "Is it me, or is Gallus starting to scare you? When has he ever known this much about a subject..."

Ocellus shrugged. "I think it's cause he's a gryphon and loves money... or something."

"Yona confused." The yak mumbled next to them.

Twilight suddenly slammed her hooves on her desk. "Ok, but you cannot deny that Taxes are extremely important for government spending!"

Gallus waved a claw. "Ha! As if the cash going into government spending is actually useful! No money goes into education, at all. If it did, the people in Equestrian Education Association wouldn't have a corrupt stranglehold on the education business, which leads to all non-equines being barred from proper education, especially those from outside of the country. Need I remind you of how they shut down the school just because you were teaching non-ponies?" He said rising into the air and crossing his forelegs over his chest.

Twilight stared at him with an open jaw but he continued.

"The funding that goes into the military is probably all being embezzled, aside from the cash that they spend on the fancy golden armor the Equestrian Royal Guard uses. No joke your countries military is next to worthless, name one time they did anything useful. Go on I'll wait. I mean, they just straight-up lost to Chrysalis during her invasion, like they didn't even fight back. Same with Tirek and he almost destroyed the entirety of Equestria. They didn't even try to fight back when the Storm King attacked too-" The mere words Storm King sent a shiver up Silverstream's back- "and I am 100% sure that they will be about as useful as a cardboard box in a hurricane against the next threat to show up."

"Ok, fine you made your point!" Twilight said. "Now can we please get on with the lesson..."

"I am not done yet," Gallus said flying higher. "The only bit of government spending in Equestria being halfway useful at this point is probably the money you sink into the weather systems, but guess what? Equestria is the only country on the planet that controls its own weather! If you cut funding to the weather factory today, sure things would get a bit more unpredictable but nothing else would change!"

Gallus smiled as he sunk back into his chair, staring at Twilight as she sighed and headbutt the table.

"Fine... Let's change the subject for today." Twilight said with a sigh.

"Hmph." Gallus smirked as he raised an eyebrow. "Pony Libtard destroyed."

Author's Note

(Created by editing an image originally created by Horsesplease

This fic was in no way true to my political beliefs or conspiracy theory ideas, any parralels to real-life individuals is pure coincidence.